#medical professionals dont attack me I tried very hard

[intotheelliwoods]

This is part 2! Part 1 can be found here~

Masterpost

#medical professionals dont attack me I tried very hard #I actually got blood drawn before in a fashion similar to this #but it was plasmapheresis #assuming the same but without the filters and return system for regular blood withdrawals #or at least something similar #for this much a blood loss it would have been better for lil leos needle to also #be in his elbow there #but like???? #in the og comic for him in the medbay I put it on his hand like an idiot so #whatever #consistency ig #give me some slack #2 arms left #oops I went on a big tag ramble #ah whatever #cw blood #cw needles #tw needles #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise leo #leonardo hamato

[genderconfused]

I really hope this hole transgender trend dies off in a few years and we can all look back and think "those were crazy times" and then forget it ever happened.

I'm tried of seeing it or hearing about it. I dont want to see another transgender person online honestly. Its exshasting. The more this spreads online and the more harmfull that community gets, the more I start to hate it and everthing it stands for. I hope someday those with sex dysphoria will have their own community to come for safety, advice and comofrt, you know, outside LBT. I do not feel safe, welcome or a part of the trans community. It is hell. Its a place where my struggles as transsexual are completely diffrent from those who are transgender. Gender is not real thing , it's a made up social construct based around sexist stereotypes . And I'll be attacked for saying this, or for talking about my struggles with sex dysphoria, usally I'm called "transphobic " for simply talking about the reality of sex, which is the reason for my dysphoria in the first place. Reality is there is two sexses, and you can't change your sex. brain sex will always be the same as the bodies sex. you cant have an "gender identity " either, it's not a fucking personality trait, either should it be used as one when having actuall sex dysphoria is a mental illness which is painfull.

The only thing being transgender is , is breaking gender roles and using that as an identity.

At the very least I hope transgender people and transsexual or people with sex dysphoria, get completely separate communities.

Transgender activists just make it harder for those with actuall sex dysphoria. They make people miss understand or dislike us, make us have no safe place to talk about our issues and hurt so many others as well (women, homosexual people). It puts kids and every trans person in danger by lying about treatment and the affects it has too, as well as pushes harmfull belifs that only makes it harder to actually break these gender roles.

Gender is made up. There is no reason for anyone to have any other pronouns than he/him or she/her, we need to remove gender roles completely, not make it normal or okay to try and escape those roles by being "transgender" or even medically transitioning.

I'm tried of it all, seeing the horrible shit, being grouped together with delusional and often hostile people, being assumed I support or belive their belifs, not being able to have any sort of help for my issues, even by professionals who cater to this delusional mindset. Its sick, there's so much fucking wrong with both the trans community and the medical community.

I been wanting to be supportive and understanding of transgender people, but they are making it very hard for me most of the time to do so. Honestly fuck them? I know this will offend people but please try and work out your issues with gender roles you have and realize societies sexism and gender roles is the issue here, not your sex or "transphobes".

If you have sex dysphoria thats a diffrent issue and I hope you get help for it , but gender dysphoria is a Symtom of a sexist society which needs to be fixed, and transitioning to escape that won't fix it. Same with other reasons for dysphoria such as trauma. Transitioning psycially should only be done as a last resort if you're absolutely sure the only cause is sex dysphoria and nothing else could of made you feel this way.

Transgender should of never been a thing, and it should stop exsisting.

#text #gender dysphoria #sex dysphoria #transgender #trans #transsexual #trumed #trumed discourse #discorse #trans community #trans discourse #transgender discourse #terf safe #truscum

[princessjungeun]

7:30 Rosé x Reader

Request: May I also ask for a rose x reader where its war/ futuristic AU? After a battle, rose is looking for y/n since she strayed off from the squad, but when they find her at the medical bay, she lost a limb (arm or leg your choice!) and rose can't help as she watches in sadness as she see's y/n waking up with a whole new limb. BUT! rose comforts her and later on y/n learns to get used to the arm and when the war is over, they settle down and have a family. Angst at first but fluffy at the end?

It had been about ten years since the war started. At first it started in Washington DC, attacks on the White House from foreign enemies. Slowly, every major city in the world was being showered with bombs and fire. Within years most of the population was wiped out, almost all of your family and friends included.

Now all you had was Roseanne and your four other friends. You and Roseanne met before the war started, the two of you were childhood neighbors.

Roseanne was quick on her feet and she could climb almost anything with ease. This making it easy for her to hide from enemies and signal for the squad to attack.

You were skilled with throwing knives and axes. In addition to this your impressive swordsman skills saved the two of you in many situations.

Then the two of you met Henry, being strong and multilingual, he was an asset. He joined to see if he could find his (now dead) lover’s little sister, Hyejoo. Henry promised that he’d find and protect her if he could.

Ryujin tagged along after she helped you three out of an enemy attack. She might be young but she can shoot any gun like a professional, her favorite being a sniper. Ryujin never misses.

Soojin mixed in a little while after, using her looks to get what she needed before slipping poison into foods or drinks, killing her victims.

Hyejoo was the last to join your squad. She was an expert with bombs and gassing in battle. Her strong arm made it easy to throw grenades and tear gas at enemies. Hyejoo lost her sense of sight a year into the war. She was gassed so severely she went blind. However this heightened her other senses, making it easy for her to sense danger through vibrations and sound.

The six of you, stuck together and almost never separated. There was the unsaid rule that you’d protect each other, but you also wouldn’t hesitate to kill each other if need be.

•

•

•

Half asleep you held a sleeping Roseanne in your arms, her breath ghosting your chest. “Guys get up I feel something” Hyejoo walked around the tent you all slept in, kicking your backs. Ryujin sat up “how many and how big are they?” Hyejoo shuffled her bare feet on the ground, running her hands along the hard Earth as well. “I can’t tell...there’s a few. Like ten men.”

You felt a pit in your stomach knowing who they were, and that they were looking for you. The six of you all stood up and quickly packed up camp before starting to get moving. Roseanne led the squad, Ryujin in the back ready to shoot anyone she found a threat.

The six of you walked for hours, stopping occasionally to refill your water canteens from nearby streams. Finally you all settled on a place to camp, an empty cave, with two entrances. A hidden one in the back and the one in the front.

“Ok lets get some sleep guys. Hyejoo if you feel anything wake us up ok?” Roseanne spoke as she unfolded a blanket. Hyejoo told her “I can’t see anything, the floor is sand, it’s too loose to pick up vibrations.” The six of you looked around debating if staying here overnight was a good idea.

However Soojin spoke up making the decision for you all. “Guys we’re kilometers away from any danger. Nobody will find us, let’s just get sleep and move out at dawn ok?” Ryujin chimed in, “yeah plus there’s a hidden entrance, if we need a quick escape we can go that way.” They all agreed while you could tell by the look on Hyejoo’s face she wasn’t sure.

You turned to Roseanne and said “I don’t think this is a good idea. The only one who can tell us if we’ll be in danger told us it’s not a good idea, and you still wanna stay? This is literally a death wish. I know they’re following us, and I’m trying not to die.” The lavender haired girl looked at you and said “we have no other options Y/N.”

Knowing this would probably work you stepped closer to her, placing a hand on her waist you said “Rosie...this isn’t a good idea.” Before she could respond Soojin cut in “absolutely not. This isn’t fair, whenever Y/N wants something she just gets all touchy with Roseanne and goes ‘Rosie’. And then Roseanne just does it. She’s using you Roseanne, open your eyes.”

The lavender haired girl looked at you and realized Soojin made a point. Whenever you wanted anything from her you did the exact same thing. The two of you both confessed long ago, but due to the state of the world you didn’t want to start a relationship. Especially if your lives were on the line every second you were in open space. Roseanne spoke to you harshly for the first time “if you dont want to stay. Then go. I’m done with you and your games.”

You told her “I’m not- Roseanne I love you. I love you so much and I just don’t want anything to happen to you.” Her features softened but she looked at Soojin who shook her head. “Just go Y/N” was the last thing she said to you.

