#on that truly different person than who I am now

[pepperyhoney]

COLLEGE END TERM EXAMS ARE KILLING MEEEE but

I saw someone saying that he is blaming himself for something that is not his fault completely because he always does (re: AM retirement), and that katsuki is showing how much he is a soft person at heart. And how he is not to blame for this. But i have a slightly different interpretation from this.

i think Katsuki was not a soft person. and I think that here was not a show of how much he loves to blame himself. it is stated again and again how much of him is brash and callous and arrogant, and like his mother and himself said, he is given too much praise and never really tasted rejection or failure—except from himself. and even then, he never dwells too much on it and just keep having the mindset of improving and one upping everyone including himself. the sigma grindset, if you will. Even though his outward theatrics shows how explosive he is and how he gets so agitated at many things, he has shown that he has more emotional control in battle than even Midoriya-I-Will-Go-Berserk-Over-My-Endangered-Lover-Izuku. like he even has to remind Izuku to not dwell on things lest it kills him.

Then he came back from the dead.

The death itself is a significant factor. "Can I still catch up to you?" as one of his last thoughts, was something he now consider his reality, his acceptance of himself and Izuku. He reframed the way he tasted failure and rejection of what he thinks the way he is - of how he perceived Midoriya and that what he rejects about him in the first place then came to reject him in return-into something that once again motivates him to win and to always have a goal, his newborn northern star.

When All Might retires, he blames himself because all might is the symbol of peace and people around the world now lost it and there's a new imbalance that he feels are a part of his responsibility. But truly, regardless of anything, all might will retire anyway due to his injury. It is not his fault. He just hates the feeling of "failing" to save himself, that he needed to be saved. He doesn't want to accept that.

Then we get a narrative of how quirk is viewed by the world, the sides of it, and the darkest part of it. Izuku is shown to be affected by this too, while relying on his own belief that stems from all might idealism (the vigilante era). But then his class shows how much that idealism is no longer sustainable, and repeating the same things aren't going to do anyone any good. Katsuki, despite the lack of narrated inner thoughts, is a part of crowd who instill it to izuku as well. Then he apologized. He knows that Izuku is this self sacrifical because of him. That he thinks he can't truly save anyone without giving a part of himself. Which circles back to how he accepted izuku as a rival and a partner. He now see him as he is and accept the part of it was his fault. Katsuki went on with life because he thinks that now Izuku can always change for the better, like he always do, and he will be there on his heels, to be with him and to accept his hand, and i quote, "for the rest of their lives".

When izuku has to give up OFA to try save Tenko, when he really showed how much he is willing to give up anything- even the greatest gift and his raison d'etre that is propelling him to this point along with Katsuki himself (because you know, izuku extend his hands to everyone and that starts with his extension to Katsuki), That is really what hits home to him. That they're so interwined with each other, that izuku has always been a hero to him as much as he is to Izuku, that the extended hand he swatted all those years ago, is the same hand that still give a part of himself away to tenko shimura in an attempt to save him. Izuku was always a hero because he will not hesitate to save anyone.

Now that he saw Izuku as a rival, and saw izuku as what he is, he truly sees how much saving is tied to the act of being saved, that everyone has to help each other to truly win, that to protect someone, you have to be willing to be protected to save yourself, too. Now, the hand he rejected all those years ago, the person he rejected again and again, is unable to save himself from fate, and the worse part, he can't protect him from fate and himself. He saw how much his actions truly meant, he saw how apology only grazed the surface wound of the consequence of a childhood ignorance. Now he truly understands that all he wanted was to protect Izuku; that it was all a misdirection of what he truly wants, to be a hero that protects people. that misdirection in turn bites him in form of losing his hero that saved him from himself. So, with tears of realization too late, "no... just what the hell did i do to you?".

the despair he feels is because he has so much respect for izuku and that bittersweet feeling of knowing that izuku choice is going to change everything, as well as knowing he has a part on it. He can't take back anything, and izuku has to live with it, and how does it truly feel to see the one you now saw as your equal, goal, northern star, to rise and dim because of you?

Katsuki was not a soft person. he is, now. Because he is saved by the people around him. Thats why his wish was to save izuku, too. He wishes there was another way, he wishes that the fate izuku has didnt have to enforce izuku's already self sacrificing beliefs. He wish that he is saved from the fate. He cries because he knows he is inseparable from it all-even if it wasn't truly his fault. He loves and respect him and knowing he is inseparable of what makes him love and respect him is making him realize the gravity of the situation. He changed so much from the brash and arrogant kid he was, that now instead of being angry and challenging at fate not going his way, he yearns for them to change so that the person he truly cares about is saved. His admittance and heartfelt confession is one hell of a leap and show how much he changed, and reducing it to him blaming himself for something not his fault is kinda redundant and insulting to his character development.

#katsuki bakugou #izuku midoriya #bakudeku #mha #bkdk #oh my god i took an hour to write this all #please this is so long #its currently 2 AM #tomorrow i have to deal with anatomy exam #please wish me luck i really choose the worst time to be brainrotting #i have poor self control #i love him so much tho what can i say #please pray for me lmao #is this even coherent

[ingydar-g-phan]

