#like i do want us to keep being friends even after uni but i also wanted that with my highschool friends and at first i kept in touch with

[newtness532]

i might never have another class with all or even any of my friends again and im feeling particularly sad about this

#next semester we will only have 2 classed + our other individual things #and we get to chose which classes we want #what if we dont chose the same ones? #we will never see eachother #time to go mourn some friendships that haven't even ended #like i do want us to keep being friends even after uni but i also wanted that with my highschool friends and at first i kept in touch with #a few but now i barely talk with one of them and we only see each other once per year and if #and we are from the same hometown #now in uni one of my friends is from the same city as me but the other isnt #so after we graduate and we leave uni town when will we ever see each other again?? #anyway we still have the exams so we will be together a lot this month #jo says stuff #personal ramblings

[moonbakeries]

HOW I MANIFESTED MY DREAM LIFE IN A WEEK

BACKSTORY

So I decided to fully immerse myself in "persisting" and fulfilling when I listened to Lonely one by LOVA because I spent around an hour just sobbing because I related to the song.

the week that I started was around Easter break and I was under the most amount of stress I have ever been through and I could see it the effects on my body

I was breaking out with huge pimples even though I was on accutane, I was averaging 2 hours of sleep a day every week for 2 weeks, my period had going on for 2 weeks, I was losing weight rapidly (was under 35kg:( ) my anxiety was at an all time high because I got harassed again(sexual assault victim). I used to have severe depression and have had multiple failed attempts of suicide. AND YES I WAS DESPERATE AS FUCK TO MANIFEST THIS DREAM LIFE OF MINE WHICH IS NO LONGER A DREAM

in the mornings I would be super anxious but I learned how to deal with it and get myself into the state super easily

HOW I DID IT

I GOT OFF TUMBLR: you know how many times I doubted myself only to realise I was doing everything right

I also read and listened to Edward Art MULTIPLE TIMES

Within a week of fulfilling and persisting, I had manifested my dream life. just like that. I woke up one morning and everything I had ever desired was right there. and it was super easy.

all I did was affirm(to remind not to get), visualise and feel. I would only do these methods if I wanted to, if I didn't I wouldn't.

Within a few days, the anxiety lessened so much and it started to feel natural. 

this was a question on Bambi's " how I manifested with hard circumstances " post which has now been sadly deleted but I remember copying this because it gave me hope at the time I copied it (don't hope, just know)

"But isn’t ranting “not letting the old story die out?” you and i could rant until our minds are cleared, just as long as you flip my thoughts, you are on the right track.  I rant for 2% of my 24 hour days. The other 98% i was persisting in the fact that creation was done. as “time” went on, it began to feel more natural and I felt more at ease. I held onto that feeling because I knew this was when I would get my desires and I did."

and that was when I knew I shouldn't give up and I just kept going even when I wanted myself to just get on tumblr and overconsume 

I actually nearly decided to see what I was "doing wrong". I clicked on one of Aphrodite's posts but I didn't read it. I just asked myself if I would look through it if I had my desires and I wouldn't and since I already have all of my desires I didn't.

Whenever the anxiety was too strong and I could feel the frustration and desperation building up, I would just rant and it helped me calm down and get back into the state super easily.

why?

because STATES MANIFEST THOUGHTS DON'T

which is why you can rant.

you know how many FUCKING DOUBTS I had, but I didn't even give them attention coz they didn't deserve any and how many times I wanted to just give up, but I was like NO, STFU, I DON'T WANNA LIVE MISERABLY ANYMORE and now I'm not :)

The affirmations I used:

It is done

I am living my dream life

I am in my desired reality

The 3d will conform as long as i keep persisting

Imagination is the real reality

I also daydreamed, but since imagination is the real reality they were real

WHAT I MANIFESTED

- desired appearance

- name change

- family change

- skills (drivers licence etc)

- apartment and furniture

- wealth

- a bunch of random materialistic things

- desired friend group (I absolutely love them!)

- desired uni and always getting good grades

- outfits from pinterest

and a bunch of other things

- I also ended up manifesting an sp without even knowing and he's pretty much I everything I scripted him to be(scripted a year ago because I didn't really care for a relationship) but this happened before I manifested my dream life

after a year and half of being on loablr I finally manifested my dream life. and you can too

(there was probably over 100 things I wanted but I realised what I want is not much, nothing ever is when you know about loa and yes, i was super desperate)

you don't need anymore information other than @angelsinluv states post and fulfillment challenge

you shouldn't ever be stressed or worried while manifesting whatever you want, because you wouldn't stress if you had it

TAKE YOUR TIME

YOU GOT THIS

#success story #affirmations #loassumption #law of assumption #dream life #manifesting #manifestation #loa

[asahicore]

bad news first - sjy (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact pairing. jake x fem!reader synopsis. From the moment you'd met at eight to the day he moved to South Korea at fourteen, you and Jake were inseparable. But after years of being apart, you've come to terms with the fact that at twenty, you and Jake just aren't what you used to be. That is until you get a text from him, and all of a sudden, he's back by your side, doing his year abroad at the university you study at, and all your feelings for him float back up to the surface. genre. college au, childhood friends to ???? to lovers, painful mutual pining, one bed trope..... a sprinkle of angst (my hand slipped) but mostly fluff i promise and smut (mdni!!!), also i made sunghoon really weird in this and idkw, this is set in scotland.. edinburgh uni rep!! word count. 23k author's note. everybody say happy belated birthday to @zreamy.. happy belated birthday zo!!! being 22 years and 6 days old is cooler than just 22 years old anyway.. hope you like it bestie... if you dont... well theres a building on campus thats 17 stories high sooo.. enjoy! i hope everyone else enjoys too, since this is a bday fic for zo she couldnt beta read so i had to raw dog this so if its terrible.. not my fault! lmk what u think!! i also made a playlist for this, do listen along!!

“Alright kids, good news or bad news first?”

You looked at your teacher, then at the boy next to you, then back at your teacher. “Bad news first,” you said in unison.

You were only eight, but you were both wise enough to know that hearing good news second would assuage the blow of whatever these bad news were. Miss Dawson sighed as she crouched in front of you. “The bad news is your bus driver is on strike and won’t be coming. The good news is that your parents have been informed and are coming to pick you up soon.”

Following her instructions, you headed to the gymnasium and sat there silently among the other kids. Not many kids in your class rode the bus home, and the ones who did seemed to have drivers not on strike, so it was just the two of you. You were used to that, though - over January and February, you had made a sort of silent pact to stand and wait for the bus together. You sometimes shared snacks, but you never spoke. For some reason, you felt at ease with this boy, even though you didn’t know much about him. You had heard he had moved to Brisbane just at the start of this year, all the way from South Korea. You were pretty sure his name was Jake.

You handed him one of your Twix bars. Then he spoke. “I thought a strike was when you did really well in bowling.”

“Same,” you replied, mouth full of chocolate and caramel. “I’m not sure why that would keep the bus driver from picking us up.”

Jake looked at you with wide eyes, distress clear in them. “Do you think he went bowling instead of picking us up?”

This made you frown. “That’d be really rude.”

“It would. I always make sure to go bowling on the weekends, ‘cause if I missed school that’d be rude to Miss Dawson.”

You nodded your head in fervent agreement. “For sure.”

That weekend, his mum called your mum to ask if you wanted to go to the bowling alley with them. From then on, for the next six years, you were stuck together by glue. 

--

Twelve years later, Jake’s name appearing on your phone screen has become such a rare sight, you don’t believe it right away. It takes you a few seconds of intense squinting at the letters to actually realise your eyes aren’t deceiving you.

jake.sim15 hey y/n!! you go to edinburgh uni right?

You type and delete three different responses before settling for a simple yeah, I am! what’s up?, hoping you sounded nonchalant even though you very much felt chalant. You thought that whatever you sent wouldn’t be as weird as taking forever to answer such a straightforward question. 

As you wait for Jake’s reply, you scroll through your previous shared messages, noting with sadness that for three years in a row, the only instances you’d texted were to wish each other a happy birthday or when he reacted with a fire emoji to Stories of your dog, Milo. Before that, your last conversation was to congratulate each other about getting into your top choice universities and to discuss plans for your respective futures.

Futures that used to include each other, you think. His reply appears at the bottom of your screen before melancholy can fill your heart.

jake.sim15 i applied to go there for my year abroad next year annnnd i got in !! heh

You shoot up straight from your seat on the lounge chaise you’d been sunbathing on, a loud “Oh my God!” involuntarily escaping your mouth. 

“What? What happened? Is everything okay?” Chaewon asks frantically, rushing over to your side. “Oh,” she says when she sees your phone. “It’s a text… from a boy?” 

This makes Yunjin, previously unbothered by your panic, rise from her seat and take off her sunglasses. “A boy? Show me,” she demands, snatching your phone from your hands before you can protest. Upon seeing the texts on your screen, she lets out a loud gasp. “It’s not just any boy! It’s the one and only Jake Sim himself.”

“Give that back!” you plead, hand reaching for your phone, but Yunjin is already walking away.

“And he’s coming to Edi this September, apparently. He says he’s sorry for not saying anything earlier, but he was waiting for an answer up until now.” She scoffs. “Leave it to our uni to tell someone they’re in less than two months before term starts. Oh, you’re the first person he’s told, Y/N! After his parents. How cute,” she coos, protesting when you snatch your phone back from her. “Hey! I was reading that.”

“Those are my texts, Yunjin. I’m the one who’s meant to read them.”

She shrugs. “You would’ve told us anyway.”

“What are you going to reply?” Chaewon asks. With the both of them hovering over your shoulders and watching as you type a response, a sort of stage fright comes over you, making you send what might be the most unoriginal reply known to man.

“Awesome? Seriously, Y/N?” Yunjin reads, disproportionately disgusted with you.

“That’s a lot of exclamation marks. It almost makes it look like you don’t mean it,” Chaewon says.

“I do mean it!”

“Well, he seems to like it. A smiling-with-teeth emoji is a good sign, right?” she asks in an attempt to make you feel better.

“He has automatic caps off. That man is run-through,” Yunjin says, shaking her head as she walks back to her sunbed.

“You were excited about him texting me just a second ago,” you reproach.

“Yeah, before I found out he was a whore.”

“Yunjin, you know we don't slut-shame here!” Chaewon exclaims. Before Yunjin can say anything even worse in response, your phone starts ringing, and Jake’s name appears on your screen. “He’s calling you?” Chaewon gasps, making Yunjin sit up with a start for the second time in less than five minutes.

“This man is insane,” she remarks with all the seriousness in the world.

You run away from your friends, finding refuge in the outside kitchen area out of earshot. They don’t need to hear your conversation with Jake. You love them, but they can be weirdly unsupportive in moments like these.

“Hey, Jake,” you greet, hoping he doesn’t notice the breathlessness in your voice. It was because you had just ran, of course - you didn’t want him to think you were so nervous about talking to him after such a long time, you could barely breathe. Because you weren’t. At all.

“Hey, Y/N!” he replies, and the excitement in his voice makes your heart melt. “I hope it’s not weird that I called, I just thought it’d be nicer than texting, is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s nice to hear your voice,” you say before you can really think about it, and cringe at your own words. Years without talking and the world’s worst line is the first thing you say to Jake. Thankfully, before you start excruciating yourself, a chuckle pours out of Jake’s throat and blesses your ears.

“It’s nice to hear your voice, too. What are you up to?” 

“Oh, I’m on vacation with my friends. One of them has a rich aunt who owns a villa in southern Italy, so we’re just chilling by the pool right now.” 

“You always wanted to go to Italy! That sounds so nice,” he says. Your breath catches gently in your throat - he remembers, you note.

“Yeah, it really is. What about you, how are you spending the summer?”

Jake tells you about the local bookstore owned by a grandpa that’s always had a soft spot for him and that gave him a part-time job for the summer. “I’m trying to save up as much money as I can before I leave. If I treat you to a meal, will you show me around the city?” he asks, and you can hear the grin in his voice. It makes you realise how much you’ve actually missed him.

“You don’t need to treat me to a meal, I’ll show you around anyway.” 

Still, he insists, and you find yourself giving in quickly - because it’s Jake or because free food is on the table, you’re not sure. Probably both. 

You and Jake get to talking, but fitting years and years of catching up into one conversation is an impossible task, and before you know it, when you check your phone, you’ve been talking for over an hour. Yunjin is angrily waving at you, pointing at her stomach to indicate hunger like a caveman who’s just learned how to communicate. You apologise to Jake, telling him you have to go, and plan to meet during fresher’s week before you hang up.

A few hours later, you get a text from him saying it was nice talking to you and jokingly asking whether Yunjin was satisfied with lunch. It’s innocuous, but it opens a gate for more texting, which leads to long, rambling voice messages, which leads to late-night phone calls that remind you of when you were fifteen and still kept in touch. When August fades into September, you feel like you’ve got your best friend back. 

You remember why you were so in love with him at fourteen.

--

You see Jake before he sees you.  

Among the throngs of people, you manage to spot the dark, messy flop of hair on his head weighed down by a nice pair of wireless headphones. After a thirteen-hour flight from Seoul, a four-hour layover in Frankfurt and a final, two-hour flight to Edinburgh, he looks rightfully exhausted, using what looks like the last of his energy to spot the exit and the airport bus stop. Even wearing a simple denim jacket, white tee and grey sweatpants, he’s so gorgeous you forget what you came here for, until he almost walks right past you without seeing you. You put yourself in his path and hold your hand-written banner up, making yourself as obvious as you can as you call out his name. 

When he sees you, he stops dead in his tracks for a second, someone almost running into him before he remembers the crowd behind him. His tired features break out into a bright smile that has your heartbeat speeding up so much, you think it might run out of your chest. 

He had told you not to come, that it would be late for you and he didn’t want to bother you, but you had managed to get the information of his arrival before he forbade you from picking him up so you did it anyway, wanting to surprise him. After years of being apart, rather than waiting another day, you wanted to see him as soon as possible.

Jake briskly makes his way to you, dropping his bags next to him on the floor as he engulfs you in a hug, warm and tight as if he’s trying to make up for all those years. You hug him back as if someone would appear out of thin air and take him away from you again.

“This was the longest day of my life, I’m so happy to see you,” he says when he pulls away, and you’re so happy you can’t even say anything back, resorting to giggling and lightly swatting non-existent dust off of his shoulders. 

As you wait for the bus, he tells you about every trivial thing that happened to him on his trip, from how expensive a sandwich is at the airport to the German kid sitting in front of him that kept turning around to stare at him on his second flight.

“How did you know he was German?” you ask, amused.

Jake pauses. “Just vibes.”

Conversation on the bus is slightly disjointed as you jump from topic to topic with random pauses here and there before one of you finds something to talk about - but it’s okay, you hadn’t expected for the two of you to be as easy as before. It’s more awe at seeing each other after such a long time than awkwardness. Even though you’d caught up over summer, there was a world of difference between speaking on the phone and actually sitting next to him. You notice things like the shine of his hair, the creases that form on the sides of his lips when he smiles, or, unfortunately for you, the veins that run along his forearms and hands - things you hadn’t noticed previously thanks to the sometimes questionable quality of the front camera of his phone. Once in a while, your thigh brushes against his, and it reminds you that he’s really here. Even that he’s real, at all. 

In a tragic turn of events, Jake lives in the student accommodation you used to live in in first year, and coming back to it two years later is slightly traumatising. His three-person flat is in a different building as your old one, and you marvel at how it somehow still smells the same - like dusty, decade-old carpeting and the permanent stench of students’ dubitable cooking. He’s the first one to move in, which makes the place slightly eerie, but it means that you’re not bothering anyone by unpacking Jake’s stuff and cooking Shin Ramyun the previous tenants had left behind at 11pm. 

Your late dinner was meant for you to take a small break, watch a couple episodes of Friends which Jake had been shocked to learn you’d never watched, and you had been shocked to learn he was a die-hard fan of (since one year ago), then get back to unpacking. But the ramen sends an already exhausted Jake into a food coma so intense, he falls asleep on your shoulder five minutes into the second episode. 

You let him sleep as long as he needs, turning the volume down on his laptop and stifling your chuckles as much as you can. You feel like a cat has fallen asleep in your lap - you are now obliged by law to stay still until Jake wakes up. It’s not until an hour later that Jake’s uncomfortable sleeping position forces him awake, lifting his head off of your shoulder with a grunt. He looks around himself, at his room that’s not quite familiar to him yet, then at you, eyes still scrunched with sleepiness as a grin blooms onto his lips.

“Sorry,” clearing his throat of its grogginess. “What time is it?”

“It’s almost one a.m,” you reply, and his eyes go wide.

“You should’ve woken me up! Does your shoulder hurt?” he asks, much more alarmed than he should be, and it makes you laugh.

“It’s all good. But now that you’re awake, I should probably head home.” 

“I’ll get you an Uber,” he says, already pulling out his phone. 

“It’s fine, Jake, my place is a ten-minute walk from here. I live just up the road.”

Jake’s fingers on his phone pause as he looks up at you. “Then I’ll walk you home.” He lifts a finger in warning when he sees you start to protest. “And don’t fight me on this. You did so much today, it’s the least I can do.”

As much as you love the idea of spending more time with Jake, even if it’s just ten minutes, you still don’t want to bother him when you know how tired he is. “It’s really safe around here. I can just text you when I’m home, if you’re worried about me getting kidnapped or something,” you say, taking his jacket from his hands and placing it back on his desk chair.

He grabs it back, putting it on before you can take it from him again, and rummages through one of his suitcases for a black, woolly scarf. Neither of you speaks as he wraps it tight around your neck, even though the early September weather isn’t cold enough to warrant it. His hands stop briefly on the scarf and a small smile spreads on his lips. You hope he doesn’t hear your sharp intake of breath when your eyes meet. “It’s not about that,” he says simply, voice low and unlike you’ve ever heard it before. You don’t think his voice had quite finished cracking when he’d moved away back then. 

Suddenly, he steps away, grabs his keys, and heads for the door. “Let’s go!” he says, voice back to its usual cheery tone. You don’t find it in you to question him, so you just follow him out, welcoming the night breeze that cools down your burning cheeks with open arms. 

The walk to your place is mostly done in comfortable silence, but it still goes by too quickly for your liking. You keep your hands in your pockets to prevent yourself from doing something stupid, like reaching out for Jake’s hand that swishes back-and-forth as he walks. Instead, you bury your nose in his scarf and relish in the unfamiliar but comforting smell that his cologne has left behind on the fabric. You hug goodbye when you reach your flat, and you have to remind yourself to let go. He insists on you keeping the scarf. “My mum packed me, like, three, so you can have that one.” 

“Your mum still pack your things for you, does she?” you ask, tone playful.

“No-” he says, voice slightly whiny, before he realises you’re just teasing him. “Whatever,” he chuckles, ruffling your hair. You hope the streetlights aren’t bright enough for him to notice the flustered look on your face. The both of you stand there awkwardly for a second, before he lets out another chuckle. “Right. See you tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” you beam.

“Okay,” he says, but still doesn’t make a move to leave. “Okay. Yeah. I’ll be off then.” He gives you one last smile then turns around, burying his hands in his pockets, and you watch as he walks away.

“Get home safe,” you call out after a few seconds. 

He pivots on his heels, and, with a wave of his hand, says, “I will! Go inside.”

“Good night!”

“Night, Y/N!”

When you walk into your living room, Yunjin is sitting on the couch, arms crossed over her chest, gaze trained on the wall opposite her, one lamp lighting the otherwise completely dark room. She looks like a detective in one of those bad cop shows.

“Gosh, what’s all this for?”

“You’re back awfully late,” she says, neither looking at you nor answering your question.

“Yeah, I was with Jake,” you shrug, heading into the kitchen for a glass of water. She abruptly gets up from her seat, following you into the other room and staying close behind you.

“And?” she demands, mouth way too close to your ear and making you start.

“And what?” you ask. 

“What do you mean and what?!” she says, clearly agitated. “I want to know everything!”

“There’s nothing to say, really. He seemed happy I picked him up from the airport, then I helped him unpack. He lives in Riego, by the way.”

“Ew.”

“I know, it was awful going back there.”

The two of you stare at each other as you drink your water. “Well?” she asks.

“What?”

“Is that it?”

You fill your glass again to take it into your bedroom. “I don’t know, we just ate and watched Friends.”

“You hate shows with laughing tracks,” she states like it’s an accusation.

“It wasn’t actually that bad,” you reply, shrugging.

She tuts. “Love will do ugly, ugly things to a person.”

“You’ve been in a loving relationship for the past two years.”

“This isn’t about me. Can we talk about how you’re still in love with the same loser from when you were ten?”

“I was fourteen, and don’t call Jake a loser when you haven’t even met him.” You ignore the roll of her eyes. “And I’m not. Not anymore. I’m just happy to have my friend back.” Yunjin gives you a look. “Okay, maybe I’m still a little bit in love with him. But it’s so little, it’s barely there.” Her expression is unchangingly unimpressed and you can’t help but throw in the towel. “Alright, fine. I still love him, what about it?”

“You’re pathetic.”

“I know that, no need to remind me.”

“Are you gonna do something about it?”

“My patheticness? I’ve tried, didn’t really work.”

“No, idiot, about Jake. You should go and get him! It’d be so sexy if you got together as 20-somethings after knowing each other since you were babies.”

“We were eight when we met. And I don’t know if sexy is the word I’d use here.”

“Anything is sexy if you try hard enough,” she says, and you have to laugh. “Anyways, you should confess your undying love and tell him you’ve felt that way since you met.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Guys might not show it, but they probably get all hot for stuff like that. Boosts their ego and shit.”

“Yunjin, I just got my friend back, I’m not gonna risk it. Plus, who knows, I might not actually be in love with him. It might just be my emotions acting up, like, seeing someone I used to like after a while. We’ve both changed so much, once I get to know him more now, I might not even feel the way I used to.”

“Notice how you’ve used the word might twice in ten seconds? You’re just trying to find excuses.”

You groan. “This is why I hate English Lit people.”

“You do English Lit.”

“I know, and I’m the only nice person that does it.” In your head, you add and Jake, but saying it out loud would only make this conversation worse for you.

“What’s that scarf, by the way? Did he give you that?”

You look down at the scarf like it’s a piece of incriminating evidence. “Can you stop grilling me, please? It’s late.”

“You’re not answering my question.”

You sighed deeply. “Fine. Yes, he gave me-”

“It’s not even that cold outside!” she exclaimed in an outrage. “Don’t tell me he also walked you home?”

You pause. “He did.”

She gasped. “He walked you home because he’s in love with you.”

“He walked me home because he’s a good friend that looks after me.”

“He walked you home because he realised how hot you’ve gotten and he wants some of that.”

All you can do is sigh. “Whatever. I’m going to bed.”

“If you weren’t such a coward, you wouldn’t be going to bed alone.”

“Whatever!” you say, shutting the door behind you, shaking that preposterous conversation out of your head. When you get into bed, it takes you at least half-an-hour before you can settle down, but you know your constant tossing and turning isn’t due to your inability to find a comfortable enough position to sleep in. Between your evening with Jake and Yunjin’s pestering, thoughts run wild and incoherent through your head. 

You want to tell her every little thing that happened with Jake tonight, but you’re afraid it might do you more harm than good. She is most definitely the type of friend who will take the smallest action a guy did for you or the most meaningless thing he might have said and turn it into a sign that he has the hots for you, which usually does wonders for your confidence, but right now, you don’t need that kind of delusion. Did seeing your childhood best friend you used to secretly harbour feelings for make you feel some type of way? Of course, but that doesn’t mean you still love him after all this time, after six years of being apart, the majority of those years spent with no contact. It wasn’t like you parted ways with resentment, or anything of that sort, far from it; rather, you drifted apart naturally, as two teenagers with over 7000 kilometres between them would. At first, you’d call frequently and even write each other letters - but as you became more preoccupied with school, friends, and extracurriculars, your phones gradually rang less and your mailboxes became gradually emptier. You don’t even remember who sent the last, unanswered letter. 

Tonight isn’t the first time you replay the moment Jake announced that he would go away, but it’s the first time it’s a bittersweet memory. It used to only be bitter - but now that you’ve reconnected, you can look back at it with fondness, wishing you could tell fourteen-year-old you the hurt would only last so long. 

It hadn’t started unusually.

“So, bad news first, right?”

In your six years of friendship with Jake, this had been the first time you’d really been wary of what he would say next. The look on his face told you that this bad news wouldn’t be as easy to shake off as usual. Your definition of bad news was things like I got grounded so I can’t hang out, I forgot we had a test tomorrow so I can’t hang out, my allergies are acting up again so I can’t hang out.

“I’m moving to Korea next month.”

I’m on another continent, so I can’t hang out.

You remember the words not quite making sense at the time. “Oh? How long are you staying there?” you said, taking a bite of your strawberry ice cream which Jake had insisted on paying for, even though you knew he didn’t get much allowance.

“Forever.”

