#so I didn't even really try redirecting my focus

[chickenisamazing]

Yeahhhh maybe I shouldn't be experimenting with drugs

#T #Technically. I mean. They were prescribed to me. #I wanted 2 give them a second chance but I can't tell if now was a good time to do that #On the one hand I think I'm more productive than I would have been? Maybe? #On the other I'm so stressed and nervous that I'm not sure I'm handling the not sleeping and not eating as well as I could #I keep only sleeping 3-4 hours a night and even when I go to bed I feel quite awake #Thankfully it doesn't take too too long to fall asleep but that's probably because. I am tired from being awake for 20 hours. #Also am I really more productive or just less sleepy so I think I'm more productive? #Today I didn't focus that well bc I screwed up big time this morning and have been super down all day bc of it #and wanted to distract myself #so I didn't even really try redirecting my focus #Anyway tomorrow is a new day maybe I'll forget about how I humiliated myself and burned the best professional bridges I had #(It's worse than you think I promise I'm not exaggerating)

[edenesth]

TWTHH Spinoff: Stitched Hearts [2]

Pairing: dressmaker!Hongjoong x noblewoman!reader

AU: historical au (Joseon era)

Word Count: 7.7k

Summary: Throughout his entire career, Hongjoong has received nothing but praise for his work. Never once had anyone suggested his dresses were anything short of perfection. That is, until he met the youngest daughter of the Baek household—the family's black sheep, an enigmatic spinster whom he found utterly confounding.

Part 1 | Main Story | Spinoff Masterlist

"Go home, hyung, and think carefully about what I've said," Yunho insisted, ushering the dressmaker out of his clinic, "I really can't talk right now; I need to close up."

As Hongjoong made his way back to his shop, an internal struggle ensued between his mind and heart. His mind urged him to proceed with the job, reminding him he had no reason to be so troubled. Yet, his heart protested, insisting that it wasn't right. By going along with this, he would be complicit in someone's unhappiness.

Various scenarios played out in his mind as he imagined the aftermath of the makeover he was about to undertake. There was no doubt that you would attract attention from all directions, which wasn't the issue. He could picture potential suitors vying for your hand, but the thought unsettled him for reasons he couldn't quite grasp.

By the end of the night, his rational side prevailed, leading him to choose to proceed with the job. He concluded that entrusting another dressmaker with your makeover was out of the question; after all, he was the best in all of Joseon. You said it yourself; what you liked or wanted did not matter. If you were willing to comply with your family's wishes, then who was he to object?

He chastised himself for letting his emotions cloud his judgement. Despite feeling bad for you, he reminded himself that you were simply another customer. He shouldn't allow himself to be so affected by matters that were none of his concern.

Over the next few days, he dedicated himself entirely to crafting the most exquisite hanbok. He meticulously coordinated every detail, ensuring it would meet the approval of your family. As he finalised the sketch of your ensemble, along with the hairstyle and makeup he envisioned for you, he couldn't help but notice the absence of a smile on his drawing of you. It dawned on him that he had never seen you smiling, not even once.

Although a part of him entertained the idea of coaching you to flash a killer smile, his heart twinged at the realisation that any smile he coaxed would be forced, "Snap out of it, you idiot!" he scolded himself, shaking off the unnecessary thoughts and redirecting his focus to other aspects of the design.

In the meantime, Hongjoong's name seemed to echo through your days ever since his arrival. Your family would lavish him with endless praise for his dedication to his craft, simultaneously lecturing you for not being more courteous toward him, for expecting him to seek you out without you bothering to greet him upon his arrival. If only they were aware of the cruel words he had uttered to you recently. Would they still support him so fervently? Perhaps they would side with him and reprimand you even further for not showing him enough appreciation.

"My dear, why not try being a bit more hospitable today and give Mr. Kim a little tour during his visit, hm?" your mother suggested during breakfast, her tone tinged with exasperation, "It's hard to believe he's already been here twice and has only seen the library and your quarters. Take him around the gardens, at least, will you?"

You pursed your lips, feeling a hint of irritation rising within you, though you didn't show it, "But mother, he's here to work. He's not a guest. Why should we extend such hospitality to him?" you muttered, taking another bite of your food.

Haeun scoffed in response, "Are you even listening to yourself? Mr. Kim is doing you a huge favour. He even closed his shop just to come here for you. The least you could do is show him some courtesy," your father and brother instantly agreeing with her.

Feeling frustrated, you decided to keep your mouth shut, realising that nothing you said would ever satisfy your family when they teamed up against you to highlight your supposed shortcomings.

This is dumb, he's getting paid anyway.

"What a pleasant surprise, Miss Baek! How kind of you to finally greet me and offer to take me on a tour!" the dressmaker exclaimed with raised brows as he was met with your blank stare while you stood waiting by the entrance of your family estate.

Shaking your head, you gestured for him to follow you, "Trust me, Mr. Kim, it's not my idea, and I dread this as much as you do. Please endure it for a bit for the sake of pleasing my family."

He blinked, trying not to let your bluntness affect him. He should know better than to be surprised by your straightforwardness by now. Nodding quickly, he rushed to catch up to you, already several steps ahead, apparently unconcerned whether he was following or not as you began the tour, "Right, my lady! Of course!"

Amused, he chuckled softly to himself at your bored expression as you walked past main areas like the living hall and dining hall before reaching places he recognised. Speaking in a monotone, you pointed out, "You've already seen these places. This is the library, and my quarters are just over there, but you already know that."

Turning to him, you furrowed your brows, "Is there anything funny?"

Biting his lip to suppress his laughter, he shook his head, "Not at all, Miss Baek. Please continue," he reassured, finding your reluctance somewhat endearing.

His eyes widened in wonder as you both arrived at what appeared to be a small play area for the children, "This is a mini playground my father had our servants create for his grandchildren," you explained, gesturing toward your nieces and nephews who were running around joyfully, their laughter echoing through the air. Glancing over at you, he noticed a hint of envy in your eyes, as if you longed to experience the simple happiness the children were enjoying.

After a moment, you took a deep breath and shook off the sentiment, "Well, let's move on to other areas then. I'm sure you don't have all day, Mr. Kim," you said briskly.

Without giving him a chance to reply, you headed off in another direction. He sighed before running after you again, silently cursing you for keeping him on the move. Yet, despite that, he couldn't find it in him to muster any irritation toward you. There was something about your behaviour that felt refreshing. For once, he appreciated being treated simply as another person, rather than being placed on a pedestal for all his accomplishments or appearance.

Arriving at your next location, you remarked rather sarcastically, "Of course, we can't forget the most crucial place in the entire estate, the kitchens," your voice hushed to avoid attracting attention from the busy maids for fear of disrupting their work.

Just as you were both about to leave, a burst of laughter echoed through the kitchen, accompanied by a blunt remark, "I bet the young miss will end up divorced early in her marriage, even if she miraculously finds a suitor after the makeover Mr. Kim gives her. She's an absolute nightmare! What sane man could tolerate her for long?"

Hongjoong felt his blood boil at the audacious words, growling under his breath, "How dare they—" He clenched his fists and took a step toward the door, seemingly ready to confront them.

Surprised by his reaction, you reached out and grasped his wrist, causing him to look down at your hold before meeting your gaze with a questioning expression. You sighed heavily, "Forget it, there's no point in doing whatever you intend to do. I'm already hard to like as it is, and I don't want them to dislike me even more than they already do. Let's just get out of here, Mr. Kim."

Feeling a pang in his chest, he couldn't shake off the aggravation that washed over him at the acceptance in your tone. The realisation that you were well aware of everyone's dislike towards you, yet you had resigned yourself to enduring it, stirred an unsettling mix of emotions within him. Just how long had you been suffering all this alone?

When he remained rooted in his spot, you squeezed his wrist and whispered, "Please, can we just go?"

With a defeated expression, he squeezed his eyes shut and nodded, "Fine, as you wish."

As you both left the kitchen behind, his mind buzzed with unanswered questions. Why wouldn't you stand up for yourself? And why wouldn't you let him be the one to defend you? It frustrated him to no end. He couldn't comprehend how someone as strong-willed as you could endure such treatment.

The weight of your silence hung heavy in the air, leaving him feeling helpless and conflicted. He wanted to reach out, to offer some form of solace or support, but he couldn't find the right words. Instead, he walked alongside you in silence, his mind racing with thoughts of how to help you.

Glancing at him, you could easily discern his struggle to contain his annoyance. But what you couldn't understand was why he seemed more bothered by it than you, especially considering his apparent dislike toward you. Eager to move past the incident, you decided to follow your mother's suggestion and led him to the gardens.

"I hope you like flowers, Mr. Kim," you offered as you strolled among the blooms, "These are some of my mother's proudest collections, gathered from other provinces."

Relief washed over you as he appeared to be distracted, showing genuine interest as he examined some of the rare flowers not typically found in this area.

Giving him a moment alone, you scanned the area, straining to hear a faint meowing. Your eyes widened and you gasped as you spotted a cat stranded atop a tree. Without hesitation, you rushed forward, calling out, "Don't worry, kitty! I'll rescue you!" Your hands reached for the tree branch as you searched for a secure foothold to climb.

"Ooh, this one's pretty! Where did this come from?" he pondered aloud, his brow furrowing at the lack of response. Glancing up, he did a double take upon seeing you attempting to scale a tree.

Hastening over, he halted your ascent with a firm grip on your arm, "I turn away for one second and—have you lost your mind? What in god's name do you think you're doing?!"

Clicking your tongue in frustration, you pointed to the poor little distressed animal above, "Let me go. I'm going to save the cat, whether you like it or not."

The dressmaker sighed in exasperation, slapping a palm against his forehead as he observed the determination in your eyes. With a roll of his eyes, he relented, "Ugh, fine. Step aside, I'll do it."

You huffed, conceding to his offer, and relinquished your position. As he handed you the bag containing your latest hanbok, he rolled up his sleeves, muttering to himself, "I can't believe I'm doing this," before proceeding to climb the tree with surprising agility. However, he soon realised the tree was taller than expected, and panic gripped him as he reached the top, letting out a startled yelp, "Oh my god, this tree is way taller than I thought!"

"Quit wasting time and save the cat!" you urged, frustration creeping into your voice. When he shot you a glare, you narrowed your eyes and challenged, "If you're so scared, get down here then! I'll do it!"

"No, no, no, don't you dare! What kind of man would I be to let you do it, huh? You stay put and wait down there," he insisted firmly, before reaching out tentatively for the frightened animal, "Come here, kitty. It's alright, just come to me and you'll be safe."

With bated breath, you observed as his hand shook pitifully. Slowly but surely, the animal inched closer to him, bit by bit, until it ended up snugly in his arms. A sigh of relief escaped you as he succeeded. Holding the rescued feline close to his chest, he carefully made his way back down.

As soon as he handed the cat over to you, his legs gave out, and he sank onto the ground. His face was blank, as if he were still trying to process what he had just done. The last thing he expected when coming here today was to do something like this.

Seeing his defeated posture, unlike his usual composed demeanour, you couldn't help but let a smile sneak onto your face, eventually bursting into a fit of giggles as you replayed the scene in your head. At the sound, he glanced up, captivated by the melody of your laughter. Frozen in place, his heart skipped a beat as he beheld your smile for the first time, genuine happiness lighting up your features. At that moment, he realised your beauty, wanting nothing more than to see that smile more often.

How pretty.

Since that day, both of you appeared to have grown more at ease with each other. He abandoned the formalities, as you urged, and shed the false pleasantries. Finally, he felt comfortable enough to be his true self around you, letting his unfiltered thoughts flow freely and speaking his mind without reservation. You didn't seem to mind, especially since he hadn't intended any offence with his words.

