#like at this point (ik he has done some shitty things i mean he’s been famous for over a decade

[somethingoriginal127]

the treatment of a young justin bieber and in turn my inability to see him as the enemy:

keeping my trend of just talking and giving my 2 cents on trending topics, in the matter of rich, cis white men being exposed as a literal scum of the earth people i am never moved or surprised. (i also don’t usually care bc it’s normally someone i was not a fan of before they were exposed for heinous behavior)

however i have never been able to shake my sympathy, understanding, and hesitance to write off the musician that is justin bieber. i just always feel as though there’s so much he deals with behind the scenes that we’ll never know about. that’s true of anyone famous but the reason i say this is because of the amount of documentaries this man has where they barely skim the surface of what he endured in the industry. the stuff they choose to discuss doesn’t even scratch the surface of even things we saw happen on live television

(early sexualization of a child, SA, SH, etc.)

his entire brand since he was 15 was also to essentially be a “boyfriend” to all his fans and the minute he dropped the persona because he wasn’t feeling up to being touched/groped/kissed/screamed at for the day he was in turn CRUCIFIED in the media for being a heinous human. which has always been so odd to me? like the media/general public has some sort of claim or ownership of his body since he was a developing child. it’s gross and it’s been like that since his formative years. (that has to be ridiculously damaging)

*update* i’m reading this back to make sure i articulated my thoughts in the way i wanted and i’m now angrier about his treatment then when i first typed it. bc why isn’t his body allowed to be his and why is he a villain for setting boundaries? bc he’s a boy? that’s actually is so disturbing to me the longer i sit with it. (no seriously i want you to think abt how physically and mentally he lost like all body autonomy at 14. and he has never gotten it back in all honesty.)

also him having a drug problem in (2014?) i think and knocking on deaths door at (18/19? years old) visibly deteriorating and reacting to his lifestyle/trauma he was given too young, adult celebs took to twitter to call him names and attack him when he was clearly a child (yes child idc that he was 18) crying for help was also extremely odd to me. laughing at the traumatized kid having a downward spiral and evidently no reliable adults in his life left a bad taste in my mouth, even then.

maybe it’s the blind items i keep seeing about his alleged SA or the clips of it happening from grown women in talk shows, or because the open discussion about his sex life/sexual preferences/when he was only 15 and growing up watching the general public use him (A KID) as a punching bag/toy for their own enjoyment gives me so much sympathy and is why i’ve always given him grace. it’s also worth noting those who are respected in hollywood and are close to him speak extremely highly of him which also makes me pause to think he’s not nearly as heinous as the media has always liked to paint him.

not to mention that interview he did with zane lowe ?? where he talks about wanting to protect billie eilish from what he endured in the industry because “he wouldn’t wish that upon anybody” and then starts to sort of crumple in on himself when speaking about it like he can’t even recount what he’s been through without it having a visible effect is SO sad/scary to me. that whole interview was very strange and sort of haunting actually.

to this day small things he does/says are blown up to insane headlines to make him look like he’s on some tirade and then you watch the clips with these insane titles and it’s just the man asking to be left alone for a little while ? he just seems like a deeply traumatized/cut individual to me.

i hate long post w no pictures or gifs so this is what justin bieber looks like if you didn’t know !😃

(i think everyone who’s had the internet longer than a week could identify this man in a line up of white men but i digress😭)

but that could just be because i witnessed his growing up in my lifetime so it feels closer than most lmao idk. it’s very possible i wouldn’t be as sympathetic if i didn’t watch him get broken down in real time.

#but hey maybe i’m wrong and he’s just scum #who knows these days #justin bieber #pop culture #child stars #child stardom #pop music #the only cis white male you’ll catch me defending like this😭 #and i MEAN that lmao #watching him go from having fun being famous #to visibly hating life is sad to me idk #i find celeb culture interesting #and his upbringing specifically has had me curious from a very young age #also the rumor he’s getting britney treatment😬 #i almost wish scooter never plucked him up #but that’s not totally true bc he rlly is a phenomenal performer #last thing i’m gonna add i think lmao #he’s also been the target of SO many fake stories ?? #like at this point (ik he has done some shitty things i mean he’s been famous for over a decade #) i can’t even tell what he’s actually done and hasn’t #because they genuinely have been printing *proven* fake stories about him FOR YEARS #and he doesn’t even set anyone straight #he just minds his business usually

[teaveetamer]

Shipping and liking in fiction don't really need to be consistent imo, like you can like black chocoloate and dislike white chocolate even if they are both chocolate but that doesn't makes you an hypocrite so liking a character that does something and not another character that does the same thing or as a similar personaily falls into taste, the only moment where i would disagree would be if they tried to justify it by draggin down the other people who ike what they dislike

My blog archive can attest to this, but I've always hated the "you wouldn't hate so-and-so if they were a man!" or "but you like this character who did something I think is the same!" arguments.

If the character were a man, then they wouldn't have been written with misogynistic dev bias in the first place, AKA they would be a completely different character, or at least handled in a completely different way.

Just because you can draw some surface parallels between characters doesn't mean they're the exact same. Even if they do the exact same thing that doesn't mean they're treated the same, which factors into how much I like or dislike them.

Like we'll just take the example of Arvis for a second. Surface level he and CF!Edelgard do a lot of similar things. They:

Conquer a continent

Ostensibly for the good of the people

Through extremely dubious means (killing or trying to kill the MC, stealing sovereign territory that they are explicitly not in charge of by force, etc.)

Which would realistically have serious and far reaching negative consequences for the people conquered (death of able-bodied men to work the fields, trampling of crops, requisitioning food from the poor and hungry, civilian deaths as tends to happen in war, etc.)

While allying with a shady evil cult who want to bring about the destruction of humanity

They attain their goals

And the narrative implies that everything went well in the immediate aftermath and everyone was kind of chill about it despite point 4 above.

And I don't like Arvis, but I don't dislike him as much as Edelgard either, and that's because of what happens next in Arvis's story:

Arvis realizes he was never as in-control as he thought, and in fact he was completely played by an organization far more powerful and intelligent and dangerous than he realized

He has a significant fall from grace, basically becoming a puppet for the evil cult

Everything he worked toward is in the gutter and things actually become significantly worse for the people living in his empire. Not only that, he has to witness his family ripped apart and used as pawns in the game he was unwittingly, hopelessly outmatched in from the start

He has a come to Jesus moment and realizes just how badly he was outplayed and how much worse he made literally everything for literally everyone with his actions

And then he spends his last moments helping the MC try and defeat the evil he unleashed. While it's not necessarily a redemption or even sufficient atonement, there is at least the understanding that Arvis understands just how responsible he is for everything that's happened, and that he needs to do everything he can to try and fix it

Meanwhile Edelgard's story in CF is:

She gets everything she wants no matter how brutal or vile her methods are or how much pain she causes to the people around her

And then the game ends with absolutely no acknowledgement of that or consequences for those actions

Like... Yeah. I don't like either of them, but why would I feel the need to criticize Arvis for the bad shit he's done? When Arvis did bad shit the plot made him fuck his sister and turned his son into a literal demon god who hunts children for sport. Not only is the game fully aware of the bad shit he's done and takes every opportunity to point out how shitty he is, Arvis is fully aware of the bad shit he's done and takes the opportunity to atone for how shitty he was once he realizes this.

The frustrating thing about Edelgard isn't that she does bad shit. It's that the game never wants to engage with that bad shit beyond surface level "woe is me" pity speeches. Not only that, but it takes every opportunity to try and make you pity her, the person inflicting all of this suffering, instead of empathizing with the people she is inflicting suffering on. Like? Can you just imagine if FE4 stopped dead in its tracks and Seliph looked at the camera and said "Gee I know Arvis killed my dad and fucked my mom and brought the apocalypse on us and all, but actually I think he's kind of dope and I wish we could have walked hand in hand together uwu"? Holy fuck I would clown on FE4 so hard for that shit.

And I'd like to say I'd feel that way about a male character in the same situation, but honestly? I can't think of any. And that's because I feel like female characters are either the most evil, vile creatures to ever exist or they're handled with kid gloves and the narrative is terrified to criticize them in any way. It feels like writers are less afraid to write flawed-but-not-irredeemably-so male characters, who can have their flaws not only front and center but also a core part of their narrative.

And if I wanted to go deep into it and draw parallels to real life... look at how often we're expected to give men (most often cishet white men) the benefit of the doubt in society, and how often women are not afforded that privilege. E.g. if a man yells then he's just having a bad day, but if a woman yells she's a bitch and a horrible person. Fiction reflects our society's attitudes in real life. So men get to be nuanced and flawed and women get to be either an Angel or a Bitch, and a lot of writers have no idea how to write anything in between those two points because they actually believe that's all women can be.

[fvkedupgirl]

NINJAGO AU DUMP BC I SAID SO !!

NINJAGO BMC AU

jeremy: jay- doesn’t get the squip to end up w nya, but instead bc he’s sick of feeling like a loser and thinks it’s be good for both him and cole if he was “cooler” bc to him cole is the coolest guy he knows and he feels like he’s holding him back socially

michael: cole- end love interest, obv obv

christine: nya- kind of plays a similar role to chloe or brooke in the sense that jay only tries to date her bc the squip tells him it’ll make him seem cool, rather than genuine feelings; has a little gossip trio w/ morro and pixal

rich: kai- got a squip a year prior, pretty much same character/purpose as rich

jenna: morro- idk i just rlly love the idea of morro being the queen of gossip @ their school

jake: lloyd- bros the green ninja ofc he’s the most popular guy @ school in this au, but also not jock popular guy like jake, more like the popular guy who’s popular bc he’s attractive but ALSO he’s just the sweetest guy. ever. and rlly oblivious to the point where u want to hate him bc of the way the ppl who are nice to him/like him are but you can’t bc he’s so sweet

chloe: pixal- listen okay she’s just a gossip girl ik im pushing it w chloe and christine here but let me LIVE okay let me have my nya pixal + morro gossip trio

brooke: zane- zane is the innocent guy that is besties w the gossip trio bc he follows pixal like a puppy and she would protect him w her life

endgame ships: bruise, bg pixane + maybe samuraishipping

would also include focuses on the dynamics between: kai + lloyd, rgb siblings, nya pixal + morro, kai + jay, + probably more if i fleshed out the whole plot a little more

thinking abt unagami squip?? or maybe some version of superstar rockin’ jay???? probably the latter tbh

SKYBOUND AU(S) BUT MAKE EM ALL BRUISE !! (rhyme time bbg)

so like on the one hand we have the obvious: replace nya w cole. which. i want to do obv bc it’s perfect and i have been planning out the details of the scene where he dies in jays arms and they turn back time and then we finally get our bruise kiss since FOREVER so im not letting my baby go even if other ppl have already written the concept b4.

