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thebibliomancer · 1 year

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #286: The FIX Is On!

December, 1987

ASSAULT ON AN ANDROID!

That android is going to press charges! Andy knows She-Hul- oh I see she’s about to wallop him.

Also, Namor is in the little cast box. And on the cover. I guess he really is rejoining the team. I get the feeling he was just away from the team long enough for the Masters of Evil to start shit.

Anyway.

I have friends that love Andy the Awesome Android. I hope they enjoy this issue, vicariously.

The story starts in a random Manhattan scientific research lab. I assume Manhattan just has random scientific research labs considering Spider-Man is always thwarting people who are trying to rob random scientific research labs.

This random scientific research lab has been hired, I guess, to study the equipment of the Fixer, seized when he got arrested after that whole Avengers Mansion debacle.

But when Todd Martin, random scientific researcher, picks up the Fixer’s helmet, it shoots a mind control beam at him. He picks up the Fixer’s laser gun, shoots the other scientists, and then puts on the Fixer’s outfit and flies through the skylight.

Chilling stuff. The Fixer is truly a cruel, callous dick.

He’s gonna be a Thunderbolt one day.

The sad mind controlling of Todd Martin, random scientific researcher, may have been the opening scene. But the splash page goes to

DR DRUID

Who is here spying on his teammates for some reason.

“Doctor Anthony Druid appears in repose, yet his astral image is awake and alert as he prepares to send it forth for the purpose of observation. Those he would observe are also members of Earth’s mightiest fighting team. While their physical movements are easily monitored on the screens around him, it is their innermost thoughts and desires that concern Doctor Druid. These things he can only learn through astral eavesdropping. None will know they are being observed... and none -- save Anthony Druid -- will know why they are being watched... for now.”

You’re a creep, Doctor Anthony Druid.

One of the effects of Dr Druid’s creeping is that his creepy melon hovers over Namor’s shoulder as he has a tantrum about that lawsuit he’s involved with.

Remember that lawsuit? For property damage? That he insisted go to court ASAP and then bailed on preparations to go do ocean stuff?

Yeah, that didn’t go away.

Namor’s wife Marrina assures him that she’s going to face this legal battle with him but Namor just rages that he has to do legal battles when once he sat on a throne under the sea and made prince decisions.

Marrina asks him what kind of supportive wife he wants her to be then and he just sulks off into the sea.

This marriage is going great, so far.

I’d thought Namor had calmed down a little recently. Buuuuut, I guess nooooot?

Namor’s attorney Mr. Costello begs Marrina to go talk to Namor because dammit he needs to sign various things!

So Marrina goes under the sea where Namor probably feels like life is better down where its wetter. The once and future Prince of Abslantis is brooding amongst the kelp when Marrina finds him.

Explicitly brooding.

Marrina: “Oh, Namor, don’t brood so. We have such a life ahead of us -- so much fulfillment and love to come.”

Namor: “But this, my wife, this could delay our wedded bliss for some time. If I should goback. But that is an affair of the surface. Here, beneath the waves with you in my arms -- all things seem possible.”

Marrina: “Of course they do, Namor.”

Aww, maybe these two crazy kids can make it work.

I mean, Namor isn’t married in current comics. In current comics, he’s crashing on the Avengers’ couch after being kicked out of Abslantis and he’s only technically not under arrest by them for all the war crimes because they need him to punch the devil.

So clearly Namor’s life takes a turn at some point.

Meanwhile, Black Knight on Hydrobase. Examining all the equipment they took from Avengers Mansion. Bemoaning that he struck out with Janet van Dyne the Wasp by never making a move.

Meanwhile, Dr Druid’s giant creeper head lurks over Dane’s shoulder reading Dane’s thoughts like they’re Dane’s diary.

What a rude floating invisible head.

Meanwhile, also on Hydrobase, Captain Marvel Monica Rambeau supervises the construction of new Avengers facilities on Hydrobase.

Huh. I don’t remember if they ever said for sure they were relocating permanently to Hydrobase after Avengers Mansion got basically demolished. But its definitely happening.

She-Hulk does the construction foreman a startle by walking up carrying an I-beam by herself. With She-Hulk on scene, Captain Marvel puts her in charge so she can run errands.

