#literally one of dean's greatest fears.

[chocolatecakecas]

consider. if mystery spot was reversed and sam was the one kept dying and dean had to relive it every day. much to think about

#have you considered #it would be a WILDLY different episode. they couldnt do ha ha sam got electrocuted so silly #literally one of dean's greatest fears.

[sakarrie-creates]

2023 Fic Round-Up/Reflection

Got an early start this year! I technically was shooting to get it done before the new year but I feel like I’m still within a reasonable window, so I’ll take it! Here’s my 2023 Writing Summary! Overall, I think I actually did okay! As usual, my rambly reflection stuff is under the cut. Happy 2024 people!

2023 Stats:

Fics Started: 12 Fics Fully Written: 12  Fics Posted: 5 New WIPs: 0 Total WIPs: 20 (ish?) Words Written: 53,686 (55,598 if including fic outlines that haven’t been turned fic) Words Posted: 34,805 Fandoms Written For: 3 (+1 for Merlin FTH outline) Events: 4 (+3)

Posted Fics:

Supernatural (Gen): 2

When it Rains, it Pours (13,779): As part of Chuck's "reliving of his greatest hits," Sam starts having his painful visions again. He doesn’t want to believe it, but the nightmares keep coming true and now, he's beginning to worry it’s not just visions. During their last hunt, Sam could have sworn that the machete he was reaching for threw itself. Dean didn’t seem to notice anything but later that night, Sam finds a small trail of blood coming from his nose.

He needs to tell Dean—he knows that. But Dean’s been struggling a lot between Chuck and losing... well, most everyone. He's just barely beginning to bounce back, and Sam was his only constant right now. He’ll just have to keep a handle on it until they can take care of Chuck. Set around s15e4 Atomic Monsters. 

Whatever it Takes (1,875): Gadreel's possession of Sam has more serious side-effects than Dean ever imagined. Now, his brother is sick, hurting, and close to giving up. But Dean is determined to make this right. 

The Owl House (Gen and Implied/Background Ship - Huntlow): 2

What Doesn't Kill You (Gives You Trauma) (1,737): With the reconstruction of Hexside finally complete, a sense of normality has been restored. Fortunately, that includes Grom. Unfortunately one of their own has been declared King. Hunter doesn’t even know which fear he'll have to face. He certainly has enough painful memories for Grom to take its pick. With a bit of luck and support from his friends, though, he might just make it through the night.

Frenemies (1,737): Hunter gets a mysterious message telling him to meet them at the night market. He really should have realized Luz would be behind this. Or: Post-ASIAS, Luz doesn't like the idea of Hunter suddenly showing up at Hexside and almost kidnapping her friends.

Code Lyoko (Gen): 1

No One’s an Island (7,612): Yumi is tired. XANA's attacks have been relentless and it's wearing her down. Between school, home life, and Lyoko, she's not sure how much more she can handle. After all, there's only so much weight one person can take. Except, it's not just Yumi's burden to carry, and her friends are going to do whatever they can to remind her of that. 

Specifics:

Events Participated In:

SPN Summergen (Fic), Player Appreciation Week (Art), Weird People MEP (Edit), Dear Fellow Traveler (Animatic), SPN Gencest Bang (Fic), Fandom Trumps Hate (Art/Fic), Mirage and Mischief Zine (Fic), and LOTS of zine apps (Fic, Art, Mod).

Best/worst title?

Best title: None of them super jump out at me, but Whatever it Takes and Between the Lines of Fear and Blame both come from songs where the song vibe/lyrics match the fic PERFECTLY. The latter is a bit long for my tastes, but it’s grown on me. What Doesn’t Kill You (Gives you Trauma) makes me chuckle too, but it’s got the same length issue as well as trying out a new style from my norm which I had mixed feelings on.

Worst title: Oof, well as usual, I didn’t particularly like most of my titles this year. I think Frenemies has to take the cake though. It started as a working title but then I got lazy and just left it when I posted. It feels so generic and not... aesthetic enough? Poetic enough? Literally no idea why it bothers me so much but it does.

General Questions:

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?

I honestly can’t remember what I was expecting this year (and it’s tradition that I can’t look back at my goals ‘til I answer these questions, so it will remain unknown). I certainly hoped to be able to do more since last year was a fairly barren year creativity-wise, but I’ve also been quite aware for a while that being in school sucks out my soul makes it difficult to create. With that, I think I probably was in the ballpark of what I was expecting. I might have predicted it being more spread out, though, which is a rookie move considering that my classes are clustered haha. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted last year?

I think I’d just barely gotten into TOH at the start of the year, so that wasn’t COMPLETELY unpredictable, but I did write some Huntlow (aka, romance) fics, which is abnormal for me! Additionally, I can’t remember if I discovered The Sentinel this year or last, but that definitely wasn’t expected. Just got the DVDs so I can finish watching the series! Oh, also writing Code Lyoko was a new experience (not counting my random 6th grade fanfiction I wrote in notebooks lol).

What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest.

I’m split quite a bit on this one. On one hand, I really like my Grom fic (so far) so I’m hoping that will continue to flow as I wrap it up. I also like my unposted fic about Willow dealing with Hunter’s near-death and Camila comforting her. Of those that are currently posted, though, I think I might go with No One is an Island. It was a lot of fun trying to figure out how to write Yumi and the other Code Lyoko characters, and considering the small size of the fandom, it was fairly well-received too!

Okay, NOW your most popular story.

Same as the last two years! Fragmentation’s views are hard to really predict since view counts have been down since September, but the total views has officially surpassed the overall word count at 21.4k views (vs 20.7k word count). Which is AMAZING. It’s always a bit wild to me to consider, but I’m so great people are enjoying my fic. Next is still The Problem With Good Intentions at 12.6k, which surprises me less now that I’ve seen just how alive and well the Once and Future Fandom is haha. From the fics I posted this year, it would be When it Rains, it Pours at 1.5k.

Story most underappreciated by the universe?

A Letter to Never Be Read on FF.net never really got any traction, but I think I’m over it by now. As for more current underappreciated fic... I think I might actually go with When it Rains, it Pours again. Even though it had the most views, it’s a fairly long, multi-chap story and didn’t get many reviews in between chapters. That’s part of the challenge with bangs and posting dates, though, so nothing too shocking there.

Hardest story to write?

It’s really hard to say! I was struggling with burnout a lot during my zine app timeframes, but most of those fics haven’t been posted yet. It might be Whatever it Takes just cause I had such a hard time coming up with something that matched the prompts as well as my preferences. When it Rains, it Pours was also a challenge at times, but mostly in trying to find motivation to write anything.

Most overdue story?

It’s Only Natural is still very very overdue, but it’s not super popular (and is on FF.net), so it’s not one I’m stressed about. I think about A Long Ways Home a lot, though. I wanted to work on it recently, but unfortunately my writing energy needed to go towards FTH so that continued to be put off. People have left some very supportive comments on it recently, though, which I majorly appreciate!

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them?

It hasn’t been a very writer-heavy year, which means less opportunities for writing risks. Writing for Code Lyoko was something of a risk in that I had no idea how it would turn out, but it wasn’t actually that adventurous. I also explored different types of grief in an unposted zine app piece, but I think in the end it turned out solid! My biggest risk was probably a different ficlet I wrote for a zine app. It was of young Eda and Grudgy, so both about characters I’m less invested in and in the sports genre, which is totally new for me. Unfortunately, that risk didn’t pay off. I actually felt pretty good about it, but when I sent it for feedback from a mod friend, they really didn’t like it. Everything’s subjective so it’s possible that it would still be enjoyable for some people, but suffice to say, I didn’t use it for any apps in the end.

How’d this year compare to your goals of last year?

Okie here we go! I think my goals were fairly reasonable last year if I remember correctly so I’m tentatively optimistic I’ll have some stuff to check off! 

Oof last year had a bunch of paragraphs of reflection here. I think I’m gonna focus more on bullets this year haha.

Goals from 2022:

-Unfortunately, keeping my scholarship has to be my biggest goal this year again so gonna put that here in case it's the only thing I can check off come December.

-A Long Ways Home (at least 1 new chapter) -SPN Summergen-At least 3/7 Player Appreciation Week days-Catch up on comment replies -At least do some more brainstorming for bigger CS aus -Huntlow/Owl House fics?-One zine?

If crazy inspired year: -All of A Long Ways Home -All Player Appreciation Week Days -WIP Bang with It’s Only Natural -Post More CS One-shots -Write out more big AU scenes -Other Zines

Oof, okay so apparently I was not crazy inspired this year lol. To be fair, I did do a bit more exploration in art and lots more in merch, so it wasn’t a totally uncreative year. And I doubled my word count overall from last year! Plus I did apply to a LOT of zines this year... I just unfortunately didn’t get in to nearly any of them. Next time maybe though! I’m a pinch hitter for a couple so that’s something at least!

