#like i genuinely am so happy with how this is turning out

[shadowlali]

Hi, I love the way you write (You literally write 3 of my favorite COD men)

If you could I would love a Fem/Reader with either Rodolfo or Alejandro and they’re teaching you how to dance for an upcoming wedding. (It’s cool if you wanna make it SFW/NSFW).

Anyway I hope you keep writing because it gives me life haha

tú y yo

COD - Rudy Parra x fem!reader

[18+] wc: ~800 summary: Rudy teaches you how to dance. masterlist | AO3

warnings: NSFW, no use of Y/N nor too many details on reader’s appearance, some proofreading, oral (f! receiving), size kink (kinda), unprotected sex

a/n: hi nonnie, thank you so so much for the support! 🤍🤍🤍

“Move your hips,” Rudy whispers in your ear, “just like this, nena.” [babygirl]

Soft music plays from the speaker through the living room. The coffee table is pushed to the wall and the center of the room is left empty, perfect space for Rudy to teach you how to dance. His hands caress your sides and slide down to your hips, helping you move them in a small circle.

You can’t help but giggle. There is absolutely no need for all of this considering he’s teaching you how to dance for his sister’s wedding. You take a quick step forward, narrowly missing Rudy’s hands as they try to keep you pressed against him.

“Rudy,” you whine, “focus. You have to teach me how to dance for a family event. Not for you.”

You place your hands on your hips and try to give him a stern look but fail, immediately melting into his arms the moment he wraps them around you.

“I forgot,” Rudy croons, “you distract me too much.”

You link your fingers behind his neck whisper out oh sure, you forgot. He places his hands on your hips as a new song starts and slowly moves them from side to side.

He rubs the tip of his nose on yours before tilting his head to the side to press a soft kiss on your lips. You sink your fingers in his hair as he presses your hips to his hard bulge.

“Rudy,” you whisper on his mouth, “focus.”

He laughs, “I am, mi amor.” [my love]

For the next few songs he keeps a respectable distance and teaches you a few moves. You’ve always been just okay at dancing, but Rudy and his family are on a whole other level.

It doesn’t matter if it's a simple family dinner, the moment the music begins—his family will start a party. His mom and sisters will always pull you to the dance floor and you love them too much to continue being a subpar dancer.

Plus, Rudy loves to dance. And he moves way too well for you to stay sitting down at parties.

Rudy immediately agreed to teach you how to dance. Not because he thinks you need help–he always makes you feel confident whenever you dance together–but because it's just another chance for him to touch and keep you close.

“Doing so good, mi vida,” Rudy says as you immediately match the tempo to the next song. [my life]

Rudy smiles with genuine happiness as he watches you dance. His eyes are soft and half-lidded, his hands gentle while they guide you.

You press closer to Rudy as the music changes to something slower. The beat vibrates you to the core, causing goosebumps to erupt on your skin.

You turn around and press right against his cock, grabbing his hands and placing them on your hips. He slides a hand to your lower belly and grinds his cock on your ass.

By the end of the next song, his head is between your thighs and your whimpers are louder than the music. His fingers plunge into you with harsh strokes, stretching you for his cock.

Rudy drags you down to the floor before you can cum and plunges his cock in your creamy pussy. He folds you almost in half, fucking into you while he presses his mouth to yours in a sloppy kiss.

“More, more, more,” you chant, close to tears.

“Nena,” Rudy groans, “you love how I fuck you? Love how I make you all mine?”

A choked yes falls from your lips but you take each plunge, feeling his tip bump the end of you. One of his hands grips your thigh to spread you open while the other is placed on the floor by your head.

It becomes harder to breath, your head becoming dizzy with each slide of his hips. It’s intense, a little rough given how much you teased each other while dancing. He’s big, stretching you to your limit. But you can take it, you always do.

“Should I finish inside of you, mi amor? Paint this little cunt with my cum?”

Your pussy grips and flutters around his thick length at his words. You manage to mumble out yes, please Rudy, please before dragging a hand down to rub at your swollen clit.

The orgasm hits you with full force the moment your fingers circle your button. Your body pulls tight and your eyes shudder close from the force of his thrusts.

You barely manage to hear him praise you, come for me, nena–milk my cock, just like that. Rudy groans in a mixture of pain and pleasure and immediately comes, fucking you in sloppy thrusts.

Warm cum fills your pussy as you twist and moan underneath him. He grinds his hips into you, making sure that not a single drop of cum escapes your cunt.

Rudy falls next to you in a sweaty heap. Your body shakes in little aftershocks as Rudy drags you closer to him.

“I think,” he whispers after a few minutes, “I think you’re a great dancer.”

You let out a laugh and turn your head to press a kiss onto his cheek.

#rodolfo “rudy” parra x reader #rudy parra x female reader #rudy parra smut #cod x reader #cod mw2 x female reader #rudy parra #cod mw2 smut #shadowlali

[tumblingxelian]

@princess-of-the-corner

Thinking of Aware Lila being part of the group and how that probably pisses Marinette off and had this discussion in mind.