ON THE OTHER HAND we have, instead of doing the same plot just switching around the roles of some of the characters, REWRITING THE WHOLE PLOT BC HEAR ME OUT HEAR ME OUTTTTT OKAY everyones always like “nyas the bride” “coles the bride” but what if WHAT IF WHAT IFFFFF *JAYS* THE BRIDE???? HEAR ME OUT HERE ME OUT HEAR ME OUT OKAY IVE BEEN THINKING ABT THIS IT CAME TO ME IN THE SHOWER AND I WAS LIKE. THIS. I COULD WORK WITH THIS. BC I WAS THINKING ABT LIKE SOME YUMMY COLE-PERSPECTIVE BRUISE ANGST OF S6 W THE SONG “ITS OVER, ISNT IT” THE OTHER DAY AND I WAS LIKE “HM WHAT IF I WRITE A WHOLE FIC ABT THIS” BC I CANT JUST THINK OF ONE-SIDED BRUISE BC I HATE THE ONE SIDED SHIP TROPE *BUT* ONE SIDED BUT ITS ACTUALLY NOT THEY JUST THINK ITS ONE SIDED BC THEYRE IDIOTS IS A TROPE THAT HAS SUCH A CHOKEHOLD ON ME AND NOW HERE I AM!!!!

any ways uh if i did this im kinda thinking like. nadakhans all “i wanna marry nya” and jays like “dude wtf u can’t just. marry nya ill fite u /p coles my real bbg ofc” and nadakhan says “shit u rite. too much work. plus i got me a captive rite here like it don’t matter who i marry cuz once i got my powers i can bring back that shitty girlypop of mine n e ways. damn bluey ur so smart” and jays like “wha.” so our guy writes a fun explanation of the whole marriage thing to the rest of the squad and he’s like “YOO so im bouta get married but that would not be great for me or anyone else in the whole world so maybe we should do something abt that like just so y’all know” and coles like “bitch not my MANS” and we’ll see where it goes from there bc the timeline would be V different and things would have to get done faster meaning they’d get done differently and id have to actually rewatch the season to figure out the kinks but as i continue to write this the urge to make this a reality grows every more tempting i am foaming at the mouth rn

dumped all of this into my notes and decided to share to gauge ppls interests (pls excuse any rambling my notes are full of so much rambling it’s not even funny)

#ninjago #lego ninjago #jay ninjago #cole ninjago #bruiseshipping #bmc #au #ninjago au #skybound

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

HI FRIEND REMINDER THAT THE NEGATIVE STUFF YOU STUMBLED UPON IS NOT REAL!!!! Murdoc would never do you like that

Anyway, distraction time. First thing I thought of, since I’m kinda having Macily baby fever rn, is what would his reaction be to us having a newborn? 😂

Then my other thought was him cleaning your wounds after some mission gone wrong or something, maybe even something he brought you along on that has nothing to do w Phoenix work but you happened to get blood splattered on you bc he was himself & offed someone. And you happened to be standing too close lmao

But fr the switch up between him committing murder vs gently wiping blood off you… damn, that has ME emotional!!!

HII EMILY!!! FIRST OFF, tyyy for that reassurance <:)

Ooohhhh my god, that's so good.. he'd probably (pretend to) be a little standoffish about it at first, like I suggest we go visit you two and the new baby and he just is like:

Emmett, offhandedly, but fully expecting Murdoc to be agreeable: Just so you know, Emily invited us over to see her and Mac's baby. Murdoc: why would I want to see their baby? I've already seen a baby before. Been there. Done that. Emmett, slightly exasperated: Yea, I know but this baby has personal relevance. Murdoc: so did Cassian tho Emmett: yea, you're right, Cassian was and continues to be Very Important but this is not about him or us, this is about Mac and Emily and their kid, so we're going to see them and their newborn, okay? Murdoc, resigned but not unhappy: fine. for you.

cut to Murdoc being absolutely delighted by the baby in question, cooing over them and being so so very gentle. everyone is a little surprised, for different reasons; he reminds them that he is a father and has, in fact, dealt with an infant before.

I'm sure Mac would still have reservations about Murdoc holding/interacting with his kid (even after all this time and Murdoc's apparent reformation). 😆

------

ALSO A GOOD THOUGHT, TOP TIER STUFF !!

at this point, we probably are on a Phoenix mission, given Murdoc's deal with the agency's higher ups (namely, Matty and James MacGvyer) and his agreement not to commit any unsanctioned violence.

But as Phoenix missions tend to go, something go awry and in this particular instance, it's Emmett who is captured by whoever it is they're targeting.

Murdoc, of course, goes apeshit and absolutely destroys the person who dared to even touch Emmett. And by 'destroy', I mean, extremely violent and bloody murder 🙂 Murdoc gets a free pass on this one, bc whoever it was, was pretty dangerous to the general populace anyways. Matty tells him not to go offbook again.

But, of course, then there's Emmett, caught up in all of this, probably scratched and scuffed up, a few cuts, some deeper than others, and plenty of bruises. Once Murdoc is satisfied the immediate threat is neutralized, he promptly rushes over to Emmett, making sure they aren't mortally wounded. I imagine he's probably unconscious at this point, or nearing it. So he doesn't really register it as Murdoc picking him up and freaks out a little, weakly fighting him before eventually just fuckin. passing out and going limp. Back at HQ, Emmett receives medical treatment and Murdoc is almost a hinderance with how close he stays by their side. He's their shadow, always staying with them.

Upon gaining full lucidity back, Emmett kinda wakes up to Murdoc gently patting away blood leaking from a dressing on his forehead. Its an incredibly vulnerable moment for both of them, albeit in different ways…

------

SORRY FOR ALL THAT OHMYGOd lol

but tyy Emily, again for that!! Ik this is in response to a post I made last night but tbh i was having a pretty shitty day so getting this ask and getting to answer it was pretty awesome, so tyy!!

hope you're doing well!! <333

#i love you just a little too much #asks #selfship asks #macgyverwife #mutuals #mutual tag #friends #friend tag #tw violent imagery #tw murder mention #lemme know if anyone needs this tagged otherwise!!/gen

[moonndust]

chapter 20, 21 and 22 were something… (part 1)

(includes fire emblem engage spoilers)

only alear, kagetsu, alcryst and merrin survived the griss hide n seek level

and i vividly recall alcryst always dealing the final blow.

atp if alcryst dies in-battle then it’s fuckin over for all of us

alcryst died once at some point and i immediately went to the time crystal

he’s like my only maxed out character and i am not risking the chances of losing a wet towel of a menace

one crit and its all over for the enemy

kagetsu had like 8% crit chance and landed on like more than 10 crits in a row.

i like but also dislike the lack of characters in each cutscene. like wtf was everyone else doing when griss was talking to alear? they were clearly right there??? right???

then get his ass. sneak up on that bitch and STAB HIM IN THE GUT OR SMTH.

it’s that easy.

this game has so many plot holes. way too many that i can’t even think of one.

like half of the casualties in the plot could’ve been avoided if we used that damn time stone. framme was so fuckin right about using the time stone to stop florra port from getting destroyed. use your brains y’all!!! USE IT!!!

ik it would make the game like longer but still‼️

i didn’t understand a single thing in veyle’s backstory (i wasn’t paying attention to all the “tell don’t show” shit)

my opinion on marni drastically changed when she immediately switched up. it really felt rushed but i really like how her va portrayed marni’s feelings.

marni’s death was like witnessing a child getting disowned and killed right after

mauvier’s character is great‼️ he’s just bland‼️that’s all‼️

the battle was pretty easy ngl. alcryst (as always) landed the final blow on veyle.

the cutscenes were awkwardly put together ngl. like the cutscene where veyle is crying over alear’s dead body, vander and alfred are just 🧍

i mean ig it could work as a parallel cutscene to lumera’s death but still.

why tf were they just standing there. they were most likely standing in shock but at least make them closer to alear’s body or smth omg.

anyways

the writing is dogshit but i somehow nearly cried in some cutscenes. don’t ask why bc i don’t know either.

i’m blaming the god tier va work for that. they put so much effort for such a shitty script that it works.

zephia, ik you’re hot n all, but i am this close to throw hands at your ass

“we’re all family here.” THIS IS NOT THE FOUND FAMILY TROPE THAT I REMEMBER

mauvier was just there. ngl he did a lot of work in the battle but he also didn’t do much at the same time??

i’m not done w/ the chapter 22 battle yet but goddamn that’s a lot of cutscenes.

ngl it would’ve been fun to fight the corrupted + corrupted veyle as the units w/o alear. that was such a missed opportunity for a good challenge.

i like corrupted veyle’s voice better than her normal voice…

oh no they took away marth’s blue hair and pronouns 😨

they took away everyone’s colored hair and pronouns 😱

now they’re all red and pronounless 😢

i started the battle in chapter 22 w/o knowing that alear was the only one who could get the rings…

so my dumbass made alcryst waltz to lyn’s ring and i realized that i fucked up

had to use the time crystal and go back 2 turns to the very beginning

and replay the battle from scratch.

pandreo (once again) was a fuckin trooper and carried everyone

the emblem rings i assigned the everyone was lowkey random but i let the ai do it for me since i am a lazy fuck

so there was uhhhh alear/roy, alcryst/lyn, kagetsu/lucina, pandreo/corrin (later changed to micaiah), seadall/byleth, rosado/eirika (changed to corrin), clanne/celica, zelkov/eirika, alfred/sigurd, merrin/leif (originally ike) and timerra/ike

i sorta did change timerra’s class to picket pretty late so she kinda died in almost everything but its ok i still love her

i wanted to play around w/ the change class mechanic on the benched units i had (i wanted to give diamant exposure therapy through sage class)

i actually have a good strategy that i didn’t even get to use and i’m pissed.

this is just a one shot alcryst centered strategy. 1) make alcryst engage w/ lyn and dispel doubles, 2) pandreo uses rescue and teleports alcryst close to him n seadall, 3) seadall uses dance on alcryst, 4) astra storm that bitch w/ those sweet chain attacks‼️

this could also help w/ lucina’s all for one skill.

seadall’s dance was a life saver in every battle.

alcryst, kagetsu pandreo and merrin are the biggest carries in my team atm

alear is just… there

in conclusion? always take out the villain when they least expect it.

griss in post-battle chapter 20 telling alear the big fell dragon thing? get his ass from behind.

hyacinth just standing there at chapter 10? pop his old bones

when sombron appeared before alear died? just yank the helmet off of veyle’s head. marni cracked it ffs.

oh yeah and use the time crystal like your life depended on it plot wise.

