#moved back home during lockdown and haven't left

[chemicalpink]

ଘ(´•×•)⊃━☆ a (not so brief) life update

In case you've been wondering where I've been cause by now we all know I tend to just disappear.

A few days ago I felt like oversharing a bit for anyone interested, I feel like getting to this point of sharing is due and will allow me to stop this irrational fear of the internet that I have somehow developed as it tallies to my accountability on this blog.

So hang tight! Cause this is about to be a wild ride...

I'm not regressing to the very beginning cause this isn't about to be a therapy session but I will go back to the near beginnings of this account during the pandemic.

A little before lockdown as I was asked to collaborate as a customs specialist for a pop-up store (which then I found out to be BTS') so I got into them after my job was done. A bit after going down the rabbit hole I started this blog, without very much planning into it, just merely creating a safe space for the people with whom could potentially like the same things I did.

A few months into it, as a last year International Relations student on my way to law school, and with a bit of sleep deprived courage, I applied for an internship at BH online, not expecting much since I barely knew Korean and was most definitely stuck at home in a whole different continent. But things surprisingly worked out, I didn't get paid at all but it was a great learning experience. BH became HB and I got to experience that from the inside, my day went like this: school from 7am to 5 pm and work from 9pm to 3am (sometimes more)

I obviously never got to work directly with any idols, my work was merely global and very much law related. Customs, contracts, negotiations with international enterprises. When the lockdown was done with, I was asked to move and become a permanent worker of theirs, so I did. However, it involved a lot of moving around so I wasn't exactly based anywhere and living costs are quite a thing. During this time I was also profiling myself as a diplomat, so it was in all of our best interests that I became outsourced.

Which brings us to a timeline closer to the present, the person that was in charge of contacting me for the gigs that I used to do for them suddenly quit and while I'm sure they were doing whatever was best for them, left me fending for myself during may-june. I came back home with my parents during june-july and networked for a bit– at least enough to regroup my possibilities so during august-september I was allowed to staff and collaborate (on a lower level) on some big concerts/tours.

During this time however (july-september) I was mostly reliant on my parents and coincidentally, their work slowed down by a lot. The rather small amount of money I got from working here and there was spent on my medical treatment (during july my doctor let me know that I needed to get diagnosed properly for lupus and by august my treatment costs were up by a lot) I tried picking up freelance tutoring (a pain, truly) and other small hustles that didn't require me to tire myself out too much since most of my days I spent aching all over, while also caring for my mother who had to have an emergency glaucoma surgery.

Oh and I cried and felt miserable during my birthday so.

I believe that's where we are at. I can't exactly get a job since I need to apply to an unpaid internship in order to graduate law school but I can't apply for an internship because one of my teachers just suddenly decided to fail me in their class (which means I need to pass it first) so I try to get by with small, low commitment hustles and now I'm picking up more seriously my ko-fi content. Which is why, I haven't been on here.

Those damned retrogrades hit me good ngl.

I do want to say though, I am not in a state of emergency, however, I am not living comfortably, but I'm trying my best to pick myself up and be nice to myself with the decisions I make and actions I take by the minute. While also trying to save up to go visit my 17 year old sister that has just moved away to study medicine.

I am grateful for what I have and I cherish you all that have remained close to me (even in this infinite nothingness that is the internet) and I hope you've been treating yourselves kindly during this time. If you'll have me, let's navigate the rest of the year together.

If this gains a lot of traction, I'm privating it lmao. I have no issue now talking about it since I'm no longer working there but I made those NDAs myself so I know what I'm up to.

#wow look shes back #life update

[fcukcancer]

Ten years later, almost.

I graduated ten years (+5 days) ago.

When we talked on the phone, when I was preparing for my final exams, you said that "come hell or high water" you'd be at my graduation. But we were stepping way down into hell. Because you weren't there, you weren't well enough to make the trip to Manchester. I don't begrudge that. It's just something else on the pile of things you weren't able to do. And it's all the little things and moments that you notice it. It's the loss of every tiny sharp thing, that illness, decline, took away from you, and me. And death, in its absoluteness took away everything. You've missed so much, I've missed you so much.

Okay, almost 10 years ago (give it a few months) you tasked me with looking at everything twice. Once for me, and once for you. So here's some things I've seen, some things you've missed, in the last 10 years.

Your own funeral, it was, it's strange to say this, but it was a brilliant day. Later, me and Dad and Niall released balloons into the swirling wind in hall place, watched them disappear into the clouds. Niall went to uni, we visited him one time, saw Frank Turner play, we all got matching t-shirts.

I got a stop gap job. Me, Dad and Niall went to Amsterdam, just after New Year, just because we could. I got a better job, I went on a road trip with three friends, to Sweden. I flew home, my first flight alone. I started going out with one of those road-trip friends. Me, Dad and Niall went on an amazing holiday, to the Isle of Skye. We climbed Ben Nevis before getting the train home. You wouldn't have enjoyed Fort William, you'd have loved Skye. It felt like you were there. I felt so close to you even though you weren't there, corporeally. My uni friends started a tradition, of going on holiday in December, we're still doing it. Me and my partner went on holiday, a tour through Europe, by train. I moved out of the house I grew up in, into a flat share with people I knew from uni. Dad drove me to my new home, the day after we came back from a skiing holiday. Niall graduated, (I wasn't there, but Dad was), he moved back home. I haven't lived with my brother since I was 18. I feel like I shouldn't have left home, but I also felt like I couldn't stay. Dad met someone, she's lovely. I moved house again, into a flat with my partner, and another one of our road trip friends. At some point along the way we all went vegan or vegetarian. Not a big deal I just thought you'd like to know. Dad got married. Niall met someone. We all moved out of the house I grew up in. Dad sold it. It was time. It hadn't felt like home for a long time. Going back made me sad. My partner and I bought a flat, that flat from before in the story, we moved in during an incredibly strange time, during a pandemic. The UK had gone into a lockdown. I'm, not glad you didn't live to see it, but, your hypochondria would not have made the COVID 19 years a fun time for you. Restrictions lasted on and off for 18 months. I had some therapy. Not about you specifically, but also it was about you, everything is about you. I found the therapy really helpful. Niall got married. My best friend got engaged. I had a huge birthday party to celebrate my 30th Birthday. I invited almost everyone I knew. To say, hey, everyone, I'm still here. I didn't die when my mum died. I'm actually doing fine. My best friend got married, (quick turnaround but she's pulled off crazier things) the wedding was such a beautiful day.

This year (if we measure September to September), has been busy. Fun mostly, some sadness. Someone died who shouldn't have, you don't know them, you never met them, but I'm saddened by it. The day before your 9th deathday I climbed Ben Nevis, again. I've been around the UK, and hopped around Europe. I bought a car. I miss you, still can't get over the fact you died. I've spent 10 years in the bad timeline. Learning to live even though the world is wrong. But despite that, I I am happy. I've filled my life with people who make me happy, kept friendships strong through time, despite distance. I have a partner who is a good person, and we live well together. We're lucky, we're healthy, we're not taking that for granted. I get on with my family, the originals of course, but the other people we've brought in as well.

You did a good job with me, I'm your work in progress, something unfinished, I'll always be tangled up in you. And I am happy, and lying quietly beside my happiness is the truest thing I know which is that I miss you.

[batwhimpix]

An Interview with Former Takarazuka Top Star Asumi Rio: The Laidback Personality Behind the Handsome Face

(Translated by me 8/19/2021)

While still a member of the Takarazuka Revue, Asumi Rio was known for her sensitive acting which digs deep into the heart of each role, her crystal-clear vocals, and her captivating stage presence. As the top star of Flower Troupe, she gained an immense level of popularity. Now, it has been one year since her retirement from the company. She has expanded her repertoire from stage to screen, and continues to showcase new sides to her talent. In her first name-bearing variety program, the Hulu Original "Asumi Rio's Atelier," Asumi-san learns new tips and techniques to "step up" both her lifestyle and her design sense. Totally different from her intense onstage aura, this program offers a chance to get to know Asumi-san's soft and relaxed offstage persona.

It's been a year and a half since you left the Takarazuka Revue. How would you describe that period of time for you, Asumi-san?

When I was in the Revue, because I had managed to enter the world of Takarazuka, which was my absolute favorite place, I felt strongly that I didn't want to have any regrets. So I was very motivated to work as hard as I could to polish my craft. I was completely lost in it, but within that, I always had my fans cheering me on, and the guidance of so many around me. In the last year and a half, I've realized all over again just how precious a thing that was.

Until I left, my only experience was on the stage, so stepping into the world on screen for the first time, a lot of totally new forms of expression were expected from me, and I felt a lot of anxiety. Parting from Takarazuka and living as just one individual human, every day is full of challenges. But that said, every day now is also rich with new experiences and new possibilities, so I've come to face that with a lot of gratitude.

While you were in Takarazuka, there was a very clear image, that of a perfect "otokoyaku," to aspire to. Now that you don't have that anymore, what kind of actress are you aiming to become?

There are a lot of qualities I have now precisely because I was an otokoyaku, and I think it's probably okay for me to just embrace that. As top [abbrev. "top star", the starring otokoyaku actress in each troupe], I was in a position where I had to lead the troupe, watch over and guide all the other actresses, and shape each production as the lead actress. I think I've picked up a lot of grit through that experience, and even as a woman, I think having a bit of a masculine edge in your lifestyle and how you deal with things can be a positive, right?

Even when I was playing otokoyaku roles, moreso than aiming for a particular ideal, I came at each role separately, like, this time I'm playing this kind of man, next time I'm playing this kind of man. It was like a gradual broadening of my horizons. Now I'm simply adding female roles to that roster, so it's kind of like the scope of roles available to me has doubled. When it comes to my outward appearance, as my hair grows out and I transition toward a more feminine look, I've been having all kinds of new discoveries, like, "Oh, this kind of styling makes me feel like this." Within my drama roles as well, I like those discoveries like, if I do it like this, won't it be interesting, or if I do this, I can get viewers to say, "Oh!" I want to keep digging to find those little moments where I can really surprise people within each role.