It’s also been a year with lots of burnout and anhedonia for me, so brainstorming has been completely unachievable for most of the year. It’s been sad and I feel a little bad for my poor friends who love to brainstorm with me, but thankfully they have other sources. I’m scared to say anything, but I’ve felt more recently like maybe some interest is returning, so I’m crossing my fingers that it will still be there by the time FTH/Mirage&Mischief stuff is finished and school starts.

I actually met my goals this year too! In fact, my stretch goal had 25k posted, which I doubled in total and surpassed in written too, which is really impressive for me! Not to mention, I finished EVERY SINGLE fic I wrote this year!! That’s WILD for me. To be honest, it’s probably more a sad reflection on how I was writing purely for external deadlines rather than myself, but hey! Still got them all done and wrote a lot of words. Overall, thank you last year Sakarrie for keeping things achievable cause I actually did meet/exceed my goals! 

What are your fic writing goals for next year?

Well, I was a little relieved to find that I’d met them this year, so I think I’m going to try to keep things not too high again. Overall, though, I think I want to have a little more room for creative freedom in what I’m writing this year. For how little creative work I was doing, I did a TON of events, and at many times, those obligations stopped me from working on something I was feeling more inspired by. My fandom interests jumped all over this year (main focuses include: TOH, Merlin, Code Lyoko, The Sentinel, Dragon Prince, She-ra, Handplates (Undertale), and Centaurworld). Honorable mentions to Amphibia, SPN, and Miraculous Ladybug too... and that’s all just the stuff I’ve had long hyperfixations on this year. There’s tons of fandoms outside of those that also grabbed my attention on and off this year.)

Anyway, my hope is that I’ll be able to write similarly or more this year, but based on my own fickle inspiration, rather than only writing when I hate to for events. With that, I think I’m going to just stick with the Gencest Bang and zine obligations as the only writing events I’m planning on this year. I also hope to do Player Appreciation Week and Summergen again, but both of those could be art if needed. 

I also 100% failed in my comments goal from last year, but my mindset is slowly getting healthier I think. I do leave comments occasionally, but they still feel like way bigger deals than they should be. I’m getting better at letting old tabs go, though! I’m also fairly behind on responding to comments of my fics, but that one’s a lot more manageable.

Additionally, I want to have a pinned post on my tumblr page and ao3 profile page where people who are interested can see my current status on projects. I don’t expect it would be updated all the time, but it might help me keep track of everything.

Okay so! Goals for next year: -Have a solid zine portfolio -Make pinned update post -Post at least 4 stories -Embrace/follow the inspiration -Finish first draft A Long Ways Home -Gencest Bang -Summergen Exchange -Code:Swap -Player Appreciation Week -Apply to more zines

So, finally work counts goals are...

Easy Goal Word Count Goal: 20k (at least 10k posted)

Stretch Goal (aka, if I don’t die from school agAIN): 60k (at least 30k posted)

Ultimate 2021 Word Count Goal: 38k

#sakarrie's fic #the owl house #supernatural #code lyoko #gen #huntlow #ao3 #fic list #2023 fics #end of year reflection #fic roundup

[kerryweaverlesbian]

I published 20 fanfictions in 2022. 81, 936 words of completed short fiction! I want to revel in this achievement, so here is a list of all 20 Cawis fics in various catagories. All but two are Supernatural based. Give them a read if they strike you as interesting:

I just think that women... (sapphicnatural)

Did you know that women can fall in love? I sure did!

Growing A New Half Soul (E) (Jody/Donna) (17,996 words)

Created for the @spnbangbang, with art by the incomperable @solstheimart this combines two of my greatest loves, bisexual women and fake dating. Ft disablednatural, femme Donna, and romance. I'm so proud of this one.

Thorns Around A Rose (T) (Meg/Bela) (2,932 words)

Two boss babes trying to out-manipulate each other in the Hell of my own making. The women have sick horns and they also, deep down, have sick hearts.

Pillow Talk (G) (Jo/Mary) (740 words)

I was thinking about how wonderful it is that sapphicnatural girlies and boyos will go out of our way to give these women chances to love with people they literally never met. I think that's beautiful so I wrote this.

Past to Present (series) (G/E) (Charlie/Mary) (3,253 words)

Started off with a nice little 'what if they were friends, maybe Mary's a nerd too' and then got a horny sequel haha. I'll take this opportunity to shout out the Suptober prompts writing challenge, I wouldn't have written 20 fics without it!

I got themes, they're multiplying... (specifically, sad ones)

What can I say, I like the boy miserable. From here on out these will all be Dean/Cas or without a pairing.

O I Say, Now These Are The Soul (series) (M/E) (12,107 words)

This one is one I took very seriously and I think it paid off. Dean gets locked out of his own body and experiences dissociation, with moments of respite when he's able to hitch a lift. It has silly jokes in it also. I'm especially pleased with how many different ways I came up with for voiceless ghost Dean to communicate! With a lighthearted horny sequel because I had initally planned the first part to be that and then Dean kept getting upset lmao.

If I Cross Your Mind (G) (1,097 words)

Dean spiralling in a post-tmwwbk prayer, based on the Dolly Parton song of the same name. It's all monologue babyyyyy, with a ton of Dean-isms. "Amen, I guess, if you’re into that kind of thing".

Brought to the Flame (G) (1,044 words)

Dean spiralling from a more different Cas death. Sorry baby you're just so compelling when miserable....

Meg Meg Meg Meg Meg...(Meanstiel)

Labyrinth (G) (1,263 words)

Early seasons Dean trapped in a maze and it hasn't even got David Bowie in it. But you see the maze is also in his own mind, do you see, it's what we in the biz call a 'metaphor' lol.

I adore the Meg/Cas/Dean dynamic it's soooo spicy mm mm yummy delicious

Fear of the Dark (T) (3,406 words)

Honey!Cas era, with a delightfully ambiguous relationship between the three of them. I had a great time not fully explaining what was going on in everyone's heads, I think this is like the best example of my ideal dialogue writing style.

;) ... (;))

i guess you are good for something (E) (22,761) (ongoing)

They have fraught hot threesomes and it's all about Meg and Cas more than Dean, sorry Dean, this is about Them. I was shocked to see that I'd begun this only last year! Personally defining piece of writing. It's the only one that I didn't complete and then post so maybe the pacing and arcs are not very polished but I love her. My longest work! Only one chapter to go!

What if there were fanfictions that were horny. This is my bold new vision:

Indulge (E) (1,329)

Cas being used as a sex toy (lovingly). I just think he'd like having a task that he can choose whether or not he fulfils and also he and Dean love each other very much.

Stick and Poke (M) ()

Cas gets a tattoo from Dean and they're both soooo horny about it. Insane people. Insane people who do love each other very much.

The Forest For Trees (E) (1,617)

Okay this one actually is more about jealousy than having hotsex but it is in there. Also, I don't know if you've heard this but Dean and Cas? They actually love each other very much.

Misc. (Miscellaneous)

Frames of Mind (series) (E) (5,378) (TWILIGHT) (Edward/Bella)

Reread Twilight with my beloved book club and discovered the Truth of Edward (sub who loves self-denial) so I wrote two fics about (a more mature) Bella and him getting it on without being in the same room. There's also Eco Warrior Edward representation lmao.

Sometimes I just write things...

Rest for the Wicked (G) (733)

Dean and Cas share a bed to fall asleep awwww :) also they bicker, lovingly, because they love each other

Soldier's Poem (G) (160) (Samfic)

Sad man thinks about his sad childhood lol. Getting in Sam's head is so hard, I don't know if I understand this boy to be honest.

Muppet Madness (G) (4,410) (Muppets crossover)

This was SO much fun I LOVE the Muppets. It doesn't have to all be sad man faces lonliness it turns out, sometimes you can just write that Miss Piggy thinks she overhears Castiel planning a proposal to Kermit the frog and hyjinks can ensue. I hold so much power in this keyboard...

I can't believe I made 20 works of short fiction. New Years is often hard to cope with, this little concrete fact has really boosted my mood. I did this with my own brain and my own hands. Keep on kicking, cariad.

#fic rec #sure why not I do reccomend them haha #this is more for me though as a reflection #kisses to everyone who's read any of my fics btw #cawis commentary

[fandomohana]

Comfort Movie Tag

Rules: post 10 of your favorite comfort movies & then tag 10 people.