Marinette was practically pulling out her pig tails as Kagami watched on with a fond sort of bemusement at the girls expressive antics.

"I just don't get why she has to keep lying, its so frustrating listening to her just spew nonsense after nonsense like its nothing."

Kagami tilted her head, just a little, "It is quite obviously vexing you, and for that I am sorry."

Marinette waved her off, "You're not the one whose pants should be on fire. Though... I mean why do you hang out with her? Chloe & Adrien I kind of get, your parents are all vaguely aligned and you're in the same circles. Lila's not actually rich or famous-" Marinette gasped, "Has she tricked your parents!?"

Kagami actually let out a huff of amusement, despite its quiet nature, it ran through her whole body.

"That would be amusing to see, my mother hanging on Lila's every word, but no. That woman has no time for even sly boasting and the others parents are little different."

She held up her hand when Marinette looked ready to speak and added, "Lila's mother is genuinely a diplomat, and while not in our parents sphere of wealth she is connected enough that it behooves all of us to at least be polite."

Marinette sighed and flopped back down on the bed at Kagami's side.

"I suppose, though you'd think being able to attend events like you do and having a respected diplomat for a mother would be enough. Like its not even as if she's stupid or has no talents so she has to make things up to brag about even. What's the point? I just... I don't get why someone would lie when they don't have to."

Kagami stilled, and Marinette watched as her friends manner shifted, no longer angling towards her but instead stiff as she stared into space. Experience said to let Kagami think and after a minute of growing anxiety in the silence, Kagami spoke, her voice like tempered glass, strong but made of fragile things.

"I don't think you can understand, Marinette... Or perhaps it is not something I have the words to explain. Maybe if you experienced it... But I would never wish that on you, never."

She finally turned to Marinette, gaze intense, even as her eyes focused somewhere other than Marinette's own.

"It is love, it always comes back to love, or more, the absence of it and the quest to find it, to claim it. To let it fill that gaping chasm inside yourself that exists only because of something integrals absence."

Marinette took one of Kagami's hands and squeezed and saw the fencers breathing steady as she pressed on.

"You can't imagine what its like to never know it but always feel like its just out of reach. The depths someone might sink, the lengths they would go to finally have it."

"You might convince yourself if you just twist yourself a little more for them, tear another piece of yourself away, break yourself or someone else, that it will finally be granted to you. That you can let it sink deep into your bones and sinew and finally, oh finally, you can be happy without hurting."

Marinette shuffled closer, pressing herself at Kagami's side.

"If you can't do that, can't trick yourself into going down that path on a fruitless quest you do the next best thing. You lie. You lie to yourself, or to others. Because even false happiness is better than real despair. Or at least, that's what you tell yourself, even as you starve and wither on the inside..."

Kagami's entire body shuddered, it was somehow both the most powerful sensation Marinette had ever felt and the most subtle she'd ever seen. A reminder that even in her moments of deepest hurt Kagami could not show even a hint of weakness.

Her eyes were stinging now, and Marinette let out a sob.

Kagami's entirely frame pivoted to her, something like terror in her eyes. "Marinette, I- I don't now what I did, b-" She let out a surprised breath as Marinette practically flung herself into the taller girls embrace, pressing Kagami down on the mattress of her bed.

"You didn't make me cry... I'm crying... Because you can't, and you deserve to!" The other girl's powerful arms embraced her so tightly it was like she wanted them to stay locked together forever.

She buried her face in Kagami's neck and whispered, "You are loved, I love you Kagami."

Kagami couldn't speak, so she just held tighter, letting Marinette etch herself ever deeper inside her soul and sinew. She'd do anything for this moment to last.

#Oneshot #One scene #Marigami #kagaminette #Miraculous Ladybug #Aware of Abuse AU #Aware AU #Sort of shipping #Sort of friendship #Sort of Kagami's heart is made of glass and she'd die for love #They're all traumatized your honor

[tapesfrom1980]

first meet premiere , walker scobell x fem! actress reader

ps: for the dress, think greta lee’s oscars after party ‘24. this was so half assed i’m so sorry

“oh my god y/n!”

y/n grinned as she threw open the hotel room door to reveal her bestfriend, mckenna.

“look at you! you could walk on a runaway right now and no one would think you’re out of place.” mckenna gushed as she hugged her bestfriend.

“me? i feel like i should be bowing down at you just by being able to look at you!” y/n laughed as she pulled away from the hug.

it was the premiere night for ghostbusters: frozen empire. mckenna had invited a couple of her friends, including y/n. y/n knew she was extremely proud of the movie and wanted her loved ones there with her.

“i am so excited. i really hope you love the movie as much as i do.”

“i already know it’s gonna be amazing. thank you for inviting me.” y/n smiled warmly at the blonde girl.