Happy birthday Dan. I found you at a very, very low point in my life. It’s funny, because that point was only a few months ago. March 3rd. March 3rd. Jesus Christ. I was dealing with severe bullying, depression, hopelessness, isolation, gender dysphoria (i have been out/socially transitioned for like 5 years), and most of all, loneliness. I had a circle of about 3 friends who i talked to regularly, but only 1 i even saw in person more than once per year. Then, two of those 3 people began having relationship issues and were on the verge of breaking up. I felt like i was a bother, a burden to their already existing issues. Every single day I’d walk into school, put my headphones on, and not talk to a single person. I’d read, sleep, listen to music, dissociate, and sleep some more throughout the day just to distract myself from everything. From class, from parents, from the outside, everything. I fully and truly believed everyone besides those 3 people hated me. They found me disgusting, annoying, taking up space, and simply didn’t want me there. I think that is true to an extent, but i don’t like how i was just letting that be how it is. My dad was genuinely hopeless, he told me to just ride it out and if i could try to be just a little bit normal-er, maybe i wouldn’t be ignored by every person every day. That didn’t work. Instead, i decided to do some self work. Or rather, my dad stopped intruding on my free time which allowed me to still be awake and do things i wanted to do in peace. I thought, “Dan and Phil….those two emo guys with the cat whiskers….i have such a vague memory of a friend mentioning them or scrolling across a post of them, who even are they?”. I typed into the YouTube search bar “Dan and Phil”. A gaming channel? Are these people streamers? Oh god (i did not know you were one of us 🏳️‍🌈….or british…..). I watched one video. Now, ACCORDING TO YOUTUBE HISTORY, i somehow watched What Dan And Phil Text Each Other 4 as my first video. Not even the gaming channel, i don’t know how this happened maybe YouTube is lying to me. Whatever. Ok so which ones Dan and which ones Phil? Why do they look SO different? They’re British? I started watching Dan and Phil edits on TikTok. Ok, i know who you are, i get the vibes. Oh, coming out timeline? Gaming channel timeline and hiatus? Reacting to PINOF? On March 13, i watched Basically I’m Gay and Coming Out To You. It took me an entire month from then to watch Why I Quit YouTube. By late April, i was in it. I was watching Dan or Phil every day. Before, during, and/or after school. Since then, I’ve purchased YWGTTN (limited edition signed updated paperback). It was 38 fucking dollars in USD but it was worth it. I also now own TATINOF and DAPGO, one of which is signed by Phil, i bought second hand. So yes, now this is my new thing. But you know what else? I was getting happier. I was going to more concerts. I was doing my schoolwork, or at least trying to. I was reading!!!! I’ve since finished The Secret History. I made a friend; reconnected with an old childhood friend and started eating lunch together and hanging out and having shared trauma dump sessions, and we are so so close now. My two friends broke up, but it’s ok. I’m best friends with one of them and he’s so much better off, and the other and i are still casual friends!! I value them both for the multiple years I’ve known them. I’ve taken family vacations and done religious holidays with genuine care while getting to reconnect with my family. I’ve very passionately finished acting in a musical that I’ve put so much care into for about 5 months. I’m graduating tomorrow!!! And me and my close friend will be going to a concert tomorrow night afterwards, and I’m going to have a great summer where i see my close friend who i haven’t seen IRL since March of 2023. I’m getting closer with my dad and seeing a new therapist. I am having medical problems as of right now, but i would 100% be lying in bed crying and skipping graduation had i not found a reason to enjoy my days.

Did i just take one sentence referencing Dan to write a whole autobiography on tumblr? Yes, but also no. Dan and Phil are real people. They really do rescue pigeons named Steve and getting 10 sauces for their pizza and say hi across the city with binoculars. But they also genuinely have an impact on people, and they see that, and they LIKE to see that. I don’t think Dan will see this post. But I’m making it anyway. For me.

I love Dan so much. I cried twice while watching We’re All Doomed in my kitchen. I have actively watched Dan and Phil videos while crying at school. Once, in my bedroom, i was having a panic attack. I had an overwhelming rush of thoughts around 10 or 11 at night about how worthless i am and how terrible everything was going. I opened my tiktok, and there was THE edit that saved me. It was a video of fetus Dan on YouNow talking about his dream home. And then it was cutting back and forth to the Phouse. Then, Dans hopeful monologue in Basically I’m Gay. Finally, Dans hopeful monologue in We’re All Doomed. All of this in a softly shaky screen with sad music behind it. I cried a lot. This aspect of my life means so much to me. I think about the Halloween 2023 baking video at least 5 times a day (and sister Daniel’s….uhm….legs…). I am still so mad i did not buy the satanic Craft shirts. I just rewatched Dans interview last year with Anthony Padilla just because of how goddamn much I’m obsessed with that angle of Dan with his cute chin and cheeks and fucking dimple. I think about Dans bluntness in his defined-self and truly feel inspired to be like him. I look at his change over the years, his comfortability in his body, seeing that his face and neck are shaped like my face and neck, and he’s fucking beautiful. I don’t think I’d feel comfortable in my weight if not for Dan Howell, and i mean that so insanely sincerely. I read Dans book whenever I’m feeling hopeless and need a soft sexy British man to tell me the scientific reasoning behind why i feel this way and to assure me he’s felt worse. I’m so serious when i say i cannot imagine a day of my life without Dan and Phil. I truly don’t understand how i lived before or how I’d expect to live without it. “Live”, in the sense of find a way of life, not as in “stay alive.” I can’t imagine a day without those big brown boba eyes and that cute dimple and mainly that calming voice that reminds me someone else has felt this way. That reminds me love is possible. That reminds me i have so much ahead of me, so much life and love and joy.

Phil’s birthday stream may be my favorite piece of Dan and Phil media, or at least one of them. I find it so comforting and wholesome and beautiful and hilarious. I have such high hopes for Dans birthday stream. Until then, I’ll be working on my long-awaited (still very very unfinished) 2009!Dan and Phil art piece within my art initiative (pinned on my profile) (just for funsies, no money or anything involved). I’m going to sit there at 3pm (my time) and watch with a huge smile on my face to see my amazing dads spend the time of their lives being sexy and old and happy and disgustingly homosexual while i just embrace all you’ve done for me.

