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#so far the response has been 'this is a lot'
nerdpoe · 3 days
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It's Danny's first time doing his taxes, and he's reaching out to an online friend to help him. This is how he discovers that as far as the rest of the world is concerned, Amity Park is a barely contained zombie outbreak.
He'd made an online friend, Bart, and they played video games a lot.
Danny's fulltime job is inventing alongside his parents, and as that makes him self-employed (he doesn't work for his parents just next to them), this makes his taxes a little...scary. And it's his first tax season.
He reaches out to Bart, and asks if he knows anyone who files as self employed and if they'd be able to give him some guidance.
He can't ask his parents because, apparently, they've just been throwing random numbers on the papers and have no interest in actually doing them. Danny would like to do this properly.
Also he would like to know how his parents haven't been arrested? Questions for later.
So he shoots a message to Bart, who's apparently in the middle of some sort of sleepover with all of his old friends. Bart assures him that it's fine, and they'll all pitch in to help.
They just need to know his city and state so that the nerd of the group, some guy named Tim, can look up local state and city tax law.
When he tells them he's from Amity Park, there's no response for a good ten minutes.
What follows is a barely legible request for a phone number to call, and a group of people on the other side shouting and asking how he's avoided dying in the hellscape zombie apocalypse that is Amity Park.
Danny has no idea what the other shit means, but he's not about to dodge a chance to make a dead joke when he has one.
"I mean. If you wanna get technical, I didn't. Is...that something that'll effect my taxes?"
OR: The GIW has been lying to keep the Justice League and Justice League Dark out of Amity Park by declaring it a Disaster Zone, stating that not only is there massive pollutants in the air and soil, but that the undead run rampant and are barely contained. The wording they use, however, is a little weird upon closer inspection. It never specifies zombie, and it never says what pollutants. Danny's not super interested about that, though; he just wants to pay his taxes so that the IRS doesn't kill him in his sleep.
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barcaatthemoon · 1 day
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the truth iii || leah williamson x reader ||
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your first time back in spain after joining arsenal.
this is the final part to the truth. hope that anybody who followed along, enjoyed themselves.
it felt like a dream to be a part of the champion's league again. at first, you had been over the moon about everything. that is until you got the courtesy text from the barcelona girls that jenni was coming to the games. you knew to partially expect that. she may have left, but she was still going to support her friends at barcelona.
"hey, we're about to land," leah said softly as she nudged you. the last that she had known, you were fast asleep against her shoulder. the flight wasn't a very long one, but you had been eager to catch up on some sleep. "are you ready?"
"as i'll ever be." leah frowned at your response. she had watched you freak out after the texts had come in. it wasn't enough for jenni to come to barcelona to watch the champion's league final, but she had also made alexia ask if you'd join them.
you knew that she had asked other girls first, but most of them had refused to talk to you on her behalf. ona had even gone as far as to block the older player for nearly three weeks. alexia was the only one who had told you that, mainly as a courtesy since laia had also been invited. she didn't want you to feel left out, even if she knew the last thing you wanted to do was go out for dinner with your ex.
"hey, everything will be fine love, i promise," leah said as she gave you a peck on the cheek. "i know that we haven't really said anything to anybody else, but my offer still stands if you want me to come."
"are you sure?" you asked her. leah nodded. she knew that you'd need support, something to make sure that you didn't go running back to jenni. your national team friends would be doing that as well, but having leah there would be grounding for you.
things with leah were nothing like they had been with jenni. leah was a great fit for you. sometimes she could be a little shaky with communication, but with some gentle pushing, she'd open right up for you. leah had helped you gain back a lot of the confidence that jenni had seemingly stolen away after the breakup. she made you feel safe in a way that you had never known before.
"i love you," leah muttered as she pressed a kiss to the back of your hand.
"i love you too," you told her. moments later, the plane landed and the two of you were shuffling off of it.
"and the traitor has arrived!" mapi shouted as you walked with laia and leah towards the table. you knew that she was joking, as she was the first of your old club teammates to run over to hug you. she wrapped her arms around you tightly, and it was only alexia and sandra's hugs that rivaled mapi's.
"i see that you brought someone with you," cata teased as she slung her arm over your shoulder. you glanced over towards leah, who was standing sort of awkwardly behind you. "care for proper introductions?"
"leah, these are our opponents. opponents, this is my girlfriend, leah," you said. actually saying the words made your chest swell with pride. leah stepped forward and took your hand as she waved with her other.
"when did this start?" alexia asked, motioning between the two of you. truthfully, you had fallen a bit out of contact with everybody back in spain. it was hard to keep up after having cut all contact in germany. laia would remind you about answering texts, but that was only because some of your less reserved teammates would pester her constantly.
"seven months," you answered confidently. "she is good to me, i love her."
"unfortunately that does not stop captain talks." alexia and irene both stood up, ushering leah out with them. you took a seat next to ona and lucy, who were trying to hold hands under the table discreetly. that left the seat next to keira open for leah to take whenever she came back.
"so, you and leah?" lucy asked. there was a small smile on her face, one that didn't completely hide her surprise. ona had mentioned that you were dating one of her english teammates, but lucy had assumed it was alessia. that had been originally who ona tried to set you up with at arsenal, but your chemistry with leah had been undeniable.
"it's good to see you happy," jenni said. everybody glared at her, as if she had no right to speak to you. you understood and appreciated their protectiveness, but it felt unneccessary. "i am glad that you are doing okay."
"thank you, jenni," you said. the reply felt forced. you could tell that she wanted to ask for a moment alone with you, but nobody else at the table would have let that happen. you were honestly shocked that sandra and cata hadn't tried to squeeze you in between them.
an awkward quiet washed over the table as your girlfriend returned with your captains. leah took the empty seat in between you and keira, who immediately started to interrogate leah about your relationship. you smiled listening to leah tell keira and the rest of the table stories about your first couple of dates and when she realized that she loved you.
it should have been perfect, but you couldn't stop the guilt that gnawed at you. jenni sat quietly towards the head of the table. she looked rough, worse than you could ever remember seeing her. even after everything that had happened during the world cup, she hadn't looked this bad. it seemed that jenni was finally coming to terms with the fact that you were really done with her.
you had once been so caught up in her that she didn't think it would ever be possible. somehow, you had moved away and moved on with someone else. jenni had to admit that leah really was perfect for you in all of the ways that she hadn't been. the two of you were different enough to work out well. you and jenni had been too similar, which was fun at first, but it quickly became a problem. jenni knew how to hurt you in ways that would never occur to leah.
"excuse me, i should head back to my hotel." jenni rose from the table without much fanfare. you watched her leave, itching to follow her out to talk to her. leah watched you carefully, unsure of what to do. it terrified her to let you go out there, but she knew that you needed to get some things off of your chest.
"go, talk to her. i'll be out to check on you in five," leah whispered in your ear. you hesitated but left when she gave you a small nod. everybody stared at leah like she had just grown a second head.
"you're a better woman than i am williamson," lucy said as she watched you walk out of the restaurant.
"she needs this, i have to let it happen. i have to trust that she'll come back to me." leah took some deep breaths to steady her nerves. she could go into the world's most important football game calm as ever, but this was making her heart pound in her chest.
"jenni, what happened? a year ago you were doing fine. what's changed?" you asked your ex. jenni had come outside and promptly sat down on the sidewalk. you stood behind her, unsure of how close to get. you didn't want to give her the wrong impression, knowing that she had been drinking a bit over dinner.
"you've got a girlfriend, and it looks serious. you moved on, and i'm still stuck here thinking about you constantly. every single day something reminds me of you, and it sets me back to square one. i've tried to find someone to settle down with because that's all i want, but i can't stand anybody for more than a few weeks because they're not you," jenni rambled. she looked up at you with tears in her eyes, ones that she had been waiting to shed until you were with her. she wanted you to dry her tears and tell her that you'd come back, but that was never going to happen.
"i am sorry that you are going through this, i am, but there is nothing i can do anymore. i have leah, and i love her more than i've ever loved anybody. we were good together, great sometimes, but it was always so physical. it wasn't easy, but i learned how to step away from that with leah. you need to find someone who doesn't just want to fuck you. find somebody to talk to," you told her.
"i don't want to talk to anybody, but you."
"we never did much talking jenni. it's not what you want to hear, but maybe you need to grow up. there's more to relationships than fucking, but i don't know if you're ready to accept that kind of truth." you had heard about her relationship with alexia, the last one that had really been serious from the sounds of it. "maybe i'm not the one you should be talking to."
"go back inside please," jenni grumbled. she sounded serious, far more serious than what you had ever heard before. you went back inside, catching leah as she made her way to come bring you in. the two of you sat down at the table together, leah integrating you into the bit of conversation she'd started with some of barcelona's defenders on who was the most frustrating striker they'd ever had to mark.
you hadn't done much defending in your career, especially not whenever your coaches had discovered your speed. they had quickly pushed you from the backline to the front lines. mapi and ona both complained directly about you, inciting the whole table to start telling leah all sorts of stories about you from your barcelona days. it was nice, and if you noticed alexia slip outside, you didn't mention it, even going as far as to distract everybody with a youth team story or two.
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fallenhunnyapple · 19 hours
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Sketchy doodles for another AU. Details + a bonus in under the cut
An Angel Lucifer appears in Heaven. No one knows why he's there or how he got there, but it doesn't seem as though the Lucifer in Hell has been replaced, this is just a whole second Lucifer. His memories only seem to go so far as the early days of Eden. Days where he was friends with the First Humans but before he had developed any sort of relationship or even real feelings for Lilith.
Adam, sort of shaken but also sort of Eager to reconnect with his first friend and the more pleasant memories of Eden, advocates to let him Stay. This Lucifer hasn't done anything, he doesn't even know about the Tree of Knowledge and it's not like Eden exists anymore for him to try it anyway. Lucifer is granted the ability to live in Heaven, but Adam will have to be responsible for him. Adam agrees and now has to watch over a Naive and Friendly Lucifer.
Lute is Less than Thrilled. She doesn't like that Lucifer is always around and she doesn't Trust him, even if Adam seems to. She does eventually warm up to him, but given her personality it doesn't really seem like she does. But Lucifer notices and he considers her a good friend. He ends up spending time with just her without Adam (she's basically angelsitting because Adam had other things to do) and they bond a bit and she's willing to accept that he's Not the Devil and that he's no more threatening than most non-exorcist Angels.
And once Heaven determines the same, he's tasked with Working with Emily to maintain the Happiness of Heaven's residents. Emily keeps an eye on him, but mostly they are both very positive personalities that play off each other well and they become fast friends. The first time he spent the day with Emily was the day of the first Extermination since Lucifer got there. Someone had to watch him while Lute and Adam were away. He doesn't know about the Exterminations (Most of Heaven doesn't so it's no surprise), and he doesn't even know about Hell. It was deemed... For the Best if he was kept in the dark about that. No one knows how he came to be and they don't want to risk anything happening because he finds out about the other version of him.
Lucifer is Very In Love with Adam. It wasn't immediately or anything. At first he was just really happy to have his best friend back, especially when everything was so different from how he remembered it, it'd been thousands of years after all. But he spent most of his time with Adam and anyone could tell you that Adam was less of a crass asshole with Lucifer around. Not by much, but enough to be noticeable. And over that time, Lucifer still saw a lot of who Adam was in Eden but also came to appreciate who he was (No one understands why)
It took a while before Adam was comfortable enough to take off his helmet around Lucifer. Sure he knew his human face, but he'd definitely changed over the years and his insecurities about his face were made Worse when Lucifer only knew him at his Best. Lucifer finally got to see him maskless one night when Adam let him see him before bed. And Lucifer was super smitten. Yes his face was Different, but not in a way Lucifer thought was bad. Adam definitely looked Older and Tired, but he thought it was Endearing instead of put off. After that he would sometimes watch Adam sleep-
Adam for his part is in emotional turmoil. Yes, he was in Love with Lucifer in the Garden. But completely against his better Judgement, his feelings have evolved and he's in love with the King of Hell. He's reluctant to think about Angel Lucifer that way because he represents a simpler and more innocent time and he doesn't want to corrupt that with new feelings.
Lucifer eventually confides in Lute about his feelings and she tells him that 1) Adam isn't into men and 2) He doesn't do committed relationships. It won't end well for him if he tells Adam. Lucifer is hurt but appreciates her honesty. He decides to tell him anyway because it's getting hard to keep it all to himself when he's around him everyday.
