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introverting-rn · 4 months

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was gonna start post with something along the lines of “why aren’t we addressing” but thats literal bullshit because we are all addressing it and So Am I

WHY IS THE CHARACTERISATION OF THE TRIO LITERALLY SO PERFECT YOU GUYS

it was perfect in the first two episodes too but this one just has me feeling so much i have to talk about it

“i am impertinent” and beginning to sing the consensus song - immediately a perfect persassy, and the returning annabeths cap is so cute i adore it, but also the conversation with medusa about his mother was incredibly done! i was leaning forwards to drink in every detail of the scene and i’m probably gonna go rewatch it now because WOW. the suspense was such a tangible, beautiful thing, and the sense of greed that seemed to sparkle in medusas eyes when we had still never seen her without the hat is seriously blowing my mind. her framing and tilts of the head and the antique feeling of her kitchen all hone in towards the scene and it’s messages and i found myself genuinely confronted as i tried to figure out which medusa story the show was going with. leaving that somewhat vague as the audience has to choose if we trust her as a narrator is so powerful in dragging you into the story. it means that what you believe reflects on you; there is no way to detach yourself from this world and the choices you are making within it, even as a mere spectator

and as she made the offer to percy and there was a long stretch of those camera angles, tilted ever so sweetly in such a menacing atmosphere, i was desperately trying to picture what percy’s reaction would be. i had expected him to have interrupted her already, to immediately cut through with a sharp “no” and cause her head to jolt up. i thought she would keep her chin high, turning sharply to face him in contrast to her flowing elegance, and that her head would be tilted back so that she could stare directly at him beneath the hat, tongue flicking over her teeth as she dropped her facade. i thought percy would instinctively go to match her eye contact with determination and be tackled by annabeth, who crept up to eavesdrop due to her suspicion, or that percy would look away by staring up at the sky, feeling isolated as medusa swept steadily towards him, and that we would see his eyes swim with tears and his legs refuse to move and his breathing increase as medusa ran a fingernail along his neck, and then annabeth would intervene

when percy didn’t shout to interrupt, i expected to cut back and see his face, wrought with raw emotion. i thought that he would let that moment of connection stretch, having felt so lonely before meeting this person who spoke exactly to his heart. i waited to see the grief and wrestling that it took him to refuse to help his mother, to accept the similar motherly figure before him as an enemy. i wondered if maybe we wouldn’t see his reaction now, and his silence would later be used against him as he himself is accused of betraying their quest

but the silence drew out for longer and longer, and when medusa turned her head to see the doorway completely empty, i realised that was the only thing that he would have done. i realised that he would think of the immediate danger to his friends first and go to warn them, and i realised that there was more to come and i loved every second of it

i loved seeing grover try to maintain peace on the quest. his look of disappointment at percy for sniping about thalia’s “fate of a pine cone”, and his refusal to comment about the validity of the voting system under totalitarian leadership (looking at you putin). the clapping for the consensus song had me so confused in the moment and then had me smiling uncontrollably with an extreme fondness because his awkwardness and his sincerity were so clearly shown. the finally shouting at percy and annabeth to get a grip, not having wanted to upset either of them but realising that letting this continue was only making it worse - man, this character is so wonderful. add to that the emotional weight of staring up at uncle ferdinand, feeling the presence of his failed quest heavy in the room as their current one began to fall apart. how he tried to conceal his tears, to be the Protector, not seeming to consider that his friends wanted to look after him too, perhaps because they themselves had forgotten to do so. he is so sweet and genuine and there’s such a depth and intricacy to his character in the show that i don’t remember from the books, although that may just be because i was younger when i first read them, or because seeing these people on screen is so much closer and more confronting in some ways

and annabeth. i fucking love annabeth. i love that she’s a bit of a dick in some ways, but that you’re never expected to hold it against her - it’s never presented as cruelty, just as pragmatism, because that’s what it is. as the same time, she can hold grudges, and they don’t shy from that. as i mentioned earlier, it’s constantly called into question which medusa narrative is the ‘correct’ one, and the way medusa describes to both annabeth and percy how they are direct parallels to the original story makes her feel so manipulative, and you feel annabeths faith in her previous notion of the story wavering as yours does, deeply connecting her with the audience. the way she explains her plan on the bus shows that she doesn’t expect herself to be so intelligent that nobody else understands - a common struggle in hubris - and her complete unwillingness to allow this plan to be questioned shows the leading nature she’s forced herself into. yes, annabeth is an incredible natural leader and strategist, but her refusal to show weakness is a sign of the struggles in her life. she confronts alectus on her own - self-centred or selfless? and in that final interaction with percy, the way she gives way just enough for both of them to discuss the offers they were given and understand each other. it was such a good moment to see that, even after percy’s unintentional acidity to her in saying they’ll never be friends, the two are laying down the basis for a firm trust and absolute belief in each other. she is such a well-rounded character so far and i am obsessed

not even to mention characters outside of this! luke’s slight hints of emotion as he alludes to his past, the hand the world has dealt him and how he has come to terms with it, are such perfect foreshadowing for those of us familiar with his character (which. by the way. i haven’t been on tumblr a lot recently so are we going for no spoilers or what lol). mr d claiming to be percy’s dad was a strong introduction of character in a way that makes me question why that didn’t happen in the book, and it lead into seamless exposition of the whole reason for demigods and quests. sally jackson is sally jackson and i fucking love her.

basically i am really enjoying the pj show, and loving every element - the biggest kudos to everyone working on it an aLSO ARE PERCY AND NICO GONNA NERD OUT TOGETHER ABOUT MYTHOMAGIC BYE 😭😭

#how in the heck is this show so perfect you guys #and how is it making me ship percabeth more than before?? and love grover’s friendship more than before?? yo this is pure Art #and they aren’t afraid to change things from the books to make the message better and that’s so refreshing #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #annabeth chase #grover underwood #luke castellan #persassy #percabeth #cmon you know i gotta tag that #anyways love you guys!! make sure to sleep a good amount and eat well!! God bless!!!!!!!

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girl4music · 6 months

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Okay, so hear me out right…. I never really payed that much attention to Cordelia’s arc in ‘BtVS’ but one episode and one scene did really stand out with her and Buffy when they were relating to each other on feeling lonely and how isolation keeps them cut off from true love and true connection in ‘Out Of Mind, Out Of Sight’. We all know that Buffy is the loneliest and most isolated female character in the entire Buffyverse simply because she can’t find the balance between being the Slayer and being a woman. But then there’s Cordy who clings to any semblance of meaning or purpose through being the popular girl but yet never really having a true love or true connection because her friends treat her as the Queen Bee only and everybody else pretty much hates her for that.

Later on she becomes part of the Scooby Gang by becoming Xander’s girlfriend but then breaks up with Xander and therefore her ties to the Scooby Gang end pretty much immediately because - like Oz - she was just a Plus One and not actually a core member of the Scooby Gang. Then she moves to LA and bumps into Angel - literally - and becomes part of what he and Doyle do straight away without a requirement of being anyone’s Plus One. And she becomes so much a part of it that she practically ends up running the whole thing single-handedly. Sure, she can’t do the fighting parts but she is the instigator and manager and CEO of the whole business venture that is Angel Investigations because nobody else wants to take on that responsibility of actually making them money. Then she gets Doyle’s visions when he passes away and passes them on to her because he loved and respected her enough to know that she was CRUCIAL to giving Angel the best chance for redemption and to support him in receiving it. And she does that seamlessly, easily, effortlessly and naturally by caring enough about him and sincerely believing in his capability to be the hero - the Champion. In other words: the man over the monster. The actual PERSON.

But it’s not all about Angel, you see, because in the meanwhile she relieves herself of loneliness and isolation because she begins to care less about herself and her needs and more about other people. Namely Angel because he is really the only character in the entire Buffyverse who is lonely and isolated because he is forced to be because he isn’t allowed to be happy and any step in the direction of true happiness would lead to taking 100 steps back everywhere else.

So I think the striking difference between Cordelia and Buffy (and therefore between Cangel and Bangel) is that Cordelia turns the fucking lights on around Angel rather than allows the both of them to just live in the darkness where it’s most “comfortable” or “familiar” because it’s all they know how to live in. You know, she actually tries to make things better for them and their shared predicament of mutual misery by taking the initiative to walk them out of the shadows in a way where it will not destroy either of them. It’s almost a 100% switch. Like Bangel was torment and torture and trauma 24/7. Constant pain is not fun to watch. They were not good for each other like… at all. It wasn’t their fault. I understand that. But at the same time… something needed to be done about it and of course it had to be the most painful thing possible for the both of them because that’s all their relationship ever consisted of. Constant pain. And so the striking difference really is that Cordy ended up being the person that Angel needed because it’s more like she represented the sun for him. A sun that he didn’t have to be afraid of and cower away from because it burns him. A sun that didn’t hurt him or remind him that he was damned to only live in the dark. A beacon that guided him and told him that there was purpose in what they were doing and why it mattered to continue doing it. Angel might have thought Buffy was that for him but she wasn’t because she only ever lived in the dark too and that was not healthy for either of them.

Maybe for the Bangel shippers there is some kind of appeal in that because they understand and relate to each other’s constant pain. But it’s like I’ve explained about puzzle pieces: you cannot fit together and connect if you both have the same jagged little pieces in the same places. You can only be and do that if you’re the perfect opposites. And yeah, maybe Cordy was dealing with loneliness and isolation too in a much the same way to Angel at the time… but the striking difference is that she didn’t let that restrict or prevent her from being a part of something that needed her and from being with people that she loved and that loved her. She understood and related to constant pain too but didn’t let it eat and swallow them whole.

The whole thing with Buffy is that she intentionally and automatically cuts herself off from people that she loves and that love her because she believes that they’re just targets for her enemies and she can’t be responsible for getting them hurt or killed. And that may be true - but why add to injury by basically forcing them out of her life? I mean she’s always alone because she chooses to be alone. No other reason really. And Angel was the same fucking way when around her because he believed that he was putting HER in danger and being a liability to her because he was a vampire and she wasn’t. They were both like this to the point where - at the end of the day - they were just self-fulfilling their own made-up prophecies. So what was the point? Really, what’s the point in Bangel?

It was Cordy (Cangel) all along and not Buffy (Bangel) and the proof is in how Cordy changed for the better alongside Angel just as much as in how Angel changed for the better alongside Cordy. Instead of just got worse - in themselves and in each other - they got much better. And that’s what a relationship of true love and true connection is supposed to do and be. Angel and Buffy couldn’t call each other their “true loves” or “soulmates” because they were not each others puzzle pieces - perfect opposites. They were mirrors reflecting pain and trauma at each other as if they already didn’t have enough of it in themselves. As if they weren’t already in constant pain and trauma.

You may be able to learn and grow from being in a relationship like that. But you should never stay in one. And as awful as it is to say, let alone believe… I truly think that the best thing Angel ever did for Buffy was leave her and move to LA and fall in love with Cordelia because he was just better as a person AND as a character when he didn’t exacerbate his own sad existence by revolving around Buffy’s sad existence and instead being around someone who wouldn’t let him wallow in his guilt and contempt. That instead of live with him in darkness turned on the fucking lights.

#buffy the vampire slayer #angel the series #cangel #anti-bangel #angel #david boreanaz #cordelia chase #charisma carpenter #buffy summers #sarah michelle gellar #striking differences #1snowhitequeen1 #Youtube

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littlelesbianintern · 11 months

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My more in depth thoughts on ep 8 of Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies (4/4?)