Happy birthday Dan

@danielhowell

#dan and phil #daniel howell #dan howell #phan #amazingphil #dnp #dan and phil games #dans birthday #happy birthday #dnpgames #d&p #phil lester

[laura1633]

I mean I'm not sure how much the rb20 is difficult and how much is skill issue of checo. I would like to see the second seat in the hand of a better driver like carlos or alonso to have a better understanding, but red bull doesn't seem to care about checo poor results since they renewed him

Sorry anon I ended up writing so much more than I was planning, I start talking about Max and all of a sudden I am wanting to write a thesis 😂 

I’m not a technical expert so I guess I am just going from the limited information I have (so there are likely errors in how I word this). Watching the onboards and looking at how they have struggled to dial that car in during practice sessions I do believe that that car has been a handful over the last few races and I think Max has been driving around the weaknesses of the car. There are other tracks where the car seems in its sweet spot and I am sure is much more enjoyable to drive but in terms of recent races it looks like it has been a struggle. The RB20 seems to suffer from balance issues over a bumpy track or when having to ride the kerbs.

I remember Alex Albon talking about how the Red Bull is not designed around Max but designed to go as fast as possible and that means a twitchy car that is hard to handle but if you can handle it then its quick. Not all drivers (even the good ones) will be able to extract the most out of the car. Some of it does come down to preferences and driving styles of course. 

To me it’s a bit like when you play a racing game - you can get a much faster lap time if you take all the driving assists off but you are far more likely to spin the car and it suddenly becomes a lot more difficult to control.

People do like to talk about the performances of Max’s teammates but don’t always factor in or give Max credit to how he makes those drivers look in comparison to what he is doing. I think it’s important to remember that people had positive things to say about Pierre, Alex and Checo prior to them lining up next to Max, it’s not like they are poor drivers (look at the positive way people talk about Alex now). I know people will have different opinions on this so I’m not going to go too deep into driver comparisons as I don’t want to upset anyone and I want this blog to remain a positive space no matter who you support.

To me personally I think Max would come out on top no matter who they brought in alongside him (I am sure different fan bases would think differently and that is fine, we are all passionate about the drivers we support). That’s not to say there aren’t drivers who couldn’t beat him in some races but I just think over the course of a season he would come out on top. I believe Charles, for example, would do well because I think he has similar preferences in terms of the way a car drives and how he handles a “twitchy” car. 

I just truly believe that Max is so good that his achievements are taken for granted and that even if you brought someone else in alongside him and he beat them week in week out people would just return to the argument that its because the car is built for Max.

#laura1633 asks #Max Verstappen

[unserenedreaming]

on the "Sansa being the true loner of the Starks"

I just saw a post saying that Sansa is the 'odd one out' amongst the Starks because she's surrounded by her brothers and a tomboyish sister (Arya). It is true that she is surrounded by brothers and a sister who rejects the patriarchal roles of a woman (Arya) but she is by no means a loner.

The two other named young noblewomen in Winterfell are Jeyne Poole and Beth Cassel. Jeyne is the closest thing to a best friend for Sansa, while Beth is described more as a hanger-on than an actual friend. Jeyne strived to make Sansa happy, often at Arya's expense: Jeyne would often whinny like a horse or call Arya Horseface when Arya would walk by. When Mycah is unjustly killed by the Hound, Jeyne taunts Arya by telling her the Hound cut Mycah into so many little pieces that his own father assumed it was a bag of meat to eat. Jeyne Poole was the daughter of Winterfell's steward. Arya was the daughter of Lord Eddard Stark, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North. In my opinion, it is only by her close friendship with the other daughter of Lord Stark that Jeyne feels emboldened enough to make such a comment.

And then let's talk about Catelyn. There is no denying that Catelyn Stark loved each and every one of her children with the fury of a thousand suns. In fact, the older I get, the more I understand her (excluding her treatment of Jon which deserves an essay all on its own) She saw Sansa as the perfect daughter:

"Sansa was a lady at 3, always so courteous and eager to please. She will grow into a woman far more beautiful than I ever was, you can see that." These are words from Catelyn Stark about her elder daughter.

"Arya was a trial, it must be said. Half a boy and half a wolf pup. Forbid her anything and it became her heart’s desire. She had Ned’s long face, and brown hair that always looked as though a bird had been nesting in it. I despaired of ever making a lady of her. She collected scabs as other girls collected dolls, and would say anything that came into her head." These thoughts from Catelyn Stark about her younger daughter.

Sansa fit into the traditional patriarchal view of what a noble woman was supposed to be, which made her easier to manage for Catelyn. Arya does not.

The only person that Arya truly, honestly and deeply feels akin to is Jon. This is not me saying that the only person who loved Arya was Jon. Her family loved her deeply. But I am examining the POV of Arya and Sansa.

Arya loves and gets along with her siblings, but she is an outsider compared to them: they all have the red hair and blue eyes of the Tully's. Only Jon shares the looks of the Starks. This to me has always been the most obvious divide; the physical differences between Robb, Sansa, Bran, & Rickon and Jon & Arya. Jon and Arya have always relied on each other more than anyone else, pre-canon or into ADWD.

To wrap this rambling post up, I disagree that Sansa was considered an outsider/the odd one out in the Stark family. In truth, that position doesn't even belong to Arya, though she is the odd one out amongst the trueborn Starks. It belongs to Jon and Theon. Both are boys who desperately want to be Stark children but can never be, and their subsequent actions, both positive (Jon) and negative (Theon) are direct results of that desire and lack of result.

AND AGAIN, THIS IS NOT AN ATTACK ON SANSA. This is a response to a comment I saw from a (presumed by me) Stansa. Sansa absolutely deals with isolation in the series as the books goes on as a captive in Kings Landing. All the Starlkings do as they are separated across the continent and eventually Essos (Arya).

Anyways, hope this wasn't too much of a pain to read, I'm buzzed right now. Love Y'all.

#asoaif #arya stark #sansa stark #house stark #jon snow #theon greyjoy #starkling suffering

[candeathbereal]

Astro Observations (Synastry)

-The moon is such an important thing to consider in astrology you know why? Besides it being a big deal with how you express yourself emotionally and general stuff connected so intensely to you, but our experiences and emotions really connect us as humans so certain things just don't vibe well with certain people due to those experiences and such.

