#never felt lonelier

[scrambledslut]

how fucking dare you insert yourself into my life and then leave without so much as a goodbye

#did i really mean that little to you? #my last words to you were literally about how much you mean to me and that i would be by your side no matter what #i told you not to shut me out #if you had just told it to me straight we could’ve put this behind us and moved on #as if i didn’t stay up all night just to talk to you a little longer #there’s so much i told you that i’ve never told anyone else and it feels like i’ve been slapped in the face with it #you had my loyalty and even this wouldn’t change it but then you just disappeared #becuase of that i’ll just have to assume you lied about everything else too #i wasn’t lying when i told you that you were my best friend (pathetic i know) #i have never had close friends but you made me feel seen understood and prioritized #i deserve closure and i wish you could’ve given me at least that. #never felt lonelier #knowing what it feels like to connect with a person and then having it ripped away fkn hurts #vent cw

[adustoflove]

Having bpd to me is like I'm the loneliest person on the planet, no matter how many people I talk to, no matter how many connections I make or have, I'm a lonely void who will die alone. I have to be talking to someone or with someone every second of every minute of every day. I love people so much, I need people. There's so many people out there with different things to teach you. And then, if I have to talk to one person for more than 6 seconds today, I'll kill them. I'll kill myself. I need to be left alone for the rest of the day, I need no one but myself to be happy. I don't want to partake in anything with anyone because it's all draining and taking out of my alone time. Everyone is the same, they're all boring and self-absorbed. Every conversation feels like I'm forcing myself to be actively present. I just want to be alone in my room with nothing or no one. I don't see a future where I'm happy with anyone other than being by myself.

#bpd #bpd vent #actually bpd #bpd thoughts #actually borderline #bpd splitting #lately I've just been slowly moving away from all my friends too #haven't spoken to anyone on insta for days despite usually talking to at least 2-3 friends every few days #irl sent me a video a week ago...never responded. I haven't even been feeling lonely really #I just KNOW when my period creeps up on me I'll be a whining sad piss baby who's openly pathetic about needing human connection #like I wish I just felt no need for it ever. it feels SO good to be alone and not have any obligations as a person #then the crippling loneliness of forever being alone seeps in when tbh I'm fine with it currently actually

[uncanny-tranny]

I went to a local yarn store for the first time, and while I was there, somebody was talking about getting a beginner's knitting kit, and she inquired about when lessons were, and when she was told that they'd be happy to sit down with her and teach her, she was so delighted. She talked about how excited she was and how much she wanted to learn to knit, and it just... it made me fall in love with humanity. It was this pure, unadulterated happiness coming from somebody and it was so genuine and kind, and I couldn't help but smile.

I guess all of this is to say... every moment, there are tiny little joys like this all over the world, and it makes this life worth living. I hope you witness and feel joy this simple, this pure.

#positivity #and she was older too! it made me really happy because it just reminds me that there is no such thing as 'too old' #you will never be too old to learn something - to feel that level of happiness and excitement #if i think about this too hard i'm going to start crying #and the yarn store has this really hip name and all the patrons there were older women and i thought that was cute and funny #i felt so odd being the only young person there though but i know that's just my own insecurity and not how they'd feel #i find older people absolutely LOVE when young people share their interests. i think old people get... used to feeling out of touch... #...and almost... neglected in a way by younger adults. it's hard to describe but i sense some loneliness in some old people y'know? #and when i share their interests... maybe it's like they feel young again - seen by somebody else? #that's my assumption anyway. but i like being around old people - they can absolutely be kind and gentle and i appreciate it

[frayedcircus]

secret life smp lizzie designs!!!!

i saw lizzie’s final episodes and immediately lost my mind

she’s living a sad little fairytale and there is significance and tragedy in everything that happens to her !!

sorry everyone else but lizzie is the main character. secret life ended when she died. i don’t make the rules.

pumpkin head, yellow and red life versions below v

(sorry i ended up writing a LOT in the tags whoops)