THE SUSAN/OLIVIA ARGUMENT

First of all both of them said shitty things but one of the aspects of this show so far is that it’s allowed to teenage girls to be messy and complex - like the scene between Nancy and Hazel in ep 6. However, I am confused as to why there’s suddenly so much dislike for Olivia over it? Is she one of the main characters and therefore we, as the audience, tend to hold her to a higher standard? Sure, but it’s also called character growth and it’s needed for a tv show. Her emotions in this scene are also entirely valid.

I want to preface this by saying she’s clearly already had an emotionally taxing day - she’s being groomed by a man who just revealed he left his fiancé for her, the guy she likes has just asked her out, and now she’s been denied entry to a dance she helped set up on the account that she’s not the right ‘type’. Of course her emotions are running high and this build up of emotion is (unfairly) unleashed upon Susan - but Olivia doesn’t know that.

To her Susan is still the girl who has treated her, her brother and their friends like crap for not being the right ‘type’ - we as the audience know that Susan has sort of been moulded into this way of thinking, but again Olivia doesn’t. Her perception of Susan hasn’t changed because to be fair Susan hasn’t exactly made up for any of these grievances, even if she did help with the school dance. And when Olivia points all this out (how Susan tried to slander Jane, etc), Susan accuses her of being a home wrecker (when she’s really being groomed) out to the rest of the school. All Olivia had done up to this point is point out the things that are public knowledge that Susan has done to hurt her and her friends, and in response Susan blames her for something that already makes her vulnerable. In doing so, however, Susan is only reaffirming Olivia’s opinions of her.

Additionally, Jane doesn’t help the situation when she unintentionally confirms the rumours about Olivia and Mr Daniels. I think at this point we start to see Olivia really begin to feel isolated from everyone around her and so she begins to put up her walls in defence. We don’t really know much about Olivia’s life at Rydell the previous school year but it seems to me she was pretty lonely - considering how she was basically alone unless she was with the Tbirds, but those were Richie’s friends more than hers. To her, it must already look like people are turning on her again, and she’s being forced back into that isolated existence. In her desperation, therefore she reacts defensively by revealing Buddy and Susan slept together.

It’s already established that Olivia is against slut shaming - at the end of the day she knows what it’s like first hand - and this is set up by episode 2 when the pink ladies debate about revealing Buddy’s letter to the school, but Olivia points out it wouldn’t be Buddy that goes down, “it would be Susan”. It’s made clear from beginning that Olivia doesn’t agree with slut shaming. Obviously revealing that Susan and Buddy slept together wasn’t the right thing to do, but Olivia only seems to do so in defence, and the same can be said of Susan. Both of them were already feeling vulnerable, and these emotions are unleashed upon the other - but Susan does throw the first (metaphorical) real punch. And to make matters worse, no one truly defends Olivia. Richie and Jane try to help things but by taking a neutral stance, they further isolate an already vulnerable Olivia.

Things are then further escalated by Richie being arrested - and Olivia loses in this moment probably the only person she views as her true ally, and she’s left feeling rightfully angry, frustrated, upset. Her reaction to the Pink Ladies links back I think to her isolation prior to the founding of the Pink Ladies - as in she’s doing the same thing Cynthia did in episode 6 by pushing the other girls away before they can leave her too. Her comment towards Jane about things not being fair is relevant too - throughout the series the odds are always stacked against the Pink Ladies (i.e discrimination) and where Jane is an optimist, Olivia is a realist. She and Jane have had very different life experiences (as the series points out such as their upbringing) and to that extent they have had different experiences with Susan as well, so of course Olivia doesn’t trust her.

Basically, Olivia isn’t perfect in this episode, but nor should she be. Her reaction is perfectly normal - not morally correct sure - but why should it be? It’s called character development.

#rise of the pink ladies #grease #grease 2 #grease rise of the pink ladies #grease: rise of the pink ladies #grease rotpl #rotpl #the pink ladies #olivia valdovinos #jane facciano #cynthia zdunowski #nancy nakagawa #susan st clair

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electronickingdomfox · 5 months

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"The Starless World" review

Novel from 1978, by Gordon Eklund. It begins with Kirk reading "War and Peace" in bed, when he gets a call from Spock: they've found a lone shuttlecraft, with a man inside who claims to be Jesus Christ. Okay, you got me hooked! I found this novel quite enjoyable and it kept my interest at all times. It's also well-written, and offers a rare glimpse in the characters' private lives from time to time. My main complaint is that the ending was way too rushed, as if the author realized he had a limit of pages and had to solve everything quick, with a literal deus ex machina.

Some spoilers under the cut:

Well, it turns out the man inside the shuttlecraft is not Jesus Christ, but Thomas Clayton. A previous roommate of Kirk in the Academy, whom he had to report for cheating at exams. The man feels quite a lot of resentment for Kirk, but he has also turned completely mad since his disappearance many years ago. He claims to be actually dead, and be the envoy of a god, Ay-nab. He's put inside an isolation cell, but escapes after knocking McCoy out (this doesn't stop McCoy from doing what he does best, even with a bandaged head: mill around the bridge to annoy Spock).

The Enterprise is suddenly attracted by an inescapable force, and sucked into a Dyson sphere. This is a massive hollow sphere with a star at its center. Inside, it's like those snow globes, where there's a little world in the middle of the glass ball. Something like that but in giant scale. Upon beaming down with Sulu and Uhura, Kirk finds out the world, called Lyra, is a literal paradise. They also come into contact with the natives of the only village that seems to exist there. The natives insist that the star inside the sphere is their god, Ay-nab, something that Kirk can't believe at first.

It soon becomes apparent that something's rotten in Lyra, though. The natives talk about the Strangers, people that their god claims for himself, to feed on them. They're more active at night, like zombies. Also, the constant vigilance of the star, only interrupted by the brief eclipses caused by the inner world's moons, starts feeling truly as a "God is watching you" situation. A Klingon ship has been trapped inside Lyra too. And the Klingons seem all too friendly with Kirk, and too eager to escape that place. The reason: Lyra is travelling straight into a black hole.

That's as far as the plot goes, which I don't feel the need to spoil any further. It's not particularly original, but it's entertaining. Many things are similar to the TOS episode "For the World is Hollow and I Have Touched the Sky". I have to give props to the "lady of the day" in this novel, Ola. She's quite likable, brave and useful, and gets to save Kirk (and everyone else) in the end. Ever since Kirk rescued her from a beast, she insists that Kirk is her husband (though he says they're just good friends). She's described as pretty, and Kirk's rejection is probably due to the fact she's written more as a little girl than an adult. Ah! By the way, she's also literally a white-furred chimpanzee, like all the other natives of Lyra.

One thing I liked in this book are those little scenes with the crew, where nothing relevant to the plot is happening, but that flesh them out as persons. Sulu teaches magic tricks with cards to Ola, yet another weird hobby he got into lately. Kirk, McCoy and Uhura are bored in the bridge and start an increasingly absurd debate about the meaning of the phrase "a needle in a haystack" (you know, that kind of conversations that pop out among coworkers when you're tired and bored and becoming a bit unhinged). McCoy tries to tell Spock a riddle, but Spock interrupts him all the time to point out all the inconsistencies in his tale. And it's so obvious he's actually messing with him. Actually, Spock is kind of funny in this book. He's in full logical mode, but with this underlying sarcasm that lets you know he's quite a bitch deep inside. There's also a surprising amount of backstory for Uhura. We learn a lot about her childhood in Senegal and her father (who she gets to meet! well, kind of...). I think that TOS writers in this era had a greater leeway to invent details for the characters, with less constraints from established canon. Unfortunately, the rushed ending doesn't explore the aftermath of Uhura's plot in the novel.

Spirk Meter: 2/10*. Very, very little. But there's one point where Kirk informs Spock that he's going to meet the Klingons alone, and Spock becomes suddenly quite emotional about the danger (as happened in "Devil in the Dark", when Kirk's alone with the horta). In fact, Kirk is disturbed by the emotional display, and says he didn't know about the depth of Spock's feelings on the issue.

Apart from this, Spock leans on McCoy to smell his breath and check if he's drunk. Which, for a Vulcan, suggests an awful lot of familiarity. They're a bit clingy with each other while on the planet, as well.

Also, there's a comedic bit, where Kirk wakes up in sickbay after going through hell, and finds Scotty's face, hovering over him, "the most gorgeous sight he had ever witnessed in his life".

*A 10 in this scale is the most obvious spirk moments in TOS. Think of the back massage, "You make me believe in miracles", or "Amok Time" for example.

#star trek tos #star trek novels #novel review #k/s #spirk

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syntia13treeman · 2 months

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Case files 08.01

what I think happened in:

Case 08.01,

the case of "Time of the Hungry Architecture" or "There are no missing persons in Forton Service Station."

Ok, I've had twinges of suspicion in some earlier episodes, but now it's a certainty. There are some Time Shenanigans afoot! Not time travel per se, but time asynchronicity for sure.

But let us start at the beginning, with Terrance Stevens (51) who recently went through a messy divorce, lost most of his friends in the process, and rather than going down the rabbit hole of workaholism/alcoholism/etc, decided to practice some self-care. He ditched his high-stress job in finances and became a janitor (less money but also less stress), and for a bit of intellectual challenge he enrolled in a university course. Good for you, my dude!

Downside of this – I imagine there are not many opportunities to bond with co-workers at a service station, and most if not all his fellow students are bound to be half his age, so he likely didn't make any new friends to replace the old ones. This is important, because I believe that lack of connections made him extra vulnerable to the spookies.

As Terrance later explained in his paper, his new place of employment, Forton Services, can be considered a site of brutal liminalism (TM). It's a cold and uninviting place, where there is a constant stream of people who want to be somewhere else, and where time has little to no meaning (open 24/7 and not a clock in sight).

In a place like this, reality might start to wear a little bit thin. Time and space might get a little bit warped. A little bit distorted. And not a little bit hungry.

And Terrance, lonely, sad and isolated Terrance, looked like a perfect meal.

It crept up on him over the course of few days. Without ever realising, he was being pulled somewhere else for increasingly long periods of time. (From his point of view, it seemed like there were less people around. There weren't. Terrance just didn't see most of them, because he wasn't there). It kept happening, until the fateful night, when Terrance phased out of reality for good. (For awhile).

Where did he go? Someplace almost here but not quite, where time was just a little bit out of sync with ours. Not by much. Just enough that the people and cars moving around started looking to him like a colourful blur. (Like stepping into a time-lapse picture).

Spooked by the (seeming) absence of people and strange visuals, Terrance ran right into the waiting trap elevator (defunct here, but working there). He was greeted by a too thin woman with name-tag that wasn't actually name-tag (it read You Are Here). She took him up to the (not)functioning restaurant at the top of the Pennine Tower (20m high).

There, in what seemed to be a 60s themed restaurant, he saw a crowd of people* who looked like they were AI generated (with key prompt words being thin&malnourished) sitting at the tables, not-eating and not-chatting. The chef, wearing another 'you are here' name-tag greeted him with a cheerful "You are here! Stay awhile!"

As first reaction, Terrance moved to sit at a nearby table.** (Everyone turned to watch).