Looking around you realized staying probably wasn’t a good idea. “Whatever. I’ll see you all around then.”

You slung your swords and bag over your shoulder. As you passed Ryujin you told her “protect Rosie. If I find Jisu and Yuna I’ll do the same.” She smiled at the mention of her little sister and her lover’s names. You both linked pinkies and kissed them, the way you two always sealed promises.

Henry side hugged you and ruffled your hair, he truly was like an older brother. Hyejoo threw herself into your arms. Usually she wasn’t affectionate so this took you by surprise. You told the young girl “i’ll miss you pretty girl, if I find Chaewon i’ll keep her around ok?” She held your face in her hands before nodding and pulling away.

You walked away without looking back at Roseanne. Your heart clenched knowing you might not see her again, but the enemy only wanted you, if you left she might be safe.

•

•

•

Weeks passed and you were captured by one of your own enemies. A boy named Felix and his nine other friends, the ones who Hyejoo sensed that night you left.

Felix held you captive, he’d beat you then care for your injuries. He tried to defend himself by saying he hated that he had to do this, but you needed to learn your lesson not to run from him. The boy tried to justify his actions by saying he loved you but you knew just had a strange obsession with you. The never ending cycle of this took a toll on you as well. Until you were rescued by some passerbyers, they snatched you up quickly. However, not quick enough because your right leg was severed by one of Felix’s men.

The strangers carried you to the nearest Medical Bay where a doctor completely amputated from just above the knee. You were there for months learning how to adapt to the metal prosthetic that you were given.

Over time you met people who came in and out, some you’ve known in the past and others not so much.

You saw Hyejoo’s girlfriend Chaewon, when she came in with a severed hand. She recognized you and decided to stay with you in the safety of the bay, hoping Hyejoo might come looking for you.

Ryujin’s little sister Yuna came in carrying a limp and bloodied girl one night. You realized it was Jisu, Ryujin’s lover. She’d suffered major blood loss but she was slowly coming back around.

You met a little girl Ivy, no more than five who had a striking resemblance to a woman you’ve seen in a locket Soojin wore. With time you learned she was the daughter of a woman named Shuhua. The child told you she was looking for a Seo Soojin, that her mother told her to find her and stay with her. You watched out for the child in hopes that one day Soojin would come along to collect her deceased girlfriend’s daughter.

More and more people came and went, the three younger girls however staying by your side in hopes that your squad would arrive. You simply didn’t have the heart to tell them that you’d left them months before.

Until one day you saw a familiar boy carrying a sleeping barefooted girl in his arms, Henry and Hyejoo. Behind them you saw the rest of your old squad walking towards the medical bay.

“HENRY!” You shouted and he locked eyes with you. He woke Hyejoo up and placed her on the ground as the two walked closer to you. The boy engulfed you in a hug and you two watched Hyejoo and Chaewon reunite for the first time in at least a year.

When the rest of your squad came they realized many of those they loved were in fact here.

Your eyes fell on Roseanne, she looked more beautiful than you remembered. Her eyes scanned the medical bay before her eyes locked with yours. You left go of Henry and limped over to her before falling into her arms.

Laughing softly you said “Sorry I’m still getting the hang of this thing...” She looked down at the metal prosthetic leg that was supporting you before looking back into your eyes.

Tears spilled from her eyes as she held you close in her embrace. You asked “Wha- I thought you hated me?” She sobbed into your shoulder and told you “I made a mistake. I’m sorry I love you so much. I thought you were dead or- I’m so sorry Y/N.”

Holding your weight on her you wiped away her tears and kissed her softly. “It’s ok Rosie, I love you too. Everything is okay now.”

•

•

•

FIVE YEARS LATER

The war was slowly coming to an end and you and Roseanne moved to the countryside. Although there were still bombs being dropped and bullets flying, the countryside was safer than the city.

Your squad moved here with you however you all were very spaced out.

Ryujin moved with her now fiancé, Jisu not too far from you and Roseanne. Ryujin’s little sister Yuna stayed with them as Ryujin insisted she was still too young to live alone.

Soojin was now a mother to Ivy, the young child now around ten years old. The two of them lived on the coast side of the country, furthest away from you and the rest of your friends.

Henry still refuses to leave Hyejoo’s sode, never breaking the promise to his gone boyfriend. He lives with Hyejoo and her girlfriend Chaewon. The three of them only a few minutes walk from your and Roseanne’s place.

You watched from your kitchen window as Roseanne and your two daughters picked flowers in the field behind your house. Holding your sleeping son in your arms you kissed his forehead, looking at how closely he resembled you.

After all this time you were finally married to the love of your life, with three beautiful children.

#kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #blackpink chaeyoung #roseanne park #blackpink rose

[celosiaa]

cw//anxiety attacks

boy oh boy did that ask about jon having a panic attack about a spider in the shower bring up a few memories, firstly my grandparents (whom i used to stay almost every weekend with) shower used to be the central for spiders in that house. their whole house was filled with spiders, daddy long legs but equally as scary to a child whos has arachnophobia. the second memory, which is quite angsty, was also from a while back when i was probably around,,, 10? my brothers gf(s?) (they may have been split at this point i dont know) got in some drama and they spread a really nasty rumor about him (it worked out in the end and even shortly after jokes were made) after he literally just came home from her birthday party. and he has really bad anxiety, still to this day because he still hasnt gotten meds (hes like seven years older than me). this led to a nearby family friend having to come over while my parents left to get it sorted, but even she had to be absent for a bit cause she had stuff going on (she was there in close range if i really needed her, and i did) but he was so bad he kept almost passing out and it was the scariest night of my life. my point of telling the story though is what if one night when emma is alone with her dad or her baba, they have an anxiety attack or even something that just triggers great anxiety and they nearly pass out/ do pass out and its very scary for her because shes dealt with jons asthma attacks but this seems different and shes just freaking out but theyre too out of it to really try and help her. she probably ends up calling 999, which if its jon, maybe martin gets the call. causing him to freak the hell out and he would also have to calm down emma all while trying to be professional and keep his cool for her. sorry that was long and it may not all be coherent so sorry about that as well.

That sounds very intense!! I hope that your brother is doing better now <3

Imagining Martin showing up to the scene of Jon’s panic attack is so INTENSE my god. The good news is that it would hopefully bring some more comfort to him than it would if it were strangers, and Martin would know better what exactly to do for him beyond any medical interventions.

But I can imagine he tries so hard to help him calm down, but eventually, he decides that it probably isn’t going to work, and they have to take him in. I think that would just be heartbreaking for all of them. And Emma rides in the ambulance with them all the way and Martin wants nothing more than to hug her and hold her, but he has to wait until the job is done. When they do get him to the hospital though, I think he just holds her while she cries--because even though it’s not a terribly dangerous situation, it’s still just really scary.

#emma #hcs #asks #cw panic attack

[xsugarysweetsx]

Bam! Im gonna hit you with more various Honoka hcs.

⁃ So when Noka was a baby, neither her dad or Shirou knew what the hell to do with her wings.

⁃ Her first word was "Siro" which was exposed to be "Shirou"

⁃ She would fly around and their dad would make Shirou chase her down.

⁃ When Shirou and Noka were taken in by their uncle, he just slept and let her do whatever.

⁃ Their uncle, also known as Eraserhead, was a very kind guardian

⁃ He went to each of Shirou's ballet concerts, and did Noka's hair for picture day

⁃ If you looked through his search history it would be filled with "how to do a braid for beginners"

⁃ Aizawa bought Noka various art supplies and bought Shirou new shoes whenever they needed them

⁃ Didnt want them to become heroes

⁃ Cause he didnt want to see the two children he practically raised to be hurt

⁃ But because of their ties to All for One, the government forced both of them to become heros to "prove" that they had severed their bonds with All for One

⁃ Shirou's dream was to become a professional dancer and Noka's was to become a professional artist

⁃ And Aizawa was not happy that the two lights in his life were torn from their dreams

⁃ And so Shirou got accepted into the hero program, in class 1-A

⁃ He chose the hero name Shifter

⁃ Cause he could shift into any organic form

⁃ When he got 3rd place at the sports festival, Noka ran around her uncle's apartment screaming with joy

⁃ Noka is literally his biggest fan

⁃ Noka's first friend was a small purple haired boy name Hitoshi Shinsou

⁃ So naturally, she called him Toshi

⁃ And she refused to call him anything else all throughout middle and high school

⁃ Shinsou and Noka have sleepovers all the time and you can't tell me otherwise

⁃ When people would tell Shinsou that his quirk was villainous, Noka would always speak up cause she knew Shinsou wouldnt contradict them

⁃ Noka is always like that

⁃ Speaking up for others and herself. And her smart mouth tends to get her in trouble

⁃ Shinsou would fuss over Noka's wings. Like if they were dirty or a few feathers were out of place, Shinsou would sit her down and fix her wings.