Thank you for the tag, @sweetpeapod 💙💙💙

These are in absolutely no special order. 💙💙💙

Tremors 1-3: This was my dad and my favorite movie series. We watched the fourth one, but it wasn't as good, and he passed before the others came out. We struggled to bond, and this was something we naturally bonded over. 💙💙💙

Young Frankenstein: My best friend/second dad, was a huge Mel Brooks fan, and got me into the movies. He loved Young Frankenstein, and it reminds me of him. 💙💙💙

Halloween 1978: I used to be terrified of horror movies, decided to face my fears when I saw Halloween would be on, and literally never looked back. 💙💙💙

Wrong Turn: Best friend/second dad movie. My two best friends/second parents would have a weekly movie night with me. One night Sheila didn't feel good, Jeff and I were going through the on demand, Jeff stopped to read the synopsis for Wrong Turn, and when he said, inbred cannibals in the West Virginia hills...We both stopped, and screamed, INBRED CANNIBALS! At the same time. 💙💙💙

Stepbrothers: My sister and I can basically recite the movie. 🤣🤣🤣

Tucker and Dale vs Evil: How can you get better than hillbillies living their lives, while college kids die around them through a comedy of errors? 💙💙💙

Labyrinth: I was obsessed as a child, need I say more. 💙💙💙

The Greatest Show on Earth: We're a circus family, and I used to pretend the couch was an elephant, and a blanket was my costume. 💙💙💙

Hocus Pocus: Always brings me back to fall when I was a kid. 💙💙💙

Paranorman: It just speaks to my soul. Being different, when he says, I didn't ask to be born this way, and his dad says, funny, neither did we. That just, ugh, summed up the struggle my dad and I had for so long, it just speaks to me. 💙💙💙

No pressure tags: @joeysjaskier @friendly-neighborhood-ghoul @dndelionkingdom @sfreeborn @dean-winchester-is-a-warrior I wanted to tag @ghosttownwherenoonegoes but she was already tagged. 😭😭😭 I'm honestly not sure who all wants to be tagged in these, so if you want to join in, consider yourself tagged. 💙💙💙

#tag game

[jensensitive]

sometimes I’m like all of Dean’s issues with women stem from his mom trauma, his seeing sex with women as this one source of the affection and love and softness that he misses from his mother.

And then sometimes I’m like no....

And then sometimes I watch supernatural, and they have Dean’s literal greatest fear being Lisa, his current romantic partner, put in the role of Mary, and him having to watch her burn on the ceiling like he did his own mother, and I’m like okay, so sera gamble also thinks this then.

#spn 6x01 #gay dean

[drppeppr]

emoji asks! 🌱🌙🎂👁 for my girl katie pls :)

thank you for the ask!!!

🌱 SEEDLING - what is their most vivid memory from childhood? I'd say any time she got to spend with her father as a little girl. She grew up with divorced parents, so spending time with her mother wasn't really something she was interested in until she was a bit older. However, as the youngest of 5 children, hanging out with her dad was a lot more interesting to her than whatever her siblings had going on. Her dad was the one that introduced her to Dean Martin, and she vividly remembers taking one of his albums to her Kindergarten class for show and tell. Her and her dad have always had a steady relationship. She's a daddy's girl at heart.

🌙 MOON - what is your oc's greatest wish? how far are they willing to go for it? Hmm. Probably just to make something of herself. That's all she's ever really wanted. Growing up, her mother would compare her to her boyfriend's kids at the time, despite katie doing exceptionally well in school. So, at the end of the day, she just wants to make her mother proud, and everyone else around her, too. It blows having one of your biggest fears as being a disappointment. How far is she willing to go? Pretty far, maybe not to the point where she has to give up everything in her path, trample over others for succession, but, dedicate a good chunk of her early life to making sure her career will be in good hands for the future. (Being roped in with treasure hunting along the way makes a good money reserve).

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it? Katie's birthday is June 7th! A Gemini and a summer baby, she actually prefers winter over all seasons, and Christmas is her favorite time of year. As for celebration? Oh hell yes!! She's quite a big party animal, actually, the feeling being surrounded by your favorite people on the one day you're allowed to have to yourself? Count her in. Lot's of partying will be involved.. and afterwards, cheesecake. Literally her favorite dessert, will have it for Every Birthday. And dessert if given the chance.

👁️ EYE - what colour are their eyes? do people notice their eyes? is there anything special about them (shows emotion easily, literally magical...)? Katie's eyes are a nice deep brown, hints of golden honey reflected in her eye's when the light hits them just right. They're big though! Long eyelashes and big eyes with a gaze that's attentive and hard to ignore, if in the right situation.

#katiecore #unchartedverse #THIS WAS SO FUN BRO WHATTT #ty cam! #hmhmmhmhm nathan can't ignore those eyes staring through his soul.

[sortasirius]

“Despair” and Dean and Cas

Well well well, winning is my favorite thing.

As usual, this is going to be as long as hell. And fair warning, it’s extremely emotional.

So here it is, the thing that we have been barrelling towards for years, literally years.

Just want to point out this.  Also, I will NEVER allow someone to speak negatively about this writing group, EVER.

Team Free Dads starting off the episode is so sweet, so scary.  Cas’ calming, Dean’s fear, Sam’s desperation, really just hammering home how much they love Jack, how his pain is pain for them, how losing him is unbearable.

“I can’t stop this.  I’m coming apart.  I don’t want to hurt you.  Don’t let me hurt you.”

Oof.  If you’ve ever question whether Jack is a Winchester, this line should shut that shit down for you.

When I tell you I was PISSED when Billie sent Jack to the Empty to EXPLODE?????  PAIN.

“Yeah the Empty can’t come to earth, not without being summoned.”

Hello Bobo, clue number 1.

The fact that they only had Jack in limbo for like five seconds was great for my heart health, thank u very much Bobo.

Also Dean wielding Death’s scythe?????? KING?????

Man, Sam and Dean’s growth.  The way that they’re able to, idk, actually speak on how they feel without death looming or fear or pain.  It’s just a conversation, just an honest conversation of Dean admitting his mistakes, admitting how he felt.  Admitting that he fucked up, and Sam forgiving him for it.

CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF CHARLIE AND HER GF

Also...hunters and their “dates.”  Two hunters who are happily together, who are happily fighting monsters.  Hm.  Sounds like a Saileen/Destiel parallel to me boys.

You ever wish Cas would look and the mirror and take the great advice he gives others?  Because I do.  He’s always tried to be “useful” for Sam and Dean, for Jack, always tried to make sure that he’s useful enough that they keep him around.  But what he doesn’t understand, what he’s never understood, is that they need him because of who he is, not because of what he contributes.

Remind y’all of anything?

And here we have Clue Number 2

And then, Sam’s realization.  Eileen.

Did I begin full tilt screaming no in my apartment when he said her name?  Who’s to say?

How can a lock screen cause me this much pain????

Okay but: Charlie loses Stevie, Sam loses Eileen.  Clue Number 3.

I feel like I don’t talk enough about how much Sam loves Eileen.  About how obvious it is that they are endgame, about how happy he is when he talks about her.  This just feels like a blow to the stomach, but we’ve barely even started.

Sam immediately shifting into protective leader mode?  He is the love of my life.

Dean’s simple nod, like it’s a given?  Enough to do me in right there.

This is another episode where it’s just so clear that Sam is the leader of the North American hunters.  Everyone knows him, everyone is willing to follow him.  He’s knowledgeable and kind and fair and just and an incredibly capable fighter.  Once again, I don’t believe his work on earth is done.

Can we also please talk about how FRIGHTENING IT WAS for Jack to kill that plant???  I don’t really have much of a comment on it because I was literally just like ?????

With Billie saying that it’s Chuck, the way that people were dusted, very similar to Becky and Amara, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised, especially with Donna getting taken off the board.  It’s like I said last week, I don’t buy that he’s taken himself off the board, he’s too invested in the unraveling of this story to take a step back.  He’s gotta break them before he can defeat them, that’s the only way.

And here we go, into one of the most painful and surreal things I will ever write about.

Dean’s speech.  His guilt, his regret.  The shame of not only trapping himself, but the pain, the horror of trapping Cas.

“I just lead us into another trap.  All because I, I couldn’t hurt Chuck.  Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that’s all I know how to do.”

“Dean-”

“It was Chuck all along.  We never should have left Sam and Jack, we should be there with them now.  Everybody’s gonna die, Cas.  Everybody.  I can’t stop it.”

His narrative arc.  Tied up in a bow.

“She’s gonna get through that door.”

“I know.”

“And she’s gonna kill you and then she’s gonna kill me.  I’m sorry.”

Cas smiles.

Cas knows.  He knows what’ll get them out of this, and he knows that he would do anything in this Universe for Dean Winchester. The human man he fell for.

“When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him.”

“You what?”

“The price was my life.  When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever.”

“Why are you telling me this now?”

“I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I’ve wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like.  I never found an answer, because the one thing I want, it’s something I know I can’t have. 

“But I think I know, I think I know now...happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being.  It’s in just saying it.”

“What are you talking about, man?”

The most selfless thing Cas does in this, and he does a lot of selfless things, is to tell Dean Winchester how impossibly good he is.  To tell him that he is worthy, to tell him that he is adored.

“I know, I know how you see yourself, Dean.  You see yourself the same way our enemies see you.  You’re destructive and you’re angry and you’re broken and you’re daddy’s blunt instrument.  And you think that hate and anger, that’s what drives you, that’s who you are.  It’s not.  And everyone who knows you sees it, and everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love.  You raise your little brother for love, you fought for this whole world for love.  That is who you are.

