#okay thats it im gonna go sleep its 1am

[sleepintro]

stations of the cross // sam winchester 

special thanks to @assigned-boyking-at-birth​ for their help on this <33

#elmo fire meme ITS DONE #i spent so much time on this pls dont let this flop #spn #supernatural #spnedit #sam winchester #samedit #meltingtracks #rena.edit #web weave #parallels #okay thats it im gonna go sleep its 1am

[starpirateee]

Richie's movie

@lautski-week day 3 - movie

Warnings: none / read on AO3 here

--

Richie's movie came out on Sunday. Pete didn't know what it was actually called, but he knew that Richie was really excited about it. Originally, Pete thought it was his attempt to finally step away from the anime scene, but when he asked about it, Richie had launched into a small ramble about the source material, which just so happened to be one of his favourite light novels.

Pete hadn't been all that interested in watching it originally. But Richie wasn't actually here anymore to watch it for himself.

Maybe he owed it to him to try.

But, there was no way he was going alone.

It was late at night on a Friday when he decided that he owed it to Richie to watch this movie, and the thought had consumed him. He couldn't sleep.

Briefly, he thought about texting Ruth. She would like something like that, wouldn't she?

But he couldn't even do that, could he?

Really, there was only one option, wasn't there?

Pete:

Hey, I cant sleep. You still awake?

He stared at the empty text box for what felt like ages, and then finally, he got a reply:

Steph:

im still up sure, something wrong?

Pete:

Not really. Just thinking

Steph:

thats not good at 1am

whats wrong?

Pete:

That movie that Richie wanted to see came out

Pete: 

And I kinda want to watch it in his honour, y'know?

It sounded stupid, didn't it? He wasn't even interested in the movie itself, he just wanted to feel less alone in this crazy world. He turned over, throwing the sheets over his head. 

Pete:

Sorry. I know how stupid that sounds

Steph:

not at all! you wanna go to the movies for richie?

Pete:

I guess... You wanna come with?

Steph:

sure, sounds fun :)

Steph:

is tomorrow good? i can probably see you there if youve got a time

Pete:

Tomorrow's fine

I can get there maybe after lunch? 2 ish?

Steph:

see you there, pete <3

Even after confirming the date with Steph, and feeling a little more at ease with himself, sleep still didn't come easy to him. He spent ages scribbling in his phone's notes, random ideas that my or may not turn into something some day...

Eventually, the tiredness he felt caught up to him, and he drifted off, thinking about Richie and hoping that there was another side where he was having the time of his life. After everything, that was the least he deserved. 

The next day, the tired sensation was promptly replaced with a deep pit of nervousness, and he couldn't source where it had come from. More likely than not, it was down to the constant stream of thoughts that had all surrounded Richie. This was his day, really, and Pete knew he was going to think of that no matter what else happened. 

Steph had been kind enough to offer to keep him company for the day, but by the time she'd agreed to that, it was close to 1:30 in the morning. Was she still going to show face? Would she even remember?

He had a text. He'd been so caught up in his own rampant thoughts that he hadn't even realised.

Steph:

still up for today?

Once he'd read it and really got into his head that yes, she did want to come, his heart fluttered with relief. 

Pete:

Yeah, I'm still gonna be there

Steph:

okay

dont worry about it, its gonna be okay

Pete:

Thanks, Steph :)

Pete sighed. She said it was going to be okay, but was it? Was it really? The two of them had collectively lost more in the last few weeks more than anyone could comprehend in a few years. With the weight of the world quite literally on their shoulders, who was really left but each other? 

That didn't do an awful lot to lessen his nerves, but it did make counting down the remaining hours a bit easier. Slow as it was, that time did pass, and he set on his headphones to start the walk down. He knew he'd invested in such large ones for a reason... At least that way he could look like he was trying to block out the world.

Steph was already there when he arrived, and waved him over. He braced himself for something he didn't even know, and noticed how much less tense he felt, just by seeing her there.

"Hey, Steph..." He removed his headphones with one hand and managed the most sincere smile he could.

She took his free hand and returned the favour by shooting him a smile that seemed totally reassuring. "How are you?"

"Honestly, I kinda feel sick. No idea why, I've just been dreading the hell out of this since I gave myself the idea.." He knew why he felt like shit, if he was really honest. It was his own fault. A constant stream of thoughts that he thought he could solve by airing out his panic in the shower? That was ridiculous, and he knew it.

Her brow creased. "Why?"

"I don't know! I mean, it's got nothing to do with you, you're great! I love-" he hesitated so subtly that Steph almost didn't notice. "Hanging out with you... I just- I guess it's cos this was supposed to be Richie's movie..."

"Hey, I get it. We don't have to do this if you don't want to..."

"This is for him. I wanna do this... For him."

Steph nodded. "Alright. Which one is it?"

The two of them looked up at the board, and Pete tried to figure out which was the right movie. There were a lot of titles he recognised, and then...

"That one. I remember the name of the book Richie told me about."

"Absolutely no offense to the guy, but that looks like it's gonna be cheesy as shit."

Pete couldn't help but laugh at that. She was right, in all fairness, it did look like it was going to be quite the movie.

#lautski week #stephanie lauter #peter spankoffski #starkid #void offering #i am just incapable of lighthearted things arent i #oh well :)

[tears-of-boredom]

i want chips. and normally id be like be the change you want in the world and go to the store to buy some. but its 1am. and tbh I hate how early a lot of shops close. like I wish there were more 24h places nearby. i can think of like two in the whole city that are a mcdonalds and a singular grocery store. i want the expirience of going to "the corner store" to buy "instant meal" at 4am. like I get that it would require more employees to run a 24h place,, but like cmon. the big chain stores cant afford that? they have to all close at like fucking, 21? like bro that is so inconvenient like the world isnt made for people with "uncoventional" sleeping schedules. and why do they open at like 7 or 8. or even worse at 9. although thats mostly on weekends. and why do stores even close early on weekends? like whats the point in that. you already have employees working the weekend so its not like thats an issue. why is the week even like that. why is it 5 workdays and 2 free days. why cant it be like,, 4 and 3. or 4 and 2 even. just like, balance it out if youre gonna do free days ya know.

also are the weekdays in french just straight up like roman gods. like mardi is Mars, vendredi Venus, jeune is Juno, uhh mercredi is Mercury, lundi is ummm.. Pluto? can you tell that i dont know roman gods nor french weekdays that well. OH dimanche is one, so that would be uhh no idea honestly, id say Demeter but shes Greek. okay I looked up the last one its samedi which would be Saturn, but im not so sure that theyre a roman god tbh. wasn't Saturn the one that ate his children or something? wait or was Saturn the equivalent of uhh Chronos? like Zeus' dad? Jupiter's dad? cuz Mercury was like Hermes wasnt he? or was that Ares? Neptune i know is Poseidon. Mars might be Ares. shuch would make Mercury Hermes? so Saturn has to be Jupiter's dad.

i could just look it up but thats no fun. also who was the one who threw off the months by 2. cuz September should definetly be the 7th. you know, sept. and oct and dec as well.

