#lol :') i wrote in my journal a long long time ago like when i first realized that we werent gnna see each othr all the time i said st like

[ckret2]

i personally think bill looks dashing in that tunic >:]

im excited to see that fic, have fun making it cause it's amazing so far. rip ford. LOL

Good, because here's the next part! I was gonna fully draw out Bill in his tunic again, but then I was like, no I'd rather do the fastest doodle possible so I can get this posted sooner. Sneak preview of a later scene!!

For anyone who missed it, the first scene is here!

####

"Mr. Pines! Watch out!"

Ford was turning to face his assailant when Soos barreled into him. They crashed into the glass souvenir case together. Ford tumbled over it and to the floor, bringing a dozen jars filled with plastic aliens and lime jello with him. Soos felt the heavy glass sculpture slide down along his back, ripping through a layer of fabric. Aw. That was his best suit.

From the ground, Ford grunted, "Thanks." Stan rushed around the souvenir case to help him up.

"Sure thing, Mr. Pines." Soos steadied himself, then turned to face down the murderous tourist.

She was panting, one eye half squinted, face contorted in a hateful snarl, still clutching the heavy glass weight in trembling arms—before her glower fixed on Soos.

He returned the glare. "You! If you wanna get at either of the Pineses, you're gonna have to throw down with me!"

"Cute, a warm-up round! What the heck, why not." One corner of her cruel sneer quirked up. "I've got time to waste."

"Bring it on!" Arms outstretched to seize the tourist, Soos lunged for her with a roar.

And she vanished.

Soos crashed into the souvenir display beside the shop exit, knocking one shelf off the wall and dumping a pile of snow globes and hats to the floor. He looked around wildly. "What?"

Ford gingerly stood with one hand on Stan's shoulder for support and the other on the souvenir case. "Where did Bill go?"

Soos stared. "Bill?"

Ford stared back. "That was obviously Bill! Didn't you recognize his voice? What did his eyes look like?"

Soos's heart leaped into his throat as his adrenaline doubled. "Wait, that was Bill?!"

Before Ford could answer, the "tourist" reappeared, in the exact spot Soos had barreled through just a moment ago. Soos and the Pines flinched back.

Ford gave the intruder's ridiculous purple pony-covered robe a long up and down look. "All right, I can see why you were distracted."

Bill cackled. "And it works on you, too!" He heaved the glass sculpture onto one shoulder, stumbled back a step under the weight, and chucked it toward Ford's head. 

Stan tackled Ford to the ground again. The sculpture shattered on the wall behind them. Soos lunged again for Bill, only for him to snap off his tape measurer belt and vanish again before Soos's eyes—

—and instantly reappear across the room, holding a heavy antique diver's helmet. "I've gotta hand it to you, Stanley—" Bill grunted as he chucked the helmet toward Stan's face, "—you've got quite a toy collection!"

And then the room dissolved into Bill-filled anarchy. Stan caught the helmet—slowing it down enough to bruise his jaw rather than shatter it ("And your head's gonna be part of my collection when I'm through with you, you freak!")—and charged for Bill with fist raised only for him to vanish again; and then Soos's view of Stan was blocked by two more Bills, one picking up a fake ancient clay tablet, the other weaving the other way to pick up the diving helmet off the counter where it had sat for years undisturbed. The pair flashed each other finger guns, then with a synchronized snap of their measuring tapes they disappeared.

"How's he doing that?!" Stan yelled. Two Bills appeared next to the taxidermy mermaid case, and with a laborious heave toppled it against Stan. One immediately vanished; the other paused to catch his breath long enough for Stan to shove off the mermaid and take a wild swing toward his face, but the punch only hit air.

"Time tape!" Ford said. "Dipper wrote about them in my journal! I—"

Another Bill appeared, swinging the one of the Mystery Shack's novelty 8 Ball-topped canes down toward Ford's head.

Ford crossed his wrists over his head, narrowly catching the cane in the crux and diverting it to the side. Bill blew a raspberry in his face and disappeared again. Ford drew a futuristic space laser Soos did not know he had, and shouted, "I've seen similar devices before! While Bill's using time travel combat he can anticipate our moves and appear anywhere!"

Ford said the phrase with such conviction that Soos had to ask, "Is 'time travel combat,' like, a legit thing?"

"Yes, I've studied some myself—although I never progressed past a yellow belt."

"Dude."

As Soos surveyed the sea of Bills, he realized, to his horror, that Bill's now-removed tape measurer belt had been the only thing keeping Bill's pony toga closed. He instinctively clapped a hand over his eyes when he caught sight of an exposed sliver of skin from armpit to foot.

"Oh, you've studied!" Bill's mocking laugh was a thin, strained wheeze. "Always the scholar! I'm self-taught. It makes me less..."

—another Bill appeared, tripped Soos, laughed, reached into the air just before another Bill appeared to throw him a clay tablet, and vanished.

"... PREDICTABLE!" Yet another Bill swung an 8 Ball cane down at Soos with a grunt of exertion. Soos barely jerked his head out of the way. His ear rang from the crash of the 8 Ball on the floor. "This—hahh... this is more durable than I thought," Bill panted, then vanished.

Stan shouted, "So what's the plan?!" He had resorted to standing in one spot, taking wild swings at any Bill who got too close, forcing back any that appeared within striking range. Soos hadn't seen him land a hit yet.

"Converge on me!" Ford had never gotten out from behind the (now shattered) glass souvenir case, and was using it like a shield as he swiveled his laser toward any Bill that got too close. "Wall to your backs! Three sixty degree awareness!"

Soos got to a knee. A snow globe thrown from the far side of the room hit the side of his head. He saw stars. "Ow?"

"Come on, move!" Stan jerked Soos up and dragged him toward Ford. Dizzy, Soos instinctively covered his eyes as more Bills flashed by.

When they finally shoved their backs to the wall behind the souvenir case, Soos cried, "That was the longest ten-foot run of my life! How do we fight a time traveler?!"

"For starters," Stan snapped, "You could try looking at him!"

"I'm sorry Mr. Pines, I can't help it! He's got womanly curves and that toga is really indecent!"

A cackle, "If I knew you were that easily distracted, I wouldn't have bothered with a toga at all!"

"My Abuelita raised a gentleman!" (Abuelita—she was probably still napping in the living room chair, just one door away from the gift shop. If Bill found her—)

Ford fired a futile laser shot toward the voice, then batted aside the Mr. Mystery bobblehead Bill had chucked. "He's very good at this—he hasn't accidentally appeared in the path of our counterattacks; he's improvising split-second stable time loops with his various trans-temporal iterations—the sophistication of his chronological choreography—"

Appearing perched on the corner of the souvenir case with his legs crossed, Bill said, "Nerdy but flattering!"

The Pines flinched back. At the sight of way too much leg, Soos automatically hid his eyes again. Between a crack in his fingers he saw Bill pull a novelty 8 Ball cane from a basket with a dozen more and mutter, "It'll probably break after the first swing, but what the hey. Polo!"

A second Bill appeared. "Marco!" He threw the cane to himself without looking, the second raised it to prepare to hit an unseen target, and both vanished just in time for Ford's laser shot to harmlessly pass through empty air.

Ford groaned. "He's even precisely timing his banter! This level of time travel combat is vastly beyond my expertise! We'd have to get lucky enough to wrestle the time tape away from him—but when he's got eyes on the battle from the past and future..."

Stan snapped his fingers in Ford's face. "He's bedazzling you with that gizmo, Poindexter! Forget the time travel. He's not using any of his space demon magic, his aim's terrible, and look at him—he's got little noodle arms! He can barely lift half the stuff he's chucking. It took two of him to knock over the mermaid!"

"The mermaid case has wobbly little legs," Soos pointed out. "I've almost knocked it over by accident like a million times."

"And he's been outta breath since the fight started," Stan went on. "All this weird time travel junk means he's been fighting longer than us, right? He's barely on his feet! I say we start swingin' like maniacs! It'll only take one good punch to lay him out, no matter what time he jumped in from!"

"You make an interesting point!"

Bill was standing between the trio and the gift shop exit—face flushed, breathing heavily, sweat plastering his golden hair to his forehead and soaking the collar of his toga, arms trembling as he leaned his weight on the 8 Ball cane. But he was still wearing his hateful, crooked, squint-eyed grin, like he'd just thought up some nasty new trick. "What can I say, I've always been more brains than brawn! But, consider this: what if I make ten of me, and we throw every single piece of junk in the room at you!"

There was a split second of horrified silence, broken only by the snap of a retracting tape measurer.

And then the room was a storm of purple pony bedsheets hailing down cheap knickknacks. 

"Dudes, get behind me!" Soos protectively cupped his hands behind his head and turned his back toward the brunt of the projectiles to shield the Pines. Novelty keychains and out-of-date roadmaps pelted his back. "This is the most annoying fight ever!"

"Annoying—until a lucky throw concusses us! We have to retreat," Ford said. "Our only chance is to get somewhere he hasn't been yet and catch him the first time he comes into the room. Come on!"

He tore down a cheap tapestry to fling over the trio like the world's flimsiest shield. They charged first toward the museum entrance, veered away when another Bill chucked the invisible man's glasses through the doorway, and then turned toward the living room.

"No," Soos gasped, "This way!" He dragged the trio toward the vending machine.

Stan tried to yank away from him. "Are you crazy?! Let Bill get at all the—the dangerous science stuff down there?"

Soos was already punching in the vending machine code. "I'm sorry, Mr. Pines, but I'm not letting a crazy killer triangle get my grandma!" 

Ford said, "Even with the worst equipment disabled, the living room's still safer—"

There was a fourth person beneath the tapestry. "Peekaboo."

Soos and the Pines screamed. Bill grappled Ford and his teeth went for his face—Soos and Stan pried Bill off of Ford and flung him out from under the tapestry, and the trio barreled down the basement stairs.

They didn't take off the tapestry and heave a sigh of relief until the elevator door was closed and they were descending toward the basement.

"That was close," Stan said. "He didn't get you, did he?"

"No," Ford sighed. "Thank goodness for that."

Soos said, "Dude, wouldn't it be crazy if like, he bit you, and then you turned into a triangle?"

Stan and Ford stared at him.

"Heh. You know. Like a werewolf?"

Solemnly, Ford said, "Yes, it would be crazy." He turned toward Stan. "Anyway—you were right about his strength, Stanley. I've dabbled in my fair share of martial combat styles during my travels, and—well, if he's a black belt in time travel, then he has the hand-to-hand combat skills of a second grader. He never got a secure grip on me. If I'd had more free space to move, I probably could have broken his arm in three places."

"Whoa!" Stan laughed. "The next time he grabs you, I'll just back off and let you do your thing!" 

Ford gave him a wan smile.

The elevator slowed to a stop. Ford strode out first to check the defunct lab equipment, followed by Soos; Stan emerged last, walking backwards, keeping an eye on the elevator as if he feared something was going to come out of it. "So," Stan said, "All we gotta do is stop him before he starts pulling his time tricks in here, right?"

"Precisely," Ford said. "And, if we're lucky—"

"—I won't come downstairs an hour before you, right?" Bill said.

Ford and Soos whipped around. Bill stood silhouetted in the yellowy light of the open elevator, novelty 8 Ball cane in one hand, pointing a familiar-looking laser at the back of Stan's head. Ford frantically patted down his coat's holster, and sucked in a quiet gasp. Slowly, Stan raised his hands in surrender.

"Now I know why you're just a yellow belt, Sixer," Bill laughed. "You never learned how to cheat!" Bill had clearly taken the opportunity for a short break: he wasn't gasping for breath or dripping sweat anymore. But there was still a faint tremble in his arm as he held up the gun.

Ford began, "Bill..." 

"No talking, Stanford," Bill snapped. "Remember what happened the last time we played 'hostage negotiator'? I'm not falling for your tricks twice!"

"Falling for my tricks?! After all that you—"

Bill's finger twitched on the trigger. The laser hummed, its lights slowly brightening. "What did I just say! No. Talking."

Ford stiffened, but clenched his jaw shut. Soos said, "I, uh... I think he's agreeing to your terms."

"Good." The laser slowly dimmed. Stan's shoulders sagged. "The two of you—in the portal room. Stanley and I will be right behind you."

While Bill spoke, Ford tugged open a small drawer hidden behind Soos from Bill's view; but finding it had been emptied, he grimaced, exchanged a helpless look with Soos, and nodded.

"Oh, this is too perfect! First I can take out the geek who killed me, the idiot he killed me in, and their giant baby; and then all I have to do is wait for the littler twins to get here so I can deal with them, too!" 

Dipper and Mabel were arriving that evening. If Bill stuck around that long, and found Abuelita... And if Melody came over for dinner... Soos shot a sideways glance at Ford. Ford's face was red with rage, but he kept his gaze fixed forward. Soos prayed he was thinking of a plan.

There was nothing of the portal left but some mechanical rubble strewn across the cavern floor. Ford and Soos were feet from where the activation switch used to be before Bill called, "That's perfect—stay right there! You—go join them."

Stan's teeth were clenched and his fists balled, but he didn't turn to face Bill until he was standing at Ford's side. "You're nuts if you think you're gonna get away with this. It's three to one! Hit one of us and the others'll tear you apart before you can line up the next shot."

Bill cackled, voice high and echoing in the empty cavern. He twirled his novelty cane giddily as he said, "Look who's never fought a time traveler before! You think you're facing one of me?" He carefully positioned himself directly in front of the trio, glancing down at the floor as if looking for the right mark to step on, and said, "You're already outnumbered. In a second I'll have a firing squad a hundred strong. You'll be shredded into flesh spaghetti! And me—" His gaze moved from Stan's face to Ford's, and he looked directly into his eyes as he raised his gun. "I'm going to really enjoy killing you a hundred times in a row." 

He tightened his grip on the trigger. 

The trio braced themselves.

The laser hummed louder.

Bill hesitated.

He glanced from side to side. "Where are the other ninety-nine of me?"

And that was when fifty teenage twins crashed against his back like a tidal wave.

#bill cipher #human bill cipher #grunkle stan #grunkle ford #soos ramirez #gravity falls #gravity falls fic #bill goldilocks cipher #my writing

[pink-tk-a-latte]

Day in the Life of the Nakajima Household

Aka Atsushi’s tiny dorm at the ADA that he is forced to share with 3 murderous individuals.

Tickle fic!! Lee!Atsushi, Lers!Lucy, Kyouka, and Akutagawa + a little Ler!Atsushi, Lee!Lucy (romantic Akuatsulucy and platonic Kyouka addition)

It’s the orphan poly + fellow orphan Kyouka!!!! ❤️🤍🖤💙 I wrote this a while ago so it’s all in present tense LOL. When I first had the idea, I was hesitant, but then I started actually watching the BSD anime and got to know all their characters better so here it is!! They make me SO EMOTIONAL

Also bonus mini HCs at the end!!!!!!!!!