You stopped chewing, and the ice cream melted uncomfortably in your mouth. You don’t know how long you stayed there, frozen as you stared at your best friend in disbelief. It wasn’t until he lightly shoved your shoulder, only meeting your eyes for a split second, that you remembered to swallow and to say something.

“Forever as in… You won’t live here anymore? At all?”

Jake shook his head. He kept his eyes trained on the vanilla-chocolate ice cream sandwich he’d left in its wrapper. In the blazing hot Brisbane summer, it had probably fully melted two minutes ago. “At all.”

“Oh,” was all you found yourself able to say. For some reason, you hoped that continuing to eat your ice cream would stop you from crying, but to no avail. Hot, salty tears quickly started raining down your cheeks, mixing with the sweetness of your ice cream when they reached your lips. 

“It’s my dad’s work. Same reason why I moved here when we were kids in the first place. They wanted him here then, they want him back there now. We just have to follow,” Jake explained, sounding just as upset as you felt.

“Right.”

“Are you mad at me?” Jake asked, worry clear in his voice, and finally turned to face you. At the sight of you crying, he let out a small oh, tears of his own pooling in his eyes.

You frowned. “Of course not. I’m never mad at you, you know that. I just… You’re my best friend, Jakey. It’s gonna be so lame around here without you.”

“It’ll be lame there without you, too.”

You attempted a smile. “Well, of course. But at least you’ll get to make new friends, see new places. You’ll be in a whole other country, I’m sure you’ll have fun there. I’m gonna be stuck in boring old Brisbane for the foreseeable future.”

“Do you know how offended our friends would be if they heard you speaking right now?” he asked, nudging your shoulder with his.

You sniffled and let out a chuckle. “They’re all great, but… I don’t like them nearly as much as I like you,” you said, staring down at your hands, hoping he wouldn’t realise exactly what you meant by that statement.

A weight was lifted off of your shoulders when Jake answered. “I like you the most too, Y/N.” You tried not to think too much about whether he’d meant it platonically or romantically - none of that mattered anymore. All that mattered was the feeling of his arms around you, his warmth enveloping your whole body, his familiar scent that you already missed. 

You felt him take a deep breath against you before he pulled away. He sniffled and did his best to put on a smile. “Right, enough of that. I’m not leaving until next month, so don’t think you’re rid of me just yet,” he joked, and it helped alleviate the weight on your heart, even if just a little. “You said you had something to tell me? Good news after bad news, and all that.”

“Oh. Right. I forgot about that.”

You thought for a second. Today was the day you had planned to confess your feelings to Jake - you’d only told him you had good news to share. But what was the point now that he was leaving? If he felt the same way, it would only make his departure that much harder, and if he didn’t, it would ruin your last moments together. It just wasn’t worth it.

Jake tilted his head, waiting for you to speak. In a split second, you made yourself forget your disappointment over having built the courage to tell him how you felt only for it all to fall through, and resolved to make the most of Jake’s last month here. You wiped your tears and mirrored his small smile as best you could. “Um, it wasn’t anything much. My mum made those cowboy cookies you like.”

Jake’s head fell back as he groaned in anticipation. “If she wasn’t happily married with three kids, I’d marry your mum. Let’s go right now.”

You laughed. “There’d be a bit of an age gap there.”

“We’d make it work,” Jake joked, throwing his arm around your shoulders as you walked towards your house. He beamed down at you, his bright, boyish smile that you loved to bits, and you beamed up at him as you grabbed the hand that hung off your shoulder in your own.

You walked as happily as you could. “Do you even speak Korean?” you suddenly asked.

Jake halted abruptly in his steps, a gravely offended look on his face. When you looked back at him in confusion, he rolled his eyes and started walking again, pulling you with him. “It’s literally my mother tongue, Y/N. I speak it every day at home.”

“Oh, right.”

At the time, you thought nothing could come between you and Jake. Not anyone, not anything, neither distance nor time. But they did. A week after he’d left, a boy from your class you’d talked to maybe once or twice asked you out on a date. You weren’t sure why, but you said yes. Then you said yes to being his girlfriend, even though you didn’t like him all that much, and you even said yes to reducing your texting with Jake because it made him jealous. When you’d broken up with him and wanted to catch up with Jake and apologise for your absence, you’d found that his new school in Seoul was a lot more demanding than yours in Brisbane, and he had to spend most of his evenings in academies if he wanted to get into a nice university. It’s when you learned that he’d be staying in South Korea for college that you decided to leave Australia too. Brisbane was a lot less fun without him there - why bother staying? You couldn’t go to him because of the language barrier and the cost of university there. If you were to essentially uproot your life, might as well go somewhere you could get a scholarship and understand the people around you. 

It seemed insane that someone you had thought would be by your side for the rest of your life, someone that was part of your most cherished memories, had been reduced to someone you casually texted once in a while. It seems even more insane that now that you’re finally done essentially grieving your friendship with Jake, he stands in front of you again, six inches taller but still donning those puppy-like eyes and smile of his.

For your sake, you just hoped you wouldn’t be as in love with him at twenty as you were at fourteen.

--

The next day, you show Jake around campus, which wouldn’t normally take more than ten minutes, but takes double that time because of the sheer amount of people there. Between the Societies Fair taking up most of the square, the tour guides leading freshers, walking slowly and taking in their new campus, and the pizza and drinks stands, freshers’ week always turns campus into what feels like the busiest place on Earth. You try not to let it hit a nerve for Jake’s sake, who’s clearly ecstatic at all the activity, but you like this place a lot more when it’s quieter. You walk through the Fair, laughing as Jake marvels at all the different clubs and societies at the Uni. 

“Gardening Society? Dungeons & Dragons Society? Wine society?” he exclaims, astonishment growing with every passing stand.

“And this is only the first day. They also have a Taylor Swift Society.” He grabs a flyer from about every society, even though you know he’ll join between two to zero of them. 

When you walk out, there’s a girl handing out samples of shampoo and conditioner, and you let her give you one, more out of politeness than anything. 

“These are so useless,” you start, and Jake chuckles, unaware of the incoming rant. “I had that job of distributing them last year, and we would get a tip if we gave them all out. So naturally I put a bunch in my bag, but then I had to use them for like two weeks.” You sigh. “First of all, my hair did not like it. And second, the ratio is so off. There’s way more conditioner than shampoo when it should be the other way around, so you have to condition your hair even though it’s not properly clean. So stupid.”

“Sounds terrible,” Jake says, laughing. “Is that why you’re not doing it this year?”

“Oh… Not really. I dated the guy that takes care of this promo stuff, so it would’ve been kinda awkward…” you trail, immediately wishing you could backtrack on conversation. Talking about your ex with Jake wasn’t on your to-do list for today. Or ever.

“You dated your boss?”

“The manager, yeah, I guess. He was only 24, though, don’t worry.”

“I’m more worried about the power imbalance than the age gap there.”

You shrug, looking down at your shoes. “It’s not like he was that high up.”

“So, what happened? Why did you break up?”

“Well, he acted like our four-year age difference meant he could treat me like a little kid. It was nice being taken care of at first but then I realised how condescending he was and dumped him.”

“How long were you together?”

You pause. “Two weeks,” you admit abashedly, making Jake chuckle. “At least he didn’t waste my time and showed his red flags early on.”

“Any boyfriends since?” he asks, and you wonder whether you’re making up the unsure tone of his voice. As if he’s curious, but doesn’t want to show it too much. You hope you’re not making it up.

“A few, but they never last very long with me,” you say, a meek smile on your lips. “Furthest I got was three months.”

“And why didn’t it work out with three-months-guy?”

“He started comparing me to his mum a bit too often.”

“Ouch.”

“Yeah, I ran out of there without looking back.”

“Well, it’s nice to see you’ve got high standards. I would hate to see you date just any loser.”

You want to say, High standards or issues?, but you don’t want to make it weird, so you play it cool instead. “I would never. I have a mental checklist with everything a guy needs to have for me to date him.”

“A checklist? I have to hear about this.”

You sigh, debating whether you should tell him about it. Would he notice it’s based on him? Would he notice the only person that could tick practically every box was none other than him? Jake gently elbows your side, goading you on. When you look at him, he’s got a shit-eating grin playing on his lips, and you give in. You look off into the distance as you start listing your requirements. “Well, there’s all your basics like funny, taller than me but not too much, ‘cause I don’t want neck cramps, smart, takes uni seriously, has plans for his future, easy to talk to, not emotionally stunted and can actually have a vulnerable conversation. It’s also a bonus if he has a nice face.”

“How much of a bonus?”

You think for a second. “It’s more a dealbreaker than a bonus, actually. Nice smile is a must, definitely.”

“Okay. Got any more specifics?”

“I do have some particular ones. It’s nice if he’s a reader, but it’s terrible if it makes him think he’s better than everyone or if he tries to sound smarter than me. I like it if he has experience, I don’t want to have to teach him everything. But obviously I don’t want him to still be in love with his ex. Guys and their first loves, I swear… I also don’t really like picky eaters.” You look over at Jake and take a double-take. He’s typing away on his phone, but because of his privacy screen protector, you can’t see anything. You huff. “I also don’t like it if he has those protective screens on his phone. What’s on there that’s so important that I can’t take a peek? What are you even doing?”

The sweet sound of Jake’s giggles erases any trace of annoyance that you felt seconds ago. He turns his screen towards you, showing the list of mostly ticked boxes that he’s written up. “See? I check most of these,” he says with a proud smile. “Guess your standards aren’t that high.” You don’t tell him that your standards are high, he’s just that amazing. 

You do your best to look only amused at this even though inside, you’re all but freaking out. “Which are you missing?”

“Well, I clearly own a privacy screen. And I don’t have much experience. Not nearly as much as you, by the sounds of it,” he admits, somewhat sheepish. “But other than that, I’m practically the perfect man for you.” He looks down at you with a smile so bright, it makes you wish you had brought sunglasses. It takes everything in you not to scream right then and there. Yes, Jake, you are the perfect man for me, but I wish you wouldn’t say it like it was a joke.

You let out a stiff chuckle, and, rather than saying something stupid and possibly damaging, shift the conversation to him. “What do you mean by not much experience? Have you not dated anyone?”

Jake sighs. “Nope, not anyone. I went on a few dates, you know, went through a few talking stages and all that, but it never went much further. There was always something…” He glances at you then. “Missing.”

“I know that feeling,” you say with a chuckle, and he laughs too, a breathy sound.

“I don’t have a checklist to pinpoint what it is, though.”

You smile. “You should try, it might help.”

“I just… I guess I’m like you in that I also have high standards. But it made me not even want to give anyone a chance, especially since I knew it wouldn’t end up anywhere.”

“Don’t tell me no one has ever managed to reach the great Jake Sim’s standards?” you ask, trying to keep your tone light.

Jake smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Of course someone has. She’s the whole reason I have standards in the first place. It’s not my standards I compare people to, it’s her.”

Jealousy has never made you feel as sad as it is right now. “And… it didn’t work out between you?”

Jake looks at you, eyes searching for something in yours but seemingly not finding it, and so he turns his gaze away. You don’t know why you feel so disappointed. “Nope,” he says, popping the ‘p’. “She didn’t feel the same way.”

Whoever this girl is, you can’t believe how stupid she is for passing up the opportunity to have Jake Sim. “That’s… It sucks, I’m sorry,” you say. You don’t think spitting on this girl would make him feel any better, so you keep those thoughts to yourself.

“It’s okay,” he says with a small smile. “It was a while ago already.”

“Doesn’t sound like you’re quite over it, though,” you say, and you’re surprised but glad to see his smile widen.

“That’s true.” His eyes meet yours again. “I don’t think I’ll be over her anytime soon, either.” You have to look away to shield the pain that flashes through your eyes from him.

Pretending you don’t have feelings for your best friend and that you’re okay with him being in love with someone else is like riding a bike: even after years of not doing it, it only takes a few minutes for you to be able to do it perfectly again. Muscle memory, if you will. So you sigh dramatically and throw your arm around Jake’s shoulder, slightly pulling him down to your level. “Don’t worry. We’re going to have so much fun this year, you’ll completely forget about her. Promise. She doesn’t know what she’s missing. Yeah?” 

He smiles down at you. You want nothing more but that glint of melancholy in his eyes to be gone. “Yeah.”

--

Jake is only half-glad to see you haven’t changed much from your childhood and early teenage years. You’re still just as pretty, just as warm; it’s still as comfortable to be around you. You’re also still as dense.

Then and now, he did everything he could to make his feelings for you very, very obvious. Either you’re completely oblivious, or the idea of dating him is so horrifying to you, you understand but pretend you don’t. He really hopes it’s the former. 

He arrived in Edinburgh just a bit over a week ago, and you’ve seen each other almost every day. Out of those times, there isn’t a single one where he hasn’t tried to send something your way - something that says, hey, what if we stopped being friends and dated instead? Wouldn’t that be cool? Can’t you see how desperately I love you?, but you never latch on. The ball’s in your court, and he wants you to throw it back, but it’s been feeling more like a boomerang that always hits him right in the face when it circles back than a game of catch.

But he’s reminding himself not to be too greedy. Even if it’s just as friends, at least he has you back, so he’s satisfied with that. For now.

His first class of the year is on the following Tuesday morning, a ninety-minute seminar specifically made for exchange students called Discover Scotland. (He has Mondays free, resulting in a three-day weekend, which you and your 9am Monday tutorial are very envious of.) As interesting as the English Lit courses he’s taking seem, it’s this one he’s most looking forward to - except for the one class he shares with you, of course. Not even because of the seminars themselves, which will be about all sorts of topics on Scottish culture and history, but because of the coursework, as crazy as that sounds. It consists of a singular project, not due until the very last day of the semester, in which he has to travel to at least three different places in the country, research its background and provide a detailed account of his experience there. It can take any form: a written report, an in-class presentation, a podcast, anything. He could even film a TikTok if he wanted. Jake knew that being part of the Arts & Crafts club for two years in a row back in Seoul wasn’t for nothing - his scrapbooking skills would finally have their time to shine. 

That afternoon, he practically snatches you as you come out of your lecture, giving you little time to say bye to your friends, and makes you take him to the biggest stationary store you know in the city. If he wants to ace this project, he will need supplies. Many, many supplies. And it’s more fun shopping if you’re with him. You seem happy following him around the store, and when he asks you if you want to come on his trips with him, he can pretend it’s because you seem so excited about his project and not because he had thought of you accompanying him as soon as he heard about it.

As you stand in line at the till, you tell him that if he wants to start his project now, you could go to the beach together. You raise your eyebrows at him when he snaps your head towards you. “There’s a beach here?!”

“Did you not look at a map before coming here?” you ask, amused.

“I guess I didn’t…” he says, distraught at the new information. It only lasts a second, though. “Okay, let’s go now.”

“Now?” you echo, and he nods. “But-” you start, but are interrupted by your thoughts. “I guess there’s no reason not to. The weather’s nice and it’s not like I have any uni work yet. Let’s go,” you agree, looking up at him with a smile. You’re so pretty he almost forgets to look away, until the employee calls Next in a bored drawl. 

An hour later, you’re at the beach, barefoot on the sand and ice cream in hand. Strawberry for you and vanilla for him, he notes with a smile. Really not much has changed, he thinks. From the sand, to the water, to the promenade along the beach, Portobello is worlds away from the beaches back home in Australia, or those of Jeju Island. But it’s still nice, and because you’re with him, it’s even better. You’ve been walking around for an hour, splashing each other with water and mercilessly ruining sandcastles left behind before he realises you technically came here for his project. He writes down things he doesn’t want to forget on his phone and snaps a few pictures, sneaking a few of you when you’re not looking. He wants to tell you how beautiful you are with your hair blowing in the wind and the way the chill bites at your cheeks, but he keeps it a secret between him and his Notes app. 

Even though he lives two stops further down, he gets off from the bus with you, containing his excitement as best he can when you invite him up for a cup of tea. “Depends. What tea do you have?” he asks, trying and failing to play it cool. He’s just grateful he doesn’t have to come up with an excuse to spend more time with you.

You roll your eyes playfully as you unlock the front door to your building. “I can make you hot chocolate, Mister Tea-Is-For-Old-People.”

He chuckles. “Actually, I’ll have you know I started drinking tea at uni.” When you turn around to look at him, a surprised look on your face, he nods proudly. “Mh-hm. I got addicted to caffeine very quickly into first year so I started drinking black tea for the sake of my heart,” he explains.

“God,” you say breathily, sounding mildly horrified. “A caffeine addiction sounds intense.”

“It was, yeah,” he says, laughing as he follows you into your flat. 

Yunjin and Chaewon are sitting at the living room table, watching an episode of what he thinks is Gossip Girl, and they greet him as normally as these two can, but he wonders what the knowing look they exchange is all about. He’d met them the previous weekend when you had all gone for drinks together, along with Jay, Yunjin’s boyfriend, and they had all but grilled him on his relationship with you. He hadn’t thought much of it, chalking it up to your friends feeling protective of you, and truthfully, he was just happy to get to talk about you. But now, he was wondering if you had told them anything about him that made them so curious about him. If you did, he hoped it was something positive.

He stands awkwardly in the kitchen, chatting with you as you boil the water and get cups out, but he can feel their gazes burning the back of his head. Clearly, whatever conversation he’s having with you, he’s also having it with them. “How do you take your tea?” you ask.

“Um, three sugars and lots of milk, please,” he says, smiling innocently when you slowly turn to look at him, a mix of disapproval, disgust, and offence on your face. 

You sigh deeply. “I mean, I’ll do it, but I’m not sure that’s even tea anymore.”

“You’re one to talk, Miss Caramel Frappuccino,” he says, recycling your bad joke from earlier.

“At least I don’t claim to be drinking coffee when I order a frap,” you argue. “And this is how you battled your coffee addiction? You’ll be getting another kind of heart problem, Jakey.” He doesn’t know if you even notice your use of his old nickname - the first time you’ve used it since he’s been here - but you don’t make a big deal of it, so he doesn’t either. Not outwardly, at least. Mentally, he’s running laps around your small kitchen.

Jake laughs it off. “I thought I came here for tea, not a health check-up,” he says, smile growing wider at the sight of yours. 

“Right, sorry,” you say, giggling. “I’ll make your tea just how you like it,” you add in a sweet voice. Jake knows you’re just doing it as a joke, but it still manages to make butterflies erupt in his stomach. 

His tea tastes even sweeter that day.

--

A few days after your impromptu trip to the beach, you’re waiting for Jake outside of his class. He heard of this donut shop he “absolutely needs to visit” and is dragging you along with him - well, “dragging” is a big word considering you’d follow him anywhere. You got here a few minutes early, not needing much of a reason to leave the library, so you scroll through your feed until Jake calls out your name. You’re only mildly surprised to see Jay leaving the classroom behind him.

“Y/N! Can you believe that Jay and I are in the same class?” he says excitedly as the two boys walk toward you. You feel like a dog owner being greeted by their over-enthusiastic dog after a long day (about three hours) of being apart.

“I can believe it, actually. You two do the same degree.”

You exchange quick greetings with Jay before the three of you start heading out. As you walk, Jake throws his arm around your shoulders so casually, it almost throws you off balance. Physical contact always came easy to him, but there’s something about him doing it next to someone else that catches you off guard. It reminds you of walking somewhere with Jay and Yunjin as they discretely held hands. It makes you feel like it’s not the three of you, but Jay with the two of you. Like you and Jake come as a pair rather than as two individuals. 

All of that from a simple arm around your shoulders.

Jake asking you in a very unsubtle whisper whether Jay can come with brings you out of your head and back into the conversation. “Yeah, of course,” you say, smiling. It’s not a bad idea to have Jay along: hanging out with someone else might snap you out of your delusion.

Most of the walk to the shop is done in laughter as Jake and Jay realise how much random stuff they have in common, from their peanut allergies to the embarrassing Harry Potter phase they had as fifteen-year-olds. Grassmarket is really busy on Friday afternoons, and there’s a bit of a queue of other donut-enjoyers in front of the boutique, but you don’t mind. The sun is shining down gently on the square and it gives you time to choose your donut out of the ten or so flavours available. In the end, you go for white chocolate and raspberry, while Jake chooses Biscoff and Jay, tiramisu. 

“My friend Sunghoon would love this,” he says after taking a hearty bite. “He goes crazy over tiramisu. Like a cat with catnip.”

Jake chuckles, mouth full of Biscoff. “That’s funny, I also have a friend named Sunghoon who loves tiramisu back in Seoul.”

Jay punches Jake’s shoulder, eyes wide in amusement and shock. “Bro, that’s crazy. You have to be lying at this point,” he says, but Jake shakes his head fervently. 

“I promise I’m not. I’ve even saved his number with the tiramisu emoji.”

“There’s a tiramisu emoji?” Jay asks, already over questioning the existence of Jake’s Sunghoon.

The conversation circles back to the courses you’re all taking this semester, and Jake tells Jay about Discover Scotland and the trips he’s planned so far. “Well, if you really want to discover Scotland as a student, you need to go on a night out in Glasgow,” Jay says. Going by the look on Jake’s face, Jay’s idea seems to have struck a chord in him.

“Y/N?”

You nod, finishing your mouthful of donut before speaking. “Yeah, Glasgow’s really fun. We should go,” you say, laughing when the two boys high-five in victory. Between the train, the drinks and the club entry, going out isn’t a cheap ordeal, and getting to and fro also takes a while - even so, the smile on Jake’s face makes it worth it. 

He wipes some raspberry jam from the corner of your mouth, shooting you a wink, and you want to disintegrate right then and there, become one with the bench you’re sitting on and never have to face him again. The conversation resumes as Jay tells Jake about all the best places to go out in Glasgow, but you don’t hear a word - the feeling of Jake’s thumb so close to your lips takes away your ability for coherent thought.

“It’s decided, then. We’re going out tomorrow night,” Jay loudly announces. “Let me gather the troops.”

That’s how you find yourself in line for the club the next day, already tipsy from pre-drinking on the train and at the pub. It’s still warm enough for you and the girls to wear as little clothing as you want, but Jake insisted on giving you his flannel jacket anyway. If not for the warmth it brings, you’re glad to have his scent enveloping you.

The five of you work exceptionally well together. You, Chaewon and Yunjin have been a given since you met in first year, and Jay and Yunjin went so well together that he was but a natural addition to your little group. Jake’s only been here for over a week, but it’s like he’s always been around, and you couldn’t be happier about it. Him and Jay hit it off immediately, and although the girls needed some time to warm up to him (it’s not everyday that you meet your friend’s ex-best-friend she’s practically always been in love with; you understand why they might’ve been wary at first), they now tease him just as relentlessly as they do Jay. He takes it like a champ.

For a little while, you watch your friends speaking over each other, bickering over nothing, a smile on your face. Two pints of cider and some of Jay’s fancy vodka have made you more grateful than ever for them - if you drink too much in the club, you’ll be hugging them and crying about how much you love them. You’re not sure what that might look like around Jake, so you decide to keep yourself in check for the night. 

It takes about thirty minutes before you manage to get into the club. It’s not coat check season yet, so you head straight to the bar. “Sunghoon said he’d meet us here,” Jay says, lifting his head to spot his friend in the sea of drunk students. “Oh yeah, there he is! Hoon, hey!” 

You hear a loud “Jongseong!” being shouted from somewhere in the crowd, but you’re not sure who Jay is waving at until a boy whose face is mostly eyebrows is standing - well, standing as best as he can, with the copious amount of alcohol he’s obviously already consumed - in front of you. He gives Jay a hug and the three of you a nod of his head, a lopsided smile on his face. When he turns to Jake, his eyebrows lift first, then his face breaks into a wide grin.

“Jake, my man!” he shouts, taking a stunned Jake’s hand and bringing him into a hug. 

“Sunghoon? What the hell are you doing here?” he asks, chuckling and frowning in confusion. 

“I’m just partying, man! Same as you!”

“No, I mean here in Scotland, you dumbass!”

“You two know each other?” Jay asks, looking back and forth between his two friends.

“Jake’s my man!” Sunghoon exclaims, unhelpful and stumbling as he throws an arm around his man’s shoulders. Jake shoots you a distressed look but you just laugh at him.

“This is Tiramisu Sunghoon I told you about,” Jake says, helping Sunghoon stand up straight.

“God, what I would do for a tiramisu right now,” Sunghoon says, looking at Yunjin like she might relate. She chuckles awkwardly.

“I have no idea what he’s doing in Scotland, though. Hoon, I thought you were going to NYU for your exchange?”

Sunghoon pauses to think for a second, looking like he’s never heard of NYU in his life. “Oh, that! Yeah, I did an online orientation thing and… it did not go well. Let’s just say there’s someone in New York City who wants me dead,” he says conspiratorially. You all stare at him but he gives no further explanation. On your right, you hear Yunjin whisper what the fuck under her breath. “So I transferred here instead!”

“I didn’t know you were an exchange student,” Jay says, still looking just as confused.

