Tumgik
#self condemnation
ninereadytoanswer · 2 years
Text
(.5 Taxian-Jun and Chu Wanning, bonded)
Rereading an old notfic of mine reminded me about bonding and how I like bonding and also specifically angst with bonding. So.
Taxian-jun and Chu Wanning became bonded at some point.
Possibly in this universe you can force a bond but it wouldn’t from an outside perspective seem likely Taxian-jun would do this, because of how he says he feels about Chu Wanning, and Taxian-jun himself also can’t notice that he might want to do this. Possibly you can’t force a bond in this one.
But it turns out out that if you force enough other activities, and both people have enough underlying want - whatever else they have, however much underlying and whatever it underlies - at some point the dice come up the right way (or the wrong way).
`
Taxian-jun can’t notice this. He can notice that he sometimes knows more of what will hurt Chu Wanning and how much it will hurt him and how it hurts him, that he can sometimes taste Chu Wanning’s pain and humiliation in a visceral felt way (that he couldn’t before, but that he can’t quite notice), but he can’t know why or really have it occur to him there’s something to ask why about or that he knows more than he should be able to tell from even the most careful physical observation.
Occasionally he can notice flashes of other things. Occasionally he has flashes of feelings, at them, turmoils of feelings. He can’t remember this.
The way that going to Chu Wanning some days can soothe him has changed, but he can’t really notice that.
`
Chu Wanning of course has no such barrier. He can’t tell Taxian-jun and have Taxian-jun remember, but he knows. He feels it.
He doesn’t feel everything. The flower’s strangulation cuts things off before they can get to him. (He doesn’t know Mo Ran loves him, or would, or did). But he feels, intimately, Taxian-jun’s hatred and suffering both, the anger and the misery, the pieces and turmoil of other things sometimes (the flower doesn’t affect his memory; he remembers all of them). 
(It turns out that when your love for someone has turned to something you can taste and feel like you can feel their hands squeezing your wrists, and they come and hold you down and hurt you, and the only thing they can feel in any way that rises enough is hatred and ownership and the desire to tear you open, and you feel it, and the only thing they can can feel is how much you hurt, and the only thing they can feel is that that’s right, and you feel it -
it turns out this is worse than just being raped until you can’t stand and knowing it’s only what you deserve could ever be.)
`
(No one else knows. I think both Taxian-jun’s use of forbidden techniques and Chu Wanning’s shattered core confuse people’s relevant sense of them enough that the fact that there’s a bond doesn’t come through clearly like it usually would. It helps that not that many people ever see Chu Wanning or see both of them together.)
10 notes · View notes
futilereality · 2 years
Photo
Tumblr media
8 notes · View notes
acceptjesusaslord · 9 months
Text
THE BATTLEFIELD OF THE MIND
I am not good enough. I just keep failing. Nobody loves me. Why does no one understand me? God, where are you? 

All these thoughts have a certain origin, but you probably think that they come from you. The truth is that such thoughts are NOT from you, but from the accuser the devil. Satan goes around as a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you should not be surprised to experience opposition in your life. Nevertheless, these thoughts are not nice and you can overcome them!
One way to overcome these thoughts is to know who you are in Christ Jesus! Do you want to know who you are? Read the blog on my website via:
1 note · View note
turtleblogatlast · 7 months
Text
I still think about how Leo’s ideal day out for the fam’s venture into the Hidden City was basically just an effort to get some rest and relaxation because boy does he never get that ever.
462 notes · View notes
brucewaynehater101 · 21 days
Text
Tim can't escape Robin. It's a self-inflicted curse brought about by his self-sacrificing tendencies, his need to feel useful, his continuous labor to Bruce, and the cycle of abuse.
He could be so much more than the mantle he chained himself to. Unfortunately, he hasn't healed enough to find self-worth outside of vigilantism and his ties to the Waynes. He also may not recognize that he's stuck in a cycle of abuse when he's (as far as I'm aware) only been hit by Bruce once. All abuse is horrid and has their own perils. Emotional abuse can be much harder to spot or acknowledge (especially when compounded by their situation as crime-fighter leading to easier excuses for drastic measures ["he psychologically tortured me to make me a better hero"]). Tim will need to willingly set boundaries and build his self-worth in order to flee the clutches of Robin. His love for Bruce makes this process extremely difficult.
Batman needs a Robin. Bruce needs Tim. Until Bruce can function without a child-made crutch, Tim will always be Robin (Red or not).