For example, I know two people who basically have almost the same big six (their Suns, Mercury, Venus, and Mars are all conjunct) but the only difference is their moon signs. One has a Cancer moon while the other has a Gemini moon (so close to having the same moon right?!) Now the core difference for me and how I interact with the two is fairly different. Especially since I have a Virgo moon and that is a consistent thing for me (I have a Virgo moon in both tropical and sidereal because of how degrees work and such) let's use tropical for this tho just cause I feel more knowledgeable on that as opposed to sidereal (it's a work in progress for sure). Anyways my moon is at the 28' 28' degree in Virgo and I have a Leo rising. So with whole sign synastry overlays Gemini would land in my 11th house whereas cancer would land in my 12th house. That by itself makes me have an interesting vibe with cancer placements as a whole and moon is not exactly at it's best in the twelfth house. I'll also include that these two are people I work with.

Anyways, in my personal experience cancer moons have not been the greatest to have an experience with (for me) since there is always a chance of their moon being squared my moon (degrees are important imo) and if they square my moon they will most likely square my Mercury and my Venus. Plus in the 12th house....tough shit. In the 11th house I think helps simmer down the agony and torture that this synastry aspects could cause. (Again degrees matter)

Back to what I was talking about earlier though. With the gemini moon they trine my moon and sextiles my mercury and my venus whereas the cancer moon person squares my moon, venus, and mercury. Not great stuff and it doesn't help that their suns are opposite my mercury and venus (with the gemini moon it's a mutual for sun opposite mercury but not venus since their venus is in a different sign than their mercury). It isn't all too bad but there is a difference in my interactions with the both of them. Surprisingly enough I have an easier time casually talking to the cancer moon as opposed to maybe the Gemini moon but I'm a horrible talker already with people. I'll also add that even though I have an easier time talking to the cancer moon....I do prefer talking to myself or others if possible (nothing really against them it truly is because I am more of a loner than apparently most people) I don't know either one of their rising signs so that probably does something maybe idk. Now with placidus the gemini moon would be in my 10th house whereas the cancer moon is in my 11th house. But if we went with whole sign then gemini moon would be in my 11th house and cancer moon in my 12th house. Of course 12th house isn't known for being a great house overlay for synastry (for most at least), but for me it's rough...

Another thing I want to add is that in my experience a lot of aspects in your natal chart will affect how aspects in synastry will act out. Which goes into my next point is that my natal moon opposes my mercury and venus so I think that is a contributing factor to why it's 'easier' to talk to the cancer moon as opposed to the gemini moon. I know that doesn't make too much sense.

Let me include their placements since I'm about to wrap this up.

Sun and mercury: Libra

Venus: Leo

Mars: Sag

Anyways I might talk about this more another time but I would love to know you guy's thoughts.

Side note: I have figured out one of their rising signs so I will be posting about that and post a link here

#astrology #astro #astrology observations #astro observations #astro posts #astrology synastry #synastry

[saphronethaleph]

Revolt

Finn swallowed.

“Are we ready?” he asked. “Are you sure this is going to work?”

Maz looked up from the assemblage of comm gear she’d patched together, one of her lenses retracting, then they all swayed slightly as the Falcon did a three-sixty spin.

“Careful with the old girl!” Lando shouted, from the dorsal turret.

Chewbacca shouted something back from the cockpit.

“It’ll be fine, so long as Chewie keeps the violent manoeuvring to a minimum!” Maz snapped.

The sound of rapid firing guns pulsed up the turret access ways, as both Lando and Rose fired out a cascade of laserbolts from their respective turrets at TIE fighters following them.

“Aaaaa!” C-3P0 yelped. “Mister Chewbacca, please don’t do things like that!”

Another roar in Shyriiwook sounded in reply.

“I know we’d be shot down if you didn’t, you don’t have to rub it in!”

“As for how long it’ll work…” Maz added, glancing at the code cylinders. “You’ve definitely got a minute. Maybe two. What do you think the chances are of three?”

R2 whistled.

“Three is possible,” Maz agreed. “But I think the biggest question is one I can’t answer, Finn. Are you ready?”

Finn took a deep breath.

Everyone was depending on him. The whole Resistance was out there, fighting to buy him time, as the defences of Exegol spat fire up at them and as dozens of TIE fighters tried to pin them down.

Poe and BB-8 were very specifically flying cover for the Falcon, but everyone was out there.

“Let’s do it,” he said, picking up the headset, and Maz flicked three switches.

“I don’t know what you think of me,” Finn began. “I don’t know who you know me as, but… I’m pretty sure you know who I am. You’ve heard me described as FN-2187. As a member of the Resistance. As a traitor. A stormtrooper. A sanitation worker… as a failure.”

He paused.

“Maybe that’s true,” he said. “Maybe all of it’s true. I don’t know. But there’s something more important than that – something I learned from a friend. From the first friend I ever made-”

One of the sublight engines crackled and died, then Rose shouted something and Chewbacca slewed the ship away from the rest of a volley of laserbolts. Only the first few hit home, straining the shields but not overwhelming them, then Lando called advice and R2 rolled over to do something to the fuel pump.

Finn didn’t hear any of it.

“Because I am not a slave,” he said. “I’m a person, and my name is Finn. And – and I’d never really realized that before. I was a stormtrooper, and stormtroopers have been the face of the Empire, of the First Order, for decades – but we’ve always been used! We’re taken to fight, trained from childhood, and that’s wrong, and we’re made to think it’s the only way things can be – that we don’t even deserve names, just numbers.”

