#my whole life what men wanted to do to you was inevitable

[transmascissues]

it's silly but the biggest reason why im not into t yet is bc im so afraid of losing my hair. do you have any solutions/tips for it?

first of all, i don’t think it’s silly — it’s natural to be worried when hair loss is talked about by so many people as like…one of the worst results of aging for men. listening to my dad talk about how much he hates balding definitely did not make me feel particularly good about the knowledge that i may very well be joining him someday. i’m not saying the fear is right, because i don’t think hair loss is something awful that we should avoid at all costs, but it’s an understandable fear given the beauty standards we’re working with, and it’s one that a lot of us (myself included) feel.

one thing that’s helped me is just…paying more attention to the guys that i interact with on a daily basis. i’ve learned two things from it: 1) hair loss is super fucking common. i’d say it’s much harder to find an adult man who isn’t balding at all than it is to find one who’s completely bald. and 2) if you forget everything you’ve been told about how bad hair loss is, you’ll realize that quite frankly, every single one of those guys looks totally fucking fine. it doesn’t ruin their appearance and make them ugly, it looks totally natural and isn’t really even something you’d notice if you weren’t looking for it. we put so much weight on it but it’s really just not that big of a deal. i’ll hear my parents talk shit about men in my family who are losing their hair when i didn’t even notice a difference last time i saw them. it’s one of those things (like so many other appearance-related things) that you really only notice at all because you’ve been taught that you’re supposed to care about it.

this isn’t something i’ve done personally, but if you really want to desensitize yourself to the idea of it, embrace the time-honored queer tradition of just shaving your whole damn head! find out what you’d look like without hair, find out how you feel about it and what you can do that makes you feel good about your appearance without hair, test the waters while it’s still a temporary change and not something permanent. that way, it won’t feel like this big scary unknown, and you’ll actually have a frame of reference for your feelings about how you look without hair rather than accepting the societal assumption that you’ll inevitably hate it. if you don’t want to actually shave your head, you could also just fuck around with bald filters or photoshop and see what happens.

oh, and if you’re attracted to men, keep an eye out for guys who are bald or balding and also hot as fuck. in my experience, there’s no insecurity or potential future insecurity that being gay for other men hasn’t helped me with. just off the top of my head, i can think of a couple actors who i think are absolutely fucking gorgeous who have helped me get over my fears about losing my hair. despite what our anti-aging-obsessed world might want you to think, there is no such thing as a physical feature that automatically makes someone less attractive, and while making attractiveness less of a priority in your life is good, it can’t hurt to also give yourself some proof that actually, you might lose your hair and look hot as hell doing it.

basically, entertain the possibility that it won’t be a bad thing at all! whether that’s just because it turns out to be a neutral thing for you or because you end up actually liking it, it’s not an inherently bad thing. i’ve ended up liking a lot of things that were “supposed to” be bad effects of t — i love the weight i’ve gained and the new shape it gives my body, i get a lot of gender euphoria from the fact that my acne is now on parts of my face that i saw a lot of guys in high school get it and i’m not complaining about the scars i get from it either because i’ve always liked the added texture that acne scars give my skin, and so on. i think there’s a lot of joy to be had in the changes we’re taught to fear, once we look past that conditioning and actually explore how we feel about it.

but if it’s something you really don’t want and you just want to improve your chances of not having to deal with it, it’s not like there’s nothing you can do! products like finasteride (oral) and minoxidil (usually topical but i think there might also be oral versions) are pretty commonly used among trans guys, for the purpose of avoiding hair loss and for other reasons, and there are plenty of other anti-hair loss products out there (though i don’t know how effective any one of them might be). if it’s a big enough deal for you, you can just decide that you’ll go off of t if/when you start noticing signs of it, since no longer having higher t levels would stop the process in its tracks. and if you don’t find prevention options that work for you so it ends up happening, you can always explore different hair styles (judging by the pattern of hair loss i see in my family, i suspect that keeping my hair long would make it less obvious if i started losing mine), find your preferred method of covering it when you don’t feel good about it (personally i love a good beanie generally and would probably wear them a lot more if i didn’t have hair to worry about because my main complaint is the way they press my hair onto my neck), or just shave it all off if you don’t like the look of the partial balding but don’t mind a shaved head. the point being — you have options!

at the end of the day, whether you go on t or not, you’re going to see your body change as you age in ways that aren’t always going to be attractive to others or aesthetically pleasing to you. that’s just the reality of having a body. even if you never went on t, you’d get older and you might see your hair thin out even if you don’t bald, you’ll see your skin start to wrinkle and sag in places that used to be smooth, your metabolism might slow or your body fat might start to gather in new places; hell, you might lose your hair for a totally different reason and end up in the same place but without the benefits of having been on t that whole time. life is full of bodily changes like that. transphobes will fearmonger about the permanent changes of testosterone all day long but the truth is, there is no escaping permanent bodily changes. whether or not you go on t, your body now isn’t the same as it will be in 1 or 5 or 10 or 20 or 50 years, just like it isn’t the same as it was at any point in your life before now. our bodies are never supposed to stop growing and aging and changing throughout our lives. there’s no guaranteeing that we’ll love every single change our bodies go through, but that’s okay! there are so many things in life that are more important than the way our bodies look. even if you go on t and lose your hair and don’t like how it looks, your life won’t be ruined; plenty of other things will bring you joy and more than make up for the insecurities.

just think about the gender euphoria and relief from dysphoria that t could give you. would losing your hair be bad enough to outweigh all of that? or is it just the pressure of a society that decided balding is bad that’s making you fear one single change despite how much joy you could have if you let that fear go? only you can decide if going on t is worth the potential downsides for you, but i suspect that for most of us, the benefits of going on t far outweigh the possibility of side effects like hair loss happening down the line.

#when i say i love helping people beat their fears about t this is what i mean. i will simply write a whole essay about it #some people might think it’s silly to answer a question like this so extensively #but i don’t think it is! i feel like this is a really common fear but also one i don’t see talked about much #maybe because it’s so common among cis guys that people don’t see it as a question to ask in trans spaces? idk #but i think we should talk about it more. especially when transphobes use it as a way to talk shit about t #ask answered #testosterone #hrt #ftm hrt #hair loss #trans men #transmascs

[roses-r-rosie3]

Dancing With Your Ghost: Unexpected Reunion

Miguel O’Hara x M!Reader

[Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

(Btw credits to whoever drew that spider-man character)

Warnings: angst, spoilers for SpiderMan: Across the Spider-verse, and memory loss-ish

Summary: Miguel was in love with his version of y/n from his universe but that y/n dies bc that’s his cannon, and he meets an alternate version of y/n who is the Spider-Man of his universe, but isn’t in love with Miguel

Quote: “I'm sorry, but you're not ringing any bells"

✁ - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Miguel is what some people what call “cold hearted” but he wasn’t always like this. He was happy once. He was in love with y/n l/n. He loved y/n so much. But because he was a Spider-Man, y/n died. He died when that universes’s goblin blew up a building, while y/n was inside of it. It hurts Miguel to think about it. The way he held y/n in his arms while he begged for y/n to stay with him. But Miguel couldn’t undo the inevitable, and y/n died in his arms while he cried for hours.

"Miguel" Jess said, snapping Miguel out of his thoughts.

"Are you okay?" she said.

"Yeah, yeah, just a little tired, what did you want to talk to me about?" Miguel said.

"I found a case where an alternate version of the goblin from another universe got transported to another universe, and is now having a tantrum"

Miguel's blood ran cold at the mention of 'The goblin', the bastard took one of the only people making him happy away from him.

"I know you have some issues with the goblin, but you need to remember that he isn't our goblin-"

"Yeah, whatever let's go" Miguel said, completely ignoring what Jess had to say.

skip to when Miguel is fighting the goblin b/c i'm lazy af

Miguel spent what felt like hours trying to land a single punch on the goblin, each attempt getting him more riled up. All of a sudden another spider-man swooped in and kicked the goblin in the face dead-on.

"I'll take it from here" The masked hero said cockily.

That voice... it sounded familiar, but Miguel couldn't quite put his finger on it. But Miguel had no time to play the guessing game, so he immediately swung over to help fight the goblin.

When Miguel finally caught up to the other spider-man, the goblin had already been defeated.

"How-"

"it's easy when you're as good as me" said the cocky super-hero, as he cut off Miguel.

"Oh great another narcissistic one" Miguel said as he rolled his eye under his mask.

"I wouldn't call it narcissistic, more like- wait- what do you mean another- oh whatever, who are you and what are you doing here" said that universe's spider-man.

skip to Miguel explaining the whole spider organization

"Does you telling me this mean that I'm apart of this organization now, or are you gonna pull a 'men in black' and erase this from my memory?"

"Yes, you can join" Miguel said in annoyance as he opened the portal.

"Holy shit, very cool.." The masked hero said before walking inside of it.

"Hey, scary boss guy, can i take off my mask, that portal thing is making me feel sick" said the hero.

"Yes" Miguel said as he turned to see what the cocky hero looked like under his mask.

When the spider-man unmasked himself, he was revealed to be y/n.

Miguel couldn't speak, his once dead lover was in front of him.

"Oh I didn't tell you my name did I? My name's-"

"Y/n" Miguel cut him off.

"How did you-"

Y/n was cut off by Miguel hugging the life out of him.

"I missed you so much" Miguel croaked.

"Woah, woah dude I don't even know you" y/n said pulling Miguel away.

Miguel took off his mask, hoping that universe's y/n would notice him.

"I'm sorry, but you're not ringing any bells" y/n said.

"Y/n please, we have to at least been acquainted in your universe" Miguel said with tears in his eyes.

"Uh- you're starting to creep me out" y/n said

"Oh, uh, sorry about him, you just look like someone he used to know" Jess interrupted

"Okay then..." y/n said as he walked past them to explore the place.

"Listen Miguel, I know you loved y/n and he loved you, but that's a different y/n, I don't want to sound harsh, but he probably didn't know you until now, okay? Just know that our y/n loved you." Jess said as the other y/n was out of eye-sight.

Miguel just broke down. The fact that, that y/n will probably never love him like his y/n, He felt like he was re-living the grief he felt when y/n died in his arms.

#male x male #mlm #malexmale #male reader #mxm #gay #spider man across the spider verse #across the spiderverse #miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara x male reader #swearing #angst #Spotify

[morewittepain]

some thoughts i had while thinking about college and inevitably connecting it back to my fixations as i always do:

random tbosas college au hcs!!

lucy gray would beg whichever poor soul got forced to be her roommate to push their mattresses together to make a mega bed, but she gets so cozy the first night that she sleeps through all seven of her alarms and misses like three classes.

livia, arachne, and clemensia are all insufferable sorority girls. except arachne and clemensia are super serious about it and livia is only in it for the booze and the lols. she made one joke day 1 of freshman year about being a sorority girl and ended up committing to the bit a little too hard, and now she's too far in to back out.

there's one bar off campus that all the daddy's money students (the academy mentors) started going to to escape from the weird liberal arts kids (the tributes) until one day lucy gray ends up scoring a job playing at said bar and now everyone is significantly bummed out when anyone mentions the place.

riding off of that, we all know that lucy gray is a theatre kid, but she's the most insufferable brand. she runs through the halls singing show tunes, she tries to start flash mobs in the dining hall, and if you mention it once she will not shut up about the theatre club's latest improv show. they did wicked once and she showed up to classes in full green makeup every day throughout the entirety of tech week.

not only is she the theatre kid, she's just the weird kid in general. she shows up to every 8 am class in the most insanely tacky diy outfits. more often than not, she repurposes whatever costume pieces the theatre department was throwing out. it's all craft store gemstones, hot glue, and a metric ton of puffy paint. she's also constantly conjuring flowers out of thin air it seems and passing them out as flower crowns to whoever is within a ten mile radius. mid final she just slowly passes you a whole heap of daisies weaved together and you're left like "??????"

she sets her eyes on someone and either becomes their best friend or worst nightmare.

coryo walking through the front door covered in glitter with a **very** homemade rainbow scarf forcefully tied around his neck and a flower behind his ear: TIGRIS THE WEIRD KID GOT ME ON THE WALK HOME AGAIN AND I COULDN'T OUTRUN HER

sejanus and coryo would dorm together for a total of two months before coryo decides that if he doesn't move off campus he will literally kill himself so he ends up back with tigris and commutes. he's a coward (sejanus snores).

oh god wait no is he a frat boy? i hate that image in my head. GET IT OUT!!

mizzen is significantly younger than everyone else, like 14 or something, and hangs out on campus with coral (bc in my head they're cousins or smthn) and it is quite literally the "uhhhh want a beer?" "HE'S FOUR!!" meme. nobody knows what to do with him. he's just sitting there with an ipad and a yoohoo living his best life until coral makes him do his homework.

coryo fails a situationship twice a week and everyone clowns on him constantly for never being able to get out of the talking stage. one day he's showing up to lucy gray's shows and the next he's ducking behind cars in the parking lot so she doesn't see him. one day he's making out with livia at a party and the next he's crying on the floor while clemensia pats him on the back because nobody loves him. one day he's genuinely hooking up with sejanus and the next he's pretending he was drunk so he can act like he doesn't remember. boo you whore!!! men will do anything BUT therapy.

sejanus is that one kid whose mom is always on campus for some reason and just chilling in their dorm. they're knitting sweaters and watching friends, leave them alone!!

clemensia would be the ra that everyone hates because she would absolutely snitch on your ass to look good, meanwhile lamina is the ra that everyone loves because she's just in it for the free room and is too tired to hunt anyone down for breaking the rules. work smarter, not harder.

reaper is also a weird kid, but in the mysterious artist who just glares at people from across the dining hall and sketches angrily kinda way. he and lucy gray are besties because i said so. he's teaching her how to paint in exchange for guitar lessons, except she can only finger paint and he's left handed and can hardly play her guitar comfortably.

treech and lamina were that one couple that picked the same college during their honeymoon phase in high school and travelled together except it absolutely ruined their relationship and now they hate each other. if you're a girl's girl, though, you take lamina's side because she does no wrong (totally not because she lets you sneak pot into the dorm as long as she "can't see it" so she doesn't have to do a whole night's worth of paperwork).

coral and lucy gray have been dating for half of a semester but pretend to hate each other when they're in public simply for the bit. they're faking petty cat fights, they're glaring at each other in the hallways, but really they're smoochin behind the scenes. they just think they're funny.

it's 5 am and i need to SLEEP but please drop any other headcanons you have about this batshit au because I would love to see them. i'm sure this will make no sense when i reread it in the morning, but trust that i will revisit this subject because them just being normal teenagers is always so funny to me.