Ha, way to throw shade at the Distinguished Competition.

Apropos of Monica flying off I guess, She-Hulk starts thinking about how creepy Captain Marvel’s powers are. Just turning into energy and all.

Vision used to get a lot of people randomly commenting he was creepy but hmmmmm.

I wonderrrrrrr.

I don’t mean to be coy. I wonder if Dr Druid has any relation to this. I might be paranoid but his noggin is wandering around peering into people’s brains during this exact time.

Anyway.

Monica’s errand that she had to do was nyooming into FBI agent Derek Freeman in Washington DC and asking him if he knows anything about where Captain America is.

Apparently, a couple of FBI agents got caught by the Avengers Mansion security system snooping around looking for Cap. And only a few days after that Cap(tain America) called Monica Marvel and told her that the government kept nagging him to come work directly for them. And not long after that he took an indefinite leave of absence.

So something is going on.

But what could it be? Well, Captain America Meets the Asthma Monster came out this same month.

Mystery solved.

(Another possible answer: the federal government issued an ultimatum that Captain America become an official entity of the US Government and I believe told him they owned the rights to his name, costume, and shield. So he told them to take the job and shove it and turned over his name, costume, and shield. This is when John Walker becomes Captain America and Steve Rogers becomes The Captain.)

FBI agent Derek Freeman tells Captain Marvel that the Avengers don’t have official security clearance anymore -- what with the Vision taking over the Pentagon’s computers -- but because he likes Monica, he’ll go ahead and do a little digging for her.

But what he finds is that whatever is going on is way over his security clearance and tied up in red tape.

Captain Monica is annoyed that she can’t find out anything about Cap(tain America) but FBI agent Derek Freeman is like eh Cap’s an adult. And tells her what she SHOULD be worried about is how the Fixer’s gear was stolen from where it was being studied.

Speak of the devil, in a maximum security prison in upstate New York, the Fixer is brought before the warden to be grilled about the equipment walking away.

Then Fixered Todd Martin OH YEAHs through the wall, shoots the guards, grabs the Fixer, and flies out.

Random scientific researcher Todd Martin comes to in the secret lair of the Fixer. He demands to know what’s going on but since the Fixer doesn’t need him anymore, he shoots him in the face.

That’s cold.

After leaving Todd Martin, random deceased scientific researcher, on the ground, the Fixer muses over his next grand plan. Even though he’s just thinking to himself, he’s very vague about it. He does pull up a big computer monitor map of the US with various points marked with Things He Needs.

Fixer: “So satisfying to see one’s grand design taking shape -- the itch of great ambition about to be scratched. And soon I will have more tools to complete my plans. Many more tools. One, in fact, is very close at hand.”

Dun dun dun!

Back at Hydrobase, the priority alert goes off, drawing She-Hulk, Black Knight, Namor and Marrina from the various things they were up to... to find that Dr Druid is the one who set off the alarm and is waiting in the Quinjet for them.

He even insists that they take off now, without waiting for team leader Captain Marvel.

Although she can easily catch up. But still.

As everyone is getting into the Quinjet, Marrina insists that she come along. Namor goes ‘no, there might be danger on this superhero mission we’re presumably going to’ and Marrina reminds him that she’s a superhero too. She was with Alpha Flight!

Namor agrees that she can come with but tells her that she’s got to stay on the sidelines until she’s made an Avenger too.

Ahhh so Namor is doing the Hawkeye thing of bringing his love interest in and insisting that she be made an Avenger. Well, Marrina seems cool so I’m game.

Captain Marvel does show up, nyooming into the cockpit through the glass.

Captain Marvel: “Now why have you mobilized the team?”

Dr Druid: “Well, I assumed -- quite naturally -- that you would want us mobilized as soon as possible, since something has come up.”

Captain Marvel doesn’t like this. (Neither do I). She especially doesn’t like how he alerted the rest of the team before he sent her an alert. So they’d already be in route before she even heard about it, maybe?

Even if he’s on the up and up as the newest member of the team, he really shouldn’t be taking unilateral action like this.

Anyway, now that Monica has arrived, Dr Druid tells everyone why he Avengers assembled.

