Return to the Blue Lagoon (1991)
While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...
Return to the Blue Lagoon is so brazen about its laziness I almost want to give it credit for its audacity. Minus a few tweaks at the beginning and end, this is the EXACT SAME MOVIE as 1980’s The Blue Lagoon. You’ll be bored, you’ll be frustrated… you might also be grossed out.
In 1897, castaways Richard & Emmeline and their baby, Richard, are discovered by a ship sailing nearby. The parents are dead so the boy is taken in by Mrs. Sarah Hargrave (Lisa Pelikan), a widow with a child of her own, Lilli. An outbreak of cholera forces them to abandon their ship. When they do, they land on the same paradisal island Richard’s parents inhabited. Years pass. The now pre-teens witness their mother die of pneumonia. As the two nubile islanders grow, Lili (Milla Jovovich) and Richard (Brian Krause) begin to look at each other in a wholly different way than when they were children.
This movie is about one thing only: two innocent members of the opposite sex living in isolation where society has not corrupted them by teaching them what to expect once they reach sexual maturity. There are many shots where they frolic in the island's clear blue waters and verdant green forest as the rest of us either eagerly wait for them to discover how attractive they are to each other. Well, if you're a creep. I hope you’re watching with a look of discomfort on your face, as Milla Jovovich was 16 when they shot this film and she appears topless a couple of times. Gross. If you're somehow able to separate yourself from that fact, you might be able to give your full attention to the plot… which is a bore.
The film is doubly lazy; first by replicating the story of the two young people inside a Garden of Eden (the very same Garden we saw in "Blue Lagoon"; talk about contrived) and secondly by focusing entirely on the drama of the situation at the expense of the potential Robinson Crusoe story. When the family land on the island, they move into Richard’s parents’ house. They didn’t even have to build a shelter! I’d like to imagine my own sequel to this movie in which Richard and Lilli have a child, attempt to leave the island and die, with their son coming back again, in a cycle that has the technology on the island advance with each generation. Think coconut radio and crab-powered pianos.
There is a conflict beyond the “stop looking at my chest, Richard!” drama but the second it begins you’ll immediately know how every detail will pan out. Even when Return to the Blue Lagoon film tries to mix things up, it contains no surprises. Despite its promises of lascivious and lusty imagery, it's unfit even as a substitute for softcore porn, meaning it’s got zero appeal. (August 23, 2019)
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James Mason and Warren Oates smoking a pipe in Hero’s Island (Leslie Stevens, 1962)
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now that’s how you start a movie...
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