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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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Incoming sad rant about the spn ending. Don't read if you're not interested in reading something like that, but I literally don't know anyone in real life I can talk about this with, and I really need an outlet:

Sometimes I can put the way SPN ended out of my head and think "it's just a stupid show. I don't have to accept the finale, and the writers/network are wrong." But other times I just get gripped with really intense sadness at the disrespect that was done to my favorite characters. To the point where I'll sit still for hours a day, just wallowing in it. It ruins my whole day and mood. And then I think to myself "I'll just find some other stories that end better!" but then I get sad again, cuz I don't think I will ever love other characters as much as I love Dean and Cas, and then I spiral again thinking about all the potential this unique beautiful love story had, and how we're never going to get the closure we deserve.

I really hate that after all this time, I'm a grown ass adult getting sad over fictional characters. I know it's not that trivial, but I sometimes wish it was so I could get over it 😞

Hi hi, and first of all *socially distanced internet hugs* I’m sorry you don’t have an outlet, but you’re always welcome to chat with me (if you come off anon we can talk privately if you want. My DM’s are always open, even when it takes me a bit to reply. no one should have to feel alone in this.)

I’m actually gonna start at the bottom of your message and work my way up, because I also, as a grown-ass adult, get sad over fictional characters. And I need to emphasize that this is the *point* of fiction. A well-written and developed fictional character is *indistinguishable in our minds from an actual real human being.* The way we react to them *feels exactly the same to our brains and bodies* as how we react to real people, and that’s a testament to just how well developed Dean and Cas were in canon.

I am not a young person. I have engaged with a lot of media over my life, and have *never* felt this strongly about fictional characters before, so I understand what you mean when you struggle to think about finding another story that ended better, or struggle to think about finding other characters you might become this attached to or experience this sort of emotional investment in. And I think there is another factor you didn’t consider there: The vast majority of other media I have engaged with, I was able to relate to on a level of “oh that’s nice for them” or “wow that sucks for them.” I have never, and possibly never will again, feel so utterly invested in fictional characters, to the point where it affects my real life as much as Supernatural has. Period.

I will likely never experience *literal physical lovesickness* over two fictional characters ever again. I hadn’t ever experienced it *in my own real life* before, and yet 15.18 triggered all those symptoms in me. As an aromantic person, this was pretty shocking to me. It also says a lot about just how real these characters feel to us, and how important they have become to us. They make us feel this! This is not an accident. It’s *incredibly difficult* to create fictional characters with this range and depth of emotional connection, and yet here we are.

I think that’s the biggest evidence possibly to present in defense of the statement that THIS IS NOT JUST SOME STUPID SHOW.

Other evidence: this fandom, still going strong after 15 years. Look at every SPN convention for proof. Look at AO3, where there are more posted stories about Dean and Cas than literally any other pairing on the planet (by a not-small margin, too). If that isn’t enough evidence, we have fanart to look at as well. Look through @theroadsofararchive where at the time of this posting there are over 40,000 artworks catalogued, and more being added all the time. Same with @canonspngifs where you can search through through nearly 75,000 gifsets organized by an excellent tagging system and made by dedicated fans out of love for the thing. This is all proof that you are not alone, that so many of us care just as deeply about them as you do. Not even mentioning the people who have written hundreds of millions of words of meta, articles, and even masters theses and doctoral dissertations on Supernatural and the fandom. This is a unique thing, even within the larger fandom culture. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your feelings for it are stupid or irrelevant or wrong.

But also don’t let anyone try to convince you that you must accept the finale as part of the story if you don’t want to. Don’t even let *yourself* believe that if you don’t want to. This show has done more to play with the themes of “what is reality” and “who gives a story meaning” and alternate universes and curses and djinn dreams to easily account for whatever the heck the finale was.

my current go-to theory: everything after Chuck’s defeat takes place in the Mockumentary Alternate Universe... it fits way too uncomfortably well... and then I just apply the fic I received in a cosmic transmission from the actual supernatural universe wrote detailing the events of what *I* hoped would transpire afterward. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me, mostly because it *has* to. It means far too much to me not to.

You are not alone in having invested yourself into this story, and these characters. Your feelings about them are not wrong or stupid or frivolous. And the proof is everyone else who feels the same exact way, who connected to this story (and to each other through this story), and whose lives have been forever altered through this journey together. The fact that Dabb turned out to have been Chuck Junior and couldn’t see (or was prevented from showing us) what Team Free Will would’ve chosen to do with that after defeating their original creator just stands to prove to me that the finale can’t possibly be The Truth, you know?

I don’t know if any of this will help you, or provide you some small comfort right now, but maybe it will eventually. We’re all processing the loss of the show and the abject failure of story that was the finale in different ways, and I’m sure our emotional reactions will shift over time. It was just A Lot to process all in the span of a few incredibly emotional weeks-- not even mentioning how all of that emotional response was compounded by the american elections and surrounding nonsense, the general stress of enduring a global pandemic and all that entails, and *waves hands around broadly at everything else contributing to the trauma occurring in the collective of humankind right now.* We’ve all been emotionally compromised, so be kind to yourself in how you feel you’re coping with it all.

And know that no matter what, you are not alone in how you’re feeling. The grief is real, and our brains don’t care if it’s felt for fictional characters or real people. This was honestly a once in a lifetime experience for a lot of us, and not even the wtf of the finale can kill it for us if we don’t let it. I reject that particular piece of rusty rebar and choose to believe in a just and narratively coherent resolution. To do anything less feels like dishonoring the story and characters who have drawn me in and made me feel so much for them over the years. If the story itself couldn’t honor them properly, then I can choose to do so myself.

#spn 15.20 #finale what finale #seriously though none of us are alone in this #Anonymous

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sweet-royalty · 4 years

Text

Never Been in Love

Summary: Patton is alone at home and is enjoying this time dancing and filling himself with pride (Extremely self-indulgent but at this point all my fanfics are like this and I have no shame at all so yeah xP)

Genre: Songfic (Will Jay, Marina and the Diamonds and Moses Sumney)

Word Count: 3371 words (9 pages)

Pairings (All of them are heavily mentioned but they are not the focus of the story): Queerplatonic LAMP, Romantic Analogince and Romantic Dukeceit

Content: Slight Angst w/ Comfort; Human!AU; Aro!Patton; Closeted Aromantic; Virgil, Roman and Logan are romantically dating and each one of them are Patton’s QPPs; Fluff; Just pure fluff despite many things; Sympathetic Deceit; Sympathetic Remus; Hoh!Deceit; Sign Names mentioned for 2 characters; Hoh experience written by someone who is not hoh (read as “please tell me if I’m doing something wrong”); Non White Sides;

Trigger Warning: Nudity (without sexual content or genitalia description), Snake mention, Amatonormativity (the characther is not actually arophobic, he just doesn’t know Patton is aromantic) (Tell me if I forgot to tag something)

Disclaimer: I couldn’t find a hand sign for “vitiligo” other than actually spelling it to make as Deceit’s sign name so his sign name in this story might not be so good. If you have any other suggestion for his sign name and explain how to sign it I’ll really appreciate it!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Don't you want somebody to never let you go? Knowing someone's body better than your own Don't you want a family with a white picket fence? Tell me when's the wedding, the names of all your kids” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Being alone at home was always one of the best things that could happen for Patton.

Not because he doesn’t like his family but because he enjoys the freedom of being alone. And this time, the house would be all his for the whole day. His parents were taking his brother to see if they could fix his hearing-aid or buy him another one. And after that they would take him for a sleepover at the twins house and go out to celebrate their marriage birthday. It was simply P E R F E C T.

Patton noticed his brother walking in the room and sitting on the sofa in front of him while their parents were going back and forth taking everything they need. He knew what that meant. That’s usually what they do when they want to talk privately. Patton paused his music player and left the cellphone behind.

- Sorry about your hearing aid, D - he signed with a sad face.

The last sign made him sulk

- I adore when you call me like this - he said rolling his eyes when pointing his index and middle finger to the side and touching his heart so Patt would know he was being sarcastic. He giggled.

- Ok, can you teach me the s-n-a-k-e sign again, please?

D made a two with his fingers, pointing to Patton, brought his hand to his chin then lowered it with a zig-zag movement like a snake moving. He repeated the movement but instead of a two he rised his index finger and touched the other ones together forming a “d” with his hand.

He gave him the thumbs up. D’s love for snakes made him really happy for being given this sign.

- Don’t worry about my hearing aid - he showed his broken aid, hand painted as a snake – I’ll paint a new one if we can’t fix it

- What are you doing with this one then?

He shrugged then placed his index and thumb together under his nose and slid it on his upper lip before crossing his fingers. “Mustache” followed by “R”.

The sign he gave to one of the twins.

- Remus asked if I can give it to him if we can’t fix. Maybe he wants to open it? I don’t know

Patton smiled and gave him a malicious face.

- You will be cuddling with your boyfriend!

- Remus is not my boyfriend! - he sulked while grunting.

Patton tried not giggling too loud, since D could still hear something from his right ear.

- Ok, he’s your crush. I hope you’ll have fun

He rolled his eyes but didn’t say anything else to defend himself.

- You’re lucky you don’t have a crush. I’ll make your life a living hell when you do!

Patt snorted.

- Good luck

“… with that” he meant.

“I'm not missing someone that I've never met Maybe a little scared, still I don't care” Will Jay – Never Been in Love

Patton took some of his clothes off having just a baby blue long T-shirt covering his brown-skinned body, feeling the wind from the open window run through him. He spinned around the room and laid down to the sofa, grabbing his phone and scrolling to see if there were any new messages for him.

Roman (7:01 AM): Good morning~ Who is ready for today?

Virgil (7:02 AM): Ro, it’s 7 in the fucking morning

Virgil (7:02 AM): Lemme sleep

Roman (7:02 AM): I’m sorry, lil sunshine

Roman (7:03 AM): But if you actually were sleeping you wouldn’t be answering it!

Virgil (7:05 AM): Ooooor maybe I WAS sleeping but then a stupid bird sound woke me up!

Roman (7:05 AM): Not my fault if you sleep with your phone glued to your face!

Logan (7:05 AM): Can you stop bickering this early in the morning?

Logan (7:05 AM): We’ll be ready when the time comes, Roman. No need to rush.

Roman (7:07 AM): Oh my lovely nerd

Roman (7:07 AM): I meant to ask if you were excited

Roman (7:07 AM): Not if you were literally ready.

Roman (7:08 AM): The movie is only at 7 PM

Virgil (7:08 AM): I’m extremely excited, your highness

Virgil (7:09 AM): Now would you please stop texting here and let me sleep?

Roman (7:09 AM): As you wish, my love <3

Virgil (7:10 AM): -_- <3

Virgil (10:23 AM): Ok, now I’m up

Patton (10:30 AM): Good morning, my dears ^_^ <3

Patton (10:30 AM): Are you going to the movies today?

Virgil (10:33 AM): Sup, Patt

Virgil (10:35 AM): Yeah… I kinda won 3 movie tickets…

Virgil (10:35 AM): We’d call you but the movie isn’t really your type

Virgil (10:36 AM): I’m so sorry, Patt :( I didn’t mean to exclude you or anything…

Patton (10:36 AM): No no! I didn’t feel like this at all, love!

Patton (10:37 AM): Don’t worry! I’m happy that you’re goin out!

Patton (10:37 AM): Send me pictures of you once you meet, I wanna see your pretty faces <3 <3

Virgil (10:38 AM): Are you sure? :/

Roman (10:39 AM): Patt, you’re just as important as any of us. We don’t want to make you feel like a third wheel.

Logan (10:39 AM): Just because you’re not involved with us romantically that doesn’t make our platonic feelings for you less important.

Virgil (10:40 AM): Just tell us if something is bothering you, ok?

Roman (10:40 AM): Yes, if you want we can try to see each other earlier so even if you don’t go to the movie we can at least see each other

Logan (10:40 AM): Yes, we’d gladly do this for you

Patton’s smile got wider. He was being sincere when he said he wasn’t feeling excluded and he knew how genuine that invitation was because they all genuinely loved him as much as he did and in the same way he did.