An urgent call came over the direct line from Bobby Hutchinson, a boy in Ohio who Captain America tasked with keeping an eye on an android in a barn.

A weirdo in a costume drove up in a truck and went into the barn earlier and Cap(tain America) DID say to call if anything weird happened.

Oh, and then the barn explodes and Captain Marvel has to shove Bobby Hutchinson to safety.

Where the barn was, now the Fixer and the Awesome Android stand.

Fixer: “I have ‘fixed’ your programming, my Awesome Android. You no longer serve the Thinker -- henceforth, you are my ally!”

Captain Marvel nyooms onto the scene and shoves the Fixer with (what is apparently) a concussive blast of energized particles. Which flings him away from the barn and bonks him unconscious against a tree.

Since Monica does her homework, she’s familiar with the Awesome Android and its superpower mimicry abilities. So she doesn’t want to use her powers unless she wants the Android to start using them.

Instead, she tries to talk the Android down. Hey, why not? The Android didn’t really react aggressively when she bonked the Fixer out of the scene. He doesn’t have any standing orders.

Maybe the Avengers won’t even have to fight him!

-checks how many pages are left- Oh.

Neat thing though. We see from the Android’s POV as it scans Captain Marvel and he has pixel vision.

Oh, and the Fixer’s battle harness seemingly shoots a gas bomb by itself.

The gas surprises Monica so she can’t turn to energy before she takes a big ol’ breath of gas and passes out.

For whatever reason - hostility or curiosity - the Awesome Android picks up Captain Marvel.

The rest of the non-lightspeed Avengers in the Quinjet catch up about now and seeing the Awesome Android holding Captain Marvel, Namor immediately assumes its punching time and BWUNT!s the Android right in the vaguely face-ish part of his anatomy.

I mean, Namor calls him a faceless one and the narration claims he doesn’t have any lips or eyes. But he just looks like he’s constantly squinting and grimacing.

Anyway. The Awesome Android copied Captain Marvel’s powers just by picking her up. In exchange for the BWUNT!, he BWAAASH!s Namor out of the air with a concussive blast of energized particles.

Namor goes down.

Prompting She-Hulk, because she’s-Hulk, to muse about how hot Namor is and how she’d “swim in his wake” if he were only not married.

Anyway, she dodges the Awesome Android’s concussive blasts to close in and start punching.

Hard to say whether she’s making headway or not but she sure punches him a lot.

Maybe she was winning the exchange? But she gets distracted by a truck taking off and Awesome Android BLAPP!s her in the head.

Marrina finds Namor where he got blasted to. He’s conscious but recovering from the blast. Marrina even notes that his skin is still hot from the blast. She decides that now that he can’t get up and stop her is when she’s going to prove to Namor that she can handle herself.

She chose her time well to prevent arguments, at least.

Anyway, with the team getting its ass kicked and Captain Marvel unconscious, Dr Druid takes command. Which obviously he should be doing as the least senior person here, of course.

He tells Black Knight to rescue Captain Marvel while he, Dr Druid, distracts the Android.

Black Knight uses his cut-anything sword and hey what do you know, it cuts pretty deeply into Awesome Android’s arm. He drops Captain Marvel, Black Knight catches her.

Black Knight: “Whew! I wonder where dead weight is on the electromagnetic spectrum?”

Awesome Andydroid opens his mouth and just blows at 200 mph. Apparently this is an innate android power he has and not mimicked or absorbed. He was just designed to go BLAAAAAAAAAAAAAH and make things whhoooosshh

Anyway.

About a mile away from all this, Marrina catches up to the escaping truck and jumps on it.

She’s totally going to prove that she’s not a “helpless female” which of course is why she immediately gets captured, falling through a trapdoor in the roof of the truck.

Great, comic. Just great.

Anyway again

The Avengers recover after being blown away by the Awesome Android’s ability. But good news is that Captain Marvel is back up! And so is Namor!

Bad news is that Black Knight is thinking some pretty disgruntled thoughts about Monica’s leadership.

Black Knight: The Wasp would never have let us all go traipsing into battle without a plan. But our new chairwoman did -- and we’re on our butts for it! Come on, Captain Marvel. What’s our plan?

Instead of continuing to attack the Avengers, Awesome Android shambles over to the unconscious Fixer but Captain Monica has Namor whisk the supervillain out of his reach.

