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galaxywhump · 1 year

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Difficult Conversations, Part Two

Trope: Survivor’s Guilt

Fandom: Original Work

[Masterlist]

[gray for requested, blue for completed]

Timeline: set after Difficult Conversations, Part One.

contents: rescue and recovery from slavery whump and forced relationship, medical setting (medbay on a space ship), trauma, discussion of death and broken whumpees, referenced noncon kissing, downplaying trauma, swearing.

~~~

Hey. Sorry I haven't called you. Let's talk in person when I'm back, okay? It's just a few more days.

Alright.

Wren stares at the single word, the response that came not even a minute after he sent his message, and exhales slowly. Doubts are tearing him apart, he should call, that’s the right thing to do, but he can’t imagine himself doing that just yet.

Not over a call.

He runs his fingers over the strap of the communicator circling his wrist, just to remind himself that it’s there. Johnson gave it to him and let him keep it, and he didn’t expect just how comforting having it would be.

Something he couldn’t get his hands on for two years. A link to civilization.

Before he can turn the communicator off, the sound of a new message makes him flinch.

I’m glad you’re okay.

He blinks in disbelief, but can’t help but smile a little bit. It’s the last thing he expected to read, given who sent it, but it’s enough to make him tear up. He wipes his tears away with a laugh, then types a message of his own.

I’m glad too.

He’s not okay, no matter how much he pretends otherwise and wishes he was, but he knows that now… he’s capable of being okay, eventually. Daniel is dead. He’s free. Earth’s waiting.

He turns the communicator off, closes his eyes with another exhale, and smiles.

~~~

There are people here, on the I.S.S. Brittany, and the thought still makes him lightheaded. It’s a fairly small crew, but it doesn’t seem like it after two years spent with two other people at most, with his hope of seeing anyone other than his tormentors ever again diminishing every day; he tries not to think about being surrounded by even more people when he’s back on Earth for now.

In the medbay it’s just him and Vitkus, and Johnson, occasionally checking up on him. He was instructed to continue sleeping in the medpod to ensure that the wound that had almost killed him twice doesn’t scar, but eventually Vitkus decides that it shouldn’t reopen.

“You can leave the medbay if you’re ready,” she says. “See the ship, meet the others.” She sees the panic in his eyes, and gives him a sympathetic smile. “I know it might seem scary, but you can always come back here if you feel overwhelmed.”

He nods, but he’s far from confident. “I want to try. I have to try. There will be… other people, and I can’t hide from them forever.”

“Just try to take it slow.”

He does. Walking out of the medbay feels like a feat in and of itself, and he can’t stop himself from laughing. He never thought he would consider leaving a room an achievement, and yet here he is.

The ship’s layout is similar to the ones he’s used to, so it doesn’t take long for him to find his way around - and he’s grateful for his knowledge of where cryopods should be located. He avoids so much as looking in the direction of the room. Thinking about what’s in there, how only a single metal wall stands between him and Daniel’s lifeless body, is harder to avoid, as is the brief irrational and terrifying instinct to enter the room and try to see through the frosted glass, facing his captor and the weight of what he’s done.

He has to consciously take a deep breath as Daniel’s final moments flash through his mind. His hands hurt from how hard he’s clenching his fists to get rid of the memory of closing his fingers around the gun. He can see the raw panic in Daniel’s eyes when he realized what was coming. The gunshots ring in his ears.

Vitkus lifts her head and frowns with worry when he enters the medbay and leans against the wall.

“Cryo room,” he explains, not letting any emotion show. “But I didn’t walk in.”

Vitkus nods. “It’s locked, you need a code to open the door.”

He sighs with relief. “That’s… good.”

His next trip is more successful; he chooses a different route this time.

Then he starts running into people. It’s startling, it makes him nervous, but he can see it’s mutual, no matter how casual the other rangers try to act. They exchange formalities. Bakradze. Vue. Pereira. Kumar. They address him by his rank, then seem to relax when he asks them to address him by his first name. That’s something, at least.

Still, he can see wariness in their eyes. Uncertainty. He can't blame them; now, on top of being a former victim of the slave trade, he has killed his captor too. They witnessed it. They saw him being thrown into that shuttle, they were there when the hatch opened. They saw him shivering, eyes wide, as crimson soaked his shirt.

It didn't help with his feeling of not belonging.