As strong as everything he could feel.

They were the friends he never wanted to miss, they were the people he could always count for and know they’d do anything to help him just like he’d do anything for them and they didn’t need to be in love with each other for it.

Patton (10:43 AM): You’re amazing, loves <3 But really I’m not feeling like going anywhere today. D went out with our parents and I’ll be alone the whole day, I think I’ll spend this time with myself here at home ^_^ But I appreciate it, really. I love you so much ;u; <3

Roman (10:43 AM): Anything for you, my dear! Enjoy your day!

Virgil (10:43 AM): We love you, ok? We’ll make sure to include you next time.

Virgil (10:43 AM): Promise

Logan (10:44 AM): Tell us if you need something or change your mind

Patton (10:44 AM): I love you too <3 Don’t worry

Patton swiped the chat group off and searched for something to listen while baking some cookies

“I know exactly what I want and who I wanna be. I know exactly why I walk and talk like a machine I’m now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy” Marina and the Diamonds - Oh No!

Patton was mouthing the lyrics while scooping the cookie dough. His shoulders wiggling with the song’s catchy rhythm as he felt every beat controlling his body.

Patton didn’t really listen to Marina and the Diamonds so often but Roman successfully made him addicted to this song. Last time he came to sleepover they danced together the whole night and without noticing they were practically lip-synching this song, which was so amazing and powerful that Patton never left this rush go.

He turned the stove on, started the chronometer and just left the music flowing through his body

Patton twirled off the kitchen, the wind following his movements filling his legs with a chilling sensation that would only make his movements more and more powerful.

He was throwing his head back with his eyes closed, shaking it so hard that Patton could feel the curls of his hair touching his cheeks making him smile as bright as the sun.

That’s what he likes the most about being alone. As long as nobody could see he could be as cheerful, loud and expressive as he wants without any judgement. He could manage to make his entire body feel happiness and express it in it’s own way.

He could shake his as weird and as careless he wanted.

His thoughts were cut off by a loud ringing.

- Oops! Almost forgot my cookies!

“Oh yeah I'm tired of falling Oh yeah For someone else's story 'Cause he gets the girl and I get ticket stubs I guess it's time to write my own personal version of love” Will Jay – Version of Love

Patton (6:34 PM): Hey, Dee! Are you already at Remus and Roman’s house?

DD (6:40 PM): Hey there. Yeah, we’re watching the Saw movie for the 4th time this year -_-

Patton (6:40 PM): Wow…

Patton (6:41 PM): Why you never tell him you don’t like this movie?

DD (6:42 PM): No one likes to hear him beaming about the deaths and all the gore stuff.

DD (6:42 PM): And it’s funny to hear him laughing when that woman tries to reach the keys and ends up trapped

Patton (6:44 PM): Awwwww

Patton (6:45 PM): It’s cute that you do that just to see him happy

DD (6:50 PM): -___-

DD (6:51 PM): If you wanna see it this way

DD (6:55 PM): At least the movie don’t make me feel uncomfortable so it’s more bearable

Patton (6:56 PM): Yup

DD (7:00 PM): Hey, Patton

Patton (7:01 PM): Yes?

DD (7:02 PM): I think I’ll try to tell him tonight

Patton (7:05 PM): Tell what?

DD (7:02 PM): Don’t worry, I’m hidden in the bathroom. He’s not seeing our messages.

Patton (7:03 PM): Oh, ok!

Patton (7:04 PM): Well, good luck! ^^ I’m pretty sure things will turn out fine

DD (7:05 PM): I’m not worried about it

Patton (7:05 PM): Pfff

Patton (7:05 PM): Sure ;)

DD (7:06 PM): urgh

DD (7:07 PM): You should tell Roman too

Patton sighed. There we go again.

Patton (7:07 PM): D, I told you before. I’m not in love with Roman…

Patton (7:08 PM): He is my best friend, just like Logan and Virgil.

DD (7:08 PM): Well, I never said you were not in love with them TOO

DD (7:09 PM): Look

DD (7:10 PM): I know talking to mom and dad will be hard

DD (7:11 PM): It is hard for me too

DD (7:11 PM): But you don’t have to talk to them if you don’t want to

DD (7:12 PM): None of us have

DD (7:13 PM): I’ve always hid my relationships very well, and you know that

DD (7:13 PM): I can help you so they won't find anything out too

DD (7:14 PM): Or… Idk, protect you if they react badly about it

DD (7:14 PM): Just know that I’m on your side, ok?

DD (7:14 PM): I’ll never judge you for being who you really are

DD (7:14 PM): And polyamorous relationships usually go great

Patton didn’t know how to answer. It wasn’t the first time they talked about it.

No matter how many times Patton would say he’s not interested in anyone, D would try to say that he’s in love with Roman or one of his boyfriends.

Or act like he will be in love with someone someday.

But Patton highly doubted that and was pretty fine with it

Patton (7:15 PM): I know, D

Patton (7:15 PM): I love you

DD (7:16 PM): I need to go back now, I’ll talk to you tomorrow

Patton (7:16 PM): Good luck!

He never told his brother about being aromantic and all this talk actually makes him less inclined to do so. He knew he means well despite everything, so Patton never felt like yelling or fighting with him for insisting on it.

But at the same time…

He was so DONE.

It was already difficult for him to find out who he really is.

It was already a huge pain to see that the fact that he doesn’t feel OK with the idea of being romantically attached to someone. That this whole thing actually makes him feel sadder, empty and chained just by the simple thought of it because “that’s what everyone needs to feel”.

It was already difficult for him to see how he can explain his relationship with Logan, Virgil and Roman.

Yes, they were made for each other.

No, he never wants them to go away.

Yes, he loves them A LOT.

But his love was not romantic.

His 3 partners were dating each other romantically but they all see Patton as someone just as important in their lives, even if they don’t see him as a boyfriend.

When they found out about Queerplatonic Relationships it was like big realization and a good way to include Patton in their lives that was not just a simply “he’s my best friend”.

And that makes him so happy, special and wanted he didn’t need or wished anything else.

But it was almost like the whole world was revolved in romance and that was the only way for anyone to find happiness. Like not having a romantic partner meant you’d be “alone forever” as if that was the worst thing ever.

Patton was not alone.

Patton was not unhappy.

Patton was not repressing feelings anymore.

Patton was free. Patton was Patton.

And that was everything he needed.

Why wouldn’t anyone get this? Why was everyone so fixated on it? Why-

- No! – Patton murmured before eating one last cookie and getting up from the sofa and turning his TV off – I’m not letting this ruin my day. I’m gonna take a shower.

“Am I vital If my heart is idle? Am I doomed? … If lovelessness is godlessness Will you cast me to the wayside?” Moses Sumney - Doomed

Ok, maybe choosing this album to listen while taking a shower wasn’t a very uplifting choice. Not that his songs are bad. But they were not the type of songs for you to feel good, it’s more like a song to give you a relatable feeling. Something might make you say “yes, that’s what happens to me".

But the shower did gave him some good, since the cold water mixed with Moses’s voice echoing through the walls were relaxing and almost swooning, like meditating. Logan taught him how to fixate his thoughts in one single thing until he could slowly focus on the sensations of his surroundings and Patton particularly enjoyed doing this in the shower.

Patton threw his naked body in the bed and turned to see his own reflection in the mirror close to it.

He stared at his freckles, covering his entire brown body, and smiled as he remembered how Virgil made a small comment about how much he likes it because as a child he used to look at people with freckles and try to form constellations with them and it was like they have a little piece of the sky with them. That was the best “non-intentionally” cute comment he ever made.

He sat on the side of his bed and stared the mirror, giving more attention to his own details. He looked through his whole “galaxy body” passing some of his fingers through them, mentally picturing the whole sky moving around it. He never knew why but sometimes imagining things like this made him feel so good and at least for a second forget about everything else.

- Let’s see this galaxy dance.

He picked up his phone, chose the first song that came with shuffle mode and got up.

“You're vulnerable, you're vulnerable You are not a robot You're lovable, so lovable But you're just troubled” Marina and the Diamonds – I Am Not a Robot

This time he danced slowly and with his eyes closed.

His arms embracing his body and his movements had no shape or choreography.

It was just free and random.

Patton’s hands were running through his arms gently, like a self-cuddle, having this short moment to love himself.

He was moving his shoulders inclined his head behind and instead of just mouthing the lyrics, Patton allowed himself to actually sing.

He definitely was not.

He was a human being.

A lovely human being.

“It's okay to say you've got a weak spot You don't always have to be on top Better to be hated Than loved loved loved for what your not”

Later that night, now completely undercovers and almost ready to sleep, he received a photo from the chat group of Roman, Virgil and Logan in the cafeteria after watching their movie.

The image of the latino man and the black goth kissing each side of the ginger haired nerd made Patton smile fondly.

Patton (11:12 PM): Omg, you all look so adorable <3

Patton (11:12 PM): I’m happy you enjoyed your movie :3

Virgil (11:14 PM): Yeah, it was really cool

Virgil (11:15 PM): Logan and Roman wouldn’t stop geeking around it after the movie, they almost didn’t finished their meal

Roman (11:16 PM): Oh, come on! There were many things to think about after that

Virgil (11:17 PM): I’m not complaining, charming prince. It was cute seeing you theorizing things.

Roman (11:17 PM): UwU

Roman (11:20 PM): But hey! I guess we were not the only one who had a good movie night ¬u¬~

Roman sent a picture of his twin, laying on the living room’s couch, sleeping with his mouth open and his eyes slightly allowing to see his sclera as a short man with a small vitiligo around his left eye was sleeping on him with this arms embracing the rat man. Patton cooed upon the vision of his brother in such a lovely state.

Roman (11:22 PM): @Patton Morales blackmail? >:)

Patton (11:23 PM): Pffff come on, Roman. We both know none of us would do this xD

Roman (11:23 PM): Urgh, yeah you right…

Roman (11:23 PM): Ah to be a poor honest man, who loves his brother too much

Roman (11:23 PM): ú-ù

Virgil (11:25 PM): Say this for yourselves, I have no sympathy for those dirty little sinners

Roman (11:25 PM): omg VIRGIL!

Virgil (11:26 PM): Urrrrrrgh alright alright, I’m the one who’s not allowed to be a jerk. Sorry.

Roman (11:27 PM): I’m afraid some sins shall not be forgiven, sweet pudding… ú-ù

Virgil (11:27 PM): Tsc, fuck you then. I want my Nightmare Before Christmas DVDs back

Patton (11:27 PM): Omg, dears. Not this late at night xD

Virgil (11:28 PM): lol ok, Patt. Don’t worry, I was just kidding

Virgil (11:28 PM): I highly support your brothers

Virgil (11:29 PM): I love you all

Roman (11:29 PM): I love you too, storm cloud <3

Patton finished to curl up on his bed, hugging one of his pillows like a teddy bear and smiled to the phone screen with his lovely partners texts

Patton (11:30 PM): Hey, loves?

Virgil (11:30 PM): Yeah?

Roman (11:31 PM): Yes, Patton?

Patton (11:32 PM): I know this will sound random but… Thank you

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for being with me for so long

Patton (11:32 PM): Thank you for accepting and understanding me

Patton (11:33 PM): Thank you for being so kind and so nice and for having me in your lifes

Patton (11:33 PM): Having you as my partners was the best thing that ever happened to me and I don’t know how I’d be able to live without any of you

Patton (11:34 PM): I just have a lot of feelings hehe

Patton (11:34 PM): Anyway… That’s it. I’m going to sleep now but I had to say it.

Patton (11:35 PM): I love you, dears!

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zuwritesstuff · 4 years

Text

When You Try To Write a Candlenights Oneshot but it Turns Into a Multichaptered Adventure

Tw: Minor character death, injuries, prosthetics, slight angst, implied betrayal?