“You’re the most caring man on earth.  You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know.  You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you outta Hell...knowing you has changed me.

“Because you cared, I cared.  I cared about you, I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. 

“You changed me, Dean.”

“Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Dean’s greatest fear. His fear of those loving him leaving him. The terror of being alone.

“Because it is.

The head shake.  Don’t love me.  Don’t love me if it means you’ll leave me, don’t love me, everyone I love leaves me.  Don’t leave me.  Don’t love me.  Don’t leave me.

“Don’t do this, Cas.”

Just like I always thought.  One last look at Dean before the Empty takes him.

“Cas-”

“Goodbye Dean.”

And Dean is left, broken on the floor, unable to answer Sam’s calls, unable to do anything.  It doesn’t matter to him that Chuck has wiped everyone out, it doesn’t matter to him that Sam and Jack might need him.  It doesn’t matter.  It doesn’t matter, because the thing that mattered still hangs on his lips, still waiting to be said, and now he won’t get another chance to say it.

The fact that I am writing this, even with all my spec, with all my analysis of the writers’ room, of their text, of the way Dabb and co had approached this story, nothing could have ever prepared me for this.  Nothing could have prepared me for a three and a half minute, uninterrupted scene where Cas confesses not only that he loves Dean, but that he has always loved him.

I talk a lot about how these writers don’t get the credit they deserve.  Unfortunately, from most of this fandom, they never will.  We will likely never know the fights with the network they had, the steps backward they had to take, the way they had to beg and fight and claw to get this on the screen.  But they did it.  They did it for these characters, they did it for this dinosaur of a show, and yeah, they did it for us.

It was not easy, I can promise you, to get this greenlit.  They had to fight for this, they likely had to call in favors and make threats and quite literally put their careers on the line (you may scoff at that, but WB is a BIG company, especially in the TV/movie world) for this story.  This story of Dean and Cas, the man dragged out of Hell and the angel who fell for him.

I have tons more to say, and will likely have several more posts about this, but I want to leave all my babes who are worried that that was the end for Dean and Cas with some takeaways.

Sam is missing Eileen.  Dean is missing Cas.  That is no longer a fun subtextual parallel, that is it for them.  Their respective endgames are missing, and they will not know their peace until they get them back.  Chuck will not win.  That’s not the story being told, and right now?  He’s winning.  He’s broken them, left them with nothing, left them with an empty world and a hole in each of their hearts where their person (or angel) used to be.

Our show is going to end with “contentment.”  “Contentment” isn’t from Sam and Dean being filled with grief and hitting the open road.  It isn’t Sam getting Eileen back and leaving Dean with no one.  “Contentment” is Sam and Eileen, Dean and Cas.  Together.

#destiel #spn #supernatural #my meta #destiel meta #spoilers #spn 15x18 #i cannot believe this #i cant believe i wrote this #this is real #theyre really canon

[jawritter]

Daddy’s Home

Summary: Dean’s been away from his Omega too long, and he has a very interesting way of waking her up to let her know he’s home.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean Winchester x Omega!Reader

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Smut, this is pretty much porn with almost no plot. Oral (female receiving), mentions of rut, hint of a breeding kink, Daddy kink, unprotected smut, abo dynamics, knotting, scenting marking, a hint of possessiveness that comes with abo. language, I think that’s about it. 

Written for: @spnkinkbingo

Square Field: Daddy Kink

Word Count: 2087

Dividers: @firefly-graphics

A/N: This fic is completely unbeta’d, so all mistakes and general bullshit are my own! Please do not copy my work! Feedback is golden! I hope you all enjoy this one!

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You always knew when your Alpha was close to his rut, even if it was a damn week away. There were certain aspects of him that changed during the time when his hormones were at their highest, and the most basic animalistic instincts seem to shove their way to the forefront of his personality.

You’d caught him more than once slipping up behind you while you were doing the dishes to brush against you to layer you with his scent, letting everyone and everything around him know just who you belonged to. He’d also become a lot more cuddly than he normally was, wanting to hold you while you read a book in the evening, or wanting you to sit in his lap while you watched movies together in the big recliners in the Dean Cave. It was nothing but an excuse to scent you, but you always craved the closeness of your Alpha, so you really didn’t mind at all. 

He was with you all the time. You could do nothing alone, not even shower. Every time you turned around he was there.  You often wonder if it was because his brother, Sam, who is also an Alpha, shared the bunker with the two of you, and he felt the need to guard you from the other Alpha in the place, but you never really looked into is and just accepted it as just something Dean would do close to this time. 

Then of course there was the sex. There was literally no point in even putting clothes on to go to bed when Dean was this close to a rut. They’d just end up in shreds on the floor before the night was out...or before he even climbed into bed…

Dean had been on a hunt now for at least three weeks with Sam, a shifter from the looks of it, and it had been killing him to be so far away from you when he was this close to going into rut, and feared more than anything that’s he’d end up going into full blown rut if the hunt hadn’t ended when it did.

You were never a hunter, you just never wanted to be involved in that aspect of it all. You were fine with research, and you were also good at it, but that also means you were often at home and away from your Alpha, who was whining on the phone with you liked a kicked puppy when you had hung up with him tonight because you were still a state over and he wasn’t home to you yet; even though they were on their way back now Dean was becoming very impatient. 

You didn’t like the distance either, but you knew what you signed up for the moment you had agreed to let Dean claim you. So it was just something you’d have to endure as long as Dean was hunting, which was probably going to be for the rest of your natural lives. 

You don’t know what time you’d gone to bed that night, but it hadn’t been all that late, honestly you think you did it out of boredom. The faster you fell asleep, the sooner you’d be in your Alpha’s arms anyway. It honestly didn’t feel like you had been out all that long, and at first you weren’t sure if you were just dreaming or not. It was one of those moments where you were pretty sure you were awake, but somehow still asleep all at the same time. 

In your “dream” you were almost certain that you could feel the warmth of someone’s tongue on your core, sliding through your folds and around your clit, making you shiver even in your sleep. A sleepy moan falls from your throat at the feeling, and you force yourself out of the blanket of sleep, opening your eyes to be greeted by the sight of your Alpha with your legs spread wide, and his mouth lapping at your cunt in an almost animalistic, possessive manner, purring like it was greatest thing he’d ever tasted and sending a gush of slick from your core at the sight alone. 

“Dean,” you moan breathlessly, and the Alpha’s eyes meet yours with the golden glow you had become all too familiar with penetrating the dark room, and making the Omega inside of you quiver and submit without him even having to say a word.

He never stopped doing what he was doing, just growled in response as he took your swollen bud in between his sinful lips, sucking at and causing your back to arch off the bed as his fingers press bruisingly into your hips to hold you still for him. 

All coherent thought flew right out of the window as he then started to eat at you like a man starved. Most of the humanity that he normally clung to was far gone from him, and the raw, animal instincts of the Alpha taking the reins as his tongue dipped into your slick heat, fucking you with his impossibly long tongue, stroking your inner most walls as his stubble left the most delicious burn on your thighs and his nose brushed against your throbbing clit in the best way. 

Deep rumbling growls resonated from his chest as he continued to lap at your cunt, flattening out his tongue against your pussy, rubbing the heat of his mouth back and forth over your slit as he thrust his long, dripping Alpha cock against the mattress, desperate for friction, but to engrossed in tasting you that he couldn’t stop if he wanted too to fuck you, not yet. 

His perfect white teeth nibbling at your clit next as he sank three fingers deep into your convulsing pussy. Fucking you slowly as his mouth covers your swollen nub and he presses himself harder onto your mound, picking up the pace of his licking and sucking, alternating patterns of his spongy, hot tongue over your clit until heat was pooling in your center and your walls were twitching around his fingers as he scissors you open, preparing you for his knot after he milked your cunt for all you could give him, needing to taste your sweet heat that he’d been craving as your release pushed closer and closer with each pass of his tongue, his teeth, his lips…

“Fuck Alpha,” you cried as your walls started to crumble around his fingers and you came harder than you had since the morning he’d left for the hunt.

Dean slowed his ministrations, lapping up all that you had to give him as your slick coated his fingers and his chin, moaning at the taste of what he’d been craving the most. The thick ring of his knot was already turning an angry shade of red and swelling slightly as he fucked himself into the mattress, and even in your orgasmic state, you shivered at the thought of your Alpha being that desperate for you. 

You were still twitching with aftershocks of your high when Dean’s full length slammed into your quivering cunt with one swift thrust, and his lips found yours in a passionate kiss as his tongue invaded your mouth and he swallowed down the your scream as he filled you to the brim with his cock, damn near splitting you open.

“Fuck Omega, I missed you,” he growled as he started to fuck you slowly, pulling out only far enough to create a slight amount of friction, but not enough to really give you the sustainable push and pull you were both craving. 

“I missed you too Alpha,” you whimper underneath him, the sheer weight of his body holding you in place as he drives his cock deeper, rutting himself inside you and putting pressure on your still sensitive clit. 