(Ignore the cringey ahh emoticons LMAO it’s just that all of them are so creature-coded)

ᓚᘏᗢ ♡ ≽^•⩊•^≼ ♡ ૮(˶• ༝ •˶)ა ♡ /ᐠ •̀ ˕ •́ マ ♡ ՞ↀ - ↀ՞

Atsushi’s dorm at the Agency is certainly not made to house four people. It’s hardly big enough for two. Kunikida looks one noise complaint away from bursting a vein in his forehead, but, well, nothing has ever gone to plan as long as Atsushi’s involved.

Despite their statuses as Port Mafia operative and former Guild disciple, Lucy and Akutagawa come over so often that Atsushi’s colleagues hardly bat an eye. The two have even taken to calling it “their place,” which Atsushi thinks is kinda unfair — both for his living situation and his heart.

It’s a peaceful kind of day today. Kyouka’s inside journaling, Aku’s at the store — because he has the most stable paycheck — getting groceries, and Atsushi and Lucy are outside, watering the plants around the building.

“Someday you should get us a garden,” Lucy says while she sprinkles water over the tiny blossoming daisies. “So we can take care of our own plants instead of these ugly trees.”

Atsushi sends her a playful glare from where he’s watering said trees with a hose, smiling. “Do I have to do everything in this relationship? My pockets are crying thanks to you guys.”

Lucy scoffs. “Shut up, you! I give you discounts at the cafe all the time. I put my life on the line for you.” She tosses her hair and places a hand on her chest, and Atsushi holds back a laugh.

Maybe it’s his apprenticeship under Dazai, but Atsushi feels a bit mischievous today. In a move that he’ll probably regret later, he lifts the hose and rains fire over his life partner.

Gasping and spluttering, Lucy throws up her hands to block the spray. Her sundress soaks through and her braids quickly start to droop. She turns a murderous gaze on Atsushi through dark, sticky bangs, and he feels sweat run down his back.

“Atsushi Nakajima, you’re dead!” He spots a certain intensity in Lucy’s turquoise eyes.

Uh oh. He knows what that means.

Atsushi yelps and drops the hose, not even bothering to switch it off before he sprints. He employs his tiger strength, probably cheating, but Lucy could easily drag him away from reality and into Anne’s Room if she wants. Noticeably, she doesn’t, probably to drag out the anticipation. But she will have him. Atsushi is sure.

He races into the building and up the stairs. He doesn’t trust the elevator, but he has hope of escape if he continues on foot. In a blur, he spots his apartment number and pushes through the door, thankfully unlocked. Atsushi lunges for the closet, throws open the door and slams it shut behind him. He’s been on so many stealth missions; Atsushi knows how to be quiet. But he’s giddy from the chase and can barely restrain the frantic giggling he breathes out.

“Where are you, my cute little kitty? Come out, let’s play~!” He hears with his heightened senses. A shiver runs up his spine even while his face feels like an oven. He needs to remember that Lucy worked for the Guild, and their first meeting was a gamble for his and his coworkers’ lives. “Isn’t this a fun game! But you can’t hide forever.”

He really can’t, because there’s only so many places he can hide in his tiny apartment. He wonders what his chances are of getting out the closet and jumping through the window without Lucy noticing.

Just as he thinks this, though, the door flies open.

“Found you!” A grin full of metal shines through the darkness, and Atsushi screams. He tries to leap past her, but the wind is knocked out of his lungs as she tackles him onto his futon. Where did she get this strength from? Yet he doesn’t match her force with his own, mostly because, now that he’s caught, he’s found he doesn’t want to be free.

“Such a bad kitty,” she pulls him onto her lap with her elbows under his arms, and Atsushi feels her wet clothes press against his back. His ears are already pounding, hot. “I’ll show you what happens when you go up against Lucy Maud Montgomery!”

Suddenly there are fingers pressing into his sides. Atsushi yells out a panicked laugh. “A- Ahahaha! Luhuhucyhehehe I’m sorryhehehe!”

She huffs. “Well, you should’ve thought about that before you drenched me!”

This is just the consequences of his actions, isn’t it? Her nails tease under his shirt and he throws his head back. “Stahahahap! Stop Ihi yeheheheild! Lucyehehehe!”

She toes the line between unbearable and gentle. The feeling runs through Atsushi’s every nerve, frying his brain until he can’t do anything but kick and flail around on his sheets. Lucy holds him firmly, a satisfied smile on her face that he can’t see.

She is doing this for revenge, but gosh is Atsushi cute. His cheeks are full and red, his fangs peeking out from under his lip. His giggles are nervous and flighty but ingenuous, the purest kind of happiness. Warmth runs through her face without permission; she really wishes she didn’t have such an embarrassing ailment.

When Lucy digs her fingers into his ribs and Atsushi squeals loud enough to echo off the walls, Kyouka pokes her head in from the other room.

“Oh, are we getting Atsushi?” she asks with a small blink. Lucy grins and Atsushi pleads.

“Ky- Kyouka plehehease! Hehehelp! I’m gonnahahaha dahahahie!”

“We are indeed, Kyouka! And he deserves it. I’m sure he would love if you assisted me.”

Kyouka’s expression doesn’t change, but her eyes twinkle. She strides over and seats herself on top of Atsushi’s legs. He cracks open his eyes to give his little sister a look of betrayal.

“Kyouka! Youhaha’re supposed to help mehehehe!”

“No thanks,” she says blankly, before drilling into his hips with an assassin’s precision.

“KYOUHOHOKAHAHAHA!” Even Lucy is a little terrified by the focus in Kyouka’s eyes, as if she were performing a surgery. But mostly she’s just pleased. She takes her hands off Atsushi’s ribs to clap, then repositions them in his underarms.

“YOUHOUHAHA GUHUhuys are soho MEHEHEHEAN!”

“This is discipline,” Kyouka states very seriously, and Lucy too laughs at that. Kyouka reaches forward and pokes Atsushi’s cheek. “You’re so squishy. Like a bunny. Squish.”

Atsushi turns pink; Lucy really wishes that didn’t make her flustered. “He is, isn’t he?” She pokes his other cheek. “Just as a tabby cat should be.”

Then Lucy worms her fingers into his neck and he scrunches up. “EHEHEHEE nohohoHO!”

While Lucy’s methods are soft in an evil way, Kyouka attacks with honed, concentrated energy, deadly in her efficiency. And with both of them on opposite ends of his body, Atsushi has no room left for thought.

And then the front door shuts with a bang.

Perhaps Akutagawa is too aggressive with his actions, and he squints apologetically at the door he slammed. Setting down the grocery bags on the counter, he winces at the ruckus in the apartment. Is that the Jinko’s screaming?

He walks into the main room to find what he’d expected to see: Atsushi pinned to the floor with Kyouka and Lucy dissecting him.

“This is just like you, Jinko,” he scoffs with a note of fondness, squatting beside the squirming, laughing Atsushi. “You’re not even fighting back.”

“RYUHUHAHA dohohon’t!” Atsushi shakes his head, his face a deep pink and his eyes crinkled shut. His smile is just as blinding as the light of the sun. Gross, Akutagawa thinks with a mini smile.

“Akutagawa.” Kyouka turns to him with that river-like gaze, clear but acute. “Join us.” Lucy cackles.

He smirks. “If that is what I must do.”

Though she calls out to Ryuunosuke now, Kyouka hasn’t forgotten how his words kept dragging her down as she swam desperately toward the light. But then he said he was proud of her. Plus, well, he’s involved with Atsushi. Kyouka’s grown to trust him, at least as long as Atsushi’s around. The same goes for Lucy, who Kyouka resented at first for endangering Atsushi, and for her harsh personality that pushes everyone away. That was before though, before she learned that Lucy is genuinely kind, only a girl at heart, and she’s really fun to talk to, and hug, and go shopping for plushies and clothes and crêpes with.

Kyouka would defend Atsushi’s happiness with the blade of a katana and the might of a demon. Because he’s the one who saved her, because he’s her older brother. He has a way of bringing out the light in those with the blackest of blood. Though he’s made many enemies, he has twice as many friends, Lucy and Aku included. She’s never been more sure that they care for Atsushi than now, engaging in something so purely affectionate. That’s why Kyouka pitches in, because her heart is full to the limit.

Speaking of which, Atsushi seems to be reaching his limit.

“RYUHAHAHAHA! LUHUCYEHEAHAHAE! KYOUHAHAKAHAHA! STAHAHAHAHAP!”

Akutagawa is rough and awkward as he claws at the center of Atsushi’s abdomen. Even Rashoumon is crawling up and down his sides. Still sitting on his legs, Kyouka is moments away from flying off, and it’s only through sheer determination that she remains in place. Lucy has slowed her assault out of pity (because she is soft for this man and terrible at hiding it), slowly dragging her fingers across Atsushi’s jaw. Kyouka copies her: Akutagawa really is ruthless. Atsushi’s floundering and screaming is amusing though, and she can’t hold back the soft giggles escaping from her own chest. Though his laughter is desperate and embarrassed, it’s also bright and overwhelmed with love.

“You should learn to take this, weretiger. If you wish to help people, endurance and inspiration of the soul are necessary skills to have.”

Which is basically fancy talk for: Your joy could cure the world’s suffering and you should show it more often.

“LIHIHIHIKE you wouhAHALD KNOHOHOW! AHAHAHA wahahaHAIT!”

“How foolish of you to sass me in your position.”

Atsushi’s chest barely gets the chance to rise and fall before another laugh is forced out. He probably needs a breather. Lucy, despite being the one to start this, is also the first to end it.

“Now now, Aku. Give him a break. We were at this for a while before you came.”

Akutagawa hums, but he retracts his hand and his ability. Lucy and Kyouka let up, and Kyouka removes herself from Atsushi’s legs. Finally free, Atsushi collapses into Lucy’s lap with an inhale that could rival a tornado. He tries to regulate his breathing with giggles interrupting, and he buries his face against Lucy’s thigh, turning to his original assailant for comfort. Lucy blushes even redder than Atsushi himself had because his tiny exhausted closed-eye smile is the cutest thing she’s ever seen, but settles her hand on his back for a massage.

“You hahall… ahawful,” he titters. “Lucy, I’m sohorry for hosing you.”

Kyouka appears beside Lucy and pats Atsushi’s head. Lucy sighs as if she’d just been hit with the force of all the love in the world. “I suppose I can forgive you. I’m a little less soaked now, thanks for asking.”

“Sorry, sorry.” His chuckles turn to sleepy mumbles. “That’s good, though. I’m glad.”

“Quit apologizing.” Lucy covers her face with her equally red hair and turns away. “You’re such a sap.”

“Far too soft,” Akutagawa adds, leaning down to press a kiss to Atsushi’s upright cheek. Kyouka moves her hand so Lucy can kiss the cat’s head too, instead throwing her legs over him and leaning on Lucy’s shoulder. Akutagawa is a clumsy distance from the cuddle pile, hunched over Atsushi, so the tiger throws an arm around his other life partner’s shoulders and drags him down to rest on his back, maneuvering himself so he’s on his stomach, chin on Lucy’s lap. She runs her fingers through choppy white hair and shifts one leg to lay on Akutagawa’s arm and establish a point of contact with everyone. She laughs quietly as she looks over their entangled position, like some kind of Tetris puzzle.

And then she starts laughing for a very different reason.

“ATSUSHIHIHEHEHEE!”

Kyouka flinches as Lucy’s shoulder jolts her off and blinks rapidly. Then she catches sight of Lucy’s hysterical expression and wide open mouth, someone’s fingers scribbling up her sides, and understands. Screeching, Lucy kicks and shoves at the boy in her lap, the culprit, and realizes that with all the bodies piled on top of her, there is no escape.

Atsushi, the ever perseverant hero he is, grins up at her with teeth white as an angel but pointy as a beast. “Revenge.”

And this is what happens when you go up against Nakajima Atsushi.

ᓚᘏᗢ ♡ ≽^•⩊•^≼ ♡ ૮(˶• ༝ •˶)ა ♡ /ᐠ •̀ ˕ •́ マ ♡ ՞ↀ - ↀ՞

Ryu may have the most money but he has near-zero social capabilities. They all lack people skills actually, but Aku lost the last video game tournament. So he’s doing the grocery shopping.

Also they love each other <3

I don’t know why I got so emotional with Kyouka’s POV but it’s probably because I adore her to the ends of the earth. Two paragraphs of just Kyouka reflection bc I think she’s the type to start daydreaming in the middle of an attack.

Relationship HCs:

Atsushi and Lucy — like lonely little children in love, so desperately it hurts

Atsushi and Akutagawa — It’s Complicated™️ (it isn’t)

Akutagawa and Kyouka — it is actually complicated, but they’re getting there

Kyouka and Atsushi — the purest form of connection, siblings <3

Kyouka and Lucy — sisters who give each other the freedom to just be girls

Lucy and Akutagawa — from strangers to not so much so, united by their love for one special tiger (they’re still getting used to each other)

This is a long-ahh footnote I’m sorry

#py is turning pink #tickle #tickle fic #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd tickle #akuatsulucy #atsulucy #shin soukoku #lee!atsushi #ler!lucy #ler!akutagawa #ler!kyouka

[its-short-for-jackalope]

WOW! THAT WAS SOME LORE, HUH? :D

reposting this meme bc it's true and bc I really like it, lol

I have quite literally been scribbling notes on a scrap of paper like a madman while rewatching TGOA part 3 as many times as possible, just jotting down all the mindboggling information we've been given, and some less direct stuff that I could be reading too much into but is fun and neat even if it doesn't amount to anything crazy and galaxy-brained, lol.

So click/tap below the cut for rambles about the final part of Pulp Musicals episode 3

The Ghosts of Antikythera ⚓️

Names, Names, Names!!!

Hey, might as well start with all the new names we've gotten!

The captain of the Antikythera — the ghost ship from 'someplace else' — is Addison Arvad.

Kal (my beloved/beloathed ❤ ) is Kalfu

The Traveler we met in TBS is Sia 💖💖

Ahlaam is another Traveler. I adore her already, and not just because she saved Rose.

Dakkar is... somebody. As expected, I've been going crazy in my dms with @man-down-in-hatchet-town, and she believes Dakkar is probably inspired by/based on Captain Nemo? 👀

King(?!) Itzal is... probably bad news! Kal's the one who calls him a King and he is obviously pretty loyal and devoted to him, and wants to impress him (aww), so methinks Itzal is maybe not so good???? (I am also a proud supporter of Brooke's Dylan Saunders as Itzal campaign, lol)

The Blazing World is home. It's where the Travelers and the Antikythera's Searchers (rip) are from, it was destroyed once—but is being rebuilt?—and Kalfu and Itzal seem to want it gone for good.

Lincoln Island is the mysterious island our heroes on the Ellen Austin are approaching at the end of the episode, the place Ahlaam sent Rose and the Antikythera to via orrery.

Quick *Approximate* Timeline

Eh, what can I say? We got numbers and I decided to do a tiny bit of math about it.

