#part 2 of the one right before this

[haunted-xander]

Well, I guess you didn't have much of a choice either

#sooooo fucked up being a teenage boy just messing around with friends one day #and the next weird monsters are after you #and suspicious guys youve never met before start telling you you shouldnt even exist #and even the gentle girl who seems to know SO much that you met #says you have to disappear #all for the sake of this one boy youve never heard of #who apparently everyone loves and wants back #even if it means essentially killing someone else(you) #and youre expected to just. follow along and sacrifice yourself for him #even though you are also a real perosn with real friends (or so you believe) #and at the end you do it #because youre tired and confused #and part of you feels like it should do it #that its the right thing to do #even though you still dont know anything bc no one will tell you #except for the girl but everyone always goes out of their way to stop her #anyway im rambling the kh2 prolouge is so fucked up when u think about it #roxas #sora #kingdom hearts #kingdom hearts 2 #kh #kh2 #art #my art #xanders art #digital art #fan art

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

I was *not* longing, I swear.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wei wuxian #lan wangji #wen ning #If you have not listened to this scene in the audio drama I am *pleading* for you to #It's so funny. Oh my god the voice actors nail the part. Plus the music cutting out abruptly #Genuinely incredible comedic timing. #WWX voice: 'I was almost caught having an (unidentifiable ) emotion. How embarrassing. It will never happen again.' (lie) #wwx has unlocked: aesthetic attraction. He is now starting to develop emotional attachment. #This is a incompatible program with the current version of WWX. He requires an additional update #Please note that the actual countdown is *eight* seconds before passing out. My memory was fallible when I did my blocking #pd-mdzs lwj gets an extra 2 seconds. One for each bunny ear. #This comic kicked my ass a little. Normally I don't re-do comics unless its pertinent #but I struggled with getting this one 'just right enough'. And I'm happy with it! B*)

[kittyandco]

does anyone else get so upset when you think about all the things that happened to your f/o... all the things they went through? all the things they haven't healed from? the pain that they may still be enduring? how you can do your best to help them but you can't protect them from everything. so you just love them the ways they needed before, how they deserved. and you see them happy because they finally accept, at least in some ways, that they do deserve it. they deserve love like all beings do

#i get so upset when i think about it for too long; i'm there for them now but there was nothing i could do; wanna go back and protect them #i'm like this with everyone i care about (real and fictional) and sometimes it's hard #it's about hans this time. i just can't believe all the things that happened to him #no wonder he's terrible! no one cared about him! why should he care! all he knows is pain and neglect! except from me! #i know why he sees everyone else as worthless because that's exactly how everyone he knew saw him first; he was supposed to be loved #they all used him up til he was nothing and that's all he knows #i can't even read certain parts of a frozen heart again because i just cried so much the first time... he didn't deserve that #no one does #and then the comics detailing it all even FURTHER #he was like any other innocent kid and seeing that progression hurt so much. i could get into the details but ugh #hux's age of resistance comic did the same thing. i can't even look at the first 2 pages; it's too much. i just want to hold him #anyway... i'm fine :') i've made a post like this before but i'm feeling it so hard right now #self ship

[aterfish]

Being ace is an opposite of fuck around and find out:

Fuck nobody and never know for sure

#never knowing is actually a very important part #bc you learn that you dont care and you dont wait for that ✨special someone✨ #if something changes: cool #if nothing changes: cool #i dont need to be sure to be okay with my sexuality #and i dont need proof for others if i want to use one label or another #peace and love on planet earth #humans have too short lives for random people telling them they can't live their life how they want #asexual #asexuality #aroace #ater babbling at 2 am #hello new followers time to disappoint you 💖 #also im sex repulsed. but if you are not? then fuck and never know for sure ✨ #its literally 2am i really should stop and think before posting something. but dis a problem for a future fish #Right now fish wants to post their stupid post

[lunarharp]

if i just told you i love you would this world change

#witch hat tag #orufrey #these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!! #i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was #some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that #like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god #aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it #ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!! #I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE! #tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood. #Why do you keep pulling away from me? #It is because i love you that i do this #the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings #“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want #to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“ #oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you #maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me #i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life #until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to #NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!! #........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*

[hiroshotreplica]

this is masc agent 8 to me

#perspective on second part is not right but its ok i live and learn #sorry for posting a lot i just wanted to get this one out before i forgot #agent 8 #splatoon #splatoon 2 #doodle

[falseflea]

troll-ified !!!