#the hunger games #thg #tbosas #tbosas headcanon #thg headcanons #coriolanus snow #lucy gray baird #sejanus plinth #arachne crane #clemensia dovecote #livia cardew #reaper ash #coral tbosas #mizzen tbosas #lamina tbosas #treech tbosas #the ballad of songbirds and snakes

[mcyt-trios]

The winner of this poll will go on to face Architechs (Grian, MumboJumbo, Iskall85)

PROPAGANDA:

Campfire Crew:

CAMPFIRE CREW THE ABSOLUTE GUYS OF ALL TIME. CAMPFIRE CREW THE PINNACLE OF ACCIDENTAL FORESHADOWING THE TOP TIER OF "IT'S NOT THAT DEEP BUT IT COULD BE" WATCH AS LOYALTY EATS THEM FROM THE INSIDE OUT IT WAS ALWAYS GOING TO END THIS WAY YOU SAY FINAL THREE AND YOU COME OUT WITH THE FINAL THREE. there is literally SO MUCH i could say about campfire crew and absolutely none of it would be enough. death games are prime material for interactions of all time and the campfire crew is absolutely knocking it out of the park. they lose their first lives planning around each other. they live in the same house (they live in different houses). they're scheming against each other. they're working with each other. they're two people who have FOUR KILLS EACH and one hapless innocent man. they're three people who swore a pact over a campfire and despite everything ended up holding to that pact. every time they play rock paper scissors, someone dies. the innocent, in death, turns them against each other, despite this not being how the game works. they reveal their roles to each other and it has this entire sense of inevitability -- of everyone having ALREADY KNOWN what was going to happen. it doesn't matter that two of them are going to kill everyone else on the server. you get that "innocent's" loyalty and you have him for life. paranoia is nothing next to a need for blood and connection. i have a normal amount of emotions over "i swear my loyalty / i offer my fealty / uhhhhhhhh same." do not @ me

Ghaae:

They’re in love your honor. They’re three gay men in love. Two himbos and a scientist. They were roommates then they were lovers.

dam it, I don't have the words for them. they are just little guys with big hearts and lots of love to give and all of them are just a bit traumatized and bit to used to the concept of death and they all need hugs and get them surprisingly often despite everything happening around them, and I love them and would kill for them <3

Gay people. Honestly that's it. They all need hugs respectively (as does everyone in this smp) Rae is the child of the Goddess of the mind, and is also the vessel of said Goddess (and is 1 of 2 things keeping their end dimension together). Aax is a olm who was. Made a in a lab. And kills undead things whether they want to or not (he was made to), named himself after an axe. Caspain is just a guy. The most guy on this smp. They got a cute little house and a even more adorable dog named atlas, and back in season 2 their axolotal area was named the armory because most of the axolotals were named after weapons. (Season 3 its just a pond), they're very gay all the time and deserve the whole world.

#mcyt-trios #mcytblr trio bracket #polls #round 1

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#356

“Hey Todd!  Todd!  Come out of that shower….  Don’t bother covering up.  When I come home from a hard day’s work, I expect my space to be ready for me—a quiet space where I can wind down.  It’s been one shitty fucked up day.  I got told by my boss at the prison that I got a shitty attitude.  I go over to my girlfriend’s for some pussy and she gives me every excuse not to put out after getting me all horned up.  Then I come home, and I find your shit all over the place on your first full day as my new roommate.  Come with me, I need to fucking cunt you….

“Shut the fuck up.  Don’t bother protesting.  I know you are a cum guzzler.  I knew it when you first checked out the place.  I don’t give a shit that you say you have a girlfriend.  If you ain’t a fag, you will be by the end of the day, several times over. 

“Trying to run like that was stupid.  I work as a corrections officer, I’ve subdued men twice your size.   I got you faggot, and you try to run?  Your long hair is a great handle….  We’re going into my room.  I should cunt you in your own bed, but it’s clear that I need to do this…. 

“Those handcuffs are not coming off until your attitude has corrected.  Shut the fuck up.  I don’t want to hear your fucking mouth running….  This should keep you shut up; open your mouth.  No?  Well too bad….  This is my nastiest pair of undies.  Here! Look at that skid mark.  Now if I have to pry that jaw open, I will make sure that skid goes right on your tongue.  Are you going to open up?

“There you go.  Now keep it in there.  You are going to be doing a lot of screaming.  Look over here.  Look at my dick.  This is the cock that is going to cunt you.  You say you ain’t queer.  You ever have a dick in your ass?...  Hot damn!  I get a cherry to pop. 

“The way you are shaking your head no, I’m beginning to think that you might not be queer.  I’m still going to cunt you; it needs to happen. 

“Feel my cock in your crack.  Heavy ain’t it.  Look at yourself in the mirror over there.  You have a great view of yourself and more importantly me. 

“That glob of spit is the only lube I will use.  This is a cunting after all.  It needs to be painful.  You ready?...  Don’t care if you’re not.  I’m coming in.  Oh man I can feel your pussy lips trying to resist… but ultimately spread apart.

“When I cunt a fag or a bitch, I take it slowly on my first thrust.  I want you to feel just how big my cock is inside you.  Are you crying?  Good.  Crying just means that you are accepting the inevitability of your situation.  You got about two more inches to go.  You want to feel less pain, then accept your new role in life.  Accept that you are a cunt for men to use.  Once you submit to my cock, the pain will ease up. 

“You got another inch to go.  I can feel your second sphincter.  It’s welcoming my dickhead.  Your cunt was made for my cock.  Almost there.

“And there it is.  You’ve stop resisting me.  You are my cunt now.  I have all eight-and-a-half inches buried deep.  This is where my cock belongs.  Every day, when I get home, I want to unwind with a cigar—an Asylum, 880 or 680—and an ice-cold Glenlivet waiting for me.  I want this cunt to be cleaned out, lubed up, and hungry for me every fucking day.

“Now when you first contacted me about my room, I looked into your background.  It’s very interesting.  I don’t need to go into details, do I?  We both know that there is no possibility of you doing anything stupid like screaming rape.  Trust me, I would know how to make your life a living hell. 

“Do you understand what I am saying?  Here spit out my underwear.  Do you understand?...  Good.  Now if I uncuff you, are you going to do something stupid?...  Good.  Remember, I can put these on whenever I feel like it. 

“You ready to be cunted?...  What you thought being buried balls deep was it?  Fuck no.  That was just getting you ready.  I have the whole afternoon.  I can fuck for hours without cumming.  And today, I plan on it.  I need to make this hole a well-used cunt: puffy, bleeding, and gaping.  The only way to do that is with a continual brutal assault for at least an hour or more.  The best thing for you to do is just lay there like a dead fish and take it. 

“I would ask if you are ready, but I don’t care.”

[aechii]

getting into a fight with jude then you break up w him , then months later he sees you at a party n still wants you back 🙏🏽🙏🏽

₍₍ SiX FEET UNDER ₎⁠₎

PAiRiNG ?! toxic!ex!jude x exgf!reader

GENRE ?! angst

C/W ?! she/her pronouns used, unhealthy relationship, something about writing toxic!jude that has me brainrotting, reader knows her worth, profanity, a small cameo of playboy!trent, drinking (sip responsibly ppl)

A/N ?! i love love love writing toxic!jude, fight me. other than that, plz do enjoy because for once in a while, im liking what i've written <3 [next fic will be a trent one, dwdw]

~°~

"you're not fucking getting me, jude!"

the heat she felt is all encompassing, red, burning fury for a man— boy, who timelessly strung her along with reins of faded promises and stagnant affection. a piling mountain of 'what could i have done better?' weighed like rocks and bricks, yet if her mother were here, she would've looked on with absent surprise.

she had warned her daughter, begged her even, that men— boys like jude had their words proclaimed as if in the finality of red ink, but their minds basked in a bath of sinful infidelity.

but [y/n] craved love. a feeling she had never encountered fully as it was more of a come and go, never marinating into her flesh and heart. but jude— god, jude, with his heightened charisma and intoxicating smile, had promised to love her from sunrise to sunset, from dusk till dawn.

yet, if those words held any truth, then they wouldn't have stood there, in an air of edged demise.

"listen," jude looked completely uncaring, dragging a hand down his face, "if you can't fucking tell, i'm trying, yeah? and it's not everyday i'm gonna be available."

"i never said i wanted you here everyday, jude," [y/n] cried, frustrated. her bones felt heavy, yet it was the hurt in her chest that blinded every sense of her's.

jude threw his arms in the air, scoffing, "then what the hell d'you want, [y/n]?" his voice resonated with exasperation.

"for you to be 100%, jude, it's not that hard! and if you can't handle a relationship— an exclusive relationship, then don't waste my time!"

they were tipping over at the edge of the cliff, and their fall was inevitable. frankly speaking, [y/n] should've known that their whole... involvement with each other was just a sprint to this foreshadowed end. it started off rocky, and no matter how insistent the red lights were, her eyes were glazed with blatant ignorance.

jude's presence then was like a toxin, accumulating in her muscles and causing every inch of movement to release pain. she needed to leave, with not a turn of her head back, and put jude in her first and only failed attempt of what could've been a blissful experience.

"you know what? i'm done— i can't stand here looking stupid for a boy who doesn't love me the same way," she scoffed, turning on her heel to climb the stairs.

she wished she hadn't had heard it. maybe it would've made her departure easier, that jude, truthfully, cared about her and just had the pieces of his mind misplaced and skewed. that maybe all they needed was space and time to seek and mend before they could try again.

but what she got was like a slap to the face, and the sickening truth that jude was never hers. and never wanted to be hers.

"since you can't understand where i'm coming from for shit, by all means, [y/n], leave."

+_-

the party had been, literally, timeless for jude. he hadn't known for how long he swirled the red cup of [spiked] punch pressed into his hand as he leaned against the door frame and observed the busy bodies that made him stick out like a sore thumb.

it had been months, 3 months, as jude'd been counting, since [y/n] bode her adieu to their relationship, or rather, whatever remnant of it remained. he felt like a disassociated body, existing for the mere fact that he had to, not because he wanted to, and part of him wanted to believe that it was all part of the 'life' experience.

it wasn't.

denial was a vile thing, and everyday, he woke up thinking that their end was her fault, and not his. that whatever they had was a lesson among others, and that he had to move on and find someone else that he could attach his data to.

but he knew, knew that [y/n] was a person that appeared like a blue moon, and soon enough, he found himself lost like a needle in a haystack and regretting. had no one but himself to blame, even his damn brother told him so.

his appearance externally, to those who didn't know what revved inside him, was a continuous ebb and flow from one party to another. whatever he had to do to make him forget was his priority, and if he had to get mind-numbingly drunk to do so, then it was welcomed to be his guest.

it was his 3rd one of the week, by approximation. more or less, he didn't care, nor did he want to know, because recklessness was what seemed more comfortable than guilt and shame, and he was so sure that his body was more alcohol than water. counted his lucky stars that it was the end of the season and so he could do whatever his heart urged him to do. his heart, keyword there.

his darkened mood seemed to have seeped into the room because after hours of remaining stagnant doing nothing, trent walked up to him, identical solo cup in one hand and the other weighing on his shoulder with concern.

"guilt is eating you up, eh?" trent chided, although not as cheerily as expected. jude grunted and took another sip as he huffed out a flippant, "shut up," that had trent throwing his hands up, as best as he could, in defence.

"look- i've been there, done that."

jude looked at him suspiciously, "you've had flings, trent."

"yeah," he shrugged, mellow yet firm, "to forget about her."

"never knew that," jude said with an air of surprise. trent wasn't necessarily the best person to come to in terms of... serious romance, per se.

just as trent went to retort, jude's eyes cast around the room, and zeroed entirely on one hovering figure, meddled with a group of more girls who looked far too merry compared to the one that caused jude's tunneled vision, and before he could stop himself, his mouth punched out a, "fuck."

trent caught whiff of jude's exasperated and frozen countenance, "what?"

it took a whole body and more for jude to respond, "she's here."

then trent's head whizzed around, seeking for the girl whose scarce presence had his friend in complete misery and his line of sight paralleled jude's, "i... did not know she was coming."

"me too," jude said automatically, and as if they had a mind of their own, his feet began to move. trent noticed immediately, and a tough grip wrenched around jude's bicep, "where do you think you're going?"

"to talk to her?" enunciated as if it were a question, but there was an undercurrent of certainty that made trent want to slap jude for his sheer stupidity.

"and do what? beg for her forgiveness as if you did not walk her out your home hand in hand?"

jude scowled at trent's bluntness, "it wasn't like that."

"well it fucking seemed like it," trent chastised.

jude was completely deaf to trent's words by then, as the second she was left alone by the bar, he had an aim. an aim to get her back by the end of the night, and if he didn't, he wouldn't walk out there with all pieces of him intact.

did he need her? yes. and it may have taken him too long to realise, but jude didn't care. it was all part of the 'life' experience.

he managed to slip out of trent's vice grip (who, at that point, had given up drilling pleads into jude. he had to plummet back to reality, one way or another), and by auto-pilot, walk towards [y/n] who has too busy ordering another round of shots to even notice his arrival until his words punctured the air, "hey."

[y/n] spun around. rapidly and in complete shock as her eyes were blown wide. she had wanted to utter everything and nothing at all, but her mouth seemed to malfunction, to both her dismay and relief, so she resolved to a questioning jut of her head forward.

jude nervously scratched the back of his neck, "i uh- how have you been?"

she thought for a few seconds then shook her head conclusively, "as best as i could be, jude."

it may have not been intentional- matter of fact, who had jude been kidding? it was intentional, the icy tinge in her tone and closed off-ness as she settled her stance and crossed her arms. a blank space, gaping and hollow, was left in silence as jude tried to find words to say.

"i'm sorry."