[daegall]

YEAH exactly it’s cringe but i love it,, they are cringe but they are free <3 i love the ‘every friendship group’ tiktok its so cute :,)

YES okay that’s what i heard on the train,,.. interesting 🤨🤨

i just had so much uni work and ofc my file had to corrupt at 1am hence the 3 hours of sleep, another day in the life of an architecture student i guess but it all paid off !! but i am just chillin and painting today teehee

in other news i might be getting the resonance album (over a year late) altho heavy on the might cause i think my friends surprising me (very terrible at keeping it a secret tho) but i will keep u updated (manifesting mark..please)

how are you today !! -no sleep anon <3

HAHA YEAH LIKE I CRINGE WHEN I WATCH BBUT I JUST CANT STOP WATCHING YOU KNOW yess the 'every friend group' one had me CACKLING ADFUIHFIUJKH LIKE IT WAS SO WHOLESOME BUT AFIDJHDKJF CRINGE A BIT?

the train?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! people full on spoil on the train!??!??!? thats not cool T^T

NOOOOOOOOOOO CORRUPT?!?! IM ABOUT TO THROW HANDS THAT SOUNDS SO BAD </3 is it fixed now? :0 sigh architecture sounds hard then :(( BUT YAY YOU'RE PAINTING TODAY (or yesterday?? not sure LOL sorry for the late response) THAT SOUNDS COOL AND RELAXING !!! take all your time to relax!!!!!

WOWOWOW RESONANCE THAT'S SO COOL :000 which one? 1st or 2nd part? istg dude that album jsut hits so different like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they had 23 members!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and 90's love!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111 they were on something else that year istg MARK MANIFISTATION!!!!

mark will be yours

im good!!! just woke up and decided to finally answer your ask T^T today i'm gonna go to a cafe !!! (i think LMAO) but i have this huge school event thing coming up and i'm currently looking for some dresses for it!!!! i dont wear dresses a lot so im a but excited hehe ^^

#asks! #no sleep anon ?!

[nahoyaglock]

↬ KARASUNO AS COUPLE PICS! + headcanons

karasuno x gn!reader, headcanons, fluff

A/N! im so sorry that this is so long hhh + reblogs are appreciated and feedback is too :D i also did not read this over so im sorry if it sucks and theres errors

Daichi

Daichi would walk home with you since you lived nearby him

and since it was the weekend he thought he would hang out with you at your place

you two would stop at a nearby convince store, spliting up and searching the aisles for some ramen and chips

you ran over to the chips aisle after grabbing the ramen and saw daichi grabbing multiple bags

he shot you a big smile and you just scoffed and playfully kicked his shin

"we dont need that many bags daichi!"

"of course we do babe"

you left with 4 bowls of instant ramen and 7 different bags of chips

Sugawara

sugawara had planned this for a whole week

his sweet s/o had a hard week? prepare for some clingy bf sugawara and to be spoiled

he picked you up at 4pm to let you sleep in from staying up studying all night friday

once you arrived at the lake nearby his place, you saw the little picnic blanket

he had brought out a little speaker, playing some soft, relaxing tunes

you guys ate and talked, and even just watched the trees blow in the wind

you would hear a song you like, and you would pull sugawara to his feet to dance to the song

he would twirl you and at the end of the song he would dip you, kissing you softly

"thank you so much suga"

"anything for my sugar~"

Asahi

you were a very reckless person, and asahi loved that about you

he would always be by your side for all your adventures, but one day you decided to settle down

you invited asahi over to your small home, your parents out for the day

your small radio played some old tunes as asahi laid on your bed watching you tend to your plants or ramble on as you always did

you cuddled with him a for a few hours until you saw the orange rays come in through your window

"asahi! asahi watch the sunset with me!"

you shot out of bed and pulled your large boyfriend after you

you opened your window and sat on the window sill, swinging your legs around to the other side

being on a second floor, you started asahi

"Hey, be careful"

"get your big ass over here!"

he followed after you, sitting next to you and wrapped an arm around you as the two of you watched the sun set

Tanaka

fools. you are a pair of reckless fools

tanaka had proposed the idea of a late night hang out

you being just as wild you agreed, and thats how you found yourself with tanaka running around at night, nearly 1am

on your adventure, you found a shopping cart knocked onto its side, you and tanakas eyes meeting with a devious smirk

next thing you knew, tanaka had turned on his speaker and shuffled his spotify playlist as you climbed into the cart

"awe, i wanted you to push me!"

"slow poke! now push!"

he pushed you, running while you two shouted and laughed into the night, doja cat and NIKI playing on his speaker

i just know this mans is a doja cat fan

Nishinoya

nishinoya was a very energetic and fun person, and you were as well, but you just weren't as reckless

as you two walked down the road to your house, nishinoya rambled on and on about practice and his day

you didnt mind, being way less talkative than him, you liked to listen to him

he suddenly jumped into the air, a big happy and excited smile on his face as you could practically see a light buld above his head

"can we take a picture?"

"whats the catch?"

"okay okay, what if we do a handstand!"

you giggled at his request and he looked at you with hopeful eyes

"yes, but if i get hurt your gonna give me a piggy back!"

he sets up his camera against his school bag and sets the timer, running back to where you were

"okay okay, GO!"

you both did a handstand and held it until the timer went off and his phone clicked

Hinata

hinata loved going anywhere with you, as long as you were by his side he was already having so much fun

one day you asked him if he wanted to go to the beach, and he practically shouted in excitement

the next day, saturday, you two left in the morning to take a bus to the nearest beach, and hinata brought his bike

when you guys arrived he walked around with his bike as you ran around slightly ahead oh him in the sad

hinata had to watch over his bike so we couldn't run around with you, but then he got an idea

"hey, do you wanna go on a ride along the shore?"

"OH. MY. GOD. YES!!"

he hopped into his bike and you climbed onto the back, and you two ride along the shore at a decently quick pace

the air in your face made you feel free and you lifted your arms up, closing your eyes as you let the air hit you

hinata would take a quick glance back, but it was just long enough to see the beautiful look on your face that made him smile

-

Tsukishima

even though tsukishima was cold to everyone else, he was slightly less cold towards you, and hed never admit it but you made him soft

i hc tsukishima secretly being a soft boy who enjoys relaxing and reading in his alone time, sometimes even with you

one day you come over to surprise your boyfriend, his brother opening the door for you as you greeted him and his mother.

you made your way to his room and turned the door nob

"oh tsukki!"

you opened the door and saw your boyfriend laying in a pair of yellow and black plaid pajama pants and a navy green sweater, reading as some music played on his speaker

he groaned and closed his book as you walked over to his bed and jumped into his arm

"you had to come over today? you didnt even tell me."

"i like seeing tsukishima kei in his natural habitat"

you pulled a book out of your bag, one that you and tsukishima read together often and he pulled you into his lap and opened to where you had last read

the orange rays of the sun filled his room as you two read the book, soon falling asleep in each others presence

Kageyama

constantly everyday, this boy was trying to find a way to let you into his life or show his appreciation with more than just holding your hand

one day you guys were chilling on the grass infront of his home, his mothers music playing through the living room window, loud enough for you to hear

the sun was starting to set and a slightly blue hue painted the surroundings

"hey, do you dance?"

you were a bit shocked by that question since you were usually the one to ask random questions like that

"im not that good at it but sure, why?"

kageyama stood up and held out his hand

"may i have this dance?"

you laughed at his question and took his hand, pulling yourself up

"yes you may~"

kageyamas hand rested on your hip, your hand on his shoulder and your other hands were connected at your sides

you guys slow danced, mimicking a waltz, stepping on each others shoes occasionally

kageyamas cheeks were red the whole time as he twirled you and connected his hands with both of yours

he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and you stared up in awe as your boyfriend shot a wide smile at you, one that you havent seen before

"y-your smiling!"