Well, the confession goes about the way Lute said it would. Adam tells him he doesn't like dudes and he doesn't hold it against him because who wouldn't want a piece of him? But they're still friends, that won't change. Lucifer already braced for it and it hurts but he accepts that answer. The only thing is, now that its out in the open, his friendly nature is So Much Easier to read as him pining and him being in love. So Adam has to just deal with Lucifer's love being thrown at him every day. The behavior hasn't changed Too Much, but his understanding of it has. But other people of Heaven definitely Know. Its so obvious to them that Lucifer is in Love with Adam. Some people criticize Adam for leading Lucifer along and bad mouth him. Lucifer doesn't like hearing anyone talk poorly about his best friend and will chastise and scold them.
It's finally when some winner/angel tells Lucifer he should get Adam flowers (as a joke, they think it would be funny because Adam doesn't have an ounce of Romance in his whole body) that things change. Lucifer does get him flowers! And he gives them to him when they're alone and Adam has removed his helmet. This is the first time Lucifer has been Proactive about his feelings and Adam doesn't have the cover of his Mask to hide his true reactions, so he can't deny how the gesture affects him. He was really only ever able to keep himself in check about his feelings for Lucifer because Lucifer wasn't Doing anything different. He wasn't Pursuing him. But now? Now he can't deny it anymore. Lucifer asks for a kiss and he gets it.
Bonus:
As an Angel, Lucifer didn't know or understand much about sex. It was meant for Reproduction and Angels reproduce asexually so he had no interest in it. It was a thing for the creatures of Earth to have, not Angels. So he has No Idea it's a recreational thing and despite the fact that he knows Adam and Lute fuck around regularly, he just Really doesn't understand why and they don't explain it either. So after Lucifer and Adam are together, Lucifer wants to understand Better and discovers the fact that it is, in fact, something that can be done Recreationally and its supposed to Feel Good. So, of course, he wants to experience that with his new Boyfriend. Let him learn what all the fuss is about~
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delta-pavonis · 3 days
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Fic: Special Exhibition
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Dreamling (human AU) || Rated E || 10k words || complete Alternate Universe - human, sequel to Placebo Effect, Doctor Hob Gadling, museum curator Dream, sequel to fake relationship to real relationship, Dream was an unrepentant slut in college, Hob is still an unrepentant slut, getting too deep into a relationship too quickly, Bisexual Hob Gadling, Lust at First Sight, Top Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Bottom Hob Gadling, Genital Piercing, Cock Piercing, Frenum piercing, Cock Rings, Cock Slut, Chaps, Face-Sitting, fluid bonding, Safe Sane and Consensual, Barebacking, swearing fealty, Leather, leather harness, Hob gets railed, deep dicking, Coming Untouched, Anal Sex, Anal Fingering, Multiple Orgasms, Prostate Massage, Rimming, Dirty Talk, Oral Sex, Anal Fisting, Cowgirl Position, Finger Sucking, Ass to Mouth, Impact Play, minor impact play using hands, Orgasm Edging, Orgasm Denial, Orgasm Delay, Light BDSM, Dom/sub Undertones, Porn with Feelings
Hob responded to the DM he got from @.TheArtofDreaming because it was by far the most interesting response he had gotten within 48 hours of posting that video with him saying he would do a fake relationship call. Wordsmithing aside, the fact that Dream had just laid out what was pretty much the exact kind of gig Hob had wanted when he made the silly thing was just serendipitous. Honestly, at first pass Hob had not at all expected @.TheArtofDreaming to be AMAB. It had been a pleasant surprise. Not that Hob had lied about his sexuality–no, he was as 3 of a 3 on the Kinsey Scale as one could get–but after Eleanor it has just been… harder. With people who presented more feminine. Not for lack of interest, but there was a lot of baggage to sort through. In contrast, texting with Dream was easy: he was engaging, responsive, thoughtful, and quick-witted. They were both passionate about what they did, for work and for play. So, yeah, lunch seemed like a great idea and maybe he could end up being friends with one of his favorite museum’s curators! Maybe he could even get a behind-the-scenes tour someday. Oh, what simple goals that naive Hob had set.
Read on AO3
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melimpostor · 3 days
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TOP 10 favourite AA fanfics?
Hi !! Thank you for the ask ! Sorry it took me some time.
While i love the concept of asking the fandom questions, I'm really the wrong person to be asked about fanfics right now hfhdhdhs-
I'm new... Very very new to fanfic reading. Oh dear... i'm not even sure i've read 10 of them... Do i even have 5 ?? Oh no... oh boi, i'm a fraud..
So... Okay, my top ten will be the list of what i've read so far instead. (and chronogically)
► Black Water by @distortedclouds is the very first AA fanfic I've read ! It is a deep dive into Annie's relationship with her father (amongst other things). And boi i BINGED ... It depicts abusive relationships and its side effects very accurately. And i think Distordedclouds's interpretation of Annie and her trauma is very much on point ! It sparkled my curiosity into reading more fics for sure.
► Aruani in fort Salta series and Village by the end of the world by @moonspirit. Is a serie of events following the rumbling and its resulting responsibilities for the Alliance, more especially Armin. Stories about love, grief, self hate, insecurities and work/life balance. I cried for the first time reading fiction with this... And i relate to Armin very much... Y-Y It definitely confirmed that there is a lot of talented writers out there i needed to check out !
► Neverland of (our) desires by @annawayne. Is a one shot about the canon events succeeding the boat scene. If i had a word to describe Anna 's writing, as a noobie reader and non-writer, i think it would be a caress on the cheek. So even if there was angst and heart string pulled, i felt at peace.... And it has pretty pictures so i'm sold- I also started My yellow light in your soft whispers recently but i'm still at the very begining !
► Tangerine Skies and Muffled Cries by @midnightraine131 is a one shot about cadets Armin and Annie sneaking out from duty on a very special evening. It's very sweet and fluffy ! The idea of them sneaking out together makes me all giggly, and i had my share of "aww" moments~
► All the things that could have been by @mimiwrites2000 explores the thougths of a tipsy Armin during his party time with the scouts back in Marley. I really felt his angst and languish and it hurt me in a very good way ;v; ♥
► By each crimes and kindness (i'm bound to you) by @aruanimess tells the story of cadets Armin and Annie slowly falling for each other and the internal turmoil it might bring. The teen angst is really present and, ooooh i'm sooo here for it !! I was on the edge of my seat everytime they met !
► On the path that led me to you by @the-last-thread-of-my-sanity is also a story taking place during cadet training where Armin and Annie explore their blooming feelings for each other. It has a lot of very sweet moments in a very clumsy-teenagey way and i love it !
Oh hey look, i have more than 5- I have a soft spot for canon compliant/post canon stories, so that's what i tend to read first i suppose. But there's a lot more i have yet to discover. I haven't even started AUs yet... but i will at some point! bear with me, i read slowly ): Anyways, here you go ! i tried to keep it relatively short sorry fhdhs ;;
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TMAGP 13 Thoughts: Phone Bug
A big episodes for small reasons. Not much world-shaking happened but just enough was said about just the right things. A lot to get into in this one around the incident. We're starting to have the curtain pulled back. Just a crack right now, but that's just more reason to be cracked.
Spoilers for episode 13, and all of TMA, below the cut.
Not a huge amount to touch on in the date portion of the episode other than a couple of sentences. Yeah, Sam is a gifted burn out that's sad about not getting experimented on. Same old same old. But Celia has a baby. Jack being Celia's kid I wasn't expecting mostly because of how that figures into her timeline. She's very heavily implied to be TMA's Celia but based on what she said if she is then she's been in TMP's universe for at least 4 years. A "couple of wild years" and Jack's "just over a year old". Plus 9 months and it's a lot longer than it might've appeared. None of that stuff tripped Freddy's possible lie detector either that I heard.
If you work under the assumption that the voices are who most people think, and they started roughly when they arrived, then that's a fairly major time discrepancy. The voices are about a year old but Celia has been around for 4.
However, it doesn't strictly rule that out either. Firstly, we know that moving between universes isn't actually one-to-one time-wise. Anya Villette went backwards 2 weeks when she crossed over. So them arriving at different times could support the idea that she's TMA's Celia further. Her general explanation of events could also be explained by this too. If she's not there willingly, or is there willingly but it didn't quite go to plan, a couple of wild years while you get your footing in a world you don't belong to isn't far fetched. If she was there looking for the voices then her showing up so relatively late could be explained by her baby too. So it's certainly not a dead and buried theory yet.
While Jack isn't Jack Barnabas he and the voices are about the same age. If people want to go rabid over that.
Gwen and Lena's little chat has a similar amount to really dig into. It's nice to see Gwen dealing with it all, and it's annoying we still don't know who died, but Lena does have a lot to say in a few words.
The world is full of opposing forces, some benevolent, most not. In order for the wheels to keep on turning, all these forces need to be monitored and balanced. That is where we come in.
This probably the most information we've had on the OIAR to this point from the show itself. I think most of this was safely assumed before this point. They've been doing a lot of monitoring, categorisation, and the only responses we have seen have been tamping major spikes down. A world of opposing forces is also a given. We are being led to believe that these are analogous to the 14+1 but there being benevolent ones if that's true is a big mix up. If you take the above timeline idea a step further and say the 14+1 arrived much earlier (or it doesn't matter because of how they're temporally weird) the benevolent ones could be native to TMP. They could be all TMP had.
Her assertion that the OIAR is a balance on these forces is interesting. Beyond the obvious stuff it also leans into an idea I've been throwing about regarding Starkwall. In the perception of Starwall might not really be the whole picture. The San Pedro Square massacre could've been an easy scapegoat to pin on them for the OIAR to split with them. A split caused by a disagreement in ethics. Starkwall thus far hasn't been shown to have an incredible disregard for human life based on Ep 7. The OIAR definitely has been. It could just be a PR move because the massacre was too big to contain but that feels like the least interesting way to handle this. A faction that's all in on monster hit men splitting with a faction who is against it has more room for interesting drama and worldbuilding IMO.
Balance was also a very large aspect of TMA in the end. The OIAR working towards that balance isn't as noble a goal as it might sound. Or it at least has the potential to be an incredibly misguided goal.
Okay, with all that mostly out of the way onto the incident itself. I enjoy this one a fair bit. Very different to what's come before it but with another recurring theme. We're starting to see a couple of patterns emerge now although it's too early to start naming things. I don't think there is a lot to really get into but this one was written by Alex, had a new VA, and was a recurring idea. Which does all point to this being quite important as these things go. All the episodes will likely tie up quite nicely in the end but this one seems quite relevant currently. In any case this was a fun one and I'm kinda curious how some of the elements within it will tie together. Mainly the gambling and insects.
Also, super weird they went with Zorrotrade for this. Because that's a real thing. Or was a real thing? It might be dead now, but still.
Post-incident chat has nothing I really want to comment on. More Alice and Sam is always good, even if Alice is trying really hard to not seem very upset.
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Incident/CAT#R#DPHW Master Sheet
DPHW Theory: 4622 doesn't seem particularly noteworthy. It's interesting from a thematic angle how this differs from Rolling With It. Both obviously very linked to gambling but this one lacks the compulsion elements. Which is a good indicator that H is linked to that sort of thing. Not that I need to convince myself of that further.
CAT# Theory: 3. Insert screams et cetera, et cetera. More seriously there still isn't a convincing pattern to this. Although I might be swinging back to my original tria prima and/or triple deity interpretation.
R# Theory: B is where I was thinking it'd end up while listening. So that's nice. Not much to add to this. Much like with DPHW the more information that lines up with the theory the less there is to talk about it because I've already done the hard bit.
Header talk: Gambling (Application) -/- Murder. Other than Application being a pretty weird Subsection I'm not sure there is much to dig into here. Although it does likely confirm he's dead. Which does make it a little strange that his statement wasn't read by one of the Freddy lot.
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vasilek-ymep · 2 days
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my lorax au once-ler (Drug-Ler/Junk-Ler/Weed-Ler/Addict-Ler or just Torchalkins)
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translation of the interview 1997:
Jane: We haven't been able to contact You for a long time. Are You always so busy, or is there some other reason?
Once-ler: Yes, I work all the time. The corporation isn't standing still. I'm directly involved in the development of new and more advanced 'drugs' .
Jane: Is 'Dr.' Moore after all?