[y/n] looked at him incredulously, "you're sorry?"

jude nodded.

and then she laughed. jude would've blamed it on drunkeness if it hadn't been for the obvious, mocking sarcasm as she stopped and looked at him just as quickly as she started.

"you're funny jude, very funny," she chuckled, turning around to slide a shot glass from the counter, raising it in gratitude to the bartender who gave her a nod back, before patting jude's arm to walk away.

he was delirious by then. in absolute confusion, wondering what he had done to seem so... ridiculous to [y/n]. he had apologised, hadn't he? made sure to make it as geniune as he mouth could mold it and that was enough. it had to be.

he spluttered, reaching out to stop her by her wrist, but, as if his touch were hot, she slapped him away, "don't you fucking touch me, jude."

"i said i'm sorry-"

"and you think that's enough? to do what, jude? get me back?"

he nodded and she laughed again, chesty and completely deprecating.

"you know, let me give you advice jude," her expression submerged jude 6 feet under, it felt like it, "don't date. you're completely shit at it."

jude was definitely 6 feet under.

#work de aechii 🫧 #jude bellingham x you #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #jude bellingham fanfic #jude bellingham drabbles #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham romance #football imagines #footballer x reader #footballer x you #jude bellingham oneshots #jude bellingham fluff

[delcakoo]

enha healing your inner child｡⊹˚.⋆

requested <3

↻ PAIRING ! enhypen x gn!reader

↻ GENRE ! tooth rotting fluff

↻ WC ! 4.5k new record woop

↻ WARNINGS ! fake chainsaw in niki’s, ynwon slapping each others butts i dunno?!

a/n: this request was so detailed and creative, lots of credit goes to the amazing anon <3

please enjoy, especially dear anonnie who requested this, and thank you again~

// LEE HEESEUNG !

when heeseung first found out you didn’t know how to ride a bike, he started laughing

“seriously? that’s adorable,” he thinks for a moment, “and a perfect date idea.”

your eyes widened, “wait, what?”

there’s no turning back now

before you knew it, heeseung had ushered you to an empty parking lot, his bike being pulled along next to him the whole time

“yah, if i fall and break my back you’re paying for the hospital bill.” you mutter, arms crossed as you watch your boyfriend lower the bike’s seat to suit your height

he snickers, reaching into his backpack to take out his helmet, “you really think i’d let you fall? stop worrying and put this on.”

you huff in defeat, walking over to the boy and allowing him to buckle the helmet securely around your head

after continuing to baby you by helping strap on the elbow and knee pads, heeseung starts giggling uncontrollably

“you look like a little kid,” he coos in adoration

you pout, smacking his shoulder, “i don’t wanna hear it, you’re the one making me do this.”

heeseung doesn’t deny that, instead deciding to help you get up and onto his bike for the first time

“so, first make sure you always have a strong grip on both handles,” he instructs, guiding your hands in his up to the front of the bike, “and be careful not to lean your body to one side, or you’re just going to fall over.”

after explaining more of the basics, heeseung eventually allows you to begin pedalling for the first time, his hand protectively wrapped around your waist as he slowly jogs along next to you

“see, you already got it!”

“now i really feel like a little kid,” you laugh, continuing to slowly drive along the concrete

heeseung smiles in adoration, “you definitely look like one,” he teases playfully.

“let me take a picture for my lock screen,” he suddenly decides, removing his hand from your waist to pull out his phone

wait, he what

why the hell would he do that? you’ve only been on this thing for a minute and he thinks you’re ready to go?!

the second you no longer feel your boyfriend’s grip steadying you, you start losing control out of nervousness

“hee!” you scream as you begin zig zagging uncoordinatedly, attempting to slow yourself down

meanwhile this idiot was in the middle of opening his camera app, looking up to see you a frightening distance away from him and completely out of control

but luckily, this boy had some long ass legs

he sprinted over to you just in time, wrapping his arms around you to grab the handles right before you inevitably fell over

“never fear, your knight is here~” he says cheesily, as if you didn’t just almost fall to your death

you scoff, “you’re cringe.”

by the end of the day, you’ve become a bike riding pro with the help of a determined heeseung

you can successfully move on your own now, and heeseung took pride in it, saying it was his ‘amazing teaching methods’

you let him believe what he wants… 😒

// PARK JAY !

“y/n, swimming is a life lesson! what are you going to do if you fall off a boat?”

“y/n, swimming is a life lesson! what are you going to do if you fall off a boat?”

“uh, drown probably?” jay facepalms, “i don’t know, okay! i just never got put into lessons.”

that’s the backstory of how you found yourself at the public pool for the first time in years

well, it wasn’t exactly public anymore, as jay insisted on renting out the entire building just to give you swimming lessons

you were sitting at the edge of the pool waiting for jay to finish changing

when he finally comes out from the men’s shower room with a damn whistle around his neck

you can’t help but burst into a teasing chuckle, “yah, are you the new lifeguard or something?” you ask, not so subtly checking him out in the process

“nope, this is for teaching purposes only,” jay clarifies proudly, joining you at the edge of the pool

you decide to not question whatever that means as he helps you into the cold water, sighing in relief as you realize your feet can reach the ground

“i really feel like a little kid at swim class right now,” you sigh

“you pretty much are,” jay adds unhelpfully, suddenly turning you around so your back is pressed against his bare chest

gulping at the close contact, you watch as he grabs your arms in his hands and guides you, “first let’s just make sure you can float, since that’s the most important thing.”

jay demonstrates by lifting your arms up and down, while also instructing you to constantly move your legs back and forth

“there we go,” he watches proudly as you kick back and forth, suddenly moving backwards to leave you by yourself

out of nowhere, he blows his whistle making you yelp in surprise, “alright, now go touch the end and come back!”

excuse me

“yah! i just learned how to float you dumbass, how am i supposed to get all the way over there?” you demand, pointing to the other side of the pool in disbelief

he shrugs, “fine, let me show you how it’s done.”

of course, instead of teaching you jay ends up showing off for the next ten minutes doing fancy tricks and techniques in the water

“now this one is called the frog kick, basically you have to..”

“so for this technique, you have to put a lot of strength into your legs..”

“see how i angle my arms here? that’s because..”

finally, you cut in, “babe, can we start with like, doggy paddling before we get to all the complex methods?”

“oh,” jay realises, “yeah that’s probably a good idea.”

besides getting distracted and completely off topic every once in a while, your boyfriend was an amazing teacher

by the end of his lessons you could keep yourself afloat quite well, and even hold your breath while swimming to the other sides of the pool

after jay would definitely be telling this to the members, bragging about how good a teacher he is and that maybe he should quit being an idol to be a swim coach instead

then he’d go out and buy you goggles because apparently you weren’t done learning just yet

from now on, enjoy swim lessons with jay once a week !!

// SIM JAKE

there is one reason you and jake have shown up at the autumn carnival that you usually skipped every year

a brand new event has been opened

a corn maze.

not only that, there was a prize for the first team that could reach the middle of the maze and get the trophy:

free food coupons that were valid to be used anywhere else in the carnival

neither you or jake were ones to turn down free food

so as soon as your boyfriend found out about it, he practically dragged you there, insisting that it’d be ‘a piece of cake’

you agreed the whole thing sounded quite fun, it definitely made you feel like a little kid again looking up at the ridiculously tall, flowering corn that you’d have to be racing through

however, it seemed like a bunch of other couples had the same idea, lining up to get entrance tickets right behind the two of you

“it’s fine babe,” jake whispers, following your slightly worried glances at all your opponents, “we just have to assert dominance right off the bat by running in front of everyone else.”

you scoff, “yeah, then what’re we gonna do at the actual puzzles? you don’t even know what 7x8 is.”

jake gasps in offense, “wh— of course i do! it’s…” he trails off, a concentrated look on his face

“exactly,” you conclude, making jake pout in defeat

the beginning of the race went rather smoothly, while everyone else walked calmly through the entrance, you and jake sprinted past them like children, grinning competitively

“why are those losers walking anyway? don’t they wanna win?” jake asks out of breath

“maybe some people are just here to have fun instead of treating it as a life or death competition, couldn’t be us,” you shrug

yeah, you two were perfect for each other

soon enough you and jake have made it to the first checkpoint where if you want to get through, you have to answer a riddle on the screen

“what goes up, but never comes back down,” you read

“what kind of bullshit question is that? a balloon?” jake suggests

you type in his answer on the screen, but it only flashes red, signalling it was incorrect

after a few more minutes of failures, you both begin to get nervous at the sound of other contestants footsteps

“oh, i got it,” you suddenly smirk, typing in another answer

as soon as you finish writing in “age”, the light above the screen turns green

you grin proudly, taking jakes hand in yours to continue running through the maze

“i think i just fell in love with you,” he sighs dreamily

the rest of the checkpoints had puzzles of their own, but unfortunately for jake, none of them were anything physical

luckily, you ignored the boy calling you a ‘nerd’ as you were able to answer all of them yourself

it looked like you and jake had just won a marathon by the time you finally escaped the cornfield

you both came to a stop, panting and absolutely exhausted

“why were we even running? we were the only ones actually trying to win,” you huff with your hands on your knees, trying to catch your breath

jake shrugs, “it made it more fun in my opinion, even though i had to carry you halfway through.”

you smack his shoulder making him yelp, “don’t act like i didn’t get us through the actual hard part, you didn’t answer a single question!”

even if you guys continued bantering, all that mattered was the fact that you earned the prize

in you opinion you had mostly won because of your amazing puzzle skills featuring jake being confused in the background

but at least he piggybacked you through the maze when you got tired!

either way it was a hell lot of fun, and after you both enjoyed eating as much as you possibly could with your newly achieved food coupons <3

// PARK SUNGHOON !

“i have a really bad feeling about whatever you’re doing,” sunghoon grunts, watching you pull on your favorite yellow rain coat

you only snicker mischievously, searching deep through your closet until you pull out your matching rubber boots

“y/n, have you looked outside?” he mutters, putting his phone down entirely to continue watching you

it was an absolute downpour, not just any light shower outside

and all sunghoon knew was if you were planning to go out there, somehow he’d be coaxed into doing the same

and outside in a damn rainstorm was the last place he wanted to be right now

“why else would i be putting these on, dumbass?” you reply, gesturing to your boots

“now get over here and put on yours too,” you grin

“absolutely not,” your boyfriend says simply, picking up his phone again in an attempt to ignore you

however the sound of your loud boots stomping towards him made him gulp nervously

“hoonie,” you coo, “come outside and dance in the rain with me pleeeasseee~”

sunghoon was a weak, weak man

in a raincoat of his own, he found himself being pulled down the wet pavement by you, who was smiling a bit too brightly considering how ugly the weather was

the whole time he asked where you were even going, but you insisted that it was a surprise

when you finally stopped, sunghoon looked up to find the both of you in the middle of downtown, right in the town centre

the sidewalks lined with stores that were usually crowded were now solemn and empty due to the weather, the only sign of movement being the raindrops racing down the mini roofs covering each entrance

it was getting darker and darker too, the only source of light being the lampposts in each corner of the roundabout

you watch sunghoon look around, his mouth parted slightly in awe

you smile at his adorable expression, “i knew you’d love it, aren’t you glad you listened to me now?”

sunghoon swallows, pulling his hood higher over his head, “this seriously feels like a kdrama, how did you think of coming here?”

you shrug, “it looked pretty in the daytime, i wondered what it’d be like all silent at night,” you take his hands suddenly, making him look at you, “now c’mon, did you forget why we’re here?”

the next twenty minutes was full of giggles and smiles as you and sunghoon did all sorts of dancing around the town square

everytime you’d jump in a puddle, sunghoon would scold you and your childish antics, but eventually he gave up and began doing the same

you were both a soggy mess, absolutely drenched in water yet without a worry in the world

“babe!” you happily call out to your boyfriend who was adjusting his own rain boots behind you

sunghoon looks up, “yeah?”

he glances down, realising you’re standing in the middle of what could possibly be the biggest puddle he’s ever seen, resembling more of a mini lake

he starts laughing, “yah, seriously, how the hell did you get there?”

you grin back, “c’mere!” you shout back, making grabby hands towards him

he smiles, shaking his head in disbelief

only for you would he walk into a damn puddle in the middle of a rainstorm at 10pm

right as sunghoon takes his first step into the deep water, you suddenly lift your foot in his direction, splashing all the water onto his front

his jaw drops, hand coming up to wipe the water from his face, “you are so dead,” he swears, running towards you while you cackle, dashing the opposite way and leaving splashes of water behind each step

the chase didn’t last very long, as sunghoon easily outruns you, pulling you backwards and into his most definitely wet embrace

he turns you around, smiling instantly at the sight of your beyond happy expression before tugging your hood down

you gasp, doing the same to him, “if my hairs getting wet, so is yo-“

you’re interrupted by sunghoon sealing his lips to yours, hugging you closely as the rain continues to cascade down the both of your faces

you both stay like that for a bit, enjoying each other’s presence

but before it turns into a full on makeout session, he pulls away, “thanks for bringing me here, i swear i’ve never had more fun in my life.”

you roll your eyes, “yeah, if only you listened to me more you could experience more things like thi—“

*splash*

“park sunghoon!”

// KIM SUNOO !

you’re at an outdoor mall shopping with sunoo and jay

it’s been a pretty successful trip so far, having bought some new outfits and a few gifts for the other members

sunoo insisted on paying for pretty much everything you wanted, no matter how much you protested

meanwhile jay being the rich mf he is bought literally anything he set his eyes on

which is also how you guys ended up having to rent a whole wagon to carry all your bags

all three of you are continuing your journey outside the entrances to the stores when you suddenly notice a unique sign up front

“oh my god, guys look!” you squeal, making both jay and your boyfriend turn to see where you’re pointing at

sunoo gasps instantly, while jay groans

“plushie world!? that sounds amazing, we have to go there hyung!”

you nod along, watching jay take the wagon from sunoo’s hand, “i wouldn’t be caught dead in there, you two kids go and i’ll wait outside.”

he glances between the both of you once more, “and don’t you dare buy anything, it already looks like a ripoff from out here.”