“Yeah, man! But anyways, let’s not talk about uni right now. I’m on a bender, day three, baby! Do not talk to me tomorrow,” he says, chuckling until the smile suddenly drops from his face. “I mean that.” You look around yourself, glad to find everyone is just as baffled as you. “Let’s party!” Sunghoon cheers, intoxicated grin back on his lips. Jake and Jay follow, but you and the girls stay back for a second, taking in everything that has just happened.

“That. Is the most beautiful man I have ever seen,” Chaewon blurts, staring blankly at the spot Sunghoon stood in a second ago.

“Yeah, he also seems to be a raging alcoholic. And he’s what, twenty-one?” Yunjin says, a scowl on her face. 

“I could fix him.”

“Okay, let’s go,” you say, grabbing your friends by their wrists before either of them can say something worse.

Feeling generous, Sunghoon buys shots for all six of you, and you quickly down them before heading to the dancefloor. On your way there, a group of sober-looking girls hand Chaewon a giant, still almost full jug of red liquid, something that costs at least twelve pounds here. They say they’re leaving and don’t need it anymore, smiling as you profusely and astonishedly thank them. You look at your friends, mentally weighing the risk and drugging possibility this might present, but shrug and pass the jug around after taking hearty sips anyway. It tastes so much like fizzy cherries that you wonder if it even contains any alcohol, but sure enough, twenty minutes later, the three of you are spinning around on the dancefloor, screaming the lyrics to your favourite pop songs at the top of your lungs. Jake at a club is a completely foreign sight to you, and you can’t stop laughing at all the silly moves he pulls. 

You’re shaking your whole body to a Nicki song from the early 2010s when you suddenly feel a hand on your hip. Before you can turn around and slap whoever this random man is that thinks he can touch you, a familiar voice whispers it’s just me in your ear, and you simultaneously relax and tense up knowing that Jake is standing right behind you. “There’s a creep staring at you,” he explains, lips and breath gently tickling your ear as he speaks. You look around the room and quickly notice a man standing in a corner, drink in one hand and the other in his pocket, unmoving as he eyes you with a smirk so slimy it makes your stomach turn. To avoid his gaze, you turn around, but you’re not sure the sight you’re met with is much better for you.

Jake peers down at you, eyes slightly glossed over and cheeks flushed from the alcohol, jaw locked in annoyance. He glances at the guy in the corner, who you assume is still staring when you feel Jake’s hands brush along your sides until they reach your waist. His gaze returns to your face as he brings you a step closer to him. Reflexively, you wrap your arms around his neck. 

“Is this okay?” he mouths. All you can do is meekly nod. You watch as his eyes deliberately scan your face, going down and down. Time stills when they reach your lips and stay there. It’s like someone has put the booming music of the club on mute, and the only thing you can hear is your heart loudly beating in your ears. You suddenly feel very sober.

You swear Jake’s face is slowly inching its way towards yours when you’re abruptly taken away. Yunjin has grabbed you by the forearm, leading you and Chaewon to the bathroom as she chants “Bathroom break! Bathroom break!”, clearly unaware of the moment she’s just interrupted.

Because of the queue for the girls’ bathroom and Chaewon’s decision to console this random girl who was in the middle of a breakdown, it’s not until half-an-hour later that you emerge back into the crowd. You spot the boys at a table, two empty shots each in front of them and all three with a beer in hand. They will not be happy checking their bank accounts tomorrow morning. 

“Y/N! You’re back!” Jake calls out happily when he spots you, and you can tell right away that he’s much drunker than when you left him. His whole face is flush, his eyes don’t open quite all the way, and a lopsided smile won’t leave his lips - even like this, he’s so pretty that you want to grab his hand and take him somewhere it’s just the two of you. 

Chaewon gets drinks for the three of you and then you’re dancing again. It’s already one am at this point, and the remaining two hours until the club closes, fueled with alcohol and good music, go by in a flash. Before you know it, the DJ is playing All of Me by John Legend and the lights have been turned on, clear signs that you’re overstaying your welcome. The few people that have made it to closing time stumble out of the club and into the street, heading for either the nearest subway stop or the next party of the night. Since there are no trains at this time, your group walks to the close-by bus station, listening to Jake and Sunghoon grumble about how the clubs in Seoul don’t close until at least five or six and how trains run all night there. 

The bus is already at the station when you get there, and the driver doesn’t seem too pleased about having six mildly drunk kids get on his bus, but he’s probably used to questionable people taking public transport at this time of the day anyway. Physically, Sunghoon is sitting across from you, but mentally, he’s off somewhere far, far from this bus. With his head against the window and mouth wide open, saliva pooling at the corner of his lips, he looks like he’s any second away from obnoxiously snoring. Jay and Yunjin are sitting somewhere you can’t see them, probably eating each other’s faces; she once told you they had their “most mind-blowing sex” when both a little drunk, and much to your dismay, you haven’t been able to get that piece of information out of your head since. Chaewon is on the phone to her long-distance bestie Sakura, for whom it’s a nice eleven in the morning right now. 

This means that you and Jake are left alone, both of you still tipsy and not tired enough to fall asleep. You drop your head on Jake’s shoulder, and not only does he let you, he also takes your hand in his, interlacing your fingers and placing them atop his thigh. Clumsily, because he now has to use his left hand, Jake slips his phone out of his back pocket and shows you the photos he took all evening. As the night progresses, they get blurrier and blurrier, so much so that towards the end, you can’t tell what he was even trying to capture, and you laugh at how inappropriate some of these would be to submit in a university project. 

When he softly says your name, you don’t raise your head, simply humming to let him know you’re listening. You close your eyes, cherishing the way your name sounds on his lips. It’s his tone, tentative and vulnerable as he tells you there’s something he’s been wanting to ask you, that makes you look up at him. He, however, won’t meet your eyes, and settles his gaze on the window, even though it’s so dark outside you can’t make out a thing.

“How come you never replied to my letter? I know it’s been ages, but… I still find myself wondering about it.” The question is softly asked and you know he by no means wants to hurt you, but it still feels like a punch to the throat. You hadn’t remembered who it was that had sent the last letter, while he’d been wondering all these years why his words had been left unanswered. 

He seems set on not looking at you, so you rest your head back on his shoulder. Your hand is still in his. “I’m not sure, Jakey. I’m sorry,” you say, aware it’s not a satisfying answer. You’ve thought about why you and Jake had stopped talking for hours on end; you’ve discussed it with your friends and your mum, looked at it from all sorts of angles, tried to come up with real reasons other than time pulling you apart. But now that Jake himself is asking you about it, the words don’t come easy. You’ve theorised that you were afraid putting effort into sustaining your friendship would only hurt you in the end, because it was just that - a friendship. You could fool yourself into thinking you were okay only being friends with him when he was with you, that putting your feelings aside was worth it since you could at least spend time with him. But now that he was away, you didn’t have that anymore - it just hurt. So what was the point? And how could you phrase all this without betraying your feelings for him?

“Our letters were so sparse anyway back then, even our texts and calls were getting less and less frequent… And whenever I had a new boyfriend, I’d get into the same argument about being too close to you over and over again, even though you were literally on another continent.” 

“You know, I always felt sorry about that.”

“About what?”

“Those boyfriends of yours. I felt like you waited for me to leave before you started dating-”

“It wasn’t like that!” you exclaim, lifting your head again. Finally, he meets your eyes, gaze softening upon seeing your affronted expression. “It wasn’t like that,” you repeat, relaxing your tone. “If anything, they were the ones that waited for you to be gone. I'm sorry I let their jealousy get to me.”

Jake smiles, the tenderness in his gaze making your whole body turn to jelly. He squeezes your hands. “It’s okay. I just… I felt like I was always in the way of your relationships, even after I left.”

“You don’t have to feel sorry about that. They should’ve had more trust in me.”

He pauses, gaze dropping down to your intertwined hands. “I would’ve been jealous.” When his eyes find yours again, there’s something in them that you quite can’t place. It creates a ball of nerves that pull at your stomach. “If I were dating you, and you had a guy friend you were as close with as we were back then, I’d be jealous. You know, I’d assume he had feelings for you. And that you might have feelings for him, too.”

Because I did, you think. I did, and I still do. You try to communicate that thought to Jake, but telepathy works especially bad when one has as much alcohol coursing through their veins as you do right now. So instead, you say the opposite of what you’re thinking, turning away from Jake to avoid his gaze. You watch the dribble of saliva trickle from Sunghoon’s lips. “That’s not a great view of male-female friendship.” 

Jake’s retort comes immediately. “But we were different, right?”

His words echo through your head until they make even less sense than they did initially. Different from what? From who? You’re not sure - but you like the idea of you and Jake being different, special. You especially like the idea of Jake thinking so. So you look at him and smile. “Right.” 

Slowly, his grin fades and turns into a worried expression. “Y/N?”

“Mm?”

“We’re still different now, aren’t we?”

You want to wrap him in your arms so tightly neither of you can breathe. You settle for running a hand through his hair and pinching his cheek. “Course we are.” Your whole being relaxes when his face breaks into a smile again. 

--

The next morning, you wake up to Yunjin plopping down on your bed unceremoniously, shaking you awake, and asking you if you want anything from Snax Café. On one hand, you’re grateful that she thought of you and that in thirty minutes’ time, you’ll have the greasiest sausage wrap and hash browns known to man in your hand; on the other, you’d like to think that she knows you well enough to know to order your regular from there without asking. But that’s probably the hangover talking.

You stumble out of bed, thanking last night’s you for having remembered to take headache medicine before crashing. Even if your stomach is very upset with the copious amount of alcohol it needs to rid your body of, and your throat is begging for water, at least your head doesn’t feel like it’s been split into two. As Yunjin barges into Chaewon’s room just as she had done yours, you head for the kitchen to get yourself a tall glass of revitalising tap water. You’re only mildly surprised to find Sunghoon passed out on your living room couch - it takes you a few seconds to remember that the three of you took pity on him when you learned he lived over an hour’s walk from the station, so you let him spend the night on your uncomfortable, cold leather sofa. While you down your glass in three gulps, you hear Yunjin shaking Sunghoon awake and asking him loudly if he wanted something from Snax.

“Fuck, I’d kill for a Snax right now,” he groggily says before he’s even opened his eyes. When he does, they dart around the room until they land on Yunjin, who's crouching in front of him. He looks like he thought her question was asked in a dream and not in real life. He also looks like he's not quite sure where he is, or who Yunjin is. It isn’t until Jay comes wobbling out of Yunjin’s bed to the couch opposite Sunghoon that the memories seem to piece back together in his head. The three of you watch him like he’s an unstable mental patient and you’re his doctors. 

“No need for that, I’m ordering it on Deliveroo.” He nods his head and goes back to sleep for the time being. 

Just as you’re about to text Jake, your phone rings with a call from him. His raspy morning voice as he asks you whether you slept well makes you want to put your head in an oven heated at 200 degrees Celsius. However, you resist the urge, and answer him with a smile, then ask him the same question.

“I slept pretty well too. I’d have slept in longer but one of my flatmates decided to have a Sunday fucking brunch and his friends are so loud. Can I come over?”

You’re very aware of the other people in the room, especially of Chaewon who has just walked in and is eyeing you suspiciously as if to say, Why are you smiling so hard at ten in the morning? You know the girls would jump at any opportunity to tease you about Jake, and with the added presence of Sunghoon in the room, you can’t have that. So you stifle the giggles bubbling in your throat and answer as nonchalantly as you can. It also gives you the chance to reflect on why Jake Sim asking you whether he can come over makes you want to giggle like a giddy schoolgirl so much.

(Maybe it’s because when it comes to him, you’re still the giddy schoolgirl you used to be.)

“Yeah, of course. I was going to ask you if you wanted anything from Snax, actually.”

“Snax? What’s that?”

“Oh my God, Jake, am I about to introduce you to Snax right now?”

Twenty minutes later, the six of you are sitting around your small living room table, all varying amounts of tired, dehydrated and famished as you dig into your breakfast. Given your current levels of energy, it’s fairly quiet; plus, the food hits such a spot that it’s hard to talk and eat at the same time. Jake eats like he’s never had a breakfast wrap and hash brown in his life. It’s an endearing sight if you’ve ever seen one. 

You spend the afternoon together, watching movies curled up in your bed, and you try desperately not to think about the implications of that - except that’s hard to do when Jake is right next to you, legs and arms ever-so-slightly brushing against yours, his warmth so close yet so out of reach. You purposefully let him pick movies you’ve already seen so that you don’t have to focus on anything but your own thoughts and the faint but dizzying scent of his body wash. The both of you had an innumerable amount of sleepovers as kids, so this shouldn’t feel weird, but it decidedly does, probably because you’re much more aware of him now in a way you weren’t before.  

As hard as you try to figure out what exactly he meant by “different,” you draw a blank. The only way you’ll understand is if you ask him, and you’re far too scared to do that. You don’t want to seem so hung upon a singular word he used when he was tipsy. It might be slightly dramatic, but you felt like some sort of balance had been restored since Jake was back in your life - the problem was it made you scared to do anything that might threaten this newfound equilibrium. It at least seems like different means a good thing to him, and that’s enough for you. 

You look over to him when the second movie comes to an end. He’s sleeping peacefully, lashes caressing the skin under his eyes and cheeks looking rounder than usual. It’d be so easy to reach a finger out and trace the line descending from the top of his forehead to his chin, gliding along the bump of his nose and feeling the plumpness of his rosy lips, but you settle for drawing that line with your eyes instead.  

You don’t think you’ll be able to fall asleep with him next to you and your heart beating so loudly in your ears, but you find yourself waking up a few hours later, the sun already starting to set. Jake is already awake, scrolling on his phone, one arm casually behind his head as if being in your bed is as comfortable to him as being in his own. When he sees you’ve woken up, his honey-coated smile washes warmly over you, and he makes a joke about how he keeps on falling asleep when he’s with you. “I feel that at ease, I guess,” he says, and you hope you’re not making up the small blush that spreads over his cheeks. 

--

Semesters are always a short and intense affair, but this one passes by even quicker with Jake by your side. Before you know it, it’s midterms already, and you and Jake have travelled enough for him to complete his project and make another one just for the hell of it. He had scoured the internet for the cheapest train tickets and most noteworthy sites, planning trips that lasted anywhere between three hours and a day for the two of you. All you needed to do was follow and trust him, which was the easiest thing anyone could’ve asked of you. 

You’ve gone back to Glasgow, during the day, this time, as well as St. Andrews and Aberdeen. You’ve practically visited every loch and castle in a one-hour train ride radius of Edinburgh, and Jake has more lined up for the second part of the semester. He’s even said that your trips should continue being a thing next term, and you couldn’t have agreed faster. With every new destination, every train ride spent looking out a window or laughing about everything and anything, any odd Scottish food you try for the first time, you somehow fall for him a bit deeper. You didn’t know your love for him could bloom any more than it already had - but Jake is the gift that keeps on giving, and, unwillingly or not, he always finds new ways to make your heart speed that much faster.

Attentionate, affectionate, sweet Jake who always makes sure you’re comfortable wherever you go, always gives you his jacket or tucks your hair behind your ear to prevent it from falling in your face. Who, as time passed, grew more touchy, would hold your hand, ruffle your hair, pinch your cheek, which was simultaneously devastating and elating. Who, you could tell, started to linger more, both in his touch and in his gaze. Questions of does he love me back or am I seeing what I want to see? nearly drove you mad. 

--

“I feel like at this point the only way she’ll understand that I like her is if I kill myself and write in my suicide note that it’s her fault for not loving me back.”

Jake has been pacing back and forth in Jay’s living room for approximately twenty minutes, with no end in sight. At least he’ll have gotten most of his ten thousand steps of the day in.

Jay sighs heavily. “Okay, I really don’t think you need to go that far.”

“Sounds romantic to me,” Sunghoon says, mouth full of salted caramel popcorn.

“I hope you never get a girlfriend,” Jay retorts, looking at his deranged friend with a scowl. He turns back to his (slightly more) normal friend and gives him a sympathetic smile. 

“I mean, I told her we were different. Different. That we weren’t like regular friends. I tell her she’s pretty every chance I get. I give her my jacket all the time, even though this country is fucking cold. I’ve even given her a t-shirt of mine, sprayed with my perfume and everything. And don’t get me wrong, I do it ‘cause I love doing that for her-”

“Simp,” Sunghoon snickers.

“But what the hell else can I do? Like, she has to be ignoring it on purpose at this point.” 

“You could always, you know… tell her?”

Jake scoffs, fixing his friend with a derisive look. “Wow. What a great idea, Jay, I never thought of that one before!”

A popcorn lands right on Jay’s cheek. “You’re so clueless, man,” Sunghoon says, a shit-eating smirk on his lips. As if he knows any better.

Jay looks back-and-forth between his friends, an expression on his face like he’s been disparaged. “Sorry, I didn’t know being straightforward and honest was such a bad thing. It would just make things a lot clearer for the both of you.”

“But… I’m scared,” Jake says. 

“Man up!” Sunghoon suddenly yells, punching the sofa next to him, making his friends jump. “How can she ever figure it out if you don’t tell her?”

“You were on my side just a second ago, man, what are you doing?” Jake asks, confusion written all over his face. Sunghoon’s eyes dart back and forth between the two boys, retreating into silence as he stuffs his mouth with another handful of popcorn.

“Just ignore him,” Jay says. “But for once, he did say something that makes a modicum of sense. You think you’re being really obvious, but you might not actually be. Which could be a good sign, you know. I heard girls were super aware of a guy liking them if they weren’t into him, but being totally oblivious if they did like him.”

“Where did you hear that?” Jake asks, an eyebrow raised in suspicion.

“...Instagram Reels,” Jay reluctantly admits, frowning at Sunghoon who bursts into laughter. 

Jake holds the bridge of his nose between two fingers like his head aches. “You’re both so useless, I’m never coming to you with my problems ever again.”

“I’ll pretend I’m not offended by that.”

“I’d rather you didn’t, anyway,” Sunghoon says. He’s smiling but Jake genuinely can’t tell if he’s joking or not.

“But seriously, if you think you’ve done everything, then just do one last thing that’s so obvious she can’t misinterpret it,” Jay says.

“Like what?”

“Like kissing her, or some-”

“Kissing her?!” Jake echoes.

“That’s wild, man,” Sunghoon uselessly butts in.

“It’s just an example, calm yourselves,” Jay says. “Or, again, just straight up tell her how you feel. It’s what I did with Yunjin, and it worked.”

“You and Yunjin are dating?” Sunghoon asks, bewildered.

Jay shakes his head at him. “Where the hell have you been, bro? We were literally cuddling on the couch the other day.”

“I just thought you were really good friends, or something.”

Jake groans, holding his head in his hands. Sunghoon was of no help whatsoever, and Jay was so on point that it annoyed him. Confessing was the only solution - but Jake was so afraid of being rejected and losing your friendship that he had barely entertained the thought. But he had found the courage to do it once, and even though his planned confession had fallen through back then, he could get himself together and do it again. 

It was the day he had told you he was moving to Korea, which he himself had learned that morning. Originally, he’d texted you because he had news to share - good news. Or at least, he hoped they were good. He hoped the soft, lingering looks you gave him weren’t a figment of his imagination but rather the confirmation he needed that you liked him back. He hoped that like him, you cared too much about your friendship to make the first move into something else; that by confessing first, you’d be relieved of that responsibility; that his wish to hold your hand and kiss your forehead wasn’t one-sided. 

He decided not to prepare anything - just a couple sentences that he’d rehearsed over and over in his head. Declarations of love, bouquets of flowers, chocolate and couple keychains, all that could wait until after you’d said yes to being his girlfriend. He didn’t want to win you over just once, he wanted to show you every day how much he loved you. Fourteen-year-old Jake was absolutely head over heels for you; so imagine his disappointment when, as he was getting ready to meet with you, his parents called him downstairs, a tone to their voice Jake wasn’t familiar with, but that couldn’t mean anything good. 

“Your dad’s job is sending us back to Seoul next month,” his mom announced, not beating around the bush. He felt everything quite literally crumbling down around him. His friends in Brisbane, his school, his hobbies, but above all, you. He’d lose it all. And what was the point now in telling you how he felt? If you felt the same way, it would only make his departure that much harder, and if you didn’t, it would ruin your last moments together. It just wasn’t worth it.

What he had planned to be good news turned into the most awful ones. The thought of it happening all over again makes twenty-year-old Jake shudder. But he wouldn’t let himself be trapped by time again - sure, in seven months, the academic year would be over, and he would go back to Korea. But that didn’t mean that those seven months should be spent in agony, or the following ones either, for that matter. You would make it work. What was long-distance to someone who loved someone else as much as Jake loved you?

But he doesn’t want to get ahead of himself. He has to start by really resolving to do this, and in the off-chance that it actually goes in his favour, he’d start worrying about long distance then.

First, he has a trip to plan.

--

You should’ve known that a trip to the Scottish Highlands in the middle of November was a risky choice in terms of weather. The day started off nicely enough - no sign of rain when you woke up or as you watched the sunrise through the train window. Clouds turned the sky a bright white at first, then increasingly greyer and greyer. You feel the first drops of rain after lunch as you walk around a small village. By four pm, it’s pitch black and storming like you’ve rarely seen before. You head into a pub to grab a drink as you wait for the rain to subside, but subside it does not. You end up ordering fish and chips, one each, although one serving is enough to feed three. Even after taking your time eating, the bad weather does not let up. The last train, which is meant to be at eight pm, has been cancelled. Luckily, there’s an inn right across the road from the pub; you have no choice but to spend the night. 

The inn receptionist is sitting so low on her chair, you can barely see her over the desk until you’re standing right over it. Her face is hidden by a book and it’s only when you say hiya that she seems to realise you’re there. You had never heard of the book or of its author, but you recognized the cover design as that of those romance novels with repetitive plots and weirdly misogynistic love interests your mum and every other middle-aged woman was obsessed with.

Her smile widens as she looks between you and Jake. “Hi there. One room for the lovely couple?”

“Oh, we’re not-”

“Yes, please,” Jake interrupts, smiling down at her, then at you. “It’ll be cheaper if we share a room.”

“Our only room with two single beds is already taken, I’m afraid. One double bed okay for you two?”

You feel like you’re about to faint, so you’re glad Jake is there to answer. “Yeah, of course.” How the idea of sharing one bed with you is so okay to him, you’re not sure - granted, you’ve done it before, but this feels different. For all intents and purposes, this is a hotel room you’re staying in. And you’re staying in it with Jake. 

You try to calm your breathing as the receptionist guides you to your room, chatting casually with Jake on the way there. As she unlocks the door for you, she informs you that check-out must be done before eleven in the morning tomorrow, then bids you good night and leaves you to it, still wearing that smile you swear has mischievousness to it. The door clicks shut behind you, and it’s just Jake and you again, together in this small room until tomorrow morning. Your chances of survival are very, very low. 

Your room is a humble one, consisting of a desk, a cupboard, two armchairs, a small, separate bathroom and the infamous bed. Every surface seems to be covered with wood, from the ceiling, to the walls, to the old-fashioned furniture. Only the floor is a soft, beige carpet. Especially with the darkness outside, it makes for a gloomy room until you turn on the lamp by the entrance; it casts a warm, golden light in the room, one that would make you feel at ease if it wasn’t for Jake’s presence next to you. The implications of being essentially trapped in a barely-lit room with him are heavy on your mind, especially when he looks this gorgeous with his hair still damp from the rain and the soft lights playing on his face. 

His voice brings you out of your thoughts. “Right. Do you, um, do you wanna shower first?” he asks, setting his bag on one of the armchairs.

“Oh. Yeah, sure.” There has never been such an awkward tension between the two of you, but you know you’re not doing anything to ease it. You hope a shower will help you get out of your head and make you relax.

You feel the tension leave your muscles under the hot water, but your stomach is still in knots. You’ve never been this nervous around Jake before; back when you were fourteen and again in these past few months, you’d gotten so used to dealing with your unspoken feelings for him that you could almost forget about them when you were with him. They’d come back to you when you were alone and dwelling on the moments you’d spent together, on his words and actions you desperately tried not to read too much into but always ended up doing anyway. But right now, they’ve floated to the surface, becoming as obvious to you as a stain on your skin you can’t rub away. You’re scared Jake will notice it, and, in the worst case scenario you often thought about, would run away and never speak to you again. 

At least the raging storm outside would make that a bit harder.

When you step out of the shower, you curse yourself for not having worn more comfortable clothes on this trip. You definitely can’t wear these jeans and button-up sweater to lounge around. Thankfully, the inn provides two long bathrobes that you could wear over underwear and your tank top, but you wonder where on the scale of inappropriate this would be to wear with Jake in the room. He’s seen you in short pyjama shorts before, but this, like everything else that would usually be normal between the two of you, feels weird today. 

You wrap the bathrobe around yourself, tying it in place around your waist, and decide that it’d only be weird if you made it weird. And if Jake found the sight of your bare legs weird, then he was the weird one.