#－★．moonndust #fire emblem #fire emblem engage #fe engage #fe17 #fire emblem engage spoilers #spoilers #fire emblem alear #fire emblem alfred #fire emblem clanne #fire emblem alcryst #fire emblem kagetsu #fire emblem seadall #fire emblem pandreo #fire emblem merrin #fire emblem timerra #fire emblem vander #fire emblem four hounds #fire emblem veyle #fire emblem zelkov #fire emblem rosado #there’s too many characters i mentioned and i’m too lazy to name them all… #moon gets her shit wrecked in engage #← this will be my engage rambles tag from now on #bc im probably gonna ramble more abt this stupid game

[celestialrry]

call me baby

psa: this might have a part 2 if anyone wants it, ik its a shitty ending lol but I wouldn’t know what to write after this. also I have another angst piece in the works but its literally taking so long to write 😖

1.8k

summary: Being hopelessly in love with your friend isn’t ideal, especially when Harry doesn’t even seem to see you as more than a therapist. 

warnings: angst, pining, cursing

You looked over at your phone, now vibrating against your bedside table, lit up with his contact photo, a picture of him sticking his tongue out. “Hi.” You picked it up, wrapping your free arm around your torso, sitting up a bit straighter out of instinct even though he couldn't see you.

“Hey, love. Can I get some advice?” He asked through the phone, his voice a bit gravely and deep as always. You silently sighed, biting your lip in hesitation. Everytime you’d get a call from him, he would either rant about his current partner, get advice about them, or just want you to be there when he needed someone to talk to.

Of course you would always be there for him, regardless of time, space, and anyone he gave his heart to. He was Harry Styles for god's sake, your friend since forever, the man who treated everyone like they were the best thing in his life, most of the time at least. He lit up any room he was in and when you’d see him it would always be fulfilling, even if the two of you sat in silence in a room of just four walls.

“Of course, what’s up?” You asked after a brief moment of silence. It was currently 4 in the morning in your single room flat in London and you didn’t think Harry knew that, but you weren't going to tell him.

“It’s just, Ana’s has been so clingy lately and we’ve only been together officially for 3 weeks. It’s making me want to end things.” Harry admitted into the phone. You almost rolled your eyes at his words. Not once has he called you to ask about you in months, but that's just how things were. You weren’t sure why you expected anything else.

“If you aren’t happy with her, end it,” You spoke up after a while, unsure if you were giving him the advice because you were desperate to be with him or it was genuinely what he should do.   “There’s no point in being with her if you’re considering ending it over her being clingy.”

You heard him sigh into the phone before speaking up. “Yeah, we’ll see, thanks,” He said your name. You smiled a bit at that. It was crazy how he could make you feel so special by just the tone of his voice, absurd, really,

“ ‘Course. So-” Before you could say anything else you heard the beep of the phone being hung up. You took a deep breath, trying to think of how Harry and you were before everything changed.

2 years ago

“I can’t believe you’re officially moving to L.A.” You said as you stood in his bedroom doorway, watching him pack up his last few clothes.

“Me neither.” He simply said.

Before you could stop it, you felt a salty tear roll down you cheek. As you wiped it away, he turned around, his face dropping all previous joy, concern flooding his features.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” He used the nickname he gave you 11 years ago when we were 10. It was crazy how the two of you had known each other so long, and now you were both 21, and he would be living in the city of angels.

“Just gonna miss seeing you as often as I usually do is all.” You laughed, the tears flowing more freely now. One Direction had just gone on hiatus and after spending some time at home, Harry decided to switch it up a bit. You didn’t understand why he couldn’t just switch it up by not wearing skinny jeans everyday, but it seemed he wanted something bigger than that.

He pouted and walked over to you, giving me a hug before mumbling in your ear, “I’ll call you everyday. Promise.”

Promises were made to be broken, it seemed. He only calls you when he needs a hand, and only answers if he’s alone. You wish you found it more frustrating than painful, maybe that way it would be easier to move on, but you have yet to do so. You’ve asked yourself why you were still silently pining over him, with no answer in sight.

The last time you saw Harry in person was almost a year ago, when he came back to visit his family. Up until that trip he called you everyday, or close too, wanting to know about you day or he just “wanted to hear your voice”. Then when we were together it was like no time had passed while he was away.

1 year ago

“Oh shut up.” You scoffed, lightly punching his bicep.

He just laughed in return, rubbing his arm acting like you had actually hurt him.

“I feel like you just got back and now you’re leaving again,” you said after a bit, knowing he was leaving the next morning. “Plus,” you added, gently playing with his hair. “I’m gonna miss your hair, it’s so fun to braid.”

He looked over at you as your hand fell to rest on his shoulder, running your fingers through his curls. “I know, but I’ll come back soon. I’ll try not to cut my hair for you, don’t worry.” He smiled at you, leaning over and pulling you into a hug.

You just returned his grin and hug, and stuck your fingers through the ringlets, having way too much fun with his hair. You noticed he was looking at you the entire time you were messing with his hair, but you convinced yourself it was because he had nowhere else to look.

Eventually, you were so close to him you could see freckles you never had before. Your breath hitched, not knowing if you should backup or not, your hand still resting on his shoulder in his curls. Then all of a sudden he was far away again, and it was like nothing had ever happened.

Your heart ached with the love you had for Harry, and it seemed nothing could cure it except him and when you woke up the next morning and instinctively checked your phone, you frowned as you noticed no notifications from the one person you truly wanted to hear from.

You weren’t sure when your hurt extended from the pain of practically losing a friend to the pain of not being able to be with someone you love. You weren’t sure when you started seeing his lips as kissable and not something to put lipstick on for fun. You weren’t sure when you started looking at his hands as something to hold and not as a blocker for your playful punches.

You weren’t sure when you started stealing glances more than you usually did or avoiding eye contact because it made you nervous. You weren’t sure when your stomach was no longer empty and then filled with butterflies. You weren’t sure when he stopped calling just to talk, or when he stopped picking up. All you were sure of was that you were hopelessly in love with someone who could never feel the same.

                                                            ✧˖*°࿐

He called a few more times about the same girl, Ana. You had spoken to your friend about it, and you were slowly getting over him. Each time you were getting cut off and hung up on, and it took a really long time for you to know you deserved better. He hadn’t called you since he attempted once and you didn’t answer. It went on for a few months, he would call you almost everyday, alongside texts like “Hello?”, “Pick up, please?”, and the text that came last before you blocked him, “Are you okay?”. He didn’t deserve to know, and sure maybe you shouldn’t have just cut off all contact, but there was no other way to get over him.

A month after you blocked him, and you were no longer sulking when you checked your phone and no longer crying to sleep. You were becoming happy thanks to your self control, and finally learning that just because Harry didn’t love you, didn;t mean you shouldn’t love yourself.

You were sitting on your couch when there was a knock at your door. You looked up from the book in your lapa and stood up, scurrying to the door, not wanting the person at the other side to be waiting.

You swung it open, met with the last face you expected to see. He looked concerned almost, and almost immediately you were wrapping in his arms, after over a year he was holding you once more. Except this time you didn’t want it. You pushed him off of you and stepped back. “What are you doing here Harry?” You asked, a scowl on your face.

“I-y’wouldn’t answer me and then nothing went through, god, I was so worried, love-”

“No,” You shook your head. “Don’t call me that, you can’t just come here after being an asshole to me for over a year. You are not allowed to be worried about me, not when you haven’t bothered to ask how I am after all this time.”

His mouth dropped open in shock, you were always so calm, you never had yelled at him before. “I’m sorry-”

“Sorry doesn’t cut it.” You pursed your lips.

“Just let me explain,” He said, hesitating like he was trying to find an answer to this, but you knew whatever he told you, nothing would change. “I-when we saw each other last, we almost kissed, or at least I almost kissed you, I love you, I was so scared that y’wouldn’t feel the same, and I guess I got caught up in trying to make you jealous. Please, m’so sorry.”

He took a step towards you and you took two steps back. There was no way he felt the same as you did- you had. And even if he did, you always knew he was shit at handling feelings, but there was no excuse.

“No, you can’t do that, say that. I don’t care if you mean it or not,” You began, tearing up. “That-thats’s so fucking terrible to do to someone, especially if you love them. I’m tired Harry, I’m done with you, I’ve been done with you for months.”

“What?” He asked, like he couldn’t believe you.

“Please leave.”

Your heart broke at your own words, but you couldn’t forgive him. Not now, and maybe not ever.

“Please I-”

“I said leave, Harry.”

You could see his watery eyes as he opened his mouth to protest once more, but then closed it. There was nothing he could say. Not anymore. He was always leaving, but this time, for the first time, you wanted him to.

#call me baby #harry styles imagine #harry styles one shot #harry styles angst #harry styles

[sour-n-salty-citrus]

Do you have any hopes for the season finale? I saw in another ask, you described the dynamic between rick and morty this season as "very weak, distant, and downright frankly boring" and I completely agree with you! I hope that, because this is most we'll see rick and morty interacting this season, it'll have at least a few moments of what makes their dynamic so interesting to watch.

(Ok i started airing my grievances with this season, which ended up being... long, so skip this paragraph (starting at / / /) to get to my thoughts on the finale)

Oh gosh I remember that ask (I think-). And yeah, maybe I'm being a bit overly critical. I'll probably look back on this season with retrospect, and a kinder, fonder view. Ik androgynousblackbox (think thats right) made a great point about it being the season FOR rickorty shippers. And sure, I agree on some bits, like Rick acting all pissy and partying the way you would if your ex got with someone new in the planetina ep. Overall though, i think my problem lies in that I was enjoying more individual moments than episodes themselves, especially the middle three. For example- Amortycan Grickfitti. Like, I really liked the idea of the Ship getting on a crazy adventure with Summer and Morty (and Chutback). I like the idea of a Beth-Jerry-Rick adventure. But put together, it's just kinda... meh? You know? I liked the first half of the Thanksgiving special... but it kinda dragged on after that. I get that they want to give other characters (particularly female ones) more attention, which is completely understandable and i encourage it(!) but I can't help but find it underwhelming. Like, Summer in the voltron ep was like- girl how are you STILL vying for Rick's attention! He's the worst! Haven't we done this already? (I will say though I ADORE how far Beth has come, props to her for continuing to seeing through her dad's BS. I was worried the character would relapse into a more typical s1/s2 Beth, and I'm glad she didn't). Some of these plots, funnily enough, seem more fitting of the comics (they actually had a voltron parody already). Fun and entertaining for two or three-something issues, not so much a 22 minute episode. i think most of my complaints come from the dynamic between our titular characters- ok, I know I'm very biased (I mean you can see it), but I came to the show primarily for their relationship. It doesn't even feel drama-fueled, just that they kinda... can't be arsed. I'm torn because on the one hand, they're unhealthily codependent and this separation is probably a good thing, but on the other... it doesn't feel natural? I'm not sure if that's the right word- it's like, season 4 had them practically joint at the hip, but all that's suddenly flung out the window. It just kinda feels like this "i got better things to do" vibe from both of them and its strange. The only time they both got a solo adventure (I'm classifying "solo" as an adventure where they spent a significantly large portion of time together, without the other family members) was in the sperm ep and Thanksgiving ep. And, well, in the Thanksgiving ep Morty felt like a side character in his own show, and the sperm ep... um. Yeah. I don't think it's AS bad as people were saying, but I was cringing the whole time (the second hand embarrassment for Morty was so strong I had to turn off the episode multiple times and return to it. It's just like- godammit MORTY). And I think there's good reason those two seemed to be the most disliked episodes overall. They're the ones RaM spend the most time together and it's... meh. Meh? Meh. I don't mean to say the season overall is bad (it has loads of good points, and its amazing for Smith family as a whole) just that if we're talking specifically about the dynamic between these two? Yeah, I wouldn't recommend a single episode from this season so far to use as an example of their relationship.

