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rosiesramblings · 10 months

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Like Riding a Bike

Fandom: Ted Lasso

WC: 1.4k

A/N: Hello!! It's been a minute!! Sorry about that. Turns out my new job is actually insane. On the plus side, I am getting a ton of overtime lol. ANYWAY, thank you for your patience, and I hope you enjoy this fic, prompted by anon :) Can be read as platonic or pre-relationship.

“For grandad!”

Jamie’s shout echoed across the shadows of the park, and before he knew it Jamie had Roy balanced carefully on a perfectly-legal, not-at-all-stolen, authentic Amsterdam bike.

“Alright, now head up, hips square, aaaaand… pedal!” To his credit, Jamie did not laugh when Roy seemed to fall to the side in slow motion. He didn’t. Okay, maybe his lips twitched a little bit, but Jamie could easily blame that on a muscle spasm after all the exercise he’d done that day.

“It’s alright, good lad, good lad, right back on,” Jamie cheered, channeling his Mummy when she taught him to ride a bike as a sexy little baby. Roy did not seem to appreciate the encouragement the same way baby Jamie had, pushing grown-up Jamie back with a growl as he swung his leg back over the seat.

Clearly, Roy needed some extra help. This time, Jamie planted one hand on the back of Roy’s neck, and the other steady on Roy’s waist. Roy was tense underneath his fingers, but, Jamie figured, he was entitled to a little tension when he’s facing shit from his past. Losing his Grandad really fucked him up, and Jamie wasn’t going to begrudge the man his feelings, no matter how Roy tried to choke them into submission.

“Don’t need my fucking hand held,” Roy growled, undercutting his statement when Jamie let go and Roy immediately toppled sideways. “Fuck!”

“Alright, keep your trousers on, old man,” Jamie put his hands up in the universal ‘do no harm’ gesture. “Let’s try again, come on.”

Roy gave a long suffering sigh, rolled his eyes so far back that Jamie was pretty sure he got a good look at his own brain, and swung his leg back over.

Jamie, trying to be a good friend, lightened his touch since Roy clearly wasn’t a fan of Jamie touching him in the first place.

If possible, Roy got even more tense. “Oi!” He barked at Jamie. “I said don’t fucking need you for balance!” He claimed, scrunching his shoulders like Jamie always did when Sam wiggled his fingers under Jamie’s chin.

Now, Jamie wasn’t what anyone would call a genius. He wasn’t really book smart; the letters moved around too much for him to want to unscramble them. Because of this, people were constantly underestimating him, at least in the brains department. Look, Jamie might not be winning the Know Bell Prize or some shit any time soon, but that didn’t mean he was stupid. He knew what it looked like when a poor sod was ticklish and doing his damned best to hide it.

Jamie bit down on his tongue to hide a mischievous smile. “Look, mate, you don’t have to like it, but you need me until you can at least get a few meters on your own, yeah? C’mon, let’s do this, old man.”

Roy grumbled what Jamie figured was an assent, and Jamie placed his hands just firm enough that it could reasonably be interpreted as keeping Roy balanced, and not as a quest to get Roy Kent to laugh. Holy shit, did Roy giggle? This was going to be so damn fun.

Under Jamie’s light touch, Roy instantly tensed back up. Jamie risked a tease. “C’mon, mate, you’re never gonna keep your balance when you’re this stiff. You gotta loosen up a little,” Jamie squeezed Roy’s neck, and was rewarded with a growl that Jamie would bet his entire trainer closet was covering up a chuckle.

“You can fuck right off if you’re gonna keep talking instead of teaching,” Roy bit out.

“Right-o, Roy-o,” Jamie said cheerfully. “Look straight ahead, not at your toes, just like football, yeah? Otherwise the only place you’re going is down.” Jamie subtly moved his hand a little higher so that it was resting on Roy’s ribs. Roy made a sound like all the air had been punched out of him.

Jamie took his hand from Roy’s neck and used it to cover his smile. God, this made all the four am training sessions more than worth it.

Instead of putting his hand back on Roy’s neck, Jamie decided to up the ante, and wormed his fingers under Roy’s armpit.

This seemed to be the last straw for Roy, who gave a shout and buckled to the side. Jamie went down with him, figuring the jig was up, and started playing Roy’s ribs like a goddamn piano.

“Shit - fuck - you shihihiitfucker - dahahahahahammit Tahahartt!” Roy broke, low, growly giggles (giggles! This was the best day of Jamie’s life.) and tried to curl away from Jamie’s fingers.

“Awww, what’s the matter, mate? Could it be the the big, bad, Roy fucking Kent is as ticklish as a little lad?” Jamie goaded, sneaking a hand underneath Roy’s hoodie and scribbling at his stomach.

Roy tossed his head back, a forced grin on his lips. Jamie was sure if his eyes were open there would be murder in them. “Ihihihi’m gonna fuhuhucking KIHIHILL YOU!” Roy roared, his back arching.

“Roy, mate, this is fucking golden,” Jamie crowed, his smile splitting his face. Roy thrashed hard, harder than Jame was expecting.

Jamie knew he was on borrowed time, so he wormed both of his hands into Roy’s underarms, and he was not disappointed.

Roy Kent. Fucking. Howled.

Jamie couldn’t help but laugh along with him. “Oh my god, this is worse than I thought - mate, this is a fucking liability! How are you supposed to be ‘here, there, and every-fucking - woah!”

Quicker than Jamie could blink, Roy flipped their positions, and was looming about Jamie like a fucking werewolf. And looking at Jamie like he was a fucking steak.

“Roy, mate, it’s all in good fun, yeah? We don’t really have to -”

“Oh no, we abso-fucking-lutely have to,” Roy growled, a smile still in his voice despite the eyebrows he was giving Jamie.

That was all the warning Jamie got before Roy wrecked his shit.

One hand went to Jamie’s hips, kneading like he was baking fucking bread or some shit. The other hand spidered over Jamie’s tummy, which was arguably worse.

“ROHOHOHOHOHOHOY,” Jamie screeched, tossing his head back, a smile splitting his face.

“Fucking what?”

“TIHIHIHIHIHICKLES.”

“I’d fucking well hope so,” Roy said, ruching up Jamie’s shirt in one smooth motion and scribbling across bare skin. “You’d better get used to this, cause we’re gonna be here for a while.”

“SHIHIHIHIHIHIHIT,” Jamie cursed, shaking his head back and forth.

“No? No, we’re not going to be here for a while? Or no, you can’t handle any more tickles? Cause I’m about to prove you wrong on both accounts,” Roy said as the hand squeezing Jamie’s hip moved down to torture his thigh instead.

Somehow, Roy’s growly voice saying ‘tickles’ made it tickle infinitely more. Jamie was no stranger to being tickled - since it was no longer ok to hit him, his teammates had to find other ways to get him to shut his mouth. But Roy was on another fucking level. And Jamie was losing his goddamn mind.

“PLEHEHEHEHEASE,” Jamie was not above begging.

“You want to see something that always gets Phoebe?”

“NOHOHOHOHOHO!”

“Too bad,” Roy said, and leaned down to blow a fucking raspberry above Jamie’s belly button.

In the tiny part of his brain that wasn’t going insane from the tortuous sensations, Jamie imagined telling his 10 year old self that one day he’d be lying down in a park in fucking Amsterdam, getting the absolute shit tickled out of him by his childhood hero. If Jamie could have laughed any harder, he would have.

“ROHOHOHOHOY,” Jamie wailed.

“You ever gonna try that shit again?”

“PROHOHOHOBABLY,” Jamie answered.

“Yeah, knew that was probably too much to ask,” Roy grumbled. “You gonna try that shit in front of anybody else?”

“NOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO,” Jamie promised.

“Fucking sure?”

“YEHEHEHEHEHEHEHES! PLEHEHEHEASE ROHOHOY!” Jamie begged, on the verge of insanity.

“Alright,” Roy said, and finally ceased his tickling.

Jamie curled up in a ball, tugging his shirt back down. He wiped the tears from his face, still giggling.

Roy ruffled Jamie’s hair. “Come on. I’m going to ride a bike tonight even if I blow out my other fucking knee.”

All Jamie could do was groan through his giggles.

#tickle fic #tickling #tfb community #ted lasso tickles #ted lasso tickle fic #roy kent #jamie tartt #biking in amsterdam #jamie made his bed and then he has to lie in it #lmao

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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sillygooseassociation · 1 year

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Naughty or Nice

Request(s): this could be for jason or ted , but he dresses up as santa to surprise his kid(s) then after the whole thing y/n gets kinda turned on by him being Santa LMAO! santa foreplay??? maybe?? am i just horny?? idkkkkk?!??!? /// oh wait i think I mean roleplay not foreplay sorry HAHAHA /// okay im really sorry idk anything about sexy time and role playing or foreplaying??? idk HAHAHA i just want Ted or Jason as Santa 😭💔

Description: Dressed as Santa to surprise the kids, Jason is also in for a surprise himself from your reaction to his costume.

Warning: pregnancy, Otis and Daisy included, dirty talk, mentions of riding and masturbation, dirty talk does revolve around santa lol

Pairing: JRU (Jason x reader universe), written in conjunction with rest of JRU but can be read on its own

Word Count: 2.6k words

Holiday Fic Guide

A/N: Okay, yes, I know the gif is Ted and not Jason and they are so fucking different if those headshot differences show us anything. But it's a Christmas fic, specifically one where Jason dresses up as Santa so I HAD to use the Ted season 2 Christmas gif. also not all of these @sarahsardines just for the one request but being in three asks because she was confused, i love you.

Opening the oven door, you pull out the tray of sugar cookies, placing it on the cast-iron stove grates before closing the door. A smile spreads across your face as you hear the laughter of Otis and Daisy in the family room, likely in response to something said by Olaf. Your Christmas playlist plays softly in the background of the kitchen and you hum along before taking a sip of your sparkling cider, missing your wine after six long months without it. Checking the time on your phone, you realize that Jason should be back soon and head to the family room, pausing to smile at your two favorite kiddos cuddled up on the couch under a fluffy blanket. “Well don’t you two look comfy!”

The kids turn to you with bright smiles, Daisy jumping up to stand on the couch and Otis holding the blanket open so that you can join, “Mama, will you watch with us?” Daisy nods in excited agreement as your heart sores. As soon as Jason and you told them they were gonna have a younger sibling, they asked what they were allowed to call you if the baby would get to call you mom. The two of you reassured them that you were perfectly fine just being Y/N to them, that it wouldn’t hurt your feelings, but they refused, deciding on Mama for you. After almost four years with Jason, one of those as fiancés, your new title of Mama was your favorite thing to come from it, aside from the little one in your belly of course.

“I would love to watch with you two, but I think I have a better idea.” The two young kids look at you with suspicion, finding it hard to believe that there’s anything better than watching the movie currently playing on the television, “Better than Frozen?” You shrug your shoulders, turning around the room to leave, “You’re right, decorating cookies does sound boring, I’ll just do it myself…” You’re cut off by loud protests that you laugh at, Otis soon passes you in a sprint to the kitchen as Daisy grabs your hand, “Mama, no! We want to decorate with you, please!” You look down to see her looking up at you with pleading eyes, a strand of her blonde hair falls in front of her vision before you tuck it behind her ear, “Of course, you can do that with me Daisy girl, I would like nothing more than that.” The two of you enter the kitchen where Otis is practically bouncing in place as he sits on a stool at the island, Daisy then climbing up to sit in the spot next to him. You change the playlist to one of their favorite Christmas songs before you pull the different colored frostings out of the fridge.

After about 20 minutes of decorating cookies, which really means 20 minutes of you decorating cookies and fifteen minutes of the kids eating cookies after taking five minutes to decorate one each, you hear a sound from the living room. The rap on the front window catches the attention of the kids, looking at you with confusion as to what was going on, though you simply respond with a shrug of the shoulders, “Hm, who could be here this late on Christmas Eve?” The siblings look at each other with furrowed brows that looked scarily like the brows of their father when he was concentrating. They both let out gasps as lightbulbs seemed to go off simultaneously in their heads, “Santa!” You laugh lightly at their responses as they hop down from their tall chairs before sprinting to the living room, you follow at a slower pace due to the added weight of a six-months-along bump.

Walking into the living room, you first notice the kids jumping up and down as they cheer at the sight in front of them which was not at all what you pictured, to say the least. Casting your vision up, you see Jason Santa with his forearms propped up on the window sill, pushing his head up into sight as the rest of his body dangles unseen outside, below the view of the window. You cover your mouth to keep in your laughs, what the hell was he doing? Of course he couldn’t actually come down the fireplace, but you just thought that meant he was going to sneak in through the front door and place himself in front of the fireplace before getting the kids’ attention, not…whatever this was. Jason continued to pull himself up but he was still only through up until his pecs, obviously having trouble though you know the kids couldn’t notice. Moving forward, you go to help “Santa” make his way safely into the house, “Here Santa, let me help you out there.”

But before you could even make it a foot away from the kids, Otis grabs your hand to hold you back and you turn to question him, “Mama, no, Santa’s too heavy, dad said you’re not allowed to pick up anything big.” You hear Jason stifle a snicker, to which you throw him a middle finger behind your back, though you’re unsure if he sees it or not depending on his progress of breaking into his own home. You focus your attention on Otis, who is looking up at you with concerned eyes, damn he really was like his father, wouldn’t let you do anything with Baby Sudeikis in your tummy. You squeeze Otis’s hand before moving to stand in between him and Daisy, turning back so you can watch the extremely entertaining show in front of you, “You’re right buddy, thank you for reminding me. If daddy were here, he would be so proud of you for taking care of your baby sibling and me. Now, let’s watch Santa try to get in here because he was so silly and decided to take possibly the most complicated route into our home.”

Jason looks up at you in faux offense with a cocked eyebrow though it is hidden from the kids by his large white beard that quite frankly, looks incredibly itchy and not in the way you enjoyed when referring to Jason’s facial hair. With one last push against the window sill, Jason successfully enters the house, though he does so by practically throwing himself in. Your laughter finally breaks through as the kids cheer, running up to Santa to ask him questions at what seemed like a million miles a minute. “Why didn’t you come down our chimney?” “Why are you here so early?” “Can we pet the reindeer?” “Our cookies aren’t ready yet, are we gonna get coal now?” Letting out a boisterous and jolly laugh, Jason calms them down and answers their questions, “I wanted to pretend to be a spy. … My watch must be off, I thought you two would be in bed by now! … The reindeer need to take a break right now but maybe you can see some of their cousins at a wildlife sanctuary sometime. … Don’t worry little Miss Daisy, I am so stuffed from all the other cookies right now and it's my fault for being early anyway.”

Daisy lets out a small gasp and grabs tightly onto her father’s hand, “Santa knows my name!” You journey over to the couch, smiling brightly at the interaction between your fiancé and children, of course Jason was the perfect Santa, why wouldn’t he be? He’s the best dad and obviously, he knows how to improvise, but what really touched your heart was the fact that he wanted to do this for the kids. He knew it was only a matter of time before Otis stopped believing in the elusive Saint Nick, and he wanted his son to have a magical moment to seal this chapter of his childhood. Of course Jason wanted to do this, he wanted to do anything and everything for his children and you. Your bright smile turns soft from thinking about the compassion of your partner, how did you ever manage to land him?

You are snapped out of your thoughts as the cheers of Daisy and Otis reverberate off the walls of the Brownstone, quickly putting together that Jason mentioned your agreed-upon plan to give the kids one gift each from Santa now. Looking behind Jason, you notice the red velvet sack that just so happened to be propped up against the wall below the window, whether he left it there and prayed the kids wouldn’t notice or threw it in through the window before doing the same of himself, you had no clue. As Jason turned around to search through the sack, you realized two things in quick succession, one, those red pants, though loose around his body, made his ass look damn good, and two, this character of his right now could definitely be a fun one to mess with.

As soon as the gifts are handed to the two eager receivers, Jason makes his way over to you, sitting on the edge of the couch next to your spot, “And how about you little lady, have you been naughty or nice this year?” Turning to look at Jason, you cock your head to the side and show him an innocent smile as you cross one leg over the other as gracefully as you can considering your bump, “I’d say 50/50. I’ve been such a naughty girl, but I can also be a good girl, whatever you want, Santa.” Jason gulps deeply, glancing to see that the kids are entranced with opening their presents and exploring them. He looks back to you as his left leg begins to bounce and he folds his hands together suspiciously high in between his thighs, “Is that right?”

You nod sweetly at him before placing your hand high on his right thigh, just under where his forearm is resting, running your nails up and down the covered skin, “Mhm. I love being such a good girl for you, taking care of your kids and carrying your baby. But sometimes Santa works late nights and I just can’t help myself, gotta touch myself until you get home.” Jason squeezes his eyes shut as he drops his chin to the top of his chest, “Jesus fuck.” You laugh at him before scooting closer, Jason unclasping his hands and wrapping an arm around you on instinct, his hands resting on your hip, “I don’t think that’s in the spirit of the season, Santa.” Jason lowly chuckles at your words though you continue before he can say something, “Can I tell you what I want for Christmas, Santa?” Lifting his head, Jason turns to look at you and nods apprehensively, unsure of where you are going. You push your hair back, knowing that the flannel pajama set you were wearing was becoming a bit too small with your growing bump and thus accentuated your also growing breasts, “Do I have to sit on your lap to tell you?”

Jason’s eyes fall to your spotlighted features, seemingly having a staring contest with them before clearing his throat at what you said, then using his free hand to adjust how his red suit coat was covering his crotch, “N-no, not necessary.” Batting your eyelashes innocently, you catch Jason’s gaze, “I want a pony,” your fiancé cocks his eyebrow before you can continue. As you open your mouth to speak, you bring your hand higher up his thigh, stopping where you know it is at the same level of his tip, only a mere couple of inches from where he wants you, “Well, not necessarily a pony, really just anything I can ride.”

At that, Jason chokes on his breath before quickly standing up and clapping excitedly to get the attention of the playing kiddos, “Alright you two, I think it's time for Santa to head off, I have lots of presents to deliver tonight. I’ll come back when I know you two are asleep, I’ll just have to look at my phone instead of my watch!” Otis laughs as if Jason just said the most hysterical thing ever, “Santa has a phone?” Jason laughs at his son’s amusement though he also desperately needs to escape the room before you can try anything else, “Well of course I have a phone, how else would I talk to my head elf, Bernard?” The kids hug Santa goodbye before leading him over to where you now stand, “Will you say bye to the baby too? Mama says they can hear now.”

Your heart absolutely sores at how much they care for their younger sibling, and you’re sure Jason’s is doing the same, “I would love to.” Jason puts his hand on his belly just as he does hundreds of times a day, “You have a good night, little one.” The baby kicks against Jason’s hand, seeming to be the only Sudeikis child that recognized the face, or rather the voice, behind the beard. The three of you walk Santa to the front door, the man sheepishly asking if he can leave that way instead of the way he came in. He says goodbye to the kids once more before turning to you, “And good night to you, almost Mrs. Sudeikis.” You knowingly smirk at him, “Night Santa, I’ll see you later when you’re sliding down my chimney.” Jason’s cheeks redden immensely under the beard as he shuffles out the door, Otis and Daisy excitedly discuss what just happened and how excited they were to tell their dad when he got back from the store.

The three of you sat on the couch of the family room, all cuddled up while finishing Frozen when Jason entered the house, dropping a backpack stuffed with a red suit in his office before making his way to the room you sat in, “Hey y’all, anything happen while I was gone?” Otis and Daisy shriek with excitement as they fling themselves off the couch and into the arms of their dad, talking over each other as they tell him every single detail of the celebrity visit that he missed. After 20 minutes of the kids filling in Jason, Daisy laying on his chest as she sat in his lap and Otis snuggled into your side as he sat in between you two, both let out large yawns. “How about we head up to bed? Then Santa can come back with all your presents.”

Otis and Daisy tiredly nod in agreement with your suggestion, Jason picking Daisy up and heading out of the room with her as you and Otis follow, you moving more slowly up the stairs. After tucking the kids into Otis’s bed, having begged the past week for a Christmas Eve sleepover, you and Jason quietly leave the room, the exhausted duo already beginning to fall asleep. Before you can even suggest a plan for morning preparation, Jason spins you around by your hips, pulling you in for a deep kiss. He backs you against the hallway wall, pushing his thigh in between your legs, which elicits a soft moan from you. As quickly as it began, Jason pulls away as you both catch your breaths, “I’ll go get the presents under the tree, don’t worry about any of that. You just go get ready for bed, okay? Put on something more comfortable.”

You nod slowly, not out of exhaustion but from already missing his lips on yours, “Mkay.” Jason turns around, heading towards the stairs before turning back to you, “Put on something red for me, baby?” A soft chuckle leaves your lips as you nod, “Anything for you Mr. Claus, you getting me a pony?” Jason shakes his head as he laughs, looking down at his feet as he licks his bottom lip, then looking back up at you, “No, but I’m getting you something to ride.”

#jason sudeikis #jason sudeikis fanfiction #jason sudeikis fanfic #jason sudeikis fic #jason sudeikis x reader #jason sudeikis fluff #holiday fic #ted lasso #JRU

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spineless-lobster · 1 year

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My thoughts about the newest Christmas special!!!! (Spoilers, duh)

first things first, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This is literally everything I could have asked for from a Ghosts episode!!! I will be going chronologically so I can somewhat organise my thoughts

AAAAAA Pat it watching the new scouts!!!!!!!!! This means so much to me!!!!

Okay but like the gasp I let out when it showed how Alison got a hold of the VHS tapes!!!!

Mike being exactly like his parents is so cute and funny lol

Fanny is such a girlboss for, ahem, "not leaving"

YES!!!!! PAT AND CAP BEING DRAMA TEACHERS!!!!!

I love how much the Captain thrives in his stage manager role

"Baron Hardup" is such an underrated joke omg

I had to look up was a "bluey" was because I'm sure Julian wouldn't bring up the Australian kids show about a little blue dog

Screaming and crying and throwing up was my reaction to the home videos because that hit me so hard

Pat's reaction to being made fun of in the tape: "I don't want to watch it anymore" FUCK 😭😭😭

I relate to Pat on so many levels

"Forty feral ferrets frolicking in France" is the new "The butler burnt the butter but the bacon bore the brunt" and I'm living for it and I WILL memorise it like how I did with the butler one

I love how optimistic Alison is in this episode even while stuck in traffic!

HUMPHREY'S BODY AND ROBIN HOLDING AND SWINGING HANDS IS SO 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

MY VIZ-I-ON!!!!

CAP'S LITTLE DANCEY-DANCE OMG!!!!!!!

Robin comforting Pat is one of my favourite scenes in this episode (I have a lot of favourites lol) I always love seeing Robin be all wise and comforting and it's shown perfectly here

"On one hand, my darling daughter. On the other, my beloved wife." OMG THEY DID NOT JUST HAVE JULIAN SAY THAT 😭

YESSSSSS!!!! THE FIRST AND ONLY GOOD LORD FROM CAP!!!!! FINALLY!!!!!!!

I relate to Kitty with having all the pressure to be perfect being put on her

BING BONG!

"I'm just gonna phone home- I'm E.T." HILARIOUS DELIVERY!!!!

ALL THE PLAGUE GHOSTS 💖💖💖💖💖

Okay but the voice Cap puts on during Kitty's breakdown is making me go feral

Cap's Spice Girl speech is the gayest thing I've ever seen and I love that so much for him

"Shine like a star!" NEW DAILY AFFIRMATION JUST UNLOCKED!!!!

THE CAPTAIN BEING A DAD TO KITTY OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

I KNEW IT!!!! I KNEW THEY'D MAKE HIM THE FAIRY GOD MOTHER!!!!!!!

The way Mick got so invested in the panto lmao

This is great Fanny/Julian content btw

He put the "fairy" in fairy godmother let's just say that

✨Slwing!✨ WAND NOISES!!!!!

Cap is THRIVING in his role GOOD FOR HIM!!!!!

KITMASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOD YESSSSS!!!!!!!!

Bonus sound effect from Humphrey <3

The shoe lmao

FIRST ON-SCREEN GHOST HUG AND IT'S A KITMAS HUG OMG YESSSS THIS IS EVERYTHING!!!!

The "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" has both "In The Bleak Midwinter" and "Sorry Song" vibes I love it!

"Moonah so big you can almost touch it!" ROBIN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!

As a proud owner of Risk Cap getting Risk means so much to me

Thomas sobbing to The Smiths is such a mood

FUCK! THE REST OF THE TAPE IS SO 😭😭😭😭😭

FUCK! PAT'S CRYING!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

I will be religiously rewatching this episode. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

#long post #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #bbc ghosts christmas special spoilers #bbc ghosts christmas special

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aceofstars16 · 1 year

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I’m reading Ruins of Gorlan again and sorry not sorry but I’m using tumblr as my sounding board for being emo about Halt and Will okay?

Okay so, I just…love how you can slowly see how Will is growing on Halt and Will is learning to read Halt and respect him and listen and learn from. And they both learn to trust each other…like I’m still rereading but like, Halt literally bringing Will on the mission to hunt horrible creatures, like he doesn’t want to, but he knows Will is smart and skilled and trusts him. That alone makes me emo for so many ways.

But I was thinking about it and you know what else makes me emo? The boar hunt.

Because I am just imagining Halt realizing something is wrong, and hearing another boar Will and *knowing* that his apprentice is in danger and just freaking hightailing it to wherever he is. Just imagine how terrified Halt is that his apprentice literally almost died. And we read it from Will’s perspective of Halt hugging him because Will is terrified and shook, but just…you can’t tell me Halt didn’t also hug him because maybe he needed to hug him….like he could’ve lost this boy and maybe he’s realizing how much that thought scares him. But like yeah, he’s totally only comforting the boy and that’s what other people will see but you know, maybe that’s when he starts feeling really protective of Will.

(And don’t even get me started on when the bullies come and start beating up Will, like, lol bois messed with the wrong kiddo and they paid for it)

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk which is me just being emo about found family mentor and apprentices

#this books is like so many years old but I’m still emo because found family is juse 😭🥹👌💕#ranger’s apprentice #halt o'carrick #will treaty #halt #will

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thesmallmeggles · 5 months

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Welcome to The Angst Cafe, what can I get for you?

I was scrolling through the self ship tags the other day and found a post related to the Unsent Project. I thought I would assign unsent texts for some of my personal non-canon ships: 3 with an SI and 2 with OCs

👇They're all down here👇

🍍Zanzo🍍 and 🟣Violet McCormick 🟣

I've talked about these two before. My poor babies, suffering through a second break-up 💔

🦋Ted🦋 and 🔮Pearl Seely🔮

When I encountered Ted for the first time in Bad Day On The Midway, I thought he was exactly the type of character I'd get attached to. And it happened! Lol

Suspension of disbelief is required since these characters exist in the 1960-70s before texting.

Alternate Text Version

(Combination of two different Unsent Messages. Only Pearl here.)

Pearl: I think about what we could've been more than I should... I wish you were still here

☎️ Spamton ☎️ and 🛡️Molly Ehlert🛡️

This one is more OC × Canon than SI × Canon. Miss Ehlert is a robot based on a Molly Guard, which is a (physical or virtual) safety device that prevents accidental activation shutdowns. Spamton dated her in his Big Shot era.

Nothing came up for Spamton obviously- pretend "Sam" is "Spam".

I think a more canon compliment Spamton response would be like:

Spamton: LOOKING TO ENJOY SOME SWE3T [Hyperlink Blocked] WITH [Man Woman Or Child] OF YOUR ?!?! E-Z!!! ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS- [Your Call Has Been Forwarded To An Automated Voice Message System]!!!

...

I miss you.

Alternate Text Version

(Still based on Unsent Project texts)

Molly: I am worried about you. You do not look or sound like yourself anymore

Spamton: YOU WILL ALW4YS HAVE A [Specil Place] IN MY [Heart Shaped Box] IT"S SICKENING!!! YOU WILL- YOU WILL- YOU WILL

🐔Shane🐔 and 🌼Marjorie "May"🌼

My very first SDV Farmer was a self insert lol. She and Shane married Year 2 on Jas' birthday (sorry Jas). I deleted that save a while ago, but I saved hundreds of screenshots from Savory Farm. No joke.

Because of the nature of how their relationship ended (dimensional travel and magic induced forgetfulness), there is only a text for May. (Shane's still around, don't worry.)

🐇William Afton🐇 and 🔥Lucinda "Cindy" Schmidt 🔥

A wild (former) Mrs. Afton appeared! Technically canon x canon but we never see another Afton spouse in game or print (if they exist). In my AU, Cindy moved to another state (Arizona or Nevada) post divorce and lives there still.

I used nicknames for both William and Cindy because they are that kind of couple. Cindy = Light and William = Bunny

Similar to Ted and Pearl, they were together pre-texting so suspend disbelief again.

Bonus two written in text because I maxed out image upload:

William: everyday

Cindy: Do I haunt you like you haunt me?

(...We came in? Isn't this where...)

~~~

Cindy: How can our very last conversation end in the most hurtful lie you ever told me.

#launch the megalleon #self ship #oc x canon #ouch the angst #hi fi rush #deltarune #stardew valley #bad day on the midway #fnaf #hfr zanzo #sdv shane #william afton #edited

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ecoamerica · 1 month

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youtube

Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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sir-arlieosaurus-lung-struggler · 9 months

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today's gonna be interesting lol

I'm tired so idc about Grammer/spelling rn I try get point across w/ as little effort possible (say I sound like a fucking toddler I dont give a shit)

Area I live = smokey = bad air, scars on side = sometimes hurt, bad air = not breath good & hurt. Mom called lung specialist, nurse lady said no open spot, but if get worse call normal doc/go to urgent care. I think tired from low oxygen in brain. Sorry if not fully legible.

I dont like moving rn, nurse on phone said try use inhailer, but it on other side of the house & no one in room rn to get it for me. I normally cant feel like I get full breath w/out extra effort & feeling lung streatch to far so = hurt, but now also feels less than my normal. My mom just came in & got me inhailer :>

Thank u for coming to mah Ted-talk, i gave you this message laying on foam mattress on floor, asthma sucks, if you know anyone in smokey area especially ppl w/ lung issues plz wish them luck. I'm taking inhailer now :>

#asthma #breathing #ouch #meds #smoke #I've been stuck inside for summer/smoke season since I was 6 :/#I'd be pissed saying that normally but I'm too tired rn #disability #disabled #brain fog

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rat-prophetess · 10 months

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wow. i guess i rly don't get it. i get most other things i can think of except martyrs

oh that is absolutely 100% fair. It’s incredibly specific, and it’s my favorite film but I’ve only ever recommended it to one (1) person irl haha.

I think the thing is that most people who watch it think that it’s just torture porn and, I mean, fair, but I think it’s a love story. Like I think the reason I latched into it so hard is that it’s about human connection even when the world contains nothing but relentless, unbearable suffering. It’s a queer(!) love story about how love doesn’t have to be reciprocated to be real, and the capacity to love someone unconditionally is something to hold onto when there’s nothing else. Even if it can’t save you or stop what’s happening around you, it’s still important.

And I think it’s an exceptionally good representation of trauma and doesn’t shy away from portraying the way certain things can fuck you up irreversibly. Which sounds fatalistic and cruel, but it’s also true, and it’s reassuring for someone to admit that.

Like, whatever that quote is about how horror is there to “disturb the comforted and comfort the disturbed” comes down to the fact that a lot of horror movies can be boiled down to “sometimes awful things can happen to people who don’t deserve them for no reason and they can’t be prevented”. And if you’re a person who’s had a pretty ok life so far, that sounds like a threat; but if you’re someone who’s gone through a lot of shit, especially at a young age, that can sound like “it wasn’t your fault, there was nothing you could have done about it, and you’re not responsible for deriving some kind of meaning from it”, you know?

(And I’m not saying that everyone who has trauma loves horror, that everyone who loves horror has trauma, or any related corollaries lol. Two of my best friends have PTSD, one of them watched Martyrs with me and the other one hates anything scary and loves cartoons and those are both 100% valid.)

Also just on a meta level, it’s weirdly reassuring to me that the writer/director was suicidal depressed (shocked pikachu face) and despite/because of that managed to create this extremely beautiful piece of art that made me feel less alone.

Anyway sorry that was more than I meant to write and less coherent bc I just woke up but thank you for coming to my ted talk!! I am actually incapable of shutting up about my special interests so please do not feel obliged to read All That

#ask #martyrs #martyrs my beloved #making myself a t shirt that says ‘ask me about the new French extremity’#fun fact I wrote a 15-page paper about this and another film of the same genre for a French seminar like a year ago #and then had to do a presentation on it in front of the class #rip to my classmates but the prof was cool as fuck for letting me do that #rats: they’re just like us!

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t4tmetalsonic · 1 year

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that sonic blue star idea is SOOOO COOL !!! ik u said u were gnna make a comic abt it but are there any other things abt it that u can/wanna share rn ? its so interesting!!!!!

OOH I ALMOST MISSED THIS SORRY!!!

by comic i just mean like one page which hopefullyyy i'll do soon and it's not one of the many ideas i forget about gkjhdkfg

and!!! well. i've seen a lot of ppl compare sonic to the sun/stars already, like sonic and knuckles having a sun/moon dynamic (which is v cool) and then in undefeatable "i'm what you get when stars collide", which is specifically about super sonic. also super sonic being compared to the sun as yknow he's golden and glowing lol. so i'm basically taking all those ideas but then also applying my love of stars to it!!!

so by blue stars i mean both o-type and b-type main sequence stars (which is like. a normal not dying star. our sun is also main sequence) which are the biggest and hottest main sequence stars, AND live the shortest bc of it. like literally the brightest stars burn the shortest, that's not only a cool phrase but a scientific fact. and doesn't that sound like a certain blue hedgehog? going around being a bright beacon of hope and saving the world but putting himself in so much danger he'll probably die young? :')

another fun thing about these blue stars is they can go supernova!! our sun is too small so will never do this, when it gets old it'll simply expand a bit (well, enough to swallow up all the planets) and then the outer layers will blow away. but bigger stars? they go through the same process of expanding but then collapse under their own weight and depending on the exact mass and contents of the star, this collapse causes either a neutron star, a black hole or- BOOM. supernova!! (funnily enough, another way of forming a supernova is from certain types of stars colliding!) these can be bright enough to be visible in the day and be brighter than an entire galaxy. so yknow *gestures to super sonic* he's like a supernova!! albeit a lot more controlled

the detail of this comparison i like the most is that a supernova is the death of a star. a very bright and beautiful death, and the elements created in the process go on to form new stars and planets (and us) but a death nonetheless. sonic's super form uses up his life force and if he stays like that for too long, he dies! it's a controlled explosion! he is extremely powerful while actively dying, so it's an obvious connection for me to make!! also ofc because they're blue stars and he's also blue lol

unrelated to sonic now lol but supernova also leave behind rlly pretty remnants, for example the crab nebula!!

(from the wikipedia page)

isn't she beautiful??? this one's especially cool to me as the supernova that caused this was observed in 1054! we were here before this was created!

if you want examples of actual blue stars too, the constellation orion has rigel! (the bottom right star iirc) this is actually a system of like. 4 stars? 3 of them are b-type stars and the biggest is actually a blue supergiant (essentially in the process of dying, it will eventually go supernova). another orion star, betelgeuse (top left) is currently a red supergiant but used to be an o-type (so it's also in the process of dying, when it goes boom it'll be as bright as the moon!)

so ummm yeah. i think this was more me rambling about stars than sonic LOL but yeah i think if we're going to compare sonic to a star, then a blue star is a much better fit than our sun 😤

thank u for coming to my ted talk it's now 1am goodnight

#sorry stars have been a special subject of mine since i was like 5 AND i literally have an astrophysics degree #idk how much a regular person knows or would understand so um. sorry if i explained too much sghfhfhdgf #anywayyy thank u for asking <3 #sth #fenn.post

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visualsandvoices · 2 years

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You know what I love about the andor show? What is so insanely refreshing?? I’ve been finding with phase 4 marvel and even some non-disney stuff that either 1 of 2 things happens

1. We get walked through all the emotional pacing of the show. The characters over explain, completely on the nose, how they feel to each other constantly. Going on about breakups like yeah it does suck but the attempt at making it relatable comedy just reminds me of watching zoey 101 back in the day like you’re full grown adults that have ruled kingdoms, run businesses, performed life saving surgeries and now you have the emotional coping skills of someone who’s only just discovered hot topic?? Like, zero nuance, subtlety, room for subtext. I’m sorry conversations don’t sound like that. How often do you hear people over explain their exact emotions??

2. Fourth wall breaks where all of the above more or less happens, but character speaks directly to audience to walk us through, rather than other characters. (2022 persuasion a great example of this done poorly).

Do you assume your audience has ZERO emotional intelligence? Why is stuff being written like an episode of blues clues like “can you spot what hurt them? There it is! Good job!”

Like BRO. Stop assuming I don’t freaking understand what you’re feeling. Stop assuming we are too lazy or dense to parse conversations (that are visual and so we have body language to work with too!) for subtext. For hidden meaning. For nuance.

And Andor did not fall into that trap. There is so much behaviour to analyze. He’s a fast learner, he pays attention to his surroundings and adapts to his circumstances. Someone made a comment on here that said “and it isn’t with a quip or a wink that we’re told he’s a fast learner” we just get to watch. Someone else pointed out how when he’s young we don’t get translated/subtitles we just watch the body language and know what’s up on his home planet bc we don’t need someone to hold our collective hand in order to understand a scene or it’s gravity.

And and and that’s not to say they decide not to deal with heavy things, whether personal or social etc. We have the rant from the techy dude can’t think of his name just now about how the empire distracts you with 40 incidents instead of one atrocity. But it’s written into the characters and scenes so well it doesn’t feel like we are in a classroom. It’s a group of radicals and rebels of course they have strong beliefs and it’s being explained to the new guy. It works.

Freaking. Thank. You.

Andor is probably the best Star Wars thing I’ve seen in years. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk lol

#andor tv series #andor spoilers #andor #andor review #cassian andor #disney #Star Wars #persuasion adaptation #persuasion 2022 #netflix persuasion #Netflix

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bikelock28 · 1 year

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What kind of parents to Ted do you think Remus and Tonks would've been if they survived?

I don't know why but I imagine that Tonks would be the 'easy one', the one who Ted could tell some juicy details from his teenage life and Tonks would be like 'ooh yeah I understand, tell me more!' and would sometimes behave like she's his friend rather than a mum (which sounds good but could be bad xD) I also imagine lots of cringe nicknames that would embarrass Teddy and lots of hugs and kisses, basically very affectionate and warm, like she was in books.

For Remus... I can't help but imagine him being loving but also strict and a bit cold. He would LOVE Tonks and Teddy obviously, but Remus is not naturally affectionate or open about his feelings and I don't think he would be a natural Family Man (like Arthur Weasley), so he would be reserved. He would express his love towards Teddy by saying how proud he was of Ted's Head Boy badge and ruffle his hair and clap him on the back. I also think his lycanthropy might affect their relationship - Remus would get grumpy, in turn Ted might also get sarcastic and grumpy if he's in a bad mood, which could result in a fight. Also, Remus gives me the ~old fashioned father~ vibes when it comes to discipline, if you know what I mean. BUT in spite of all this, Teddy would be a complete daddy's boy! Especially if he's more like Remus in personality and looks, and he and Remus could talk endlessly and understand each other.

Sorry for long post 🤡 what are your headcanons?

Thank you for your question. Don’t apologise for a long post- I love long posts:) and this reply has turned out v long also.

I touched on the answer a bit here: https://bikelock28.tumblr.com/post/624514058632232960/i-lobed-the-chapters-about-what-happened-to.

I don’t think either Tonks or Lupin would be very strict parents, but I also don’t think either would be the “friends with the kids” type. I don’t think either would be the Cool Parent, because frankly by the time children are old enough to fully understand/appreciate coolness, they’re too old to reckon it applies to their parents.

I think Lupin does most of the childcare. This means he and Teddy are close. Being a dad makes lupin happier than anything. He has a lovely relationship with Teddy: loves teaching Teddy stuff and is also good at being silly with him (remember this is a man who dressed Snape as Neville’s gran and who laughs at James’ jokes 20 years later! Do not underestimate the daftness Remus Lupin is capable of). I think Tonks would absolutely love all of the above.

I write Lupin as allergic to PDA with Tonks, and I think it would largely remain that way. But I don’t think he can keep his hands off Teddy, he is always hugging, tickling, kissing, ruffling hair, having Teddy climb on him, etc. It feels natural to him, he doesn’t even notice that he’s doing it in front of others.

If you grew up in a family where one parent was stay-at-home and the other went to work, you’ll remember that the latter coming home was a bit of a big daily occasion. I think that defo happens with Tonks- “MUMMY IS HOME! Mummy let me show you my drawing, mummy I scored a goal today” etc, hurling himself at her when she comes through the door. Plus it allows her to be Fun Mummy.

However, Aurors presumably work many evenings, weekends, early mornings. If you grow up with a parent who works shifts like that then as the child it’s normal to you. But for many mums that‘s guilt-inducing. I think Tonks would really struggle with that, which makes me sad. Though I suppose the good thing about being married to Lupin is that you’d always have someone to talk to about guilt lol! I reckon she’d buy Teddy all sort of daft and unnecessary toys to make up for missing bedtimes etc. These presents would largely be junk Teddy didn't actually want or need. Lupin would find this habit extremely irritating and it would probably be something they'd argue about: "It's just a silly plastic frog, it was ten knuts," "So why did you bother getting it?" "It's just a little token to say sorry for being away so much this week," "It's clutter we don't need, like that whistle you got him in the Summer. He knows you wish you were home more, Tonks- you don't need to spoil him with junk to prove it," etc etc.

BUT I also reckon Lupin would also be indulgent of Teddy in a different way, e.g:

I bet he’d hate leaving him to cry as a baby.

He’d have phases of extreme anxiety about Teddy’s safety.

Because Lupin’s self-loathing means that he believes he Is Bad, and because he carries a lot of shame, he would be weird and paranoid about Teddy growing up with similar problems. This would lead to him struggling with if an how to punish Teddy when he’s naughty, and with even the idea/wording of “naughty”/“good”/“you’re in trouble” etc.

Tonks, like many people, would find all the above bemusing and infuriating. I headcanon that Andromeda was quite a strict parent to her, and as far as Tonks is concerned she (Tonks) turned out OK. Therefore i think Tonks would have a more normal and healthy approach to punishment: “sending Teddy to bed without his pudding will teach him not to steal biscuits from the tin again”, “telling him he’s been naughty isn’t shaming him”, “he knows we love him even if we get cross sometimes”. Whereas Lupin, with his aforementioned shame and self-loathing would be troubled by all that. I think he would defo argue with Tonks about it. E.g a battleground would be if Teddy can/should sleep in his parents’ bed: "It helps him sleep," "No, Remus, it helps you sleep, but not me, and I'm the one who has to be up at five to go to work," "I'll have him on my side, then" "It doesn't matter, he'll still end up keeping us awake. You've got to get over this clinginess," "He isn't clingy," "He's going to be because of you, and you are because of him. Look, I know you get anxious sometimes about him being alone at night, but he's safe here. He's in the room nextdoor. Nobody is going to hurt him," "That's not what I'm worried about," "Remus, that's exactly what you're worried about. We both know it. It's OK, I understand, but you can't let it effect how we are with Teddy," etc etc.

As for their family relationships when Teddy’s older:

I don’t agree with you about Tonks being keen to hear the juicy details of teddy’s teen life, or him being keen to tell her- remember this is his mum! Plus, if Teddy’s anything like his dad, he’s a closed book. And Tonks has enough experience of Remus by then to respect that in Teddy.

I also disagree with you about Lupin getting grumpy around the full moon. In canon he gets ill, not bad-tempered, so there’s nothing there to cause arguments with Teddy. I don’t think having a werewolf dad would make school easy for Teddy (even though said dad is also a war hero). But I don’t believe Teddy would ever directly blame Lupin for that, because Teddy’s grown up seeing first-hand how being a werewolf is an illness.

Overall I think Teddy’s Hogwarts years would be a happy time for the family (as much as they can be when you have a teenager in the house!). I headcanon Teddy as always pretty independent, so him growing up and making choices would be cool for his parents to watch. Especially as he’s a bright lad, and I don’t head cannon him as having any interest in being an Auror or going into politics. Probably a relief for his parents on a personal level, but also a big signifier for them (and their Order friends) that the war’s over, and they won it so Teddy didn’t have to fight or campaign or be afraid. He can live the life he chooses. He can be normal. Well, as normal as you can be when you have turquoise hair ;)

However, by the time Teddy’s in 4th/5th year I headcanon that Lupin would be getting increasingly unwell. Probably walking with a stick and tiring easily. Of course that’s a difficult thing for a parent to experience, and a child to witness. I think Tonks would try to make this all seem OK and fail, and everyone would be miserable about it. But being a loving family makes even a miserable time a little better.

Hope you enjoyed this long answer. As always, feel free to weigh in or send Asks or Messages.

#Questions or something #Teddy lupin #my rambles #sorry for errors or unhingedess I am on a megabus on a Bank Holiday evening so anything goes

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bookwhimses · 1 year

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People who still leave comments on Cheer Up Buttercup, I love you all and your reviews always seem to come in when I’m having a bad week. I honestly can’t begin to describe how much it means to me that people reread and still love that fic. It makes me feel so proud of it.

I have something around or possibly over twenty-eight DGHDA wips. I haven’t been able to write for a long time, and I went through a period where DGHDA in particular was weirdly triggering to engage in for ptsd reasons (don’t worry, there's no fandom drama or anything, I just had a traumatic event happen irl and my confused brain put the trauma in DGHDA). The fic I want to finish most though is a Farah introspec fic I wrote for a Big Bang partnered with Juniper, who was extremely understanding about me having a mental breakdown* and not finishing it. Every time I try to go back to it I feel paralysed by my own promise that it would be the first fic I published once I felt able to write again.

I’ve come to the conclusion that this is dumb. In June I was diagnosed with ADHD. Prior to that, if someone with ADHD told me, “Oh, I have this thing I feel stuck on, pathologically unable to finish; for a long time I was unable to look at it, and now I feel crushed by the weight of my own lack of action and the responsibility and the imagined failure I have projected onto myself, but I told myself I’m not going to do anything easy before I finish this incredibly difficult task,”

I would have said to them, “I’m sorry, but sounds insane. You have ADHD. I’m not a doctor, but from what I understand you don’t naturally produce enough dopamine to ram your head repeatedly into a wall of things that sound like the opposite of dopamine. You’ve set up a system wherein you have one very challenging objective, and you cannot engage in any of the behaviours that would make that objective easier for you until you finish that objective. This is not intelligent game design, and frankly it shows a total lack of kindness towards yourself. It is clearly not working. Try something else.”

It is very difficult to accept that what I would say to someone else is also what I deserve to hear and what is true for me. But every other month I still get comments from people from somewhere across the globe who read something I wrote and felt moved by it. And I think it's worth noting – it's vital for me to note to myself – that having the kind of brain I have does come with other skills.

When I wrote Cheer Up Buttercup I didn’t go into it with a grand plan, let alone conceptualise it as anything more moving or deep than “AU where everything is the same but Dirk works at Lush lol”. I wrote that first chapter fully expecting it to border on crackfic. I think to anyone reading it's obvious that it starts off matching the beats of a standard low-stakes shippy fluff fic. I got a lot of reviews that said things to the effect of "I thought this was going to be a dumb bath bomb store AU, then it got serious, what the fuck" and, honestly, that happened to me too as its writer. I followed that vein of joy of was something fluffy and silly and camp until I unexpectedly struck something more introspective that touched on heavier subject material.

And I have to stress, I don't mean that as "it started as cheap and stupid and then became a more worthwhile and meaningful fic", because the thing I love most about Cheer Up Buttercup is how it is both stupid and meaningful. It's fluffy and silly and camp, traits which are not easy or meaningless things to write, and it draws on very personal experiences, which can be exhausting to read. I still treasure reviews which say that the fluff made the serious less confronting and more accessible, that they didn't expect a Ted talk on mental health and cognitive behaviour patterns in the middle of their gay slowburn bath store AU but it had made them want to change the way they lived their life every day.

Since being diagnosed with ADHD I have suddenly had something to blame for traits I have that have been difficult to bear or highly inconvenient my whole life. I have had many days where I've broken down crying and said that I wished I didn't have ADHD and I could just Do Stuff Normally, With Planning And No Time Blindess. But Cheer Up Buttercup wasn't planned. It was entirely organic. I only sketched out the barest of plot outlines, which quickly spiralled into something completely different while I was writing the chapter where Todd decides to turn his life around. And I don't think I could have written it if I didn't have ADHD.

(I've also had multiple reviewers tell me that they love the way I write Dirk, particularly the neurodiverse aspects of his character. I write Dirk's neurodivergent expression partially based on my own feelings and experiences, and I always knew I had autism while writing Dirk, so I tagged "autistic Dirk" often. Being told that my Dirk seemed very ADHD was one of the first things that made me go, huh?? hmmm. uh-oh. nahhhh.)

I realise that I may sound here like I have a hugely inflated sense of self-importance and like I think my bath bomb store AU is a culturally relevant text soon to be studied in high schools across the nation. I promise I have no such illusions, it's one fic for a relatively small fandom, posted when the fandom was already losing traction and when hope of any further content was very slim. But I can't talk about that fic self-deprecatingly, I refuse to talk about it with anything other than affection and sincerity because it means a lot to me for many reasons, and chief among them is how much it means to other people.

I've had so many people leave comments or message me telling me that reading that fic made them want to change their life, or that they've reread it more than once and each time it motivates them to care for themselves. To me it doesn't matter if they're as successful as Todd is, or if the change is permanent, or even particularly long – and I definitely don't take credit for work that, ultimately, they and/or their loved ones do. I also know that I'm far from the only fic writer who's gotten reviews like that. But even then and either way, the value conferred onto that 100k ship fic by even one person telling me it has made them care about themself, even for just a moment, feels so immense to me that I can't picture the scope of it in my mind's eye.

By extension I feel a value has been conferred onto me, and my efforts, and my thoughts and feelings. And my brain, and the way it works. Because all of those things were put whole-heartedly into that fic. Again, I don't mean this in the sense of ego or importance but in the sense that it feels like being given a gift which in itself is the awareness of having a gift. Having it in the sense of being given it by others, having it in the sense of being born with it, having it in the sense that I want to give it to another person. It expands endlessly onto itself, precious and beautiful and startling. And a gift is something to be grateful for.

So, yes, alright, I may have not planned this post out either at all, as I very clearly start off saying that I can't describe how the reviews make me feel, then go on to try to describe how the reviews make me feel. And yes, this post may in fact have just been prompted by someone commenting on Cheer Up Buttercup and reminding me that I've written something worth rereading, and I likely would not have written this post this way if I knew how to Do Stuff Normal With Planning And No Time Blindness. But, thankfully, I have ADHD, so I just spent some uncertain amount of time realising that it's dumb that I'm imposing Do Stuff Normal People Rules on me, when I'm a Do Stuff At Total Random With Zero Planning But Golly Gosh, So Much Heart kind of person. And instead of waiting another two years for my brain to suddenly not have ADHD so I can finish my Farah fic and then, I don't know, become a bank clerk or something, I should just find a fic, any happy little fic, and write that. And trust that wherever it takes me will be more interesting than this.

And I miss the DGHDA universe. It is practically custom tailored for Do Stuff At Total Random With Zero Planning But Golly Gosh, So Much Heart kind of people. I miss finding a way to put a horse in a bathroom in every fic. I'll stop doing it once it stops being funny to me personally.

*As in I literally had a mental breakdown, that’s why I disappeared from the fandom. Not that I was a prominent person in any way I just mean that I used to interact with mutuals and friends a lot on Discord and Tumblr and then I just sort of disappeared.

#i know like three people will see this most likely but pls dont reblog #i can't honestly imagine anyoen would i just put that tag on to anything i don't want reblogged #shout out to ao3 user aindia for the comments ily <3 #cheer up buttercup #this is not me giving up on my farah fic btw i will never truly give up on her #i've done a todd introspec fic and i've thought extensively about dirk introspec enough to have basically written one #farah deserves more content bc here's the thing you're honour she's a nightmare #MY nightmare

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