A/N- Hiya! This is chapter one in a (hopefully) multichaptered series and I have a lot to say but mostly I wanna thank @anonbeadraws because their Magnulia comic, (which you can see here if the link works lmao), which inspired a real cute scene in here, thanks so much to them and to YOU for reading this, have fun ;) (and please, I don’t mean to sound Desperate but reblogs > likes) also, you can find this on ao3 at https://archiveofourown.org/works/22352998 and find the companion piece that you should really read if you want this whole Universe to make sense ijsdkncjfjdlnd right here https://archiveofourown.org/works/22228207

Chapter Title: Something To Come Home To

3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days ago

“And then she said-”

“‘I like you and I love you.’” Everyone in the breakroom chimed in, including those just passing by. Magnus beamed, proud of the fact that he had told this story so many times everyone in the room knew what he was gonna say. He was currently recounting the story of his wife’s confession of love and was draped over a chair dramatically, swooning.

“Isn’t it romantic?” He said, grinning upside down at Merle and Taako. Taako scoffed and went back to drinking his coffee, rolling his eyes. Merle threw his hands up, shaking his head.

“I’m aromantic, leave me out of that.”

“And I’m not, but you’re such a sap, it almost disgusts me.” Taako said, patting Magnus’s shoulder.

“Hey, don’t be mean. Emotions are good, and being a sap is a good look on you, Maggie.” Carey Torres said, next to Magnus. Killian Alvarez and Noelle Nelson were also sitting at the table sharing a look.

“Is it?” Noelle said, stifling a laugh with her prosthetic arm, red and cyberpunk-esque. “Cause it kinda looks like he’s gonna explode.” Magnus sat back up, shaking his head as the blood that rushed into his head flowed back down. They all chuckled, and Killian, feet up on the table, (despite Merle’s protests), looked over at Carey.

“Being a sap is good, yeah?”

“Uh, yeah. Being emotionally forward is...good…” Carey said, blushing and looking away. Killian did the same, and everyone else at the table mentally groaned. The tension between them was, frankly, killing everyone who witnessed it. The two, plus Noelle, were a lean, mean, terrifying machine, and had been together for so long everyone who met them were, frankly, surprised that they weren’t a couple.

Killian took her feet off the table, leaned forward and said, “Well, uh, if that’s the case-” But whatever Killian was gonna say was drowned out by the loudspeaker above them.

“Dr. Highchurch and Agent Burnsides, to Wing F, ASAP. Repeat, Dr. Highchurch and Agent Burnsides to Wing F, ASAP.” Merle and Magnus looked at each other with concern. Wing F was the hospital wing, where Merle worked on their team’s, (Merle, Magnus and Taako’s), off days.

“Mag, uh, not trying to worry you, but didn’t….didn’t Julia and Steph go on a mission today?” Carey asked gently. Magnus’s eyes went wide. He pushed his chair away and rushed out, with Merle close behind.

3 years, 3 months, 1 week and 6 days ago

Magnus took a deep breath and stepped in. Director Austen had just called him into her office. He had just finished his formal training with the Bureau of Benevolence and was waiting to be assigned a mentor, like most of the rest of his class. He had spent the last week fooling around with a few of his classmates, like Taako and Lup Enno, a pair of twins that were trouble personified, or Barry Bluejeans, a soft-spoken nerd who was supposed to be a scientist but ended up becoming a full agent.

“You will train with Agent Waxman, here.” An older man stood next to Director Austen, looking down imposingly. He was built sturdily, even at his age, with a crooked nose and rough and calloused hands, with a small goatee and scar next to his right eye. Magnus stuck out a hand towards him, looking Waxman straight in the eyes.

“Magnus Burnsides, pleased to meet you.” Agent Waxman chuckled, shaking Magnus’s hand firmly.

“Call me Stephen, alright? Lucretia is one for formalities, for sure.”

“Her name is Lucretia?” Magnus whispered, horrified but amused.

“Thank you very much, Agent Waxman. That’ll be all.” Lucretia said, a ghost of a smile on her face.

Magnus and Stephen walked out of Lucretia’s office chatting idly. Magnus learned Stephen had worked at the B.O.B for a very long time- almost 25 years, which is very long for a job that gets people killed almost regularly. He had a daughter, who had also had recently joined B.O.B, and just gotten her mentor; she was actually in Magnus’s class, but alas, apparently they had never interacted. Stephen was also nearing retirement- Magnus was the last recruit he was taking on, he told Lucretia, then a few more years and he was out.

“Man, I never thought that far. Getting out? Nah, I’ll die before that, I think.” Magnus said casually. “I’m more of action first, get hurt, think after that kind of guy. Or don’t think at all, that works too.” He added, shrugging.

Stephen laughed and shook his head. “You know, I was wondering why Lucretia assigned me to you and now I know why. I used to be just like you, hot head and ready to give my life before anything ever happened.”

“Used to?”

“I found something worth coming home to, kiddo, but I suggest finding one soon cause the missions I go on? You’re gonna need it.”

“Alright, old man, whatever you say.”

“Ya know, you say that like its an insult. If I wasn’t old I wouldn’t have lived- trust me kiddo, living comes after everything you thought was worth doing. Then you’re cruising and focusing on the little things, all the good things.” Stephen said lightly, not looking at Magnus. He scanned the base, looking around as Magnus considered this. He had always been, not to be cliche, known to rush in. Protect, don’t think, get the mission done. If he got through it, great, if he didn’t, whatever, but if his friends got hurt, or didn’t complete what was needed? Failed. Living after the mission wasn’t all that high in his priorities, but the Director saw potential in him- she had to since he passed and she gave him a mentor, he reasoned.

“Ah, there she is.” Stephen said, waving over two silhouettes in the distance. As they approached, Magnus’s jaw dropped as he saw the prettiest woman he had ever seen in his life, and one of the hairiest men he had seen, though he wasn’t paying much attention to him. The woman was tall, pretty much rivaling his own height, with long, curly hair wrapped into a braid behind her. Her skin was dark and glowing, with soft brown eyes that made you feel like you were wrapped up in the comfiest blanket under a beautiful night sky. She was, to be crude, buff as hell, with broad shoulders and a broader smile, Magnus noticed as she smiled at him, sticking her hand out.

“Julia Waxman. I see you’ve met my dad.” Magnus said nothing, just managing to close his mouth and shake her hand. He stared as Stephen laughed at him, patting his back.

“Julia, love, this is my apprentice, Magnus, and this is the first time he’s been quiet since I met him. What’s up, Errol?”

One of the hairiest men Magnus had seen smiled at Stephen, with a thick scruff and a long ponytail, shrugging his broad shoulders. “Not much, Steph, knew I had to come to find you once I got little Jules here as my apprentice.” Julia scoffed, rolling her eyes.

“Errol, you’re like five years older than me, at most, shut your damn mouth.”

“Yeah, you’re a baby, that's what I said.”

“Fuck off.”

“Language.” Stephen said, almost instinctively.

“Magnus!” Magnus suddenly announced, eyes lighting up and grinning at them all. “My name is Magnus. Burnsides. I’m a new recruit, but I’m made of legend material, that’s for sure.” He said, rambling. “I’m, uh, Hamilton-esque, not throwing away my shot but actually, fuck Hamilton, cheating on his wife I trusted him, I thought he drunk respect women juice when actually-”

Errol burst out in laughter out of nowhere, holding his sides. “Oh Lord- I’m sorry Magnus but that is the funniest shit- man, why’d you have to get the funny recruit, Steph-”

“Hey what the-”

“Julia Bernadette Waxman when I say watch your language I mean it, thank you.”

“Oh god Dad, why’d you have to expose me like that,” Julia said, burying her face in her hands. Errol, laughing even harder, clutched at his sides. “There was absolutely no reason to do that, why?”

“Bernadette, oh lordy lord, I can’t-” he said, wheezing, using Stephen as support. Julia rolled her eyes and looked at Magnus.

“I’m sorry about those two, they’re kindred spirits, Errol had my dad as his mentor, and both of them are idiots.” She said, directing the last part towards the two laughing men.

“I'm...Magnus.” Magnus said, looking right into Julia’s eyes and short-circuiting again. Julia gave him a slow, confused smile and laughed a little.

“Yeeah, yeah alright, Magnus. I’ll see you around, alright?” She looked at her dad and said, “I’m going to meet some friends; you two do whatever. Bye, Maggie.” She waved and walked away, leaving Magnus staring at the spot she was at.

“Julia…” he whispered to himself, a blush and grin growing wider and wider, shaking the hand that shook Julia’s as if to regain feeling back into his lovestruck self.

3 months, 2 weeks and 5 days ago

Magnus ran like his life depended on it, almost shoving other agents out of the way as he ran, only thinking of Julia and Stephen. He skidded to a halt at the start of the wing; Merle crashed into him as he abruptly stopped, but he didn’t care. He stepped forward into the wing, but Merle’s hand stopped him.

“Give me a minute, kiddo. Let me see what happened, you don’t- we need to know first.”

“No, Merle. I can’t. No.” Magnus kept walking, but Merle stood in front of him, stopping him.

“Hey, hey, hey- this is my job, let me do it.” Merle said, looking up at Magnus. “Let me see what happened, and then I’ll come to get you, you don’t know what happened yet.” Magnus looked down at Merle and saw the sincerity in his eyes. He nodded and collapsed into a nearby chair, head in his hands, as Merle rushed off, talking to another doctor as they sped towards wherever they were. He, for once, sat quietly. Honestly, he didn’t know what to do. Stephen’s words from so long ago echoed in his mind. The something to come home to had turned into him, and Julia, and the rest of his team, and if something bad happened then-no. Nothing bad happened, Magnus reasoned. It couldn’t have, but there was no way. It was Stephen, for god's sake. There was no way.

After what seemed like an eternity, Merle came back, looking grim. Magnus stood up, searching for any sign of good news in his face.

“I’m not gonna sugarcoat it, it’s bad.” Merle said, gesturing forward. “We don’t...well we don’t know for sure how it’s gonna turn out, Magnus. I-I’ll do everything I can, but you need to know, we don’t know yet.” He took a deep breath and opened the door, leading Magnus in.

Julia and Stephen lay on two hospital beds. Errol, more shaven and well kept than he was two years ago, sitting by Julia’s side, looked up at them both. Magnus immediately rushed to Julia’s side, hovering over her, not sure where to start. Her face was cut up and blooded, only emphasized by her ragged breathing. The blanket that Wing F gave covered her up, but not enough to obscure her newly amputated right arm and leg, from the elbow and knee down. Magnus looked at Merle, silently, for any kind of explanation.

“There was an explosion, the whole building came down, and the way Julia was caught...she was probably right next to the blast, and the rubble...she's lucky to be alive Mag.” he said, looking down at her sadly. “She's on heavy anesthesia right now, they had to do a field amputation just to get her out; she was just….crushed, and there was just no time. It's looking like she’s gonna have some hearing issues on her right side as well, and there weren’t any issues of much heavy brain trauma, but we have to wait for her to wake up. And, well, Stephen…” he trailed off, looking at the man lying next to her. He was hooked up to an oxygen machine, it breathing for him. “Comatose. We don’t...god, Magnus, we don’t-”

“He’s gonna wake up, Merle.”

“Kiddo-”

“Damn it, Merle, he’s gonna wake up! He has to- he c-” Magnus’s voice broke, and he angrily wiped tears from his face. “He’s got things worth living for and he’s gonna wake up, alright?”

“Alright, alright.” Merle said gently, touching Magnus’s shoulder. “I’m gonna go talk to whoever was on duty when they were found, you’re gonna stay here?” Magnus nodded, sitting heavily down next to Errol. Merle walked out, and the two men were silent for a moment, only listening to the beeping of the heart monitors and breathing, both artificial and otherwise.

“Man, I was just near here, Wing E, visiting a friend and I saw them wheel them in.” Errol said, breaking the silence. Magnus said nothing, not even acknowledging his presence. He just stared out to Julia, barely even breathing. Errol sighed and asked, “You know what she’d say about this?” Magnus didn’t respond, so he continued. “She’s left-handed.” Errol looked at Magnus seriously. “And she wouldn’t want you to act like this is the absolute end of the world.”