As second reaction, Terrance showed admirable self-preservation instinct and tried to get the hell out of there. Sadly the door he'd entered through weren't there any more, the windows, he just noticed, were empty holes leading into black nothingness, and all the 'guests' moved to grab him, repeating after the chef: "Stay awhile!" (It was not a greeting this time. Nor was it a request).

After this, things escalated quickly. The hungry crowd closed in on Terrance and started biting him (the chef munched one of his fingers whole). Not quite ready to become dinner, Terrance punched and kicked his way free and with no hesitation jumped out the not-window.

Somewhere between the window-hole and hitting the ground, he re-entered the normal timestream, and some kind soul called in paramedics to treat his injuries. Which, for the record, were classified as fall damage by said paramedics and I find it either sus or hilarious. Sirs, these are bite-marks. How many teeth does your average building/pavement have? (To be fair, maybe the hungry crowd didn't master the teeth just yet. Maybe they need to take an anatomy course or something).

It is unclear how much time passed here while Terrance was NOT-here. It wasn't the Rip Van Winkle's 'one nap = 20 years', since he managed to submit his paper the same year it was assigned, but it was apparently long enough that he felt that someone should have reported him as missing. The fact that no-one did can have two explanations:

Very mundane if sad 'no-one cares about you enough to notice your extended absence, buddy'.

Part of the Pennine Tower's whole thing is that people who were pulled in-there are not remembered out-here, at least for as long as they remain in-there. A good hunting strategy, actually. If you were an immobile ambush predator, you wouldn't want potential pray to realize that fellow humans die here, would you.

To finish the story - Terrance immediately quit his janitor job, rationalized his experience as psychotic episode brought about by bad influence of hostile architecture, wrote a paper about it (submitted 12 July 2023 - late; failed) and, hopefully, moved on with his life.

Things of note:

*This is the second time we were introduced to a group of nameless, copy-pasted not-quite-people, prone to repeating cheerful, positive phrases. Colour me intrigued.

**I wonder what would have happened if Terrance took his place at the table. Maybe even tried some food he was offered. Was he always going to end up as the main course, or would he be assimilated, turned into one more thin, hungry guest, forever waiting for a new meal to walk in the door?

I keep going back and forth between 'the tower is a predator that creates human-facsimiles as part of its digestive system' and 'the not-people made the tower their home because they liked the brutalism vibe (or it was just a convenient spot)'.

I rather hope we'll see the Pennine Tower again. It's such a distinctive landmark. And the land is definitely marked.

There sure are a lot of mentions of hunger and food in this podcast, eh? Wonder what could it mean.

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp case files #tmagp case 08.01 #tmagp 08 #Pennine Tower #ep. written by Alexander J. Newal s #ep. written by A.J.N+J.S.

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kohakhearts · 4 months

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ok i was sleep deprived tweeting about this but i got at least 6 hours of sleep last night so im ready to approach this with a degree of normalness. anyway remember when i said i was going to start shipping bloombolt ironically. well lets just say ive been thinking about things they have in common LMFAO but you’re likely unsurprised this is actually my way of saying Here’s How ShigeGou Can Still Win-

ANYWAY THE POINT BEING. goh? terrible friend. god he sucks. actually, chloe doesn’t even consider him a friend, at least not to his face (probably because he thinks friends are a hinderance to his goals and he’s got a lot of problems that make him think he doesn’t need friends he just needs to be the Bestest Coolest Guy Ever Who Knows Everything About Pokemon). in their debut episode they are 6 years old and she introduces him as someone who “hangs around my dad’s lab a lot” (possibly could be “comes to play at my dad’s lab a lot,” which isn’t REALLY much better - still holds the implication that he comes to play with her dad’s pokemon or his cool pokemon-related technology rather than her). she says to professor oak she invited him to pokemon camp simply because he’s always at her dad’s lab and she knew he’d like it.

ok now hear me out here. aside from the fact that she doesn’t EVER call herself goh’s friend, there is zero indication that chloe dislikes goh. actually, she tries pretty hard for him! she clearly likes him, or at least feels bad for him because she can tell he’s lonely (i theorize this is because he’s just like her. that her father’s status as what professor oak himself in this same scene calls A GENIUS has resulted in her feeling somewhat isolated. it’s probably in that “adults always want to talk about how great my dad is and the other kids pick up on it and think i’m Weird And Annoying because all our teachers and their parents seem to think i’m Special” way). it seems that her refusal to acknowledge that they Are friends stems more from the fact that she is aware - perhaps from experience - that attempting to establish that they Are friends will only make him push back, and maybe push her away. she is playing a game with rules that he decided on because his Complex is so ingrained in him even at 6 years old that he tells her to her face I Don’t Need Friends >:(

if this is sounding at all familiar, perhaps you’ve heard my pallet childhood friends spiel. if not, not to worry, for i wrote all about it here. the tl;dr here however is that whether or not ash and gary being childhood friends who go like see movies together or whatever is a late-series addition, there’s actually no good reason to think they DON’T have some kind of established relationship prior to the season one pilot. actually, it seems more as though gary has made the decision for the both of them that it’s time to stop being kids and start being serious - on the day they get their first pokemon, he declares ash his rival and begins calling him satoshi-kun in order to establish that we are not friends, you don’t take this seriously and so i won’t take you seriously until you show me you’re worth being my rival.

you could argue ash isn’t as understanding as chloe, so rather than you know, bringing him his homework and whatnot, he just gets pissed off. HOWEVER, they actually both do the same thing: reach out, constantly, and get rejected over and over. in jn002 goh stands chloe up and then when he finally responds to her messages all he says is essentially “i’m doing something more important than that, sorry” and her reaction is “he always does this.” likewise, ash takes gary’s rival declaration seriously! every time he sees the guy, he wants to battle, to prove himself to him (that he’s worthy, that he’s better than gary thinks, etc etc). for a good 200 or so episodes, every time gary shows up, all he does is walk away from ash. barring that, making fun of him for being no good at battling, yet never actually engaging him in a battle to prove it. the first time gary actually tries to battle him is after they’ve both received eight (uh. or ten) gym badges. the first time they actually battle is way after that. and then he wins and continues to just walk away again, until pretty close to the end of the johto arc (though there’s a little more respect there).

anyway the parallel is pretty obvious. at least to me. there's something deeply wrong with them both <3 which is why then in the project mew arc, who is the one telling goh that he has to be good at teamwork? that he has to learn to cooperate with people in order to achieve his goals? obviously ash is the one who taught goh about The Meaning Of FriendshipTM, but gary occupies a unique position of actually understanding why this is a skill he needs to work on, because it's something he had to learn the hard way too.

on the other hand! ash and chloe have their own fun solidarity: world's shittiest, most emotionally repressed childhood best friend who is allergic to the word friend to begin with

#taylor.txt #*meta #i guess. LMAO #im still not there like im not shipping it. but at the very least i am more here than ever for them Bonding in general

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a-mag-a-day · 1 year

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MAG 13!

So in general, I found this episode a bit boring, just didn't speak to me. In the spooky sense I mean. I like the character and social aspects of this statement a lot. Also I like the lore that's involved.

First time we actually really know, where exactly in the timeline we're at - 13th of January, 2016.

The Lukas family managed to totally evade my attention during my first listen. Peter Lukas himself had to actually walk in on the podcast for me to finally puzzle together, that this might be relevant (this might also be because I accidentally skipped MAG 33 on my first listen, oops).

Jon sounds different there at the beginning. Not that fake deep posh voice, but still not soft as later on.

It's so funny to me how much influence there was in pushing Jon to take live statements. First Oliver's statement in MAG 11, which made him anxious to miss anything important or perhaps even life-saving (very Eye-aligned) and now Naomi, who doesn't want Jon to leave while she records her story, because she doesn't want to be alone (which is understandable, since she was targeted by the Lonely).

Ha… indeed. I read this in another a-mag-a-day post, we really do hear Naomi breathing.

"He used to tell me it wasn’t natural for people to live in isolation, that we were creatures of community by nature." - Speak for yourself! xD

I am 100% convinced that Evan didn't die of a congenital heart problem. I think this is a very popular theory. His creepy Lonely family wasn't happy that he didn't want to be lonely/his Patron wasn't happy, that he didn't want to be lonely, so his god fed on him. I wonder, if the Lukases maybe sensed, that this life wasn't for Evan and just waited for the right person to come around, to finally give Evan the rest and prey on the poor soul who got left behind.

"He said he wasn’t on good terms with them because they were very religious, and he never had been." - so yep, Evan didn't want anything to do with the Lonely.

"The house was full of people I didn’t know." - What a lonely place to be… For some I guess. Whenever I'm in a situation like this I feel very seen and all my senses scream for me to leave and get somewhere, where I'm alone.

"I’m sure you want to be alone.” - Hold on, so is actually wanting to be alone tasty for the Fear or not? Because it would make me feel better.

Ah yes, the fog of the Lonely. Big fan.

"Kneeling down, I was surprised to realise that the ground I was now standing on was not wet. The hard-packed earth was damp from the creeping mist but it did not appear to have been rained on." / "I realised afterwards that the night should have been far too dark to see the fog. There were no lights there to show it, and the moon had been shrouded in storm clouds all night, but despite this I could clearly see it." - She really crossed over into the Lonely there.

"Every grave was open and they were all empty. Even here among the dead, I was alone." - This is the only line I find spooky.

" I heard something. It was the strangest thing, but as I tried to run I could have sworn I heard Evan’s voice call to me. He said, “Turn left”. That’s it. That’s all he said." - THIS is what I find very interesting because this is the first time we see a sort of anchor to escape the grasp of an Entity. While I can't quite puzzle out Naomi hearing Evan - ghost of the deceased only seem to exist in the Slaughter or in form of a memory in the Catalogue of the Trapped Dead and not in like our traditional sense of a soul lingering because of unfinished business or whatever. I heard it is possible to suffer from auditory hallucinations in periods of heavy grief, so maybe this was it? We know from MAG 48 (or MAG 129) that thinking of a loved one is enough to anchor people. So thinking of Evan should have been enough to get her to escape the Lonely, and that's exactly what happened. And the earlier "The image of Evan’s family suddenly came into my mind, and I vowed to myself that they would not be the last human contact I ever had." even makes it seem, as if the Lukas family actually tried to influence Naomi to prevent her from thinking of Evan. Yeah, big fan of the anchors-are-always-loved-ones-and-not-objects theory.

"I’d say it was only real insofar as trauma can have a very real effect on the mind." - Jon trying to deny/reason with his Mr. Spider encounter again?

"Some time with a more… qualified care professional might also prove helpful." - I don't know why this is supposed to be so insulting? Nah, actually I do know, there still is a huge social stigma on mental health… Normalize going to therapy!

Thank you for sharing!

#a mag a day #tma #the magnus archives #episode asks #mod ashes #tma spoilers #mag 13

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ran-orimoto · 1 year

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Do you ghave favourite Frontier episodes? If yes would you put them in an order from best to least favourite in the favourites?

Hi, Anon💕. Thank you for the ask! I feel like this will be a bit hard because some weeks ago I tried putting some episodes I like in an order of preference and I failed.

A little premise: what is the Frontier I adore like? Except when it comes to episodes where Junpei and Izumi get spotlight, -obviously I ADORE them-, the “Good Frontier” I really love is the one where everyone interacts with everyone, the chemistries are balanced and well-defined, the kids collaborate and learn how to work in a team.

