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abs-2020 · 1 year

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=Monster=

(Avatar)Colonel Miles Quaritch x Na’vi Reader

This is probably gonna have multiple parts guys

Warnings: SMUT/18+/violence/choking/pinning/overstimulation/heavy topics/Dirty talk/Virginity Loss/knife play maybe/size kink/FUTURE SMUT/Stockholm Syndrome/

P.S. uuuh stuff spoken in Na’vi is Italic and stuff readers thinking is blue

Summary: This takes place in ATWOW

Aaand you’re neytiris older sister, and you get captured in order to save jakes children and spider. <3

Authors note: This was a dream I had so y’all lucky I’m sharin 😮‍💨🤚🏻

———————————————————————————

It all went by so fast..

Lo’ak’s call for help saying that there was dreamwalkers in a place he shouldn’t be, Netyiris panic and concern, jake and his orders for you to stay put, And the gushes of wind left by the ikran’s and their mighty wings.

But all you could think in that moment was ‘Fuck No’ and your body moved before your mind could process what you had just done as you jumped onto your Ikran ‘Pepe’ and rushed to save your nieces and nephews.

Everything in those moments were one big blur as you jumped down from the tree dagger in hand ready to kill as you landed on top of the Dreamwalker in charge of the group that was holding your family member hostage. This caused him to let go of Lo’ak letting you pin the alien onto his stomach pushing his face into the dirt. Loudly you yelled in Na’vi for Neytiri and Jake to get their children out of here as you pinned the Alien to the floor a grunt escaping his throat.

Quickly you’d grab his hair pulling his head back only to lay your dagger to his throat, proceeding to hiss at the Dreamwalkers pointing their guns to you. Harshly you’d pull the Aliens head back farther than before showing no care or mercy for the pain or damage you caused him or his queue. Pushing your dagger deeper to his throat hissing again.

“(Y/N) I told you to stay back!!” Jake yelled panick lacing his voice.

“Lo’ak! Neteyam! Tuk! Kiri!” Netyiri would yell from above. Her voice was full of relief. Quickly you’d look around to find that your sisters kids had escaped. You’d sign in relief thanking yourself and the great Ewya for saving them and your sisters heart. “Thank you sister!”

“NOW GO! GO!” You’d yell teeth chattering. As your tail wagged frantically hitting the floor occasionally your ears lowering. “GET OUT OF HERE SISTER! I’LL BE OKAY!”

You lied and netyiri and Jake both knew you did. But they didn’t have any other option. Why would they Risk their kids getting captured again Or killed? And with that they left, you felt them leave your gut sinking was enough of a signal for you to know they were gone. Then everything sank in. Where you were, what you had just done, the aliens that surrounded you and their weapons. And then you thought to yourself ‘one is better than none. I might as well kill one before they all kill me’ pressing your dagger harsher against aliens throat your dagger piercing his skin causing him to hiss. with a hiss of your own you’d lower your face to the aliens ear that you had pushed into the dirt so roughly only moments ago venom and hatred radiating from your body.

“What’s the word boss?” A female alien would yell as she pointed her gun to you.

A sound of annoyance would leave your body as you looked at the dreamwalkers around you. They all looked so scared and that didn’t make sense to you. Why were they scared? They didn’t have the knife to their throats. This alien beneath you did, and he didn’t seem to budge not one bit. Your tail stilled but your ears remained back. You had a murderous look in your eyes as you stared the female alien down.

“SHOOT HER!” Another alien would yell this one wearing something black that covered his eyes.

“do NOT shoot ‘em!” The alien underneath you would yell.

Your head would shoot down to the alien and quickly you’d take your blade from his throat raising your arm ready to rid your planet of its nuisance only to have your hand grabbed and with a loud manly grunt have yourself get thrown onto your back and a knee brought to your gut. Before you could process anything your wrists would get pinned to the floor as a weight you have never felt before held you down.

“Well we’ll, what do we have here? A pretty little princess just for me.” The Alien from above would coo a smirk crossing his face while it’s fingers tickled your cheek.

With a click of your tung you’d turn your head to his fingers in an attempt to bite them off, only he was too quick. A chuckle would leave the aliens throat as he took his hand away from your face. With that you’d look away from the monster only to have a slap land across your cheek and a echo heard through the forest.

“Look at me bitch”

rough and forceful fingers would grab at your chin and force your face and eyes to meet those of the alien above you and in that moment everything slowed. ‘beautiful’ was the only word that would process through your mind as your eyes met the aliens. A zing would flow through your body as you stared into his yellow eyes and your body would stiffen. He was so beautiful, his eyes, his lips, his hair, but his eyes…No man had ever made you feel so strange and safe. But you weren’t safe and your body reminded you of that. You’d aggressively furrow your brows at the thought and spit in the aliens face and hiss.

The alien above would chuckle and lick his Canine digging his knee to your gut and foot into your wrist. His hand would go to your throat wrapping around the entirety of it. Your eyes falling to his forearms the sight of them making you feel uneasy and strange. an unwanted feeling pooled at your gut and heart as you stared at the veins traveling up his strong arms. Your thoughts were interrupted by his blood, the blood from the cut you left on his neck dripping onto your cheek causing a feeling of accomplishment to sit in your gut. The alien would watch his blood drip onto your cheeks its trail beginning to thump the floor and your legs trapped underneath its frame. The alien would smile again and bare his teeth as he leaned down to your face its hand squeezing your neck.

“Now princess that’s not very ladylike of you. But what you did back there was very noble I’ll give you that.” The monsters grip on your neck would tighten. your poker face never faltering. “But very stupid” the monsters words were filled with hatred.

You’d stay silent. You weren’t gonna talk. Why would you? This alien would have to kill you to get a word out of you. you’d gladly die than speak to such a disgusting creature. They killed your father and many family members. They killed Tsu’tey your bound to be mate. You didnt love Tsu’tey in a mate or romantic way, but you did love him and they killed him. His death left you alone and angry for the longest time. Your eyes would lock with the aliens once again and your eyes were filled with a fire ‘if only looks could kill’

“So you’re just not gonna talk? I know you understand me, I heard Jake speak English to ya. I ain’t stupid sweetheart” the monster would say as he flicked your spit from his face and slammed his hand onto the ground.