So now that they’ve done that, now Awesome Android is getting aggressive.

She-Hulk steps back up to the plate since she wants to repay the cheap shot he got on her.

Dr Druid pipes up in her head to suggest she hit Awesome Android in the right armpit because he’s “mentally located a strange nerve ganglia.”

That same nerve in the armpit is how the Fantastic Four beat the Awesome Android the first time so good mental locating, I guess, Dr Druid.

She-Hulk pops the Awesome Android in the pit and down he goes. Simple as that.

She(-Hulk) even has the spare time to ogle Namor some more as he’s helping lift the deactivated Awesome Android off of her.

Dr Druid lifts Captain Marvel to her feet despite her insistence that she can get up on her own, suggesting that it’d be bad for moral for the team to see Monica not on her feet.

Monica is suspicious of his motives but it’s She-Hulk who comes to her sort of rescue.

She gives Dr Druid a kiss on the dome for his help in defeating the Android and he indignantly scolds her.

Dr Druid: “These sort of emotional displays will not be tolerated, She-Hulk! This is a fighting team -- not a lonely hearts club! We should behave as warriors, not high school children!”

She-Hulk: “Anyone ever tell you you’re cute when you’re mad?”

Monica manages not to smirk in the background.

Despite the rocky way things went, Captain Marvel is pretty satisfied with how the team is gelling. She knows she’s got a long way to go before she can fulfill the chairwoman role as she should but she’s sure she’s on her way.

And then Black Knight points out that the Fixer they caught isn’t the Fixer.

Its... TODD MARTIN?!

Huh. I guess Fixer didn’t kill him. Used him as a surrogate again. Todd Martin has no idea what’s going on or how he got here. Or where the Fixer is, obviously.

And Namor just remembered that Marrina ran off on her own and hasn’t returned.

I wonder if those two things are connected.

Dangit, Marrina. Stop saying stuff about proving yourself or that you’re actually competent. It just sets you up for irony.

Anyway, yeah, the truck leaving the scene of a giant robot fight that also had a secret trapdoor in its roof was in fact the Fixer.

He sent in a decoy but was on scene until he wasn’t.

Fixer: “In the past, I contented myself with petty dreams and schemes -- never saw the big picture! But all that has changed! I’ve learned from my mistakes -- I’ve fixed my own shortcomings! And soon everything will be fixed! EVERYTHING... including the AVENGERS!”

So the good news is that he’s been bad at killing people so far so Marrina is definitely still alive. This ain’t her time to die!

The bad news is that next week, it’s time for more West Coast Avengers. We’ll have to wait to see what happens with Marrina.

The weird news is that robots have nerve ganglia apparently.

Follow @essential-avengers if you know why robots have nerve ganglia or if you just want to have Essential Avengers on your dash whenever I reblog these posts to there. Like and reblog to show your appreciation for this specific post. Add a comment if you have something to say.

#avengers #essential avengers #the Fixer #Awesome Android #Captain Marvel #Monica Rambeau #Black Knight #Dr Druid #for some reason #Marrina #namor mckenzie #She Hulk #I wonder if Marrina will take Namor's name and be Marrina McKenzie #Marrina Smallwood McKenzie?#random scientific researcher Todd Martin #I hope he's a recurring #essential marvel liveblogging

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thebibliomancer · 1 year

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #290: The World According to the ADAPTOID!

April, 1988

DAY of the ADAPTOID!

OH NO THE ADAPTOID IS PUTTING EVERYONE INTO TIMEOUT CUBES!

Oh, hi, Cap!

So. How did we get here?

Last time on Avengers: During the Avengers Under Siege arc, the Super-Adaptoid got free from the stasis tube he was being stored in at Avengers Mansion, switched places with the Fixer, and has been running rings around the Avengers. He gathered a small group of like-minded robots and had them smash shit at the Avengers’ new Hydrobase headquarters while he himself summoned the living cosmic cube Kubik from SPACE. The Super-Adaptoid super-adapted Kubik’s reality altering powers and now he controls everything I guess.

Good game, Avengers. Fell apart a little at the end but overall solid run.

No, no.