“You heard Merle,” Magnus said softly. “Julia...and Stephen is...he’s…”

“Not gonna give up without a fight. And if he goes, then, well…” Errol looked up at the ceiling, stretching out, settling in, clearly preparing for a long wait. “I’m gonna find the bastard that did this and make him suffer.”

2 years, 7 months and 3 days ago

“Alright buddy, now’s the time.” Aubrey Little said, slapping Magnus on the back. “You’re gonna ask that girl out, and she’s gonna say yes, and if she doesn’t, you’re gonna respect her boundaries.”

“Hell yeah, I am.” Magnus said, standing in front of his mirror, making one last check to his appearance. Littered around the apprentice boy’s dorm was Taako, Barry, Aubrey, and Jake Coolice, all there to hype up Magnus. He, (and Julia), had been pining for a hot minute- everyone in their “class” was very ready for all of them to get together, so the 5 of them had gotten together to keep Magnus from chickening out, (he loved the friendship that had grown between him and Julia, and didn’t want to mess it up for the world), and to give themselves peace of mind. The rest of their class did their own thing, usually, but rest assured, everyone knew the dance Julia and Magnus kept around each other.

“Alright, let’s get this thing going.” Taako said, standing and clapping his hands together. “My mentor wants to meet up and spar a little, and I can’t wait to beat his ass.”

“That’s mean, T,” Aubrey said, scrunching her face up, looking at him through the mirror. “Duck’s a nice dude.”

“One, he will not tell me his real name, does anyone even know it?” he asked nobody in particular, “two, he can’t lie for shit, so when he tried to fake compliment my sparring skills, it just, just didn’t work.” He shook his head, sighing. “He has so much to learn.”

“My mentor is a doctor, technically an agent but he works mostly as a doctor; he’s super interesting.” Barry chimed in. “A little weird, kinda hippie-ish, but cool.”

“Nerd.”

“Thanks, Takoda.”

“Barold, don’t start with me, I will fuck you up, I know you have a crush on my sister, I can and will use this to my advantage. And, also,” he turned to face Barry, “You’re bi, and we’re twins, why not me? I’m clearly the superior twin.”

“Huh, I wonder why…” Barry said sarcastically, blushing at Taako’s accusation. “And I don’t have a crush on your sister, I’m dating your sister.” He mumbled.

“Excuse me, you’re fucking WHAT?”

“Hey, bi twins!” Aubrey said, going over and high-fiving Barry as Taako threw his hands up, super done.

“I think we’re losing focus here, guys. Also, bi-pan solidarity.” Jake said, finger gunning at Aubrey. She gasped excitedly and then shook herself, turning back to Magnus.

“Right, yes, Magnus, come on, you’re meeting Julia at the coffee shop and asking her out, let’s go!” Aubrey said, spinning on her heels, pointing and walking to the door. Magnus scratched the back of his neck, walking slowly and then stopping.

“Uh, guys, maybe this is-”

“Alright, enough of this- Magnus, you’re gonna ask Julia out cause you are so, so head over heels for her. Isn’t that true?” Taako said, clapping Magnus’s shoulders and looking into his eyes.

“I mean…”

“Magnus, yes or no?”

“Its, uh, complicated-”

“Magnus, bud, answer the question.” Barry said, looking at him sympathetically.

“Yeah...yeah, I’m super gone for her. I like her so, so much, I just wanna hold her all the time and be with her ‘cause I just, she’s so nice and funny, so fucking funny and beautiful, so so beautiful, inside and out, and she’s got such a good heart and all that but I don’t want to ruin our friendship because it’s super amazing and she’s super amazing and-”

“Magnus?” A voice said from the doorway, soft and quiet. There stood Julia, slack-jawed, looking around like she was trying to grab words from the still air around them, but she found none. Aubrey stood to the side, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“Lets, uh, go guys. Somewhere…” She said, slipping out of the door, turning around and giving Magnus a thumbs up as she did. Taako patted Magnus’s shoulder reassuringly and walked out with Barry, who waved at Julia but didn’t get one back, and Jake, who threw up a peace sign at Magnus, trying to reassure him as well.

Magnus, face burning, looked to his shoes and said, “Hey, Julia…”

“Did you mean it?”

“W-what?”

“Did you mean what you said?” Julia asked, walking close to Magnus, looking him right in the face. “Don’t pretend like you didn’t say it, ‘cause I heard you, but did you mean it?”

Magnus looked at her, locking eyes with her, and took a deep breath. “With all my heart.”

Julia bit her lip, looking away as a slow smile spreading on her face. She covered her mouth, looked back at Magnus as she put her hands on her hips, looking a bit contemplative before saying, “Can, uh, can I kiss you?”

“Uh,” Magnus laughed a little nervously, stepping towards her shyly, “that would be nice, yeah.” Julia grinned and threw her arms around his neck, kissing him. Magnus wrapped his hands around Julia’s waist, lifting her up and kissing back with a fierceness that kind of surprised him. They swayed for a bit, staying together for as long as their lungs could let them, and upon hearing the wolf whistles from their friends outside, they broke apart, giggling at each other. Magnus put Julia down gently, stepping a little away, still shy, blushing even harder. Julia chuckled a little, stepping close enough to put her right hand on Magnus’s cheek.

“You are, no doubt, adorable.”

“Oh?” He asked, snaking an arm around her waist, pulling her closer. “Do tell…”

“Maybe after you’ve taken me on our coffee date? You gotta explain how you got from ‘I’m Magnus’ to this.”

“Is this..is this not good?” Magnus asked worriedly, biting his lip, standing up straighter as if to put a little distance between them.

“No, no, this is good- hey, Magnus?” Julia said, looking in his eyes, putting her other hand on his cheek and stepping closer. “This is so, so good.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “Good...I just don’t wanna mess this up, you know?”

“You won’t- you’ve already got me, hook line and sinker.”

Magnus smiled, kissing her forehead, then the tip of her nose, and then her lips, softly, before backing up and holding out a hand for her to hold. “Coffee date, then.” Julia smiled and took his hand, squeezing it tight before leading him outside.

2 months and 2 days ago

Julia gripped the parallel bars, sweating, walking clumsily. Merle stood next to her, ready to help when needed, and Magnus stood at the end, offering encouragement.

“Come on, you’re so close, you got this love.” He said as Julia approached the end. She gritted her teeth and shook her head, trembling with effort, slowing. “No, no come on baby,” Magnus stepped closer but Merle held a hand out, signaling for him to wait.

“She can do this, hold on lovebird.”

“I-I can’t, Merle,” Julia said, looking down at her right arm, fitted with a temporary prosthetic. “It’s not strong enough.” She had decided to train one limb at a time, leg first, so her right leg was was fitted with a black, wired, titanium leg, hollowed out to look like geometric art, snaking up Julia’s right thigh, printed to match the size and shape of her other leg. She looked up at Magnus, clearly using all her strength to hold herself up.

“Merle, come on man, let me-”

“No, Magnus, hold on.”

Merle walked right up to Julia, looking up at her, seeing her welled up eyes, her still slightly scarred face, straining with effort, he pulled down his right sleeve, exposing his prosthetic. It was made to look like it was carved out of wood, with smooth, ringed patterns flowing down his arm. He held it up for her to see and then pointed at her with it.

“You’re right. It isn’t strong enough, but you are. You can do this. This,” he pointed to his own prosthetic, and then hers, “is a part of your body now, use it to your advantage. You are strong enough, Julia; you need to trust yourself- now come on.” He stepped away, waiting for her to follow. She looked to the sky, blinking away tears, and leaned forward, shifting the weight onto her prosthetic leg, stepping forward. She shook, almost falling, but managed to get to the end. Magnus walked forward quickly, and this time, Merle didn’t stop him. Julia collapsed into his arms, and he held her upright, stroking her hair.

“You did it, see? Was that so hard?” Julia laughed a little, wrapped her arms around his waist, and buried her face into his neck, nodding. Magnus chuckled a little, kissing her hair. “It’ll get easier. And hey, now you know exactly what you need to beat in terms of prosthetic coolness.” Magnus looked over to Merle, grinning a little. Merle rolled his eyes and smiled, shaking his head.

“I think we’re done for today. When are you gonna send for a permanent arm, Jules?” She pulled away from Magnus a little, still using for him for support and shrugged. Merle sighed and stroked his beard. “It’d be better to get it sooner, rather than later if we’re being honest. You need to get used to them both. And, seeing as you’ve got almost no wait time here, as opposed to a regular hospital, it could be really quick.”

“I know, I know, but…” Julia closed her eyes and shook her head. “I just...I need time, I just need some time.” She looked back up at Magnus, and then away, who realized she wasn’t just talking about recovering physically- she was talking about Stephen, who didn’t make it. They realized he just wasn’t going to wake up, that the machine was just keeping his heart pumping for him, and pulled the plug. During his funeral, about the entire B.O.B. came, and just about all the seasoned agents, including Merle, talked about him. They laughed, they cried, and Julia, who sat in a wheelchair for the funeral, not having recovered physically or mentally enough to start her prosthetics, didn’t speak the entire week.

Merle, having just connected the dots, sighed. He walked to Julia, put a hand on her shoulder, and said, “I miss him too kiddo. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“1 pm sharp.”

“Yeah. And, Magnus.” Merle said, turning to him, “I think we’ve got a mission coming up, I talked to Cretia, she said shes found something we gotta look at.”

“When? I gotta…” Magnus looked at Julia, who rolled her eyes at him.

“I don’t need protecting, Magnus.”

“No, I know that, but, uh,”

“Alright, Merle, could I talk to my husband for a second?” Julia said, starring daggers at Magnus who, actually, felt good about it. If Julia could get mad at him, she was...making progress. Not just sad, but mad, he reasoned, is progress. Merle took the hint and skedaddled out of there, and Julia just sighed.

“Magnus, hon, I am so, so grateful for you, you know that, right?”

“Mhm, I am aware.”

“I just...I’m gonna be okay if you go out and do your job, you know? It’s just for a little, and I’ll probably stay in and chill, maybe call some people over to visit.”

“Yeah, but,” he grimaced a little and shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know, I just wanna make sure you’re okay, you know?”

“Magnus…” She said softly, shaking her head. “There are more than enough people making sure I’m okay right now- I just want you to be you, please? Don’t treat me different because,” She looked down at her leg, sighing, “because of this. I want the Magnus that thinks going to the store is a grand adventure, not the one that treats me like a fragile thing. I’m not fragile, and I don’t need...you know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, no, I get it.” He said, nodding. “I just gotta be there for you, but I can do that while...being me, but I gotta say, this is hard, you know? I know its infinitely harder for you, just, watching you try to walk, I just feel like I should be there more. I just need to do more.”

“Magnus.” She put her hand on his cheek, her left hand, her gold wedding band glinting in the light, and he nuzzled into it, sighing and closing his eyes. “You staying by my side? That’s all I need. Something to come home to.” He opened his eyes, searching her eyes for the recognition that was there, she knew she was channeling her dad, and she smiled sadly. Magnus leaned down slightly and kissed her, softly and sweetly. Julia stood on her tiptoes, instinctively, barely aware that her prosthetic was as well, to meet Magnus’s lips. He pulled back and nodded.

“Then that’s what I’ll do, love. I’m gonna stay right here, with you.” He grabbed her hand on his face and kissed it, and then grabbed her right hand, putting his arm on her waist to keep supporting her, and kissed her prosthetic as well. She sighed with happiness and kissed his forehead.

“Come on, let’s go home…” She said as Magnus helped her walk to the wheelchair she used for long distances, for now. Magnus helped her wheel out of the room, chatting idly as a shadowy figure nearby looked on.

Today

Julia walked, slightly unsteadily, to the door. She cracked it open, and then smiling wide, opened it fully, revealing one slightly timid Angus McDonald.

“Hello, ma’am! It’s nice to see you up and about!”

“Aw, thanks, Angus- it’s nice to be up and about, but you know you can call me Julia, yeah?”