Regrettably, -block me-, I feel like the group in Frontier worked well when it was made of five people. PERSONALLY, PERSONALLY ,I REPEAT, I don’t feel like Kouichi fits among them. What is his role? What kind of interactions has he built with the others, excluding with Kouji? Sometimes I also used to feel like the team that works so well in Frontier is the one made up by the first four kids. Kouji often felt out of place, especially whenever I watched episodes where Tomoki, Izumi and Junpei supported Takuya. Yet, I grew to like Kouji’s development a bit, just a bit. AGAIN, JUST AN OPINION OF MINE: he’s just not my favourite among the kids.

So first episode I’m really attached to:

1. The Tsunomon episode: Everyone hates it, I’m the only one probably loving it so much. It has got so many flaws, especially in how it deals with Izumi’s backstory, but I can’t help it: I love it with all my heart. The main theme is loneliness and isolation. Even if I would have loved seeing them acknowledging how lonely Junpei is too, just like Izumi, I adore they picked them to build trust on each other in a similar episode. It’s especially so nice to notice the development in their relationship while comparing this episode with the Floramon one: now that Junpei has found his spirit, he can be the goofball he’s supposed to be. Their partnership is just too enjoyable for me to resist, okay?

(• Still in the first place because I’m sorry but——- : The Revival of the Ancient Digimon. Even if it’s not an episode, I need to place this here since I rewatched it the day before yesterday and I was so enthusiastic about it. Frontier’s movie is always a nice place to return to, owning what the anime ride should have always had, without losing its direction. In the movie everyone has got a role, the interactions are vividly represented from Kouji’s and Takuya’s silly rivalry to Izumi being a big sister to them; from Junpei, Tomoki and Takuya being the biggest dorks out there (I LOVE THEM), to Junpei, Izumi and Tomoki confirming themselves to be a team with great dynamics; from Takuya and Junpei SURPRISINGLY agreeing on something for once to Junpei and Izumi carrying the finale of the movie together. Flawless movie. The Frontier of my dreams.)

•2. The Village of the Beginnings: The only episode from the last disastrous arc I hold dear to my heart. The plot was endearing, the main theme can also slightly move me: the concept of hope being put in such innocent beings and eggs that still have to hatch is pretty emotional. Izumi also gets to be useful for once in her life, which is so appreciated🤣💕. The only flaw of the episode is obviously the Kouji/Takuya centrism, but in this case it’s less annoying. There’s actually that nice scene with the 10 spirits collaborating with the accompaniment of “An endless Tale” in the background. Pure poetry.

•3. Izumi’s Beast spirit episode: Yajima got to animate my favourite episodes, like you can notice. Somehow their episodes are exceptionally hilarious and everyone just looks adorable🤣. After an embarassing episode about fanservice I wish it had never been produced, here are we with some justice for Izumi. Ignoring the fact her beast evolution can’t be really considered as such, this episode is a gem in her badly-written arc. The team gets to support her and she realizes how precious everyone around her is💕!

•4. The Black Blitzmon episode: Maybe one of the cruelest episodes in the whole series, in my opinion. Despite having so many flaws in its writing and portraying such ashaming scenes of sexualization for Izumi, I like the way they have built up Junpei’s issues during the whole series up to this episode. It makes me feel so sad to see Junpei pretending to have a nice life, whereas he’s a wreck inside. It’s also…A bit relatable when it comes to my life, but I’m not going to go deeper ahaha.

•5. Bolgmon episode: It would have been much higher if it had featured Izumi doing something. I don’t know, SOMETHING. The philosophy of the hopeless woman being protected by the man does not drive me crazy, especially when the writers of this girl fill their mouth with dialogues about women power. Nevertheless, it’s the apotheosis of Junzumi, it’s the moment my son gets to show his worth and his growth. And of course…The ending scene always gets me near to tears because the vibes were so similar to the Takajuri/ Jurato ones.

•6. Junpei’s and Tomoki’s Grand Adventure: Listen, I love these two. I love Digimon’s personal Mario and Toad having such a heartwarming relationship starting their journey from being the most ambiguous characters of the series. Junpei has got such nice quotes here and I remember I had already fallen so hard for him here. He already shows to be so warped and very grey in his personality. The oldest member convincing the youngest one escaping, because he would feel like an embarassing coward leaving that world all alone. Junpei! Junpei himself who had seen an opportunity to play the main hero for once in his life by pressing YES on his phone. It’s a very interesting episode, surprisingly deeper than what it may look on the surface.

• 7. Izumi defeats Ranamon episode: I realize it has got a very warped picture of what a woman has to be like, but I also realize that’s the kind of culture and view Japan had at that time (and probably nowadays too). However, I’ve grown to like this episode after having watched it twice. It’s a lovely filler that culminates the path of Izumi’s struggles with others. I also acknowledge it probably should be lower, much lower, but the atmosphere makes me feel very affectionate to it, and there are some cute scenes featuring Junpei and Tomoki supporting her. I love those.

• 8. Takuya VS Mercurymon episode: Like you have understood, I’m such a big fan for the main quartet. Maybe I would have appreciated the series more if they had had more time to shine together. I like seeing Izumi, Junpei and Tomoki trying their best to rescue Takuya. Still, this episode also marks the end of the Frontier I enjoy, so it might be very emotional but at the same time it leaves me with a bittersweet taste in my mouth.

• 9. Blitzmon’s introduction: There’s a first part that is so boring I would tear my hair, but when the second half comes this episode takes off. There’s a very entertaining fight between Junpei and Takuya leading Junpei to having to face his sadness. It has got such a weird writing someday I would like to discuss about, also sharing some thoughts of a dear tw friend’s here, but I strongly believe it was an excellent way to conclude Junpei’s first character arc. I appreciate them dealing with his lack of self-esteem and eventually giving him the best spirit entrance of them all. Have you seen him falling off the crane, -another ⚡️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ main character of this episode-, being rescued by the Kokuwamons and landing on the ground like some king🤣? Speaking of the Kokuwamon, Junpei and the bby bonding melt my heart.

• 10: Grottomon appears for the first time episode: This is the first time Kouji collaborates with the gang and starts opening up a bit. The animation is commendable with that incredible ride to the mountain, the vertiginous frames, but I also have to say the world building is one of the best here. The setting is breathtaking, very Miyazakish, but the plot doesn’t really stand out that much when it comes to me comparing it with the other episodes I’ve mentioned. I don’t know why. I just can’t fit this higher despite the fun it made me experience ahaha.

I know, it’s a very long post, Anon, and I’m so sorry but I hope you are satisfied by my reply! I know my tastes are weird, don’t worry🤣💕💕. There are also three other ones I like, though: the Tomoki nightmare one and the two episodes about the trio of losers (The Trailmon episode and, before that, the hamburger one).

The last episode, still animated from Yajima, has got its flaws but I love it with my whole heart. It’s kinda useless to mention it because I believe it’s in every Frontier fan’s heart.

#digimon frontier #takuya kanbara #izumi orimoto #junpei shibayama #tomoki himi #avoiding to tag Kouji and Kouichi not to be hanged #junpei #izumi #takuya #tomoki #kouji #kouichi #to notice my preferences are very influenced by both Junzumi and Takupei hmmmmmm #🤣💕💕💕💕#what a pity the rest of Frontier is largely skippable in my opinion agahah #ops #again I invite you all to understand these are innocent and harmless opinions about a fictional show and fictional characters #so calm down in the case it makes you go on fire #asks

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nikibogwater · 1 year

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Niki Blethers: The Bad Batch Season 2 Pilot

Spoilers under the cut!

Is it wrong that this is my most anticipated piece of Star Wars media since the second season of The Mandalorian? Whatever, I don’t care. This is my most anticipated piece of Star Wars media since The Mandalorian. My hype was at an unusually high level going into this, and I was not disappointed.

The boissssssss! Love their updated armor! I want to know the story behind Hunter’s scarf. Like, he wears it on the outside of his breastplate, so clearly it’s not for keeping warm. Did he just....see it in a market somewhere and go “Hm. Red. My favorite color. Yes, I’ll wear that.”? *GASP!* DID OMEGA GET IT FOR HIM?????? FILONI, I NEED ANSWERS RIGHT NOW!

OMEGAAAAAAA!!! SHE’S SO BIIIIIG!!! LOOK AT HER LOOK HOW MUCH SHE’S GROWN!!! LOOK HOW CONFIDANT AND SKILLED SHE IS!!!! LOOK HOW THE OTHER MEMBERS OF THE SQUAD TRUST HER WITH ROLES IN THE MISSIONS! LOOK AT TECH HOMESCHOOLING HER AND WRECKER LIFTING HER UP STEEP CLIMBS AND HUNTER BEING HER DAD AND ECHO BEING HER EMO BUT STILL SOFT-HEARTED BIG BROTHERRRRRRR!!!!!!!

Listen, I am a simple woman. You establish that a once-isolated and lonely child has flourished and grown strong thanks to her found family, and you have my whole heart.

Kevin Kiner continues to flex with the score.

I hope Phee comes back and tries to flirt with Tech again. I would gladly watch him being Totally Oblivious for hours.

Hunter’s goals from season 1 haven’t changed, and in fact have only been reinforced by what happened on Kamino. It’s really touching that, despite literally being bred for war, he’s determined to back out of the fight in order to give Omega a more stable environment.

Echo protesting Hunter’s plans to go into hiding long-term also makes a lot of sense, and brings some welcome tension to the group dynamic. Out of everyone in the Bad Batch, Echo is the one who has suffered the most due to the war, and it’s only thanks to Clone Force 99 rescuing him and taking him on as one of their own that he’s even here to begin with. It’s no wonder that he prioritizes fighting the Empire and saving others.

That being said, he never comes across as a complete jerk, even when he points out that Omega is the reason their lives are so chaotic and dangerous in the first place. He screws up just enough to create a small rift between him and Omega, but not enough that the audience ends up hating him.

Also Echo telling Omega that even if he could go back and do it all over again, he still would have gone back to Kamino for her--HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG YEP, TEARS INBOUND, I’M CRYING NOW.

“Tech! Are you okay?” “My left femur has been fractured by approximately 150 kilograms of pressure. So....no.”

If I had to pick my favorite character, it would be Tech.

Also the fact that he just....keeps going, despite having experienced one of the most painful injuries a human being can endure, all the while maintaining his cool and matter-of-fact demeanor--what a king.

Something that The Bad Batch does really well, in my opinion, is making the most out of relatively simple stories with simple characters. The missions the crew goes on are always fast-paced and exciting without ever feeling samey. I care a lot about these characters, despite their simplicity, or perhaps even because of it. Star Wars as a franchise tends to tell very big stories with lots of twists and turns. The Bad Batch is refreshing to me because it’s almost never about anything other than a band of genetically mutated brothers trying to earn enough gas money to avoid the cops and take care of their little sister. There’s tons of references to the Bigger Goings On of the Galaxy, but the core of the series is just about a family surviving from one day to the next.

Anyways, an excellent start to this season, imo, and I am SO PUMPED for future episodes.