1874 — the Antikythera & the Ellen Austin

🔴 YOU ARE HERE

🎶 When are we? 🎶 Well, Morgan Reese informs our time-traveling heroes that, uh yeah lol, last he checked the year was 1874. What a funny question from a bunch of rapscallions!

Captain Arvad's logs from the Antikythera start in January 1874, so we know the Searchers were out and about in this same year. Their disappearances were recent and the ship hasn't been empty for all that long, I don't think.

1865 — may this monument stand forever

On this site in 1835, Sir John Herschel and Anna Hanover launched the first brick satellite, the Sagitta, in what was known as Township Number Nine. Erected to commemorate their bravery, to thank them for their gift to all mankind, may this monument stand forever.

Dedicated August, 1865.

1864 — the dark angel appears

A desperate AJ makes his ill-fated deal with Kal in exchange for his crew's safety during the Battle of Mobile Bay.

Damn the torpedoes.

1835 — the beginning of our adventure

🎶 IT IS EIGHTEEN THIRTY-FIVE 🎶 and the Great Moon Hoax and The Brick Satellite both happen in this year. Things were so simple back then!

1829 — the Blazing World is destroyed

In 1874, we are told (first by Arvad's journal, and then by Sia) that their home, that the Blazing World was destroyed 45 years ago. If my math is right and they're not hippity-hopping too much in time (they have time travel capabilities so idk for sure) that would put the destruction of the Blazing World in 1829.

If the world being destroyed is also the Event that Kal alludes to in Gunpowder and Rum, pt. 3 ("Your powers are returning and you still don't remember what happened? 😒") AND it's the one that left Margaret without her memories and powers, then... could Margaret have been feeling lost, alone, and disconnected with her phantom pain in New York for 6 whole years before the Stratfords wrote the hoax that would bring the quartet together??? 🥺

And while we're on the subject of time passing!

If Sia and Kalfu and everyone besides the quartet has gotten to 1874 the long way 'round... (which I think is the case if Kal snarked at Sia for hiding Margaret in the future—if he has a sense of the future in relation to the world and time, I'd say this also implies he & the others have a pretty consistent present?) ...have they aged? Or does their magic also lengthen their lives? I imagine it would be mentioned if Sia was visibly older, and since Samuel described Kal as looking ~40 years old, then how could he be younger than the war he's been in? lol. But idk, this is just food for thought!

Kal Loves His Lore Dumps, Doesn't he? This one's mostly about Margaret <3

"You've proven quite elusive over the years... We've searched across the seven seas... I suppose it's only fitting that I find you here by chance, looking for an orrery! I'd have settled for the ship, what's its name? An-ti-ky-ther-a. But you will be quite the prize. It's you that will seal our victory! A ship from the Blazing World would have been quite the quarry. But you? That could end things once and for all!"

"The ship, the orrery, they don't matter now. Not when I can dispatch the two biggest traitors in history with just one blow!"

Seems like our girl is pretty special~ 🥰

I mean, of course she is, she's our Margaret, but if Kal is willing to let the Antikythera go to get her instead, and he's so convinced that taking her out will win the war... our girl is Pretty Special™ right? Maybe she's a princess or something, or maybe her Radiance is just that heckin' strong. idk, but I'm excited to find out either way.

I'm also wondering if there's a connection between Margaret and the orrery/orreries... If Kal thought it was fitting to find her when he was after the orrery, does that mean something more? Could Margaret have created the orreries and/or the magic behind them? 👀

...actually maybe this isn't such a good and fun thing. 😅😟 Things don't usually go very well for special and important characters—what is the saying, tragedies love heroes? I mean, Margaret has lost her powers and memories once already, as well as her home and whatever family she may have had before. I know all our pulp blorbos have been in dire straights a few times now, but I don't want them to get MORE DIRE than this!

Kalfu, Sia, & Margaret's history

Kal: High marks for cloaking the fleet, but seriously—

...

Kal: Come on, it's a Traveler reunion.

...

Kal: Just a drink between three friends.

...

Sia: Oh, you were once a man that I trusted. Tell me, where has he been?

...

Sia: Itzal poisoned your mind!

Kal: Itzal opened my mind!

...

Sia and Margaret: *powering up*

Sia: Hey, Kalfu!

Kal: Huh? Ugh, not again.

Kal: *team rocket fog's blasting off again*

I think it's pretty safe to say that, once upon a time, these three were once close. Maybe they were friends and peers, or maybe Kalfu was once Sia and/or Margaret's mentor with that "high marks" comment. Whatever the case, they used to be allies who trusted each other.

I think it's also safe to say all three of them are/were Travelers. Obviously Sia is, and Margaret probably is/was one as well, since she and Sia have a badass combined attack (that I'm betting they used against Kalfu ~45 years prior). As for Kal... I don't know how the radiance and the fog fit together exactly, whether they've always been separate or the fog is a dark bastardization of the radiance, but it seems like he is on equal footing with Sia as far as magic powers go, and he can teleport like they do—AJ witnessed this at the Battle of Mobile Bay, and Samuel did (kinda) on the deck of the Ellen Austin. I don't know if that's the only qualification for being a Traveler, but it's worth mentioning.

It seems like Itzal was a pretty big factor in this trio splitting up—for whatever reason, Kal turned his back on Sia and Margaret to follow him, or perhaps Sia and Margaret left Kal behind when he wouldn't leave with them. I don't know, but I want to—I have questions!!!

Sia and Itzal — Future sight?

Kal (to Sia): You know, for someone with precognitive abilities, you sure like to cut things close. 😒

...

Kal: How I wish King Itzal was here to witness this. Or did he already know? Eh.

There's not much to say about this, really, I just think it's interesting.

But it does make me wonder if Sia *knew* that sending Margaret and the others to Hanover in 1874 would lead Margaret to the Antikythera and help her regain her memories, even if Sia couldn't see much more than that. Like, if she knew that Kal would be there, I don't think she would have put Margaret at risk like that when she was still vulnerable. Unless she was betting on Margaret figuring things out before Kal could make his move... gah, who knows! (Matt. Matt knows.) We do know that Sia can't see everything, though—she knows that the crew of the Antikythera are gone but has to ask Kal what he did with them.

Also, obligatory "yikes 😬" at the idea of having an enemy (King Itzal) who could possibly see your attacks/plans before you make them. That can't make this war any easier!

Fogging the vortices, you say?

Kal: We've been fogging the vortices for decades. There was bound to be an Antikythera sooner or later.

Vortices.... plural for vortex, yeah?

"A mass of whirling fluid or air, especially a whirlpool or whirlwind."

Is one of these vortices located here in the Sargasso Sea? Is that why Rose already knows plenty of ghost stories about these waters, why this is a strange place that'll one day be dubbed the Bermuda Triangle? Where are the other vortices??? How many are there??? What are they, exactly???

Okay, but what about the gates?

Kal: A war for a world of power and might

Sia: A war for a world of courage and light

Kal: Fought over decades

Sia: Over ascension

Kal/Sia: No chance of surrender, no chance of redemption

I'm just throwing darts here, but I feel like 'ascension' has to do with the gates that have been alluded to a few times now?

First, in TBS, Sia told Margaret that she couldn't take her to the gate until her memories were back. Then in part 2 of TGOA, Kal said something about the Antikythera's orrery leading him to the first gate.

I don't think these gates are the same thing as the vortices—if the bad guys have already been 'fogging' them, then Kal wouldn't need an orrery to find them.

The gates probably lead to the Blazing World, right? Kal and Itzal want to destroy the Blazing World for good, which is why Kal was trying to get the orrery, to get to the gate, to ascend to the Blazing World and turn it to dust once and for all.

Travelers and Symbols/Elements/Associations

To finish up, here's one of the things I've noticed more recently. We have four magical characters now who seem to be at similar levels of power and might all be/have been Travelers, and maybe it's just a fun bit of flavor rather than anything Extremely Vital to the plot, but they each seem to have their own kind of... niche?

Lemme run through 'em real quick.

Kalfu—

● Want a drink?

● Gunpowder and rum, too strong for some! 🎶

● And poison... is kinda my thing.

● Non-lethal fog, my latest brew

Kal's easy to figure out—he's been pretty clear with his gunpowder and rum (delicious!) and once he revealed it he's been very cheeky and upfront about his use of/preference for poison too. He also stands out as the only person wielding fog, but I'm sure that'll change as we delve further into the dark and into this war we're learning about.

Sia—

● "Was that sunlight shining in the sphere?"

● We're here to light the fuse

● Lay another hand on her and you'll go down in flames

● I will always be that feeling burning under your skin

hehe okay, Sia is the reason this whole section of my post exists lol. I noticed the references to fire in enough of her lines/lyrics in part 3 that I thought it couldn't be a coincidence, and then I looked at the others. I just think it's neat!

Maybe these lines are just nods to the fact that light can burn as well as illuminate—Kalfu would probably know, hah—but it is fun to think that maybe we could see our first and dearest Traveler friend whip out some cool fire magic later on—when she's not duking it out with somebody on a wooden boat, lol.

I'd love that for her, tbh.

...especially because alcohol is flammable. :)

Ahlaam—

Narrator: In a blinding flash, a woman materialized, and with a single motion, she pushed the water of the room with her mind

Okay, I fully admit this is mostly just a reason for me to make another waterbending joke. Ahlaam's appearance in this episode wasn't really long enough to give us much information about her, but I mean we also haven't seen anyone else do anything with water until she came along, so... if we see her do more stuff like this and she has more associations with water in episode 4 onwards, I will feel pretty smart. 😌

Margaret—

● the moon

● the sea

● astronomy

we might not know much about Margaret's magic beyond how brightly it glows—which isn't unique to her—and what she's been able to do with it, be we do know that she has a connection with the moon, of course.

I think we could also argue that she has a pull to the sea—mostly because of the view from her window and the rooftop, overlooking the water. Learning about the Searchers and the fact that Kal was looking for Margaret on the sea supports this connection, but again, that doesn't really single her out from the others.

Margaret does have an appreciation for astronomy, but even that might not be super unique, if her people have orreries on every ship and they all look up to the sky. However... my brain is still chewing on a possible connection between Margaret and the orrery, because of what Kal said. It would be pretty rad if she was the one who designed and crafted them, figured out that magic. So idk, that could be something.

If her memories are returning, maybe we'll see her really start to shine amongst her fellow Travelers as she recalls more about herself and brings together the person that resides in her memories and the person that losing her memories made her into.

phew, okay! this is a long post and I am now very sleepy, lol. I'm sure I missed a few things—I didn't take any *literal* notes during parts 1 & 2 and it'll be a few days before I get the album and lose my mind again—but maybe there's a few things I managed to catch that y'all will enjoy.

As always, feel free to reply/reblog with your own thoughts!!!

#still too stunned by the final part to do any art for it but i can type and that's your problem now 😇 #honestly i think I'll go back and relisten to the first two episodes #work on art for that while i wait to get the album #can you believe ive never even drawn sia before??? gotta fix that asap!!! #anyway. #jack jabbers #pulp musicals #matt dahan #pulp musicals episode 3 #the ghosts of antikythera #tgoa #pulp musicals tgoa #sia #pulp musicals sia #kal #kalfu #pulp musicals kal #ahlaam #pulp musicals ahlaam #the traveler #the travelers #king itzal #pulp musicals theory #pulp musicals theories #pulp musicals lore #the ghosts of antikythera spoilers #pulp musicals episode 3 spoilers #the blazing world

[mothmage]

how did you get started writing fic and how has your process changed since then, if it has?

HAHAHHHAA ok so i have journals full of self insert fanfic that i wrote IN SCHOOL in like second and third grade, genuinely self insert to the magic tree house book series. BUT the first fanfic that i recognized as fanfic and shared with other fans was for the warriors books (the cat books) when i was in fourth? fifth? grade, and i was on a cat clan forum where people would share prompts and such and critique the FUCK out of other peoples’ writing. we were in the trenches. people were so mean to each other honestly. but thats how i got into fanfic! a lot of those fics are still floating around under like four different accounts that i will NOT be linking here lmao. but my process used to be so focused on writing well that i would forget about everything else, if that makes sense? i would write not bc i had a story in mind, but just bc i loved to write. so it would be lots of long internal monologues and adventures where nothing really happened. i never really stopped writing, even though theres a few 2-3 year periods where i stopped writing fanfic for various reasons. but it’s cool to look back and see the evolution, because i’ve definitely grown as a writer. even things i posted like, several months ago, sometimes i reread them and just cringe lol. but the process is the same, i still have to be very systematic and chronological about everything i write (autism), i’ve just learned that i need to plan out the “events” ahead of time, or i’ll end up in that same “monologuing with nothing happening” territory. so i usually start with a really detailed outline, and i try to finish fics before posting them (although i’ve broken that a lot recently)

this was such a long winded answer oh my god 😭 sorry lmao. tldr: free-hand wrote warriors cats fic 🐈‍⬛ and now i use outlines 📝

#thank youuu <3 #ask game

[boxofthings]

Finally finished a prompt and wrote some GhostRoach (kinda) matching gear fluff :) 

I might also go back and do some of the other ideas anon listed

This turned out much longer than expected lmao and isn't as well fleshed out and polished like my two other fics so if there are typos I'm sorry lol (also might be a lil ooc since this was just mindless brainrot writing)

Read on AO3

---

A haphazard smack against his helmet briefly knocks him out of his crouched stance. He grunts softly as he repositions himself near the bushes. Ghost isn't surprised that a task force member got bored and decided to bother him. He's even less surprised when he turns around and comes face to face with Roach, eyes crinkled in a relaxed grin.

"What," he says, unimpressed. They're supposed to be on recon duty, but it's lasted far longer than he thinks is needed, and with the information they've gathered being as dry as it was, Ghost had figured the squad would've started loosening up by now. 

He should've figured Roach would be the first one to get antsy.

"Wanted to check up on you," Roach signs. He lowers himself so that he's at Ghost's level and slings his firearm over his shoulder. "Also, I'm bored." 

Ghost rolls his eyes. "So I see you've made the smart decision and sought me out to help cure your boredom?" He makes a show of raising his brow even though it won't be seen through the mask.

Roach nods, completely unbothered by his lieutenant's snark.

"Of all people..." Ghost mumbles under his breath, but his limbs feel just a little less heavy than they were a minute ago.

He doesn't follow Roach's example and keeps his gun at the ready, barrel pointed straight in front of him. At the same time, the sergeant starts getting himself comfortable (or as comfortable as one can be in a humidly damp forest) with his journal already out and pencil in hand.

Ghost doesn't bother reprimanding him. It'd felt so long ago that he'd nitpick at every minuscule shortcoming displayed by his subordinates. It'd only feel strange if he went back to that now, especially with Roach, who had definitely played a role in the aversion of that overtly rigid demeanour. 

And besides, he knows Roach to be startlingly swift when facing a sudden oncoming threat, and with the added security of Ghost still on alert, their chances of ambush were low.

When had he gotten so soft? 

He turns to the sergeant–the culprit responsible for that development. A rush of fond exasperation churns in his gut, but he doesn't speak, only watches, as he often does with Roach.