Since your retirement from Takarazuka, what overall on-set experience sticks out the most in your memory?

I think that has to be the first show I had the opportunity to take part in, "Ochoyan" [NHK serialized telenovella]. Until I was on that set, I always thought that the stage was the most incredible place in the world. I would never find anywhere else where every member is so unified in their vision, where everyone has so much pride in their troupe and so much love for the production they're building together, as in Takarazuka. Even now, I still think Takarazuka is a very special place, and my love for it hasn't changed.

But on the set of "Ochoyan," like Takarazuka, there were so many staff working to create this thing, who truly loved the work and brought all kinds of skills to the table to bring it to life. Among the cast as well, the atmosphere during recording, where all of us in the Tsurugame Family Theater [the name of the theater company employing main character Takei Chiyo as well as Asumi-san's character Takamine Ruriko] really did feel like a family, wasn't that different from Takarazuka at all. On the contrary, because our time together was limited just to the recording of this show, it felt like everyone valued that time all the more. Being on a set like that was a huge experience for me.

In Takarazuka, you had a very hectic schedule. As soon as one production closed you were already thinking about the next. I'm sure your lifestyle has changed in a big way since then. What kind of feelings do you have about that?

I retired and moved here to Tokyo right around the start of the pandemic. During the lockdown, when I was in my house all day, I realized how long the day really is. Suddenly it was up to me to decide how to spend all this time in the day. I could use it to rest or, if I had some area I was struggling with, I could use it for training too. I had a renewed realization that depending on my own feelings, I could choose to change myself in any number of ways.

These days, how do you find yourself spending the majority of your time?

These days, I'm doing a lot of types of work I'm totally new to, and working on sets with people I've only just met, so I'm still in a place where I spend a lot of time nervous. When I'm on a set I haven't gotten used to yet, my antenna is going in all different directions, so after I get home I try to relax as much as possible. In order to fully refresh myself and go into work the next day in high spirits and ready to face whatever comes, I've been making a conscious effort to be kind to myself.

What activities allow you to refresh your batteries the most?

Zoning out, and eating delicious food.

On "Asumi Rio's Atelier," you gave steaming rice in a donabe [TN: earthenware pot traditionally used to steam rice, supposedly more delicious than steaming in a rice cooker] a try for the first time, but what kinds of things do you eat most often?

As long as it tastes good, I'll happily eat anything. I like vegetables, meat, fish, and I love carbs, too. Ideally, I want to eat a good balance of a lot of different things.

Speaking of that program, how were the topics for each episode decided? Were you able to make requests?

For "Atelier" we had the general framework that I would be trying different activities I was interested in from the onset, so basically they asked me, "What kind of things are you interested in? What do you want to try?" And then...Yeah, first I had about 30, then we added about 30 more, so in total about 60, ideas that we pitched. The program staff wanted to include as many of my requests as they could, so actually, within each episode there are probably three or four different ones. In addition to that, there's an interview in each episode that relates back to that episode's theme. I enjoyed the chance to reflect on my Takarazuka era and memories from my childhood.

On the topic of your Takarazuka era, in your first interview for us, you said, "I wasn't necessarily aiming to become top star." But within the system of Takarazuka, to climb all the way to top star, you must have been aware of something within yourself that made you want to aim higher?

Let's see...Ever since I was an underclassman, I had a strong drive to improve as an otokoyaku. I wanted people to find my performance interesting, and I wanted to be seen as a necessary part of the production. I wanted to act a lot, and I wanted to sing a lot of songs that I love. I wanted to bathe in the spotlight, and I was happy when I got to wear more gorgeous costumes. If I really think back on those feelings now, first in the shinjinkouen junior performances featuring only actresses who have been with the company seven years or less, and then in performances at the smaller Bow Hall theater next to the Takarazuka Grand Theater, inevitably I started aiming for the lead roles that would allow me to stand on stage for the longest every time.

Somewhere along that road, when I was told I was being transferred from the troupe I was first inducted into, Moon Troupe, to Flower Troupe, this feeling that I had wanted to be the Moon Troupe's successor welled to the surface. And since that's the same as saying, "I wanted to be the top star of Moon Troupe," that was the first time I became aware of that goal. Every troupe in Takarazuka has its own character, though, so after my transfer, I was desperate to hurry up and become an otokoyaku befitting Flower Troupe first...

So as you worked to further your artistic development, there at the zenith was top star.

If you were to ask my underclassman self, the Top-sans are unbelievably incredible performers, and the more shinjinkouens you experience, the more closely you come to understanding just how incredible they are. Then as you spend more years with the company and find yourself in a position where you're working directly under the Top-san, you realize how much work they're really doing, and...The more you know, the more you lose the ability to say something like "I want to be the top star" carelessly.

And yet, you bore the heavy responsibility of a top star for five-and-a-half years. It's hard to imagine from your usual laidback attitude, but when it comes to your art, you're incredibly diligent and strong-willed. That gap is captivating.

When it comes to theater, I'm very picky. I mean, I'm way too stubborn for one thing. Especially in productions where I'm playing the lead role, I always have really strong feelings about how I want to perform things, and I'm not in a position where I can hesitate to convey that. It's important to listen to the opinions of various other people too, but when it comes down to it, if I have a clear idea of the direction I want things to proceed and direct things with that in mind, it makes things easier for everyone else, so I always tried to communicate my thoughts clearly and directly. If I'm delivering consistently good work, there's a persuasive power to that. Not only do the underclassmen naturally follow along, but the staff listen and respond to my requests as well.

But when you're making this kind of production, you do have to be pretty strict. But then, the real me is more of a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me, or more like, I don't want to be disliked. I didn't want the younger underclassmen to feel like I was unapproachable or like they couldn't talk to me because I was the top star. I wanted them to think of me like family. So outside matters relating to work, I tried to give off as relaxed a vibe as possible. Definitely, I think there was quite a gap between "on" and "off" for me.

Are there a lot of differences between "Asumi Rio the otokoyaku" and "Asumi Rio the actress?" How about between your stage name persona and your private self under your birth name?

I've lived under my stage name for so much longer than my birth name that I feel like, at this point, the parts of myself that belong to my real name are few and far between. I do have the feeling that, in some respect, I've grown up together with my stage name. In essence, while I was in Takarazuka, I didn't worry too much about creating a separate persona. Thanks to the kindness of my fans and the environment I was in, I felt like I could leave my otokoyaku persona on the stage and stay pretty close to my natural self everywhere else. I guess the only thing is, when I'm alone in my house, I revert to goblin mode. (laughs wryly) Like I'll have trouble getting myself to go take a bath, or I really should clean but my back hurts, etc., etc.

By contrast, now that I've graduated from being an otokoyaku, a lot of the things I'm doing as an actress are total firsts for me, so I think I feel more discomfort with my presentation now than I did then. There are times when I get really nervous, and then I get disappointed in myself for feeling that way. Like, until just a little while ago, I was in a position where I was responsible for keeping everyone's morale up. I would get up on that stage like, "It's alright, just leave it to me," so what am I all anxious for now? I often think about how much I still have to learn, and how badly I want to hurry up and learn it so I can show the results of my efforts.

Is there a particular ideal you're currently pursuing? What kind of actress do you want to become, and what kind of woman?

Since leaving Takarazuka, I've had a lot more opportunity to meet all kinds of new people. On every set I've been on, each of the actresses I meet has their own unique aura, and seeing their acting up close, I'm blown away by each of them. Among the staff as well, there are so many different kinds of professionals of all ages, and I often find myself inspired by their work ethic and lifestyle. I'd like to continue to enrich my life by learning from the amazing people I meet and experiencing many new things, and work to become a more fully rounded human being.

*Bracketed notes not marked "TN" (Translator's Note) were present in the original article.

#mirio #asumi rio #takarazuka og #takarazuka #this interview is super detailed so i've been wanting to translate it for a while #she's such a stubborn person but i kind of admire that about her?? #must have been hell to work with at times tho #but such a calming presence offstage lol #hanagumi #tkz #og #mytranslations

[haleviyah]

A Hispanic/ Latino Perspective: Border Clarification

This is one of the rare times I’m going to get somewhat political here, but these comments spread by the media are hitting to way close to home for me, so here I go.

Before you pounce on me, let me explain this: I am a moderate. I favor no sides, I don’t treat people by their titles but rather I prefer to judge by character even though I am not the best at it, admittedly. I favour and respect those who keep their word and own their mistakes. In short, if you do what you promise to do, you have my approval whereas if not, you will bear the brunt of my blunt rebukes and sarcastic remarks.

I am also from South Texas, specifically the Rio Grande Valley, and am a descendent of two humble Mexican families who since the Mexican Border War have made Texas their great escape and home.

Bit of a geographical reference, if you don’t know here where the Rio Grande Valley is. Look at the state of Texas, there is a bulge of state going in each direction that makes it look like a fat, lower-case ”t” : El Paso is the most West of the state, the Panhandle (Amarillo) the Northmost, Texarkana the most Eastward followed by Houston, and WAAAAAAY at the bottom is Brownsville and the Southernmost tip of Texas.

And for those of you too lazy to Google or "DuckDuckGo" the map yourself I've attached it:

The four counties: Hidalgo, Cameron, Starr and Willacy county make up the Rio Grande Valley. This is the region I grew up, the place where I experienced the best of a community and the worst of politics and failed promises.

For a bit of background: I have a parent working on the Border and they have been for many years (since I was a kid). Pretty much worked from a security officer to trooper within the span of a decade which is quite impressive and rare considering they never took bribes or anything to get where they were currently. They have told me off and on what their job is like. It’s crazy and boring some days, but also they have admitted somethings that may be fascinating. One of which is, yes, they do own horses and the reason why is so the Troopers can maneuver around tough terrain vehicles cannot go through (such as high water or narrow foot paths in brush). HOWEVER, they DO NOT OWN WHIPS. They don’t even own lassos, according to my Border Agent parent.