#niki blethers #star wars #the bad batch #star wars tbb

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last-night-is-a-blur · 1 year

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Not going to talk about the socially problematic aspects of Fate Winx, since other have already done that, and many of them probably better than I could. The whitewashing was inexusable. Aisha deserved better in s1. Things got at least somewhat better in s2. But here are some non-representation related comments I have:

If Bloom was such a misfit/loner, why not give the viewers a taste of why she had such a hard time fitting in back on earth? Was she bullied? Did she sense things/react differently to things because she is fairy, so people wrote her off as weird? Did she just subconciously sense she was different from humans and therefor felt lonely and out of place and chose to isolate herself (better to be alone than being surronded by people that make you feel alone?). Did it have anything to do with her being a fairy, or is it simply because of how she is as a person, or was she just unlucky to be chosen as a the class bullying victim and after years of bullying she just started to believe that she was weird and withdrew, thereby missing oppurtunities at making friends and maybe also fell behind on her social developement because she spent so much time during her formative years alone?

I personally wished that Bloom was an example of “strong but unskilled” instead of being naturally talented, especially since the first episode focused a lot on her struggling to control her powers and how desparate she was to master them quickly.

I am torn between liking the characters in Fate, and wishing they were more like their OG selves, especially Riven, flora, stella and Aisha.

While I didn’t hate Fate Stella’s character, and I feel that it was the right call to double down on the pressure of being a princess given the themes and tone of show, I really loved Stella’s original character in season 1 of the animated show and I feel like that characterzation would have worked well in this show as well: smart yet impulsive, outgoing yet insecure, spoiled but not elitist, vain and hedonistic yet brave, loyal and caring, tries to mask her pain and deflects using humour, irresponsible in certain matters, but dependable in a crisis.

Honestly, FateStella is almost excatly what I wished Diaspro had been. The love triangle between her, Bloom and Sky was way better than the love triangle between Diaspro, Sky and Bloom in Winx Club.

Aisha was uptight about things I don’t think OG Aisha would have been. Still, I like this Aisha too, and how she fits into the group dynamic (the responsible one, that doesn’t want to be the team mom, but keeps ending up having to be the voice of reason at times).

Honestly I used to think OG Flora was boring, but thinking about it, I think there was more to her than just the calm, gentle mom friend. She was an overprotective sister, she was tempted to cheat during s1 on a test and she was too shy to make a move on Helia at first, and she could be bit over the top with her plants as shown in the episode where one of her creations ties tecna up in a closet. So while while I like Terra and Fate Flora, then I feel like a lot could have been done with Flora.

Speaking of Terra. It would have been cool if her insecurities hadn’t revolved about her body image. her looks being something she didn’t care about, while she was more insecure about how she comes across as a person. Maybe she is nervous to be around people her own age because she hasn’t done that a lot, besides her brother, and maybe Sky.

I like this both Fate Riven and OG. OG Riven was more serious about his training. OG Riven was bitter responsible vs irresponsible dynamic btw Sky and Riven, then og riven was competivie as hell, and while not good at team work, then he was a competent specialist on his own. Fate Riven felt like he was afraid to even try, or that he did try at first, but gave up because he couldn’t catch up to Sky, or that he simply didn’t care about being a godd specialist to begin with.

Also, Fate riven was a party boy. OG riven was an introverted, cranky loner that sat in the corner at parties by himself.

I did find the whole Riven and sky being friends from the start to be one of the best changes fate made. If there is one thing s1 of the og show did wrong was making riven too unlikable and not being real friends with the specialist, so him siding with the trix didn’t feel as impactful as if he had been actual friends with at least one of his team mates before things turning sour. Even though Riven didn’t end up betraying anyone, it was still fun to watch their dynamic.

#ftws #fate the winx saga

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alienidentities-f22a · 2 years

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Character Analysis - Michael

Michael Guerin is the epitome of the lone cowboy. In the solitary of the desert, he lives alone out of choice in his beat-up, old trailer. Since the beginning of Roswell, his character has revealed the soft interior that lies beneath the hard shell that he has built around himself. The walls he constructed around his mind and heart were made for good reason. Unlike Isobel and Max, Michael was not given the luxury of a loving family. Despite being found together as children, Michael became the odd one out and did not get picked to go with his siblings on the fateful day when Ann Evans decided to take in Max and Isobel as her children.

As the first season progressed, it was revealed that Michael is in the process of putting together pieces of the crash that brought him and the others to Roswell. By surrounding himself with the glowing pieces of alien glass, one of his only remnants of home, he is desperately trying to piece together the puzzle of where he belongs. He wants to get back home so badly because, unlike Isobel and max, he never had a real home. Throughout the first part of the season, Michael gives a little bit of information about the homes that he stayed in throughout his childhood, and none of them were sustainable, not to mention mentally and physically abusive. He endured his circumstances while also developing his intelligence and gifts, but it is evident how much the past weighs on him.

Through all of the hardships Michael was put through in the past, he stood by Max and Isobel. His past still caused him to mature too early and build walls around himself that he thought were necessary. He did not let anyone besides his siblings see the other, deeper side to him until Alex Manes. However, by the end of his senior year, Alex was taken away from Michael, which only led to more hardship and isolation. Michael had finally allowed himself to express some emotion and trust another person, but that comfort was soon yanked away, leaving him with a smashed hand and a broken heart. Michael was not able to grieve losing this new part of himself that he was just learning to accept before he pushed those emotions down again to focus on something he deemed more important than himself - his siblings.

Michael demonstrates that he would take the fall for his siblings over and over again. On more than one occasion, he is willing to sacrifice himself for them, including volunteering to falsely admit to killing Rosa Ortecho. He helped cover up the murder of Isobel’s attacker when they were younger and furthered this pattern by creating a fake scenario to cover for the real reason behind Rosa’s death. An essential part of his nature is to selflessly love and care for his sibling no matter the circumstances he was put under as a child or how differently they were raised. For example, although Michael never had a lot in terms of a home, he still gives Isobel a place to stay when she needs him. Underneath the macho cowboy bravado, he has a unrelenting need for connection and trust that is demonstrated in his relationship with Max and Isobel.

After the flashback episode, there are new dimensions to Michael’s character. The fragments of himself that he no longer shows freely because he prefers to bury his feelings and emotional scars became apparent. Everything he went through made him into a seemingly tough character, someone committedly independent and used to going at it alone. However, he has more depth and feelings than he would like to let on. No matter how much he tries to build up his barriers, there is always the part of him that cares deeply for his family and longs for a permanent home.

#nipin hennings #character blog

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battlekidx2 · 2 years

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The Beginning of the End Thoughts

Wow. Just wow. I knew the Amphibia series finale was going to emotionally destroy me but what I wasn’t prepared for was the fact that it had me tearing up within the first minute of The Beginning of the End. Marcy was already an incredibly relatable character but that opening scene hit me in a way I wasn’t expecting (it hit too close to home. I am way too much like Marcy) and really made you understand why Marcy did what she did.

Marcy is a character who is incredibly lonely. Anne said it herself in this episode that she and Sasha never gave any of Marcy’s interests a chance or paid attention when she would ramble on about them. That opening scene of Marcy being so excited about this movie that she loves, quoting it and info dumping about it to the two, wearing a blanket as a cape, and trying to hide her disappointment when they don’t share any of her enthusiasm touched upon her isolation in such a poignant way in such a short amount of time.

Many people can probably relate to Marcy. I know that I have experienced that same thing multiple times in my life. Marcy has always been heavily neurodivergent coded but this just encapsulated that experience in less than one minute. She went through life not being able to connect with others very easily and found connection and understanding in media. All of her attempts to share that experience were met with halfhearted or nonexistent reactions. She wants to share this connection and experience with people she cares about. But she is left alone watching the movie every time while Sasha and Anne sleep. That disconnect is something that makes everything so clear and painful.

For Marcy it wasn’t a matter of if the friendship fell apart after she left but a matter of when. I can’t blame Marcy for this. Was her decision rash? Yes. Was it selfish? Yes. Was it the wrong choice? Yes. But do I understand it? Yes.

She was a scared and lonely thirteen year old child who didn’t want to lose the few people who did hang out with her.

I will admit that I was a little scared about how the show would handle Marcy in these last few episodes because she is the only one of the three that hasn’t completed her personal arc but this episode wiped those worries away completely. If they could craft such an emotional and relatable minute of animation that could make everything about Marcy’s decision, character, and friendships snap into place then I knew they could do her character justice in the final two episodes.

This is why I could never get behind people saying that the trio was best splitting ways after Amphibia because of all the betrayals. Sasha, Anne, and Marcy were going to fall apart as a friend group before they went to Amphibia and they spent the majority of their time in Amphibia apart. They are the definition of sometimes you have to grow apart before you can come back together. They had to fall apart as friends and grow as people separate from each other before they could come back together as true friends. Just like Anne said.

Anne points out that Sasha herself is proof of this. Sasha did genuinely care for Marcy and Anne but she wasn’t a good friend (that line where she tells Marcy she didn’t care about the spoiler hurt so much) and the core also calls her out on it too. But Sasha grew during her time in Amphibia to where she is kinder, more understanding, and legitimately supportive with the entirety of “The Three Armies” serving to hit this point home. And if Sasha can change, the girl most set in her ways, then so can Marcy. And if Anne and Sasha’s friendship could be salvaged then so could their relationship to Marcy.

This goes into one of my favorite parts of the episodes (outside of it making me somehow love Marcy even more) getting to see Sasha and Anne as true friends. I really like their dynamic now that they have patched things up and both grown significantly as people. Sasha supports Anne at every turn and tries to help even when she very obviously has doubts about Anne’s plan of action. But you also get to see little pieces of the good parts of their old friendship and how it is enhanced by their new dynamic such as when they used their old dance to become so in sync that they could beat Olivia and Yunan.

Now onto Anne and Sasha finally coming face to face with Darcy. This scene was everything I wanted. The core taunting Anne and Sasha with the personal information they know about them and knowing what will hurt them the most. Sasha’s genuine hurt and anger over Darcy implying that Sasha and Marcy were never really friends to begin with. Anne managing to outwit the core and buy herself some time. The tragedy of the three friends’ situation.

The core being revealed to the girls has been a long time coming and I wasn’t disappointed. They knew exactly what buttons to press and how ruthless to be. It’s still so creepy because of the mannerisms and memories that it has from Marcy. It really hammers home how morbid this sock puppet routine of theirs is. I can’t wait to see even more of them in the next episode.

I just hope that Sasha doesn’t actually get mind controlled because she needs to be there with Anne to free Marcy. They both need to play an active role in that moment for their friendship to come together. I’m sure that will be the case but that made me a bit nervous. I’m sure I’m worrying about nothing because Amphibia nails its finales.

While the decision fills me with way too much anticipation I believe ending on Andrias and the Core invading earth was the perfect place to stop. This is really the final chapter and I can’t wait to see how it ends. All In is 48 minutes and all these episodes did was prove that I’m not ready. I thought I was prepared but then this episode made me tear up within the first minute and I realized I was doomed.

Amphibia also knows exactly when and how to change its end credits and these ones hurt so much. The soft piano rendition of Marcy’s theme over the scene of her watching her favorite movie alone while Anne and Sasha sleep was a gut punch. This really emphasized the tragedy of Marcy’s story, her isolation, her escapism tendencies, and how her naivete and loneliness led her to this point.

There’s also the fact that I don’t think their dynamic was 100% one sided. It’s true that they didn’t show the care and appreciation they should have towards Marcy’s interests and this was shown many times throughout the series before this point but Sasha and Anne bring up things Marcy has said or interests of hers up when she isn’t there at multiple points. They took their friendship with Marcy for granted and should have shown more active interest in what she would tell them about. I just want to point out that they did care just not in the way Marcy needed but now they are at a point where they can both recognize this and rectify it because of how much they have grown.