⁃ "Toshi, your inner mom is showing"

⁃ "Its not my fault you cant take proper care of your wings"

⁃ When she told Shinsou about her acceptance into U.A's med course, he couldn't have been prouder

⁃ Noka is actually the one who encouraged Shinsou to train with her uncle.

⁃ But before that lets talk about Noka's time at U.A. so far

⁃ She was first introduced to class 1-A during the first combat training

⁃ Healed everyone who got very minor injuries

⁃ At the USJ attack, Shigiraki deteriorated part of Noka's hip. But her extremely enhanced natural healing abilities stopped the deterioration

⁃ So she has this big ass scar on the back side of her left hip

⁃ She wanted to absolutely murder Shigiraki for letting the Nomu loose on her uncle

⁃ But she doesnt have any damaging fire power

⁃ So she just tried to heal her uncle's wounds the best she could

⁃ Nearly gets herself killed many times with her smart assery

⁃ And gives everyone around her a heart attack in the process

⁃ During the sports festival, she helped RG heal all the students

⁃ Reprimanded Deku for overusing OfA

⁃ Oh yeah, she learned about AfO and OfA from her time with All for One

⁃ Is kind of like to Deku like Recovery Girl is to All Might

⁃ So fast foward to the internships

⁃ She interns with another oc of mine, Snow

⁃ Who is a healer but with incredible attack powers

⁃ Coincidentally, Noka was patrolling Hosu when the nomus hit

⁃ She recieved Deku's distress signal and ran to the scene

⁃ She didnt attack the hero killer, but ran to help Native and made sure he didnt bleed out

⁃ The hero killer didnt bat a single eye at her, deeming her not a threat

⁃ In the end, she didnt harm Stain so her hero guardian? didnt have to take any blame for her actions

⁃ Noka however did get nearly ripped in half by a nomu, so she had to stay in the hospital with Todo and Deku

⁃ So— Summer training arc

⁃ She just looked at her class and said "fuck this" and flew over the whole forest

⁃ She actually beat the wild wild pussycats back to the camp

⁃ She got to know Kota, telling him how she never wanted to become a hero

⁃ Kota may or may not have developed a kiddie crush on her 😳

⁃ But anyways, when everyone else saw her all nice and refreshed, needless to say they were upset

⁃ Some more than others

⁃ *remembers Bakugou nearly blowing off Noka's face because she cheated*

⁃ Aizawa just smirking at his niece cause shes so much like her mother

⁃ "DAMMIT TAKAHASHI. YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU CHEATER"

⁃ "They said to use our quirks. Its not my fault your quirk is too grounded"

⁃ "WHAT— YOU WANNA FIGHT—"

⁃ "No I wanna eat, goodbye—"

⁃ Focuses on her attack and the healing capabilities of her quirk

⁃ Let me set the scene

⁃ At the beginning of UA, our Noka could barely heal up a small cut

⁃ But now, she can close up major wound with little to no effort

⁃ P r o g r e s s people

⁃ N e ways

⁃ So when they do the haunted quirk thingy

⁃ Hairi and Noka are paired up, to their delight

⁃ But they aren't able to go into the forest before the attack happens

⁃ Apparently, the league came for Bakugou and Noka

⁃ Cause the "master" wanted his first nomu to return to him

⁃ But all Deku knew was "they are after Kacchan and the master's first Nomu"

⁃ Nobody knew who the first nomu was except for Noka

⁃ See, AfO took and gave Noka various quirks, eventually ending up with her current quirk(s)

⁃ Eventually, Noka is cornered by Dabi

⁃ His fire power vastly out matches hers

⁃ But she puts up one hell of a fight

⁃ And Kurogiri took her before she woke up and fought back even more

⁃ So everyone was panicking when they couldnt find Noka

⁃ Aizawa was panicking them most

⁃ His precious niece was missing, no, taken by the league

⁃ The students had never seen their teacher so frazzled

⁃ The thing that broke Aizawa more was the look on Shirou's face when he told him that his baby sister was missing

⁃ His precious baby sister

⁃ His whole world

⁃ Shirou didnt go out of his room for days

⁃ He was there when they were to save Bakugou and Noka

⁃ All Might fought AfO, and won

⁃ But there was no sign of Noka

⁃ Shirou nearly tackled Bakugou, demanding, no, more like pleading for him to tell him where she was

⁃ Bakugou merely said "She's gone, and I dont know where she went"

⁃ The whole class was in a panic

⁃ Where was Noka? Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she in danger?

⁃ And the question that hung on everyone's mind the most was

⁃ Is she alive?

⁃ The emptiness of Noka's desk was deafening

⁃ Their smart ass classmate was nowhere to be found

⁃ And they all felt guilty

⁃ But none more than Bakugou

⁃ For he was the last to see her alive so to speak

⁃ And her last words to him were "Forget about me ya big oaf, you hear me? I don't want you sulking, or I'll personally beat your ass."

⁃ Forget about her? How could he do that?

⁃ Noka was the only person who didn't put up with his bullshit

⁃ From day one she put him in his place

⁃ And honestly shes the closest thing to a sister he has

⁃ During the hero license exam, all of class 1-A decided that Noka would be really upset if they all sulked and failed their exams

⁃ But the fact that only Todoroki and Bakugou failed would make her fall into hysterics

⁃ When class 1-A met the big three, Mirio told them that Noka was strong and stubborn to a fault, so they shouldnt worry about things that arent in their control

⁃ To which they asked how he knew her

⁃ Apparently Shirou, Amajiki, and Mirio have all been friends since elementary school

⁃ So Amajiki and Mirio had been there a lot for many crucial parts of Noka's childhood

⁃ When the work studies started, Deku went on patrol with Mirio and Shirou, AKA Lemillion and Shifter

⁃ Shirou couldnt help but feel so much guilt crushing him when Eri jumped out of Deku's arms

⁃ Cause Eri reminded him of his little sister

⁃ Speaking of little sister

⁃ For the last 2 months, Noka had been experimented on by Kai Chisaki

⁃ In the mean time trying to protect Eri and building a loving friendship with the young girl

⁃ But ive alreadly talked about this part

⁃ So skipping to when they save her

⁃ It was a total shock for them

⁃ To see this wingless, pale, frail, bandage wrapped girl

⁃ And even more so when she spoke

⁃ Not having that bite that their Noka had

⁃ But a softer, more broken voice replaced her normally boisterous and confident voice

⁃ In the big battle agains Chisaki, Noka got slammed against a wall

⁃ Which in normal circumstances would be fine, but with her body in such a week state it immediately cracked her ribs and spine

⁃ Ochako helped get her friend to the ambulance as quick as she could

⁃ Shirou saw a fluff of pale pink hair out of the corner of his eye

⁃ He immediately turned to run towards the medical stretcher, but was stopped

⁃ He kicked and screamed something along the lines of "THATS MY BABY SISTER. PLEASE LET ME SEE HER"

⁃ In the most broken voice you would ever hear

⁃ In the hospital, after Sir. Nighteye had passed, Deku, Kirishima, Amajiki, Shirou, Ochako, Tsu and Aizawa were all waiting anxiously for Noka's surgery

⁃ When all of a sudden the door explodes open and the nurses and doctors are shoved out by an invisible force of heat

⁃ Noka was using her ability to set herself aflame and be healed in the ashes

⁃ But no one knew wtf was going on cause she learned the trick at the Hassaiki hideout

⁃ So p a n i k

⁃ But after the doctors confirmed her stablility, they all went back to school

⁃ The whole class bursted into tears when they told them about Noka

⁃ Jirou, Kaminari, Momo and Mina all being the most emotionally impacted

⁃ Bakugou was almost crying witb relief but he disnt show jt

⁃ They weren't allowed to see Noka for a whole month

⁃ Only family were allowed

⁃ She was hard at work recovering and going through therapy and they didnt want to disturb her

⁃ But when they (Kirishima, Deku, Ochako, and Tsu) did visit, they were shocked

⁃ There was this soft spoken, trembling, woman, and this was after a month of intense therapy

⁃ They hadnt event started physcial therapy yet, they wanted to get her tk the point she could be around others without going into a panic mode

⁃ Thus she needs the wheelchair

I have a bunch more random hcs but this is so long anyways. Im so sorry >_<

~Blurb~

It’s fine anon but seriously you gotta start posting!