#please help me choose the best design!!! #i hate costume design but she deserves a cute little dress #she’s a sad little pumpkin princess of nothing in her little pink forest with her dead cows and horse and only one friend #a friend who indirectly caused her last death i’m losing my mind. guys she died in the end. come on. #her bit with cleo in the end felt like a symbolic dream. sorry the end is now lizzie’s dream and cleo is her mystical guide who live there #her being INVISIBLE and then people only showing up after she died #not to be dramatic but uh. there was never any true malice to her actions. only sorrow and loneliness from a world that hardly cared. #the thing with this is that it’s not really true #it’s only there if you look for it #lizzie ldshadowlady #ldshadowlady #secret life #secret life smp #trafficblr #traffic life smp #traffic smp #mcyt #mcyt fanart #art #artists on tumblr #digital art #my art #character design

[semiotomatics]

#was just thinking abt the concept of lonliness #i have never?? felt it??? #i dont even really understand what it would feel like #and i assume there's at least some correlation if not causation between that and being an introvert #but im curious just how common it is and also how ambiverts/extroverts compare #like is lonliness a Universal Human Experience and im just a Special Snowflake or is it one of those hashtag justintroverthings #rollie pollies #my pollies #loneliness poll #this has been an original post

[ifixbrokenmemories]

something about Ocean Vuong saying Brooklyn's too cold tonight & all my friends are three years away and all the loneliness that comes with adulthood and remembering strangers who were friends too long ago.

#friendship #friends to strangers #i miss the love i have never had #i wish my friendships felt more like warm hugs and less like sweet handshakes #adulthood #there is absolutely nothing lonelier #brooklyn #ocean vuong

[callisto-cecilia]

Furina genshin impact i love you

#i could write such an essay on her #her never ending performance the gutwrenching loneliness she felt never knowing if she could stop pretending #her basically being born into a lie with no clue why #and the way she's never known anything but to pretend. all she knows is act like a god and to never tell anyone it's fake. #she makes me want to sob #furina #genshin impact #furina genshin #genshin impact furina

[simurghed]

lisa & aisha have such a fun dynamic :’) + i think the way it shifted post-timeskip most def has something to do w the fact that both their best friends were just v suddenly gone

#i dont mean they were filling the void w each other obvi #but they had a similar loneliness they both recognised but never felt the need to acknowledge #n they r silly together! #lisa wilbourn #aisha laborn

[burinazar]

#belaf #made in abyss #i have felt a lot of anxiety over fandom lately. for dumb hyperspecific overthinking-shit reasons #like. a huge amount of angst over the specifics of the ships and characters i like and pitfalls when engaging with others over them #and.....loneliness. since Ganja stuff is like. ALL i care about in fandom right now. it's isolating in spite of my many Outreach Efforts lo #but the characters...i could never regret or resent my love for them. #orphan hole tag

[gamblegun]

Living in long term loneliness and isolation is like: why should I do anything? It literally doesn't matter -> why would anyone want to be around me anyways? I've got nothing going for me

Especially since like, sure I could learn an instrument, but it's much harder completely on your own. And my motivation for such a task is what exactly? An imaginary performance? Some oh-so-promised future audience? Give me a break

#loneliness is a pain I've never not felt #and is just suffocating me these days #If I could do something about it I would #but I can't afford to #and that's the worst part

[kaurwreck]

fav chuuya trivia: he’s a lightweight and a wine collector. combine it with the fact that poisons a weakness for him, ability wise, and too much alcohol is in fact poison. he chooses that often.

bonus: combine that with the fact that dazai’s coming of age came with going to a bar, and i don’t know what that means

anon cause shy

Untitled I. My dear, even though you treat me kindly, I'm stubborn. After we parted last night, I went drinking and berated some weakling. This morning, Waking up, I remember your kindness And sadly reflect on my vile behavior. And now, I, a total fraud, will here confess that, without shame, Stripped of all dignity, and therefore lacking honesty— I was urged on by my own illusions, raving mad. [...] III. In this world we sadly live in like this, your heart— Don't let it grow stubborn my dear Because I hope for intimacy with you Your heart— don't let it grow stubborn my dear.