“AND you’re gonna meet walker, aryan, charlie, leah, and dior. they’ve been so busy with the press but now you’ll be able to meet them! especially walker.” mckenna winked knowingly as she sat down on the hotel room bed.

y/n rolled her eyes playfully and sat down next to her. “i will actually hurt you if you try anything today mckenna.” mckenna feigned hurt and gasped dramatically.

“what ever are you talking about my dearest y/n? i would never do anything like that.” y/n bumped her shoulder jokingly.

“i’m excited to meet them though.” mckenna raised her eyebrows suggestively. “all of them mckenna.” y/n waved her off.

“besides, tonight is going to be all about you. i’m not focusing on some guy instead of my best friend.” y/n laid her head on the blonde girl’s shoulder.

“i know, but it would make me really happy if you guys finally talked.” mckenna laid her head on top of y/n’s. “i know you better than anyone y/n and i know you’re gonna have a good time with walker.”

y/n groaned dramatically but smiled.

“alright, alright. let’s get going.” y/n stood up and held out her hand for mckenna to grab.

“we are going to have. so. much. fun.”

-

“aryan! oh my gosh!” mckenna rushed to engulf a tall brown boy in a hug. y/n smiled fondly as she watched them. she realized the rest of the group was behind him and pursed her lips.

fuck.

“guys! this is the girl ive been telling you about, my bestfriend, y/n l/n!” mckenna pulled away from aryan and pulled y/n next to her.

“hi guys.” y/n smiled and waved shyly to the group, suddenly feeling very anxious.

“you look beautiful y/n! i love your dress!” leah went to give y/n a hug, dior following.

“thank you! i love your makeup!” y/n grinned, suddenly feeling a surge of confidence.

“dior your hair looks stunning. i’m so jealous.” y/n complimented, genuinely amazed by the girl.

“me?? look at you!” dior beamed.

“this is charlie, that’s aryan as you already know,” mckenna grinned. “and that’s walker.” y/n looked up at the 3 boys in front of her.

she had already met aryan and loved him, but she had yet to meet charlie and walker.

“it’s so good to see you again aryan.” y/n wrapped her arms around aryans neck and squeezed him.

“you look amazing as always, y/n.” aryan smiled back at the girl as they pulled away. y/n thanked him and turned to charlie.

“it’s so nice to meet you charlie, hi!!” y/n beamed, feeling a rush of adrenaline upon meeting the group.

“it’s really lovely meeting you y/n, i can’t believe mckennas been hiding you for this long.” charlie joked as mckenna rolled her eyes.

“i’ve been telling you for ages how great she is.” she huffed as y/n laughed.

“and this is walker.” mckenna smirked knowingly. y/n took a deep breath and turned to the boy behind her. he had been awfully quiet the entire time and in a trance. it wasn’t until aryan shoved his shoulder slightly that he came to.

“you look beautiful y/n.” walker breathed out. he admired the dress she was wearing. it was a white silky custom Loewe dress with the back exposed. her hair was in a wavy sleek middle part, tucked behind her ears on both sides with golden clips.

y/n felt her face warm, but smiled nonetheless. “thank you. you look really nice too.” she ignored her heart pounding inside her chest and wrapped her arms around walker, who was slightly towering over her.

y/n’s face was hot, and she refused to glance at mckenna as she knew what she would be doing.

“sooo, are you guys ready?”

-

“if i take one more step i think my legs will actually snap off.”

the 4 girls threw themselves on the bed. leah’s face was smushed into the comforter, 100% leaving traces of her makeup on it. dior groaned and covered herself with as much of the blanket as she could. y/n and mckenna held each other dramatically like they haven’t slept in 10 years.

soon after the premiere, they had attended the after party that lasted for almost 4 hours.

“my head is killing me.” y/n grumbled against mckennas neck. the guys were in the same mood, not bothering to take their suit jackets off. y/n couldn’t see them but she figured they too, were slumped.

y/n decided to get up after a couple of minutes, refusing to sleep with her makeup on. the girls were long gone in sleep and y/n was careful to not wake them.

she looked down at mckenna, realizing one of her lashes was now stuck on the blondes shoulder. y/n snickered quietly to herself, taking off her heels before getting up.

“you look just as gorgeous you know, one lash and all.” y/n jumped as she turned around, realizing walker was still awake.

they had talked more at the after party but the obvious mutual attraction between the 2 made y/n shy away from him.

“you’re funny.” y/n playfully rolled her eyes, smiling at him tiredly. he flashed her the same smile back but continued.

“i’m serious.”

“you’re really sweet walker.” they held eye contact for a couple of seconds before y/n finally looked away.

she realized mckenna was right, she didn’t wanna keep hiding away.

“do you wanna go for a walk?”

“yes.” without skipping a beat, walker got up.