“Yes, I know ma’am.” Angus grinned up at her as she laughed, shaking her head.

“Well, come on in, kiddo.” She said, gesturing for him to come in with her right arm, specifically, which looked like her leg- black titanium, geometrically arranged but, the fingers and wrist were jointed, allowing free movement. Angus was, understandably, amazed; they talked about the specific mechanics of it as Angus walked inside, (the doctors and scientists of the Bureau of Benevolence had been working on neurally controlled prosthetics that worked the same way actual limbs did- nerves sending messages to muscles to contract and move, but instead of going to the muscles, it travels down wires to wherever it should have gone if the limb was still there. This lets the user control their new arm as if it was still flesh, and the Bureau scientists were looking for someone to test it on when the accident happened), sitting at a dining table, directed by Julia, as Magnus came out of the kitchen, holding a platter of grilled cheese sandwiches in one hand and a pitcher of lemonade in another.

Angus looked surprised as Magnus put these down on the table and went back to the kitchen. “Did...were you expecting someone?”

“Oh hon, there’s either always someone at the house or someone to give food to,” Julia said as Magnus put plates and glasses down, kissing Julia’s hair as he passed by. “we kinda just make food to prepare for both now.”

“Mmm, nothing to do with the fact that you said, and I quote, ‘I want nothing but a shitload of grilled cheese and lemonade for lunch’ huh?” Magnus asked, chuckling as Julia gasped and pushed him playfully.

“Magnus, there’s a child!”

“To be fair to Magnus, ma’am, I am 15, and I train with Taako too, he has more of a sailor’s mouth than Mr. Keene and he was an actual sailor.”

“I’ll talk to him about that…” Julia muttered, grabbing a sandwich, scowling.

“Wait, why do you call Argo ‘Mr.Keene’ but me Magnus?”

“I haven’t spent a lot of time with Mr.Keene, and I have spent a lot of time with you.”

Julia chuckled at her husband’s offended expression, sipped her lemonade and smiled at Angus, who smiled back, though his grin faded into a more serious expression in a moment. He seemed to be considering something for a few moments, before looking up at Magnus grimly.

“Sir, do you remember what we talked about the other day- at Taako’s apartment?” He, of course, was referring to last weeks incident- essentially, Kravtiz Ajal, Taako’s boyfriend, had gotten stabbed based off of some bad information, and had barely gotten out with his life, but Angus had suggested the traitor might have come from closer to home since this was the second time in months that a worker of the B.O.B. had gotten hurt, or killed, based off of some bad information. Magnus nodded, grimacing down at his plate. Julia put a hand on his shoulder and turned to Angus, confused.

“What’s happened, Angus?”

“Well, after Kravtiz got hurt, I got to thinking- this isn’t the first bad incident that the Bureau has had, clearly, but it was the second time in a few months that someone had gotten severely hurt off of bad information, is that correct?”

Julia sighed, nodding. “The tip we got was on the inside, it seemed solid, but…” She trailed off and now Magnus took her hand, squeezing it slightly.

“I know you must have heard this a lot, ma-” Angus sighed, looking up at her. “Julia. But I am very, very sorry for your loss. And I’d like to help you get to the bottom of this.” Julia looked up curiously at him. “I don’t think it was a coincidence that these incidents happened so close to each other. Someone has an agenda- I don’t know what, but something is going on.”

“Well, what do you think, Ango?” Magnus asked, sitting back. “I’m sure you’ve got some ideas.”

“I do…” Angus said, looking directly at Julia. “I think its time we questioned your partner, Kalen.”

To Be Continued

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comicteaparty · 4 years

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March 21st-March 27th, 2020 Creator Babble Archive

The archive for the Creator Babble chat that occurred from March 21st, 2020 to March 27th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

What are some background details you know about your story that won’t ever actually come up in the main narrative?

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Oh boy... So many in Whispers of the Past... The first—which I believe I've mentioned before—is that some of the characters' sexualities never really get brought up outside of some subtle subtext. For example, Ryukou is asexual aromantic, but he is married, and he honestly doesn't even know that being aroace is a thing. His wife, Maya, is bisexual, and her attraction to women is hinted at, but not explicitly said. The second background detail that will likely never make it into the main narrative is Kelan's grief after SPOILER the death of his wife. END SPOILER The story takes place years after this event, and yet he still hasn't completely recovered. That being said, it just never really comes up in the narrative, again, outside of subtext. Thirdly, Izrekiel actually has a dependency on physical contact and skinship, because of the lack of affection he was given as a child. This, once again, only really comes up in subtext and is hinted at through his actions, but it is never explained. Aaaaand finally, there is a lot of magical lore that is never explained even remotely. In the story, it is treated very much like a soft magic system, but there are some "harder" elements that go into explaining why certain things have happened, but... they are not actually explained in the story. More like... I know about them, and I can explain these things to anyone who cares to ask (edited)

Capitania do Azar

Oh I suppose that in https://www.sarilho.net/en/ I'm never gonna go in detail about the geopolitics, the different power structures or even how the main empire is structured. We may get hints at it, but it's not necessary for the story so I don't think I'm gonna include much. Details about characters' sexualities are prolly just gonna be hinted at mainly because they don't have the words to express them the same way we do Also I really care about the differences between the different languages and particularly between the spoken and written versions of these, but I can't find a way to have a character explain those just because so you'll have to figure it out through background information like posters and graffiti

sagaholmgaard

Ohh this prompt came at the right time because it's been on my mind lately!! In Reclaim, https://tapas.io/series/_Reclaim_ My two main characters, Albus and Styrka, are in a queerplatonic relationship, which they don't have the word for and it doesn't ever come up except in subtext. I'm trying to write them so that it really shows that they love each other, and everyone knows this, but there won't be a point were they "get together" so to speak because they already have everything they want between each other! And I'm very Soft for this but also nervous that when the story is finished people might feel let down that it doesn't end up in straight up romance? if that makes sense And there's a lot of history research I did that is contextually there but not mentioned in words. That's just one of those things where my knowledge is deeper than what shows in the comic, but I think the story is better for it :D (It's not historic fiction because I'm taking a lot of liberties, but the research is helpful all the same)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

One of the paladin/church knight's gay, but it never comes up, because, you know, marriage in their world's decided by the parents, because it's a matter of inheritance and heirs not love. He's married, and actually decent friends with his wife and children, but he's taking his oaths seriously. So he never even mentions the people's he's attracted too.

There are openly gay couples in the story, it just didn't work out for him; his family needed that alliance.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

In Phantomarine (http://www.phantomarine.com/) I have two gods that drive the entire story. But seven other gods existed at one point in time. I will be delving into at least two other gods’ stories - as a good background for why the remaining two are in such a tumultuous relationship - but there are five others that I don’t really plan on writing about in great detail. Their symbols and names may pop up in various texts/decorations/etc, but there’s not enough time for a super detailed character study of each. Perfect for side stories, though

mariah (rainy day dreams)

Rainy Day Dreams (http://rainydaydreams.mariahcurrey.com/) takes place in an alternate dimension and the plot deals mostly with interdimensional travelers, but the world is post first interstellar contact also. Only the story isn't a sci-fi so there's no real reason to talk about how robust their space program is and there are already monsters so there's no easy way to tell who's a native and who's and alien.

eli [a winged tale]

Whoa Mariah that sounds fun! I love how everyone’s worlds are complex and in depth and there are clues within the story

Would these details be part of another project/side stories/lorebook? What’s everyone’s plans for these secrets

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

My secrets are basically just stewing in my brain I mean, I guess if a reader ever asked, I'd spill all the secrets, but so far, that hasn't happened.

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

same lmao

I guess a background detail the comic won't get into is how the imagery in Cara's dream became promiment before her dream boyfriend came to the picture. I did wrote a prequel where she was having dreams of her late grandma who's stories got super visual in her head. Most of the events she told to Cara were from late 70's Vietnam.(edited)

some of those dreams and nightmares were partly inspired from my parent's part growing up in the time, such as my dad encountering a ghoulish corpse with his grandpa and my mom actually building things from a hut in the jungle

so yeah lmao. ghost story dreams

eli [a winged tale]

Mariah I’m curious about non-scifi parallel universe space program alien monsters are they more the reasoning for how the story exists but you won’t be going into depth with them? (Ie not a plot twisty thing?)

Ghost story dreams and parallel places in real life sound like a good atmosphere/mood element in your story!

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

yeah lmao. I wasn't sure how to add it but Cara does mention about her grandma's story in future chapters (if my hands let me draw faster lolol). but as a small tibit. Maybe I'll sit down and write more as a side story lol

eli [a winged tale]

Side stories sound like a great way to showcase more of the world

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

I'll consider it lolol

mariah (rainy day dreams)

They're just kind of an additional details that I came up with while thinking about the world. The planet itself I decided a long time ago is Eart but like 100,000 years in the future so the tectonic plates have shifted and the continents are different. The setting is kind of a mix of old-timey and futuristic, but also mixed with magic so the lines between what is technology and what's just supernatural are already pretty blurred. So since it's already sort of a futuristic society I thought it would just be a neat addition to also have had aliens either have shown up or been discovered. I also figured that since the world is super used to inter-dimensional travelers they probably wouldn't be super freaked out to life from off-planet since they already know they aren't alone in the multi-verse? X'D but this stuff really doesn't have any baring on the main story. Like it might be something Mara tells Tristin as some point to blow her human mind. I just like to dig into little setting corners and make tunnels readers probably won't ever see X)

eli [a winged tale]

Ooh that sounds really neat! A big world to discover for the attentive readers

DanitheCarutor

Oh I got some stuff! 1. Part of this can be spoilers for future scenes, so I'm putting it behind a thing. SPOILER Apollo's origin. He was adopted and while at some point him and Julian discuss his parents briefly, it never really comes up in the main narrative. Apollo himself doesn't really care much since he was adopted as a baby and doesn't even know who they are outside of a picture that was given to him as a kid. Essentially they were an Irish couple who moved to the states, the father died at some point and the mother followed close behind during childbirth. There weren't any known relatives, at least ones that wanted to him, so Apollo went into the system and was lucky enough to be adopted almost immediately. END SPOILER 2. Julian's origin. This is kind of brought up briefly later on, but Julian doesn't really know where they're from so nothing much comes of it outside of remembering small bits of how their life was before being found. Although it is eluded to what the situation possibly could have been. 3. Julian's real age and date of birth. Since they didn't have any kind of ID the doctors had to guess their age, which isn't an important detail for the story so I don't see a point in adding it. 4. The details of what happened at Hopeful Hands. This place is discussed a lot, but the talk is more about the trauma that was inflicted and how to move on, rather than lingering on the details. Although enough of what happened is brought up to get a good picture of what kind of place it is/was. I figured laying it all out would be a little too much, and would take away from the main point of the story. 5. The lives of Apollo's friends. There are a couple side character who get fleshed out a bit later on, but since the story isn't about them I didn't see a need in showing more than what is necessary.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

Hmm... there's certainly quite a few things that don't show up in the main narrative. Like Super Galaxy Knights Deluxe R is very much the Mizuki show, very few other characters get deep explorations into their backstories. But, like, that's what the short stories are for. As for things that never show up in the series at all... the only ones I can think of are the history of the world (because, like, it's pretty boring) and the specifics of how certain technology works. Like, I have a list of people & companies that various locations in the series were named after, and a list of the dynasties in the Giduli Kingdom. There's... not really any interesting stories there, it's just a dry list, so it's not something really worth caring about. And, like, saying "FTL travel in this world works by traveling to a parallel universe where everything is exactly the same except half as big" is kinda interesting I guess... but there's no reason for any character to mention it, and that specific detail really isn't relevant to the story besides "there is FTL travel in this world".

Feather J. Fern

Oh man, for Teasday, any detail about what the actual background of the story is. It's mostly character driven, if the characters don't care, or don't know, they don't talk about it. For Go Figure, I think no one is going to be told anything about the other battles in the past but they did happen.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

There are so many stories I have built into the backstories of various characters that probably won't come up in the main work but have thought about making other adjacent comics about. For example I could imagine doing a prequel type thing about Joe's life & exploits

Since he is a cool character but unfortunately dead for this entire story

AntiBunny

In AntiBunny, http://AntiBunny.net/ I can't think of any reason to bring up the fact that Runo is asexual. Juju is also bisexual, and that also never comes up.