He doesn't hide, though. He does his best to spend time with the crew, joining them for meals, usually sitting next to Johnson. There's always a moment of silence when he arrives, but thankfully it always passes. Conversations resume, and Wren chimes in from time to time, and it almost feels… normal, reminding him of when he’d visit the canteen on his own ship, with his own crew.

Spending time around people is intimidating, but comforting; but when he finds himself getting overwhelmed, which never takes long, he leaves, just as doctor Vitkus suggested. Rather than go to the medbay, though, he sneaks out to the place he finds more comforting - the observation deck.

He watches the stars pass by, the galaxies change, and the visual reminder of getting farther and farther away from SV-240 and closer to Earth helps more than anything else could.

~~~

He's not alone in the bed.

"Gh-" He crawls out of it, frees himself from Daniel's arms, his heart threatening to jump out of his chest; he scrambles to his feet and stumbles backwards.

The bed is empty.

His breathing is ragged as he stares at the bed, which is nothing like Daniel's, it's sleek, more oval in shape.

And yet Daniel has found his way into it to hold Wren close.

Before he knows it tears are streaming down his face, and he doesn't have it in him to stop them. A sob escapes him, and he covers his mouth to be quiet.

He can't even fucking sleep.

Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you.

He shakes his head with another sob.

I love you too.

He should get back to sleep; otherwise he'll be half-dead for the next day cycle, and he doesn't want that, he doesn't want to look completely miserable.

But he can't get back into this bed either.

He leaves the room - his room, only his - and walks to the bathroom on shaking legs, careful not to make a sound. The bathroom was safe… most of the time. It's where he'd lock himself when he needed a moment, when he had to stand in front of the mirror and remind himself that he couldn't break, that there was hope.

He was right, but he still finds himself gripping the edges of the sink here, staring in the mirror.

When he first did it, he noted with a small spark of happiness that he was already looking better, healthier. That's not gone, but there's a familiarity to his reflection now - dark circles under his eyes, tear tracks on his face, a haunted expression.

"I'm safe," he whispers to himself, his grip on the sink getting tighter. "I'm free. Daniel is a fucking corpse. I'm safe."

His words barely mean anything when nearly everyone else is asleep and he feels like he's dreaming, or floating in the void. He closes his eyes and stays still for a moment, taking deep breaths, then reluctantly leaves the bathroom. His nerves pick up when he enters his room again and sees the bed.

A normal bed. He wanted to be able to sleep in a normal bed, alone, that was why he was eager to leave the medbay, but Daniel had made sure that wouldn't be possible.

Daniel embraces him and presses a kiss to the back of his neck.

Wren recoils.

He lies still, staring at the wall with empty eyes, feeling Daniel's hand steadily moving up and down his side.

He starts shaking.

He can't. He can't do this. Not yet.

He exhales, gathers the sheets off the bed, and takes them to the corner of the room; he sits down, wraps the blanket around himself, and rests his head on the pillow pressed to the wall. It's uncomfortable, and he knows his spine will pay the price, but it's his only hope of getting some hopefully uninterrupted sleep. Daniel can't get him here. He’s uncomfortable, but he’s safe, and he’s finally alone.

~~~

“People know that you’re alive.”

The world flashes for a moment, blinding Wren, and he has to blink away the shock. He nods numbly, his hands starting to shake. Why is his body reacting like that? Of course people had to find out. He’s going to be back among them soon, after all.

“We waited as long as we could,” Johnson continues in a soothing voice, looking at him with worry in their eyes. “But now the League is pretty sure they have information for most, if not all, of the trade, and… we’re going to reach Earth in about thirty-six hours. I wish you had more time, I know this must be overwhelming for you, but this information had to be made public before your return.”

“No, no, I understand,” Wren says quietly. “I’ll be fine.”

Johnson nods, not responding, their worry increasing as they watch Wren shivering, taking deep breaths, trying to calm down. Thankfully it’s just the two of them in the briefing room, so there’s nobody else to witness his reaction; Johnson had made sure of that.

“Hey, Wren,” they say, and once he looks at them, they give him a small smile. “I just want you to know… The slavers are currently being tracked down and arrested, and there are operations underway to find and rescue the victims of the trade, and it’s all thanks to you. You saved so many lives, Wren. You’re a hero.”

He flinches, eyes wide.