Once-ler: (laughs) You could say that.
Jane: The our article title is 'Sweet 16x2'. How do You feel at 32?
Once-ler: I feel great. I can't believe it's been so long! This age was always seemed unattainable and very far away to me. Especially at the 16.
Jane: The article should have been called 'Sweet 16'!
Once-ler: (laughs) maybe!
Jane: You haven't changed much. What's the secret?
Once-ler: There are no secrets. I just don't drink or get drugs.
Jane: That's good. Now many people are addicted. Especially teenagers.
Once-ler: It scares me.
Jane: Is Your company RSGS MED CORP aimed at combating teenage alcoholism and drug addiction?
Once-ler: Yes, that's right. It needs to be eradicated.
Jane: I like Your attitude!
Once-ler: Likewise, Jane.
Jane: It's great that You took the time for a little interview. You haven't appeared on TV since the 1990s. What is the reason?
Once-ler: I try to exclude TV from my life. It spoils the nerves. There are no promising shows for me at the moment where I would like to appear.
Jane: Mr. Moore, You have become a sex symbol of the 80s. It's already the 97th year, and You still remain the idol for teens. Tell us about Your views on life.
Once-ler: I think everyone should appreciate the time that God has given us. Every second should be spent usefully. Communication gives us a lot. You need to strive to get to know new people in order to gain experience from them. Of course, the most important thing in life is mental balance, career and family.
Jane: (laughs) arranged in decreasing order of importance for You?
Once-ler: (laughs) Almost.
Jane: My newspaper has received a lot of questions from fans about what You're listening to. Tell us about Your favorite musicians.
Once-ler: I really like Prince!
Jane: Exactly, how could I forget. You have his guitar?
Once-ler: Yes, yes!
Jane: A gift?
Once-ler: Yes, we contacted.
Jane: Which his song do You like the most?
Once-ler: 'Soft and Wet'.
Jane: (laughs) Exotic and sexy!
Jane: In '89 You released Your album under the label 'Crystal', and in '91 You starred in the musical 'Go Billy Gox3'. What was the reason to stop trying to enter a musical career?
Once-ler: Perhaps a criticism. You know, I've always loved funk and rhythm-and-blues more, but my voice is too low to compete with Sly & the Family Stone or Talking Heads.
Jane: I think You'll find Your genre!
Once-ler: (laughs) No, no, I'm not into music.
Jane: You've been in three films. Are You planning to shoot more?
Once-ler: I would like to. So far, there are no scripts that I like.
Jane: Really?!
Once-ler: Alas!
Jane: Tell us about Your favorite actors and films.
Once-ler: Audrey and Ted Wiggins definitely!
Jane: Such a quick response. What kind of paintings do you like with them?
Once-ler: 'Sweet Blood'. All the parts.
Jane: Wow!
Once-ler: I like the theme of inquisitions and steampunk... and vampires, of course! (laughs)
Jane: What do You think about the progressive-anarchic views of life of young people?
Once-ler: I think this is maximalism.
Jane: Were you like that?
Once-ler: Perhaps! It's just that my environment is enviably full of aggressive fanatics. I know you're going to read this, American!
Jane: (laughs) Is there a problem with your cousin?
Once-ler: Conflicts of worldviews.
Jane: You have a direct influence on American politics. Why haven't You been running for president yet?
Once-ler: I'm a pharmacist. I doubt that I can make America strong if I become president.
Jane: Are You a patriot?
Once-ler: True. I protect my homeland from people like me. (laughs)
Jane: Tell readers Your favorite books.
Once-ler: Read McDonagh.
Jane: The Scotsman?
Once-ler: The Irishman. But it seems to me that these are familiar problems for our country.
Jane: You've written two books about finding yourself. Is this an important issue for You?
Once-ler: Very much. As I said before, balance in the soul is a balance in life.
Jane: It's inspiring!
Jane: Are You still single? Or have You got a partner?
Once-ler: I haven't found the right person for me yet.
Jane: In the future, can I leave you my number? (laughs)
Once-ler: I'm yours! (laughs)
Jane: We don't know much about Your personal life outside of the media amplua. Why is that?
Once-ler: I prefer to be in the circle of friends and family without prying eyes.
Jane: Do You like being alone?
Once-ler: Perhaps…
Jane: Thank You, Mr. Moore!
Once-ler: It was a pleasure to answer Your questions!
Jane: You're very sweet. You seem so serious on TV!
Once-ler: Really?! How embarrassing…
Jane: It's even entertaining!
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prince-liest · 3 days
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Oh, my. You know, I feel like you’ve managed to give Vox’s usage of “yellow” in that recent snippet more weight than if he were to have used “red”, lol. Maybe it’s just the fact that the two of them have only ever used the latter, or just the emotional context of when/how it was used, but it felt like a gut punch when I read it.
Alastor’s reaction is so lovely, too !! I love that he actually has an emotional reaction to it, that he panics. We got him, boys, deer in yellow stoplight! Get safeworded, bitch!
(And, just to quickly tangent, I found it interesting that Alastor specifically says that Vox “can’t see” his reaction. I’ve been wondering what that could have meant throughout the day—is he in a predicament somewhat like the next fic you’ve teased, where Vox is physically incapable of seeing certain things, or just Alastor’s observation that Vox is caught up in his own emotions and wouldn’t catch his?—but when I went back to refer to the snippet while writing this ask and caught that part again, I wondered if it was less about Vox and more about him? As in, “Vox needs me right now, so he cannot see me panicking; I need to be reliable, supportive, and I can’t do that if he notices that I’m also out of my depth.” Feels more obvious now, looking back at how it’s right before “and so he wrestles himself back under control”, lol, but! You leave it slightly ambiguous, and let the reader come to their own conclusion without making it too subtle or overt, and!! I love that style of writing SO much! Makes it feel hella rewarding to piece things together, and also incredibly susceptible to going back and reading into every other word, lol. Also, so much for “quickly tangent.”)
But, anyway. What I’m saying is that I just really appreciate the fact that that word got him to actually flinch. It speaks volumes about how far they’ve really come. I doubt Alastor would have been that affected by it had this been before part 6 (even if he’d have stopped either way)—although I also doubt that Vox would have used “yellow” instead of “red” back then, either. Again, something about the way you have it written in that snippet just! Makes it feel so much more impactful! I hesitate to say more intimate, but I feel a certain degree of trust and vulnerability that came from Vox there—that Vox trusts Alastor enough to feel like he would stop and check on him even if he hasn’t used what’s considered the worst of the worse. It’s just! Sweet, beneath the ostensive angst.
You are an incredible writer, I hope you have a nice day, 🫶.
This took me a while to get back to for irl reasons but I want you to know that I LOVED this comment! Honestly that snippet in general got a lot bigger of a response than I expected, aha, which is absolutely delightful.
And you are super on point with why I chose to have him call yellow instead of red! First of all, I think it's just pretty rare for me at least to see "yellow" get use in fics even though I think it has a very important role to play, and second of all because, yeah, they're finally getting to the point of, like. This is something that didn't jive, at all, and a re-orient is needed, but it's also not at the level of emotional carpet-bombing that their previous missteps have been at. Also, it's Vox: he genuinely does not want to stop, and it's not super evident from the snippet, but the reason he calls yellow is related to why he actively wouldn't want to put a halt to things.
And I'm glad that Alastor flinching stood out so much, haha. He's been on the back foot in terms of feeling like he's the one constantly being emotionally vulnerable in any way that matters (which: Vox has been incredibly vulnerable, but the impression Alastor gets is that it's all par for the course for Vox, who has been doing god knows what with Valentino for decades), and he's also extremely not keen on actually losing what he and Vox have going on in general, so: unfortunately he also now gets to learn that it's acutely not a great feeling to be on the other side of things, either.
Anyway, thank you so much! I'm having a lot of fun writing this installment right now, so I'm genuinely so delighted that the little preview of it has garnered so much anticipation, haha. <3
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missdrake · 2 hours
Text
Yandere S.T.A.R.S Team (Resident Evil) platonic headcanons
Note- I am back (It's been years), this has been in my drafts so I said fuck it/this is so messy and the timeline/canon may not be accurate but enjoy! This is mainly platonic, but w/some characters it could be interpreted romantically
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Characters; Albert Wesker, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Rebecca Chambers, Barry Burton, Joseph Forest, Brad Vickers, Forest Speyer, Richard Aiken, Enrico Marini, Kenneth Sullivan, Edward Dewey
The first person you perhaps meet is Albert; he is the leader of the S.T.A.R.S Team. Not only do all the recruiters get approved by him, but he also overlooks all your tests. He greets you like any other, but gradually something takes a hold of him. He's in denial at first, even seeming harsh. You may initially believe he didn't like you; oblivious to the countless files and cameras hidden everywhere.
Having the rest of the team be just as enamored was not on the table. You are immediately welcomed by the team and Rebecca is the first to befriend you since you two are the youngest of the team. Like how Richard was tasked with watching over Rebecca, he’s tasked with the same responsibility over you (even if Wesker preferred to do it himself).
Chris can't help but grow quickly fond of you. He positions himself in the role of your protector; feeling the utmost responsibility for your happiness and safety. So if you have any problems - whether it's with Chief Irons or getting in trouble for say, breaking a rule; trust he'll be quick to intervene and 'save' the day.
You're all Chris ever talks about to Claire and before long, the two of you cross paths. Claire, like her brother assumes herself in the role of being your friend right away. She occasionally pays you visits and you can be sure that you will receive calls from times when she's unable to visit. Claire expects Chris to keep her informed of you at all times.
Barry, Enrico, and Kenneth all take fatherly roles; they look at you and already placed adopted papers on the table ready for you to sign. It makes it all the harder for Wesker to have any absolute control as they all put their foot down.
Barry adores you and it’s not taken lightly when it’s said he treats you as his child, probably cause he views you as actually one of his own. He invites you to a family dinner, introducing you to his family who all naturally take a liking to you. Barry insists on his house always being open if you need a place to stay or run into trouble. 
Since Barry sees you as his own, there is a never-end to his dad jokes. Even when you comment on how terrible it is, he likes seeing the smile on your face. Trust you'll be invited to every birthday, barbecue, or any family Burton event.
Enrico while he adopted a fatherly role, he was a bit reluctant to get so attached to you. He’s the few in the team who's fully aware and doesn't hesitate to call out the others when he thinks they are going too far. He worries a lot about your safety, and most times it's Enrico who comes out on top of arguments on who gets to drive you home. 
Kenneth as the oldest of the team, feels the most responsible for you. He is aware just like Enrico and doesn't wish for you to be scared of him or the team. He wants you to come to him whenever you need anything, even for small tasks such as finding a specific file. Like Enrico, Kenneth has no problem telling the others to back off if you need space.
More trouble comes along when Forest and Joseph come along. They develop their tendencies the quickest and tend to be the most clingy out of the team. They (along with Chris) become your partners in crime.
Joseph is someone you can always count on to make you smile even in the most serious of situations; he doesn’t care when others lecture him for it. You're not safe from his teasing. Granted you're not the target of his pranks but he likes to poke fun at you from time to time. It's why no alarms are ringing in your head when he says something questionable, assuming he’s just being Joseph.
You're not safe from Forest's playful teasings either. He can be a little annoying, poking your cheek or trying to tickle you when wanting your attention. Like Joseph, he's very affectionate, putting his arm around your shoulder and resting his head on your lap if you allow it. The others lecture him for doing it so publicly but Joseph knows it's jealousy talking more than anything.
As said, a squad of its own is formed; Chris, Joseph, Forest, and you. While they tend to be jealous, the three are okay with sharing when it comes to each other. Forest and Chris enjoy competing in shoot training and showing off who can do it better, inviting you to place bets. They're happy to show you all the gun's tricks and let you choose your weapon's signature.
Joseph, being a mechanic, can't always spend as much time with you. But he'll eagerly drag you into teaching you the ropes, whisking you away from the other two. He beams with pride when you grasp something from his impromptu lessons. Even if he's not exactly teaching you anything, he's happy to chat about anything as he works. 
Jill becomes someone you’re close to, someone whom Chris and Barry trust to leave you alone with. She’s not afraid to whisk you away from the others when she wants to and won’t hesitate to call out anyone selfishly taking your time (Uhm Joseph). 