[Excerpted from Poems of the Goat, written by Chuuya Nakahara, translated by Ry Beville]

#bsd chuuya #chuuya nakahara #bungo stray dogs #japanese poetry #thank you for sharing!! #no need to explain anon to me #you are entitled to your mysteries and boundaries and bashfulness #i have anon on because i feel comfy and fine with people engaging however feels most comfortable to them #also i'm going to avoid commenting on what y'all share because i'm already sharing in return by offering up chuuya poetry that strikes me #and because i don't want anyone to think that a lack of a more specific response isn't because i didn't go !!!!! at what they shared #(this exercise is designed so I can also work throughout the day while getting chuuya enrichment) #BUT #alcohol IS poison and that's something I've thought about a lot in my framing of it for myself and generally #but I've never connected it with chuuya's vulnerability to poison and how it is such an equalizer #and how when shirase wanted to ground him and render him someone shirase felt he could face both honestly and to fight he poisoned him #i wonder if alcohol makes chuuya feel a teeny bit more visceral and real and like a person in a body #rather than an experiment or a leader or an act of violence or the salve to someone's loneliness or the vessel of a storm #or someone who wants terribly to lead and protect but is so unsure of himself because of how much he understands the gravity of that role #which isn't to say i think he doesn't want to be a leader and doesn't want to be an act of violence or a salve or a liberated ex-experiment #all of these things and the choices he's made for and because of and despite these things are inextricable from who he is #but every so often #it's nice just to be flesh and electricity

[wolfmeat]

at any given time the most important thing to be considering is charles smith

#charles smith #rdr2 #he’s so quiet and grumpy! #he helps everyone! #he admires Dutch’s code! #his life has been nothing but loneliness but he is still kind! #he’s always ready to throw hands! #he goes to canada to help rains fall!! #he beats up buffalo poachers!! #HE BURIES MISS GRIMSHAW WITH HER NECKLACE #HE GOES BACK FOR ARTHUR AND BURIES HIM SOMEWHERE HE’D LIKE #he helps john build a whole ass house just cuz! #he’s a boxer! #he’s never felt like he fits in and he thinks he was put on earth to suffer but he’s KIND ANYWAYS #he acts like a grumpy teenager at camp dinner! #I LOVE HIM! #i’m probably forgetting multiple things i literally love him so much

[em0-opossum]

sick of people acting like being alone/lonely = being single. ofc you're allowed to feel like that, I'm aro and could not care less that I don't have a partner so I have no idea what it feels like to have that experience, but god just once I'd like to find poetry and art made by people who know how it feels to have no friends and feel lonely no matter how many people are around you and know that you don't belong no matter where you are

#I'm lucky enough to have two good friends right now who i love very much #but that doesn't mean that they understand how i feel or how i have felt #and knowing you're alone in that overbearing loneliness just alienates you more and further perpetuates the feeling #i still miss out on so many opportunities to be friends with people i genuinely want to be friends with so bad because i can't talk to them #i still get so paranoid sometimes and stop replying to anyone because I'm convinced they hate me and there's something wrong with me #sometimes to the point where i avoid teachers who i need to talk to because i am sure that everything i say will be wrong #even someone being nice can feel awful because i think that they just feel bad or are pretending and actually trying to make fun of me #i know nobody actually knows who i am or how i feel because i hide everything to fit in with people and what they need/want #i have never felt like i belong anywhere and trying to explain that to people is so hard #there are times i love being alone but knowing that I've missed out on every regular human experience is so isolating #i just want to be normal and have friends i love and hang out with and talk to and not feel like every word i say could be the end of me #and when i try to find anybody who relates all i get is “oh im alone again :(( being single is awful” #i really do empathize with those people but it is nothing like my experience of loneliness #(tags are just for finding people who relate) #social anxiety #avpd #avoidant personality disorder #actuallyavpd #loneliness #chronic loneliness

