#strange I guess coming back to this

[waywardstation]

WIP FRIDAY

I apologize for getting this out two days late, I’ve been busy with lots of packing and events! But I have a little reprieve, so I wanted to post another WIP; this one is from Heart Full, Bowl Empty.

BE AWARE THAT THIS SEGMENT INVOLVES A CONVERSATION REVOLVING AROUND UNWILLING BUT INTENTIONAL STARVATION. I know there are people who say they can’t read this fic because of themes like this, so be aware of this before reading this WIP!!

I included this snippet in today’s WIP because I have like three versions of the entire segment this snippet is from. I feel like it’s a really important segment with a really important conversation, and I’ve had a hard time balancing all the emotions the way I want to between Ingo and Akari, with frustration, sadness, anger, and empathy, to realistically get them to the resolution I want at the end of it.

The final version will probably only include a few parts from this particular segment.

Enjoy!!

—————

“I knew it! You’re doing it again!” Akari’s eyebrows scrunched, trying to understand through the frustration. “You said you wouldn’t!”

“Circumstances will improve soon.” Clearly done with the conversation, that was all Ingo said, but it was confession enough that he had fallen back on his word. Shame contaminated his voice, but if there was any regret, he hid it well.

“No, it won’t!” They were not even half-way through winter yet. “And you know it won’t!”

Ingo said nothing as the kits carefully moved around his slumped form, finding comfortable places to settle around him. She didn’t know if he intended to snuff the conversation out with angered silence, or if he was just too exhausted to care about arguing with her anymore. If it wasn’t for his small occasional signs of movement or acknowledgement, she’d think he was actually sleeping.

Akari carefully stepped into the nesting layers, moving to sit down next to Ingo. She settled with her back against the cavern wall, pulling her knees close as a few kits shuffled around to accommodate her. “You know I’m right.”

Huffing out an irritated sigh and nothing more, it didn’t seem like Ingo had any intentions to engage with her argument anymore.

“You couldn’t even pull yourself up over the ridge,” She prodded at him again, trying to motivate more conversation out of him. “I had to help you!”

“There are many, many factors that go into that.” A reluctant answer, perhaps a reflexive attempt to quell her worry; Ingo feebly rubbed his wrapped hand, almost as a display for his excuse.

“I’ve seen you do more when you’ve been hurt worse.” Akari retorted, a little softer now but still cold.

Ingo’s eyes remained closed, though his hardened expression implied that it came across as more accusatory than she’d intended. But perhaps it was precisely the time to be accusatory.

“Ingo, you’re so tired all the time now – you stopped coming to the training grounds because you just can’t make the trips all the time anymore! And you’re sleeping so much more than you used to, and it’s like you’re always hungry all the time, even though all I see you doing anymore is gathering food!” Akari’s voice grew more jagged as she continued to jab at him, entirely uninterrupted.

It was getting difficult. With Ingo’s tunic still sopping by the bucket, still somewhat red from the exhausted effort of washing out the blood, it could not hide the ribs that pressed out just a little bit more, or help fill out what the waistline had lost under the loosening belt. The abject dread of directly acknowledging that was too much.

“And- and look! You aren’t even willing to hold a conversation with me anymore, and I don’t know if it’s because you just won’t, or because you can’t!” The kits shifted uncomfortably as Akari retreated back into her own frustration instead. “People think you’re sick, Ingo! They’re asking me about you! What are you doing?”

The exhausted man remained where he laid in the nesting material, only moving his hands to rub at his face and sigh — a deep, forced sigh that swelled his side before releasing. Akari almost didn’t think he’d answer her, but with some effort, he propped himself up first onto his elbows, then slumped forward. The teen watched him run shaky fingers through his hair as he sat next to her.

“…I don’t know what I should do.” The guilt. The weary guilt cracked his voice and tore Akari’s anger down to heartache.