/ / /

There's one thing this season has been pretty good at, though. And it's showing us what happens when Rick is alone.

And that brings me to the finale.

"Who is Rick without Morty?"

Well... we already know the answer to that. Pathetic. Sad. Lonely.

This season has been phenomenal in humbling Rick. (And trust me I'm happy for it- every time someone beats the crap outta this shitty old man I'm like YES!!! IT'S WHAT HE DESERVES!). Ep 1 had his "nemesis" clearly besting him, ep 2 had Beth making constant digs (love her) and overall pointing out his extreme callousness and cruelty towards even himself(ves). Ep 3- when Morty shows interest in a girl and ditches him (like seriously it's not like he's moving out, chill) he immediately goes on a bender and develops a deep attachment to the first person he can (wearing yellow, funnily enough). Ep 4, he devotes himself to becoming an "honest man" for his new child, only for it to instantly be taken away from him. Ep 5 highlights how RICK is the asshole for making fun of and taking advantage of someone well-meaning and honest, if "simple", and how literally not cool that is. Ep 6 has his crazy rivalry with the president, and they both get smacked down a couple pegs for that. Ep 7 shows what happens when he allows himself to get carried away, and that he can end up driving everyone else away in the process (lucky they still wanted to save his ass when he needed them). And episode 8? Hooooo boy. Episode. 8. We see a direct parallel in Birdperson with Morty, and the whole "Rick and [insert] 100 years!" Rick has few people he cares about, arguably only one or two that he truly devotes himself to, but when he does, boy does he go HARD. We see younger Rick, optimistic, energetic, friendly and hopeful. And we see all of that crushed in minutes. Rick is desperate for a companion, someone to see the stars with. He needs someone there, someone he can trust and rely on to stay. Someone like Morty. So without Morty, who is Rick?

No one.

And the thing is, Morty doesn't need Rick anymore. Not like Rick needs him. In season 1, Morty was this bright-eyed kid who was new to the cosmos and the multiverse, who needed his grandpa there with him as they explored all these places together. But that's not him anymore. That's not them.

The promo has Morty using the portal gun to go somewhere w/o Rick's permission (i like to think it's boob world lol). It doesn't matter to me as much where he's going, as much as he's doing it alone. He doesn't just not need Rick there, he doesn't want him.

(Also correct me if im wrong but I've missed that sweet portal gun so much. I think the last ep was like- the first time this season we saw it).

Morty's response to Rick? "Replace me!". And wow. Wow. WOW. Morty doesn't give a FUCK! I think Rick thinks that because he's so smart, that he can offer so much, that Morty will come crawling back, and I don't think he will.

Hopes for the finale! Hmm. I mean, I definitely hope "evil" Morty makes a reappearance, haha. I think we all do tbh ;). I want to see some Morty development too, this season has been very Rick-centric (not that there's anything wrong with that!) so I wanna see what's in store for Our Boy. I really hope we get to see the Citadel again, and see the state it's in, but I doubt it. We know something super big is in store, it's just a question of what? Other hopes I have is some Summer + Beth action (please let them team up Im BEGGING) and Jerry too ahaha. I'd love if some other side characters made an appearance as well. Oh- I'm definitely expecting a dramatic cliffhanger at the end of the first half leading to the second half, with the kind of angsty music that leads into the credits (pls that shit is so good (OH WAIT imagine if it was like, for the damaged coda, but like- the chopin version or smth so it could be more subtle maybe bruhhhh)). Ok haha, maybe that's asking too much, the writers made it clear in the story train ep that they weren't gonna do that big dramatic showdown (... unless 👀). Oh, I'd also love some Premium Angst too, like someone getting kidnapped/nearly dying (like ACTUALLY nearly dying). These stakes better be so damn high I could spear a man on them! OH, also I remember androgynousblackbox (is that right? I hope it is) mentioned something along the lines that they could be driving Rick and Morty apart this season in order to have them come back together stronger than ever in an explosive finale, which, I'm strongly hoping for myself.

Thanks if you made it this far! If you have any thoughts on or hopes of your own for the finale please feel free to share! :D

#ohmygod im sorry #i rambled way too long #akdjsksaksn #someone needs to take this phone away #also AGAIN im not shitting on s5 as a whole i actually quite like it #its just the RaM dynamic thats lacking #but again that could be intention so ig we'll see #RaM #rick and morty #meta #? #long post #citrus speaks #oh wait i should probably tag to be safe #rickorty mention

[paradigmsofbrittaperry]

⭐⭐⭐

I’m gonna talk about if I bleed, you’ll be the last to know because a) it’s one of my favorite self-written works and b) @withatalentforsquaddrill requested that I talk about it!!

two things right off the bat: 1) I wrote this the week that I listened to Cruel Summer by Taylor Swift for the first time and became so obsessed with it that I listened to it probably close to 40 times over the span of a few days and 2) I got the idea to write it as I turned off my light and was laying down to go to sleep. usually when I get ideas that late, I pick up my phone, type something out in my notes app, and get to sleep. but something compelled me that night to get back up and sit down at my computer and write until I was done (probably the fact that it was a weekend and I could afford to stay up late lmao). 

I usually write in past tense, but this was one of my first experiments with present tense. I also experimented with a sort of flashback/flash-forward narrative to fill out the details of the summer after their freshman year. I was able to cram pretty much all of my favorite jeffbritta headcanons into one passage describing the events of the summer, which I’ll put right here:

Sometimes, they go out to the little rundown bar a few blocks away and sing karaoke for a crowd that doesn’t have any idea who they are. Some evenings are spent with boxes of Chinese takeout and a made-for-TV edit of a blockbuster from several years ago, one that Britta can complain about and Jeff can defend for the sole purpose of arguing with her. And, on extremely rare occasion, they’ll stumble out of a bar long after the official last call, fingers laced together as they walk down the street towards a park that Jeff only knows about because a woman he dogsat for once wanted him to take her dogs there. Sometimes, he rambles about how he could see himself bringing his kids to a park like that someday. Sometimes, Britta clings to his arm and looks up at his face in the orange glow of the street lamps and thinks that someday, she might be able to say that she loves him.

a big part of my motivation to write this fic came from the fact that I still find what Jeff did at the Transfer Dance to be shitty. ik this has been talked to death over the years, but at that point, Jeff and Britta were good friends and he shouldn’t have let her face that kind of humiliation alone (insert rant about how he instead went to kiss a teenager that was emotionally vulnerable since she’d just gotten out of a serious long term relationship). I usually prefer the concept of him knowing that Britta is trying to piss off Michelle and giving a sarcastic, over-the-top confession of love to get them both out of the cafeteria, but in this case, I wanted to play with the idea of him earnestly choosing her while remaining emotionally reserved and closed off. I don’t think that Jeff and Britta are people who can honestly plainly say how they feel in most cases, so I also wanted to highlight the ways they say “I love you” without actually having to say it, my favorite example being from this passage:

“Looks like all we have left is Earl Grey,” he says, sighing as he pulls out two bags and moves to heat water up in the kettle that she’d bought for him. This summer had turned him into a tea drinker. Maybe it was because he’d become accustomed to the taste of it being on Britta’s lips. Maybe it was his way of telling her that he loved her without having to make his mouth form the words.

I wove Cruel Summer lyrics through this whole thing because I have brain worms and I really can’t stress how much I listened to that song within an extremely short amount of time. and overall, I’m really happy with how this fic’s story matches up with that of the song’s, especially considering that this is only 1.5k words long. the vibe I get from the song is that it’s about a summer romance that one thinks is doomed from the start, but has the potential to blossom into something less destructive if given proper care and attention. I feel like I approach Jeff and Britta’s relationship from that angle in most of my work; that they shouldn’t work together, and really don’t work together until they both have overcome enough of their issues to commit to one another in at least some capacity. I’ve felt like Cruel Summer is Their Song ever since I heard it and at the end of the day, this was really just an attempt to capture why I feel that way within a fic. I’ve maintained affection for this work over the five months since I posted it (christ it’s been that long?? time can’t be real anymore) and historically, it’s rare that I still like my work that long after I post it. hopefully it means that I’ve been improving over the past year and will not be as embarrassed of my past work as I typically have been, but it could also mean that the power of Taylor Swift cancels out the embarrassment that I would usually feel.

#ty for the ask!! #bri speaks #ask box #writing tag

[anthonyed]

Angs/fluff prompts: 71. “You’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?” with (surprise, surprise) buckytony? If you feel like it?

It should be angst/fluff but i spiralled into hurt/comfort, and May, I keep trigger warning your stuff skhsdhj sorry about that (although ik you can handle it so there’s that)

(from this list: “you’ve been drinking tonight, haven’t you?”)

tw: alcohol, depression, mentions of vomit

-//-

Tony has had his fair share of alcohol - never crossed the line because Howard did and he told himself since he knew how to make a wish that he would never be that man. 

But he drank. Bad enough, but never worse than his dad. 

Ageing however, has scraped out his hard edges and shaped him more malleable with every new experience and dare he say: these days, he prefers sparkling juice to actual champagne. 

Even if his lover sometimes tread too close to that line his father used to stand on. 

He turns off the lights, locks the shop and he takes the stairs to the penthouse; what can he say, he's 45, and he's trying to be a better man now that he has a reason to wish for a longer life.

Except his reason used to be a prisoner of war with a fuck ton load of issues that could make his own look microscopical in comparison - which we're not doing here because asking whose pain is worse is just a shitty thing to do in general but it gives a perspective as to why he's slumped against the glass panel, eyes glazed staring at the lone couch in their living room looking severely intoxicated.

Tony read once - will remember it for a lifetime - that depression is a great lover.