The scene you’re met with as you walk into the room makes you want to retreat into the bathroom immediately. Jake is lying on the bed with his upper half against the headboard, one leg extended and the other one bent, resting his head against one palm, using his free hand to scroll through his phone. His t-shirt has ridden up slightly, putting the waistband of his Calvin Kleins into view. Worst of all, when he sees you, his face breaks into a grin. 

Your stomach twists when he gives you a once-over, letting his gaze linger on your legs. “Did you bring a bathrobe with you or was it included?” he asks with an annoyingly handsome smirk.

You roll your eyes. “Yes, I bring a bathrobe with me wherever I go,” you say sarcastically. “Now shut up and go shower, you stink.” Reverting to insults is always the solution when you’re internally freaking out.

“Yes, ma’am.” 

He takes so long in the shower that by the time he comes out, you’ve dozed off in bed. As if you were a child, he wakes you up with a boop to the nose, crouching next to the bed and smiling at you. His wet hair falls on his head like that of a movie star in a shower scene, which you find extremely unfair, and his cheeks are red from the warmth of the water. 

“It’s still early. Do you wanna go grab another drink?”

“In our bathrobes?” you say, laughing. “Nah, I don’t really feel like drinking anyway.” Read: I’m not sure what I’ll do with alcohol in me.

“Okay, no worries. Um, I think I saw they had board games in the lobby?”

Your ears perk up at this. “Ooh, what kind of board games?”

Putting jeans on underneath his bathrobe, Jake slips away for a minute and comes back with Monopoly, Uno, and a deck of cards. “They didn’t have much for two players,” he says, dumping everything on the bed. 

You already knew that anything would become fun if you did it with Jake, but you definitely didn’t expect to spend almost five hours just playing Monopoly and card games with him. Neither of you stays put for very long, always switching from sitting criss-cross to laying on your stomach, making fun of the other’s bathrobe even though you’re wearing the exact same thing. You make each other laugh as you make up your own nonsense rules and disregard the laws of your games, attacking the other ruthlessly for a couple extra points or coins. Jake even makes you go get snacks from a corner store that’s miraculously still open because you lose the first round of Uno. 

After some time, Jake lets out a loud yawn, which in turn makes you yawn too. He checks his phone to find that it’s close to midnight already. “Time for bed?” he asks, and your nervousness that had finally dissipated as you played came rushing back. 

You nod. “Yeah, sounds good.”

The two of you clean up before brushing your teeth. Even that, with Jake by your side, becomes a silly affair as he pulls faces in the mirror and nudges your hip with his. You stay behind to use the toilet, and when you come back out, Jake’s already in bed, bathrobe tossed on one of the armchairs. This means that Jake is just casually in a t-shirt and boxers, waiting for you to join him in bed. Luckily, his back is turned to you, so you quickly take off your own bathrobe and slide under the sheets, careful to keep your distance from him. The sheets are cold underneath you, and you know it’ll take a while before your body heat warms them up - although you feel very hot and bothered because of the man lying next to you. 

“Gosh, I’m really sleepy all of a sudden,” he says, words distorted by a yawn. You only hum in response, and he reaches for the lamp to turn it off. Just like that, you’re in complete darkness, and Jake’s body is mere inches from your own. 

It’s eerily quiet for a while, and when you’ve managed to slow your heartbeat and regularise your breathing, you start trying to fall asleep. You toss and turn, unable to find a comfortable position until Jake’s low, sleepy voice breaks the silence. “Can’t sleep?” he asks, and you freeze.

You sigh. “No. I’m sorry for keeping you up,” you say guiltily.

“It’s okay. I can’t really sleep either. It’s a bit cold in here.”

You pause. “Right. Yeah, it is,” you say, even though you feel like you’re sweating buckets. 

The room plunges into silence again, long enough for you to think Jake has fallen asleep. You feel something cold against your foot, only realising as it slides up your calf that it’s his foot. “Jake!” you whisper-yell, withdrawing your leg as he bursts into giggles that warm your heart. “Your feet are so cold,” you say in-between chuckles.

“I’m cold all over,” he whines. “Have they not turned the heating on yet? It’s already mid-November.”

“People are used to the cold here.”

“Well I’m not. Can we cuddle?” he suddenly asks, and he must somehow feel the way you freeze in place because he stammers out a justification straight away. “For, I mean, just for warmth, you know. I don’t think I’ll sleep otherwise.”

His foot finds yours again and you can’t help but laugh. “Sure, fine,” you say with a sigh as if you were doing only half-heartedly for his sake. As if this was some big sacrifice you were making, and not something you’d daydreamed about one too many times before. 

Your heart is beating a thousand miles a second when you scooch closer to Jake, his hands finding your waist as easily as if they’d been there a hundred times before. He pulls you in much closer than you had expected, holding you tightly against his chest, one arm for you to use as a pillow and one hand resting on your lower back. You try to calm your respiration so that he can’t hear how short of breath you are, but based on his own breathing, he seems to be out in five minutes. It takes you longer to fall asleep, every shift of his body sending shivers down your spine, but you manage to relax after some time, letting his warmth envelop you as you drift off to sleep.

--

The feeling of waking up with you in his arms is so unreal, Jake thinks he might still be dreaming.

He looks down at your peaceful sleeping face and can’t stop the smile that spreads on his lips. Jake always thinks you’re pretty, but this is a sight he particularly wants to commit to memory. He watches fondly as the bright sun rays of the early morning hit your face, making you scrunch your eyebrows and bury your face deeper against him. You grunt softly, and when he feels you shifting and stretching your legs, he pretends to fall asleep so you don’t catch him staring. It seems like you’ve raised your head, chin tilted towards him - if he’s lucky, you’re watching him “sleep” just like he did seconds ago.

He contains a smile at the joke that forms itself in his brain before shooting his eyes open, catching you off guard during what you thought was a private, secret moment. 

“Shit!” you yelp, practically jumping off of him and rolling onto the other side of the bed. He bursts into laughter, proud that his little prank was effective. Before you can scold him, he makes his way to you, wrapping an arm around your waist and bringing your back against his chest. He thinks he feels your body tense; but then you bring your hand over his, swiping your thumb back and forth against his skin, and you relax in his hold. “You’re so annoying,” you complain, but your voice is tender, almost weak.

He buries his face in your hair, trying not to be too loud when he inhales there. “Sorry,” he says, the smile evident in his voice. “The opportunity was right there. Caught you staring, huh?”

“You’re such an idiot.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” It’s quiet for a few minutes, and Jake is more than happy to enjoy this moment in silence, but there’s something burning the tip of his tongue. It’s been there for a while now, but he thinks he’s finally found the right moment. “Y/N?”

“Mm?”

“There’s something I couldn’t tell you last night, but I feel oddly okay saying it right now. Are you listening?” 

“I am, yeah,” you say gently, voice so soft it caresses his skin and draws goosebumps from it.

His chest expands and falls with a deep, shaky breath. With your back right against it, he’s scared you’ll hear that his heart is beating faster than it should. “Bad news first?” he says with a nervous chuckle.

“Uh-oh.”

“There’s no roundabout way to say this, so here goes, I guess.” He takes another breath. “I’m in love with you, Y/N.” You tense in his embrace, and he waits for you to say something, anything before he continues.

“Oh,” is all you say. He hopes it’s a good oh - even if it isn’t, he doesn’t let it deter him.

“Yeah. I really debated telling you this… I know you might not feel the same way. But I also know that if I don’t say anything and make the same mistake twice, I’ll beat myself up over it for the rest of my life.”

“The same mistake?” you ask, looking at him over your shoulder.

He gazes down at you tenderly, pushing hair away from your face with a gentle hand. “I already felt that way back when we lived in Australia. I was about to tell you but when I learned that I was moving, I didn’t wanna risk ruining the little time we had left together.”

The look on your face both breaks his heart and patches it up again. “Jakey…” you say, voice just a whisper. You turn around to face him and bury your face in the crook of his neck. The fact that you’re not saying much is making his stomach twist in agonising stress, but he takes it as a good sign that you’re still holding him tight and not running away.

“I think I’d be the luckiest guy on Earth if you felt the same way,” he says, hopefulness clear in his voice. 

And then he finally hears the words he’s been dying to hear all these years. “Of course, I feel the same way, Jake,” you say, eyes meeting his. “This isn’t bad news at all, it’s like, the best possible news ever.”

It takes him a few seconds, but when your words sink in, a bright smile graces his features. He feels tears coming up - tears of relief that you feel the same way, of sadness that it took the both of you so long to get here, of happiness that something new might start - he’s not sure. Perhaps everything at once.

“Of course?” he echoes, smiling wildly. “It wasn’t obvious to me.”

“Oh, gosh,” you murmur, burying yourself into him once more. “I can’t believe this is actually happening.”

He tightened his hold around you, bringing you to him as close as physically possible. “Me neither.”

The feeling of you tangling your bare legs with his and bunching up the fabric of his t-shirt in your fist awakens something in him - he had been in his head, thanking the heavens that you loved him back, reeling from his belated confession, but he was now very aware of his body. And of yours. He was reminded of Jay telling him to kiss you - although he hadn’t needed to go there to reveal his feelings to you, it was still a possibility. It was even more so now that he knew you felt the same way. 

He tries to be subtle as he brushes a hand up your back to the nape of your neck, gently grazing his fingernails against the skin there. He has to suppress a self-satisfied smirk when he feels you squirm under his touch, lifting your head to fix him with a scolding look. Your stern expression fades as soon as his eyes fall on your lips, however, and you quickly mirror his gaze. His lips part, and he feels his whole body shake as he takes a deep breath in. Who knew that you’d share your first kiss on a random Sunday morning in the fuckass middle of nowhere in Scotland?

Maybe you take pity on him, or you recognise the effort put into being the one to make the first move, or, as he’d like to think, you just really want to kiss him - either way, you’re the one who closes the gap and presses your lips to his.

Your lips. So soft, so delicate against his, absolutely perfect. It’s a simple, tentative touch, but he’s craved it for so long that it makes his head spin. He frowns, despite himself instantly needing more than this feather-like feeling of your lips brushing against each other. His mind tells him to calm down and take it slow, but his body takes over, urging him to grab the nape of your neck a little harder, to hold you a little closer to him, to kiss you a little stronger. Thankfully, you let him do all of this and more, hands finding purchase in his hair and returning his intensity tenfold. 

He doesn’t know what’s better - the fact that you’re kissing him or the kiss itself. The way your lips move against his is intoxicating; it wraps itself around its mind and leaves no room for thoughts that aren’t of you. You seem to want him as desperately as he wants you, to have waited for him as long as he did for you, and this is what drives him crazy. You press your body against his and he sees stars; you let out a moan against his lips and he kisses you deeper, ready to do anything to hear that melody again. 

Unfortunately, the only melody he gets to hear is that of his phone alarm, informing you that it’s quarter to eleven and that you have fifteen minutes to leave. Check-out at eleven am had sounded nice yesterday; now, he would stay in this dingy inn his whole life if it meant he got to keep kissing you. 

The both of you reluctantly break apart, bursting into giddy laughter when your eyes meet. As said before, Jake always thinks you’re pretty, but with your pupils blown and your lips plump from kissing, this might just be the prettiest he’s ever seen you. 

“You know, I like you a lot, but I’d like you even more if you could stop time,” you say.

He looks down at you with a smile, pushing away the strands of hair that had fallen on your face. “Sure, I’ll learn how to control time for you.”

“Thanks, Jakey.” You peck his lips, lingering, and he closes his eyes to savour your sweetness. 

“Anything for you, baby.” His eyes widen at the nickname slip, but you erupt into giggles.

“Baby?”

“Would you look at the time, we really got to go,” he says, detangling his limbs from yours. He pauses for a second. “Baby,” he repeats, pressing a quick kiss to your forehead before bouncing from the bed.

You get ready together, and the mundane tasks of stripping sheets from a bed and packing bags become the funnest things he’s ever done. You’re all over each other, attacking the other with kisses and hugs; Jake doesn’t think he’s ever felt quite this happy. 

And this is only the beginning.

--

There’s a glint in the receptionist’s eyes when you check out of your room, as if she knew something you and Jake had been oblivious to all along. It’s the only one in town, so you go back to the little pub for a full breakfast with eggs, hash browns, haggis, and sausages. You get coffee so strong you think you might not sleep for the next four days, while Jake drinks tea that is equal parts sugar, milk, and actual tea.

From the moment you leave the pub to the moment you arrive at your doorstep, Jake’s hands barely leave yours. When they have to, like when you’re searching for the perfect seat on the train or when the controller checks your tickets, they’re back together within a minute, like two magnets that can’t stay apart for too long. The rain has long subsided, leaving place to a bright blue sky and wet blades of grass that shine in the sun. 

Now that your mutual feelings don’t need to be kept secret, you tell each other about everything you had to go through, like you pretending your good news was your mum having baked the cookies Jake liked and him seeing your new boyfriends every two months on your close friends story. He tells you about all the hints he’s dropped, causing you to facepalm over and over again. It feels like two friends catching each other to speed on all the latest gossip, except the topic of that gossip is you.

The juxtaposition of your familiarity with Jake with the novelty of behaving like a couple, of not having to hold back with your touches or gazes or words, is nothing if not jarring. But you have a feeling you’ll get used to it in no time. 

As you unlock the front door to your building, you don’t ask him if he’s coming up - to you, it’s a given that you’ll be spending the rest of today and every day after that together. So when he doesn’t follow you, staying still on the threshold, you turn around with a questioning look on your face. 

“There’s something I need to do this afternoon,” he says, taking both of your hands in his.

“Can’t I come with?” you say. Jake wavers for a second, but sadly, he stays firm in his decision.

“Sorry, baby, it’s a surprise. I’ll be back at seven with takeout?”

You can’t possibly be mad at him when he calls you baby and offers food in the same breath. “Only if you bring takeout.”

“You only love me because I feed you, don’t you?” he asks, a smile on his face.

“Yup,” you reply. You’re standing on a step, so you bend down to kiss him - you intend for it to be a peck, but when your lips touch, you’re unable to pull away. You let yourself get lost in the feeling of his lips on yours, in the warmth that takes over your body and makes your brain all fuzzy. 

A loud, affronted gasp from behind you makes you jump from Jake, and when you turn around, Chaewon and Yunjin are standing in the stairwell, staring at you with wide eyes and gaping mouths. 

“So this was a sexcapade?” is, much to your horror, the first thing Yunjin says.

Thanks to Chaewon, neither you nor Jake have the time to dwell on this sentence as she comes running down the stairs and pounces on you. You don’t know how a woman so small can have such force, but her hug is so tight you can barely breathe, let alone hug her back properly. “I knew you could do it!” she exclaims. When she pulls away, she seems so moved, it looks like she’s about to cry. “You finally popped your Jake cherry,” she whispers, but it’s loud enough for Jake to hear. A bark of laughter escapes his throat.

“Okay, thanks, guys,” you say, escaping this awkward situation and going up the stairs. “I’ll see you later, Jake!” you yell over your shoulder. The girls seem to be on their way out, and you’re more than happy leaving him to deal with them on his own. God knows you’ll get the worst of it when they come back. 

As soon as you get to your flat, you make a beeline for your bedroom, plopping on the bed. You’re the same person, and this is the same room. But something within you feels entirely different, like a scar that you had been carrying around had, without you even noticing, healed so well you could barely see it anymore. You lifted your hands in the air, looked at the back of them, then at your palms. They were the same old hands that had been with you your whole life, and you were almost shocked that there wasn’t something utterly different about them after having held Jake’s hand for so long. Just to be sure, you sniffed your right hand, but it didn’t smell any different, either. But you still felt Jake’s hand on yours, like headphones you’d been wearing for hours and still felt on your ears after taking them off.

Yunjin and Chaewon are back from their shopping half-an-hour later; they got you a chocolate fudge cake from Tesco to congratulate you. “You guys are acting like this is my birthday…” you say, eyeing the cake greedily as Chaewon cuts it into three equal parts (even though it says serves eight on the packaging). 

“This is more important than your birthday, Y/N,” Yunjin states as she pours oat milk into three cups of Earl Grey tea. “This is, like, the moment of a lifetime.”

“Are you saying a girl’s importance depends on her having a boyfriend?”

“Yes, Y/N, that’s exactly what I’m saying. Especially when said boyfriend is the guy she’s been pining after for all of her teenage and adult life.”

You sigh. “Well, he hasn’t exactly popped the boyfriend and girlfriend question yet.” They both turn to look at you, an annoyed look on their faces. You stand up straight, uncomfortable under their gazes. “What?”

“Usually, I’m all for clarity on this issue,” Chaewon starts. “But isn’t it pretty obvious here?”

“You’re still gonna have to tell us everything in minute detail, but Jake’s already told us what happened. He had no qualms referring to you as his girlfriend, so I really don’t think this is something you need to worry about. What you should worry about is when and where you’re going to hop on that dick.”

Chaewon bursts into laughter, and you can’t help but follow suit. “Gosh, Yunjin, you really do have a way with words.”

“I know. This is what having a Jane Austen hyperfixation at fifteen will do to you.”

Following Yunjin’s orders, you tell them about the events of the previous day and this morning over tea and cake. They ooh and ah and gasp in all the right places, ask you very specific questions and even make you draw a picture of the room you stayed in. You’ve talked to them about Jake so many times that there’s only so much to say now - but still, you talk for hours on end, deviating off-topic so often you end up talking about something else entirely. 

You’re in bed reading for your Middle English Literature class when the doorbell rings. It’s seven on the dot, so it can be no one else other than Jake. It’s been mere hours, but you’ve missed him enough to last you for weeks. 

He brought takeaway from the Indian place you’d raved about a hundred times but hadn’t brought him to yet. Somehow, your heart grows even fonder as you watch his reaction to the food, the raise of his eyebrows, the widening of his eyes, the excited shimmy of his shoulders. When you ask him about his afternoon, a wide smile breaks out onto his face, like a lightbulb illuminating a room. Without a word, he scurries to your room, bringing back some sort of book with him. He hands it to you  with a shy smile and curious eyes, eagerly anticipating your reaction. The cover reads Y/N and Jake in his clumsy but endearing handwriting, with the date of his arrival in Edinburgh and an em-dash scribbled underneath. “I haven’t booked my flight home yet, so I’ll add the second date later,” he explains. 

When you flick through it, you’re met with photographs of you and Jake on all of the trips you’ve done so far, as well as the various adventures you got up to in the city. There’s even one of you sleeping in the library at two am during midterms when you had forgotten about one of your essays, due at midday. Jake had come with coffee and words of encouragement, and now he could brag that the high mark you got was thanks to him. It’s not only photos - it’s also ticket stubs, receipts, stickers, and even a dried flower you had found pretty on your trip to St. Andrews. He’s also written quite a lot, from diary-like entries about what you got up to that day or songs that reminded him of you. 

“You misspelt right here,” you say, pointing to a sentence that reads This is the café write next to the hotel where the last Harry Potter book is said to have been written!!! under a photo of you drinking a massive cup of hot chocolate. The more you look at the typo, the more it makes you laugh, until you have tears brimming in your eyes.

Thanks to Yunjin’s messiness, pens and pencils are strewn over your coffee table. Jake, flushed red in embarrassment at the small mistake, snatches a pencil and aggressively erases write, spelling it correctly the second time around. “This is the level of today’s English Lit undergrads,” he murmurs under his breath. His frown disappears when he looks at you and he laughs along.

You continue looking through the album until you land on a page titled Why I love Y/N. From top to bottom, left to right, it’s filled with Jake’s tiny handwriting. You can tell he put effort into making it neat. There’s a singular photograph of you, one that dates from the first days after Jake’s arrival when you were walking around in the Meadows, the park right next to campus. The sun shone down on you and you smiled brightly at Jake behind the camera.  

You’re not a quarter through reading when tears swell in your eyes, rendering your vision blurry. You wipe them away before they can fall and stain the page. Jake has detailed every last thing he loves about you. It can hardly get cornier than this, but the fact that he wrote this about you makes your heart so full, you’re afraid it might explode in your chest. It ranges from basic things like the way she makes me laugh or her pretty face when she falls asleep in the train (or anywhere, for that matter) to more you-specific things like the strict pastel colour-coding she uses for her notes and her perseverance when eating spicy food even though she can’t take it. He mentions things about you that you didn’t even know, and that feeling of being known in-and-out, of being really seen by someone else only brings more tears to your eyes. Your favourite line comes at the end - the way she makes any place feel like home. A proper sob pushes past your lips at this, and Jake, who had been watching you with an anxious smile, rests a palm on your knee and inches closer to you.

“Why are you crying, is- Did I write something bad?”

You shake your head fervently. “No, no, Jakey, this is… It’s perfect. I’m just…” you trail, letting out a half-sob, half-chuckle. You look at him with a smile before pulling him into a tight hug. “I love it so much. I love you so much.”

You can feel Jake relax against you. “I love you too, baby. I’m glad you like it.”

You pull away after a small while, and turn the next page over. It’s a picture of you over breakfast this morning, with words WE’RE DATING!!!! written underneath it, and those simple words make you so happy, your cheeks ache from smiling. But every page after that is empty. Jake scratches the back of his neck. “I, um, I thought we could fill the rest out together. I debated just doing it myself and giving it to you at the end of the year, but I thought it’d be more fun doing it together.”

“It would. This is such an amazing idea,” you say, flicking back through the pages.

“I thought of it because of that project I had. When I started working on it, all the photos I wanted to include were of you, but I wasn’t sure how much my professor would appreciate that… So I decided to make one more personal. One for us,” he says shyly, shrugging like it’s no big deal.

“Thank you so much, Jakey.”

He smiles. “It’s no worries.”

“Did you do it all this afternoon?”

“I had started it before, but I added it most of today, yeah. Which, by the way, awful timing. I wanted nothing more than to spend today with you.”

Your heart leaps. You’re not sure you’ll ever get used to hearing such words from Jake’s mouth.

Sometime later, you’re laying in bed with Jake between your legs, watching the most recent animated Spiderman movie. With the tips of your fingers, you draw random patterns on his forearm, and if it wasn’t for his occasional chuckles, you’d think he had fallen asleep. You chat for a bit after the movie, but you find that after such an emotionally-packed day, you’re ready to call it a night fairly early. But when the lights are off and it’s just you lying against Jake’s chest, his fingernails grazing your scalp and his familiar, comforting scent clouding your judgement, all thoughts of an early night are thrown out of the window.

You shouldn’t feel so nervous - you had fallen asleep in his arms last night, and it had gone well. Really well. 

“This is different from yesterday, isn’t it?” Jake suddenly says, breaking the heavy silence with a low voice. It’s like he read your mind.

“Yeah,” you whisper against his skin.

No other words are needed. You brush the tip of your nose along his neck until you reach his jawline, pressing soft kisses there and delighting in the increasing shakiness of his breath. The feeling of your lips meeting is so intense, so all-encompassing, that you don’t know if you’ll be able to handle anything more.

This is still new territory, but you’re both so eager to discover it that it makes for a messy kiss, lips moving against each other ravenously, tongues beckoning moans from the other. It’s a kiss that somehow leaves you breathless and breathes oxygen back into your lungs at once. 

In a matter of seconds, Jake has flipped you on your back and is hovering over you, one hand holding him up and one hand free to roam your body. He slips it underneath your t-shirt, brushes it along the side of your waist, his touch leaving behind a trail of fire blazing on your skin. It’s so distracting, you can’t even kiss him back properly anymore. Jake doesn’t seem to mind. At first, when he starts pressing hot kisses to your jawline and your neck, you think he’s giving you a respite - but when he gently sinks his teeth into the skin there, leaving marks that will later remind you tonight wasn’t a dream, chuckling as you squirm and whine under him, you understand that this is anything but a respite. 

You curse your earlier decision of not wearing a bra, because it gives you no preparation whatsoever to the sensation of Jake brushing his thumb against one of your nipples. With a loud gasp, your back arches off of the bed, which only aids Jake in raising your t-shirt up over your breasts. 

He takes a minute to admire the sight of you panting and half-naked underneath him. It makes you feel shy, and you want to do something so that he stops looking and starts doing, but his gaze holds you in place. His pupils are blown with lust, eyes raking over your body and taking everything in. You have a hard time wrapping your head around the fact that it’s you he’s looking at with those eyes. 

His soft lips attach themselves to your nipple while his fingers continue their work on the other one. You’ve never felt this sensitive, never felt this on edge, like you might fall apart at any second even with so little simulation. Your core throbs, impatiently waiting to be tended to, but you’re already trembling so hard from Jake’s attention to your breasts that you don’t know what will happen to you once he actually touches you down there.

“You doing okay, baby?” he asks, the rasp in his voice making you want him impossibly more. You grip his hair and he looks up at you, a tender smile on his lips. You nod your head yes and he laughs. “Yeah? You want more?” You pause at his question. You do want more, but is it worth your sanity?

It takes you a second to decide that it’s worth that and more. You nod again. 

Jake seems to have sensed your hesitation. He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. “You sure you’re okay?”

“I am. It’s just a lot.”