“yes, dad,” you reply snarkily, watching jay walk ahead of the both of you to find a bench

sunoo seems unphased though, grabbing your hand in his and skipping along through the door

plushie world was, well, like the name suggests, absolutely full of plushies from top to bottom

shelves upon shelves of different animals with cute faces lined the walls, all of them well made and colorful

“i feel like a little kid again, this is literally heaven,” you grin, running to pick up an eagle plushie

you giggle, presenting it to sunoo, “baby look, it’s jay.”

he laughs, “we have to buy that for him, it’ll be so funny.”

“he’s going to kill us,” you pointed out, placing it into your basket anyway

your boyfriend suddenly gasps again, making you look over to see him now holding a penguin

“this is so cute, we have to get sunghoon hyung too!”

anyone can see where this is going

only a few minutes later, your basket is filled to the brim with plushies for every member

a cat for jungwon, a deer for heeseung, a cheetah for niki, and a dog for jake

the last one you added in was a fox for your boyfriend of course~

“and that totals to 122$ please,” the cashier states, making both your and sunoo’s jaws drop

“for- for seven plushies?” you wondered aloud

“yes, these plushies are extremely high quality and well made.”

sunoo gulps, putting in his card pin anyway

“maybe jay was right about this place being a ripoff,” you mutter, watching your ridiculously long receipt print out

*a few minutes later*

“one hundred!?” jay says, flabbergasted, “do you guys not know what price tags are? and not only that, i said don’t get anything!”

“but once we got one for you, it wouldn’t be fair if we didn’t get something for everyone else too,” sunoo explains, pouting

jay facepalms, watching as you shyly drop your bag of plushies into the already overflowing wagon

from that day on, sunoo and you were permanently banned from plushie world <\3

// YANG JUNGWON !

“you have to admit, zuko is kind of hot.”

jungwon rolls his eyes, “fine, maybe before he shaved all his hair off.”

you had begged your boyfriend to sleepover at your place tonight

and it was a pretty achieving night so far, as you’d successfully forced jungwon into binging avatar with you

because this uncultured mf hasn’t watched it before… imagine 🙄

but it was okay as he was absolutely invested in it now and you bonded over hating azula <3

you’d just finished watching the entire first arc when jungwon decided he wanted to go for a late night walk after his eyes started burning

his excuse was pretty valid, so here you both were, holding hands as you walked down the dimly lit sidewalk

“so i told sunoo hyung that he was overreacting because i seriously didn’t shower for that long, right? like, first of all i have to shampoo and condition twice, then i do body wash and shave so honestly, how is fourty minutes even—“ jungwon pauses mid-rant when he noticed your attention suddenly shifting to the left

he quickly bends forward to look over you, a small playground coming into view

without another word, he grins, dragging you across the road until you’re both stood in front of the giant playset

“wah, this takes me back to elementary school,” he sighs, releasing his grip on your hand to begin climbing up the rock wall

you giggle, taking the opportunity to smack his butt, making him yelp out and turn to see your playful expression, “you seriously need to stop doing that!”

you only continue laughing, climbing up yourself once he’s reached the platform

once you’re both on top of the playset, you turn to see a big, silver slide

“remember when other kids would put wood chips at the bottom to block your way?”

jungwon looks away from you shyly, “i may have been one of those kids.”

you look at him with disappointment, “that’s why i think zuko is hotter than you.”

your boyfriend gasps in offense, suddenly forcing you to sit down in front of the slide, flopping down behind you

“i’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” he deadpans, wrapping his arms around your waist

“okay, but i think we’re a bit big for this,” you acknowledge, watching as jungwon tries to squeeze his legs outside of yours on the tiny slide

“stop ruining the moment,” jungwon scolds, smirking like an idiot before beginning to push you both forward, “okay, three, two, one, go!”

the enjoyment lasted about well

two seconds as you and jungwon reach the bottom of the slide almost instantly

“that felt way more fun as a kid,” you whine

when jungwon doesn’t reply, you turn to see him already running to find a new source of entertainment at the monkeybars

you quickly catch up to him, watching as he swings from bar to bar, skipping one in between like a real show off

before he reaches the end, you don’t miss the opportunity to take out your phone and snap a few candid pictures of him

“jagi, you try now,” jungwon insists, pushing you towards the ladder, “i want pictures of you too. my lock screen of jay hyung snoring is getting kinda old.”

you gulp, anxiously walking over to begin climbing up the steps while staring down at the ground

jungwon, knowing you ever so well quickly catches on to your nervousness, putting his phone back into his pocket

“what’s wrong?”

you flush slightly, feeling embarrassed, “well—“ you look away from his worried gaze, “i never actually learned how to do this as a kid, i was too scared.”

the boy quickly smiles again, eyes turning into crescents, “you’re so cute,” he skips over to you excitedly, “i’ll help you, c’mon.”

“this is embarrassing, won!” you complain, gripping the first bar anyway

meanwhile jungwon stands behind you, helping you kick off the platform so you're now midair

“you look so cute, c’mon keep going! one hand in front of the other babe!” he grins, both hands still hovering near your waist in case you slip

slowly but steadily, you’d made it all the way to the last monkeybar with the help of jungwon’s encouraging praises

“one more!” he cheers, giggling a bit too excitedly

“my hands probably have about thirty blisters by now,” you mutter, finally swinging to the last bar before planting down onto the ending platform

jungwon suddenly slaps your butt, “woohoo! you did it! i’m so proud of you~”

“yah, why do i get a slap as my congratulation!?” you say, rubbing your backside and watching as jungwon giggles mischievously

“i only got my revenge,” he says sassily, pulling you in for a peck, “is that better you big baby?”

“yeah..” you look behind jungwon for a moment, barely making out a set of swings in the distance and grinning, “won, come push me!”

jungwon sighs happily, watching you run off towards the swingset

he was in for a long night at the playground

though if it was with you, he wasn’t complaining <3!

// NISHIMURA RIKI !

you and niki were at an amusement park, having set a goal to go on as many rides as possible before your tickets expired

so far you’d been on pretty much every roller coaster they had to offer, the whole ride niki would be laughing his ass off while you screamed for your life at each drop 😞

the both of you even went on the little kids carousel, ignoring the disapproving looks parents gave you as you climbed onto the horses and took selfies

next, like the children you were, you both decided to play rock paper scissors to decide who’d pay for the cotton candy

but luckily for you, niki was much too predictable

this idiot almost always played rock, and, just like you expected, he did

you easily beat him with paper, which led to niki grumpily pulling out his wallet now the both of you were continuing through the park with cotton candy in hand, trying to decide where to go next

looking at the colorful map, you smirk when you notice a giant black castle labelled “horror house”

“i bet you’re too scared to go in there,” you smirk at your boyfriend, pointing down to the drawing teasingly

the boy next to you looks over and scoffs, “a haunted house, seriously?”

“what? they can be really scary sometimes!”

niki ruffles your hair, making you frown at him in annoyance, “yeah ‘cause you’re a wimp. that place is for kids, why would i be scared of that?”

bro ate his words real fast

after about ten seconds of entering the house, some fake zombie statue jumped out of the darkness and sent niki absolutely screaming into your chest, which only scared the both of you even more

“i told you they were scary!” you yell, finding niki’s hand and gripping it nervously

niki sighs in relief once the zombie disappears, “that wasn’t even scary, really.”

you roll your eyes, continuing to walk cautiously through the house, “i just wanna get out of here now.”

he laughs at that, looking over to you and barely making out your side profile in the darkness, “don’t worry babe, i’ll protect yo—“

“niki,” you interrupt, suddenly going completely still

he stops next to you at the use of his real name, looking down to see your hand gripping his even tighter than before, “what?”

you don’t say anything, stepping backwards hesitantly

this mf still seems to be amused for some unknown reason, smiling and searching around the pitch black hallway to try and find what you were so scared about

finally, he notices a barely visible silhouette in the shadows, a masked figure with a clearly fake chainsaw

he chuckles, “c’mon babe, that’s just a statue, it- oh shit!” out of nowhere, the person started running towards you, the fake chainsaw turning on and buzzing loudly

you scream instantly, pulling your boyfriend along as you practically sprint the opposite way, the sound of the chainsaw getting closer edging you on

niki is having the time of his life, a bit scared himself but also laughing uncontrollably at your reaction

from next to you, you can see him turning his head around to make stupid faces at the person chasing you, still giggling like an idiot

“what is wrong with you!?” you yell, completely out of breath by the time you’ve both escaped the house

“that was amazing!” he exclaims, looking back to see the masked actor still there, waving goodbye

without hesitation, niki jogs back towards them, “can i get a picture?”

yeah, instead of asking if you were okay after just running away for your life, your boyfriend goes to take selfies with the enemy 😒

omg finally you reached the end *claps* if you enjoyed, commenting your thoughts n’ reblogging is always appreciated and motivating <3

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taglist: @duolingofanaccount @strawberry-sunset-skies @scented-morker

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[heliza24]

Daniel, Armand, and Keats???

Ok so the incredibly grainy footage of the new teaser has me spiraling! Devils minion on screen! But even more exciting, is Armand describing himself as “easeful death”, presumably to Daniel. Ok Rolin Jones, listen up. I don’t know a ton of literature by heart by I WAS a depressed and then chronically ill teen and early twenties person, who identified maybe a little too hard with romantic poet John Keats. Some of his poems are permanently tattooed on my brain. So I see what the writers are doing here. “easeful death” is from Ode to a Nightingale. The full line is: “Darkling I listen; and, for many a time/I have been half in love with easeful Death”. I mean. Come on.

I reread the poem after watching the trailer last night, and it’s actually SUCH a clever reference. It could practically be written by Daniel about Armand. We already know the writers room is familiar with and willing to reference other classic poets (Emily Dickinson absolutely is a vampire) so I think this is 100% intentional.

The narrator of the poem is tired of the difficulties of life and is longing for death; he speaks to the nightingale as a kind of immortal figure who is free from all cares. He is able to momentarily accompany the nightingale, at least mentally, as it flies and forget all troubles, but must come back to earth by the end of the poem. It’s pretty easy to read this as Daniel talking about Armand.

In fact, the first thing the speaker longs for is not death or the nightingale, but wine to take his mental pain away.

O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been

         Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth,

Tasting of Flora and the country green,

         Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth!

O for a beaker full of the warm South,

         Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,

                With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,

                        And purple-stained mouth;

         That I might drink, and leave the world unseen

And we know that Daniel was numbing himself with drugs when he first met Louis and Armand. In fact the voiceover in the trailer almost feels like a pitch to Daniel; Armand is saying “I’m better than the best drug you’ve ever had”, effectively.

The speaker is determined to forget what the lucky nightingale (or Armand) “hast never known”:

The weariness, the fever, and the fret

         Here, where men sit and hear each other groan;

Where palsy shakes a few, sad, last gray hairs,

         Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies;

                Where but to think is to be full of sorrow

The nightingale doesn’t know about the trials of living and aging, just like Armand. The speaker wants to forget about the inevitable “palsy shakes” that arrive with age. which could easily be a reference to what we now diagnose as Parkinson’s Disease.

At this point in the poem, the speaker tells the nightingale that he will join him in forgetting life not with the help of “Bacchus and his pards” (wine) but with “posey” (poetry). Which makes me think of Daniel using his writing to get closer to the vampires.

The fact that the speaker calls the nightingale “Darkling”! I mean what a perfect name for Armand. In fact I think this whole section is just perfectly about a vampire if you want it to be:

Darkling I listen; and, for many a time

         I have been half in love with easeful Death,

Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,

         To take into the air my quiet breath;

                Now more than ever seems it rich to die,

         To cease upon the midnight with no pain,

                While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad

                        In such an ecstasy!

         Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain—

                   To thy high requiem become a sod.

Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!

         No hungry generations tread thee down;

The voice I hear this passing night was heard

         In ancient days by emperor and clown

Armand was not born for death; he’s seen many an emperor and clown and in fact been both (leader of the coven, pretending to be Rashid). There’s also an emphasis on the nightingale’s song. I don’t know if Armand will be a musician at all in the show, but he and the coven are definitely performers.

In the last stanza, the speaker comes back to himself. He knows that he does not get to escape the burden of life for the ease of death, or at least not yet. It makes me wonder if Daniel will eventually turn down the gift at some point in the devils minion timeline. We know that he rejects Louis' mocking offer to give him the gift in the Dubai timeline.

Forlorn! the very word is like a bell

         To toll me back from thee to my sole self!

Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well

         As she is fam'd to do, deceiving elf.

Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades

         Past the near meadows, over the still stream,

                Up the hill-side; and now 'tis buried deep

                        In the next valley-glades:

         Was it a vision, or a waking dream?

                Fled is that music:—Do I wake or sleep?

The last line and the confusion about whether the time spent with the nightingale is a dream or not makes me think of Daniel waking up from the dream of Polynesian Mary’s.

In summary, Rolin Jones what the fuckkkkk. I’m so so excited about this season and all the Armand/Daniel content we’re about to get.

Oh also, as a bonus, if you want to hear Ben Whishaw recite the entire poem, and you definitely do, here you go:

#interview with the vampire #iwtv #my meta #devils minion #and john keats I guess! #armandaniel #interview with the vampire amc

[thecleverqueer]

Y’all.

The point of the Clone Wars flashback in the Ahsoka series was partially fan service. Yes. But, those of you that are mad that Obi-Wan and Cody and Waxer and Boil and Mace Windu and Ursa Wren and Gar Saxon and Maul and Bo-Katan Kryze and Rook Cast weren’t in it missed the whole goddamned point of the flashback, so let me explain:

Everyone has bitched tirelessly about Ahsoka being stoic and reserved and “not like herself” (I will die on the “she’s in her forties…leave my baby girl alone… she’s tired, sore and premenopausal…” hill, still…)

Ultimately, she’s been “out of character” because she was carrying all of the Anakin trauma around like a two hundred pound weight on her shoulders. She blamed herself, and she feared who she was so much so that she was unwilling to get close to others and spread the wisdom that the years have afforded her…something a Jedi just does. She couldn’t bring herself to do it.

Enter this sequence… the moment she FINALLY lets go of the Anakin guilt/ hang ups.

I knew something like this was coming. Some moment that changed her back to the more recognizable Ahsoka. The one that embraced her friends. The one that was willing to share the lessons that she learned with others. The one that would have loved to have a padawan of her own. The one that wasn’t always running away, being flaky.