The only weapons agents on horse back have is a Glock, ammo, a taser, cuffs, and sometimes shot guns (but they prefer to carry light for the horses and themselves to be more flexible). They mainly carry items that would slow a person down or prevent them from hurting other people, officer or civilian; not for killing. So a whip is absolutely redundant or even absurd to have.

Those long ropes the Troopers are holding are called reins, and they are designed for steering a horse (horses cannot move opposite of the direction of their head; where their head is pointed they move in that direction). They are not made for whipping people, but rather made to get the horse’s attention. That’s it.

I took the liberty of highlighting the reins in red for you all as well as their arms and legs in blue and yellow in contrast to the reins and saddle.

It's clear from a Texan's or horse-riders perspective this Trooper almost fell off catching the other fellow and was holding onto the left rein for dear life hence why the horse looked distressed and its cheek was pulled back.

I'm not joking, you fucking try it if you're so damn horse-smart.

Now, let's look at a more relaxed position.

In short, if you haven't ridden a horse, I advise to keep your comments to yourself on this part. I have and it's way harder than it looks (horses can get cocky).

Second thing, the migrants.

Personally, I don’t know why they were so squirrelly that day. Perhaps they were spooked because they’ve never expected horse back riders to show up, maybe they had some bad experiences back home.

I don’t know!

But it’s clear there appears to be a lack of communication. Perhaps it’s the language barrier given that these guys came from Haiti, African countries and Brazil. English they probably know, but they probably don’t speak a lick of Spanish (Which both languages are mandatory for the Border Patrol).

(Again, I don't know...)

So the reasons why they started running circles around the Troopers’ horses is not for me to speculate, it’s not for YOU to defend blindly, nor is it up for the media to interpret and evangelize.

That should be left to the people to explain. No one else.

(Update: September 29th. I received a tip from a source that the Haitian immigrants (mainly) are not running from anything, they aren’t seeking asylum nor were in poverty as the media claims. They have admitted upon interview they were what we consider middle-low class and had no issues finding jobs before they decided to migrate northward. They’re just coming because they were told to come by “you-know-who”… that’s all. I know, I’m taken aback and scratching my head, too… but anyway. I digress, but do take note.)

Now, another bit of feedback I want to share: When it comes to dealing with Troopers (again, must I remind you this is a Border Patrol agent’s kid speaking), big rule:

DO NOT RUN nor MAKE THREATENING MOVEMENTS. Be calm.

It’s a simple rule, if you’re cool with the Troopers they’ll be cool with you. That’s it. Please respectfully keep in mind, these guys are trained to be safe rather than sorry. So patience and understanding with them is a must. Trust me, I’ve met my parent’s co-workers, they may look stoic and scary or condescending, but they can not let personal emotions interfere their work otherwise they risk safety.

They’re not “paranoid” or “harsh” they just have a job they cannot afford to fuck up otherwise the whole region is FUCKED. They’re the front line of defense, and do keep that in mind.

(Another footnote: I have seen Border Patrol offices, and without giving away how they function it’s not like CIA or Langley level of clean or fancy, so don’t think their offices are high tech and have marble floors with comfy lounges that cost a lot of money. Upon first glance you won’t expect the building to be an office. Border Patrol work with what they have available which isn’t a lot thanks to the ’00, ’04, ’08, ’12 and current administrations. That’s all I can give out.)

I’m going to come clean here and say the citizens in the Rio Grande Valley and the rest of Texas DO NOT FEEL SAFE with a border this wide open and no regulation is applied. Especially the Hispanic/Latino communities. So the pressure is on - and I mean REALLY on! Despite these guys working the Border are overwhelmed, they keep those emotions and opinions on lockdown when on the field. Like I said: If they fuck up, the region is fucked.

Bit of a history lesson: the Border issues on the Rio Grande are not new. Matter of factly, this problem has been happening for decades (The popular peak was during the 80s when cocaine was being distributed), but it was more than just cocaine and pot: Kids were going missing, people getting killed, women were used as mules and sold for sex, etc.

If you watched “Narcos” or “Sicario” you have a brief, dramatized taste of how the cartels function and what life is like for us Latinos. However, coming from someone who grew up there, the parts of watching your back, the abductions and even the gruesome murders are legit. To this day I remember seeing local news coverage (not CNN or MSNBC, our own stations down in the McAllen/Brownsville area) of beheadings, child murders and bodies being found in pieces… It’s something I hope my children won’t have to grow up hearing almost weekly like I did. Now it’s daily… and no one cares. And that hurts.

In the grand scheme of things, at least know this: South Texas has been part of the Cartel battle grounds and it’s obvious we’ve seen shit. Constantly being ignored is the payment we get for being front lines in the Drug War. So don’t blame us for being jumpy, or skeptical, nor even try convince us that the current surplus of immigrants is a good thing.

You can’t argue with our own experiences and history. The way things work down here is simple: You fight along side us, we fight along side you.

It’s called building trust, practicing faith. But we’ve been forgotten and lied to too many times by celebrities and politicians and social movements alike. And those who actually were going to help us are either shut down or unfortunately killed.

We just can’t trust anyone anymore. We are resorting to fending for ourselves basically, speaking up for ourselves… and so far it’s making progress in the mean time.

This level of “doing things on your own” bleeds into why our Troopers are trained they way they are trained - to expect the worst case scenario. To prepare themselves for the corpses, when a criminal pounces, the drugs being hid, for when they find a child with an adult they don’t know, or even a woman who was violated. They just genuinely don’t want to take chances and you just read why. Even my in-laws up in the Northern Midwest are disturbed.

So, considering the case of what happened a few days ago in Del Rio, Texas (as of writing this on September 25th 2021): If you run from a Trooper the first thing they are going to think is either two things:

You did something bad upon coming in to the country or

You don’t want your former government to find you because you did crimes in your home country or the country you were hiding in.

This is protocol, not biased opinions.

If, however, a Trooper commits any form of irresponsibility (such as abusing their power, unreasonable search and seizures etc.) it’s “kiss your badge good-bye” and DEMOTED or FIRED. The stakes of keeping your job in the Border Patrol are HIGH, so they are trained not to act out of line. Even a minor slip up in paper work from being fatigued gets you in SEVERE trouble with the Higher Ups and the County (Yes, that does happen and has happened). But you have to KNOW Border Patrol standards before you accuse them of anything.

With that being said, what’s floating around is not a constructive argument; it’s a distraction. How the public is demanding the trooper in the photo to be fired, tells us Latinos loud and clear that - once again - no one cares about our livelihood; no one is willing to brave enough to face the real hell going on. We are ignored or low-key demonized for simply defending ourselves.

(Now, you guys are seeing why I relate to my Jewish husband and the Israeli’ citizens - Arab and Jew - more; we’re pretty much in the same boat in the case of being ignored. But I digress.)

Before I come to a conclusion, here are other demographic facts to keep in mind that way it’ll help draw conclusions:

86.6% of the Border Patrol is HISPANIC/LATINO in the State of Texas alone.

A majority of children stolen from their families or molested are HISPANIC/LATINO.

A majority of the women violated immigrants on the border are mainly HISPANIC/LATINO.

Latin America collectively (Mexico down to Colombia and Venezuela) has the highest rates of femicide in the world.

So for you or anyone to get angry at Border Patrol agents in an unjust manner, not only are you getting mad at Hispanics and Latinos in UNIFORM for fighting to keep their communities safe, but you are actively contributing to the hell our families go through every day.

When you protest in demand for our cops or even troopers to be defunded, and fired for petty things, YOU are actively contributing to the problem of human trafficking, rape, kidnappings and murder that happens on the border. You are contributing to the Hispanic and Latino communities being dismantled and disintegrated by people who potentially want to kill us or hate us for money’s sake.

Take all of that into consideration before you get angry at anyone here.

In short:

I’ll only consider the accusations if you yourselves have been there and know the burdens we bear.

I’ll only consider your judgement if you genuinely are in law enforcement and know how to ride a horse and try to stop someone from running while riding the beast.

I’ll only consider your feedback if you don’t rely heavily on news like CNN, Telemundo and Tumblr for your information.

Until you grab a gun and fight the cartel yourself, and figure out a way to end this war on human trafficking, don’t come to us Latinos and express that you care and appreciate us.

Because frankly if you GENUINELY did, you’d bring to light what I just said and be slamming the desks at D.C. and DEMANDING the Border to be CLOSED by now.

Regardless of your political and personal beliefs, this is what is REALLY going on, and we’re going to keep fighting. Like the Israeli’s we don’t give a fuck if you hate us. We’re not radicals, we’re not blood-thirsty heathens, we’re not white supremacists (80+% of our population is of Latino Mexican descent) we’re just fed up with running away and being taken advantage of or taken for granted by people who value money over the lives of our neighbors.

If this were California, fine! Rail all you want, cuss us out as much as you want; hold us to those to California standards you keep yourself. But we’re not California.

We’re not D.C., nor Chicago, nor L.A., or New York, Florida, Canada, Mexico or whatever. We are SOUTH TEXAS so treat us as SOUTH TEXAS.

Honor us for who we are and hold us to the standards of what is SOUTH TEXAS, what is The United States Constitution, and the Texas Constitution; nothing more and nothing less. Don’t tear us down for what we’re not nor hold us accountable to an opinion or law we never agreed to nor knew existed.

That’s all I ask: If you’re not willing to honour our community and help us while holding us to our standards on a cultural, State or Federal level, back the fuck off. Generations we’ve dealt with the pressure from both the cartel and corrupt government from both the U.S. and Mexico, and the last thing we need is pampered kids living in the high rises or going to university on loans from school or your parents' paychecks, telling us how to deal with our issues.

You are FAR from a place to tell us how to function and resolve our war.

I’m not trying nor want to start a fight or otherwise, but I’m simply, humbly asking: when did we ever genuinely ask you “social justice advocates” to be our hero?

When did we ever ask you to fight for us or talk about what you think is wrong with us? Because last I checked we don’t want to drag anyone into our battles.

Also, we only know one messiah, but we never asked you to be him nor for him to act like you.