His expression of worry softens into a smile. “I’ll take it slow for you, love. It’s a lot for me, too.” He leans in to press soft kisses to your cheek, and some of the tension in your body diffuses. Whatever happens, Jake will be there to take care of you. “But it feels good, right?” he asks, lips moving against your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

“So good, Jakey,” you reply shakily.

“Good.”

You can tell that Jake really does want to take it slow - his movements are more deliberate, gentler. But eagerness, both yours and his, soon takes over, and a minute later, he’s trailing kisses down your body until he reaches your lower stomach. Your breath quickens as he hooks fingers underneath your leggings and underwear, sliding both garments down your legs and leaving you bare to him. You think the feeling of his lips on the fleshy parts of your inner thighs is what might actually do you in, make you lose your sense of reality forever - but then his tongue darts out against your clit, a barely-there touch, and your whole body flatlines. 

Your reaction eggs Jake on, who, more confident now, takes the sensitive bud in his lips and alternates between sucking and licking motions. A knot ties itself embarrassingly quickly in your stomach, a knot that tightens and tightens as Jake flattens his tongue against you, licking up your juices from your entrance to your clit; a knot that threatens to come loose when he slides a long finger inside of you. You can’t take more than thirty seconds of this.

“Jakey,” you say, voice practically a moan. Your brain is fuzzy and it takes a distressing amount of time to form a simple sentence. “Can you come here?”

“Is something wrong, baby?” he asks breathily, sliding his finger out of you and coming back up so that his face is right above yours. 

“No, just… I want you.”

Any trace of worry on Jake’s features dissipates as he cocks an eyebrow, one corner of his lips tugging up into a smirk. “Is that so?”

This kind of boldness would usually have you rolling your eyes, but here, it only makes your core throb more violently. It’s almost humiliating how much you want this man. It’s definitely humiliating, how easy it is to swallow your pride and play into his game. “Yes, please,” you say, eyes pleading with him.

He smiles almost giddily before burying his face against the side of yours. “My baby’s so polite,” he says, pressing a kiss to your cheek. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“Take this off, then,” you say, grabbing the bottom hem of his t-shirt. 

“So she says please and gives orders,” he jokes, quickly obliging anyway. 

Not once in your time apart had Jake posted any sort of beach trip or pool photos, so this was the first time you saw his bare chest. God, was it one for the history books. You trace the defined lines of his muscles with a finger and wonder how he had managed to get even more perfect. He lets you marvel at him for it, clearly proud that you’re gawking so shamelessly, but your mind drifts back to more urgent matters when he presses himself into you, his clothed cock, hard and hot, brushing against your folds. “Fuck,” you sigh, bucking your hips into his to feel him over and over again.

It’s so much, but it’s not enough; Jake instantly gets your message when you hook your fingers under the waistband of his boxers, pulling him to you and kissing him feverishly. Your lips don’t part as he slides his boxers off, and you drink up the nectar that are his moans as you take him in your hand, pumping him a few times.

“Condom?” he asks, but you shake your head.

“I’m on the pill. And even so… I usually always use a condom, but I don’t want to now. Not with you.”

Jake closes his eyes as he takes a deep, stabilising breath. “I feel totally normal about that. Not crazy at all.”

You giggle, and he opens his eyes, a wide smile gracing his lips before he bends down to kiss you. “You ready for the night of your life?” he asks against your lips. “It’s gonna last five minutes, tops,” he says, making you laugh again. “I’m sorry, baby, I can’t do anything about it. I think I could’ve cum just from eating you out.”

“That would’ve been hot.”

“Really? We’ll make it a challenge for next time, then.”

When Jake plunges into you, it’s unlike anything you’ve ever felt before. He fills you up, slow inch by slow inch, until he’s buried to the hilt inside you. You both need some time getting used to the feeling - Jake drops his head in the crook of your neck and lets out a sound between a grunt and a moan, something you’ve never heard from him before. You grab onto his shoulders, fingernails digging into his skin as you try to tether yourself to him. You hold him so tight that he has no choice but to let his body rest on top of yours, his arms coming to circle your waist and bring you even closer. 

His movements start out halting, the pleasure so overwhelming that it makes it hard for him to move steadily. In time, he falls into a torturously slow rhythm, but it’s the perfect kind of torture, the kind that has tears brimming in your eyes. It’s so hard to take, and yet you want more. You’re brought closer to the edge with every thrust of his dick into you, especially as he picks up the pace and lifts your hips to meet his. The new angle has his tip brushing against that spot deep inside you that makes it hard to breathe. 

You can tell he’s just as close as you when he loses that steady rhythm he had found, his motions growing more desperate, harsher, quicker. Conscious of your roommates, you slap a hand over your mouth to muffle your moans as your orgasm washes over you, your whole body on fire, so sensitive that the few more seconds Jake needs to come undone himself drive both your body and your mind into overstimulation. Even the feeling of him pulling out, drops of hot liquid dripping out of your entrance, is too much and makes you let out a small, tired whine. 

Jake peppers your face with kisses as he holds your waist tightly, brushing his thumb back-and-forth on your warm skin, sticky with sweat. “You did so well, baby. So good for me.” You think you might be ready for a second round if he keeps talking to you like that. “I love you so much.”

You sigh deeply, as if you were just told disconcerting news. “Okay.”

“Okay?!” he echoes, looking up at you with an outraged expression on his face.

“I’m sorry, I love you too, I just- I’m not used to this yet! You can’t just tell me you love and expect me to be normal. You have to warn me first.”

“Can I just warn you now that I’m going to tell you I love you every time I get the chance?”

You sigh. “I guess.” 

“Can I tell you now?” he asks, and you hum. “I love you.”

“I love you more.”

Jake tuts. “I highly doubt it, but whatever makes you happy.”

You hold Jake close to you, one arm around his shoulders and the other hand playing with his hair as you come down from your high. You think he might’ve fallen asleep, and you’re close to drifting off yourself when he speaks. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do this. Not just the sex, although that has been on my mind for a while now,” he says, making you laugh, “but all of this. Being together, getting to be in your arms like this, kissing you whenever I want. Calling you my girlfriend.”

“Me too, Jakey. I waited so long I didn’t think it would ever happen.”

Jake chuckles. “How stupid were we not to have noticed we felt the same way?”

“Very stupid. I think we felt so sorry for ourselves that we were stuck in one-sided love, that we didn’t even realise the other was going through the exact same thing. But at least we’re now.”

“At least we’re here now.” You and Jake yawn at the exact same time, making you burst into giggles, giddy with sleep and love.

“Let’s sleep, baby,” you say.

Jake hums, burying himself deeper against your body. “Sleep well, my love. I’ll be here.”

--

After years of pining after each other, you and Jake find it a bit hard to keep your relationship to yourselves, or your hands off of each other.

At the beginning, all of your friends had been happy for you, but that quickly went away when your and Jake’s honeymoon phase never died down and the PDA just kept on going. If the glue you were stuck with previously was metaphorical, this one was pretty close to being real. Superglue kept you together, your moments together rarely spent without some sort of physical touch. Yunjin fake-gagged so often, you were afraid she might actually vomit one of these days. It took Sunghoon two weeks longer than everyone else to clock you and Jake had started dating.

This meant that in private, there was truly no holding back. Jake back-hugged you any chance he got, to the point you started to think he was more koala than human - although that’d imply he saw you as a tree. Make-out sessions were a particular favourite of yours - how could they not be when your boyfriend’s lips seemed to have been carved by God himself, soft and plump to the heavens, like they were made to be kissed. Really, you were just honouring God’s will when you kissed Jake.  

The goodbye that comes at the end of the year is not an easy one, and the month spent at home before you fly to Korea seems to never end. But you get there eventually, and as nice as it is to catch up with Jake’s parents after so long, you feign sleepiness after lunch as an excuse to get some time alone with your boyfriend. Ironically, this “time alone” is spent so intensely that you do end up falling asleep afterwards. 

You have to admit, you really did a number on your boyfriend this time - what can a girl do when she missed her boyfriend this much? Jake is still passed out when you wake up from your nap, so you slip out as discreetly as you can from his embrace and get out of bed. You head for the closet first and swipe the comfiest looking sweater of his that you find there so you can stay warm as you look around his room. A pang of melancholia hits your chest - most of the pictures and objects on his walls and shelves are parts of his life you weren’t around to witness. Friends you don’t recognize, places you’ve never heard of, phases you’d never known he’d gone through. But then you see the frame on his desk, a faded photo of the two of you at ten years of age, eating ice cream on the bench outside of your house. Milo is sitting at your feet. Jake’s family hadn’t adopted Layla yet. You realise that even if there’s whole parts of your life you didn’t get to share with each other, nothing could touch your memories, or your future.

You want to go back in time and tell fourteen-year-old you that no matter how painful it might seem at the moment, it will all be worth it for the sight of Jake Sim slowly drifting into wakefulness, patting the bed next to him, and noticing you’re missing with furrowed eyebrows. When he opens his eyes and they settle on you, a sleepy smile will grace his dazzling features, and he’ll say, “Come back to bed.”

You’ll be even more in love at twenty than at fourteen.

permanent taglist: @zreamy @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl @raikea10 @wntrnghts @moonlighthoon @4imhry @rikisly @loves0ft @iamliacamila @theboingsuckerasseater9000 @chaechae-23 @baekhyuns-lipchain @hyuckslvr @vernonburger @amorbonbon @fluerz (ask to be removed/added!)

© asahicore on Tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works. support your creators by reblogging and leaving feedback!

#enhypen smut #jake smut #enhypen x reader #jake sim x reader #sim jaeyun smut #sim jaeyun x reader #enhypen oneshots #jake sim oneshots #enhypen imagines #jake sim imagines #enhypen fluff #jake fluff

[squirmhoney]

aegon finding his niece naked in his uni dorm ready to seduce him because she heard a rumor that he has a girlfriend or something and reader does not like that at all and needs to remind him who he belongs to!!!!

Warnings: Obsessed reader. Incest. Anal play. A lot of smut. Overstimulation. Slight angst 18+ A/N: I hope you like this, I have also see your other ideas and love all of them. Currently halfway through the secretary x Aegon one which is defo my favourite one, I can’t lie ❤️

-

Niece!reader who can’t help but feel like you’re being strung along as you sip from your red solo cup. Your gaze darkening as you watch him smile at some random girl that his friends had pushed on him. You can’t help but grow jealous, not even paying attention to the guy trying desperately hard to get flirt with you. All that you can do is stand and stare, eyes watering until you feel so sick that you have to look away.

Niece!reader not knowing what else to do as you go to Aegon’s dorm, knowing you couldn’t just storm and claim him in front of everyone. You decide to just strip yourself of your clothes, sitting on your bed as you wait for him.

Niece!reader who’s literally in Aegon’s favourite lace thong when he gets in but he’s too busy panicking and stopping his frat friends from walking in to notice. He’s making up an excuse as he pushes them out the door, waiting a good few minutes after the door has shut before he turns to you. But he gets from the sad pout and the way you’re scrunching your face up, that you’re desperately trying hard not to cry. He knows not to question your intentions or get mad at you, only cupping your face as he brings his soft lips to the top of your head.

Niece!reader who is quick to question Aegon, accusing him of bringing another girl back or doing more with her then just talking. But he’s insistent he wasn’t, being honest and telling you that he was just being nice out of courtesy and the only people that came home with him were a few fat friends he was going to hang out with.

Niece!reader who tells Aegon he needs to make it up to you with a wicked smile, laying back on the bed as you open your legs. He’s so eager as he climbs on top of you, sucking at the skin that he kisses, leaving sloppy wet marks all over your skin. It’s not till he reaches your nipple he decides to give it a slight nibble, chuckling at the way you whine and buck your hips into him. He’s telling you to be patient as he presses your back down.

Niece!reader who can’t help but wrap your thighs around his head when he eats you out. you enjoy playing with his curls, twirling him around your fingers as you moan lowly. Aegon enjoys it all too, groaning at the taste of you as he sucks and licks to his pleasure, making a meal out of you as he brings you to your first orgasm of the night.

Niece!reader who wants to show Aegon that he’ll never find anyone better, sliding onto his cock with a deep moan from his lips. you take control completely, bouncing up and down on him just the way you know he likes it, tits in his face as you begs for his cum.

Niece!reader who grows tired after a while and lets Aegon takeover, being flipped over on all floors as he pushes your face into the mattress. He teases you telling you that you’re being too loud as he slams into your back side, making you drool into the pillow in front of you as you desperately try to keep your noise to a minimum. But he was only just joking even if he doesn’t want to say anything, so to get you to start screaming again he starts to toy with your asshole, using your slick to press his thumb inside your tight hole.

Niece!reader who becomes a whimpering mess when Aegon has you in mating press. Both of you a sweaty mess as he fucks his messy ropes of cum into your hole, you start to whine about how you can’t take it anymore but he’s not having any of it, telling your this is what you wanted. You can’t deny how sensitive you are at this point and you’re sure you might pass out if you have another orgasm.

Niece!reader who’s breathing finally settles when Aegon cleans you up with a towel, making sure to be gentle as wipes the load of cum dripping from your cunt. You're both sure that if you hadn’t been on contraception that you would have been pregnant by now because clearly Aegon didn’t know anything about pulling out.

Niece!reader who’s ducks underneath the blankets when Aegon gets a knock on the door, making sure no one can see it’s you as his neighbour asks him to keep the noise down. Aegon is polite, giving them a curt nod before closing the door and returning to the bed with you. He teases you about it as he wraps his arms around you, telling you that you really need to learn to be quieter otherwise you’re going to get you both caught.

Niece!reader who wakes Aegon up with his dick in your mouth, making sure that he knows who he belongs to as you lick a long stripe all the way from his balls to his head. you know how to play with him to have him weak in the knees, taking his balls into your mouth and sucking as you give his cock long strokes. you even lets him fuck into your mouth when he gets overly excited, sticking your tongue out and letting him the back of your throat, leaving awful lewd noises to fill the room. He’s literally shaking as he cums in your mouth, watching you with a hazy expression as you swallow his whole load with a smile.

Uncle!Aegon who tries to explain to his frat friend who lives two doors down about what happened that night but doesn’t need to when his friend gives him a knowing smile, saying that they stopped by an hour later and could clearly hear that he was occupied. Aegon laughs it off as they walk to classes together, not thinking anything of it until another friend approaches him, asking what his niece was doing popping by so early this morning, he’s quick to shrug it off, only for Aegon’s friend to give him a strange look as if he was putting the pieces together.

#aegon targaryen x reader #aegon ii targaryen x reader #dark fic #hotd fanfic #aegon targaryen #aegon ii targaryen #dark!aegon x reader #aegon targaryen smut #aegon targaryen imagine #aegon targaryen ii x you #aegon ii fic

[rockstarhaechan]

get high with me | lee haechan

pairing: bsf!haechan x bsf!fem reader

warnings: mentioning of weed, pet names, make out, both being high asf

note: i love high haechan stories omg. ( also was high while writing this )

“you take a big puff” haechan held the joint into your face, blowing out the smoke as you grabbed it and secured it between your lips breathing in before keeping the smoke in your lungs for a few seconds.

blowing out the smoke you started coughing before haechan laughed at you a little taking the joint back into his hands. you weren’t used to smoking weed this was your first time and you did it with your best friend.

“try a second time, tell me once you’ve had enough” he stated, holding the joint for you this time. inhaling the toxic smoke this time made you fly, you felt how your body began to feel different and your breathing became more intense. your whole body relaxed.

haechan took a few more puffs before setting the joint aside, grabbing the remote and turning on the television in front of you.

“what do you wanna watch?” as he finished his sentence you just laughed and you couldn’t stop. your world was spinning, everything became pure chaos in your mind. haechan called you a few times before you realized he’s talking to you.

“doll, are you okay?” he laughed out grabbing your hand getting a little worried about your state. as his hand met yours a shiver washed over your body. this feeling was new to you, the intense feeling of haechan touching your hand, you wondered what a kiss would feel like now so you began to slowly lean in, eyes focused on his lips.

“what are you doing y/n? this isn’t-“ before he could finish your lips met his and you went flying for another round, his lips felt soft and he tasted like weed. haechan soon kissed you back, letting the high take over before he pulled you onto his lap holding your waist tightly as if he could lose you any time.

your hands got tangled up in his hair eyes unable to open. if this is what being high feels like you’d always wanted to smoke with haechan. your world stopped, everything moved in slow motion. you started to kiss haechan more intense, tongue playing with his while his hands were resting on your ass, holding you close.

“i’ve always wanted to do this” you moaned into the kiss basically letting high you confess to your best friend as your breathing became more unsteady. haechan pulled away quickly grabbing the joint and a lighter looking into your eyes as he lit up the small object between his lips. he signaled you to open your mouth as he kept the smoke in his mouth.

he kissed you passionately, smoke traveling through your lungs inhaling deeply. all you needed right now was haechan and the high you're being on. you noticed that haechan placed the joint back into it's ashtray before his attention went back to your lips, your panties were soaked by now but you were scared to cross any other boundaries.

the first is yet to come as you felt another high that's gonna hit you. moaning into the kiss once again as haechan's hands helt you even tighter being scared he is gonna lose you any moment. you felt how haechan slowly laid you down on the couch, never breaking the kiss.

you're completely free from all uni problems you've had, laughing and smiling after such a long time in pure stress. haechan adored how you could just shut off your problems and enjoy life for a moment.

hours went by and you were still high cause haechan rolled another one for the both of you. more make out sessions were included and haechan missed your lips the second you pulled away only to kiss you once again.

but you guys never went past the kissing, it did get more heated but no boundaries were crossed. haechan loved the feeling of kissing you and you loved the attention he gave you. but in the end, you enjoyed being high with haechan and it turned into a weekly routine which always ended in heated make out sessions.

#rockstarhaechan #nct #nct dream #nct 127 #nct u #nct icons #nct imagines #nct lockscreens #nct moodboard #nct dream x reader #lee haechan x reader #haechan x reader #haechan x y/n #haechan x you #haechan smut #haechan imagines #haechan scenarios #nct haechan #nct dream x y/n #nct dream x you #nct smut

[francis-writes]

SFW alphabet anon here ngl im one of the feyd rautha lovers so if you could do him first thatd be lovelyy <3 thanks

A/N: Sorry for being chaotic, i wrote it partially at 3 am when i woke up, partially on uni and partially half asleep. Also, sorry for personal stories, it will happen again. My bf knows that i start going on with stories about my friends and cousin of my grandma's nephew in the least proper times.

Warnings: Some mentions of toxic relationships, but nothing that can't be worked on

FEYD-RAUTHA SFW ALPHABET

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

It varies, depending on the stage of your relationship and whether you're alone or in public. Publicly, he's more reluctant to show feelings, but he likes physical affection, like keeping his arm around your waist or putting a hand on your thigh. He also compliments you in conversations with other people, after all, you are his partner, and he's proud to praise you. In privacy, he's more open to affection, but you need to get him used to it. Of course, as I mentioned, he shows you affections himself, but at first, it's all planned, he keeps his composure. Praises and sweet talking are true but spoken more jokingly, teasingly. You get the point, he tries to show his appreciation without seeming soft or weak. It's better if at first you are more openly affectionate. Feyd really appreciates when you hold his hand, or kiss his cheek or give him a small thing that reminds you about him or when you make him a playlist. And after some time, he may feel confident enough to return the affection.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It's a bit harder to start a friendship when you belong to a great House, especially House Harkonnen. But I guess Feyd has a few friends - and since his childhood, they are mostly his training partners. He had a lot of time to get to know them while fighting together, and they could gain his sympathy as a skilled warriors.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Surprisingly, he likes to cuddle, especially when you relax in bed. Sometimes he rests his head on your chest or on your lap and lets you hug him or stroke his head. Sometimes he's a big spoon and you fall asleep with him clinging to you like koala to a tree.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

I mean, you rather quickly move into his residency, but it's kinda different. Because his family, court and servants live there as well so your shared house has a population of small city. And yeah, servants clean and cook for him, so there's no reason for him to learn these skills.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

It depends. If you weren't long together and/or it was kinda your "fault" (you cheated or wanted to leave him, because for example, you didn't support his actions), it's possible that he would kill you out of anger. Or maybe because if he can't have you, nobody will.

If you already got closer to each other, then he lets you go away. He makes it quick and emotionless but he may make sure that you have somewhere to go and some money for a living.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

It's kinda complicated question. Feyd himself would like to marry you quickly - not because he believes that much in formalities, but it's a way to solidify your bond and show that you're his. On the other hand, he still has some limitations as an heir. Even if you have a higher social standing or belong to one of the Major Houses, it doesn't mean that Baron Harkonnen will find you fitting his ambition or offering the best alliance. He may threaten Feyd that if he wants to inherit the title and everything, he has to get married according to Baron's decision. When Feyd notices that Baron doesn't have other heirs, unless he wants to leave everything to Rabban, Vladimir suggest that Feyd may have you as a concubine, or he may have you dead. So well, most probably you won't get the official title but you would still be his dearest concubine (and his wife would be like Irulan to Paul). He may even make a small private ceremony to celebrate your bond. Or maybe Baron dies before any wedding (with or without Feyd's help) and there's nothing stopping him from marrying you.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Well, considering that you're together and he cares about you, he can be really gentle. Sometimes he likes to tease you or his jokes and comments may go to far but when you confront him about it, he may tone down his malicious games.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

It's similar to the general affection headcanon. He enjoys hugging you (he grips you tight then, as if he wasn't going to ever let you go. If he can, he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck) as well as when you hug him but he's still getting used to openly showing non-sexual affection.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

He says it first, but at the beginning it's still with a tone of amusent, he's manipulating you a bit. He mixes it with other sweet words to get you wrapped around your finger but he doesn't really notice when his words become more and more honest and heartfelt. If you know baldur's gate 3, it kinda reminds romance with astarion. At first, even if he likes you, Feyd plays you like a game and his words are part of the strategy; that's just how he treats everything and everybody. But as time passes, it becomes less of a strategy and more a true confession.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

I made a whole post about this but in summary: Feyd isn't very jealous, he's too confident to be afraid that you would leave him. But he's very possesive and doesn't like other people trying to take away his possesions (yes, in this case you). He doesn't get suspicious for no reason, but when there's actual threat to his position - like, someone flirts with you, or gets too touchy, or maybe you enjoy someone's company too much - he takes quick action. He joins you, wraps his hand around your waist and joins the conversation. He's not threatening his rival openly but he emphasizes in the conversation that you're together, you're very happy and devoted to each other and you will stay together until death. If somebody gets really too close to you, Feyd may fuck you in semi-public place, so his rival hears who is your actual lover and who can make you feel good. Well, that's if his rival is of higher standing. If they are a servant, Feyd will willingly kill them. Maybe behind your back. So you don't protest.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Passionate, hungry, possesive. Wherever he kisses you, he likes to bite, but his favourite place is your neck.

When it comes to you kissing him, it’s has a different vibe. Feyd enjoy all your kisses, but if he had to pick his one favourite kind, it would be kisses on the forehead. He isn't eager to admit that, but he loves the affection you put in these kisses and how they make him feel cared for. Maybe he isn't as touch-starved as Rabban, maybe he hides it better but still both brothers subconsciously yearn for a gentle touch and kind words.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Again, complicated topic. Feyd probably wants children but not for the... proper reasons. He needs an heir to preserve his blood and his lineage. Also passing his genes is important for his ego. If you're able to give birth to his child, he may also see getting you pregnant as matter of dominance and control. But does he really like children? Maybe. He can take care of them for some time and be that cool dad who treats you as a fellow adult. But he wouldn’t like the everyday responsibilities and the less entertaining aspects of raising a child and would probably leave it to grow up with a nanny and teachers.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

He usually has to get up early for his duties (there's either some council or a training), but if there's more time, he likes to just lay in bed and cuddle with you.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Putting aside the NSFW aspect, well, I think that Feyd goes to sleep really late, so he either continues his duties or goes to relax with you. And there are many possibilities, you can just sit there and talk in peace or maybe go on a walk. Are there any places on Giedi Prime or Arrakis where you can go out for entertainment? That's a topic for maybe different post, but if the answer is yes, Feyd would eagerly enjoy the night life with you. Sometimes he just go to train a bit more, you can either just watch him or join the training (it makes sense, i often work out or go on a long aimless walk through the city when I can't sleep; it helps to get tired and to get rid of stress and emotions).

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Slowly, definitely slowly. No matter, how much he cares about you, on Giedi Prime being vulnerable and talking about feelings is seen as weakness. And as it looks with everybody, it's hard for him to change the views they raised him in. So he either hides any more hurtful or other emotional memories, or mentions them without bigger, or treats as a joke. You need to get really close together, and he must really trust you to honestly speak with you about them.