#ref for fic #BE AWARE THIS IS DISCUSSING INTENTIONAL BUT UNWILLING STARVATION #tw starvation #just in case #cause I know not everyone vibes with this story #and I’ll say it’s been weird myself returning to these segments I wrote months ago and re-reading them #AND TO BE MORE CAREFUL I talk about a personal situation sort of dealing with this below #a lot has happened in the timeframe of originally writing this and coming back to this #at the end of fall I got very very sick and it lasted well into February #I unwillingly shed thirty-five pounds because I could not eat #and I didn’t notice at all until I stopped and realized just how tight I had to make my work belt #even when family members pointed it out during the holidays when they’d hug me #it wasn’t until someone got very concerned and did something about it that I realized just how bad it was #I’m sure people remember when I mentioned I had gastritis #that’s what all this was I just never really went into detail about how bad it truely was here #so coming back and reading this segment specifically #having written it months before I went through any of this #felt really really weird and a little uncomfortable #I edited Akari’s accusations a little to fit my situation more about a month back #because I did not realize just how much more stuff like this would make you want to sleep #at least in my experience #but it’s been very very just #strange I guess coming back to this #it doesn’t make me want to not work on HFBE anymore it just feels very weird

[lab-gr0wn-lambs]

It doesn't sit right that Daryl is old enough to be Jigen's dad.

#hate that Jigen is supposed to be in his late 20s to early 30s #this man was born middle aged and divorced #whereas 40yo Norman Reedus burst onto screen giving Angry Teenager #GUESS who finally remembered how to draw cartoons by the way #sorry to y'all who liked my strange lil semi-realism moment but that's not what I was going for and it's probably not coming back lmao #comfort characters #comfort character #the walking dead #the walking dead fanart #twd #twd fanart #daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanart #lupin iii #lupin iii fanart #jigen daisuke #scribbles

[thatumbrellaoni]

Deep in my enemy I find the lover;

Scene from a post-DSOD AU (ryou sandwich = tendershipping + gemshipping) I've been picking at for a while.

Part I is detailed here (contains malik/ryou but the relationship ends).

Part II is in progress (the actual tender/gem saga).

Everything will be posted under the #occult killer au tag when it's done. But here's a summary, so major spoilers.

Post-DSOD, supernatural entities start targetting Ryou. While figuring out why, he fights them with the help of his friends. On top of that, Bakura reappears, followed by Thief King Bakhura―and it definitely doesn't help when Ryou instigates/ends up in a very complicated (and physical) relationship with the two.

Eventually, the mystery unravels. The final entity reveals to Ryou that he's been an anomaly for a very long time: He was supposed to die in that car crash as a kid, but due to being Bakura's destined host (the events of YGO needing to happen), the accident took Amane and his mother in exchange. This devastates him.

What Ryou and Yugi initally thought was a "new evil" born because the Millennium Items were disturbed once again during the events of DSOD is really just the Outer Gods now more aggressively trying to restore a long lost balance (Ryou has "died" a total of three times in YGO but is brought back each time because of Bakura/'s influence). As long as Ryou's borrowed lives are not "returned", entities will always be after him/attempt to take the lives of those around him as compensation.

"Death is your gift."

This AU started because of two things: ① the slew of fanart I see of Ryou beating Bakura up/threatening to throw the Ring away, ② Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer reminding me of Bakura 🤭 (demon, pale hair, black coat, Spike dresses like a punk vs JP Bakura talks like a street punk, Buffy is stronger than Spike vs Ryou defeats Bakura in Monster World). I'm like, ah yes. Tendercore jk.

Anyway, the story takes some inspiration from Buffy (scenes and lines are borrowed), but it's not a 1:1 AU. It's not a vampire AU either. This comic is actually inspired by dialogue from Buffy S6E10.

If you're wondering what's up with Bakura's outfit, it's based on Takahashi-sensei's illustration (the IG link there no longer works). It plays a role in this story btw (even the nail polish). It's not just a glowup to me!

#bakura ryou #yami bakura #tendershipping #ryou bakura #dark bakura #thatumbrellaoniart #ygo #yugioh #occult killer au #yuugiou #umbrella #bakubaku #imagine bakuras surprise when he returns and ryou beats him up when he steps out of line #it fucking hurt but strangely he is aroused #as for thief king... if youre familiar with buffy yall can take a guess how he comes back maybe #theres also angstshipping in part 1 since malik echoes angel/angelus' role #it ends tho #and no weird dangling of it like in buffy #we are spuffy/Bakubaku here #I just want something about ryous constant resurrection because I dont see anything about it ever #ryou most underutilized character #so much potential you can do so much with him! #so look at me #Im the captain now #if this story were a lighthearted comedy itd be called how to train your demon #also this is not a love triangle

[rainymoodlet]

feelin super-dee-duper normal abt this sim i made for @buglaur's handsome cowpoke...

#the more i stare at her the more i know they're gonna end up best drinking buddies who arm wrestle at 4am but gdi #i'm fixing her wickedwhims this time so she's at least ATTRACTED to the guy #i will never forgive naomi :((( never. #she's supposed to have a godawful farmers tan but guess who forgot that when she went to take pictures :))))) #this sim made me want to do sim requests tbh fkjdhfds im boutta revamp my whole sim style and then finish these one-on-ones #and then boooom into the rose ceremony and hiatus!!! before i come back for sim reqs when i have the time mwahaha #;extras #this is sawyer!! i forget her last name but it started with a c #i would die for her and also she owns a shot-gun and also she hates you probably (she prefers animals) but she's got a chipped front tooth #and a heart of gold i promise you #in my mind she's a horse behavioral therapist dskfdf #also yes that's just dallas with hair fight me :c i have one pretty base sim eat me #after dallas f!sims with hair look STRANGE to me dskfhdf #sim: sawyer cavazos

[demodraws0606]

You know I think there is something interesting to say in terms of where the fuck WxS is going because like

I think WxS is the only unit where the end goal or overall progression is probably the most unknown out of all of them ???

MMJ and VBS are extremely obvious, they both have the most explicit goals that are said to us in a straightforward way

25-ji, in the end we know the main goal at the end will be for all of the characters to go over their hurdles with Mafuyu finally being able to find herself and move forward

Leo/need is probably the closest in terms of vagueness but we know the end goal is clear for them to grow as a band, probably ending in a big concert or something along those lines

But with WxS...like I guess the closest thing I can see to an end goal is all of WxS preparing a show together with everyone playing their part but that definitely doesn't feel like something you'd build up for an entire arc and definitely not something that feels fitting after the emotional turmoil that was the disbandement arc ???

In terms of physical achievements as well they literally revived an entire parc through one gigantic show, so it just comes into question what they can do now.

Then you look at their first few event for this arc considering usually the first event kinda set up what will be planned for the future but it's...weird.

Yeah, Tsukasa and Rui's events set up they're inexperienced and how they will grow in the future but also there is this weird feeling of something feeling off ?

The plays/scripts all are strangely depressing, the play in Tsukasa's event being about a failed writer planning to drown himself (which I believe is one of the only undeniable explicit description of suicide ever in the game?????) and the second being someone whose given up on life meeting their estranged sister only for her to become ill.

We even have Emu's side story in Rui's event where they watched the movie Rin was watching during the event made by the same producer and Emu herself note how depressing the story is (meanwhile the main character of the movie clearly parallels Rui)

We don't see the conclusion of these in-game stories as well, lingering on their worst moment never really seeing the presumably happy conclusion.

THEN we also have Emukasa fes which....again strangely different in tone from what you'd expect a WxS fes card, they're not really all that conclusive either. Tsukasa never aknowledges how he relates to the brother in the story and Emu doesn't really get a conclusion on her grief.

Then we also have Rui's entire fuckign event with the cards and his cyberpunk deadbo-YOU SEE WHAT IM SAYING

The closest we fucking have to knowing what WxS's fucking endgoal towards the story is, is fucking WL which....TELLS US NOTHING

At least with VBS we know that they're goal is to go even further beyond and conquer the whole world, that is a developpement of their goal.

What I'm saying is I don't know what the fuck colorpalet is cooking wiht WxS but I feel like i'm a fucking twilight zone reading the way they're writing WxS now because I can't be the only one feeling insane at how weird all of this is