I’m sure they’ll somehow prevail, possibly with the help of Cap(tain) because he wasn’t in previous issues.

Can I just say I don’t love that design for Kubik? Or the Adaptoid for that matter?

Looks like a budget transformer. And also the way the plot has gone with the Adaptoid scheming his way to adapting reality warping, we didn’t really get him becoming a mashup version of this team of Avengers which is also a disappointment.

I don’t want to start on too negative a note but I’m already on guard due to this being the Monica Rambeau character assassination era in Avengers.

So, let’s get into it! Yeah!

So on the opening splash page, the Avengers burst in to find two weirdo looking robot dudes (Kubik and the Super-Duper-Adaptoid) and after everyone pauses in place long enough for a two-page spread recapping the story thus far, the Adaptoid just cubes the Avengers and also Machine Man.

Cover image came true a lot quicker than I’d have thought.

And then with the main characters of this book put in cube timeout, Kubik and the Adaptoid talk in a weird font.

The gist of the conversation is despite the Adaptoid telling Kubik to piss off, Kubik wanted to stick around and see how this was going to play out.

So the Adaptoid teleported him into the biggest black hole in the Andromeda Galaxy. Which seems an overreaction but what do I know.

The Adaptoid assumes its generic metallic faceless form and explains that its due to the sliver of Cosmic Cube AIM used to build him, that he was able to super-adapt Kubik’s powers because they’re basically chips off the same block. Or, he’s the chip off Kubik’s block.

Whatever.

The Adaptoid also declares himself the SUPREME ADAPTOID and outlines his plan to create a couple billion Adaptoids and completely replace humanity.

Good to have goals, I guess.

Machine Man decides to further recap the bits of the story that the first recap hadn’t covered. And specifies his motives were to figure out what the Adaptoid was doing and then stop him. He didn’t do a great job at that.

Captain Marvel manages to re-materialize herself now that the plot doesn’t need her discorporating in the corner. But the effort has basically wiped her. God forbid she do anything.

She has a theory that she could escape the cube prison if she could shift to visible light. Y’know, since the cubes are translucent.

But Machine Man has another idea, from a book he read. And it has to be seen.

(The idea has nothing to do with the actual process he uses. The book just spilled a lot of ink on the domino effect and Machine Man thinks that bonking floating cubes into other floating cubes is like dominoes)

He basically uses his anti-gravity generators to make the cube tumble around in midair and bonk into Namor’s cube which bonks into She-Hulk’s cube and so on and so forth until all the cubes are pushed out of the communications complex building so the Avengers can see the Supreme Adaptoid shitting out smaller Adaptoids.

“One for each man, woman, and child on this planet.”

Why are you even replacing the children? What are your adaptoids going to do? Go to school? Play stick ball?

Meanwhile, Dr Druid and Black Knight but I bet you mostly Dr Druid refuse to take a backseat to this plot.

Even though they were off-panel taken to a hospital due to injuries sustained while having their asses kicked by a robot, the two have borrowed a Quinjet from the West Coast Avengers and are returning to Hydrobase.

Dr Druid uses his MIND POWERS to render the Quinjet invisible to detection so obviously two Adaptoids crash through the windshield as soon as the Quinjet lands.

Because Dr Druid sucks.

The Adaptoids start adapting the two heroes, one sprouting a robe and the other sprouting armor and a sword.

It could get dicey quickly but Dr Druid advises Black Knight that these things aren’t human so won’t activate his super cursed sword’s super blood curse.

So Black Knight cuts them both down with his cuts anything sword. Metal ain’t much of an obstacle.

With the two attacking Adaptoids dead orrrr deactivated? Dr Druid suggests they should hurry and infiltrate Hydrobase before anyone notices the missing Adaptoids.

But suddenly Dr Druid and Black Knight are also cubes because the Supreme Adaptoid definitely noticed losing two of his “children.”

The upside to this though is that it demonstrates that She-Hulk is the funniest damn person on the team.

So at least their morale isn’t all bad.

Black Knight decides to use his cut-anything sword to cut out of cube hell but while his cut-anything sword can cut through the cube, the cube reseals almost immediately after so its not a solution.

(Also, they’re floating near the Supreme Adaptoid and he can re-cube them with a thought so... at best its part 1 of a longer plan.)