“okay.” she pursed her lips to hide her excitement. remembering how cold it was outside, she let her eyes scanned the room as she tried to remember where her jacket was.

“shit, i left my jacket in my room.” y/n covered her face with her hands in frustration. so much for a walk alone with him.

“are you trying to get out of this walk with me? because it’s not going to work.” walker joked with a raised brow. he walked over to y/n and took off his suit jacket and placed it around her instead. he stood inches away from her, fixing it to make sure she’d be nice and warm.

y/n tried to avoid eye contact, heart racing as he delicately put it on her. she swore she was going to pass out.

“won’t you get cold?” y/n looked up at him, trying to hide her giddiness. walker shook his head with a small smile.

“don’t worry about it. i’d rather walk in the cold then miss this opportunity. especially with you.”

“i’m gonna punch you.” y/n grinned at the curly haired boy, taking his hand and quickly exiting the room together. after closing the door shut, she realized she didn’t take a keycard to be able to come back with. or her phone.

as if walker was reading her mind, he laughed out loud. “don’t worry, we’ll just knock till the door falls off and one of them wakes up.” y/n laughed but nodded.

“come on!” she gripped tighter onto his hand and started running down the hotel hallway. the pair tried to contain their laughs as they knew if they got caught they’d be sent back to their rooms.

“where are we going?” walker asked between breaths.

“i don’t know!” y/n beamed back at him.

they ran until they found a door that brought them outside. y/n sighed in content as the cold air hit her. she hesitantly let go of walkers hand and she swore she saw him about to hold it again.

“the breeze feels so nice.” y/n closed her eyes happily and stood still for a second. when she opened them again, she looked back at walker who was gazing at her with a smile.

“what?” she smiled back at him, suddenly feeling shy underneath his gaze.

“would you ever wanna like…i don’t know..hang out? go out?” walker blurted out at last. y/n grinned and took a step closer.

“is the walker scobell asking me out?” she gasped playfully. she swears she saw his face get red.

“yes. i am.” he admitted genuinely.

“i’d love to.”

y/n.l/n: late night shenanigans 😴 @walker.scobell

walker.scobell: I wonder who this handsome mysterious young lad is

y/n.l/n: 😬😬i wouldn’t say all that..

mckennagraceful: I KNEW IT.

y/n.l/n: LEAVEEE

aryansimhadri: WHEN WAS THIS??? HELLO??

leahsavajeffries: You and me both Aryan

#percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #walker scobell #walker scobell x reader #walker scobell x y/n

[fullofmoments]

I was a cute girl as a kid, but as a teenager, most people wouldn't think of me as pretty. I was skinny in an unhealthy way, not because I wanted it, but because of my metabolism. I had hormonal problems, so my hair was completely out of control, I didn't know how to dress properly, nor cared to learn how to, even when others started to focus more on finding their own style, experimenting with what was or what wasn't stylish considering each year etc... My friends and classmates, they were all slowly becoming more mature in a way that I didn't seem to fit no matter what. I remember there were those silly, anonymous games played in an app, where the boys had to choose from the most beautiful girls to the "ugliest." As you can already imagine, I was always on the bottom of the list.

What I find pretty amusing, however, is the fact that those things didn't affect me much back then. Well, I would be a liar to say that they didn't affect me at all because I, too, felt the need to be accepted ( and I, too , trusted the wrong people in order to feel that acceptance). BUT, in all honesty, I don't remember myself crying because I was considered "ugly." I don't remember myself saying, "I wish I could be more beautiful. "

Instead of that , I continued doing my thing. I loved art, so I continued to sketch. I loved books, so I continued to read. I continued to do the things that I simply enjoyed. I told myself that everything would happen eventually. When I started to feel like I was ready to change something to me for the better, I did it. But for the right reason. For me. Not to become more appealing to people who judged me for simply the way I looked like, but for me. Acceptance? The only one needed was me.

Turns out, in my case, it was a great thing that I focused on my inside then,and read books , and wrote diaries, and spent time with myself , thinking, and discussing, and learning , and loving myself, because I invested too much in my heart, mind and soul, and then eventually yes, everything else came around as well. My body changed, and my face got more mature, and I connected with genuine people and right now, at the age of 23, I won't compare myself and tell how beautiful or not I am , but I'll tell that I managed to be whole , inside and out after all. Because I didn't change back then just because I wasn't appealing to others. I try to be humble, always, and in my mind, each one of us has their own unique beauty. There's only one combination of me , and there's only one combination of you as well.

What I want to say ? Girls, if you love putting on makeup because YOU enjoy treating yourselves, then good for you ! If YOU love reading books and making art , then good for you ! Do not start putting on makeup just because "everyone else does it," and do not start reading books because "he/she/they told me that people who read books are their ideal type". The glow up will happen eventually. And it will start from the inner. Do things that make you happy. Surround yourself with people who see more in you than just a face and a body. Become the best version of you and protect your heart because our society right now can be very harmful. And always , always remember. No matter how beautiful we all are, beauty will fade. We don't want to be empty inside when that happens.