"w-what?"

"what did you do to kageyama!"

"i am kageyama!"

Yamaguchi

you and yamaguchi loved to be together, bestfriends and lovers, tsukishima falling victim to third wheeling, not as if he cared much tho

yamaguchi loves flowers almost as much as you do, so when he found this small flower field a few miles past his house he knew he had to take you there

you and yamaguchi walked hand snd hand to this "surprise" place he wanted you to see

when you were close, he covered your eyes and led you past the trees and rocks, placing you in the middle of the large flower field

"ready annnnndd.. open!"

you opened your eyes and froze in awe at the colorful flowers that dotted the field

you turned to your boyfriend and wrapped your arms around his neck, tackling him to the floor

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TADASHI!"

he winced softly as you whispered apologized and peppered his cheek in kisses and he just laughed

"I love you too y/n"

he turned to his side and plucked a daisy, smiling softly as he turned back to face you

he pushed some hair back behind your ear and placed the flower behind your ear, smiling widely as his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink

"i think you're the prettiest flower in the WHOOOOLE world!"

he placed soft kisses to your lips as you laid in the middle of the flower field

#frobi.karasuno #daichi #sugawara #asahi #tanaka #nishinoya #tsukishima #hinata #kageyama #karasuno #daichi x reader #sugawara x reader #asahi x reader #tanaka x reader #tsukishima x reader #hinata x reader #yamaguchi x reader #kageyama x reader #karasuno x reader #yamaguchi #nishinoya x reader #daichi imagines #asahi imagines #sugawara imagines #nishinoya imagine #tanaka imagine #tsukishima imagine #kageyama imagines #hinata imagines #yamaguchi imagines

[riskeith]

good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)

deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?

RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)

i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj

LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333

shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?

172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?

oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd

that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj

you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian

nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?

THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.

RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭

can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3

good night! more like ahhah

:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?

ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)

legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.

i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.

oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??

I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?

they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ‘i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?

FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)

ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~

AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs

she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~

it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..

<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩

eager for your response <33 love, c.r.

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

[kerm-the-fro]

oopsies its vent time

mainly abt insomnia and a little bit of dysphoria, feel free to scroll past tbh

i think my family heavily underestimates how bad my insomnia is, like they think i get to bed at what? 12? midnight?? idk, but i have trouble getting to sleep before 5-6am, im surprised it doesnt show how sleep deprived i am tbh

but like i think also some of my friends dont see it as bad as it is sometimes, like if im up at 5am and one of my friends is pulling an all nighter its like “oh you staying up too? lol me too im not sleeping tonight” and im like “aahaha yeah yeah, all nighter am i right hahaaaa” 

i dont look at myself much, and when i do i dont look at my faces, but i stg there has to be mega bags under them

god i just want some concealer or smth, like some eyeshadow and concealer to cover up the darkness under my eyes(and possibly for cosplay idk)

my sister and i are texting rn cause shes upset and needed someone to just kinda talk to and shes like “put down the phone”, i tell her thats not whats causing it and its just really bad insomnia and shes like “your bodys used to whatever sleep schedule youve had” but like aaaa ive never had a sleep schedule???? ive never once had one i dont think and idk why it just gets this bad but it does

my ‘sleep schedule’ is like falling asleep at somewhere between 6am-8am and sleeping until noon-1pm, whats that?? likeee a max of 7 hours of sleep??? maybe???? idk im terrible with math, but honestly it doesnt matter how many hours i get in cause like if i get a lot im bound to get so little the next night, and if i get a little sadly it doesnt make me get a lot the next night i just get a little bit more

my brother recently said smth that really kinda stuck out to me today and it was on the topic of insomnia and depression(which I brought up but nobody questioned), it was him saying that hes decided societys day-night cycle is dumb and if he wants to have breakfast at midnight and clean at 1am as his girlfriend is going to sleep then hes gonna do it, i said “i wish i could do that” and guess who was instantly berated by their mom!!!! surprise. its me. 

also fuck. my dysphoria is getting worse with each on-off cycle, sometimes ill be completely okay with my body but my next on cycle ill want to actually cut my fucking chest off with a pocket knife, i asked my brother for a binder a little while ago and idk if he ordered one so i might just cave in and ask my mom

aLso also fuck just realized i have piano tomorrow(technically today) and i havent practiced my new song i was supposed to pratice this week and ill have to sightread and learn at least the whole first page maybe an hour before lessons

god now i wanna play der flohwalzer, its such a nice song and idk if its easy to learn but ik how it goes and i sightread a little and ik it goes (running)e d (walk) a b+g b+g (running)e d (walk) a b+g b+g (running)e d (walk) a b+g f b+g d c+f c+f 

that last part probably makes no sense to anyone but in my head it does

#kerm say shit #tw vent #vent #tw rant #rant

[okradreamworl]

last post before i sleep

its 1AM, i get terrible insomnia during winter season... however, my undertale love also increases when i get the christmas spirit. maybe someday when deltarune is fully released ill have the krismas spirit lol!!

so um more undertale related thoughts before bed!

hwjdjdb i guess this is just posting weird facts-?

its gonna rain the whole week until sunday, guess i gotta jam to IRSE while imagining sans going thru depress attacks (i get those a lot during winter and summer, its like depression stabbed you with unknown cause so you have no idea why you feel sad,,) , i have a headcanon that rain makes him sad cause he looks at it in a way you can’t tell if he’s crying or not

even when he laughs you cant tell if he’s crying or really doing the best medicine, insecure of his own laugh even so thats why he chuckles like that, im sure he already showed his big laughs to toriel and thats a big step right there he could try to do more of that! and toriel respects it

alphys and undyne can go into a fight if they argue about extrovert and introvert psychology. this will lead to alphys discussing the topics of depression and suicide. thus, will result to a short break. undyne will never completely break up her bond with her though.

ummm asgore slowly ascends into internet talk but tries not to interrupt toriel

despite sans staring at toriel all the time in canon story both ut and dr its still okay to claim them joke buddy roomie sock collector pals. sans gets excited around her when you see those exclamation points (and frisk but he does that to sign how angry he is that he doesnt know what happened in previous timelines-)but please don’t fret. he’s just happy he found someone he can look up and play with. toriel is a mom figure to any monster, and sans is counted to see her as a mom too.

sans eats ingredients separately, so if he were to eat a pizza next to alphys who eats the whole ingredients together, he’d eat the toppings first, cheese second, bread last, no crust

ditch jerry, however, what happens when undertale does fade in 6 years? will jerry be loved then?

im gonna sleep now

#undertale #sans #alphys #undyne #toriel #asgore #for ppl who hate soriel

[mariaaamaaarquez]

the second one- where does this start?