Desnik

Right now it's the warlock's magic system. I got it all worked out and then it suddenly had nothing to do with my plot.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

I think sexuality details are easier to work in than a lot of people expect. You don't need a character to stand up and announce Have I Mentioned That I Am Asexual Today -- it can be an offhand mention that not all your readers will even pick up on. (But the ones who are looking for it will notice.) https://leifandthorn.com/comic/family-deserts-4-33/

What I've teased but never been able to work into Leif & Thorn canon (yet?) are the details of the World's Largest Cheese Sculpture.

There's also a lot of country names and flags in the bank that haven't shown up yet...but I'm about to draw scenes from a big international song competition, so I'm probably gonna need even more than I already have.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

TBH as an ace person, I don't really pick up on these things. It has to be more concrete for me. Kudos for those who do pick up on them and find them validating, though.

The cheese sculpture sounds epic.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ahhh, that's what "reading the comments section to check out other people's theories" is for!

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I do that, but I don't consider that canon until the actual comic convinces me

It's also not something we creators can rely on, especially those of us who don't get many comments...

I'm not saying this is bad. Offhand mentions are great, just not concrete proof for everybody (and nothing is for everybody, sooooo).

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Yeah, as a reader I like a lot of comics that don't get many comments...but it's cool when they do and there are people coming up with things.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

So I get it if a fellow creator finds it difficult to show that a character is ace -- like, maybe they're like me and they want Concrete Proof rather than an indication.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

But the creator would already have concrete proof, right? Since it's their character. And the idea is that, even if it won't reach all readers, the indications are still better than nothing.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, like I said, they're not bad to have.

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

(for reference, the comic I linked above isn't the first offhand-mention related to that character, it's just the point when readers started putting it together)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm not trying to dissuade anyone from slipping in those indications. Just saying different strokes for different folks.

DanitheCarutor

Reminds me of a comic I read called 'WANDERING' (https://tapas.io/series/wandern), the main male character in it is ace, although this is never stated out right in the story. At some point readers were speculating about his sexuality due to some hints, although I was totally oblivious. Didn't have any idea where the discussion came from. I do agree that a reader is more likely to pick up on something if they're looking for it though, as someone who doesn't care too much about a character's sexuality and gender (when those subjects aren't important to the story) I don't pick up on then unless the author holds my hand a little. Although when it comes to one of my character's genders it's never stated in my comic either, someone just asks about pronouns and attire later on and that's it. Kind of ironic. Lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm in a similar boat. Most of my characters' orientations are left ambiguous. I may need to drop an additional hint or two for some of them...

DanitheCarutor

Pfff right? I don't think my comic even had the word 'gay' in it until a few pages ago and I'm already into chapter 5. (to be fair, Apollo's sexuality is pretty obvious. The hits are really unsubtle.) I've thought about making my character's gender more easy to read for oblivious people like me, but that part of the comic is more about what makes them feel good in their own skin rather than putting a title to it. So people who miss my Twitter posts and author's comments can just speculate for themselves, I guess.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I can respect that. For me, a big part of the reason I'm wanting to put more hints is because I don't want people to accuse me of.... what people accused Legend of Korra about (I didn't watch it, but I did see some of those complaints)

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Ah... The good ol' "why is she randomly bi?"

They didn't do a good job of showing it throughout the series up until that point at the end

But, big but, the creators mentioned that she was always intended to be bi, but they were afraid that Nickelodeon wouldn't let them represent a bi character on TV.(edited)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Again, coming from someone who hasn't watched it, I feel like the complaint should be "why is she suddenly in love" rather than "why is she suddenly bi" -- same issue with shoehorned in straight romance

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

That too

These characters were fighting over the same man at some point

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

big shrug indeed, it sounds like

DanitheCarutor

Oooh! I thought it was the "stop the show to announce my gender/sexuality" thing. I never saw the show either and didn't see many of the complaints since I don't hang out on social media very often. Lol @keii’ii (Heart of Keol) That's understandable! With how stuff like that is nowadays it's better to be safe and make sure readers know, rather than not make it known till the last possible minute. It does kind of suck if putting in bigger hints doesn't mesh with will your story though.

Gosh, about the Korra thing, they could have dropped some subtle pick up lines in while fighting over the dude. But not wanting your show to get pulled or not wanting to be denied stuff is understandable.

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

oh yeah, the LoK convos about Korra and Asami. I watched the show during that time and it's just rip

Nick said to the creators they will pull the show if there's an explict statement that Kora and Asami being BI

so they had to be lowkey as hell in the end, which at the time of 2013-2014? idk the year

it was a steping stone for american cartoons I guess rip

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, and even though LoK aired back when things were a little different.... honestly I still feel that kinda pressure from EVERY angle, just a different flavor of it.

Tuyetnhi (OIYD!)

yea

DanitheCarutor

Well, last minute LGBT+ is better than none. Now there are a few shows like that, right? SU is super into it? (I don't watch this show either so I'm guessing based on fan discussion) and the MLP final dropped in some last minute stuff.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I have at least one character with cross orientation, and that's really awkward to show when I don't wanna put any... sex in the comic. (It's got lots of juvenile "tee hee butts" kinda stuff, but nothing steamy)

AntiBunny

Other tidbits I've thought of that I couldn't really address without just dropping a big exposition bomb are bits of lagosapien biology. They for instance have a shorter adolescence than humans, so they're shorter, but reach adulthood sooner. Their eyes are a bit wider than a human's, giving them a wider field of view, but less depth perception, and that they have higher muscular density, but being about half the size are on average human, are a little weaker than an adult human.

eli [a winged tale]

I know some webcomics have world lores and character notes at the end of each chapter

mathtans

Oh, things that don't show up? Randomly I'll toss in here that Expona is left handed. (Mostly consistently, I may have slipped up in the art once or twice.) Never something that makes sense for characters to talk about though, and not plot relevant, so... does that qualify? I dunno.

Joichi / Sarah

@Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn) sorry I'm late but I like the way you point out about asexuality. I was thinking of how to show concrete proof one's ace. But most of the time, I can pick up 'emotional signs' if it has inner monologue about romance.

The hard part of it, is being one myself, and it's always 'been like this' but in comic, it has to be said somewhere

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

Ah, good to hear!

Erin Ptah (BICP | Leif & Thorn)

And yeah, that was my intention, encouraging people who feel stuck between "explicit announcement" or "nothing at all" to remember that you have in-between options. And if you take that approach, there's all kinds of creative/offbeat/fun things you can do with it.

(Applies to everything else, too, sexual orientation just happens to be the thing people were talking about when it came up.)

#ctparchive #comic #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #creator interview #comic creator interview #creator babble #comic tea party #ctp

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secretagentspydetectiveninja · 6 years

Text

No Romo - chapter 2

Long overdue new chapter, and it’s almost the end of Aro/Ace August already, oops! Anyway have some more of the museum kids being best friends

AO3 | 1

“I’m pretty sure Juleka’s about to get akumatized,” Nathaniel said, sitting down on the steps in front of Alix. “Rose was telling me about it. Apparently Juleka missed the class photo because she got locked in the toilets. By Chloé, of course.”

He had opened his little sketchpad on his knees and taken a pencil out from behind his ear. Alix leaned over to watch what he was drawing – now that she was part of the art club, she tended to spend a lot of time watching Nath work on his art. Not only was it helpful to learn new skills, but it was an excuse to hang out with him even more. These days she used pretty much any chance she could get to talk to him.

“What kind of akuma villain do you think she’ll be?” she asked. “Juleka’s all gothy, right? Maybe she’ll be a vampire or something.”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking.” Nath was drawing a figure outline on his sketchpad, his red fringe falling over his face as he looked down at it. “Her eyes are already red. Maybe her skin will be deathly pale, though, like a sheet. And she’ll have those vampire fangs.”

“And a cape. Vampires have capes, right?”

“I think it depends on the vampire. But yeah, I’ll give her a cape.” He added a loose triangle onto the back of the figure. “One of those big collars, too. Wait… will she sparkle? Is she one of those vampires?”

Alix shrugged. “I have no idea what her opinion is on sparkling vampires.”

Nath paused to think for a second, before shaking his head. “Nope. No sparkles. I can’t be bothered to draw them.”

He had a grin on his face now, and Alix continued to watch him draw with interest. These days he was much more open with her than he used to be, cracking jokes and encouraging her ridiculous sense of humour. She hadn’t realized quite how attached to him she had become until she found herself paying attention to him even when he wasn’t interacting with her. More outspoken now, he talked to other members of their class fairly often, and it was all too easy to let her focus rest on them, all the way on the other side of the room, than on whatever work she was supposed to be doing.

Why did she even find him so cool in the first place? She couldn’t put her finger on it. But it was undeniable – Nathaniel was absolutely, definitely, 100% the coolest kid in her class. He had to be. Why else would she be so dead-set on being best friends with him? No one else in the class was worth quite that much effort, even though they were all pretty cool too.

“What kind of powers would she have?” Nath continued, head resting on his arm as he carried on sketching. “I guess there’s always biting people, like actual vampires do, but that would be kinda, uh… weird. Hawk Moth hasn’t been giving people overly weird powers yet.”

“Well vampires don’t have reflections,” Alix suggested. “And Juleka’s got that curse thing where she doesn’t show up in photos, right? So maybe she’ll curse everyone else to have no reflections or appearances in photos, something like that.”

“Hmm. That would make sense. Though it’s not a very aggressive power, is it? It’ll take forever for Ladybug and Chat Noir to notice something like that.”

“True…”

He suddenly held up the sketchpad at her, a sunny smile on his face. “Done! What do you think?”

It was a quick little sketch, unmistakeably Juleka, but seemingly dressed more like Count Dracula. Alix nodded, smiling back. “Perfect. I bet that’s exactly what she’s gonna look like.”

“We’ll just wait and see, then…”

At that moment there were shocked gasps from others in the courtyard. Alix and Nath turned to see that an akuma villain had just landed, one that was now making an announcement, and sure enough that was Juleka’s voice echoing through the school – a crueller version, but certainly her.

And she looked nothing like a vampire whatsoever.

“Welp, we were so wrong,” Alix muttered.

“Yep.” Nath ripped out the piece of paper and scrunched it up. “So, so wrong.”

“I wasn’t expecting a giant pink clown.”

“That’s the last thing I was expecting.”

“I’m gonna say it. She looks ridiculous.”

“Hard agreed.”

“Uh, she’s zapping people, do you think we should get out of here or…?”

“Shit, yeah. See you in art club later!”

Nathaniel leapt to his feet and sped off. For a second Alix had to restrain her laughter – she’d never heard Nath swear before! He had always seemed like one of those goody-two-shoes kids who wouldn’t curse if you paid them. But evidently all he needed was to be around someone he was comfortable with. Like her.

A shot from evil Juleka zoomed past her shoulder, jolting her out of her thoughts. Oh yeah, akuma attack. She needed to get away. Being turned into a weird pink clown clone was not on her to-do list today.

It was much later than usual when the members of her class finally made it to art club. After Reflekta’s attack, everyone had banded together to help take a proper class photo with Juleka in it, which took up quite a lot of time. Alix didn’t mind at all, though. Juleka was a pretty cool friend too, it just seemed right to help her feel better. Or maybe Alix was just getting friendlier in general these days.

“Alix, there you are!” Nath was already sitting at the table and waving her over. She hurried to join him.

“Dude, you didn’t wait for me at the park–”

“I had to get my surprise for you ready.”

“Surprise…?”

He tapped the little sketchbook that was on the desk. “I’ve been working on a new comic idea, and I think you’ll like this one.”

A new comic? Yes! Nath’s comics these days were always fun to read, now that they weren’t just pages and pages of self-indulgent Nathanette fluff.