He looks down at the open journal page, a current sketch of the foliage around them, some jotted-down thoughts and a drawing of Ghost from earlier in the day.

It doesn't bother him, but he's always surprised to see Roach's sketches of him, even if it'd been established long ago that Roach, much like the captain, tends to draw everyone.

It just means something else when it's Ghost.

Ghost clears his throat, suddenly abashed, "You and MacTavish should have drawing competitions. Bet he'd enjoy that."

The sergeant looks up, then glances down at his page again, pointedly looking at the sketch of the lieutenant.

"We already had one," he responds. "He won." Roach dramatically hangs his head and clutches his heart in a mocking "woe is me" display. Ghost feels the corners of his lips lift.

"Ah," he starts, leaning over to give a quick pat on the shoulder. "Sorry to hear that. S'pose the captain does have a couple of years on ya." 

Roach shrugs lightheartedly, "My creations could definitely use some work." He returns to his previous activity while Ghost turns his gaze back to their targeted area.

He's starting to feel antsy himself, and he's long recognized the source of that familiar precipice. "I like 'em, though," he says, much more hesitant and softer than his tone before, probably hoping the latter won't hear.

Roach's eyes shift upwards and he takes a moment to observe Ghost, crinkled eyes boring deep into his skin, and he feels his body flaring warmer.

He leans forward and gives a quick peck to Ghost's covered cheek, patting the area lightheartedly before returning to his previous ministrations, all too quickly for Ghost to properly process and appreciate what had just happened.

Ghost manages a choked "Mhm" before he's back to steadying his gun in his grasp, albeit a little shakier this time.

They don't say anything else after that–Ghost suddenly hyper-focused on the tree to the left of his barrel, and Roach very obviously content with their current established dynamic.

The silence is, as always, comfortable between them, and it passes for another half an hour before Royce comms in that his area is clear and that there's nothing else to look for.

Ghost stands up, gathering the gear he'd set on the ground, and moves over to offer Roach a hand to hoist him up.

The other closes his journal and brushes off his gear. When he looks up at Ghost, he grins.

"What?" Ghost asks, sensing an aura of inscrutability.

Roach continues to smile as he shakes his head, already turning to trek down the path they came from. Ghost wordlessly follows him.

--

Once they've all settled into their respective rides, Ghost radios in with Soap one last time to confirm extraction before he signals Royce to start driving.

He's just started to relax when he catches a glimpse of his reflection in the side-view mirror. 

There's nothing out of the ordinary. Just his masked face as usual, but when he glances slightly upwards to where his helmet sits, that's where he spots it.

A sticker. It's a flower and a soft baby pink, and Ghost stares at it, slightly incredulous as if it appeared out of thin air.

Except–he has a hunch on where it came from, and the earlier smack to his helmet comes back to rattle his brain in a wave of exasperation.

And, of course, Roach chose to ride with Meat in the other car. He'll deal with it later.

--

Seven hours later and they're finally back on base. Ghost is about ready to pass out in his quarters, but as soon as he steps into the common room, Meat approaches him, no doubt to pester Ghost into joining his evening bender.

Ghost is about to wave him off when Meat pauses and squints at him. "The hell is that?"

For a moment, Ghost doesn't understand what Meat's referring to and, by default, is prepared to say it's his face, but the other's gaze is lifted just a tad higher than where Ghost's ears would be, and he realizes. 

"It's just a sticker," he grumbles. He'd almost forgotten about it, "Don't get your knickers in a twist."

Meat only looks more confused. "Yeah, but-" his attention is ripped away by Roach, who makes his way over to the two. "Wow."

"What?" Roach asks.

The other makes a heatless scowl, "So you'll let Roachie here decorate your helmet but if we even suggest you add some personality and glamour to your gear, you just get all huffy?"

It's Ghost's turn to scowl. "I do not get huffy." And he immediately chides himself for sounding like a petulant child arguing with their sibling over who started what. Over a sticker.

"And the sergeant did it without my knowledge." He tries to add with more professionalism, but it doesn't help that Roach is standing next to him, grinning like an idiot.

The answer obviously doesn't satisfy Meat at all--only really exasperates him more. He shakes his head and gives a brief, knowing glance towards Roach, that Ghost heavily glares at, before he gives the lieutenant a light pat as he leaves. "Whatever. Looks cute, L.T."

Before he can respond, Roach is already pulling him away towards the direction of the mess hall.

Once they've sat down with a tray of food in front of them, Ghost takes the time to unbuckle his helmet, deliberately making eye contact with Roach.

"Well?" he says, side-eyeing his partner.

Roach glances down at the aforementioned sticker, then looks back up at Ghost and shrugs.

"Why not?" he signs. "You could add a little colour to your..." he gestures towards Ghost's person haphazardly.

Ghost sighs, placing down his helmet to the side and settling into his seat.

"You know you can take it off. It's all in good fun."

Ghost gives one last glance at the little sticker before digging into his food.

He'll keep it on for now, only because he'd rather focus his attention on his meal over something so ridiculous.

--

The next time they're off on a mission, it's rather quick. A cut-and-dry track and assimilate.

As Soap handles their acquired asset into the carrier, Ghost takes a quick moment to glance at the pop-up shops around them.

They've been deployed to a small village on the east coast of the U.S., where their target had hunkered up in. During their sweep of the area, he'd observed the various shop stands he'd passed by.

Now, as he studies the goods in front of him, his eye catches on a bright sheet in his peripheral. 

He buys it without a second thought. Keeping it tucked in his vest's breast pocket when he meets back up with the others.

--

It's a slow day. He's reading over mission debriefings in his shared office with the captain. 

He'd chosen to look over them during afternoon drills when he knew he wouldn't be disturbed.

With everyone outside sweating their asses off, he'd be granted a couple hours of free time.

He's fifteen minutes into his file readings when Roach walks straight through the door, shoulders slumped from fatigue and half his gear still strapped to his body.

Ghost immediately sits straighter, forgoing his attention on the papers strewn across his desk and taking in Roach's presence. He's back a day early from his latest deployment. One Ghost, unfortunately, wasn't assigned to join.

"Injuries?"

Roach huffs lightheartedly and shakes his head. "Just a few bruised ribs. All good."

He sits down beside Ghost with a heavy sigh and glances over his papers. "How have you been?"

Ghost relaxes as soon as the other situates the other chair, and his hand involuntarily creeps closer to Roach across the table.

Roach zeroes in on it and grasps it without question. 

Ghost swallows. "I've been fine. Slow day. How was the mission?"

The sergeant shrugs. "Nothing special, just a week of mostly sitting around."

Ghost nods, gripping Roach's hand just a little tighter.

Roach removes his helmet and places it on Ghost's desk, leaning closer towards him so their shoulders are touching.

"Mission debriefings?"

"Mm. Just going over a few before I give 'em to MacTavish."

Roach nods, leaning his head against Ghost's shoulder.

Ghost snorts, already knowing where this will go. "If you're tired, you should've headed to the barracks."

Roach makes no show of moving, only whispering a soft "Wanted to see you" that makes Ghost's chest feel funny.

Ghost decides to return to his papers, one hand still intertwined with his partner's, but refusing to let go.

Roach has already begun dozing off when Ghost brings the nearest paper closer to him.

Ghost only manages to get twenty minutes of productive reading in when his mind becomes preoccupied. He's read the same paragraph five times before he throws the paper down and rubs his eyes.

The warm weight on his side hasn't moved an inch, and Ghost feels a faint smile graze his lips when he glances down at Roach, dead to the world, on Ghost's shoulder.

When he turns back to his desk, something catches his eye from his peripheral. It's the small sheet of stickers he'd bought on that mission weeks ago, haphazardly sticking out from between two folders.

He'd forgotten about it, was already apprehensive about using them as soon as he'd arrived back with them in his pocket.

But when he turns to his left, Roach's helmet sits innocently within his reach, and his eyes dart between that and the stickers on his right.

He sighs, feeling a little like a small child scheming to steal an extra snack or two from the pantry.

He reaches forward, mindful of not jostling Roach too much, as he grabs the plastic sheet and slides it out of its clear sleeve.

Ghost gingerly peels a little blue flower off the sheet and delicately places it on the same area where Roach placed his on Ghost's helmet.

After smoothing it out for a few seconds, he debates placing another. Just because. But as he reaches over to grab at the sheet again, he freezes.

The soft breathing from his left had quieted substantially, and he slowly looks down to his shoulder to make eye contact with Roach's amused gaze.

"How long were you awake," he grumbles.

Roach lifts himself, extricating his hand from Ghost's and stretching. "Long enough to watch you lovingly decorate my helmet."

"I wasn't-It was just one."

He doesn't respond, only reaches out to grab his helmet and turns back to Ghost, expression almost triumphant.

Ghost can only look down at Roach's mouth and subconsciously leans closer.

It is then that the captain walks right through the door, papers in hand, approaching his own desk when he catches Ghost and Roach in the act.

The smile that breaks across Mactavish's face is almost comical. Ghost immediately wishes he'd just done this in his own quarters.

"That's real precious, lads," he snorts.

Ghost grimaces, prepared for the onslaught of teasing from his commanding officer.

Soap notices his discomfort and quickly reassures him. "Ah, don't be embarrassed, mate. Roach here used to decorate my helmet when he first joined the squad."

For a moment, Ghost feels an ugly bout of jealousy spark through his gut, which is ridiculous because they're just stickers.

Roach quickly pats Ghost's hand and waves off the captain.

"It was my first mission with him alone, and we got so bored we just did anything to pass the time." As if he sensed Ghost's envy.

"Yeah yeah," MacTavish responds. "No need to feel jealous, Ghost. You're still the special one."

Roach sits back down, turning his body to Ghost while intently making eye contact with Soap. "He also lost the helmet that very same mission."

Soap sneers with zero heat as he walks toward the exit. "Think of it as an unpredicted blessing. Now you can focus all that attention onto Ghost.

The door closes, and Ghost wordlessly turns to Roach.

The other's grin hasn't diminished a bit, and Ghost feels warm under all his layers.

Roach leans forward and encloses Ghost's face between his hands, calloused but gentle, and brings his lips to Ghost's in a tender kiss.

His mask is still on, but Ghost reciprocates regardless and cherishes the moment all the same. He closes his eyes and leans fully into Roach's body heat as the other moves one hand to the back of Ghost's neck to lock them in place.

When they separate, Roach takes a moment to caress Ghost's face before pulling back and standing up.

Ghost already misses the contact.

Roach is about to walk out of the office before he turns back, glancing at the helmet in his hands and giving Ghost one last survey.

"It does look cute, L.T."

Ghost only huffs.

#put this into docs and the word count was 2k I really am the worst ficlet writer #my big fic wip watching me spend my free time writing short ghostroach prompts: >:( #ghostroach #ghost x roach #simon ghost riley #gary roach sanderson #prompt #fic #cod #call of duty modern warfare #mw2 #these two mean everything to me #they deserve more fics #also feel free to send more prompts i need an excuse to not do work #ask #box of words #box of asks #box of posts

[daydadahlias]

19, 32, 35 for the writing prompts! :D

hi!! thank you for asking :D i talked a lot in this warning in advance <3

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

Ooo how fun!! Now i get to tell you my life story lol <3 well, I’ve always really loved writing and I honestly can’t think of a time in my life that I wasn’t writing in some form? I was always writing weird short stories or poems in elementary school and I wrote little (horrible) picture books from about 1st through 3rd grade. And then I wrote my first “full book” when I was in 4th grade (it was called One Wolves World <3 because I didn’t understand plurals <3 and it was like 80 pages). And then I started a bunch of books I never finished (mostly about personified dogs because I was a Warrior Cats kid). Then, I wrote my fantasy novel (as all young writers must) when I was in 6th-8th grade. And that ended up being 80k and it was dogshit. So I wrote my next book (50k) in 9th grade and I actually had some fun opportunities with that one! For a little while, I sold self-printed copies of it at two local bookstores and I sold about a hundred copies of it :) which is NOT a lot lmfao but to a freshman in highschool it was a super big deal! And from there I wrote two more original books in 10th grade. And during that time, I started writing fanfic! Originally, I wrote a few unfinished fics on Quotev (which are still up and you can find them if you really dig lmfao) when I was in middle school. And my first fic on ao3 was a stucky one (which I wanna say I posted in, uh?? My freshman year?? Maybe 8th grade… I can’t remember tbh, I took it down years ago at this point). In 10th grade, I wrote this original novel called “Sorrow or Silence” which was soooo bad oh my godddd lmao but I liked the premise so I ended up entirely rewriting it as a ryden fic (panic! At the disco was my original fandom on ao3) and that ended up being a whopping 270k which is crazy in hindsight!! Like 16 yo me really wrote that in just a few months!! That’s crazy in hindsight!! Anyway, from there, I was writing original fiction and panic! Fic at the same time (I posted 4 fics for panic!, one of which was chaptered that i never finished uwu and I’ve since privated all of those). I ended up getting into 5sos during quarantine in 2020 and started posting fic about them!! And now I’ve been here for four years lol! I still write original stuff (creative writing minor woo) but not so much fiction anymore. A short story here and there but I’ve been largely into poetry during college! And in terms of where I’m going now it’s finally the era of my life where I’m going to start pursuing publishing eek. This year, I’ve started actually submitting things to journals/magazines so… here’s to hoping! I haven’t heard back from any yet (I submitted in March and it takes a long time for them to get back to you) but I’m gonna keep submitting where I can and, hopefully, things will stick eventually!  

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

Ooo i love this. Honestly, this isn’t a written material, but that line from Bojack Horseman “when you look at people through rose tinted glasses, all the red flags just look at flags.” I just think it’s so powerful. I also love that line I have in my bio!! “Too groovy to be so goddamned grave” is from a poem by Patrick Rosal who I had the opportunity to introduce at a reading he did on his tour and also meet! He’s really fantastic and I just love that poem and the concept of being too groovy to be grave. It just eats. 

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

Hmmm. Well, you’re told not to use “purple prose” in creative writing because it muddies the meaning. That’s, like, overly flowery writing for no reason. But to be honest! I love a metaphor! I love a simile! I love consonance! I’m going to use fun words because they sound nice! A sonic experience is just as valid as, like, an experience of just understanding something idk if that makes sense. But yeah, I like to use flowery language more than some writers recommend.

#pigeon #the-technorats #yeah!!!! #i like talking abt my writing journey #it's very classic #but #yeah !! big things coming !!