Most of all, Jill loves having girl time with you. She's there for any fashion advice, gladly taking you shopping to revamp your wardrobe. If you're unsure how to do your makeup, she's eager to help, though Jill never wants to teach you so you can keep coming to her.
Jill is also willing to use any excuse to have you stay over at her place anytime even suggesting sharing an apartment to ‘save money”. And if you think Wesker’s the only one with a bunch of files, Jill has a hidden drawer filled with everything she has on you. 
Brad becomes incredibly attached but is a bit shy about approaching you. He'll do little things to make your day better, like bringing your favorite coffee (watching you do it too many times) or organizing your desk just the way you like it.
Brad tries to agree with everything you do, supporting any ideas you bring forth in, team meetings and hesitates to snitch on you, always trying to talk to you first to prevent trouble (aka punishments). Similar to Kenneth, he's aware of his tendencies and doesn't want you to fear him.
Richard is the softest guy on the team as said, was tasked with watching over you and quickly grew fond of you, He has made it well known that if you ever need help you can seek him out even when you get in trouble, he’ll gladly keep it hidden from the others to avoid you being in trouble even taking the brunt of it.
If you find yourself spending time with Richard, trust that Rebecca is there, too, being the sweetest in the group as well. Initially, she might not fully grasp her tendencies, but once she does, her sole concern is your safety and happiness. She frowns upon hearing Jill and Chris discussing ways to keep you confined and is the one who tries to reassure the others not to be too 'harsh' on you.
Edward may appear intimidating, but he's actually a softie at heart. While he might not warm up to you as quickly as Forest and Joseph did, given some time, he grows fond of you and eventually places him as your trusted friend. He's aware that his demeanor can be intimidating and desires nothing more than for you to feel comfortable opening up to him, always offering a smile whenever he sees you around the RPD.
----------------------------------------------
Chief Irons has learned that you're the one person he can't even dare to go near. You might be a troublemaker, breaking every rule in the book, but Albert will put his foot down to ensure nothing comes of it. It's enough that the rest of the team has a dislike towards Irons, and he, along with everyone in the RPD, knows that crossing you means crossing the Stars team.
Wesker also keeps the extent of his monitoring and knowledge of you a closely guarded secret. He's aware that Kenneth, Enrico, Richie, Edward, and Barry all vocally dislike the idea of 'stalking' you in such ways (they all do but try to keep it as ‘morally right’). In his grand plan, he hopes to lure you away, but he must do it in a way that won't raise suspicion.
You have the most protective people watching over you. Even a simple accident like someone spilling a cup on you puts everyone on high alert.
Your favoritism doesn’t go unnoticed by the rest of the RPD, sparking rumors around the station that Edward and Barry quickly shut down whenever they hear someone bad-mouthing you.
Chris and Forest, on the other hand, can be incredibly impulsive, leading to all sorts of issues that Wesker and Enrico have to deal with. Jill and Joseph even got in trouble once for punching someone.
That means going on no dangerous missions; the one thing they all agree on. Wesker ensures that all your missions are carefully managed, eliminating any risks of you being in danger, and he pretends not to know what you mean if you ask. The other members are willing to gaslight you, suggesting that you just happen to get the easy ones, even Rebecca and Brad.
They're all eager to fight each other to train you, each claiming they're better at teaching you self-defense. Chris and Forest are the ones who usually end up teaching you since they're often the first ones to arrive. But everyone knows that if Wesker insists on training you, they can't object. And it's probably for the best, as some (Uhm Richard, and Edward) will pretend to lose or go easy on you because they don't want to "hurt" you.
The team normally doesn’t go out, but they all want to spend time with you. Usually, all of you go to diners (except for Wesker, wonder why). There's a little argument over who should order you to prove who knows you the best.
Your seat is chosen to please everyone, sometimes between Jill and Chris, other times between Richard and Rebecca. Another silent argument happens when they debate on who should pay for you; Enrico succeeds by slipping the payment to the waiter when the others aren’t looking.
Everyone always makes sure you come home safe. You expect numerous calls from everyone checking up on you. They all secretly know you're fine, as they're in cahoots with each other, but they just want to hear your voice.
There's also a chance that if Richard, Forest, or Jill are the ones bringing you home, they'll make some excuse about needing to stay overnight because they're tired or the weather is bad.
 If you need someone to drive you to the station or pick you up, perhaps because you can’t drive, they're all willing to fight each other once again to do so. They've left important meetings or appointments countless times just to rush to your aid. It's almost always Wesker, Richard, Enrico (and sometimes Chris) who beat the others in picking you up.
Once again, you're always taken to events that the teammates have. Brad is getting takeout, he's on his way to pick you up since he assumes you're also hungry. Forest wants to go out for a drink, prepare for him to be at your door, and when you attend together, he’s protecting your drink with his life and will even pretend to be your boyfriend. Barry has a baseball game he wants to attend, so why not come with him and his family. 
Jill needs to pick up a new outfit or something in the way, she decides to take you as well. Rebecca comes along, and sometimes the three of you have spa days in the process. Rebecca also loves going on road trips with you; there needs to be a person or two with you to ensure nothing bad happens. Rebecca once brought you to her favorite team's basketball game and the two of you shared those nachos and fries. It was Rebecca's happiest memory.
Movie nights are a must. Brad and Edward agree with anything you wish to watch, while Jill and Joseph are fighting over which ones to watch. Chris and Forest are trying to get your attention more than actually watching a movie. Meanwhile, Rebecca is actually enjoying the movie and wants to talk to you about it later on. She and Richard ensure you have your popcorn, and Richard brings your favorite bakery treats.
Expect to be always praised when you're around the team. Wesker himself praises you for a job well done whenever you find a clue or bring him the right file. Richard, Edward, and Rebecca are the most vocal. Also expect Chris and Barry to give you a pat on the back, while Forest and Joseph jokingly pat your head.
Wesker has you as his right-hand assistant, even when it’s not officially confirmed as such. You're tasked to help and stay by him whenever he needs assistance. He pretends not to see everyone side-eyeing him when he places your desk right next to his, but then again, they all ignore his stare when they come to your desk for whatever excuse they need.
The best people to comfort you are Barry, Enrico, Kenneth, and Richard. These men hate seeing you in tears. Brad will try to make you laugh while hugging you, while also finding the right words to comfort you. You can lie to Enrico, and he'll still know; he's memorized your body language, pulling you into an immediate hug before the tears even come. 
Kenneth's ability to comfort shines in giving the best advice and solving any issues you have. Richard will sit next to you and listen; it could be the middle of the night, and he'll gladly answer any call or stay up to do any activities that will cheer you up.
Something everyone has huge arguments about is punishments; it gets heated at times. These discussions are, of course, not done in your presence.
Wesker is open to punishments, Chris and Jill agree with precautions, and Barry may reluctantly agree but claim he wants nothing to do with it. Brad and Rebecca voice their disagreement but can’t really intervene. Edward and Richie, like Barry, say they want nothing to do with it. Forest and Joseph don’t like it but will let the others make the decisions. Enrico and Kenneth are the most vocal against such decisions.
-------------------------------------------
Everything is going well in the team until the mansion incident.
You had to be with the Alpha team, unaware of the fate that fell upon the Bravo team, as there was no way Wesker would have let you out of his sight.
You had to witness Joseph get mauled by the zombie dogs, and if it weren’t for Wesker shooting the one coming at you and Chris pulling you along, you may have been a victim of it. Getting into the mansion has them immediately checking for injuries, only to realize you are just shaken up.
If you try to suggest coming along with Chris to check on what’s happening, Wesker immediately disapproves, even pulling rank to have you stay by him, and Jill agrees. Chris assures you he'll be just fine.
Things happen and it may lead you to be separated from Wesker and Jill. It makes all of them panic and look for you. Chris is nervous but assumes you must be with either Wesker or Jill. Jill and Wesker are trying to remain calm as they search. There is a chance you will meet Rebecca, who informs you of Edward's death, and this leads to you reuniting with Chris. 
Alternatively, you may come across Barry, who refuses to leave your side, leading you to reunite with Jill. Both scenarios will have you meeting Richard, who immediately embraces you upon seeing you safe. You may also encounter Enrico, who seems hesitant to inform you of who he believes is responsible for the situation.
Forbid you get injured at any moment in the mansion, everyone will be in panic. Barry will try to reassure you, holding your wound while Jill rushes to get any herbs. Or Rebecca will try to tend to you while Chris silently panics in the background, refusing to leave your side. Richard will insist you stay in a room for your safety while he tries to find Rebecca or first aid. Enrico tries to remain calm, bringing you along with him as he rids the area of any zombies, fearing the risk of leaving you alone.
Soon enough, you will find out about Wesker's involvement, and his first act is to keep you as a hostage, even knocking you out. He’s merely bluffing but needs to keep the others away. If he encounters Enrico, he is well aware the man knows he’s a traitor and will kill him in front of you. After all, you will know the truth either way.
It all ends with Wesker believed to be 'dead,' killed by the tyrant, and the mansion about to blow up. You and everyone mourn all those who you have lost, and you are surrounded by the remaining survivors as they try to comfort you and tend to any injuries you may have gained. 
You are too lost in your grief and all you have experienced that you don’t realize the eyes all watching you, as they all make a silent vow to themselves to forever keep you safe. And most of all, you don’t know that Wesker has been reborn, getting out of the mansion as he plots his revenge.
@aphroditelovesu @yanderes-galore @gwynsly @tiddlybops
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girlactionfigure · 1 day
Text
🔅Thu morning - ISRAEL REALTIME - Connecting to Israel in Realtime
A good Chol HaMoed! Moadim l’Simcha!
🔘 SUMMARY TODAY 🔘
⚠��� HEATWAVE.. VERY HOT.  Don’t leave children in the car!  Check on elderly!  Beware heat stroke!
Israel is suffering a desert heatwave, temperatures very hot, very dry - and beaches, parks and the Kinneret are PACKED.  The temperatures should drop to normal spring temps tomorrow with a cooling trend late next week and even possible light rain.
🔘 LEBANON -  The ‘tit-for-tat’ pace of attacks has increased, again, with Israel striking more often, larger hits, more locations, and deep into Lebanon at Hezbollah sites.  Hezbollah has been firing larger rocket barrages, sending more drones, more anti-tank missiles, and is threatening to increase strikes to target northern Israeli cities.  How long can this go on before it goes too far?  Unknown.
🔘 GAZA -  Remember the food crisis and the demand for 500 trucks a day?  At 400 trucks a day Gaza is so awash in FREE FOOD that Gazans are throwing away the airdropped military meals, and vendors are selling (received free) products for 1/4 the price they would be found in Israeli supermarkets.  The major product in demand: cigarettes.
In a “LIE OF THE DAY” moment, in January Hamas put out videos of them digging graves in the Nasser and Shifa hospital parking lots.  In the past week videos when out of “OMG WE FOUND A MASS GRAVE IN THE HOSPITAL PARKING LOT - WHAT HAVE THE ISRAELIS DONE?”.  Of course UN horrified, investigation demanded, etc.  Complicating it, Israel did dig up the graves sites to check if any of the bodies were Israeli hostages, and then put them back after determining they were not.  Here’s a link from Al Jazeera of Hamas creating the “mass grave” that was just found -> https://www.aljazeera.com/news/2023/11/14/gazas-al-shifa-hospital-forced-to-bury-dead-patients-in-mass-grave
🔘 HAMAS -  Video of leader Sinwar touring above ground debunked, it’s from 2017.  Suddenly their political types are talking about flexibility and deal possibilities, after rejecting ridiculously generous terms from Israel.  They’re feeling some political pressure.
🔘 RAFAH -  It appears Israel is lined up and ready militarily to attack Gaza’s last city and Hamas stronghold Rafah.  What’s the hold up?  We hear of consultations with the U.S. and meetings in Egypt.
🔘 JUDEA-SAMARIA -  Daily attacks at security checkpoints and Jewish town fences and gates.  Conversely, the IDF is doing daily incursions into the larger Arab cities, battles with local terror groups and arrests in Jenin, Shechem, Tubas, Qalqilya, Jericho, Hebron among others.  The enhanced containment strategy is not enough, and the commanding general has quit.
🔘 PROTESTS & POLITICS -  A solid coalition of distraught hostage families and anti-government-coalition protestors has formed, with weekly sizable protests in Tel Aviv and occasional smaller semi-violent protests in Jerusalem.  The protest coalition doesn’t seem to be growing, but it does seem to be becoming more aggressive as they continue to have no effective impact - though some say they are directly having counter-productive impact as videos of the protests are used in Hezbollah, Hamas and Iranian videos to “show Israel falling apart under the onslaught of the axis of resistance”.  