#poetry #quotes #quotes about life #quotes about love #woman #girlblogging #inner thoughts #inner peace #inspiring quotes #love #love quotes #text #diary entries ♡ #diary #thoughts #motivation #self love #self care #positivity #positive mental attitude #body positive #suggestion #positive suggestions #life quotes #deep thoughts

[31nightshade]

hi hi hih hi

uh please just ramble about Alt School Au (idk what to call it)

Idk I just wanna hear more about it and yeah, I dont have an exact question but like tell me more please I wanna hear about it

Jajaja okok!! I am so excited

I think alt school is amazing.

Ok in the beginning so when they are in high school the the main conflict is that they are in separate friend groups. Trying to take care of these two eggs together without angering their friends.

The tow hangout after school taking care of the eggs at first it was a strictly oh can you take care of the egg this day but it slowly turned into hey would you like to come over or do you want to go here.

They bonded over they're different music taste and fashion taste. They shop in the same stores they bump into each other sometimes. they keep on accidentally bumping into each other without the eggs and they start to genuinely become friends.

There friends find out eventually, they are not happy at first trying to stray them away from each other. But when they're proven they can't they stop and try to get along with each other.

Now college time

The major conflict is having to be away from each other for such a long time. And feeling like they're drifting apart because they aren't seeing each other everyday like they were.

Missa is going to a school 8 hours away to study music. And Phil is saying in town to study architecture.

It's the missing each other and not really seeing their feelings for each other. They're constantly walking to be toes around each other.

They finally meet again in the spring

That's when phil breaks he hates that missa so fare away but he understands that he has to be. He loves missa and he's tired of the denial that he doesn't. Missa reciprocates those feelings and talks about how he's been feeling about having to be far away himself.

They finally end up to gather .

Now married life

It's them being domestic adopting Chayanne and Tallulah or having who knows.

AND MISSA IS SCEAN AND PHIL IS GOTH THERES A BIG DIFFERENCE.

#pissa #qsmp philza #qsmp missa #philza #qsmp #q!missa #philza minecraft #qsmpshipping #death duo #deathduo #nighshades au🌛

[harper-collins]

may or may not have watched a bunch of edits and other stuff to do with YHS and TS so I have a renewed knowledge of the lore and may or may not have planned how certain new people fit into the timeline....

totally.

#writing #harper talks for no reason #samgladiator yhs #grian #im so hyped for this #like i genuinely am so happy with how this is turning out #i want to post this

[derpinette]

girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could

#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does #i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY #HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY #OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited... #turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was #always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me #i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY #we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it #i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow ) #& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together #we even talked about finding moids ugly #it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^ #talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL #i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do #also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women #& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT) #i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy #to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD

[pusangkambing]

As much as i love spiderbit and im happy that they reconciled and had a date and the wedding is back on, I uhhhh also kinda wishedd the drama lasted a little while longer lmaooooo and that they would've reconciled through a more personal and self reflective growth kinda way, with both themselves and their relationship rather than just finding out ur supposedly dead grandpa, who was killed by your then fiance, is alive, so now everything is okay lol

#IM SORRY #I STILL LOVE SPIDERBIT AND AM SO HAPPY FOR THEIR RELATIONSHIP AND THEIR WEDDING AND YEYY CELLBIT IS GAY AND HAPPYY #i jsut had some thoughts lol #but i genuinely do still like them a lot and am okay with how things turned out :) #ANYWAY YEY SPIDERBIT WEDDING HAPPY PRIDE LOVE WINS :D #paimon!speaks! #qsmp #cellbit #roier

[prodigaldaughteralice]

microdosing on exploring my gender by keeping the she/they pronoun pin I bought at the con on my shelf and not wearing it

#pd alice personal #lmao I don't know what I'm doing #I feel like I can't talk about also being not a woman because I also am a woman #so it's like #oh I'm not ACTUALLY any kind of nb because I do also align with womanhood #but I simultaneously align with other things and with nothing #I generally think of it as somewhere in the general area of genderfluid/genderqueer/genderweird #and I feel like if I say out loud that I'm also a they there'll be an expectation #that I will either eventually become exclusively they #or ''have been wrong'' and go back to just she #it's weird to me how the discussion around nonbinary-ness has kind of started to turn it into a Secret Third Thing #like becoming a trinary instead of a binary? #and I'm genuinely happy for my nb friends who are agender or otherwise feel like they're Not Men And Not Women #I'm just over here in my genderfluid corner like #''but I am a woman right now... I might not be tomorrow... or in an hour...'' #yes I'm a lady yes I'm a gentleman yes I'm a creature #fuck if I know

[sunplanter]