[threeletterslife]

Hii! It's me again. I was curious how you came up with this? Was the whole series your idea or someone elses, or mabye where you found your inspo and such. And when you started writing it, did you come up with all the plots and stories yourself and did you have doubts on it? OH and also how did you come up with all these characters and fantasy like places and stories and names?You're welcome to answer or just ignore tho. Whatever is nice for you! 💓

wellllll this is quite a long story, so buckle up!

i consistently write a journal documenting my journey with lod, so i will be copy-pasting excerpts here. i am planning to post the entire journal once lod is finished (right now, it is 37+ pages, but it'll definitely be much longer lol. not sure if people would even read the full thing, though.) FYI: below the keeping reading line, words in red omits spoilers (aka the chapers i haven't posted yet) and words in green are commentary (since i wrote this journal a couple years ago)

tl;dr: i was bored in quarantine and had a lot of motivation, so i came up with lod. the entire series was my idea, but i found inspiration from other fantasy/magic series. i did have doubts when it came to plotting, but i had a couple of friends who proofread. coming up with everything was definitely a process—i explain it in detail below:

1. HOW IT ALL STARTED

November 1st, 2020, Sunday was the day I created the first LOD-related Google Doc. I remember for the longest time, I wanted to write an ultra-long series. I had no idea what this series would consist of—the only thing I did know is that I wanted it to be a slow burn. Of course, I began dabbling with the idea of the internet’s most beloved trope: enemies to lovers. I realized that I don’t exactly have much of an interest in developing a story based on modern-day happenings. If this series was going to be long, I wanted to go all-in—that is, I wanted to play around with some extensive world-building. Though I admit I have some experience in world-building, I say this with a grain of salt because I’ve never actually expanded upon my new universes. (Most of my world-building work has been through the Society Series, which included seven stories that ranged from 2k-29k words. And 2k-29k words are barely anything compared to the long series I wanted to write.) So I took on this challenge of creating an entirely new world with new nations and cultures and people.

Except I didn’t know where to start. I think I found it the easiest to figure out who I wanted to write. I definitely wanted to write a somewhat angsty relationship (definitely something on the lines of enemies to lovers). So I knew my main characters had to have a lot of spunk to them. I still wasn’t so sure about the setting, until I realized how interesting it would be to write a story about a war. I’ve never quite done that before. I accepted the challenge. And with this setting in mind, I began to piece together my characters. I typed out a quick: general!yg (26) and general!yn (23) into the Google Doc. It was actually smooth sailing from there.

1.1 Castings, Genres and Plotting

I created two nations: Solaria and Darlae and then split them up as the elemental magic group and traditional “wand” magic group. I wasn’t so sure how to build upon the magic, though. I decided to leave that problem up for the future me. Meanwhile, I assigned Yoongi the role of the cynical, cold yet somehow gentle Solarian General. Of course, to add some *spice*, I cast our OC as the kindhearted, passionate Darlaean General. I took a lot of inspiration from Avatar: The Last Airbender and the Harry Potter franchise but ultimately decided that I’d create my very own system of magic (somewhere along the line). I did know that the Solarians would control the elements and the Darlaeans would use what I later called their birthstones to do their own form of magic. But other than that, I literally let alone the magic. I figured I’d begin to create the magical guidelines when I felt more comfortable with the other parts of the story.

From November 1st to the 7th 2020, I plotted every day. But these were very general plot points—mostly to map out where the story would go. I came up with an introduction that I felt was a good hook, and from there, I focused a lot on moving the plot along. It’s a little problematic considering I didn’t exactly flesh out my characters yet, but I thought it would be better to just word vomit than stay stagnant. I realized I could tweak the plot a little (or a lot) after I got my ideas out. So then, I made the whole storyline of OC’s lost memory, Yoongi being suspicious of her, her feeling a little lost in Solaria, then her assimilating and gaining Yoongi’s undevoted trust. The plot was very much centered around her and the Solarian General. I remember being stuck at a particular plot point, however. It was after the fact that OC went into battle and got “captured” by the Darlaeans. I knew she’d meet her past lover (Jungkook) and it’d be a whole angst parade. But there were a few complications that are plot spoilers of the latter half of the second act, plus acts III and IV, so I will not share them for now. Just know that it wasn't until January 2nd to 14th of 2021 that I finally configured the ending of LOD

1.2 Creating the Title

I also came up with the title on January 10th. I had some possible choices too: ​​Forgotten Memories, Lost Memories, The Legends of Two Kingdoms, Legends of Magic, Legends of Darlaria. At first, I really wanted to incorporate the motif of memory in the title. [Reasons are redacted.] But then I started brainstorming some ideas and realized putting ‘memory’ in the title sounds cheap/an attempt to sound overly deep. I didn’t like it. So I realized I could branch off and talk about the nations. The Legends of Two Kingdoms gave me Dickens’ A Tale of Two Cities vibes and I was not there for that. Legends of Magic sounded straight-up stupid. But then came Legends of Darlaria. It clicked. I was so happy with that and it stuck like glue.

1.3 Fleshing the Plot Out

1.3.1 Creating the Acts

January 12th, 8:38 AM, I copy-pasted my plot doc into a new doc specifically for chapter divisions. By 8:46 AM, I had created three acts. Act I is OC’s time spent in Solaria. Act II encompasses the entirety of OC’s stay in Darlae. Act III is the ending. I didn’t flesh out any of the chapters/parts. In fact, I spent the next several days splitting my story into parts. And by January 26th, I had all 65 parts basically fleshed out (plus the epilogue). It ended up being 57 pages, 33 more than my original 24.

January 16th, I first came up with the idea of having four acts instead of my original three. I felt like if I stayed with three acts, act II would be unnecessarily long. [Redacted discussions about acts III and IV].

1.3.2 Major Creations and Edits

From then on, I worked on my chapter divisions doc sporadically. I skipped the whole month of February. Then, I only worked on it twice around the end of March. I remember this was because I was losing a lot of motivation for Legends of Darlaria. I had completed a lot in a pretty short amount of time: creating a title, creating functioning characters, creating a 65-page plotline, etc. It was safe to say that I was (a) getting tired of it (b) realizing my ideas weren’t so great as I had originally thought they were. It also might have had a lot to do with college decisions and online school burnout. I remember I was just tired all the time—even though I was getting more than enough rest. Legends of Darlaria felt so… bland. Every arc I had, I felt like it had been done before, and there was nothing really special about my characters either. In fact, I started to worry that they were really, really starting to look like Mary Sues (especially the OC). 

But I got ahold of myself and began working again, picking up momentum. I entered the chapter division document (my main doc) on April 19th, ready to get back on track. I remember, I felt kind of lost, then. I wasn’t sure if I should add any more details to the plot or whether I should even take parts of the plot out. I felt like to change one little detail, I had to change a billion other things. So in the month of April, I remember obsessively reading over the document and editing every little piece of dialogue, sentence, plot point. I even built upon my characters. On April 19-22, I gave them zodiac signs, IQs and their place of birth. Zodiac signs were easy. For OC, her stubborn nature and willingness to stay grounded made her a Taurus, which is perfect considering that she has an April birthday (in order to have the diamond birthstone). I didn’t plan for that to happen, but it did happen to work out. Yoongi’s an obvious Aries; head on his shoulders, also stubborn and pretty tough (redacted information). I always imagined Jungkook as a Virgo (which he is in real life). On April 20th, I created the five sectors of Solaria—literally on a whim. Each element would get its own sector and there would be a heterogeneous capital sector. Coming up with the names for that was so fun. I basically looked up “names that mean [insert element]” and created my own variations from what I found on the internet. Needless to say, the names did not disappoint. (I’m usually shit at coming up with fantastical names, so this was an improvement on my part.) This was how I was able to figure out that Yoongi’s birthplace is Aithne; OC and Jungkook are both from Darlae, a huge kingdom with no separate cities/sectors [that obviously got changed later LOL]. Figuring out their IQs was a roller coaster ride [even though honestly it shouldn't even have been a huge deal since IQ doesn't define intelligence whatsoever]. In the beginning, I gave OC the highest IQ of 133. Jungkook had the lowest of 127 and Yoongi had a 131. But I thought about those numbers for a long, long time. (The funny thing is, IQ is not even remotely important to the story, so I have no idea why I was fretting so much about it.) But two days later on April 24th, I edited the IQs. Jungkook now had the highest of 131. Yoongi had the lowest of 127, and OC had 130. I remember realizing that I didn’t want the nations’ militant leaders to be too above average; that’s not how usually the military works. But I did want their IQs to be a little higher than average, too—because let’s face it—these characters do some smart shit in the story. But I ended up bumping Yoongi down the IQ ladder (for reasons that are purely intuitive; I can’t explain them with words). Jungkook went up (because I realized he’s one of my most intelligent characters), and OC is just right behind him.

1.3.3 Art & the Quest of Smut

No one asked for this, so I will be omitting this excerpt LOL.

1.3.4 An Obscene Number of Things to Fix

April 27th, I fleshed out the five sectors of Solaria, creating their relative sizes and different ecological biomes. (I literally remember researching the different biomes during my math class—it was a nice bio review!) I also realized I needed to take the initiative on my still ever-so-present dilemma that Legends of Darlaria felt bland. I was ruminating about the reason it could come off as bland for months. But I finally got somewhat of an answer. It was definitely because there was too much focus on the main characters; the side characters didn’t get the time of day! I also thought that the main characters’ flaws were not well-portrayed enough in the plot. So, I came up with a list called ‘THINGS TO FIX.’ It consisted of 10 bullet points: (1) yn’s not good with kids, (2) [HUGE FUCKING SPOILER], (3) [another spoiler LOL], (4) the ending drags on too much, (5) [semi-spoiler but omitting just in case], (6) sprinkle in stuff about sectors, (7) [more spoilers bruh], (8) add seokjin to the flashbacks, (9) add more female OCs, (10) figure out dates/times

(1) OC gets to meet children in chapter 5 where she voyages to the capital with her General. But I realized, it doesn’t make much sense for OC to be a kid-person. Even when she was young, she was mature for her age, and she had to grow up quickly due to the death of her mother [changed this to her parents' neglect instead]. She never got a chance to be a child. So it would make sense for her to be awkward around children. She doesn’t know how to treat those mini-adults!

(2) Nope

(3) Also nope

(4) Semi-spoiling the ending, so will take out just in case

(5) Also a semi-spoiler...

(6) I just created the different sectors, so I realized that now has to be integrated into the story.

(7) Oops also a spoiler

(8) Seokjin is a character we barely see in the whole story, which sucks because his character has so much potential. Even though I didn’t write it down anywhere, I always internalized that Seokjin is a misunderstood character. (Kind of like Jungkook.) He has a lot of potential and is a highly disciplined individual, but doesn’t quite understand how to interact with others. I think he’s a very “rigid” character. He likes to follow the rules. He likes to obey orders. I think a pivotal point in his character is when [REDACTED]. But since Seokjin is such an interesting character, I want to put him in the flashback scenes. He must have played some role!

(9) I knew for a while that Legends of Darlaria would not take in place of a patriarchy. Men and women are literally equal. So it was just sad to see more male characters than females. But that may have something to do with the fact that this is a BTS fanfiction and I kind of promised myself to include all seven men. So, of course, there is an imbalance. My concern, however, was coming up with female characters who could be seamlessly integrated into the plot.

(10) I realized while writing this longass series (which I had no idea would be in several months), I would also have to write descriptions of the setting. But the setting also includes the weather. How am I supposed to write about the setting if I don’t even know what season the chapter is taking place? This last bullet point perhaps stressed me out the most. (For some reason.)

1.3.5 Fixing and Creating New Characters

I worked on LOD basically for the rest of April—almost every day. I was really big on weaving the to-fix points into my plot. I remember I made 81 edits in one day trying to sprinkle in bits of the sector stuff. I also changed a lot of the dialogue and the choices the characters made for them to stay true to their character. At the beginning of May, I focused a lot on rounding out my main characters and fleshing out the world-building. I created a money system, which, I have no idea why I made (but whatever. I guess it made my world feel a little more real to me). I added three things to my to-fix list: (1) add more bits of confident yoongi, (2) add more yoongi character flaws (his willingness to surrender/give up), (3) add more yn character flaws (too trusting, overthinks, workaholic). I still felt like my main characters were Mary Sues (except Jungkook LOL). So I realized to make the audience sympathize with them and root for them, I had to make them seem more human by giving them notable flaws. 

I took a break for a couple of weeks and got back on track in the middle of May. On May 18th, the Lieutenant of the Solarian Army Kang Doyun was born. I didn’t really know much about her other than the fact that she speaks her mind and is a generally likable character. The same day I created her, I also decided that ultimately, she has to die. Originally, I planned it so that OC and Doyun do not know each other too well. That would make it easier for OC to take Doyun’s place as the Lieutenant when she dies. In hindsight, I realize that is definitely not how the military works—even in a fictional nation. But we’re going to let my past self be in blissful ignorance. [Which is why I changed it later so OC never becomes the Solarian Lieutenant General LOL.]

May 19th, Hana was born. She was created for the sole purpose of tripping up OC because she’s so similar to Hajin. Immediately, I knew I had to design her as a very likable character. In fact, I added to my to-fix list: make ALL characters more likable/complex. By the end of May, my original 24-page document became 71 pages. 

I worked on the document for three days in mid-June. Mostly, I was working hard to polish up the plotline; my goal was to slowly get rid of all the bullet points from my to-fix list. I worked on the document for one day in July—mainly to add to some important plot points. I think at that point, I thought I was basically done fleshing out the story.

Anyways, the rest of this journal is me doing a breakdown of each chapter I've written in LOD, which can get quite tedious, so I won't include that. Hopefully, this gives you a better background of how my idea came to be and knowledge of some of my pre-writing processes!

I began writing LOD after I settled into my college dorm, and three years later, I'm in my apartment still writing. I will most likely finish and wrap up this story when I soon after I graduate and begin working full-time

#ask #yoongijoon07 #lod #sorry this was so long but i hope i answered your question!! #i can't believe how many spoilers i had to take out LOL #it's cuz shit RLLY GOES DOWN in the latter half of act II LOL #and i honestly doubt anyone can predict what act III's gonna be about #tbh i don't even think act IV is all that predictable #the most predictable thing in this entire story (i'm hoping) is the fact that OC is Darlaean lol #since most of you figured it out anyways

[ihavetoomuchhomeworkforthis]

hey so I wrote this whole like 3 page thing within one class period a year ago back in 9th grade about how super stressed I was and I thought you might want to see so I'm copy-pasting it all here lol

Update: it doesn't fit in the word limit, so I'm putting half of it into the comments if I can XD

Update #2, it took TEN comments to finish it omg this crap is really frickin' long

Journal: Change the World

Directions:

Answer the following prompt in 6-8 complete sentences.

Prompt:

Write about anything you want. Or, if you need a prompt, write about something that is stressing you out right now.