For the most part these protests have been given wide latitude, particularly with the involvement of hostage families.  But as they are becoming more aggressive, the police have been in response.
The war coalition - the active government, remains remarkably stable and quiet in public for Israeli politicians.  There is a lot of public speculation and polls around future elections, parties and politicians.  All is speculation until the war and results settle.
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recurring-polynya · 2 days
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hello, congrats on one mil!! you mentioned (very) off handedly in the tags a long time ago that an au where renji was byakuya's sibling would be difficult because renji would want hugs and Kuchiki Do Not Hug. ever since ive been wondering: what exactly would it take for byakuya to give renji a hug? this is my prompt to you. any and all external influences are permissible but it has to be a real, proper hug. no side hugs allowed. bonus (infinite) points for rukia being somewhere in the mix.
I thought about this for 20 minutes and then just yes, and...'d my way through the rest of this. It was very fun! Hopefully someone else finds this half as funny as I did.
| read on ao3 | request guidelines |
❄️ ☃️ ❄️
"Hitsugaya here."
"Hello, Captain Hitsugaya, it is Captain Kuchiki."
"..."
"I am calling from Lieutenant Abarai's phone."
"Of course you are. What's up?"
"I have a question. What is the standard treatment for hypothermia?"
"...why are you asking?"
"When a person dives into very cold water, say, if they were chasing a semi-aquatic Hollow into a lake and the air temperature is below--"
"Kuchiki, how do you have Abarai's phone if he just jumped into a lake after a semi-aquatic Hollow?"
"Because he threw it at me and yelled 'call Rukia and ask her how to treat hypothermia, I'm sure she knows.'"
"But you didn't call Rukia."
"I did not. I would prefer if she did not find out that I let Abarai jump into a frozen lake. I did not mean to. He is very quick and also a bad listener. Hmm. The water is turning very red. Hollows do not usually have red blood. It would probably be a bad idea to jump in after him, don't you think? Then, we would both have hypothermia."
"Where are the two of you?"
"The thirty-first district of North Rukongai."
"Okay, that's too far away. (yes, it's your brother. no, everything is not fine. no, i think it's better if you let me talk to him.)"
"Is my sister there?"
"Yes, your sister is here."
"What are you doing with my sister, Hitsugaya Toushirou? She already has an official, family-approved suitor!"
"Does she, Kuchiki? Or does she have an official, family-approved popsicle? (no! no, stop grabbing! Matsumoto, some help please!)"
"Forget what I said earlier, he is coming out of the lake now. (Abarai! What is the limb situation? Ah, excellent, well done!) He even has all of his limbs. He does look rather pale and is shaking a lot, so perhaps we should get back to the hypothermia question."
"To be honest, I don't know that much about it. Usually I'm trying to freeze people to death. I only know what they teach in the decadal first aid refresher. Maybe you shouldn't have done that sleeping-with-your-eyes-open thing the last time we had--"
"Captain Hitsugaya, perhaps we could save the recriminations for later. Abarai is dying."
"Fine. I'm giving the phone to Rukia, who is here to work on her bankai, the same as every Tuesday afternoon. Kuchiki, tell your brother how to fix the hypothermia he gave your boyfriend."
"Brother!"
"Hello, Rukia! I would like to clarify, I did not 'give' Abarai hypothermia. He is very difficult to--"
"Stop talking, I know how he is. I am not holding you responsible. I only heard half the conversation, is he wet?"
"He dove into a lake, so yes."
"Okay, your first priority should be to dry him off."
"(Abarai, Rukia says you need to dry off. Yes, I know I have told you not to do that. Go ahead and do it. Just try not to get me--ugh! I told you not to--!")
"Is he trying to dry off by shaking himself like a dog? Don't let him do that!"
"It is surprisingly effective."
"It could also cause him to go into cardiac arrest so please don't let him do that!"
"(Abarai, Rukia says your heart will stop working if you do that. Yes, it sounds fake to me, too. I am just the messenger.)"
"I would hang up on you, except that then Renji would definitely die. Look, is there shelter nearby? Somewhere you can get him inside?"
"No. Can I just pick him up and flash step him back to town?"
"No, that would also cause his heart to stop. (Captain Hitsugaya, can we send a message down to-- oh, you already have? Oh, great, thank you!) Captain Hitsugaya has already called the Fourth. They're sending a medic to you, but it'll probably be at least an hour. In the meantime, you need get him dry and start to warm him up. Do you have any spare clothes?"
"Why would we have spare clothes?"
"I don't know! Sometimes people carry spare capes! They come in handy! Can you give him your haori?"
"Of course not, he hasn't passed the Captains' Examination."
"Okay, well, make him take his wet clothes off, and you figure out which parts of your outfit you can spare. Don't tell me. I don't want to know."
"Oh, I see. Hmm. Wait, Rukia. Before I disrobe, I read a book once, where someone was in a cold climate and they were freezing to death, and they killed a bear--"
"Do not put Renji inside the dead Hollow, Byakuya. I mean it."
"Hollows disintegrate when they die, Rukia, and even if they didn't, he left it at the bottom of the lake. (You did kill it, right? All right, good.) Ahem. I was just thinking that I could find a bear--"
"You do not have time to find and kill a bear, Brother."
"Hmm. Very well. (Abarai, take off your pants. Rukia says so.)"
(various mumbling and other noises)
"All right. I have returned. Abarai is wrapped up in both our cloaks."
"Wait, you had a cloak this whole time?"
"Of course I had a cloak. We went to the mountains of North Rukongai. Of course we dressed appropriately. Abarai even had the presence of mind to remove his before jumping in the lake. (Yes, I know it was so you could swim better. Do you wish to take this phone call?)"
"You could have--you know what? Never mind. Okay, do you have any field rations with you? Getting some warm food or liquid in him would be very helpful. Even if you can just warm some water with kidou and give it to him, that would be good."
"We did not bring any provisions. We were only supposed to come out here for an afternoon and we did not expect to have to leave town. (No, Abarai, I do not think you should drink that lake water. Well, a Hollow died in it, for one thing.)"
"Brother, do me a favor. Go touch his skin and tell me what it feels like."
"His skin?"
"Yes, I want to know if it's cold."
"Does it matter where?"
"Not really, I guess."
"(Abarai, stick your arm out of the cloak. Look, this is very unpleasant for both of us!) I am touching his arm. I would say it is approximately 30C."
"How can you-- never mind. I don't want to know. Is he shivering? Are his teeth chattering?"
"Less so than before, on both counts. That is good, right? That means he is warming up?"
"No, it means his body is shutting down. Is he still talking to you? Is he lucid?"
"He is still talking, a thing that I assume he would keep doing even after all other vital signs have ceased. I will check the state of his reason. (Abarai, who was the captain of Sixth Squadron during the Hellish Dangai Incursion of 892? No, it's not a trick question. All right, it's a little bit of a trick question…That's a really questionable interpretation of events, Abarai. No, I do not think there are any historians that would agree with you.) Rukia, I will be honest. He is not at his best."
"If he's talking and making sense, that's…something at least. But he's not in good shape and you've got to do something to help him warm up until the medic gets there."
"'Sense' is really debatable, Rukia."
"I think you're going to have to do the kaidou, Brother."
"My understanding is that the body temperature stabilization kidou should only be performed in a sheltered location by a trained Squad 4 medic."
"Yeah, that's the clinical one, and you are correct. You need to do the emergency one. It's not as good generally, but it's less tricky. It should help, though! Zabimaru runs hot, so if you can just give them a jumpstart, Renji will probably stabilize by himself."
"(Oh, is that so?) Abarai says you cast this on him 'all the time.' Why didn't you bring this up earlier? And why are you freezing my lieutenant 'all the time'?"
"He likes it. And I assumed you would refuse!"
"Why would I refuse? Which kaidou is it again?"
"Did you really sleep through the decadal first aid refresher? It's number 17!"
"Number 17…that's the one where…oh."
"Can you do it, Brother?"
"..."
"Brother?"
"When you say you do this to him 'all the time', is it because you are truly giving him hypothermia constantly, or is it just a ploy to…you know?"
"..."
"Rukia?"
"Must it be one or the other, Brother?!"
"Well, I was just wondering if the full body contact was truly compulsory, or if maybe I could just…do it from a respectful distance."
"You have to hug him, Brother."
"..."
"It's not so bad, Brother! You nearly cut off an arm and a leg to save me once!"
"...what if I were to sit next to him, so that our sides were touching? I…I could probably even put my arm around him."
"A side-hug is not going to cut it! The whole trick of the thing is getting your saketsu and hakusui close enough to his! You can hug him from behind, if that makes things better."
"I think that might actually be worse, Rukia."
"You're just going to have to hug him normally, then. Renji gives very good hugs! I tell you it won't be so bad! Just do it!"
"I am only doing this for you, Rukia."
"I appreciate it, Brother."
"(All right, Abarai. Brace yourself. As unpleasant as it is, I am going to have to--no, I will not 'bring it in!' Why must you make this worse than it already is?)"
(unintelligible)
"Brother? Brother, are you still there?"
"I am still here. I am doing it. I am hugging him. This is terrible."
"Are you doing the kaidou?"
"...right. The kaidou. I am now doing the kaidou. Ahem."
"Hi, Rukia, can you hear me? He's got the phone kinda close to my face and I can hear you!"
"Renji, is that you?!"
"It's me! He's hugging me, Rukia! This is so weird!"
"We can memory wipe both of you later, probably."
"No, I mean, he's really bad at it! This is the worst hug I have ever gotten!"
"Shut up, Abarai."
"I think you need to relax a little, Captain. Loosen up those arms."
"I do not want pointers, Abarai."
"Well, I'm having--a little trouble--breathing."
"Oh. I see. Yes, sorry."
"Not to interrupt all the fun you two are having, but does it seem to be working?"
"I have no idea. Abarai, is it working?"
"It's pretty different than when you do it, Rukia, but I think it is. Can I have a real hug when I get home?"
"You can have as many hugs as you want when you get home."
"Ahem."
"I am trying to keep him thinking positive, Brother! You can also have as many hugs as you want when you get home! It sounds like you need some practice."
"..."
"Or if you'd rather just have a stiff drink, I'm sure that can also be arranged."
"As you say, Rukia: why not both?"
"Sounds good to me, Brother!"
~end
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atlasscrumpit · 2 days
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Avengers x Reader
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(I think I've done one similar to this before?) 
The team had been called outside of the state, they knew shield was on sight already.
So far Tony decided he only needed him and Steve to help out.
While they were flying into the area they saw a large area that was completely burnt out, nearly in a perfect circle.
They landed the jet and stepped out to see Shield set up just outside of the burnt area.
"So, what's going on?" Tony asked as they walked up to Maria.
"Take a look for yourself." She said giving Tony some binoculars.
He looked through them to see a girl in the middle of everything, shivering and completely naked.
"She caused all of this... But, that's why we called you. Even our fire proof and radioactive proof suits won't work, we can't get near her. So, we need you to suit up and try." Maria informed them as they nodded.
"Can do." Tony said, grabbing a blanket and suiting up before slowly stepping into the radioactive area.
He kept moving forward, getting updates from Friday that it was fine to keep moving.
Eventually he made it to the strange figure, you looked up at him.
"I'm hungry." You whispered making him chuckle softly.
"I'm going to help you out of here, okay? Then we can get you some food." He said as you nodded a little, your body far too weak to even stand.
He reached down and covered you with the blanket before picking you up in his arms.
You slowly closed your eyes, your body completely limp against Tony.
"Hang in there, kid." He whispered as he trudged through the burnt wreckage.
He brought you back and people in giant suits rushed in to take you.
"It seems the area is radioactive... But, I don't think she is. At least not at the moment." Tony said, walking back to Maria and Steve.
"We'll take her back to the base, thank you for the help." Maria said as the two men nodded, it had been a pretty easy mission.
"Let us know what happens."
--
You sat in a cell, your knees hugged to your chest as you glanced out through the glass.
Maria walked in and stood in front of you.
"We need to ask you some questions, to see what we're dealing with. I need you to be truthful otherwise we will have to go to other measures for the truth. Is that understood?" She said as you nodded a little and looked at her.