That episode may be one of my top five of the series. It does such an amazing job with Marcy and has such great music that I can’t help but be blown away. I didn’t think I could relate any more to Marcy but here we are. It also sets up so much going into the final two episodes that I can’t wait to explore.

Scattered thoughts

I love Grime in these episodes.

Sasha and Grime have a few wholesome moments. I have missed their dynamic recently.

I liked that The Three Armies came to the conclusion that Anne can’t solve hundreds of years of systemic and class issues between the toads, newts, and frogs. The three factions can’t solve them right away either but they can start.

I loved Anne being named mediator of the year at her school.

#amphibia #the beginning of the end #marcy wu #darcy #sasha waybright #anne boonchuy #this episode was amazing #Marcy's opening scene was a legitimate tearjerker #this episode hurt

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oh-my-moomin · 3 years

Text

NGE: You Deserve Love

This is an analysis based solely on the og NGE anime series and not the movie or rebirth series so I won’t be mentioning those.

NGE is a psychological horror/apocalypse story dressed up as a mecha. This farce is only totally dropped in the last 2, even 3 episodes. This can make the ending jarring and seem in cohesive, but ultimately my understanding is that none of the ‘plot’ really matters. Seele doesn’t matter, where the angels come from doesn’t really matter, and the final battle doesn’t matter. This is a story exploring loss, the need for connection, loneliness, and humanity. We see this through not only the interactions of the human characters but also through the angels.

THE HUMANS

The Children

A defining trait of all the characters is that they are lonely. The isolation from human connection is brought on both by the high stress apocalypse they all live in, as well as the personal demons they face. The characters all attempt to create bonds with other people, but are held back by their insecurities, fear of vulnerability, and past traumas.

Let’s start with Shinji, as the main character. Having lost his mother at a young age, and being abandoned by this father, he was never able to feel secure. Therefore he takes on a people pleaser attitude, constantly apologizing. His want for validation (particularly from adults in his life) causes him to continue to take action that he doesn't want to, including piloting the EVA. His self hate and insecurity makes it hard for him to make and trust his own choices. So he relies on others to guide him. When this fails, when he doesn't get the love and validation he craves he tries to quite entirely. But this often leads to the people he cares about being hurt. He's trapped between a rock and hard place.

Asuka was also abandoned, however rather than craving support like Shinji, she chooses to live for herself. She craves independence. She needs to know that she is no longer a child that can be hurt and vulnerable. This is largely shown through both her overt sexuality, and her piloting the EVA. She must be in control of the EVA, she must have power, she must be able to prove herself as the best, the strongest. Because inside she still feels like that hurt desperate child, and that is what she hates most about herself. Unlike Shinji, Asuka is brash and rude, and she expects others to give her the same. She barks and expects you to bark back, but can’t always handle it.

Both of these characters are constantly looking for connection, with both their peers and adults. While Asuka often pushes herself on to people, out of a need to be seen. Shinji cannot take active moves to make meaningful connections, and will shy away from people trying to connect. Asuka hates herself and needs to prove that others love her. Shinji hates himself and cannot imagine that people love him.

The Adults

One of the running themes in the show is motherhood. Typically it is the mother that is expected to love and care for the child, to raise them, show unconditional love, give unwavering support. None of the characters have had this, Shinji and Asuka search for validation that they lost in adults in different ways. Unfortunately for them, none of the adults present are suitable to be parents.

The show makes a point to show that the adult characters are all more complex than the children. They have lived longer and therefore had more time to make mistakes, to get stuck in toxic ideals, to ‘be problematic’. They are not concretely good or bad people (mostly), but rather the result of people who grew up in a post apocalyptic world, trying desperately to stop the salvage it, while also trying to make their own connections. Like the child characters, their past traumas make it harder for them to be more open, vulnerable, and weak, to form that human connection.

I am going to focus on Misato and Ritsuko, since they act as foils when it comes to human connection.

Misato being left as a lone survivor to a terrible accident has left her scared both physically and mentally. Before this she had issues with her parents, as her father seemed to abandon his family in favour of work, leaving her mother devastated. Misato doesn't want to become like her mother, abandoned by a loved one, and she also doesn't want to be her father, a slave to work. To counter this she looks for easy connections, but she never wants to get too close.

When her relationship with Kaji was beginning to feel too real, she began to find flaws. His resemblance to her father was terrifying, so she broke it off. Similarly, when in scenes with Shinji, talking about his insecurities or his want to give up, she is hidden by shadow. She cannot be seen as weak, she cannot offer comfort, she cannot be a mother figure to Shinji. Other ways her searching for easy connection is her drinking beer, or eating take out. She searches for the most basic ways to fulfill her needs, so that she can focus on her main goal of defeating the angels.

Ritsuko is also desperate to find human connection without vulnerability. By fully closing off the whole world she can have no weakness, something which she resents in Misato. She views herself as above the need for connection in that way, and would rather follow in her mothers foot footsteps as a scientist and a woman.

She loved and admired her mother, and hated her. She wants to follow in her footsteps but also would hate to fail in the same ways. She saw how her mother failed to actually mother her, and chose to completely reject that part of herself. Instead she cares for cats, and uses those as a surrogate to having a child. She continues her mothers work as a scientist, constantly striving to improve. And when it comes to the ‘woman’ that her mother was, she knew a stubborn woman who focused solely on one man. So Ritsuko also focused on him, to the point of giving up her cat to her grandmother. Both women tried to create an easy connection with him, both felt that they were his equal, and that they found the one connection that mattered. When it was proven to them that they were a second (third) woman this caused them both to break down. For Ritsuko this meant that even though she closed off the whole world, except for one man, she was still too vulnerable. And her only response was to completely shut down. Because she had no one else.

All of the characters are constantly searching for this connection, trying to show affection without getting hurt. Trying to make sense of the end of the world while also making sense of interpersonal relationships. Their own inner demons getting in the way of honest connection.

Rei

As a clone Rei is a particular case. She is aware that she is not a ‘person’, she isnt meant for human connection. Her isolation is so ingrained into her, planned before she is even ‘born’ so she feels no need to care for anyone except Ikari. She latches onto him, would do anything for him, and has no value in her life because she is aware that she is not real.

However, she still has a human source, Shinjis mother. A human person, who also needed human connection. Rei, when given the chance, does care for people. Shinji is the first person to see her as a peer, and to treat her with kindness. With this start of forming connections, she begins to feel more human, to develop a further need to connect. Even if it's hard to fully separate from the man who created her.

THE ANGELS

The angels act as a foil to the human need for connection. While all of the human characters are lonely and searching for connection with each other, the angels are also lonely and trying to learn what that even means.

There is no scene where the angels are working together, they are solitary, all having the same goal of reaching Adam, but incapable of planning together to achieve it. They instead try to create connection to humans, trying to bond and understand them, without knowing that their methods are harmful.

I believe this can be first seen with the 12th angel. When Shinji is absorbed into the EVA, it is safe to say that the angel was able to understand the merging of human and EVA. This connection allowed Shinji to control the EVA to break free of the angel's shadow. The following month where Shinji is trapped within his EVA, is our first insight into what the human instrumentality project will be like, as well as the goals of the angels.

Since angels cannot connect to each other, the 15th angel attempts to create connection by forcing itself into Asukas mind. It wants to understand her, her emotions, her thoughts, her connections, her love. For her this is a painful experience, akin to rape. She feels dirtied after it. But the attack is a beam of light, with holy music playing, what should be a calming experience. I believe it is fair to say that the angel cannot understand that it is putting her through pain, as it cannot understand any human experiences. Angels are incapable of understanding their own feelings/experiences/wants, and try to use humans as a study from which they can learn.

The following angel confronts Rei about her loneliness. Instead of breaking into her mind through light, it directly entered her body. While talking with her, it questioned what loneliness was, trying to understand its own pain and isolation through understanding hers. Its solution is to merge with Rei, as it believes this would solve both problems.

However, when she refuses, the angel then tries to find another source of connection. Rei cares about Shinji, as both a clone of his mother, and a friend as her own person. The angel can see that this connection is something that she finds precious and tries to take it for itself, as it cannot understand why Shinji wouldn’t feel the same. It cannot understand how complex human connections are, that it cannot simply take Reis form. However, it has learned what pain is, and how to communicate its own pain. As seen when Shinji attacks it. Whether this pain is physical or emotional doesn't matter, because it is the first pain that the angel could express.

The angels discovering what loneliness is acts as a way for the human pilots to begin to explore their own isolation in more depth. For better or worse.

THE FINAL MESSENGER

Our introduction to the final angel is him singing. He takes a human form, can fully communicate to other humans, and doesn’t immediately attack them. This is such a contrast to all other angels that it isn't immediately clear that he even is an angel. Kaworu's first words are (as per the netflix english subtitles)

“Arent songs great? Songs enrich the heart. They're the crowning achievement of Lilin culture”

He loves humans, human culture, human lives, and the human world. He is the first angel who is able to show this. His ability to understand humans allows him to form human connections, and he does so with Shinji.

Kaworu loved Shinji. He would seek out Shinji, take time to bond and communicate with him, and help Shinji open up. He wanted to be close with Shinji, and knew how to be gentle in ways that no other human or angel could. He was patient, because he had time. And Shinji was able to open up to him more than with any other character. Shinji was able to take the initiative to ask to stay with him, to try and form that connection.

All the human characters are struggling with their own demons, with an apocalyptic world. The whole earth is at war and Shinji is in the front lines, surrounded by adults who may want to help him but ultimately can't. Saving everyone is a higher priority to saving one kid, especially when that kid is your strongest soldier. Throughout the series Shinji is given conditional love. It is only when he pilots the EVA, defeats the angels and saves the day that people give him validation. Then comes this boy, who is gentle and kind, who listens. And it's easy, its comfort, its understanding and unconditional love, and its exactly what Shinji has needed for the whole series.

But as a messenger he could never stay, he's temporary and by the end of the episode he understands this. He still is driven to ‘Adam’, he has a mission, but instead he is confronted with Lilith. Kaworu understands that humans and angels cannot live together in harmony, only one can survive. Both Adam and Litlith were made in god's image, but only Adam could stay in the garden of Eden. Death and Life hold equal value to Kaworu, so he doesn't mind the sacrifice, he would rather die to protect humans, to protect Shinji. He can also understand that this is difficult, this is murder, this is killing a friend. So he says “thank you” and he waits.

In other episodes when in a battle, Shinji is constantly being yelled at, told what to do, under constant pressure. But here there is just the same patient understanding that Kaworu has always shown him. No rush for him to take action, just time to process and grieve. Because Kaworu knows Shinji will make the hard choice and he waits, and he smiles, and he continues to love Shinji.

The final angel came down as a messenger and said

“You are important.

I want to talk to you, to know you.

You are in pain, you are fragile and should be protected.

You are worthy of my affection.

I like you. I love you. I was born just so that I could meet you.

Our kind cannot survive together, one of us must die. And you deserve to live.

I will take this burden of death because you deserve a future.

I am glad I could meet you, thank you.

I know this is hard, and I know you need time. I will wait.

Thank you.”

That was the last message to humanity.

And because Shinji is human he says back

“We are the same. I love you too. If only one of us could have lived it should have been you. You are better than me. You should have survived.”