While you wouldn't go as far as calling yourselves friends, there was a comfort in each other's presence that had developed. Even in moments of silence, there was never any awkwardness, only an unspoken understanding between you, a connection that required no verbal declaration; you simply understood each other.

Over Hongjoong's recent visits, a routine had formed. You would courteously greet him at the entrance before guiding him to your quarters. There, he would assist you in trying on the hanboks he had crafted, ensuring they fit perfectly and required no further alterations. He would experiment with different makeup and hairstyles, exploring which suited you best.

After weeks of diligent work to assemble the perfect ensemble for you, today marked the culmination of his efforts—the day he would finally unveil your complete makeover. With an array of hanboks he had brought from his previous visits, they were sufficient to constitute an entirely new wardrobe for you. This was the moment your family had eagerly anticipated, the outcome they had engaged the dressmaker for. He observed you scrutinise the items he had meticulously prepared, your expression unreadable.

"Are you ready, Miss Baek?" he inquired.

You shot him a look that seemed to convey 'are you kidding me', your lips pursed, "Does it matter? Just do what you have to, Kim."

With a nod, he began with your hair and makeup, his heart quickening with every movement under the weight of your attentive gaze, fixated on his handsome features. Unbeknownst to him, you held your breath whenever he moved a little closer to perfect your eye makeup. Cursing himself, he attempted to steady his trembling hands as he moved on to your lips, "Could you please look away or close your eyes?" he requested.

"Why?" you inquired, devoid of any jest.

He sighed, "Look, it's... it's distracting, okay? I find it hard to concentrate when you're watching me so intently."

Rolling your eyes, you acquiesced and closed your eyes, "And you claim to be a professional," you remarked.

For once, he lacked the energy to retort, his heart dancing with sensations he had never experienced before. Despite having applied makeup for countless women, he had never encountered such a physical reaction. Puzzled, he struggled to understand the inexplicable effect you seemed to have on him and his poor heart.

"Everything's finished, except for putting on the hanbok," he announced, placing his tools aside before excusing himself momentarily as your maids began assisting you with one of the most elaborate hanboks he had produced. Stepping outside your quarters, he was taken aback to see your entire family assembled and waiting. Bowing respectfully, he greeted them, "Ah, you've all arrived right on time. Miss Baek is almost prepared."

Hajoon stepped forward, extending his hand to shake the dressmaker's, "With your assistance, I'm certain she'll look stunning. Thank you so much for your dedication, Mr. Kim," your parents chimed in, expressing their gratitude for his hard work.

Suddenly, the attention shifted as one of your nephews pointed towards the entrance of your room, exclaiming, "Look, a princess!" All eyes turned to catch a glimpse of you.

A chorus of gasps escaped from your family members as they beheld the sight before them. Your family was overcome with awe, your mother and sister shedding tears of joy as if you had finally fulfilled their deepest wishes. Turning around, Hongjoong's breath caught in his throat as he took in your completed transformation for the first time, mirroring the astonishment of everyone else. You appeared breathtaking, meeting society's standards of perfection and seamlessly fitting into their expectations. Yet, the absence of joy in your expression failed to bring him satisfaction.

She's not happy.

In truth, a foolish part of him clung to the hope that you might still be impressed by your transformation once you had seen your beauty, despite knowing your reservations. He harboured a fleeting expectation that your initial reluctance stemmed from never seeing yourself adorned in such finery before, and that your perspective would shift upon witnessing your present appearance. But he knew he was wrong as soon as he observed your evident discomfort, your fingers clutching the hanbok's skirt tightly, your gaze averted while your family showered you with adoration.

Confusion enveloped him at that moment. He should have felt elated that his vision had come to fruition; your family's satisfaction with his work signalled the success of his mission. However, instead of joy, remorse consumed him; your family's praises fell on deaf ears, and all he could see was the despair in your hunched shoulders.

"Mr. Kim, this is utter perfection! You've truly outdone yourself! Please join us for dinner tonight before you leave! It's the least we can do for all the work you've put in over the past few weeks!" your father invited, excitement evident in his tone.

Normally, he would reject such offers, but he realised he wasn't ready to leave you just yet. With only you in mind, Hongjoong accepted, "It would be my pleasure, Official Baek."

Seated beside you in the dining hall that night, the dressmaker did his best to engage with your family members. However, his attention kept drifting back to you, noticing your silence as you picked at your food, showing little appetite. He grew concerned seeing you repeatedly reach for the wine glass, drinking more than eating. Haeun's disapproving glare didn't escape his notice.

"That's enough, maknae. No man likes a drunkard for a wife. With your enhanced looks, you'll be attracting a suitor real soon. Now's the time for you to start training to be a proper lady," she scolded.

Hajoon chortled, "Let her. Perhaps she'll be a better wife when drunk. That version of her might be more tolerable than her usual self."

To Hongjoong's dismay, your sister and parents joined in the laughter, despite your brother-in-law and sister-in-law exchanging apologetic glances in your direction. At that moment, he lost his appetite completely as he watched you quietly enduring it all, much like when the maids made fun of you.

Before he could inquire if you were okay, your father addressed him, "Mr. Kim, we apologise on our youngest's behalf for any trouble she may have caused you. Surely, she couldn't have been easy to work with. We will compensate you nicely for all your efforts."

Wanting to use the opportunity to stand up for you, he plastered on his most professional smile and spoke, "Not at all, my lord. Miss Baek has been an absolute pleasure to work with. She's remarkably selfless, unlike many customers who approach me solely for superficial reasons. Despite her reservations about fashion, she wholeheartedly complies for her family's sake. And I deeply respect her for that. The opportunity to make her clothing is reward enough for me. I consider myself fortunate to have such a client."

His response surprised everyone, including you, with its sincerity and absence of flattery or deceit. Your mother blinked, ashamed of herself for laughing moments ago, "Oh, that's reassuring to hear. Perhaps we should give her more credit for her efforts."

The atmosphere turned slightly awkward after the dressmaker's indirect words, making it clear he disapproved of their conversation about you. It seemed as though his remarks had prompted them to reflect on their behaviour, recognising the cruelty of mocking their own family member. Despite your usual straightforwardness, they understood that you truly never meant to hurt anyone's feelings. Guilt washed over them as they realised their earlier actions had been intentional and hurtful.

Absorbing the aftermath of Hongjoong's defence of you, a surge of emotion welled up inside you. His words resonated deeply, touching a part of you that had longed for such validation. No one had ever stood up for you in such a manner, not even your own family, who were supposed to be your closest allies. To hear someone speak so kindly of you, with genuine sincerity, was a rare and precious gift.

Looking up at him, you felt a warmth spread through your chest. Perhaps, in that moment, he had become more than just a dressmaker to you. Maybe, without him even realising it, he had earned the title of friend.

As he gently confiscated the wine glass from your hand and replenished your bowl with food, a tiny smile tugged at the corners of your lips. His gesture felt like a moment of genuine concern that warmed your heart. Whether or not he realised it, he was showing you a level of care you hadn't experienced before, and it felt comforting to be treated with such thoughtfulness.

"Stop drinking so much and eat more, my lady. You'll be sick if you keep up like that," he lectured with a soft grin.

You wondered if this was his way of showing that he cared. Regardless, it felt nice to be looked after, to have someone pay attention to your well-being in such a simple yet meaningful way. As you took a bite of the food he had placed before you, a sense of gratitude washed over you, grateful for his unexpected kindness in a world that had often felt cold and indifferent.

After the meal, he said his farewells to your family but insisted on walking you back to your quarters before departing. Upon reaching your room entrance, you turned to him, saying, "Well, I'm here safe now. You can leave, Mr. Kim."

He scoffed lightly, "Would it hurt to have a little chat before I go?"

Taking a seat on the short staircase leading to your room, he patted the space beside him, gesturing for you to join him, "Come on. I don't know when I'll see you again after this. Let's just... talk."

Your heart felt uneasy at the reminder that today marked the grand finale, and with it over, his job here was considered done. He would have no reason to visit your family estate unless summoned. Reluctantly, you settled down beside him on the step.

Despite his desire to converse, there was a moment of silence as you both pondered what to say. The ambience was filled with the chirping of crickets and the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze as you sat side by side, your shoulders lightly touching. Mustering his courage, he finally broached the subject, "Be honest with me, Miss Baek. Do you hate my designs? I've noticed your unease since you put them on."

Gazing down at the vibrant hanbok adorning your frame, feeling the weight of the accessories on your head and the unfamiliar thickness of the makeup on your usually bare face, you let out a sigh, "I don't hate them. It's just... honestly, I don't feel worthy of such finery. They're undeniably beautiful, but they don't resonate with who I am. And if this is what it takes to attract a husband, I can't help but wonder... what good is a man who would only value me for my looks? What kind of marriage would that be? The maids had a point. Any man fooled by this appearance would likely end up divorcing me."

Frowning, he turned to you, seeing the rare display of emotion as your eyes glistened with tears, "That's not true, why would you think you're unworthy?" he questioned, genuine concern evident in his voice. Though he wanted to agree that a man like that did not deserve to be with you, he opted to address what truly mattered.

You let out a humourless chuckle, a sound that tugged at his heartstrings. It was unlike you to expose your vulnerabilities in such a manner. Perhaps it was the comfort of Hongjoong's presence or the effects of the alcohol. Or maybe it was a combination of both. You shut your eyes as your world began to spin, whispering, "I've never been good enough for anything or anyone. My parents made that abundantly clear since I was a child. Nobody has ever truly liked me, and don't pretend otherwise, I know you disliked me too. I just... I'm so tired. I want to be loved for who I am. Is that too much to ask...?"

It really isn't, my lady. I'm right here.

Your voice trailed off, a tear tracing down your cheek as you rested your head against his shoulder, succumbing to exhaustion. His heart ached as he hesitated, then gently wrapped an arm around your shoulders. Once he was certain you were truly asleep, he carefully slid his other arm beneath your legs and carried you into your room.

The dressmaker felt as if his life hadn't been the same since taking on that job. It had been nearly a week since he last saw you, the image of your tear-stained sleeping face lingering in his mind as he tucked you into bed. A heavy weight settled in his heart as he silently bid you farewell that night, making his way home with a sense of numbness.

Every day after that felt unsettling.

The initial satisfaction he anticipated from accepting your sister's job offer eluded him. Thoughts of you consumed his mind relentlessly. He wondered about your well-being—whether you were eating properly, sleeping soundly, finding happiness. Despite his yearning to see you again, even just a glimpse to ensure you were okay, he knew he had no reason to visit the Baek estate. The job was completed, and he had received his payment in full. Alongside the surge in his reputation, he had earned widespread recognition for transforming the once pitiful youngest Miss Baek into the stunning beauty you are today.

Consequently, his business flourished. Recognising his inability to change the situation, he threw himself into his work, attempting to maintain a semblance of normalcy. Day after day, he laboured tirelessly in his shop, his pockets filling up, yet his heart growing emptier with each passing moment.

"Huh, who would've thought this day would come? It seems someone could rob you in broad daylight, and you wouldn't even notice," the sudden familiar deep voice snapped him out of his thoughts. Looking up, he found Seonghwa standing right beside his work desk, "What's up with you, Kim Hongjoong? Need a break?"

"I told you, he's been acting all weird since he completed the Baek family's job," Wooyoung chimed in, appearing behind the general.

The dressmaker blinked, "Wh-what are you two idiots doing here?"