‘It’s intimidation tactics are pathetic’ you’d think to yourself. ‘It should’ve just killed me already’ and as if Ewya had answered your prayers the alien would grab your dagger the dagger your father gave you, the dagger your tried to kill him with moments ago. With a huff you’d close your eyes accepting your fate.

The alien above you would laugh, this had your eyes shooting wide open only to be met with the laughter of all the other dreamwalkers.

“You think I’d just kill you? No princess that would be way to easy. You’re my new tool” the monster above you would laugh as he strapped your wrists together.

‘Tool’ you’d think to yourself ‘the sky people are gonna try and use me? That’s just pathetic.’ “Naaaah!” You’d yell in annoyance at his words your ears going back as you shook your head like an annoyed child.

The alien would step off of you and stand picking you up by your wrists and throwing you over his shoulder in a swift motion. The alien would say something about moving out but your mind was to foggy to really catch what it was saying. As he carried your through the forest like a rag doll you’d take in all the scenery you could memories of you and netyiri flashing through your mind. Grace and her school. The war. Jake becoming the clan leader despite you being the oldest. Netayum being born. All the talks you had with Kiri and spider. Then your thoughts were stopped when a gush of wind and a loud mechanical noise filed your ears causing you to hiss and whine.

“Don’t like that now do ya kitty?” The alien would tease. Your glare at the alien below you. ‘I’m screwed’

——————————————Time Skip————

Your eyes would squeeze shut and your teeth would clap down onto your bottom lip causing blood to pour from the puncture. Your nails would dig into your palms and turn white as your tail whipped around.

“WHERE IS JAKE SULLY!!” A short human would yell at you. “JUST GIVE US ONE GOOD IMAGE AND THIS WILL END!” She’d yell again

Your eyes would water whilst being shut blood running from your nose and lip. The foreign machine you were strapped to making a terrible noise while it shocked your brain. This had been going on for 10 minutes. You hadn’t said a word and the pain had only increased as time went on.

~~~~(Miles POV)~~~~~

Miles had sat in the other room while they did their thing to you. He could care less about what they did to you, a nasty savage is all she he thought. Jake silly’s sister in law. Ms. Silly’s older sister. He wondered if killing you infront or her would bring her unbearable pain. But he was curious, you hadn’t said a single word to him. He wanted to see if you’d said anything to the humans. I’d they broke you. With that thought in mind he’d made his way to you. And what he saw caused his toes to curl and stomach to turn. You were sitting there strapped to that machine. Blue skin pale, fists white, sweat dripping from every pore in your body and blood. ‘BLOOD’ his mind would shout at him and as if his Body moved on its own rushing to stop the machine and it’s torture only to stop himself before his body did so. Shocked and embarrassed he’d swallow a dry lump in his throat and look around.

“Has she said anything?” He asked the colonel only for her to shake her head.

“She won’t spill” she said in annoyance as she looked at you not caring for the pain you were in. “ONE THOUGHT OF WHERE JAKE SULLY IS AND YOU’LL BE FREE! JUST ONE THOUGHT!”

“That’s surpris-“ miles ears would shoot back as his head turned to look at you sharply

~~~~~~(End of Miles POV)~~~~~

It had become too much. Way too much. The pain. the yelling from the random human. The noise of the machine. The straps holding you down. The pain from your lip. All of it. All of it too much. The only words of the human yelling at you that you caught was “one thought”. And like a rope snapping A blood curtailing scream would escape your lips and fill the room as your mind went to one thought.. the aliens eyes and his hands around your throat. But the pain would continue until it didn’t your head would fall to the side as your chest rised and fell your breaths ragged and short. Your eyes would open only to see the alien from before walking towards you before you passed out.

———————————————————————

Your tail would flick nervously as you sat in the corner of a white room a small silver table sitting in the middle, ‘way to small’ your head rested between your knees as you tried to calm yourself. These machines, the strange rock, the wall, the grey white and plainness of the sky peoples homes, it all frustrated you. In the midst of your panic you began to sing a song to yourself in Na’vi, one that your mother had sang to you multiple times when you were a child before netyiri was born.

“That’s a beautiful song princess” your eyes would widen and head would shoot up as you tried to jump back only to be stopped by the wall. Your hands would shove the alien in front of you away as you darted to the other side of the room only to be grabbed and thrown onto the small table the alien placing himself between your legs. the sight caused your stomach to turn in an unfamiliar way just like earlier. his hands resting on your shoulders causing goosebumps to rise “Whoa whoa, calm down there sweetheart. I ain’t gonna hurt ya. Just here to talk.” Your eyes would lock with his and you’d try to tell yourself he was disgusting, but you couldn’t help but think he was beautif. ‘It! IT! It does not deserve to be anything other than an Alien and an It!’you’d tell yourself trying to change your thinking.

The alien would chuckle nervously. “Now are ya gonna talk or what? Cause if not I’m gonna have to let them strap you back down onto that machine” the aliens fingers would rub your arms causing your body to stiffen and your teeth to bare. “And we wouldn’t want that now would we princess?” The alien would smirk and take his hand off of you.

You’d take this opportunity to heart taking your legs to his chest and kicking as hard as you could causing you, the table and the alien to fly across opposite sides of the room. With a thud you’d hit the wall table slamming into your stomach trapping you against the wall. You’d shake your head pushing the table from your body a loud ‘FUCK’ filling your ears as you laid your eyes onto the monster before you. The alien would face you fists clenched and nostrils flaring.

“You wanna play?”The alien would tilt his head as his tails wagged ears going back as he bared his teeth and hissed. Raising his fists.