#anime #fanfiction #anime x reader #bsd fandom #bsd fanfic #bts #kpop #kpop fluff #btsxreader #haikyuu x reader

[marshmallowprotection]

Ive had mild anxiety attacks in the semi-recent past and I've had borderline or mild (not sure which) panic attacks too, but last night...

Last night, from about 2 to 3 a.m., I straight up spiraled into the worst damn thing I've ever experienced. My RSD was set off, and i tried writing something out about rsd/adhd and saeyoung on my blog, just trying to calm down, distract/comfort myself a little, and i was actually getting sleepy near the end... and then it was hit again in a similar manner, my RSD came in again. And i just... i just lost control. Ive never had that before. Im usually good at being quiet when i cry, but no matter how hard i tried to control my breathing and crying, I was breathing so loud and i-- i was so scared that my mom would hear. Shes nice but. I didnt and still dont want her to know.

An hour. A damn hour. Struggling to breathe and stay quiet, tormenting myself with thoughts over and over and over i couldnt stop thinking that they hate me they hate me im sorry i didnt mean to im sorry please dont stop talking with me just because of that thing please dont leave me im so vacant over here. And dammit i needed- i needed physical comfort, any comfort actually, but i was just... literally grasping at air. Shaking and shaking and clawing at my arms and choking myself and nothing was working and i- i think im- i think im spiraling again ddammit. Not even an hour ago i realized i was still on edge. The... "trigger," although i feel bad labelling them like that- i encountered them, in a way, and the thoughts came back, and dammit my spanish class starts literally rigght now but im shaking and crying a little and i cant focus and i have to have my camera on and i dont want to tell him whats going on either cos he might tell my mom but im trying to make a good impression in that class so hes aware that im not lazy im just struggling with my adhd and-

And i dont need to - to rant abotu yet another idssue rn

[417]

TW: Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Dread

The medical term is trigger. That's the word they would use with you. Why do you think I use TW in my posts I feel like may need a warning on them? It's because people have different triggers that'd need to be labeled so they don't relive or feel very uncomfortable. Sometimes there is a reason for while things bother you, other times it can be a sign that it's been building up for a while. Take it from me here, I've had symptoms of anxiety from a very very young age. There were reasons for the fear and other times I couldn't discern what it was.

It helps to try not to rationalize in the moment, because when your brain is running a mile a minute and do you feel dread and unsure of yourself, you don't want to overextend your brain anymore. You want to focus on other methods to calm yourself down. There are these breathing exercises that work for some people, those things that help people cope with self-harm can also help you cope with panic attacks, there are countless things that you can do to combat it. It doesn't have to feel overwhelming. I know that it does, but you can work to push back. So, my best advice is to take a deep breath, count to ten, focus on that pattern and keep your cool. Easier said then done. It's easy to continue the thought and push push push but you need to slow it down as methodically as you can.

You don't need to prove anything to anyone. Just do your work and be mindful. Take your time and know that it will not spin out of your control in a matter of seconds. I do have to say that if you are consistently getting panic attacks, you need to talk to an adult or your doctor about getting help for this. I can guide you to helpful guides but I cannot make you do anything, and there are professionals who can help you work on this in a way that will work best for you.

And again. If you're 16 or older, you can talk to your doctor without a parent in the room. You can get help with anything without them around with ease. For now, breathing exercises. In on 1 and out on ten. Slowly. Rinse. Repeat. Clutch fabric if you need to but don't bite your lips or scratch yourself.

#tw anxiety #tw panic attack #tw dread #tw self blame #417 anon #ask #mod kait

[normal-thoughts-official]

Do you think magnus has ever had panic attacks? how do you think alec or his friends (like raphael or cat or ragnor) would react/help?

I'm pretty sure he has, actually. i mean its pretty much impossible not to, with such a long live he's lived and all the trauma he's gone through. we got a glimpse of the kinds of nightmares he has, all the guilt he feels, and the unbearable pressure on his shoulders. he's strong af, but everyone breaks down, and there are parts of him that are still raw, and fragile sometimes

i imagine he's the type that absolutely tries to hide them, the type that feels them coming and is all like "excuse me" and manages to hold it back for exactly the time needed to get somewhere he can hide and break down. but his friends and family are attentive, and they know him, and after a while they start to recognize the signs that Magnus went away to have a panic attack/is about to have one

as for how they react...

Cat: cat is a medical professional, so i imagine she knows the best procedures. keep a distance, count the breaths, talk to him in a soothing voice, walk him through calming down, ask him about the things around him so he can regain his surroundings, etc. then, once he's back to breathing, she slowly comes towards him, asks if she can touch him, and when he says yes, strokes his hair and kisses his forehead. she then goes back and tells everyone Magnus had an emergency, takes him home (even if it takes some convincing to make him agree to leave), and stays the night with him, cuddling, talking about it, or providing a distraction

Ragnor: ragnor is probably a more awkward version of cat. The good thing about him is that he always keeps his cool and acts like whatever's happening is natural, and it's so absurd that Magnus starts laughing waterly and feels a little more at ease, because he's not making a huge fuss. He's like "oh dear, okay, Magnus, you're okay, let's calm down, yeah? breathe with me, in, out... yeah, see, that's not so hard" and it's kind of like ???? why are you so matter of fact about this??, but in a good way. then he probably conjures up Magnus some tea, and either portals him home, or goes back with him and stays by his side, sneakingly stealing the attention with crazy stories so people don't notice Magnus is off

Dot: Dot usually holds his hand, tells him that hes alright, might cheat sometimes by using magic to calm him down a little bit. Then once he's a little calmer, she probably serves as a pretty good distraction, talking to him about other things, playing music, allowing him to just forget until he's ready to open up and tell her what happened

Raphael: Raphael probably struggles a little, because Magnus is his father figure, and it's always a little earth shattering to see your parents breaking down. also, he has this image of himself as someone who struggles to express his feelings because hes not good at verbalizing them (plus autism frequently means his intentions are mistaken by people who don't know him) even if, actually, he's pretty damn good at showing Magnus that he cares. he worries so much about getting him to be okay it's painful, counting his breaths, cupping his face, Magnus, look at me, it's okay, you're okay, hugging him. Magnus might be scared but he'd never lash out at Raphael, so it works. then once Magnus has calmed down Raphael is just speeding around trying to get things for him. here's some water. here's food. can you portal home? I'll make you some food. like he needs to feel useful and also the latino instincts are always person sad = feed them. so he makes Magnus some soup, recipe of his mum that Magnus taught him especially for moments like these, makes him drink water and gets him blankets (gotta be toasty). usually Magnus ends up sleeping, but when he wakes up, Raphael is still there, probably cleaning his loft worriedly because he's like that, but as soon as magnus opens his eyes he's back at his side. are you alright? tell me what happened. and he listens to Magnus very attentively, free of judgement, and it's very heartwarming and reminds Magnus that Raphael cares about him so deeply, that he's not alone