Right now I’m stressed because I have a lot of work to catch up on, Ms. Cady when we all got back, she said something like “if you were on the band trip, your cumulative review #1 which was pages 3-5 is due right now.” and I had barely started it and so that was stressful and now I can’t make it up properly because it’s a review and I don’t remember anything and the point of a review is to review so that you do remember stuff of course, but there’s no time and she already sent us the key to it so it wouldn’t be credible if I turned it in at this point because I could realistically just copy down the answers off of the Key, and not re-learn anything. Also the Cumulative review #2 was due yesterday, which I also hadn’t finished or even really started for similar reasons, and she told us to rip it out of our books and pass it to the front, so I had to do that, and now I can’t use those problems to review because I don’t remember anything anymore and also I don’t have that page from the book, and Cumulative Review number 3 is due Wednesday, so I have plenty of time except that I don’t know where to find the resources to review and remember how to do any of those problems in the first place so I don’t know how I’m going to complete that one. And I also have a test that I have to make up, and I don’t know where that test is and I don’t know what the test is and I don’t know how I’m going to make it up because I don’t have it and I don’t even know if it’s on paper or online or how to do it but somehow I have to figure out what the test is and how to do it and make up that test so that’s also stressing me out. And then in Biology I’ve also fallen behind and Mr. McLauglin is a bit nicer and more understanding than Ms Cady, he said end of the week or Next Monda would be a good time to get stuff in and he even wrote all my missing stuff on a little sticky note and gave it to me and that was really very nice and helpful even though I haven’t actually gotten a chance to look at it yet but on Google Classroom I’ve already gone through and looked at what I’ve missed, and turns out they’ve been covering Reproductive Systems so that’s really an annoying and embarrassing thing to have to make up, but whatever, except that I have about three or I dunno, a lot of worksheets and labs that are in my Bio binder, so I don’t know when I’ll have time to do that since I also have all the math stuff to figure out.

#stressed #band #writing assignment #idk what tags to use #not sure if anyone's going to see this #but the void is nice #also I joined tumblr pretty recently #and I've made a couple posts #and now there are over half a dozen people following me #who all have no posts of their own #and who also all have profile pictures of women #are those... bots? #is that normal? #update: this is a REALLY long post and I do not know how to put all of the words in the main thing #the first TEN comments are me trying to finish copy-pasting it #why did I decide to share this XD #oh haha it said to answer the prompt in 6-8 complete sentences. oops??

[ivystoryweaver]

Also just a few questions to get to know you!

What got you into writing? Which Oscar media did you first watch? And who’s your favourite blorbo? 🥰

Hiiiii thanks for the questions!

What got you into writing? I've been writing since I was a middle schooler. I had several pen pals, kept a journal and wrote terrible poems. One of my out-of-town friends and I would mail each other poem and story notebooks. I still have one to this day (she is by far the superior writer). Then I started writing some fandom stuff ages ago on other sites. I took a very long break. When I saw Moon Knight - you know when you see a film or tv show and something in you stirs and you're like - this is gonna wreck me. I'm gonna stalk it so hard lol. I've been on tumblr forever, but I still held off posting until a year after the show ended. Idk why. But I read and read and read - there are so many good writers on here.

sorry that was long

Which Oscar media did you first watch? The Nativity Story, not right when it came out, but after. I remember thinking that Joseph was kind of cute, which made me feel weird ok. And thinking that his performance was the only real standout in kind of a bland film? But I forgot about him. I saw him in Drive and The Bourne Legacy and was like, who is this guy, he is so interesting. Saw Ex Machina and really liked that but it still wasn't totally registering for me. Then he got cast as Poe and I was like ohhhh yeah I know that guy.

And who’s your favourite blorbo? I'm real bad on my Oscar kick (who am i kidding, it's been years). Specifically, Marc Spector is the love of my life. I love Steven and Poe as well. Obi-Wan Kenobi. I had a lengthy Ewan McGregor phase and I still watch most anything he does. Had a long time love of Sam and Dean from Supernatural too. But all time?? Mulder and Scully! They are my babes and I would die for them.

Sorry for the novel. What about you? If you feel like answering. Now, I think I saw some sort of Oxford Comma playlist but I was posting a one-shot, so I'm just gonna go... *runs*

#ivy replies #asks #inbox #500 follower celebration #oscar isaac characters

[colorfulbibliostack]

bullet journal and productivity info (with personal stuff added, srry)

sooo... i started a bullet journal! (@a-social-asshole because i *think* i remember talking to you about bujos? if so it was rlly long ago lol)

Actually this is the second time I attempted it, the first time i made a few tiktok videos of fixing & decorating the notebook cover but only ended up using it for like... a day. the book i used was too bulky and kinda falling apart, and the lines were too uniform. (pro tip--make sure you use a journal you *like*)

now i have a dotted journal! it's decently slim and has a sophisticated cover (white marble with an inspirational quote in gold) and it isnt like my usual style but it works and its nice enough that i dont feel the intense need to cover it in duct tape.

so far i have an index, a goal collection for the school year, a habit tracker, and my first daily log. i'm not doing monthly or weekly spreads because i have a more standard linear planner for the scheduling part. (I figured premade stuff would be easier for me personally in that department.)

i'm using my bujo almost exclusively at school with the exception of the habit tracker, which is daily. it's to help me keep track of assignments, my general pain level (in case i need to provide evidence of my chronic pain when i eventually see a doctor) study tarot by pulling a card each day, be more grateful, and remember tasks (so far, reminders to discuss certain things with instructors).

if you want to start bullet journaling but you find the idea daunting--all the stuff you see on Pinterest that looks amazing and time consuming can scare people off--it's important to remember that bullet journals are supposed to be highly customizable. you can do as little or as much as you want. start small! my journal is super minimalistic, very few symbols, simple borders, literally just the date at the start of my daily logs and my messy handwriting below. also, you dont need a lot of supplies. I just have a journal, some highlighters from the dollar store, papermate marker pens, more papermate pens from walmart, and washi tape. you dont even need the washi tape, i've only used it once so far and i prefer making my own borders (by literally just putting lines between the dots.)

i really hope the journal and my planner help me stay on top of things this year, because to be honest i've never been the best student, and i want to improve myself in any way i can.

i have a lot of mental health issues, so it might sometimes be ambitious for me. i've heard that the key to improving is almost always a positive mindset. but you can't fall victim to toxic positivity in that--you have to know that you can have bad days, you can have days where you just can't bring yourself to study after classes, but you also need to be able to bounce back from those days.

(this is also why i'm deliberately putting self-reflection, self-care and time to just watch videos to my schedule.)

anyway, i hope if anybody read this they find it at least a little helpful! i wrote this out because i had to watch like 8 seperate videos to gather this info.

(if you are very interested in seeing if i crash and burn or succeed in organization, follow @system-maintainance, my blog that's basically how-to's and to-do's for myself. i might occasionally post my findings about self-care and conquering mental stuff <3 {itll prolly be reblogged here too, so dw if you dont wanna see my other stuff there!})

#can you tell i watched a bunnnnch of back to school productivity videos #and that i have an obsession with exuding positive energy? #i just wanna be the person in my class that people think of as nice but cool #last year i was the nice responsible one who reminds u of assignments #so after seeing that part of me the stoners and punks i hang out with are shocked to learn i too am a stoner punk #dark academia #productivity #studyblr #bullet journal #bujo #bujo guide #jr rambles #jr's attempts at making school at least as organized as home

[loverscrossmp3]

hi bby!! 19 29 32 for ask game xoxoxoxo

hi you!!! sorry this took so long! that last question had me up to my knees in rumination trying to find the perfect line!! xx

19. Tell me a story about your writing journey. When did you start? Why did you start? Were there bumps along the way? Where are you now and where are you going?

i've always written (tried to, at least) bit by bit growing up but it never became something i continuously do until recently! the first thing i ever wrote was when i was around 11? 12? and it was one of those soulmates au stories which i then abandoned halfway through the first chapter. and then, a few months later i tried again with a different story that turned out to just be. essentially a harry styles fanfic i adored... plagiarized. as time went on i'd write cute little prompt/dialogue ideas in my notes that are.. still sitting there. finally, in 2020, i think, was the time i really got into it, writing stories that were much too large for me to handle at the time until i eventually abandoned them lol. then i got back into fanfic and, first, tried writing another too-long marauders story, then a james sirius potter one, and THEN. finally. jily. i'm still slowly growing into my writing style, but as of now, i think cmhctl demonstrates how i'd like it to be best which is super cool after searching for it for what feels like ages!!

29. Where do you draw your inspiration? What do you do when the inspiration well runs dry?

music, generally. whether it's from a single standalone lyric, the song as a whole, or simply how it makes me feel, music without a doubt brings about most of my inspiration! when my inspiration runs out i'll... listen to more music? different music? though sometimes i'll just sit with myself too and go through five years worth of prompts in my silly little notes app.

32. What is a line from a poem/novel/fanfic etc that you return to from time and time again? How did you find it? What does it mean to you?

i put far too much thought into this than needed bc i knew there were several lines i just could not for the life of me remember where they were from!! but here they are!!

from the poem ‘discarded lines’ by caroline shepherd:

my sister forgives me for getting sunblock on her bag / and in the winter, when I lose her umbrella / she will forgive me then too. // and this, this is the best kind of luck / being born into this kind of love

(this one i’m not even sure how i found?! it’s from a new zealand-based literary journal and is in one of the earlier issues so i must’ve found it ages ago, but man. the best kind of luck, being born into this kind love? insane. and true. god i love it.)

the man with the axe by lorde:

i should’ve known when your favorite record was the same as my father’s / you’d take me down 

(i can only listen to this song once every like. three weeks or else i worry i’ll lose the feeling it gives me — this line especially. i can’t relate to it in any way but wow. she was fucking insane for that!!! so real and simply put. world-changing.)

weird questions for writers!

#ask game #newyorkgf #this got very rambly apologies apologies!!

[wanderinglotus7]

Press Replay

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Happy belated New Year...I guess. I’m not sure if I wrote a recap post from last year. If not, here it is lol. Two months into 2023 and I’m living in my joy. During the summer I said I want to live in peace, and I been living in peace since I gain stability in my life. Though October is an emotional triggering time for me, I declared that I want to live in joy. And reflecting back, I DESERVE PEACE & JOY! 2020 to 2022 were doozies for me. Sometimes I wonder how I even made it this far. I know for sure that my faith in God helped me overcome my challenges and helped me make some tough decisions. Those years taught me how strong I am and how far my love goes. After October I feel like a new woman. Similar to 2018, I made space to love myself again. I renewed the confidence inside myself that I pushed aside in order to adhere to the needs of others. I’m being more intentional in how I take care of my needs. Like Miley Cyrus says, “I can buy myself flowers”.

It is the 7th month mark of me being employed at BIDMC. The time is actually passing by fast. Soon I will be celebrating my 1-year anniversary with Adelante and the Center for Violence Prevention & Recovery. I’m not sure if I would label this as a roadblock, yet I’m questioning my “WHY”. When I say my “why”, I mean I’m questioning why I choose to work for CVPR. I know my reasons why I decided to apply for the peer specialist and social work advocate positions with Adelante. However, if Adelante didn’t exist, and the position as a social worker was open with CVPR would’ve I took interest in the open position. Would I even apply? I started thinking about this about a week or two weeks ago. Flipping thru the pages of my social work (SW) journal, I wrote down Adelante’s job posting three times, so I have no doubt that God called me to this program. During the interview process I think I unconsciously ignored the job responsibilities associated with CVPR. It’s like things have flipped over these past months. My first 3 months I was engulfed in a CVPR bubble. Once things started to settle down around late September to mid-October, I found myself in an Adelante bubble which I’m not complaining about because I had so many questions on what I was supposed to be doing regarding my Adelante clients. And then the concerns around the programs funding was holding space in the back of my mind [and still does a little bit]. With the increase in pay and a revision/renewal of the MOVA grant that CVPR receives, and the fact we can’t afford to lose any more staff, I still have a job at the end of June 2023. I’m not sure if I could sustain myself working a full time On-call schedule. Thinking about it, it feels like I’m back interning in the Intake department at Samaritan House except CVPR receives everyone from underneath the sun even though they may not fit the program’s criteria, CVPR overextends itself to help EVERYONE.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to help those in acute distress, but when is enough enough...you know? BURNOUT. COMPASSION FATIGUE. Out of the blue I became sick which sucks. Yet, I believe this is God’s way of telling me that I need to rest because I’m doing too much. 8am to 5pm in the office. A long 5-day work week. Back-to-back with few breaks. Only two days to do what I want, but really can’t because I’m trying to catch up on the adult aspects of my life outside of work. Preparing for my ASWB Master’s exam. Being more active at NewCity Church. Indulging in my hobbies. Squeezing time to socialize in some capacity. Painting a picture for myself at this phase of my life. Creating & reading this list is making me tired hahaha. It felt good leaving work around 2pm after being there since 7:40am, and getting home around 3pm, take a midafternoon nap & still have energy for the rest of the evening. Feels like HEAVEN! I had to force myself to callout Friday because I was still feeling poopy. I’m glad I did because I rested more and got some fresh air, but the wind reminded me real quick that I was still sick. Yet that morning I was tempted to input case notes into the database. I can’t waste a sick day doing unpaid work. Again, I don’t get paid for overtime. If it wasn’t for how the OVC or MOVA grant is written, I could have a Monday to Thursday work schedule (I still meet the full-time criteria for BIDMC SW). Maybe after my 1-year anniversary, I can speak with Cynthia (my supervisor) if I can adjust my work hours. Mon to Thur 8am to 3pm then Fri 8:30am to 5pm (this seems reasonable to me). And still work from home on Wednesdays. On those days it’s still technically 8:30am to 5pm, but I start at 9:30 am to whenever I have my last meeting for that day [TBD].

All in all, I don’t regret my decision when it comes to my career. I work with a good time and receive good benefits. I wish us SW could have more vacation time and separate time for personal (mental health) days, but sometimes you have to give and take. In the long run, I would like to open my own bookstore whenever God calls me towards a different path or maybe when I’m close to retirement. I will sell used & new books along with some treats on some days like muffins, cookies, or brownies. Simple things. Or maybe a soup of the day if I feel like it. Outside of water, I can sell hot chocolate and/or apple cider when the Fall & Winter comes around. Depending on building space, I can host different events like book clubs, author/writer readings, open mic nights, SLAM poetry readings, and etc. I wouldn’t be doing it for the money. I believe everyone should have access to books that’s why I would like one of those mailboxes that are “Take a Book, Leave a Book” too. The simple life I’m telling you. I can create my own hours and I don’t need to hire many employees to help me out either. I don’t mind accepting volunteers.

My reading list keeps expanding lol. It’s like every few days I’m finding new book recommendations to add to the list. I think I have about 22 books on the list and counting. Me and Jada are restarting our mini book club in May. We are starting with one of her picks from her list then we will read a book from list. Right now, I’m in the mist of reading Michelle Obama’s second book. I want to follow that book with a novel called Jesus Feminist. Me knowing me, I’m going to be reading one or two other books simultaneously in between books. Throughout January, I’ve been working on my poetry and started formulating my second poetry collection. I need to revisit my first collection Purple Hearts and pick up where I left off...trying to get established so my collection can be sold on Amazon. I revised a few poems I wrote in 2021 and even selected a few to be used in my second collection. I still want to title this collection Mariposa (butterfly in Spanish). The writing process has been very therapeutic. I want to write more pose pieces. I’m experimenting with writing in different point of views as well as trying my skills in writing from the male perspective. Did some research and figured out what I want to do for my first solo trip. I want to rent a treehouse or cabin in Vermont for a three-day weekend (Sat to Mon), probably during the Fall. This will be like a mini writer’s retreat for myself. Being surrounded by nature in a relaxing environment should give me plenty of space to draw inspiration and creativity to write. I will bring little technology with me just the basics. That sounds lovely to me.