“Is it another superhero one?” she asked.

“No, it’s… um…” He lowered his voice. “Look, I know I’m not really good at coming up with story ideas, and so much of what I draw is all sappy and lovey-dovey and you’re not into that stuff.”

“Who cares if I’m not into it? Just draw what you want.”

“What I want is to draw something you’ll like! So here, I did this…” Nath opened the sketchbook to show her the first page. “It’s a soulmate AU, but from the point-of-view of someone who’s aromantic.”

Just hearing the words “soulmate AU” had already set Alix’s brain to fight mode, at least, until the second part of that sentence registered in her brain. An aromantic character, in a soulmate AU? Surely those things were mutually exclusive. She looked at the page to see Nath’s artwork of the aromantic protagonist, a moody-looking girl with frizzy green hair.

“In this AU,” he continued, turning the page, “people see hearts when they fall in love, and red hearts if it’s their soulmate. This character has never seen the hearts, though, and it’s highly unusual to have reached her age without seeing them even once. She wonders what’s wrong.”

There were more sketches on these pages, fit into comic-style panels with captions over the top. The moody girl was even grumpier now, her peers all swooning over invisible hearts while she looked on from the corner, unable to understand what she was missing.

“But sometimes, when she looks at people, she sees stars. She doesn’t really tell anyone. Until…”

He turned over another page. The girl was no longer moody – all of a sudden her eyes were wide in surprise, and the panel around her filled with golden sparkles.

“…one day she meets someone, and for the first time, she sees bright yellow stars. It’s never happened before. And this person sees the yellow stars too when they meet her. They’ve seen hearts before, but never stars like this.”

Sure enough, the page was covered in glittering stars. It looked like Nath had got a yellow gel pen and just gone wild with it. The girl and her new acquaintance both appeared in awe of what they were seeing, stars around them everywhere.

“And then, uh… well I haven’t thought so much about this part but I guess they make best friends forever and live happily ever after. The girl realizes she can be happy without romance and the only reason she was miserable before was because everyone else was making her feel that way. Or something. You’re the aro one, you can help me with the inner turmoil bit.” He closed the sketchbook and turned to look at her. “So, what do you think?”

What did she think? Well, considering how much she was having to internally restrain herself from just glomping him in a hug and never letting go…

“It’s awesome!” She settled for giving him a little punch on the arm instead. “Seriously, you’re really gonna make a comic about that?”

“Yeah! I really need to branch out and draw comics about characters who don’t have love interests. Well… romantic love interests, I mean. Friendship is fine.” He blushed a little. “Actually, it’s kind of for me. I was really heartbroken for a while after the Evillustrator thing, and I need to remind my brain that it’s okay to focus more on friends, than on… Marinette…”

His voice had gone rather quiet, considering that Marinette herself was in the room.

“Are you still into her?” Alix asked.

“I… I don’t think so.”

“Then you should make friends with her too.”

He blushed even more. “I’m not really good at making friends.”

“Are you sure?” Alix said, putting an arm around him. “Because you seem to be doing an awesome job at making friends with me so far. I mean, convincing me to join art club? Drawing the aro comic thing? Nerf gun battles? Dude, you are top notch friendship material. Best friendship material. I really mean it.”

He seemed quite taken aback by her compliments for a few seconds. Alix herself was surprised too – she didn’t tend to say things like that directly to people’s faces, usually too wary that being overly nice might be mistaken for flirting, which was just… ew. But at least Nathaniel would properly understand the sentiment.

“Maybe you’re right,” he said. “If I could make friends with you, I can make proper friends with Marinette too.”

“Yeah, that’s the spirit!”

“Thanks, Alix. And…” He gave her a sunny smile and put the sketchbook in her hands. “Thanks for being my friend. You’re top notch friendship material too. Making this comic with you is gonna be so much fun.”

Top notch friendship material… man, it was so nice to hear someone other than Jalil saying that. Pretty much everyone else in the class already had their own top notch friend, and there was no room for Alix there except as an undignified third wheel, a hanger-on, uninvited and unwelcome. Now Nath had changed all that.

She watched as he got up and went to go compliment Marinette on whatever fashion thing she was working on. He still seemed quite shy, but at least Marinette was one of the nicest members of the class, even going so far as to organize Juleka’s rescheduled class photo earlier. It wouldn’t be difficult for them to make friends.

Alix flicked through Nath’s sketchbook, taking a closer look at the draft work for his new comic. He really was very good at art, wasn’t he? This green-haired girl looked real enough to leap out of the page any second.

You’re the aro one, you can help me with the inner turmoil bit. So he wanted her help with story advice. That, she could definitely offer. There were too many stories to tell, stories of angst, frustration, disbelief, confusion, tears… the usual run-of-the-mill depressing aro experiences. Plenty of those to pick from, unfortunately.

This green-haired girl, though. Something about her seemed familiar to Alix. Nath didn’t base the character on her, did he…?

Nathaniel worked hard on his comic. He worked hard on all his comics, of course, but this felt different. This time he wasn’t just drawing to cater to his own whims. This time he wanted it to be a present for Alix.

There were too many reasons to pinpoint just one. There was the fact that they were pretty much best friends at this point, true. There was also the fact that both of them being ace gave him a sort of connection to her that was hard to describe in words. Was “ace solidarity” a thing? It sure felt like it.

And she inspired him. It had been so long since he’d had a close friend that he was used to keeping to himself all the time. Even now he was still quiet, of course, but things were different. He could casually chat with the rest of his classmates without the nerves to accompany it. He felt freer to say what was on his mind, to share his true feelings.

He still wished he could be more like her. How amazing would it be to be as cool as someone like her? As much as he tried, he couldn’t do it. But then maybe that was a good thing. After all, she seemed to like hanging out with him just the way he was.

“How is it?” he asked as she read the finished comic in her room one day after school. “Is it good? Should I change anything?”

There was a spark in her eyes. “Dude, this is so cool! I love it!”

“You do?”

“Hell yes!” Within a second she had put down the comic and clung onto him in a hug. Considering how small she was, it was… kind of adorable, actually. Like a koala on a tree. “Listen, I’m… I’m not a huggy person, so don’t get used to this. But uh… if you ever need anything, like ever, at all, I will help you with it. Up to and including murder.”

He gladly hugged her back. “What, because I drew a comic for you?”

“Because you drew something that’s more relatable than anything else,” she said, pulling back to look at him. “It’s hard to get into stuff when everything’s so damn shippy all the time. But you went out of your way to do this for me, so yeah. Thank you. I will lay down my life for you in the skeleton war.”

Nath grinned and gave her hair a ruffle. “I forbid you from sacrificing yourself in the skeleton war. But I’m really happy you liked the comic.”

“The main character, is she based on… um, anyone you know?”

“Yes, that’s you.”

“I knew it! So the guy she makes friends with, is that you?”

He simply shrugged, though the answer was a resounding yes. From the way she was looking at him, he could tell that she knew it perfectly well. It had been pretty obvious. Maybe it would be best to keep this particular comic just between the two of them for now.

“Anyway, you need any help with anything?” Alix asked. “Not murder or skeleton wars, I know. But really, I’ll do my best to help.”

“Nah, I don’t think there’s anything I need help with right now, unless you can come up with an idea for a new comic…”

“The adventures of Alix and Nathaniel sock-sliding around the Louvre after hours and avoiding security.”

“Uh… was that a suggestion for a comic, or a suggestion for real life?”

“Both.” She had a smirk on her face now. “Don’t think I didn’t notice you drawing the Louvre in the backgrounds of all your drawings, you know.”

“Well, it’s easy to draw…”

That was only partially true. Yes, a quick sketch of the iconic pyramid was easier than bothering with a proper detailed background, but the truth was that this place was starting to feel like a second home to him. The art exhibits had always had a soft spot in his heart, but now this area did too. The Kubdel quarters.

“But yes, let’s go sock-sliding!” he said quickly.

“Yeah! And let’s not get caught this time…”

“I’ll be stealthier now, I swear…”

He kicked off his shoes and followed her out of her room, looking forward to this. Silly adventure shenanigans were a lot more fun than he used to think – but then maybe that was because he was with Alix.

It was a while before her offer for help was actually needed. Those several weeks were some of the best yet – Nath worked on new comics, became more sure of himself, made friends with more of his classmates, and even made friends with people outside his class. Like Marc, that blushy new kid in the art club who was even shyer than him.

That didn’t last.

It was all that diary’s fault. “Ladybug’s” diary. Marinette had given it to him, and she was friends with Alya, who ran the Ladyblog, right? She could feasibly have acquired such a thing, right? Nath didn’t have any reason to doubt that this was the real, legit diary of Ladybug. He expected it to be.

So when it turned out to be Marc…

It was strange how, when in a situation where Nath was not the shyest one around, it was so easy to become complacent. To lose his temper. To assume the worst. It reminded him all too clearly of his birthday, where Chloé had taken his sketchbook and made a fool of him in class, announcing his crush on Marinette to the world, followed by Evillustrator being betrayed by the girl of his dreams.

Was this Marinette’s revenge? Was she teaming up with Marc to make a fool of Nath again?

Please pick up, please pick up…

He held his phone to his ear as he strode towards the Louvre, having left Marc back at the park with that stupid diary. His brain still wasn’t working right – well, it didn’t seem to work right around Marc anyway for some odd reason, but that was beside the point. The blind panic that this situation had put him in, that he was being humiliated again, it was impossible to control, and he just needed to talk to–

“Hey Nath, what’s up?”

“Oh Alix, thank god you’re there!” He clutched the phone tighter, his pace increasing. “Are you at the Louvre right now? Can I come over?”

“Sure, what’s wrong?”

Could she tell from his voice? Maybe she could. “I need to talk about something that just happened, I… I’m scared I’m gonna get akumatized again, I’m just in such a bad mood…”

“Aw man, what happened?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there. See you soon.”

“Alright, take care of yourself…”

He hung up and hurried on. Even despite all his new friendships recently, they were all seeming so superficial right now. Any one of his classmates could suddenly turn on him, the way Marinette and Marc had just done. Taking advantage of his feelings. Playing a cruel trick on him.

And yet… he still trusted Alix. Somehow, instinctively, he found himself gravitating towards the Louvre – the one place where he always felt welcome no matter what, where he could let his guard down and just be himself without any worries clouding his mind. He used to wonder if it was the feeling of being in a museum, surrounded by art, that put him at ease. Now, he was beginning to believe it was more to do with the tiny little lifesaver who “allegedly” lived there.

Alix was his best friend. If there was anyone he could turn to for help, it was her. He never had been any good at letting his guard down, but for once in his life he needed to confide in someone. She had promised to help him, and he was counting on that.

#i probably won't get this finished in august but eh whatever #miraculous ladybug #aro ace august #alix kubdel #nathaniel kurtzberg #cinnamon roll tomato cutie #museum brotp #miraculace #random stuff #aish writes

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becumsh · 6 years

Note

YOUR FAVORITE NIECE FOR THE HEADCANON THINGY :D

*laughs diabolically* my time has finally come. Thank you so much, sO MUCH.

Headcanon A: what I think realistically

She has a slightly dysfunctional relationship with Richelieu which with other relationship might be considered as toxic, but it’s Richelieu family we are talking about. Mind games and manipulating is like their way of ‘hello, how was your day, by the way, if you leave for Carmelites I’m most likely going to die‘ showing affection and feeling the feels. The woman never re-married even though Richelieu’s been needling her for decades, I mean, it takes ovaries of steel and some character to make Richelieu give up. ‘Uncle, I will not leave for Carmelites if you leave me the fuck alone with all that ‘marry Gaston’ shit, ta’.

JUST TO PUT IT OUT THERE, I headcanon her as aromantic asexual, just so we get it out of the way. And I’m serious about it.

She’s probably the cleverest woman in the Court. She’s probably the most cleverest human, period, in the Court.

She’s the only person Richelieu ever truly listens to. She knows it and only uses it to her advantage when absolutely necessary. And Richelieu hates to upset her, which she ALSO knows, but rarely uses against him.