Alec: he can probably never pretend for too long with alec when they arent home because Alec is always like "gotta keep tabs on my husband at all times" so if he disappears alec is immediately searching for him. he usually goes straight for the hug, and it's good, because he's so Big and can envelop Magnus like a cocoon if he wants, hiding him from the world and making him feel like, safe and sated. If sensory overload caused the attack it's particularly great, because it feels like a sensory deprivation chamber and he's just safe and with the right amount of pressure and touch, and Alec always feels nice. And he allows himself to cry on Alec's shoulder, and Alec whispers soothing things. Then Alec either takes him home and cuddles with him until he falls asleep and asks him about it the next day, or, if Magnus asks to go back, he goes with him. Alec understands the feeling of humiliation at having to leave an event because of something like this, and how sometimes, as a leader, or as a downworlder surrounded by shadowhunters, he can't without risking his position or the respect he gets. So he silently goes back with him, always with an appropriate excuse for their disappearance, no matter how long or sudden it was, and somehow even manages to be convincing enough that people dont think they left to fuck. he's a diplomat, after all. he guides Magnus through the rest of the event, making sure to avoid annoying people and to take the lead in conversations so Magnus doesnt have to strain himself emotionally too much. Then he takes Magnus home, helps him out of his clothes and makeup, cuddles with him until he falls asleep, and asks him about it the next day

i loved this ask, btw! It's interesting to think about how each of them would react to that situation and explore their dynamics and how each of them could be helpful. since each of them has a forte, depending on the situation they might call each other - raph, Magnus is too beaten up, can you get here and make some soup?, Alec, Magnus had a breakdown and he can't leave, would you come here?, Cat, we're worried, can you come and calm him down?, etc. Just give Magnus all the supporting network trying their hardest and playing their strengths to help him

#ask #anonymous #sh #shadowhunters #magnus bane #catarina loss #ragnor fell #dorothea rollins #dot rollins #raphael santiago #alec lightwood #malec #brotp: i'll do whatever it takes to protect them #long post #adhd magnus bane #autistic raphael santiago #panic attack tw #anxiety tw

[pisica-de-scris-blog]

Ok, so this is my first time posting any of my own work on Tumblr for other people to read.   its just one scene from a current WIP novel.     It’s still REALLY rough   i am just trying to get the first draft of the entire novel done  then i will go back and do massive editings for content, writing style  ect ect       but i wanted to be brave and put something out.  