okay okay so I guessss this is the part where I kind of have to talk about myself since honestly truly now that I think about it- not a lot of people know MY story.. its usually me asking to someone else what theirs is and why they are the person they are, but sometimes not even my closest best friends know, because they never asked? weird, I know lmao. buuuut okay where to start right? well I was born in Guatemala, September 21st 2001, for the ones who didn't know hahah aaaand I was a happy kid. always a happy kid. to keep the long story as short as possible, moms filed for a divorce, father said no. for my fifth birthday though, they both wanted to take me to Disneyland, in Cali. this meant that we had to get a tourist visa from Guatemala granting us permission to leave the country, which for those of you who don't know how that process works, its HARD. somehow we managed to get it, and a few weeks later I was celebrating my birthday in Disneyland. that was when my mom made the decision to run away from my dad. obviously telling this story now, I know we had family in Virginia. and being an immigrant traveling with your also immigrant daughter as you're already in the United States- not so hard. I woke up to my mom packing bags, she just told me to go back to sleep and that we were going to the beach later that day. I, listened to my mom, and proceeded to waking up basically in an airport. just like that my life had shifted. we flew into Virginia, and proceeded to living there, hiding for six months. hiding was tough. my father had even filed a missing child case basically saying I had been abducted. Amber Alert who, right? During my time there, I did start to notice money coming in, we would go shopping, and I would get random presents out of nowhere. AAAAnd thats where my stepdad comes in. Once again, to summarize, my (now stepdad) had been in contact with my mom ever since they were high school teenage sweethearts. when my mom split up with him, it was because he had decided to flee to the United States and stay as an illegal immigrant. that’s when she met my father and had me- talk about a cockblock. anyways I soon came to find out that all the money and presents coming in, were from him. he came to Virginia for Christmas, also took me to New York for the first time and I got to get hello kitty EVERYTHING inside that Toys R Us- and then we came back home to Virginia and I was completely in awe of how good this man was treating me and my mom- aaaandd thats when they dropped the bomb on me. We were moving to Seattle. shortly after making that decision, it was January of the year 2006 and I was on a plane (again) and headed to my new life, with a new dad, and SOOO many new toys. I was happy. 

Fast forward a few months, moms is pregnant, has my brother in 2007, I can suddenly speak and understand English FLUENTLY, and I have an entire new family. As if it couldn't get crazier, my 3rd grade year, my biological dad reached out to my mom, told her he was in town. I had no idea until we stepped into the closest mall by my house, and there he was. Live and in the flesh, it was my father. I ran into his arms and obviously balled my eyes out, and I just couldn't believe it. 

Fast forward a few years, he visited again and then after that visit went kind of MIA. No more emails, or letters, and most definitely no calls. When I turned 13, I still waited for that phone call, waited all day for my mom to tell me “your father’s on the phone” and nothing. Until it was 1AM, September 22nd, and my mom told me THATS when he called. 1 fucking am here, meaning 3 am over there, basically the day after my birthday. After that year, noting stayed the same. No longer waited, or anticipated, just- nothing. I later came to find out through social media, that he was having a daughter. Insane. I couldn't believe it, but part of me saw it coming. I mean this is what I wanted right? for him to move on and start his new life, and I didn't care anymore if I was a part of it... right? On my 16th birthday, he called. By this time I wanna say my little sister was probably around 3 or 4, (still hadn't gotten a call, until now.) When he called me I was in the middle of a small get together with just family, my boyfriend and bestfriends at the time had already left and I heard the phone ring. my mom looked at it and went silent, and showed me the phone. I knew who it was. I recognized the number. and I didn't want to answer, but I needed answers. 

so I pick up.

“hello?”

“hi mija, god how I've missed you I can't believe I actually got a hold of-”

“stop.”

you can’t believe you got a hold of me? you never tried.

I proceeded to basically cussing him out, and asking about my sister. You know when you accidentally rat yourself out to your parents by saying something you shouldn't have? yeah thats exactly what happened to my not so dearly beloved father. he basically spit out that my sister’s mother was the same bitc- lady, that my dad had cheated on my mom with- go figure! no wonder the woman ran away from you, jesus. 

“look, im sorry. god I am so sorry for everything I promise I will make it up to you what do I have to do?”

“never speak to me ever again. just like how I was basically dead to you and had no right to know the truth about everything, as far as im concerned the only thing that connects us is blood.”

he ruined my 16th birthday.

never talked to him ever again.

fast forward to my senior year- tf when did that happen?

I’m in Washington DC on a school trip (so much fun by the way AMAZING) and I call my mom to say hi and catch up (actually just calling because she was across the country and if she didn't hear from me she’d think I was dead inside the White House or something, hispanic moms, you know) and she then proceeds to tell me that she saw on Facebook (once again this damn social media) that my dad had just became a father, again. another baby sister. also that he had been living back and forth from Germany to Guatemala. 

sounds like a blast daddy dearest. 

(yeah he has a lot of money by the way, still waiting on the child support from the past decade but its good HAH) 

FAST FORWARD AgaIINNN to March of 2019. 

I became a legal resident of the United States, free to travel in and out of the country without a problem, free to work wherever I wanted, free to go to college and actually have a social security number when im asked for it- just simply free. 

April 2019. 

The month I got the chance to go back to my beloved Guatemala for the first time in thirteen years. THIRTEEN. To not bore you with all the details of my trip, on the last night, fate decided that it was time, and yes ladies and gents, there he was, in the flesh, my father. I always call him “father” and my stepdad “dad” just because all that other guy did was help with the process of me being born he was never a real dad to me ever, as heart wrenching and harsh as that may sound. so fuck him. seriously, fuck him. I saw him, with tears of anger streaming down my face and my entire body shaking, and he walks up to me crying.

he leans in for a hug.

“not a step closer don’t you dare touch me.”

he walks away and disappears into the crowd of hundreds of people, and I proceeded to having the worst panic attack I have ever had. paramedics asking if I was okay, my mom on the floor with me as I was sobbing and screaming, and everyone scared out of their minds because suddenly I felt trapped in a ball of water with no air as everyone watched the color of my skin slowly beginning to fade until I became white as snow. when I snapped out of it and finally calmed down, I cried. god I cried so damn much. I was so hurt, mostly because part of me thought he would take a stand for once and try. just try. even though I told him not to I knew a part of me wanted him to, but he didn't. and he disappointed me- just as I expected he would.

haven't heard of him since.

that was almost five months ago. and that leads us to today, the present! and thats my story, without all the minor details because with those included id have people reading for hours. But, even after this longgg ass post, if you're still here hi! thanks for reading, and for being interested in my story? not a lot of people tend to be, but if im gonna be writing on here I might as well include it- right?  

anyways- yep thats me, this along w other crazzyyy things are part of what shaped me to be the person I am today. As for my family? My mom, my dad, and my little brother? I’d take a bullet.

and as for my father? 

I don’t know,

I don’t bother to ask,

I don’t care.

besitos,

ria.