Oh wow! I’ve been in Boston for 2 years and 6 months. WOW! I can’t believe it. I still miss Gloucester, but Boston is slowly growing on me. I like the New England Fall and the energy it brings. Though I miss the Southern humidity, I like how the summer weather here is more like the Spring temperatures back at home. I was never really much of a fan of the snow, and I’m still not. I hate the frigid cold weather especially the negative degree weather we had last week (YIKES). I hate the traffic around here; Boston drivers are the worse, and the lack of parking is a nightmare. No public transportation system is perfect but at least Boston has an expansive one that can get me where I need to be without having to worry about traffic and parking. I like how I can always find something to do either in or outside of the city. I love the diverse food scene it feeds the foodie inside me lol. I wish the cost of living is cheaper, but it is one of those compromises because some of that money is used for public benefit services (I hope so anyway). Racism & discrimination exist here too and not just in the south or in small communities. My inner nerd loves the abundant options available when it comes to education. The dating scene for me hasn’t been the greatest experience. I’ve been able to expand my friend pool just a little bit. I discovered my church community (NewCity Church-Newton). I still have more of Massachusetts to explore.

I did make my 2023 Vision board. I would post it, but I don’t like how it’s in Black & White instead of color. It’s whatever. On this board it displays pictures of what I want phase or stage 2 of my life. Marriage, family, and my dream house. I won’t be having this future with my ex-partner. It took me a while to realize that for myself because I was watching other people near my age experiencing these major milestones when I envisioned myself taking those very steps too. God had other plans for me. I understand that He wanted me to have stability first before I could bring a life into this world or begin intertwining my life with someone else. Yet, marriage & family isn’t end game for me. I have so much more to look forward to, and I’m excited to share these experiences with my husband and children Ahyoka, Hendrix, & Ezra (if God allows Snoopy too). Considering my future, I might be living the early stages of my marriage and children’s lives in Massachusetts before relocating somewhere else. I would love to be closer to family so my children will be familiar with their family and my madre can help me out, but it’s one of those wait see things (opportunities). Whether I remain at BIDMC or not, I’m not sure where I would relocate. Newton is too expensive, and some other areas are too crowded. I want my own privacy. I don’t want to be living on top of other families or be in such close proximity to my neighbors like that. I just want to live somewhere where me and my husband can maintain good prosperous jobs, somewhat of a diverse community, my children have access to a good education and activities, and I can be a homeowner without sacrificing too much of my family and personal free time. 

My short-term goals: pass my ASWB Master’s exam (LCSW); purchase a “real” bed, pay-off my car, move into my own apartment, employed with Adelante for 5 years, take my mother on a vacation, become a partner at NewCity Church, travel to Jamaica & the Netherlands, and have my family visit me in Boston again.

My long-term goals: pass my ASWB Clinical exam (LICSW); build or purchase a home, continue to travel, publish Mariposa, pay-off my mother’s trailer, continue to have a successful career, be a youth/teen minister, reverse my PCOS symptoms, debt free, and continue to build my savings.

#future #prayer #growth #just the beginning

[beautifulnightmareunknown]

update:

So its been like a really long time since i have wrote here so i thought that i would do some updates. im going to try to keep this as a type of journal i guess? Well, first things first. i moved back to ripley from huntington. was it the best idea? yes and no. i love saving my money and having an exceptionally bigger living space to do what i want and need. i dont love being under the same roof as 4 other men lol. they can be slobs at time but when it gets down to it they help pick up. one thing i will say though is that male drama is hilarious yet so fucking annoying at the same time. 100% better and than female drama though i will say that. I have continued working in child care, but i just got offered a job in charleston as a registered behavior tech which opportunity to move up within the company. which i am super excited about. i registered for classes through marshall to finish my regents bachelors degree so i start that this year as well. Not much else has changed. gunnar will be graduating from his coding school this march then he will be on the search for a coding job. hopefully that lands us somewhere cool. im just excited for us to be on our own, together. oh something funny happened the other night about a week ago. our dog, kylo had a wet dream and literally busted a load all over our bed. i was so upset with him lmao but what can you do. our other dog poppy was in heat so he must have been in the mood. hes been acting great ever since. christmas and the holidays were good. im so thankful for all my friends and family. i also got some really cool gifts that i was not expecting. this new year im really focusing on bettering myself and just upgrading my life in every way. Started by getting a new job that im eager to learn about and thrive in! im going to work on saving my money and not spend it on things that i truly do not need. my other goal is also to crush my meal/workout plan and prep for my first bb show! that im nervous about but i have an amazing coach to get me through it all. 

with a new year though comes new worries. i turn 26 this year and once my bday hits i will officially be older than my sister and that feels weird. this year will make 6 years since her passing and it is crazy to me that she has been gone that long. time is so weird. im starting therapy this year to finally get to where i can deal and heal with all of my emotions and anxieties. it has really been taking a toll on me, but i dont let it stop me. ive made a couple really good friends who keep me distracted enough to not be constantly thinking about all of it. i definitely think that therapy will make a huge difference and in a way help me move on from it and heal properly like i should have a long time ago. at my current job with the preschool, the lead i am teaching under helps me a lot because she has went through damn near the same experience, so every friday we have our little venting sessions and just talk about all of our troubles and worries and she has really helped me see and realize so much and how to deal with certain things. shes a great person. she got me a cute yankee candle and 50 dollars for christmas cause she knows i like candles lmao. 

thats about all i can think of right now for the update, byeeee

[myeclecticjourney]

Book Of Shadows

Hi guys! As I'm hoping all of you had an amazing 2021, and hopefully a wonderful 2022, I decided to post once again.

It has been honestly quite a ride and a while since my last post. I've been dealing with a lot of stuff lately and thought it might be a really nice way to start this 2022 with a post about my BoS. Some witches believe you shouldn't share it, but I don’t find anything negative about sharing knowledge. I'm hoping some of you find it useful and might get some ideas from it. I know that sometimes it might be hard to figure out what to write on it. As a Mexican witch, most of it is in Spanish, but you'll get the idea :). 

I've been thinking on starting a series of blogs about it, so here’s the first one: “BoS: Useful Information”  

✨ Long post with pictures.

So this is my Book Of Shadows. I bought it a few years ago at a small book shop in Tallin, Estonia. I fell in love the moment I saw it. The store it's called "GILD Bookbinders" all of the journals are handmade. Later on I drew a pentagram with white paint for protection. You'll see a lot of the things I've posted in here in my BoS. I tend to write everything down before or after making any magic. 

JOURNEY

The first few pages are dedicated to the beginning of my journey. The Wiccan rede and the witches creed. When I wrote them I really didn't knew what path I would like to take. But a few months later, I found myself being an Eclectic Wiccan. 

SABBATS

6 years ago, as I began doing my first research about Wicca, I came up with the Wheel of The Year, that consists of 8 different Sabbats. I wrote a small description about each (I’m only showing two pages, but there’s a few more). That way I would always remember the associations, colors and dates. Nowadays it comes way easier, but it's nice to have them in there.  

CASTING A CIRCLE

I normally cast a circle every time I'm doing magic. For protection, cleansing or blessing materials. Wrote about the elements, how to invite them and what things I can use to represent them. For example: Salt = Earth.

CANDLE COLOR MEANINGS

One of the first things I learned was to use the power and energy of candles. I dedicated these two pages to label each color with a small description. 

MAGIC WAND

I was eager to have a magic wand when I started. So I wrote about what I would use it for, how would I use it, and how to bless it. Tho I never found the right one, until probably two years ago, I decided to make my own. It took me 4 years to have one, lol. But now it's perfect.

PENTAGRAM

As part of my research, at some point I encountered the inverted pentagram. I didn’t knew what it was, nor it’s uses. Later on I discovered it was the Sigil of Baphomet. Used, mostly, in satanic rituals. Even tho I have never used it and probably never will, I thought it was really interesting to have it in my BoS and the compare it to the Wiccan pentagram. 

THE MOON

I love the moon. I use it so much in my witchcraft. It’s full of positive energy that we can always relay on. I wrote about the moon phases and what do they mean. Then dedicated some pages on how to make Moon water and Moon oil.

SYMBOLS OF WICCA

As a baby witch my biggest struggle was remembering the symbols, so I decided to draw some of them. There’s one more page to this section. Here’s also where I keep an envelope with the meanings of the runes aswell (I’ve talked about this on one of my first blogs on Tumblr). 

So this is pretty much to my first post about my BoS. I think it covers a lot of useful information that might be needed at some point. As a witch I think it’s important to do plenty of research before doing any kind of magic. 

I really hope you liked it!

I think next post of this series might be about herbology or deities 🤔.

Image source: My camera 📸

Blessed be,

- May xo.

#witch #wicca #book of shadows #moon #wiccan #eclectic wicca #my eclectic journey

[yourmidnightlover]

rock

Summary - spencer wants to figure out what's wrong with you, only to be reminded what day it is and he remembers why you've been so distant.

TW: talk abt: rape, recovery, therapy, case stuff; mention of: drug addiction, rape, miscarriage, being shot, death lol

WC - 4,283

!DISCLAIMER! - i am in no way trying to romanticize recovery from a traumatic event or being upset/depressed/anxious. this is kinda my way of getting through my own issues, so please don't think that's what i'm trying to do in any way. i also don’t know how i feel abt this ending since i wrote it so long ago but oh well!

i just realized there are a few spoilers so i'll put *asterisks* around them. those parts are just explaining how the reader's always there for the team.

----------------------------------

you had always been the rock in spencer's life.

mentally, at least.

when he had nobody there for him when he was going through his addiction with dilaudid, there you were. you helped him through it when everybody else on the team acted as if they never noticed.

you were the one that encouraged him to get help, and pushed him to follow through. you made sure he ate and talked to someone when he had his urges again, even if it wasn't you.

you let him come over and cry about what had happened, and how unfair his life was. you consoled him and would tell him how nothing was his fault. how he didn't deserve anything bad in his life.

*and when emily 'died', he went to your house every day. you held him as he felt himself falling apart from losing her. you didn't even worry about yourself needing to be consoled, because spencer needed you to be there for him.

*when she came back you were the one to convince him to forgive her. you talked sense into him. you reminded him how much he pleaded to have her back, and then he did. so he managed to forgive her... because of you and your logic.

*and you weren't just there for spencer. while, yes, you made a special effort to be there for him, you were there for everyone on the team.

*when derek was arrested back in chicago and the team found out about his past, you were the one he leaned on for comfort. you and penelope. you let him cry on your shoulder and yell at you about how twisted a man would have to be to do something so cruel to a child.

*when jj was kidnapped and beaten to a miscarriage, you were the first she told. you didn't say anything. you knew there was nothing you could say that would relinquish the pain of losing a child. so you let her cry. you let her hug you for what felt like hours. you let her grief her unborn baby for as long as she needed.

*when penelope was shot, nobody cared to check up on her after the fact except you. you went to her apartment for weeks just to make sure she was okay. eventually, she was able to let loose all of her frustrations on you, and you took it like a champ. she ranted about how she just wanted to be loved by someone attractive and how unfair and cruel the world is, in spite of how much good she tries to bring into it.

*when hotch lost hailey, you took care of his files. you offered to watch henry and let hotch cry to you about losing her a few times once you broke past his tough exterior. you even cried with him and jack. you made them dinner whenever you could, and helped him look for good nannies to help care for jack.

*when rossi lost carolyn, you went to her grave with him on many occasions. you brought him his favorite scotch, which was very pricey, and his favorite cigars, also very pricey, and tried your best to recreate 'the rossi special' upon his directions. it helped him feel in control of something when he needed it.

*and when emily came back from the dead, you helped walk her through her own grief. she lost herself, and buried her emotions. you helped her dig up her old self, and grow into an even better woman. you even took care of her cat when penelope couldn't manage. you helped emily grieve her own death when she wanted to deny it ever happened, and she was forever grateful for you.*

you had become like the team's built-in therapist when something bad happened, and you loved it that way. you loved being the one the team went to when they needed it. it made you feel as though you had a purpose, which was something you desperately needed.

but when you went through your own trauma almost a year ago, you refused help from anyone. you knew you should've asked someone for help, or at least someone to cry or talk to when you needed to.

the team had been working on a case for longer than expected, 8 days now, and everyone was really frustrated. you had released the profile 7 days ago, and there was still no new information. it was as if the unsub had gone dormant, and you all couldn't bear that thought.

when the team released earlier than normal from the precinct and you all went to the hotel you had been staying at, you decided to get a drink from the bar quickly. you went alone, wanting to review a few of the case files during the process and not needing a distraction.

you ordered a jack and coke, and opened the case files to begin rereading them, seeing if you had missed anything.

victims were kept for 24 hours, filmed, raped, restrained, cut in pieces, and thrown in the trash like garbage. it was absolutely disgusting, and the worst you had seen in a while. the victims were low-risk and most of them had a place of authority.

the unsub had been profiled to be someone who was bossed around by a woman, narcissistic and egotistical, wanted to feel more power and authority.

the problem is, that profile was most people living in the area. even penelope couldn't dwindle down the suspects.

and alas, you had missed nothing. nothing new appeared or caught your eye. you gulped down the rest of your drink and paid for it before packing up your things to head upstairs. you tossed the file back into your bag and began the trek to the elevator.

you were interrupted by something hitting the top of your head, rendering you unconscious.

the team had woken up, and after waiting around for half an hour, spencer realized something was wrong. he had morgan bust into your room, only to find the bed unslept in. you were missing. and the worst part... you fit the unsubs type.

spencer felt his heart drop at the realization he had taken you. and it seemed as though there was no trail as to where you had gone. penelope checked the cameras, only to find that they were hacked right after you left the bar, and then they resumed after you were taken.

at least they had a time frame.

later that day, after everyone hasting to figure something, anything out, spencer had gotten an email. he opened it and expected it to be relentless spam, only to realize it was a live feed video. a video of you. he instantly called penelope in hopes that she could trace it.

she said she could, but it would take some time because the amount of routers it had been going through.

while they were waiting, you noticed you were alone. you knew who the unsub was too, thanks to his baffling stupidity and narcissism that lead him to believe he wouldn't get caught.

"officer johnson! it's officer johnson!" you looked around the camera for a second, noticing something moving. "he-he here," you cried out. "i love you," you said to the camera to nobody in particular, but someone in mind.

you were terrified. spencer could see it in your eyes. he could see the tears you tried not to shed. you didn't want to please him, but you couldn't help but feel the absolute horror and fear coursing through your body at a relentless pace.