#homestuck #trollstuck #< i think thats the right one #john egbert #june egbert #rose lalonde #dave strider #jade harley #i got super silly with the names #Ill probbaly do a part 2 with the other freaks #its crazy that i never did this before #falseflea art tag

[gooperts-gunk]

im so crazy over the tragedy of everything q!bbh does being under a demon pretense even though he's a fallen angel.

do u think he just accepts the demon label because it's easier. do u think he believes it too, and catches himself in his thoughts with "oh, right. im not exactly that". and maybe he believes that he did this to himself? do u think what he did was to protect himself or someone? no matter the fall, he still has so much kindness to give and his brain just isn't wired the way a natural-born demon would be, he can't hold back instincts when time demands it, maybe that's why he fell in the first place.

and when he's finally bad, not good, it's treated like the end of the world, without empathy on why he would act out. do you think this keeps happening? the same scenario, multiple times, every timeline? he has to be used to it. so he has to take it in stride. he's good until he lashes out under extreme pressure, and suddenly he's called demon. and once again he's what heaven made him out to be. what he made himself to be, his brain would ruthlessly provide...

i don't think he wants to be that, though he hides secrets behind secrets of which neither identity is a home... but i don't think he wants to have to change, either. and i don't think that's wrong of him.

...you collapse atlantis ONE TIME and all of a sudden YOU'RE the bad guy and SURE it was FUN but REALLY now,--

#lots of expansion on this in tags beware #this is a draft from 2:40AM the day before i just felt something within me and i needed to write about fallen angel q!bbh angst NOW #this post is brought to you by q!bbh in purgatory and post-purgatory i will never forgive you purgatory 1 #no one can bear to have a healthy conversation about q!bbh's behaviors let alone TO q!bbh. BUT IF Q!BAGHERA WASN'T STUCK ON THE ISLAND... #i miss u bbh + baghera interactions let me see u soon pls #he isn't impossible to communicate with ur just not jiving with his autism right u can get through to him i swear BUT TOO LATE he DIED #now he doesn't remember!!! (unless that part of the library is recovered) u lost ur shot!!! (ur issues with him will rise again) #now every time bagi goes “'cause he's a demon” with bbh i go OH MAN SHE DOESN'T KNOW IT'S MORE... it hurts how flippant it is sometimes #because WE KNOW OH MAN WE KNOW IT'S MORE and this concept of him being fallen adds SO MUCH CONNOTATION to EVERYTHING he does #it isn't just DEMON THINGS it's GOD MADE ME THIS THINGS and i just can't wait to know WHY what did you DO!!! #your instincts are to be nice though cautiously detached when your life restarts so WHAT DID YOU DO IF YOU ARE NOT INHERENTLY BAD??? #goopert talks qsmp #qsmp #qsmp badboyhalo