This was it. And, there were two big takeaways from the moment.

1.) Anakin was always Vader, and Vader was always Anakin… and she had nothing to do with that. Her leaving the order played literally no role. It wasn’t on her. It never was. He was already teetering on that line way before she entered his life. I mean, he slaughtered an entire village of Tuskens down to the last woman and child. He said and did questionable shit to Ahsoka herself too throughout their time together. Was he like a brother to her? Sure. Was he borderline abusive at times? Also, yes. Regardless, her eyes were opened in that first battle…where he basically told her to fight or die. Fair, under the circumstances… still, Ahsoka was trained to be a Jedi, not a murderer. Anakin relished in it. She didn’t really, especially when it came to losing her own men in battle. The clones were her friends, her brothers. Anakin didn’t seem to give a shit about the clones. Unsurprising.

2.) She realized that it wasn’t just Anakin’s legacy that she would carry on. She has her own legacy. It doesn’t have to be one of death and destruction. Is Ahsoka a lot like Anakin? Yes. She’s impulsive, hot-headed, stubborn, emotional, and intense, but that’s not all. Ahsoka is caring, patient, understanding, and loving in a compassionate sense. She’s grown wise, strong and sage. Anakin isn’t the only part of her line and that legacy… Obi-Wan is a part. Qui-Gon is a part. Yoda is a part. Ahsoka is a little bit of all of them. It made her realize that she’s so much more than just a warrior. She’s a great Jedi like the ones that came before her. Inevitably, she has a choice. She can choose not to serve the dark, despite it being part of that legacy, and she can pass on what she has learned without fear.

The moment was about just that. It wasn’t meant to actually be an episode of The Clone Wars. The flashback served a very specific purpose as laid out above. There are 133 episodes of The Clone Wars if you want to watch a Clone Wars episode with all the characters of the Clone Wars. This moment was about Ahsoka overcoming her guilt and fear caused by Anakin becoming what he became so that Ahsoka could actually embrace who she is. Specifically.

Now we have a happy, more well-rounded, Gandalf-like Ahsoka that has slayed her Balrog. Now we get to see her be the Jedi she has always been inside. Now we will see her be there for her friends. Now we will see her mentor and share her wisdom and teach the ways of the ones that came before her without fear.

#star wars #ahsoka tano #the clone wars #ahsoka series #ahsoka spoilers #pro jedi #anakin skywalker #shadow warrior #because some of you missed the whole ass point #battle of ryloth #siege of mandalore #ahsoka the white

[horizon-verizon]

Alicent is such a pussy ass bitch, “the beacon burns green when House Hightower calls their banner to war,” she wore a green dress to Rhaenyra’s wedding to signal her allegiance to her house over her husband’s and as a call to arms, and since then, she wore GREEN EVERYDAY, but now that the war that she’s been instigating for 16 years pops off, she suddenly wants to wear blue, fuck off to the forest, and pretend like it’s not what she wanted. I truly can’t stand her mosquitamuerta ass.

"mosquitamuerta" -- I searched it up, means someone who 's doing something shady but makes themselves look innocent and not responsible for it.

Yeah, that's my other issue with Alicent. I have said several times how the green dress moment made no sense for several reasons[twitter, this one more about how she would never have chosen that particular dress], Alicent of episodes 6-7 show a "warring" Alicent. It's not just that she would never choose to wear that dress and not for the color, but it's that the writers nullified Alicent's whole arc of her becoming a true direct and rounded threat towards the blacks when we get to the 8th episode.

Or maybe they were forced to nullify it and make nothing of it after episode 7 bc they erroneously positioned the conservative "rebel". Or that it inevitably fell apart.

There is a huge difference b/t bk!Rhaenyra wearing her black dress in clear, broadcasted self-affirming defiance to the woman who is trying to get her removed from her position using her gender against her VS show!Alicent "rebelling" because Rhaenyra refused to endanger herself and tell the truth about her, Cole, & Daemon. Rhaenyra was not complying to those sexist calls made by both fans AND those who had to have been at court & went closer to the queen's party for her to just give up. This is itself a knock against patriarchy.

Whereas with show!Alicent--though yes she is clearly trying to convey she won't try to fit herself into the Targaryen family, work for the royal family's interests more, make herself more "Targ"--it is also true that she ends up still trying to genuinely [key word] trying to make Viserys comfortable, make herself his perfect wife, follow what she thinks was his wishes (and I'm talking about before he died and after episode 5), etc.. She, unlike red-black-dress-bk!Rhaenyra, is still sincerely trying to abide by the patriarchal feudal status quo's principles of wifely obedience/solicitation to punch down on Rhaenyra, the "rebel". Thus, yeah, Alicent's green dress moment just transitions into the downward spiral she vaults herself on.

It would have made way more sense for Alicent to confront Otto, the person who actually ruined her life by pimping her out to Viserys. No, she is in a repressed delusion and probably would never, but that's exactly my point--this moment is supposed to be a clarifying moment where we the viewer/reader see who has been the victim, who the harasser, who the protagonist, who the antagonist, who the beleaguered, who the harasser. Giving that to the woman who will unfairly abuse Rhaenyra for basically not complying with an abusive system as perfectly as she should is self defeating, opposite of what this story is about, and discourages female self assertion through a distortion and using a token woman to do that job for you. Look, it's a woman doing this, and a terribly abused woman, too, she has to be right! Rhaenyra is the one who should have "done her duty" and not lie to Alicent! Meanwhile, Alicent's father is trying to get Rhaenyra removed and Alicent, back in episode 3, did not tell Rhaenyra that Otto is basically forcing her to visit Viserys and become his wife. No, Alicent was telling her to not mind the political plots of the men, or mind men's business when Rhaenyra is heir (and must concern herself w/politics!) AND Otto is one of those Rhaenyra has to watch out for but Alicent is actively preventing her from doing so!! And not even purposefully, which does not make her impressive, but sad. Which isn't fun and a total downgrade from her orig self.

...Plus, Rhaenyra of the show didn't even understand wtf Alicent was doing with the green dress bc on her end she still thinks Alicent doesn't know bc Alicent has not let anyone know what Cole said to her...by contrast, it is likely that bk!Alicent understood Rhaenyra's message in her wearing the black dress at her anniversary.

That moment of episode 5 was peak gaslighting, male gaze, & manipulation.

#asoiaf asks to me #rhaenyra targaryen #daemon targaryen #alicent hightower #criston cole #hotd writing #hotd characterization #alicent's characterization #hotd episode 5

[nerdygaymormon]

A lot of rhetoric in support of anti-trans legislation to restrict gender-affirming care talks about regret and detransitioning.

Some proportion of people experience regret for any medical procedure, from chemotherapy to orthopedic surgery. Nonetheless, we don’t see a plethora of opinion pieces about the awful risks of hip replacements. It’s inevitable that some percentage of people who transition will regret it; the real question is whether the medical care is beneficial on the whole—not whether the occasional person later regrets a medical choice they made when younger.

In 2021, it was found that 13.1% of transgender people participating in the U.S. Transgender Survey reported detransitioning at some point in their lives.

The authors of this study are careful to note “these experiences did not necessarily reflect regret regarding past gender affirmation.” Family and societal pressure are the driving forces that lead many people to detransition – not because people wake up and decide they're not actually trans. All those who took part in the survey still identified as trans, thus it's presumed that the detransitioning was temporary.

Transitioning and detransitioning is complex. You can stop taking hormones and still be trans. You can regret taking steps that alienate you from your family, even as you wish your family would accept you living how you want to live. You can even regret some aspects of a treatment (any kind of medical treatment) while being grateful for the knowledge you gained by trying it out.

Detransitioning doesn't equal regret. Regret doesn’t always mean that people wish they hadn’t transitioned, it just means that there are some parts of the story that they long to change.

What’s clear from this evidence is that the vast majority of people do not experience regret, however defined, after transitioning genders. The rate of regret is still better than other treatments which don’t require national debates over their use, which really begs the question of why the health decisions of this group gets so much attention, and why so many people weigh in even though they have no medical or psychological training and aren't directly involved the treatment of transgender people.

————————————————————

The study included a sample of the responses of the reasons by those who detransitioned at some point in their life. I think they are insightful.

External factors

 Caregiving reasons “I was caring for my 80+ year old mother who had severe dementia, and it was just too confusing for her.”

 Difficult to blend in as identified gender “I don't pass, even after FFS [facial feminization surgery] etc.”

 Financial reasons “Unable to afford HRT [hormone replacement therapy]”

 Lack of support “Lack of trans community at the time” “Back in 1997, virtually no one had heard of queergender people. I couldn't find a support system, and I couldn't figure out how to tell people what I was.”

 Legal reasons “Social services legal pressure regarding child custody” “Forced to by going to federal prison for two years” “Family court order—part of custody award”

 Medical reasons “Blood clotting from estrogen” “Pain in binding large chest”

 Fertility reasons “We decided to have kids so [I] went back to testosterone long enough to bank sperm so we can do IVF [in vitro fertilization].”

 Pressure from a medical health professional “Parents took me to a region with hostile doctors.” “Medical supervisor at federal facility removed regional-approved treatment because I didn't fit his idea of ‘a gay man so gay [he] wants to be a woman so it's easier to sleep with men’ after I had identified as lesbian to him.”

 Pressure from a mental health professional “Mental health professional told me I am not transgender and thought I was just crazy.” “In those days you couldn't be diagnosed trans if you were also gay or lesbian.”

 Pressure from a parent “Moved home after college. Had to conform for parents.” “I was facing being pulled out of school by my family.”

 Pressure from the community or societal stigma “With the high level of transphobia that exist[s], life gets very lonely.” “I live in a very conservative place and was afraid for my safety.”

 Pressure from my employer “There are times when my current job requires me to present [as] female.”

 I had trouble getting a job “I flip flopped genders because of needed employment.”

 Military-related reasons “Military forced me to detransition while in service.”

 Pressure from friends or roommates “Staying with people I knew would harass me”

 Pressure from unspecified or nonparent family members “Visiting conservative extended family for the holidays” “I temporarily detransition during visits with my in laws.”

 Pressure from religion or a religious counselor “Religious pressure (Mormon)” “Pressure from religion”

 Pressure from school “School staff harassed and abused me daily for my gender expression.” “Exclusion by Peers in School, No Mechanism for Getting Preferred Name on School Rosters”

 Pressure from a spouse or partner “I began to really clearly identify as transgender … but I realized it was pushing my marriage apart. At the time, I decided to try living as my assigned gender and set these feelings aside, but they kept cropping back up.”

 Wanting to find a spouse or partner “My partner of 4 years and I split up and I felt that I would always be alone as a trans person.” “Difficult to find lovers, dates”

 Sexual or physical assault “Traumatized by corrective rape so recloseted” “I have become frightened of the police since being sexually molested by an officer.”

 Sports-related reasons “Playing competitive sports”

 Travel or relocation “North Dakota is not a friendly place for anyone outside the gender binary. When I go back home, I butch up.” “I was studying abroad in a country hostile to LGBTQ* people (Russia).”

 Unable to access gender-affirming hormones “Living in rural area, couldn't get hormones” “I lost access to HRT and stopped passing.”

Internal factors

 Psychological reasons “Wasn't emotionally ready, I was scared of my identity.” “Transition had to be put on hold due to mental health issues.” “suicide attempt”

 Uncertainty or doubt around gender “Unsure of my exact gender identity” “Thought I might have been wrong/confused”

 Fluctuations in identity or desire “My gender feels complicated and changing all the time.” “I enjoy having the ability to go back and forth between genders.”

Note: internal factors can be the result of external factors (e.g., self-doubt regarding one's gender identity in response to being persistently misgendered or rejected).

#transgender

[poledancingdinos]

Hostile Territory - Chapter 18

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Leah Coleman)

Word count: 3.1K

Warnings: grief, past loss

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @persephonepraxidikechthonios @enchantedbytomandhenry @narnianaos   @geralts-yenn @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @sillyrabbit81 @summersong69 @identity2212 @liecastillo @lena-banena @mrsevans90 @confessionbrain-writings @eclecticfashionbookszipper @happydistraction @hannah9921 @valacircareads @toooldforobsessions

Masterlist

Day 202

Leah’s first stop after getting off the plane was her childhood home. Her second stop was the cemetery.

She walked along the path she had come to know by heart. The land was not very big and was surrounded by a line of trees to shield it from the nearby road. She came to a stop in front of the fourth headstone of the thirteenth row on the left.

“Hey Dad.” Leah set her bag down on the grass, kneeling beside it. “I’m sorry it’s been so long since my last visit. I’ve been moving around for the better part of the last three years and I haven’t had many opportunities to come home.”

Leah pulled a packet of wipes out of her backpack and began cleaning her father’s headstone. The lawn around it was well maintained by Caleb but the recent weather had left splatterings of mud on the smooth surface. Once she finished her task, she sat down facing the inscription, lifting her knees to her chest.

Gage ColemanDearly Loved,Sadly Missed,Forever In Our Hearts

She and Caleb had agonized over what to write. The man at the funeral home had shown them a bunch of examples for “loving father” and “taken too soon” but none of them had felt right.

A dozen men whose lives he had saved overseas had shown up to his funeral. There were two dozen more from the VA, the dog shelter, his work and Caleb’s year in school.

Leah and Caleb may have been his only living relatives, but they hadn’t been his only family.

“I’ve been so lost since you’ve been gone, Dad. It’s been so hard finding my place.” Leah buried her face in her hands, choking on a sob. “All I ever wanted when I was younger was to be like you. It hurt so much knowing you never wanted this life for me.”

Leah took a moment to brush her tears away with the sleeve of her hoodie, fixing her gaze on her father’s name.

“But I think I get it now—why you didn’t want me to follow in your footsteps. It’s not easy. Actually, it’s been really fucking hard, but I just know that this is what I’m supposed to be. I hope you’re not too mad.”

Leah didn’t want to spend her entire visit with her father in a blubbering mess so she blew her nose on a tissue from her bag and took a few calming breaths.