You’d Hiss back getting in a stance ready to fight. Your eyes would lock with his and you’d yell in annoyance as you leapt at him landing a blow to his face quickly he’d grab your wrist and turn it in n painful manner causing you to bite the hand that held your wrist and have him let go and yell

“You fucking savage! You keep this up I’ll put a bullet in your brain and make sure every inch of this planet is burned to the ground!” The monster would grab your hair and drag you back to the table flipping it upside right “now you’re gonna talk it I’m gonna cut this ducking thing!” The Alien would bark baring his teeth to you grabbing your Queue and holding a knife dagger to it.

“NO! You do not cut tsaheylu! YOU MONSTER!” You’d yell grabbing the aliens wrist in an attempt to keep his knife away. But you knew if he wanted to his arm could overpower your whole body. Has your hand gripped his wrist like a vice your eyes would lock onto his forearm. The memory of his hand around your neck causing your tail to whip. ‘I should not feel like this, this alien should not make me feel like this’

“Oh, you like my forearms princess?” He’d snicker “we all saw that little thought of yours earlier” slowly he’d place the knife back into its strap. Only to put his hand back around your throat. “Or is it maybe your a dirty little savage that likes to be chocked?” Your ears would go back as he slammed his hand onto the table between your legs. Someone’s hands being so close to your sacred place causing you to squirm and close your legs. The alien would take note of this a Laugh to himself. ‘Calm, calm, calm’

“Do not- I am not a savage! YOU PEOPLE ARE SAVAGES! Destroying the forest! Killing women and children! Taking so many lives, for what?? something you think is your to take in the ground?!” You’d yell as best you could his hand still around your throat.

“Well I’ll be damned princess, you speak a whole lot better than I thought you would. I wonder what else that mouth is good for.” The alien would say to himself for than to you. Your face would contort into confusion and disgust at his words. “So, you’re Sullys Sister-in law, aren’t you?” He’d ask

With a glare you’d respond nodding your head.

“Words princess.” The alien would say in a demanding tone.

“yes, you idiot” you’d bark only to have the aliens hand leave your throat and go to your cheeks squishing them together causing your lips to pucker.

“You WILL speak in English or Ill rip that tung of yours right out!” The alien would say in a threatening tone.

“Yes..” you’d say to the best of your ability your cheeks still being squeezed together.

“Good girl” the alien would bring his face closer to yours and patt your cheek finally letting go of your cheeks. “What’s your name sweet thing?” He’d say that stomach turning grin creeping onto his face again.

“(Y/N) (L/N)” you’d say looking to the floor again. Ears back and tail still.

The alien would wait a couple minutes and click his tung. “Tsk tsk, Aren’t you gonna ask me what my name is?” He’d say in a mocking tone pouting his lip. “Ask me my name” he’d demand his words like venom his spit landing onto your cheek.

A look of protest would cross your face, your mother would be ashamed of you right now. You’d bite your lip back not wanting to speak. The alien would stomp his foot and tilt his head in annoyance licking his lips.

“W-what is your name?” You’d ask barley above a whisper your eyes going to the floor shamefully. You’ve been made a fool. So compliant. Death would’ve been easier on you than anything else.

“Miles, Miles Quaritch.”

———————————/////—

Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4 Pt.5

Authors note: Welp there’s the end of chapter one?? If y’all like it. If not this is just gonna sit here forever. Uuuh feedback would be nice and cool lol. And I dunno. Yeah. Hole hell liked it. I love Miles.

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hellofromthehallowoods · 2 months

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I AM RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE WALLS AND ON THE CEILING AND ALL AROUND AND BITING AND MX. WELLMAN

MX. WELLMAN

All I will be doing is frantically trying to connect the dots and put the pieces together

I'm trying to make coherent thoughts but I'm a mix between a dog frantically running around the house and Pepe Silvia

WHAT A SEASON PREMIER TY

The buzz has been phenomenal. Can't wait to give y'all more pieces for the stringing!

#hfth asks #hfth s4 #hfth livescreaming

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brotherdusk · 8 months

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it's time again for my favourite genre of post: tumblr user bee brotherdusk theorises wildly during the Foundation midseason!

on the menu this time is Poly and Constant's Imperial Vacation From Hell, or "oh god, I just wanted to make sure one of my favourite guys was going to be okay, but somehow I ended up sending over two dozen increasingly frantic messages to the discord while everyone else was asleep, pepe silvia-style"

(today I learned that grandpa joe shows up when you type "pepe silvia" into the gif search. deserved)

I'm gonna stick this under a readmore as it gets pretty long and image heavy, and potentially contains big spoilers for upcoming episodes, and I know some people want to watch the show completely unspoiled. all theories are based on official promotional videos already released by apple. no leaks or insider book knowledge here!

so I sort of stumbled into this theory in three stages, and I'm going to stick to that template as I talk through my analysis here, starting with:

Part 1 - I'm Genre Aware Now And Everything Hurts

let's be real, nobody saw Hari's (apparent) death coming in the last episode. death is far less of a concern in this show than in others, as the narrative all but guarantees the long-term survival of its core characters. Hari (apparently) dying so quickly after having his body restored was a massive shock, and jolted us out of the complacency that the show had lulled us into.

when the title and description of next week's episode dropped, fan concern quickly turned to Poly, who @gaal-dornick and @aquitainequeen noted has started to exhibit the classic symptoms of Tragic Mentor Figure Disease:

also, there's, y'know, The Guillotine Situation as shown in Trailer 1:

Poly's death seemed so likely that I was beginning to dread the coming episodes, but something was nagging at me; I had a vague memory of seeing a trailer where he was on Terminus and in a situation that we haven't yet seen him in. maybe he does survive his brush with Brother Day, then? I started rewatching all of the trailers, teasers, and character spotlight videos that Apple released in the run-up to season two, and came across something way wilder than I'd expected:

Part 2 - Star Bridge 2: Council Boogaloo

I found another camera shot of Poly and Constant's apparent execution in the Brother Dawn character spotlight video - note the pillars in front of the crowd, the flags in the back, and Dawn, Sareth, Demerzel, Dusk, and Rue standing on the platform behind Day and the prisoners.

note also the onlookers in the maroon robes, who are also visible in the guillotine closeup I posted above...