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

#hellsing #alucard #kouta hirano #translation was found in a comment by u/lazyfoxheart on r/Kurrent #fun fact this is the highest quality version of this image that exists online #i know because i've been looking forever for a version that's clear enough to actually read what hirano wrote under '1443' #but there weren't any so i had to take matters into my own hands #the real image on the back of the guidebook is only 2 inches tall so i had to take this with my smartphone and will my hands not to shake #anyway i'm pretty sure it's supposed to say Eğrigöz (the location vlad was imprisoned) so yeah. thank you hirano very cool #if i might rant for a sec it took me an embarrassingly long time to figure that out because i didn't have the guidebook at first #and in the images i could find online that part was just a blur that looked suspiciously like a person's signature and i was like. who tf #i was thinking matthias corvinus since he issued some political propaganda against vlad iirc but it didn't match his signature on wikipedia #then i thought it might be vlad II dracul's since he probably had to sign an agreement to send his sons over as hostages at some point #but that didnt seem right either so i kept skimming vlad's wiki page #and then i was like goddammit...hirano.....you just misspelled Eğrigöz didn't you.. .... #i maybe should've made a separate post dedicated to this instead of writing a novel in the tags but eh #the hellsing brainrot runs deep #also- i put it in the source link at the bottom of the post but the german inscription is copied off a real woodcut of vlad from 1491 #except instead of depicting him as an adult hirano drew him as a child which gives the inscription a very different feel imo #the one final thing that interests me about this is the fact that hirano published this calendar in 2002 #which is REALLY early in the series. like this was before volume 5 came out?? #i have no idea why he decided to do a massive spoiler drop in a random piece of japan-only merch #sandwiched between a drawing of alucard as john travolta from saturday night fever and integra as a fish no less #it makes me really curious to know what the fan response to this was back then. like did people even know who this was #maybe im just an idiot and everyone back then was like 'ah yes its alucard as a 12 year old. how very informative'

[misspoetree]

KinnPorsche + Text Posts: Ep. 11 Edition

Bonus: PorscheKinn

[even more Ep. 11 Text Posts]

#there is a heat wave in Germany right now and I'm about to burst into flames #I'm glad I got that post done before that happens 🤣💀 #there will definitely be a part 2 because there was way too much material in that episode #I say that after every episode I know #but the VegasPete stuff alone!!! #anyways #I made myself laugh way too hard with the personified hedgehog one 🤣 #feel free to judge me #I'm just obsessed with that little buddy 😆 #kinnporsche #kinnporche the series #kinnporsche meme #thai bl #kinnporsche + text post #kinnporsche ep11 #vegaspete #tankhun #kinnporsche tay #vegas theerapanyakul #kinn × porsche #1000 notes #2000 notes

[simplydnp]

dapg upload today? something needs to pull me out of the dapc haze. i feel like i've read every analysis possible and i'm going slightly insane 😭😭

aww anon i understand--this type of analysis is not what we're used to here, especially for several days in a row. i've got experience in a different fandom where it was essentially these intense symbolism breakdowns and discussions all day every day, but i know it isn't for everyone. it definitely takes a lot of brain power to even just read them, let alone write them.

i'll be honest that i'm kind of living for the dapc content here on tumblr--everyone is so talented and i am devouring every theory and art piece. its really breathed some new life into our little community and i'm actually gonna be sad once it's over.

i get where you're coming from and it's understandable if you need to take some time, cause the subject matter is dark and gorey and since that's not typically what we come to dnp (or dnp tumblr) for, it can be a lot to process. i really want to show them that there Is an audience for this and we see the vision and adore it, so i don't want to rush them into whatever the next thing is. give this space to breath. let her have her moment yknow? but at the same time, i'm so curious how they're gonna segue. we're in a whole new era, not to mention the fact that it's taken over the merch website! will they drop the curtain? are we gonna get dapc interstitial advertisements? or will the link just be in the description and the rest up to us? who knows! i'm excited. it's really been just a lovely reminder about how fucking cool it is to be a fan of dan and phil in 2024.

#also. it did make me laugh bc u sent this to me before the day switched over in my timezone 😂 #i also meant what i said earlier. i cant go right back into sims after this 😭 please no #its been a bit since a dan vs phil so maybe one of those. i'd say it2 but its a little soon imo since the big dapc project probs took Time #so they get a pass on that for now. but im watching you boys 👀 we still want it2 part 2 #dnp #c.text #dan and phil #answered #phan #<- for the fandometrics

[crossbackpoke-check]

it’s all the rest of what i want with you

connor dewar/brandon duhaime :: 8k

Summary:

“Brandon,” Connor says with a sigh. “There’s no baby in there.”