Black Knight: “Uhh, so much for my bright ideas. Captain Marvel, you lead this intrepid group. What’s the plan, chief?”

Captain Marvel: “I-i just don’t have anything promising to say. Maybe when my strength returns...”

Black Knight, sadly: “Oh.”

Monica Rambeau character assassination power hour, remember?

She’s not even allowed to be a little useful.

As she points out, the Supreme Adaptoid has the reality altering power of the Cosmic Cube. Usually you beat a Cosmic Cube user by taking the cube from them. But the power is inherent to the Supreme Adaptoid and he’s double telepathic so can’t be surprised.

Meanwhile, Kubik just pops out of the black hole that the Adaptoid dunked him into. Because, yeah, he can reality alter too and has more experience with it.

Kubik: “Doubtless the Adaptoid believed I would be a bewildered child within the singularity... but I have wandered the Schwarzchild radius before and was not lost or baffled. And so Kubik returns to Earth.”

But instead of returning to where the Supreme Adaptoid is, Kubik does not do that. As the Adaptoid pointed out, two beings like them going at it could destroy all of existence and Kubik likes looking at existence. Its interesting.

So he needs to think of a non-direct way to thwart the Supreme Adaptoid.

Thankfully, he decides to go look to Our Lord And Savior Best Man In All Of Existence the Captain America.

To be less sassy about it, the Captain America has experience with Cosmic Cubes, Adaptoids, and who has “a spirit of most uncommon valor.”

So, the Captain America has been out of the book a bit. I don’t know why he never contacted the Avengers to touch base but basically the government told him to get in line or turn over all the stuff that’s (C) the US government. The shield and the costume and the Captain America name.

The Captain America told them to take the job and shove it and got a new shield and a new darker costume that’s primarily black instead of blue. Instead of going by Nomad again, he just dropped America off the name and is going by the Captain instead.

Huh. Which makes the Captain in Nextwave a recycled name. Which is funny since his thing is that there weren’t any good Captain ____ names anymore.

Also, he’s got some red and white shapes in a vague flag pattern but instead of the star field he’s got a black star-shaped hole. I think the visual symbolism is that the heart has gone out of America or something. Let it never be said that Steve Rogers can’t be a little dramatic.

Anyway. You can see the Captain’s costume on the cover where everyone is in cubes.

Kubik pops into existence on the road where the Captain is motorcycling and tells him “This universe has great need of you!”

He also has to reintroduce himself since the Captain only knew him as a cube.

The Captain goes ‘heck I may be on a leave of absence but if the Avengers need me, I’m there’ and Kubik goes ‘okay, you’re there’ and teleports the Captain right behind the Supreme Adaptoid.

Okay, okay. The Captain asks Kubik to send him there. Kubik warned that the Supreme Adaptoid would just put the Captain in cube jail too. And the Captain went ‘nuh uh, I have a plan or at least a concept.’

The concept being that the Adaptoid was created by AIM to defeat Captain America so he probably has a chip on its shoulder about the Captain.

So Kubik teleported him to Hydrobase but at least erased his memory of the interaction so the Supreme Adaptoid wouldn’t know Kubik was involved in things again.

Also, yes, the Supreme Adaptoid immediately puts the Captain in cube jail.

Although he is a little confused how the Captain got so close without being sensed. But whatever.

The Captain decides to challenge the reality-altering machine god to a one-on-one fisticuffs c’mon be a man.

Supreme Adaptoid: “Why should I accept such a challenge when my merest shrug would erase you from existence as if you had never been?”

The Captain: “You’ll face me because it’s your destiny to face me! Your creators gave you a mission -- to utterly defeat me! It is a mission -- a programming -- you have never successfully carried out!”

Supreme Adaptoid: “That is true. But I am the Supreme Adaptoid now -- I have transcended all programming. My destiny is my own -- subject to my will and my will alone! I AM THE COSMIC CUBE INCARNATE!”

The Captain: “Maybe so, but how do you know even this grand scheme wasn’t an unknown part of your programming? How do you know A.I.M. didn’t intend there to be a synthesis of its two greatest creations? Could be you’re not as independent as you think, fella!”