Did you start throwing punches because you wanted to find something to excuse your anger and outbursts, or is your good intentions married with ignorance?

Either case… it’s extremely unhealthy of you, and please just stop before another person gets hurt. We don’t want that. This is no different from the Crusades our ancestors took part in, and it will only end in more carnage than already sown.

So, just please, stop and take a step back for a moment. We don’t need anymore vehement evangelical-like people who just think with their ideals and not take a moment to have a healthy discussion with the One who created us, or let alone divorce their lust for a fight for ten seconds.

To close this off, even though I haven’t been home in a while, I know the spirit and the struggles the Rio Grande Valley goes through. I have met people on the run from the cartel first hand, and I have met people who may have ties with the cartel. I have seen some creepy shit, I have grown frustrated over the Protestant Baptist church doing nothing, and I have even been feeling the pressure my parent goes through with these apathetic riots threatening their job as a Border Patrol agent.

But aside from the pain, I am tremendously blessed that people and my family are still very optimistic despite the craziness and how bleak things are.

The family-oriented culture of the Rio Grande Valley is what is keeping it together… not trends, not clout and neither these guys in D.C. or Hollywood who are playing G-d.

It's the family-oriented connection. Our faith, that's keeping us going.

And even though I may not be the best voice of that region to speak up, I am blessed to have been there and I do plan on coming back soon.

I am planning on giving a more fun journal featuring the culture of the Rio Grande Valley in the future to finish this month off, but for the sake of this “Hispanic Heritage Month” I wanted to share our REAL issues we deal with rather than the made up ones that media likes to mainstream for money and clout.

In a way, I hope this offers clarity and a level of empathy. Again, I’m not sharing this to start fights or get sympathy - we don’t want it. We just want to know if our fights are not ignored, we just want to know we are heard.

That’s all.

#hispanic #hispanic lives matter #hispanic heritage month #latino #latin community #mexico #usa #rio grande valley #rio grande valley native #latino mexican #mexican #border patrol #border crisis #hatian immigrants #border agents #horseback #horse riding #cartel #human trafficking awareness #human trafficking #drug wars #drug war #real issues #issues #ignored issues #ignored voices #south texas #del rio texas #rebuke #latino speaking

[stranger-in-a-dreamland]

My pyjama "home fashion isolation" style during this lockdown.

And well, it's officially 6 weeks after surgery, there are some stitches and scabs left, as you can see, my mobility has improved but I'm careful. At least now, I can use silicone bands in the larger incisions. I haven't been to the gym since mid December and I'm banned from exercise other than basic cardio for another two more months, I feel restless. In two more weeks back to work. I can't wait to finally start moving my ass again!

It's slow, but everything makes sense now.

.

.

(D.I. made in Manchester and my surgeon was Mr. Ntanos.)

#trans men #postsurgery #top surgery #manchestersurgery #ntanos #Manchester #ftm #ftm transition #quarantine #pyjamalife #lgbt #pride #trans #Instagram

[animeraider]

I get a lot of flack from anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, and other fuckwits about my words on the COVID-19 Pandemic and in particular the response to it in the US. I pull no punches about it, I believe firmly that the previous administration and ANYONE who enables them and their policies are complicit in the deaths of all of these people. They belong in prison.

I'm not going to fucking apologize for believing that. The fault for all of this belongs directly in the laps of the Republican Party. If you believe otherwise, you're WRONG. I can bring the receipts.

I've been pretty isolated during all of this. I went into lockdown on March 11, 2020 and I'm technically still there. I now work from home, and even though I've been fully vaccinated for two months now I still go out masked. I may never eat at a buffet again. Sorry Sizzler, but I've learned how to make your cheese bread.

I ripped a tendon in my left knee in May of 2020. I had to go to the hospital, but I was out in a few hours with crutches. I would joke with people that I'm now out of hinged joints to break.

But in July my cough returned with an attitude, and I picked up an infection. Not Covid, but it all made me pretty sick. So that you understand, I have what's called "Chronic Cough Syndrome". I've had it since I was 8. No one knows the cause or the cure. Believe me, we've looked. I just start coughing, and after a few months, I stop. It can be treated but I just have to live with it until someone comes up with something we haven't tried before.

Doctors have gotten into fistfights over whether or not I have Asthma. I don't, but sometimes Asthma medications work for a bit. To be honest, I've had this for so long that sometimes I don't even notice when I cough. It's just part of the wonder of being me.

I took the Pandemic seriously. I stayed home, I socially distanced, I got real familiar with teams, bluejeans, and zoom. I did a LOT of cooking. Started making bread. Watched the country fall apart at the seams and commented on it from my own little pocket of safety. I contributed a new song to a fund-raising effort for nurses. I did my part to stay safe, but my cough had other ideas.

Anyway, this time my coughing got pretty severe and I finally agreed to go to the hospital. As stated above, turns out I had picked up an infection. Combine that with my cough and I showed all of the symptoms of a severe case of COVID-19.

I'd been careful, but the hospital staff were all very cross with me. If I had COVID, I just exposed all of them, and the main nurse who tended to me had already been quarantined that same month for a different exposure. When the test came back negative the tension in the emergency ward calmed down immensely and everyone treated me kindly and professionally - I was a patient with something they knew what to do with and didn't bring plague into their house.

I spent 4 days in the hospital but the worst part, scariest part, was the wait to move from the Emergency Room to a private room. I came to the hospital in the late afternoon. I finally got my bed nearly 12 hours later, a good 8 hours after my test for COVID had come back negative.

I needed to be hospitalized, and needed a bed, and there weren't any. I had to wait for someone to either be discharged or to die.

I got my bed at 4 in the morning. Someone had died. Musical chairs was played and I was finally moved out of the Emergency Room.

It's really hard to understand how sobering that is without experiencing it. Many years ago, before we even knew about AIDS, I had the honor of donating blood and seeing it get used in a surgery mere minutes later. I became a regular blood donor at that moment - I felt so happy and alive that my blood had been used to save a life mere minutes after I had donated it (I'm O Negative) that I became a life-long believer. I donated every time I was eligible from that moment forward until a blood infection disqualified me from ever donating again 20 years later.

This was just the opposite. The guy with a cough and a treatable infection had to wait for someone on a ventilator to stop breathing. Someone with COVID died so that I could get a bed. They never knew this had happened, and I never learned who they were. Some random person died so that I could get better.

Try sleeping after that realization hits you. I couldn't. I barely slept the entire time I was there.

Despite the fact that I wasn't in the "COVID Ward" I got to see the effects first-hand. The newly disinfected bed and room I had was previously occupied by someone moved up to the Covid Ward. They in turn had moved up there after a ventilator was taken away from a patient who died. Staff rotated through different wards on different shifts. My first nurse was rotated into the Covid Ward. My next day nurse had just rotated out. I have never in my life seen a group of people look so haunted by their day to day lives.

A well-liked member of their staff was on a ventilator. So was a priest who worked in the hospital. I had never seen in person a "Code Blue". There were six of them my first day. There is also a "Code Black". It's much worse.

My wife and daughters weren't allowed to visit me. When your daily soundtrack is nothing but medical staff talking about the good and the bad, terrible television and the moaning/screaming of your new neighbors getting that visit from family is a huge stress relief. It wasn't available this time. I didn't see my family again until I was discharged. There was no outside world.

I admit that being in hospital during all of this, even though I myself didn't have COVID, shook me. When you're in hospital mostly what you deal with is yourself and your own condition, and getting the hell out of there as soon as you can. This time I was not only aware of the people around me, their conditions, their suffering and their recoveries, but I was also aware that a whole section of the building was dedicated to people who were going to die, and that the people who were treating me were also treating them.

This was as close as I got to the Pandemic. When I got home I fucking STAYED THERE. I went to the grocery store and the pharmacy and that was it. That was life for MONTHS.

Our grocery store was fantastic - they enforced social distancing and masks with gusto. They cleaned EVERYTHING. It had been a 24 hour store but converted to shorter hours so that the down time could be spent cleaning. Aisles were made one-way.

The first time I saw someone in the parking lot without a mask I have to admit that I lost it. I screamed at them (a white couple about my age), "PUT YOUR FUCKING MASKS ON YOU FUCKING MORONS!" Understand, I'm a fairly large man with a deep voice and have been a professional singer for decades and have played sax even longer. I'm loud and imposing. Everyone within 50 feet turned and stared at the couple. Okay, me first then the couple.

It's possible they didn't speak English. They exchanged a few words in Russian to each other and then masked up.

I've been known to let my temper show. I try not to because I know it's there and I know it's terrible. I've worked for decades to keep it in check and I just let it all out, screaming at a couple of rando Karens 20 feet away from anyone else who hadn't put their masks on yet. I had to acknowledge that this affected me profoundly. I'm dealing with that.

I've lost friends to COVID. One of my neighbors spent almost 3 months on a ventilator and survived it. Some of my friends have lost family. It hurts. It all hurts. It has changed me.

Some of you have noticed that I've been pretty productive in 2021 in terms of music, after not releasing material for over a decade. This whole experience has changed me, changed my perspective. I was already an angry liberal but I'm far angrier and much more liberal now than I was. The album I worked on forever essentially no longer exists. The person I am now couldn't make that album. I am excising demons and allowing the new to come in and take its place.

And you know what, so far, I'm okay. I'm still here. I intend to stay. In fact, what I intend to be the first song from my next album in its own way deals with the fact that I don't understand depression - I've never experienced it.

But I have to admit that I'm grateful to have family and friends in my life who accept me as I am, who provide unconditional love and support and I hope I do for them. I have the occasional doubt that I'm as good a friend/family member as I can be. I can be an ass sometimes.

(A couple of my long-time friends have just done spit-takes. "Sometimes????")

Because the scariest thing about what we've all been through - what I've been through - is that we have changed so much that I'm not sure that the people who know me best would be my friends if they met me as the person I am now. I am changed.

And the odds are pretty good that you have too. This is something we're all going to need to deal with, or we're lost.

Please, don't be lost.