[legobatjoker]

UM OKAY it is nearly 1 am on a school might tht is very very not good (blaming the pen 4 exploding 4 tht) so um gonna go 2 sleep soon but j a reminder b4 i do tht i love you so so much my belobed, i had so much fun vcing w u over this weekend its so so nice whenever we can talk i love hearing ur voice sm nd hearing what u have 2 say nd ur thoughts nd sharing mine w u i feel like. a lot of the time esp irl i dont rly fee l like i can j like. talk abt stuff i like nd stuff (i think mostly bc my parents nd stuff) but ik i can w u bd tht u share ant what i have to say nd that j means sm 2 me nd j having u in my life nd having u here 4 me means sm 2 me u make me feel soso loved+happy+warm nd i think u r the best thing thats ever been mine !!! :’> i hope ur day been good nd that u sleep so well beloned ilusmm :] 💖🐄🌸🌷🍓💞🌺💕🍰💝✨ /p

I AM ANDWERING THIS 1AM!! solidarity!! but uhm anyway yeahehywha vcing w u this weekend was sososo fun i was so glad we got to and so glad to get to hear ur voice !! and oughh ; ; im so glad u know u can talk to me ab wahtever bcuz its true and u deserve to b listened to but more than that ur??? j rlly wonderful to listen to and i j want to hear everything u have to say mo matter what it is!!! i love youuu gnight !!!!!! 💕💕💕💕

#mewtuals #castle.answers

[woahwoahwoahthatsalongpost-blog]

Today has been a very rough day.

My day actually started at 11:30pm last night when i broke out in hives for the first time ever. at first i freaked out because i had no clue what they were so i ran into the bathroom where i took pictures of both my upper arms (thats where the hives were). i sent the pictures to my friend lucas because he's always up late and is educated in just about everything and his response was "oh gosh" and then nothing so you could just imagine my horror at this. i ask "oh gosh??? that doesn't sound good lucas! what does oh gosh mean?!" quickly he respons back "It's hives. take a cold shower and wash it off and then if you can, put benodryl on it." so i do this and i go to message him back and i see that in the group chat he told everyone he was going to bed so im sitting here 12am hives covering my upper arms and the person that was walking me through this is now asleep, along with my eniter family and all the other smart people i know. i stay up till 1am the hives on my left are no longer burning however the ones on my right burn more and seem to be growing. around 1:30 my best friend shawn texts me and not even paying attention to what he said i immediatly tell him what's happened and him being the good friend he is he goes and looks stuff up and is trying to calm me down. 5 minutes later he text me "so, the benodryl didnt work? have you tried ALoe?" "no, will Aloe help?" "idk let me check before you do anything." 2 minutes later i recieve a screen shot saying that Aloe can cool the hives while also relieving the burning and even help get rid of them quicker so i go and put Aloe on and it instandly stops the burning and by this time its around 2am so i sit there talking to shawn and i thank him for his help and such and then we go off in a deep ass conversation bc its 2 in the morning what else are ya gonna do right? well i end up telling him something i've never told anyone before because he's been through something similar. By 3am the hives are gone, BUT the world ain't done tourchering me yet. SO naturally mother nature is like "nah she isn't getting any sleep tonight" evil laugh i start my period and its not regualr cramping, no, its much worse. it felt like someone was repeatedly stabbing me with a knife and then twisting it all up inside my guts. This went on till 4 oclock in the morning... 4 am... im in highschool. i get up at 6 am and its fucking monday. i sleep for two hours and 30 minutes... 6:30.. i had to leave at 6:36.. i had no clean clothes either becuase i forgot to put my clothes in the dryer.. i wore sweatpants with a plain black crop top and my frizzy, curly ass hair up in a bun. i looked like a bum. I leave around 6:50 and get to school at 7:20 which gives me 10 minutes to go to my locker and then go up 3 flights of stairs and then all the way across the 5th building. i get there as the late bell rings at 7:30 phew i think to myself im sitting in my first period and half way through i can slowley feel the migraine i had for 6 days that went away just the day before returning. I couldn't take the medicine i had been before because it might've caused me to have an allergic reaction so i just have to deal with it. fast forward to 3rd period the migrine has grown painfully and in my arms where the hives where is becoming very sore and it's getting hard to focus. 4th period i decide to go home so when class changes and im supposed to go to 5th lunch i go to the clinic. they give me ice and have me sit in a chair while i wait for my grandmother to pick me up. I wait an hour because of traffic. on the way home a guy that has messaged me before hits me up. i should note that he is friends with my receant ex and he dated one of my best friends. We talk a bit and he apologizes for radomly texting me and tells me im cute. I dont want to hurt his feelings or anything so i accept the complement and then ask about him dating my friend, which he denies ever happened. i show this conversaton to shawn being a little creeped out and wondering what i should do. shawn being shawn offers to take care of the kid for me but i turn the offer down. I tell the kid im not looking for anything and would perfer if he stopped calling me cute. he says okay and coninues texting me but in a more friend like way and wanting to know more about me. i found out he is 19 and immediatly tell him that i am only 15 but he doesn't seem bothered by that. After a while the conversation between me and the kid stop and i start to focus on the converstation i am having with shawn, it seems that he feels he should have a say in the people that i date because he's overly protective and doesn't want to see me hurt. i tell him that he can have an opinnion about it of course but more than likely it wont stop me from dating someone. this angers him a lot and he ends up saying he thinks we should stop talking for a bit and that talking everyday like we have been since january is unhealth and not normal. so i've lost my guy bestfriend for a while and immediatly go to my bestfriend sarah for comfort and tell her everything, she's always one of the better parts of my day. After i talk to her eveythings pretty okay... untill i eat left over lasagna from the night before. only after about 30 minutes i spot two little spots of hives on my arm so i put Aloe on it and can pretty much assume the alleric reaction is to the lasagna. lasagna is my all time favorite food so rip me.

#hives #allergies #allergic #guy friend #aloe #ichy #burning #periods #cramps #bestfriend #help me #send help #rip me #goodbye food #creepy #creepers #older guys #ex's #overprotective #calm down #migraine #headache #rough day #monday #the strugge is real #why me

[chickenfetus]

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these 

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse??  i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just  heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao  

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

#if anybody read through all 100.. thank u and have a good day!!! #softshouyous #asks

[unicornninjabitch]

You: no one asked for another one of these

Me: yeah i know sorry i just have a lot of emotions and shit lately

(Haha thats a lie all i feel lately is annoyed and pain)