“I, uh… I met this guy. He’s more than just some guy, really, he’s my captain. I know, I know, it’s a recipe for disaster. I think if you met him he’d change your mind though.” Smiling to herself, Leah remembered how Sy had said he and her father would probably get along. She was sure her father would agree.

“I mean, Aika—she’s a german shepherd we rescued—Aika loves him and you always said dogs were the best at judging character. I think I might be in love with him and I… I’m so scared, Dad. I’m scared of what might happen if I do this but I’m also scared that if I don’t take this chance, I’ll regret it forever.”

After a few terrible attempts at dating after high school, Leah had somewhat given up on the idea of finding someone to share her life with. She was so independent and bullheaded that she didn’t think she would ever manage to make a relationship work. Then there was the whole fear that a guy would never be satisfied with her and would always inevitably cheat on her as had happened before.

“Were you happy, Dad? After mom left and you were all alone with us, were you happy? Maybe I was just a clueless kid and you were this big ladiesʼ man but based on the lack of female presence at your funeral, I don’t think that was the case. Sometimes I wonder if you were lonely without a girlfriend. I hope you didn’t feel like that was a sacrifice you had to make for us but if it was then… Thank you. Thank you for always putting us first. Thank you for being such an amazing dad.”

An alarm on Leah’s phone informed her that it was time to head back to the house. Caleb was going to be home for dinner and she wanted to have food ready and waiting on the table so that they didn’t have to worry about anything but catching up and enjoying their time together.

Leah stood, packing up her trash and getting the dirt and grass on her jeans.

“I love you, Dad.”

Sy’s welcome dinner with his family was as uneventful as ever. He hadn’t expected some big shindig but he had pictured a tad more enthusiasm. Never had he felt so much like a stranger in his own home as he did at that moment.

His nieces and nephews were barely old enough to remember him since the last time he’d visited. It was also a school night so his sisters had taken the kids home right after dessert. His brothers had stayed a while longer but once the youngsters had fallen asleep, they and their wives had also gone home to put them down in their own beds.

After helping them carry the kids to the car, Sy spent another few minutes talking to the twins before retreating to the porch. His brothers had only been twelve when he left and now they were both fathers. He’d spent more than half their lives away from them.

The screen door slamming alerted Sy to his mother’s presence, drawing him out of his thoughts. She dropped down by his side on the porch swing, not saying a word for a long time.

“I’m so sorry, honey.”

Sy was taken aback, turning to face his mother.

“For what?”

Sy racked his brain, looking for a reason as to why his mother would want to apologize but he came up blank. When she looked up, her eyes were red and brimmed with tears. A million different thoughts slammed into him, filling him with dread but none of them had prepared him for what she eventually said.

“For not helpin’ ya more when you were young.”

He knew instantly what she was referring to but he’d never expected her to mention his childhood, much less apologize for any of it. In fact, he didn’t think his mother had anything to apologize for but by the looks of things, the guilt had been eating away at her for quite some time.

“Mama, ya had two other boys who needed ya more than I did.”

She shook her head, wrapping her shawl tighter around her shoulders.

“No,” she said adamantly. “Ya needed me just as much as they did but I didn’t see it because ya always acted so strong. I wasn’t the mother ya needed me to be. I wasn’t there for you.” The sobs she’d been trying to suppress finally broke free, prompting her to lift a hand to her mouth. Sy watched, feeling utterly powerless as the women who’d raised him fell to pieces right in front of his eyes. “I didn’t see it and maybe if I had and I’d been a better mother then then ya would never have enlisted. You would be safe here with your family instead of out there, riskin’ your life and worryin’ me sick every second of every day.”

Hearing those words, Sy pulled his mother into his arms, her tears soaking his shirt as he held her. He hated hearing that she blamed herself for his shortcomings. Knowing that his parents had their reservations about his career and hearing that his choices actively caused them pain were two very different things.

“None of this is your fault, Mama. Ya can’t know that things woulda been any different.”

“Yes, I can.” She pulled away enough to hold his face with both hands. “You are so smart, baby. Ya coulda done anythin’ ya wanted, ya just needed a little more help in school than the others. Maybe if we’d caught on while you were still young we coulda found a way to make things work and ya wouldn’t have fallen so far behind.”

Sy closed his eyes, leaning his forehead against his mother’s.

“Mama, I never regretted joinin’ up. I love you and I know me being away is hard for ya—it’s hard for me too.” He pulled back to lock eyes with his mama’s. “But I never regretted it.”

“But maybe ya wouldn’t have felt like the army was your only choice. Maybe ya coulda gone to college right after high school, met a nice girl and been around long enough to give me a few grandbabies.”

Sy couldn’t help but huff at that last comment. Even when she was breaking down she was your typical southern mother—so full of love that she wanted as many grandkids as possible to share it with.

“Ya already have six grandbabies, Ma,” he admonished.

“That’s true, but I wouldn’t mind havin’ a mini you runnin’ around.” She pulled him down to kiss his cheek then wrapped both hands around his biceps to rest her head on his shoulder.

Sy kissed the top of her head in return, smelling the familiar fruity scent of her shampoo. She’d been using the same brand for as long as he could remember. In fact, when he was a teenager he’d asked his father to buy a different kind because he didn’t want to smell like a girl.

It was strange to think there was a time where his biggest concern was what he smelled like. Or that there was a time where his hair was long enough to warrant using shampoo instead of bar soap. He’d given up almost everything that tied him to a life outside the army but maybe it was time to make a few exceptions.

“I uh… I don’t know that babies will be involved, but there is this one girl that caught my eye.”

His mother immediately perked up, as he knew she would. 

“Oh?” she wiped her cheeks. “And what’s her story?”

“Her name is Leah and she… Well she’s one of my soldiers. She was assigned to my unit a few months ago.”

“Wow. She must be a real tough girl to make it into the special forces.”

Sy nodded. “But she’s got a good heart too. She’s an artist, she loves dogs and she’s real close with her brother ‘cause they’re each other’s only family.”

“Ya sound real smitten,” she teased, nudging his side.

“I guess I am.” Sy managed a half smile as he turned his gaze downward. “I just wish I’d had more time with her before she got on her flight to Denver but maybe it was better this way. If we got together while she’s still my subordinate and someone on base found out it could ruin both of our careers.”

“If she’s the one for you, ya can’t let her go. Who knows when you’ll have another chance like this. I think you should go after her.”

Looking out over the yard of his childhood home, Sy considered his mother’s suggestion. It had always been a little wild and unkept when he was young. His little brothers’ toys had always been strewn about, his own bike laying amongst them more often than not.

Now, however, the lawn was neatly trimmed. His mother had planted lush flower beds that were in full bloom and pruned daily. Even the house itself was unrecognizable after a few necessary renovations. At least the ceiling in his old bedroom no longer leaked when it rained.

He wanted that for himself. A place to call his own. Somewhere to return to. A house that would change over time and age with his family. He wanted a home. Hopefully one with Leah in it.

He shook himself out of his reverie. “Mama, I haven’t been home in almost two years. I can’t run off after less than twenty-four hours.”

“Nathan, sweetie, if you feel this strongly then there’s nowhere else I want you to be than with her. I want to see you happy.”

She stood from the porch swing, tapping him twice on the knee.

“Take the night and sleep on it, but I have a feeling your heart already knows what it wants.”

Sy nodded in acceptance, standing to kiss his mother on the cheek and pull her into another embrace.

“I want you to know, baby, that I am proud of the man ya grew up to be. It scares me to death that I might lose ya but that don’t mean I’m not as proud as can be that you’re my son.”

With that, she said goodnight before heading inside.

His mother was right, Sy didn’t need to think another second whether or not he wanted to go after Leah. He wanted to jump in his truck and head out on the road but he also had no idea where to go.

Sy pulled his cell out of his pocket, tapping the screen and bringing the device to life. It was late, nearly midnight, but with any luck the man he needed to reach would see his message somewhere between when he stumbled out of the bar and when climbed into bed with whatever man or woman would be warming his bed that night.

To Sy’s surprise, his phone lit up with an incoming call as soon as the message had been delivered.

There was noise in the background as he answered, some classic rock song Sy couldn’t quite hear clearly enough to recognize it.

“Why do you need Coleman’s info at this time of night?” BJ was shouting over the music but soon the sound faded, letting Sy know that he had walked out of the bar to take the call.

“Whatever business I have with Coleman is between us. Do you have her address or not?”

“Really? You ask me for a favor and you’re gonna give me that bullshit?”

Sy knew it wasn’t fair of him. Especially since BJ had trusted him enough to confess his own biggest secret. He was the only person that knew BJ was bi. They’d lost a man a few years back and it had sent BJ into a spiral. That was when he’d confessed that the two of them had grown to be more than teammates.

If anyone was going to understand how he felt about Leah, it was BJ.

“I need to see her. I need to see if she feels the same about me as I feel about her.”

“And how exactly do you feel about her?”

The Captain sighed, sinking down into the porch swing. “You really gonna make me say it?”

“Damn straight I am.”

He scrubbed a hand over his beard which was overdue for a good trim.

“I need to know if… If she’s willin' to give us a shot. If she can’t stop thinkin’ about me the same way I can’t stop thinkin' about her.”

Sy held his breath as he waited for a response. A moment passed. Then another.

“I’ll text you her info when I get home. It’s on a scrap of paper in my pack.”

With a relieved exhale, Sy said a silent prayer to whatever god was listening.

“That’s it? No follow up questions? No snarky comments?”

“Na, I’m just glad you finally got your head outta your ass. Your moping around was getting real fucking old.”

“I really owe you for this BJ.”

“Make me the best man at your wedding and we’ll call it even.”

An image of Leah in a white gown walking down the aisle towards Sy suddenly flashed through his mind and he groaned inwardly. Fuck. He really liked that image.

“She can make you her maid of honor. I’m sure you’d look great in a fluffy pink dress.”

“Don’t think I won’t do it, Sy. I fucking love that girl, I’d do it if she asked.”

A door slammed closed somewhere on the other end of the line, a muffled male voice following shortly after. “Babe, why’d you disappear on me? I turned around and you were gone.”

“Sorry, it’s my captain. Give me a sec. Sy, I gotta—”

“All good man. Thank you.”

“Keep me posted on how it goes.”

With a brief goodbye, they hung up and Sy made his way back upstairs. He quickly used the washroom and slid between the sheets of the queen bed his parents had purchased specifically for him.

The other two bedrooms had been turned into a craft room and a proper guestroom. His, however, had been saved for these rare moments when he made it home. He’d been the only one to have his own room growing up. The girls had shared one and the twins shared the other. It must have been the only blessing of being the middle child.

They’d changed it, of course, clearing out any clutter and moving it to the attic in case Sy ever wanted to go through it all. His first time back home following his enlistment, he’d had to squeeze his newly acquired muscle into his old twin bed. His parents had taken pity on him, investing in a bigger bed despite knowing it would barely get used. They’d also elected not to remove the posters of half naked women he’d put up when he was fourteen.

Sarah Michelle Gellar had been his number one crush at the time. It seemed his tastes hadn’t changed much—strong, sassy, independent.

His phone buzzed on the nightstand and he was happy to see an address from BJ. Sy immediately booked a flight to Denver for the next morning. He was able to find a last minute car rental as well but decided to wait before booking a hotel.

Maybe it was presumptuous of him but he hoped he’d be able to stay with Leah even if it was on her couch. He still checked availability at a few local motels then set an alarm early enough to give him time to pack some clothes and get his duffle ready. He was not going to risk missing his flight on the off chance that his body managed to sleep past sunrise the next morning. That was, if his impatient ass managed to sleep at all.

Chapter 19

#captain syverson #captain syverson fic #captain syverson fanfiction #captain syverson fanfic #cpt syverson #cpt syverson fic #cpt syverson fanfiction #henry cavill #cpt syverson fanfic #cpt syverson x ofc #captain syverson x ofc

[veeisdunn]

Distractions

This is a sequel to You and me

Arthur Shelby x sister!reader

warning: description of self-harm scars

WC: 2.4K

MASTERLIST

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

You were having a crisis. It had been around two weeks since your attempt and you had done so well, but then you nearly fucked it up. You felt like you were stuck in a cruel conundrum. If you spoke to a family member, they would probably end up hiding all sharp objects which would certainly make them resent you even more than they already did. Alternatively, if you didn’t, they would be immensely disappointed to inevitably discover that you’d broken your promise in a little under twenty days.

Deep down, you knew the right thing to do. You desperately craved the comfort of your twin, Finn, but he was fuck knows where doing fuck knows what.

Maybe he doesn’t want to be around me.

Deep down, you knew this was a stupid assumption, but your irrational side was screaming at you: You are dragging him down.

“It’s you and me, Y/N.” Did he still mean it? After all these years?

Fuck, I need help I need help.

You pulled your aching body off your groaning bed, your bones clicking after being curled in an unnatural position for the best part of a day. You resolved to sweep the house, if no one was there to help her, you'd give in and relapse. But, if someone was there, you'd keep her promise to Tommy.

You secretly wished Ada still lived with you and didn’t run off to London. Your elder sister offered her vital comfort on the phone after Polly told her what had transpired. 

“I need you, Y/N. I can’t deal with all these Shelby men without my Shelby girl.” 

You could ring Ada, but she didn’t want to disrupt Karl’s day by upsetting his mum, or god forbid cause Ada to put her life on hold and visit.

Your fragile frame trudged down the creaky wooden stairs, the home where you grew up. You once chased your brothers up these stairs as a child - before the world went to shit; but now they’ve all moved out, even Polly had a house. It left just you and Finn, along with any visiting family member or friend. The house was so dead and empty. Selfishly you missed when the whole family was under one roof - before the war. 

You snapped yourself out of your reminiscing, now was no time for fantasies. 

“Y/N?” A gruff voice called out from the living room - Arthur - shit. 

As much as you idolised your eldest brother, you never had any deep, emotional talks due to your wide age gap (twenty-one years, to be precise) along with your fear surrounding Arthur’s addiction and his anger. Things only got worse whenever he and his wife fought. That’s probably why he was there.

“Y/N, love?” He repeated. 

You cautiously shuffled towards the oak door of the living room and shoved it open. Immediately, you were hit with a wall of warmth and the stench of cigarette smoke.