Bucky doesn't have Major Depressive Disorder. His diagnosis, until six months ago, was Post Traumatic Stress Disorder with depressive tendencies which often comes in a violent surge. 

He knows then, Bucky leaned on those hands more than on his; and it's not Bucky’s fault at all because whenever Tony wasn't there - even if it's a millisecond opening - depression was waiting to grab Bucky for itself. 

And that's neither Bucky’s nor Tony’s faults - Never. 

Maybe Bucky didn't even want those hands, maybe when he needed, they're all he had. 

So Tony tries to be there for him, as much as he can; never stopped trying even during remission. But he had some meetings to attend across the ocean; 5 countries in three days and this wasn’t even their first separation, let alone the longest. He wouldn’t have left if he wasn’t confident. 

Three days ago, Bucky was light. He kissed Tony goodbye and went for his morning jog. Tony packed his bags, left three letters for each day on his pillow so Bucky could feel him even if he's not there and in a worse case scenario, if they couldn't call. 

They called. They talked. Bucky read those letters, and he laughed on the phone. He sent photos of daisies he saw by the road; quoted; life finds a way in the end and that should have maybe warned him. Tony itched, but he never asked. He called Bucky and made sure he knew he loves him, made sure he took his meals, made sure he went down to the communal area so he hung out with his friends and not stayed cooped in the room only. He sent photos and on a whim, a few postcards which would reach later than he already did but -

That's the thing isn't it - But. 

You can do so much to maybe too much but sometimes it just isn't enough.

Tony is 45 going 46 and when he was 15, he realised he blamed himself for everything. When he was 18, he blamed everything else except for himself. When he was blasted away from the humvee and woke up in a cave, he was 15 again but he saw Obadiah Stane burn and he thought: This isn't how life works

Relapses happen. 

He's faced enough himself to know it is nobody's fault. Nobody did nothing or too much or too little and that it just happens, sometimes; without triggers, without comprehensible reasons and you move on from there. 

Treat it like an accident; you trip and fall and you get up and then walk into a quicksand and you get up and someone push you down the cliff so you climb back up and you walk thinking finally this is it; this is a safe road with beauty around it and it makes you so hap -

Oh. 

There was a trap. You didn't realise there was a trap there, and you fell and it's shocking but you stand up, dust yourself off and you climb out and you keep walking down that same beautiful road. 

It made you happy didn't it? So you keep on walking. Don't hate it. Don't stay buried. Just - Every time you fall, you know you have to get up again and you learn something new too; like maybe, remember to look down sometimes, check the ground, don't just look up at the sky. 

Point is: Bucky's relapsed, don't know when exactly it happened but Tony knows that that is not the matter of concern. What matters is for them to get up again. 

So he doesn't panic, doesn't mean he expected this. He just knows better about reality. When tomorrow comes, they'd give a call to his doctor, take it from there. As for now he walks across the room and sinks to the floor next to his lover. 

He takes his cold hand, hard metal and he twines their fingers together, keeps their clasped hands on his straightened out leg, leans his head back against the glass panel separating them from the world and he asks. 

"You've been drinking tonight haven't you?"

Bucky snorts and Tony knows he may try all he might but he could never cross that line Howard stood on; his physicality is such. His cells metabolize alcohol too rapidly for Bucky to drown in it. He may sink but he can never drown.

Selfishly, Tony’s grateful. He knows that every time Bucky picks up a bottle he wishes otherwise, but selfishly with his whole heart, Tony sends a whisper of thanks into the air for every quickened metabolic cycle completed. 

He never wants to see Bucky as how Howard used to be; never wants to see anyone there, which was why he himself quit. The mirror helped.

But that doesn’t mean Bucky never tries. When it gets bad, he tries so hard he comes too close to that line. Like tonight.

All he wants is to forget, but he never can. Lucky or not, Tony can understand that too well.

So when he lashes; snatches his hand roughly from Tony’s and stands up, staggering, before he walks only to stop a few feet away, lost - Tony, doesn’t get mad at him.

It hurts, yes. But even hurt, when you can understand the reason, it digests easily in your system.

He gives him a few minutes; stays where he’s sat, counting empty bottles on their dining table; two bottles of vodka and five beers. Bad, but they've seen worse.

When Bucky collapses where he stood; slides himself so his spine presses against the back of the couch, knees pulled to chest, head in his hands; Tony finally stands up. 

He gets closer, but not too close. And he waits. 

Funny no matter how many times you've faced the same thing over and over, you can still be completely unsure how to deal with it. 

This is a man he loves. Unconditionally with the whole of his heart and then some. This is a man he'd give anything for, do anything for and if he so much as sighs, Tony would crumble into nothing. 

There is nothing he wouldn't do for Bucky - That is the fact. 

Yet he stands, doing exactly nothing. 

But this is not the time for self pity. This isn't about him, but them. This is, most importantly, about Bucky. 

So he tears his emotions away, shoves them into a box, closes the lid and he crosses the room to the kitchen. 

He picks a glass, fills it almost to the top with water and he walks back to where Bucky's sat. 

"Finish it," he says. 

And Bucky takes it.

Should have started like this, abandoned soft emotions and gone methodical from the very beginning. But Tony is a weak, weak man when it comes to Bucky and he's only 45; he's still learning. 

He's been on Bucky's side one too many times but less on where he stands right now (Rhodey knows better, or even Pepper). He's got so much to learn and he will. He doesn't have the patience, but he loves Bucky so vastly that training himself to be patient is close to nothing.

Even if it means, he has to clean vomit from his toes, strip Bucky naked and guide him into a tub of warm water and then strip himself and get in with him when Bucky sinks dangerously low to drown himself.

“Lean on me,” he says, meaning a little more than what he needs Bucky to do right then; just place his head on Tony’s shoulder and let Tony hold his weight in there.

He washes him clean, shampoos his hair and rinses off the sud, holding his tongue back all the while. He unplugs the tub and lets the water drain before he gets out, clenching his jaw hard at how Bucky sinks down soon after - couldn't even hold his weight up. 

Truth be told: his heart aches.

But he taps that organ aside and wraps Bucky in a towel; dries him as quickly as he can before he helps him out of the tub and he’s a 200 pounds super soldier - he’s heavy, no kidding, and Tony has lifted heavier things than him, lifted Bucky several times even, so the way his knees buckle is really not from the physical weight - it’s something else.

He grits his teeth and hauls him to the bed. Picks out a pair of boxers then hesitates before pulling out a pair of sweatpants and Bucky’s favourite hoodie; he usually sleeps in only boxers but just in case. 

He pulls the boxer up before he asks, “Do you want the pants?” But Bucky only looks at him blank, meaning he’s dissociating which is -

Tony pulls in a deep breath. Alarm bells ringing all around him. He knows the minute he climbs onto the bed next to Bucky that he is risking his life. But at that moment, he doesn’t care.

He’s not a prayer, never been a prayer, so he never sends a wish above to say: “Please don’t make this man my killer. I would be glad to die in his hands but he wouldn’t live knowing what he’d done to me.”

In retrospect, he knows he shouldn’t have worried about that because Bucky prays enough for both of them.

“Come here,” he grunts, pulling Bucky into the bed, wrapping him up in a blanket so he can never feel cold, only warm. Doesn’t wrap himself within; he knows sometimes, too much touch can be uncomfortable, but the way Bucky looks at him when he combs his wet hair back is hungry. So Tony tucks himself close enough and presses a kiss to his forehead.

Hums a song he knew in his bones - from when he was a kid and Jarvis used to put him to sleep after Howard and mum fight - under his breath, waiting for Bucky to fall asleep. But just a few minutes before, something shifts in Bucky’s eyes, like he’s seeping back into reality and when it does, his lashes flutter, his chest expands with a sharp inhale and he knows what Bucky’s going to ask before he even opens his mouth.

“You didn’t hurt anyone,” he tells readily. “Only killed five bottles of beer and two vodkas and then emptied it all on my feet and your clothes.”

Bucky frowns, his thought stream seems to stutter in the lagging and when he finally speaks, it’s a hoarse and confused, “'M sorry?”

Tony’s heart aches again but this time he lets it; buries his trembling lips on Bucky’s forehead in the pretend of a long relieved kiss because he is relieved. He is so relieved that he could laugh because every single damned time this happens - he is afraid he will never get Bucky back so when he does; he feels like he could finally breathe. 

“No problem, sweetheart,” he whispers into damp curls, combs them back again and kisses the exposed skin. Then he looks Bucky in the eyes and says seriously, “We’re calling Jo tomorrow morning.” Jo being Dr Josephine Iyer.

Bucky’s jaw works, and he nods tightly. Tony presses another kiss because he knows this is hard and he appreciates it but as far as expressing emotions is concerned, this is how far both of them go.

Then he curls himself facing Bucky, both of them closing a bracket of warmth in between and he tells him, “Go to sleep, snowflake. I’ll be right here when you wake.”

(more of this verse if you can stomach MCD)

#buckytony #winteriron #mine #prompts

[ridell-crimea]

I enjoy hearing what's in your brain (oof that sounds weird sorry) so who if anyone do you think Leanne would pick up bad words from? I think it would be tibarn he seems like he has a aggressive pattern of speech

hmm good question ..... Its probably up to debate but here are my Takes :

- tibarn is definitely on the blunter side of things, but- I think his experience with reyson was enough to teach him that herons can and WILL pick up your mannerism, so whenever Leanne is around he'll suddenly drop his tone and be a lot more gentle and polite. In the end i don't think she'd pick up any bad words from him (maybe one or two if she stepped in at the wrong time and place), but I can totally see her using vocabulary, sentence structures and maybe a bit of slang that are usually only used by people from phoenecis.

- i like to think that nailah, tormod, muarim and stefan all have speech patterns that slightly differ from those from other people in the army, since they all lived in autonomous territories that don't necessarily interact with the rest of the continent. Differences include idioms, minor differences in grammar and maybe some little differences in their pronunciation, and Leanne gets lost really easily when talking to them because she struggles telling apart standard and regional languages and tends to mix them up. Now, I don't think nailah or muarim would teach her bad words because they're both very distinguished. Stefan... might use bad words in Leanne's presence, but probably not enough for her to remember them, since they'd be a bit specific and she wouldn't hear them much outside of that. Tormod? I think hanging out with sothe completly desensitized him to bad words as a concept so, YEAH, he's probably responsible for some bad habits of hers

- After interacting with Nephenee for a bit, Leanne also picks up EXTREMELY specific slang from the countryside. She never explicitly asked what it means and only vaguely knows with the context, so she tends to use it incorrectly and it makes it even more confusing for everyone

- i can see elincia being a bit too spontaneous and accidentally slipping a few times, especially in PoR when she is a bit awkward and isn't completly used to speaking with nobility.... Nothing too shocking, but just enough that she'd feel bad for teaching her that 😔

- mist. mist is a teenager and hangs out with Ike and Boyd and Soren so what exactly would you expect? She's nice but i think she may have done the most damage in this group. at some point reyson dropped the f word with her, she repeated it to ike who casually dropped it during an important and official meeting, and that's the story of how soren showed up to threaten reyson because he's a "bad influence for everyone". (well the thing is, mist is the one who taught reyson the word in the first place. shes known it since she was 8 and doesn't use it too liberally but will gladly educates anyone who might need it). Anyways, I'm still a sucker for Mist showing interest in ancient language so I think it'd be nice if Leanne and her studied together.... Leanne explains how to be mean in her language and Mist teaches her the f word it's called equivalent exchange !

