I think the boss is kind, strong and beautiful
This image is edited
Reading the earlier chapters again with the idea of revaluing Doumeki’s maturity, made me realize how little I should have taken things at face value without questioning them. Since Doumeki was called “stupid” a lot, or even “hachiko” like Nana Komatsu, I just thought that he was meant to be a little naive, a fish out of water, new to the yakuza life. But that is a big mistake, considering that he was in the police and he spent time in prison, but mostly he had to grow up abruptly from his attitude to take life passively the moment he beat up his father. I talked about it in a previous analysis. Other characters expressed those thoughts about Doumeki, that he was strait-laced and not clever enough to distance himself from Yashiro or too infatuated with him to the point of enduring everything his boss asked. That’s only in part true, but not quite how I think we are supposed to interpret him when we look closer. The scene I am going to analyze tells me a different and interesting story and also discusses in a very subtle way a theme that I feel it is more relevant than ever: homophobia.
In chapter 6 Doumeki brings Nanahara back to the clinic - we only can assume that he had it out again with some of Ryuuzaki’s underlings. While Kageyama removes his bandages, Kuga comes in. It’s the first time Doumeki meets him. Up until this point Doumeki has been observing and collecting information quite discreetly and he knows two things: that Yashiro is in love with Kageyama, but has never slept with him (Misumi’s big mouth supplied that last bit). The assumption could likely have been that the doctor is straight.
[Saezuru is a bl manga where straight people exist and are the majority - or at least men don’t make an habit of sleeping with each other - if we read it closely enough and from a realistic perspective, and if we pay attention to how homosexuality or sex between men is actually treated and judged by most characters. At least that is how I am reading it, I am not looking at these characters to pair them together, as my personal preferred approach].
Meeting Kuga at this point is another important piece of the puzzle Doumeki is putting back together silently, in his mind, and discreetly. In this part of the story, Doumeki does what he is told or ordered, yet he is collecting pieces of information and building a strategy for his current goal or desire: to keep his place close to Yashiro.
Kuga-kun is an interesting character. He was able to beat Nanahara, and that alone is quite impressive (I believe they both know how to throw punches in a professional manner). He is lively and doesn’t spare words about his dislike for Yashiro, speaking about him or to him impolitely and without honorifics. To Doumeki he says: “I don’t really like him, you know. I have no idea what he’s thinking, he is a pervert. In all honesty, you hate him too, don’t you?” and Doumeki here has an interesting reaction. In a deadpan way he voices his opinion: “I think the boss is kind, strong and beautiful”. The first reaction to this is laughter and we are probably meant, as readers, to participate a little in making fun of Doumeki’s supposed naivety. Kageyama tries to make Kuga hold back but at the same time: “I understand how you feel, but don’t talk about it now…”. While Nanahara is ready to protect Yashiro’s supposed honor by challenging Kuga to have it out again. Kuga laughs: he clearly expected that a serious looking ex cop would secretly hate someone like Yashiro, not only a homosexual, but also flaunting it. [I am simplifying Yashiro’s sexuality here for the purpose of staying on topic, this is how these characters are seeing it mostly and reacting to]. The entire thing is half played for laughs, while also displaying Kuga and Kageyama’s homophobic tones. Doumeki’s statement is met by disbelief and embarrassment, Kuga even questioning his sobriety. But seriously as ever, Doumeki doubles down: “I respect the boss. Is that so funny?”. Yoneda dedicates a panel to each person’s individual reaction, Kageyama in shadow, subtly looking back behind his glasses at Doumeki, perplexed or troubled by his words. This three panels, when we look at Kuga, Kageyama and Nanahara being silent, give a sense of pause and suddenly the whole atmosphere changes and Kuga apologizes to Doumeki. An understanding has been reached, something has passed between these men in this room.
Now Kuga is open and friendly to Doumeki and wants to know his name. He introduces himself properly and says something really really relevant for the point Yoneda aimed to: “I’m Kuga. I work as a bartender or club staff. Oh and I’m also this old man’s boyfriend “. Even Nanahara didn’t know that. Kuga chose to out himself and Kageyama to Doumeki. This is seamlessly done, it is subtle as a coming out scene, built organically and probably would pass under the radar very easily. But I think that is how people really would interact in the world Yoneda Kou is portraying. I already wrote a little about Kageyama, in my opinion one of the characters that displays his internalized homophobia more bluntly, especially in his open contempt for Yashiro’s “sense of morality” or “dangerous lifestyle” [his words, not Yoneda’s personal view nor mine]. Yashiro brought Kuga into the doctor’s life and made him confront a side of him he wanted hidden, yet at the same time Kageyama keeps thinking that homosexuality should be kept discreet, behind closed doors, and that Yashiro is only looking for trouble by being open about it.
The scene ends and we go back to a pensive Yashiro. In the end of the chapter we are in his POV and discovering that Kuga, Kageyama and Doumeki went out to drink together. It’s an interesting development, significant because it means that the couple feels comfortable now in front of Doumeki and they can be relaxed and be themselves and this opens the possibility for Doumeki to speak to Kageyama and to ask openly about his relationship with Yashiro.
I think this aspect was worth analyzing and I am sorry 😞 it is more long than I wanted. Also I am not putting a lot of images in my analyses out of respect for the copyrighted material and Yoneda Kou. It is still available easily and I think this type of deep dive into Saezuru only makes sense if you have read it entirely and are a fan, which implies that you have a copy of the manga. To be continued…
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Your Taste, Forever on My Tongue
Pairing: Elain/Lucien
Rating: M
Summary: Elain's office is running a Secret Santa event that coincides with the launch of the new website which she's leading on. She happens to get allocated the last person she could ever think of getting a gift for.
Merry Christmas, @makememakesense ! It's me, your Secret Santa!
Thank you so much being so lovely and giving me so many ideas for this AU, I really hope I got it (somewhat) right!
Thank you also to the @acotargiftexchange organisers for giving me this opportunity. This is my first ever fic and I've been so nervous about it, but I'm so glad to have done it for such a joyful community. Special thanks goes to my wife @mmiscbutterflies for helping me brainstorm and bring my 'Love, Actually' vision to life, and generally talk me down from the proverbial ledge when I became anxious/was not in the right headspace to write. Love you always.
Read on AO3 here
Snippet below:
Elain was late.
Not her usual, sorry I’m late-I couldn’t resist-there was a new cafe I just had to try on the way- late, but a fuck me-I slept through five alarms-maybe I spent too long watching reruns of Bake Off-or was it the bottle of Sauvignon?- tardiness, which left her cursing profusely while she tripped over her tights, slapped on eye cream and was out the door.
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usually i try to be gentle with these kind of posts, but i don’t think i can be polite about this: pedro’s sexuality is none of your goddamn business.
sometimes i see straight people speculating about it and i see red. but whats worse is queer people doing it too.
someone’s sexuality isn’t a fun guessing game for you. and i know people don’t think its a big deal and its harmless, but its invasive as fuck.
as someone who is mostly closeted irl and deals constantly with the fear of being outed and have been pressured to come out before, it hits harder for me whenever i see people speculating and making assumptions about anyone’s sexuality.
sexuality is a very private and personal thing and i think some of y’all need to respect that.
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