"hi there, missus fbi," he teased, finally walking into the frame with a ski mask over his face, clearly not aware that we knew his identity.

spencer told garcia who he was, and she began her digging. officer johnson's great grandparents had owned a farm that was since then refurbished. it was an hour away.

officer johnson had known that you two had chemistry. that's why he sent the email to spencer. he saw the longing glares, the 'innocent' touches, the smiles you would give each other, the longing looks you shared. he wanted to torment him.

so when he began undressing you and you turned your face away from the camera in hopes of sparing some of your own dignity, spencer felt his heart breaking for you. it broke even more when he heard the yelps, and screams, and please, and "no!'s" you elicited during the act.

they caught him before he cut you, but not before he finished the first part of his plan. your skirt was ripped, and your shirt was practically in two pieces. spencer had given you his jacket to cover yourself as much as you could.

you stayed silent the ride back. you didn't even let spencer hold you like you normally would after a tough case. you were ashamed. embarrassed. you felt worthless. you felt pathetic. you felt stupid. you felt helpless. you felt like you were drowning. you felt like you were without a life raft.

you knew you could talk to the team about it, but you felt so disgusted by the thought of what happened to you that you only talked about it in your therapy sessions.

hotch had given you two months off. he wanted you to grieve, and go to therapy, and try to cope with everything that had happened.

and you did try to do that. you tried your hardest to get over it and move past it, but nothing helped. not the journaling. not the talking. not the crying. nothing was working.

spencer gave you a little space at first, but he then decided to try to help you as you had helped him. he went over to your house almost every day, and sat outside your door after you wouldn't let him in.

you knew he was there... you sat on the other side.

"i-i know that you probably don't want to see anyone right now. and i'm uh, i'm sure you feel alone right now, or like you can't talk to anyone," spencer sniffled. "but pl-please just uhm, just know that i'm here when you want to talk about it. i'm here to listen to you when you need me to. i-i don't want you to be alone during this time, y/n. please, just let me in," he begged.

that was normally what he would say almost every night he went to your house. he would sit outside for hours after he would ask you to let him in without fail. until one day you let him in.

spencer felt so much relief when you opened the door, only for it to be smashed when he noticed your eyes looked red and puffy, your cheeks were stained with the tears you had been crying for so long. your cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles underneath your eyes that were once full of life and happiness. your eyes no longer had that gorgeous sparkle in them.

spencer vowed he would get them back.

as much as spencer wanted to wrap his arms around you in that moment, to comfort you and tell you that he was there, he wanted you to make the first move. he wanted to tell you how strong you were and how proud of you he was for getting through that. he wanted to tell you how much he loved you.

he wanted you to make the first touch, because he didn't want to further upset you. he didn't want to trigger a repressed memory, or bring back the feelings of what had happened.

but spencer's touch was nothing like the officer's. spencer's touch was soft and gentle. spencer's touch was feather-light and endearing. spencer's touch was love and home. the officer's was brittle, and rough, and repulsive.

"hug me?" you sniffled as your eyes welled with tears again as they had been for the past three weeks.

"of course," spencer slowly wrapped his arms around your shoulders as yours found his torso.

he walked inside with you still in his arms and slowly shut the door. without breaking from the hug, you both walked to the couch and sat down.

you didn't say anything. you just needed spencer to keep hugging you, so he did. he did whatever you wanted, needed, from him. eventually, you fell asleep in his embrace on the couch.

when spencer looked down at you, now sleeping against his chest, he couldn't bring his heart to remove himself from you. so like any whipped man would do, he carefully picked you up bridal styled and carried you to your room. he took his shoes off as well as his sweater vest before cuddling back up next to you.

as if it was a reflex, you cuddled up into his chest when he neared you again and got underneath the covers. spencer slept the best he did in months with you. and you slept without officer johnson in your dreams for the first time since that day.

ever since then, spencer had been making sure you were eating and drinking. he took you to your therapy sessions and stayed over most nights you had asked and he was able to.

they had a few cases during the two months, so every moment he could, spencer was with you. he coaxed you back to your normal-ish self. he watched as that glimmer in your eye began to slowly grow brighter everyday. he watched as your smile came back, and your tears didn't come so frequently.

the first time he had heard you laugh again, spencer had thought he was dreaming. he wished he had recorded that moment. he was more grateful than he's ever been in his life that he had an eidetic memory, because that sound would forever be engraved in his brain.

when you returned to work, you clung to spencer. he had become your tether to reality, and hope. he had become your rock during the recovery.

over the months, everyone slowly began to forget what had even happened. things went on as usual, and the team forgot the traumatic experience you had gone through. even spencer might've let the experience get lost in his brain.

so when it became 11 months and 3 weeks since the abduction, you began to distance yourself once again.

you politely declined going out with the team a couple days before the anniversary, something you never did. you insisted that you were just especially worn out from the case you had just been on.

spencer had to finish files given to him by derek anyway, so he didn't get to witness the encounter.

once the day of the anniversary came upon you, you found yourself feeling sick to your stomach. you couldn't help the tears that would fall from your face every so often. you knew why you felt this way, but you wanted to push past it.

you had gone into the office wearing a pantsuit and blazer, wanting to avoid the normal office skirt you happened to be wearing the day it happened. you stayed at your desk and quietly did your case files. you didn't even greet spencer as you would every day. you gave him a kind smile, but you would normally give him a hug, or at the very least an eager wave upon his arrival.

spencer just assumed it was one of those days where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it wasn't spencer's fault he thought this. he didn't even look at his calendar to check what day it was. he just knew they had paperwork.

but he did have this day marked in his calendar. he had it marked so he would remember to be extra kind to you, and do your files for you, and come to your place with your favorite wine and takeout. he wanted to help you through the one year anniversary, but he forgot to check his stupid calendar.

you thought he didn't care. you thought the man who you loved, and the man who helped you through everything that had happened had had enough of your complaining and grievances. so, you didn't tell him about it. you didn't bother him with the terrible thoughts clouding your mind because you thought it'd burden him.

so when you finished all of your case files early, you asked hotch if you could leave early, at 2:00, because you had things to tend to. he allowed you to do so, but this rose a flag for spencer.

he saw you exit without saying goodbye to him, something you hadn't done the entirety of knowing him. you had always told everyone to have a nice night and to be safe before leaving, but not today.

finally, he looked at his phone for the first time all day, only to feel like the worst person in the world to realize what day it was. spencer felt absolutely horrible at this revelation and ran into hotch's office as quick as he could after packing his things.

"hotch!" he exclaimed upon opening his office door.

"go. she was practically in tears," hotch informed him. "and reid," spencer stopped in his tracks to turn and look at the stern man, "please make sure she's okay." spencer gave him a soft grin and a nod before turning around and bolting out of the office.

you had gotten home and immediately burst into tears. you shut the door with your back, and slid down it. you had never understood why people had done that in movies until now. you just couldn't wait to break any longer, so you settled for your front door.

you held back no wail, or scream as you cried in front of your door, your knees pulled up to your chest as you held them tightly.

you wondered why you had to go through that. you wanted to know what kind of karma there was for someone who had always tried to do the right thing to be hurt... and for nobody to even care. nobody wanted to console you, or to make sure you were alright.

you had checked up on everyone on every anniversary of their struggles. whether it be a death, abduction, anything, you had been there for every single anniversary or reminder. and nobody was there for you.

nobody was there for you to hug, or to lean on, or to cry to, or to scream at, or to rant to. nobody was there. nobody loved you enough to care about that.

but then you had to remind yourself that they all had lives.

but the person who is your life didn't even care.

spencer didn't care.

and that's why you truly lost it.

he acted like it was just another day. he acted like it wasn't the anniversary of the day you thought you were going to die. the day you wanted to die. the day you felt your most low, and humiliated. the day you lost all hope. and he didn't remember.

if the man with an eidetic memory didn't remember, it must be extremely insignificant. so therefore, you must be extremely insignificant.

spencer raced to your house. he wanted to be there for you today, and he failed. he felt like a failure as a friend. he hated himself for not being there for you when he knew you would need him. he knew how you clung to him in your time of need. you thought he was worthy enough to hold onto when you needed someone, and spencer felt elated at that.

but now he wasn't there for you. and you needed him.

he had quickly stopped by the store and your favorite takeout place to get the things you'd want. he got your wine, chocolate, food, flowers, and a teddy bear that had a sweater vest on him - you've always loved his sweater vests.

when he got to the steps of your house, he felt his heart drop. as he walked closer he heard the wails of your crying right by the door. he could sense the heartache from the edge of your porch, and felt himself feel even worse, which he didn't think was possible.

he instantly ran to the door and knocked profusely. you sniffled one last time, feeling embarrassed that someone had heard you crying your heart out. you had figured one of your neighbors heard you and wanted to tell you to keep it down, so you wiped your tears and the stray mascara from underneath your eyes and opened the door, keeping your eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"y/n," spencer announced sadly, a tear falling down his face. you looked up in confusion from hearing his voice. you noticed his tear and reached up to wipe it away on instinct.

"why're you crying? are you okay?" you asked, forgetting all of your own problems at the sight of spencer crying. spencer let out a small chuckle at your concern.

"i'm alright, aside from the fact that i'm a terrible friend," he admitted as his smile quickly faded upon seeing your stained cheeks. "i brought your favorites," he offered, holding the bag of goodies in one hand and the takeout in another.

"y-you... why?" you asked, wanting to make sure you weren't misreading the situation for him trying to comfort you.

"why?" he asked in disbelief. "because it's the anniversary. i can't tell you how sorry i am, y/n. i swear i marked it on my calendar and planned for us to take off so i could take care of you. i-i just woke up late and never bothered to even check my phone. i kn-know it's no excuse... but i am so, so, so sorry," he rambled out, already tearing up.

you grabbed his arm gently and pulled him inside before you started crying in front of your neighbors. you took the bags from his hands and placed them on your coffee table.

"i thought you just didn't care," you shrugged as you took a seat on the couch, prompting him to sit beside you.

"y/n..." he sighed as he realized how terrible he screwed up. "i will always care about this. i will always care about you. don't ever think differently. i'm just incredibly... dumb sometimes. i can't believe i made you think that," he trailed on. "i will never not care about you, y/n. i swear it. i will always, always care about you. i will always love you," he froze as he realized what he just revealed. your eyes widened, and squinted, and roamed his face, trying to figure out if he meant the words he had just sped out. "i truly do, y/n. i i’m in love with you and i'm so sorry i made it seem otherwise."

it took you a second to absorb everything that he had said.

"you too," you solemnly admitted. "i’m in love with you too. and i could forgive you... for almost forgetting," you gave him a small smile.

"i'm glad you could forgive me. i don't know what i'd do if you didn't," he relished. "you actually love me?" you nodded with a small smile.

"i have for a while," you turned your head to the bags on the table.

"oh! right!" he said, reaching for the gifts. "i got your favorite takeout, your favorite wine, your favorite chocolates, flowers, and..." he trailed on as he revealed each item. "i saw this teddy, and i couldn't resist," he smiled.

you took the bear, taking in its appearance. it had a light blue, navy, and white diamond pattern sweater vest and brown shoes on. it looked like spencer, just teddy bear form. you smiled widely at the sentiment.

"it's you," you grinned as you took it in your arms, hugging it tightly as you saw spencer nodded with a smile mirroring that of your own. "i love it," you chuckled.

"i would understand, the fur is really soft," he relished in the thought.

"i don't think he'd be as good of a cuddler as the real thing, though," you grimaced. "but he'll do for when i don't have you here i guess," you shrugged with a smile.

"i plan on being here as long as you'll let me," he said softly.

"always," you grinned, setting down the teddy bear and trading him for the real spencer reid.

"always," he repeated, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tightly as if you'd float away at any moment. "now let's dig into this food while you talk about your feelings, if you want that is," he said after releasing you from the hug.

"i think i want to," you nodded. "and spence?" he turned from getting the food out of the bag to look at you for a second. "thank you for being my rock through all of this."

"i'll always be your rock, y/n."

@averyhotchner  @greenprisca  @muffin-cup

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid #spencer reid imagine #spencer #spencer x y/n #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid angst

[grandhotelabyss]

First of all, lol. Second, this reminds me of something I really do blame the CIA or at least the “deep state” for, in part anyway. 

The present right-wing turn in culture, such as it is, should have happened in about 2014. We should be past it by now. Even a decade ago, though, the leading institutions were becoming brittle, unable to think in three dimensions. They couldn’t accommodate themselves by coopting, aestheticizing, and thereby politically neutralizing so predictable an artistic shift away from the cloying tones of the New Sincerity and the Obama-to-Occupy era of mass youth movements that failed to deliver on their utopian promise. They were already concluding that any art not didactic was crypto-fascist, instead of the truer converse according to which autonomous art secures civil freedom and fortifies the free citizen’s intellect. Ironically, these soon-to-be “anti-fascists” thought about art the way Goebbels did, in a purely instrumental and identitarian way, whereas those aesthetes they stigmatized as fascist were echoing a host of liberal and leftist thinkers from Mill to Adorno. But to understand irony, you already have to be an aesthete.

By the time Trump was elected and the legacy media in collaboration with the deep state got involved, art didn’t stand a chance; so we had half a decade of rolling top-down moral panics where a culture should have been. New networks, therefore, began to be assembled on the outside and have by now accrued the so-called cultural capital that comes in a revolutionary culture like ours when you build transgressive alternatives to whatever is moralistic and platitudinous. 

But my point is that Lana del Rey’s persona in 2014, controversial at the time, was already more than halfway to the basic sentiment of the parody lyrics above. That’s why I wrote this essay in 2014 and why a mainstream lit journal was willing to publish it:

Recently, Lynn Stuart Parramore tried to explain “Why a Death-Obsessed Pop Siren Is Perfect for Late-Stage Capitalist America.” She was referring, of course, to Lana Del Rey. Parramore explains that the Ultraviolence chanteuse is only the latest heir to a long lineage of decadent femmes fatales that rise to cultural prominence at moments of perilous social transition or imminent collapse [...] Parramore’s thesis may not seem to have much to do with Ira Glass’s controversial assertion, tweeted after seeing a performance of King Lear, that, “Shakespeare sucks.” But when you consider that one of the late 19th century’s favorite sources of death-and-the-maiden imagery was the drowning Ophelia, weltering picturesquely among the strewn flowers of her fatal madness, the Shakespeare/Del Rey connection becomes more plausible. Just as Parramore (and others) criticize Lana Del Rey for social irresponsibility, for promoting an anti-feminist celebration of sadomasochistic sexuality and for embracing capitalist spectacle unto death, so the most persuasive and compelling attacks on Shakespeare have charged him with amoral aestheticism and a sensationalized skepticism about human potential.

These thoughts, perfectly within the parameters of the tradition, could not be developed in those spaces after that, so the natural ebb and flow of the zeitgeist was dammed up for almost a decade—which perhaps explains the torrent that now threatens to overwhelm current hegemonic left-liberalism.

#the new conservatism #aesthetics #cultural studies #lana del rey #william shakespeare #pariah the doll