“I’ve been waiting on ya. Thought you’d lock yourself up there forever.” Arthur sighed, putting his cigarette out and discarding it in the glass ashtray on the table. He glanced up at you and saw the all too familiar feelings of despair and sadness flooding your face. The pain radiated off you. It crushed him to see that you were feeling the same anguish he once felt. Despite his eyes on you, you remained still.

Arthur shifted over and gestured to the sofa next to him, a pleading look in his eyes. You hesitated, but then caved and sunk down next to him. His aura engulfed you like a blanket.

“What’s going on little’un?” he questioned, attempting to expel the gruff undertone from his voice

“Nothing. I - I just wanted to say hi.” you mumbled in response, evidently lying.

Arthur didn’t respond. He instead gave you a look, as if to say “bullshit.”

“I just…” Your voice broke “I don’t want to be alone right now.” You sniffled, not looking him in the eyes, instead focusing on your knees.

He sighed. He desperately wanted to help you, he empathised, but it was sometimes hard to force the words out. What would Tommy do? What would Polly do? What would Ada do?

“Then, let’s stay here together.” he half-smiled, you only hummed in response. 

“Can you - can we talk about this?” Arthur stammered, immediately regretting his word choice. “I mean - do you want to talk about it?” 

You didn’t respond, you stayed still. Your rational brain was telling you to spill everything, vomit your thoughts up. However, your darker side wanted your thoughts to stay locked alone.

Your fear was palpable. You wanted Finn. You and Arthur had never spoken about this. When he found out about your attempt, he broke into a fit of rage, leaving a trail of destruction - smashed glass, dented furniture - behind him. To his credit, he did try to apologise to you, but you remained silent throughout the ordeal.

"Sister." Arthur choked "I'm sorry for scaring you. I was just in my rage, you know? But… but not at you! just myself." 

You glanced up at him, tears silently falling down his cheeks. You had no words left in you, so you did the only thing you could: held him. It was ironic because really you were the one who needed comforting right now, but you knew Arthur was in just as deep shit as yourself.

"I - I just feel…" your voice whispered out to him "I feel like a failure." 

Immediately, the older man's bloodshot eyes widened. Had she - ?

"What did you do? It’s ok." He sure didn’t sound like it was ok.

"I swear, nothing, yet."

"Can I have a look?" 

Arthur hadn't actually seen but your self-inflicted injuries were described to him in vivid detail by a very traumatised Finn. Despite this, nothing could have prepared him for what he was about witness, physical evidence making the gravity of your situation more real.

You were far too embarrassed to reveal your handiwork to him, so you instead rested your wrist on his leg to let him discover them.

"my jumper" he smiled, "but it smells too clean."

You chuckled through your pouring tears.

Cautiously, he lifted up the cuff. It revealed a few large, burning scabs, still outlined by a deep crimson. It also revealed the start of Tommy's row of stitches. The cut couldn't be as long as they said, right?

Arthur looked up at you for some kind of reassurance, but your eyes were locked on your arm. He leaned in closer to your shaking body and continued. 

The black channel of parallel lines seemed to never end. He continued to slide up your sleeve, nearing your elbow. Anyone could tell how bad the cut was by the deep channel forming between the two sides. It almost looked like a stab wound, but way too large. As the sleeve bunched up and rested on your elbow, the forming scar ended.

"shit." Arthur mumbled in disbelief "can I check the other?" 

The process on your right wrist was considerably faster. Much to Arthur's relief, it was still populated by the old scarring he'd been warned of. Horizontal, raised bumps ran across your arm. In a messed up way, it reminded him of trenches on the battlefield.

"D'ya promise there ain't no others?" he spoke in a low, soothing voice. You nodded your head rapidly. "I'll get Finn or Polly to check fully later, ok?" 

"thank- thank you" your voice shook

"So, why're we feeling like a failure, ay?"

"Because, I - I just can't be strong. I'm meant to be strong." you cried 

"says who?" Arthur countered

"I - just everything. You are all strong, and I can't do it." 

"You think I'm strong? I can assure you I'm no different to you, same with Tom."

You looked up, shocked at his forwardness.

"This," Arthur picked up your stitched wrist and held it tendering in his cracked hand "this is just a physical sign of the pain you feel. We all feel pain. We all do stupid shit because of it, there ain't nothing to be ashamed of in this family." 

You let a small smile tease the edge of your lips. Your were scared Arthur hated you for it, but he clearly cared way more than you'd realised.

"There's that smile, ay?" Arthur cooed, your eyes locking.

"I thought you hated me." you sobbed, confused.

He was taken aback to hear those words coming from your mouth. He and Polly raised you and Finn. He could have sworn you were a little child last year, but now you was all grown up and in a lot of pain. 

"yeah? says who? don't listen to those voices, listen to me, ok?" He gripped your shoulders with his hands and pulled you in so your faces were nearly touching. "I love you, I love you so much" 

His tender words made you lose it. You were surprised that you even had tears left, resting your forehead against his shoulder. Arthur wrapped his arms tightly around you and patted your back rhythmically, humming something incoherent. 

"I'm sorry I made you mad with yourself, Arthur. I swear none of this is your fault." You gazed back up at her older brother, guilt clouding your vision. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you when we spoke before, you must have felt bad." 

He didn't respond, just shushed you and kept a reassuring hand on your back. They remained in that position until your cries subsided and Arthur had composed himself. 

He let out a strained cough to clear his throat of tears and tobacco. "What are we going to do ay? Gotta keep your big mind occupied." 

You knew what you desperately wanted: Finn. But you hated to admit that to Arthur. Finn needed a break. You didn't want Arthur to think you didn't want him. 

"Can we go on a walk?" You asked, yearning for fresh air and a change of scenery

He slapped his knees and stood up slowing. "I probably need the exercise anyway for the ole lungs" 

You laughed again. 

Arthur trudged to the door, throwing on his trench coat and cap. You shuffled behind him and wrapped your coat around your body, enjoying its warmth and softness - one of Ada's posh hand downs. 

Outside, the frigid evening air enveloped Watery Lane, however the setting sun cut through the fog leaving an amber haze.

“Where’re we off to then, Y/N?”

You hummed in thought, “The Cut? It should be quiet.”

And you were off, your elbows interlinked. Arthur rambled about nearly anything he could think of - mostly Linda. You enjoyed hearing your troubled brother talk about his future - how he want a baby and a quaint house in the country. 

“And I want you there playing in the grass with little Arthur junior!”

“And what if it’s a girl?”

“Little Linda! I dunno!”

He told you stories of you and Finn as small children. How Arthur would bounce Finn on his shoulders or chase you around the house in circles, much to the dismay of literally everyone else (Polly). You spoke about how during the war, if there was a problem, you and Finn would play “What would Arthur/Tommy/John do?” (depending on the day) where you would pretend to be your older brothers; going so far as to wear their clothes. 

For a minute, you forgot why you were in all of this mess to begin with. Life was so simple. As the two of you walked along the cut, you gazed at your reflection in the murky water. You were so much older now, there was so much more at stake. 

“Gotten quiet now? What are you thinking?” Arthur stopped and turned to face you. 

“I wish we could all go back.” You sighed longingly, looking up into your brother’s face. In all your memories, he’s a twenty-something year old playing father to you and Finn - now he was in his forties. 

After that revelation and some tears (from both of you), you somehow ended up at the Garrison. Typical Shelbys. After ordering a drink each from the flustered barmaid, you slipped into the snug where Finn and Isiah were deep in a drunken game of cards. After your entrance, Finn perked up, his cap nearly falling from his head.

“My favourite Shelbys!” Finn slurred, stumbling to embrace you both.

“I’d be careful where you say that mate!” Isiah laughed, clumsily slamming his cards onto the table and taking a swig of a beer.

Arthur thoroughly enjoyed the sight of Finn drunk off his head “and how many deep are we, ay?” he chuckled, settling down on the bench.

“How many what?” Finn frowned, dragging you to his side of the table.

“Drinks, Finn, drinks.” You joined Arthur in his amusement 

“Ooooh! I dunno.” He shrugged over dramatically in response, wrapping his arm around you. “What I do know is that I’m winning now with my new teammate.”

“I am NOT helping you gamble, Finn.”

The night eventually wound down and concluded with you helping Finn stumble home, him slurring incoherent nonsense about some girl he fancied. You found it funny how he was technically your younger brother (by a few minutes) yet he was the drunk one. 

You dragged Finn over the threshold of your home, the second you let go of him to lock the door he collapsed unceremoniously onto the stairs with a thud. You yanked his shoes off and practically dragged him into the living room, relighting the fire Arthur had started earlier knowing Finn wouldn’t make it up the stairs in this state.

You'd barely turned your back before Finn was fast asleep, curled up like a child on the sofa. You settled down on the floor next to him and gazed into the popping fire. Within minutes, the radiant warmth sent you into a slumber.

Tommy came by the next morning and let himself in. His heart swelled at the sight of his two youngest siblings sleeping peacefully in the living room. Finn had gradually made his way onto the floor and was lying down next to you, your hands intertwined.

He considered waking you both up but instead resorted to spreading a blanket over you, taking the time to admire the calm atmosphere.  As long as they have each other, he thought, they will be alright.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

please drop me a comment or message with any feedback or suggestions! I'd love to hear from you ♡

Vee x

MASTERLIST

#peaky blinders #peaky fucking blinders #thomas shelby #tommy shelby #shelby #finn shelby #angst #hurt #comfort #shelby sister #peaky fookin blinders #cillian murphy #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinder imagine #imagines #peaky blinder imagines #shelby sis #tw self harm #peaky blinders x sister!reader

[itsclydebitches]

Continuing my perhaps delusional argument/hope that Ted permanently returning to Kansas is just a red herring, I was thinking about our references and callbacks this episode. Specifically, how they don't paint Kansas in a positive or unique light.

The Wizard of Oz pinball game is definitely the most on-the-nose nod to his return, yet in the scene itself Ted is literally refusing to play.

When we get a closeup on the machine we're shown Dorothy's house spinning out of control. That is, a moment when she leaves Kansas for the bright world of Oz, not the ruby slippers of her return.

Similarly, Beard loses his game before Ted walks over. The ending of the Wicked Witch is one wherein Dorothy (Ted) does not go back home.

(I'm not entirely sure what to do with this one yet, but having Mae quote "This Be the Verse" is certainly A Choice. Though I think the overall message -- people, specifically parents, will inevitably hurt their kids -- is an uplifting and very relevant argument within Ted Lasso's heartfelt context -- ergo we should acknowledge that we'll never be perfect while still striving to improve -- but that last line? Oof. "Get out early as you can / And don't have kids yourself"? That's not the proposed solution I'd expect for an episode that was sending Ted back to his son for good. Obviously Ted already has Henry, but it may be significant that Mae eschews a generic 'You can do it!' argument for a far more nuanced and harder to swallow conclusion, perhaps one that heralds Ted's controversial decision to stay separated from Henry for at least part of the year.)

(Also let's toss in the fact that Dottie uses a football metaphor -- not American football -- to describe how Ted needs to parent: sometimes you lose, sometimes you win, mostly you just tie, and all you can do it keep playing.)

Finally, we've got references to both BBQ sauce and sunflowers via Ted's WiFi password and the bread Dottie bakes him, Ted's "favorite."

Half a season ago these would have been straightforward references to Kansas, positive ones at that. However, post-S3E6 (literally titled "Sunflowers") Ted has both of these beloved objects tied to the UK instead. He enjoys the beauty of Van Gogh's Sunflowers in the Amsterdam museum and finds a BBQ sauce so good that it inspires him to (hopefully!) win it all in his English sport.

It might just be me reading into things because I'm looking for my preferred ending to the series... but also I don't think I am because it's weird that Kansas is continually framed as a negative this season. Ted is still super awkward with Michelle. Her new boyfriend is kinda awful and likewise makes him incredibly uncomfortable (understandably). The Wizard of Oz references aren't targeting the happy aspects of the story, or even the parts about going home. The symbolic references to Ted's beloved state (sunflowers, BBQ sauce, the little green army men) have all been integrated into his life here. We get a whole episode about how once Ted learns to focus on Henry instead of Michelle, Henry has a fantastic time living in London. Hell, this episode opens with Ted enthusiastically greeting everyone he passes on his walk, a beloved member of the community, a staple of this town... and then his mood turns sour when he hits his Kansas-sprung mom.

Obviously Ted is undergoing some last-minute growth when it comes to being a father to Henry (and healing the rift with Dottie), but I think Ted's in-universe improvement is misleading, implying that because he may think he needs to return to Kansas, that's actually how the story is going to end. If that were the end-goal though, I would expect the subtext to have a more hopeful, optimistic feel to it; something that not just implies Ted's return, but argues why he would want to outside of Henry.

If none of that is relevant... that's going to be even worse for me than Ted just going back to Kansas. A Kansas ending framed as a positive is far from my preference, but it's (arguably) a strong conclusion to Ted's journey. A Kansas ending after all these implied negatives both isn't my preference and feels like more objectively bad writing.

#Ted Lasso #Ted Lasso spoilers #look if I was writing the show #all the Dorothy references would be a deliberate mislead #actually culminating in a 'Ted is a friend of Dorothy's' reveal #but sadly I do not have this power lol #mymetas

[bokettochild]

For the febuwhump prompts, how about Mask and Captain Link with either hostage situation or "you weren't supposed to be there"?

Since the whole "hostage situation" got requested by someone else as well, I ended up going for the other option!

And hey, we're a month late, but I'm working two jobs so I think it should be fine LOL

Anyways, here, have some Captain Link freaking out about Mask's safety!

Rating: Teen

Word count: 1,610 (Mask cuts my word counts in half LOL)

Summary: Caught in a battle with the tides against them, Captain Link elects to use some slightly less than honorable methods to down their monster enemies. Mask isn't told about the plan though, but maybe he should have been...

-

  War isn’t pretty.  Sacrifices are something that often must be made, most commonly in the forms of life, of soldiers, but sometimes at a cost to the land, to cities, to integrity and honor. Winning isn’t easy, and it’s rare an enemy will play by the rules, so there’s rarely any point in doing so yourself either. That doesn’t make Link feel any better about his decision, but it’s the truth. He can’t play fair against demons if he wants to win. 