[immamotherpugger]

Final Fusion (a reflective poem)

So we became I

And I’m not sure how I feel 

It’s so quiet in my head 

Like I’m sitting at a table 

Full of my closest mates 

And now all the seats are empty 

And there’s only one dinner plate 

But as I walk down the hallways 

Of my mind 

I see bits and pieces of the fragments 

That weren’t really left behind 

I never lost we 

We just collided 

This whole time we were separated 

Dissected limbs of a body 

Trying to find their way back to whole 

And through healing our trauma 

We found our way back home 

We still exist 

In my joys and interests

Every aspect of my identity 

Is a collage of all the parts of Me 

When we shattered 

We forgot we were a team 

We lost the memory 

That we were once a Me

There’s only one voice in my head now 

But one voice doesn’t mean one color

For I is a rainbow 

Many together as one 

Healing didn’t disband the team 

Healing created harmony 

We no longer struggle for control 

We no longer battle for the wheel 

For we all work together 

In unison 

Connected limbs 

Of final fusion 

And I love and thank 

Every part of Me

They did their best 

To help this body survive 

Pain split us apart 

Yet we always had the same goal

To keep this soul alive 

A soul shattered 

Scattered 

Found its way back together 

An internal family reunion 

That can now last forever 

#did #did system #apparently ptsd treatment caused final fusion #I didn't even know final fusion existed #final fusion #dissociative identity disorder #healing #I didn't know how to explain the loneliness I felt since fuzing back together #but I'm never alone #all my headmates still exist in every single part of my identity like a beautiful quilt andcollage #fusion #hybrid #integration #btw the end of my poem doesn't mean final fusion is actually final #I have experienced disintegration since and after grounded I reintegrate back together #healing is not linear and neither is integration #multiplicity #plurality #poetry #did poetry

[lunarharp]

wip thing...

of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)

they mean the world to me

#bg3 spoilers #?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say..... #it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me. #i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee #i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable. #bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen #makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there. #dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it #augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH???? #my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way. #Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3 #I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE #AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY #grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear #truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol #if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life #being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer. #Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this? #For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online #someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this. #why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness? #What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...? #hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!! #i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful. #but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting. #I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself #I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing. #I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come. #Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......

[raeofgayshine]

I wish I could go back and tell younger me that I would in fact find that place one day full of people that I adore deeply and who I know love me in return. Who make me feel wanted and cared for and appreciated in a way I never thought would be possible. And none of it required hiding, or forcing myself to be a person I’m not. And I still have that space even though I’m aroace.

For the first time ever, I see a future where I’m not alone. And I wish I could go back and tell my younger self it would happen. It’s possible to not be constantly lonely.

#ravenpuff rambles #I’ve been lucky enough in my life to make amazing friends several times #several of whom are still in my life now #but it’s only been recently that I’ve felt like I truly found my place #I don’t know how to explain it #I guess up until now I have always gone into friendships expecting them to end and holding back just a little bit #and this is the first time I don’t feel like I have to run because I don’t feel like these people are going to leave me #maybe it’s just because one of them is also aroace and we’ve talked a lot about those similar feelings of being left behind #never had someone quite get that before #and maybe it’s just I feel more willing to open my heart #admittedly this group of ours went through some shit together and that’s how the friendships really started forming #and so maybe that helps #but it’s like #Have you ever met someone who is so much like you in so many ways that its like the joke of ‘ #‘can I copy your homework?’ ‘yeah just be sure to change it so no one knows’ #It’s a weird thing of feeling so completely and totally seen by somebody sometimes without having to say a word #anyways #I’m really happy with this little place I found and I wish I could tell younger me #and also tell xem that no it doesn’t look like a fanfic dream #no im not their person but yeah they’re kind of mine but that’s okay #its nothing and everything like I always thought of #and for the first time in my life I don’t feel a crush sense of loneliness #yes I wish I could see them in person #but I can be okay with everything I do get