And because it still needs doing, because the pandemic is still going strong as ever among the anti-vaxxers, the science deniers and the Republicans, please support our nurses. Here's the album I'm on that is still to this day, long after falling off the charts, raising money for them:

#Spotify

[mycatshuman]

A Risky Mystery

This is heavily based on an ask on @the-officially-kat 's blog about how prinxiety got together in their Scooby-Doo au. You can find that ask here

Art by @the-officially-kat

Colored by me

Masterlist | More

Warnings: There is a moment when the others think Thomas and Virgil have gotten seriously hurt, so look out for that. Let me know if I missed any.

Thank you to @icequeenoriginal for reading through this for me!

--------------------

A lone van drove along the twisted road into the town of Letchworth. The people of the town watched the van through their curtains as it passed by while on it's way to the town's only hotel, Brooks Inn. The town was on fear induced lockdown during the night. But the people in the van couldn't possibly know that. 

The people in the van were actually kind of professional sleuths. They had handled countless different mysteries before. Each one ranging from predictable to bizarre with various different monsters as the cause of each one. Of course, the townspeople couldn't possibly know that. So they watched with fear-filled eyes as the van pulled into the Inn's parking lot. 

Out of the van came a small odd little group consisting of two glasses-wearing figures, a princely looking fellow, a fellow with dark eyeshadows under his eyes, and a dog. Together, they walked inside the Inn and the townspeople lost sight of them. 

-------

An older woman sat at the front desk to the Brooks Inn. The inn was empty, not a guest laid in her rooms. It was to be expected, the recent events have scared away any previous guest and most others left after one night. The old woman, whose name was Agatha, sighed. She wasn't sure why she didn't just close the inn. After all, it was late and recent circumstances provided a bit of a risk in staying open at night. Just as she decided to close the inn, a small group walked in. She quickly put on a small, reserved smile and greeted them. "Hello, welcome to Brooks Inn." 

The one in darker blues and glasses stepped forward. "Yes, hello. We would like two rooms for the night please." 

The woman nodded. "That will be $75," she said as she moved to grab two keys for each room. She placed the keys on the counter and took the money the man in front of her had placed down. "Can I have a name for the records?" 

One of the others spoke up, "Virgil Rogers." 

The woman frowned a little before filling out the information on the computer. "Alright," she said. Let me take you to your rooms. She led the group up the stairs and then to their rooms. "Here we are." She handed the keys over. "Rooms 2B and 3B." 

"Thank you!" One of the group called. He had glasses and lighter colored clothes. 

The one from earlier, Virgil, spoke up as he glanced around suspiciously. "This town seems awfully empty."

The woman bit her lip. "Oh, that." The group became alert and they all turned their attention to her. "Um, recently, we've been having some trouble in town." 

"What kind of trouble?" The last human of the group asked. His look seemed to consist of colors one would associate with a prince. 

"Well.." The woman hesitated. She didn't want to sound crazy but she decided to just tell the group, it wouldn't be right to keep it from them, they were at risk too, even if they didn't know it. "A phantom has been terrorizing the town recently. They scared off my last paying guest." 

The bubbly one's eyes lit up as Virgil groaned. "Well gang, it looks like we've got a mystery to solve!" The woman's eyes widened in surprise. The first one of the group, the one wearing the ascot, spoke up. "We are sleuths. We've solved a few mysteries before. This one will be a breeze. And I assure you, there is most definitely a logical explanation for this." 

The woman nodded slowly, not quite believing them. "Well, enjoy your stay," she responded before turning and leaving to go shut down the Inn. 

The group watched her go before turning to each other. "Alright, we'll see you tomorrow. Sleep well!" The bubbly one exclaimed and took one of the rooms with the other glasses-wearing figure following him after giving his own good night. 

The other two and the dog turned to their own room and closed the door. 

--------

The next morning, the gang gathered in the inns dining room to discuss their next move to begin their investigation. "Alright, let's start by looking around for any clues and if we find anyone willing to be interviewed, we'll interview them," Logan explained. 

"Sounds like a plan," Patton agreed. 

 "We're not going to split up, right?" Virgil asked as he scratched behind Thomas's ear. 

"Not, yet," Logan answered and pulled a journal out of his bag. "I've written down a few questions and things we should look out for while we're investigating." 

Roman rolled his eyes. "Come on, Logan we've been through this a million times. We know what to look out for and what kind of questions to ask. Let's just get going already." 

"Be nice," Patton chided. 

The group got up and left the Inn and began walking around town. They found it a little weird that the town now seemed so lively. When they had arrived last night, it was still fairly early, far too early for everyone in town to be all locked up in their homes. After walking for a fair amount of time, the gang noticed a few people walking around as if they were on eggshells. Virgil bit his lip before jerking his head at one of them. "Maybe we should ask one of them." 

"Alright." Logan walked over to ask if they could interview them while the rest of the gang waited. Soon Logan waved them over. The gang approached as the person before they inspected them carefully. "You said you saw the Phantom," Logan started. "Would you mind telling us about that?" 

The person bit their lip and glanced around. "Well," they started. "I was just taking my evening walk. When I started to hear this loud wailing." The person before them shivered. "It was really unsettling, so I turned to go home only to run into the Phantom. It looked like they had stepped straight out of a scary movie. They had pale bluish-grey, ghastly skin and it terrified me." The person sighed. "Ever since then, the Phantom has walked around every night. And two nights ago, they nearly pushed someone off the roof of the library." 

The gang shared a glance, they had never dealt with a mystery like this. Sure there were some terrifying monsters they had to deal with but none of them ever put people’s lives at risk. "Did the Phantom say anything to you?" Patton asked.

They nodded. "Yeah, they told me to leave and never return before I regretted it." 

Roman's nose wrinkled. "That's interesting. Is there anything else you can tell us about the Phantom?" 

The person shook their head. "Nope, I'm sorry." 

"That's okay, thank you for your help," Patton said and the gang walked away. 

"Do you guys think whatever this phantom wants is something that involves getting all of the people in town to leave?" Roman asked. 

Virgil shrugged. "I mean, it seems like it, but why?" 

"Let's head back to the Inn for lunch and then I'll do some research on the town and see what I can dig up." 

"Sounds like a plan," Virgil said as he ruffled Thomas's head. The gang head back to the Inn. Patton ordered a pizza while Logan went to get his tablet. Roman, Virgil, and Thomas wandered into the dining room to wait for their friends. Soon they were joined by Logan who immediately began working on pulling up the town records, recent articles, the most recent town map, and an older town map. By the time Patton came in with the pizza, Logan had about three different theories about why the town was being haunted and a few different suspects. 

"So, what have you discovered, Logan?" Patton asked as the group ate. 

"Well," Logan began. "I have found that recently, a wealthy business owner had offered to buy the whole town. But they refused. So he offered to buy single bits of land at a time." 

"I thought it might be something like that," Roman piped up. 

Logan nodded. "Yeah, I think our most likely suspect is Carl Livingking. He's the business owner. Although why he would want to buy up the town, I haven't a clue." 

Virgil bit his lip, "I have to agree, that seems like the most likely situation. But why would he go to the lengths of risking people's lives to get the town? I mean, it seems like he's trying to scare people off, and you can do that without putting people's lives at risk so why is he doing it?" 

Logan shrugged. "That's what I can't seem to find anything on. The land isn't even that good. But something tells me that we're missing out on an important clue."

"Hey, L," Virgil started. "Can I borrow your tablet for a minute?" 

"Sure."

Virgil quickly opened a new tab and did a quick google search. Soon he found something that looked promising. "Maybe you can't find anything, because this town is fairly new." He spun the tablet around to face the rest of the table. Thomas hopped up on a chair to get a closer look. "It says here that apparently, the land that this town sits on is part of a larger area that is said to be the hiding grounds of the legendary Sanderson Gang." 

"Oh, I've read about them!" Logan exclaimed. "They were train robbers. They stole over two million dollars worth of coins and precious stones. But they were never caught. No one knows where the loot went. Rumors spread that it was somewhere in this area but most people thought the gang had fled the country with their treasures and settled down on a remote island somewhere in the Pacific. Eventually, the rumors died down and some people settled down here and started a town. Since then, the Sanderson Gang faded into legend and most people forgot they were real people." 

"So Mr. Livingking must be trying to find the treasure," Patton exclaimed. 

"And what better way than to buy up all the land, evict the town and start a massive expedition."

"He could keep people out and avoid anyone trying to steal the loot." 

Logan nodded. "Yes. It seems so, he isn't doing a good job of covering his tracks. He was actually able to buy a nearby abandoned factory." 

The gang went silent as they looked between each other. "Should we set up a trap?" 

Roman asked. 

Logan bit his lip. "It would be wise. During my research, I found that the Phantom has put two people in the hospital with near-death experiences. Even if it's not him, the Phantom is clearing trying to scare people out of the town so they should still turn up if we are out at night." 

"Yeah, I'd rather have a trap for the most likely culprit already then not have one and risk someone else getting hurt," Patton agreed. 

"Alright, so what's the plan?" Virgil asked as Thomas hopped up on the chair beside him. 

Logan quickly opened the drawing app on his tablet and began to sketch out a plan. 

"Okay, Patton, Roman and I will set up a trap in the town square-"

"Oh don't tell me," Virgil started. "Thomas and I are gonna be the bait." 

"Well, you two are the faster runners out of all of us," Logan explained. "It's only logical." Virgil and Thomas pouted. Logan rolled his eyes. 

"Would you do it for a Thomas Treat?" Patton asked Thomas. The dog's ears perked up a bit but he stayed still. 

Roman poked Virgil with his foot. "Do it or you're straight." 

Virgil sputtered. "Don't threaten me!" 

Roman snorted. "Then do it." 

Logan rolled his eyes at the two childhood friends. As Patton finally convinced Thomas. And it only took ten Thomas Treats. "Okay, I need you two to go on a walk around town. Virgil, I need you to talk out loud about buying the whole town with Thomas. It'll be like you surveying what you're going to buy while taking your dog for a walk." Virgil cringed, not likely the idea of acting like one of those rich people. "I want you to eventually end up at the abandoned factory and if you happen across the Phantom, lure him back to the square. Okay?" 