- Reyson... Contributes? He doesn't completly approve of this, but he's glad to see his sister making progress, and since he's the most proficient in both languages he became some sort of walking dictionary. He won't teach Leanne bad things, but if she comes up to him and asks what that awful word tormod just said means, who is he to get in the way of knowledge 😔

- Oh it drives naesala completly crazy btw. At first he's genuinely upset because ever since they've been kids he's ALWAYS been watching his language around Leanne so she would be a distinguished lady or whatever. But after hearing her saying shitty stuff with her gentle voice he decided it was funny and may have changed his mind

But yeah, ultimately this is all about modern language - in my heart i know Leanne could and would say whatever is the ancient language equivalent of the f word at any given moment✌️

#(rereads your ask) hm i may have gotten carried away #but i have very specific takes about Leanne... i think learning a language in an army where everyone comes from a different place and likel #has their own quirks must be some special kind of hell. she's doing great so far !! #asks #long post #sorry for not adding a cut im on mobile

[flickerline]

It s one of dos days I regret havin Ni as me son... All jokes aside, he just called them out which s rude. They were jokin n he said "lemme ruin them on here, it s not like me fans gonna ruin them (I deleted Twitter so idk but they most probably did)". Some times he acts like da CEO of Twitter, which s annoyin af. Yeah maybe they couldn't make it sound like a joke as much as they wanted but him makin them feel dis bad s unacceptable. He s still angry at da pap pics I guess n just yell on Twitter

listen...ive literally been off this site for days but the first thing I come up to when I log in is drama? when tf it's gonna end. look, people can have their own opinion on this shit but to me personally it's SO annoying to see him searching his name to find the dumbest tweets to respond to when he's not even tagged like the point of it?? yeah he said hes trying to "help people" understand not to judge him just cuz he's a famous person but all this time, did that even work? or just made a whole cringe show for everyone in the fandom. oh, not to mention how his defense squad would ruin that person's whole character and make them delete which has happened before; which despite all the stupidness I don't think it's fair to fuck up someone's life like that over a screen and make them scared of going online. it doesn't matter if a hundred fans call that person out but the second the celeb reacts to it... get a grip please. (I'm talking about tweets and jokes like today tho, ik how some other people are SO mean but even responding to them...doesn't change a thing.)

idk man, I'm not a celeb, but I do know that being a famous face has it cons with it. u can't just try to MAKE people not say shit about you or not get involved with your personal life. (yeah i wished but not everything is candies and rainbows, is it?) also I do think if he really wants to stop all these stuff the only way is for him to just ignore and stop searching his name up. do I have to mention that it clearly hurts his own feelings as well? like maybe we don't know him at all but I think it is obvious, simply by the way that he's just so obssesed with making controversy, call them out on a daily basis cuz it hurt him the second he saw that specific tweet when he was scrolling carefully throw his own name tag.

all I'm saying is that for him to actually make an effect on this topic of "ordinary people shouldn't judge famous people" is that instead of ranting on twitter (0 points to it) and make everyone's day shitty, he could SIMPLY do:

an IG live, a podcast, IG story, an interview with an expert, etc. all on this topic which are easy to do for him since he's done em all with different topics that maybe weren't even as triggering as this one is for him. in this essay I will-

#and thats all im gonna say #i could continue this ALL DAY the reasons of why he shouldn't do all these stuff #and the ways he can do something instead to 'help' if he really means it #but hey who tf am i to judge this famous person huh #he do him and i try to ignore the 'twitter stuff' more and more each day #peace & love xx

[1358456]

Review Response, June 21-27, 2020

Well, I guess the DE update doesn’t exist. So I’ll see that story again in Valentine’s Day.

But a miracle has happened in this week, so... yay!

Destiny #017

1)  Hi! I know, long time no see. I’m incredibly sorry for not reviewing sooner, but I guess better late than never, huh? In any case I’m here to stay! Reading this chapter reminded me of how interesting this story really is and I can’t wait to read more. But seeing as it’s been some time I’m going to reread it in order to freshen my memory (I decided to review anyways since I can still review the quality of your fic, which is as I remember, very good). I admit when Peter first mentioned that Ruby was easy to control because of his lack of control over his emotions (and whatnot) unlike Sapphire, I was a bit confused. Wouldn’t it be the other way? I thought to myself, but then I remembered that Sapphire had done some growing up herself. She might’ve not had as much control previously but she certainly does now. As this was kinda proven later on when she was contemplating on what emotion she should be feeling at the moment. And this can be seen as indecision, but I rather thought that this was proving your previous statement correct and that this was her way of finding a little control of the situation. Speaking of what happened a bit later, I was pleasantly surprised of Blue sparing Sapphire’s sanity. I always had hope in Blue despite her obvious turning... but this really proves that Blue can (and most likely will) realize that despite Peter’s kindness she’ll have to betray him because what he’s doing simply isn’t right. I realize now that she probably also followed him because of him brainwashing her, but I can’t remember this particular detail... damn maybe I should’ve reread this before reviewing. Ah well, I’m this far into it anyways. In any case, although this chapter was short I fully enjoyed it. Especially Y’s inner monologue at the end. I do have a soft spot for light angst :’) (I’m sure you can call it that, right...?) so, thank you!

WELCOME BACK!! Yes, it’s always better late than never. After all, as I said before...

I’LL WAIT A THOUSAND SUMMERS!

For Ruby and Sapphire’s “control” issue, I was actually thinking about their little Hidden Power interaction. Sapphire has strong intuition and instincts, and is in full control of her senses. Or at least that was a part of it, anyways. This chapter was written years ago, so I don’t remember all the details. Hehe.

As for Blue... There’s a little character arc for her across all of my stories. If you read my stories in order of creation, you can kind of see it. First is when she’s neglected and is just rolling with it while feigning cheeriness (SE/SA/SR), but then it just piles up and she goes into depression (SA/SL/Destiny), then she kind of snaps and goes rampant (SL/Destiny), then she finds the one piece of true happiness in her life and starts to turn it around (Destiny), and eventually successfully attains happiness and stays that way (Destiny/Legacy). So you’re at the moment in Destiny where Blue has gone rampant but is trying to turn it around.

... I think I need to reread this story too. Hehe. I don’t really remember what happens in each chapter... except for a certain few, that is.

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Destiny #018

1)  That’s... awful... Poor Y, who was already suffering so much, both physically and mentally. She didn’t even get to hear X say what he wanted to say to her. And if they don’t meet again she’d live the rest of her life not truly knowing where she stood with X. Always filled with guilt. Such is the sadness of the situation, but I can still hope! Hope that Y will meet X again and he’ll be able to tell her his thoughts. Though come to think of it, poor X too. He’ll have to speak with his seniors and he’s obviously really uncomfortable with that and doesn’t even have Y around to help him. Welp, to go to another depressing topic there’s also Sapphire’s situation to discuss. It is at the point not that disobeying Peter *would* be interfering with his plans, since it’s crucial that Sapphire be broken. Will Blue be able to disobey? Impossible to know, you can only hope that she does. On another topic, after rereading the fic (oh god I’d forgotten how long this was, it’s truly amazing the dedication you’ve had for this fic) I kept thinking back to Peter’s “blank eyes” you mentioned in the earlier chapters. This is a vague and rather shoddy theory, but the only thing I could think that would be the cause of the blankness is him being brainwashed as well. This is rather obvious, but this leads to who might be brainwashing him. Clearly this would be someone (or something..?) that would benefit from the restoration of the legendary’s and this would bring us to suspect #1: Zygarde. Now, I haven’t actually read the XY arc nor played the game (ik ik but I can still have a fellow feeling for X and Y) so I don’t know what this dude is capable of, but I can assume that this is within the realm of possibilities. And it would make sense with the whole blinking lights thing that Blue noticed that was going on a couple chapters ago. ‘Cause I mean, why else would this random guy help the legendaries, it’s all just a bit too sketchy. I am no detective, so I think these are fairly obvious, but they’re all I have going for me right now. This was a lovely chapter (writing of course, I can hardly apply that to the atmosphere), and I can’t wait to read the next one.

Poor Y indeed. Really. Poor Y... hehehe...

Destiny’s not THAT long, is it? ... 220 000 words... well, it’s not longer than SA which has 225 000, but... that difference is practically negligible. ... I wonder how long Legacy would end up... Anyways.

I don’t know if it’s obvious or not. I have a hard time with that. Sometimes I put in obvious hints in my stories and no one catches on. Sometimes I put vague hints in my stories and no one catches on. So I can’t tell if it’s subtle or blatant. I think for the Mega Hunter, there were a lot of subtle and blatant ones.

Now for Zygarde... well, the Neural Para... er... mind control is not really in its arsenal. Destiny’s plans were written shortly after XY games were released. Zygarde was kind of worthless there, but given what happened with Kyurem, I suspected that it would get a cooler new form. But then in SM, it turned out that its cooler new form was just a massive health buff. And it still gets annihilated by Xerneas, so... pfft. But I think I used its signature moves pretty well. Especially, say... Core Enforcer. Hahaha.