When it comes to more neutral or positive things, he may not be too quick to tell too much about himself (growing up on Harkonnen's court made him careful about sharing important informations that can be potentially used against him), but he doesn't hide them too much as well - after all, he enjoys talking about himself and he wants to impress you, so as you get closer to him, you learn more and more "safer" facts about him. Also if you're vulnerable with him first, it helps him be more open and trust you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

I know I keep repeating it but it's hard to say. Even when he gets annoyed, Feyd is very good at keeping his composure and controling his emotions. Also when he gets angry, it's not loud, screaming rage, like with Rabban. He gets more cold and reserved, showing his anger by pushing you off or treating you with superiority. He may humiliate you or show his anger in a different way. But I would say, that it's not so easy to push him to that point. If you know what he hates (for example lying to him, trying to control him, insulting him etc), you can avoid this easily.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He has extremely good memory and remembers most details you mention. On the court he got used to catching and remembering every information that may be important, and that political skill is very useful in relationship as well (also, he cares about what you tell him, so don't think that he treats these informations just as a tool to control you)

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

Okay, it may sound like an easy answer but I don't think he would choose just one? Every day is his favourite, as every brings something new to your relationship. It was great when he met you for the first time. Great, if not greater, when he started getting to know you closer. Or when you started dating. Or when you celebrated your bond. Or....

Every day develops your relationship and brings you new opportunities, so he can't simply choose.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He isn't too worried about you, but not because he doesn't care. Just as a partner of heir to House Harkonnen, you are well protected - even if you aren't a formal couple due to political reasons. There are always guards and soldiers around, in case Feyd isn't there to help you. And in any case, he trained you and made sure that you're able to defend yourself.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Feyd himself isn't exactly the most romantic person so it depends on what you like. He's still very devoted to you, if i can call it that. Anyway, he would do anything (that doesn't go against his plans and desires, for example he wouldn't stop killing) to make you happy or to impress you so if you're into dates, anniversaries and other celebrations, he does it and he doesn't use half measures. As I mentioned in Q, he rembembers what you tell him, what you like and what you dream about so he makes sure that his gifts and dates fit your tastes. And he doesn't refuse to do something because it's too sweet or silly. If you like things he finds cheesy, he may just find it cute and an interesting break from his serious life and duties. The line is at keeping things that can hurt his reputation as a strong leader and warrior private.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Well, he's not an angel but some of his bad habits made you fell in love in him. And I will mention the one of the others, that may be a problem in relationship and life in general: recklessness. Yeah, it's cool when he's bold and like to take a risk, but he could care about his life more. He's a masochist, he's honourable and he likes to fight but it goes too far. Like when he fought Paul and after being stabbed he said only "you fought well, Atreides". Dude, I know you're horny for your cousin but maybe there are other ways to show it than dying with a smile. Every time I think about this scene, I understad how my bf feels when I do some careless impulsive shit.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

It's not the most important thing for him but he likes to look good. After premiere of 2023 movie I googled why does he have black teeth (other Harkonnens doesn’t so it's not genetic). Some people noticed that his "pets" have black teeth as well, and blood on Giedi Prime is black so it may be effect of cannibalism. It makes sense but personally I prefer theory that it's more a fashion thing. Actually in some cultures dyeing your teeth black is a sign of status. So I keep thinking that for youth on Giedi Prime dyeing teeth is like getting a tattoo or a piercing and Feyd may be an heir to powerful House and ruler of Arrakis, but he also wants to look cool while being one.

(Also it makes sense that neither his uncle nor older brother have black teeth. I imagine them being like my family every time I get another body mod. Or like my friend's older sister when they got a tattoo. "You think it looks cool Feyd? It's disgusting. And controversial. You will get bored soon. If you wanted to look good, you could just buy a new coat. No one will trust a baron with black teeth, you have to look normal in work")

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Well, it's a tough question but I suppose yes. I know that he seems cold and uncaring, people call him sociopath. And well, I have ASPD (which is a professional term for so called sociopathy), which results in low empathy (or lack of it). I also have suspected NPD, commonly known as narcissism. Sorry for that long personal rant but I have a good information for people who simp over characters like this. And I also like to fight the stigma and prejudices about personality disorders. Anyway, I can't speak for everyone, but despite myths of narcissists and sociopaths loving only themselves, I still can form close bonds with people. I don't feel what they feel, so I am not too worried when they are sad but in general I want them to be happy. And I lose someone (either because we broke up, they are away or they died), I may seem less moved but I still miss them and our time together. Anyway, I would consider Feyd to be similar. Without you, he will still go on. Find someone else, focus on his goals. World doesn't end on you. But he will miss you and he will try to keep you with him as much as he can. (I don't know if i sound clear or complicate things too much). Anyway, he's his own person and he can deal well on his own but you make his life much more pleasant.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Being underappreciated or feeling controlled. You may have an equal relationship with him, even though he may try to gain domination, it's possible to work on that power dynamic and get him to accept being equals. He even enjoys that challenge and somebody standing up to him. But Feyd wouldn’t stand being the one controlled and powerless. He would also hate if you saw him as weak and incapable leader or underappreciated his skills. You don't have to gush about everything he does, but you can praise him once now and then. Or just in any way, make him feel supported.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

I might be wrong but Feyd makes impression of those people who needs only a few hours of sleep and they are full of energy. Like my friend who in high school one day said "you know what? I discovered today that sleeping more than three hours is an amazing experience" and I was like. How. How are you alive.

#feyd rautha #dune part two #feyd x reader #feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha harkonnen #feyd rautha headcannons #feyd rautha imagine #dune imagine

[planetwaynez]

RUNRUNRUN

Stalker!Jason Todd X Fem!reader

Notes: I was at the gym today and RUNRUNRUN by Dutch Melrose started playing and I just got this thought about Jason being a stalker. So this is heavily inspired by that song and by Devil's Night by Penelope Douglas. Also this is my first smut, so please be kind <3

WARNINGS: SMUT! stalking behavior, toxic thoughts, toxic behavior, explicit sex scene, mentions of drugs and alcohol, mentions of being stalked, mentions of stalking, breaking in, non consensual consensual recording, chasing someone in the woods, crude words, stalker!Jason, he is kind of a misogynistic guy... if there is more, let me know, I might have missed something! +18! Enjoy <3

Words: 3,4k

Synopsis: He can't control himself anymore, after months of watching you he has to have you all to himself.

TAGS: @fandxmslxt69 @iglowinggemma28

The neon lights give the house an eerie look, the music is loud and the young Uni students are high or drunk at this point. But I am not. I keep my gaze on her and I know that just not drunk or high, she is always sober. I know her like I know myself, and I know I can't wait anymore to have her under me.

Her costume is ridiculously cute, the white flowy dress with fake blood splashed in it makes her look like a predator even though she is my prey. She just doesn't know it. The ripped veil is sitting perfectly in her braided hair and her heels gave her legs a delicate look. She is the most beautiful corpse bride of this stupid Halloween party. 

My grip tights in my plastic cup when I see a guy approaching my girl, he is clearly flirting with what is mine and I feel anger boil in my stomach. I want to go there, grab her by the waist and drag her to my apartment and do unspeakable things to my little one. But not yet. I need her alone and tonight is the perfect night to finally have her.

I've been watching her for months. I know the way she likes her coffee in the morning, what is her favorite sandwich, what is her favorite shirt and her favorite pair of shoes. I know she doesn't wear her glasses when she is home, even though she needs them. I know her week schedule and her favorite classes and which one she is failing. I love to watch her through the cameras I put in her apartment. I love to see her dancing around the kitchen or to watch her pleasuring herself in the shower after a frustrating date with a stupid guy. She doesn't know yet but I am the only one for her.

I watch as her friend goes upstairs with a random guy and my little one stays alone in the corner, with her bottle of water and her cute outfit. I walk slowly to her, taking off the paintball mask I am using tonight, it's red and black and it looks like I slit someone's throat and it splashed on it. It 's perfect. 

"What are you doing all alone here, corpse bride?" I ask with a friendly smile on my face, she looks at me and she smiles. I know how she likes to be persuade, and I won't waste my opportunity. 

"My friend ditched me for some guy" she answers, turning her whole body in my direction, giving me her full attention. 

"That's too bad, you look too pretty to be all alone by yourself" she laughs, in that way that I know she's flirting. And it's with me. 

"Do you think so?" She asks, lining in my direction so I can smell her additive perfume. I want to throw her on my shoulder and flee with her. Instead I take a deep breath and smile again.

"I do, Little One" I step closer, wanting to touch her but I let her choose what comes next. 

She opens her mouth to say something when someone calls her, it's one of her friends and they want to go home, after all it's almost 3A.M and I know she has an important place to be tomorrow with her mom. 

"Sorry, big guy, I have to go" and she steps back, still smiling and walking backwards to her friends. I fist my hands, I had her. I had her and now she is leaving. 

I watch her go to her friend's car and put my mask back on, I jump on my bike and go after her. I need to know she is going home and I will be there when she comes to our future home.

…

I wait patiently in her room, in the corner sitting in her desk chair, surrounded by her perfume making my head drown in thoughts of her.

I hear the front door open and her giggles with her friends, then there's just the sound of her feet on the cold floor of the apartment. 

I take a deep breath and close my eyes, savoring the moment. She opens her bedroom door and flicks the light on.

I am still wearing my mask and I open my eyes to see her at the door, frozen with fear. This is going to be fun.

"This is not fun, Kyle," she says. Oh, stupid Kyle, her friend that loves pranks. She thinks I am him? That 's insulting. "You need to stop with your pranks"

I just keep breathing and look at her, she doesn't move either, my little one stays at the door, staring at me. Under the mask, I smirk.

"Kyle?" She asks again, her feet moving away from the bedroom. I stand up, stalking her like a predator stalks a prey and I can already sense her fear. 

"You really need to stop this, Kyle" she keeps backtracking, with her hand up, sweat trailing down her throat. I really want to grab her throat while I fuck her senseless. 

"You know I am not him, baby" I say, my voice deeper than normal from being silent for a long time. She gulps and takes a run to the living room door. 

I go after her and, right before she gets to her freedom I grab her by her arms, throwing her at the ground. 

"Who are you?" She asks and I tsk with my tongue at her, such a silly little girl. 

"This doesn't need to be so difficult, you know?" I say, crunching down to talk to her, near her pretty face. "You just gotta be a good girl for me" 

She shivers and tries to escape again, but I pin her down with my own body. I need to suppress a moan when I finally feel her so close. 

"Please let me go" she whispers, begging so pretty for her freedom, however I don't intend to give it back to her.

"Sorry, Little One, but I can't" I get close to her, closer to her neck and inhaling her perfume. "You are mine now."

She cries out, desperately trying to get out of my grip. I chuckle and just for fun, let her go. 

She gets on her feet and takes a deep breath and looks at me with all the determination she can gather inside her. Cute.

I stand between her and her door, but I know my Little One and she launches herself to her window, to get to the fire escape staircase. I let her, because I know she won't be able to reach the street. My intentions are to take her to the woods, behind her apartment building. 

I let her go and give her a minute of advantage, calmly I go to the window and climb down stairs, looking at her distress, before she can gather herself and run in the direction of the street, I stand in front of her, her head is low and she's catching her breath. She looks up and visibly shrinks.

"You have fifteen seconds of advantage, Little One. After that, I am going after you" she gasps and tries to go in the opposite direction, but I push her back. She falls into the floor, her butt hitting the concrete and she whimpers. "Remember what I said? This doesn't have to be difficult, just do what I say."

She gets up and looks behind her, taking a deep breath, she runs for the woods and I howl watching my little one be my good girl. 

I walk slowly to the woods, taking my time and letting her advantage be taken, even though I know fifteen seconds are nothing. There's not a single thing that will keep her from me.

So when I get to the edge of the woods I howl once again and run to where I know she went. 

…

My girl is predictable, I know she will stick with the trailed path of the wood that runners and wickers use, so I have to be the bad guy once again.

I am close to her, she is panting and probably crying her pretty eyes out, she's also filled with hope that by the end of the trail she will find help. However that won't happen. 

I get her in my arms once again and she finally screams. With everything that she got so I put my hand in her mouth, silencing her and throwing her in the woods ground. She looks at me and I can see the anger in her eyes.

"Why are you doing this?" She knows why I am doing this, she is not a dummy like most people think. 

"You know why I am doing this" I reply, watching every move of hers attentively. She stands up, backtracking until she is against a tree and I walk to her, her eyes are focused on me and only me. That makes me feel like the king of the world, having her attention.

"Because you are crazy." She says, and I sigh. Not the right answer. 

"Try again, Little One" she looks away, tears in her eyes and her brief moment of confidence shattering. I don't like this.

"I know who you are," she sniffs, holding back her tears. Her hair is a mess and I just want to hold her in my arms. "You are the guy that put the cameras in my apartment."

I smile. I knew she would remember. 

A month ago my pretty girl found one of my cameras and from there, she was smart enough to find the other ones. She didn't take them out. She left them there.

"Exactly. I am also the guy from the party" she gasps and looks at me again, I can't see her pulse quickening in neck and I need to wet my lips to not devour her right here.

"The guy with the teal eyes." Oh, was I so remarkable to her? I smirk. I suppose I was. I suppose I am.

"Yes, baby, so if you remember me so well and know about the cameras and never took them off, why are you running?" She gulps. She is searching for a way out. 

I step just a little bit closer, just close enough that our breathings are mixing together. 

"You like the chase as much as I do, don't you?" I ask but she doesn't answer, my little one just runs again, this time further into the woods.

And I go after her. Because she can complain as much as she wants, run away as much as she wants, if she didn't want me she would have called the cops when she found out about the cameras. She is just as mad as I am.

…

She's hidden somewhere in the woods. The moon is higher in the sky and it seems like the night got darker as time went on. Have been chasing her for almost an hour by now and I know she's tired. She's a sedentary, a moment or another she will crumble. Her body will give into its urges.

I step into dead leaves and tree branches on purpose. I want her to hear me and I want her to know where I am. 

In the quiet of the night she made a mistake, her breathing got louder and I know she is hidden behind a big tree, just a few steps away from me. I walk to her and she runs. Again. 

I like the chase, but I am getting tired of her running from me. My patience is over.

I run faster than her and grab her throat, pushing her body against mine. She takes a deep breath and stops squirming, we are in the middle of the woods, just the two of us.

"You are mine now, Little One." I tell her and she does exactly what she should have done earlier. She gives in.

Her body relaxes against mine and she whimpers. "I can't lie to you, I've been enjoying your attention." 

That makes my cock harder on my pants and I growl against her ear.  "I know. And I enjoyed every single show that you performed for me" I tell her and she squirms, trying to turn around. 

"Please, I've been dying to know your name" I turn her to me and pin her against a tree, my hand still on her neck. Her cheeks are flushed and her eyes glossy. 

I take off my mask and let her see me, my little one wets her lips and arch her back, trying to get closer and closer.

"Jason" I answer her and I love the smile that crosses her face. 

"Jason" she moans, closing her eyes and enjoying my name on her tongue. "I finally have a name to call out." 

I growl again, pushing myself against her making her open her legs, letting me rest my hard on against her covered pussy. 

"Oh, Little One… I can't wait to have you" with one hand I caressed her bottom lip and the other goes to her hair. 

"From me you can't have everything you want, Jason" And I kiss her, open mouthed, our tongues touching and her hands grabbing my hair. Our hips moving together. I need her.

One of my hands goes to her right breast, holding it and flicking her perked nipple through the fabric of her flimsy dress. She moans so prettily against my lips. 

"Please" she bags as I distance myself from her, memorizing her features and her lustful look.

"Please what, baby?" I kiss her neck, biting and licking, making her whimper and move her body against me.

"Please, take my dress off" I mumble happily, taking her dress slowly, enjoying the view. 

I know what she's wearing underneath, I watched her get dressed through the cameras. But still, I stop and lick my lips, loving the view. No bra, just white lacy panties that barely cover her. I let my hand travel through her body until they are on her ass cheeks, hoist her up and make her cross her legs on my waist.

I rip off her panties, and she closes her eyes, biting her lower lip. She looks beautiful.

I let myself enjoy some more and collect her wetness on two of my thick fingers, playing with her clit and making her whimper and beg for more.

"Please, Jason, please!" I loved hearing her begging when I watched her in the shower but hearing her bag me? Calling out my name? It makes me want to eat her alive.

"So pretty, Little One" I tell her, moving my fingers slowly, putting just enough pressure on her clit. "I can't wait to have your pretty pussy gripping my cock."

She moans moving her hips, trying to get more. I slide two fingers inside her, feeling her walls tight around them. I grunt, controlling myself. 

"Jason" she moans with a smile on her face and I lower my head, biting her ear lobe, her neck and finally sucking one of her nipples on my mouth, moaning with her sweet taste and soft skin. One of her hands grips my hair and the other one my arm, moaning and whimpering for me and just for me.

I watch her throw her head back and shout, coming on my fingers. "Good girl, just like that" 

She shivers and opens her eyes, they are still full of lust and raw need. "I need your cock, Jason, please." 

I need to suppress a moan when she says that, so sweet to me. So good. It took time to make her behave, but now? She is just perfect. 

"My baby needs to be fucked?" She nods, her doe eyes glassy and needy. "I will fuck you really good, Little One" I will fuck her until she forgets about her name, or about any other guy. Until it is just me in her pretty little head. 

I take off my shirt and she lets her hands loose, caressing and ranking her nails on my skin. Her lips are on my neck, giving me a hickey here and there and I hold her by her waist, strong enough to leave handprints on her. 

"Baby" I call her, yanking her head back by her hear and looking at her fuck out expression. I haven't even started yet. 

I kiss her hungrily, letting my tongue slide against hers, my teeth biting her lips, her body moving to feel mine even more. Her bare breasts touching my bare chest. I feel good, too good. 

I break the kiss, taking off my pants and my boxers, letting my cock spring free, hard and proud. 

She whines "it's too big". I arch an eyebrow and let my cock slide against her wet pussy, and she is already squirming, trying to get more and more.

"I will fit" I tell her, holding her throat in my hand. "You are made for me, Little One" 

She shivers and there is that look in her eyes. That look that drowned me in the first place. That raw need, to be touched, to be seen and needed.

"Was I?" She asks and I smile, playing with her lips. "Yes" I answer, moving my hips, letting my cock feel all of her pussy.

Making her a needy mess. Slowly I slide inside her, holding her neck slightly tighter, feeling her walls squeezing me so deliciously.  She whimpers and moves, a few tears running down her pretty face.

Mine. 

She 's all mine. 

I bottom out, feeling like I finally found my place in the world. And its between her legs. 

"You are so perfect, baby" I prise, playing with her nipples, making her moan and move her hips, fucking herself on my cock.

"Jason!" That's all I need, my girl screaming my name while she fucks herself on my cock.

"Such a greedy girl, aren't you?" One of my hands stays playing with one of her nipples, the other one holds her neck. I want to leave bruises on her that she won't forget next morning that I was the one inside her. "Can't wait for me? Can't be a good girl?" I ask moving my hips away and then slamming back in, making her arch her back and scream, her nails streaming down my back, leaving marks of her own. 

"I..I can be… your good…girl" she says between moans and whimpers, her eyes closed.

"So be a good girl and watch me fuck you" reluctantly she opens her eyes, looking at me, making an effort to not close them again, making an effort to pleasure me. 

I growl next to her face, keeping eye contact with her, my hips moving fast and hard against hers. I move one of my hands to her clit and play with it, moving in the same pace as my hips, my little one moaning and trying not to close her eyes.

"Go on little one, scream for me" and she screams my name, moving her hips with mine, her eyes full of lust and need. I want to fuck her forever. 

"I… Jason!" She moans, her pussy tight against me, fluttering around my cock and making me moan too. "I am coming!" 

"Come for me, Little One, be a good girl and make a mess on my cock" I tell her and kiss her lips, feeling her come around me. I grunt, painting her walls with my cum.

We stop, breathing hard and looking at each other. I analyze her face, cheeks red and eyes glossy. She looks thoroughly fucked out. 

"You ok, baby?" I ask her and she smiles, her hands playing with my hair. 

"More than ok" she says, giving me a pack on the lips. My heart flutters and I just want to lay down with her.

"Good" I properly kiss her, hands on her waist and our hearts beating together. "You did so well, baby" 

She mumbles something  happily, her arms around my shoulders. "Take me home, Jason" 

"I will" I put her on the ground and dress her then dress myself hugging her close to my body. "I finally have you, I won't let you go."

"Please, don't. I've been waiting for you." 

I get her in my arms and I carry her back home, so I can't have her on every surface of the house just to myself. 

#jason todd #dc #dc imagines #red hood #jason todd x reader #dc comics #jason todd imagines #jason todd smut #jason todd x fem!reader #red hood x fem!reader #red hood smut #jason todd x reader smut #jason todd headcanon #jason todd hc #red hood headcanon #red hood x reader #red hood x reader smut #planetwaynezwrites #stalker!jason todd #jason todd fanfiction #jason todd is red hood #jason todd fic #red hood fic #red hood fanfiction

[judeswhore]

Had a dream about this and omggg🫠You and jude not being together anymore cos of distance and u going to uni somewhere else and whatever, but at new years you both go out with all ur friends together and somehow you end up in jude’s bed. but you just sneak out before he wakes up and before his parents are awake and what not. your families have always been close tho and it’s just a tradition to have a new years dinner together but then it means u have to face jude. and so ur trying to get out of it but ur mums having none of it so you awkwardly have to face jude at dinner and no one knows why yous are acting so awkward because even tho yous broke up the two of you were still civil. but somebting clicks in jobes head and being the wee shite he is he just says soemthing like “You two got something you want to tell us because i did hear someone sneaking away this morning.”

being in the same friend group so ofc u see each other whenever ur both back home but u broke up forever ago and it was a mutual decision bc of distance like the two of u just thought it wld be better to stay friends. but then on nye u both get a little drunk and ur both still stupidly in love with each other so it wasn’t really a surprise to anyone that youse decided to kiss at midnight. but then that one kiss turned into the whole night tucked into a corner making out until jude decided that was enough and he had to get u home. so ofc ur going back with him and the two of u sleep together for the first time in forever and it’s so hot and intense bc you’ve missed each other and it’s never been the same with anyone else and ur both trying so hard to make it as good as possible. jude is drawing out the foreplay until ur little sobbing and then he’s fucking u so slow and deep, hand over ur mouth to keep u quite while he’s whining and whimpering in ur ear abt how ur his best girl and he’s missed u and ur doing so good for him he’s so proud😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫and it really is the perfect night but u have no idea what it means and ur starting to panic so in the morning before he or his family can wake up and catch u ur sneaking out but completely forget ur to spend the day over at his house anyway with both ur families. so ur telling ur mam ur too hungover and whatever and ur sick so ur can’t go but she’s calling ur bullshit and practically drags u there.

and u and jude are acting weird and awkward around each other bc neither of u know what to say or do bc last night was perfect and u don’t want it to be a one night thing but ur also afraid u won’t work bc distance is still a huge thing. and jude is kinda embarrassed that u snuck out on him and ur just having this internal meltdown bc u still love him but u don’t think u can have him :( so ur sitting opposite each other at the table and the tension is so obvious and u just won’t look at each other and whenever someone asks abt how last night went u both sort of clam up. and jobe is just a little shit and he picks up on the vibes so easily so he’s just wearing this sly little grin all “do u two have something u wna share with the rest of us?” and everyone’s like???? bc what??? then he’s going “bc i swear i heard someone sneaking out this morning and yn’s purse was on the sofa” and u and jude are mortified and both ur families are sitting so confused bc they thought you’d broken up?? but jobe being a gobshite and ur families being so nosy actually pushes the two of u to talk so after dinner jude is leading u upstairs to talk out what happened and what u want to happen next

#hey jude :)

[thyme-in-a-bubble]

daisy, porn links vol. 3

this one is centred around their summer after high school (chapter 10) and the time after the series (college vibes, we love)

there might be spoilers in this for the series

daisy series masterlist – p links vol. 1 – vol. 2 – vol. 4 – vol. 5

school is over and summer is upon us. sure, Steve is a bit sad that he's gonna have to say goodbye to the uniform, but it's good that he can cheer himself up a bit with flowy summer dresses...

beg and beg and beg on his knees till you occasionally wear them without anything under. give him easy access to tease you to his hearts content. watch as he gets you literally dripping down your thighs and wound up in a way that he might not even be ready for. although welcome the happy surprise none the less. it's his fault, if you can't get enough of him after he has cum, then that's his problem. he'll just have to take it (which he happily does omg, you can overstimulate him as much as you want)

and i mentioned that they go out on all sorts of adventures that summer? this one gives me trip to lovers lake. it starts off by Steve helping you with touching up your sunscreen and turns into this. he'd be whispering in your ear about how you never know who else could get the same urge for a dip in the water, maybe someone is just around the corner? maybe someone is already lurking behind those trees over there...

he'd totally also do that kind of thing where you go through all your memories together, like travel to the places where they happened. one day he takes you out into the woods at the exact spot where he told you that he loved you. it started out with him just being like well we have to reenact the kiss, but then before you knew it this happened.

and that road trip? *screams* CAR SEX!