188 notes · View notes
canonkiller · 5 months
Text
Tumblr media
or, stop apologizing for feeling emotions about something having a character you think about is not a mortal sin (mobile version rough draft)
180 notes · View notes
nando161mando · 14 days
Text
Tumblr media
The “lesser evil” condemning Iran act of self defense after Israel destroyed their embassy and killed top military officials
23 notes · View notes
viiinz · 24 days
Text
everyday I think about him (Ippolit Terentyev)
#idk why of all characters he's the one that has left such an impression on me but oh boy#it's been over a year since I've read his 'explanation' and everything that followed and it hasn't left my mind since#ippolit terentyev#the idiot#god all he wanted was some sympathy and recognition#and they just make fun of him#literally all this boy wants is to be taken seriously and no one does#they either laugh at him or beg him to shut up#because his vulnerability and the fact that he's dying makes them so uncomfortable#and he's so ashamed as well over his own vulnerbility#that even when people aren't laughing at him he'll imagine they are#and people blame him for being self absorbed?? like of course he is!!#he's EIGHTEEN and DYING#this is a teenager who's just come to the realisation that he has no agency over his life whatsoever#and that all that awaits him are the cruel laws of nature#he has a right to be upset about that#he's literally the man condemned to death that myshkin talked about#and yes he's ridiculous and awkward and not always right and incoherent and all that#and he can really be insufferable and contemptuous and unfeeling towards others#and even the state he's in doesn't really serve as an excuse for that#yet i feel bad for him#and he's such a teenager too he's so insecure and just wants to impress the people around him#and yes he's doing it for attention#of course he wants attention#can you blame him??#all he wants is to be heard#to feel like his life mattered#but instead everyone's just begging him to shut up#like they're just waiting for him to kick the bucket so the uncomfortable ordeal can be over with#sorry i just have a lot of thoughts about Ippolit and I'm being very incoherent because i didn't plan on typing all this lol
24 notes · View notes
linddzz · 9 months
Text
I do think a lot of the exploration of "what it means to be a woman" in Barbie was very heteronormative focused. Which like...didn't bother me much but it did mean that America's big speech made me check out a bit because it didn't resonate. It mostly reminded me of all of the "being a woman is suffering" straight feminism I see that always makes me be like huh...can't relate so while she was going on I was just like...man in all honesty being a straight woman seems like it suuucckksss glad I don't have all That. Glad it resonated with other people.
67 notes · View notes
justaz · 3 months
Text
thinking about god!merlin
the boy who did not know what he was or why he was born, questioning if he was a monster. the boy who heard of a destiny too heavy to carry on his own but doing so regardless because it gave him purpose. growing into his own power that seemed to get stronger and stronger every day. warlock!merlin noting that the druids revere him to an uncomfortable level, as if he were their messiah, their saving grace. which, according to the prophecies, is true. he is emrys and emrys is to save them all. the young man who does not abide by the laws of nature, who can create life without taking, who can speak a butterfly into existence, who commands nature with a yell, who can heal any and all ailments without punishment for avoiding death. the man who has died over and over again but keeps waking up, just a little bit off. he can feel his mortality burning away, with every spell, with every druid prayer and offering, with every death. the young boy searching desperately for his purpose and growing into the young man who kills without flinching because what is one little mortal life to him? who answers to emrys more than merlin now. who desperately craves to be young and naive and just. merlin.
27 notes · View notes
labyrynth · 9 months
Text
mxtx did not write “the scum villain’s self saving system”, a satirical novel commenting on and subverting stallion novels, danmei, and a plethora of other genre staples and tropes, just for y’all to take the title at face value
55 notes · View notes
arsenicflame · 7 months
Text
thinking about how all the rest of blackbeards crew had left by the time stede found the revenge
thinking about how ed was laid out in such a respectful way, like he was someone wanted to mourn
thinking about even after all he said, after mutinying on him, izzy could never really leave ed
thinking about how after all he did for them, all he lost, our crew couldn't leave him either
28 notes · View notes
Text
Tumblr media
Girl ur in HELL?!
100 notes · View notes
brucewaynehater101 · 2 months
Text
Red Hood Time Travel AU: Angst Edition
(TW: blood, gore, death, Jason's Ethiopia scene, Joker [y'all, it's rough])
Through the power of magic fuckery, Jason gets transported back a few weeks before his fifteen year old self goes to Ethiopia. Figuring that he has a little time before the explosion, he decides to fix a few issues early.
He skips his way past Talia's assassin defenses, scoops up a growling and stabby child, and then sashays his way to Gotham.
Not wanting to be interrogated, he leaves the kid on Wayne Manor's doorstep wrapped up in a green bow. The words "Congrats! It's a boy!" are taped to his forehead.
While Bruce is dealing with the new kid, Red Hood forgot to account for the tension between Batman and Robin. Instead of trying to fix their relationship, the appearance of a new kid pushes young Jason out even faster. Red Hood only finds this out after dropping off kid Tim.