I love waking up at 5am and having a breakdown 😌

#I’m so fucking tired of being someone people (read: men) are only interested in talking to when they want to have sex with me #like I’m a fucking PERSON too #i hate that I feel like I’m asking too much or pulling teeth trying to get a decent conversation out of someone bc I genuinely like them #and I want to know them as a person #and then they seem like they couldn’t care less until it’s about sex or leading up to us fucking #like do you know how awful that feels #do you know how demoralizing and sad it is to be told by the world over and over that the only interesting thing about me to so many people #is my body? #i used to accept it and try to find good in it #because for a long time I didn’t even think anyone could like my body either #so someone showing interest in having sex with me was very rewarding and validating even if that’s all they wanted #but now it feels awful #because it’s so glaringly obvious that no one I’m interested in seems to genuinely like me as a person beyond what my body does for them #and I’m just so so tired of getting excited and happy about someone only for it to turn out the same exact way every time #and somehow when they’re no longer interested it’s even worse #like not only was my personality/who I am not enough in the first place #but now my body isn’t either and it feels like BOTH are bad and wrong #i just want to feel genuinely loved and appreciated as a person for once but #I’m starting to get really scared that that isn’t a possibility and that I’m just not interesting or good enough for that #personal #will delete probably

[feywildfox]

Mm i left bandom space a long long time ago. I mean I'm not that old but ten years ago is still pretty long. And frankly if i overstep lemme know.

Honestly at this point i shouldnt be surprised so many people are actually still inherently racist towards Ray, but also i think, i should be. Because i genuinely expected better from mcr bandom, but again, left bandom spaces a decade ago...

It's pretty sad? Like. I'll admit, I didn't realize Ray was actually a man of colour when i was younger. I think i realized right around the time i left at 15 or so. Which also really goes to show that racism towards him and making him seem as white as possible which definitely i think was a thing. Like in comparison, I knew pete wentz was mixed long before i figured out Ray was a poc. It says a lot about the space at the time and i had honestly thought it'd be better now.

I've loved mcr for years, but i havent been IN love with them for a while. It happens, relationships and feeling wax and wane. But this tour, the excitement and love recently ignited in not just Gerard with all their gender fuckery, but the whole band, has brought a love and joy back into my life for music that hit me in the heart as a preteen and teenager.

And none of that would be possible without Ray Toro putting his all into the feelings and conveying of in his music. Mikey made the band, but ray MAKES the band. He is absolutely fucking integral and it is disgusting & disheartening to see him treated such a way. What the fuck even, hearing that streamers are zooming in on frank during Rays solos?? Like do the fuck better? I'm honestly disappointed as fuck in that shit. Like I know this whole thing is a little disjointed stream of consciousness type post but really. White people do better challenge! Its literally SO fucking easy. The real camera guys are RIGHT THERE showing what to fucking do!

You can love the others as much as you want but jesus fuck give Ray the same fucking courtesy. Stop ignoring your racism, start recognizing the issues that plague you from being white and growing up in white privilege. I sure as fuck still have plenty of shit to work on but at least i can say i can do the bare fucking MINIMUM of giving Ray Toro the respect and attention he absolutely fucking deserves.

Like I do hope this is understood I am not trying to speak over anyone but simply say from one white to another: you need to do better. If that's how you treat a member of supposedly one of your fav bands, i genuinely fear for the poc you encounter in your life. The harm you cause by staying blind may be incremental but it builds up until it's a mountain. Do fucking better.

#not the picturesque emo #fans #its 1 am so this is not. the modt coherent thing but i hope it gets the point across as someone who has been outside of bandom space #i mever realized how big an issue it was but honestly i should have known #im not going point at myself as a pure example of what to do because honestly ive loved mcr from a distance for a while #i have always loved them all but literally its ridiculous coming back ten years later #and finding out that yeah no. rays apparently or whatever the fuck #like uh what. emo is a style #its a sounds a love language a voice for people an expression #sure there are certain clothes or jewelry or makeup that can play into it but NONE of that actually means shit #because it can be turned corpo and ripped up and spat back all sanatized. ray is emo. ray is a man of colour. he's a rock god on the guitar #NONE of that is mutally fucking exclusive! ray toro is just as important as anyone else in the band #ray toro deserves SO much respect and he does NOT deserve to have people claim they are of mcr then treat him like that #you are not an mcr fan you are a pretentious racist asshole who needs to check ther privileges at the fucking gate thank you #fox squawks #im tired and angry now and im sorry to all the poc in the fandom who have to deal w this on a constant basis you all deserve a lot better #im sure yall feel way worse than i do and i genuinely hope people can realize the shit theyve been doing. #i am always happy to go toe to toe w other dumbass white ppl and call them out on their bs #i dont see it because i curate my dash to the point drama is usually a mild breeze at best but i am more than willing to #weaponize my whiteness to force other white ppl to think. if you gotta point me at em do it idc. like a lil attack chihuahua or something. #idk #im lagging now but my fingers dont want to stop typing bc i am nervous abt posting this but yknow. whatever if i fuck up i learn & move on! #we Do Not succumb to white guilt we gracefully say im sorry for that thank you for pointing it out even though you didnt have to i know its #exhausting to do constantly i will keep that in mind and then we do! and we modify our behavior! and we DO. BETTER