Walking in the front door of the two story house I share with my bestie, her mother and her little sister, ok share is a strong word… walking into the front door of my best friend’s house that I am currently squatting in,  thats better, I starting calling out for Tori.     “She isn't home” I hear from the living room,  I drop my bag and my books by the front door and hop over the couch landing on the cushion next to Vivi, almost knocking the bowl of popcorn off her lap.   This obnoxiously smart 12 year old, wears her  blond hair in pig tails, to make her self look even younger, mostly to lure innocent bystanders into her web of deceitful cuteness in order gain sympathy or candy. I still haven't figured out if she is just working the angle she was born with, or if she is really an evil genius who brandishes her cuteness like a broadsword. Seriously it doesn't matter the situation, she can get whatever she likes from almost anyone, and if they wont give it to her right out, she will get it by any means necessary, she is ruthless and her petite frame and all around adorableness, makes people underestimate her intelligence.  Which is something that I don’t know if that makes me admire her more, or if I am a little afraid of her.  Probably both.   Defiantly both.  One time I saw her con a bunch of teenagers out of about $20 worth of pixie sticks. Do you know how many pixie sticks that is?  Hundreds.   Meh, mean at least she shared.  She, Tori and I went on a 3 day non-stop sugar induced movie marathon.  The eventual sugar crash was hard, but worth it. At least until we found out that she recorded Tori and I singing everysong in Grease, loudly and very badly while watching the movie.  She hasnt put that video on social media yet, she says she wont.  But I see her little evil mind saving it for it’s epic black mail potential. “Where is your wayward sister?”  I question stealing a handful of popcorn.   “She went for a run, something about overbearing life choices and blah blah blah,  I don't know, I tune her out when she starts talking about college and responsibilities and adulting.  I mean really I am 12  I don't want to hear about adulting, or choices that impact your whole life.  That shit is scary.” “You have no idea kid,  but watch the fucking language.”  I smirked at her. “Ok so what are we doing until she gets home?” “Well, I finished all my homework for the next few days,  really this stuff is too easy.  So I was thinking about begging you to order a pizza,breaking out the big puppy dog eyes if I need to” She looked up at me starting to make her eyes really big. “Pizza sounds good, put the puppy dog eyes away” laughing at her antics I grabbed the computer to place the order. “ and then can we maybe binge watch some netflix.  Since mom is away do you think we can watch that show with the one main character who has to be slutty or she starves… and has the awesome best friend with epic fashion sense?” “No, you are too young for that show” “But I am really old for my age, I mean you know I am already soo much smarter than anyone else my age, and most ages. So I should be able to handle more mature TV shows too.” Vivi started rambling, getting ready for a fight to watch this show. “Your humility is heart-warming really,but your mother would skin me alive.  And then who would order you pizza with pineapple on it, which by the way is gross.” “It is not, but fine..   Hot hunter bros it is then.” As I finish ordering the pies Vivi queues up the show on netflix and hands me a brush,  I start absent mindedly running it through her hair as we wait for our dinner.   My mind doesn't focus on the tv  it keeps running through the events at the parlor.  I need to know who those guys where.  What they know about my mother, I mean she died in childbirth, and left me alone with an alcoholic father. Or did she?  Maybe there are things I don't know.  My father never really talked about my mother while sober, but if he was drunk and feeling nostalgic, he would ramble about her.  I could sometimes make out some of what he said in between sobs and hiccups before he passed out.    He would call her his angel and how she radiated this beautiful light.   I always thought that maybe her death is what drove my father mad and it was my fault she died.  What if there is more to the story? Maybe she was also in whatever this mafia or gang thing is that Cole is tied up in.  I should of questioned Cole before I left. I should of made her tell me what was going on, and how my mother was involved. Instead I ran. Why do I always run before thinking?   About 20 minutes into the first episode I notice that it is starting to get dark out, and Tori still hasnt gotten home.  I know she drives to well lite parks to run and she tries to stay safe, but I will always worry about her.  She watches the news and knows what can happen, so I know she is practical.  But she has never had to face any violence. She has never had to fend off an attacker, and she doesn't always realize that being practical and trying to be safe, doesn't really  mean she is safe.  And the pizza will be here in another 20 and I have seen that girl eat.  It’s scary.    Just as I am about to call her to check her ETA my phone starts to vibrate Tori’s name popping up on the screen. “Oh my god, why don't people just text, seriously who uses their phone to call anyone anymore.  Don't they know they are interrupting my viewing pleasure. How rude!” Vivi grumbles, as she turn the volume on the TV up a few more notches.  I can feel the annoyance radiating off of the small blond, so I grab my phone and take it into the kitchen to answer it. “Hey Tori, are you on your way home?  I ordered pizza. The small blond and I have started the demon-hunting without you.” I say into the phone. “Really, one would think having the pizza first would help with the demon hunting.  I mean you could use the pizza as a very effective bate to lure a poor unsuspecting demon into your trap before you spring and attack him with your no doubt alluring feminine wiles.  Now is there a sign up list for demons to volunteer or do I just have to wait for you to find me?” A smooth deep and very male voice spoke over the line. “Who the fuck is this, and why do you have my friends phone.” I could feel the rage in my voice masking over the fear. “Whoa chicka calm down. My name is Murmur.  Your friend was in a little car accident, she is fine, but she is staying here tonight with us” I could just hear the smug smile in this assholes voice.  That just fueled my rage.  Take a deep breath I try to keep my voice calm and quiet, I dont want to worry the small blond before I have to. “Oh, I am sorry, are you a medical professional calling from the hospital to inform me to come pick up my friend?” I ask, my tone dripping with sarcasm.  “No? Well then maybe you should give the phone to my friend so she can tell me where to come pick her up. And I swear to god if a single hair on her head is even slightly out of place I will own your ass. Do I make myself clear you arrogant douche nozzel. Now hand her the phone!”   Seriously I know life is a bitch, but today it is having puppies. This shit is ridiculous. “Douche nozzel,  you know if I had feelings they might almost be hurt.  I mean I am trying to do the stand up thing here.  I helped rescue a damsel in distress, putting a smudge in my perfectly shiny white knight armor in the process I might add, and then I call her friend so no one worries about her.  And this is the thanks I get?  Harsh.” Under normal circumstances, I would find his banter amusing  if not even a little charming.  Today is not a normal circumstance.  In fact today, all his witty banter has done is insure that any regret I may of felt about being a tad harsh is just gone. “Give Tori the phone” I growl. “No can do, cupcake. She is being seen by our Medic at the moment, and she is kinda out cold.  But I am being assured she is fine and I will have her call you when she is awake.    Tootles!”   The line went dead, oh   hell to the no.  Om Sarah  breath, inhale, exhale repeat as necessary. Once I am sure I am at least sort of in control of my rage, I calmly grab the phone, and call Tori’s cell.   Ok I will be civil, collected, calm and I dare say courteous, so I can find out what happened, where my friend is and get her home.   “Aw, sweetheart did you miss me already? Really its cute but its getting a little embarrassing.” The condescending male voice answers “WHO ARE YOU, AND WHERE IS TORI” Well, so much for calm and collected. “I told you, princess.  My name is Murmur, and your friend is fine. I will personally make sure she calls you as soon as possible. And since you have no idea where I am, or she is for that matter, and I have disabled the GPS on her phone, you are just going to have to take my word for it. And although I am sure you do a very sexy impersonation of a fire breathing dragon and are so ready to storm the castle to retrieve your wayward friend here, you wouldn't know what castle to storm. So you are just SOL.  Sorry Xena, no warrior princess impressions for you today, so put away the circle blade and have a seat, someone will contact you shortly.” Then the line went dead Calmly setting down my phone, so I dont throw it against a wall.  I take a few deep breaths to try and get my anger under control.  Breath in breath out  Breath in, breath out.   I start to repeat my mantra, “sun is warm grass is green, sun is warm grass is green….  Fuck this  sun is hot grass is fucking dead.”   Time to get some help and get shit taken care of,  heading back into the living room, I wonder how ethical my favorite small blond is. “Hey, Vivi..  If someone where to turn off the GPS in a cell phone,say Tori’s for example, could you still tell me where it is, or where it was when it was last turned on?”   Vivi turned towards me and raised an raising an eyebrow considered my question. “Could I?  Yes, I am all knowing and my powers of intellect are indeed beyond measure,  will I?   Well, its unethical, an invasion of privacy and illegal, so it depends on why and what I get out of it.” “I’ll learn how to play D&D and I will play for at least 2 hours once a month.” I offer knowing how badly she wants to play on a table top and not just with her friends on line. “3 hours twice a week, Tori plays too AND I get to watch the that show with the slutty not a demon chick” she countered. “No, I would let you watch it but your mom would kill me.  THen resurrect me just to off me again.   But I will agree to 2 hours once a week with me and Tori, and I will take you to buy more figurines.” “Fine, no show. But 3 hours once a week and one weekend a month where we play a long mission, I mean an all nighter with junk food and a lot of caffeine.” “You mean you want to take one netflix binge night and turn it into a D&D night?” “Yes” She nods “Done”  We shake on it and she grabs her laptop.  “So how long will this take you and your mad hacking skills” “I will have a location before the pizza gets here, and the delivery guy just pulled up.”  THe door bell rings and I go to answer the door. Once I am walking back to the living room with the boxes and a roll of paper towels to use as plates, Vivi already has the laptop open and sitting on the table. “She was at fountain head park running in circles, like a crazy person,  seriously who runs around a park In Arizona in the summer.  A small man made lake does not an oasis make.  Still hot, still crazy.  Anyway, then she left, or at least her cell phone did and the GPS was turned off in downtown phoenix. Right off central ave, in a really nice area. Looks like its right by those newish condos  the ones that look like a massive castle. She probably met some hot rich guy and is off making poor life choices.” “You hacked into the GPS on Tori’s phone and got all of that in two minutes?” I am just stunned.   “Ok first off its not like you asked me to hack the pentagon and get nuclear codes, honestly.   But no, I didn’t hack anything, mom has us all on a family plan for our phones, and she has some parental control thingys, so I just logged in and looked at the GPS logs,  then I used that with google maps and bam  info.  Common sense, really isn’t a super power ya know.”  She grabbed the pizza boxes from me and grabbed her first slice of pineapple pizza and started picking all the pineapple off. “I also went ahead and checked her car’s GPS and emergency system thing. It was also at the park,  but it logged a minor accident.  The incident report says it was a minor accident no injuries, and only a little cosmetic damage to the car itself. It said owner verbally confirmed no injury and that they had someone who would take the car to get it repaired.  It also noted police were not called, and that insurance would not be used because the other party was at fault and is paying for the damages out of pocket.  Since the report said owner verbally confirmed I am not overly worried.  Tori, isnt dumb and she is a big girl she can take care of herself.” I am not worried.”   I hate to admit it, but I think she is right.  I did get a call saying she was alright, and as long as I get another call in a few hours I shouldn't start panicking. She probably did find some hot guy and is making poor life choices. It isnt something she does often but it has been known to happen. Plus, she has been super stressed lately  maybe it will do her some good. “Fine, if you are soo smart tell me why, for the love of god, you make me order pineapple pizza and then pick all the pineapple off?” “Because I don't like to eat the pineapple, I just want a little pineapple flavor, like pineapple essence pizza, now can we get back to supernatural?  Or would you like me to get you the D&D guide, I play the 5th edition.”  As we settle on the couch ready to watch a few more episodes and eat our cheesy greasy dinner of awesome, I cant help but to think about Tori and where she is and if she is ok. Most of what Vivi told me matches the story that guy with the weird name said, but its just not really clicking me for me.  When I pick up my phone I see a text from a number I dont know. Unknown: Hey warrior princess, I figured you might be a little pissed off with our previous conversation, so I figured I would shoot you a message to assure you, again, that your friend is ok.  I would really hate for you to tail spin into an evil plot to hunt me down and murder me. And if I am being completely honest,  your cute little threats are pretty sexy, so I was hopeing for a few more of those to hold me over for the night. My god the nerve of this guy. Who the fuck talks like this? Sarah: OMG Douche nozzle,  you are disgusting.  But why would a text from an unknown number make me feel better about you kidnapping my friend? Unknown: Again  the name is Murmur,  not douche nozzle, but I will answer to mother fucker.  And here, for your piece of mind and spank bank.   I cant help a quick laugh as a picture comes through on my phone of a very attractive man who is doing the worse duck lips face I have ever seen in true selfie tradition. Sarah: And what exactly is that picture suppose to prove?  How do I even know that is you.  You probably googled selfie and just downloaded the pic of the first almost attractive person you saw. Unknown: that is a pic of me I just took  #nofilter   and what do you mean ALMOST attractive.  I will have you know I am considered adorable by some, pretty     by most and 100% fuck-able by all.   But I sent the pic so if your friend isnt home by tomorrow morning, you know what to look for when you start hunting me down for the maiming. Sarah: I still dont believe its you, you could be starting me on a quest to go hurt some innocent little European model while you are at home, in your moms basement eating nachos and playing World of Warcraft after selling my friend into slavery. Unknown: Ok dollface, what will it take for you to believe that is me.   And dont think for a second that I didn't notice you said I looked like a European model,  seriously I am blushing over here. Sarah:  send me a pic with a fork balancing on your nose. Unknown:  … uh  ok   give me a min.  I actually have to get up and find a fork. A few moments go by and my phone chimes with another message.  Its a picture of the same man balancing a fork on his nose. I stifle the a laugh and the true ridiculousness of this pic, and I save it to my phone and create a contact for this guy.  I need to save his number so I can make sure he gets Tori home. Kidnappy douche nozzle:  Believe me now sweetness? Sarah: Well that could be anyone with a fork on their nose Kidnappy douche nozzle:  Really, Really?  Riddle me this batgirl why would anyone take that pic, except in this specific situation.   Sarah:  Fine,  so the pic is you.  But that doesnt mean you have my friend and she is safe or that you are bringing her home. Kidnappy douche nozzle:  Well I would take a pic of your friend for you, but she is in my friends bed, and from what I have been told  taking pictures of women in bed without their knowelege is frowned upon.   Its just past the level of creepy I am willing to go to,  even for  a feisty thing like you.   Now it only seems fair that since I sent you 2 pics you send me atleast one  ;) Sarah: Life isnt fair, I am not sending you anything.   But you will return my friend in the morning or all hell will break loose and I will kill not only you     but everything you have ever even liked. Kidnappy douche nozzle: I will keep you updated on whats going on and when she is headed back home. Sarah:  then you may yet survive this. Kidnappy douche nozzle: now kitten, dont make promises you arnt willing to keep.