She started off simple like, name, date of birth, place of birth but then she got more personal.
"Why did we find you in the middle of a radioactive field that was littered with dead bodies?" She said as you looked away from her.
"I didn't mean it." You grumbled as she sighed.
"That wasn't the question, was it?" She continued making you groan a little and looked away.
"I need the truth, Y/N." She demanded as you looked at her.
"These men came to my house... They were after my father, he used to be in the military. My brother tried to stop them and they shot him in the head, and then they killed my mother and then my father. They found me hiding and I lost control, everything went black and all I felt was rage. I wanted everyone to burn, I wanted to rip their fucking skulls from their heads." You growled as your body began to give off a small glow.
Suddenly air was let in and it cooled your body down completely.
You groaned and looked at her.
"Thanks... I think."
--
Tony and Steve had visited the Shield base to be updated on your condition.
They walked through the halls of the base with Maria.
"So, it seems she has the ability to go nuclear based on emotions. We've created a cuff on her wrist that helps keep her calm and practically sedated. We think you'll be able to study her a lot better than we can, come up with something to stabilise her without numbing her emotions." Maria said as the two men nodded.
"So, she was the one who killed the entire town?" Steve asked as Maria nodded in response.
"Yes, she killed everyone she ever knew and destroyed her home. But, she didn't mean it. If I know one thing, it's that she definitely didn't mean it." Maria replied before the made it to your cell.
"She's completely sedated right now so it's easier for you guys to take her back to the tower." She continued as Steve made his way into the cell and gently picked you up.
You were completely unconscious in his arms as he walked out with you.
"Does she have any belongings?" Tony asked as Maria handed him a plastic bag with a single open pendant inside.
"This was all the survived on her body. I'm guessing it was a necklace." She said as the nodded.
"Thanks, we'll get her back to the tower."
--
Tony slowly woke you up in a new room they had built for you.
One that could contain you if you had an outburst.
You groaned and slowly sat up and rubbed your face.
"Tony?" You muttered in confusion.
"Hey, kid." He said with a smile.
"You're at the tower now, I know Maria filled you in with what's happening. Do you want me to leave you to rest?" He asked as you nodded.
"Wait... Before you go. I want to ask you something." You whispered as he sat on the side of your bed.
"Ask away, kid." He replied, you looked away from him.
"I don't feel bad... I miss my family, but I don't feel bad about killing anyone. I'm a monster, aren't I?" You whispered as Tony looked at you sadly.
"I don't think you're a monster, Y/N. I think that your mind is trying to deal with all of this. Sometimes our minds can block things out of force us to feel certain things to protect us." He said in response as you nodded a little.
"So... I'm not a terrible person?" You asked, still not looking up at him.
"No, Y/N. You're not a terrible person, you're a survivor."
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onceuponapuffin · 3 days
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Fanatic Intervention Part 6!!
Not much to say here this time. I'm glad you all are enjoying this. I'm having a blast! :D
Beginning || Previous || Next
*****************
After a while you speak.
“Well,” You say, “I can tell you what we’re not doing. We are not going to see Mr. Gaiman. Honestly, Crowley, the man is a genius, but he is also a troll. He doesn’t give away plot – if anything he gives the most chaotic response he can think of, and then tells you to wait and see. SO, that wouldn’t help us at all.”
Muriel is the next to speak.
“Um, also I don’t think those other angels are on earth?”
“Would we know if they were?” You say, looking to Aziraphale. The principality shrugs.
“To be honest, I really don’t know. It was such a long time ago.”
“Okay,” You say, “So we call up Anathema, and we go to America to look for Jesus. I mean...the things that Neil and Terry plotted out did happen, even if they weren’t all identical to the book. So it’s probably safe to assume that the pattern will continue.”
“Right,” Aziraphale says, reaching for his rotary phone, “I’ll call Miss Device.”
“Hold on,” Crowley says, “Who’s this we who’s going to America?”
“You, Aziraphale, Anathema, Me,” You say, “Muriel needs to stay here and look after the bookshop. Maybe Newt could --”
“And what makes you think you’re coming?” The demon presses.
“The fact that I dropped in from another reality, know everything that has happened so far, and is the only one with half an idea of what’s going to happen next. Also Anathema is going to need help wrangling the two of you.”
“Whassat supposed to mean?”
“You’re a pair of Disaster Puppies.”
Crowley opens his mouth again, offended.
“Trouble does seem to find us an awful lot,” Aziraphale says. Clearly he’s decided to give you the benefit of the doubt. You make a mental note that he is not upset with being called a Disaster Puppy for some reason. Priorities maybe?? You let it go.
“Great,” You say, “So it’s settled.”
------------
All things considered, it doesn’t take very long for Anathema and Newt to arrive. Apparently they happened to be visiting London. What are the chances of that? It’s almost like this is a work of fiction that I am writing and so I can make things surprisingly convenient if I want to. Now, let’s continue.
It takes longer to answer Newt’s questions than it does to fill Anathema in on the situation. You’re grateful for her sharp mind and willingness to accept things that are...well...difficult to just accept. Probably comes with being a witch/occultist. Once they both know the full story, and Newt’s curiosities are satisfied, Anathema nods.
“Okay,” she says, “Right. So we need to save the world again, and we’re hinging all of our bets on finding Jesus and successfully convincing him to help us? Seems...like a long shot. Like, a really long shot.”
“These two have managed to succeed with implausible plans before,” You point out. Anathema hums. She doesn’t seem convinced.
“I mean, it’s not that I mind helping you. Jesus probably has the kind of aura that I could find and track without too much trouble. I would just...really have appreciated that if you were going to interrupt our getaway that you would at least have a backup plan. Or, maybe some intel that’s actually intelligence instead of guesses. Like if Aziraphale had actually been in Heaven as the Supreme Archangel, he could have been feeding us information and instructions. And then we would know for sure where to go and what to do.”
Oh. A rock sinks to your stomach. And you suppose that after making them ward the bookshop like that then...needing to leave it...you just might have accidentally put a target on your backs. Whoops. Turns out saving the world one step at a time is really, really hard.
“That would have been way too dangerous though!” You say, desperate for your own defense, “I’m not putting these two in anymore danger than absolutely necessary. I….” You look over at your beloved angel and demon, then turn back to Anathema. “I need them to be okay,” You admit quietly. That’s what it’s all about for us, isn’t it? All the theories, all of the South Down Cottage manifesting. The fanart, the fanfiction, the edits and animatics. We love them and while we understand that they need to go through angsty things to grow, in the end we need them to be okay.
Well, most of us anyway. I can’t speak for everyone.
You feel a hand on your shoulder. Aziraphale is there once again.
“And we will be,” he says softly. You hear Anathema sigh.
“Right,” she says, “okay, so we head to America. I need to go home first and get my supplies. Newt will stay here with Muriel and help them hold the fort.”
“Um...this is a bookshop?” Muriel adds uncertainly.
“I bet,” Newt says slowly, “That if I help a few people around here with their computers, I might make enough mischief to convince Heaven that there’s still a demon around here. Then that looks almost like you’re still here, right? Might buy you some time at least.”
“It’s worth a shot,” Anathema says. Muriel practically glows.
“Oh! I get to live with an actual human! You can teach me human things!”
“Oh, uh yeah,” Newt says, “I don’t see why not. It’ll be fun.”
Anathema agrees to return with Newt in two days. She expects you lot to sort out the plane tickets “Because,” she says, “I am not having you fly me over, or poof me over, or whatever it is that you do.”
“I am a demon! I do not poof!”
“I don’t care. I want plane tickets.”
“Ooh!” You say, raising your arm in the air with a jump. “Can they be first class? I’ve never flown first class before!”
Crowley groans. Aziraphale sighs.
“We are not genies,” Aziraphale says, “Or banking machines.”
“No, but you do have unlimited resources so in a way,” You say, pausing for dramatic effect, a mischievous smile spreading from ear to ear, “You are like Santa Claus!”
You make a fast exit from the room before Aziraphale can say anything. Crowley is laughing and you hear what you think is a chair falling over.
❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ 🖤
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Text
Date
This fic was inspired by a post from @/bhaalism (who has since deactivated due to harassment) about taking Astarion on a date post-game. I hope you all enjoy it, because it was a joy to write. <3
“Hey handsome,” Agnetha greeted Astarion, who was draping fabric for a dress he was making. For her. After all, poor dear lost nearly her entire wardrobe when her house was turned into rubble. “I have something I’d like to ask you.”
Oooooooh. He waggled his eyebrows, earning him a laugh. “Ask away! I’m all pointy ears, my love!”
She moved to hug him from behind, her long arms wrapping around his shoulders. She kissed his cheek before whispering conspiratorially, “Would you like to go on a date with me? A proper date?” She kissed his cheek again. “Please?”
A date.
A proper date.
A proper date with my darling girl.
He spun around quickly and kissed her soundly. When he tugged on her bottom lip, he squealed. “Oohoho yes! When? What time? Obviously at night I’m guessing…oh, and where? We must dress impeccably no matter what—”
“Astarion, you mad man!” She wrinkled her nose and giggled. It’s the cutest thing she does, and frankly, there’s a lot she does that is very cute. “All I’ll say is that it’s a place we’re familiar with, yes at night obviously, and tomorrow after sunset.” She booped his nose and turned, walking towards their suite door. “Now, I need to take Horace for a walk. See you soon, love.”
He stood at the mannequin dumbfounded.
A proper date with my darling girl tomorrow.
WHAT AM I GOING TO WEAR?!?!? WHAT IS SHE GOING TO WEAR?!?!?
***
Astarion agonized over what he and Agnetha should wear.
The agony!
And after watching him for hours lay out outfits and then put them back with the shake of his head and a tutting sound, she explained that their date would be on the rooftop of the Elfsong Tavern. “We have it to ourselves all night.” She rubbed her temples. “So please stop worrying about what to wear.”
The ecstasy!
Now that I know…I’VE GOT IT!
He thought that choosing their ensembles would help him relax.
He thought wrong.
I wonder what Agi has planned. If we have the entire rooftop to ourselves, then we could watch the stars. Cuddle. Have snacks, with her being the snack. Music? Tons of pillows? More cuddling?
Throughout the next day, he was giddy with excitement and to his embarrassment, could not stop giggling.
By the time they arrived at the Elfsong Tavern, Astarion was giggling louder than usual. He held her arm as she led them inside and towards the stairs. “Oh my gods, you are too much!” She chuckled softly then her mood shifted. “I hope I don’t let you down…”
“Ahahahaha, let me down?! Agi darling, you can’t be serious!” He let go of her arm and bolted up the stairs to the landing, hands on his hips. “You freed me from Cazador and two hundred years of torment, saved Baldur’s Gate from the Netherbrain, and you’re afraid of disappointing me? Ahahahahahaha!” He watched her fondly as she ascended the rest of the steps. For her, he chose the first dress he made her---long and form-hugging with a plunging neckline and gold accents. Green is one of her best colors, and she was the one who insisted on the lower neckline much to my delight.
She rolled her eyes playfully. “Considering how you’ve been vibrating like Horace when he knows I’m going to give him a treat, yes of course I’m going to worry about disappointing you.” When she reached the top of the stairs, she hugged him. “You’re one of the most important people in my life, Astarion. I want you to be happy. I want what I do for you to be perfect.”
“You worry too much, dear.” Far too much. She has a tincture made from those “relaxing herbs” Halsin gave her during our adventure to help settle her nerves every night. I tell her she’s doing too much, taking on too much responsibility…but she just smiles. Tells me she’s happy to have a hand in making any dream of mine come true. Tells me she’s not only content but the happiest she’s ever been. “Everything you do is perfect.”
She giggled. “I’ll keep that in mind next time I fuck up something.” Glancing at the ladder to the rooftop, she shook her head dramatically. “That just won’t do.” She pulled out a scroll of Fly and cast it on him as she snapped her fingers open the hatch above ALL WHILE FLYING THROUGH USING HER STORM SORCERY!!! Have I said that my darling girl is brilliant and far more talented than Gale?
Laughing even more, Astarion flew up the ladder and through the hatch, landing directly in from of his lover. Laughing, he pulled her face to his as her arms went around his narrow waist. “You are full of surprises, darling.”