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Destiny #019

1)  Ok, first of all, WHAT KINDA QUESTION IS THAT? How can I choose? Both options of your review survey thing are so sad... but after a moment’s thought, I think the second option is better. If Y were to continuously push herself then she’d just die. End of story. But with the second option, although incredibly risky and kinda pointless for X to go save her, the chances of them both staying alive are possibly higher, and Y would know Ax’s true feelings. This I think, would be what you referred to as the “happy ending”. Unless you actually said it outright that it’s the opposite and I just completely missed it. But anyways I’ve spent enough on Y’s situation lmao. I think I might switch over to Blue now, because something has been nagging me for a while. I feel like slapping this woman. I know she’s partially under the control of Peter (or assuming that my previous theory is correct, Zygarde’s), but, murder? Thankfully she admitted this chapter that she was, in fact, NOT wanting to murder anyone. But when she let anger blind her she was quite willing to do away with Green. And she has reason! Was Green did to her was beyond shitty, but killing him is just a little overtop. And she tried to justify it by saying, “Peter is the only one that has been kind to me” so it’s ok that I betray even my closest friends whom I’ve known for years even if I haven’t kept much in contact (besides Silver smh). She clearly knows what Peter is doing is wrong and while I don’t think that anyone is a saint and everyone makes mistakes, I’m still thinking “come on”. Plus, it’s not difficult to see how Peter’s kindness is really just a way to benefit him. Though I can let that one slide since it’s easy to fool yourself. Despite all that, later on in the chapter after feeling annoyance at Blur for seriously trying to blame Y for wanting to give X back *his* Mega Ring (plus why do they call it ring) just because it’d been a gift to her (and reminding myself that she also had reason to feel that way but whatever) it was very nice to see her being selfless. Which might be an awful thing to ask of her now, but it was the right thing to do. And that’s gratifying on its own, right? I feel as if these reviews have started to just be me ranting at this point. Can you still enjoy these..? But honestly there isn’t much to review at this point. I’ve touched a lot on your actual writing in past reviews, and since it’s the same fic the style hasn’t exactly change. Though I can still admire how seamlessly you seem to write, even while changing point of views. Quickly changing scenes from something a little peaceful, to a battle, which you are able to describe in detail and yet still be engaging. Ah, I got kind of sidetracked, didn’t I? In any case all I have yet to do is speculate what’s going to happen next, but alas, I have no idea. I assume there’s a somewhat happy ending, with a final battle with Peter and the legendaries, not to mention the plot twist. Guess I’ll just have to wait and see.

Huh? ... Oh right. The review survey. Hahaha. Second option, huh? I think I remember most people choosing that option. But... if you look at the choices, it seems pretty clear, right? And I just love to break expectations. Hehe...

Now, as for what’s happening with Blue, it’s explored a lot more in the upcoming chapters, with everything being explained in... 25? 26? And I do believe that all the issues you have will be resolved.

Hehe. Asking a girl, who after being neglected for years is finally trying to find some happiness for herself, to be selfless? How awful! Hahaha.

Of course I still enjoy these! Despite being called “reviews”, they’re more like “comments”, really. Just tell me what you liked about each chapter, what you didn’t like, what you hope to see in the future, what you don’t want to see, and/or just your thoughts/feelings while reading. So precisely what you’ve been doing already. It’s fine~! :)

I greatly look forward to seeing more!

#qna

[mikeshanlon]

iwwv anon and PHEW OK. I def did not expect that essay and now I feel bad cause I KNOW my thots r not gonna be articulate or right. nonetheless! i think Oliver does qualify as an unreliable narrator cause hes. very oblivious but not like... Richard papen (who is a whole ass clown don't get me started on tsh) but not like addy from dare me(I will support till the day I die that dare me is da like I WILL die on this hill) who sees what she wants to see. 1/?

i think he just... thinks that his friends r diff ppl than they actually r? that doesnt rly make sense but yea. what I mean is that everything the characters do is coated in that empathetic view Oliver has which is usually wrong? so we don't get an objective look into the characters. meredith is my girl like I love the hot popular girl trope deconstruction but at the end of the book she's not at a great place like she's w someone that doesn't love her like she needs to be loved... 2/

I guess the most probable ending is that James never meets Oliver again and that everyone is kinda stuck on what happened but that's soo sad and I really don't want to think abt it. ngl iwwv wasn't like my fave book ever and I really don't understand why people are so obsessed with dark academia sometimes but what i rly liked abt the book is that despite how fucked up everyone is and how toxic they r to each other they do at heart care abt one another...3/

like I rly liked that esp cause at that point the only other da book (other than dare me!) that I had read was tsh and godd every character is so fuckinh annoying and they all hate each other. i was super confused by it till I saw someone saying that it's satire and I felt my mind explode. I feel like this is so long but I didnt rly properly answer all you wrote sorry! I think its a pretty good book tho it has some crazy quotes like hold awn Im gonna look at the highlighted stuff on my copy.. 4/

Were you in love with him?” “Yes,” [...]Yes, I was.” It’s not the whole truth. The whole truth is, I’m in love with him still. LIKEEE PHEWW OK OK OK. WE OUT HERE. that line literally made me go crazy. I'm so sorry for any spelling mistakes or like general mistakes I made here English isn't my first language, it's 1am and I wrote this in the notes app w/o looking it over. so like.. NOT a professional review lemme tell you. 5/5

 Ahh im so sorry I did not see this before I yeeted for a month!!!

Oooh okay first of all dare me as a DA… I’ve only watched the show but like yeah I see the Elements for sure.

Also yeah I can understand what you mean abt Oliver being an unreliable narrator now… Ig my view of unreliable was more like they are purposefully twisting the truth or omitting facts or just literally don’t know shit but I get how personal bias can make the narrator unreliable. I do think the assertion that Oliver thinks his friends are different than they actually are makes sense. He sees James in a very positive light and though I like James a lot and think he is better than, like, Richard, he definitely has darker moments and manipulates Oliver at times (again I’d like to think it’s not the most nefarious thing in the world but like him just being shitty bc he’s in a dark place and he one, wants to do anything he can so Oliver doesn’t figure out he fought Richard so Oliver still thinks of him the same way/bc he knows Oliver would do something stupid like get himself arrested for James; and two, is very jealous that Oliver is with Meredith after Richard dies and has sort of a somewhat positive outcome from Richard’s death versus James being riddled with guilt and anger). And yeah, the probable ending is they never meet but I refuse to acknowledge that so LGNRG. Also that line makes me go CRAZZZZZZZZZZY!!! There are so many great lines, both using Shakespeare and on their own and its like okay give me a moment im going bonkers…

Personally, I haven’t read that many dark academia novels yet (bc for some reason i can barely finish a book rn sigh) but the concept interests me. I think what’s compelling is the setting/atmosphere of like ~mysterious college vibes~, and the idea of a sort of niche, obsessive bond and pursuit of knowledge with a tight knit group of friends (and the like inherent homoeroticism in every single DA elrngenrg). Like Dead Poet’s Society (the film I haven’t read the book) isn’t Dark in the same way most other dark academia is by like, obsession and death and manipulation (though of course there are dark elements with Neil’s storyline), but I think the other building blocks of academia are present there in a more wholesome way and you can see why people are drawn to that idea. As for the more Dark aspects I think it’s interesting to analyze things like group psyche, obsession, manipulation, etc, like what went wrong for everything to take such a dark turn???

 But, like everything else, it really has to be done well or else its just like okay….… I’ve tried to read TSH twice and I may try again but from the 100+ ish pages I read I totally get what you mean. IWWV is so interesting to me bc the characters are all very compelling and multifaceted and I like that they are a close friendship, we come in after 4 years of them spending all the time together and to me that is apparent. Like you said, we can see fissures and problems especially as the novel continues but there is care there between them. That also makes the decision to let Richard die much more interesting and sinister imo, as well as how all of them interact with each other after he dies, and how the roles of the group change without their “leader” so to speak. Also, maybe it’s just bc I like Shakespeare, but I think the academia part of IWWV is so much more accessible compared to TSH. Like I don’t know every Shakespeare play or anything so I didn’t understand every nuance or was like immediately like oh this is from Cymbeline or whatever the fuck, but you could understand the gist of things and it made sense that they spoke in Shakespeare lines bc that’s all they’ve been doing for four years and also theatre kids are Like That. Their pretention also provided any Layers to the story, like the parallels between the characters they play and their own arcs, how some of the lines echoed their own thots, foreshadowed, or they were able to say things through Shakespeare (I’m thinking of like, Oliver realized he loved James during Romeo and Juliet, the foreshadowing that James was going to ruin Richard’s life and that he dislikes Meredith/Richard when he quotes Mercutio at the start “A plague o’ both your houses”, the exchange Oliver and James had onstage and had that kiss during King Lear before Oliver was arrested,etc.) (Also I think the structure of some of the dialogue being formatted like a play really helped make it feel more realistic and immersive). Versus TSH which is just so pedantic and dense and hard to follow at times im like I get they are smart but what??? And maybe that’s part of the satire aspect (or maybe im dumb) but like donna I read TGF I know you are pretentious and info dump abt random obscure shit anyways so erglknerg. Like to me there was a Point to all of the academic Shakespeare stuff in IWWV and it was the soul of the book, and M.L. Rio made it very interesting—like the way that the directors reimagined the plays and had Julius Caesar be like a modern political play, the cool mirror shit in King Lear, the Macbeth and Romeo and Juliet performances where they did them at events and interacted with their environments (which were one of my favorite parts of the books bc I just think that concept is so interesting), etc. For TSH the shit they did literally just felt like “okay look at them they’re smart see you can’t even keep up!” like okay… I felt lost a lot and only like snapped into reality whenever Henry (?) was like oh… murder….. and even then I was like idk what this dude is saying but like he’s being darksided LMAO. And I also agree that it’s just like… Richard being thrown in the middle of this group could lend itself to some cool ideas but its hard to believe that he fits into the friendship group and hes just like hell yeah I love Greek so much and lets go kill this guy other than like okay ur gay and stupid and just want to impress Henry or whatever his name was (which he was but I digress). It’s just not as impactful to me as this close friend group falling apart. Ik TSH fans might be angry if they see this (and of course I haven’t finished the book so my perception may be warped but I also kno many ppl felt that way u did) bc I’ve seen ppl say IWWV is just like TSH but “lackluster” or whatever and while I can see some parallels (mostly b/w Richard and Henry and Alexander and Francis), I really think M.L. Rio expanded upon common DA tropes and the interesting parts of TSH but made it her own and interesting and oh yeah there are actually multiple compelling female characters and LGBT characters (and no incest)!!!