#wip #newnovel #excerpts from my writing #nanowrimo #nano 2018 #first novel

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

#suicide mention #im sorry #all their no privacy shit doesnt even work cos i was just left alone all night when i wanted to kill myself #and took then three days to notice the wound on my arm #didnt cut my veins or anything dangerous i just couldnt stop scratching #at my skin for an hour and now there's a bit of a mess there #but its scabbed over so its fine #i drew all over the other arm to keep from hurting myself again #i thought i was okay after that nice experience at the build a bear workshop but im even #worse today cos now i k ow the staff are just fuckin fine with transphobia and im gonna just have to #shut my mouth i guess #fuck just look forward to the art classes whenever i finally get to do them #but i was looking forward to the class today and then i couldnt do it cos i got all scared of dad #fuckkkkkkk

[thehalfworld]

Fanfic MST: Forbiden Fruit: The Tempation of Edward Cullen, a Twilight fanfic [part 6]

Meant to get this done a while ago, but I’ve got a new job and it’s been keeping me busy. Anyway, I hope you all enjoy this chapter; it’s probably the most action-packed one yet. 

Content warnings for this chapter include more (attempted) rape, a consensual sex scene (not described), and some violence. And a hell of a lot of nonsense that may hurt your brain if you think about it too hard.

Recap: Tiaa competed in, and won, a school talent contest. Edward was very impressed with her, but Tiaa was still angry about him rejecting her advances back in chapter 4, so she yelled at him and then went and had a cry.

Chapter 1

Previous chapter

AN - dnt all just attack me for the things writen in this chapter about Tiaas parents, i havent explaned everything yet an it will make more sense later. 

Which probably means it will make no sense now, but we’ll see.

Chapter 6 - the curse

-Oh ewdard with your skin so white Your eyes like amber out of sight Pale angel in my eyes Hair like gold rosy sunrise-

That’s a hell of a poem, but maybe you should stick to prose.

I read the words of my poem out quietly. I had written a poem about Edward, i just couldnt help myself. I hated myself for doing it but i couldnt get him out of my mind and it was the only way i could deal with my feelings. 

Soddenly my mind went black and i felt into a trance. 

In my original version of the MST I made a comment here about Tiaa needing therapy and antipsychotics. I would have reproduced it as-is, but I don’t wanna seem like I’m making light of mental illness; that being said, as someone who goes to therapy and takes antipsychotics, this girl could use some professional medical attention. Like, pronto.

A tall pale man stood in front of me all ghosty and misty like he was only half there. 

It was… VLODEMORT AND DA DETH DEALERS!!11!1

"my daugher? My daughter?" he moaned 

"who are you?" i wispa quietly

"i am your FATHER! 

That’s a real shocker after he just called her his daughter.

I AM CAIUS FROM THE VOLTURI! 

Not positive why he’s screaming this part, but I’ll go with it.

Your in terror and peril my daugher! 

God I fucking love this author’s use of the English language.

Beware the vampire boy called edward!" 

"why?" I said

"you mussent let him sex you or the curse your mother tried to protect you from will fall on you...you'll become a VAMPIRE! 

Uh… what? Lemme dissect this.

Tiaa’s dad is a vampire. Presumably her mom was not, though I get the feeling mom may not have been human either. Human/vampire hybrids are an established thing in the Twilight universe, and Tiaa clearly isn’t one (just for starters, she’s apparently been aging at a normal rate, as opposed to the highly accelerated pace at which human/vampire hybrids mature), so let’s assume her mom has some other supernatural shit going on. There’s a curse involved, so let’s say she’s a witch or similar. 

Why the hell would there be a curse on Tiaa that makes her turn (presumably irreversibly) into a vampire if she has sex with a vampire? Who caused this? What’s going on? Is it specifically Edward who’s dangerous to her, or would any other vampire pose the same threat? What is defined as “sex” here? Vaginal intercourse?

What a weird plot twist. Moving the hell on.

And you will never be safe! Only as a human can you be safe from them..." 

Wait, safe from who? Why would being human make her safer? Would she be targeted specifically for being nonhuman if she were to become a vampire? Why?

then he faded and I was awake and uncle larry was standing at my door.

"take ur clothes off now you moldy slut!" said uncle larry and he smiles horribly with his yellow teeth

Geez, Uncle Larry, at least do something about the mold first.

"no i wont" i screamed but uncle larry came over and hit me. I was strong for my size but he was a huge fat man like 300 pounds in weight and stronger than me. 

Oh, okay, so we finally get a sense of how big and strong Uncle Larry is compared to Tiaa. Presumably Atlantiana “strong and graceful like the running anti-lopes” Rebekah Loren is faster than this guy, though. I feel like she might still be able to outmaneuver him.

He took my clothes off and chained me to the bed. 

Where did the chains come from? Did Uncle Larry bring them with him or do Dave and Marie keep bondage equipment in the house?

I new he was going to rape me again. 

That’s an impressive deduction.

But at that moment someone came running into the room and hit uncle larry across the head with a stick and knocks him out cold. Uncle larry laid there bleeding and i looked up at...EDWARD!

I was gonna make a totally different comment here but it actually just struck me (pun not intended) that this is the most in-character Edward has been yet. If you read Twilight, there’s actually a scene where he saves Bella from a group of guys attempting to corner and assault her. His mind-reading ability and stalker tendencies both come in handy here; it’s not a stretch to imagine he might be hanging about in the vicinity of Tiaa’s house, and he would be able to read Uncle Larry’s mind and know what Larry planned on doing to Tiaa. As ridiculous as him conveniently busting in at the nick of time might seem, it’s exactly the sort of thing he’d do.

"omg my sweet lady" he cried! "what has this frightful asshole been doing to thee?"

Never mind, apparently he didn’t actually read Uncle Larry’s mind, or he would have known what the frightful asshole (great phrase) had been doing to Tiaa. So we’re back to the scene making no sense. 

"he's been raping me and hitting me" i weeped sadly as edward unchained me and i put my clothes on. Edward turned away whale I dressed so he wasnt perving on me, and he looked down at the poem I had wroten.

"for truth!these are the most beautiful words I have ever seen, it makes me feel so very moved" he cried "i wish i wasnt promised to someone else then i could write poems for thee" 

Edward, man, you’re coming up on 100 years old. You’ve been going through the educational system over and over again for decades. Surely you’ve read some good poetry (by which I mean “surely you’ve read the one or two good poems to have been written in the history of poetry, one of which is definitely ‘The Emperor of Ice Cream’ by Wallace Stevens”) in your time on this earth.

"why are u promised to bella anyways" i ask

"Be cause i made a promise and i cant' break it, it would be rude and ungentalmanly. 

Promised because he made a promise. Got it.

Bella never used to be like she is now,when i fist met her she was sweet and shy and was never nasty about everybody but she has changed and so have her freinds. I dont know watt made her change, maybe it is mine fault, she just seems angry all the time now."

That’s what happens when a Mary Sue shows up in your story! Canon characters start acting really weird to allow the Sue to fill a specific role that would otherwise not exist!