“Not yet,” Brandon says. Connor feels his stomach twist, almost like what he would imagine a baby kicking to feel like.

in these trying times of dewvorce, may i offer you 8k of pwp inspired by @stillfertile’s wonderful art which i had. several breakdowns about 🫶 anyway please enjoy!!!

#OFFICIAL FIC ANNOUNCEMENT 🗣️🗣️🗣️‼️‼️‼️ i wish i had pretty fic graphics but alas i have No Skill and also. so much work i should be doing bu #HI SHE’S HERE i would love to say this is a complete surprise drop except i have Anxiety & i needed to ask you guys about it beforehand #in my defense i started writing this in like. january far before any tragedy occurred #because square asked about my tags on their dewey2 art and she spawned like. a million more thoughts about it #including the part where i got absolutely kicked in the face with the lightning vision of those two lines. #like those two lines are the first actual lines of the fic i wrote ajdhkwdiowdjiw ANYWAY please be nice to me i know i am always like #‘this is not the first real fic i ever thought i’d post’ and if i had a nickel i’d have three but this is the first pwp i’ve ever posted #and it’s 8k and it’s not a fic for an exchange (although technically i did very much write this for the dewey^2 hivemind so.) #i have SO many things to say i have so many comments on this doc also i couldn’t pick a title for the LONGEST time and i finally decided on #this one but the full quote was too long: #all the rest of what i want with you that scares me shitless #so. i was angling SO hard to make a yung gravy lyric as a title bc i saw the video of him at a wild game but i couldn’t find a good one #and instead y’all got a very sentimental title l m a o. #liv in the replies #shout out to the extended universe this lives in and also my unhinged comments in the docs. #if you liked fun fuck a baby in him friday i’ll be here all week i promise i am the exact same in the comments as i am in the tags 🫡 #the NUMBER of times i wrote something in this by pulling it out of my ass and then actually went back and did the research & was RIGHT is. #far too high. also the amount of coincidental things that dropped while i was writing this (yung gravy song about pregnancy AFTER i wheeze #laughed myself into a yung gravy title the athletic player poll confirming my restaurant & bar choices from googling ‘st. paul good bars’…) #also if anybody got advice on formatting for these little announcements. help. this is different from my miro/luka one &i’m still not happy

[the-cookie-of-doom]

The Theerapanyakul family, thanks to the efforts of generations of careful breeding, come from strong stock. The eldest son, Tankhun, presents as an alpha when he’s thirteen years old, much to his father’s pride. His brother Kinn presents similarly four years later. Three years after him, the youngest son, Kim, rounds out their number. Three alpha heirs for their father to choose from. 

It’s rare. Not unheard of, but rare. Two alphas born to one family is already cause for celebration, but three? That calls for concern. 

Korn Theerapanyakul rules his house with an iron first, however, never giving his sons a chance to let their tempers rise. His sons see more peace than three newly-presented brothers should. No less bloodshed, of course, but at least the blood is never their own. 

In the Theerapanyakul line, alpha is equivalent with strength and power. When Tankhun is kidnapped as a boy, returned wounded and frightened after his rescue, he loses his strength. The power Korn tried to instill in him is instead taken away, bestowed upon the next brother in line, and Kinn wears it with pride, though guilt hangs his head when he visits his eldest brother. Tankhun says he didn’t want to bear the weight of their father’s pride. He wishes, quietly, to himself, when no one is around to hear, he could at least feel the weight of their father’s love, but finds only crushing disappointment. 

Six months after Kinn meets Tawan, a sweet omega hiding vicious claws, he announces their mating, and six months after that, Kinn kills him. 