#nge #neon genesis evangelion #shinji ikari #nge analysis #asuka langley sohryu #misato katsuragi #rei ayanami #ritsuko akagi #gendo ikari #kaworu nagisa

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winter-soldier-vibes · 3 years

Text

Reason to Come Back (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Reason to come back

Bucky Barnes x reader

Word count: 3574

Request: "can you do something where seb(or one of his characters)and reader used to date and one day he broke up with her and after a short time he comes up with a new girl(not cheating)and the reader thinks that she’s worthless and not beautiful or good enough and that’s why he broke up with her and tries to be better(you know what to do•_-) and silently suffering etc. and with a happy ending where they get back together"

Warnings: mentions of a breakup, angst, depression, very slight mentions of disordered eating and exercise (very slight, not like most of my other fics), general feelings of worthlessness, angst

Tags: @buckys2thicc @mardema @stucky-on-spiderman @abitgryffindorky @freigeistundanderes @barnesplums @thatfangirl42 @buckfics @babyboibucky

A/N: I AM SO SORRY TO THE ANON THAT REQUESTED THIS SO LONG AGO AND THAT IT TOOK SO LONG! I don’t even know if they’re still here, I feel so bad. I got an anon request for this fic and I did not know about the inbox for Tumblr accounts until just recently because I’m incompetent. There’s no excuse for me taking so long to write it, but I wanted to even though it’s been 9 months since they sent it. If you’re still here anon, thank you for sticking with me!

NEW NOTE 06/04/21: I rewrote this to be for Bucky as opposed to Sebastian. It is still mostly the same, just reworded in some places. This is meant to take place in reference to the timeline of tfatws and mentions moments from the show. I am referencing “the time he was gone” as the series episode 1-6. I don’t know how much time passed but I assume it was at least a few weeks if not longer (especially between episodes 5 and 6). That’s how I wrote it.

------------------------

It was a quiet night, you under some blankets on the couch watching a movie. There was an empty bowl aside from a few popcorn kernels on the coffee table in front of you, the movie more for background noise than entertainment. You were scrolling through your phone mindlessly, looking for a distraction that would keep you occupied.

Not that it was working too well. There wasn’t much that could distract you from the fact that you were alone.

9 months. You had dated for 9 months. Not that he had been around for much of it. He had been with Sam on an extended mission, and he had been gone for a few weeks. You didn’t know much about the mission, Bucky wasn’t allowed to tell you. For your safety. You understood. It was his job, you knew that, but it could be lonely most of the time. He would call or text you if he could, but he couldn’t compromise his location. You were always happy to hear from him, but it wasn’t the same as when he was around.

You knew this would happen, and you had accepted that. It was hard, but you could manage.

You hadn’t heard from him in a weeks, but you didn’t think much of it. He and Sam must have gotten closer to the answers they had been looking for. You could only hope that he was safe. it took a toll on you, worrying about him, but you had been so happy when he had said he was coming home. But when he walked through the door, he didn’t seem excited at all.

You had wrapped your arms around him, and he had hesitantly hugged you back gently. You had known something was wrong almost immediately, pulling back and trying to meet his eyes. “Babe? Are you okay?”

“We should talk,” he said, struggling to meet your eyes.

You pulled your eyes together with concern. “Yeah, yeah what’s wrong?”

“I, uh… I don’t know if this is gonna work out.”

You shook your head, surprised. “What do you mean? What happened?”

“I just don’t think you and I work with 1,000 miles between us.”

“What?” you said in disbelief. “You’re the one who has to leave and I told you that I’m okay with it, and I am. I never thought you’d be the one with the problem with it.”

“Y/n -”

“We can work this out, Buck. You said it yourself, you don’t normally go away for that long. I’m not going anywhere, I - ”

“I can’t ask you to stay, y/n,” he said, cutting you off. You shut your mouth and shook your head. “Where is this coming from, what happened?” you asked.

He cleared his throat. “I should go.”

“You don’t get to walk away from this like that!” you exclaimed, nearly yelling.

“And I don’t have the right to expect you to wait for months while I’m out trying to save people. I thought it’d be fine but I couldn’t stop thinking about you here, alone. There’s going to be more missions, more danger. They recreated the serum. Who knows what else they’ll be able to create? You shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“You don’t get to make that choice for me! I told you I’m okay with it and I still am, Bucky! I know the risks!” you said, tears pricking your eyes.

He looked away. “You deserve much better than me. Someone who can be there for you.”

You walked up to him and cupped his face. “You’re all I could ever want Bucky. Distance be damned.”

He sighed and pulled you into a hug, squeezing you tightly for a moment. “I have to go y/n. I’m sorry.”

He let you go and turned around, not even looking back to say goodbye.

That had been a couple of weeks ago. You had been crushed at first, devastated. But you were still able to function in your day-to-day life. You had a few friends to hype you up or cry with you, whatever the day was. You were able to still get to work, try to move on. And it was getting better, but the nights were still hard. It wasn’t the same when you knew he wouldn’t be coming home.

During the day you could pretend like you were waiting for that night when he would be able to call you. But at night, it was dark and you didn’t have a person you wanted to call.

You weren’t bitter, in a way you understood. You had known how relationships could be ruined by distance and work. But being a super soldier wasn’t a typical line of work. You had been okay with it, but you hadn’t thought that it would’ve affected Bucky as much as it seemed to. You had been emotional at the time, but looking back on it you could understand where he was coming from. Relationships were two-sided - just because you felt okay didn’t guarantee he was.

You knew what he did was dangerous. You had accepted that there might not have always been a happy ending. Maybe he hadn’t.

But then one day you had walked into a bar, only to see Bucky flirting with another girl, laughing away..

That was all you needed to see.

You didn’t want to read too much into it, any kind of situation could be misread. But him laughing with a very attractive girl over drinks shortly after becoming single - you couldn’t help but wonder.

You tried to tell yourself that it didn’t matter, that you were reading everything wrong, but your heart still felt as though it was breaking.

She was gorgeous. Much more so than you, you had thought.

Was that why he left? Was he just wanting to get himself back out there? Had he met her and just needed to get rid of you?

You didn’t want to think that way, none of it was true. He wouldn’t do that, he was a good man. But still…

Maybe if you were different it would’ve been harder for him to leave.

Maybe you hadn’t given him a good enough reason to stay.

And maybe, if you were better, prettier, he would come back.

It started small - making more of an effort to go to the gym, not ordering takeaways every night, that sort of thing. Not that you had much of an appetite to begin with. But you didn’t realize when your days had become full of going from work to the gym, nor why you had freaked out so much when you had sprained an ankle and couldn’t do your normal workout.

You had decided to work your arms those next few days to supplement the cardio you had missed. You had kept this up until you woke up one morning struggling to turn over because you were so sore. You decided that that day, you could take a rest day.

A rest day turned into a rest week, and soon enough you were only leaving your house to go to work. And only because you needed money.

You had cut yourself off from most of your contacts, still replying every now and then so they wouldn’t be concerned. You didn’t go out with them or call them because you were worried they would see right through you. Better to stay home. Your bed would never judge you.

You had become familiar with the spots on the wall, the streaks from god knows what, the way that light would filter through your window as the sun ascended and descended the sky. Hours could pass and you could still be in the same position.

You had to keep up a front around everyone. Letting people know how much you were hurting was not an option for you. Then they would ask what was wrong and pull you aside and look at you with this concerned face that you couldn’t deal with. It was the one that everyone always gave when someone was having a bad day, the one people put on when they wanted you to think that they cared. Sometimes they did, but most of the time a person with any sense of morals would put that face on to make a person think that they cared. It’s the same way “How are you?” is more of a greeting than a genuine question.

There were people who cared, but you didn’t want to have that conversation. You didn’t even know what you were doing anymore. It was an honest thought of bettering yourself, but it was for the wrong reasons. Trying to be better for Bucky made you realize how much you missed him. How angry you really were at him. But you couldn’t take it out on him, he didn’t deserve that at all, he didn’t earn that. But you were angry at...something, and maybe it was yourself, at letting him walk out that door, of not calling him and leaving him messages. Maybe if you had fought for him he would’ve stayed. If you had said something when he distanced himself.

You felt like this was your fault. And maybe if you changed something about yourself, you would learn from your mistakes.

Not that you knew exactly what you had done or what isolating yourself would fix, or teach you for that matter.

At some point, you must have fallen asleep because your ringtone jolted you awake. You groaned, shutting your eyes again. You would let it go to voicemail, just like all of the others. If it was that important they would text you.

You let it ring, sighing when it had stopped. You readjusted in your bed, trying to fall back asleep. It was a Saturday morning, you had until Monday morning to sleep. You were going to make the most of it.

But then your phone began ringing again.

You opened your eyes again, picking up your phone to see who it was. You dropped the phone when you saw the name

Bucky Barnes

Why the fuck was he calling you? What could he possibly have to say to you?

You watched the phone ring through to voicemail, soon after seeing a voicemail was left. You didn’t bother listening to it, you didn’t need to. You simply rolled over in bed. If it were that important, he would have called sooner.

Bucky’s POV

As the call went to voicemail again, Bucky was confused. He had never known you to miss a call, ever. It wasn’t like you, he knew you would drop anything to take calls. You had said you hated people leaving voicemails because you hated them having to listen to your voicemail message. You had thought your voice had sounded weird. It was one of the little things he remembered about you that made him smile

And realize how royally he had fucked up.

Being away on a mission wasn’t anything new for him, but maintaining a serious relationship for him was. He had never met anyone like you, and he had missed you so much when he had left. He hadn’t felt anything like what he did when you smiled at him since the 40′s. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but all he could think about was how much he had missed you. And that made him think about how much you must have missed him.

He felt like he was holding you back in some way. He was used to being away in dangerous situations for periods of time but you weren’t. And no matter how much you had assured him that you were okay with the long-distance relationship, as the months went on he felt guilty for not being able to be there in the way that he wanted to.

In the way you deserved.

He broke up with you because he thought you deserved better than relying on phone calls and texts for months at a time. Someone who could be there all the time for you. Someone who you didn’t have to worry about getting shot when he left for a mission. Someone predictable and reliable. Something he couldn’t always do.

But God, did he miss you.

He regretted walking out that door. He regretted not giving you a better reason, for not calling you or texting you until now, weeks later. The more time went on, the more he felt it would be inappropriate to call you to apologize.

But he couldn’t take it anymore, so he dialed your number. And when it went to voicemail, he had gotten a little worried.

He knew he didn’t have much of a right or reason to be worried, but he had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right. So, he decided to reach out to one of your friends.

Hey, is y/n alright?

Why do you want to know?

Look, I know I messed up. I just wanted to apologize and give her the answer she deserves. But she’s not answering my calls.

She doesn’t do phone calls anymore.

What do you mean?

She won’t answer calls. She won’t even come out with us anymore. Something’s up but she denies it.

When did this start?

When do you think?

Bucky’s heart sank to his stomach. This was his fault. And he had to go make it right.

Your POV

You were still in bed, wondering why Bucky had called you. It didn’t make sense to you, for him to call after all of this time. What could he possibly have to say to you? Did he want to inform you of a new girlfriend before the news caught wind of it? Did he want to come up with some dumb excuse to tell you he was sorry?

It made you scoff slightly, but the tug at your heart let you know that it wouldn’t be unwelcome.

You couldn’t deny it. As much as his leaving had hurt you, you missed him more than anything.