Cursing, Jason desperately chases Robin all the way to Ethiopia. He chases him to that damned warehouse.
Seeing the younger version of himself get slammed with a crowbar, watching the scene from a third person's point of view (but still an older Jason's POV), causes the man to freeze. He's watching the worst time of his life being replayed and he can't move. He can't announce his presence to Joker.
After all his training, after the showdown with Batman and the clown, Red Hood can't even step into the light. What if the monster sees him? What if it turns that bloody, dripping metal on the older version of himself?
Who is Jason anymore? Is he still the kid wrapped in chains begging for his dad to save him? Is he the man available to save himself but incapable?
Each grunt of pain, the choked cries, and the slap of flesh breaking they all numbly hit Red Hood's ears. At the same time that he tensely watches Joker's every move, another part of him is barely aware of where he is.
He must make some noise, perhaps a cut off whimper or a scuff of his boot, because manic green eyes flicker away from their prize. Glee lights up lime colored eyes as the Joker's hand twirls the crowbar. Blood droplets fly from the metal as the clown steps towards a trembling man in red armor.
After the first hit, the first drawn-out laugh, Jason loses time. He comes back to himself on the floor next to the child version of himself. The teen hasn't noticed that Red Hood is responsive again. This allows the man the ability to watch realization and then resignation settle on the kid's shoulder. They both know that the timer and their injuries will not allow them to escape. They're going to die thousands of miles from home, from their dad.
Through the twinge in his arm, Red Hood reaches his hands to the young bird. He frees him from the chains so that his finally moments aren't as trapped. Two broken hands hold each other as they both stare up at steel beams. Twin breaths sluggishly cough out, and the timer beeps ever closer to zero.
Any second now, Jason will die. At least this time he isn't alone.
19 notes · View notes
runawaymarbles · 6 months
Text
This BBC reporter on NPR right now is making me actually want to hurl
21 notes · View notes
grim-faux · 7 months
Text
a massive headache of an analysis of two very terrible people in my projected ideas and observations
I mentioned this on the discord that I think that the fandom is coddling Noone a bit too much. but hear me out before you "she's just a child, you monster. She was subjected to emotional abuse and Otto is a terrible guy for being a doctor and a trusted adult in her life."
That's all valid. but one thing we should ALL REMEMBER is that the children who are approached or ensnared by the Ferry/Candleman, are not targeted because of the "sordid and sympathetic story of bullying and internalized trauma". Under my observations, I would say the Ferry/Candleman pursues children that are vulnerable and easily manipulated. And of course he's not monitoring these children for any specifics or potential, his role is to catch kids and drag them to the Maw. For profit.
And I wanna sympathize with Otto - very carefully - cause this man is a mess. He's terrible, he's a jerk, he loses control over himself over a >10 child call out on his toxicity. AND HE SHOULD HAVE APPROACHED THE SITUATION DIFFERENTLY, WHICH WOULD HAVE MAYBE SAVED NOONE FROM THE FERRY/CANDLEMAN AND THE NOWHERE.
And I would wager that this last betrayal and abandonment by Cece2.0 tossed Otto the edge of all moral practice. Otto was a horrible guy, he betrayed his patient and Noone's trust - but all of that was not done for himself per say; he didn't throw Noone to the Candle/Ferryman for glory, for discovery, for personal promotion. He was doing this out of his childish desperation to find or at the very least see his sister. Yes, that is absolutely selfish, yes he hurt someone along the way, and he will continue to hurt other kids on his journey to finding Cece.
But Noone also isn't completely blameless. She is of course a child, she is a flawed, sad, and a broken child. Of course when someone said to her, "escape the pain and awful world you live," she leapt at this opportunity, no questions. No thoughts, head empty. But Noone is far from innocent, and she will not stay that way when she goes native to the Nowhere-ville.
Over the course of the podcasts, we see evidence that Noone- among the children she encounters - adapt to this hostile world. Children actively ignore Noone when she calls to them (see Ref noisy children die), others are swift to abandon her when the terrors find them kiddies. And Noone herself begins to react and fight at the hostilities in her environment - this proven in Chapter 5, when a girl tried to take the nome (see Ref mushroom fairy), she threw A FUCKING BRICK AT HER ARM. And especially in Chapter 6, she slammed a bottle over the marionette pinned to the table, killing it probably. Subjected to the Nowhere and the violence there, children either adapt and defend themselves, abandon others - or they die.