he will make such a mess all over the seats...(ignore that the car is actually moving in this one lol)

and even at night when he's maybe driving the last bit before getting to one of the motels you were staying at, you're getting sleepy, getting comfy in the seat beside him. he just has his hand glued on your thigh, caressing it dangerously high. and the sleepier you get, the more you slump in the seat, gliding down and causing your dress to ride up... well, let's just say that he keeps you awake till you reach the motel...

but eventually you arrive at college, now with a new roomie at your little student apartment...

one could say that he's amazing company

he is your best friend after all

and now he's always just right there, ready to distract and help you relax, counteract some of that uni stress that is inevitable

one day you come home totally ready to fall back on the instant ramen that keeps so many students alive. but then, just as you enter the small kitchen, there is Steve! apparently, he's sick of watching you live off that stuff just because you don't have time. I have the time, I can learn how to cook! can't be that hard. so it becomes a ritual on days when your classes run long. you come home and sit up on the counter, watching the last few moments as he finishes up dinner

as soon as the food is in the oven and his hands are free, the pants are flying off! I've got you, ace, I've got you, he will whisper while keeping you from slipping off tiny sliver of the counter you're balancing on as he pounds into you

and even though you were done with private school, he still made sure you kept the uniform...

and living together means showering together.

and you two tend to get dirty so easily...

guess that just means a lot of showers!

steve, are you seriously hard again? I literally just blew you in the shower.

the former high school athlete even convinces you to join him at the gym, even if that just means never getting past your warm up because holy shit is your boyfriend hot when he's working out

you don't really wanna go to any college parties, but Steve keeps telling you how it's a crucial experience and that he'll go with you so that you won't get bored or even anxious. sure, you could say that he makes sure you have fun... he drags you into the frat house's bathroom after maybe a few too many shots, makes you stare at your own reflection as he fucks you from behind, telling you to ignore the crowd of guys that eventually gather outside the door once your activities became clear over the loud music. although, you can't help but notice how his own moans and grunts become louder as the audience outside offer drunken comments

one new years, this is his resolution. that's all. he just wants to train your throat throughout the new year so that you'll eventually be able to take him like that.

it's not because he needs you to learn that skill. you truly don't need to do anything but smile at him and he's blowing his load

and he knows he's huge and that you can barely even handle the tip, but fuck if he doesn't wanna try...

he just loves you so crazy much

and living together also means just all of the cosy domestic moments

just lazy little moments like this

an alarm clock? what even is that

from now on Steve is your alarm. he'll never let you get up late for class...

long story short, having your best friend as a roomie was a good idea

probably the best idea ever

#lea’s writing #daisy #p link #p links #steve harrington #steve harrington smut #stranger things smut #stranger things p links #steve harrington p links #joe keery smut #perv!steve harrington x reader #perv!steve #perv!steve harrington #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x female reader smut #steve harrington x y/n #steve harrington x y/n smut #steve harrington x you

[olderthannetfic]

hii! does anybody have any advice on how to feel okay with not having friends? i spent years abroad, so in the meantime my irl friends from hs found other friends to hang out with who they seem to like more than me or else are very busy with work and uni and such. which is cool, good for them for having such a vibrant social life, but it feels like they have no room for me anymore and i'm a person who can't make friends that easily. i don't drink or smoke, and i feel uncomfortable in big gatherings and feel better getting to know ppl one-on-one over a longer period of time, but that makes it hard for me to connect to ppl bc most irl people don't have much patience or already have their own established friend group and little old me doesn't hold their attention.

i'm starting a new job in a couple of weeks, so hopefully that will give me the necessary social interaction plus i have a great family, so i'm not going stir crazy, it just hurts a little that my friends don't bother to text me for days if i don't text them first or invite me out to places. and i'm trying to make new friends, it just doesn't come that easy and in the meantime i wish i could just feel at peace w being alone instead of questioning why people don't want to hang out with me or why i don't feature into their leisure plans. (not that i'm blaming them, it's just that it's hard not to feel inadequate.)

so yeah, anyone have any advice on how to feel at peace w being alone? like, maybe i'll never manage to make new friends or make new connections, maybe through lack of trying, maybe through lack of luck, idc, i just want to be enough for myself, but i don't know how.

so any wise words are appreciated and thank you, OTNF, for letting me vent in your inbox :)

--

Well... those feelings are pretty common and a natural reaction to the situation. You may not really get rid of them entirely, but you can accept them as a natural part of things and not a sign that anything has gone wrong.

HS friends rarely stick with each other even during college, let alone after, so you would likely be in this same boat regardless. Making new adult friends can be a pain, but it's something most of us face multiple times even if we luck into some good friend groups at points and even if we're more social.

The thing to do for many people is to keep busy with hobbies. A crafting meetup or book club isn't usually massive. I know you don't like groups, but nobody is going to go off one-on-one without meeting you in a group context first. Finding some more manageable groups to meet people casually and see if you click is how most people do it. The only way to get to know people over time is to show up in the same places with the same people a lot.

--

Another important thing to realize about adult friends is that many of them won't be good about texting you or inviting you because they're all out of energy for doing that with anyone. Maybe all of their energy is reserved for a job. Maybe for a child. Maybe for a romantic partner.

Even if you're their very best friend, they may still not respond much at certain times in their life. If you guys are just post college, maybe that's not the issue yet, but it will be at some point.

Every single book about the plague of loneliness and how people suck at maintaining core friendships outside of their household is fixated on this. People suck at recognizing when they aren't putting enough energy into maintaining relationships.

I would axe that hangdog attitude about little old you not holding people's attention. They probably just aren't allocating time to building friendships at all.

--

Liking being alone has a lot to do with loving yourself in general and having hobbies and things you want to have time for that are solo pursuits.

It's also about not waiting to do things like go to a restaurant you want to check out. Go alone. Go with a book. Anything can be a solo activity unless it literally mandates 2+ people. Missing out on friend time shouldn't mean missing out on everything else, but a lot of people let it become that.

[archie-sunshine]

Hi! Hello!! It's 5am and after reading the 1.5 Driftrod chapter I couldn't help myself by showing my appreciation for it- LIKE THANK YOU!!

My mean Drift apostle- I love how you characterise him! Thank you for sharing this! (Also, amazing how they both got send to horny jail, tho I doubt it would stop Drifty from being a mean teasing b-)

Anyways, a did question did pop up- two actually. But they don't really relate to each other. Kind off?

First, what are your thoughts on Hotlock? My heart, brain and evil horny half of me aches for both sides of Rodimus and Drift so I always have double brainrot about them (-size difference. it's the size difference.)

Second, I didn't find it anywhere on your info page(or maybe it's just me being blind, apologiesif it's the case) but do you have a Ko-fi or something similar? I'm a broke uni student but I still wanted to support you in some monetary way! (Also because I totally want to commission hotlock but felt guilty by just asking without paying hhh)

Sorry for the long ass ask! 5am me is ecstatic about what they just read and future me will feel shame and pass it down to at least three generations for making a fool out of myself.

Have an amazing day and keep being great!!

So do u guys ever get an ask that leaves u kinda sittin there like this?

*ahem* anyways!! Sorry, i got very carried away drawing sketches for this ask so if this is like- super overwhelming i apologize

THANK YOU!! FOR ENJOYING THE SECRET DRIFTROD FIC!! I have a lot of thoughts about drift and his sex life and libido and personal preferences. I won't go into heavy detail(unless someone sends an ask wanting to hear about my thoughts) but i fully agree that drift has a mean streak the size of the grand canyon, but also has so much internalized guilt that he REALLY tries to not do anything about it. Rodimus is oblivious to it- until Drift eventually snaps and makes his intentions very very clear. But there were some obvious warning signs, i.e. being a very persistent sex pest and getting way too revved up from bullying rodimus with the magnetizer on.

AS FOR HOTLOCK??? I genuinely hadn't thought about it- until i read an absolutely life changing brain shattering wip from a friend of mine. AND NOW!!!??? NOW ITS IN MY BRAIN. i cannot get it out of there. LOVE hotlock, lots of thoughts on hotlock. The tension, the hatesex, two pent up freaks with the libidos of rabbits. What's not to love right? (apologies, im not the best at drawing Hot Rod idw style but i think this gets the point across yea?)

I personally find it very compelling that they would start out hating each other, and hot rod would likely continue to consider their whole relationship more of a sexually charged rivalry. but deadlock I believe would become almost animalistically possessive of hot rod. Still hating him, still savoring the thrill of hunting him for sport for the express purpose of beating the brakes off him. but uh... not wanting anything to get between that.

I like to imagine that characterization for deadlock no matter who he ends up with, BECAUSE, I also really enjoy the idea that Drift would harbour a lot of guilt and shame for that part of his life? like i personally believe Drift would try to cover up as much of deadlocks remaining character traits as possible out of guilt, pretend they arent there and that he's a much more even tempered, normal person about the relationships he's in.

Now is that possessiveness or mean streak really gone?.... I mean...

drift would probably very much like you to think so.

NOW!! about commissions, first of all holy shit thank you? what? Don't spend your money on me good god- I USED to have a ko-fi, but i have not used it in a very long time!! I really appreciate the sentiment, but especially if youre hard for cash, I'd be happy to just draw requests because i think they're fun!! so feel free to suggest whatever you'd like to see(as long as its like- one of my hyperfixations bbgfdgfds-) I personally really love making people happy with my art, so like- praise, recognition, and knowing that my work made people happy(via comments or tags or inbox messages) is like fucking crack to me. I'd love to draw driftrod/hotlock for anyone, literally anytime, bc it would make them happy :] and that would make me happy :]

Like, see? I farted this drift out in under 10 minutes and it made me so happy to draw and i went 'omg the little people in my puter are gonna love this drawing' and it brought me infinitely more joy than the 25 bucks id get as payment for it.

IF!! I do open for commissions though, i'd likely be accepting payment via my paypal in CAD, and you'd likely see me open for them on my blog if you're following me!!

I know this post is already like exorbitantly long, for which i apologize, but i do want to say you should never apologize for the enjoyment you gain from someones work!!! This ask has made me so happy!! It makes me really glad to know that someone out there who i don't even know was brought joy by my very stupid fanfic at 5am somewhere. ALSO??? the fact that someone halfway across the world from me can see and love and enjoy something I made??? THE WORLD IS BEAUTIFUL WHAT?? The connection that fandom and creation can bring is beyond description and I am glad that my work reached you. any of you. all of you. thank you anon.

(jesus christ im getting emotional in this chilis today)

[Feeling nosy? Send me an ask or request in my inbox!!!]

[full sketchpage under the cut!]

#transformers #my requests #archie answers #my art #driftrod #hotlock #deadlock #long post #drift #hot rod #rodimus #suggestive #mtmte #idw transformers #you guys are too nice to me sometimes whats up with that #crying in the club #wtf #anyway id kill and die for u anon :D #<3 #maccadam

[sch-com]

Specific manifestations of schizoid PD in my life

see similar post for anakastic PD / OCPD

When I first heard of my personality disorders, it was hard for me to notice their role in my life. Part of it was that I was younger, and with less experiences, but part of it was that by nature PDs are so ingrained it's hard to see the full scope of their influence. Particularly I struggled to see the "dysfunction" part - I was thinking that sure, I do experience that, but is it really that bad? And you can't have a PD without the dysfunction, so do I even count? I think that now, after some time and more reflections, I can say I do see the dysfunction, so I thought to share my observations.

Using the DSM V criteria for schizoid PD:

1/ Neither wants nor likes close relationships, counting being part of a family / Has no close friends other than immediate relatives

When I was first moving out for university, I didn't really have any close enough friends I would feel truly comfortable moving with. It limited my choices, and influenced the one I ultimately made (a mistake).

Also, when I was moved out and experienced my first full-blown mental health crisis, I didn't have anyone around me to rely on.

Studying in uni is much harder when I am not talking with people in my class. Normally students support each other, share notes etc I imagine. I have to do everything alone.

Talking to people = opportunities. And support. Real, material support of being physically near. Going to places together, someone having a job opprotunity, hell even having anyone around in case of an emergency.

I suspect at least part of my emotional problems can be attributed to my self-imposed isolation. Occassionaly when I do talk to someone, it's like... an altered mental state, in a good way. When I laugh, I feel physically good. And it's easier to laugh with other people around. It's the little things I think, that are crucial and I am largely missing out on.

2/ Almost constantly picks introverted activities

Sharing what you do can help you progress faster. Sharing your art and getting critique, joining language classes. Sure I can do all of this on my own as well, but it may be sub-optimal. I think it's a matter of balance - and if I consistently choose to opt out of group activities, it could be seen as dysfunctional.

Also again, doing stuff with other people = meeting other people = getting the social connection, vital for even physical health, and gaining access to opportunities and support.

Other people can also motivate you, or keep you accountable for doing something. When I do (almost) everything on my own, I have to well, rely on my motivation / determination, which is often hard (more on that in 4/).

3/ Has little if any, thought in engaging in any sexual experiences

Frankly I am asexual, so I wouldn't say it's causing me any distress. I suppose that lack of sexual life can be viewed as lack of a major life activity, if you want to interpret it that way.

However, somewhat connected to 4/, it's hard for me to say 100% that sex life is something I truly don't want, or if it's just another thing I am opting out of out of the lack of reward. More on that below.

4/ Seldom derives pleasure from any activities

The emotional implications are written into the criterium itself. Lack of pleasure is I think dysfunctional already.

But, adding on the above - lack of pleasure/satisfaction definitely made me lose a lot of motivation for doing anything. I have disengaged from hobbies because of it. I have disengaged from studies, from social activities, from even simple things watching movies, reading, or cooking a good meal because of this. I have to force myself to do pretty much anything. There is not a single thing that I do simply because I truly enjoy it - I need another reason on top, like an obligation.

What I mean by the above, is that... I think I have opted out of things because they don't bring me much emotional reward, not the other way around (so it's NOT that I don't get a lot of joy because I don't do things). I remember when I was younger and more active in life, doing something like travelling, or acomplishing something, and emotionally not getting anything out of it. So I wished I was just in bed and not doing the thing, because at least it's less effort, for the same emotional reward (= lack thereof). And as I became an adult with more control over my day-to-day, I stopped many major life activities because I can. And it's all the same.

5/ Appears apathetic to the admiration or disapproval of others

For me it's largely related to 4/, because I don't get much internal reward from external stimuli, it also manifests in how this criterium describes it.

I've had people believe in me in the past. Try to encourage me, praise me, tell me they see a potential. But I... couldn't believe them. I don't feel this, it's all the same if I am awarded something or not. External rewards don't cause internal reaction, so like why bother? Why bother going after this hard thing, winning a competition, if after I acomplished it it's all the same void? I put the effort into something, only for this to not matter. So I stopped putting so much effort.

I think it may also discourage others from trying to help me, because historically I haven't shown much reaction, or improvement, or gratefulness for their honest efforts. To give up on me, because I seem like this empty shell of a person. But I don't really know, I think it would have to be someone else to confirm this.

6/ Shows emotional coldness, detachment, or flattened affectivity

People told me that I appear flat and so it's hard for them to read me. It's hard to know what I think, and some became afraid that I was judging them, when I... I don't? Overall, this one makes it really hard to connect to others and to be understood. So it makes me feel even more like an alien.

I have also hurt people because of this. Because I detach, I isolate, I forget about people. I am the friend you have to message to get a conversation, or schedule a meetup, because I don't initiate. I know it's a hard position to be in, and I don't want to hurt anyone, so I only disengaged more to not even have any friends that would care about me enough to be hurt by my isolation.

Because I seem all the same (flat and withdrawn) all the time, it's harder to notice when I am struggling. I can be in the throws of depression and actively suicidal, but outward appear pretty much the same. So people don't believe me, not even professionals, and I have been neglected because of this.

#schcomtalk #schizoid personality disorder #schizoid #szpd #spd #scpd #cluster a

[gabessquishytum]

just to flip the age kink thing, i've got a suggestion for how they'd have hob as the younger one. hob's getting to the point where he needs to start his next life and he decides that he wants to keep teaching but wants to change up the subject this time. there's a grad program he's really interested in so he figures he'll do that and then teach the subject, he starts crafting his next identity, and dream's so interested in the process since he hasn't seen hob doing this before. he sees the age hob's going for and offers some help -- he could make everyone perceive hob as younger, so he'd be able to get longer out of this identity.

hob, of course, is thrilled. he starts off as young as he can, of course, but it's been centuries since hob's even tried to pass himself off as 22. he could pull it off when people lived harder, but it just doesn't work anymore. dream makes a couple more suggestions -- hob's used June 7th as his birthday before, it sort of is in a way. now tgat he and dream use it as their anniversary he would have picked a different date but hey, if that's the date dream thinks he should go with, no big deal.

so hob goes off back to school, he's having a great time, he's sort of loving pretending to be in his 20s again. his friends do give him odd looks when they see him with dream, though. that's fine -- dream is, frankly, odd. it's probably nothing. until he starts seeing how dream's presenting himself to others and... yeah, the first time hob sees the dusting of silver hair at dream's temples, he drops to his knees to suck dream's cock in the stacks of the uni library. it's fine. he has very normal feelings about it. it's fine.

he's not totally clear on the specifics of the game dream's playing until the end of his first year, though, when dream mentions, in careful earshot of a few of hob's more gossipy classmates, that he'll plan something nice for hob's birthday. it's their anniversary, after all, and five years is a number worth celebrating. hob doesn't realize until later that dream just made sure all hob's classmates know that he got together with his significantly older and significantly wealthy boyfriend on his 18th birthday. and that dream's been supplying most of hob's wardrobe again. and giving him jewellery. and keeping hob at his side any time they're in public together. and that maybe there's a reason he keeps getting carefully worded questions about his relationship, because dream has very intentionally made him look like a pretty young thing being taken advantage of by an older man. hob needs dream to fuck him about this immediately, actually.

(it also occurs to hob, once dream's fucked him through the mattress while calling him little one and darling boy and pet, that this is. probably how gods and fey and other immortals actually do see a relationship between dream of the endless and a human. and gets turned on about it all over again.)

-🐈‍⬛

This is literally what I look like right now. Oh my fucking gOD

I don't. I don't know how to add to this? Hnnngg. Dream with grey in his hair, treating Hob like his little plaything, making Hob’s friends somewhere between concerned and jealous. It's making my mouth go dry.

I think you might have finally bit the "horny overload" switch in my brain, my darling.

ffffffuck.

I'm just thinking about Dream renting a fancy apartment for Hob to live in while he's studying. He comes home from the dreaming every day, and Hob’s friends skedaddle from what ever study club they've been doing (they're a little intimidated by Dream, although hes nothing but polite). Dream gets to have Hob all to himself for the evening, gets to relearn Hob’s body as it hasn't been for a very long time. Being physically 22 has a lot of advantages when it comes to joint flexibility and sexual stamina, and Dream wants to enjoy them to the fullest. Hob is very much immersed in the fantasy of being Dream’s kept boy, and he likes the attention, he likes it when Dream showers him in gifts. He keeps Dream updated on his grades and soaks up all the praise and sweet talk Dream lavishes on him. They go to the opera together, or to fancy restaurants where Dream publicly shows Hob off to absolutely everyone. And the sex afterwards is just insane. Hob rides Dream’s cock in the limo on the way home, or sucks him off in the dressing rooms of fancy boutiques.

They have literally all the time in the world to be horny and stupid and I, for one, want to see it.

#🐈‍⬛ anon #the sandman #dreamling #nsft #dream x hob

[vettelinyourarea]

ohhh can i get one arthuro request with just a friend to you by meghan trainor? arthuro got friend-zoned by his teammate will be a good pathetic one💀👍🏻

just a friend to you - arthur leclerc

genre: angst

word count: 863

inspired by just a friend to you by meghan trainor

warning: english is not my first language, one or two curse words

thank you so much anon for the request! i really hope you like this one and sorry for taking a long time to finish it!

I've been pretty busy with uni and will be busy with uni until May, that's why I'm not posting as frequently. Also, my requests will be closed until I finished all of the requests I have currently!

feel free to send me any feedback 🫶

---------------------

Why you gotta hug me like that every time you see me?

Why you always making me laugh

Swear you're catching feelings

I loved you from the start

“Arthur! I missed you,” you said, pulling him into a hug. It’s kind of like a routine for you and Arthur, hugging each other every time you saw one another. And frankly, it’s quite funny for the young man, seeing you doing all those things with him while saying that the two of you are strictly just friends. Everyone else doesn’t believe you, not even Arthur himself. 

“We just hang out last night chérie,” he replied with a chuckle, returning the tight hug you have him. 

“I guess I just love you too much that even a night seems too long.”

Arthur knew it was supposed to be a joke coming from you, yet still, he can’t help but wonder, do you really love him just as friends?

So it breaks my heart

When you say I'm just a friend to you

“Seriously, what is it between you two?” Dennis asked. Currently, you and Arthur are preparing for a race, joined by other drivers who always wonder what is going on between you and your beloved teammate. 

“What? Never seen a girl and a guy being friends?” you said, trying to look annoyed and Dennis but failed eventually. 

Arthur watched you silently as you laugh at Dennis and Paul, trying his best to stop his heart from breaking as the word ‘friends’ keeps replaying in his head over and over again.

Cause friends don't do the things we do

Everybody knows you love me too

Tryna be careful with the words I use

I say it cause I'm dying to

I'm so much more than just a friend to you

Just friends my ass, that’s what Arthur want to say to you when you woke up. It was 2 AM, and you are sleeping beside him which is a tradition for the two of you. After every race weekend, both of you would have a sleepover. Nothing really happened though, besides the occasional cuddles, hugs, and kisses on the cheek. But still, Arthur wonders what are you really up to? There’s no way nothing is going on between you two. The number of kisses you pressed on his cheeks, the number of cuddles, hugs. Everything you do makes Arthur question your intentions.

Because, there is no way the two of you are just friends, right?

When there's other people around

You never wanna kiss me

You tell me it's too late to hang out

It was in July when everything changed. At first, Arthur noticed that you gave him fewer kisses, which transformed into no hugs, then you never initiated any physical contact with him anymore, and it all wrapped up with you declining his invitation to hang out. 

Arthur is frustrated about it and he doesn’t even try to cover it. He keeps questioning everything, did he do something wrong? Did he hurt you and he doesn’t realize it? Because it seems to him, you are trying your best to avoid him at all costs, and Arthur can’t help his heart anymore from breaking more and more each day.

And you say you miss me

And I loved you from the start

So it breaks my heart

When you say I'm just a friend to you

It was during a Christmas party held by Juan when Arthur finally got his answers. It was a chilly afternoon in Italy, every driver in Formula 2 are invited, and you are standing there alone, waiting for your drink when Arthur got the courage to approach you. “Can I talk to you?”

It was weird for you two now, standing all alone together in close proximity when it used to be so normal. “Why are you avoiding me?” He finally breaks the silence.

“I’m not avoiding you,” you replied, avoiding his gaze.

“Yes, you are and don’t lie about it.”

It was a few seconds before you finally answered, a few seconds too long for Arthur. “I have a boyfriend now,” you said looking down at the glass you are holding. You knew what you did to him was wrong, you knew all along that Arthur likes you more than a friend, you knew what you have done to him the past 2 years you become his teammate, yet, you still lead him on all those years.

“Who?” he finally asked with bitterness evident in his tone.

“Oliver,” you answered. You already knew it was wrong to lead him on for 2 years, and you knew it would be even worse if you date his close friend. Yet, you did both of those anyway.

“Congratulations, you don’t fucking deserve him,” he replied, clearly disgusted at you and he left you alone.

And that would be the last time you talked to him because not even two weeks later, news broke the Formula 2 community.

Arthur Leclerc is to leave Prema and race for DAMS this season

And maybe, you knew that it was what you deserve. Losing a friend, and a teammate because you want to have fun. 

#f2 #formula 2 #f2 x reader #formula 2 x reader #arthur leclerc #f2 imagine #f2 imagines #formula 2 imagine #formula 2 imagines #arthur leclerc x reader #arthur leclerc angst #f2 angst #formula 2 angst #arthur leclerc imagines #arthur leclerc imagine #arthur leclerc x you #f2 x you #formula 2 x you #vettelinyourarea

[fairyofshampgyu]

Fuck You Series: Final Part

genre: smut, bit of angst, fluff, band au, uni au, enemies to lovers au, crack, friends with benefits

Pairing: beomgyu x gn reader (afab tho when it comes to smut parts)

warnings: smut, sub!beomgyu, dom!reader, riding, titty sucking, eating out

synopsis: you and Beomgyu are both from infamous rival bands at the same uni, you being the bassist of your band: Blue Moon and Beomgyu being the lead guitarist of his band: Tomorrow x Together. You hate Beomgyu the most though and one night at a party you decide to “teach him a lesson” and become…fuck buddies ??

Word Count: 3k

song of the chapter:  yours - maye

Ryujin spits out her tea snorting, “Wait so you’re telling me, he got all weepy, confessed to you drunkenly and then you just dipped?!” Wooyoung begins snickering at this too.

Both of them had stayed the night at yours after you had forced them to abruptly leave the party last night and hadn't explained the reason until now whilst you were having breakfast, well more like brunch.