The shaking of the Falcon made him nearly fall out of his chair, and Maz steadied him. “The only jobs of a stormtrooper are to scare people into obeying, and to kill, and to die! The people who make us don’t care about us, they don’t care about what we do, anyone who hesitates gets reconditioned and you’re not allowed to leave. We’re made as slaves, as they try to force us to be clones, even though the original clones wanted more than anything else to be individuals. To be people. And – and, ask yourself, what do you want? What would you do with your life?”

The words were pouring out of him now, and Finn didn’t know if they made any sense. If they’d do what he wanted, what he dearly and truly hoped.

“I’m not sorry I left, because I deserve more with my life than a code,” he said. “And so do you. I have a name, and so should you. I was just a little different and they wanted to destroy me, and they’d do the same to you. They didn’t care about me, and they don’t care about you…but they care about me now. They recognize me now. They know who I am, now. And everything they’ve built depends on your willingness to be content with nothing. With obedience. With slavery. With being replaceable and anonymous.”

Maz waved at him, and Finn saw that the displays were flashing in what looked a much more urgent way.

“Listen to me, brothers, sisters!” he pleaded. “You deserve to be more! I am a person, and my name is Finn – and you are people too. I want to know your names.”

The next hit sent the Falcon rolling through a complete spin like a top, throwing Finn out of his seat, and the mixed-up pile of comm equipment flew out of place. Some of the cables snapped, parts of it caught fire, and electrical arcs snapped out into the rest of the main room.

Some of the lights went out.

“What the hell was that?” Lando shouted.

“Torpedo!” Rose replied, from the ventral turret. “I nailed it just before it hit us!”

R2 rolled calmly into the room and doused the flaming equipment with his fire extinguisher, putting out the flames, and Finn patted out some of the ones on his clothes.

“Did it work?” he asked. “Maz – did it work?”

“I don’t know, Finn, but you did all you could,” she replied. “Quickly – to the cockpit. My boyfriend could do with another pair of hands!”

“Got it,” Finn decided.

It took him only a few seconds to reach the cockpit, and he used the time to swap out earpieces.

“Poe?” he asked. “How are we doing?”

“You certainly got their attention, Finn!” Poe replied. “Half the fleet is firing at you, specifically! Chewie’s a damn good pilot, I’ll tell you that much – so far he’s dodged more than a dozen turbolaser shots! They’re using the main batteries on you, too!”

“Great, really good to know that’s happening,” Finn said, wincing. “What happens if one of them hits us?”

“Well, good news is, you’ll probably never realize it,” Poe said, then his X-wing rolled past the Falcon and did a weird kind of inverted flip before firing behind them. “That’s two more down!”

“What do you need me to do, Chewie?” Finn asked.

Chewbacca waved over at one of the banks of switches with a mumble, and Finn saw that the whole power system was straining badly to keep up with the demands being placed on it by everything that was going on.

He diverted some power from the front screens, sharing it out to everything else that needed attention, then one of the Star Destroyers closest to the superlaser refit facility blew up.

“Whoa!” he said. “What was that?”

“Don’t know, Finn!” Poe called. “I don’t think we did that!”

“Boys, listen to this!” Maz instructed, then their commlinks crackled.

“-destruction of the Forceful was a warning!” an Imperial officer said, in harsh tones. “Any attempt by Stormtroopers to launch a mutiny will be met with overwhelming force! This is your only warning!”

“That’s the First Order Allegiant General,” Maz told them.

“Well, if this doesn’t work, we can ram the Falcon down his throat!” Rose suggested. “What ship’s he on?”

A moment later, one of the other First Order Star Destroyers opened fire.

On a fellow Star Destroyer.

“This is KL-1138!” a man’s voice called out, over the same frequency. “I am a person, and my name is Kyle! Everything Finn has said is right!”

“I am Brell!” another voice declared, this time a woman. “Starting now, I am not a slave!”

The comm frequencies began to dissolve into overlapping shouts, and Finn felt like slumping over backwards.

They’d done it. Somehow-

No.

It wasn’t a mystery. It wasn’t an unknown.

It wasn’t even something he’d done, mostly.

He’d just reminded them all. They were people.

#Star Wars #stormtrooper #stormtrooper revolt #finn #maz kanata #poe dameron #chewbacca #rose tico #lando calrissian #rise of skywalker #oh look a thematic through line

[places-people]

the easiest way to make me fall into a deep self reflective place is just to have me watch “The Emotional Consequences of Broadcast Television,” ie the Community finale

#Nate says stuff #community #like… #I could write.. pages and pages about my relationship with media and how it has evolved over the years #how I think about media and how I feel about how it is shaped and how it shapes people #I could talk. endlessly. about the subject #about how I felt as it was actively shaping my being #as it guided me in the fundamental formation of who I was throughout my youth #and the vast intensity of emotions I felt for it #how it was all that let me relate to or feel things in general. how every facet of my personality was built through characters and themes #and about the gaps between that time and who I am now. about the process of looking back on those emotions #on that truly different person than who I am now #and finding the bridges between the two #that’s at its core part of the stupid ‘go through all my likes from the beginning of this blog’ #it’s… about reconciling all the people that I used to be with who I am today #those emotions #that intensity #it formed me at the time and is baked in to who I am now #but it’s like looking at someone you used to know but haven’t seen in years #the memories of what it was like together feel so close but can’t be touched #it’s just… a lot #anyway I am rambling but… yeah #it’s just such a trip to think about TV and what it means and has meant and who I am