Anyway yes I’m going to complain more about life cause i have some emotions i need to get out and shit. Okay I’m very much a night owl, I have been my whole life, I work better t night and just love the night sky and shit. However 8th grade I was really, super, hella depressed cause of family stuff and school and being totally alone and you know the depression (thanks genes!), so I’d be absolutely TERRIFIED to be left alone with my thoughts. I’d stay up all night on youtube or some cringey website or on tumblr just so I didn’t have to lay in bed and think. Also very closeted, very depressed baby Alex had no idea wtf a healthy coping mechanism was, so I cut and it was bad like an every night thing cause after I did I was suddenly really tired and could almost sleep instantly once it hit like 2-3 am. Anyway I fucked my sleeping schedule up at a very young age, so that habit never left and the earliest I go to bed anymore is 12-12:30, whatever im used to it, not good for me but whatever. Then summer started and I didn’t sleep till like 1am-2am so I chalked it up to “it’s summer whatever”, but then it was 2 am-3am and I thought that was a one time thing, but nope. Now (as in the past week/week and a half ish) I’m lucky to get 2-3 hours of sleep and even then I’m up at like 9 am. As you can imagine this has lead to a good amount of problems, but first one additional thing. Now it’s just me and my mom at our house, but because of hour cuts and paying for school and catching up on bills and other shit we don’t really have a ton of money which means we don’t have a ton of food which means what we have we have to make last. With that being said back track to me getting 2-3 hours of sleep, now my body’s tired and I’m exhausted I just wont go to fucking sleep, but I’m hungry as hell. We didn’t have cereal and milk for awhile, so that left me with pasta like I said I’m exhausted so pasta involves cooking, but I couldn’t do it. I knew I’d be too tired half way through the water boiling to finish let alone eat anything. Also cause we don’t have a ton of money I’d get 2 free meals a day in school so I wouldn’t go a whole day (or week) without eating real food (i mean it was gross government food but it got the job done), but in summer I didn’t get that so I just havent eaten really all summer like i could probably count on my hands how many actual meals ive eaten all summer. So the not eating mixed with the not sleepings fucking awful as you can imagine.I had a headache so bad I had to close my curtains put on sunglasses cover my head with a blanket and put my ice on my head in an attempt to help ease the pain, but WAIT THERES MORE. Every bone in my body constantly feels like it needs to crack and im just constantly really achey (idk if that has to do anything but it hurts like hell) Ive tried stretching and resting but it doesnt help, BUT THERES EVEN MORE!! The not eating!! I can feel my stomach being totally empty besides some water and that shit fucking hurts (idk how baby Alex did that shit) AND A FINAL THING your boy was born with god awful child bearing parts and guess what came up?! That’s right devil week so i feel like someones just stabbing me with a pitchfork while also trying to eject food thats not there. Therefore the past few nights Ive basically been clutching my stomach and head, the heating pad isnt helping, and pain killers arent helping much.

At this point youre probably like “dude just some nyquil” which yeah youre right i should but we didnt have extra money this week to buy any and we dont have any so thats why i didnt do that. Also like I said before I /am/ tired, im really fucking tired and i dont really have thoughts its more like fast and loud static and like energy i have to get out or i get uncomfortable, so the past few nights (last night was really bad) Im up clutching and rocking and snapping and tapping my feet just trying to get rid of that energy. It comes a little bit in the day i was talking to a friend and typing so fucking fast while also thinking about some oc idea and then BAM no energy at fucking all like i had to lay down. This also leads into ive been trying to read out loud to myself so i can try to get my voice lower cause my voice bothers the hell out of me, but i cant focus for longer than like 5 minutes cause of loud static and extra energy and being tired and my eyes being tired so its really frustrating.

The thing is i go to a psychiatrist for my meds and what she told me (idk if this is true everywhere or just how she is) that i had like textbook bipolar but becaue at the time i was ike 14/15 they didnt want to diagnose it cause i was still young. Bipolar runs in my family, just like depression and anxiety, so i wasnt super suprised by that and as i got older i got less scared (theres nothing scary about people with bipolar btw i just didnt know what to expect or think cause of how i saw it in like movies and stuff) i thought maybe i wasnt and i just had highs and lows like everyone else, but looking back i can see that the highs and lows were really extreme and like i said before i was super suicidal last year and just kinda gave up and earlier this summer it took a lot of energy to do anything, but this isnt like doing reckless things kinda high like it normally is and it fucking suck ass guys. On top of that my ever so supporting lately mother was like “look up manic episodes” so i told her i know what it is but she just pushed to look it up so i did and of course i made a joke about increased sexual activity (which my virgin is not) and looked like yes i know. (side note dw too much im going to the doctors tomorrow and im gonna see what i can do about my meds and stuff).

So yeah sorry for another shitty life update (not including tons of dysphoria, isolation, and more self hate but whatevs)

#personal #tw suicide mention #tw self harm #i also mention not eating but it wasnt/isnt like an ed #i dont think so anyway #its mostly me talking about my mental health and being in pain almost always #sorry for another one of these #honestly i might start posting one once a week to get some shit out

[falloutb]

.

#personal #I woke up at 1am in a kinda depressed moved and it has me kinda fucked up #like i was okay at first and i got to facetime my best friend who is on a trip right now #but then the bad suicidal thoughts came at me #not to mention the things that im worried about in my relationship came for my throat too #they want to move to portland and I have feeling they want me to come too but my life is here in cali #not to mention they talk about moving there so casually and never talks about us breaking up when that happens #i need to talk to them about that but we hardly get to see eachother so when we do its all lovey dovey rather than being able to have #serious talks about where we want our relationship to go #ill try to sleep this off but i dont think thats gonna happen for a bit

[omgmissmillie-blog]

Need you (Here)

A/N - hello, I had a bit of trouble while writing chased and more ideas started flowing in so i’m gonna see if trying to get some other stuff out can help my creative juices flow to figure out my missing key in the story. Please enjoy!!!!

A BIG ASS SPECIAL THANKS TO MY BOOTHANG SHANNON ( @screamersdontdance ) I LOVE YOU . YOU CONTRIBUTED A HUGE PART TO THIS AND UGH YOU SUFFERED WITH ME SO THANKS LOVE ❤ (Caps are literally our thing lmao)

It does switch between reader and Baron so PAY. ATTENTION.

Warning: angst, swearing, BIRTH (MMK IT HAPPENS) Word Count: - 2,750 Tagging: - @wrasslesmut @hardcorewwetrash @hiitsmecharlie @wwelover22 @lavitabella87 @justtookawaii @daintymissdevitt

So like… Listen i tagged a very few of you and im sorry if you don’t like i won’t do it again don’t kill me 😅 .

——

I couldn’t be more excited for Baron to come home today. Our child is healthy and she can be here at any moment. Baron and I have been growing a distance but he promised to come home and treat me which i’m excited for.

I had fallen asleep on the couch, I looked at the clock to see it was 1am but Baron still hasn’t come home. I grab my phone and dial his number, it had lead straight to voicemail. Usually Baron would call and tell me if something was wrong which made me uneasy. I was quick to dial Corey’s number until the lock had turned. A drunken Baron had walked in slowly with a wobble in each step. I couldn’t control my emotions as anger bubbled inside me. “Baron! What the hell, you didn’t call me or text me to let me know you weren’t coming home.” I planted my hands on my hips and glare at him. I knew this wasn’t going to work, he stared back at me but nothing came out of him. I huff and walk to the kitchen and grab a glass and filled it with water. I march back over to him and shove the glass into his hands. “Drink it and then shower. Now. Sober up because we’re going to talk about this.” I sighed with frustration.

I sat on the couch and waited for him to come out of the bathroom. He finally emerged as he dried his hair, I stood up and motioned for him to sit on the couch. I started to pace around until I began to speak. “Baron.. You promised me you’d be here.. Clearly drinking seemed to be more important.” Disappointment was filling up my words as I spoke quietly. Baron rubbed his face roughly as frustration washed over him. “(Y/N) sometimes shit happens, you have to get over it.” I stopped and looked at him, I wasn’t sure if I was angry or sad. “When you make a promise to someone usually they stand by it Baron sorry that its apart of keeping a promise.” From what was once was a silent filled room escalated into loud arguing. “What is your problem Baron? There’s this distance thats been growing between us, do you want to explain it?” My heart pounded hard against my chest as I waited for Baron to respond.