"Yah that makes sense I guess" i said.

We left the house and went to walk in the woods. We talked about loads of things and it turned out we had a lot in comnon. We liked all the same music and movies and books and stuff, it was like magic.

I actually think one of the perks of dating a vampire would be being able to pick his brain about pop culture through the ages. Like, it’d be really cool to talk about hip youth culture with someone who has been masquerading as a hip young person for over fifty years; that’s gotta be a unique perspective. But what the hell are the odds of a teenager in the 2000s matching interests perfectly with someone who’s lived through the entire 20th century?

"you know maybe bella is unhappy be cause you guys are not in love like u used to be, and u should brake up with her so she can move on and your can both be happy" i say

…see, now that’s actually completely solid relationship advice.

"she all ways used to say that shed kill herself if I left her. I could not be responsable for her death! 

Uh, her depression (and/or manipulative tendencies?) isn’t his responsibility. On the other hand, though, this is in-character for Edward.

I just don't get what has happened to her she used to be nice and sweet like thou my lady. 

I feel like Edward isn’t very good at judging when a girl is “nice and sweet.”

And now i am falling in love with thou and it is all such a darn mess!" He hit a tree in frustration and it broke. 

This author’s frequent use of purple prose only makes it funnier when she describes something as minimally as this. “It broke.” Brilliant.

He was so strong, i guess cause he was a vampire.

Yeah, could be why.

"your falling in love with me?" i ask, my cheeks going all red and my heart starting to sore

Girl, you okay?

"omg, forget I said that!" he looked relay embarassed and it was so cute. He had a big erection too. 

Did this boy just get a hard-on from punching a tree?

I retched out and grabbed his hard throbbing male object. 

I am literally imploring you to use the word “penis” instead.

We couldn't controll ourselves any more and we both fell down on the floor and got naked and made love. It was amazing and lasted hours and I had never been so happy in my life i felt like i coud die with happines. 

These two have some impressive stamina considering it’s the first time for both of them. I mean, I guess Edward is a vampire, and Tiaa is... Tiaa, but still.

But after a while edward started to freak out and cry.

Yeah, he’s like that.

"I HAVE BEEN SUCH A FOOL!" he screamed "i should not have let that hapen! 

I’ll cut the guy some slack for being eternally seventeen years old, which probably doesn’t come with the best impulse control, but… they had sex for hours, and he only just now started to realize his mistake? 

I hope thee can forgive me, i must return to Bella!" and he ran away.

I could not believe it. It was like my world was caving in all about me. i was so socked and angry i could not even cry or scream. 

It’s not really shocking, honestly. The entire story has been about Edward’s inability to make up his goddamn mind over whether or not to leave Bella. I’d be angry too, because the constant waffling back and forth is pretty annoying, but… oh, hang on, that actually says she was socked, not shocked. Never mind.

But as i lay there i started to fell diferent, like RELAY diferent. I suddenly remembed watt my father had said to me about not making sex with edward or he woud turn me into a vampire! 

Yeah, it’s pretty easy to forget randomly blacking out and having a vision of your vampire dad. That’s the sort of thing that happens so often it’s hard to keep track.

My skin was getting all hard and pale and my eyes could suddenly see a lot clearer than before! I could hear lots of little noises even form relay far away. I even wanted to drink blood!

She’s turning into Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.

and i could smell a human comin closer, he was almost here

"There you are you horrid SLUG" it was uncle larry "where have u been? I'm goin to rape u now!”

Well, that’s some real authentic-sounding rapist dialogue.

Also, if you remember my comment from earlier about placing bets on which chapter Uncle Larry dies horribly in, and you bet on chapter 6, congrats! You don’t win anything. I’m out of confetti.

Something in me snaped. I jumped at him and broke his neck and drank his blood! 

I don’t normally condone vampirism, but in this case — you go, girl! Give ‘em what for!

i had always ben strong for my size but now i was SUPER strong!He looked so surprised and it was so GOOD! Soon i dropped him on the floor and he was...dead!

I woulda thought he’d have died once his neck was broken, but if she has enough technique to keep him alive to suffer even with a broken neck, more power to her.

Next chapter

#forbidenfruit.mst #fandom:twilight #halfworld.mst

[tumblunni]

OKAY!!! I am wearing my binder and then i am wearing my other binder on top of my binder and I am devouring all the binder safety tips and how to dress to cover up the lil bit of non-flatness that is always inevitably gonna be there and i am feeling VERY MORE CONFIDENT IN MYSELF AAAA and i kinda sent a kinda rambley sentimental thank you email to the customer service guy who helped me order the binder and AAAAA this is just a very good day and I say this even as im feeling lightheaded and resigning myself to a life of chest pains every single day like seriously, if you do it properly then it wont be unbearable or damaging or anything, but you’ve gotta respect the fact that choosing to bind is choosing to be rather uncomfortable, yknow? and its kind of a skill you have to learn, to be able to wear it for long enough to get through social situations and then not hate yourself when you have to take it off. Cos yeah seriously you can literally break your ribs and this happens A LOT because seriously it is a thing that stops your dysphoria so its fucking difficult to remember to take it off and rest in between uses. literally people have BROKEN THEIR RIBS! literally! THEIR FUCKING RIBS! Or cut giant gashes in their flesh or been unable to breathe or even unable to EAT because its just THAT tight! And I dont mean to scare anyone off with that stuff, it only happens if you bind improperly, but honestly its really tempting to bind improperly just to get better compression on the chest. there isnt really a binder yet that makes you look 100% cis and works the same for every single chest size. And I mean its not gonna be peaches and rainbows impossible to feel it, even if you get the right size! its binding your literal ribcage, its gonna make you short of breath and its gonna be hard to forget it’s there. And you’re gonna be living like at like a 75% athletic potential compared to everyone else. I know i couldnt have been able to bind during my school years, i would have been constantly worried about outing myself by fainting during gym class! So yeah just... I admire people who are able to bind for their whole life. I admire people who can look handsome as hell doing it, instead of like a horrible lump like me! And I’ll admit im a little worried i wont be able to put up with this kind of comittment, that I’ll wimp out cos its too difficult to get used to. But really seriously SERIOUSLy it is fuckin worth it! its so fucking worth it and ive waited so long. i’m not terrified to go outside tomorrow, i wanna find some sort of excuse to take a walk and see if i can get used to wearing this in public! I dunno yet if i’ll feel more or less anxious about people looking at me? i mean im gonna look more openly nonbinary and all, so its a bit nervewracking knowing im a clearer target for trasphobes. I guess thats always the fear of coming out of the closet, but being inside it is terrifying and demeaning too :P I just hope that someday I can like.. look like myself without ALSO having to associate it with a crushing weight on my chest and a huge list of medical tips to avoid disaster. I hope someday I can get top surgery and be able to just relax, though again I mean surgery isnt an instant solution, you have to endure through the rehibilitation progress and all. It can be demotivating to know you just have to keep working for years and years but at least ive made the first step! and the light at the end of the tunnel will be there someday! ...oh man i hope someday i’m confident enough to bring up the subject again with my social worker though. I’ve tried talking to her like twice and im always on the verge of tears and then its like i never even said anything. She still keeps calling me ‘miss’ and like.. im reaching out for help and all she’s said is ‘well we should work on your depression first before we talk to the doctor about that’. But like.. i kinda.. might be.. a bit less depressed if I could talk about my gender?? mannn im just frickin glad i know friends on tumblr who’re more educated about transgender stuff, otherwise i never would have learned. never even would have known that there were words for what i feel, never would have felt welcomed enough to even ask for help. Man, the real pressure on my chest is the feeling of trying to come out of the closet to a goddamn medical professional! That felt like a heart attack! XD so.. yeah.. im just.. very sentimental right now thanks everybody for supporting me! I’m kinda due to take this thing off now and have a two hour break, so im gonna go have a blazing hot shower and try dyeing my hair that colour i love, and then take a selfie of the new and fabulous me! with my still kinda gross horrible far-from-passing chest, but at least its 40% less female than before! :D

#bunni original vintage post