[derpinette]

girls being nice to me gets me higher than ecstasy ever could

#SORRY for the corny post but this is how i truly feel not waxing poetic here like literally it does #i just met the cool girl i keep talking about & IT WAS SÅ FREAKEING ÅSUM ^_^_^_^_^_^ YAY #HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY HAPPY HAPPY JOY #OK sorry for screaming But i really am very excited... #turns out she is autistic & we discussed our neuroses while eating & ugh she is just as cool as i thought she was #always tell people you think have Swag that you noticed it on them see how it worked for me #i was so scared of spilling my spaghettis but turns out that was exactly what i needed to do to be friends ^_^ YAY #we went to a lot of different libraries together & i got a small old eyeless bunny plush from the event we went to caus i felt bad for it #i even showed her my pony art & i told her about my cringe interest (that music event i like...♯RealOnesKnow ) #& she thought it was COOL.& i felt like it was really genuine & she talked about reading BL LOL we discussed fujos together #we even talked about finding moids ugly #it was so awesome she was so cool & Nice To Me... i feel like i am on CUMULONIMBUS ( cloud 9 ) ^_^_^_^_^_^ #talking to her in person was so much better than online OMG now i wish i really was friends with you muties IRL #i wish you a Girl Friend experience just like this to those who post about wanting them i really do #also the reason why i even like my Music Event so much is because the first time i watched it was with a bunch of women #& i had so much fun & they were so nice to me i keep returning & now that Event means so much to me & I LOVE IT sorry (NOT) #i know this sounds like tumblrina fiction i would not believe it either IDK what to say to make it sound legitimate 0_0 like it is so crazy #to me as well IDK i can barely get over it & IDK if i really want to so um well YAY ^_^ AIMU SO HEPI :DDD

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

#blue chatter #am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no. #ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing #but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics. #and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t. #and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture #which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people #autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf! #not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people #depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay #but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL #and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them #I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house #their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting #I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation #they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo #which is rly neat #it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’ #which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower. #but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes. #oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her. #which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page. #Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time. #which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e #it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid #and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’ #and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun #I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^

[flickeringflame216]

.

#It's quite interesting to me that there's so much discourse around wanting/not wanting to be a parent #especially for young people who may not even be dating let alone married? And especially for young women I've noticed. #It's such a non-issue (to me) at this point. Like yeah I've thought about it but I have other focuses. #the answer to that question might be one of the least interesting things about me #I'm sure one day it will matter more than it does now but like? Why do you a random person care whether I hypothetically want to have kids? #I am a college student? I am not dating and might not ever be? #Also! This is not a hating on kids or mothers post!! #I am a summer camp counselor for middle school girls. I work in kids' and youth ministry year round. Motherhood is beautiful and noble and #never something I would diminish! #that belief can coexist with maybe never wanting to be a parent! or maybe just not wanting to have an opinion on it right now! #anyway i would love to hear other opinions here. I'm not sure if this is a common experience #(This being having random acquaintances/family members with strong opinions on your future possible parenthood) #or not #is it just as uncomfortable for people who do know that they want kids? I imagine it would be differently so but I don't truly know. #Or just any relevant takes honestly I'm just curious.

[katyspersonal]

Speaking of "something intimate touched by dirty hands", I'll be real, I kinda do still need someone to "cleanse" image of Mic0lash for me. Ever since the grand fandom rift I've of course fallen onto the better side where fans are trying their best, I just can tell my Mic mutuals are trying their best with the guy. But something so incredibly bad is connected with the character- You guys know how negative experiences with people can ruin a character (and you're in luck if not the whole piece of media)? This character for me is a manifestation that if someone claims to really love and need me, I should keep in mind that it is a lie I should not trust.

I should know by now that when something sounds too good to be true - it IS, but he is like... an "avatar" of that realization. Someone I could just look at at be reminded without the words that yes, I should remember that I'll never be happy or valued like I want to. That my "ability" to see something good even in the darkest people or to listen to the intention of even the most distorted message is reserved for someone else. For something else. I am just not built for things like long friendships, celebrating holidays, exploring the world together, just being loved, just being able to trust, just being cared about, just sharing life with someone. My role in this world is to be a "tutorial enemy". Someone people would have a negative experience with but in exchange, understand who they are and what they really want in life, and let go of their struggles and wishes that tormented them. But I feel like I can only fulfill my purpose in this world for as long as I am ignorant about it. If I stop trusting people and seeking the type of love I need - I won't get attached, so I won't get hurt when people hurt me, so I won't be slain. Because this is what I am in - a videogame enemy that people need to defeat to level up and proceed to their own games. And if I stop respawning - how I can be what I am?

I just should not learn a thing, because people better off after they "murder" me. More cruel and reclused, but better off - more self-sufficient, more confident, more.. secure of how much good they deserve. It would just help them to be more cautious when someone actually toxic appears. Like, someone who is not even self-aware, not struggling and not remorseful. So they won't take chances, to the better.

But I just need to blind myself to the truth, because I've got nothing better to offer to this world than being that "tutorial enemy". People are better after slaying me. I drop Insight points upon being stabbed, and it happened so many times. I guess this character is just cursed with being associated with a truth so horrible that it is better off not realizing it and just be moved like a pawn.

#/vent #personal #i just really need to forget #i'll never know rest and won't be anything but a tool #like i see patterns and i see my role is not a happy one #even when it is not me doing something - i cause collateral effect of the same nature #like... because of the rift that i was the result of my very very very nice and sweet friend had to learn to stand against the bullies #was this a good and useful skill? yes. was it me who attracted the said bullies? YES. #the punchline is that the person that ruined the character for me was probably the only one able to appreciate a place like this in- #-the grand scheme of things #and not just write it down as mad ravings of depressed/traumatized person #i don't believe that the world functions as well and sound as how religious people paint it #if there is truly the purpose to all this then in the end i'll just be discarded like a tool that completed its purpose and now- #-would just otherwise collect the dust #there is no other meaning in my life than to be a step towards someone else's progress and sometimes even happiness #yet i can't just.... trade my life for a different one you know? it's all i can do #i appear in the right time and place and cause chaos past which people are better for one reason or another #most learn how important they are after ditching me. some become kinder if they realize they were cruel to me #but one thing that is certain is that i am just discarded and forgotten to 'respawn' when the need arises again.