  “The bombs are placed sir.” A soldier announces, throwing a quick salute, one that he nods to acknowledge. 

  Behind him, the battle still rages, but Impa had demanded he fall back long enough to at least have his own wounds bound before charging back into the fray. In that time, he’s laid some quick plans, and while the idea of causing the very ground to collapse beneath the feet of the enemy camp isn’t something he’s proud of, he has high expectations that it will turn the tides in their favor. 

  That’s what matters, in the long run. Stopping the enemy, no matter how, and getting his own people out of here alive. Even so, he doesn’t like it. He’d hate to have such a tactic used on his people, and he knows the hylian army would call it dirty and lowdown of the enemy to do the same. Still, the odds are far from in their favor, and he’s got to level the playing field somehow. Leveling the actual field of battle by collapsing the ground beneath their camp, behind their defenses, is the best chance he’s got. 

  “Set to blast?” 

  “Five minutes, sir.” 

  He wishes he had a clock on him, or some sort of watch or other time keeping device, but he doesn’t, and he can’t. He’s got enough gear to mind, and the ever-present tick of a clock would only serve to drive him mad in the long run. 

  He waves off the thought and turns his attention back to the battle, although one part of his mind stays focused on the field medic binding his wounds. Potions are running low, and until they can stop long enough to acquire ore from Ravio, they need to save what they have for the more serious injuries, or those near death. Using a potion on himself when he’s only been stabbed a couple times is pointless. Still, he doesn’t trust medics as a rule, so letting them work without waiting for the inevitable “mistake” won’t stand. 

  He only breathes freely when the medic leaves, and he’s free to reach for the Master Sword again and return to battle. Even then though, his breathing isn’t as steady as he’s like, what with the bruised ribs and all. 

  “Countdown?” He asks his lieutenant. 

  “Two minutes.” 

  They have only a little longer to wait until the ground collapses, and his own people are too far ack to be affected, still tackling the front lines of the enemy, not the archers and far larger beasts that throw heavy clods of earth and explosives down amid them. 

  Two minutes. Then the assault will stop, and his people can sweep in and finish this mission. Two minutes and the monsters they’re fighting won’t have backup or cover fire to aid them, and the hylian forces can overtake at long last.  

  He scans the field briefly. He’s not heading back in, not yet. The men don’t know the cliffs will be going down, and they’ll need direction when they do. They’ll need instruction, and he’ll be the one to provide it when that happens, coming back down amid them to offer guidance and direction. First though, he needs to ensure that all goes as intended, and be prepared on the chance that it doesn’t for one reason or another. 

  “One minute sir.” His lieutenant pants. They’re both tired, they've been fighting for hours without rest and all of them are flagging.  

  “Hold in there, lieutenant,” he tries to assure. “We’ll have them.” A charming smile, one Impa had made sure was trained into him, weas ready to unleash, was something to settle and strengthen and give hope, a confident look and glitter of the eyes, seems to settle the man at his side. 

  “Aye, captain.” A weak attempt at a smile answers his own bright one. “We- sir!” Dark eyes widen in horror as they fix behind him on the enemy, and Link turns through force of habit to catch sight of the foe, the change of the tides, the danger that no doubt lies behind him. “Mask!” 

  It takes a second, but then he sees it. A little flicker of yellow against the sea of silver and red. A little kitsune mask bobbing at the hip of a child who’s charging, alone, blade charged with magic and felling monsters with ease born of experience, uphill. Uphill into the blast zone. Uphill towards the camp and leading some of their soldiers, although the men are harder pressed to follow his lead in slipping through the enemy lines, no matter how hard they try. Uphill into where only seconds remain before bombs take out the land and level the camp, leaving nothing but rubble behind. 

  His feet are moving before his mind has time to catch up to him, a shout on his lips and panic making his heart race. 

  “Sir!” His lieutenant’s voice raises, but the rest in lost in the sounds of a blast that has a rumble filling the air around them, screams of the enemy rising beside the sounds of tumbling earth, crumbling and cracking rock, and flames that last only as long as the explosion before being smothered with the falling rubble. 

  A gust of smoke and cloud of dirt arises, blowing back against them, blinding all, even the enemy, temporarily and giving his men time to strike out blindly at where their foes last were even while the beasts startle and pause with sight lost. “Press forwards! Hold the line!” He manages to shout, gathering his own wits enough to supply commands to his men, commands that echo back as officers repeat the orders to their men, a chorus that echos even as he moves with them. 

  There’s no trace of yellow up ahead, not in the rubble of what’s left, but he moves along anyways. He strikes the fallen foes that still sow signs of life, be it in flailing limbs or shrieking from piglike snouts. Blood paints the path he takes, but his gaze searches for bright and sunny yellow, something innocent and warm against the battlefield around them.  

  Cries, shouts, screams and the clashing of blades fills his ears, drowns out any shout he calls out into the rubble, but the tide of the battle is changing he can hear his men’s voices rising, hear the hope as they push their way past, felling their foe now that bombs and arrows don’t rain down from overhead upon them to make them fall back again and again. His mind isn’t on their victory though. There's a part of him, a part that knows he must remain focused, set, poised, ready, aware; something that tracks where they stand and how they fare, but another part searches. 

  The monsters fall in waves. The beasts within the rubble give their final cries as his blade ends their miserable lives. His men begin to shout their victory as the sounds of blades clashing dims, fades entirely, but their captain does not celebrate beside them. 

  He is searching. With the enemy felled he can drop his sword, drop to his knees to push aside rubble, dirt, stone, anything that’s left of the tumbled apart camp. 

  Proxi whizzes about; searching, calling. His voice rises beside hers. “Mask! Kid, come on!” 

  There’s no returning call. 

 “Please!” 

  Behind him, there’s murmuring. Shouts fade, feet fall. There’s a rush of booted steps and then hands are helping to lift away the rubble. Voices of every sort rise to call out, their cries all the same. “Mask! Where are you, kid?” Searching for a flicker of yellow, a head of yellow hair or a familiar smiling mask. Searching for a smirking face, a little troublemaker. 

  The fairies dart, the men sift, the cries of all sound over the field in the absence of a monster’s squeals. The joy of victory fades as they look for a single soul caught in the winning blow. Caught where he was never meant to be, at the worst of times for him to have slipped loose from amidst them. 

  It feels like forever, the moving of ruble, the sifting, the calling. Each second is torture, heart pounding fit to burst in his throat as he tears through the remains of the enemy camp. Not here, not there. Not amid the monsters but not far away. He’s frantic, pushing aside burdens that, in his right mind, he’d ever dare attempt to move alone. The singing of pain through his frame, through every muscle and bone, is ignored as he tears through, searching, searching, searching- 

  “Captain Link!” 

  Yellow, paint chipped and steaked with dirt and blood. Yellow matted and filthy strands, the face beneath just as stained. He doesn’t care though. He’s gathering up the tiny form in his arms and holding, clinging, fingers searching for a pulse even as his own reaches speeds he didn’t know possible. 

  The faint little beat beneath his fingertips is enough to have a sob escaping past the heart in his throat. 

  His kid is alive. He’s alive, he’s going to be okay. Link clings tightly, holding the boy close. He’s alive. Thank Hylia, he’s alive. 

#war of eras #asks and answers #linked universe #linkeduniverse #febuwhump #febuwhump 2024 #lu warriors #lu time #lu mask #happy ending because I've done enough bad ones for this challenge :) #ketto writes

[hotchs-bitch]

Autograph

Summary: Aaron loves you in a way you've never been loved before, and you never want it to end

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner x blank slate Fem!Reader (no use of y/n)

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: fluff, case study brain because I'm ill, mentions of sex but nothing explicit, allusion to proposal, possessive!hotch

A/N: big big shoutout to @honeybrowne for 1) inspiring me to write this and 2) betaing (see: validating) it. You are the best <33 Find it on ao3 here, or under the cut!

Happy reading <3

I'd change your autograph

I'd put my name on you

And I'd put big gold ring on your left hand

So everybody knew

That I'm the lucky one

At work, you know that your partner deals with all kinds of psychopaths. Abusive boyfriends, men who have scratched their initials into their victims, and more scenarios that he certainly keeps to himself.

You prefer it that way; Aaron is a possessive man sometimes, and you don’t want to draw any sort of association between him and the criminals he hunts. He’s a good man in both intention and action, and he always has been.

When he’s possessive, it’s in a good way. It’s an arm around your waist at company parties when some FBI hotshot eyes the swell of your breasts in a dress. It’s a hand holding yours in public, or an arm offered before you walk up a flight of stairs together.

It’s in your sex life, the way Aaron groans louder than ever whenever you say, “I’m yours,” and the way he fills you up with grunts of “Mine,” spilling from his lips into yours. 

You’re your own person, and you both know that. You and Aaron are mature, developed adults who are well past your years of thinking that partnership is needed to complete you.

The fact that he does complete you, makes you another person- a better person- beyond yourself is really just a bonus, at this stage in your life. His possession just proves it.

He worships you, calls you late at night from hotel rooms strewn across the country, showers you with attention whenever he’s home. He respects you, supports your career, and makes every decision with you instead of for you. The two of you look at houses together, discuss the future together, and you know that your opinion is just as valued as his- if not more.

So when he gets possessive, you don’t mind. You’ve encouraged it once or twice, flirting at the bar with a stranger before Aaron returns back from the bathroom just so you can feel arms encircling your waist and a kiss to your ear, followed by “Who’s your new friend, sweetheart?”

He doesn’t possess you like he wants everyone to know that you belong to him. He possesses you as though you already do, and that anyone else in the world is at fault for not seeing how head over heels the two of you are for each other.

It’s protective, in a way. Sure, you could always stand up for yourself when you get catcalled walking down the street. But the sight of Aaron striding towards a parked car, knocking on the cracked-open window, and saying “Want to try that again?” with his badge clipped to his suit isn’t an image you’ll grow tired of anything soon.

Aaron possesses you like something more cherished and loved than a trophy, like something he can’t believe is his. He doesn’t hide you away from the world, plastered in ‘for your eyes only’ signs. He shows you off, kisses you in public, and he’ll smirk at everyone in the place- especially anyone who’s tried to flirt with either of you, women and men alike on occasion- when you inevitably pull him towards the door with both hands in his towards the end of the night. It doesn’t matter what moves they try, or how flirty they are. He goes home with you, and it’ll never be any other way.

You’re his, in every way except legally. The two of you belong together, you belong to each other. It’s an intertwinement of souls, if you’re trying to get poetic about it; you make each other better, celebrating on the good days and uplifting on the bad. You’re two whole people, combining to form some deity of love beyond what you could ever be alone. Two hearts forming one massive one, instead of two halves of the same heart.

You know how lucky you are to have him, to have this side of him. When you’d first started dating and met his team, you heard joke after joke about what a hardass he could be, and Derek had even wished you luck in drawing a smile out of him.

It’s hard for you to picture Aaron’s face painted with anything less than a broad grin.

He’s told you time and time again that you make him better; a better man, a better person, a better partner than he thought he could be. The crumbling of his first marriage, months after he joined the FBI, has certainly played into those insecurities.

You’ve always been up for the task of reminding him that you’re the lucky one; particularly because to you, it isn’t a task at all. You’ll do any work, say anything he needs to hear, in order to break down those walls of fear and resentment he’d built up over the years before meeting you.

The progress that the two of you have made has been astounding, to say the least. Still, sometimes during a late dinner or while watching TV you’ll ask him what he’s thinking about, and he’ll mumble, “Not sure how I got so lucky.” 

No matter how many times you echo the sentiment for yourself, he’s never stopped saying it.

————

You’ve talked about the future before. You’ve discussed houses, career changes, and even whether you want to have kids, but you’ve never broached the subject of marriage.

It’s Aaron who brings it up first, of course. It’s nice to think that you’ve added to his confidence, but the truth is that he just feels comfortable approaching you about anything; there’s no credit to take, and you wouldn’t take it even if he tried to give it to you.

“What are you doing?” He asks as a greeting when he gets home, pressing a kiss to your temple as he passes by the kitchen table. His gun is set in the safe, and his briefcase is stowed out of sight; work is left at the office.

“That new car I’m buying,” you answer, half-distracted. You’re not focused enough to keep your attention on signing the stack of papers in front of you, and you catch him by the tie and pull him down for a proper kiss when he moves to pass you again. “Mm. They’ve got me signing away my life, here. My hand is going to cramp up soon. How was your day?”

Aaron grabs you a glass of water, setting it down in front of you. “Poor girl. You should invest in a new pen,” he suggests, watching the inkflow falter when you sign yet another page. “It was alright. Dave has Morgan and I going over to watch the game. I’d rather stay home, but he’s got a flatscreen.”

“At this point, I might just invest in a stamp with my autograph on it.” You sigh dramatically for comedic effect, and he chuckles. “It might not be as legal, but it would be easier. When are you leaving?”

“Right away. I’ve been called on to pick up pizza and beer.” Aaron pulls his suit jacket off, replacing it with a brown fleece quarter-zip overtop of his dress shirt. The white collar peeks out of the top, teasing you until he tucks it back under the fleece. “I wouldn’t go for a stamp, by the way. That’s a waste of an investment.”

“Because it’s illegal? Ugh, I knew it,” you groan, and Aaron laughs again while he digs for his car keys in the pocket of his suit jacket.

“I’m not going to speak on the legality. That’s between you and the car dealership,” he advises. “But I’m going to change your autograph, and I’ll do it long before that stamp runs out of ink.”

Your eyes widen a fraction; that’s not what you were expecting to hear, but it’s not unwelcome. “Oh. So, uh, I’ll stick to pens, then.” Your voice is hopefully more level to his ears than it is to yours, but he doesn’t seem to notice the twitch of your lips fighting a smile.

“I’ll bring you some of the good pens from work, if you remind me tomorrow. I’ll see you later, sweetheart. I love you.” He leans down to kiss you again, soft and sweet and smiling into it.

“Love you too,” you murmur when he breaks away. “Drive safe, root hard, whatever you men do at games. Call me if you need a ride, okay?”

Aaron promises to do so and leaves with another little smile in your direction. The door shuts behind him, and your own face breaks into a grin. It feels like another door has been opened, and you can’t wait to see what’s behind it.

—————

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