The head bitch in charge. The Rihanna and Beyoncé of 17th century France. Except, like, religious, and pious, and all.

Anne of Austria probably has a low-key crush on her, even though she’s *shudder* of Richelieu’s blood *toilet emoji*

It’s virtually impossible to hate her. Marie de Medici, the nemesis, the arch enemy of Richelieu couldn’t hate her until her dying days, can you believe???

she’s smol mum friend

The most Wholesome™️ person in France.

Headcanon B: what I think is fucking hilarious

Even though Marie-Madelaine is NICE, in the truest sense of the word, she’s the snarkiest. She’s very polite, but she’ll troll you and snark you, and you won’t even know what hit you.

Richelieu and Marie-Madelaine judge inane nobility at Court together. I just can picture them, like that, sitting in the chairs next to one another and exchange snide remarks about those inane noble people. ‘Oh, her dress…’ ‘I know, right… Have you seen what that Duke has done?’ ‘A true embarrassment…’ ‘I’ve never seen anyone embarrass himself more than he did that morning…’ ‘We, my dear, are surrounded by idiots.’ ‘and honestly, mood.’ I can’t, just Richelieu and his niece JUDGING everyone, a) it’s probably very likely canon b) it’s very funny.

OH EM GEE, she’s literally a female version of Kevin Cozner from B99!! She is!!!

Headcanon C: what is heart-crushing and awful but fun to inflict on friends

I literally cannot fathom anything more angsty than actual history.

She believed until the very last moment that Richelieu is going to pull through. She was all like ‘The Carmelite nun had a vision that you are going to be fine!’

And then he felt like his end is near, so he held her hand and asked her to leave, because ‘My dear niece, I feel very bad, I think I’m going to die right about now, I can’t watch you being in pain, so please leave because I don’t want you to watch me die’ - END ME, I JUST, FUCK.

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON RICHELIEU’S TOMBSTONE, THIS IS LITERALLY ENOUGH TO GET MY TEARS FLOWING.

Also, it’s very sad to say, but Duchesse d’Aiguillon was never happy, and it really saddens me. She never got to marry the man she once loved, she was surrounded by Richelieu’s enemies, after his death she kept battling them or her relatives because of Richelieu’s will, and she never got to leave for the Carmelites even though that’s what she wanted the most. The woman just couldn’t get a break.

You know, I don’t actually need to write headcanons, I can just open up her biography and copy-paste it here because honestly? Headcanons pale in comparison to all that fucking angst that really happened.

………..she doesn’t like cats all that much?

Headcanon D: what would never work with canon but the canon is shit so I believe it anyway

*cracks her fingers* okay, you thought this answer is long, prepare for some real stuff, for some real long post because honestly, I can write an entire paper on this.

Concept: BBC Musketeers are not pussies and they are closer to history than to books (they, in real life, are neither). And while I’m at it, Dumas rectified Richelieu in the sequel and wrote an apology book that he never finished (i’m still pissed), and people STILL THINK that Richelieu is evil, when even Dumas himself realised that he was an idiot.

Marie-Madelaine actually makes an appearance, and it’s not some lame guest-starring for one episode, hella no, she’s a recurring character with some JUICY moments. I’m literally crying right now over the POTENTIAL

She’s played either by Jenna Coleman, Felicity Jones or idk, Romola Garai may be.

So, like in history, she’s a lady-in-waiting to Queen Anne, but in fact she’s obviously Richelieu’s spy (duh). But despite the fact that she’s Richelieu’s niece, Queen Anne is favourable of her and trusts her because Duchesse d’Aiguillon is nice. And beware of the nice ones because Duchesse d’Aiguillon is the only clever one in the Court. Basically everyone underestimates her because they all think of her as of a nice pious religious woman totally incapable of scheming which gives her an ample opportunity to observe and spy on everyone. She’s very unassuming and everyone thinks Richelieu stuck the Duchess in her position so she can marry someone rich, but we all know the truth.

Cue evening chats with Richelieu, discussing their day and the idiocy of the nobility. Also I want some quality family moments between them, both in Palais Cardinal and in public.

She’s probably quite friendly with Milady and has serious talks about how Richelieu treats his favourite assassin, but it’s mostly in vain, but she’s getting there, baby steps.

Treville and Richelieu, mid-rant shouting session, cut to the niece in the background, low-key rolling her eyes.

Ninon de Larroque’s secret women club SUCKS compared to Duchesse d’Aiguillon’s book club, Richelieu probably wanted to burn her because her club is an abomination lbr, also we’d get Pierre Corneille.

Let’s be real, the whole Queen’s assassination idiocy would have never happened if the Duchesse was in the show. She’d probably nick some letters from Anne to her brother, thus bringing her downfall or whatever, you know, doing it the cool way, not the BBC lame way.

The evening of the day when s1e10 happened? ‘The Queen is with the musketeers’ child.’ ‘Yeah, I know.’

S2, ooooooh, Richelieu faking his death/Spanish prison style/whatever of your choice, Rochefort targeting her in order to lure him out? Or, even better, musketeers doing something to her because they find out she knows about the parentage of the Dauphin? I can write an entire another post on that. Treville and the Duchesse bonding at the Court because they are the only two sane people there???

S3 never happened. Or it’d be La Rochelle and Buckingham business, SOMETHING INTERESTING.

Literally everything I wrote is useless and boils down to LET THE DUCHESSE ON THE MUSKETEERS BBC, STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF.

#madame de combalet #s2 rewrite

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kenmaash · 3 years

Text

huge ass vent

huge fucking vent ahead:

two of the people i'm ab to talk about follow me and i'm in deep shit if a certain one of them sees this (ALSO JAMIE IF UR READING THIS SHUT UR GODDAMN MOUTH AT SCHOOL)

i'll be using fake names for everyone but if anyone involved is reading this, they'll know who they are

ok so my love life is fucking WEIRD ok?

my first relationship was in early august 2019 and with this girl we’ll call jess. i had liked jess for like 2 months and finally got the balls to ask her out. she said yes and we went on like 2 dates before she broke up with me. she said that it would be ‘too hard to date someone who didn’t go to the same school as her’ which tf, and also she didn’t want her moms to know. even though they literally already knew.

either way, i developed a crush on a girl in my class named ‘rose’ pretty fast but it was only a “shit she’s hot” crush so it did nothing. and that only lasted like 9 months simply thinking she was hot as fuck and nothing romantic.

that same year in november, i met this person named angel (fake name) at a dance. they were wearing a suit but also makeup and i was like “uh yes i want this one please” so i asked them out. well, my friend asked them out for me. angel an i exchanged numbers and started dating. we dated FOR 5 MONTHS before angel finally told me that they only had platonic feelings for me and had only liked me as a friend this whole time. i was so relieved because i felt the same way but was too scared to say anything. we’re still best friends and they’re still number one on my prettiest people list (ily ‘angel’ lol). they also helped me figure out my sexuality and gender identity so i owe a lot to them <3

ok here’s where the fucking weird shit starts.

(the rest is below the cut)

WEIRD ASS LOVE LIVE CONTINUED

ok here’s where the fucing weird shit starts.

in march-ish of 2020, i met this girl online named allie. we were best friends for 2 months before she confessed to me and we started dating. i fell in love super fast and ended up breaking up with her because i was afraid of what being in love with someone i hadn't met in person would come out to. the two weeks we were separated were the worst two weeks of my whole life (at the time) and i couldn't live without her. one of my best online friends confessed to me and i was just kinda like :’) and pretended to like her until i just couldn’t anymore.

like a week after that, i apologized and explained myself and we got back together. just for allie's mom to find out about us in august and block me, take her phone, threaten me and allie, and leave it at that.

a little while later, i started talking to this girl (also online bc im literally stupid and didn't learn my lesson) and we started dating. that one lasted a week before i realized how much we weren't compatible. she was cool to have as a friend, but she was way too clingy and obsessive for me. i broke up with her and said i would wait for allie because she was much kinder to me and better for me.

a month or so later, a girl at my school (we'll call her taylor) admitted she liked me. i was up for dating because i thought it would help me get over allie.

it didn't, and i broke up with taylor after 'dating' for 2 days. (a pattern starts here)

allie's birthday was in october, and i tried to text her to see if she would respond, just wishing her a happy birthday etc.

she answered me.

allie and i talked for a little bit and i asked if she still had feelings for me and if it was still okay for me to call her my girlfriend. she said no, and it literally crushed me. she said that she was actually aromatic (doesn't feel romantic attraction) and i helped her figure that out. because she didn't love me.

so you can imagine how i felt then,,, i was so upset but obviously i didn't tell her. i asked if we could still be friends and she said yes. i had to leave to go to school so we said bye and i left. that afternoon, after school, i texted her again and asked how her birthday had gone. my message didn't deliver. the next day i asked if she blocked me, just to be sure. didn't deliver. so i tried again the next week and of course it didn't deliver. i tried to forget about her after that, but i still woke up every morning worried that something happened. fast forward to late december, when i developed feelings for one of my best friends (we'll call her sam).

my best friend figured out that sam liked me too, and we started dating. it lasted 48 hours before she told me she actually didn’t like me like that. (see what i meant about a pattern? it keeps going)

new years eve! i’m hanging out with my best friend and they decide to text allie. remember her? so allie answers and says she actually unlocked me a little while ago. so i text her from my phone and we talk.

only to have this girl tell me she’s actually not aromantic, she’s cis straight and has a boyfriend (she used she/they and identified as a lesbian when i dated her), and she lied to me the entire time we dated. she said she never loved me and she was “lying to herself as much as she was lying at me”. then she starts quoting bible verses at me and says “i don’t have a problem with other people being gay, i just can’t be. i just can’t”. and my friend and i agreed that she’s probably in denial and her church brainwashed her after her mom found out about us.

so she says that shE WONT BLOCK ME BUT WONT TEXT ME UNTIL WE’RE 18 (very soon) SO WE CAN MEET???????????? AND SHE WANTS TO MEET ME AND BE MY FRIEND????????????????? so i blocked her ass

-[let me bring up a creepy dream real quick. a few nights earlier, i had a dream that i met allie and we just hung out as romantic partners. she kissed me, hugged me, and i said goodbye. she just smiled sadly and said “sayonara, ash” WHICH IK HUGE BANANA FISH VIBES BUT in japan, “sayonara” is only supposed to be used if you’re never going to see someone again. in the dream she said sayonara to me and then this happened. i’ll never see the girl i knew again…]-

after that encounter happened, me and my best friend agreed that 2021 would be our year of getting over the people we’ve been in love with since march (allie for me and this other girl in our friend group for them). then 2021 came...

on like the 10th of this month (january lol), this girl in my class started flirting with me. i flirted back bc there’s no harm in that yk lol. she was straight but ended up turning queer because of me. i went WAY too fast and shoved myself into a relationship with (we’ll call he summer). she ignored me the entire time the ‘relationship’ happened. it lasted 48 fucking hours (i’m really just moving through these girls in my friend group like thatttt) before i told her i rushed myself and didn’t actually have feelings for her. she was like “lol fine” and then badmouthed me to our entire grade for the rest of the week. she was on our friend group group chat and started badmouthing me there too, but one of my best friends just removed summer’s sorry ass and we all blocked her on everything. i’ve been in this friend group for 6 years and she’d only been officially in it for a week, so idk why i was so surprised that my friends were so loyal to me through this whole thing.

ANYWAYS, the day after i broke up with summer, i realized i had feelings for sam again. i’m not going to act on them because i love her too much as a best friend, but the feelings are there and she follows me so im kinda dying lol. (i also figured out recently that she didn’t rly understand relationships and though that people who dated only dated when they were fully in love with each other, and she was in love with me back in december and had been for a while. she only fell out of love when i reciprocated,,, so uh :D)

i also spend $80 on stuff for sam yesterday and my fucking caRd dECLINED WTFFFFFFF AMAZON??

tyvm for sitting through this, anyone who decided to do that <33

#vent #rant #love life #wtf #ugh #WTF??

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