“I’m not ready to be a father (Y/N)! This is all very scary to me and i’m not scared of anyone but this i’m not ready for.” Baron stood up and ran his hands through his wet hair. I didn’t get it, I can understand him being scared but what about me? “Seriously? Baron i’m not ready to be a mother. Did you think I ask for the condom to break? Did you think I asked to carry this child? I thought I was on the safe side! So don’t come at me with you being scared because i’m scared as well. Being here for months practically alone…I’m fucking terrified.” My heart pounded faster as I shouted back at him, a sharp pain began to line my stomach. I quickly bring a hand to my tummy and try to lightly shift it, the pain had only gotten worse as I fell to my knees. I whimper as the pain had gotten more violent and unbearable. The contractions began only recently but it was a struggle to move from one spot to another. Baron immediately got down beside me and tried to soothe me only making me more angry, “Don’t fucking touch me Baron, you said you were too scared, back off. Scarier stuffs about to happen.” l shouted as clenched my stomach, I tried to stand and move but shortly my legs gave out as I gasped. Baron scooped me up into his arms, I tried to struggle against his hold, he carried me out of the house towards the car. I finally wiggle out of his grasp landing on my feet luckily. The pain became more unbearable, I look over at baron whose fishing in his pockets for his keys “You’re not driving me….anywhere you’re still… wasted and you’re risking it..” I panted as I lean down. “You’re clearly in pain (Y/N) stop being so fucking stubborn” Baron shouted back.

Headlights turned the corner and stopped in front of us, Corey had stepped out. “(Y/N)? What’s going on? are you okay? I got your call but i couldn’t pick up” He sank down to my side and tried to help me up. “No, I think theres something wrong.” I began to cry, Corey picked me up and brought me to the passenger seat of his car. Baron sat in the back seat and placed a hand on my shoulder, I was in too much pain to shake him off or fight with him anymore tonight. We made it to the hospital, Corey helped me out and guided me to the building. Baron trailed behind slowly, as we enter the building several nurses roamed around in a quickened pace. A small petite nurse walked up to me and Corey, “Hi ma'am, what brings you in tonight?” Her voice was light and soothing. “She’s fine but me, I was blinded by your beauty” Corey winked at her. I glared up at Corey, I was ready to go on a rampage if I didn’t get some help soon. Corey chuckled nervously, “She’s having very intense pain and shes 9 months so far. It may be time” The nurse went to my side and guided me into an empty room. “Can you get up on the table and wait for just a second?” The nurse left me in the room alone.

I use the little steps to lie on the table, a soft knock disturbed the silence in the room. “Come in” I tried to say as calmly as I could. Baron came in slowly and sat in the chair beside me, I turn over slightly and look at him. He stared straight ahead, as angry as I was at him I needed him here, Its better than handling this alone. I whimper quietly as the pain began to rise again, “ow ow.. Baron” I cried quietly. Baron stood up and pressed my head against his tummy. “It hurts Baron, so much..” I cried harder as I gripped lightly onto his shirt, “shh it’s okay babe you’ll be okay” Baron brought his other hand to stroke my hair. The doctor rushed in along side the nurse with a wheelchair, “(Y/N), Hi let’s skip formalities my name is Kelsie i’m your doctor for the night my nurse told me you were 9 months, expecting at anytime well today is your lucky day your baby is coming out tonight.” I looked at Kelsie in shock as tears continued to fall. “We’re going to have to bring you to the maternity unit asap we just need to wheel you there right now and get you all set up.” Kelsie came around to Baron and helped me stand and walk to the wheelchair.

I continued to pant and cry in the wheelchair as she pushed me through the halls to the maternity unit. “It’ll be okay (Y/N) we’ll try to get your little one out soon. If she’s facing the direction we need her to it’ll be easier.” Kelsie pushed the double doors that read “Maternity Ward” open, we turned the first corner and went into the first room.

“You, help her get undressed and on this bed now! You, make sure my tools are clean, You over there! I need you to get the baby on the screen now we need to see what direction shes in.” Kelsie shouted to the nurses, they worked like bees and got things done quickly, I was undressed and assisted on to the table in position. Baron remained quiet the entire time but sat in a chair near by to hold my hand.

The screen showed my baby girl, Even though I was a mess I was so glad to see her I wanted to hold her in my arms immediately. Kelsie scooted her chair in front of me as she began to prepare herself, she looked up at the screen and nodded to herself as she pulled her mask up. “(Y/N) shes in the right direction i’m gonna need you to push okay?” I didn’t trust anyone but kelsie right now, I followed what she said and immediately grab ahold of Baron’s hand as I cried out in pain. “I know …I know..you’re doing great babe” Baron kissed the top of my hand.

The last push couldn’t be anymore painful, I reached out for the baby but kelsie handed her off to the nurse, “Where are they taking my Baby?” I panic. Kelsie looked slightly worried and whispered something to Baron and left the room. “Baron. Where’s my little girl.. I want to hold her.” I began to shout, I knew from the movies when they took a baby away nothing good was happening. “They had to bring her to the NICU, she needs assistance breathing” Baron balled his hand into a fist out of frustration. My breathing picked up, I began to put my legs over the bed. “WOAH what are you doing?” Baron blocked me from getting down. My heart pounded against my chest, “Baron please… go check on our little girl please.. Go follow them.. Go…” I pushed him towards the door, walking on his own he took on a jog around to look for the NICU.

I slowly walked back and climbed up on the bed praying and hoping my little girl was going to be okay. I was completely drained after using my last bit of strength to push Baron out. I wanted to sleep but I needed to know whats going on with my baby.

****

My heart pounded hard against my chest as I looked for the NICU, Finally stumbling upon it Kelsie finally stepped out with a sigh. “Doctor Kelsie, Is she okay? Well will she?” I swipe off my beanie and run a hand through my hair.

“As of right now we are unsure. She isn’t breathing on her own. We will give it until overnight. I will personally stay and watch if you are alright with this.” Kelsie clipped her pen back onto the clip board. “Y-yes please..” I sighed and turned back to head towards (Y/N)’s room.

I open the door quietly, her eyes fluttered open. While yet she was like this she looked beautiful.. I was proud of her, I was shitty and I knew it. I had to make it right not for just us..but for her. For our little girl.

****

“What did they say?” I lick my lips everything felt dry, my throat and mouth just completely dry. I watched Baron pulled the chair to face me. “She’s on a tube at the moment. Kelsie is going to watch over her tonight and let me know if anything happens.” Baron sat back and bounced his leg.

“Listen, (Y/N) i’m sorr–”

“Baron..please.. Not now…we’ll talk later..I think I’m going to rest..I don’t want you to stay the night please.. Just go..” I close my eyes and ran my hand through my hair. He sighed quietly and stood to leave. Even though this was the moment I needed him in I was still upset with him, I just wanted to close my eyes and sleep.

****

I shut the door quietly and headed out to the main lobby, I noticed Corey sitting scrolling through his phone. I sit beside him with a sigh, he put a hand on my back and patted it.