...hey, it's the Galactic Council as seen in 2.06, with their GILF-y leader at the front in both scenes!

remember how terrified Cleon XII was of their judgement in the season one finale? we still don't know what their exact deal is, but they're clearly big cheeses politically if XII of all people is afraid of them:

here's yet another angle of the execution from Trailer 2 - same setup, same arrangement of Empire on the podium:

let's see what happens in that shot, will we? ..... oh

... did an explosion just go off in the heart of Trantor and potentially take out the entire galaxy's government in one go???? (I mean, Empire are probably fine with their auras and nanobots and backups, but I'm not feeling too good about the Council's chances right now...)

wait - the pulse and shape that appear on the horizon bear a striking resemblance to the new Foundation whisper ships - especially Poly and Constant's ship, Spirit Rising, which is currently in the hands of Hober Mallow...

why did he take their ship, again?

holy fucking shit Hari Seldon you insane rat bastard (admiring, horrified, impressed). what have you DONE. a blade in case the religious hand of friendship doesn't work out, you say??

(sidenote: this was literally the Anacreon plan for the Invictus in the first season - the scale of the destruction would have been magnitudes worse due to the Invictus' size, but same concept)

honestly, I kind of hope the entire Council perishes in the Mallowpocalypse, if only because it would make this exchange in 2.06 deliciously ironic:

the worst detectives in the world finally found their shared braincell and made a deduction! I'm proud of them!

also, Glawen literally saw this coming in 2.04 and Bel brushed him off. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ sad!

regarding casualties - I think this shot from Trailer 1 is the aftermath of the blast. Day was standing much closer to the explosion than the rest of Empire and Dominion, and so would have taken more damage, aura or not. I also see Sareth, Rue (?), and Dawn - jury's out on whether being dead is the latest item added to Dusk's rapidly expanding list of problems?

a direct attack on Trantor would also explain why Day goes on a personal tour of the Outer Reach and ends up on Terminus, screaming for an audience with Hari Seldon (Trailer 1 again):

and hey, Poly's right behind him! he's Empire's best chance of getting a personal audience with the Prophet, after all. Poly also pops up in Day's character spotlight video, in what I'm guessing is the execution scene again, judging from the collar and the guard restraining him. it might even be the aftermath of the blast, since the shot is pretty chaotic and dusty looking. what's got him so upset?

... and it was at this moment that I realised that while Poly is present in the later Terminus scenes with Day, Brother Constant is not, and I started to worry that I'd been focusing on the wrong person the whole time, leading to...

Part 3 - What About Constant?

oh no. the question of Constant's safety has been hanging over both Poly and the viewer since 2.02. oh no

I thought I might have caught a glimpse of her in the Teaser 1 video - being restrained in the background as Day does his infamously-giffed-to-hell Big Steppy on Hober's throat - but I still wanted more concrete proof of her wellbeing.

and finally I found her in the Pillars of Foundation video, alive and well, but -

HER NECK!! HER NECK!!!

if Constant's life is just barely saved by Hober showing up in the nick of time to prevent her decapitation by an insane tyrant I will literally never be normal again. romance. that's romance. (also incredibly shitty of Vault!Hari to take her blind faith and turn her into a pawn for the Empire to slaughter, but I guess that's expected behaviour from him by now.)

... I was literally about to hit post on this theory, but I just realised; that scene in Teaser 1 where Day is facing down a bishop's claw... we all assumed he was being attacked by a wild beast in the Outer Reach - but what if he's lying in the ruins of the podium on Trantor, and the bishop's claw is a freed Beki going on a rampage? god I hope this happens. imagine being Emperor of the Galaxy, about to perform some casual executions before dinner, and suddenly you're flat on your ass with a Hell Dinosaur about to bite your face off. incredible scenes

and that's all I've got! TLDR; Hari knew that the emperors and Galactic Council would become increasingly paranoid and aggressive as the Empire contracted, and would jump at the chance to publicly end an attempted religious takeover by the "barbarian" Outer Reach. That mass gathering at the execution would be the perfect time to strike with a whisper ship, a technology which the Empire has no idea even exists. This enrages Day into visiting Terminus to deal with the Foundation in person, and potentially destabilises the Empire further if the Council have been wiped out. Empire's structure and dignity are decimated without a single shot being fired - and if there is going to be an eventual, physical war, the Foundation is now in a much better position to fight it.

again, this is just me making a theory and connecting everything together with red string etc etc. I haven't attempted to explain everything, such as the Spacers' or Riose's involvement, and have doubtless got some details wrong - but I'm really excited by how things are connecting and can't wait for next week's episode :}

#foundation #foundation season 2 #foundation apple tv #foundation meta #hari seldon #poly verisof #brother constant #hober mallow #brother day #cleon xvii

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this-is-z-art-blog · 6 months

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[ID: digital drawing of Star and Valerie in the 'Pepe Silvia' meme. Star, in a white button up and dark orange skirt, as well as a light orange tie that is backwards, is overall disheveled, gesturing at the wall intensely while staring Valerie down. Valerie is wearing an orange sweater over a pale yellow blouse, and what of her expression is visible in profile is skeptical and concerned. Large, frantic text across disperate papers on the wall reads 'PHANTOM CLONE'. Other text scattered about read 'science!', '-then Phantom is trans', 'sister? NO', 'TIME TRAVEL??', and 'Vampire ghost?'.]

Ectoberhaunt 2023 - Oct 18, Unravel

More of Star's wild theories from Amity Park Unsolved

#digital art #valerie gray #star #danny phantom #image description #ectoberhaunt23 #dp fanart #amity park unsolved #2023

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notrightnowsblog · 1 year

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I’ve been thinking of a Muppet adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. And there’s really only one way I see it going. Gonzo would narrate in character as Jane Austen the same way he did as Charles Dickens.