Kim is fifteen years old and freshly presented. Young enough that his scent is still milk-sweet, that he’s not a challenge, a threat, allowing him to offer comfort when his brother rages. He tucks himself into Kinn’s side and purrs like he did when they were younger, and Tankhun—who has no scent at all, anymore, hiding behind chemicals—does the same on his other side. He pulls Kinn into his chest and digs his hand into the scruff of Kinn’s neck when he resists, gently forcing him into submission. There’s a vicious scar in his shoulder than Kim can see peeking out through the collar of his shirt. He wonders what it feels like to lose a mate like this. If Kinn felt it when Tawan died by his own hand, if it felt like killing a part of himself.

Kimhan Theerapanyakul, barely fifteen years old, sneaks a bottle of Tankhun’s pills that night. Tankhun doesn’t ask for them back, if he has any idea where they went; they’re replaced by the end of the day, and the theft goes unmentioned. So does Kim, when his scent mellows and fades over the coming weeks, until it’s barely there at all. He has seen what it means to be an alpha in this family, and he doesn’t want it.

#cookie writes #Kim is gonna go THROUGH IT in this fic #he gets on Khun's suppressants before he ever has an actual rut #so essentially he's barely started puberty #then he gets an implant so he doesn't have to worry about remembering the pills #(think nexplanon) #but then 5years later when it's time to replace it #he gets his timing wrong #too caught up with the events of canon #gets absolutely SLAMMED with puberty part 2 electric boogaloo #he's suffering #and sweet omega chay is RIGHT there and oh boy does Kim want him #hormones are wracking absolute havoc on his body #doctor forbids him from getting on new suppressants until his hormones level out so he just has to suffer through it #and then Chay hates him bc Kim is dumb and mean and now he's alone #the one person he wants wanting nothing to do with him

[skrunksthatwunk]

you go to a lesbian blog and find it says women only!! no men allowed!!! and go oh! excuse me, um, what about other lesbians? plenty of lesbians are genderqueer... and they go well, okay, go fuck yourself tim chop off your sweaty dick and stop calling yourself a lesbian. you do not have a dick, actually. you think about that fact often, even though it does you no good. you do not tell this person that.

you go to another lesbian blog and it says women only and you try again, and this time they change it to wlw + nblw only (non-men who love non-men :D). and you'll say hey i appreciate that but gender's not really that cut and dry for a lot of people. someone could be both a man and nonbinary, for instance. i just worry that you're looking at nonbinary as a generic third gender, or an extension of womanhood. i mean yeah you include nblw in your tags but all your posts are about pussy-havers exclusively. what's with that? and they say go fuck yourself you pervy man pretending to be a lesbian. you tried to sneak in but i won't let you.