“So pretty when you come apart like that baby girl. Been dreaming of tasting you since I backed out of the garage and left you here,” he breathed out between a moan of his own that had your cunt squeezing his knot as he rutted himself harder into your center, not pulling out at all now, but keeping the connection between you so deep you were pretty sure the tip of his length was pressing into your womb.

“Please Alpha,” you beg him desperately, needing more of him, needing to feel him knot you, needing to feel his warm cum filling your pulsating cunt. Desperately needing that connection that only existed between an Alpha and his Omega.

“Please what Omega, what is it you want from Daddy,” he growls, licking and nipping at your claiming mark, causing you to arch your back off the bed and press your pebbled nipples against his broad and warm chest. 

“Fuck me Daddy, please. I need your knot Alpha,” you beg him, your legs shaking as you grind your hips against his, pushing his cock even deeper into your tight channel, making him snarl into your throat at the feeling. 

“What me to fuck you pretty Omega, Want Daddy to knot you, fill you full of his cum, fuck a pup into that pretty little cunt of yours,” Dean pressed, feeling your body trembling underneath him as he you tried desperately to grind on the cock that was buried inside of you. 

“Yes Daddy please!” you scream, caring if Sam heard you or not, all you needed was your Alpha’s knot, it was all you cared about, it was all you could think about it. The need for him consuming you like a raging fire under your skin.

You watched as the Alpha took his rightful place, and the last bit of Dean’s resolve broke. His hips snapped into you at a punishing pace, dragging his manhood in and out of your pussy with enough force to nearly fuck you clean onto the floor as he chased his release as well as yours. You could feel the thick ring of his knot starting to catch at your entrance with each thrust of his hips and you knew neither of you were going to last long before you were coming apart all over again. 

“Omega,” Dean groaned as he buried his face in your neck, lapping at your mating gland, while his free hand found its way to your clit. “Feels so good baby girl. I need you to come for Daddy, come on Daddy’s knot Omega.” 

With two more thrust of his hips into yours Dean’s knot popped as he rubbed your clit furiously, locking the two of you together as your walls greedily sucked him in deeper, and you came so hard around his knot that he roared above you, shaking into his own release and coating your insides with is seed. 

When you both had come down from you high Dean carefully rolled over onto his back, laying you on his chest as he waited for his knot to go down. The scent of his rut had calmed for now, but you knew it was just beginning, and it was only the calm before the storm. 

Dean’s chest rose and fell at a more steady pace as you nuzzled into his neck, breathing in as much of his scent as you could manage at a time. 

“I missed you Alpha,” you tell him, shivering and clenching around his knot that was still buried deep inside of you as his fingers trailed up and down your spine soothingly, causing a moan to fall from his pink, swollen lips and more cum to spill out into your heat. 

“Well, if I’m not too old, and we get a pup out of this rut since you stopped taking your birth control, then it’s the last one I’m going on anyway. I’m getting too old for it. Sam and the other hunters can keep things under control, and if I do go out it won't be often. It’s getting too hard to be away from my Omega, and every time I do it throws me into a rut.”

You look up at him hopefully, letting him capture your lips in a soft, more sensitive kiss than the one he’d shared with you moments ago. 

“Promise Alpha?” 

Dean chuckled and nuzzled into your hair, growling you playfully, causing you to giggle and sending a whole new wave of pleasure through your still conjoined bodies. 

“I promise little Omega. Daddy’s home for good.” 

And he meant it this time. It was time for his happy ending. The ending he deserved.

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[impala1967dwinchester]

Dean Winchester: Change is due

*Credit to gif owner*

Pairing: Dean W. x Reader

Pov: Reader

Warning: Fighting, Swearing, fluff, angst, Dean being a douchebag, guilt.

Summary: What about talking instead of fighting.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/n- This is for band-pyschos 1.5 followers bingo writing challenge. This makes me sad, but whatever.

Square- "Stay with me"

Dean Winchester Master List

Main Master List

Tag list: @akshi8278 @deanswaywardgirl @wonderfulworldofwinchester @doctorlilo @hit-meup69 @fofisstilinski

The drive to the bunker was quiet. The rev of the engine. The downright scariness of the way that all I could hear was the passing of other vehicles on the road. That sound too eventually stopped as the driver back to the bunker was much longer than originally anticipated.

Dean had a temper like nobody's business. The temper of a wild dog, or maybe it was a wild bear. Regardless Dean's temper was downright scary most times. But then again most times that temper of his was never directed towards me.

Yes between miniature fights, and getting annoyed with each other fights did occur, but nothing too bad. You see, three years into hunting and now living with the famous Winchesters. I had fallen deeply for Dean Winchester.

Falling for someone is an already dangerous game, but falling in love with a Winchester. The most hunted after, hunters of them all that was a dangerous game to start playing.

I played the game regardless. Can you imagine falling for someone so much that your worlds just connect so well? Like amazing jigsaw puzzle pieces. Or maybe falling in love was like finally figuring out the correct word in a crossword puzzle.

Like Forrest says "Life is like a box of chocolate, you never know what you're going to get." I would have never been able to tell you that when I was a little girl playing in my room running around in the pure white dress that I would one day grow up kill the monster that haunts this earth, and fall for the most righteous man, the fallen soldier, the best hunter I had ever met.

Could you imagine a six-year-old, coming up to their parent and saying that one day they'd fight monsters, and fall in love with the greatest monster hunter of them all. In your dreams.

Life with the Winchesters was most of the time pandemonium. Life with them was like living in the thunder dome. Like driving on the icy roads and hoping that you don't fall off the cliff. But life was calm sometimes, being able to have a half-assed normal life was good for all of us.

Sam was the best brother a person could ask for. The best friend a person could ask for. I think the moment I met the Winchesters, Dean and I were like magnets dragging each other together. Slated to be together for the rest of our lives, soul mates if you will.

This last hunt was nothing like we had ever dealt with before. So many children had been killed. I had put myself in the way, getting hurt instead of letting more children get hurt. A natural mother... or maybe just a natural instinct of a woman.

Dean, of course, was anger like normal, but usually, his anger would blow over and we'd either make-up or like the band, AC/DC says "You shook me all night long".

this night was different though. Something was off, something felt wrong. Yes, the drive was long and very fucking quiet but something in the air felt wrong. I'd like to think that I'm a tough cookie, a queen disguised as a princess.

I always think that Dean forgets that the reason he and I get along so well is that we are almost alike, in almost every way. We act the same way, love the same things, react the same way. Two peas in a pod if you will.

Dean tends to forget that when he gets angry, but comes to his sense rather quickly after, he either gets blown off, or the subject gets changed, something that he does often to Sam or me. In the situation where he knows he has no control, or where he is uncomfortable, feeling like he's being pushed into the corner.

I used to let Dean act like a douchebag. I let Dean get mad, yell, throw things, get in my face. But recently. Dean's anger has been out of this world, too much to bare, too much to handle. he almost turns into the hulk. It's like he forgets his normal manners and just wants to hulk smash literally everything around him.

How do you make someone realize what they are doing? How do you show someone how they are acting is affecting you?

Finally after what felt like days, but was really just hours of driving we pulled into the garage, the sound of the engine bouncing off of the cinderblock walls. During said drive Dean and I made eye contact once, his green ember eyes staring deep at me through the rear-view mirror. My own eyes making sure to stare at him with just the same amount of deep soul searching Dean was.

Sam steered in his sleep, the coldness of the garage and the car smell waking him from his sleep. Not a single word was said. Sam was the first one out of the car, opening the impalas back, grabbing his bags, and making a rather quick exit of the garage.

Neither of us moving from our spots. We sat in silence. A silence that's a funny word if you think about it. It the most screamed word when you're being told to be quiet. But it weighs heavy between two people.

Fighting was and has never been my style with Dean. Dean wants to yell and be an idiot then I'll let him be, but I won't go without saying my peace. I'll get up and leave if I want to. There's nothing holding me to the man, an argument is just a battle of words.

Finally, Dean moves, moves to look in the back seat. His eye passes over my figure like always. Passing by over my crisscrossed shins up to my jean-covered thighs, over my hips, up my t-shirt and flannel covered belly, up to my tall shoulders, and to my face.

The little light that was streaming into the impala's backseat. "Why?" Was all Dean said, staring at me. I chewed my lip thinking of anything to say. "Stop chewing on your lip. It's finally started to heal." Dean said.

Still, my body stuck in my crisscrossed position. I heard the creak of the impala, as I saw Dean shift from the front seat to the back seat. "I'm pretty sure that I just told you to stop doing that." He said bringing his thumb up to my lips, gently pulling down releasing my bottom lip from my teeth.

"What were you thinking?" Dean asked picking once again at the issue at hand. "I was thinking about the children," I said looking at the man next to me. It was quiet for a moment, then a heavy sigh filled the air.

"The children?" Dean said questioning me. A cocked-eyed eyebrow raised in confusion to my answer. Sometimes it's like my answer is either not good enough, or isn't the right one. "Yes, the children," I stated calmly.