You wanted another chance with him, one that you weren’t sure you would get. And the thought of him coming back to you was comforting. Like maybe it wasn’t your fault. Or maybe you had done enough to win him back.

Wishful thinking.

You had lost track of time, once again, but were snapped out of your daze by knocking on your door.

What? Why would anyone be here?

You sighed. It was probably just some random person selling some random product or something.

More knocking. More insistent. You sighed, standing up and silently groaning at the soreness you felt in your body. Not necessarily from overuse, but more so from underuse. You stood you slowly, walking quietly over to your door.

More knocking.

You made it to the door and glanced through the peephole you had, eyes widening and a small gasp leaving your mouth.

Why the fuck was Bucky here?

More knocking.

You ran a hand down your face. Knowing him, he wouldn’t leave. But why did it go from calling straight to ‘I’m coming to your door’? As if he hadn’t been the one to leave you?

More knocking.

You swallowed dryly. “Why are you here?” you called out through the door.

Bucky let out a breath. “I just want to talk to you”

You shook your head on the other side of the door, wondering if you should let him speak. As if he wasn’t already living rent-free in your mind.

“Please y/n.”

You set your face hard, pulling the door open. At least you would get to say your piece to him.

“Now you wanna talk? Fine. Let’s talk.” you said, coldly.

Bucky was slightly taken aback, though he couldn’t blame you. He took in your appearance, exhaustion seeming to overtake you. Dark circles under your eyes, pale skin, you just - all life seemed to be drained from you. He scratched the back of his neck nervously before he asked quietly, “Can I come in?”

You stepped to the side, silently allowing him in, closing the door behind you. You crossed your arms over your chest and shrugged slightly. “What do you want Barnes?

“I’m sorry,” he said. You scoffed slightly, shaking your head and looking away. “Y/n look at me, please. I fucked up.”

“Well it took you long enough to figure that one out didn’t it?” you snapped, looking at him.

“Y/n please -”

“Tell me, when exactly did you figure out that maybe, just maybe, you should say you were sorry?”

“Y/n please - “

“Who was the girl? The one in the bar from a few days after we had broken up? The one you were hitting on over a couple of drinks?”

“The… what?”

“When did you feel the slightest bit of regret? When did you change your mind and decide that you didn’t want to leave?”

“I never wanted to leave you!” he exclaimed. “Can you please just listen to me?”

You looked at him, anger in your eyes but you closed your mouth. You gave him a look that said ‘I’m listening.’

He took a deep breath. “The woman at the bar was an old friend of Sam’s. He had introduced the two of us at one point. I was at a bar one night and and she came over to say hello and stayed for one drink. It’s nothing more than that.”

You took a breath. Situations could definitely be read wrong. You knew it had probably been nothing.

“When we first got together we had talked about me leaving for missions. Long-distance, unpredictable times, dangerous missions. A lot of people have a hard time keeping that going.”

“And I knew that and was okay with it.”

“Let me finish, please.” he pleaded. “I knew you knew the risks but I’m not sure I was as ready as I thought I was. I left and suddenly I couldn’t talk to you because I was worried for your safety. I couldn’t be there for you in all the ways I wanted to be. In all the ways you deserved. I just...you didn’t deserve that. You deserved so much more than that.”

You felt tears prick your eyes. “You already told me that. When you left. What’s really going on?”

He shook his head slightly. “ Sam’s sister had gotten a call with a threat towards her and her children. I couldn’t put you at risk. These people, they were super soldiers just like me. I had a few close calls with serious injuries. And I realized that if I got hurt I couldn’t protect you. I couldn’t let you get hurt and I couldn’t let you worry about whether or not I would come home alive. I thought… I thought it’d be less painful for both of us if we stopped seeing each other before that happened.”

You shook your head slightly. “Why couldn’t you tell me that?” you said, a little more softly.

“I don’t know”

You shook your head. “You’re gonna have to do a lot better than I don’t know.”

“I - “ He sighed slightly. “I was scared. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and I was scared that I was going to lose you.”

“So you gave me up?” you asked.

“And made the biggest mistake of my entire life.”

You looked to the side and bit your lip slightly. “You know I thought it was my fault?” you turned your face back to Bucky’s confused one. “I thought I wasn’t good enough for you. That if I was enough you wouldn’t have left. Or if I was better you would’ve come back.”

He shook his head and started walking towards you to comfort you. “It was never your fault angel -”

You backed up slightly. “You don’t get to call me that. Not right now, not yet at least.”

He looked hurt slightly, but he nodded. After a few moments of silence, you scoffed slightly.

“You know, as much as I hate to admit it, I fell apart these past few weeks. Told myself that the only thing I wanted and needed was having you come back. And here you are and...I don’t know, Bucky.” you shrugged. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or think, you broke up with me because you were afraid of hurting me? I - “ you rubbed your eyes. “I just… I get it, but I just wish we could’ve had this conversation weeks ago, Buck.”

“Does this mean we’re done?” he asked timidly.

“I… I don’t know. I just…. I think i need a little bit of time. Please. Just some time to think.”

He nodded, though he looked slightly disappointed. “Yeah, of course.” you nodded, walking him over to the door, opening it. He turned around. “Is it okay to give you a hug, y/n?”

You thought about it for a moment before nodding, letting him wrap his arms around your waist as you looped them around his neck. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, tears forming in your eyes as you realized how much you missed this. How much you needed this. When he went to pull away, you held him a little more tightly before letting him go.

He smiled at you before turning to leave. “Take as much time as you need, y/n.”

You gave him the smallest of smiles back. “I’ll see you later Bucky.”

And with that, you closed the door behind you, not having a clue what any of this meant. This didn’t make it okay by any means, but maybe, just maybe, the two of you could start fresh. Together.

#bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes #40s bucky barnes #bucky barns fanfiction #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barns x reader #bucky barns x you #bucky fanfic #bucky #angst #angst angst angst #part two coming soon

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manifesting-author98 · 4 years

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Catra’s Redemption Arc Goes Hard

Say what you will about Catra’s redemption arc, but I actually think it's beautifully developed. I know it may seem like it comes out of nowhere in that final season, but I think that they did a great job setting it up.

Sure, Catra is still her destructive self just episodes before she turns, but at this point in her arc, this is also the most emotionally vulnerable she’s ever been. And all of this stems from two main things:

First, Catra is permanently changed after the incident with the portal (even getting an interesting outfit change too).

Because of it, she starts to feel actual guilt because she’s confronted with the consequences of her actions- Glimmer’s mother is dead and any sympathy Adora ever had for Catra is gone. But at that point, Catra is still okay because at least she still has Scorpia and Double Trouble- along with some power and influence as well. Through all of these avenues, she can still escape the pain of emotionally losing her connection to Adora.

But then (and this is the second important point in Catra’s arc set up), just before her path to redemption begins, Catra loses Scorpia and Double Trouble too, along with what’s remaining of her power when Horde Prime arrives.

And only after all of that does the path to redemption even begin for Catra, which is why it is so impactful:

Catra has to lose everything before she can change.

And honestly, it goes a bit further than that. When each of her relationships end and she loses everything, Catra is also forced to confront the fact that she’s at fault. People don’t leave her because they’re wrong, or because they want to abandon her- it’s because she’s problematic and drives them away.

In fact, several of the people that leave her make this exceedingly clear.

Scorpia: “You’re a bad friend.”

That whole scene where Double Trouble basically spells it out for Catra, showing her that the person that she needs to blame is herself.

So all of this leads Catra to the lowest low she’s been at yet.

Of course, she still tries to preserve herself (aligning with Horde Prime) because that’s what she does- she survives. Only this time, her heart truly isn’t in it.

And truthfully, it never really has been either (not even with the Horde on Etheria).

Again, Double Trouble is the person who points this out to Catra.

Catra has never really wanted what she appeared to want: The Horde’s success. In reality, all Catra wanted was to stop hurting. She thought she could accomplish that through power. If she moved up enough or defeated Adora and the revolution, she’d never have to think about the abandonment and pain again.

Catra even says this herself within the first couple episodes too. She wants Adora to come back to the Horde after she leaves because, even though the Horde may not be morally right, if Catra and Adora get enough power, they can be free from all the pain they’ve already endured. They would be able to make their own way. But Adora knows that power and conquest won’t give them what Catra thinks it will.

But unfortunately, Catra doesn’t see that. It never really occurs to her that this path to power (that she’s been on since the beginning) is ultimately a lonely one. She doesn’t see that this is the inevitable conclusion, especially considering the way she behaves, so having it all play out, having all of the people who love her leave, that’s the only way to really force her to understand that power was never the right answer at all.

And this lesson carries over to her relationship to Horde Prime. She never really aligns with him. Instead, she’s mostly just trying to survive as she deals with new feelings of guilt and loneliness.

On Horde Prime’s ship, away from Etheria, having lost everything she cares about, Catra finally has time to think about the negative impact she’s made, especially when she talks to Glimmer. This is because Glimmer is going through something similar- she’s also feeling guilty and isolated- and all she wants is to apologize to her friends and make things right.

But even though it’s Glimmer (in that one particular scene) who verbalizes all of those feelings, the camera eventually focuses in on Catra.

Because Catra wants this too.

Now that she’s at rock bottom with nothing (and no one) left to loose, she’s able to see clearly. She finally understands and accepts that Adora never really wanted to leave her or give up on her (as conveyed by the flashbacks in Corridors). Again, it was Catra’s own fault that their relationship was destroyed.

So she decides that she should finally help Adora, even though their relationship is gone. It’s what Adora would have done for her. It only took being completely isolated and guilt-ridden for Catra to see that.

So then comes the big moment.

Catra sacrifices herself and apologizes to Adora for the first time.

And although this is just one moment, which may seem small in the grand scheme of all that Catra has done, it’s implications are huge because of all that it actually means.

This move is the first truly selfless thing that Catra does.

Catra believes that Adora will never care about her again. And Catra doesn’t want her to- because all Catra does is hurt people. So she uses this (self-defeating as it may be) to the revolution’s advantage. If Adora doesn’t care about Catra, she won’t come back for her, she won’t be captured by Horde Prime, and the revolution will still have a chance.

So before actually saying it out loud, this is Catra’s most brazen declaration of love for Adora. Because it’s completely unprompted and unreciprocated. Catra gives love to Adora without expecting anything in return, which is how unconditional love should be (Catra’s just never been good at expressing it). So the fact that she sacrifices herself and fully expects to get Horde Prime’s wrath and die a meaningless death, having never truly redeemed herself in Adora’s eyes or mended their relationship really is a big deal for Catra. Because she is finally content with just supporting Adora on her new path (even though it’s separate from Catra’s), where she can fulfill her destiny with the revolution.

With this sacrifice, Catra’s motivations finally become clear. She loves Adora, she’s always loved Adora, and everything she did to hurt Adora was coming from a place of her own pain and rejection, which does not make it exclusable, but it also does not make Catra irredeemable either.

Despite everything, she can still earn redemption and forgiveness. No one is too far gone for that.

If Adora, who’s probably been hurt the most by Catra, has the capacity to forgive her, then the rest of the people she’s hurt, along with the audience, can too.

Overall, Catra’s redemption is also just a testament to the fact that people can choose to be a good person whenever they want to. Even if they feel like they don’t matter, or that they’re too far gone to be redeemable or loved, they can always choose to do “one good thing” for once, as Catra does. And I just love that message.

#she had us in the first half ngl #she ra #she ra spop #spop #spop catra #catradora

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