“Explain everything in depth and detail” Corey crossed his arms and looked over to me. I rubbed my face in frustration, “This is my fault Corey, we had big argument, she refuse to let me drive, you came along luckily…now our little girl is in the NICU and (Y/N) doesn’t want me to stay up there with her.” I look down as a tear fell from my eye. “Look, I know YOU know because even I know how stubborn (Y/N) can be you gotta shut her up first before she shuts you up, what ever happen apologize and forgive honestly. Secondly why are you blaming yourself for something out of your control? You can’t prevent what happen so if shes in the NICU you have to let the doctors do what they do so that she’s okay. Lastly you and (Y/N) are gonna have to make up whatever is going on the last thing you want is for a newborn baby to probably hear you guys argue. It may not matter now because she won’t remember but listen to me you need to squash it now.” Corey stood up and held his hand out to me. I grip it and pulled him in for a hug, he was an amazing best friend always giving me the best advice and I had to follow through.

The dawn dragged in as the clock striked 6am we still sat and waited. Kelsie appeared from the corner and walked over to me. “Good news, your little girl is breathing she’s sleeping right now but at 6:30am we unlock the nursery door just bring this card up and they’ll bring her to you…have a lovely night Baron” Kelsie placed a hand on my shoulder and walked off to the doors. I was happy I can hold my baby girl, Corey and I stood up and headed back to the maternity unit.

By the time we made it the nurses were checking the babies and feeding some. I knocked softly on the door and hand the card to the nurse, she smiled and roamed over to a bassinet she slowly picked the baby up and began to walk back. My heart pounded before I even saw her, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see her. The nurse stopped and moved closer to me and placed her in my arms, Corey peeked over and put his finger in her tiny hands.

I was a tough guy but my own daughter.. I was happy to see her and i’ll admit it I had a few tears to shed. “We should go find (Y/N) and see if shes awake..” Corey began heading towards the main hall. I walked slowly as I tried to take in my little girl’s features. Her cheeks were small and round just like her mom’s, her skin was light and soft. I couldn’t tear my eyes away.

****

I could hear cooing noises but i thought I was still asleep. My eyes open slowly and the cooing continued, I sat up quickly and my heart dropped. Baron sat against the wall and played with our baby girl in his arms. Tears began to flow from eyes, Baron looked up at me and carried her to me. “Shhh….(Y/N) hold her” Baron placed her in my arms and kissed my forehead. “ I love you and I love her.. I’m sorry.” I couldn’t be mad at him anymore.. I knew he meant it.. We created this child i’m holding and I needed him as much as he needed me and our baby. I couldn’t be happier. “One more thing (Y/N)” I look over to Baron who had stepped back and pulled out a box, kneeling down he opened it and reveal a diamond ring.

I looked at him shockingly and nodded speechless as more tears fell. He stood and place the ring on my finger as I held the baby close. I smile up at him and pull him down for a quick kiss. “Corey wanted to know whats the baby’s name, by the way we clearly haven’t decided one…” Baron kneeled back down and laid his head against the bed. He was right we haven’t decided a name for her, closing my eyes and think for a second. “Emersyn Hope Corbin” I look up at Baron for approval, smiling big he nodded. “I love it..” I look down and continued to play with Emersyn.

#baron corbin #baron corbin imagine #baron corbin x reader #millie imagines

[feelings-n-shitx]

hi. i forgot about this again. surprising, i know. i really wish i hadve remembered to write because i really cant remember anything ive been feeling up until about 2 weeks ago. i just read all of the posts here and it hurts to see. i really forgot how long its been like this, how much pain i was in. everything is a blur, i dont remember what i was like last year, or the year before, or the one before that. i think the constant same-ness just turns everything into one big blob of nothing, side for important things. im still not okay. but then again i am? it’s very confusing. im sure what im experiencing is called ‘maladaptive daydreaming’. i daydream all. of. the. time. all of it, even when i dont want to. i know that it’s a coping mechanism though, that if i didnt have it id be in an awful state. when i come out of it, usually at night, i get all sad and down again. i want to call it depression but i dont know if thatd be right, though from what ive researched it is. i dont wanna be here anymore. i feel so ugly, so untalented, so nothing. i dont wanna kill myself because i dont wanna hurt my family, because i know they love me. especially hannah, i know it would hurt her so bad. i still lash out at them. im cold and mean even though i dont want to be. i want to tell them that i love them, that i care about them, that i appreciate everything they do for me. i picked up guitar some months ago and i can tell that y dad is really trying so hard to teach me, but i cant show my immense appreciation and i dont know why. i wanna die but i cant hurt them. i think im just hoping for a fatal accident. it hurts to know that there is no way out of this, i cant go because itll hurt the people i love and i cant do that.

ive lost faith in my ‘friends’ now. i made a spam instagram account that i spill my feelings into, they follow it but they dont say anything. i have said so clearly that i want to die but not one of them has said anything. out of all of them, i have especially lost hope in ethan. i know he doesnt want me anymore, hasnt for a long time. it started a year or two ago, i talked about it here. he dropped me for weeks at a time because (i think i dont remember well) he got a girlfriend. like okay i get it you need to spend time with your girlfriend but he knew VERY well that he was my only friend, that i wasnt doing good and he still did it. i looked past it though, maybe because i was in denial or because i was too young to understand. they broke up and i dont remember what our friendship was like in that space. then he met another girl, valcee. they werent even dating they were just friends. he knew her for 5 months and then he left me again. that was early 2020. its ay 2021 and it still hasnt changed. he hant messaged me in 28 days, as much as i can remember i think thats a record. even then most of our conversations were started by me. ive messaged him a few times in the past months to vent and even then i can tell he doesnt care. i would understand if he was in a bad spot and didnt want to talk to anybody but i know for a FACT that he talks to valcee almost all of the time. when we talk it is often about her. they talk for literally days on end and stay on call while they sleep, he loses sleep for her too. and what do i get? half assed conversations and “you can get through this ik it 🥺” when i pour my soul out for him. so i know he can keep a conversation if he wants to, that if he cared he would show it. ive decided im not gonna text him anymore.

ive noticed that i struggle to eat. i think it’s more of a physical thing than mental. i can only stomach a bit before i start to gag. im so hungry sometimes but i cant eat and i dont understand why. maybe its because im autistic? i dont know. they dont notice either. when they take my dishes at lunch and there is still 90% of it there they dont seem to notice. same at tea. ill have a snack before bed though. i dont think i have an ED because im not cautious of gaining weight. ive never looked at the calories or avoided eating im fear of gaining weight. i just like.. can’t stomach much? by much i mean like half a plate of food. most of the time i get hungry to the point of pain and not being able to function properly but i still don’t eat. i cant. i don’t know why. it goes away eventually though, and i just feel tired. then i forget that i’m hungry and wait until my next meal. or i’ll eat something very small like a cookie or too and feel full. i don’t know why that is it’s very confusing. i’m hungry as i type this, but i can’t eat. i had a fajita for tea, and then about half of one about an hour ago. if i’m hungry why can’t i eat the whole thing? i don’t get it.

im trying so hard. im trying so ahrd and nothing is happening and i dont undertsnad why. why am i still like this why am i still alone why am i still ugly why am i still broken i dom t get why me what did i do please i just wanna be normal i cant evena be sad normal 

*a couple lines of this were written on 16/05/21 (but at 1am so technically it’s 15/05/21 but the rest was a few days ago but i don’t remember when