“With a few more up my sleeve.” She winked as she kissed him again. Her kisses never fail to brighten my mood and lighten my undead heart. Sweet darling girl, what do you have planned? “This way, love.” She left his embrace, but her hands held his and led him to a pair of chaise lounges pushed together surrounded by floating candles. Is that..? “Snacks and drinks for me and beef blood from our favorite butcher for you. If you want the candle to be dimmer, just tell me and I’ll fix it.”
He watched her lovingly as she let go of his hands and flopped onto one of the lounges, taking a chocolate truffle. “You really thought of everything, didn’t you?” He murmured, pouring himself a glass of blood. “You did all this for me.” And I can’t quite believe it. “You didn’t have to, sweetness.”
She giggled a little as she chewed the truffles and grabbed another one. “Of course I did! Because I love you, Star. I love you, and I want to give you everything I can. Can’t walk in the sun? No problem!” She wrinkled her nose and smirked at him. Fucking hells. My darling girl is tempting me already. I’ll give it you right back, dear. “I’ll just do something very romantic at night with lots of cuddling. Problem solved.”
“I love it when you’re so confident, darling. It’s so very…alluring.” He put down the glass and lay down next to her, curling into her substantial side. “The most powerful sorceress on Toril, and she finally fucking acts like it.” One of his hands caressed her belly as he leaned close to her neck. “A rare and beautiful fruit that one must savor.” Not yet. Maybe later if she offers, but not now. “You wanted to show off, didn’t you, my pretty little butter bun?” he smirked, placing several kisses where he normally fed from her. “My darling giving it her all like the good girl she is. How…very…sweet.” He punctuated each word with a kiss, the hand on her belly slowly traveling upward.
She fidgeted slightly and sat up.
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Before we go any further, there’s something I’d like to discuss with you, if that’s alright.”
She’s smiling. Not too wide. Her genuine smile. Maybe it’s nothing bad. I hope it’s nothing. Please don’t let it be something bad. I thought she was happy? Aren’t we happy? I’m happy, but is she happy? I thought so… “Yes, darling, of course.”
“I love you,” she began, brushing away a few of his white curls. “I know I say it all the time, but I mean it…well, every time.” She smiled at him, her brown eyes shining with a level of love, adoration, and devotion that Astarion knew all too well. Because that is always how she looks at me. As if I’m worthy of all that and more. “I love you. You mean everything to me. You’re my home. And I’m saying all this, because—”
Wait…is she…?!?!?!
“I want to know if you—”
IS SHE…?!?!
“Would like to…” She so fucking adorably bit on her lower lip. “Marry me?”
She did.
Astarion stared at Agnetha, mouth dropping open and eyes wide. His lips moved but nothing emerged for several seconds. “Marry you?” He practically squeaked in reply.
The smile on her face faded. “Yes, Star. I’m asking you if you want to marry me. If you would marry me. But only if that’s what you want, and I can understand if you don’t—”
We are not playing that little game tonight, my dear.
He yanked her face towards his roughly, silencing her with a passionate kiss. He maneuvered himself onto his back and encouraged her to lay on top of him. Oh gods, the first time I told her to do that, she started crying. “I’ll crush you, Astarion! I’ll break you!” Frankly, my dear---I don’t give a damn. I’m dead. It’s fine. Now though, she does it happily. That’s it, my good girl. “You seriously think I’d say no to having a party in my…ahem, our honor, then darling, you’re mad.” Astarion snarked, wrapping his arms around her and sighing contentedly. “The answer, of course, is yes.” As if it could be any other answer. I won’t lie---I was planning on proposing to her, but she beat me to it, the cheeky little thing. “If the question,” he whispered softly, hugging her a little tighter. “Is whether I want to be somewhere or do anything with you, the answer is always yes. I will be by your side always, and I want the world to know that.” He chuckled. “Or at the very least, our dear friends and your family.”
Agnetha laughed softly and reached for a small jewelry box. “Before we start talking about color schemes and flowers,” a white gold ring with rubies encircling the band was inside the box. She slipped it on his left ring finger, which he curiously did not have a ring on already. How funny! And how utterly perfect. “Oh thank fuck, it fits. I was worried.”
“Of course you were. Now,” he gave her a small, quick kiss. “Have something to eat and drink, darling, and get comfortable because we are going to talk about colors, flowers, decorations, dates, guest list, seating, and don’t worry, sweetness---our outfits are a top priority!” Her wedding dress will be talked about in Baldur’s Gate for generations. I will ensure that.
Adorably she pretended to be horrified as she poured herself some water and drank. “Oh my gods, what have I done?” She began to laugh and shake her head. “What monster have I unleashed this night?” Still laughing (and I am too because she’s simply too cute and funny), Agnetha took a few more chocolates and a chocolate chip cookie. She baked cookies earlier in the week for a friend she said. Hmmm, must have had several left over. “Sorry love, I couldn’t help it!”
Both now on their backs, Astarion faced her and scoffed. “Oh hush you! With how much teasing I give you on a daily basis, it’s only right and proper that you get your own back on me. Besides, I will only be demanding the best for our wedding, you know. We deserve the best. And speaking of the best, depending on how quickly we want to this planned and done, a certain kind of lily will be in season—”
“Wouldn’t it be so funny if Gale was your best man?” She sniggered, taking a bite out of the cookie. “He’d have the longest fucking speech ever, and somehow we’ll all be crying at the end of it.”
“Ugh. At that point, Halsin would be a much better best man than Gale. Wyll’s not even here, and he would be better! I could pull out a chair with Wyll’s name painted on it, and it would be the best best man ever!” Noticing her bursting out laughing, he rolled his eyes. “Darling really!”
She kissed him for what Astarion definitely thought lingered for a second too long and smiled. “We don’t even have to have a best man or maid of honor. That’s more of a Baldurian tradition, but we don’t have to go along with it. After all,” she wrinkled her nose, grinning. “We’re not exactly a traditional couple.”
Astarion nodded silently.
No, we’re not a traditional couple by any definition.
Elf. Human.
Vampire. Mortal.
Shorter than her. Very tall.
Perfectly lithe and built like a god. A deliciously sexy cream puff come to life.
But that’s just us, and that’s wonderful.
The conversation moved on to colors (white with hints of silver and gold), then to guests (apparently we do in fact have to invite Gale), and then drifted to food (Agi wants at least four tiers with each tier being different flavors to accommodate everyone’s tastes---just have it be your favorite and fuck them, darling!). After a while, Agnetha curled into Astarion’s side. He stared at the stars and then back down at the woman in his arms.
“I just realized something, sweetness.”
“Hmm?” Someone’s getting sleepy. It must be past two in the morning at least.
“I never got to ask you if wanted to marry me.”
She snuggled against his chest and sighed happily. “Yes, Astarion Ancunin, I will marry you.” She’s so sleepy. Aww. “I’ll always marry you, love…”
“I know, my darling girl. But before we can do any of that, my pretty princess needs some sleep.” He helped her to her feet, steadying her. “There’s a good girl, my love. Do you have the rune?” She charmed a pair of twin rune stones to act as a teleport directly into our bedroom, which I may or may not have abused on several occasions. She nodded, and he took it out of one of her dress pockets (you’re welcome, my beautiful butter bun) and used to get them there. He sat her on their bed and cupped her face. “May I undress you, darling?”
“Yes please…”
Everything off and in a pile. Her favorite sleep shirt and shorts. The silkiest bottoms for me. Perfect. “Have the sweetest dreams for us, my darling girl. I’ll be here when you wake.” He murmured, as he relaxed in her embrace.
“Dream’s already come true, Star.” Agnetha said, sleepily pressing a kiss to his neck. “We’re living the dream…”
He barked a laugh. “You impossibly sweet thing! Whatever am I going to do with you?”
Say it. Say it. Say it. Please, darling?
“You’ll marry me, and I’ll marry you…”
Thank you. His eyes watered as he held one of her hands.
We already belong to each other, but to not only show that but also celebrate it? When I couldn’t even dream of that a year ago? When we both have people we care about in our lives to celebrate with us? With her by my side?
Always.
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daily-hanamura · 7 months
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#p4#persona 4#p4g#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#anyone that says yosuke is nothing but mean and awful to Kanji should meet me in the parking lot#we're not going to throw hands im just going to show you my 100 slide powerpoint presentation on their complex dynamic#for me one of the most appealing things about yosuke is how human and realistic he's been written#he is simultaneously capable of immense empathy and care towards his friends while at the same time struggle with his own identity#combined with a difficultly in self expression that results in him making tactless and hurtful remarks at times#thats not to say it makes those remarks ok - far from it!#but i think reducing yosuke to just those remarks makes him a rather empty caricature#which is such a shame especially considering that his entire personal narrative arc has been about confronting himself so he can be better#but anyway yes he cares about his friends he cares about their well being so much#he didnt have any obligation or a responsibility to look out for his juniors but he did so anyway without anyone asking#and it's so!!! because kanji does not look like he needs babying at all. hes taller than both yosuke and yu and he looks way older too#kanji has taken care of biker gangs by himself and is known to be intimidating#not that any of that fazes yosuke? kanji is his friend now hes one of them and therefore yosuke immediately wants to look out for him#god hanamura yosuke you so!!!#AAAAAAAAH#he's good with his queue
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demigod-of-the-agni · 1 month
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Spider-Man India, but... where from India?
A SUPER long post featuring talks of: cultural identity, characterisation, the caste system, and what makes Spider-Man Spider-Man.
I’m prefacing this by saying that I am a second-generation immigrant. I was born in Australia, but my cultural background is from South India. My experiences with what it means to be “Indian” is going to be very different from the experiences of those who are born and brought up in India.
If you, reader, want to add anything, please reblog and add your thoughts. This is meant to be a post open for discussion — the more interaction we get, the better we become aware of these nuances.
So I made this poll asking folks to pick a region of India where I would draw Pavitr Prabhakar in their cultural wear. This idea had been on my mind for a long while now, as I had been inspired by Annie Hazarika’s Northeastern Spidey artwork in the wake of ATSV’s release, but never got the time to actually do it until now. I wanted to get a little interactive and made the poll so I could have people choose which of the different regions — North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South — to do first.
The outcome was not what I expected. As you can see, out of 83 votes:
THE RESULTS
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South India takes up almost half of all votes (44.6%), followed by Northeast and Central (both 14.5%) and then East (13.3%). In all my life growing up, support towards or even just the awareness of South India was pretty low. Despite this being a very contained poll, why would nearly half of all voters pick South India in favour of other popular choices like Central or North India?
Then I thought about the layout of the poll: Title, Options, Context.
Title: "Tell us who you want to see…"
Options: North, Northeast, Central, East, West, South
Context: I want to make art of the boy again
At first I thought: ah geez. this is my fault. I didn't make the poll clear enough. do they think I want them to figure out where Pavitr came from? That's not what I wanted, maybe I should have added the context before the options.
Then I thought: ah geez. is it my fault for people not reading the entire damn thing before clicking a button? That's pretty stupid.
But regardless, the thought did prompt a line of thinking I know many of us desi folk have been considering since Spider-Man India was first conceived — or, at least, since the announcement that he was going to appear in ATSV. Hell, even I thought of it:
Where did Spider-Man India come from?
FROM A CULTURALLY DIVERSE INDIA
As we know, India is so culturally diverse, and no doubt ATSV creators had to take that into account. Because the ORIGINAL Spider-Man India came from Mumbai — most likely because Mumbai and Manhattan both started with the same letter.
But going beyond that, it’s also because Mumbai is one of the most recognisable cities in India - it’s also known as Bombay. It’s where Bollywood films are shot. It’s where superstar Hindi actors and actresses show up. Mumbai is synonymous with India in that regard, because the easiest way Western countries can interact with Indian culture is through BOLLYWOOD, through HINDI FILMS, through MUMBAI. Suddenly, India is Mumbai, India is a Hindi-only country, India is just this isolated thing we see through an infinitely narrow lens.
We’ve gotten a little better in recent years, but boy I will tell you how uncomfortable I’ve gotten when people (yes, even desi people) come up to me and tell me, Oh, you’re Indian right? Can you speak Hindi? Why don’t you speak Hindi? You’re not Indian if you don’t speak Hindi, that’s India’s national language!
I have been — still am — so afraid of telling people that I don’t speak Hindi, that I’m Tamil, that I don’t care that Hindi is India’s “national” language (it’s an administrative language, Kavin, get your fucking facts right). It’s weird, it’s isolating, and it has made me feel like I wasn’t “Indian” enough to be accepted into the group of “Indian” people.