And my Discord did have a big analytical study and discussion over Rusty - the trapeze boy from the circus. Rusty was an interesting character, not only because he was a teen - probably inhabited Nowhere for a long time - but he was hinted to knowing a way out of Nowhere. This latter factor, I doubt - I do not think Rusty had any real knowledge of how to escape Nowhere, and all he wanted at the end of the day was escape the circus. We choose to ignore the giant pillars stretching to the ceiling not important no siree. That's the best case scenario. But Rusty and his group suggested one of two things (or all of these things). Kids left to Nowhere REALLY REGRET THAT DECISION EVENTUALLY (maybe you get older and realize how much of a dumb brat younger you was). Or, and also, Rusty was not there because of the Candle/Ferryman guiding him to Nowhere. Otherwise, Rusty would be property of the Maw, since Ferry/Candleman gives not two ceramic dolls who has a kid or what entity wants a kid - Ferry/Candleman will escort that child to MawcDonalds.
So Rusty and his trope came to the Nowhere on their own accord - either through a liminal space or other mysterious and obscure portal people should really avoid in the normal world. And they did not know really how to find their way back to the world they lost.
The last problematic matter of Rusty, is he is sus, like a lot of characters of the Little Nightmares world. He's invested in his survival and happiness and safety. So when he and the group are presented with Noone, they jump at this opportunity. It's not crazy to think Rusty was very invested in getting himself away, and ditch anyone else along the way. Case in point when he suggested Noone to be the lookout (wink-wink, nudge-nudge, teehee), "for the man in the purple suit." Noone later realizes she has no idea what the real plan for escape is, aside from alert Rusty that the man in the purple suit is there. She's told only to signal Rusty nonverbally, but she decided to scream at the teen "big top", which he thinks is a good idea. Yes, of course he would. And apparently whatever happened to Rusty was so horrific, it locked Noone in a panic attack. Which is terrible, since it is most probable Rusty and his group only needed Noone there to draw the attention of the man in the purple suit, use her as bait - but that didn't work out. F for Rusty, you big L.
These incidents with the children - of being exploited and bullied, not just in the Nowhere but from her world, drives Noone closer to the edge of the metaphorical doorway. And Otto exasperated the condition by pushing her closer to the threshold of commitment, all to seek a hint that Cece was still there and he might find her. But it was also Noone who took the plunge, despite Otto beseeching her to wait for him - this is the moth to the light, flying closer to that which is enticing and promises comfort, only to be snuffed out when the moth reached the flame.
One of the running themes of Little Nightmares is that of children succumbing to a fate or falling into the same cycle of torment, they are fighting to avoid. For Six, she becomes the next proprietor of the Maw, unable to leave - only so she can survive. With Mono, we follow him through his struggle to find and free his friend from the Tower, only to get thrown aside and abandoned; then he becomes the thing that he fled from, and eventually destroyed - the Broadcaster of the Tower. The children of Nowhere are not escaping a terrible world for another terrible world, they are accepting of the violence and malice that shaped who they are, and turn that back onto the world that inflicted it - perpetuating the trauma which forged them. There are no happy endings of Little Nightmares, only acceptance.
Otto succumbs to that fate as well. He doesn't seek to help Noone so much as he sought to fulfil his own selfish needs. Noone did not wait for Otto to confront the Ferry/Candleman, or wait for him to turn the Candle/Ferryman away - she took the hand offered and abandoned Otto. Which, in turn, leads to Otto's descent into his tragic villain arch. To be clear, Noone isn't responsible for this adult man who should know better, Otto is far from her responsibility. But this mindset may have been what drove Cece from her lil brother Otto - a clingy child she wanted nothing to do with. And ill reiterate, Noone was not responsible for Otto or his actions, as he was the one who swore to help her, he was the doctor and the figure of authority in her life - Otto was supposed to come to her aid.
But when Otto was at his most vulnerable and had no power over Noone any longer, and he begged her to wait. She did not. As with all monsters of the Nowhere, when the child has the upper-hand or has discovered a clever trap, the child dispatches their tormentor.
As equally as she despises Otto, she favored the Ferry/Candleman for the lies he gave her. For the truth he wove amongst the promises.
Though we can dissect Noone's character and grasp what led to her actions, her story is not one of triumph or escape - it is of acceptance and defeat. She does not overcome a great adversary, she submited to the conditions of the world that created the monsters she hated. Her story has only begun in terms of the Nowhere, and it is far from over. She is not journeying through the Nowhere to reach some enlightenment or to become stronger than the shadows that will chase her, or overcome the hazards that await her. Noone becomes another cog in the machine which keeps the Nowhere and its inhabitants gleeful and fulfilled.
It is fair and fine to sympathize with Noone and her fate, she is a child and a victim to all that was set upon her - left with no protectors or sympathizers. And she fell prey to a master manipulator, as did Otto. in this story, the only one who claims success is the Candle/Ferryman, who orchestrated the whole thing.
34 notes · View notes