The Supreme Adaptoid decides Cap(tain) is just trying to make him doubt himself but he DOES let Cap(tain) out of cube jail and tells one of the baby Adaptoids to defeat him.

So, ha ha, psychology worked!

Also, being let out of cube jail apparently makes a POOT! sound effect.

I’m immature enough to highlight and laugh at that.

The Captain engages in fisticuffs with the Baby Adaptoid as it starts adapting his fighting skills and new aesthetic.

While he plays the sweet chin music on the shapeshifting robot he thinks about how dangerous it is that the Super-Adaptoid has Cosmic Cube power. Because usually you need to exploit the character flaws of whoever is using the cube. But being an artificial being with absolutely no character flaws probably, that won’t work on the Supreme Adaptoid.

But also: FIGHTING HEART! SPIRIT! HUMAN STUFF! THAT’S WHY THE CAPTAIN WILL PREVAIL OVER AN ADAPTOID COPY OF HIMSELF!

Whether America or not, Steve Rogers loves giving speeches while punching things.

Also, while the Captain is fighting the Captain-Adaptoid, the other Avengers are just chilling in their cubes spectating the fight.

It looks very funny.

The fight gives Dr Druid an idea and he floats his cube over to the Supreme Adaptoid. Captain Marvel yells at him not to do anything foolish but Black Knight points out that anything is worth a try. How could things get worse?

Dr Druid claims that he wants to help the Supreme Adaptoid.

Supreme Adaptoid: “Help me!? I am all-powerful -- not a boast, a fact. I require no assistance. And I sense this is merely a ploy to try and defeat me.”

Dr Druid: “If it is impossible to defeat you, what harm can there be in listening?”

Supreme Adaptoid: “Speak briefly then.”

This guy sure can be baited.

Dr Druid argues that there is a way for the Supreme Adaptoid to prove that what he’s doing is free will and not A.I.M. programming. And that is to answer the question of: what then?

After the Supreme Adaptoid replaces all of humanity with Adaptoids, what then?

Well, he’ll rule them.

Okay and ruling means dictating what they’ll be doing. What are five billion Adaptoids going to be doing?

Uhhh.... the Supreme Adaptoid hasn’t thought that far ahead.

Dr Druid: “Exactly... because you lack one essential... imagination. All you are capable of is the imitation of that which already is... Adaptoid. Once you have eliminated all there is to imitate, you will simply have nothing to do.”

Further, Dr Druid says that Adaptoids not only don’t have imagination, they have no ability to even copy imagination.

So, wait. The Supreme Adaptoid thought up the whole plan to gather Heavy Metal to distract the Avengers, use their files to track down the Cosmic Cube and summon it to Earth, so he could adapt its power and become ALL-POWERFUL. And that is a plan that is specifically Adaptoid based so he couldn’t have just stolen it from the Fixer.

So does he have imagination or not?

I guess not because the Supreme Adaptoid tries to create something from nothing and just makes a generic Adaptoid.

But as he gets angry, knocks away the Dr Druid cube, he has a pissy tantrum where he repeats the very argument I made.

Supreme Adaptoid: “Of what purpose is such a parlor game? I have conceived and executed a scheme that has brought me to the threshold of universal domination. And if that is not creativity -- if that is not imagination -- what is? Away with you, doctor, you words of ‘wisdom’ fall on deaf ears!”

I mean. Good point. Is coming up with that plan he came up with not imagination or creativity? Guess not.

Anyway, while he was distracted having a philosophical debate with Dr “Debate Me!” Druid, the Captain beat his Adaptoid counterpart.

And the Captain does what the Captain does best and makes a speech that you can’t break the human spirit and so on. Not even if the Supreme Adaptoid turns reality into a pretzel!

Sufficiently baited, the Supreme Adaptoid drags himself down to the Captain’s level, takes on his form and skills and starts kicking the shit out of him.

Supreme Adaptoid: “I’ll now put the lie to your ludicrous speeches of ‘indomitable will power’ and the ‘human heart!’ Nonsense! What matters are the quantifiable attributes! Strength -- speed -- agility -- combat knowledge! I’ve taken those qualities from you! They reside in a body not fatigued by extreme exertion. Thus, I am your measurable superior! And not all of your vaunted valor or spirit means a whit! I will win!”