Piggy would insist on playing Lizzie and would be thrilled that Darcy is played be a handsome English actor. Let’s say Josh O’Conner, who plays the role like it’s a Merchant Ivory production instead of a Muppet movie. Piggy is over the moon that she finally starring in a “quality picture.”

Most of the rest of the cast is Muppets. The lack of major female coded characters is mostly ignored, just slotting the best or funniest option for the part. Beaker is Mr. Bennet, constantly roped into being a test subject for Bunson as Mrs. Bennet’s elaborate Rube Goldberg devices to catch husbands for their daughters, Sam the Eagle is Mr Collins. Statler and Waldorf are twin sisters Lady Catherine and Kathleen DeBourgh. Fozzie is Mary but instead of the piano he’s forcing everyone to listen to his standup. Link Hogthrob is Wickham who has to be dragged to elope by Pepe the prawn as Lydia.

And Kermit, sweet affable, Kermit, is of course Mr. Bingley. Piggy is happy to gush to him about Joshiepoo/Darcykins and how wonderful it is to be in a classic romance with such a handsome leading man. And she’s delighted when Kermit appears a tiny bit jealous.

The movie starts as a faithful adaptation, as faithful as it can be with the Muppets. Sure you get little interactions where they are clearly themselves instead of Auten’s character’s, commenting on the script, cracking jokes, bickering etc. Then Piggy witnesses Bingley-Kermit and Jane, who is played by an elegant English rose of an actress, seeming a little too chummy. Maybe the actress (Emma Watson would work) is assuring Kermit that Piggy doesn’t really have feelings for Josh but all Piggy sees is Emma’s hand on Kermit’s back. From then on she’s frantically running around trying to both perform her role as Elizabeth while also sabotaging Jane and Kermit’s scenes.

It works, she startles the horse Jane is riding making Emma fall off and twist her ankle. Emma quits. piggy declare she’ll just have to play Jane too, but no need. Gonzo as Miss Austen introduces a replacement, Lily James.

So now it’s Piggy vs. whatever pretty lady is Jane for this scene. Lily “accidentally” takes croquet mallet to the face. Josh OConner has to chase Piggy through a forest trying to perform Darcy’s first proposal because Piggy is hellbent on running over Sophie Turner with a golf cart.

The whole thing has devolved into chaos by the third act with Kermit screaming at Piggy that of course he was just acting! And he was just mad that she never considered him to be Darcy material. Gonzo rewrites the script so Bingley and Darcy were switched at birth and Kermit is actually Darcy. Final scene is the double wedding of Kermit and Piggy as Lizzie and Darcy and Josh now demoted to Bingley marrying last minute replacement Jane, Sweetums.

Gonzo declares this is all exactly as he, Jane Austen, always envisioned it.

#the muppets #pride and prejudice #adaptation #mashing together my favorite things #Jane Austen

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kevjrr · 1 year

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Title: Go on a date with me.

Pairing: Sergio Ramos x Neymar

Request: Can you write a Neymar x Sergio fanfic? Maybe something set during their Barca/RM days? Sergio refuses to tackle Ney in any match, and all his teammates are teasing him about having a crush on him, and urging him to ask Ney out already.

Tags: fluff, mutual pining

A/n: I don’t think I got the characterization a 100% right, I’m sorry!!

Third person’s pov

Sergio leaves the pitch, a myriad of thoughts running through his mind. He knows he should have tackled him but as always something stopped him. That something being his feelings for the man. For Neymar.

If he had tackled him -or done anything at all to get the ball from him- they would have won but he can never bring himself to so much as touch Neymar on the field, always too scared he will hurt him - like he used to a few years ago. He does not want Ney to hate him plus the man tends to hold a grudge against those who injure him enough to get him out of games.

Sergio would know. Their very first encounter had ended in him spraining the younger man’s ankle. The latter had refused to even meet his eyes any time they saw each other. He can’t have that happening again. Especially not when they are currently closer than they have ever been but he also feels like he’s betraying his team. Even the fans are starting to notice.

Someone calling his name breaks him out of his thoughts. It’s Pepe with Marcelo beside him.

The former nudges him, "Why’d you leave so quickly, we barely caught up."

Sergio almost tells him the truth but ends up biting his tongue.

"No reason."

Pepe squeezes his shoulder. A knowing look on his face. "Is it because of the last minute goal?"

The younger man sucks in a sharp breath.

"No. Don’t worry, it’s nothing. I just can’t stand their smug faces."

This time, Marcelo nudges him. "While I don’t doubt that, this isn’t about them is it?"

Why are his friends so smart? Sergio whines internally.

"You didn’t tackle Neymar." Pepe says matter of factly. "You never do."

Marcelo slaps the other man’s shoulder. "I thought we were going to slowly approach the subject!"

"Well, we’ve waited months for this idiot to tell us how he feels about the little Brazilian! I don’t want to wait anymore." He replies defensively.

The Spaniard almost face plants the tunnel’s floor as he trips on his own feet. "What-what are you talking about?"

Marcelo sighs while Pepe rolls his eyes.

"What do you think? You like Neymar, don’t you?"

"What?! No, I do not!" He sputters trying his best not to stutter again lest they find out he’s lying.

"You do though." Casemiro says, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. James not too far behind him.

Oh shit. He’s screwed.

"I don’t! Why do you even think that?"

"Then why don’t you tackle him? And you don’t provoke him either. You even helped him up last time."

Sergio frantically shakes his head, both to refute James and to get rid of the images that appeared in his mind at his words.

Ney’s small hand grasping his own as he hauls him upright. A tad too hard causing him to slam against the taller man’s chest. He can still feel his warmth. And he will forever cherish the sheepish smile that the Brazilian had given him.

As if Case can read his mind, he says "I remember the look on your face when he smiled at you. You looked like a lovesick puppy."

"And Neymar was as red as a cherry."

"We were in the middle of a match, Pepe, of course his face was red. And I did not look like a lovesick puppy!"

"We were 10 minutes in, he has more stamina than that." Case butts in. "And yes, you did."