so you go to a lesbian blog with a dozen or so posts about queer people needing to be more weird about it and you sigh in relief. but you still see the men dni. that's odd. hoping for the best, you say hey! i know you mean well but please maybe don't put men dni at the end of the lovely posts on your lesbian blog bc some lesbians are men. and they'll be like ok!! well you're allowed ;) and you say no that's not. no. some men are lesbians not just me. you think about your own dicklessness and wonder if that's why you were given entry. and you add that even if male lesbians are allowed, there's no indication of that. how would anyone know without asking? and they're like ohh gotcha gotcha well men dni + this is for sapphics only!! and you'll be like ok well that treats the concepts of men and sapphics as mutually exclusive identities and i just told you that's not true and you agreed with me so.. i don't think that solves our problem. and they're like. ok. fine. men dni but genderfluid and multigender people are allowed! and you're like no see that's. that's still the same thing.. you're saying the same thing just with different words. if you don't want men to interact but you're fine with multigender/genderfluid/etc ppl interacting then you either don't see them as Real Men (because they don't reach a standard of Full Manhood) or Complete Men (because they're only Part-Time Men), both of which suggest that they are, in some way, not men or less-than men, which is invalidating and defeats the point of the exception in the first place (accommodation) OR that you don't really mean the dni which is confusing and inconsistent and makes guydykes feel weird and uncomfortable and excluded from the lesbian space you're trying to cultivate. and they're like um. ok. so. cishet men dni? and you're like well i think that makes more sense, but what if someone identifies as both a cishet man and a sapphic? again, if we're trying to accommodate the genderfucky populace then that has to be a possibility that is considered. and they say god you people are never happy. what do you want me to do? what am i supposed to say to keep the right men out? and you pause. you empathize with the need for a space free from dudes trying to fuck you straight and feminine. dudes who watch lesbian porn and joke about what they'd do if they were allowed into girls locker rooms. who look at you like a piece of meat, and like someone who looks at women like pieces of meat in the same way he does. you get it. you know. you want a space where you can be sapphic, too. that's why you came to these blogs in the first place. you brace yourself and you say well i don't know that there are "right men" to keep out. i don't know that there's any single label that would accomplish whatever it is you're trying to accomplish. you could go for "sapphics only" or "queers only" and i think that might be the closest thing to what you want, but it's never going to be perfect. creating any exclusive space is going to shut out people you didn't account for, and the broader the label, the more people will be shut out that you didn't want to shut out. and what about people who don't know if they're allowed? what of questioning transbians, where are they supposed to go? and, frankly, i think i might rather my dykey posts get read and appreciated by a gay guy who sees me as a man than a woman who only sees me as a sacred womb, pure from male perversions or violence or whatever. i think community might just be more complex than a dni can handle. and they look at you and say i don't want to not have a dni. i think you're too permissive. you can't just "what about" or microlabel your way into everything. go fuck yourself, i bet you're not even a lesbian anyway. go find a real problem to get mad about.

you go to a lesbian blog. you ignore the men dni because you know you probably don't even count to them. or maybe you do count and, out of respect for your manhood, they'd shun you accordingly. you try to feel okay about that. you scroll past dozens of posts about mediocre men and gagging at straight friends' boyfriends and how gross and undeserving men are of the beautiful women they couple up with and how all women should be gay so they can get treated right and and and and and. you finally find a post about curling into someone you love and feeling at peace and try to lose yourself in it. you know that feeling is what unites you, what makes you belong. you try to focus on it. you think about carding your hands through a butch's hair or lacing fingers with a femme and feeling warm and loved and more yourself than you ever have before. like this is who you're meant to be. you read about lesboys and butch boytoys and genderfucky dykes and big hairy deep-voiced wonderful women (like you want to be someday, like you wish you could make yourself) and you try to ignore the men dni underneath each and every post. and you daydream about meeting someone kind and earnest at a lesbian bar even though you don't think any such bars exist within three states of you and you can't drink and don't want to drink because you need to be in control of yourself at all times so you don't fuck up like you're always about to and here in the nonexistent lesbian bar you feel wanted and safe and in good company. you picture your ideal, happiest self. it is a mistake. ideal-you has a goatee. not the mascara one you smear on and call drag even though you know it's not drag, not really, the beard you call drag because you think everyone would look at you sadly if you told them it was just to pretend you had something out of your reach. a beard that's soft and that you grew and that cannot be smudged away if you get too comfortable with it. the dream shatters. your people pull away from you, their scoffs mixing with the mind-numbing gay girl bedroom pop you learned to settle for just to have something that almost resembled you, they all pull away and turn their backs and do not look at you. you're too close to being a man now, even though you're the same amount of man as before. and they know you're not supposed to interact with men, not as you would with dykes, at least. and it sours. it's all your imagination, all in your head, but it sours.