So I am thankful that ATSV went out of their way to integrate as much variety of Indian culture into the Mumbattan sequence. Maybe that way, the younger generation of desi folk won’t feel so isolated, and that younger Western people will be more open to learning about all these cultural differences within such a vast country.
BUT WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH SPIDER-MAN INDIA?
Everything, actually. There’s a thing called supremacy. You might have heard of it. We all engaged with it at some point, and if you are Indian, no matter where you live, it is inescapable.
It happens the moment you are born — who your family is, where you are born, the language you speak, the colour of your skin; these will be bound to you for life, and it is nigh impossible to break down the stereotypes associated with them.
Certain ethnic groups will be more favourable than others (Centrals, and thus their cultures, will always be favoured over than Souths, as an example) and the same can be said for social groups (Brahmins are more likely to secure influential roles in politics or other areas like priesthood, while the lowers castes, especially Dalits, aren’t even given the decency of respect). Don’t even get me started on colourism, where obviously those of fairer skin will win the lottery while those of darker skin aren’t given the time of day. It’s even worse when morality ties into it — “lighter skinned Indians, like Brahmins, embody good qualities like justice and wisdom”, “dark skinned Indians are cunning and poor, they are untrustworthy”. It’s fucking nuts.
This means, of course, you have a billion people trying to make themselves heard in a system that tries to crush everyone who is not privileged. It only makes sense that people want to elevate themselves and break free from a society that refuses to acknowledge them. These frustrations manifest outwardly, like in protests, but other times — most times — it goes unheard, quietly shaping your way of life, your way of thinking. It becomes a fundamental part of you, and it can go unacknowledged for generations.
So when you have a character like Pavitr Prabhakar enter the scene, people immediately latch onto him and start asking questions many Western audiences don’t even consider. Who is he? What food does he eat? What does he do on Fridays? What’s his family like, his community? All these questions pop up, because, amidst all this turmoil going on in the background, you want a mainstream popular character to be like you, who knows your way of life so intimately, that he may as well be a part of your community.
BUT THAT'S THE THING — HE'S FICTIONAL
I am guilty of this. In fact, I’ve flaunted in numerous posts how I think he’s the perfect Tamil boy, how he dances bharatanatyam, how he does all these Tamil things that no one will understand except myself. All these niche things that only I, and maybe a few others, will understand.
I’ve seen other people do it, too. I’ve seen people geek out over his dark brown skin, his kalari dhoti, how he fights so effortlessly in the kalaripayattu martial arts style. I’ve seen people write him as Malayali, as Hindi, as every kind of Indian person imaginable.
I’ve also seen him be written where he’s subjected to typical Indian and broader Asian stereotypes. You know the ones I’m so fond of calling out. The thing is, I’ve seen so much of Pavitr being presented in so many different ways, and I worry how the rest of the desi folk will take it. 
You finally have a character who could be you, but now he’s someone else’s plaything. Your entire life is shaped by what you can and can’t do simply because you were born to an Indian family, and here’s the one person who could represent you now at the mercy of someone else’s whims. He’s off living a life that is so distant from yours, you can hardly recognise him.
It shouldn’t hurt as much as it does, yeah? But, again, you’re looking at it from that infinitely narrow lens Westerners use to look at India from Bollywood.
AND PAVITR PRABHAKAR DOESN'T LIVE IN INDIA
He lives in Mumbattan. He lives in a made-up, fictional world that doesn’t follow the way of life of our world. He lives in a city where Mumbai and Manhattan got fucking squashed together. There are so many memes about colonialism right there. Mumbattan isn’t real! Spider-Man India isn’t real!! He’s just a dude!! The logic of our world doesn’t apply to him!!!
“But his surname originates from ______” okay but does that matter?
“But he’s wearing a kalari dhoti so surely he’s ______” okay but does that matter?
“But his skin colour is darker so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?
“But he lives in Mumbai so he must be ______” okay but does that matter?
I sound insensitive and brash and annoying and it looks like I’m yapping just for the sake of riling you up, so direct that little burst of anger you got there at me, and keep reading.
Listen. I’m going to ask you a question that I’ve asked myself a million times over. I want you to answer honestly. I want you to ask this question to yourself and answer honestly:
Are you trying to convince me on who Pavitr Prabhakar should be?
... but why shouldn't i?
I’ll tell you this again — I did the same thing. You’re not at fault for this, but I want you to just...have a little think over. Just a little moment of self-reflection, to think about why you are so intent on boxing this guy.
It took me a while to reorganise my thinking and how to best approach a character like Pavitr, so I will give you all the time you need as well as a little springboard to focus your thoughts on.
SPIDER-MAN (INDIA) IS JUST A MASK
“What I like about the costume is that anybody reading Spider-Man in any part of the world can imagine that they themselves are under the costume. And that’s a good thing.”
Stan Lee said that. Remember how he was so intent on making sure that everybody got the idea that Spider-Man as an entity is fundamentally broken without Peter Parker there to put on the suit and save the day? That ultimately it was the person beneath the mask, no matter who they were, that mattered most?
Spider-Man India is no less different. You can argue with me that Peter Parker!Spidey is supposed to represent working class struggles in the face of leering corporate entities who endanger the regular folk like us, and so Pavitr Prabhakar should also function the same way. Pavitr should also be a working class guy of this specific social standing fighting people of this other social standing.
But that takes away the authenticity of Spider-Man India. Looking at him through the Peter Parker lens forces you to look at him through the Western lens, and it significantly lessens what you can do with the character — suddenly, it’s a fight to be heard, to be seen, to be recognised. It’s yelling over each other that Pavitr Prabhakar is this ethnicity, is that caste, this or that, this or that, this or that.
There’s a reason why he’s called Spider-Man India, infuriatingly vague as it is. And that’s the point — the vagueness of his identity fulfils Lee’s purpose for a character that could theoretically be embodied by anyone. If he had been called “Spider-Man Mumbai”, you cut out a majority of the population (and in capitalist terms, you cut out a good chunk of the market).
And in the case of Spider-Man India? Whew — you’ve got about a billion people imagining a billion different versions of him.
Whoever you are, whatever you see in Pavitr, that is what is personal to you, and there is nothing wrong with that, and I will not fault you for it. I will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from Central due to the origins of his last name. I also will not fault you for saying Pavitr is from South due to him practising kalaripayattu. I also will not fault you for saying he is not Hindu. I also will not fault you for saying he is a particular ethnicity without any proof.
What I will fault you for is trying to convince me and the others around you that Pavitr Prabhakar should be this particular ethnicity/have this cultural background because of some specific reason. I literally don’t care and it is fundamentally going against his character, going against the “anyone can wear the mask” sentiment of Spider-Man. By doing this, you are strengthening the walls that first divided us. You’re feeding the stratification and segmentation of our cultures — something that is actually not present in the fictional world of Mumbattan.
Like I said before: Mumbattan isn’t real, so the divides between ethnicities and cultural backgrounds are practically nonexistent. The best thing is that it is visually there for all to see. My favourite piece of evidence is this:
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It’s a marquee for a cinema in the Mumbattan sequence, in the “Quick tour: this is where the traffic is” section. It has four titles; the first three are written in Hindi. The fourth title is written in Tamil. You go to Mumbai and you won’t see a single shred of Tamil there, much less any other South Indian language. Seeing this for the first time, you know what went through my head?
Wow, the numerous cultures of India are so intermingled here in Mumbattan! Everyone and everything is welcome!
I was happy, not just because of Tamil representation, but because of the fact that the plethora of Indian cultures are showcased coexisting in such a short sequence. This is India embracing all the little parts that make up its grander identity. This scene literally opened my eyes seeing such beauty in all the diverse cultures thriving together. In a place where language and cultural backgrounds blend so easily, each one complementing one another.
It is so easy to believe that, from this colourful palette of a setting, Pavitr Prabhakar truly is Spider-Man India, no matter where he comes from.
It’s easy to believe that Pavitr can come from any part of India, and I won’t call you out if the origin you have for him is different from the origin I have. You don’t need to stake out territory and stand your ground — you’re entitled to that opinion, and I respect it. In fact, I encourage it!!!
Because there’s only so much you can show in a ten minute segment of a film about a country that has such a vast history and even greater number of cultures. I want to see all of it — I want him to be a Malayali boy, a Hindi boy, a Bengali boy, a Telugu boy, an Urdu boy, whatever!! I want you to write him or draw him immersed in your culture, so that I can see the beauty of your background, the wonderful little things that make your culture unique and different from mine!
And, as many friends have said, it’s so common for Indian folks to be migrating around within our own country. A person with a Maharashtrian surname might end up living in Punjab, and no one really minds that. I’m actually from Karnataka, my family speaks Kannada, but somewhere down the line my ancestors moved to Tamil Nadu and settled down and lived very fulfilling lives. So I don’t actually have the “pure Tamil” upbringing, contrary to popular belief; I’ve gotten a mix of both Kannada and Tamil lifestyles, and it’s made my life that much richer. 
So it’s common for people to “not” look like their surname, if that’s what you’re really afraid about. In fact, it just adds to that layer of nuance, that even despite these rigid identities between ethnicities we as Indian people still intermingle with one another, bringing slivers of our cultures to share with others. Pavitr could just as well have been born in one state and moved around the country, and he happens to live in Mumbattan now. It’s entirely possible and there’s nothing to disprove that.
We don’t need to clamber over one another declaring that only one ethnicity is the “right” ethnicity, because, again, you will be looking at Pavitr and the rest of India in that narrow Western lens — a country with such rich cultural variety reduced to a homogenous restrictive way of life.
THE POLL: REINTERPRETED
This whole thing started because I was wondering why my little poll was so skewed — I thought people assumed I was asking them where he came from, then paired his physical appearance with the most logical options available. I thought it was my fault, that I had somehow influenced this outcome without knowing.
Truth is, I will never really know. But I will be thankful for it, because it gave me the opportunity to finally broach this topic, something that many of us desi folk are hesitant to talk about. I hope you have learned something from this, whether you are desi or a casual Spider-Man fan or someone who just so happened to stumble upon this. 
So just…be a little more open. Recognise that India, like many many countries and nations, is made up of a plethora of smaller cultures. And remember, if you’re trying to convince Pavitr that he’s a particular ethnicity, he’s going to wave his hand at you and say, “Ha, me? No, I’m one of the people that live here in the best Indian city! I’m Spider-Man India, dost!”
(Regardless, he still considers you a friend, because to him, the people matter more to him than you trying to box him into something he’s not.)
#long post + more tags that kinda spiral away BUT expand on the points above AND kinda puts everything together concisely#BROS THIS IS AN HONEST TO GOD ESSAY#THAT HAS BEEN COOKING IN MY HEART FOR A WHILE NOW. SIMMERING FOR MONTHS BEFORE FINALLY BOILING OVER IN THE LAST WEEK#genuinely hope you read MOST of it because yes it has Quite A Lot Of Exposition but it all matters nonetheless#put in a lot of thought into this so i expect you to do your part and challenge your thoughts as well#you see how i'm not asking for you to listen to me. but to actually Think. i want you to cook your thoughts and add some spice and flavour#and give it a good mix so you can come out of this a little more wiser than before#because!!! yeah!!!! spider man india is just that!! he's indian!!!!! we don't need to collectively agree on where he comes from#bc it gets rid of that relatability factor of spider man. at the most basic level#think of it as a schrodinger's. he is every single culture and none of them at the same time. therefore none of us are wrong!! sick!!!!#pavitr's first priority is making sure HIS PEOPLE are safe. that's probably as far as we can go that relates him back to peter parker spide#he loves his people and working in the name of justice to FIGHT for HIS PEOPLE is just the duty/responsibility he takes up#it makes sense that he loves everyone and every culture he engages with bc that's the nature of spider man i suppose#if peter parker spidey acts as the guardian for the regular folk.. then in my mind pavitr spidey stands as the bridge uniting the people#because society as its core is very fragmented. and having pavitr act as a connection to other folks.... mmmmm beautiful#that's what i'm talking abouttttt !!!#anyways guys this is literally 3001 words on my document EXCLUDING THE TITLE. THAT'S 7 PAGES AT 11pt FONT. i'm literally cryingggg wtf#pavitr prabhakar#spider man#spider man india#desi#desiblr#atsv#across the spiderverse#atsv pavitr#indian culture#india#desi tumblr#what the fuck do i tag this as#agnirambles
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