He raises a hand when the Spaniard opens his mouth to retort. "Stop denying it. It’s obvious. You never hesitate to push, tackle or foul anyone as long as they have the ball but you don’t even touch Ney."

"Exactly. Plus, you almost tore Sanchez’s head off when he fouled Neymar earlier. You always get mad at us when we do that." James adds cheekily.

"But-"

"We don’t see you reacting like that when we do something similar to anyone else."

"I-"

"Pepe almost broke Messi’s ankle earlier and you didn’t even bat an eye."

"Okay fine! I might like him a little. Happy?" Sergio blurts out. He is too tired to keep arguing with his friends. There is was clearly no use anyway, he isn’t going to change their minds. He just hopes they won’t judge him.

"Just a little?" Case asks, his gaze hard and a threatening edge in his tone.

Sergio gulps, how could he have forgotten how protective his Brazilian teammates are of Neymar?

"No. More than just a little. I…like him a lot." He replies, his shoulders slumping in resignation.

He feels lighter too, it feels good to share how he feels to others. He should do it more often.

"Yes, you should. How about you share your feelings with Ney?" James suggests, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Shit. He said that out loud? "Are you out of your mind?! Absolutely not."

"I think you should too."

"Me too."

"Ditto."

Sergio stares at his friends as if they’ve lost it. They can’t be serious. He won’t lose Neymar, not like this. There is no way the younger man likes him back even if Pepe said that he had apparently blushed. It was probably just the heat.

"No. He doesn’t like me back. I’ll ruin our friendship if I did that." He says, his tone uncharacteristically meek.

"You’re an idiot." Marcelo sighs. Incredulous.

Sergio frowns indignantly, “What?"

"You’re. An. Idiot." He says again, emphasizing each word. "How are you so sure? Don’t you think he favors you on the field too?"

“What do you mean?”

“You oblivious, blind, idiot! When does he ever argue with the ref when they don’t card you for your fouls? Have you seen how he acts when it’s me who doesn’t get carded?” Pepe asks, inhaling deeply to calm himself down before he ends up literally kicking some sense into his friend.

“He..he…oh my God…he really doesn’t!” Sergio shouts, a huge smile on his face as if he has just heard the best news of his life.

“Yes. He doesn’t, why do you think that? Do. Not. Say it’s because you’re friends, we’re teammates but he does not stay quiet for me.” Marcelo says, sounding a little offended at his own words.

Sergio’s heart skips a beat, could he really…? No. Don’t get your hopes up.

“He’s coming. It’s now or never.” James chips in, clearly exasperating but it pumps Sergio up anyway. Because his friends are not judging him. On the contrary, they’re supporting him.

The latter turns around and surprisingly, Neymar is walking down the tunnel alone. The younger man looks up and smiles awkwardly when he sees all of them looking at him.

Sergio almost falls down when his teammates push him towards the other man. He quickly gets his balance back before running towards Ney.

His heart skips a nervous beat when he reaches the Brazilian. However, he can’t help but look him up and down, admiring how his sweat soaked jersey sticks to his body like a second skin, accentuating his curves and abs. God, he aches to touch him.

“Hi.” The younger man greets, almost shyly.

Sergio nearly groans. He can listen Neymar’s husky, honey dipped voice all day long and still not get tired of it.

“Go on a date with me.” Fuck. That…is not how he was planning -well, technically he did not have a plan- on telling him.

Neymar takes a step back, his eyes wide and his jaw to the floor and even amidst his own panic the Spaniard can only focus on how beautiful his eyes look. Glistening as the green fights against the brown.

“A-a date?”

“I-I- I’m sorry. Please forget I-“

“No! I mean yes! I’ll go on a date with you.” Ney blurts out, waving his hands around. His cheeks turning a deep red.

Sergio freezes, his brain short circuiting.

“You..you will?”

Neymar looks at him from under his lashes which makes the older man wonder if he is deliberately trying to kill him. How can a man be this adorable?

“Yes, I will.”

“Now?” Because he can’t wait. He refuses to.

The Brazilian’s lips slowly quirk up into a smile. “Okay.”

Sergio beams at him, gaining a bout of courage he leans forward and pecks his cheek. Cherishing the feel of the man’s soft skin against his lips.

Ney stares at him, his cheeks on fire but his smile impossibly wider and Sergio swears he has never seen anything more beautiful.

“I’ll take a shower then I’ll wait for you outside your locker room?”

“I’ll be quick.” The shorter man promises as he runs towards the changing rooms, waving at his teammates as he goes.

“That wasn’t too hard, was it” James asks, smiling smugly.

Not hard?! He almost had a heart attack when Neymar stepped away from him, Sergio thinks as he watches the other man walk away.

“You better not hurt him.” Case warns as he walks pass him. His tone half-joking, half-serious. But the Spaniard knows not to test the Brazilians. Not when it comes to the people they care about.

It’s not like he can anyway. Hurt Neymar, that is.

“Don’t ruin it.” Marcelo teases. “Oh and we don’t mind the special treatment you give him but at least try to stop him next time yeah? Especially if we’re already losing.”

“Uh yes, Marcelo. Thank you.”

The other man merely winks back.

“What he said. Emphasis on don’t ruin it. I don’t need you mopping around.” Pepe claps his back and jogs to reach Marcelo.

Sergio chuckles, over the moon, until he realizes he has no idea where to take Neymar.

Shit.

#football fic #neymar jr #sergio ramos #what should their ship name be?

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strawheart-pirate · 4 months

Text

Revelations

Donquixote Rosinante x gn!Reader

December 13th 2023 Words: 888 CW: SFW, Fluff, modern AU, established relationship, food, Rosinante’s nickname is Cora or Corazon

It was Christmas Day and that meant your brother-in-law was coming to dinner. You were worried because he had high expectations and your partner... well, he's a bit clumsy. Let's see if Corazon's wish for a perfect Christmas dinner comes true.