you sigh. you think about how small you are. how short, how narrow, how feeble. how your voice pitches up when you talk to strangers because it's easier to speak quietly when it carries more, and because you're nervous. because it's a chore to talk, like everything is. you think about testosterone. you think about how your family would look at you, the questions they would ask, your answers they would only pretend to accept. the uncomfortable glances and whispered questions they'd try to hide from you. you think about how small you are, and how small you will always be. how you don't know of a way to fix it, but even if there was one, no one would want you anymore. you'd be the only one thinking it made you a cooler dyke. you think about how you don't even want a T-voice all the time, how you'll never be able to switch it at will, because you don't know how and can't bring yourself to figure it out. you think about how your throat closes around every hint of your own attraction. how wanting is perverse, how wanting is invasive, how wanting is embarrassing and too vulnerable so it must stay anonymous, as an online witness, and how you can barely manage to form or maintain friendships because your brain makes you pull away, always spinning out and struggling to recover from the simplest of interactions. how they'll all leave you and you won't chase after them at all and how that will hurt them. how stuck you get. how it looks like nothing's holding you back, how that frustrates everyone who thought you were going to be more than you were. the people you love who understand except when it comes to being ghosted, being shut out. how you don't want to hurt them. how you can't tell them that because you're stuck. how you turn to stone when touched, how you never reach out, how you lose your speech and can't look at people, how your autism is fun and sexy until it becomes real and you never see them anymore, how much you longed for someone who knew everything without you having to explain, and who loved you anyway. how unreasonable you know that is to expect of anyone. you think about that not-even-real lesbian bar. you think about how you still can't drive. how you can't leave your home on your own, without dragging somebody into helping you. how you can't leave your body. how you can't leave your manhood behind.

you think about finding another lesbian blog and ignoring everything. about skimming it for the parts you can juice some meaning from. the parts men ignore and don't understand, and how typical of you it is to do so. or the parts where you're not welcome and you should accept that, because it's for lesbians only. how you are a lesbian anyway. how you're meant to choose lesbian or man, how each is a betrayal of some kind to yourself or your people, your family, your lovely strangers, your rare friendly acquaintances. about the parts that tell you you're not wanted, that you're ugly and lazy and gross and insert yourself everywhere without even asking. about the parts that tell you you are hated, and how lesbians are above it all by rejecting men. how lesbians are each blessed miracles. about the parts that say you should be ashamed of being whatever twisted confused freak you are, of everything, of looking and wanting or not looking or not wanting, of picking and choosing instead of taking it all in with a smile. after all, shouldn't you take it? or is your ego too fragile, as men's so often are? aren't you tired? good. we're not here for your consumption. and we sure as hell don't want your company or "community" or whatever. didn't you read the sign? no boys allowed. and if you want to come in you have to make up your mind. as if you haven't told them the only answer you have. you're both. you're both.

you know you broke the rule by interacting.

but it gets lonely sometimes. you wonder if they know.

#before i maybe get yelled at: #1) no i do not think ppl are evil for having men dnis no i do not think these are all equal transgressions even #though there is an overlap that should be examined that i think is based in a degree of lesbian separatism + exclusionism #2) yes there are lesbian blogs and people that are cool about genderfucky people. i'm not talking about them #3) this is a stylized vent post about trying to find lesbian content on tumblr that isn't like this. all these dnis/rules are ones i have #encountered. no i do not literally tell these people to change their dnis to suit me. the conversations are symbolic and ideological in #nature. if i find a blog with men dni i generally go somewhere else. it's about emotions. it's about my feelings on that it's not literally #about dming someone demanding they change things. it's not about demanding that You change things or else you're a bad person. #4) it is about the conflicts and hypocrisy and inconsistency of strict and exclusive sexuality labels persisting in gender-diverse spaces #and how it affects me as a lesbian who is a man who is a woman who is fucking whatever else. and yes it is about transphobia too. #5) it's about how lesbians feel the need to exclude men and how i think efforts to do so fail and hurt ppl and are often misguided #tht i think also comes up in like. bi lesbian/mspec lesbian/gaybian discourse. i'm not any of those myself but it seems like there's overla #6) if this post seems whiny and sad and insecure that's because it probably is. i have a right to be all of those things. #7) no i do not think all lesbians are man-hating assholes. i am a lesbian. i love lesbians. i love dykes and most of them are fantastic ppl #i just think the general bullshit of the world leads to this defensive thing that ends up hurting others in our community y'know? #8) i get that my perspective/experience is a bit unusual and many lovely ppl haven't considered it. that's part of why i'm sharing this #nyarla dni #<- sorry man it's too vulnerable. gonna keep this one to the internet-only folks