Virgil groaned. "Yeah, I guess." 

"Great," Logan said and the gang continued to flush out their plan. In the end, they came up with an elaborate trap, one of the few things Logan allowed himself to be elaborate in, that included the entire town square. They were to block off all other entrances into the square except for the one leading to the factory. Virgil and Thomas would lead the Phantom into the square where they jump on a trampoline in front of the town hall and jump up onto the balcony and when the Phantom tried to jump on it, Logan would click a button to release the mechanism which would cause the trampoline to be pulled along a track and drive him right into a giant ball out in front of an apartment building where Patton and Roman would drop a large net over from the top of the building. The plan was flawless.

-------

Virgil and Thomas walked through the old factory apprehensively. "I don't know about you, Thomas, but this place is really too scary." Thomas nodded his head in agreement as they walked. "Like, I think there's no one here, so let's go." Just as Virgil and Thomas turned to go, a loud wailing sounded throughout the factory, bouncing off old machinery and creating a terrifying echo. 

"Get out!!!!!" Virgil and Thomas froze. The wailing got louder until the Phantom stood right in front of them. "GET OUT!!!" It screeched. 

"Don't worry, we are!" Virgil shouted and he turned tail and ran with Thomas running along beside him. The Phantom chased after them with a terrible that grated at their ears. They raced through town but ended up getting turned around. Eventually they scaled up a fire escape and ended up on the roof of Town Hall. They skidded to a stop as they got to the edge. They gulped as they looked down at the trampoline below them, a jump from this height would still be risky. But soon the Phantom was behind them. And before anyone could blink, Thomas and Virgil jumped. 

--------

Roman groaned as he waited. "Where are they?" He asked Patton. The other shrugged. Just then, as he glanced around the square, he noticed Thomas and Virgil on the opposite roof with the Phantom close behind. Roman's eyes widened in fear. Before he could say anything, the two jumped off. "Virgil!!" Roman screamed. 

It all happened in a blur. The Phantom jumped off too and bounced right back into the air after landing on the trampoline. They flew in an arch and landed into the ball pit. Roman and Patton dropped the blanket in shock and raced off the building quickly as they could. Meanwhile, Logan raced over to the ball pit with the police. The Phantom was indeed trapped. "Just hold on," Logan told them before meeting up with Roman and Patton. "What exactly happened?" 

Tears streamed down Roman's face as he answered. "They jumped off the roof!" 

"What?!?!!?" Logan exclaimed. "Where are they????" Roman went to answer only for a shout to draw their attention. 

The gang turned to find Thomas and Virgil stumbling out of the doors of town hall. The world around Roman stopped. The noises and flashing lights of the police cars fading into the background. Images flashed through Roman's mind. They have been best friends since birth. This was the boy who dyed his hair neon green on a date, the boy who ran to his house to show him his new dog, the boy who continuously jumped into terrifying situations willingly for his friends despite his fear. And suddenly the realization that he was so irreversibly and incredibly in love with. 

Roman marched as fast as he could to Virgil without running. His hands cupped Virgil's face as soon as he reached him. He slowly leaned in and kissed the other softly. Virgil returned the kiss without hesitation. It was so much better than either could have imagined. 

Thomas howled approvingly as Patton and Logan clapped. Eventually the two pulled away. "How did you-" 

"I found some rope and tied it around my waist and a hook on the roof before I jumped and we swung down into the open window." 

"I was so worried." 

"I'm okay. I'm okay."

"I think we should just hurry up and wrap this mystery up and get out of here," Patton said. 

"Agreed," Roman and Virgil said in sync. The gang moved over to where the police handcuffed the Phantom. Roman clung to Virgil, which made it a little difficult for them to move, but they managed. 

Logan walked over and grabbed the mask. "This is none other than Carl Livingking!" He exclaimed. 

"What?" The sheriff asked. 

"Carl had learned about the legend of the Sanderson Gang's loot and decided to look for it. So he offered to buy up the town. But when he was refused he decided to try and scare everyone out so he could begin looking for the treasure."

Carl huffed. "Yeah, and I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids and your dog." 

----------

Roman sighed as he laid in the back with Virgil, clinging to him like a kola. "I'm sorry again, Thomas." Thomas turned his head back to face them from his spot in the front seat as if to say it was okay. Roman smiled and nudged his face into Virgil's chest. Virgil pulled him closer and they slowly fell asleep. Content being in each other's arms. 

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Taglist: @spxced-oxt @superwholocked-for-life @mirror2thespirit @aroundofapplesauce @lyditist @little-euro-girl @unicornofdarknessstuff @maryann-draws @odette-ssbu

#ts thomas #thomas sanders #character thomas #virgil anxiety #sanders sides virgil #virgil sanders angst #virgil sanders #ts roman #roman #roman sanders #ts virgil #ts logan #ts patton #ts prinxiety #sanders sides #sanders sides patton #patton sanders #sanders sides logan #logan sanders #the officially kat #mycatshuman writing #no read more

[gregorio-r-j]

ECQ THROUGH THE LENS OF A STUDENT

Today my tumbler entry will be filled with my insight of the COVID Life from the perspective of a not so privileged student dealing with academics and early twenties life crisis.

That’s it? It’s been a year already? Where have my 2020 gone? – This question summarizes the whole 2020 journey of almost every one of us. Don’t you all agree that this is one of the worst years this generation has faced? I mean, just look at the left and right tragedies, disasters, war, human hostilities, global pandemic, and the number of unfortunate events that 2020 has brought. Could it be worse? Who would’ve thought that we can lose everything we love and enjoy in our daily life in just a blink of an eye? Looking back to March last year, when the first wave of COVID19 hit our country and ECQ was first implemented, we never have imagined that things will only get worse and this ECQ life will continue up to this day.

Honestly, setting aside the fear of facing the unknown virus and uncertain effects it may impose on our lives, I think the first few months of our ECQ and COVID life is so much lighter and better than how it is today. Whether we admit it or not, I think last year we all expect to be freed from ECQ at this point and be back to our normal life but the opposite happened. Back then we don't have many worries and all we are troubled about is not contracting the disease and how to cope up with being stuck at home with nothing to do and away from our normal and daily life. A lot of us discovered our ways to cope with the quarantine life and boredom. Trends are arising successively and people are sharing their love for diverse things such as Korean dramas, plants, American series, and other common interests. In my case, I found my simple joy in cooking and watching dramas too.

For some, it was a good time to reflect on themselves and return to their long-forgotten passion that they set aside to cope up with the busy daily life but for others, this was not the case. Well, if we look at it from a different perspective, these are just things people do to distract themselves from the continuous rise of the daily number of covid cases that leave everyone with fear and anxiety. This phase only lasts for a few months because the succeeding months are just too much to handle. Aside from the actual health crisis and economic problems the world is facing, we also have household matters such as financial issues, bonds, and individuality, and personal concerns such as academics, individual responsibility, etc. And this pandemic has further shown us the true nature of humanity and how it is like to live with privilege.

Most of the measures the government has implemented in its fight against the pandemic can be considered pro-privileged and anti-poor. The ECQ, MECQ, GCQ or whatever type of lockdowns and quarantine they implemented to contain the spread of the virus made the people on the low level of society suffer from financial issues as many have lost their jobs and source of income. Yes, this is with good intention and they give financial support but this is not enough to sustain a family’s needs but this move neglect the life and sufferings of some people. Moreover, not everyone received financial support and some officials even have the audacity to corrupt the money that is intended for the people. Even the government’s solution to the continuance of education and academic are not accessible or affordable by anyone. The online class setup is only effective for those who are privileged and have the means to engage in it. Not everyone has access to the internet, has gadgets they can use to attend their classes, and has a healthy environment at home where they can focus on their academics and education. These kinds of solution that only benefits those who are privileged and are unfair to those who have less in life only widens the gaps in education forcing many to even consider giving up on their education.

On a personal view, upon reflecting on my ECQ experience and journey, I don’t think I will ever be able to describe how the past year has been for me. I think the closest way to describe it is that it was a mixture of anxiousness, anger, loneliness, failures, disappointment, realizations, and a whole lot of mess with tiny dust of sparkles and sunshine. It was so much more than just a roller coaster ride. During lockdown I found myself asking questions about every single thing about life that doesn’t enter my mind and concern me before. As a 3rd-year college student dealing with one of the hardest phases in my life. I'm honestly exhausted with academics and I do no longer love it the same way that I used to. I haven't exactly moved on yet with the implementation of the k-12 program and now we are faced with a global pandemic and are forced to continue our education in a virtual setting.

At first, I thought it was actually for the better since I can save a lot of expenses and time and save myself from the hassle of traveling to university and dealing with traffic as well as other people. But in a bigger picture, I have realized that we students lose so much more than what we gain from this online academic setup. I used to just smirk when people say college is only bearable when you have your circle of people to bear it with and a healthy learning environment otherwise it can eat you up alive but today I'm seeing what they meant by that. College truly is only bearable when you have people to bear it with and I regret taking that for granted.

During my 1st-2nd year in college, I remember how I was always looking forward to going home and waiting for class suspensions because all I care about was to rest in the comfort of our home. I always think that staying extra longer on campus after class is a waste of time if it is not for organization stuff and university events but now I have realized that the simple joy of spending time with your friends in the field after a long tiring day, eating out with them to enjoy their company, classroom jamming, rehearsals and going out on short trips to manila after exams is a big part of our college life and are some of the most memorable and important parts of surviving college. If only I have foreseen this pandemic to last I would have spent more time with them, eat out in different eateries and restaurants near campus, watching movies, or just simply lay in the field side by side with them complaining about how tiring academics was. I would have enjoyed and attended more events from councils and would have been more active in joining organizations. I miss Odiba days, Christmas tree lighting, and concerts, and even outreach programs we used to attend back on our normal student days.