Seonghwa scoffed, "Oh wow, is that really the way to greet your friends who care enough to come check on you?"

Flustered, Hongjoong cleared his throat and returned to work, "Why do you have to check on me? I'm doing just fine."

"Are you really? That's not what Yunho told us. It sounds like someone's finally having girl problems," the investigator retorted.

The general grinned, "You know, for someone who gives so much relationship advice, you're rather terrible with matters of the heart when it comes to yourself."

With a sigh, the dressmaker rolled his eyes, "I don't have any problems. You two should worry about yourselves instead. Haven't you heard? Taken men have more issues than single lads like myself." The two had been exceptionally insufferable ever since the younger man had also begun courting his precious Miss Han, always borderline making fun of the rest for still being single.

"Really? So you're not bothered that Miss Baek has finally found a suitor?" Wooyoung teased. At that, Hongjoong dropped the pencil in his hand, head snapping up with wide eyes, "What did you say?"

His friends exchanged knowing grins before the younger one repeated, "I said, the youngest miss of the Baek family has finally found a suitor. The eldest son of the Yoon family has asked for her hand in marriage."

The dressmaker felt his heart drop, "The Yoon family...? Aren't they the ones on the verge of bankruptcy?"

Seonghwa nodded, "That's correct. I guess they must be taking the opportunity to forge a union with the Baek family to save themselves financially. I suppose it wouldn't be so bad now that the youngest miss is finally pretty enough to marry."

"Don't you dare say that about her; she's perfect the way she was. Her appearance doesn't define her," Hongjoong growled, glowering at his friend for the first time.

Rather than reacting negatively, his friends applauded his response, the older man smirking, "Congratulations, you're in love."

"I'm not—"

Wooyoung sighed in exasperation, "Listen, it doesn't matter to us whether you think you're in love or not. But if you aren't, I suppose it wouldn't matter that today is the day the Baek and Yoon families formalise the engagement. Do what you will with that information; we have a double date to enjoy."

At that moment, he came to the realisation that what he had been feeling all along was love. Looking back, he should have recognised the signs from the very beginning; despite his irritation with you, genuine anger never surfaced. The incessant thoughts of you had been consuming every moment of his life, a clear indicator in hindsight. Yet, he couldn't fathom why he had persisted in denying it. It was evident that he wasn't fooling anyone except himself.

The dressmaker's cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he watched his friends leave his shop, "W-wait!" he called out, his voice tinged with a hint of nervousness, "Thanks, guys. I appreciate the help."

With a playful wink, the general teased, "Atta boy, go get your girl. I'm looking forward to making it a triple date next time."

God, I sure hope she feels the same.

Meanwhile, you wandered through the gardens of your estate, accompanied by Byungho, the eldest son of the Yoon family and your soon-to-be fiancé, a sense of unease lingered within you. The suddenness of his proposal, along with his family's involvement, left you in a state of shock. While you had anticipated attracting suitors after your makeover, you hadn't expected everything to unfold in less than a week. Despite Byungho's outward appearance of kindness, you didn't know how to feel about spending the rest of your life with him.

Besides, you weren't entirely clueless.

You'd heard all the rumours circulating about his family's financial troubles, stemming from a failed business venture that had left them on the brink of bankruptcy. You understood that his proposal wasn't solely motivated by your newfound beauty; rather, you were seen as a solution to his family's predicament. And since he was still unmarried, it would be like killing two birds with one stone.

Even as you walked alongside the man who was supposed to be your future husband, your thoughts were consumed by a certain dressmaker. Amidst the familiar scenery of the garden, memories of your shared moments played on a loop in your mind.

Like the cat you had rescued and set free, you couldn't help but wonder about both of them—the stray animal and its saviour. Did he ever think of you, even fleetingly? The maids had recounted the events of your final night with him; how he had carried you back to your room and tucked you in with care. You regretted being influenced by alcohol, wishing you had bid him a proper farewell.

Now, you knew you would never see him again—the first person to show you genuine kindness despite a rocky start, the first to truly care, the first you had considered a friend... and perhaps more.

I miss you, Kim Hongjoong.

Little did you know, he stood just outside the entrance to your family estate, struggling to catch his breath. He pleaded with the guards stationed at the gate, conveying the urgency of his situation, "Please, I left behind a crucial tool that I need to retrieve."

"We apologise, Mr. Kim, but the Baek family is hosting important guests today, and we cannot permit entry to outsiders without a valid reason. Perhaps you could return tomorrow," the guard explained respectfully, bowing his head in apology.

As he regained his composure, a sense of desperation gripped him. He knew exactly who those guests were and the purpose of their visit. He couldn't afford to wait until tomorrow; he had to be there to stop it all now. However, he couldn't reveal the true reason to the guards, fearing it would only lead to his expulsion from the premises.

Summoning his typically fearless demeanour, he planted his hands on his hips and fixed the guard with an unamused stare, "Listen, I have a significant client waiting on her hanbok for tomorrow. If I lose her business because of this delay, will you take responsibility for my losses? I doubt your salary could cover the cost. So, soldier, are you prepared to shoulder that burden?"

The guard swallowed nervously, "I-I..."

Rolling his eyes, Hongjoong pressed on, "All I need is a moment to retrieve my belongings. What harm could my brief presence possibly cause? Do you think the guests will be bothered by a mere dressmaker dropping by to pick up his things?"

Lord forgive me for deceiving this poor man.

Finally relenting, the guard stepped aside, "I suppose you have a point, sir. My apologies."

As soon as he was out of the guard's line of sight, he moved stealthily like a spy. The last thing he wanted was to draw attention to himself and face a barrage of questions. His heart raced in his chest as he scanned every corner frantically in search of you. Inside, the living hall buzzed with activity, hosting both your family and the Yoons. However, you and the eldest Yoon son were conspicuously absent. Panic and protectiveness surged within him at the thought of you being alone with another man.

He felt a wave of relief wash over him when he discovered your quarters were vacant. The mere thought of finding you with another man in your room made his stomach churn with jealousy. Passing by the library, he was once again grateful to find it deserted. These were sacred spaces shared only between the two of you, and he refused to let anyone else intrude upon them.

Finally, a sense of calm settled over him when he spotted you in the garden with your prospective betrothed. Taking cover behind a nearby tree, he strained to eavesdrop on your conversation while contemplating his next move. Walking up to you and blurting out his feelings like a madman seemed out of the question. Not only would it be reckless, but he also had to consider what your family would think of him if he acted so impulsively.

He needed to devise a careful plan of action.

Perking up, his attention sharpened as he heard the eldest Yoon son's words to you, "My lady, we've been here for a while. Would you perhaps like to have some tea in a more... secluded spot?"

Hongjoong's blood ran cold at the suggestion, his fists tightening involuntarily until he heard your firm response, "I'm not in the mood for tea, Byungho. If you want some, feel free to go ahead and enjoy it yourself. I'll be right here." A surge of pride swelled within him at your characteristic straightforwardness.

That's my girl, you tell him.

A tense silence hung in the air before Byungho's frustration reached its boiling point, "Enough of this, I've had it with you," he burst out, "Do you honestly believe that just because you've become more attractive, you're suddenly something special? Do you know what men outside are saying about you? Sure, you finally look pretty enough to marry, but they would have considered you if only you were a couple of years younger. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror, you're old. Be grateful I'm willing to marry you. You have no right to be playing Ice Princess with me right now, you hear me?"

The dressmaker's blood boiled as he listened to Byungho's disrespectful tirade against you. Unable to contain his anger any longer, he emerged from his hiding spot and strode purposefully toward the two of you.

"Look who's talking," he interjected, his voice laced with fury, "If she's so undesirable, why the hell are you and your family here begging to have her hand in marriage?" He narrowed his eyes at the bastard, his words dripping with disdain, "Look at yourself, Yoon Byungho. You're going broke and are relying on a woman to save yourself. I don't think you should be the one to talk."

Byungho's face turned red with anger as he shot back, "Who the hell do you think you are? Wait a minute, I know you. Aren't you just a lowly dressmaker? You have no right to speak to me like that."

But Hongjoong stood his ground, undeterred by Byungho's attempts to intimidate him, "I may be a dressmaker, but at least I have the decency to respect others," he retorted, "Unlike you, who seems to think you can treat people however you please just because of your family name. Would you prefer to back off on your own, or would you like me to repeat your earlier words to Official and Lady Baek word for word? Do you reckon they'd still want such a son-in-law?"

As the tension between them escalated, you watched in shock, unsure of what to make of the confrontation unfolding before you.

You didn't know how to react when Byungho scoffed in disbelief, "Whatever, I can't stand her anyway," he said before turning to you, "And you, don't come crying to me when you can't find someone to marry."

"Oh, don't you worry, she won't," the dressmaker sneered, watching the despicable man huff and stalk off.

Still in a state of shock, you blinked rapidly, trying to process Hongjoong's sudden appearance and his unexpected action in ending your engagement so abruptly, "M-Mr. Kim...? What have you done?"

He narrowed his eyes at you, "What have I done? More like, what are you doing, woman?" he retorted.

"I haven't done anything," you fought back.

"Exactly! Were you really just going to marry that douche of a man if I hadn't shown up? Even after he said those things to you? Don't you want to be happy?" he questioned.

Massaging your temples, you struggled to understand his point, "I don't get it, Mr. Kim. What are you trying to say? You know better than anyone my happiness never mattered."

He ignored your question, "Of course, it matters! And what the hell are you wearing?!"

Confused, you looked down at the hanbok you were wearing, one of his designs, "What do you mean? This is your—"

"Only wear what you want and do what you want! Why should you be so unhappy? This is your life!" he interrupted, frustrated.

Exasperated, you sighed, "In case you haven't been paying attention, no man will ever want me if I were to—"

He cut you off, gripping your shoulders firmly as he looked into your eyes, "I do! I want to be with you, okay? Your happiness matters to me more than anything else!" he declared before bravely pulling you into his arms. He felt like he could finally breathe again when you lifted your arms to hug him back.

A week had passed since that pivotal moment, and it was remarkable how one single moment could alter the course of your life. Hongjoong's unexpected intervention had changed everything. Byungho's decision to call off the engagement had left both families in shock, particularly his own, given their desperate need for financial assistance. The bastard was more keen to preserve his reputation, fearful of the repercussions of his outburst towards you. Strangely, your family seemed somewhat relieved by the turn of events, although the reasons behind their reaction remained unclear.

Eventually, it became clear when the dressmaker approached them, seeking permission to court you. The knowing grins exchanged among your family members answered your unspoken questions.

Haeun's laughter, unexpected to both you and Hongjoong, was joined by Hajoon's, "I knew it! I knew there was something between you two! Your actions spoke volumes, Mr. Kim, especially your protectiveness towards her that night. We've been waiting for you to realise it."

Your parents nodded, "You have our blessing, Mr. Kim. So long as our youngest is happy. But ultimately, it's her consent that truly matters. You should ask her if she's willing."

The dressmaker hesitated, his heart pounding in his chest as he reached for your hand, "I did ask her..." His nerves eased when you willingly intertwined your fingers with his, "And she said yes."

And ever since that moment, he hadn't let you go for long, always claiming to miss you. Though you were too shy to admit it aloud, you felt the same. Now, as you stroll along the bustling streets of town for the first time in what feels like forever, his hand securely holding yours, he shows you around, "Come on, beautiful. There's still so much to see."

He slowed his pace, noticing the slightly overwhelmed expression on your face, and wrapped an arm around your shoulder, "Are you feeling alright, darling?" he asked, scanning the surroundings, wondering if you were perhaps feeling insecure due to any stares, "Is it the hanbok? I promise I'll make an even simpler version next time."

You shook your head immediately, "What? No! I like this, Joong, I really do," you said, smiling down at the simple yet elegant pastel-coloured fabric he had picked especially for you. He had replaced all the previous ones he made for you with a new batch of minimalistic hanboks you'd prefer.

Narrowing his eyes suspiciously, he persisted, "Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything."

You chuckled softly, and he felt a flutter in his chest at the sight of your beautiful smile, "Of course, you know I can't lie to save my life."

His laughter echoed with realisation, "That's true, how could I forget?"

Giving his hand a gentle squeeze, you leaned your head against his shoulder, your favourite spot, "I was just thinking..."

"About what?"

You blushed, "About us."

As you reached a serene little bridge spanning over a gentle river, you both paused to admire the tranquil scene below, leaning against the ledge side by side, "What about us?" he asked.

Turning to meet his gaze, you softened, "I just find it amusing how we ended up like this, together. I recall how much you couldn't stand me when we first met, and I thought I'd never see you again once the makeover was done. Yet... here you are."

He grinned warmly, leaning in to rest his forehead against yours, "Here I am, my darling. I was an idiot then, but I have no intention of ever leaving your side again."

Your heart brimmed with joy, a sensation you never thought you'd have the pleasure of experiencing. Similarly, Hongjoong felt a sense of pride as he observed you gradually opening up, becoming more at ease in expressing your emotions around him. He was proud of the progress you had made.

Caught up in the moment, he summoned the courage to finally kiss you. Truth be told, he had been searching for the right moment to share your first kiss but wanted to respect your boundaries. He knew you must have been new to all this, and to be fair, he wasn't much more experienced than you. While he had seen many couples throughout his life and displays of affection were nothing new to him, he lacked firsthand experience. He often wondered when would be the right time to take such a step.

Sensing his gaze fixed on your lips, your breath caught in your throat. Was the moment finally here? Were you about to share your first kiss? You closed your eyes instinctively as he leaned in, taking it as his cue to press his lips against yours.

Here goes nothing.

As your lips met, a rush of euphoria swept through him when he felt you kissing him back softly, enjoying the sensation of your lips on his. Slowly pulling back, you both broke into shy smiles, "That felt nice," he said, and you nodded in agreement, "It really did." Just as he leaned down again, intent on kissing you once more, you were both snapped out of your trance by the sound of a child yelling for help.

Reaching for his hand, you immediately pulled him towards the source of the commotion, only to find a little girl pointing to the top of a tree, "Help, please, somebody help my poor little kitty!"

You couldn't help but burst into giggles at the familiar scene as Hongjoong shook his head, "Nope, absolutely not. Someone else can help her," Pouting, you tugged at his arm, "Please, Joong? We have to help the poor thing! I'll give you a kiss when you do."

His jaw dropped before determination filled his being, "You know what? Deal. You best not go back on your words, woman."

Rolling up his sleeves, he approached the tree with a shake of his head in disbelief, "Goodness, the things I do for her," he muttered. But as he glanced back and saw the beautiful smile on your face, he realised he would be willing to save a thousand, no—a million more cats if that's what it takes to make you smile like that every day.

Anything to make you happy, darling.

If you haven't already read the first bonus chapter of TWTHH, please do so soon! I'll be working on the second bonus chapter after this hehe also, I hope you're all excited for Yunho's spinoff next!

As always, thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

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#edenesth #the way to this heart #stitched hearts #twthh spinoff #ateez #ateez fanfic #ateez fanfiction #kim hongjoong #ateez hongjoong #historical au #joseon era #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x you #ateez fic

[yanderes-galore]

Romantic yandere concept w/ Cynthia (Pokemon) please?

I did my research, I'll try my best! No banner but oh well.

Yandere! Cynthia Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Flirting, Manipulation, Stalking, Sugar mommy/baby dynamic discussed (It felt right for her, let me cook), Bribing, Kidnapping/Isolation, Possessive behavior, Dubious/Forced relationship.

Cynthia seems like she'd come off as intimidating but is actually rather sweet towards her obsession.

Just saying this off the bat... Cynthia gives off sugar mommy vibes.

How you meet is no doubt when she's not being champion.

She has her days when she just wants to stroll through Sinnoh, get some ice cream, be her.

Cynthia is also incredibly helpful and passionate when it comes to friends and Pokemon.

You meet her by chance, maybe getting ice cream yourself and deciding to ask the Champion for tips.

Tips that Cynthia is happy to give to a cutie like you.

Your "relationship" starts with her just giving tips and advice.

Soon you get into light conversations... deeper conversations... more personal info-

When you become friends is when Cynthia begins to realize she likes you in a different way than she originally thought.

Oh, don't get her wrong, she finds you and your Pokemon adorable.

She just had no idea she felt... that way about you.

Especially when she keeps watching you to try and meet up again.

Cynthia is no doubt capable of manipulating you as her obsession.

She wants you as a partner and does seem like she'd spoil her partner heavily.

That's probably also how she'd get you to be hers.

While you train your Pokemon and get better, Cynthia meets up with you.

She buys items for you and your Pokemon.

She coos over you when you use said items.

For example, a piece of jewelry.

Cynthia may also have a subtle sense of entitlement.

As Champion she feels like she should have you adoration.

She's capable of providing for you and often coos over you.

I have a feeling her way of manipulating you into a relationship can go one of two ways.

She makes you and her be partners the traditional way.

That or she manipulates you into being her sugar baby because she definitely has the money.

Everyone sees Cynthia intimidating due to her title and team.

Everyone knows of her infamous Garchomp.

But with you in private she is so sweet and kind.

She gives you smiles, gifts, and all the affection you could ever want.

She has the money and feels a possessive need to keep your attention on her.

Cynthia is subtle with her obsession and her jealousy.

She takes claim to you by dressing you fancy and taking you to all of her meet ups.

Even if you didn't want any rumors, everyone knows you as Cynthia's partner.

Cynthia is careful to not let anyone get too close to you.

But she is indeed possessive, you can tell by the way she wraps her arm around your waist.

Her smile even seems strained when someone gets too close.

You're hers... aren't you, precious?

If you have a Pokemon team then she'll offer to help train your team.

Anything for the one she loves, yeah?

She definitely holds you on her lap and kisses you.

She babys you at times and showers you in affection.

Her love and attention is only on you.

In return, she expects the same from you.

It's only fair, isn't it?

She flirts with you and uses her charm to keep your attention focused on her.

Why do you need to focus on anyone else, dear?

Whenever you look at anyone else she kindly redirects your attention.

Are the gifts not enough?

Is her love not enough?

You don't need to become Champion or any really skilled trainer, she'll take care of everything.

She pours her passion into every kiss touch.

She tries to distract you from everything else with her affections.

Soon... there's no need for you to leave the house.

You can move in, then you can be catered to.

If you try to leave then Garchomp is by the door, stopping you.

Don't worry, she won't hurt you.

She just suggests you go back inside... sit in your shared room... and enjoy a life of luxury.

All she asks in return is your love!

A kiss here, a hug there... maybe even something else if she's in the mood.

You'll be coddled and pampered all by her hand.

She merely wishes to love you and have you all to herself.

There's no need to share you, is there?

#yandere pokemon trainer #yandere pokemon #yandere cynthia #yandere pokemon cynthia

[film-in-my-soul]

Ficlet Bingo: Whump Hangster please!

Warning: Vague depictions of bodily injury

.⋆｡°✩ Jake is hurt. But it's alright. Bradley is there. ✩°｡⋆.

His ears are ringing, but that's not the half of it; it's just the half that's the most present while his eyes are still closed, and his body is deciding what the hell it wants to focus on first. Apparently, when he tries to suck in a breath to regain the air he's lost, his broken ribs win out. He's saved from screaming because he didn't manage that breath after all.

Opening his eyes seems impossible, not with the way alarms are turning his brain into a house fire, and the idea of even twitching is threatening an insurmountable kind of panic into his throat. Still, there's a background frequency to the pain and flaring in his brain, a loop of memorable shouts from COs and his father that forces him to shove down all the rolling fear trying to eat him alive.

'Don't you quit now cadet!'

'The Navy doesn't let little boys into planes, Seresin. You a little boy? Then stop acting like one!'

'I didn't raise my son to cry over scraped knees, Jake. Pick yourself up and stop throwing dirt on the Sere-'

"-sin! Hangman!"

The loop escapes his ears and unfurls into the open. For a terrifying second, Jake thinks he's starting to lose it. He can't tell if he's bleeding out, doesn't know if the aching all over his body is accompanied by lacerations or worse, so it's possible he's dying right now and doesn't know it. But-

"Jake," the voice is closer now, and Jake, sucking in the smallest breath he can manage, ignoring the nausea at the rattle in his lungs when it blows out, recognizes it.

"-shaw," he can't get the whole word to form, not past the ragged cough that racks him and lights his chest up like an angry Christmas tree, all fuckshitow and red.

He attempts to do it again but comes up empty, and then he redirects his energy into opening his eyes because talking is apparently out of the question. He's just managing it, blinking grit and what's probably blood out of them, when a shadow falls over his body, and the ground vibrates with how hard Rooster hits his knees next to where Jake's sprawled out.

He thinks he might say something when the other man's face swims into focus, but between his body deciding it really needs him to know it's fucked in some significant way and managing the feat of seeing, it doesn't come out as more than a slur. It makes Rooster's eyebrows scrunch and his mouth pucker, ugly and a little wrecked, so Jake doesn't try again.

"Fuck," Rooster curses under his breath like he's hoping Jake doesn't catch it. It wouldn't matter if he didn't; the sentiment is a shared one, and if he thought he could nod in agreement without throwing up or screaming, he would.

Jake doesn't realize his eyes are slipping closed again until there's a warm, soft pressure on his cheek, tapping at it with shaking fingers.

"Hey, hey, don't you fucking close your eyes, Jake." Rooster's voice is choked, wet like Jake's cough had been, and it's the worry that maybe Rooster had gotten just as messed up as Jake had that has him forcing his lids back up, trying to search for injuries his slowly melting brain hadn't caught.

He doesn't see any, but the way Rooster smiles, wobbly, as he strokes his thumb over Jake's slowly numbing skin is enough of a reward to try and keep his eyes from slipping closed again.

Rooster's doing something with his other hand, poking and prodding, maybe inspecting Jake to find out if he's all still in one piece, but he doesn't leave, and he doesn't take his hand off Jake's face, keeping up the point of contact like it's enough of a comfort to weather the storm of hurt Jake's slowly becoming detached from.

Eventually, he must run out of things to look at, or maybe he just can't stomach it anymore because his attention drifts back to Jake's face. He gets closer, bending over far enough that their foreheads knock together, his hand slipping from Jake's skin to the front of his top, twisting into the fabric and holding on so tight that it almost jostles his no-doubt mangled torso.

"I've got you, sweetheart. You're gonna be okay. I've got you."

Jake doesn't mean to blink and not open his eyes for a second time, but he can't help. Regardless, with Rooster clutching at him, murmuring into his hair, and doing something that might be calling for help, it's alright. Because Jake's gonna be okay.

Bradley said so.

Ficlet Bingo!

#hangster #sereshaw #ficlet #hangster ficlet #top gun fliclet #ficlet bingo #blog game

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Ooh, I got one. AITA for telling me sick, elderly dad "no" when he asked if I'd come help around the house?

So I think I know the answer to this already, but I'm curious about other people's opinions…. and I want to rant.

My dad and I (36, trans masc but I only figured that out about 5 years ago) have been butting heads for a while. Family situation is: I had cool hippy liberal parents but things went downhill with various addictions and depression. I lived with them until I was 30 (with me paying the bills for several years) and then finally moved out after I realized how unhealthy it was for me to be there.

Moving out coincided with me figuring out some things about myself, mainly the trans thing, probably because I felt more comfortable/safe and could focus on things other than that shitty living situation.

Another thing I'd finally realized, shortly before I moved out, was how messed up my relationship with my dad had been. Basically, I grew up with him doing this thing where he'd tell me I couldn't trust any of my friends (the implication being I could only trust him), or he'd tell me how smart I was because I saw things his way and talk about how people we knew were dumb because they didn't. He also taught me that I shouldn't show or admit to mental illness or neurodivergence because people (even my friends) would take advantage of me.

Once I'd gone, he repeatedly asking me to come visit, sending me messages about how sad he was and how much he missed me. I did visit a few times, but just being back in that house makes me feel real uncomfy.

At some point I share with him my observations about our past and how it negatively effected me. His response… is to say he doesn't think that's how it went. I keep trying to explain, asking him to acknowledge that these things did happen between us and, whether he meant it to or not, it did mess me up. He keeps dismissing it or redirecting the blame onto my mom or his shitty dad, or suggesting that my friends (who I'm living with now) have turned me against him.

But he also keeps pestering me to visit more, guilt-tripping me with how sad my old dog, Cavall, is after each time I do come by (I would have taken the dog with me, but he's a big fluffy malamute mix and the roommates have a small house + one is allergic. I didn't want to impose too much, so I'd limited myself to bringing only the one cat who I had the closest bond with and leaving the other pets with my parents).

All of this back-and-forth with my dad finally comes to a head a couple months ago when I ask for a specific item of mine that I left at my parents house. My dad responds with a little poem about how depressed he is because he misses me and I've abandoned him. I throw back some brusque line in which I call him "bro"…

… and that earns a response in which he mocks me about pronouns and gender identity.

I am shocked, because my parents were always super cool about queer stuff. I tell him so and then block him on facebook. He responds to that by scouring the house for everything I left behind, packing it up in cardboard boxes, and dumping it all in my roommate's driveway with zero notice.

I figure he's done with me at that point… but then, last week, he sent me an email which reads:

"I hope you're well. I hope your family is well. I miss you. I'm sick today. Weak. Dizzy. Queasy. Slept a lot, thankfully. I want to ask you, if I were to become too sick to do things for days, would you be someone I could ask to come make some soup, take out the trash, help and give comfort? I won't be surprised at a "no", but, a "yes" would be wonderful. I got the trash out and the dogs fed. Cavall is off his breakfast lately, but, usually eats supper. He used to eat better, but, he's really getting old and slow now. In the six years I've walked him he's gone from wanting to run a lot to slow walking and sniffing. I'm getting down some oatmeal with raisons and yogurt now. Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow. I think so, but, the question arises at such times. Plz tel yes or no, so I can know for future reference."

And, well, I told him no. I hate the idea of abandoning sick elderly people who are already living in poverty, but after all the shit I described, I don't want to be around him. So, what's the vote?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[aldbooks]

Elucien for these prompts please?

“I’m trying to be sexy and you’re laughing!”

“You are just too cute~”

From the Spicy prompts list

Let's make this a modern AU - Elain is preparing to surprise Lucien with a special meal- and an announcement.

---

Elain heard the front door open as she finished plating dinner and rushed to sneak both plates into the dining room before dashing back to the kitchen as she heard her husband's voice call out to her from the foyer.

"Honey, I'm home!" Elain grinned at the teasing lilt of his voice.

"And what sort of time do you call this?" she teased back. The sound of his chuckle filtered to her from down the hall as his footsteps moved in her direction. She quickly redirected him towards the dining room while she hurried to make herself presentable.

"Dinner's already on the table, I'm just cleaning up real quick. Why don't you go ahead and open a bottle of wine for us?"

She listened to his steps pause and then turn in the opposite direction. "Sure. Smells delicious, what are we having... oh, lamb. Looks amazing!"

Smiling proudly, Elain tossed her apron on the counter, fluffed her carefully styled hair and quickly checked her outfit was in place. Swapping her slippers for high heels, she took a deep breath before joining him.

This was it. Tonight was the night.

She wasn't entirely sure why she was so nervous about telling him, it wasn't as though they hadn't had discussions about this before. But she knew he'd been more stressed than usual lately, working extra hours to finish a big project at work and didn't want to add any more stress to him. Though really, she thought her announcement might lead to some stress relief...

Taking one last breath for confidence, she rolled back her shoulders and smiled before walking out of the kitchen.

---

Lucien was mid-sip when his wife strutted into the dining room dressed in nothing but high heels and red lingerie. The pearls he'd gifted her for their anniversary hung from her neck and ears and the sultry smile she tossed his way had him spluttering into his glass.

He forgot the delicious smell of the meal she'd prepared as his body developed a different kind of hunger and, for a moment, all he could do was stare, mouth agape. His gaze moved from her feet, up tanned legs- partially covered in red stockings- over the curve of her cocked hip, her pert breasts, to her gorgeous face-

Before he could stop it, a snort of laughter escaped him. Elain immediately pouted, her posture deflating a bit, which struck him like a blow to the heart.

Her embarrassment quickly turned to irritation as her hands perched on her hips. "I'm trying to be sexy, and you're laughing," she accused.

"You are adorable-"

She spun around in a huff, giving him a magnificent view of her ass, no doubt intending to march upstairs and put on the most concealing clothes she owned just to punish him. Leaning forward, he quickly snatched her hand and pulled her back towards him. She went willingly, still pouting even as he maneuvered her to straddle his lap.

"Trust me, my love, I greatly appreciate the outfit," he assured her, giving her a pointed look up and down her body, lingering on where the pearls hung between her breasts.

Elain blushed prettily, her arms wound around his neck, her fingers delving into his hair and massaging the nape of his neck. He almost groaned and rolled his eyes back in pleasure but kept his focus on his wife.

"Then why are you laughing?" she asked, jutting out her lower lip.

Resisting the urge to take that pouty lip between his teeth, he smirked. "Because you have sauce on your face- and your chest."

Gasping, she jerked back slightly and made to swipe it away but he caught her hands before she could. "Allow me."

Taking his napkin from he table, he cupped the back of her head to hold her still as he gently wiped away the reddish smear on her cheek before ducking his head to drag his tongue over the small droplets on her chest. He groaned, both at the taste of the herby red wine sauce and the way she gasped and arched into him.

Grinning, he claimed her mouth in a quick kiss. "Delicious," he crooned. Again, that pretty blush he adored so much.

She smiled back at him, seeming satisfied both with his explanation -and apology for his laughter, and his appreciation for her surprise. He was grateful when her fingers resumed their work in his hair.

He allowed himself a moment to indulge in her touch, his own hands wandering aimlessly over her body, before asking, "So, what's the occasion that called for my favorite meal and a half naked wife?" Pulling back, he gave her a mock frown. "Should I be worried?"

Inexplicably, her siren's smile shifted into something more... hesitant. "Not- worried exactly..."

He lifted a brow at that. "What then?"

Nibbling on her lip for a moment, she finally blurted- "Iwannahaveababy!"

Lucien blinked for a moment as he mentally parsed out what she had attempted to say. When it finally hit him, he stilled, staring at her intently. "You're ready? Are you sure?" He tried not to let his growing excitement get the better of him in case he'd misunderstood.

They had talked about children many times over the years but had decided to put them off after they married while they both focused on their respective careers. Neither wanted to add the extra burden of children until they were fully ready. But, after watching many of the friends and family begin expanding their own families... Lucien was beginning to yearn for it.

She nodded, smiling shyly. "I think we're both in a good place now. We've been married a few years, we're stable and settled... I know we've talked about it before, but it's been a while..."

Before she finished speaking, Lucien was nodding enthusiastically. "Yes. Absolutely, a hundred times, yes."

Elain perked up. "Really?"

"Absolutely." Lucien glanced down at her flat belly, running his hands over the delicate curves as he imagined them expanding and growing with his child, their child...

His heart seemed to swell in his chest and for a moment it was hard to swallow. Elain's hands cupped his face, drawing his attention back to hers as she kissed him, the simple brush of her lips quickly turning into something heated as his mind caught up to the reason she had decided to wear the lingerie, and how exactly they might go about making that child appear...

Clutching her to him, Lucien lurched up from his seat and practically sprinted for the stairs. His wife clung tightly to him, her laughter trilling in his ear. "What are you doing? Our dinner's getting cold!"

"It's your fault for looking so gods damned sexy," he growled as he stalked for their bedroom, his fingers already working on the clasp of her bra. "I assume it can be reheated later?"

"Well, yes, of course-"

"Then it can wait. I have more important business to attend to." Tossing her on the bed, her bra now gone, Elain sat up on her elbows to watch him frantically tugging his clothes off and giggled.

"I didn't mean we had to start right this moment. I only just stopped taking my birth control this morning... which I suppose I should have waited until we talked tonight to do, but oh well..."

Lucien grinned as he nearly tore her panties off and shuffled them both up higher on the bed, ignoring the stockings, garters and heels she still wore. Something primitive in him liked the idea of taking her while she still had some clothes on, the jewels he bought her draped over her naked body...

"No time like the present."

Her giggles quickly turned to moans as he demonstrated just how excited he was to take this next step with her.

---

By the time they finally made it down stairs to eat their dinner, they were both too exhausted and starved to bother putting proper clothes back on. So, they sat at the kitchen counter, Elain in Lucien's lap at his insistence, robes barely covering their nakedness as he fed them both from the same plate.

When Elain protested that she could feed herself, Lucien stated he needed to "ensure she and the baby were well cared for."

Elain laughed. "There's no baby yet," she said, accepting the last bite of roasted potatoes.

Lucien's eyes darkened. "Not yet... shall we try again?" he asked, his hand already sneaking under robe.

"You're going to run me ragged," she sighed, only half joking.

She felt him smirk against her neck as he nipped and sucked at the sensitive flesh. "Oh, but what fun..."

#anon ask #prompts #elucien #elain x lucien #elain and lucien #lucien and elain #lucien x elain

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Hey, how are you doing? How was coming back to work?

If I can be curious, let me ask you this super hard (or maybe simple, it depends), question: who's your favorite character and why? Also, which one do you find the most easy to understand/write?

Have a nice day my friend, cheers 😊

@dolceaspidenera hi! I'm so happy to hear from you! ^.^

And ooh, those are good questions. I won't answer them completely, but I will give you honest answers ^.^ I apologize in advance for what turned into a character analysis mini-essay XD

I do have a favorite character of the M6, but I prefer not to write like it on this blog. I think it's awesome when fan creators focus on their favorite characters - it means that everything they make is done out of love! - and it's almost something you'd expect in a dating sim fandom when you have to choose one specific character to experience most of the story with. I initially chose not to do that just because I genuinely enjoy writing for connections with all of the M6, even if there's very few that I would want a specifically romantic connection with. Every single one of them are characters that I'd be happy to get to know, as a lover, or an honorary sibling, or a close friend.

The longer I write like that, the happier I am that I do. It means I've explored aspects of the world of the Arcana that I wouldn't have initially been invested in, but that have contributed so much to the story! It also means that I get to chat with people who have so many different perspectives on the game because of their own preferences, and I've learned a lot from them!

As to who is more or less easy to write - that changes based on the prompt. For example, prompts that reference pre-prologue Vesuvia are a lot harder to write with Portia, simply because she didn't arrive there until after Lucio's "death" and because the game doesn't really delve into the life she's had there since. And the hardest prompts for me to write in general are for MC with specific familiars, only because those are characters I haven't read about XD

There are also themes I wish I could explore more, sometimes, for all the M6, but doing so would require so much speculation that it would be hard to keep the headcanons feeling "canon." Julian's life before Vesuvia, for example - he's been knocking all around the world since his teens, and of the two or so decades that that comprises, he's only spent a few years of that in Vesuvia. He glamorizes his adventures when he talks about them, but nobody in their late teens acts as a medic on a battlefield for their apprenticeship without taking away some kind of baggage. When does he break down without dramatics or smokescreens? When does he learn to talk about a painful past without trying to redirect his hurt into drama? When does he learn the healthy kind of selfishness that lets him be completely honest?

Asra's so emotionally private it's hard to get a read on them sometimes. We know they're deeply in love with MC and that that's been a shaping influence on them for the last nine years - but what else? There's so much about him that aches to be known, which he frequently tells MC in his route, but he still treats his relationship with them like it's fragile and new. What happens when things are more settled and they know MC isn't at constant risk of falling apart? Did they ever feel betrayed by MC for not leaving Vesuvia with them? Did they ever feel resentful of MC for causing that much relational pain, or at the very least, for holding them in a full-time caregiving role for three years? When does he learn to depend on them to the point of exposing them to his own ugly thoughts and feelings?

Nadia, for all of her capacity, is still very emotionally young. She's just beginning to process her feelings regarding her own family, which stem from her childhood and were never addressed directly until they were invited to the Masquerade. She has a deep-seated lack of faith in her own strengths, which MC has had the chance to help her overcome, but that attitude has been affecting her perception of other people's opinions of her for most of her life. At what point does she learn how to interpret someone's concern for her as something other than belittlement? At what point does she learn how to recognize and apologize for her own mistakes in a relationship without experiencing it as self-rejection? At what point does she learn to recognize someone else's strength without comparing it to her own and feeling challenged if she doesn't measure up?

Muriel's especially hard to predict physically. He has a whole host of reasons to feel the way he does about his body in relation to himself and others. It could be easy to say that, as he heals in his relationship with MC, he learns to enjoy and seek out physical pleasure as he overcomes trauma (in multiple ways, like food, and comfort, and intimacy). But when it does come to physical intimacy, Muriel is so easily read as demi/asexual that his interest in that aspect of a relationship doesn't really act as a good benchmark for healing. Maybe his aversion to touch is only trauma-related, and underneath that gruffness is a pent-up, touch-starved lover. Maybe he stays consistently disinterested in that kind of physical pleasure, simply because that's the way he is - and there is nothing wrong with that. But we don't know how that progresses.

So much of Portia's life is missing. We don't know much of what her life was like before she came to Vesuvia after Lucio's "death", and we honestly don't know much of what it was like after. We know that she's friends with all the palace employees and that she has a close connection with Nadia, and that's it. It's hard to know how she fits into a post-canon community because she remains so detached from the other M5 throughout her story. Most of what we know of her life with MC afterwards is that she spends a lot of it on a ship. She's the kind of person who thrives in building and maintaining community, and yet we have so few clues about what that looks like. Does she become like family with the sailors, assuming that the ship keeps the same crew? Does her new status give her a peer-based relationship with Nadia? Does she try to keep Julian in her life, or do they drift apart again? Does she eventually create a new home base in a different country?

And, well, I've already a written a whole character analysis of Lucio. We know that he's determined to become an honest man, but we don't know how that plays out. Does he get tired? Does he find a stopping point at "morally gray"? Does he stick it out and become one of the most emotionally healthy characters? Does he ever settle down somewhere else and build a life there? Does he stay in touch, or reconnect with anyone from Vesuvia and build a new friendship with them?

Anyways, those are some of the rabbit trails I let my brain loose on sometimes, and those are a lot of the character aspects I have a harder time writing for because it's so open-ended. Maybe another creator will read this and have answers I don't yet XD

Thanks for your questions, friend, I hope you don't mind my mini-essay!

brainrot

#ask arcana brainrot #the arcana #the arcana headcanons #the arcana hc #asra the arcana #julian the arcana #nadia the arcana #muriel the arcana #portia the arcana #lucio the arcana #the arcana game #fandom essay #asra alnazar #julian devorak #nadia satrinava #muriel of the kokhuri #portia devorak #lucio morgasson

[ranbling]

Okay, so my ramblings about demisexual! Eddie 'cause as someone who is ace it's very dear to me.

First of all, I don't think Eddie is aware that how he feels is not the same as allo people feel.

We know that his first or first serious relationship was Shannon and it's implied they were friends before and Eddie still loves her and thinks foundly of their marriage, no matter how it ended. It's really clear that he has developed a deep emotional connection with her, before or during their relationship.

With Ana, during their whole relationship, we don't see that they're actually close or Eddie even really likes her romantically (I think he thinks aesthetic attraction is the same as actually attraction which is really common, I did it too). And they don't get close enough to develop that connection and Eddie has panic attacks every time someone is assumes she has a bigger role than she actually does. Also the way he redirects her kiss to her cheek (which I'm 99% sure happened) is screaming demi to me!

With Marisol, I think he's really influenced by Pepa trying to get him to date, and Bobby saying he'll find the right one when he's not looking. Also the same as with Ana, I think he confuses the thing that he finds her pretty (which I don't blame him for, both Ana and Marisol are really pretty) with actual attraction. He's also trying to speedrun the whole dating thing and doing what's expected from a relationship (but he does not have a frame for it, 'cause Shannon was like his only real relationship and he probably didn't had a chance to actually figure it out how relationships work in his early 20s) and when an unexpected thing comes up (Marisol being a nun), it actually makes him realize they're missing the connection and he's starting to question the relationship.

I'd love him to have a talk with someone, telling them how he feels about relationship and missing that connection and someone pointing out that's not a norm.

I don't think he needs a relationship before Buck 'cause that for me would feel they rushing him into another relationship were there is no deep connection for him (or they could introduce a new character for this, but then they actually need to lay the groundwork for it). But I'm not gonna talk more Buddie about this (maybe in a different post) 'cause I want this post to focus on Eddie, but when he realises he's attracted to man, it's gonna be Buck

#911 abc #eddie diaz #demisexual

[theizzy102]

One of my favorite Bela x OC comfort moments in my fic

"What happened to her?" Bela interrupted, slowly advancing on the two.

"W-we found her out in the courtyard. She wasn't responding to us no matter what we said, and she was hardly dressed for the cold out there. We're trying to see if she's okay now-"

"Leave. I'll handle the rest from here. Unless you're both volunteering to be sliced open." The blonde vampire said.

Both of the maids immediately understood her intentions and they quickly scuttled off. This left the two of them alone in the main hall. Bela redirected her attention back down to the subtly trembling girl. Jordan's eyes were unfocused, and even if they were open, it was obvious that she wasn't really seeing anything. From the looks of it, she was completely lost in her own head.

'Hm. You know what to do, Bela. It's just like with Daniela. Although I don't know how well she'll react.' She thought to herself.

Bela slowly moved forward and sat herself down right next to the girl. Of course, Jordan didn't react at all, and continued staring blankly ahead with her dull blue eyes. The vampire could easily see the resemblances between Jordan's current state of dissociation, and Daniela's usual sudden cases. The only difference was that with Daniela, she got incredibly violent with people who got too close to her in that moment. She would only allow her or their mother near during such times.

"Hey, Jordan. Can you hear me, cutie? You seem like you're somewhere else right now. Do you know where you are?" Bela asked, trying to look over the girls face.

Of course, there was no response. So, with the full knowledge that she couldn't get harmed if something went wrong, Bela reached out with one hand and placed it over one of Jordan's own hands that had a death grip on her leg. Once the touch was felt, Jordan flinched, but her grip relaxed and fell slightly. There was a noticeable turn of the brunettes head, but that was the extent of the reactions that were given.

"Your hands are ice cold, Jordan. And it's really saying something if I can feel that." The vampire teased softly.

She tightened her grip on Jordan's hand, and was surprised when she felt the subtle squeeze back. Looking over Jordan's face again, Bela noticed that the girl was looking up at her now. It was obvious that she wasn't entirely aware that she was staring at her. But still, it was progress. If she could get this girl to focus completely on her instead, then there was a good chance that she could break her out of her dissociative state.

"Eyes on me, Jordan. Let me be your main focus right now. Don't look at anything else but me." She said, voice but alluring and comforting.

The girl continued to stare towards her, and Bela noticed that after a few minutes, Jordan's eyes were starting to move a bit more. The light was slowly returning to them. Their hands were still locked together, even now as the girl started to regain some of her coherency. She still wasn't fully there and it was obvious due to the lack of reactions to the fact that Bela was even in front of her in the first place.

"Are you having fun playing with her, sister? Or are you just waiting for her to be awake so that you can dig your fangs into her neck?" Cassandra suddenly said, appearing behind the couch.

"How many times are you going to accuse me of things before you realize that I'm not trying to get under her skin yet. Unlike you and Daniela, I actually find her to be much more amusing when I don't have the thoughts of killing her in my head." Bela responded, glaring at the other.

Cassandra rolled her eyes and moved forward in a way that made Bela immediately suspicious. She knew her sister was one to mess around in ways that were easily inconvenient for everyone involved, and she turned out to be right. In the most childish way that was seemingly possible, Cassandra reached out with one finger and traced it down Jordan's spine, through the blanket. The reaction was immediate, and it was one that neither of them expected.

Jordan literally whimpered, and fear took over her face in an instant. But instead of pulling away from either of them, she moved forward and trapped Bela in a tight hug. Their hands had separated but since the girl was literally clinging to her with her face buried in her neck, she couldn't even think. Both her and Cassandra were frozen, but the subtle smirk on Cassandra's face is what brought her back to reality. She glared at her sister, daring her to say something.

#fanfic #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #gxg #original character #daniela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #bela dimitrescu #alcina dimitrescu #resident evil fanfiction #lgbtq #lady dimitrescu #ao3 author

[ageless-aislynn]

Okay, I think I finally have actual proof now that I did NOT cause my computer issues. I found a forum where other people with the same make/model and two make/models right next to it all have had similar issues from day one with their PCs. Then Dell revoked all of the previous driver updates they'd been pushing and yesterday, here comes 3 marked critical: BIOS and the Nvidia and Intel graphics drivers, all brand spankin' new (literally released that week or that day in Intel's case) and with the purpose of "fixing bug checks and providing system stability." Bug checks being the official term for a Blue Screen of Death, that is. Normally I wouldn't update on day one of a new release but, well, my computer crashed this morning when I just turned it on and it was sitting idle after about 5 minutes of up-time so I figured that was my sign.

All 3 updates are now applied. If you pray, I'd appreciate it. If you have time to spare me some kind thoughts, to put some positive energy out there in the universe, just whatever, I appreciate it. I didn't realize how much I truly rely on my computer to deal with my anxiety, depression and panic attack issues until not only do I NOT have access to the things I use to try to get through them all, but the computer's switching off at random times has made all of them so much worse.

Yeah, Halo's just a game but it's truly helped me redirect if I'm struggling with anxiety or a panic attack that's looming. Getting really involved in Mass Effect: Andromeda's various romances, making GIFs of them, learning to craft weapons, that sort of thing, it's helped me focus on things other than worrying about RL stuff. I really could use all of those things back, you know? Plus, I was looking forward to so many of the new games I've added to my Steam library. Learning something new can also help redirect my brain when it's spiraling out of control.

And this isn't even to touch on doing creative things like making GIFs, vidding and writing. I'm still working on my "15 Minutes" ch7 by hand but it's so much slower than being able to type it. I was really hoping to have at least this chapter up before Halo s2 starts but I'm not sure if I can, if I'm just scratching away with pencil and paper, not even certain how I'm going to get those words on the Internet anyway.

I mean, just imagine how frustrating it would be if whatever device you use would just blink off with no rhyme or reason, no way to predict when whatever you're doing will just be gone. Sometimes it does it a couple times a day, sometimes 8 times an hour. You can't do 90% of what you usually do online anyway and the other 10% feels like you're walking through a minefield, just waiting to take one wrong step. And nothing works to fix it. Nothing. You spend hours researching, desperate to find The Thing That Will Work and it's just not out there. That's been the past few weeks with this computer.

Considering that my previous computer is ALSO in this make/model line, just back several years, makes me wonder if the issues it began to have out of the blue in October, 2023 are related. I've seen a LOT of mentions in that forum of people whose computer suddenly went bad in Oct, 23. That seems like an awfully big coincidence, doesn't it?

Anyway, just wanted to check in. Hope you're all doing well and here's hoping that I'm now on the road to getting to just... do things on the computer and the Internet again like I used to. I miss it so much and I really miss all of you. Love to you all. 💖

#ageless aislynn #computer problems #computer issues #good thoughts and prayers and well wishes appreciated #love you frens #miss you

[grison-in-space]

yeah so I hadn't reread the bit of 1633 where spoiler happens and the crowd rises in a fury and everyone has to go out and talk it down since ... well, before 2017 really, when I went to the Women's March in DC.

having just done so: it is actually even more powerful when you have, in fact, stood in a crowd that uncertainly angry and that dangerously packed and felt the collective mood shifting. I cannot underscore that enough. especially given that in 2017 the crowd did get frustrated and angry and needed to be redirected, and Janelle Monae caught it up and channeled it and set it to rights just as smoothly and beautifully as you have ever seen.

Love Monae's music and acting, but I think I am always going to respect her brilliance under fire even more than her artistic genius in her own time. Obviously she wasn't the only gifted speaker and organizer shaping that crowd that day--not even close--but she's always going to be one of my touchstones for the power that an experienced speaker and decisive leader can bring to a crisis. Incredible work, and all the more so because she didn't direct the crowd to praise or even focus on herself; she quieted that crowd, swept it up, and directed it towards the Mothers of the Movement who had come to speak from Black Lives Matter. Set everyone listening to them.

There's a lot in that scene that reminds me of that experience. Perhaps most of all I remember the acute awareness that if someone says the wrong thing, steps wrong on the red hot dance floor, the consequences will be swift and dire... but if that tense grief and anger can be swept up and channeled, it can be used to temper a lasting and powerful determination.

Flint--and these bits are all Flint--was such a genius at turning historical events into inspirational narrative without ever allowing anyone to forget the notes of true shame that accompanied those inspirations. And yet even when he's openly scolding me, the reader--and the bits where he's writing Melissa Mailey taking young Darryl McCarthy to task about Oliver Cromwell were extremely pointedly heard by my adolescent self--he's so deftly careful not to break surges of earnest enthusiasm.

He's so American in that way: that unabashed refusal to cringe in shame for any reason; that direct insistence on finding things to cheer about to focus on, and that embarrassingly earnest enthusiasm for open, untempered praise where due, even in the midst of an open conflict. Don't get me wrong: he's very clear about what it means to do shameful things, or about grief in the face of injustice, or about the importance of squaring up directly to face down the times for which genuine, thoughtful contrition and reparations are warranted. But he won't let you dwell in that place of wallowing shame: rather, it's onward and upwards to try your best to make the next mistake better next time, once the lesson penetrates. Your shame solves nothing: your actions might.

It's such a valuable lesson, and I am glad to have those fingerprints on my soul alongside many others. He's so damn energetic. I can see Eric Flint listening to the Tumblresque refrain "death to cringe!" and laughing uproariously in delight. I hope whenever he is now, he's laughing once more.

#1632 #eric flint

[firespirited]

Confession time. After destiel went canon and broke tumblr, I read the entire wiki for the main characters before watching the final episodes and felt the finale was so out of character that I mentally wrote a fix it fic.

Here is me writing it down in honour of the third anniversary. A show that to me: consists of 3 episodes, a lot of meta posts that trended over the years, jokes about loving your car, some manic wiki reading and that odd dude who inexplicably did iffy prolapse photomanip fanart.

I have made no attempts to polish this. The voices probably aren't right but I tried to write an open ending that stays true to characterisation (aka as tumblr presented these three beloved characters which may be the opposite of what the writers of manly male, rock loving, hunters with guns in a muscle car and dead girlfriends had in mind) .

We follow the final episode as it began except after the pie festival and the vamp mime first murder, they're off to hunt but a flaming meteor falls from the sky and they follow it in the car. It hits a field, they see a human figure, run and use their coats and feet to put out the flames. It's Cas. They put him in the car, they're all very shaken no answers to Sam's many questions, awkward glances in the mirror from Dean then Cas breaks his silence and asks for his slice of pie... the one in the glove box. Sam is confused, Dean looks like he's going to vomit.

We restart the episode from a different point of view: After Castiel got sent to the empty, Dean began praying to whomever, whatever would hear (silently or under his breath but constantly.) he thinks he might be insane from grief but after all he's seen he has the smallest hope) . Jack as God can't technically rewrite all the laws of the universe but he's receiving these "prayers". He smirks when he finds a bylaw that he can make a saint of Castiel so that prayers to him are redirected straight to him and cannot be diverted (heaven's bureaucracy is complex).

The empty has known no peace for six months. Dean's internal monologue of prayer has been echoing around and amplified the more the empty tried to create silence. The empty has tried to kill Dean so many times but he's got a protective barrier on his hand that looks like a scratch (placed by a grateful angel) so he's been dodging these deaths like it's looney tunes, completely unaware. (insert scenes of echoey overlapping narration of longing and yearning over near misses of murder by multiple means. For angst broken up by comedy)

Back to now, to the car. The brothers staring at Cas, Dean gets out of the car to hyperventilate and try to hold it together. We focus in on the ringing and rushing blood sound in his ears as Sam seems to be asking questions again and Cas seems to be talking. Sam gets out of the car, asks his brother if he's OK, he obviously lies and says Yes.

Sam sighs and says "Yeah clearly, you look fantastic. So uh Cas says he wants in on the vampire mimes and is eager to do more hunting evil... and I know it's not the time but damnit when is ever the right time? ... Look, when I talked about a more normal life, I meant it. We write our own stories and maybe it's time for you to go try something, anything else really. How about you take a vacation? Cas and I will handle things."

"I've, well, I've given normal life a lot of thought, I've never truly fit in and I could try but I can only fake it for so long. Funny, but when I allowed myself to daydream of a different life, I imagined careers that led me back to the road and back to making things right, you know? I think at the core, that's who I am... And, hey, since you brought it up, I never asked you if this life is the 'normal' you want....To be honest: I know it's not. and I didn't want to be alone, at least not these past few months, I know I've seemed fine but"

"Oh no no, you did not seem 'fine' but I wasn't going to go out of my way to point it out. You didn't even wash for days at your worst. You mumble under your breath sometimes. Those guns are cleaned down to the last speck of dust. I wasn't going to leave you alone, not ever."

"Okay - Ok.ay! Since we're here having the 'talk', aside from your duty as my brother, have YOU let yourself imagine what you'd want normal to be, for you?"

He blurts out "Eileen... It's Eileen. I know she's out there somewhere, I felt a strange pang and it was relief." he's speaking so fast "She's back. My mind races at the possibilities, I haven't dared to let myself start. I'm not sure how I want to live but I know it has to be with Eileen"

"I'm calling a taxi. You have a serious phone call and some travel ahead. Older brother's orders. I'll do the blood suckers"

"Work again. Will you ever open up about what's been going on with you? You wouldn't even tell me how Cas summoned the Empty."

"I, uh, these things take time, more of an actions over words kinda guy. *stares at phone* Oh your taxi is two minutes out."

"I don't know what to say"

"You don't have to say anything, you already told me through all you've done. Text me when you arrive safely, or don't, if you're otherwise occupied"

"You're the worst. And the best." They hug

A car pulls up, Sam yells at Cas though the window that they'll talk soon and to keep Dean out of trouble. Cas gives him a thumbs up.

Dean gets back into the car after watching the taxi drive away until it's completely out of view. He hands the vamp case notes to Cas to read, instead Cas puts them aside on the seat. "It could be the six months, it could be the new body: this appears to be an empty copy, my host was spared the empty thankfully. Yes it could be the new body but you were right this pie is exactly to my taste"

"I don't want to know do I?"

"Indeed, you'd be mortified, it's a word you used a lot about your inner conflicts but, you've faced hell, I promise that voicing your thoughts isn't as terrible."

"Uh your coat and top are burned and falling apart, here have my jacket."

"I mean, voicing your feelings can get you sent to the empty but that's the worst case scenario"

"Nice. Reassuring." *goes quiet*

A phone dings, Cas pulls it out of the jacket. "You have a new message from Sam: "Eileen fine and well, two exclamation marks" aww, he's going to Eileen? She's wonderful isn't she? "meeting at station at 3am. Capital T, A L K and get answers from Cas you idiot skull emoji skull emoji laugh crying emoji"

"Vamps first... then I need a drink" Dean looks out of the window with a mixture of apprehension and giddiness, there's a small smile creeping across his lips that fades into seriousness, there's a flash of fear, then the smile returns with a tremor as if despite himself.

Various old friends are sat around in heaven: they reminisce, they can't know the boys future but they know it's nothing they can't handle, the senseless cruelty is over.

#Destiel #Saf #How a SPN hater was moved by the love it's fans had for the show #Enough to be haunted by a fix it end for an angel who found love and a broken bi-guy who can't believe he's lovable #SPN

[thevirgodoll]

Hi dear, I hope that you are having a beautiful day.

I really want to get your side on this; so I'm depressed and I'm also an overachiver. I've had depression for about 2 years but it has only crossed the boundaries of my head about three months ago when I got rejected from my dream uni and since then my grades have gone downhill and so have both my mental and physical health. I'm lost (because I missed a goal I had been preparing for for almost a decade lmao) but at the same time the I'm getting so close to hitting rock bottom that I'm relived to have a new and healthier beginning.

For the last few years I've dedicated all my time, efforts and headspace to school. It's my senior year yet I barely have friends, non school related job experience, I even lost the ability to sleep at some point. It's been ages since I've bought clothes, I look extra sloppy all the time and I never go out.

I've learnt a lot through this experience but since it's not going my way, I need to keep moving.

Any advice?

Love you and your blog <333

Navigating Depression while in College

This won't be a Doll Diaries for now but I will create one later.

I appreciate you sharing this with me and want to commend you on still trying and even recognizing that something needs to change. I also want to say that something like this isn't your fault and is a completely normal experience. I think a lot of people overlook the mishaps that can happen in college if depression isn't handled...because we are all so goal oriented, the ugly side of it gets pushed down and creates a loop of inadequacy.

Rejection is a typical part of your 20s...I'm still learning how to deal with it myself. I don't know everything, I'm still in my 20s as well.

I do believe, though, that everything happens for a reason and that something I wanted that I didn't get isn't a rejection but a redirection to something greater.