"I'm getting confused here Y/n," Dean said shifting causing the smallest of creak from the old impala. "I stepped in front of the children," I said.

"Yeah, I kind of figured that but why?" He asked. This firstly is going calm, and Dean's asking questions just before assuming shit, but why does this seem odd, kinda like all of the sudden protecting the young kids isn't enough to get a few scrapes and bruises.

"Did the great Dean Winchester just ask me that?" I said now turning the tables and questioning him. "Yeah, I did." He said so cut and dry-like. "You really wanna know why?" I asked

We were still sitting in the back of his precious car. I had rested my head on the headrest, closing my eyes. Dean was just staring, it had become a bad habit of his after we got together.

"Because Dean those kids didn't deserve whatever that monster did to them. Hell, I just pulled ten kids out, you and sam pulled at ten each. Can you even imagine that, because I can. Being so scared that I can't even protect myself." I said.

Taking a deep breath in and sighing loudly.

"What are you talking about Y/n?" Dean asked, looking at me now with more intent. Wanting yearning to get to the bottom jar of worms we had so carefully opened.

"You know what ignore me, it doesn't make any difference," I said uncrossing my legs and turning to unlock the back door. I was stopped before my fingertips even grabbed onto the cold metal on the handle.

"Do you remember that promise you made me? All those years ago." Dean said, pulling me into his warm touch. His scent of bourbon and wood fell down around us. "No, I don't Dean," I said honestly confused about what I had promised.

"You promise me that whatever was on your mind you would come to me and talk about it. I know six years is a long time, but that day you promised that you've never broken that promise." Dean said while he drew small circles into my lower back.

"Tonight though right now, you're breaking that promise. You don't have to give me every single detail but just don't go walking in front of a monster because you don't know what else to do. You know that you can talk to your boyfriend right?" He said questioning me towards the end.

I only shook my head in response Dean took that as his sign to continue talking. "I just, I'm fearing that you're starting to drift away, and honestly Y/n. Honest;y Y/n I don't think I would know what to do without you." Dean said.

This is different, new, and odd. This Dean is someone who only comes out when the world is ending or the tears are about to be shed for the umpteen amount of time. This Dean, this is the Dean I fell in love with. "So make me this promise now, stay with me," Dean asked.

"Stay with you?" I asked, "Of course stay with you, I guess I just have to learn to be able to ask for help, right Dean." I said hugging him from the awkward position we had fallen into when he pulled me away from the back door.

"No more running, no more fighting alone. We do everything together now." Dean said, cupping my slightly tears stained cheek." Bumping our foreheads together in a sign of good faith you could say. I hummed and returned the favor.

Moments like this the calm, and the quiet. These were those times where I felt at home. I've realized with this job, hunting home isn't a place with four walls and a roof over your head it's about the people in your life. Make a home with the people who care about you. Make a home with the people you would fight anything to hurt, Make home able to be anywhere.

And when you can do that finally you can make home turn into love, and love into strength. Having all three makes you happier I'd like to think in the long run of things. So just "stay with me" that's all I'm asking of you, the rest we can do together.

Completed on: 05/06/2021

*Happy Throwback Thursday*

#band psychos bingo challenge 2021 #dean winchester #deanwinchtser #supernatural #supernatural x reader #supernatural fic #supernatualfluff #angstspn #spn angst #spn fluff #supernatural fluff #tw swearing #tw panicking #tw guilt

[autisticandroids]

(1)supernatural tma au takes that i want to share w you cus i was thinking about it cus of consumehimnatural and also i want your thoughts in case you have good insights or disagree or whateverrrr: the obvious thing would be to suggest that all major character serve the hunt (insatiable violent stalking of prey, no rest, relinquishing control over to base instincts) but also Cas, Sam, and Dean are extremely distinct and their fears and desires are therefore most interesting when subdivided into

(2) different camps. my hot take- Cas initially serves The Web (fate, predetermination, no free will, sinister intricate plots) and defects to The Corruption (love, consumption, self sacrifice, sublimation of the self to a greater whole, bees bees bees). It’s that classic Cas thing of like trading overt authoritarianism for a new master that he has chosen but is ultimately similarly controlling- one that is eating away at his core from the inside. Cas’s greatest wish is to consume and in turn be

(3) consumed- Sooooo Corruption. Also the very touch of you yadda yadda- and all that language and framing once cas falls that focuses on Cas as a dirty thing, a sullied thing. Sam serves The Stranger i think (the uncanny, those guys who replace you and no one notices)? There’s a really strong focus in his character about like the need for bodily autonomy, for assertion of the self, and his backstory yields a great deal of paranoia regarding how much of his Self is Him Really, which is great for

(4) The Stranger. Like Sam’s greatest fears align with this sense of a Self that is Not Himself whether that’s Lucifer or just something intrinsically unclean in him. It’s his greatest fear but crucially it’s something he is drawn to- this desire to cut loose and be that Other Self (bloodfreak!!!!) also ultimately he caves to the pressure from Dean to give up all sense of self- but rather than allowing himself to like be totally consumed by his relationship with dean by way of removing all sense

(5)personal distinction between himself and dean, Sam puts up a mask of acquiescence that he lets his true self wither behind. Stranger! And I feel like if any of them served The Hunt it would be Dean but really i think he serves The Buried (being trapped, claustrophobia) because to me his greatest fears and miseries seem to center on this sense that everything is another weight he must take on, which is crushing him. He has split his possible futures into “Hunting” and “Apple Pie, Picket Fence"

(6)and no matter where he falls he invariably feels trapped there. Also he is extremely controlling and abusive (don’t worry i love dean, this isnt hate, just an accurate statement) and he sort of draws ppl into his orbit and traps them in their lives with him. Also this bears out since 1. He was buried alive 2. The endgame for all his toxic relationships is to envelop him in a literal underground bunker and 3. He’s afraid of heights/airplanes aka the vast aka the polar opposite of the buried!

ok yes sorry that was all of it, i just have a lot of thoughts that ur thoughts have spurred in me, i hope this tma spn meta wasn't too out of the blue! love your writing, Your Mind is so Very Very. The most very!!!

this is a very insightful analysis, especially re: sam. i wish i had stronger opinions about the tma powers to agree or disagree in a strongly felt way. i do agree about cas and the corruption, though. i love thinking about cas in the context of tma the corruption, because cas is like. well. Top Ten Little Fictional Dudes Who Would Just Love To Be Eaten Alive By A Swarm Of Maggots That Love Him.

#spn #asks #anonymous

[norahastuff]

Damn that was a good episode. To me it’s felt like there’s been this great sense of dread hanging over this last stretch of episodes, and in an odd way it’s almost a relief to have it brought to the forefront like this.

I think many of us knew that following Billie’s plan was not going to work out. She’s just another cosmic being, a greater power and thus her priorities were always going to lie elsewhere. Chuck’s motivated by the desire for power and by his ego and narcissism. For Billie it’s about rules and order. They see humanity as inconsequential or perhaps in Billie’s case, an afterthought. Hence why following her plan was never going to work. The importance of humanity - the idea that each human matters and is worth something - as well as free will are the two main themes this show is built on. It will take someone who loves humanity and values free will to be able to fix this.

We’ve known that Chuck’s been orchestrating things, but I found it interesting to see how exactly he’d been doing that. This season has put a lot of focus on Dean’s anger. Dean had it drilled into him since he was a child that he was not allowed to be weak, that he had to be the strong one. This resulted in him gravitating towards other unhealthy coping mechanisms in order to survive, and when whiskey and denial weren’t enough, he used anger. He cloaked his fear, sadness and confusion under layers of rage because he didn’t know how else to confront these feelings.

Chuck knows this about Dean, but he also has a very surface level read on Dean and who he really is. Sure he can use Dean’s anger to manipulate him, but that’s not all Dean is. We’ve seen from his tearful prayer to Cas earlier this season:

“I don't know why I get so angry. I just know…I know that it’s- it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just…it comes out. And I can't -I can't stop it. No matter how - how bad I want to, I just can't stop it.”

Underneath the anger, there’s pain and vulnerability, and when Dean allows himself to feel those things and be honest with himself that’s something Chuck doesn’t really understand, and that’s when Dean becomes unpredictable. Chuck’s relying on the versions of his characters that he created, not really getting that they go deeper than that now.

The ultimate example of this is Cas. Cas seemed to exist around the periphery this week, but honestly that’s exactly what I would have expected in an episode that was about the main characters in Chuck’s book. Cas wasn’t supposed to play a major role in any of this. Sam and Dean were. Amara was. Jack had the biggest role of all, but Cas wasn’t supposed to be in this story, and Chuck once again confirms he was never supposed to be in any of the stories.

Cas defecting was the one wild card that led to all the dominoes falling back in season 4 (ok yes I’m mixing metaphors but you get my point.) That made him an interesting toy for a while. Wind him up and watch him go. I found Chuck repeating Cas’ greatest one liner hilarious. He had such contempt in his voice and I think he was partly annoyed he could never write a line as epic as the one Cas effortlessly came up with. Actually Michael mocked that line last season too, both him and Chuck doing their best impressions of Cat’ gravelly delivery of “I’m the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition.”