“What was I supposed to do?!” You retaliate back.

“You know, drunk words are sober thoughts...” Wooyoung puckers his lips into a kiss and adds on sound effects, moving towards you from the opposite side of the table with ryujin laughing.

“Oh shut up, Wooyoung.” Rolling your eyes, you fly your hands in front of his face to get him to stop whatever he was doing.

“I just have a little question though...do you like Choi Beomgyu?” Ryujin takes another sip of her tea, trying to feign innocence whilst also having the most smug look plastered on her face.

They both look at you awaiting an answer.

“Guys...” You roll your eyes but they just keep staring. “Come on, guys.” You protest but they still have their eyebrows raised at you, “Guys?! Really?!”

Did you like Beomgyu? 

You’d been racking your brains about it the whole night and hadn't been able to get any sleep over it. Hearing him say that had got you extremely confused and taken aback. Of course, there was the possibility that he really was just drunk and saying anything but for some reason it didn't seem plausible to you.

If you were being a hundred percent, completely, TRULY honest with yourself, you really liked beomgyu’s company and you had missed him like a lot. You forgot how much of a big impact he was on your life a few years ago. Sometimes you’d just use the sex part as an excuse just to see him...sometimes...But that didn't mean you liked him like that. You just missed your old best friend. You didn't think about his absolutely fucking gorgeous face all the time, his silky, soft hair, his cute, deep, brown eyes and really, really nice long eyelashes that reach his cheeks when they’re closed, his cute nose, that weirdly shaped dimple he has whenever he smiles or eats and his pretty fucking lips you wanted to kiss all the time - okay, shit. 

Maybe you did just have the tiniest, teeniest, smallest crush on him. If you’d even call that a crush. You’d just get over it though. Maybe you were just really sick right now. You kinda feel like you have a headache...

“Hello? Earth to y/n?” Wooyoung snaps his fingers in front of your face a couple times.

“I don't fucking know! Maybe...” You put your head in your hands, lightly banging your head on the table and groaning. Oh god. fuck, shit. How could this happen?! How is this happening?!?! How could you like Beomgyu?! Beomgyu??!!! BEOMGYU??!!

“You owe me $20.” Ryujin points to wooyoung and he sighs grabbing a twenty from his pocket.

“Did you guys make a bet on me?!” You lift your head off the table.

“Maybe?” Ryujin shrugs sheepishly.

“To be fair, I thought you were in love with Choi Beomgyu too. I just bet for drama.” Wooyoung also shrugs.

“I’m not in love with him!”

“Whatever you say.” Both of them speak in unison.

“LEAVE! THE BOTH OF YOU.”

It had been a week since you last saw or spoke to beomgyu and the day of your uni’s music festival. Jay had hyped you all up and you guys have been preparing nonstop for the big day. A lot was riding on this, if you guys got first place, it was an easy ticket to getting signed and to a big and well known label such as Hybe. It could take years for bands to get signed and to a good label too. You guys could not let the opportunity go because who knows when the next time would be? Most independent bands don’t really become big by themselves. You were a little nervous to say the least. But also pretty excited. 

After your band’s turn for their sound check, you could only wait along with the other bands, instrumentalists and vocalists behind the stage for the audience to start coming in. 

You guys spot one of what you presumed to be Hybe’s casting agents in the crowd at the back, slick black suit attire, sun glasses and a clip board at hand. They were very intimidating and you all gulped at the sight.

After many boring, bad, mediocre and very few good performances you had to sit through for what felt like an eternity, your band and txt were the only ones left to perform and the only ones people actually came here to watch. 

It was your band’s turn first.

All of you walked on the stage with your instruments, plugging it into the amps and testing for a second. Lights flashed down upon on all of you and you could see lots of little people down below, some cheering and roaring and some booing, being txt’s fans.

One of the heads of the music department introduced you guys and before you knew it, your newest track was being performed, Jay counting you guys in by hitting his drumsticks together 4 times and wooyoung starting to sing.

Your fingers glided across the fretboard on one hand and on the other hand,  plucking with your two fingers the strings, playing the catchy bassline. After Ryujin’s and Hyunjin’s really incredible guitar solo, it was your turn for your virtuosic bass solo that would make the crowd go “wild” too.

You guys did well. You could tell since the crowd applauded and screamed even louder than you thought was possible and you really think you have a shot of catching the casting agent’s eye.

Once you’re all behind the stage again, the five of you childishly squeal and jump together.

“We did it!” Hyunjin goes to high five all of you.

You feel Ryujin nudging you and you look at the direction she was indicating at to see Beomgyu and his members going up on stage. All of them wearing cool, matching outfits and makeup and Beomgyu somehow looks even more attractive than the last time you saw him but he doesn’t pay you any attention.

All of you decide to go in the actual audience for the last performance and you stand together looking up at the band performing, their fans cheering and your fans booing at them. Soobin was on the drums, Huening kai on the keyboard, Yeonjun on bass, Taehyun with his mic and Beomgyu on the guitar.

Admittedly, they were really good. I mean, you did play with them once, well not yeonjun but the rest and that was actually really fun. But your band were the ones that needed to win this.

There were times during their performance where beomgyu would straight up look you in the eyes and when you prolonged the eye contact, he’d quickly look away from you, taking his attention back on his guitar instead or the rest of the crowd around you but not specifically looking at anyone else in particular.

As expected, once they were finished there was also a big round of applause and cheers. And now you only had to wait until the judges would announce who the winner was.

The judges whisper amongst themselves for a good 10 minutes until they come to a conclusion.

“The band that wins this year’s university music festival is...TOMORROW BY TOGETHER!!” There’s an eruption of cheers and shouts and Beomgyu’s band jumping together.

Oh. You’re not quite sure how to feel. You’re not as upset as you’d thought you’d be but maybe it’s because it hasn’t really sunk in yet. Your chance gone. Who knows when the next chance will be. You look around you at your band and they look incredibly bummed obviously. But jay takes you all to the back where there’s comfy seats and you all sit there in silence for a while and then you all attempt to cheer each one of you up a bit.

“We still did really good.” Jay states, coming back from getting everyone drink cans.

“Yeah that was probably one of our best performances yet!” Wooyoung chimes in.

Hyunjin thanks jay for the drink he hands him, opening it before speaking up too, “Yeah and did you see how many people were there and the reactions to when we finished?!” 

“There’ll be so many other opportunities. Why are we acting as if its the end of the world?” Ryujin chuckles a bit before taking a big swig of her drink.

“Yeah and it was really fun just being on the stage and playing.” You agree and all of them hum their agreements too.

Ryujin nudges your shoulder again but it causes you to spill your drink. You give her a murderous glare before you look to where her eyes are occupied at to see beomgyu.

“You should go talk to him you know.”

“What?! Talk to him about what?!”

“Just shut up and go talk to him.” She rolls her eyes and very aggressively shoves you off the sofa in his direction. You give her one last look that says ‘I'm going to fucking kill you’ before approaching him.

“Hey...”

“...Hi. Come to tell me how we didn't deserve to win and that your band was better?” He jokes, awkward tension in the air.

“No actually...I came to congratulate you.” You say mater of factly and give him a look as to say ‘why would you even suggest that?’ when truthfully, you probably would have.

Was that really all you were going to say? What else were you gonna say? What were you supposed to say? Was there something you were supposed to say?

“...And also...I hated you. For like, a really long time, think I just used the part that you ruined the band or whatever as an excuse but actually I hated you because I missed my friend that just left me. And I've been thinking and I don't want you to not be in my life again. I think...maybe...I have...” 

Ah, fuck it.

“I really fucking like you Choi Beomgyu! This day was all I should have been thinking about yet the whole time I was just thinking of you! You’re driving me fucking crazy and it’s really annoying actually!”

He stands there, staring at you with his wide eyes, dumbfounded and in disbelief, “Oh.”

“Oh?” You scoff, “Is that all you’re gonna say? I literally just unwillingly confessed to you.”

“Well, you already know how I feel.” He says, referring back to the night at the party when he was drunk. “But I'll say it again anyway, I really fucking liking you too, y/n.” He’s got that annoying, yet endearing goofy smile of his now.

“Great so like...what now?” You scratch at your head.

“Can we just makeout first I’ve been wanting to for ages!”

You laugh at him but give in, pulling him in closer and connecting your mouth to his, plushy lips moving perfectly against yours and making out with him until it’s necessary to breathe. “Well we’ve done platonic, sexual, so let’s add romantic relationship to that list now I guess.” He grins at you.

“Hmm...okay.” You can’t help the contagious grin of his taking up on your face either.

“Y/N!!” Ryujin shouts out your name, charging towards you, slight smirk when she see’s what’s going on, “Get over here right now!”

“Why? What happened?”

“THERE WAS ACTUALLY ANOTHER CASTING AGENT FROM A DIFFERENT LABEL UNDER HYBE AND THEY WANT TO SPEAK TO US!!”

“ARE YOU KIDDING? OH MY GOD.”

She shakes her head, out of breath from running up to you. You look at beomgyu in disbelief and he smiles back at you.

“I gotta go now and speak to this casting agent”

“Okay but after this you’re coming to my place! And then we’re gonna cuddle for hours and I also actually have to still teach you how to cuddle because you for some reason, don't know how to and then we’re also gonna watch a load of movies!” He shouts back whilst you leave.

“Fine but only if I get to pick the movie!” 

“What movie...?” He narrows his eyes at you.

“My favourite one.”

“That’s still your favourite film?! Do you know how many times you used to force me to watch that?! Like, fifty times!!”

“And it’ll be fifty one after this day.”

He sighs but gives in.

“Stop teasing me, y/nnn! Just fuck me already!” Beomgyu whines, dramatically throwing his head on the pillow. You were at Beomgyu’s place now after the festival and you’d been teasing him for so long now, just fucking his dick with your hand and at such a painfully slow pace as well. “I’m so horny! We haven’t fucked in like more than a week.”

“God, say please then.” He really did have issues with patientness and you’d probably need to teach him that but not today anyway.

“Pleaseeeeee fuck me.” He pouts.

So you grab his dick and place it at your entrance, sinking down on it and he groans with knitted brows, his hands immediately touching and moving around every expanse of your body and bringing you closer to him. He was so touchy and needy today. 

He latches onto one of your tits, kissing and sucking them and playing and groping the other, desperately. Seeing beomgyu suck your tits never fails to make you go absolutely crazy.

“I missed you so much.” He muffles in between doing this and then he lightly drags his teeth over the bud, making you gasp.

“It was a week.” You shake your head and chuckle slightly at him.

“Yeah well, I thought you were never gonna speak to me again. And what? You didn’t miss me at all?” He blinks up at you with his pretty eyes.

“Okay, I admit I did kinda miss you.” You roll your eyes and he smiles after hearing. You grab his chin, pulling it upwards and leaning down to pull him into a messy, rough kiss whilst you ride him and he moans into your mouth.

“Hold my hand.” He whimpers, and you do, squeezing his soft hand tightly, still kissing and fucking him.

You ride him faster and he lets out stuttering moans, continuously with his mouth parted and his long hair, messy and moving with each bounce.

“I’m so close” Beomgyu groans, his own hands grabbing onto your waist and pushing you down to meet his thrusts.

He starts rubbing your clit with one hand, making you throw your head back as you bounce on him and you move your hand upwards to play with his sensitive nipple, knowing he wouldn’t last long and his eyes squeeze tightly shut as he lets out one last pretty moan before you both are sent over the edge together, warm cum filling you to the brim as your own leaked out around his cock.

You’re both panting and laying on the bed when beomgyu suddenly gets up and moves down your body, situating himself between your legs and spreading them.

“Can I…eat you out?”

How the fuck could you say no?

He positions his face in front, looking at your pussy, then looking at you and then returning back to lick a stripe of your pussy slowly and then latches his whole mouth onto your clit, lightly sucking and swirling his tongue around it.

He continues sucking your clit but sloppier and messier and faster and you tug on his hair bringing his face closer and he whines out loud, adding two of his long, pretty, and slender fingers into you, pumping them in and out of you fast and making you moan.

“You’re doing so good.”

He gazes up at you from between your legs, his puppy eyes adorning his face. “I’m your good boy?”

How is he so fucking cute? What the hell.

“Yeah, baby you’re my good boy.”

And he dives right back in more intensely, breath catching as he gently shook his head deeper in your pussy, nose bumping against your clit and he looks up at you through his long eyelashes, eyes big and innocent. You swear you can cum at the sight and you do, bucking your hips again this face as he laps up every drop of your cum.

You gasp when it comes to the plot twist of your favourite movie.

“Why are you acting as if you don’t know literally every line of this god forsaken film?” Beomgyu raises his brow at you, propping his chin on your chest as you both cuddled on the sofa. You abruptly stop holding him in your arms and he starts having a fit, crossing his eyebrows and whining in his deep voice at you.

“Suddenly, I love this movie! It’s my favourite movie ever!…Now will you go back to cuddling me?” You huff, but go back to holding him in your arms.

“So now that we’re in the same company, doesn’t that mean we’re coworkers! We won’t be like rivals anymore and we’ll be in the same building and I get to see you every day!” Gosh, he’s never gonna shush and let you watch the movie will he?

“You’re down bad.” You gag.

“That’s it.” He grabs a pillow next to him, hitting it in your face. “You’re down bad! You just like to act like you’re not but you are! Admit it!” He continues to hit you but you grab another pillow too, pillow fight ensuing.

By now, he’s taken ahold of your pillow as well, no weapon left to protect you and so you surrender.

“Fine, fine! I’m down bad for you!”

“You’re not very romantic are you? I’m reconsidering.” He jokes, getting up.

“Okay, okay come back. I’ll give you a kiss! And I’ll plan and take you out on the most romantic date ever for you I promise.”

That makes him come back.

“It better be so romantic that I cry with tears.”

Comments & Reblogs are really appreciated !!! <333

a/n: omg it’s the end 😟😟 I'm pretty sad I liked writing this series  ty for everyone who stuck around 😭 does it need an epilogue bc I feel like I ended it really badly ??

Taglist: @moonlit-yeosang @ii4enha-jwn @naniskpoptrashcan @kisshot-heartunderblade @gyulz @prplsoul @sonje78 @deez-nuts02​ @cha0thicpisces​ @sweethyuka​ @laxatives4hre​ @beomgewwwwww​ @caratsmatic​ @shoooobin​ 

#beomgyu smut #beomgyu x reader #sub! beomgyu #sub!beomgyu #sub!idol #sub! idol #dom!reader #sub! txt #sub!txt #txt smut #txt scenarios #txt imagines #txt headcanons #txt reactions #beomgyu scenarios #choi beomgyu smut #choi beomgyu hard hours #kpop smut #txt hard hours #beomgyu hard hours #beomgyu fic

[lucy90712]

Home- Jude Bellingham

WC: 2.8k (this is a longer one)

For most home is the place they go back to every night where they feel safe but for me it is something that has evolved as I've gotten older. When I was young I always thought of home as the house I lived in with my parents but then I grew up slightly and we moved house a few times and I realised that the building I was in didn't matter it was being with my parents so they became my sense of security. Now everything has changed again as I have well and truly moved away from home and to another country and where I feel safe is with my best friend he's the one that provides me with that feeling of being home and being secure.

I met Jude when I was about 5 as my family moved down the same road as his and we have been friends ever since. As kids we always used to play with each other whenever we saw each other at the park or when our parents spent time together. Naturally there was a period of time where we drifted apart and didn't really talk at all as we found other friends but in our later teen years we became so much closer again as he was there to support me through a tough time in my life. When Jude moved away to go and play football I was so incredibly proud of him but I missed him so much when he was away but we talked pretty much every day and whenever he came back home we spent loads of time together.

After spending a year and a bit separated from each other it was time for me to to go university and although I had offers from unis across the country I also applied to a few in other countries that had a good course for that I want to do and I happened to get an offer with a full scholarship to somewhere in Germany. It was like it was meant to be as the uni was in the city that Jude lives in as well so I accepted the place right away. When I moved out there I stayed with Jude for a few days until I was able to move into my apartment and from those few days onwards we have been truly inseparable. We have seen each other nearly everyday since with the exception of days when Jude had to travel to other countries for games which meant spending a lot of time together but we both loved that as we are the definition of best friends.

Recently my friends have been trying to convince me that Jude and I would be a great couple but I always tell them we are just great friends and nothing more but that doesn't stop them talking about it when they think I can't hear. They are always pointing out how much time we spend together and how we supposedly look at each other, I've even heard them call the two of us endgame despite me having a boyfriend. It's not just my friends either I've heard Jude's teammates saying that the two of us would be the perfect couple and making bets on when we will get together, not if when. Whenever anyone talks about Jude and I being a good couple I always shut it down immediately because I don't like to think about it as whenever I do I end up in a dream world where we aren't just friends.

Truthfully I have had feelings for Jude for a few years now it I fight to keep them away because I just can't lose him. There are many nights that I lay awake fantasying about what life would be like if Jude and I were dating but then I remember just how important he is to me and I know I can never say anything. Jude is everything to me he's the one I go to when I'm feeling down and he's the one I celebrate with first when something exciting happens without him I'd be a mess and seemingly all alone. There is no way I could risk telling him and having that ruin our friendship which is why I'm choosing to try and get over my feelings without anyone ever knowing. This is exactly why when I met a nice guy who treated me well I ended up dating him as I needed someone else to focus my attention on and for the most part it works pretty well. There are occasions when I think about Jude but for the most part I'm really happy with my boyfriend and I feel like slowly I can move on from Jude and live my own life happily.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 months now which is the longest relationship I've ever been in. Recently it's felt like we are getting a bit more serious too which scared me at first but I've now come to terms with the fact that at some point this was going to happen and I need to let myself let go of my feelings for Jude. As we are now completely comfortable with each other I gave my boyfriend a key to my apartment so that when I have late classes he can let himself in so we can spend time together when I get home which since has become a bit of a routine. Today is one of those days where I was supposed to have a late class but we were able to finish an hour earlier as we had nothing else left to cover. As I was early I decided to get some dinner on my way home for the two of us to eat as I thought that would be a nice surprise along with me finishing earlier.

When I finally got to my apartment the door was unlocked which meant someone was already there as I definitely locked the door this morning. As I went inside it was completely quiet and none of the lights were on despite it starting to get dark outside which made me question if I did actually lock the door. Out of fear I grabbed my phone so I could call the police if necessary but as I did I noticed a text from my boyfriend telling me he was at my apartment which somehow made my anxiety worse. I quickly walked around the living room and kitchen before going to look behind all of the closed doors. First was my office but that was empty then came the bathroom but I didn't need to open that door as when I stood outside I could hear moaning coming from further down the hallway which meant it was coming from my bedroom. I didn't want to assume the worst but I couldn't help it so out of pure rage I stomped down the hallway and flung to door open to reveal possibly the worst sight I've even seen. My boyfriend in my bed with another girl.

I'm not sure what came over me but I yelled at both of them kicking them out of my apartment and ending things with my so called boyfriend straight away. I made sure to get my key back too as quite frankly I never want to see that man again. Once they were gone realisation hit me like a ton of bricks and nothing could be done to stop the tears flooding down my face as I questioned how long this had been going on for and how stupid had I been to not notice something was up. So many thoughts were swirling around my mind as I took the sheets off my bed and threw them in the wash as if I ever want to be able to sleep in that bed again I at least need to wash the sheets but honestly that didn't help. Being in my apartment just made me feel worse as I looked at every counter in the kitchen and bathroom and the sofa wondering if they had been tainted too. It was all too much and I needed to get out of there for a bit and the only place I wanted to go is to Jude's as he always knows what to do.

Despite having tears in my eyes I managed to drive to Jude's as I know the route like the back of my hand by now. When I got to the door I rang the doorbell and then just walked in as at this time Jude would know it could only be me. As I took my shoes off and tried to wipe the tears from my face I heard footsteps getting closer until I heard him say hello which instantly brought be comfort as I know he will be here for me for as long as I need to rant about what just happened. When I looked up at him he saw my face which I imagine is puffy and red with streaks of mascara down it and without saying a word he pulled me into a tight hug where I could let my emotions go. Just like every other time Jude has comforted me when I'm upset he picked me up and walked to the sofa where he sat me in his lap and gently rubbed my back to help calm me down.

"Whenever you're ready you can tell me what's wrong" he said

"He cheated on me" I said

"What?" He questioned

"I finished early and when I got home I couldn't find him even though he said he was there and then I heard moaning coming from my bedroom and there he was fucking some random girl in my bed" I ranted

"What an asshole you deserve so much better than someone who would even think of doing that" he said

"How about you stay here tonight and tomorrow we can go together to get you a new bed as you don't want to be sleeping in your current one" he said

"That sounds good but you don't have to come with me" I said

"Well I'm coming whether you like it or not" he laughed trying to lighten the mood

"Thank you Jude I really appreciate you being here for me" I said

"Of course I'll always be here for you" he said

He wiped the tears off my face before moving me off his lap and running off to the bathroom and he came back with makeup remover which he used to take all of my makeup off. He gently rubbed my face to get all of my makeup off with the cutest concentration face as he had his tongue sticking out slightly and his eyebrows furrowed as he made sure to get all of the makeup off. Once he was done he went off again but this time when he came back he had food with him as he had guessed I hadn't eaten which was true as I'd left my food on the counter at home. We turned on our favourite show which we have watched a million times but I could watch it a million more as it always cheers me up especially when I actually get to watch it with Jude.

For the next few hours Jude was just being so sweet he ordered ice cream for the both of us even though he's not supposed to eat it as he knows I like to drown my sorrows in ice cream. He also made sure I was comfortable and cozy under a blanket as he held me close to him for extra comfort. It was just like the old times before I got together with my boyfriend as we often used to have late nights together spent like this and honestly I've really missed them I've missed having Jude so close to me. As we watched the tv Jude innocently moved his arm from being around my shoulder to around my waist which I didn't mind but it sent my head spinning. For the first time in a few months I felt all my feelings for Jude come flooding back the the forefront of my mind. I'd been doing really well at burying them and moving on but after everything that happened tonight having Jude put his arm around my waist sent me spiralling again.

This whole situation is so overwhelming as I don't think at this point I'll ever truly get over my feelings for Jude but I don't feel like I can tell him. Jude means so much to me that if I told him and he didn't feel the same way I would be a mess and not just because he rejected me but because I'd have lost my best friend. There is also a problem as even if he did feel the same and we ended up dating if things didn't work out I'd still lose him. It's all just so much to think about and even though I've thought about it a million times I have still never come up with a resolution that makes me truly happy. There are times I think about just taking the leap of faith and telling him how I feel but I always talk myself out of it before I can get the words out. For me it's a big decision whether or not I want to possibly ruin a lifelong friendship over some stupid feelings or not which is why I'm often thinking about it.

"What are you thinking about?" Jude asked which brought me out of my spiral

"Oh nothing" I replied

"Come on just tell me you know you can tell me anything" he said

"Not this" I whispered under my breath

"Why can't you tell me this what secrets are you keeping from me?" He asked jokingly

In that split second I had a decision to make I either tell him how I feel and hope for the best or come up with another lie which I have to keep up with. At this point I have so many lies or stories I've told when I've chickened out of telling Jude how I feel that I've had to write them down so I can refer back to them when necessary. I feel like I need to stop being so afraid and just go for it, take a risk and that's exactly what I'm going to do.

"I have feelings for you" I blurted out

"What" he questioned

"I have feelings for you Jude and I have for years and I just can't live without telling you anymore" I said

"I know it's a lot to spring on you and I get if you don't want to be friends anymore I just couldn't keep my feelings hidden any longer" I rambled

"I have feelings for you too" Jude interrupted me

"Wait you do" I said

"Yeah I mean how could I not you're so beautiful and such a kind person I just never thought you would feel the same so I never said anything" he explained

I didn't really know how to respond as I honestly didn't think he'd feel to same so it took me by surprise. Knowing Jude felt the same way gave me a boost in confidence so instead of saying anything I just leant in and kissed him. Despite being friends for years and playing many games of truth or dare Jude and I have never kissed before so this was completely new for us both. It took Jude a second to realise what was happening but when he did he kissed me right back and even put a hand behind my neck to pull me in closer. The kiss was amazing it was even better than I imagined it would be which is truly something as I have thought about this moment a lot. It was as if time came to a stand still as we seemed to be kissing forever but when we finally pulled apart it had only been a few minutes.

We looked into each others eyes once we stopped kissing and Jude gently swept a piece of my hair behind my ear before then leaving his hand on my cheek. I could've stayed like that forever but sadly that can't happen as we both have lives to live and we also need to talk about what we are now as we can't stay just friends after that.

"What are we now?" I asked

"I'd love for you to be my girlfriend but I know you just broke up with your boyfriend so we can go slowly if that's what you want" Jude said

"I'd love to be your girlfriend but promise me that if things don't work out we can still try and be friends" I said

"Of course my love I couldn't bare not having you in my life in some way" he said

"So will you be my girlfriend?" He asked

"Of course I will" I replied

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham