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lhhomefics · 1 year

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Thank you for @wabadabadaba for mentioning me in your 2022 Writing Self Evaluation 💕 I'm taking that as a tag to do this too because I want to do it.

I became a part of the fandom just last year and started writing towards the end of that so most of my writing has been done in this year and I just want to have that here, especially because besides writing there’s been a lot of other stuff that’s happened in my life too so I think I need to take a moment to reflect and be proud of myself. Writing has also really helped me process things I wouldn’t have otherwise so this is an ode to my writing. Okay on with this!

1. Number of stories posted to AO3 this year: 21

2. Word count posted for the year: 66,217

3. Fandoms I wrote for: One Direction, British Singers RPF, Music RPF, American (US) Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Orville Peck (Musician), Professional F1 Esports RPF

Putting a cut here because the next question is pairings and there are a lot (as expected!)

4. Pairings: Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson/Emma Corrin, Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Marcel/Louis Tomlinson, Harry Styles/Harry Styles, Harry Styles/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Angelina Jolie/Harry Styles, Niall Horan/Zayn Malik/Liam Payne/Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Niall Horan/Hailee Steinfeld/Zayn Malik, Niall Horan/Hailee Steinfeld, Orville Peck/Harry Styles, Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles, Nick Grimshaw/Meshach Henry, Louis Tomlinson/Lando Norris, Louis Tomlinson/Lizzo, Harry Styles/Zayn Malik, Harry Styles & Olivia Wilde, Olivia Wilde/Dianna Agron

5. Story with the most:

Kudos: Moonstruck

Bookmarks: Moonstruck

Comments: head all full of stuffin'

6. Work I’m most proud of (and why): Nasha Tera. I really wanted to write a fic that I could relate to because there aren’t many that have the kind of representation of religion that I was looking for. Even though this fic had barely any readers and I’ve wondered about that I am proud of myself for writing it and for putting myself in the fic in some ways and for the stream of consciousness style of writing style I let myself have.

Also all my wordplayfics. I set myself with a challenge with those and I think i succeeded and wrote some great stuff!

7. Work I’m least proud of (and why): Need Love. Not to be hard on myself but I feel like this was missing something and I wasn’t entirely happy with it but that’s a me thing. I know there’s people who liked it and I did too it’s just that I feel like I could have done better. I do hope to return to this verse and do the pairing more justice than I felt like I did.

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received: A review I received on Nasha Tera. It was a really lovely comment and made me feel seen <33

9. A time when writing was really, really hard: Once again I mention Nasha Tera because this was a tough fic to write for me due to it’s personal nature. I was scared to write it, scared to post it, scared to have it out there and that translated in me feeling blocked.

Another time is with another fic that I am writing. I started that fic at the start of the year but it’s still not done and I’ve had a few times that I have been blocked on it. I hope to get it done at the start of next year though. It is called Lives in Daydreams and I’ve spoken a bit about it here.

10. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you: Ordinary Day and head all full of stuffin'. These could both be considered horror and I never expected to write that genre but I did and I think I did them well!

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing: This is from Better with you (not a 1D fic). This makes me laugh each time but also makes me a little sad and I love that I wrote it:

“Plus he’s like a popstar or whatever so I don’t know what to expect from his fans either!” Olivia exclaims. She is no stranger to hate from random strangers on the internet. It’s something you learn to block out when you get some notoriety, otherwise it would be too much. She can only hope that whatever happens doesn’t mess up her career, being a female director isn’t exactly a walk in the park.

“Oh really? Who is it?” Dianna can't help but ask. She’s getting this sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She knows it’s highly unlikely, after all what is the likelihood of a coincidence like that happening? So really Dianna only asks this to get rid of the unwarranted feeling she’s getting.

“Harry Styles,” Olivia says, proving Dianna’s wary feeling to be valid. Dianna feels like if Olivia hadn’t been gripping her she would fall off of her lap. She hadn’t really expected for her hunch to be correct.

“Like Harry Styles from One Direction? That Harry Styles? What’s he doing acting?”

“Um yes? I only know that it’s something he wants to try.” Olivia confirms, slightly confused at the disgruntled expression on her girlfriend's face.

“Taylor, as in my ex Taylor’s, ex fake boyfriend Harry Styles?!” Dianna prods further.

12. How did you grow as a writer this year: I challenged myself to write things that were a little difficult but I wanted to write them, I wrote with strict word limits and I think I did well, I wrote a lot of different pairings and types of fics.

13. How do you hope to grow next year: I want to continue to write whatever I want and not worry about hate or whether people like it. I also want to try writing more fics outside of One Direction. I also want to challenge myself to write fics where there is some world building. My first attempt will be in a fic I talk about here.

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

First of all the @writerscornercafe discord. The people in it who have helped me with my questions and the mods for making this great place to help us write. I wrote a lot thanks to the monthly sprints that I attended, I am glad I joined it.

@wabadabadaba you are someone I can talk to about my ideas and I know you’ll be just as excited as me about them, even if I leave cliffhangers and hide some ideas from you :P thankyou for being there and motivating me to write and cheerleading me! <3 Also, I love love love your writing and I’m proud of you for writing what you want!

@uhoh-but-yeah-alright you have been a great beta for some of my fics and I feel lucky that one of my favorite writers in this fandom likes my fics. Thankyou for all your help, you’ve helped me improve my writing and your comments on the works you’ve betaed are always so lovely. Your comments on my other fics always make me smile too. Thankyou for the love <3

@homosociallyyours you are another of my favorite writers. Thankyou for your help with some of my works! I always love discussing ideas with you and I hope you feel the same. <3

@jlf23tumble I don’t know if you know it but your comments on my fics are always great to see! Thanks for being someone I can talk to about fics that no one else might want to hear about! You’ve really helped me to write the stuff I want to write instead of caring about who will read it. And some of my fics have definitely been inspired by conversations with you! Also thankyou for being a great friend <33

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year: The two times that I have written a girl Zayn centered fic (i.e. Right Now I Can’t See Straight and Nasha Tera) I have put pieces of myself in there. The struggles with religion and conservative upbringing and figuring out her sexuality that the Zayn in these two fics goes through in different capacities mirrors my own. Nasha Tera has some more small details that are from my real life too. Another writing that mirrors some of my own feelings is Just Me. I’m sure my other writings probably have some bits of me too to a much smaller extent. Other than that not many real details about me really show up in my writing.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers: Write what you want to write, write for yourself. I know it’s not easy but it’s worth it.

17. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year: I have quite a few WIPs that I’m hoping to complete in the new year. 4 are for fests, the others are not but I might still join some more fests and add to my wips.

18. Tag some writers whose answers you’d like to read.

@homosociallyyours @uhoh-but-yeah-alright and anyone else who wants to do it!

#writing self evaluation #about my writing #tag games #my fics 2022

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polyamyeti · 1 year

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Hi, I’m a femme non-binary human! Last year, my husband and I (married for 5 years, been together for 12) embarked on a polyamorous journey. It’s been a sort of a wild ride and I just wanted a place where I could write about it without having a lot of close family seeing as we’re not fully out to them. Some know like my parents and sibling and some of my cousins. His family doesn’t know except for a couple of his close cousins.

I came out to my husband as bi when I was 27 (31 yo now). Since we’ve been together since I was 19, I never got to fully experience my queer side as I am a late bloomer. It’s sort of why we started talking about polyamory as I still love him deeply and want to be with him, but also want to have more experiences with other people. He also had only been with me sexually, so he also wanted to have new experiences, which made it only fair for the both of us. We are still very much in love and I’m happy we can securely do this together. It doesn’t mean it hasn’t been hard. There’s many things we have both had to look at it in our relationship and things we have also had to mourn as our relationship changes and moves to a new dynamic. Ultimately though, it has brought us closer and made us examine what we both want out of life and each other.

A lot of this will be sort of stream-of-consciousness style, not really planned. Just things I’m sort of thinking about and things I want to talk openly about.

I recently just came out to my husband as non-binary/gender fluid as well. I’m so happy I can be with such a supportive person who wants me to be fully me!

I hope to find one or more people like that to be with, but so far I haven’t had much luck. I’ve dated a few people, but the lesbian romance I desire just hasn’t really happened yet. I thought I was close to one recently, but it ended in heartbreak, unfortunately. I think we mostly liked the idea of each other more than the actual person. The sex was really hot and intense though and I find myself thinking about it a lot. Last night I had a dream about eating pussy and now it’s all I can think about. I’ve only had sex with femmes a handful of times so I’m still pretty new at it (again, late bloomer). All I want to do is become so good at eating pussy and I want to build up my tongue strength, so if you have any tips, please let me know!

It’s so hard to find what I’m looking for, and dating apps are just sort of depressing. I’ve decided to take a little bit of time for myself and prepare my house for a potential love interest. Right now our guest bedroom isn’t really set up for, well, guests. I’m hoping if I build it maybe they will come? Sort of like a manifestation?

It’s funny because I feel like such a baby queer but in a 31 year old body. Like I’m watching the L Word for the first time just now. I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I’m queer enough. I present straight with my husband and I know there’s privilege in that, but it’s so hard when my insides don’t really match the outsides. Like I’m queer as fuck and I want everyone to know it. And don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and I’m still so attracted to him. This is just a side of me that I’ve suppressed for so long and it’s just dying to see the light.

I feel silly for even making this tumblr and this post. Who knows how long I’ll keep it up for, but I just wanted to put it out there. Who knows who will be able to relate? Maybe you have insight? Maybe you’ll just like to hear about this journey?

What do you want to know?

#polyamory #polyam dating #polyamourus pride #queer pride #late bloomer #queer love #nonbinary #femme4both #bisexual #pansexual #forever learning #romantic #demisexual

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dreadlord-mr-son · 2 years

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Decided I’m going to start posting the Colony AU onto Tumblr as I write it.

Even though it’s self-indulgent twaddle that requires knowledge of several different fandoms and many personal AUs known only to me, my friend, and partially to my mom.

Even though one of the intro characters is an OC I don’t feel I’ve introduced enough on Tumblr yet.

Because A. I’m hoping the knowledge that you’re wading into the deep end with no swimming gear won’t stop all of you B. Good incentive to introduce Wynn and her AUs better, eh? C. I just want to

...still don’t have a real name for the Colony AU yet, so we’re just sticking with the existing tag for now. --- NOTES.

This is a pretty stream of consciousness fic. I’m just having things happen as they happen, I’m not planning anything out. There’s zero attempt to manage pacing. If I go off on a tangent for 3 pages talking about some special interest of mine that’s vaguely relevant. Well. That’s just where we are today

This is my self-indulgent fic paradise.

I have no idea how dark, horny, or otherwise this fic will get, but the main intention is to focus on the struggles of surviving in a world where the only sapient lifeforms in existence are the ones I chuck in for my amusement.

We’re starting with an FMA AU Wynn from my barely-started fic Be Thou For The People (I know it’s hardly a unique FMA fic name. Shush.) and a Wolfwood from a pseudo-modern fantasy verse I call “City AU” based loosely on the unused concept for Zootopia that got written out of the final version. The collar stuff. Only for us, they go on mages with the wrong type of magic.

Enough preamble. Have fic.

---

Part 1 of ?

--- --- ---

When the world crumbled around her and left her standing in that white void once again, she couldn't feel anything for a moment but sheer terror.

Wynn took one step, then another. Emptiness. Her Gate looming behind her, connecting her to the Truth of the world. But Truth wasn't here, not "in person" as it had been last time.

There was no one to greet her. No one to explain what trespass she might have committed in her sleep on the train to Central.

"What the fuck?" she asked the nothingness. With an abruptness that felt like it should have made an audible 'clunk', white was replaced with dark, and Wynn and her Gate started falling.

---

Wynn's memory was a little fuzzy, as she woke. Which was normal enough in the first few seconds of consciousness, so she didn't think much of it. The soft crunch of wild woodgrasses was under her back, and her face was damp with morning dew. Why was she sleeping in the yard this early in the spring? That was a great way to freeze. Though it wasn't that cold for some reason... and what even WAS that bird call? She couldn't recognize the "cheer cheer cheer cheeeeerah" pattern of its song.

Wynn opened her eyes to dark green leaves over her head, heavy and thick in a way the trees definitely weren't in her yard. And even the trees she had weren't whatever this oak-mimic species was. That fruit could NOT be a real apple. The fuck?

Wynn sat up.

She was inside some dense, mixed woodland made mostly of those unknown fruiting trees, and some thick-trunked birch-like species. Mosses and short grasses coated the ground, with tufts of a thicker, taller grass spotting through here and there. There was a clump of it under where her shoulder had been, now half-crushed and reeking as powerfully as upset crabgrass.

Part of Wynn wanted to continue her exploration of the bushes and flowers and all the other strange not-quite familiar plants all around her... but she was hearing the burble of water nearby, and knew that if she was as lost as she thought she was, finding a secure source of water was probably the most important thing she could do.

It wasn't very far, really. The trees had blocked her sight of it, but barely over a small hill was a fat stream flowing through the woods. The water was so clear she could see fat fish darting around through the reeds.

But what froze her in place staring was what was flying above the water, ponderously waddling through the air. It looked like a bee, but was the size of a chicken. It wasn't reacting to her bursting through the brush, at least, but Wynn couldn't help but be wary of a bug that size with the power of flight.

Wynn scuttled a few meters further downstream away from the weird giant bee, and crouched down by the water.

Crystal clear, like glass... but that didn't mean it was safe to drink.

Wynn clapped her hands together and reached for the Truth anchored in her soul. It was strangely more of a strain than usual? Like she had to reach extra far to find it, but she found the sense of the chemistry of a water molecule, gripped it, and reached again, this time for the energy deep in the earth to power her alchemy and pull pure safe drinking water from the stream.

She set her hands on the surface of the water, envisioned the circle she need, and her transmutation exploded in her face.

Wynn screamed and threw herself backwards as blue arcs of power and frothing plumes of water scattered everywhere. Fish flew through the sky, landing in trees with squishy plaps and the survivors thrashed and shook the branches. Wynn hurried away from the chaos in a crab-like backwards crouch. Sure, water alchemy could be complicated and confusing, but pulling pure H2O out of solution was one of the simplest forms of water transmutation that even apprentices could pull off. Sometimes she did it just to dry wet clothes faster.

But somehow it had gone horribly, awfully wrong. It was like she'd both mangled and overpowered her circle.

She hadn't done anything like that since she'd seen Truth. Wynn clutched at her upper arm where her automail joined to her flesh. Years. It had been years and her alchemy had never blown up on her so badly doing a simple transmutation.

Wynn stared down at her hands. That hadn't been like a normal rebound. Basic survival said don't take risks, but science said perform experiments and test things...

Wynn slowly pressed her hands back together, reaching for Truth once again but not starting a transmutation. What had that been? What went wrong?

Knowledge passed by just out of reach of her questing mind. Like fingertips brushing against the fruit you wanted to pull down from the tree. If she could just stretch a little further... Just push a little harder...

A wave of weariness washed over her, and Wynn yanked her hands apart, panting. Every breath burned, like she'd gone running on a hot day. She sat down, forcing her breaths to slow and deepen, listening to the fish flopping in the trees. There was a splash as one of them fell back into the water. Good for him.

It didn't take long for Wynn's energy to come back. She pushed herself up again.

"Okay, right. No alchemy for a bit. Gotta do things the old fashioned way."

---

Wynn had been on her way to Central to turn in her yearly reports and visit her sister, so she hadn't exactly brought any of her yard tools with her. A pocketknife and a strong arm was at least helping her break off and strip some branches to make a lean-to a few minutes walk away from the stream. Uphill, in case it flooded. She wasn't exactly a survivalist, but she knew how fast water could rise in the spring.

It would be a shoddy protection against rain or wind, so she hoped the weather was as gentle tomorrow as it was right now. Even if a warm spring promised for a shitty summer, she didn't want to deal with more typical weather until she either had something more comfortable built, or found her way back to civilization.

A terrified little voice in the back of her mind kept whimpering that it wasn't sure there was any civilization she'd be able to find.

Wynn hadn't seen any smoke through the treetops. Not from houses, or campfires, or from a train winding its way through the mountains. She'd been on the main Central to West City rail line. That train ran multiple times a day. She should have seen some sign of it in the distance if she was anywhere near it.

...if she was anywhere near it, she should be able to recognize the trees and birds around her. The fish. The small mammals scurrying around in the brush. Everything she saw and heard was at least slightly... off. The fish weren't quite trout. She'd grabbed one anyway, for lunch once she got the fire going. It tasted enough like trout, at least. She wouldn't have to worry about starving if she could make some kind of line and hook to work with. The rest of the dead fish she threw back into the water. Let their corpses return to the ecosystem and hopefully make up for killing so many of them by mistake. Also, prevent any predators from following their smell back to her in the night.

Truth, but what sort of predators might be out there in the woods? Bears? Wolves? Unknown things that would look like something she knew between the trees until it was upon her and she realized too late it wasn't anything she knew how to scare away?

Wynn knew she was avoiding the real reason she didn't think she was in Amestris any more.

She didn't want to think about a place that was nowhere and everywhere. White as both death and all the colors of light. About an emptiness that had, the first time, held a smile that wasn't friendly but... understanding, as it explained her trespass and the payment she owed for even attempting to reach past the boundary.

"Shit!" Wynn dropped her knife as the feedback from her automail twanged, sending a random jolt of pain straight into her nerves. She'd been putting off getting her automail tuned again. It was going to be such a big expense, and it hadn't gotten in her way too much yet. A spike of pain here and there didn't keep her from working. The locking fingers could be unlocked with a little grease and wiggling. She could just work around it until she had her budget approval for the year...

She'd thought that up until she had to gut a fish with fingers that felt like they had grit in the joints. And while she did have her basic maintenance kit on her, she was kind of expecting her sister's help the next time she opened things up to do a bit of polishing and bolt tightening.

Wynn tucked one last branch into the web of sticks and leaves and stepped back to have a look at her work. The front was wide open, so if the wind picked up she'd be in trouble, but it should at least keep the rain off and hold in some of her body heat through the night.

So okay, she had a little food, and basic shelter, and access to water. What was next on the list? She hadn't been camping since before she joined the State Alchemy program, and she'd never done any kind of hardass survival camping. Maybe she should scout around a little for landmarks so it would be easier to keep from getting lost?

---

The water was the easiest landmark, so Wynn was following it upstream when she heard the crying.

She followed the hopeless, gulping sobs until she found a young man under a tree. Wearing light-colored summer clothes in a style she didn't recognize, that were soaked through completely. He had a huge rat of a bruise curled around one of his eyes, fresh and still darkening. He was sitting in the moss with his back against the trunk of one of the not-birches, his knees curled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around them. He looked like a teenager, but he had the body language of a lost six year old.

Wynn stopped several meters away, not wanting to spook him. He should have heard her coming with her heavy boots, but even if the groundcover wasn't muffling her footsteps, he was clearly too lost in his misery to really notice the world around him.

"Hey." Wynn called, "Far from home?"

The crying cut off as the guy's head jerked up to stare at her. Getting a solid look at his face, Wynn adjusted her sense of his age up a little. Older teens. Maybe even of age? His face was still soft and youthful, but a few stray hairs were fighting their way out of his chin.

"Wynn?"

Now it was Wynn's turn to stare. But even as she opened her mouth to respond he was shaking his head, "Sorry, you're not actually her. You look a lot like my friend and-" he hiccuped and swallowed back another sob. "Where is this?"

Wynn shook herself. He thought she looked like his friend. Who shared her name. "I dunno, sorry. I just got here too." As he was starting to lower his head back to his knees, despondent, she added, "Your friend wouldn't be Wynn Fayram, would she?"

He froze, squinting at her suspiciously. "Maybe. Why?"

" 'Cause I'm Wynn Fayram."

"Bullshit."

"No seriously, I even have paperwork with me saying as much."

The guy started to unfold and push himself to his feet. "Why the fuck are you lying to me about something so stupid?"

"I'm not lying. Seriously. I can get the paperwork out for you." Wynn shrugged like this freaky, freaky situation was no big deal.

The paperwork clearly did not help. When she handed it over his glare turned absolutely baffled as his eyes flicked up and down the pages. "What language is this?"

"Amestrian." Wynn answered, just managing to keep the uncertain waver from her voice. "What else would it be?"

"English? Minecraftian? Even dwarvish I guess, not that anyone does official paperwork in that. Too rare, but..." he trailed off, eyes locked on her sign up photo. The first picture she'd had in uniform after passing her State Alchemist license exam. She looked so young... Nineteen years old and sure that a government paycheck was the solution to all of her problems.

It had helped, she told herself now, flexing her gritty automail fingers. Without it how could she have afforded the automail upkeep? Her sister's medical school? The donations to her orphanage? The house she'd moved into when she'd aged out of the system? Her father was never a rich man and his inheritance only stretched so far.

She shook the memories away. It was a terrible time to get lost in thought. Lost together with a teenage boy who apparently couldn't even read Amestrian. A boy who talked like dwarves were real, and named languages she'd never heard of... Was he mad, or was she more lost than she wanted to admit?

He was squinting at her again. Suspicion and contemplation so easy to read on his face. Clearly not a man of guile. she thought, completely ignoring that -- as a friend of Maes Hughes -- she was familiar with using sincerity as a whole new layer of guile.

Whatever this kid was thinking, he decided to deal with it later, folding her papers neatly along their existing creases and handing them back to her. "Nick."

"Pardon?"

"Nicholas Wolfwood. Um. That's my name. Pleasure to meet you." He offered a hand, with all the awkward stiffness of someone greeting relatives they only see around the holidays. Every taut inch of his body screamed that he still didn't believe her but it was just easier to play along.

She made sure to thicken her natural drawl in reply as she took his hand. "Major Wynn Fayram. The Reaping Alchemist. Nice to meet you." Really she was pretty used to 'you can't possibly be what you claim to be', but normally it was because someone was looking down on her. This was somehow both way funnier, and way more terrifying, because sooner or later she was going to have to accept-

This guy is from another world. With a different me.

She jerked back out of the handshake with a shudder. Waved him off when his suspicion flipped to concern. "I'm fine. It's not- ...I'm okay."

Nick hovered next to her, too nervous to reach out and try to support her with touch. Which was good. She needed a moment to breathe. To-

"Stay there." she told him, and hooked her good hand on a nearby tree branch and hauled herself up. His eyes widened as she swiftly climbed one of the weird fruiting oak-a-likes and buried herself in the twisting branches. It felt cooler in there, among the leaves. It even smelled like an oak tree, and that soothed her nerves a little. It was familiar. She took a few deep breaths and then looked down to check on Nick.

He was looking up at her, eyes half-rolled in a very teenage expression of exasperation. "Sorry I can't get you a beer but I don't think I can find a corner store around here."

"That's fine!" Wynn called back, stretching out across one of the larger branches, wrapping her legs around the trunk to hold herself stable. "I just needed a minute to think."

Nick nodded, understandingly. "You really are like her, aren't you? It's weird but. You are Wynn. A different Wynn. From... somewhere else."

Wynn took another few deep breaths and lounged on the tree limb. The sway of it, the roughness of the bark. It was so close to being an oak, like it was just some rare species of the family. "I have no idea how you're taking this so calmly."

Nick's face went dead-pan flat. "I'm really not." A shrug, and then he gave her a crooked half-grin. "But I already spent like half an hour walking through a weird forest and crying. I can't just stay curled under a tree for the rest of my life having a nervous breakdown."

Wynn dropped her face into the wood and sighed. "No, I guess not. In the end we always have to face the Truth."

--- --- ---

#mr son writing #mr son fanfic #colony au #planting seeds #terror and magic #i need a wolfwood tag?#full of mercy #maybe?#there's about a page and a half more already written #but that's the most recent cut off point #so i'll stop there for now #i need to do more writing like this that's just for play?#i keep trying to do the writing equivilent of all polished works no doodles #and it doesn't work any better for writing than it does for drawing

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serendipitous-magic · 3 years

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What is your writing advice for young people who want to write fanfiction and original stories in the near future?

If this is just Way Too Much, skip to the end (#16). My most important piece of advice is there. I also happen to think #5 is pretty good.

-_-_-_-

1) Literally just write. Write whatever you want, and do a lot of it.

_-_

2) You don’t have to post everything. In fact you don’t have to post anything. You can, don’t get me wrong, but it can be intimidating to sit down and think “I will now write something that other people will see and read and judge with their eyeballs.” Because that’s probably gonna lead to nerves and writer's block. Just write down the ideas that you have, the things you want to write, whatever’s in your brain that you want to explore and expand upon and make into something. And then if you want to, share it. Or don’t share it. I have plenty of half-baked ideas and documents and random story chapters and shit hidden away on my Google Drive that will never see the light of day, for a whole number of reasons. I wanted to write it but it wasn’t ~Spicy~ enough to warrant posting, or it’s only like an eighth of a good idea, or it’s like one scene with no story around it, or it’s just something incredibly self-indulgent I just wanted to write for my own enjoyment.

Point being, don’t write for other people. Don’t write so that other people can read it; write what you want, write for yourself, and then if you want to share it, do.

_-_

3) You can pretty much ignore any and all of these for fanfiction. In fact, you can ignore pretty much any rules or guidelines you want for fanfiction. Fanfic is a sandbox. You don’t have to be a “professional writer” to post fic. No one expects you to be Stephen King or Margaret Atwood. Fanfic is just for playing in a fandom and having fun. If you wanna write a 50 chapter slow burn with very little plot aside from the OTP slowly getting to know each other, and no real stakes or central conflict, I guarantee people would read that. Really, fanfiction is the Old West of writing: lawless, wild, unpredictable, and free.

However, here are the rules you must follow:

-Separate your paragraphs. (I’m sure you know this already, but I’m gonna say it anyway just in case.) Do not post one big block of text. Make a paragraph break when someone new is talking, when the characters are in a new place, when a new event occurs that changes the scene, when a chunk of time has passed, and when there’s a major change in subject.

-I know it’s obvious, but... grammar, punctuation, and capitalization. They exist to make writing easy for readers to read, and more people will read your stuff if they don’t have to stop and try to figure out what you meant.

-Use tags and labels, as is possible with whatever site you’re using. Especially if you include possibly triggering content in your story. Again, I know it’s obvious, but it’s common courtesy. Bonus: tagging the themes and content of your story helps readers find it and read it :)

-If possible, limit the use of all-caps and exclamation marks / question marks. 99% of the time, one ! or one ? will do. If you overload the page with a lot of all-caps and long rows of exclamation marks or question marks, it hampers readability.

... That’s literally all I can think of. And, like I said, it’s all pretty basic stuff. You were probably rolling your eyes like, “Uh, yeah, Gwen, I know.” But that’s literally it. You can pretty much do whatever you want in fanfic.

That being said, here’s my advice for both fanfiction and original work...

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4) A quick and dirty rule for coming up with a plot, starting a story, keeping up pacing, or maintaining tension: figure out what dreams, desires, and goals are nearest and dearest to your main character’s heart (see #16). Then set up the main conflict to be directly in opposition to that goal. It doesn’t have to be in a tangible way, though it could be. But, if your main character wants more than anything to reach the ships on the southern coast of your world and sail to a new life, make sure the main conflict immediately prevents them from doing that - in fact, make sure to send them north. If your main character just wants to keep their loved ones safe, kidnap the loved ones. If your main character just wants to date their best-friend-turned-crush, make sure they think they have no chance - or, make them cocky about it, and make sure it makes Person B determined not to ever like them. You get it. Figure out what your character most wants, and then keep them from having that. Boom - your conflict now ties in with your character's motivation. It's like instant yeast for plots.

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5) If you’re anything like me, you want your first draft to be Good, despite all that advice about how the first draft doesn’t have to be good and it’s just to get words on the page, yadda yadda. And if you’re somewhat of a perfectionist (like myself), it’s easy to get stuck looking at a blank page because you don’t have The Perfect Words, and you want what you write to be Good the first time.

Here’s how I cheat that:

Instead of trying to write a Good First Draft from a blank page, hit the enter key a few times, skip a little down on the page, change your ink to red (or blue, or whatever - just something immediately identifiable as Not Black) and just thought vomit. Write whatever the hell you’re thinking, exactly as you think it. Don’t worry about it being readable, don’t worry about narrative flow for now, don’t worry about covering all the details, don’t worry about anything except either a) getting all the details of your idea out onto the page, whether that’s a lot or whether it’s just a sentence or two, or b) if you don’t have an idea yet, finding your way there.

Because this method is also very good for finding your way to ideas when you’re stuck in writer’s block.

Because of how human brains work, getting this stuff out onto the page - in all its messy, stream-of-consciousness glory - will likely spark more thoughts. As you write your original idea about the scene, it’ll likely spark more ideas. Creation begets creation. If you just start thought-vomiting your ideas onto the page, chances are you’ll think of more things as you go, and you’ll start filling out description or dialogue or tone or action or whatever, and pretty soon the scene starts writing itself.

Not sure where you’re going with the scene or which ideas you wanna use? Use a lot of ambivalent language in your “thought-vomit draft.” My pre-writing notes are chock-full of the words “maybe,” “perhaps,” and the phrases, “At some point...” and “...or something like that.” In this way, I don’t tie myself down to one idea; it’s just an idea, and I’m keeping it on the page in case I use it, but I might chuck it in the trash or change it or whatever.

And then, once your ideas for the scene (or story, or chapter, or whatever) are on the page, then go back to the top and start translating them into a “real” first draft. Use black ink, and start copy-pasting chunks of the thought-vomit up into the top part of the document and translating them into Draft 1. Separate out paragraphs where paragraph breaks should be. Add the correct punctuation and whatnot. Change “describe the lobby here - include potted plants, fancy carpet, blood stain, etc.” into an actual description of the lobby. Flesh it out, or condense, or whatever it needs. And if you’re still stuck, change back to red ink and ramble some more until you find a path that feels right, then plug that in. This keeps you from looking at a blank page, and it allows you to generate a kind of Draft 0.5, somewhere between a plan and a first draft.

You don’t have to use every idea. Like I said, jot down whatever comes to mind, put a “maybe” before or after it, and keep working. If the idea grabs you and you wanna keep expanding on it and exploring it, cool. If you just wanna jot it down so you don’t forget it and then move on, also cool. Red-ink draft / “thought-vomit draft” is your time to jump around in the timeline, add or finesse details at whatever point your brain moves to, etc. Don’t try to do it exactly in story order, because you will get tangential thoughts and ideas, and you will not remember to write them down five pages later when you finally get to taking notes on that scene. Trust me. On that note...

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6) Write everything down the moment you think of it. Seriously.

“I’ll remember it when I get around to writing that scene in a couple days / weeks / months (/years).”

You won’t.

Write it down.

Phone, journal, google docs - hell, my family regularly laughs at me for grabbing a napkin during dinner and scribbling thoughts down alongside pasta sauce stains.

And then, once you have it written down somewhere...

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7) Consolidate your writing ideas in one place.

Maybe this isn’t really your style, and that’s totally chill.

Buuuut, if you’re Type-A like me - or if you tend to be somewhat unorganized and you know you’ll lose track of your writing notes if they’re scattered across multiple notebooks, journals, napkins, phone notes, etc. - having one consolidated document of notes is a life saver. I keep mine on Google Docs so I can access it, add to it, and look through it for inspiration anywhere at any time. When I have one of those Shower Thoughts that I jot down on my phone or on a napkin during dinner, I set myself a reminder on my phone to type it up in my Story Ideas document later.

(Or, if the idea I had was for a story of mine that I’ve already started planning / drafting / whatever, I put it in the document for that story instead of the Big Random Story Ideas doc. You get it.)

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8) Have other ways to collect and save writing ideas, besides just writing stuff down. If you like Pinterest, make pinterest boards of your characters or stories or settings or whatever. If you’re big into playlists, make a playlist for your character / setting / story / etc. Or both. Or something else. I’m not good at drawing, but maybe you are, and maybe you like to draw your ideas. Whatever form it takes, having another way to save ideas and think about your stories is invaluable.

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9) Some writers can just start writing with no idea where the story is going, and they just kind of figure it out as they go. I envy those writers. And I do that sometimes for fanfiction, where the stakes are somewhat lower and the audience is reading more for scene-to-scene enjoyment (and to see their OTP kiss) than for a Driving And Compelling Narrative.

But here’s the thing: especially if you’re just kind of starting out, writing without some sort of plan is really, really hard, and will likely lead you into a slow, meandering narrative that will likely frustrate you.

Even if you think you’re someone that just can’t write with a plan (and again, I have the highest respect for pansters out there - I don’t know how you do it, you crazy bastards, but you keep doing you) - even if you think “I can’t work with plans, they’re too prescriptive, I just want to write and see what happens -”

Try at least making the most skeletal of plans.

Even if you have no clue what 90% of the story is, yet. That’s fine. But you need to have some idea of what you’re building to, even if that’s nothing more specific than a feeling, or a turning point for your character. Even if your entire plan for everything beyond Chapter 1 is, “At some point, Charlie needs to realize that Ed was lying to her.”

This is where those Draft 0.5 notes come in handy. Because, more than likely, working on your current scene that way will spark ideas for later scenes, which you can put down at the bottom of the document and save for when they become relevant. In my experience, the line between planning ahead and making a Draft 0.5 is exceptionally thin. One can quickly turn into the other.

If you’re really, really resistant to the idea of planning ahead, that’s okay. It’s not everybody’s style. But for the love of all that is holy, write down your ideas for future scenes, even if you’re a person that doesn’t like to plan and writes only in story order, because you will not remember that idea once you get to that scene.

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10) You don’t have to write in order.

Here’s the thing: I’m a person that can only do my Draft 1 in story order (meaning, chronological order). I just have to be in that flow; I need to write in story order for me to best channel where the character is at from scene to scene, both narratively and emotionally.

But my Thought Vomit Draft is another thing entirely. By using the brain hack of putting my notes in red (or another color, it doesn’t matter) and going down to the bottom of the document / page and taking notes there, and then integrating them into whatever plan I have, and then translating them into Draft 1 once I get there in the story - by doing that, I can get my good ideas onto the page (and expound upon them and let my muse carry me and ride that momentum while I’m in the moment of inspiration) without writing out of order.

Maybe that’s just me. But if you’re a person who really prefers to write in story order, that could be hugely helpful to you. It is to me.

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11) Emotion and motivation will do more for your story than technicalities of plot.

If your characters really care about something, and their journey through the (shaky or weak) plot is emotionally engaging, it will be a much more compelling story than a story with a “perfect” plot and unrelatable or unmotivated characters.

If your characters care about what they’re doing, and it means something to them, and their goals and actions are driven by dreams or fears or emotions that are integral to who they are, your audience will care too. If you have a perfectly crafted plot that hits all the right beats and has high stakes and fast pacing and drama - but your characters don’t connect with what’s happening in a way that’s deeply meaningful or emotional for them? You’re gonna have a hard time engaging readers.

When in doubt, prioritize character emotion and motivation over plot. Emotion is what drives story.

This power is highly exploitable. (Just look at pulp novels and shitty but entertaining movies.) You can even use it to glaze over plot holes or reinvigorate a limp narrative. Use it that way sparingly, though. It’s a band-aid, not a surgery.

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12) Evil villains are hard to write - mostly because there are very few truly evil people in the world. (There are a few. Billionaires and several big name politicians come to mind.) But by and large, there aren’t that many evil people. There are plenty of bad people, but bad people have some good in them, somewhere in there. Trying to write an evil villain is hard, because they often turn very cartoony.

Here’s a tip: it’s much easier to write antagonists who aren’t evil. Even if they’re bad people. Of course, there’s no reason you can’t write a villain that’s just truly evil - a serial killer, or an abuser, or a billionaire, or someone who legit just wants to hurt people or blow up the earth or stay in control of an oppressed population, or whatever. But chances are, it’s gonna be really hard to make them feel real, and even harder to create a plot around them that doesn’t feel forced or contrived.

Instead, try writing an antagonist / villain whose motivations and goals directly clash with your protagonist’s - but not because they want to take over the world or see people suffer. Write an antagonist who’s chaotic good, but whose perception of the situation is completely opposite from your hero’s. Write an antagonist whose only desire is to save people, and who will do anything to achieve that goal - anything. Write an antagonist who believes in the letter of the law, and will hinder and oppose the hero’s methods even if they agree with the hero’s motivation. Write an antagonist who got in way over their head and did some things they regret, and now they don’t know how to get out, and they’re doing their best but whatever they set in motion is too powerful for them to stop now.

Write villains who are human. Write a killer who thought they were doing the right thing by taking their victim out of the equation, who vomits at the sight of the body and sobs over the grave they dig. Write a government leader who truly believes she’s doing what’s best for her people in the long-term, even if it might hurt them in the short term, and is willing to endure the hatred and belligerence of the masses if it means securing what she thinks is a better future for her people. Write a teenage bully that thinks they’re the one being picked on by the world, and they’re just fighting back, standing their ground. Write a scientist who will break any code of ethics and hurt anyone he needs to - in order to bring back his baby sister from the grave, because he promised her he’d protect her and he failed. Write an antagonist who is selfish and self-centered and capricious - because in order to survive they had to look out for Number One, and that habit ain’t about to break anytime soon.

Write villains who aren’t even villains. Write antagonists who oppose the hero because of moral differences. Write antagonists who are trying to do the right thing. Write antagonists who treat the heroes with kindness and dignity and respect and gentleness.

They don’t have to be good. They don’t have to be Misunderstood Sweethearts who “deserve” a redemption arc. They can be cruel and nasty and dismissive and callous and violent and etc. etc.

Just hesitate before you make them Evil-with-a-capital-E. Because evil is hard to write, and honestly, boring to read. Flawed human beings with goals and motivations that directly oppose the main characters’ are much easier to write and much more interesting to read.

Ask why. Why is your villain trying to take over the world? What does that even mean? Are they trying to create a Star-Trek-like post-capitalism utopia, but they know that won’t happen in a million lifetimes, so they’re trying to do it by force? Are they actually super in favor of human rights, but they got very impatient waiting for the world to do anything about poverty and war, so they decided to take it into their own hands? Are they determined to fix the world - no matter the cost? Are they terrified and overwhelmed, but committed to see it through to the end? Or - maybe they’re just doing it on a dare. Maybe they don’t really give a shit about world domination, they were just a mediocre rich white guy who decided to fuck around and find out, and now he’s kind of curious how far he can take this thing. And now he’s kind of an internationally-wanted criminal, so he’s kind of stuck living on his hidden private island in his multi-billion dollar secret base, strapping lasers to sharks’ heads for the hell of it. Gross, selfish, uncaring, and dangerous? For sure. Evil? Depends on your definition. See, now we’re getting somewhere.

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13) It’s tempting to let the plot control the characters. It’s easy to drop your characters into a situation and see how they react. But here’s the thing: that doesn’t drive plot. In fact, it bogs down pacing. Instead, try to build you plot off of your characters’ actions and decisions. Let your character build their own situation. Not to say it should go they way they wanted it to go; in fact, usually, their grand plans should go to hell very quickly. But having the characters take action and make decisions, and letting the plot develop based on that, is much easier to make compelling than making a rigid series of events and then trying to herd your characters into them.

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14) Having trouble justifying a character’s actions? Consider having them make the opposite decision, or having them approach the situation in a different way. For example: you need your character to go meet the bad guy, for plot reasons, even though there’s no way it’s not a trap. If the character goes, readers are gonna be groaning with their head in their hands, because c’mon man, that was really fucking stupid. But he’s gotta go, because the plot needs that. Two ways you might handle this: a) He knows it’s probably a trap. He decides not to go. The plot conspires to get him near the villain anyway. Or, b) He knows it’s a trap. But he needs to go, for (insert reasons here). So, he approaches it in an unexpected way. He brings backup, recruiting a side character we met earlier in the story. Or he arrives on the back of a dragon, because ain’t nobody gonna fuck with a dude on a dragon. Or he goes - early, and ambushes the villain. It may work, it may not. He may get himself kidnapped anyway. But it moves the plot along without having Stupid Hero Syndrome.

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15) This is a legit piece of advice: if all of this sounds overwhelming, literally just ignore it and write what you want. For real. Writing should be fun, and every single writer operates differently. If you’re sitting here like “I’m getting stressed just reading this,” just flip me a good-natured bird and get on with your life. I promise I won’t take it personally. Same goes for literally any other writing advice you see. Lots of rules and guidelines can very quickly make anything thoroughly un-fun. Just write. If you’re passionate about it and you do it for long enough, you’ll start figuring out the tips and tricks on your own.

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16) Here’s the best piece of advice I can give you: know your characters. More importantly, know what’s important to them. Build their personality and decisions off of that, and build your plot off of their decisions.

I see a lot of character building sheets that ask a shit-ton of questions like “What’s their most prized possession?” “Do they like their family?” “What’s their favorite food?”

And while these are good questions, my problem with this type of character building is that if you start there, with the little stuff, you’re building on nothing. IMO, to make a truly strong character (not strong like Inner Strength, strong like effective), you need a strong foundation.

Here are the things you must know about your character:

a) What are their greatest fears / deepest insecurities? And I don’t mean “wasps” or “heights.” I mean the deep shit. I mean fears like “living a meaningless life,” or “turning out just like their parents,” or “that no one will ever love them,” or “being powerless.” You may say, “But they’re really scared of wasps! They fall into a wasp nest when they were little and got stung so much they almost died!” Great! That’s a fantastic bit of backstory. They should absolutely be afraid of wasps, and that should absolutely be an impediment later in the story. But dig deeper. What about that event actually scarred them? Was it the helplessness? Stumbling around, swatting at the air, not being able to do a single thing to stop what was happening to them? Was it that they were alone, and no matter how loud they screamed, no one was coming? Was it the bodily horror of feeling themself turn into an inhuman creature as they swelled up from the stings, unable to move their fingers or face normally anymore?

And don’t forget insecurities, because those factor in, too. Are they deeply insecure about their identity? Do they believe, deep down, that they’re ugly? Did they grow up poor and they’ve always been really touchy about that? Why? Dig deep. Figure out what really, really bothers them.

b) What are their hopes and dreams? What do they truly want out of life? What do they consider the most valuable to their experience here in this thing called life? Is it the freedom to forge their own path and be independent? Is it the approval of their family or peers? Is it a home? Is it knowledge, or understanding? Spiritual fulfillment? Is it deeply important to them that they contribute to their community, or protect those they love? What do they need in order to feel truly and deeply fulfilled in life?

Figure out those two things (each one encompasses several things, btw, you don’t have to stop at just one for each), and then use that to inform how they behave and the types of decisions they make within the story.

It also informs character behavior and personality.

Let’s say we have a character who’s afraid of helplessness. They’re probably gonna be the person that always wants to do something, try something, no matter how hopeless the situation seems. They’d despise just sitting and waiting, probably, because it makes them feel powerless. They might even be the person that makes rash decisions and acts impulsively and puts themself in danger unnecessarily, because in their mind it’s better than being at the mercy of fate. This is one way you could use a character’s personality to inform their decisions, which in turn helps to inform plot.

Or, let’s say we have a character whose greatest fear is being left behind or forgotten. We may have a chatterbox on our hands. They might be obnoxious. They might love the spotlight, constantly vying for attention no matter the situation, because deep down they’re so afraid that they’d be forgotten otherwise. Or, it may go the opposite way. They may be so afraid of people leaving them that they’re terrified of bothering people. They don’t want to do anything that could annoy people, anything that might give people a reason to leave them. They might be exceedingly polite, quiet, accommodating. A push-over, really.

These are two nearly opposite types of personalities, both stemming from the same core fear/insecurity. You can go a lot of different ways with it. But if you build on that strong foundation, you’ll have a strong character, and a stronger plot.

Likewise, the structure of your story can and should inform the design of these character traits. If you need your characters to team up near the end, it may be impactful if you give your main character a deep fear of commitment, an insecurity about being unwanted or left behind, and make them highly value independence and freedom. That could make their team-up for the final battle very meaningful. Conversely, you can use your character’s deepest fears and desires to help design the plot. Is your character deeply insecure about voicing their opinions or taking a stand, because of trauma they faced in the past? Make them face that. Build that into the climactic third act. Give them the big inspirational speech where they stand up and talk about what they believe to be important, what they think the group should do. And then design that character arc to run through the story, giving you more handholds and stepping stones, more pieces of foundation on which to design the plot.

In this way, character should inform story as much as story informs character. It’s a feedback loop.

Bonus: if you build your character and your plot off of each other in this way, it automatically starts to build in the foundations of that emotional investment I mentioned earlier. If your character’s decisions are based on what they most want and do not want in life, you basically have your character motivation and stakes pre-built.

Note: you need to know these things about your villain, too.

-_-_-

I’m genuinely sorry about the length of this, lmao. But you did ask.

Best of luck!

Edit: I forgot an important one:

17) Start when the scene starts and end when the scene ends.

What do I mean by that?

If your notes say “Danny asks Nicole out after school and majorly flubs it,” start the scene when Danny approaches Nicole after school. Better yet, cold-open the scene on “I was wondering if, you know, you’d wanna. You know. Hang out some time?”

Don’t start that morning when Danny goes to school, unless you’re gonna cover the school day in like one or two sentences. Don’t spend whole paragraphs going through the school day, unless it’s to cover other plot points first (in which case apply these same guidelines there), or if the paragraphs are there for a specific reason, like to illustrate how stressed he is and how it seems like every little thing is going wrong. Even then, trim the fat as much as possible. Expounding and describing everything Moment-to-moment is for the meat of the scenes, not the leading-up-to and coming-away-from.

Here’s my rule of thumb: study how and when movies cut from scene to scene. Movies have exceptionally strict, limited time for storytelling; they’re excellent examples of starting a scene when the plot point starts and ending when it’s over. If you can’t picture a movie showing everything you showed, start the scene later and end it earlier.

#asks #anon #writing advice #writing tips #writing #fanfic writing #fanfiction #character creation #plot development #character development #my advice #original writing

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sunsteez · 4 years

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HellO!!

Wow okay so it has been 2 years (almost 3)?? I feel like Tumblr is a very different place now and 3 years a lot of time so if you’re wondering who the fuck this even is popping up on your timeline I FULLY understand SCROLL ON MY FRIEND

If you’d like to continue reading an extremely long and jumbled stream of consciousness, keep goin under the cut

I’ve been wanting to post an update like this for a while, but it’s been really hard for me to sit down and write something because of how disconnected I am at this point to the Haikyuu community, and how guilty I was feeling for just sort of..leaving abruptly? But I signed into my account recently and realized that after being inactive for years I was still getting the kindest, most warm hearted messages- not just about art, but people saying they missed me popping up on their feed, that wherever I was, they hoped I was doing well, or that I was happy, and folks just checking in and genuinely concerned and wondering if I was okay. I also realized that it was pretty uncool of me to just sort of peace out like that without an explanation, so I thought I owed you all at least that much.

*Things are about to get a little sad here (just a warning, in case you’re not feeling up for that)*

Basically, around the time I left, a very close childhood friend of mine passed away in a very tragic and unexpected accident. She was like a sister to me, someone who was always there and was always supposed to be there- we grew up together, shared so many first experiences side by side, and of course we annoyed the shit out of each other to no end. She was supposed to be there for my other firsts, but now I have to do them alone. Losing her broke me like nothing I’ve ever felt in my entire life. The pain was both terrifying and debilitating, and I had to take a break from EVERYTHING for a while. I went backpacking for a month in the woods with a couple of friends to get away, no service or anything, completely detached from everything and days of just walking, eating, sleeping, and being in nature. It was very healing. And I guess I never really came back.

This blog was a safe and happy escape for me, a place to just have some laughs and fun, and that’s what I wanted it to be for everyone else. My life on social media was always pretty separate from my real life (though y’all got a weird ol chunk of that in the tags), but this especially had no place on my account. I didn’t want to bring something so unpleasant and painful into my safe space, but that resulted me in completely abandoning this blog altogether since that loss is something I’m still learning to cope with.

I am finally feeling ready now so I’m here to say: I am okay!! I’m still picking myself back up, but I’ve come such a long way. I’ve been seeing a therapist for almost 2 years now who’s helped me deal with not only the grief of losing my friend but making sense of past traumas I’ve experienced and teaching me to learn how and why I’m feeling the things that I do. I’m still the same fucking weirdo with maybe a bit more emotional depth. I’m now a full-time freelance animator and illustrator, and currently thinking about making the jump into comics!! And you know what, I don’t think any of that would have happened had it not been for the wonderful experience I’ve had on here.

Concerning the future of this account and contents: I guess it goes without saying but Full Eyes Full Hearts is officially being discontinued- thank you for the love and support for this comic, even if it was short lived. I know how frustrating it is to become invested in a story only for it to be discontinued, so I am sorry for those of you who were so looking forward to it. But here is a big

*SPOILER ALERT*

They love each other. They always loved each other. WHAT A TWIST THAT IS HUH I BET YOU DID NOT SEE THAT ONE COMING??????

*END OF EXTREMELY HUGE SURPRISING SPOILER*

I have no current plans to return to this account, but as Justin Bieber once said, “never say never.” Who knows, maybe someday I’ll get back into haikyuu (I heard my BOYY came back in some of the latest chapters and if there is oikawa content to consume I WILL consume it), maybe I’ll join another fandom? Maybe this brief resurfacing will awaken the tumblr child inside of me. Even I don’t know. For now though, I’ll be doin my own thing, working on my own projects and maybe one day you’ll find my work again!

I’ll also be popping in and out in the next week or so in case anybody has any questions or comments or wants to talk, ANYTHING

The world is wild right now, so I also just want to send some love to everyone. Things are not always happy, and that’s okay. Something that my friend taught me that I hold dear to this day is that: it’s important to laugh, and play, and cry when you’re sad, and just enjoy all the bad and good the world has to offer you. Because feeling means that you're alive.

I cannot thank everyone enough for the love and support you’ve given for me and my art, my mutuals for being there to inspire me and teach me and push me to do more, honestly I would not be where I was today without any of that. I never took art seriously until I realized how much I enjoyed it on here. Maybe that sounds silly to some people that Tumblr Dot Com changed the course of my life, but it really did.

Thank you!!

#asks #replies #a whole big life update #did yall think i wouldnt have something #extremely weird to say here in the tags after an uncharacteristically serious message #wrong #i had a dream last night that my butthole disappeared #and i looked at my arm and realized i was growing a new butthole on my arm #and when I woke up I though for a solid 5 seconds i was actually growing a butthole on my arm #it was the most confusing and concerning 5 seconds of my life #happy to report there is no asshole growing from my arm

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tracybirds · 3 years

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Don’t talk to me about timelines XD lockdown 3.0 was an unpleasant surprise but it did give me some fun fodder to play with. Missing from this were the stream of Valentines to Covid that spread around my section of NZ social media XD I was tempted to make Scott write some, but alas it didn’t fit. Obviously plenty has been fudged, it’s definitely not meant to be taken too seriously and more allows me to collect together some of the mixed emotions of getting a five hour countdown to lockdown D: That was not fun lol like far out, and we had to prepped for remote learning by 9am the next day. Scott is not allowed to complain further in his swanky apartment and no job XDD

In all seriousness, this is Scott’s story for FabFiveFeb2021, hosted by the ever lovely @gumnut-logic (Happy Birthday! still the right day in Aus, I didn’t miss it right :0 either way *hugs*** and I hope it was a nice day :DD)

Prompt used was “Are you kidding?” - it really resonated on Sunday evening ahaha (okay I will stop rambling in my defense it’s post midnight and I have feverishly pummelled this out in a couple of hours, it had been itching at me all day.... I missed that feeling :DDD)

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Scott was International Rescue through and through, but in the murky waters of the central business district, he thrived.

It was a closed meeting, stretching into the long shadowy hours of the evening. Legal advisors quibbled over clauses while Scott exchanged pleasantries with the company representatives, talking up his local ties to New Zealand’s City of Sails.

“My Dad taught me to sail, right out there in the harbour, you know.”

A casual remark but carefully designed to make himself seem approachable and down-to-earth, just another “one of the guys”. His associate had also sailed once, a national representative in his youth, although time and his new habit of lunch meetings had left those days long in the past.

Personal connections made more money than the lawyers in the background ever could, and Scott prided himself on the homegrown touch.

“Mine too,” said the jovial, middle aged man. “Although I reckon it wasn’t near as pretty a yacht as yours. I’ve read up on you as well, you know.”

Scott laughed, clapping the man on the shoulder.

“Len, I knew we’d get on. What do you say to dinner? This has been going on for far too long.”

“I know a great place that keeps a table reserved for me. Even on Valentine’s.”

“I’m flattered.” He nodded to Van Zyl briefly before addressing the small crowd.

“Ladies, gentlemen. You’ve done some good work, and it’s been a long one. We’ll leave it here for the night and reconfer in the morning.”

He acknowledged the tired smiles and leaned back and listened as the chatter evolved from the dry intricacies of patent law into cheery conversation of dinner plans and family time ahead.

He turned and looked out at the city, lights starting to turn on in the early evening light. The sun wouldn’t set for another half hour or so and he wanted to make the most of what they had left in the day.

So did the rest of the Auckland population it seemed. Cars were flooding into the area, people starting to stream into office buildings.

“So, Federal Street?”

“Len, what’s going on down there?” he asked, jabbing a finger down at the street below.

“Sorry?”

He and Len watched, dumbfounded as the office buildings lit up one by one, lights turning on and off again mere minutes later.

“Mr Tracy! Mr Van Zyl!”

“Charlotte, what is it? What’s happening?”

“Oh, Scott, I mean, Mr Tracy, sorry sir.”

“Charlotte. Take a breath,” commanded Scott, letting the authority of Thunderbird One bleed into his voice. “Tell us what’s happened.”

Charlotte shook her head, her hand creeping up over her mouth. She handed him her tablet.

“It’s a civil defence lockdown, effective midnight.”

A cold dread crept up Scott’s spine.

“Tonight?!”

Len pulled out a comm beside him and started dialling. The person on the other end picked up at the first ring, and dimly Scott could hear her calm, measured voice transmitted through the device.

“Can I help?” he asked, still staring at the stark words on the page.

“I… uh... help? Sir?”

“With the civil defence response, with the company, I don’t know!” He looked up, desperation in his eyes. “What can I do to help?”

Charlotte shook her head, pressing her lips together tightly.

“Mr Tracy, we have an isolation response in place, at your father’s request. Leave the board to organise the company, you need to get home and…”

“No.”

Charlotte’s voice pitched up a near octave.

“Sir, I must insist…”

“There are lockdown protocols on the island as well,” snapped Scott. “I can’t just go home, risk my family, my Grandma.”

She shook her head again.

“You can’t help here. They’ve done it before. It’s Level Three, people will be able to collect gear tomorrow if needed, we’re set up for remote offices and the last thing people need is you dilly-dallying in the top office.”

A loud shrieking alarm pierced through her final words and Scott flinched at the sound.

Len yelped next to him, dropping his comm with a curse.

“Damn emergency alerts, don’t they know the whole country has heard by now? Why do they just SHUT UP!” he bellowed at the still beeping comm. “It’s so unnecessary, the first time we went under, I thought we were about to evacuate for a volcanic eruption. Staying home, it’s hardly an emergency.”

Charlotte did little to hide her scorn, but Scott smothered a smile as he read through the full message.

“Okay, fine,” he said at last. “I can bunker down at the apartment for a few days.”

“Weeks, I’d be prepping for,” interrupted Len. “Hard to say of course, but they keep extending them.”

“You know why we do it,” said Charlotte, coolly.

He shrugged. “Doesn’t mean I have to pretend it’s a holiday like everyone else seems to do.”

“Well, there never was any rest for the wicked, they say,” quipped Scott.

Len barked a sudden laugh.

“You’re alright, Tracy. Shame about how this ended, I’d have liked a bite with you.”

“Well, there’s always next time. Maybe we’ll find time for a shared celebration after all this.”

“My treat, Tracy, my treat,” he said with a chuckle. “Take care now.”

Scott nodded a farewell and turned back to Charlotte.

“You’re going to be fine?”

“I’ll go stay with my Mum,” she said, easily. “She doesn’t like to be in her house alone, and I can’t say I blame her. Holotech’s just not the same as being there, you know?”

“I certainly do,” said Scott, thinking of his brothers, hundreds of kilometres away. “Thank you, Charlotte, I’ll be seeing you.”

“Good luck, Scott.”

***

The downtown apartment was a mere fifteen minute walk from Tracy Tower, but with Charlotte’s words echoing in the back of his mind, the thought of potentially weeks stuck in an incredibly well furnished, yet incredibly unstocked apartment plaguing him, he opted to swing past the local supermarket. Located at the heart of the city, it was never quiet at the best of times but this was unlike anything Scott had ever seen.

The tension in the packed shop was thick as the throng that filled it. Over half the customers were already wearing masks, glaring suspiciously at those who had gone without and Scott self-consciously tugged his rain jacket higher.

Essentials, he thought wildly, just eggs and milk and bread and….

There was no bread. No flour either and the confectionary aisle was already looking sparse. He grabbed a few chocolate bars and threw them in the basket.

“Excuse me,” he said, waving down a frantic and wild-eyed shop assistant. “Do you have any bread out back?”

“No way man, haven’t you heard? Lockdown hits in like three hours, people are going mental.”

“But I don’t have any food at home, I was meant to be flying back tomorrow morning.”

The shop assistant, Ariki as his name badge proclaimed him, grimaced in sympathy.

“That’s hard luck that is. You don’t live in Auckland?”

“No, I don’t. But I won’t be able to get home now either.”

He nodded, like he’d heard it before.

“You’re thinking this is like last year, aren’t you?”

“I, uh, yes.”

“Right,” said Ariki, still nodding along with him. “Right, well it’s not quite the same so don’t stress out. Look, you can still get takeaways this time, we’ll be restocked tomorrow and all the real crazies–” he nodded towards a pair who were arguing over what looked like the last can of baked beans, “–yeah, they’ll be tucked up at home, refusing to take a step outside, it’ll be sweet as.”

Scott stared at him, then looked over at the line snaking through the frozen food aisle, between the meat and dairy and coiling up in the sad looking and so-called fresh produce.

The two chocolate bars and eggs he’s managed to grab hardly seemed worth it at all.

“I can put those back if you want.”

“Yeah,” said Scott, dazedly. “Yeah, thanks that’s be great.”

Ariki smirked a little.

“We’re reopening at seven, yeah? I’ll see you then.”

“Thanks again,” called Scott as he hurried from the shop.

The rain that had been threatening its arrival all weekend was starting to appear, and Scott hurried home, ducking his head down and shoving his hands in his pockets. He knew there’d be enough food for at least his dinner tonight and Ariki was right, he could sort the rest in the morning.

A swipe of his keycard, and he shut out the world with a muffled slam of the door and a sigh.

He shucked off his rain jacket, not bothering to hang it up, and trudged into the kitchen. It wasn’t like there’d be anyone around to complain for a while and he was starving. Lunch, the little afternoon tea nibbles they’d provided, even his last coffee felt like it had been drunken in another life.

Dinner, then finally he’d call home.

He didn’t doubt they already knew what was happening, was probably wondering why he hadn’t called, but none of them had even been swept up in the chaos of lockdown preparations.

He stared blankly in front of the fridge, the cold, bluish light illuminating him in the dark room. The sun had fully set by now, and the last vestiges of twilight had given way to the true, deep night with the onset of rainfall.

His carefully defrosting steak wasn’t on the shelf, and he looked around him in confusion, wondering if he’d accidentally left the meat out on the bench. He was hungry enough that he didn’t think he’d care and his stomach was well practiced at digesting the indigestible, bug and all.

On the kitchen counter was a neat pile: a plate, used utensils and cooking equipment all stacked together, waiting to be washed.

Scott blinked.

“Oh, hey, Scott,” called Gordon’s cheerful voice from behind him.

Scott whirled around, gaping at his younger brother, suddenly in their New Zealand apartment and not where he ought to have been – namely a thousand odd kilometres north east of the kitchen they were standing in.

“Are you kidding me?”

“What?”

“You,” Scott shouted, jabbing a finger towards Gordon. “You ate my dinner!”

“Oh, crap.”

Gordon bolted a split second before Scott charged at him, yelling wildly with all his might.

“Scott, I’m sorry, it was – shit, I mean – come on, it was past nine, I thought you’d been out, and I, oh damn, I, Scott, damn it, I’m not dressed.”

“I don’t care, you ate my food, have you seen the grocery stores? It’s absolute chaos, you traitor, you can go out and get me something, put some pants on and move.”

Gordon yelped as he dove over the couch.

“Okay, I can see there’s been some errors in judgement here,” said Gordon, panting. “I’m sorry, Scott, I really am.”

Scott glared.

“Not good enough.” He paused, eyeing Gordon as he cowered behind the sofa. “What are you even doing here?”

“Uh, excuse me?”

“Here. What are you doing in Auckland?”

“Happy birthday to me too, love you bro, congrats on surviving another year.”

“You came to Auckland for your birthday?”

“Yeah.” Gordon sat up cautiously. “Couldn’t exactly see Penny, and it’s not like there’s many other places that will let us in.”

“I thought we counted as a US territory.”

“John cleared it with someone, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “Didn’t want to be stuck at home for my birthday. And look how that turned out.”

He did look extraordinarily sorry for himself.

Scott sighed, and reached out a hand.

“Go get some damn pants on,” he grumbled. “And go look for Virgil’s emergency snacks, I know he stores them everywhere.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“I mean it, don’t you dare come back unless you bring me food.”

Gordon snorted.

“Sure, wouldn’t want to provoke the wrath of a starving Scooter.”

Scott jerked his body towards Gordon, and smirked as he bolted up the stairs towards the bedrooms, before sinking down into the cushions and closing his eyes.

The comm beeped gently, a stark contrast from the blaring alert from earlier.

“Hey,” he said, opening an eye as Virgil was projected in front of him.

“Tell me you’re not–”

“Oh, I am.”

“Gordon too?”

“Yep.”

“Damn.”

“Tell me about it.”

They were both quiet for few seconds, thinking about how rapidly the world had seemed to shift around them.

“I suppose it’s only for a few days,” began Virgil, but Scott was already shaking his head.

“We gotta do the full two weeks. After that, we ought to be able to clear an exit with the harbourmaster and the coast guard, even if it’s not over, but we can’t come back earlier. The only reason we could move freely before without our helmets is because–”

“Preaching to the choir, Scott. I get it.”

“You gonna be alright without us?”

Virgil shrugged. “Rescues are down what with more people staying at home. Alan and I can handle the small change, and Kayo’s been itching for some POD practice recently. We’ll manage. Besides, you’re the one stuck with Gordon.”

“Hey!”

“Food,” growled Scott and Gordon threw a muesli bar and a tube of M&Ms at him.

“Is that mine?”

“Gordon ate my dinner and the shops were out of everything,” grumbled Scott. “Blame him.”

“It’s my birthday, I don’t deserve this.”

“Cry me a river.”

“Alright, don’t kill each other before the two weeks is up. John’s already organised a betting pool, don’t give him the satisfaction of winning again, he’ll be insufferable.”

“Oh, he’s on,” said Gordon, grinning. “Tell him I put fifty bucks on Scott tipping me out of bed or off the couch by the end of the week.”

“Got it.”

“You can’t bet against us,” said Scott, mumbling around the chocolate. “I thought you were on my side.”

“You tried to murder me over a steak.”

“The jury would have never convicted.”

“Okay, I can see you two are going to have a fun time,” said Virgil, loudly over their bickering. “See you in two weeks.”

He didn’t wait for a response. After all, two weeks was a smidge outside even his patience.

#scott tracy #thunderbirds are go #gordon tracy #virgil tracy #sometimes i fic

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dreamingofscully · 4 years

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6x18. “Milagro” - X-Files Rewatch

Lots of analysis below. So much to unpack with this episode. An EXTREMELY significant episode for Scully related to her feelings about and relationship with Mulder. This analysis goes into more depth in general, rather than a stream-of-consciousness observational post like my others tend to be.

Also, fanfic! I have a post-ep that I’d love y’all to check out that I wrote a while back in attempt to explain what happened with Scully in-between Milagro and The Unnatural.

Bated Breath (AO3), rated G, 2198 words M/S UST, Post-episode (Milagro) Mulder drives Scully home from the hospital.

Onwards for analysis and speculation.

The soundtrack for this episode is amazing. Love the beating heart that Mark Snow incorporated.

At the beginning, the symbolism of Padgett removing his own heart. It reflects the emptiness of his heart, his incapability of having love, but the burning passion he believes he is capable of, with which he pursues Scully.

At Padgett’s stare, Scully is creeped out, but she is also curious. That someone would look at her so boldly and with such obvious lust, when she’s tried to think of herself as separate from such things for so long.

Padgett wills things to happen, using his writing as a tool, a FOCUS, to channel his powers. He manifests things - the psychic surgeon (representing Padgett’s dark side), the lightbulbs not working, etcetera. He uses his creepy stalker insight to profile how people will act, then writes about it, but he can’t alter emotions, only manifest what is already there. (If he could make people think and do whatever he wanted, he wouldn’t have given up so easily when he recognized Scully’s love for Mulder.)

Mulder and Scully sitting close on his couch.

Padgett suggests that Scully sticks to science and facts because otherwise she’d be viewed as weak and soft. Perhaps this is partly true for other people, but NOT for Mulder. Padgett doesn’t know her history, what she’s afraid of, the real reason she’s kept herself from believing for so long. However, Scully IS influenced by Padgett here - she stands up for herself (makes herself tough instead of soft) when Mulder makes her schedule for her and goes off to do her own investigation.

The burning heart tale that Padgett tells Scully: “Christ came to Margaret Mary his heart so inflamed with love that it was no longer able to contain its burning flames of charity. Margaret Mary... so filled with divine love herself, asked the Lord to take her heart... and so he did placing it alongside his until it burned with the flames of his passion. Then he restored it to Margaret Mary sealing her wound with the touch of his blessed hand.”

He wants to reenact this story with her, not realizing that her heart already belongs to another.

As Padgett tells Scully intimate details of her life it makes her incredibly uncomfortable. She’s an intensely private person, only lets in a few people. But here is some stranger who seems to KNOW her. How did she not know she was being watched? What other things does he know? It would bother her from a professional point of view as well as a personal one.

That someone thinks of her this way - a purely physical attraction rather than something cerebral and mutually respectful like she has with Mulder - it unsettles her. But his influence makes her more aware of her desires, the feelings she’s walled away for so long and hasn’t let herself acknowledge.

The conversation between Mulder and Scully in the autopsy bay is very interesting. Scully is VERY OPEN about what just happened between her and Padgett, something that is pretty unusual for her. She admits to being frightened, she tells him that this creepy guy knows “too much information and intimate detail”, and then openly challenges Mulder to do something about it. Scully KNOWS what Mulder will do.

Mulder’s uncomfortable almost-smile when she tells him. How fucking real is that. I don’t know about you guys but I find myself smiling at the most inappropriate circumstances, so this hits home for me. (Thank you DD.)

Mulder and Padgett try to intimidate each other in the elevator. Don’t fucking mess with Scully! Mulder’s brooding walk down the hallway. 🔥 🔥 🔥

The love scene. Padgett writes what he wants to be true. He can influence the thoughts of others but cannot control them like Modell - only an encouragement in a particular direction, a manifestation of emotions already present. Scully’s disgust and fear is tempered by her curiosity of the strange and mysterious neighbour, which is why she ends up at his apartment. Padgett misinterprets her intellectual interest as romantic in nature.

“Loneliness is a choice.”

The implication: she can choose, at any time, to NOT be lonely. That she knows she’s lonely. What’s holding her back? This season was SHIT for Mulder and Scully’s relationship, but an undercurrent for her throughout the years she’s been his partner - fear. She’s scared to take that last step, to have him know all of her. For fear of death, of losing him. Being alone is safe.

Padgett talking to her like she’s an object, something to serve his writing rather than someone with a CHOICE. Another thing that reveals the emptiness of his heart.

The fantasy that Padgett has about Scully is meant to happen after she enters his apartment. The mugs in the fantasy are the same ones they drink coffee from, and in the fantasy they are still steaming hot. The lamp doesn’t light because it is off in the dream (another example of his ability to affect the physical but not the emotional).

I love the symbolism of Scully looking out the window in Padgett’s bedroom. She’d see something similar out of Mulder’s apartment, just slightly different. But enough to make a difference. She feels desire, she has love in her heart, but only for Mulder. Padgett can never be a replacement, no matter how many words he writes.

Padgett believes they are headed to the bed, to the love scene he described in his writing. I don’t think it would happen even if Mulder hadn’t interrupted them. Regardless, Mulder is a wild card - he didn’t account for him to burst through the door, didn’t write about him, so Mulder can act independently, outside of the story.

Mulder’s jealousy at seeing Scully there with Padgett. He’s tense, tearing through his pages, heedless of the destruction he’s causing, handles Padgett roughly. Mulder manifests his frustration as aggression, and this time it’s extremely personal. From now on the interactions that Mulder has with Padgett are filled with tension. You can see that Mulder just wants to fucking MESS with this guy. Part jealousy, part protectiveness.

Padgett’s assertion that the characters choose the writers. Does he believe that Scully chose him? That the psychic surgeon isn’t merely a manifestation of the evil and emptiness in his own heart?

In the jail cell, Mulder moves forward to intimidate Padgett but Scully’s touch instantly pulls him back. This is Padgett’s first glimpse at the connection between Scully and Mulder. Up until now he’s only been observing Scully by herself, and listening to them talk in Mulder’s apartment. Now, though, he realizes in their FIRST INTERACTION in front of him, that she is in love with him. All the things that he’s seen regarding Scully’s interest in him have been misinterpretations.

Mulder confronts Scully in the hallway about her part in the book. Just a note that Padgett watches their interaction here as well, confirming his initial thoughts about Scully’s love for Mulder. I think he’d also realize Mulder loves her back, but in Padgett’s mind, who wouldn’t?

“You know you're in here, don't you?” - Mulder “I read a chapter. What does he say?” - Scully “Well, let's just say it ends with you doing the naked pretzel with "the stranger" on a bed in an unfurnished fourth floor apartment. (pause) I'm assuming that's a priori, too?” - Mulder “I think you know me better than that, Mulder.” - Scully

Mulder’s look while biting his bottom lip. Scully’s licking her lips here, too. Hnnng. 🔥 🔥 🔥

After realizing Scully can’t love him, Padgett writes this: “Grief squeezed at her eggshell heart like it might break into a thousand pieces its contents running like broken promises into the hollow places his love used to fill.”

A parallel to how Padgett is feeling himself. Or “thinks” its how he should feel, if he had a heart.

Mulder and Scully standing close at the graveyard. Scully touches his back when getting him to back off from the suspect.

Their argument - taking opposite sides.

Scully is compelled to feel less negative about Padgett, and doesn’t feel he is capable of murder, he’s just strange and mysterious. Also, she wants to believe that it’s just an innocent attraction. (Please PLEASE let someone normal be attracted to her for once!)

AGENT SCULLY IS ALREADY IN LOVE. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

Padgett is looking DIRECTLY at Mulder when he says this. Afterwards, Mulder takes a quick look at Scully, who has a very vulnerable expression on her face and does NOT look at him.

Padgett’s statement makes Scully’s feelings REAL - they are something that EXISTS in the world. She can no longer deny it, push it away. Also, the fact that Mulder is RIGHT THERE, that he KNOWS, too.

Things can’t go back to normal, especially after the ending of the episode. I don’t think Scully wants them to. I think she chooses not to be lonely.

Padgett starts writing and talking to Naciamento/his dark self. His subconscious knows what story needs to be told. He needs to steal Scully’s heart to place it next to his, to have her in death if he can’t have her in life. This is the ending that only makes sense for this story - he wrote it to have her fall in love with him, for them to be together, but now it’s impossible.

Padgett’s comment that Scully has been “trying to get his attention”. Through her interest in Padgett? This is possibly a misinterpretation, but it also might be something she’d do, though subconsciously. In my headcanon, Scully’s been trying to get Mulder’s attention for fucking YEARS, so perhaps he is correct. She wants Mulder to see her as someone with needs and desires, not just his partner.

They sit closely on Mulder’s couch for the surveillance.

The difference between Scully on Padgett’s bed, and Scully on Mulder’s couch (bed). At Padgett’s, she’s sitting up straight, very uncomfortable, like she could leap up and aim her gun at his head if he tried anything strange. At Mulder’s side, she falls asleep because she’s so trusting and comfortable with him.

Padgett wants to prove he can love, so he uses whatever power he possesses to sacrifice himself and heal Scully. From the burning heart story: “he restored it to Margaret Mary sealing her wound with the touch of his blessed hand.”

Destroying the book and thus destroying his dark self isn’t enough. Scully is already hurt, bleeding everywhere. He also needs to heal Scully, and does this through his sacrifice. This is the reason I believe that Padgett’s powers come through himself, he doesn’t really need his typewriter or even a physical copy of his stories to manifest them, he just uses them as a crutch. Perhaps it was how he developed his powers - his insight into human nature through his writing.

When Mulder hears the gunshots, he rushes back to Scully. It’s interesting to think that Mulder nearly cost Scully her life. Her bullets may not have killed Naciamento, but they summoned Mulder, enabling Padgett to burn the book, sacrifice himself and thus save Scully. In essence, she saved herself despite Mulder’s innocent interference.

“A chance to give what he could not receive.”

Instead of killing her, Padgett decides to give her the gift of life and love. He knows she loves another, that her heart is full of love unlike his own empty heart.

Scully’s breakdown.

She was about to die. It was the closest she’s come and in the most horrifying manner. Death is her greatest fear.

Being faced with something obviously supernatural (shooting Naciamento to no effect, being wounded then miraculously healed) would also make her confused and vulnerable - not being able to explain what happened and put it in a box.

The emotions she’s been trying desperately to repress have been brought to the surface this entire episode.

More speculation/final thoughts:

This season has dealt with Scully’s fears quite a bit, but mostly with her inability to accept paranormal/unexplainable phenomena. She also holds another fear - death. And it’s consequence? She’s afraid to let people in, let them close. After her remission, she tried to take the chance - to let Mulder closer, to give her heart to Emily. When she’s burned by taking these chances, she buries her feelings again. She’s too scared to take another chance, and the tension between them lately has not been conducive to any sort of positive change in their relationship. The emotions brought to the surface in this episode come bursting forth at the end. Scully doesn’t try to hide them. She lets Mulder see her whole heart, her whole self - fears and all.

Through sharing her entire self with him, Scully’s changed. She can’t go back to pretending and hiding. Her fear about dying, about getting too close, doesn’t matter. I think that Scully’s lightness in the preceding episode (“The Unnatural”) shows how far she’s come.

She reveals her vulnerabilities to Mulder, her softness; his embrace of her as she lets her walls down is cathartic and freeing. Scully knows what she wants, and now her love is “out there”, a tangible thing that they are BOTH aware of. No more second-guessing, misinterpretations.

Later in season 7 (“all things”), when Scully has her breakthrough about her beliefs, she has a similar cathartic experience (her vision in the Buddhist temple). In this episode, her breakthrough is emotional and related to her feelings about Mulder instead of intellectual/spiritual and deeply personal.

I think this episode is where I diverge from much of the fandom in terms of its significance to the MSR and Scully. I don’t think they can go back from this (along with things that happen with Mulder in the next episode). I’ll talk about a few more things in my “The Unnatural” post. If you disagree, that’s fine, but… I just love the idea of them having more time together, and I like the way my theory works! <3

If you want to know more about what I think happened after this episode, I’d love it if you’d read my fic “Bated Breath”. I feel that it expresses my thoughts pretty well about what I thought Scully went through, and where Mulder was as well.

#xfiles #x-files #x-files rewatch #x files rewatch #msr #msrheadcanon #mulder and scully #fox mulder #dana scully #top 10 episodes #season 6 #MEGA ANALYSIS

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dweemeister · 3 years

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The Daydreamer (1966)

By the 1960s, Christmas television specials were in vogue in the United States. Yet this recent phenomenon had yet to yield a true cultural touchstone. On December 6, 1964, the first Christmas special mainstay aired on NBC. Produced by a fledgling animation studio, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer put Rankin/Bass, named after co-founders Arthur Rankin, Jr. and Jules Bass, into the public consciousness. Rankin/Bass’ brand of stop-motion animation (“Animagic”) was mostly outsourced to Japanese studio MOM Productions in Tokyo, under the direction of Tadahito Mochinaga. With the windfall of Rudolph, Rankin/Bass and MOM Productions delved into the realm of feature theatrical films. This review concerns their second feature film, The Daydreamer – a stop motion animation/live-action hybrid based on Hans Christian Andersen’s stories. The Daydreamer has starpower in its cast that no Rankin/Bass production had yet matched. But as one might expect from a Rankin/Bass film, there are narrative flaws abound. The Daydreamer, episodic in nature and alternating between live-action and animation scenes, suffers due to the inconsistent quality of the handful of Hans Christian Andersen adaptations it has and the kitschy live-action acting.

The young Hans Christian Andersen (“Chris”; Paul O’Keefe) is the son of a cobbler (Jack Gilford). Papa Andersen often has to face the verbal tirades of frequent customer Mrs. Klopplebobbler (Margaret Hamilton; it is difficult not to think of Hamilton’s portrayal of the Wicked Witch here). His struggling business often means he cannot pay the gangling Pie Man (Ray Bolger; yet another Wizard of Oz star). To take him away from these troubles, Chris will let his imagine run wild while napping. If he can only just find the mythical Garden of Paradise, all these troubles might vanish. One evening, the Sandman (voiced by Cyril Ritchard) promises him to guide him there. Along the way, Chris is subject to dreams that may seem familiar to the viewer. These dreams shift away from live-action into the signature Rankin/Bass animation – adapting “The Little Mermaid”, “The Emperor’s New Clothes”*, “Thumbelina”, and “The Garden of Paradise”. Elements of “The Ugly Duckling” and “Little Claus and Big Claus” also appear.

Among the many voice actors during these animation sequences are Hayley Mills (The Little Mermaid); Burl Ives (Neptune – I have never heard Ives’ voice so devoid of jaunt before); Tallulah Bankhead (the sea witch); Terry-Thomas (the first tailor); Victor Borge (the second tailor); Ed Wynn (the Emperor); Patty Duke (Thumbelina); and Boris Karloff (the Rat).

The film’s adaptations of Andersen’s tales differ in that Andersen himself becomes a character in each of the stories. The Daydreamer approaches the stories as if the ideas are only just forming in the young Chris’ head, to be written and published when he is an adult. Within these dreams-someday-to-be-stories, Chris is largely a passive character. He takes instruction from the central figures of his future tales, never really asserting himself or asking basic questions about the misadventures he goes through. Chris acts as if lost in his own imagination – which fits the conceit of the film. So when he awakens into the real world, the film’s pacing slams the brakes. In the real world, everyone except Chris is a caricature, somehow less realistic than the individuals appearing in the daydreams. The transitions between animation and live-action will take the viewer out of the film because of the unceasing manic acting in the latter, as opposed to the charming puppetry of the former. As such, The Daydreamer’s weaknesses lie almost entirely with the live-action scenes – too consciously playing to the audience and over-the-top in their absurdity.

In an era of American animation defined by Disney on the screen and Hanna-Barbera on television, Rankin/Bass carves out its own niche in how it tells its stories. The meta humor and fourth wall breaking of Hanna-Barbera’s works (a legacy of the duo’s work at MGM) makes no appearances here. Disney’s clean-cut fairytale endings also do not apply. The Daydreamer’s adaptation of “The Little Mermaid” does not have the gruesome premise as Andersen’s original fairytale, but it retains the ending’s heartbreak. There appears to be no alterations to “The Emperor’s New Clothes” – which includes Chris, but he just feels superfluous to the plot and to the tale’s keen comedy. Each of the film’s segments bring Chris closer to the final animated sequence, “The Garden of Paradise”. The adaptation of that tale sanitizes its deathly overtures for a devil-like creature, but keeps the ambiguous, open-ended conclusion. By maintaining the original conclusion, “The Garden of Paradise” is a curious coda for The Daydreamer – a film that ends as abruptly as its several transitions, like a daydream.

The Daydreamer’s live-action sets benefit, however, due to the fact many of its scenes were shot at the 1964 New York World’s Fair. The World’s Fair pavilions used in this film mimic a feel of small-town, nineteenth century Europe more realistically than a Hollywood soundstage might. The production design for the animated dream sequences, too, are mesmerizing. Perhaps this is best exemplified in “The Little Mermaid”. There, the special effects work make it appear as if the whole sequence was shot underwater, rather than a room that contained blue lights streaming into Neptune’s palace. Where are the strings and wires suspending the puppets in mid-air while they “swim”? To the animators’ credit, there are none to be found. Neptune’s palace is one of the grander sets constructed for a Rankin/Bass production; its imposing walls and generous empty spaces reflect a sense of regal grandeur. That royal otherworldliness does not extend to “The Emperor’s New Clothes”, but many of the same production design decisions carry over. Rankin/Bass and MOM Productions are obviously working with more money and manpower for these animated scenes than in the likes of Rudolph or their many holiday television specials. The sense of scale and grandiosity seen here in The Daydreamer and Mad Monster Party? (1967) would rarely, if ever, be replicated for television. And it is also obvious that the filmmakers put the money into the animation and for paying headline-worthy actors, rather than for any writers able to string the animated and live-action halves together.

Seven songs comprise The Daydreamer’s musical soundtrack. Composed by Maury Laws and Jules Bass, most of the songs are forgettable once your viewing is done (including Robert Goulet singing the title song over the opening credits, despite the fact I admire Goulet’s voice). But there are notable exceptions. Sung by Hayley Mills at the end of “The Little Mermaid”, “Wishes and Teardrops” brings the segment to a worthy close. Her loved ignored, the Little Mermaid sings this lament – backed with percussion straight from a ‘60s love ballad and timeless swelling strings – for herself:

Wishes and teardrops Won’t make him love me. He’s gone and he’ll never return. Does he know how teardrops can burn, When they fall for a wish That can never come true?

In the film’s final third, “Luck to Sell” injects a jolt of energy sorely missing from many of the other live-action scenes. The song itself is simple and the singing just avoids being flat, but when paired with the energetic choreography from Paul O’Keefe and company, it elevates itself from the rest of the soundtrack (save “Wishes and Teardrops”).

Not often will a viewer encounter a film with two sets of opening credits. I’m not writing about films that have an overture that transition to opening credits (an entirely different approach that modern filmmakers should utilize more), but two sets of opening credits that list the names of the actors involved. For the first set of credits, caricaturist Al Hirschfeld (uncredited) was hired to draw caricatures of the various actors and actresses appearing in, or lending their voices to, The Daydreamer. The Daydreamer is the second of three films that Hirschfeld was involved in. The first, appearing as himself uncredited, was in Main Street to Broadway (1953); his third and final film was as an artistic consultant on the “Rhapsody in Blue” segment (which was influenced by his caricatures) in Fantasia 2000.

Rankin/Bass’ ventures into feature film animation peaked several months later with Mad Monster Party? After that and the unfortunate production of The Wacky World of Mother Goose (1967; a traditionally animated eyesore), Rankin/Bass almost completely dedicated itself to its animated television specials. The Daydreamer, distributed by the now-defunct Embassy Pictures and currently owned by Sony Pictures Television (the ownership of the rights to Rankin/Bass’ features are exasperatingly scattered), has not been widely seen when compared to Mad Monster Party?, let alone Rankin/Bass’ television specials. If one can find a serviceable print of The Daydreamer, the viewing experience will be a valuable glimpse into the studio’s collaboration with MOM Productions. A Rankin/Bass fan that has only known the studio through its television specials will see their work operating with higher production values; Rankin/Bass novices can experience a dimension of animated filmmaking too often considered an afterthought.

My rating: 6/10

^ Based on my personal imdb rating. Half-points are always rounded down. My interpretation of that ratings system can be found in the “Ratings system” page on my blog (as of July 1, 2020, tumblr is not permitting certain posts with links to appear on tag pages, so I cannot provide the URL).

For more of my reviews tagged “My Movie Odyssey”, check out the tag of the same name on my blog.

* “The Emperor’s New Clothes” was adapted twice by Rankin/Bass. The second adaptation is the heart of the television special The Enchanted World of Danny Kaye (1972), starring Danny Kaye. That adaptation of “The Emperor’s New Clothes” is distinct from the one that appears in The Daydreamer. The Danny Kaye special’s adaptation has a more developed storyline, completely different voice cast, and completely different soundtrack.

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heleentje · 3 years

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Fanfic Writer Interview

I got tagged by @coconi! Thank you for the tag!

Tagging @higuchimon, @silvormoon and @satari-raine if you’re feeling up for it!

How many works do you have on AO3?

40!

What’s your total AO3 word count?

371 512, but probably over 500k if you include the stuff I never moved from ff.net.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

9 fandoms: Yu-Gi-Oh, GX, 5D’s and Arc-V, Ace Attorney, Oban Star Racers, Nachtwacht, Breath of the Wild and Modao Zushi

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Your own heart that matters (BoTW)

Guiding a Star (YGO 5DX)

Shadows Cast (YGO GX)

None of Worth (YGO GX)

One Second Per Second (YGO 5DX)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I try to! ... But I’m very bad at it. Sometimes I reply almost straight away, sometimes it takes me months and months before I manage. I do very much appreciate each and every comment that comes my way!

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Probably Zero Hour (YGO 5Ds), which was my shot at a soulmate fic where canon events and motivations were more important to the characters than any soulmate status.

Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have an entire series where I throw Judai into unrelated fandoms just to see what explodes :D I highly recommend doing so, it’s great fun!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not outright hate, though someone once got terribly offended at *checks notes* portraying Jiang Cheng as a multifaceted character who has extremely complex feelings with regards to Wei Wuxian?

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

Nah, I’m the kind of ace who is no good at it. I tried once, but it made me feel extremely awkward in a way I couldn’t work through.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not outright stolen, but someone once took large swathes of a fic of mine and just changed the names and relevant details. They did credit me as an inspiration, buuuut it was a little more than just inspiration.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Once! I’d be delighted if people wanted to translate other fics of mine!

What’s your all time favorite ship?

I usually have favorite ships per fandom, though the ones that have been with me the longest are Yubel/Judai/Johan (GX) and Yusei/Bruno (5Ds).

Whats a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I once started writing a fic about Aki coming to terms with her powers and how they evolved post-canon, mostly because I was in a rut at the time and needed to write something. I still hope to come back to it one day, but it’s looking increasingly unlikely.

What are your writing strengths?

Emotions and stream-of-consciousness, particularly when a character is panicking or otherwise not thinking clearly. I love writing those scenes.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Description. I am horrifically bad at describing things or people and I have aphantasia, so elaborate descriptions à la Tolkien are entirely wasted on me (give me a five-paragraph description of a lush forest with all the various creatures living there and my takeaway will be ‘there are trees’.)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like doing so, but it’s a delicate balance and if you’re gonna do it, make sure the language is correct and it makes sense for the character. Only do it if the other characters in the vicinity really aren’t able to understand what’s being said.

What’s being said also needs to make sense in context, even if the full translation isn’t given.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, a fic about the Hogwarts Founders. I was 13 and it never saw the light of the internet :D

What’s your favorite fic that you’ve written?

I am still very fond of So Far, So Good! When it comes to more recent fic, I had a lot of fun writing Nowhere Near (Nachtwacht), Your own heart that matters (Botw) and Stranger to your soul (mdzs)!

#Thank you for tagging me!#I always love rambling on about my fics :D

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knine-nights · 3 years

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Tales from the SMP Theory #13

More Theories

New theory about tftsmp that may or may not be utterly annihilated by the upcoming episode. And yet I write it anyways. Why? Who frickin knows. Maybe the caffeine wasn’t a good idea... Anyways! Theory about the time portal!

Theory Time:

Even though it’s not focused on, we first “saw” the time portal at the end of The Masquerade stream. When he goes back to the present he’s in a cave with a glowing light behind him. At the end of the Wild West stream he actually looks back to see the glowing spiral that is most likely the time portal. That could be why he built his library right there (and kinda claimed the land next to it). I actually have a couple things to talk about so this is getting split into two posts. First, more about the portal (for people thoroughly caught up with lore, you can skip to the bullet-point list):

In the stream Karl does after tftsmp (”After The Tales”) Karl picks up the greater Dream SMP storyline in the present. And in the one after The Masquerade, he moves his library away from the ruins of L’Manburg and to a new country founded by him, Sapnap, and George named Kinoko Kingdom.

He actually doesn’t time travel to the present during the Wild West stream and instead does that part of the story in the After The Tales stream. And in that we see him mention a mysterious desire to move his library which prompted him to do so. And we see that the entrance to his library is already being covered in blood vines.

So the question I’m focusing on right now is; what is the portal?

(Out of Lore) The portal itself appears to be made of magenta and cyan concrete, built in a swirling pattern. However, it is also emitting some sort of light.

We can deduce that he comes through the portal to get to the present since both times he returns to the portal “room” he is facing away from the portal, as if he has emerged from it.

I think the portal is a one way return to the present rather than a two way portal. At the very least it would make more sense for the portal to be a connection to the present directly. But what if it’s a portal between the present and the Inbetween?

We have yet to see Karl go to or leave the Inbetween. He always just comes to in the castle (sometimes with a really beautiful sweeping shot beforehand) and ends his time there in a similar fashion. There’s no way shown for him to enter or leave. But what if it’s because the Inbetween’s side of the portal isn’t a physical portal?

My theory is that, basically, when Karl goes to sleep or something (maybe when he decides he’s ready to go or when the Inbetween’s done “healing” him or whatever) he loses consciousness in the Inbetween and awakens leaving the portal back in the present. Or maybe, if he creates the portal, he can use it to return to the present at will.

That’s all I’ve really got for that, more stuff about the portal in the next post!

#theory #tales from the smp #tales from the smp theory #tales from the smp wild west #tales from the smp masquerade #tftsmp #tftsmp theory #tftsmp inbetween #tftsmp the inbetween #tftsmp the in between #tftsmp masquerade #tftsmp wild west #karl jacobs #karl jacobs dream smp

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ethompson · 3 years

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About EThompson and this blog:

Curious as to how I tag my posts?

For my original creative writing:

My original stories tags: fiction, prose, novel/short story

My original poem/original poetry: poems, poetry

Excerpts from my final drafts and bits from my rough drafts are posted directly to my Tumblr.

For my original nonfiction:

My original essays: essays, prose, nonfiction

My creative nonfiction: memoir/personal essay, creative writing

My analytic essays on all mediums of fiction and nonfiction: analysis

My reviews: my reviews, opinions, and recommendation on books/anime/manga/TV shows/non-anime cartoons/movies/video games.

First Take: Sometimes, I indulge in a visual medium of fiction (movie, television show, video game, etc.) that leaves me so emotional in some way that I can't help but type it and post it somewhere. These stream-of-consciousness essays are my brief, unadulterated, unedited opinions with glib analysis; these opinions may or may not change in the future.

I publish my writing on FictionPress. I've also published in my undergraduate university's literary magazine, The Normal Review. I published twice (Spring 2013 and Fall 2013), but only one is available online as of Nov. 29, 2021: "This Line" (page 55).

I’m not a prolific writer. I’m not able to write as often as I would like to. A lot of my writing is from my high school and college years, and I revamp them prior to posting them to my new version of my Tumblr/FictionPress/anywhere else. Don’t expect a lot of updates or new writing from me. I do tend to produce a bit of free writing in my spare time, though.

Also, I occasionally post personal posts, selfies, and mindless nonsense that I think would be cool writing references and muse.

~*~

ABOUT ME:

My name is Emma Thompson. Yes, I know I share a name with an English actress. This was actually unintentional on my mother’s part because she just liked the name Emma. I’m a tad bitter about it, though, because my mom’s last name is Gorman; she could have given me her last name and not my father’s.

My former Tumblr URL was EmmaThompson0. The zero is a double reference to Coca-Cola Zero and Yu-Gi-Oh “season zero.” (Also, my most popular post was from my old Tumblr, which is a SpongeBob reference. I don’t know how to feel about that.)

I am an Aquarius born in the Year of the Monkey.

I’m female and identify as a woman. I am often mistaken for bisexual because I love flirting with both men and women. I have dated a girl before and would not be totally averse to dating another, but I would not call myself bisexual. I don’t want to bother too much with labels anyway. I’ve been described as a “girly tomboy.” In general, I am often best described as a walking mystery.

I’m South Korean and Japanese. I’m adopted, and my adoptive family is mostly Irish (my dad is off-the-boat Scottish with some Irish). I have two siblings, both older brothers. My second oldest brother is also a Korean adoptee, but we are not biologically related.

Apparently, I consistently test as an ENTP.

I’m diagnosed with manic-depression (bipolar affective disorder, type 2) with tendencies to self-harm and self-medicate. I am also diagnosed with eating disorder not otherwise specified (now called other specified feeding or eating disorder/OSFED). I have it all controlled, though.

In May 2014, I received a bachelor of arts in political science and jurisprudence (dual major, no minors). In May 2016, I graduated with a master of arts in public policy.

Favorite authors and books? Ernest Hemingway’s Across the River and into the Trees is my favorite book ever. Hemingway is my favorite writer, really. Others: Agatha Christie, Ursula K. LeGuin, John Grisham, Douglas Adams, Charles Dickens, Walker Percy, Shirley Jackson, Mark Twain, Oscar Wilde, Harper Lee's To Kill a Mockingbird, Michael Crichton’s Next, Voltaire’s Candide, Joseph Heller’s Catch-22, Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World, George Orwell’s 1984, Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451, Graham Green’s The Quiet American, Upton Sinclair’s The Jungle, William Shakespeare’s Much Ado About Nothing, Mary Shelly’s Frankenstein, Washington Irving’s “The Devil and Tom Walker”

~*~

ABOUT MY WRITER PERSONA:

WHY DID YOU NOT MAJOR IN WRITING?

I was bored of it. It was never presented to me as a challenge in academia because every professor and classmate boiled writing down to “all art is subjective.” No one wanted to have an interesting conversation about writing philosophy and technique. Even when I took an undergrad-level creative nonfiction course, it still was reduced to “all art is subjective.”

Besides, when I transferred to Montclair State from a community college, the creative writing minor was not split into prose and poetry. If I had declared that minor when I transferred, I would have stayed an extra year in undergrad since poli-sci and jurisprudence have very little overlap with creative writing. When I started my senior year, the minor was finally split and it was too late to declare it without staying in undergrad an extra semester or two.

Law and political science happened to present a challenge, but I also later found that something I really care about can best be pursued as a political scientist. My interests are more in healthcare policy, insurance regulations, and labor law than writing—though I know I can incorporate such topics into writing. However, I am more geared towards advocacy.

I studied writing (besides mandatory English classes) in school twice: once in my high school senior year in a creative writing class and another in my junior year of college in creative nonfiction.

WHAT DO YOU WRITE ABOUT? WHERE DO YOU FIND YOUR INSPIRATION?

Anything and everything.

I find myself more geared towards prose, although I do dabble in screenplays every so often.

I’m not really into poetry. However, I do occasionally write some just to give myself some practice writing (i.e., I'm bored).

Most of my inspiration comes from my everyday life experiences, so a large portion of my writing is semi-autobiographical. More of my inspiration comes from reading the news.

WHAT MADE YOU INTERESTED IN WRITING?

As part of a lesson to learn the writing process in the fourth grade, I cowrote a story about acid rain with one of my best friends. My favorite teacher in elementary school complimented the story as the most creative one in the class. (I adored this man, and he unfortunately died from a brain tumor at such a young age two years later.)

In the fifth grade, my teacher recommended me for a young author’s conference for Central New Jersey. I went, met other writers (both my age and legit published writers), and was rather impressed by all the cool ideas people had.

It wasn’t until my high school sophomore year that I started to get serious about writing. My English honors teacher made a comment that I wrote almost exactly like Ernest Hemingway after reading my first essay for that class. It wasn’t until a few months later when I read my first Hemingway novel (A Farewell to Arms) that she was probably right, but I wanted to figure out for myself why she was right. I started really studying the mechanics of writing and the aesthetic philosophies of writing, making a departure from my middle school days of simply wanting to improve my writing by only striving for an original plot.

#ethompson #about me

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junewild · 3 years

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tags masterpost

a couple of people have complimented me on my new tag system and a couple of people have asked me what tags go to what sort of content, so i thought i’d write up a little masterpost of what the tags mean, where they came from, and why they’re important to me! you’ll even get a sneak peek at a few tags that are very rare or have yet to be used 👀. this will be linked in my carrd when i get around to it. i’ve even tried to alphabetize them 😅 thanks for expressing interest, it’s very lovely of you all xoxo

#and i am close behind — home tag

a continuation of “the wild geese are heading home again” which is my nature tag. just for everything that makes me feel like i am coming home.

#and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart — quotes and words tag

from a poem by e.e. cummings. “and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart / i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)”. words are just hearts speaking to each other, after all.

#and i was like *screams* — space tag

from the jenny slate drunk history nasa episode, because she somehow manages to sum up fully 80% of my feelings about the universe in that one sentence

#angstposting — disordered thoughts tag

literally just stream-of-consciousness breakdown-posting. probably block this tag. i go back and clean it out after every breakdown.

#but they are all good stories — media analysis/literature critique tag

hilary mantel (whose work i have never read) wrote that “some of these things are true and some of them lies. but they are all good stories.” anyway, that’s how i feel about taking apart stories and narratives and looking at them from the outside.

#can you not hear the ocean in me — mental health and disorders tag

the non-breakdown version. from this poem, which i can’t find anyone but i think is a deleted inkskinned or caitlyn siehl one:

“i am alive;

can you not hear the ocean in me;

are you not aware of the war i am fighting ;

i am alive ;

you cannot take that from me”

#checkmate nihilism — crafts tag

higgsboshark wrote a lovely post about how knitting is a great treatment for existential dread & now that’s all i think about every time i’m crafting. checkmate, nihilism. look at this thing that i am making with my hands. it exists and it will change someone’s life.

#dumbposting — misc tag

for tag games and dumb comments and things that don’t fit in anywhere else.

#fashion is instant language — fashion/body art tag

okay. IS this a cliche prada quote? yes. but also, one of my first classes in college was about art & society & the first thing that we learned was that the human body is the first & most primal canvas. what you do with your body is a statement, a language you are sharing with the people around you. i get very emotional about it.

#felt rather than seen — poetry tag

YES i am a BASIC WHITE GIRL, thank you. the first half of the da vinci quote. “poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen / “

#fill your arms with the pink and white flowers — spring aesthetic tag

from one of mary oliver’s slightly less well known poems.

“do you also hurry, half-dressed and barefoot, into the garden, and softly

exclaiming of their dearness,

fill your arms with

the pink and white flowers,

with their honeyed heaviness, their lush trembling, their eagerness

to be wild and perfect for a moment, before they are nothing

forever”

#get in good trouble — activism/politics tag

are you really living if you aren’t making trouble for someone? write more letters. leave more voicemails. go to protests. join a mutual aid group. donate. there’s something you can do, even if it’s small.

#i am building a world that is worth living for — moral living tag

slightly different from the activism tag bc this is more about what you/i can do in everyday life to make the world a better place. these are my own words, reminding me that to stay alive i have to build my own life and live in it.

#i care to look on the outside like i do on the inside — gender/ sexuality tag

maggie stiefvater is a poet.

#i have a magpie mind — happy tag

laurie graham’s version of the quote goes “i have a magpie mind, by which i mean i see and hear little things - photos, fragments of conversation - and store them away for future use,” and that’s what this tag is. just a lot of lovely things that i want to look back on.

#i think i was a selkie in a past life — ocean/beach/selkie myth tag

someday i’m going to walk into the ocean and never come out again. j promised he would take me to a warm ocean where i can stand in chest-deep waves until i can’t stand any longer and i’ve never looked forward to anything so much in my life.

#i wrote my own deliverance — creation/writing tag

this is not an admission of guilt. hamilton has a lot of words in it and these happen to be very nice.

#it would be a merrier world — food tag

because tolkien was right.

#laughter for no cause — humor tag

funny things. half of a quote by louise glück.

#let the wilderness engulf us again — discourse tag

i believe this is by christa wolf. anyway this is how i feel when i read Discourse. let’s all just get swallowed by the wilderness. who needs civilization anyway.

#loveposting — affection tag

look, i’m just really gay and happy and i love my followers and my mutuals. let’s move on

#nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it — memory/emotion tag

yes, i have read everything ever written by l m montgomery, why do you ask?

#offspring of heaven firstborn — light tag

constantly debating about whether i should change this one. i just have too many quotes about light. and too many posts about light. and too much love for light. this one is by milton, from the third book of paradise lost, and i memorized the entire chapter as a teenager because my “history” “class” believed in memorization as a form of education.

#our bodies are meant to hold other bodies — sex/eros tag

from that little comic by grendelmenz (?). i KNOW it’s about cannibalism i DON’T care don’t @ me to love is to consume

#seen rather than felt — painting/visual art tag

and here’s the other half of the da vinci quote.

#she stood in desperate music wound — music and playlists tag

from “a crazed girl” by yeats. tbh i usually lie upside down in my bed in desperate music wound but this poem kept me going as a teenager

#simply because the world is beautiful — misc tag

i just think the world is lovely and i am glad to be alive in it. this is where the rest of the assorted content goes.

#someday you will be old enough to read fairytales again — fantasy/gaming/scifi tag

cs lewis got one thing right.

#stardust will turn into kindness — joy tag

okay. okay i am still weeping about this man and his chickens. this tag is for every small creature who brings me delight. https://everychickdeservesamother.com/2019/08/17/all-the-good-there-is/

#thank god for the months after may — summer aesthetic tag

i haven’t listened to ben rector since i was seventeen but this is a good quote anyway and summer flowers are the thing that keep me going through the winter.

#the first sign of civilization is a healed femur — civilization/altruism/kindness tag

paraphrase of the famous (possibly apocryphal) margaret meade quote. i saw a criticism of it by the green brothers, who were like “but lots of people/animals show altruism without any connection to civilization (eg buildings and cities and record keeping systems)” and i deeply disagree with them. civilization doesn’t require monuments, only people coming together to build (metaphorically) something bigger than they could have done as individuals. humans aren’t the only ones on that path, just the ones who’ve gotten the furthest down it.

#the great sweeping wind — autumn aesthetic

yes i am a shameless l m montgomery stan. anne of green gables is my kindred spirit.

#the quick and the dead — fungi tag

from the bible. you know. we all sin, we’re all alive or dead or both. fungi don’t care.

#the race that knows joseph — kindred spirit tag

haven’t gotten to use this one yet. looking forward to when i do.

#the wild geese are heading home again — nature tag

shortened version of mary oliver’s poem.

#there is a history in all men’s lives — history/natural history/anthropology tag

shakespeare knew how to use words. everything is history and i am excited about ALL of it. when will someone admit me into a grad school???

#we are the children of an indifferent universe — community/fandom tag

but, like colin meloy says, we are also the inheritors of a wonderful world. i think it’s amazing how we look at the universe around us and build communities and find meaning out of sheer spite. also i have got to refine this tag set better i can’t just shove ALL fandom content into one tag. stay tuned

#we don’t love this world without reason — awe/joy tag

from catadromously’s comic. this is for things that make me go “oh.” when i see them.

#we shape our buildings; thereafter they shape us — architecture/interior design tag

churchill can have one right. architecture is one of my favorite art forms & interior design is something i love looking at and doing. someday i’ll even be able to afford it.

#we will be better than we were — recovery tag

from (yet another) caitlyn siehl poem that reads:

“love is quiet love whispers “it is okay, we will be better than we were” and we are. we are.”

and we are.

#within me; an invincible summer — winter aesthetic tag

albert camus wrote that: “in the midst of winter, i found there was, within me, an invincible summer. and that makes me happy. for it says that no matter how hard the world pushes against me, within me, there’s something stronger – something better, pushing right back.” winters are hard for me, but i hang on anyway.

#you have no idea the joy that is coming — love tag

guess who this quote is by? if you guessed caitlyn siehl, you are correct.

#you pull out the wild in me - feral aesthetic

not feral, just… wild. i don’t know. i don’t think i made this quote up but i can’t find it anywhere else so maybe i did. i’m guessing it’s now-deleted inkskinned or bonemeadows.

#you’ve got to be kind — misc humans tag

kurt vonnegut. because yeah. we’ve got to be kind. that’s the only rule. we’re just humans and we have to be kind.

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comradesalazar · 3 years

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2020 Creator Wrap: Favorite Works

I will admit I got a lil Emotional that I got tagged in this but I’m so excited to go through it because this year has been SO PRODUCTIVE for me when it comes to writing. Thank you to the legend @that0negayslytherin for tagging me and the other legends, you the real MVP (and also thanks again for setting up the LV fic discord bc that place... really b Wild and really b a wonderful place to motivate each other to be our best.) Legends only!!

Anyhway! Onto this thing... I’m excited.

[rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought to the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!]

So. Most of my works from this year have been Venji related because I’m still in the deep pit of Love, Victor obsession and idk when that’ll go away. Hopefully not anytime soon because I’m having a great time and fic was an amazing way for me to improve my craft. I do have one piece of original work on this list, but the rest is fic. It’s difficult to choose favorites so I think I’ll go chronologically. A couple of these have graphics but not all of them. Anyway... let’s get into this, shall we.

Arakhne of the Floating Mountain

So this the first work I completed this year. It’s an original novella I wrote for Wattpad’s Open Novella Contest and it’s a very fun, character-centric story that reimagines Arakhne/Arachne (the one from the legend who gets turned into a spider after challenging Athena) as a lonely lesbian who lives alone on, you guessed it, a palace on a mountain in the sky, until three sisters drop by asking for her to create their coronation dresses for when they become the queens of Heaven, Hell and Purgatory. The sisters (Soledad, Luna and Estelle) basically try to court her and it’s a good time. Obviously, I didn’t win the competition but it was still a really fun story for me to write and part of my journey of realizing I can create a writing habit and work on something over the course of a long time, since the only other completed long work I had was for NaNo, which was just binge-writing over 30 days before I had the chance to get bored. If you’re into magical lesbians, check it out!

The stars will love me even if you don’t

I have so much to say about this work. I started it just on a whim in August after I watched Love, Victor in July and began wanting to actually contribute to the works of fandom. Little did I know that I would be embarking on a journey of 120k words and counting, with 33 chapters. This story deals with a whole random of issues -- from long-distance relationships, substance abuse, mental health problems especially around anxiety and depression/suicidality, toxic relationships, codependency, self-harm, the project of becoming oneself and being able to manage life and navigate the world in a healthy way, all the things. In a lot of ways, it is a personal project. But also in a lot of ways I wanted to correct a lot of ideas we have about what constitutes a healthy relationship and what love should look like. There were many times when I wanted to give up on this project due to frustration and exhaustion, but I continued to work at it. I learned so much about my own capabilities, about developing a writing habit, and about what it’s like to write a behemoth of a story. It isn’t perfect by any means but I appreciate the people who have reached out to me and told me that they learned some things about themselves from reading. This is truly a labor of love and I can see that it already accomplished the goal I set for myself which was to help people. It’s lit. And thank you so much to @callmevenji for the lovely cover!! She’s a legend!!

The Thousand-Eyed Wraith (TTEW)

This was a little one-shot I wrote for the Halloween Venji Fic Fest and it takes place in the world of my original work, The Thousand-Eyed Crow. Basically, it’s about what would happen if Venji ended up in that world and had to deal with some spooky nonsense and eventually ended up joining a cult. It was fun for me because it was more stream of consciousness and post-modernist, which is very different to how I normally write but it was a really fun experiment tbh.

You Only Live Forever (YOLF)

This was another one-shot I wrote for the Fic Fest, but this one was much smuttier and mature than TTEW. I was really inspired by Beyonce’s “Partition” (the song and the video lmao) and thought it would be interesting to put Venji in a world similar to Greendale in The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina but with s*x magic, so it was essentially a Love, Victor and CAOS cross-over for grownups lol. Apparently it worked out well, though, and they ended up trying to summon Satan which went... questionably. But I had a lot of fun writing this, as well, especially when it came to sorta balancing the old-timey setting with the modern day and the smutty scenes with the softer, fluffier ones.

Part of Your World

So one day I had an idea to write a Little Mermaid-inspired Venji story that would be so sweet and romantic... And so I did. I took a lot of inspiration from several sources -- one, of course, was the Disney version of the Little Mermaid, as well as the original version which is a lot darker and more sinister, as well as mythology around sirens and selkies and just, I guess like, class warfare. So I ended up with a sorta more adult-version of the Little Mermaid where Benji gets attacked by humans and is distrustful of them until he meets Victor who is “not like other humans” and helps patch him up, and they embark on a bit of a whirlwind romance. This has been a treat to work on even though it’s probably one of my least popular fics because I imagine people are coming for something a bit more light-hearted but I’m incapable of writing something that is 100% fun and not chock full of imagery and meaning. I think this has also been the work that showcased and tested my imagery-writing and dialogue-writing abilities the most and brought out my inner poet. And once again a huge thank you to @callmevenji for the fanart, if you haven’t already followed her you should bc she’s a legend.

Dead Men Feed the Fish

Finally, my last and most recent work is also the story I worked on for NaNoWriMo this year. 63,000 words completed in less than a month, depicting the initial meeting of Venji and the way their romance develops and deepens over time. It’s just (chef’s kiss). I had originally had the idea for pirate!Venji and really wanted to write it because I was inspired by That One Scene in Pirates of the Caribbean, which is probably one of the most romantic scenes I’ve ever seen and between the only het pairing I stan. So I just had to write a story that included this scene and that allowed me to write my dream scenario of Venji out on the open seas being gay and having a good time and going on adventures and having homoerotic sword fights. This story has basically everything -- romance, action, adventure, magic/fantasy, a lil bit of spice/kink, good communication, tension, cute animals, everyone is gay, what’s not to love. I’m also looking to edit and publish traditionally so I’m in the process of fixing all that up now. And once again, thank you to @callmevenji for the brilliant fanart!

Anyway, that was that, and I hope that if you have the time and you get the chance, that you give some of my works a shot because I would be very grateful and I think you will have fun.

I’ll tag @kateis-cakeis, @g531, and I guess anyone else who wants to do this!

#long post #writing #fanfiction #love victor #venji #author #my writing #gay literature

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