I have no evidence to support this other than how irritated Chuck seemed by that line and also his famously bad writing skills. I also maintain that Chuck had no part whatsoever in crafting the magnificent “Hey assbutt!”

Cas was definitely not supposed to be in that part of the story.

But Cas no longer interests Chuck. He doesn’t fit into the story he wants to tell and so Chuck believes he has no place in it. And you know what? He’s right. Cas doesn’t fit into this story because he exists outside of it. His choices were his own. That gave him a power that no one else really had, and I think Cas has felt the weight of this for a long time. He knows what it’s like to have no free will, he lived that way for eons, and he also knows what breaking out of that feels like. His unfamiliarity with free will and how to navigate such a complicated concept led to him making choices he’s never been able to forgive himself for. It’s made him feel profound pain, guilt and confusion about his place in the world, if he even has one.

And yet as he’s told us over and over again, he wouldn’t take that back for anything.

“What would you rather have? Peace or freedom?”

We know what Cas would choose. What he continues to choose. He told Dean at the beginning of the season that he knew what was real “we are.” I don’t know if it was wise for Chuck to confirm just how right Cas actually was about that. Cas has spent this whole season thinking he had no role, no importance in the grand plan, but as he now learns, he’s had no place in any of the fights…and yet he’s never let that stop him before.

As a sidenote, I’m not saying much about this because I’m curious about whether the show will address this properly next week but I wonder how this affects Dean’s view of Cas. I don’t think Dean fully believed him earlier this season when Cas reassured him that they were real. As much as he loves and cares for Cas, Dean has always felt insecure about his place in Cas’ life and what he means to him.

So when Dean discovered that he had in fact just been a hamster in wheel being controlled by Chuck, it’s not too much of a surprise that he would start to question his relationship with the angel who literally fell from heaven and into his life. Although I know after their purgatory getaway, they were in a much better place, I think there was still a part of Dean that didn’t fully trust that the feelings were real. There has been so much mess and pain in the past with Cas, how is he to know how much of that was Chuck trying to create drama and how much of it was Cas’ own choices? Well now he knows. It all was. Every time Cas chose him over anything (or anyone) else, it was real.

This episode raised a lot of questions about Cas. Now I just have to try sit patiently and hope next week will answer some of them.

#spn meta #15x17 #castiel #dean winchester #destiel #actually not really but whatever #just in case #my spn thoughts #god has a beard #free will's an illusion #spn s15 spoilers

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey. 

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”. 

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears. 

And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you.  In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.”  In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself. 

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.

#supernatural #spn #spnfamily #spn family #spn 15.20 #spn s15 #spn s15 spoilers #carry on #spn finale #sam winchester #dean winchester #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #brotherlylove #sam&dean #brothers man #my meta #meta #spnmeta #spn meta #long post #spn fandom #spnfandom #sam winchester analysis

[tobeblamed]

headcanon  —   notes on fatherhood (lou’s version*) *in the sense that it’s based on canon info as well as specific rp partners

one of dean’s greatest fears as a father is becoming john** .  **disclaimer :  the older he gets, the less resentment he feels towards john for the way he raised his sons .

although dean understands the difficult circumstances under which john raised him and his brother, he absolutely does not wish to fall into the same trap of raising his kids in an environment where his children may feel neglect, be emotionally abused, or mistreated [ unintentionally or not ] due to the nature of his job .

behaviors that trigger his fear include : raising his own voice, a kid running away from home [ war flashbacks to sam leaving ], a kid being in danger, sending his kid away with the intention of being something ‘temporary’ . 

dean struggles with this on a daily basis .  it is, after all, say it with me, part of his journey to overcoming toxic masculinity . 

dean considers raising his brother part of his experience as a father . 

dean stood witness to sam’s rebellious behavior and constant defiance against john .  more than that, he was there when their father was not and saw the way sam wished their father would treat them as opposed to the way they were .  as a big brother, he tried to provide that comfort and support that sam lacked, but as a child, there was only so much he could do .  

it’s not until years later when he’s an adult and taking care of sammy and doing whatever it takes to keep one’s family safe became his entire life’s mission .  this translates to being a father, to this day .   

growing up and being tasked with looking after his brother taught him how to be caretaker, a father, as well as a mother .

as a result, dean does consider sam his brother as well as his kid [ @ sam die mad about it ] . 

dean is afraid of dying . 

this is by far, the biggest canon divergence, and it’s the one that distinguishes dean from dean as a father . 

dean does not wish to die nor is he okay with dying .  he doesn’t want to sacrifice himself [ or anyone ] for the greater good .  the thought of dying and leaving his kids behind is an absolute terror that he has to live with every time he goes out there to do the job . 

for this reason, post-series dean [ the only verse where he is most definitely a dad ] does retire in a way .  he helps with cases and does the job when he has to, but not if he can avoid it . 

some fun lil’ facts .

dean has never raised any of his children as babies: this is just a fun little fact to remember, because even though dean adores infant babies, all of the kids he has accumulated over the years, i.e. emma or lily, are either young children or teenagers .  except sam .

also most of the kids’ mothers are dead or gone or just not in the picture .  wait that’s not a fun fact this shouldn’t be here . 

none of his kids are straight pls this is too fucking funny . straight ally dad leading a parade of queer children .

he’s a great listener and loves to know everything about his kids .  if any of them decide to share their obsessions with him, chances are he will hyper-fixate on them too for a while . 

number of kids can range from 1-5 . 

dean gets a vasectomy during s7 immediately after emma is born [ full explanation here ] .

this entire post makes dean a literal d!lf thank you goodnight

#headcanon. #shit got heavy along the way so i had to shitpost in the end

[ultimate-cinephile]

more stuff that no one asked for! keep in mind that the ask box is open so feel free to request!

JOKER FLUFF ALPHABET

he deserves more love!

A- Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

Okay, let’s be honest, you fell for Joker because of the hair or because of his eye.

He fell for you because he admired your bravery and kindness (doesn’t matter if you’re part of the SPFF, helping him and Licht, or just a plain ol civilian). You two met because he had showed up in your apartment one night, bleeding out, and your first instinct was to patch him up, and as soon as you were done, you pulled a knife on him.

B- Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

I think Joker wouldn’t really want kids. He lives a dangerous life, and so far, you’ve been the closest thing to normal that he’s been able to keep without it being taken away from him. If he did decide he wanted kids, he would have to have finished his work and he would have to be sure that no one would be coming for him or his future family.

C- Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

Despite appearances, Joker is most definitely a cuddler. He loves wrapping his arms around you or having your arms wrapped around him because he likes that security. He loves the assurance that you’re there. 

With that being said, his go to cuddling position is probably the Honeymoon Hug. It gives him access to feel your arms wrapped around him and the security that gives him, and it allows him to wrap his arms around you. It makes him feel like both the protectee and the protector.

D- Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Joker…. doesn’t really plan dates. If you help him on his mission, that’s probably the closest to a date you get with him. Well, you two do order take-out and cuddle while binging some movies too. If you really want to go out though, just tell him and he’ll plan a most extravagant evening out.

It doesn’t really matter what you two do as a date though. Joker just loves spending time with you. You two could literally be watching paint dry and he’d be content with it, as long as it’s with you.

E- Everything (You are my ___; eg: my life, my world)

You are my only hope in this godforsaken world.

F- Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

After a long night of helping Joker decipher some clue he picked up on his latest expedition. You were mumbling to yourself and tossing out guesses. Joker took a moment and looked at you. Your eyebrows were furrowed, eyes squinted yet somehow glaring at the clue, biting your lip in frustration. You caught his gaze and asked if something was wrong and he tossed out a witty remark. You laughed and in that moment Joker realized that if this was normal, he wanted it, and he wanted it with you.

G- Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Joker is not a gentle man. However, with you, he is the most gentle person to ever walk the face of the planet. He knows that you’re more than capable of handling yourself, but he’s so terrified of losing the best thing to ever happen to him that he sometimes treats you like the slightest touch would break you.

H- Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Joker likes to slip his hand into yours and then you intertwine your fingers. Depending on his mood, he might lightly swing them. If you two are cuddling and you lace your hands together, they’re probably laying on his chest.

I- Impression (What was their first impression?)

Your first impression was probably somewhere along the lines of: “Man, I can’t wait to eat my rame- HOLY SOL, THERE’S A GUY BLEEDING OUT ON MY COUCH!” When you were able to think rationally, and after Joker had managed to talk you out of removing the knife from his throat, you thought he was weird and a little creepy, but you guys managed to bond anyways.

His first impression of you was that you were incredibly kind. I mean, you patched him up without a second thought. His second thought was, “Okay, this chick/dude might slit my throat. They’re awesome.”

J- Jealousy (Do they get jealous?)

He absolutely does not. 

How can you be jealous of someone who never existed in the first place?

Okay, so he does get jealous, and he might not go to the extent of murdering someone (although I wouldn’t say he’s above it). Usually if he gets jealous, Joker just materializes at your side and the guy almost immediately makes up an excuse to leave. It’s not that he doesn’t trust you, he doesn’t trust the other guys.

K- Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

He probably did. The first time he kissed you was impulsive and quick and neither of you realized what was going on until you pulled away. He got embarrassed so you dived back in to kiss him again.

Kisses with Joker start off soft and slow and almost timid if you’re really looking for it, but eventually get more passionate. He always drags it out for as long as possible and they always tell you just how much you mean to him without him ever having to say it. Needless to say, when the both of you pull away, you’re usually breathless.

L- Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

Honestly, probably you.

You and Joker were kissing one night and when you pulled away you breathlessly sighed, “I love you.”

When you looked at him, he was tearing up, and he moved to hug you, quickly repeating the phrase. He loves you so much, and he was scared to say it in case you didn’t feel the same.

He can’t thank you enough for loving him and giving him the normal life he’s always wanted.

M- Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

His favorite memory involving the two of you is simple. You two were cuddling. He had woken up first and you were still sleeping. Your hair was beautifully splayed out behind you. You looked so peaceful while you slept that he dared not move for fear of waking you. The light from the window highlighted your face perfectly and it was just perfect.

N- Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person that they love everything?)

Joker doesn’t buy you everything. If he sees you eyeing something a lot, he will buy it for you with no hesitation, but he isn’t the guy that goes out and buys you a teddy bear for no reason either.

O- Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

Green. You had an ivy plant in your bathroom so anytime he sees that magnificent shade of green, he thinks back to how you two first met and he goes full sap mode.

P- Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

Doll is his go to. I don’t know why. It's just is. He’s also rather fond of love, dove, and baby.

Q- Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

The watch. He keeps it, even broken, and it is still one of his greatest treasures.

R- Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

On a rainy day, he loves to make some type of hot drink and then curl up on the couch with you in his arms while you watch westerns (like The Magnificent Seven, Tombstone, or Quigley Down Under).

S- Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Joker doesn’t cheer himself up. He bottles up his emotions and distracts himself.

DO NOT CRY AROUND THIS MAN!!! He has no idea how to console a person and he gets extremely awkward. He’s torn between joking and hugging you so he settles for rubbing your back. He’ll let you talk and offer to help the best he can.

T- Talking (What do they talk about?)

With you? Anything and everything. His goals, his mission, whatever movie you managed to get him into.

U- Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Cuddles. Cuddles help him relax. Please cuddle this man. Any sort of physical contact from you makes all of his worries and stress from the day melt away, and it’s just what he needs after a long day.

V- Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Well, he is proud of you and shows you off to his associates as much as he can.

Aside from you, his hair. Like, have you seen it? hOW DOES HE GET THAT VOLUME???

W- Wedding (When, how, and where do they propose?)

Joker bought a ring two weeks before he proposed to you.

Where and how he proposed is kinda funny. Both of you were exhausted. You had either accompanied he and Benimaru on their mission or spent the entire night worrying about him, and he had done cool fighting stuff all night. So when he got home, you both crashed onto the bed and he immediately pulled you into his arms.

He thought you were asleep, and in truth, he almost was too, when he popped the question. “(Y/N), you mean a lot to me, more than I’m capable of expressing. You’ve given me the closest thing to a life that I’ll ever have and you make life suck a little less. Marry me?”

Imagine his shock when you mumbled out a sleepy, “Yes.” Nevertheless, you woke up with a ring on your finger in the arms of your fiancee.

X- Xylophone (What’s their song?)

I have absolutely no idea why but the Hurdy Gurdy Man by Donovan reminds me of Joker.

For your relationship song, I’d say it’s most definitely James Dean and Audrey Hepburn by Sleeping With Sirens.

Y- Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

He absolutely would love to marry you, and he thinks about it all of the time. He buys a ring on a whim and carries it around for two weeks and constantly thinks about when would be the right time to do it.

Z- Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He wants a dog. Having a fluff ball around would be fun to him. Plus, he’s always wanted one.

#fire force #fire brigade of flames #fire force joker #fire force x reader #fire brigade of flames x reader #fire force joker x reader #joker x reader #joker x reader fluff #joker fluff #joker fluff alphabet #joker x reader fluff alphabet #someone please acknowledge this I spent a long time on it #rEQUEST BEFORE I LOOSE MY MIND

[adhdeancas]

Do you prefer a human endgame for Cas? Pretty sure I do because I keep thinking about Cas being able to enjoy humanity with Dean. Sharing food, growing old, and like, cuddling for warmth on cold nights in bed. I guess they could do all that anyway, and angel Cas is totally awesome, but there’s something about knowing Cas would feel and experience it all in ways possibly more intense than before...

I DO!! 

listen i think it would have been a great way to end his arc - cas is always being taunted by fucking everybody about which way he swings (ha), is he loyal to humanity or heaven, is he really even an angel? and then there was that whole storyline they just absolutely dropped about Cas’s grace failing? 

Cas’s whole personhood is characterized by his consistent choice to choose humanity over heaven and angels and everything else. he LOVES humanity, and that’s what makes him different. and not just Dean and not just The Big Stuff (emotions, brave actions) but the small stuff. he loves humans’ excitement over taco tuesday and he loves Hot Topic and he loves his children and he loves his family and one of his greatest fears/burdens is having to watch his loved ones get old, die, and go to heaven without him. so i think it would be fantastic for Cas to finally Decide, for himself, that he would like to be human. That he would like to honor his past and decide that as much as he loved being an angel he doesn’t want that anymore, because that’s not him anymore. (yes this is me projecting my transness onto angel-human Cas what are you gonna do about it) 

and i love the idea of Cas getting to experience all those humans things - this time with Dean around to help him. I think he would hate the cold and Dean would try to tease him about being a baby about it but Cas would just say “Dean you’re shivering too there is literally no need to suffer” when of course Dean’s need to suffer is Manliness. (yes. Again. Projecting.) but Dean would give him his coat anyway and shiver away while Cas was warm and then he’d wrap Dean up in it and they’d cuddle inside and Cas would get to experience the beautiful thing of being warm and cozy when the air around you is cold 

and Cas would like simple foods, and Dean would get kinda exasperated that Cas wanted grilled cheese instead of the fancy stuff Dean’s trying to learn to make but then Cas would get so excited about it anyway Dean couldn’t be mad. 

and Cas would get so excited when he sees his first gray hairs, and Dean would freak out. and Cas would just explain the beauty of aging and the beauty of the human-ness of it and Dean would get just a little bit more okay with that, too. 

so yes, i love human Cas endgame. I want Cas to choose to be human, to choose that that is the path he wants most, and I don’t want him to do it alone.

#ask #anon #human!cas #castiel #destiel #deancas

[finaledenialist]

okay so you think. you think the empty cuts off an angels ability to hear prayer? you think the empty said “I know who you love, and there is nothing for you there,” and Cas tried to reach out to feel the undercurrent of longing that Dean keeps inadvertently projecting and he just. can’t find it. what if Castiel’s greatest act of faith was believing that Dean did still want him, in someway, when he couldn’t feel it in his bones anymore.

Okay this was like a knife into my heart and then you twisted it a little, as a treat. I absolutely love this. Now this is my headcanon, because it makes absolute sense. In no way I am going to believe that Dean’s prayer wouldn’t reach Cas anywhere in the world. They have something special, I just know that the strength of Dean’s words, thoughts, longing, feelings, prayers - into which Cas is specifically tuned in - would reach Cas anywhere, 

unless it was impossible by the architecture of the universe. And it makes sense: in the Empty angels and demons are supposed to sleep, so logically nothing should be able to interrupt them, right? Because when they wake up the Empty gets mad and things get unbalanced. No prayer or summoning should be able to reach them. So there is some kind of ‘wall’ (?) that makes it impossible (Jack was able to crash through that wall because he is literally the Antichrist).

So Cas wakes up, completely confused, the last thing he remembers is Dean’s face and probably pain from the angel blade cutting right through him, and there is nothing there, literal nothingness, it’s dark, and he tries to reach out but he can’t find anything, and then this Shadow wearing his face appears, and it is wearing his own face and it’s spitting his worst fears right at him (now I will not get once again into how the Empty is basically a manifestation of Depression again, but it totally is, and this is relevant now because it also makes you unreachable by your loved ones)

and the Dean’s longing that he kind of got used to is gone. And he Empty says I know what you fear, there is nothing for you back there, and as much as I  love the interpretation that this is just Cas believing in himself again, finding his inner strength again, I also love what you say. What if he let himself believe in that moment, what if that was one of the thoughts he held onto, that Dean is still out there and maybe, maybe, there is still a chance of Dean having the same feelings for him. He couldn’t feel the longing but he believed it was there and thus made it real. 

#ask #anon #the empty #spn discussion #Anonymous