[aceloha]

Now I’m not asking for much I just wish more people would see me as a living person than my English and ceramics teacher did today after learning I fainted on Friday and helped me get to safety and recover but I thinks that’s too much to ask now hsjdndjfkfmgm

#vent #I love being seen as just something to talk at or use by eveyone #I live that no one noticed when I get better or worse #I love that no one is ever genuinely proud of me and would rather get pissed about having to be involved in what they made me do #I love that no one sees me as a friend and just an extra #I love that I’ll never be good at art or athletics or sciences or anything compared to eveyone around me #I love how the people I trust grow to use me as the butt of the joke because I never fight back #I love the fact that if I died right now no one would notice and if they did they’d be happy #I love how easily the people I cared so much about can forget me after I’m taken out of the situation #I love whenever I get the small chance to talk about what I like like I’m a real person the people I’m talking to make it about themselves #or what they like or people they cate more about #I love that I’ve poured so much time and care into people who usally forgwt I exists #I love that so many people I know online now only start convos to talk about themselves and have turned to tricking me so they have someone #to talk at #I love how quickly people toss me aside after they think they’ve used me for all I’ve got #I love how diffrent people act when they think I’m not there #peace and love on the planet earth am I right #shout out to diver for being the only acception to all this even if they’ll never see this #jdjdnfnfnfn u were the only person that made sure I was ok and checks in and makes sure I’m still taking care of myself #and both shares and listens equally and talks to me and understands my boundaries and just be all around an amazing person #well that’s my vent for the month again djdjfnf #chill session with bee

[aftermathing]

The worst thing about suffering is that it still hurts when the danger is over but no one cares about it anymore because it shouldn't hurt. No one will ever say "I'm sorry that happened to you" especially when they barely say "I'm sorry that's happening."

#Okay to tb btw all the personal stuff is in the tags #Like. Not eating for a week because you couldn't get groceries hurts #and people will say 'oof sorry that's happening' but then #after you're able to get food no one will ever say 'I'm sorry that happened' even though you think about it and hurt from it constantly. #No one will ever say ':( that must have been so hard' because you're fine now right???? No psychological damage there????? #This example is stupid but I do think about it every time I feel hungry. I told people I wasn't able to get groceries #and there was no food in my house. And they said. Oof. #Instead of idk Oh God Are You Okay ?? #No one cares when you've been abused your entire life and behave the way you do out of genuine terror because your brain is fucked forever #They don't say 'I'm sorry that happened it must have been really scary to turn you into Such An Asshole. I pity you like a dog :(' #Speaking of man everyone loves fucked up abused terrified dogs and wants to be the one who makes them open up #And shows them that people can be good and kind and that touch doesn't have to hurt #But everyone is scared of fucked up abused terrified people #Humans are capable of harm even more than dogs and fear is understandable but. #Can you please call me good boy and shush me and tell me nothing's going to hurt me and let me curl up on your lap #And not hit me if I get scared and start to growl and feed me good and take me on walks and play with me #Even though I'm not very fun to play with and I'm still learning what's fun and what's mean and what's a toy and what's a hand #Plleeeaaase don't be jealous of a dog that doesn't eat good don't say 'tch he's so thin what am I doing wrong' #I want to eat good and grow and gain fat and be warm and be comfortable I don't want this #Don't say 'if abused dogs don't eat good then I don't deserve to either' no no no no eat good so you can take care of us both #Please please please I learned so many tricks to make people happy and call me smart but I don't actually know how to do anything I'm #Literally like such a stupid dog it takes me like one day of no one paying attention to me for me to become un-housebroken #I make a lot of mistakes even though I know better or I really should know better #And sometimes do things wrong on purpose to get attention either yelling or showing me how to do it right #But most of the time I genuinely don't know how to do stuff because I was never taught or I was taught and #My previous owners said 'this is how it is. It is this way because it is and it is forever. The answer is Because.' #'now quit asking repetitive questions before I pop you' #If I do something Because and not know the reason why I'm doing it that's not learning that's acting #Especially habits taught specifically to hurt me and not being allowed to question it or know why I'm being hurt #Oh my god I acted out so much when I was younger and all my friends were so disgusted and hurt by me and yelled at me every day

[sunlightfeeling]

god i forgot how much i liked that cohost hid a lot of metrics…

(much ranting in the tags…)