I completely relate to being in a rut and having health issues impact your college career. I have multiple chronic illnesses. I also have severe depressive episodes and ADHD. I've also had times where I wasn't able to make the best grades in the world.

What got me together was:

going to see a therapist (my school offers it for free)

learning that meds was a good option for me (it isn't for everyone, but it was for me)

getting diagnosed with mental disorders (helped me understand myself better and give validation to what was going on)

developing a consistent routine in all areas (easier said than done)

learning how to love myself as I am while also knowing things must change and taking accountability

having days where I let myself go and relax instead of being productive 24/7

I'm also in my senior year after losing years my experience due to my health. I had to medically withdraw twice so trust me I get it.

While I've lost time due to my health, I realized I can only control right now. My health problems were a sign to slow down.

Why worry on what could've happened? Thinking anything of that nature is a disservice. Introspection is good, but introspection can become rumination after a while. Learn to have a limit.

I do recommend treating yourself and getting out and doing things. Figure out what style of clothes you want to wear, what hair, etc since that's important to you.

Relearn yourself...ask yourself who you are outside of academia because a lot of people lose themselves in it and then have nowhere to turn once it's beginning to end. Find some professor that you can reach out to and confide in to help you, and if not, there's plenty of resources at your school for your program.

Congratulations on reaching your senior year. Focus on yourself, graduation, and becoming the person you want to be. Everything will happen in its due time, and months from now, you will realize that staying in the moment was all you ever needed to enjoy yourself.

Hope this helps ❤️

#advice #mental health #u got this #and as cliche as it is…reach out if you need my help. it’s tough out here #dollhouse queue #actually chronically ill #chronic illness #actually adhd

[inkstainedhandswithrings]

Season 2 Ep4

TBB SEASON 2 SPOILERS BELOW CUT

Listen, I was already a Tech girly before this and I was VERY MUCH looking forward to this ep and IT DID NOT DISAPPOINT

(quick warning, this is very all over the place and not in order at all, I just went with my current feelings)

Him doubting Cid for most of the episode?? Potential join the Rebellion with Echo-Candidate if you ask me

BUT! Even though he doubted her and questioned her motives and generally disagreed with her, he still stepped up and raced for her, knowing the risk. Sure Tech can be a little over confident in his own ability, but he's smart enough to know that he's running a real risk and might get hurt. He's showing real heart and care, perhaps more about Omega (who wanted to safe Cid) than Cid, but he did nonetheless

ALSO QUICK SECOND TO TALK ABOUT TAY-0

TAY-0???

I want more of him idc idc

he was awesome, okay?

LOVED watching Tech first spent time analysing the track, familiarising himself etc. before jumping in. he is overly confident, but for good reason. he did his homework.

in the beginning he said he didn't know enough about the racing to make any statements about it, which was also awesome to me?? we not only get to see Tech Knowing Things but also Tech Lerning Things, which is his real passion and I LOVE THAT FOR HIM

seriously, for most of the ep he is just observing and learning, being more on the quiet side so that he can gain understanding and it made me feel stuff idk why

Spectacled Spectator

SPECTACLED SPECTATOR

SPECTACLED SPECTATOR

anyone got a slight vibe from Cid and Millegi? Wonder what the history is there

Also, never realised that tech carried his blaster in the back? thought it was on his hip but anyway

the commentator abt Tech's name was *chefs kiss*

seriously, that, plus Tay-0's lines? we got some good dialogue

"I am more than cabaple. I am ready to- WHERE ARE MY ARMS AND LEGS???"

I AM WHEEZING

petition to get a rewrite of this ep that has Echo present for this moment so he can bitch at the droid man

ALSO WHEN TAY-0 IS TRYING TO GET TECH TO FOLLOW HIS INSTRUCTIONS WHEN ASSEMBLING HIM AND TECH JUST,,,,, LOOKS AT HIM,,,, AND THEN KEEPS GOING LIKE BEFORE

KING SHIT

EVEN KING SHITTER? TECH'S ENTIRE RACE

loved the moment of him tossing the weapons, feels like a window into his character in a way

why use violence if you can use your intellect to win?

that didn't feel right

I recently rewatched Avatar (the airbender not the blue people) and in waterbending its taught to use your opponents energy against them by redirecting it.

tossing the weapons and the rest of the race sorta felt like that?

tech knew that staying in the back first meant that the weaker racers would be picked off by the others, meaning he wouldn't need to deal with them

he knew that one racer would follow him into the dangerous tunnel, purely out of ego. he had done the calculations and knew he'd be fast enough, but his opponent wouldn't be

the maneuver they took Tay-0 down with was redirected by Tech in such a way that it took his opponents down

anyway that was the character analysis part, back to screaming

"transfer the schematic of the left tunnel to my display"

"right now? shouldn't you focus on not blowing up?"

"I can do both"

KING. SHIT.

WHEN HE WON AND GOT OUT OF THE POD AND WRECKER AND OMEGA RAN UP TO HIM AND AAAAAAAAAAAH

WHEN THE WHOLE CROWD WAS CHEERING HIS NAME AND HE JUST SORTA TURNED AROUND AND TOOK IT IN AND HE KNEW HE HAD TO DO SOMETHING BUT HE WASN'T REALLY SURE WHAT SO HE JUST GAVE THE MOCK SALUTE AND WAAAAAAAAAAH I AM SOFT

HIM AND CID AGREEING THAT HE OWED HER, YES, CID YOU DO, LOOK AT OUR BOY!!!

AND THEN WHEN THEY WALKED OUT, TECH PLACED A HAND ON OMEGAS SHOULDER AND IT WAS SO SOFT AND SWEET AND WARM AND HE REALLY CARES ABT HER U GUYS

in conclusion:

#TECH GIRLIES WAKE UP BREAKFAST LUNCH AND DINNER WAS SERVED #they did to the magic leg heal thing which I kinda hates but hey we all saw it coming #anyway #tbb tech #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb cid #star wars #the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #clones #tbb s2 #tbb s2 spoilers #tbb spoilers

[author-a-holmes]

Find The Word Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @talesofsorrowandofruin

My words were; settle, seize, seem and several.

WARNING: I don't think theres anything too spoilery here, but these snippets are from Darkling, which is book two, so proceed with caution <3

With that in mind, I'll be tagging the taglist too <3

@faelanvance @noirepersonal @queen-kass-the-writer @athenswrites @minamoroz @bardic-tales @outpost51 @jezifster @ettawritesnstudies

Settle

"Squirrel shit," she breathed again, and reached out for Booker's mind. "I can see at least ten! Keep your distance!" she warned, and could feel his panic and frustration twisting into her mind. "We're almost there!" Ice settled into her stomach, and Lizzy scanned the sea wall for some sign of Booker or Andric amongst the kavians. "Almost?" she shot back, "If you're not here yet, then—" She could hear snarls, and growls as something drew the kavians focus away from her, but Lizzy couldn't see what or who had redirected their attention.

Seize/Grasp

"You idiot," Lizzy choked out past the tight lump of emotion settling hard at the base of her throat. She tightened one hand around Bookers, but used the other to grasp at seize [hold of] the collar of his sleep shirt and shake him as hard as she could while still laying beside each other. "What do you take me for?" she demanded, struggling to keep her voice quiet so they didn't wake Andric or [Redacted] by shouting, but it left Lizzy hissing her frustration at the fey before her as she tried to make him see sense. "One of the traitorous court fey? That I only want you beside me when you can be useful?! I thought you'd gotten over that years ago, Booker!" Lizzy growled. "I need you to be my brother. Not a shield, not a confidant, not to defend me. I need you to be family and that's never going to change. Not here in the mortal realm, and certainly not back in Arbaon."

Seem

"To be fair, we didn't think anything at Speculo was going to be useful," Lizzy grumbled, as Booker rolled his eyes. "And I'd only just escaped Arbaon Academy. With full marks, I might add. The last thing I wanted was to be told what I could study again. But the various abilities of the fey is something that interests me. "There's a handful of our abilities that are incredibly rare. Some are even considered extinct, but we don't really know what makes people manifest their powers. They don't seem to be inherited. I have very strong telepathy, and the occasional weak premonition, neither of which were skills my parents were known for."

Several

"I know that, Roche," Olwen snapped, but she didn't sound nearly as furious as she had mere moments before, and Lizzy released a shaky breath. "I know, but it's not that easy." "Who did you lose?" Andric asked, voice still gentle, and for a moment Lizzy didn't think Olwen was going to answer him. Still standing several feet away, still half-turned away, but then Lizzy saw her shrug. "Everyone."

Tagging forward, with no pressure; @pluttskutt, @afoolandathief, @lassiesandiego, @worldsfromhoney, @aalinaaaaaa and @Winglesswriter. Anyone else can consider this an open tag <3

Your words are: Talk, Timid, Task, and Try/Tried

#Tag Game #Find The Word Tag Game #Find The Word #Writeblr #Writeblr Community #Writing #Writing Community #Darkling #Snippet #Extract #Sneak Peek #Fey Touched Trilogy #Lila Isabelle Hail #Lizzy Hail #Andric Roche #Booker Reed #Olwen Pryce #Book Two #Fantasy

[endogenichaven]

Hey, I'm looking for advice. I think this place is the best place but redirect me to other blogs if you know a better one!

So I might be a system. I don't know if I'm traumagenic or endogenic but if I am I'm leaning towards endogenic because the trauma I have happened after the age of 11 so I think I would be too late (I mean it happened age 12 or older) and is also pretty minor. It's also possible I forgot about trauma too which is why I haven't crossed out traumagenic yet but I'm still leaning endogenic.

I made a note in my notes app describing the symptoms I have, here's what I have (Most dated ones have happened multiple times I just marked down the first time I noticed)

I'm writing everything that I wrote down exactly btw, minus the [ ]s

Once I told myself "accept you're not plural" and I think I faintly heard a "no" and a negative emotion I couldn't distinguish

Today [undated when I wrote this btw] I fel like 2 ppl were controlling my body

Idk about this one but I didn't want to use my own account on discord to type, I used tupperbox instead and didn't want to associate my account with what I was saying

[for context, me and my best friend got into a really big argument about endogenic systems. I genuinely thought that this could be the end of our friendship. Usually I'd be breaking down during this but I was very calm.] Oddly calm during [friend's name] endo argument

12/13/23 - watching youtube in evening and it felt like I was disassociating and someone else was [trying to take] control couldn't focus at all, someone else maybe fronting or cofronting? or trying to switch?

12/16/23 - Felt super "in sync" with my name [my irl name], wanted to only use that name, next day I felt different [This one is worded badly but I wanted people to call me my irl name and Only my irl name, not the internet names I use. I wrote this down but I don't know if it has correlation]

Sometimes I like to use he/him prns but I don't present myself masculinly and dislike being seen that way [Like a lot, I threatened to punch someone once for using he/him, yet sometimes I like it. Don't know why, I don't identify as genderfluid]

12/23/23 - coming home from 7-11 I said "we're home" and then quickly corrected myself to "I'm home" [This happens often]

Sometimes I feel "switchy" as described in some random youtube video

I experience derealization and disassociation

Sorry if I'm just yapping at this point lmao

-🪐🐺🐚

All of that sounds pretty standard for plural systems, yes. We can't say if you're a system or not (only you can figure that out) but it does sound like you're experiencing some form of plurality. Though just a note, traumagenic systems can be caused by any sort of trauma, even trauma past the cutoff point for disorders like DID or OSDD. (The label was created by the community, so it's purposefully more broad than DID/OSDD.) But yes, a lot of what you describe does sound plural to us :)

#endogenichaven #asks #plurality #actuallyendogenic #endogenic systems #discovery #advice