#if we were villians #books #also literally dont apologize for any mistakes or going bonkers like i have no problem n i understood what u meant anyways LMAO #anon #ask

[mhaccunoval]

ok ik i’m a little white boy & have no right to talk about this but i’m going to while i’m still thinking about it....

i love sunny but:

if you start representing one community/minority but still undermine another, that’s still shitty 

any way that i word it it needs explanation so check the cut

i still don’t know where the mention of blackface still happening after 14 seasons came from but it doesn’t matter rn because it’s beside my point. that point is while sunny has gotten better about its lgbt rep (somewhat), it still hasn’t gotten better about its poc rep.

now i say somewhat as far as lgbt rep because it did give us mfhp, hohc, the bit of out gay mac already in s14, etc. but. sometimes it’s still a bit stereotypical, ya know? like after coming out mac immediately pushes onto dennis which indirectly paints gays as almost. predatory or in the least quick to jump on a potential partner once they come to terms with themselves. and probably some other little things i’m not thinking of. a big thing, also, is there hasn’t been much variation in the rep. we’ve have what? 3 gay guys (all mac cousins at that) vs. one trans woman??? i mean yeah, one of my favorite eps, gang solves the bathroom problem, briefly mentions genderfluid & the nb spectrum but they haven’t given up any characters adhering to it. regardless, the lgbt community has still gotten slightly better rep than the poc community

for one, the sheer about of times blackface has been used. no comment. stereotypes are way bigger here than in the lgbt rep. it was assumed the the juarez family didn’t know english (which the father later does, at least somewhat). all asians alike are stereotyped as shit; the way they clock what’s-his-face, the israeli guy trying to buy the bar, fighting each other on the proper terminology & context for “jew” (not to mention assuming that he was jewish at all), then the actual jihad scheme. just generally wrong perceptions about people from the middle east/west asia. the vietnamese that frank hangs out with are characterized as loud, wild, and too drawn into gambling to care about their own safety. gang solves the north korea situation happened. again no comment. cindy was integrated into the gang easily but i can only imagine what happened off screen. there’s even wrong shit said or done about african americans, not just migrants (using the term loosely for lack of a better one)!!! there’s all the shit that goes down in gang gets racist, followed by continuous stereotyping!! gang turns black almost could have been good because it brought light to racial profiling & not to judge a book by its cover but no!!! it got ruined by that stipulation at the end where it was just the old man’s dream!!!

basically what i’m yelling about is that as an lgbt person it’s nice to see a tiny bit of rep from a show i love but it’s unfair & wrong for the poc community to continue to get undermined, especially when it overlaps with the lgbt community 

#pant rambles #iasip #NEWSFLASH: S14

[cheap-pack-of-cigarettes]

Memories of the Alhambra

so here’s my thoughts on this show lol

*spoilers*

Ok so overall it’s a full 10/10 it’s fucking insane. Usually i’m not someone that’s into sci-fi (?) movies or shows, even though when I actually watch them, I really like them so I should probably stop doing that

The Plot:

I love this plot bc even if it’s fake in some aspects, I can totally see this game/the contact lenses being a thing in the near future. I love Hyunbin’s character, Jinwoo so fucking much wow. This poor dude is given nothing but shitty, difficult situations but he still deals with them and overcomes them no matter what. Why? bc Jinwoo ain’t no bitch!! Yeah it’s hard to level up, yeah everyone think’s he’s going crazy and he knows that, yeah he see’s Hyungseok every single day of this life, yeah he slowly gets addicted to drugs and alcohol, yeah he’s trying his hardest to find Sejoo, yeah he hurt his leg and has to use a cane to walk now; but he’s doing it. Through all the shit piled up on his shoulders, he’s still pushing through. He refuses to give up, not because he can’t, but because he knows he won’t be able to live with himself if he doesn’t finish what he started. Also I know a lot of people weren’t happy with Heejoo as a character because she cried a lot but honestly the way I see it is, even though Heejoo & Jinwoo start to develop some kind of relationship, she is still living her life and he’s living his. Heejoo is still taking care of her family and running the guitar workshop, Jinwoo is still dealing with trying to find Sejoo in the game and all the personal shit he has going on. They’re both still their own people. She cries because she’s worried. Worried about her brother that’s been MIA for a year, worried for her family, and worried for Jinwoo because she’s just trying to understand what he’s been dealing with every day of his life. And people were upset her character never went into the game and became this badass, beat-everyone-up-girl, well that’s because even when she found out about the game and what the lenses do, that wasn’t her. She isn’t a gamer, she isn’t someone who’s gonna go head first into this game and try and find her brother. Jinwoo is the perfect example, it took him a year to get where he was and at that point he still wasn’t very close to finding Sejoo, so what did you really think Heejoo joining the game would do?

Jinwoo & Heejoo’s relationship:

No lie I love their relationship. I’m totally someone that loves romance and to see the two leads fall in love, and be cute and clingy but with them, their slowly progressing relationship felt the most real. Ever since their first meeting you can see that when they meet again and again, they slowly start to care for each other more and more. And at first it can be seen as a friendly thing, but I think the moment that all changes is when Jinwoo leaves Granada on Heejoo’s birthday. He runs away because he’s scared then he see’s her running after his train, crying, and he knows at that moment that he feels something for her because she’s the first woman to every cry for him because he wasn’t there. And Heejoo as well, she didn’t have to leave her birthday party to run after him, but she did because she hated the thought of her not saying goodbye to Jinwoo. I loved that their relationship wasn’t rushed especially with the kisses. In all of the 16 episodes, they kiss twice, and for me that was all I needed as a viewer because in those two moments you can see how much they really care about one another. I actually really liked that their ‘romance’ wasn’t the main plot point of this series even though that was one of the reasons I initially watched it. I liked how they never really said that they were together or not and I think that was very relatable. Cause watching it you can clearly see that they slowly start to mean something to each other but it’s also never quite the right time for them to be like “ok what are we seriously” even when Jinwoo & Heejoo have that conversation about “are you my girlfriend or what? I don’t remember proposing to you by any chance?,, // i can be your girlfriend what’s so hard about it?” it’s kinda taken lightly and not as ‘we’re a thing now’. Also the age gap didn’t bother me at all, they looked at each other like you look at anyone you have love for so I thought they were really cute together.

The Ending:

Ok, i’ll admit that I wanted nothing more than for Jinwoo to get the happy ending he deserved but also, did you watch the show? Nothing good in all the 16 episodes has happened to Jinwoo (besides Heejoo) so why would the ending be different? I think that would’ve thrown the show off more tbh. I mean think about it, he’s literally dealing with so much shit through the whole series but that’s magically supposed to change? Even if the ending was different, the game is still programmed into his brain isn’t it? The cops are still looking for him aren’t they? In no way was he gonna get the storybook happy ending even if that’s what he deserved. Honestly it reminded me a bit of Shameless when Mickey escapes jail & is on the run, i’m just glad Heejoo wasn’t the Ian character & gave Jinwoo false hope only to be shattered (can you tell i’m still not over Ian doing that to Mickey lol). Anyways let’s start with Jinwoo not ringing the doorbell & letting Heejoo know he’s safe. To be honest, I understand why he did it. Jinwoo clearly loves cares for Heejoo and he wants to see her and let her know he’s safe but also, he doesn’t want to rope her into all his shit. Even if he rings the bell he knows the cops are still after him so why should he drag Heejoo through that? and her family through that? For Jinwoo, it’s better that she doesn’t know what happens to him and just leave bc she’s already knows what its like to lose him. He doesn’t want to hurt her but he knows this is the best way to deal with the situation. And Ik this might be a shitty excuse but he told Heejoo twice not to put her trust in him and that she might end up hating him one day. Now, with Jinwoo being stuck (?) in the dungeon, it makes sense and it doesn’t. Why would he willingly want to trap himself in the game if he knows how difficult it was to get Sejoo out? but on another hand why wouldn’t he? Maybe he thinks that after everything he’s done in the game, and everything going on in real life, he deserves to be in there or wants to be in there. Maybe for him it’s the only way he wants to keep living or to wait for someone to get him out. I hate that Junghoon had to get killed as a bug and clearly It was really hard for Jinwoo to do it but also I think Jinwoo knows that Junghoon shouldn’t be stuck in the game as his ‘saving grace’ and that he should be put the rest the right way.The Yura wedding scene was so unnecessary and I really don’t know why it was even in the final cut like?? Idk maybe there will be a season 2 that answers all the questions and maybe there won’t. Either way I really enjoyed this show, I was hooked straight from ep1 and overall I’m glad I watched it.

#memories of alhambra #hyun bin #jin woo #park shin hye #hee joo #chanyeol #exo #se joo #kdrama #mota

[insincere-queer]

So how did I get to this point

I figured I’d talk a little bit about how my life has led up to now and the events of the last few days. And I’ll probably do a separate post about my expirence both in the medical hospital and in the psychiatric hospital if that’s something anyone would like to see.

There are a lot of reasons I ended up in the hospital on tuesday(or Wednesday? Idek how time has been passing honestly), I’ll start with some of the background stress and issues that made it too difficult to handle the new stresses that had been introduced to me recently.

So obviously gender dysphoria is an issue, that shouldn’t come as any surprise but recently it’s been getting a lot worse and I’ve felt hopeless in my mom or dad accepting me and allowing me to take the next step that I so desperately would like to take and that’s been really weighing on me. Additionally it’s difficult to live with seven people with my anxiety and I’m always kind of on edge. I’ve also been having problems with my father trying to get me to talk to him again (last time we did he said I was a fucked up freak and then disowned me and said he hated me) and it’s just something that I didn’t want to deal with.

But other than those few things I recently broke up with my boyfriend. That ruined me. When it happened I didn’t mean for it to and I regretted it and realized what a mistake I had made but he told me it was alright and he wasn’t gone and he’d still be here for me. The next morning I found out that was a lie, he blocked me on everything. I felt so abandoned and alone especially because he was really all I had left at that point. He was who kept me calm, sane, and honestly he kept me alive. When I was with him I felt like I was worth something and that I had someone real who wouldn’t abandon me like so many other people in my life had done. I trusted him and for the first time I saw another person in my future. I’ll admit I went a little crazy trying to get to him and not leaving him alone but all I really wanted was closure. I wanted to know what he was feeling and if there was any way I could repair even a distant friendship- but most of all though I wanted him to actually say goodbye if he wasn’t coming back. And because of all this I realized that I just wasn’t enough for him to fight for or stuck around for when things got bad.

I felt shitty like this for about a week but on Tuesday afternoon I saw one of the main abusers from my childhood and I was barely holding on at that point. I needed him so badly and so I tried to get ahold of him again using different accounts and stuff but he blew me off and blocked me again. I completely lost it at that point and I couldn’t calm down and I felt like there was nothing to live for anymore. If he didn’t care about me then why am I here? So I overdosed. And the real reason I got help was because I thought maybe there was still a chance he’d talk to me again one day.

I don’t hold that illusion anymore. I know I don’t mean anything to him and at this point I’m more angry with him than sad about the whole thing. I called him in the hospital and long story short he ended up telling me to get my shit together and once again he left me alone.

This whole experience broke me completely. But now I “have my shit together “ and refuse to waste my tears over someone who would have left me to die alone after saying bullshit like he cared about me and was here for me. I could honestly go on forever about my feelings about this and why I did it, but I’ll leave it at this.

I’d also like to mention though that while he did hurt me and leave me, I caused this and if I had better control over my insecurities none of this would have happened. I still very much love him and ik he won’t be able to see this since he blocked me but I’m sorry for everything and that I let it get this bad.

#suicide #suicide attempt #hospital #overdose #possible #trigger #warning #trigger warning #before #thoughts #what i was thinking #breakup #ex boyfriend #im okay now though #im stronger #ig sometimes you need to die a little bit to truly live