[mstrchu]

can someone else please please look at this set of images before i go insane

#nezha reborn #LOOK AT HIM he is literally just... a kid...... looking for some comfort from his dad............ #it's about to be 0 days since our last nonsensical overly emotional post about li yunxiang #it was never that lyx didn't care about what his father thought or didn't want for his approval because he does want it. he does care. #it was just something he accepted he wouldn't have as long as he continue to choose to do what he thought was the right thing #and the 'right thing' was important enough to him to give up on his dad's support #which says something about how important the 'right thing' is to lyx #and up till now it was fine because it affected no one but him #(and if you think about it it is kind of a very immature and idealistic mindset #because if he had gotten caught doing his little smuggling and property destruction it 100% would have affected his family #but i like that i think it's part of his character.. anyway....) #but now his refusal to do what his dad wanted him to do - get a normal job and keep his head down - is like. actively hurting his family #and altho it was the right thing and he couldn't have predicted that ao bing would go completely nuclear #or that the de group would send assassins after him because of the whole reincarnation business #you could say that kasha and li jinxiang's injuries are a direct result of him refusing to just roll over and sell ao bing his motorcycle #(which i think is exactly what ljx was gonna say before he got bodied by that monster truck lol) #and in this moment when he has effectively just put 2 of the people closest to him in the hospital #i think he can't help but look for a little comfort from his dad because he feels so so guilty and confused and upset #but he gets that door shut in his face and he's reminded that he had chosen to not have that #that he had made choices that led to this being the reality of his relationship with his dad. and he is supposed to be ok with that #and then he falls back on his anger and the moment is sort of over but like #bro... at this point li yunxiang has no one bro.... #L + ratio + kasha and brother in the hospital + dad can't even look at you + dead mom + separated from extended family when you fled the wa #+ no close friends your own age #and it makes me sad because lyx must have been pretty close to his dad when he was little #i think this + the moment where he's outside the door listening to his dad talk #just fuels the miasma of guilt #guilt over his own actions. guilt over nezha's actions. questioning if he is or ever was making the right choices #but also it's not about any of that it's just about how huge and wet his eyes look here amen

[tsubasagirl]

My seventh photo featuring my 3 fav edge lords

(Also an attempt at making a funny photo ‘3’)

#gladion #trainer silver #elite four grimsley #pokemon masters #pokemon black and white #pokemon black and white 2 #pokemon sun and moon #pokemon ultra sun and moon #pokemon gold and silver #pokemon heartgold and soulsilver #my screen recording #god it took so many screenshots to get this still frame of electricity #well actually this was one my first ones but I wanted to see if I could get any better ones #most attempts just had none in them #still don’t have nc silver (yet?) since I was trying to get ss lusamine #not that I really want her but I had failed to get her two times before #I’m kinda neutral on both but they’re still cool-looking #I do kinda wanna get the new Adaman and Irida #but I don’t think I’m gonna get that lucky unfortunately #Lillie is the only special costume pair I have ;A; #oh yea and sc Hilda too #was devastated to not get Ingo or Emmet #I also just realised that I completely forgot about the no eye/view button on the bottom right #I turned that one for my first photo I shared here #the rest got that semi-ugly row of buttons #but the ocd part of me doesn’t wanna go back #for (the irrational kind of) consistency’s sake #ahehe…