#wxs #wonderlandxshowtime #project sekai #pjsk #prsk #wxs prsk #wxs pjsk #reading this fucking unit feels like i'm stuck in a strange hell dimension where everything just feels like foreshadowing or some kind of #fucking wink colorpalet is oding at me like it's not the first time they've done insane foreshadowing with wxs #in fact its the norm #i wish i could know what goes on in their head when they write these clowns cos i swear i can't understand what the fuck they're doing #like with other units i can geyt like a general idea #but like WxS ???? #they could go literally anywhere with them #i guess going to broadway could be like a huge goal but like ????? #it doesn't FEEL WxS yknow ? #especially after the disbandement arc which we technically haven't gotten really a conclusion for because...Emu's still gonna come back ?? #So like what do we do when Emu comes back to Pheonix Wonderland ????????????? #Cos I do think WxS would want to come back to perform but ESPECIALLY nene's dreams are kind of incompatible with that #cos we know she wants to perform all over the world like her idol #It's just #I guess I'm waiting to see what kind of unholy bullshit colorpalet has for us after the pain that was the disbandement arc #i was also tired while writing this so if this seems extremely rambly thats why #i'm just losing my mind

[devilfic]

I feel like a lot of people confuse battinson!bruce’s social awkwardness with being shy

sometimes I see people describe bruce as being this shy, nervous, shaking chihuahua of a man who will curl up into a fetal position if a social situation stresses him out and as funny as that is to imagine… I think a lot of people are forgetting that bruce could NOT care less

like. bruce isn’t scared of the public eye. he doesn’t like it. he’s not shy, he’s awkward. I’d argue the only times he’s truly close to being shy (and I’d argue even further that he’s just. disarmed) is when he’s around selina

when bruce is uncomfortable in the public eye like at don mitchell’s funeral, it’s not because he’s scared of what people will think of him. if bruce cared what people thought of him, he’d have started playing a more active role as CEO years ago. that’s not what’s happening

he’s uncomfortable because he’s there to get a lead on the riddler case (the only thing he cares about) and he’s inconvenienced by being noticed. he’s not nervous. he’s annoyed!!

#this is also why he just. leaves conversations once he’s done talking to someone as batman #and everyone is like oh that batman. leaving in the middle of conversation like that. what a strange guy #bruce as bruce is just upset because he can’t do that without it inconveniencing him #because of bruce wayne was ‘rude’ then he’d have to deal with tabloids and press and alfred and bruce just wants to get back to sleuthin’ #*if #trust if he could just walk away from social interactions without it damaging his reputation in an inconvenient way then he would 100% #and lest we forget. comics bruce is a bit of a bitch andhdjsh #I like to read him as like a toddler itching to get out of their church clothes because it makes them feel itchy #he feels most comfortable as batman because he doesn’t have to worry about pretending to be nice and friendly. he’s there to do his job #I’d also like to add that he is also disarmed around children!! #I don’t think I’d call that shy either. he’s still just awkward and struggling to know what to say #but guess who he darts for the minute that car comes barreling into the church? #the batman #battinson #dc #mjspeaks

[strangesickness]

more losers swimming au richie headcanons...

richie's back is so fucked up. he's been swimming since he was seven and he's been a butterflyer since he was ten and you can see it in his posture.

the muscles in his shoulders are horrifically tight to the point that sometimes just touching his shoulders can cause him pain

he's pretty used to it though and he isn't typically even aware he's in pain. ben will remind him to straighten out his shoulders and ask him if his back is sore and he'll be like. oh wait. yeah you're right it does hurt.

he frequently bothers his friends into giving him massages. they'll be watching TV and he'll sit down on the floor in front of their legs and just whine until they give in lol

none of them know how to do massages though lol

he loves cracking his back when he's with eddie or stan. he'll just randomly twist where he's sitting and his back will make a horrible rice krispies noise and they'll be horrified and disgusted.

if he wants eddie to pay attention to him he'll just crack his back and eddie will whip around like "WAS THAT YOUR FUCKING BACK?????"

richie hates having wet hair. he loves getting his hair wet, that part is great, but being out of the water and having wet hair is one of the worst things in the entire world to him. but he starts putting it in a bun when it gets longer so it'll fit under his swim cap and having it up in a bun makes it not that bad

while we're on this actually, when richie started swimming he had short hair and could easily put his swim cap on, but when it got longer he couldn't figure out how to get his hair to stay in his cap so he had to get his friends to cap him <3333