“I-I was just saving myself, though,” he explains, glancing away. “I had to expose the trade, but… it didn’t feel heroic.” He continues before Johnson can try to protest. “And… how are the victims?”

The heavy pause before he gets his answer only makes him more certain that there is something unpleasant at play, and that Johnson probably regrets bringing it up in the first place.

“A lot of them have been rescued already, and the people who’d bought them were arrested,” they start explaining slowly, carefully. "What they went through had a deep impact on them, but they're receiving the help they need. They're safe."

"Not all, though." There is no answer, and he sighs. "You can tell me, Lieutenant. I-I need to know."

“I understand, but you know what the answer is going to be, and I don’t think you’re ready to hear more about it.”

“They’re dead, aren’t they?” Wren lifts his chin, looking Johnson right in the eye. They exhale with a pained expression.

“Some of them, yes.”

“And others?”

“The trade had existed for years, completely in secret, so there are people who were there for years, too, and that… left a mark on them.”

“They’re broken,” Wren whispers.

“They’re alive. They can be helped. And, Wren… Even those who didn’t survive… Their loved ones have finally gotten closure, the people responsible have been arrested. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. It’s not your fault, and if it hadn’t been for your signal, it could’ve taken so much longer for the trade to even be discovered.”

It makes sense, but Wren’s mind doesn’t care for sense, not when he’s filled with doubts, when his thoughts are screaming that he should’ve been faster, he should’ve contacted the League sooner, he should’ve- should’ve-

There must have been another way, months earlier, to escape, he was just too stupid to figure it out, and because of that more people suffered. He swallows.

“I have to go,” he mumbles, standing up.

“Wren.” They try to stop him, but he shakes his head and leaves in a hurry, his heartbeat nearly painful, his thoughts fixated on all those people, dead, broken, ones he couldn’t save. And it wasn’t like his purpose had been to save them, it just happened, but now that he knows, guilt rises in his throat like bile.

Dead. He had been terrified of dying on SV-240, dying before getting a chance to break free, and that’s exactly what had happened to some of those people before his message could save them.

Broken. He remembers being an empty shell. Staring at the wall, crying soundlessly. “Happy anniversary.” Somehow he came back every time, back to being determined, but some never did, and he can’t help but think that maybe some never will.

He picks up the pace until he reaches his room, where tears threaten to overflow when he sees the bed, the damn bed that he can’t even sleep in, the clinging remains of his captivity. He curses under his breath and walks to the corner, where he leans against the wall and fixes his eyes on the ceiling, forcing himself to breathe.

Dead. Broken. And he’s here, alive against all odds, hanging on to himself, and… why? Why him? Why did he of all people succeed?

Everyone knows now.

He feels weak; he slides down the wall until he’s sitting on the floor. The thought that is so clear in his mind constricts his lungs and heart.

Everyone knows. Everyone - including the surviving victims of the trade, including their loved ones, and they can see that he’s alive, that he managed to gain the upper hand in the end, and they can question it the same way he is questioning it right now - why is he alive when the others aren’t? Why is he still himself when others had themselves being beaten and brainwashed out of them ages ago?

And now he’s crying because of a bed, and he knows that once he’s back on Earth, it will only get worse. There are people there, everyone knows what he’s been through, he’s going to be surrounded by people who are going to take one look at him and know.

“Wren?”

The door slides open, and he turns his face away to hide his tears from Johnson, as if they couldn’t see the state he’s in.

“If there’s anything I can do for you, let me know, okay? Or do you just want to be left alone?”

He wants to nod at first, but then he realizes that he wouldn’t be alone, having the nagging thoughts as companions, feeling like they’re going to crush him, hearing accusations and hissed insults in his head.

“It’s alright. You can stay,” he says, keeping his voice low to hide its shaking. There are footsteps, then Johnson sits down next to him. The only sound is Wren’s sniffling as he tries in vain to stop crying.

“I’m going to spend some time on Earth once we’re there.” Johnson glances at Wren before looking straight ahead again, not wanting to stare while he’s in this state. “So if you need to talk to someone, you can contact me. I… I’ll do my best to help.”

“Thanks,” Wren whispers. “Really. It’s just… It was just me and him on that planet and I’d… forgotten about the other people, about the trade. And that whole time they were in captivity too, suffering and dying and- and it took me so long to do anything and I feel like I should’ve done… more. And sooner.”

“You were a captive, though, just like them. You did what you could, when you could. It was so dangerous, but you did it, and now? You’re free, and so are many other people.”

“But so many didn’t make it.”

“It’s not your fault, and nobody’s going to think it is. Focus on the lives you’ve saved, and most importantly… on yourself. You went through something horrible too, and you need help as much as all the others.”

Wren frowns. He’s… feeling fine, though. Daniel is dead, he’s free, he’s still himself, more or less, and that’s more than some of the others can say.

But there is still a phantom in the bed. There are still memories, pain and torture and kisses and I love you’s. There is still tension in his body that he can’t imagine going away anytime soon. There is a part of him that remains on SV-240, in Daniel’s house, and there is so much he doesn’t want to tell anyone about, and as long as he keeps it a secret, nothing will help.

He nods as new tears gather in his eyes from the overwhelming words and emotions and realizations of the day, from the weight of being the one to expose the trade and feeling weaker than ever before, even though he’s no longer being starved, hurt, restrained.

Johnson sits with him in silence until he forces himself to pull himself together, because no matter how long he cries, it never brings him even a sliver of relief.

~~~

taglist: @faewhump @inky-whump @whole-and-apart-and-between @whatwasmyprevioususername @procrastinatingsab @funky-little-glitter-bomb @goneuntil @redstainedsocks @luminouswhump @lonesome--hunter @as-a-matter-of-whump @renkocchi @whump-only @rose-whump @muddy-swamp-bitch @girlwithacoolcat @watermelons-dont-grow-on-trees @sophierose002 @whump-headspace @to-whump-or-not-to-whump @kixngiggles @ohwhumpydays @whumpvp @tropes-for-my-md-daydreams @stab-the-son-of-a @his-unspoken-words @pumpkin-spice-whump @onlyhappywhenitpains @suspicious-whumping-egg @morning-star-whump @burtlederp

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tashidunkan · 3 months

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i need everyone to hear the story of colman domingo meeting his husband bc it's just the most beautiful thing i've ever heard

#colman domingo #graham norton #dakota johnson #sterling k brown #domhnall gleeson #everyone's reactions too 🥹#LOVE MAN #IT'S EVERYTHING

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frenchtwistagain · 1 year

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#book #books #lecture #reading #english #language #anglais #sterling johnson

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gleesonarchive · 3 months

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NEW • Domhnall tells the iconic doppelgänger story on Graham Norton. 😆

Tune in tonight for the full episode!

#domhnall gleeson #2024 #graham norton #talk show #dakota johnson #paul russell #colman domingo #sterling k brown

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weclassybouquetfun · 2 months

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Oscars tonight,

but while the awards are preparing to be handed out, who are the red carpet fashion winners?

Spoiler Alert: Disappointingly, not Colman Domingo who has been killing all awards season. This is too moderate for me.

He still looks tremendous, though.

It's Eugene Lee Yang of NIMONA!

MORE FASHION

Ryan Gosling (with sister and parents)

(Ken) Kingsley Adir

(Ken) Ncuti Gatwa

(Ken) Scott Evans

(Ken) Simu Liu

Cillian Murphy

Robert Downey Jr.

Double dating with Chris Hemsworth and Elsa Pataky

SOCIETY OF THE SNOW Enzo Vogrincic

Bradley Cooper - I love the flared pants

Matt Bomer

Omar Rudberg (in Prada)- hate, hate, hate, hate. You don' have your tits out at the Oscars. That's a Golden Globes thing!

Sterling K. Brown (love the sash effect)

Teo Yoo (Past Lives)

John Magaro (Past Lives)

Ramy Youssef

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson

Dominic Sessa in Tom Ford

Christian Friedel (Zone of Interest)

Milo Machado Graner (Anatomy of A Fall)

Mamoudou Athie

Taylor Zakhar Perez in Prada. Love the cornsilk.

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velvet-underground-groupie · 1 year

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Billy Name's quote about Edie Sedgwick becoming a part of the Silver Factory from the American Masters Andy Warhol Documentary (2006)

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barrylyga · 11 months

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With a gorgeous cover and incredible interior art by the inimitable @colleendoran, GENERATION WONDER hit shelves one year ago today!

The New Age of Heroes launched with 13 amazing stories by some astonishing authors, including Sarah Maclean, Paul Levitz, Sterling Gates, Danielle Paige, Morgan Baden, Anna-Marie McLemore, Varian Johnson, Lamar Giles, Joseph Bruchac, Elizabeth Eulberg, Matthew Phillion, Axie Oh, and yours truly!

If you haven't already sampled the delights awaiting you in this anthology, I implore you to do so now. You can order it here:

#generation wonder #colleen doran #barry lyga #elizabeth eulberg #sarah maclean #morgan baden #paul levitz #lamar giles #varian johnson #anna marie mclemore #audiobook #superheroes #origins #sterling gates #axie oh

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blondie20000 · 1 month

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Books I have read in 2023. Rating out of 5 🌟

Drama

Lean Fall Stand by Jon McGregor. 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Rebel Robin (Stranger Things Novel) by A.R Capetta 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Runaway Max (Stranger Things Novel) by Brenna Yovanoff 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Rise of The Governor (The Walking Dead 1) by Jay Bonansinga 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Road to Woodbury (The Walking Dead 2) by Jay Bonansinga 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Fall of the Governer Part 1 (The Walking Dead 3) by Jay Bonansinga 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Fall of the Governer Part 2 (The Walking Dead 4) by Jay Bonansinga 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Mrs England by Stacy Halls 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Essex Serpent by Sarah Perry 🌟 🌟 🌟

Palace Rogue by William Coles by 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Romance

The Ex Hex (Ex Hex 1) by Erin Sterling 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Kiss Curse (Ex Hex 2) by Erin Sterling 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Ugly Love by Colleen Hoover 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Hex Appeal by Kate Johnson 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Dead Romantics by Ashley Poston 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Just Like Magic by Sarah Hogle 🌟 🌟 🌟

This Christmas by Emma Heatherington 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Thriller

Take Your Breath Away by Linwood Barclay 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Godspeed by Nickolus Butler 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Breathless by Amy McCulloch 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Shadow House by Anna Downes 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Watching You by Lisa Jewell 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Girls in the Garden by Lisa Jewell 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Night She Disappeared by Lisa Jewell 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

I Found You by Lisa Jewell 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Down by the Water by Elle Connel 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Insomnia by Sarah Pinborough 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Home Before Dark by Riley Sager 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Chain by Adrian Mckinty 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Island by Adrian Mckinty 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Too Late by Colleen Hoover 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Verity by Colleen Hoover 🌟 🌟 🌟

Fool Me Once by Harlan Coben 🌟 🌟

Mystery

The Other Mother by Michel Bussi 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Sanatorium (Detective Elin Warner 1) by Sarah Pearse 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Retreat (Detective Elin Warner 2) by Sarah Pearse 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Christmas Killer (DI James Walker 1) by Alex Pine 🌟 🌟 🌟

Killer in the Snow (DI James Walker 2) by Alex Pine 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Winter Killer (DI James Walker 3) by Alex Pine 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Darkness on the Edge of Town (Stranger Things Novel) by Adam Christopher 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Silent Cry (Detective Gaby Darin 1) by Jenny O' Brien 🌟 🌟 🌟

Deal Breaker (Myron Bolitar 1) by Harlan Coben 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Drop Shot (Myron Bolitar 2) by Harlan Coben 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Fade Away (Myron Bolitar 3) by Harlan Coben 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Coffin Road by Peter May 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Cove by L.J. Ross 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

Horror

This House Is Haunted by John Boyne 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

The Whistling by Rebecca Netley 🌟 🌟 🌟

Haunted by James Herbert 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

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squeamishnerd · 4 months

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The Brights

Chapter 27: What's up With the Fungis?, Part 4

← Previous part Next part →

Link to master post with all chapters

⠀

Kristy: Janie just texted, she's on her way.

⠀

Kristy: And she says she's bringing a new friend who's a former Bot Savants member.

⠀

Janie: Hi, guys!

⠀

Julia: Hi, I'm Julia, sorry if it feels like I'm crashing the party.

Kristy: Not at all. I heard you were in Bot Savants last year, I'd love to talk about that.

⠀

Julia: I left the organisation due to ethics.

Kristy: They mentioned that. We rewrote the organisation purpose right after I joined, so now we repair bots instead of building them.

Julia: That sounds so much better.

Kristy: Yes, and all the bots are super happy about it.

⠀

Daisy: I'm getting bored. How about we try to get the others to join us for some juice pong?

Bruce: Sure.

⠀

← Previous part Next part →

Link to master post with all chapters

#the sims 4 #show us your stories #the brights #britechester #pepper's pub #julia wright #janie johnson #kristy sheehan #kit bae #daisy shane #bruce sterling #sims

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postpunkloser · 2 years

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galaxywhump · 1 year

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Another Arrival

[SV-240 masterlist]

Timeline: set after Difficult Conversations, Part Two.

contents: recovery from slavery whump and forced relationship, illness, medical setting (medbay on a space ship), mention of therapy, very vaguely implied past death.

Disclaimer: Nathaniel is an abusive father. Neither he nor Wren ever addressed the abuse, so they sporadically kept in touch after Wren moved out. Because of that Nathaniel will be appearing in a few post-captivity pieces. There will be a resolution to this arc later on, but for now every piece featuring him will be tagged with his name, as well as #tw childhood abuse and/or #tw childhood trauma where applicable. Stay safe!

~~~

About twenty-four hours before arriving on Earth Wren wakes up shivering, feeling as if his head had been stuffed full of cotton, pressing against his skull, causing constant dull pain.

“That… was to be expected,” Vitkus says after taking his temperature. “You caught a cold.”

“Just a cold?” Wren looks at her in disbelief, wrapping the blanket he’s been given tighter around himself. “I feel like shit.”

“You spent a long time on a whole different planet with alien viruses and bacteria,” Vitkus explains, pulling a chair closer to sit by his side. “Your immune system is… struggling.”

Wren hums, letting his eyelids drop for a moment. It makes sense. It’s been years, but he can still vaguely remember the fever after being bitten by an alien animal, and Daniel telling him afterwards that it must have been caused by the bacteria on its teeth. Then he must have gotten used to them, and now… now this ship is an alien environment, and Earth will be too.

“Great,” he sighs. “Defeated by the common cold.”

“You’ll feel better soon. But that reminds me… You might not like this, but once we’re on Earth, you’ll need to first spend a few days in the hospital.”

Wren winces.

“Because of my immune system?”

“Among other things, yes. We also need to make sure everything is alright in general, this medbay can’t do everything. Besides, it will give you some extra time for you to get used to being on Earth again. And…” Vitkus pauses for a moment. “You’ll need to receive psychological help as well.”

This time Wren flinches, his heart suddenly beating faster.

“Oh,” is all he manages to say at first. “Really?”

It’s a dumb question, he realizes as soon as it leaves his mouth, but somehow he hasn’t really thought about that, despite Johnson telling him he was going to receive the help he needed. And this is the kind of help he needs, isn’t it?

Vitkus nods.

“You can take all the time you need, Wren, but therapy will be strongly advised. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overwhelm you.”

“It’s okay, I get it,” Wren replies even as strange pressure in his chest makes it harder to breathe. He decides to blame it on the cold. “I just haven’t… Yeah. It’s a lot. But it’s okay.”

Vitkus silently nods again with a sympathetic smile, and Wren closes his eyes and grimaces when the pounding in his head gets stronger.

“I-I think I should rest a bit. I don’t really want to be half-dead when we reach Earth,” he manages a dry laugh.

“Of course. And… you can do it, okay? We’re here to help you.”