#im despising the note counter again…. #ramblin but not a gamblin man #but i really REALLY didnt like how cohost completely felt like a void #…​like genuinely felt like an isolation room or smth… #why can’t i just opt out #i have my notifications turned off again for sanity #but I don’t like seeing everyone else’s lol #…​they make me feel bad…. #and yeah i guess it has to do with smaller fandom but that’s kind of part of why it sucks #i want new content that’s not just made by the small group that we are #i want fuckin dedicated tags and a line of people making new things….even if the stuff we use is old #there are so many smasmas that have NEVER been giffed #so many dramas #(even though for a lot of these there’s like negative incentive to make anything for….) #but you know what sucks the most…. #no matter how much we love the stuff and do it because we like it….we are hoping that it will get shared….be known…. #im trying so hard not to pressure myself to gif every little thing #which is part of why im posting more and more clips #but it hurts seeing the note count that other fandoms get even in such a short time….and just being grateful-enjoying the ones i receive #i don’t know how much this shit makes sense #and im honestly so tired of getting upset by this time and time again but it hurts #i hate being part of an actually small fandom lol #..​that’s basically it….i guess #or one that’s small until someone random reblogs it and shoots the note count up #and I really can’t explain why that makes me more upset than happy but it actually really does lol #how many times am i going to talk about these and go in circles? way too many #i ruminate….its what i do…always been that way…got on my ex’s fuckin nerves lmfao……

[majoringinsarcasm]

Crying. About. Politics.

I try not to think too hard about anything otherwise I’ll lose my mind. And this is not a hopeless post. This is just me saying. I feel like. A lot of people are gonna vote for Trump. From your hardcore republicans to truly normal people who are like well Biden was bad we can survive Trump again. And I think about the policies and laws and regulations that have been Good that aren’t in the big news. And I think about how RIGHT NOW states are banning books and sex ed and queer people just living period. And I think about how if the state of things is this bad Now? What’s it gonna be like under a presidenr who Actively agrees with or will go along with this shit for votes.

“We survived Trump” says the people who are still here. “We can survive another four years” says the people who won’t be pushed to maybe not stick around for that long.

#big sigh #also idk how to tell ppl that ONE the genocide on Gaza should not LAST ANOTHER FUCKING YEAR #that is not what this is talking about #but the man who wanted Mexico to pay for a wall to keep them out of the US AND MEANT IT #I don’t think he would be rallying to save Gaza yall like #am I happy about our system no am I angry at ALL branches that have hindered a ceasefire yes #but you can’t tell me that Trump would care #this is not a ‘pass’ for Biden but a reminder that ppl in congress NOW were brought in back then #and that checks and balances can help and also hinder #there are many red states right now bc ppl either don’t care or they genuinely think it’ll help them #I don’t think I could come out to my coworkers in a way that would be meaningful despite them liking me already #I cannot explain to them why I don’t bind or don’t LOOK TRANS #or worse id be seen as the Acceptable trans bc I Keep It To Myself and go by she her and ma’am #even tho my team lead who I love referred to me as a woman and it upset me more than I thought it would #I’ve been so resigned to cosplaying as cis in public that she her was just a thing I lived with and thought I was ok with #but it turns out not so much #which is great for affirming that I’m not faking it after a decade of self reflection but bad for every other reason #idk it’s not good times so many people are dead when they shouldn’t be and too many people #are FINE with it under the name of stopping terror #but talk to them about domestic terror and they’ll have no idea what you’re talking about #it’s fucking awful awful awful

[kashilascorner]

girls my new crush is 12 years my senior good lord help me

#why do i always get crushes that are like. 0 chances?? let me give you some context he's a guy from work but i don't work with him we do #completely different things in different departments. so first i got a liken to him because he reminded me of my ex's 2 best qualities #(which makes me sound like i never got over him and that's kind of not true) #but anyways: he has a nice calming way of speaking and gesturing + his voice is nice #also somrthjng about the sense of humor and the fact he's ridiculously tall #but i like that hes obviously very intelligent and also kind and attentive and funny. but like the one thing that i like the most about him #is that his hands are so pretty!!! like seriously how #i was a little too happy when he turned out to be my secret santa... and the week before that or so we had hot dogs in the street on our #way home..... but the thing that got me all giggly and silly was Friday becauss we had the company christmas dinner #and afterwards we went to the club. and we danced!! salsa and a bachata!! and he was super attentive and helped me out when the staff were #rude lol. for a hot second i got his hands on my waist so we wouldn't lose each other among the crowd ok i lived my #silly little fantasy for like. 2 seconds. i think I'm losing my mind because it's been a ridiculous amount of time since i had that type of #shared intimacy ok. but anyways. other than losing my mind. i can't really gush and be silly about this because my friends are all giving #me the side eye because not only he's from work (which i guess it's ok) he's just old lol #blabla #delete later #oh he also obviously sees me as a child like he genuinely thought i was at the very least a couple years younger than i actually am #and that's a whole other frustration like I'm currently the youngest at work and it kinda sucks because i absolutely feel mature and not #young at all here because life has just been hard last couple years!! but oh well