Sad to say those days have all gone by and we're never really sure if we can go back to how it was before we leave the university a year from now. Everything I have mentioned so far is just a glimpse of our college life that we cannot enjoy in today's online classes but aside from losing all these fun and bright side of being college students, we are also struggling with a lot of setbacks and challenges dealing with the new normal not so friendly and pro-privileged online classes. Honestly, at this point, I don’t know anymore if I have learned from the past semesters we spent through the online setup and if it’s all worth it. The online class is so much more demanding than face-to-face setups in terms of workloads and stress. It’s like a constant chase of deadlines, procrastination, submissions, exams, and nothing else but a survival game that we need to finish to reach our goal and graduate. I have never feared Mondays and 11:59 p.m as much as I do now. Exhausting and draining are not enough to describe how online classes are for students and professors especially if you are enrolled in a university wherein wishing for an academic break to breathe a little from all the stress and hardship of online classes is considered as an excused for laziness. Seems like even university administrators forgot that we are humans and not machines or robot, but even these things malfunction and fail if it’s overused.

This online academic setup has taken its toll on me both in physical and mental aspects. I used to sacrifice sleep, family time, going out, self-enjoyment and my health for the sake of academics but today I cannot afford to sacrifice these because I’m barely making it through and now all I care and focus about is passing and getting works done, I’m no longer thriving but surviving instead. I cannot even bother to break down and crumble when I receive low scores even though I’m used to receiving competent grades because I would rather finish another work that has been piling up on canvas instead of crying over what can’t be changed. It is true when they say that the line between academic and personal time is becoming blurred. In the online class setup, we are no longer students for 6-8 hours like in face-to-face classes but we are becoming 24 hours available students who need to cope up with all the works in every hour of our day available, it is so serious that even sleeping made us feel guilty most of the time. I’m at this point where I’m wondering if all of these sacrifices are worth it.

My quarantine life revolves mostly around fighting my demons. It's like a constant fight against monsters my mind has created. Aside from the constant stress and pressure on my academics, I have also been dealing with life pressures. As a woman in her early twenties stuck in college and juggling academics, family responsibilities, and life progress, and personal growth, I have faced challenges and problems that I have never imagined would cross my path and I had to deal with the consequences of my past decisions and the responsibilities that comes with it. What keeps me going throughout these hard times are my family and friends. Honestly, I would have gone insane or depressed if it's not for them. The academic pressure and all the problems arising in our society is just too much to handle on one’s own and I’m happy that I am blessed enough to be surrounded by people who supports me and believes in me so much sometimes even more than I believe in myself knowing that it is not the case for everyone.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the real meaning of life and how I choose to live it. What’s there to value and give importance to and how we are so blinded and focus on living the life that society tells us to live instead of making a life of our own? Honestly, I just can’t see what comes next after all of this because as of today all I care about is to survive. I am anxious about what the future will hold and where life will lead me someday. Dealing with the pandemic which forced me to stop working towards my goals and plans and losing almost one and a half year of my life that I could have used to focus on my goals and achieving my dreams is truly regretful and depressing. It’s like I’m getting older and older and I haven’t achieved much which makes me think that I am taking longer in life than my peers. Some of them are getting married and having families, some are already working, some are building their own business, and here I am in my room dealing with deadlines and looking forward to an uncertain future. I wish I will soon figure things out and find motivation again, or at least know where it is that I want to go and what is it really that I wanted to achieve.

@bertongbigtime

[iveneverbeenanatural-13]

Update for today

Lockdown for Covid-19 March 27th

I guess I'm writing the story of my life...?

Things are better. Last night was rough because of depression and anxiety... I got to thinking why do I do this to myself? To be honest there is a lot I don't share with people and as a result I tend to break down at random times. I'm not looking for pity, more just friends... People who get it. I'm glad I started to post more on here as it feels sorta like a diary. And maybe right now that's what I need. Even if no one reads this that's ok.

Maybe I will just spell it all out. See what comes from it. So here it goes.

I haven't had a bad life. I'm only 23 but it just feels like a long life with many extra bumps in it... Things just manage not to go the way id like it to most of the time. So now I'm just used the noise. I had a good childhood but many many memories of a broken family. An angry dad (not necessarily towards us kids) a mom who coped with alcohol. I often took care of my siblings as the eldest of five. And there are many other things I won't mention... It was hard. It was dysfunctional. We'd have money then didn't. We'd have food then didn't. We'd have a week of no fighting with my parents and then they would be at each other's throats the next several weeks. We'd have moments of joy but usually short-lived moments. I'm not saying it was all bad. I have good memories too. Singing Taylor Swift songs to my mini laptop webcam is a memory I have. Making music with my brother was a good memory I have. And spending time with friends too.. it wasn't all bad...

Fast forward to about 3 years ago I thought I met the love of my life. Things seemed fine. But it was the calm before the storm. After my ex and I got together things sorta slowly started to get worse. My dad didn't support my relationship. He thought we were moving too fast. My mom wasnt happy and coped with more alcohol. And even tho they had briefly separated a couple years before I thought they wouldn't ever get divorced. Well I was wrong...

My ex and I tried so hard to make our relationship work. And I think I pushed things because I wanted some kind of happy ending. Most of my friends had gotten married or were in happy relationships. This was my first real relationship. So I thought this could be the last. There were constant fights and bitterness started to grow between us... We were co-dependent. We tried to live on our own but due to a mental illness he had, he had a hard time keeping a job. So we were just CONSTANTLY STRUGGLING. It just became not a safe place anymore. We did get engaged after about a year. My dad didn't agree and we didn't have any wedding help. My friends tried to help but it was almost like people didn't take us seriously. Which hurt because I was always there for them whether I agreed with their decisions or not. My mom straight up left my Dad and moved into her own place. I was in between a lot when it came to my mom and dad. Trying to help them to get along for my sister's sake. But there were many fights or my mom getting so drunk that the police were called... DISCLAIMER: I want to say. My parents aren't bad parents. They're just broken.

My ex and I were under so much never-ending stress. We broke up and got back together several times. It was awful. Words were said, feelings were hurt, then we'd forgive and start all over again. I like to think that was the burning Red Taylor was talking about. We loved each other so much. But it wasn't a healthy lifestyle. You lose yourself. You lose who you want to be just so you can help keep the other person from drowning. After two years my parents were officially getting divorced. My dad had gone through severe depression so I moved into his place because I honestly was afraid he would kill himself. That was rough. I had also briefly moved into my moms to help her. This was the breaking point for her. And I had to get my sisters who were living with her at the time and help them to pack up and leave. They no longer wanted to be there. Leaving her behind and closing her apartment door while glimpsing her looking so sad was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Time went on. We finally got through that. I got through that.

During this time I had lost friends. Or at least we didn't talk much anymore. I think they just didn't know how to approach me. And I know they didn't mean it. I was in a place where I couldn't be reached. Later my mom had left our state of NC and moved about 45 mins away to SC with her new Boyfriend. We like him. He's nice. And she's doing so much better! My dad had met a lady and got engaged rather quickly in my opinion lol. But as long as he's happy. When things finally started to calm down a bit with my family the damage had already been done in my relationship. It wouldn't stop. The fighting the arguing. Even after we had moved to our own little house. But it was still my home. I had my cats and my own space. I loved it. Well, back in November a huge fight had occurred and we believed we shouldn't be living together for the time being. I moved in with my grandmother.. I went back and forth a lot. Set up for Christmas and we even got to go on a little vacation. I hadn't been on a vacation in so long. Yet again, it was the calm before another storm. One night in December, the Friday before Christmas (my absolute favorite holiday) I got a call. It was my ex. He said he couldn't do it anymore. And that he was breaking up with me. He said he couldn't tell me face to face because it would be too hard and he probably would change his mind. And I cried. And begged him not too. This all happened after a particularly hard argument we had the day before. Where I had done something wrong and I did apologize for it. But it just wasn't enough... And that was it. The end of my 2-year whirlwind relationship. I was heartbroken. He got really angry and was just saying really mean things to me. Personal things that really affected me. I had to go get all my stuff. Leave one of my kitties behind and give the other one up because I couldn't bring her with me. She is rehomed to one of my best friends. She had been there through pretty much all of it. I'm so grateful I have her. I saw my ex went on a date after 3 weeks. And yeah. It was awful. I felt like the scum of the earth.

And I thought that was it... Hahaha It wasn't. I missed my period for the whole month of January. I didn't even think anything of it. Then I finally took a test. And LOW AND BEHOLD it was positive. My whole life took a fucking turn in one second and I was literally losing my mind. So yeah. Fast forward to now. I'm 16 weeks. Working through my severe depression and anxiety. I had had plans to really work on myself but now that I'm pregnant you can't really take many medications during this time. And that's very hard as I have trouble functioning normally day today... I was looking for a job for months and when I finally found one Covid-19 showed its ugly head and I lost that job. And now I'm here. Not sure of how I'm going to provide for this baby. But the father and I have much a better relationship then we've ever had. We are not back together tho. There's still struggles and obstacles but at this point it's just part of my life. So that's it more or less. That's where I'm at now. I'm very grateful that even tho my family isn't together we all still show up for each other. And even tho I sometimes still get stuck between my dad and moms problems they're still alive and well. And now I have a baby. Which was my ultimate dream. I guess I just want to know that I can provide a really good life for it. As these are not the circumstances I had wished for myself. And that it's childhood is better than my childhood or even my ex's. He struggled too... I'm scared right now because I can't work and I'm constantly battling these demons. But at the same time I know somehow it'll all work out... Eventually... You know what I hope for myself tho? That I find a love that's golden. Not red.