"We'll have smoked salmon with beetroot and vodka crème fraîche as an appetizer, roast turkey with lemon, parsley and garlic as the main course, with scalloped potatoes and cacio e pepe Brussels sprouts as a side dish. And for dessert, we'll have vanilla-infused panna cotta with a pomegranate glaze. How does that sound?" Cora smiled as he read the Christmas menu to you.

"Sounds wonderful, how can I help?" you asked as you tied on your apron.

"You can start with the potatoes while I stuff the turkey."

"All right." You smiled and began to peel the potatoes. You had a certain routine in the kitchen, so it was no big deal to clean and thinly slice the potatoes. Occasionally you watched Cora struggle with the turkey. You could see that he was very focused on what he was doing because his tongue stuck out a little, and that brought a warm smile to your face.

The two of you worked in sync and finished the preparation in no time. You had already prepared the plates for the starters and dessert, so nothing could go wrong with those dishes. Meanwhile, Cora was already putting the turkey in the oven, since it would take the most time to cook.

"All done, thank you." Cora came over and gave you a kiss on the cheek.

"Anytime." You smiled as you set the table.

The afternoon passed in eerie harmony. Cora didn't set anything on fire or trip over his own feet. It was suspicious. An hour before Doflamingo arrived for dinner, you showered and dried your hair. You were about to put on your favorite Christmas sweater when you heard a loud bang coming from the kitchen. You threw your sweater on the bed, ran downstairs, and found Cora on the floor with the still-raw turkey in his lap and shards all around him. The glass of the oven door was shattered, and he looked like a beaten puppy.

"Oh dear ... What happened?" You helped him up and wiped the broken pieces off him. He placed the turkey on the counter.

"I ... I checked on the turkey and ... noticed that the oven wasn't on at all and somehow ... the door ... broke and I got scared and ... the turkey ... somehow ... flew right into my lap." Corazon stood there stunned, looking at the broken oven door.

You looked at the clock. "It's not your fault, Cora. We'll find a solution," you said, reassuring the big man with a gentle hug. "Go get ready so you're ready when your brother arrives, and I'll find a solution.

"Why is everything closed on Christmas Day?" You complained as you drove around town trying to find a place to get something to eat. After cleaning up the mess while Cora got ready, the two of you decided to get takeout for the main course. The turkey, potatoes, and Brussels sprouts were still raw, and there simply wasn't enough time to get everything ready before Doffy arrived. So, you drove aimlessly and frantically around town while Cora waited for his brother.

After hours of searching for food, you pulled into your driveway and hurried into the house with the food. You were relieved to find Cora and Doffy in the living room, chatting amiably and drinking wine as you sneaked the containers into the kitchen before going to greet your guest.

"I'm back. Hey, Doffy." You hugged your brother-in-law and winked at Cora. "Shall we eat?"

"Ah, finally. I almost had the feeling that Corazon was hiding something from me, but there you are. Fufufufu." Doffy laughed, and I saw Cora start to sweat.

"Oh, are you worried, Doffy?" You teased.

"Of course, I am. I just want what's best for my family." He grinned wickedly.

After serving the prepared starters, you sat down at the table and began to eat. The salmon was delicious, and you complimented Cora on the vodka crème fraîche he had prepared. Even his brother didn't make any snide comments about the food, he even seemed to like it. But you could never be sure because he never took off his sunglasses. You grabbed the empty plates and went into the kitchen to prepare the main course. You were so nervous as you arranged the food neatly on the plates, even adding fresh parsley to make it look home-cooked. You straightened your back and went back into the dining room to serve the plates.

Everyone dug into the warm and delicious smelling food, but you found it hard to eat because you were so nervous. You watched Doffy's every move, and after he took a few bites of his chicken and sides, you were finally able to relax and eat your share without tension.

That was until he spoke.

"Why does this food taste like KFC?"

Silence. You felt like you'd been caught out. Who were you kidding? He was Doflamingo and you thought you could fool him with cheap fried chicken from KFC? Pathetic…

"Because..." You were about to spill everything to him and explain it when Cora interrupted you with a questioning look on his face.

"Wait, how does your gourmet palate know what KFC tastes like?"

The look on Doffy's face was the best Christmas present you could have asked for.

All content unless otherwise stated belongs to: ©Strawheart-pirate. Please do not copy / modify / translate / repost my writing, banners or art on other platforms. Comments, reblogs or likes are highly appreciated! Snowflake banner by ©firefly-graphics

#one piece #donquixote rosinante #donquixote rosinante x reader #donquixote rosinante x you #gn reader #fan fiction #sfw #strawheart-pirate.events #strawheart-pirate.christmas countdown 2023 #strawheart-pirate.writing

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bee-saucee · 1 year

Text

A Not So Normal Day (ShinKami Drabble)

all fluff, no hurt ˙ᵕ˙

The bus was full enough that anywhere you looked, you were left staring pointedly at someone's shoes for far too long. A situation like this would normally leave Shinsou with eyes darting around in dizzying paths, but today wasn't a normal day.

Normally Hitoshi Shinsou is alone. Normally he only rides to and from the office and his one bedroom fortress. Normally the rumbling of the train's wheels against each track wouldn't be loud enough to drown out the sound of his frantically pounding heart.

But today was not a normal today.

Today he'd met Kaminari at a cereal bar in the city for a confirmed date. Today Shinsou's heart was left a gooey puddle from the frequent giggles that bubbled from his date's lips. Today the train was packed and Kaminari was pressed into his side as they stood. His small hands wrapped around Shinsou's bicep for support and burned his skin like hot coals.

Though, most important of all, Shinsou wasn't alone on this busy train. No, he had somewhere--someone-- to look at. His gaze wasn't constricted to Kaminari's beaten converse or sandy tote bag. Today Shinsou had the privilege to steadily take Kaminari in as they chatted about whatever popped into Kaminari's mind. Sunny D, how no one talks about classic memes like pepe anymore, how we went from wearing petticoats and powdered wigs to booty shorts with hands printed on the ass cheeks.