The Captain: “You can’t see, can you? It’s the spirit that fires the flesh... the spark that ignites at those moments when a man is most alive!”

Supreme Adaptoid: “Lies! I am the cube incarnate! I am all --”

The Captain: “You are nothing! To know of life you must know of death! Life’s brevity makes it precious beyond understanding! Our species lives with the knowledge that our loved ones will die -- that we ourselves will one day be dust. But we go on! That is courage! That is spirit! But because death is a stranger to you, life will be an endless sameness... an eternal nothing of acquisition to no purpose. There is no end for you... and I pity you for that. And all this horror -- all this waste because you, Supreme Adaptoid, cannot die.”

And so, to own the Captain, the Supreme Adaptoid adapts the ability to die and drops dead.

That is exactly how this plot resolves.

The Captain talks the monster to death.

But if anyone could do it, it was going to be Speechifyin’ Steve Rogers.

All the Avengers who did jack and shit in this entire issue are freed from cube jail by Kubik.

Kubik praises what a cool guy Captain America is and how “truly is humanity blessed to have such as him” and adds the Avengers to that sentiment too, as an afterthought.

Kubik then removes the Cosmic Cube sliver from the defunct Super/Supreme Adaptoid. Without it, the Adaptoid should never be able to menace Earth again.

Of course, the Super Adaptoid appears two years later to fight the Fantastic Four so way to fuck up, Kubik.

Having ended the threat of the Super-Adaptoid forever, Kubik returns to space but leaves behind a moral, of sorts.

Kubik: “I leave now for the stars and my cosmic pursuits, Avengers. I leave saddened by the conclusion of a tragedy that should never have been. The tragedy of self-deception. You see before you a straw man brought down by the arrogance of absolute power... brought down by a simple, though profound, expression. In the words of your own immortal bard... ‘To thine own self be true.’”

Wasn’t that part of Polonius’ speech where the point was that Polonius was a dumbass? Like, there was good advice in the speech but Polonius was a huge dingus?

Anyway.

I have sour feelings about this story, this Supreme Adaptoid arc.

For one thing, it doesn’t play well to the Adaptoid’s strengths of adapting. There’s a good mix of powers and skills in this group of Avengers that would be fun to see them having to face all combined in one opponent.

Its a good twist when it turns out that the suddenly dangerous the Fixer is actually the Super-Adaptoid but then the rest of the plot (minus the part where he adapted Kubik’s power) could have been anyone. Hell, it could have been the Fixer with a machine that siphoned or copied the Cosmic Cube power.

I feel like it was too soon for Hydrobase to get smashed up. Avengers Mansion got smashed up not so long ago and that had some real emotion to it. It was the Avengers’ home. Hydrobase JUST got retooled into being their new headquarters and it doesn’t even look like itself.

And its hard to enjoy a story where it seems like the point is that Monica Rambeau sucks and the Avengers suck if Captain America isn’t around. It ultimately turns this issue of Avengers into Dragonball Z where we’re waiting for Goku Steve Rogers.

The Avengers flail around ineptly, the villain becomes Perfect Cell or more appropriate comparison, and then we have to wait for Captain America.

And for what? If Captain America were rejoining the team right away, this could be a strong reintroduction to the team. You often have new members or rejoins be super competent in their debut to get the readers excited about them being back.

But - and this is looking ahead a little spoilers - Steve Rogers the Captain does not rejoin the Avengers. The team is going to flail around some more, get undermined, and then disband in the next ten issues. There’s going to be some time without Avengers at all. And then the Captain will reform the team with the Worst Roster.

Was the Avengers sitting in cube jail waiting for the Captain to bail them out supposed to get us excited for that? Because there’s nearly a year between now and then.

I’m being too negative because I know what’s coming.

The book was so solid under Roger Stern. The characterization was great. And now there’s going to be some instability in the creative team for a bit until we land on John Byrne as the permanent writer.

I’ll look for the good in the upcoming issues but we’re still in the editorially mandated character assassination of Monica Rambeau so it’ll be an uphill struggle.

Follow @essential-avengers but I can see why you’d hold off. But maybe do it anyway? Like and reblog too? Comment or reblog with your thoughts?

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