“I know.” His smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “Thank you.”

~~~

For a few minutes he contemplates going to the observation deck to watch Earth get closer and closer, but in the end he decides against it. He doesn’t trust himself not to start crying - he’s close to tears just picturing the planet in his mind.

Breathing is a struggle as he’s walking down the corridors towards the main hatch, accompanied by Johnson. He’s trembling, and he can’t even blame it on the cold - he really is feeling better already. Everything around him is a blur. He’s aware of the other crew members looking at him as he walks past them, probably saying something, but he doesn’t hear them and barely sees them, only focused on the feeling of the spaceship slowing down, gently moving downwards to dock.

There is nobody else near the hatch, and he’s glad that the crew has decided to give him space. Perhaps they simply don’t want to witness his reaction, which he suspects will be anything but mild, but he appreciates it nonetheless. He stops and crosses his arms, taking deep breaths, and his stomach sinks when the spaceship stops completely with a barely-there tremble. Silence rings in his ears.

“Are you ready?” He hears Johnson’s quiet voice. At first he shrugs, then forces himself to take another deep breath, and nods before he can change his mind.

A hiss reverberates in his ears and the hatch opens.

He can’t see much through it yet, only the - familiar - dock, and he feels like his feet have been encased in concrete, making it impossible to take a single step. He throws a glance at Johnson, who smiles and nods towards the hatch. They want to give him space too, then, allow him to leave the ship at his own pace, when he’s ready.

He will never be ready, so there is no point waiting around for something that isn’t going to happen.

Every step requires inhuman strength, but he keeps walking until he leaves the ship, his body tense to the point of pain, his heartbeat almost painful.

His gaze is immediately drawn to the sky and he forgets how to breathe.

It’s a cloudy day, but that doesn’t upset him in the slightest. The sky is obstructed by a soft layer of silvery clouds, but in one spot there is a patch of bright light, only one star lighting the planet up, a star he knows well.

His legs threaten to buckle under him, but he forces himself to stay standing, and he manages to tear his gaze away from the sky and look forward at the lone figure standing motionless like a statue. His throat is squeezed tight and he loses the battle with tears gathering in the corners of his eyes; he laughs in disbelief and walks down the gangplank, his steps getting quicker and quicker as Nathaniel Rackham smiles and approaches as well. Wren’s feet touch the dock, touch Earth, and he breaks into a run, not caring about acting stoic. Nathaniel nearly stumbles when Wren embraces him.

“Hey, dad,” Wren says, laughing through tears. “I’m back.”

Nathaniel hugs him back tight, laughing too.

“You’re back,” he repeats. For the first time in his life Wren can hear tears in his voice. He doesn’t even mind that his father’s embrace is so stiff and awkward, and he chooses not to pay any mind to how few times they’ve hugged throughout his life.

He doesn’t want to let go, scared that all of this is going to disappear, that he’s not really on Earth, that this is just a cruel trick, but he knows he can’t stay like this forever, even though time seems to have stopped at the empty dock. With a sigh he pulls away from the hug, looks at his father’s face and immediately shakes his head with a choked laugh, trying to wipe his tears away.

“Sorry,” he says, fighting to stop crying, but it proves to be an impossible task. Nathaniel just smiles slightly, his eyes glistening with tears too, which is a sight so absurd Wren’s still not sure he’s not dreaming.

“It’s alright. You- I-” Nathaniel frowns, unable to find the right words. In the end he simply rests his hand on Wren’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “Let’s get out of here.”

“Yeah,” Wren whispers. “I-I have to go to the hospital first, though, I don’t know if… you know?”

“I know.” Nathaniel nods towards where Wren still remembers the exit is. “There’s a car waiting for when you’re ready to go. I’ll go with you, of course.”

“Okay.” Wren looks up to take in more of the sky. The air filling his lungs isn’t cold, but it’s not very warm either, and he frowns. “What… month is it?”

“August. The fourth.”

“The fourth…” he repeats. The day he came back to Earth.

It’s… different. He knows, of course, he’s painfully aware, that over two years have passed, but learning the exact date feels like an unexpected punch to the gut, a bitter reminder.

He left Earth in November, but it was a November forever ago.

Lightheadedness overwhelms him. He’s on Earth, but Earth has long moved on. He’s found himself back here on an unfamiliar day. All of a sudden he feels so small here, so lost, strange terror grips his heart, but he shakes his head to clear his mind and looks back at his father.

“Let’s go,” he says quietly.

On the way to the car he stares at his own feet, emotions tearing him apart. Anxiety, melancholy, the ice-cold feeling of being completely lost, of not belonging - but above all, still able to overshadow them, are happiness and relief. He’s back. He’s on Earth. Nothing and nobody can take that from him again.

He gets in the back of the car, which feels almost ridiculously mundane. With a deep breath he dares to look out the window when the car starts, but quickly has to look away when dizziness hits him again from the sight of all the buildings, all the vehicles, all the people-

Small steps. He looks down at his hands folded on his lap and smiles.

It will be okay. I will be okay.

Back at the docks a cryopod is carried out of the ship, but at this moment there is no place for it in Wren’s thoughts.

~~~

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#recovery whump #medical setting #slavery whump #forced relationship whump #illness cw #therapy mention #wren rackham #terese vitkus #sterling johnson #nathaniel rackham #sv-240 #my writing #as expected once i finished the previous chapter my motivation came back #amazing

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