It didn't matter that his skin burned at Kaminari's touch and the too-loud rustle of miniscule shifts filled the clammy air. Kaminari's golden eyes were steady. They planted soothing seeds of comfort and trust to blossom in his veins and grow over his anxiety.

A hand on a bicep, two sides flush with one another, and a twinkling gaze full of intention. Shinsou had a feeling his normal days were numbered.

Thanks for reading! ( ͡ಥ‿ ಥ)━☆ﾟ.*･｡ﾟ

✰like ✰ reblog ✰ follow ✰ comment ✰

#bnha #bnha fanfiction #shinkami #hitoshi shinsou #denki kaminari #my hero academia #shinsou x kaminari #my hero academia fanfic #bee saucee writes

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thebrownssociety · 1 year

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50 for Bugs and Daffy

So, for those not familiar with this, this is 'A memory they've blocked out'

Bugs - He’s blocked out the majority of memories from the war. Non-war related there was the time he accidently locked himself out of WB Studios at the time when Toon Town hadn’t been designed by the animators and the toons were staying in the basement of WB Studio’s. [Absolutely massive, but hardly comfortable]. It was snowing at the time, so Bugs nearly froze to death. He can’t remember exactly what happened, but he knows that it was Pepe who found him and raised the alarm.

Daffy - Again - most memories of the war. Strangely he can’t even remember being drafted. If you ask him he tells you the plot of ‘Draftee Daffy’ [1945] [Daffy had been brought back from the front by that time, which is how he was able to film it]

Aside from that there was a situation when Daffy somehow ended up on a boat out in the middle of Toon Town ocean in the middle of the night and couldn’t remember how he got there. There was no one else on the boat, no food, no water, no supplies. Some of the Toon Town Aquatic animals found him and managed to create enough attention [fish jumped out of the water, they swam around a nearby boat in erratic enough a fashion that the occupants realised something was wrong] to guide a nearby boat to him which rescued him and took him back to shore.

Porky and Bugs had been going frantic because they couldn’t find him. They [naturally] asked Daffy what on earth had happened, but the duck couldn’t remember. Even now he can’t remember. The theory is something traumatic, but no one can agree what.

The three most popular ones are: 1, A not-so-friendly hunter decided to try and shoot him for real.

2, A gang of some of the tougher, more bullying, trouble making toons decided to pick on him for some reason.

3, the final theory is he was having a really bad flashback/nightmare and tried - in his confused state - to try and sail the boat away.

#Looney Tunes Asks #Looney Tunes Headcanons #Daffy Duck #Bugs bunny #Porky Pig

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nncc77 · 6 months

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9, 15, and 21 for Valerie plz!

Thanks so much for the ask!!

9. favorite food? least favorite? are they a picky eater? do they have any dietary restrictions?

Valerie likes it hot! She grew up on questionable street-scop and prepackaged synth-meat, so while she can stomach pretty much anything in a pinch, she can't eat a regular meal without it being either piping hot or spicy as hell. She's not terribly picky -- she'll grab a couple of whatever looks decent off the shelf -- but she'll slap whatever she bought into a pan and fry it nice and crispy first, with a generous amount of chili oil and artificial garlic paste.

15. how big or small is their family? who did they live with growing up? do they live with anyone now?

Okay, this one might get long, because I've actually thought about this one a lot...

Valerie is the middle of three, with a younger brother Vincenzo and an older sister Violetta, all of whom were born and raised in Heywood. Their father, Vernon Villanueva, was by turns endearingly doting and violently enraged, the troubled son of Filipino immigrants to Night City. Their mother, Mercedez Tan, was killed in a gang shootout, struck by a 6th Street bullet when Valerie was 7.

Life in Heywood wasn't easy, especially when their father was working long shifts at the Arasaka dockyards, but where Violetta focused on her studies and Vincenzo retreated into the Net, Valerie was driven by vengeance for the death of her mother. She went to Padre Ibarra on her 13th birthday and told him she'd do whatever it took to become a true Valentino, and she'd do whatever he asked if it meant killing more 6th Street goons. In the years after she would see more of her Valentino brothers and sisters than her two blood siblings, one of whom was already enrolled in Arasaka corporate curriculum.

At 19, on a boring family trip to see Biotechnica Flats, Vincenzo disappeared. After two weeks of frantic searching and asking all her Valentino contacts, Valerie received a message that Vincenzo was alive, healthy, living with Nomads now, and was never coming back. Violetta was outwardly cold but inwardly relieved -- she was happy to see her brother escape the hellhole that she saw as Heywood. Valerie was outwardly angry but inwardly devastated. It was hard for her to see it as anything other than a betrayal, indoctrinated as she was by Valentino ideals of loyalty over all. She threw herself further into the Valentino life until her father's retirement to Atlanta in 2059, when her desire for more money to support him (and her desire for fame and fortune, to rise above her station) pushed her into the less rigid, more freewheeling life of a solo.

If Valerie becomes V, the game itself picks up after her father's death, and her return to NC from Atlanta. If Violetta or Vincenzo become V, Valerie is still with the Valentinos and a dangerous solo on her own. It would be cool to add her as an NPC Afterlife Merc in one of their playthroughs!

21. their favorite place to be?

El Coyote Cojo. The warm red lighting and the smell of tequila and leather feels more like home than her home ever did. Hell, after meeting Jackie and Mama Welles, it practically becomes her primary residence. When she's not on the job (or sleeping off the aftereffects of the job), she's shooting pool and talking shit with a steady supply of Tequila Centzon in her Valentino cyberarm. She's not much of a homebody, so she's always trying to drag Judy out of her hidey-hole and back to the Coyote, even if all they end up doing is sitting and talking for hours. Pepe and Padre are like uncles to her, and Mama Welles is the mother she never had. If there's any one location she'd jump to defend, besides Judy's place, it's her favorite haunt in Heywood.

Thanks so much for asking, I have a lot of thoughts but it's hard to get it out unfocused and unprompted!!

#cyberpunk 2077 #ask games #oc: valerie

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