[milo-is-rambling]

Me when I want to be wanted more than anything else

#I think I’d be more normal if I had more friends but every friend I lose makes me isolate more and more and now it’s like I can only trust #people I’ve interacted with for years already #and then every time I try to make friends I either don’t respond (anxiety. not feeling a vibe. whatever) or they stop responding when I #actually like them (someone who talked to me for like four days in an row and then randomly blocked me no explanation) #I think if I made more friends or even talked to more people I’d understand how to do it successfully but I don’t have enough experience and #no one wants to be friends with me (and it’s scary when they do!!!) wahhhhhhhhhh #I need to move somewhere new and talk to strangers I’m good at that #I made more friends a a concert age 14 than I have from me the ages of 16-19 and i think that’s ridiculous #how do I explain to everyone ever that nothing bad happened to me I’m just mentally ill bc my hormones are fucked and it’s let me to spiral #and ruin my own life and then slowly painfully build my life back up and then crush it all again over and over again for years and years #to the point where I’m afraid I’ll never amount to anything so the idea of ever truly having people who find any value for me in their lives #feels like it’s fake and then when I do finally trust people I end up loving too hard and fucking it up and then I isolate for even longer #it’s takes me twice as long to find a new friend and trust them again and then it happens all over again #it feels like I’m destined to be alone bc I can’t tell the difference between platonic shit and flirting so I have a wall between me and #everyone else bc I’m afraid to like someone too much and confuse my brain bc I don’t ever want to like someone who doesn’t like me even if #it’s as friends bc I’ve put more effort in than other ppl always but it’s bc I put too much effort in and expect too much and no one else #is as weirdly obsessive and clingy and dedicated as I am bc I’m not normal and that’s why no one likes me bc I try too hard or not at all #and it makes everyone in my life family friends crushes whatever hate me bc I’m all or nothing forever I can’t just be normal #I think a lifetime of living with my mother has permanently damaged the way I see myself #who are all these normal ideal people in my brain why did my mother put them there and why will I always be worse than a hypothetical person #designed to shame me for struggling which gets louder the more I struggle #spirals cycles etc etc etc #ugh. I want my brain to turn off I’m gonna go take a dab and maybe delete this later

[heartual]

ough

#🍄.txt #this is soooo sad like is it really too much to ask for friends who like. actually want to listen to me #being everyone’s designated listening person is so exhausting literally genuinely truly #i finally started making friends on campus though that feel more than semester friends like i am literally gripping onto the table rn #i didn’t realize how much this bothered me before this semester when i actually started talking to people that i didn’t already know #it’s so. OUGH #like ok is this why i’m slowly starting to feel like an actual person #it’s so insane to me like on one hand thank you. finally #and on the other i’m looking at every interaction very very differently now #like. with the people i knew before this #talking to my doctor recently about support systems and having to be like uh 😃 haha… #and her looking at me like i was insane like ok maybe that isn’t normal actually #very fun very interestinggg <3

[postikortti]

hi. you can become whoever you desire to be.

#TRULY. it's crazy #it won't happen overnight but if you keep working on it you'll find yourself slowly becoming the person you've wanted to be #i'm feel like i'm a completely different person to who i was a year ago. #(i* feel.) #i'm so much more brave. i wear what i want to most of the time i'm so much more confident #i don't feel embarrassed by my existence (most of the time) i don't shake and tremble in fear when talking to people???? #crazy developments here. i never thought i'd be who i am now. i thought i'd always feel as small and terrified and insecure as i used to. #again don't get me wrong it didn't happen overnight and it doesn't mean there aren't days & moments i still feel like that #(ALSO. not saying you can just. get over anxiety panic attacks etc no definitely not. but it gets better. #) #it's just. i'm more me now than ever. i'm proud of myself. i don't think i've ever been able to say that before.

[proonv]

hold on one second what is the age gap between these two what

#is j.aime 16 and he is 13??? what #that is odd you see how that is odd right #i thought they were both 15 what #brooooo #orbit reacts #doesnt he have a canon boyf who is older than him as well???? by two years????? #why do they do this to him bro. me personally i would not get with a 17 year old?? #thats like fresh out of middle school with nearing college like #why do they do him like this what in the world #i am so upset i thought they were so cute and now idk how to feel #cuz thats like. 15 and 18 #thats the age different between me and my brother like... thats so weird #and have you met a 13 year old? they are NOT like that?? #truly do not know how to feel but it is. unfortunate #torn between wanting to still enjoy it and doing the probably morally correct thing and Not #i refuse to be a p.roshipper man #thats one way to get me back on my wip ig. kill all interest in the distraction #lets just. forget abt this ig

[inhonoredglory]

Aziraphale’s Choice, the Job Connection, and Michael Sheen’s Morality

Update: Michael Sheen liked this post on Twitter, so I'm fairly certain there is a lot of validity to it.

I’ve had time to process Aziraphale’s choice at the end of Season 2. And I think only blaming the religious trauma misses something important in Aziraphale’s character. I think what happened was also Aziraphale’s own conscious choice––as a growth from his trauma, in fact. Hear me out.

Since November 2022 I’ve been haunted by something Michael Sheen said at the MCM London Comic Con. At the Q&A, someone asked him about which fantasy creature he enjoyed playing most and Michael (bless him, truly) veered on a tangent about angels and goodness and how, specifically,

We as a society tend to sort of undervalue goodness. It’s sort of seen as sort of somehow weak and a bit nimby and “oh it’s nice.” And I think to be good takes enormous reserves of courage and stamina. I mean, you have to look the dark in the face to be truly good and to be truly of the light…. The idea that goodness is somehow lesser and less interesting and not as kind of muscular and as passionate and as fierce as evil somehow and darkness, I think is nonsense. The idea of being able to portray an angel, a being of love. I love seeing the things people have put online about angels being ferocious creatures, and I love that. I think that’s a really good representation of what goodness can be, what it should be, I suppose.