#taylor swift #Anxiety #depression #mental health #swifties #swiftie #covidー19 #struggles

[unexpected-mother]

I've really struggled with food. I've always struggled with food but after having a baby, I've reaaaallly struggled. I don't have the energy left for me, to be mindful of what I'm eating and the quantities. I used to smoke before I fell pregnant, this would help suppress hunger. I also enjoyed a few glasses of wine in the evenings. Now that I am cigarette and booze free, food has become my comfort, my enjoyment, my saviour. I love food. I love eating. I hate being grossly overweight. I gained 3 stone during my pregnancy and another 2/3 stone after. Baby naps? I eat. Baby feeds? I snack. Cooking healthy meals was an absolute no for me. After I had done everything my baby required, I only had bare minimum for me. If I managed a shower it was a miracle. I also tried to keep myself busy socially and although this absolutely depreciated literally everything I had in me, it kept the nasty post partum depression at bay. I was a new mum who needed new mum friends, so this was a priority and I gave it my all. There was a patch where I joined slimming world and lost 3 stone before a holiday back home but I took comfort in gaining it all back once I returned home and lockdown hit. So here I am. 6 stone over my pre baby weight and desperate to get rid of it, however I feel I may have done what we all tend to do with our laundry that needs folding. Skip it, skip it, skip it until there is so much we refuse to do it at all as it just seems impossible and start wearing clothes straight from the pile. Well this is where I am. When I lose, I give up and gain. I wish this was a post where I tell you I had found a solution and lost all 6 stone and I was going to explain it all to you further down in the essay but it's not and I haven't and I won't. I'm still 6 stone over, I keep trying everyday. Weekends are where it all goes pear shaped. Its the bread and cheese that gets me, the potato salad, almond croissants and sugary cereal. Snacks. I manage to replace sugar cravings with fruits and herbal teas most nights but when my beautiful walls of sled control crumble, oh boy do they crumble hard. I am not alone, I know most of us do this. If there was a remedy that worked and required minimal effort, I'd be a gazillionaire. It's self control, dedication, patience and motivation. Well I got maybe a sprinkle of motivation, a touch of dedication, a really small amount of self control and zero patience. I can see the solution, I've done it before. Slimming world was amazing, I got to eat lots of food but just made sure it was all the good free stuff and there actually were some pretty tasty free foods but sugar was my problem. I don't believe in sweetner and that was a major problem. Anyways today I was strong again, my soul always feel so happy when I eat good food. I can breathe better and I feel more energetic. I've always struggled with breakfast but I've figured out a great smoothie recipe that actually tastes like a milkshake and is really filling. It's thick, it's sweet, it's packed full of the good stuff. Protein also helps me so much, I can eat a lot of protein. I feel guilty for it as I know how bad meat is for the environment but as soon as I'm on track I feel happier to move over to more veggie based meals. I used to replace meat with white cheese but calorie wise, this was never a good idea. I don't really exercise much at the moment as I am SO heavy I can't run (shin splints and knee issues) I also had a personal trainer for a bit but my back gave in. So now I just walk. I need to shed this weight to start with... It's not healthy to put stress on my body with heavy exercise at this ENORMOUS weight of 112kg. It's helps to talk about it. I've been 112 for a while, I am 110kg after the last couple days. What is 2kg when you have 30 to lose? I need to focus on the small wins I guess. I will start posting some recipes as motivation for me and hopefully some other people too.

[marianaahmad]

This is the view I look forward to these days. I sit quietly on a bench in front of the church entrance in Kirkonoummi and contemplate life while my husband plays golf at a course about 4km away. I brisk walk to and from the cemetery and supermarket and for 4 hours or so, this is the me time I look forward to during the coronavirus "lockdown". It has been pretty easy here in Finland. We are allowed to go out to the supermarket and the Finns are a natural at social distancing even from before it wad trendy.

I am almost 40 and I haven't spoken to my mother since September. It is now May. I don't miss her. I haven't missed her since I was in my 20s. She infuriates me. She has done so for a long time. My family knows her as the outspoken woman, the eldest of 11 children, or was it 12? I have lost count. I think 6 or 7 of her siblings are still alive. She got me when she was 23. Young, I know. Sometimes, I think maybe she did not want me but was swayed by social norms back then in the late 70s. I was born in 1980.

My mother got married when she was 20. She claims she was 21 by then. I let that slide. My late dad was 8 years older than her. She wanted a man who was God-fearing and prayed towards Mecca 5 times a day. A man who was responsible and looked after his family. They were neighbours when she was young and her family hated his family. My paternal grandfather was known for his violent tempers. I was told he once threw a bicycle on one of his daughters as punishment for coming home late. My mum had a twinkle in her eye as she related the irony that it was also the same aunt who got knocked up before marriage.

"The more some fathers try to control their daughter, the worse they will behave," she said. My mum takes pride in the fact that she was a Virgin when she got married. She had a string of boyfriends but she never let them take it too far. "Yang berat berat tak boleh. Yang ringan ringan ok," probably stood out as one of the weirdest pieces of advice she gave to me and my sister when it came to relationships. It also seemed like she was desperate by then for us to be coupled up and that advice was different to my dad who told me at 19, just before I left Singapore for an exchange program in Barcelona. "Kakak, don't open your legs. Boys only want one thing." Geez Dad, not in front of everyone at the airport.

One of my mum's best friends betrayed her by getting knocked up and then marrying a poor farmer who was working for the Malaysian government in an oil palm plantation across the border. I never understood why she felt betrayed by that friend. A whole lot of issue about a little tissue, if you ask me.

Today is Mother's Day and a day when I feel most awkward and want it all to go away. Why put aside one day to celebrate women and/or giving birth? To buy cards, flowers and cakes for them? To treat them well? Just for one day in a year or their birthday or on Women's Day? Hell, I never knew about Women's Day till I lived in the Republic of Georgia and I was 32 years old.

What if your mother was abusive and called you names when you were growing up? Because they were just doing their best and it was what was the done thing at that time? Because she did not know any better and was also mentally abused by her own mother? What if her own mother had no mother since her birth mother died during childbirth or did not live long enough to raise her and was raised by an abusive grandmother? What if you are a mother who moved away from your child to a whole new country in order to pursue your own happiness and left the child in the care of your ex husband and his new wife? Are you still a mother then? What about that new wife who did not give birth to your child but has to look after the child's needs and raise her like her own? Is she a mother now? What if a woman never wanted to be a mother because she did not want another child to go through what she went through and instead makes it her life purpose to guide orphans and juveniles and pass on life skills to them? Doesmake her less of a mother?oes that make her less of a mother?

What if your mother was abusive and called you names when you were growing up? Because they were just doing their best and it was what was the done thing at that time? Because she did not know any better and was also mentally abused by her own mother? What if her own mother had no mother since her birth mother died during childbirth or did not live long enough to raise her and was raised by an abusive grandmother? What if you are a mother who moved away from your child to a whole new country in order to pursue your own happiness and left the child in the care of your ex husband and his new wife? Are you still a mother then? What about that new wife who did not give birth to your child but has to look after the child's needs and raise her like her own? Is she a mother now? What if a woman never wanted to be a mother because she did not want another child to go through what she went through and instead makes it her life purpose to guide orphans and juveniles and pass on life skills to them?oes that make her less of a mother?oes that make her less of a mother?

Does that make her less of a mother?Does that make her less of a mother?

[40sandfabulousaf]

*There are 6 photos of this sports bra and shorts combo, which I'll use over 2 to 3 posts.

Seems like many still have fears about weight gain whilst in quarantine, so I'll share my own personal experience. Followers will have read that I intentionally gained weight. As one ages, the amount of collagen decreases; thus, I couldn't maintain my lightest weight at 48 kilos any longer. About 2.5 years ago, when I started this blog, I weighed between 50 to 51.5 kilos. I decided to take it up even more so that my face and neck are more 'padded'.

Fast forward to today and I weigh between 56 to 57 kilos. From a US size 00, I'm now between a 4 to 6, I think, depending on which size chart I'm using. For UK sizes, I've gone up from an 8 to a 10. A nice bonus from putting on weight is, for bras, I've moved from an Asian AA cup to a small B (I think this is the main perk, as far as I'm concerned 😂). Increasing the pounds wasn't that much an issue as I made it a goal to raise physical strength since living alone means I need to do many of the things on my own when previously I didn't need to with the ex around.

I actually feel more confident about my body now than when I was lighter. This morning, I tried something that was put off when my second uncle on the maternal side passed away some weeks back. At the start, I couldn't use 1 of those grip, squeeze and turn can openers. At first, I thought the ones I had were faulty and threw away a few because the food tins were just not opening. Later on, the previous domestic helper successfully did this, so I realised the problem lay with me.

My spine injury weakened my grip strength for many years, so it's something I've been working on. Well, let's just say I had very satisfying tuna mayo sandwiches for breakfast using tinned tuna 😃

So the weight gain has been positive for me, in terms of strength increase (I can't help but insert bra cup size too 🤣). I've been in self-isolation for weeks now and haven't had the inclination to shed any pounds. I'm still maintaining at between 56 to 57 kilos and this isn't because I'm being restrictive with food. The reason I step on the scales is, I lose weight easily and if I don't watch it, I could lose quite a few pounds if I go back to old eating habits.

My meals nowadays are considerably larger. Because they're balanced and so nutritionally dense, I don't have much stomach space left over for snacks apart from handfuls of fruit plus a few nuts. I do love salted egg yolk potato chips and deep fried fish skin (good grief, they're delicious) but my meals are really filling and I find being stuffed to the point where I can't breathe properly uncomfortable so I only eat these occasionally.

I don't believe in going hungry, especially since the calisthenics exercises I do now are more strenuous than in previous years. So if you're worried about quarantine weight gain, I hope that my personal experience helps you. It really isn't that scary although granted, mine was deliberate and I coordinated the level of physical activity with the increase in food intake. I've been able to do alot more, as far as exercise is concerned and I'm happy about it.

So please be gentle on yourself during this period. We can't afford to deprive ourselves of nutrition right now when our bodies need it to build up our immunity. Even for countries easing up on lockdowns, or looking to do so, it doesn't mean that the virus isn't still circulating amongst the populations, so in addition to taking the necessary precautions like wearing masks, washing our hands and not touching our faces, taking care of our health as best as we can will only benefit us.

Till the next post, stay home and stay safe. And please be kind if others are gaining weight, okay?

#goldenconfidence #itsmyconfidence #positivity #positivethoughts #positivemind #positivelife #positiveliving #bepositive #positivevibes