I was looking forward to BAMF!Aziraphale all season long, and I think that’s what we got in the end. Remember Neil said that the Job minisode was important for Aziraphale’s story. Remember how Aziraphale sat on that rock and reconciled to himself that he MUST go to Hell, because he lied and thwarted the will of God. He believed that––truly, honestly, with the faith of a child, but the bravery of a soldier.

Aziraphale, a being of love with more goodness than all of Heaven combined, believed he needed to walk through the Gates of Hell because it was the Right Thing to do. (Like Job, he didn’t understand his sin but believed he needed to sacrifice his happiness to do the Right Thing.)

That’s why we saw Aziraphale as a soldier this season: the bookshop battle, the halo. But yes, the ending as well.

Because Aziraphale never wanted to go to Heaven, and he never wanted to go there without Crowley.

But it was Crowley who taught him that he could, even SHOULD, act when his moral heart told him something was wrong. While Crowley was willing to run away and let the world burn, it was Aziraphale (in that bandstand at the end of the world) who stood his ground and said No. We can make a difference. We can save everyone.

And Aziraphale knew he could not give up the ace up his sleeve (his position as an angel) to talk to God and make them see the truth in his heart.

I was messed up by Ineffable Bureaucracy (Boxfly) getting their happy ending when our Ineffable Husbands didn’t, but I see now that them running away served to prove something to Aziraphale. (And I am fully convinced that Gabriel and Beelzebub saw the example of the Ineffables at the Not-pocalypse and took inspiration from them for choosing to ditch their respective sides)

But my point is that Aziraphale saw them, and in some ways, they looked like him and Crowley. And he saw how Gabriel, the biggest bully in Heaven, was also like him in a way (a being capable of love) and also just a child when he wasn’t influenced by the poison of Heaven. Muriel, too, wasn’t a bad person. The Metatron also seemed to have grown more flexible with his morality (from Aziraphale's perspective). Like Earth, Heaven was shades of (light?) gray.

Aziraphale is too good an angel not to believe in hope. Or forgiveness (something he’s very good at it).

Aziraphale has been scarred by Heaven all his life. But with the cracks in Heaven’s armor (cracks he and Crowley helped create), Aziraphale is seeing something else. A chance to change them. They did terrible things to him, but he is better than them, and because of Crowley, he feels ready to face them.

(Will it work? Can Heaven change, institutionally? Probably not, but I can't blame Aziraphale for trying.)

At the cafe, the Metatron said something big was coming in the Great Plan. Aziraphale knows how trapped he had felt when he didn’t have God’s ear the first time something huge happened in the Big Plan. He can’t take a chance again to risk the world by not having a foot in the door of Heaven. That’s why we saw individual human deaths (or the threat of death) so much more this season: Elspeth, Wee Morag, Job’s children, the 1940s magician. Aziraphale almost killed a child when he couldn’t get through to God, and he’s not going through that again.

“We could make a difference.” We could save everyone.

Remember what Michael Sheen said about courage and doing good––and having to “look the dark in the face to be truly good.” That’s what happened when Aziraphale was willing to go to Hell for his actions. That’s what happened when he decided he had to go to Heaven, where he had been abused and belittled and made to feel small. He decided to willingly go into the Lion’s Den, to face his abusers and his anxiety, to make them better so that they would not try to destroy the world again.

Him, just one angel. He needed Crowley to be there with him, to help him be brave, to ask the questions that Heaven needed to hear, to tell them God was wrong. Crowley is the inspiration that drives Aziraphale’s change, Crowley is the engine that fuels Aziraphale’s courage.

But then Crowley tells him that going to Heaven is stupid. That they don’t need Heaven. And he’s right. Aziraphale knows he’s right.

Aziraphale doesn’t need Heaven; Heaven needs him. They just don’t know how much they need him, or how much humanity needs him there, too. (If everyone who ran for office was corrupt, how can the system change?)

Terry Pratchett (in the Discworld book, Small Gods) is scathing of God, organized religion, and the corrupt people religion empowers, but he is sympathetic to the individual who has real, pure faith and a good heart. In fact, the everyman protagonist of Small Gods is a better person than the god he serves, and in the end, he ends up changing the church to be better, more open-minded, and more humanist than god could ever do alone.

Aziraphale is willing to go to the darkest places to do the Right Thing, and Heaven is no exception. When Crowley says that Heaven is toxic, that’s exactly why Aziraphale knows he needs to go there. “You’re exactly is different from my exactly.”

____

In the aftermath of Trump's election in the US, Brexit happened in 2018. Michael Sheen felt compelled to figure out what was going on in his country after this shock. But he was living in Los Angeles with Sarah Silverman at the time, and she also wanted to become more politically active in the US.

Sheen: “I felt a responsibility to do something, but it [meant] coming back [to Britain] – which was difficult for us, because we were very important to each other. But we both acknowledge that each of us had to do what we needed to do.” In the end, they split up and Michael moved back to the UK.

Sometimes doing the Right Thing means sacrificing your own happiness. Sometimes it means going to Hell. Sometimes it means going to Heaven. Sometimes it means losing a relationship.

And that’s why what happened in the end was so difficult for Aziraphale. Because he loves Crowley desperately. He wants to be together. He wanted that kiss for thousands of years. He knows that taking command of Heaven means they would never again have to bow to the demands of a God they couldn’t understand, or run from a Hell who still came after them. They could change the rules of the game.

And he’s still going to do that. But it hurts him that he has to do that alone.

#good omens #good omens 2 #ineffable husbands #it's kinda like capt america: civil war #with Azi as Tony Stark: traumatized and trying to do the right thing #and Crowley being Steve Rogers: fuck the establishment let's go rogue #gos2spoilers #good omens meta #good omens 2 meta #go s2 #michael sheen #go s2 meta #go meta #*mine #*mymeta #ineffables husbands #ineffable soulmates #*mybest