OH ACTUALLY! okay um this is kind of hard to describe but theres this thing where person A will be in the water and person B will be standing on deck and person B flips a swim cap inside out and fills it with water and then drops it on person A's head and if the stars align it'll flip back to the way it's supposed to be AND be on person A's head (they do it at the 1:10 mark in this video if you're curious). so anyways, richie loves doing this to eddie. eddie will train without a cap since his hair is short and richie loves dropping a cap on his head when he's not looking. 99% of the time it doesn't work because eddie will notice him and spin around to see him and then it like falls off the side of his face. but like. that's also funny so.

richie always always smells like chlorine. like most swimmers smell like chlorine, but it just sticks to him more than others for some reason. it's way stronger on him than most people. he has had multiple people ask him "why do you smell like chlorine" when he's sitting next to them at school.

he loves the smell of chlorine though so it doesn't bother him lol

once he gets his license he's always bringing food to practices. it'll be like 9pm after practice and him and the rest of the losers are hanging out in the dark on the floor of the activity centre they train at eating donuts richie picked up

when he's younger his hair is awful, if you rub it between your fingers it'll make a sandpapery sound. but then when he's older and growing it out he starts buying fancy swimmer shampoo/conditioner and it makes his hair so nice lol. all of the losers are horribly offended that he has such good hair as a swimmer.

ACTUALLY. i know this is a richie post but. blonde hair eddie agenda... the chlorine lowkey bleached his hair and now at the wrong angle it looks green. he is deeply offended by this, especially since none of the other losers are suffering as he is.

richie's skin is so dry oh my god. he breaks out during the off season because his skin is naturally oily, but then he has the opposite problem during the swim season because his skin dries out so bad and it clears his acne but also his skin is so cracked and dry lol

a lot of swimmers have perpetual knee bruises that almost look faded? from getting out of the pool and banging their knees on the edge so frequently, but i think richie just bruises easily so his are not faded at all and he just constantly has very purple and green bruises on his knees from the pool.

big shouldered richie my beloved... he has massive swimmer shoulders and his wingspan is huge. eddie is normal about this.

richie helps coach the little kids at the club and he loves getting to shout (kindly, swimming pools are just loud) out instructions and the kids love him because he's always willing to get in the water and he plays games and tells jokes when they're waiting forever for their race at swim meets.

he is number one running hater, he hates it so bad and he thinks it's cruel and unusual, he has thrown up before after running stairs and it was awful and terrible. he considers ben and eddie to be traitors of the highest order for not only being good at running but liking it.

#i know this might come as a shock to you but guess whos back has been acting up again. #guy who can't stop projecting #richie tozier #it 2017 #it 2019 #it stephen king #it chapter 2 #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #posts afflicted with a strange sickness #strange ramblings

[wildpokemon]

Aang airbending in (almost) every episode (x)

~~ S01E01: The Boy in the Iceberg

#we're back boys!! #ngl it feels very strange coming back to atla after so many months away lolol #but as always the first eps are super fun to color #so many nice blues #atla #atlaedit #animationedit #cartoonedit #aang #katara #sokka #avatar the last airbender #airbending every ep #my gifs #mine #<- (all those tags courtesy of me circa nov. 2020 when i started this but didnt finish so these have been chilling in my drafts since #and i guess im committing to actually doing them all now wish me luck lmao)

[bibridlizzie]

Absolutely ridiculous that we didn't see Hope Mikaelson didn't kiss a girl ONCE. Like not even in her no humanity arc. Like unbelievable.

#lizzie too but like. her arc very much feels like a realization one and i think it makes sense she didn't get to that point i guess. but #hope??? like she never had a girlfriend and i think that sucks for me but i get that she was in love y'know. bi girls can just date a guy #if they want. good for them! and can also only kiss guys. like being attracted to more than one gender is not conditional. thats not my #point. hope didnt kiss Anyone other than landon i know but its just strange to me that they didnt have her kiss anyone as nh hope. and #also i just feel like we shouldve seen her kiss a girl. just in general. #idk. like when she was dancing with the girl in the bar she could've kissed her yknow. wouldve made sense. or just anyone #also her humanity turned off bc of losing landon and shes overall like im not who i used to be and shes never coming back so im just like #it wouldve made sense?? for her to kiss or hook up with other people. not necessarily a girl but it could've been

[mattibee]

honestly im still not wrong about terastalling being/causing a manifestation of dreams and desires but it sure is also timey wimey i guess

#coatlythoughts #didnt expect the seeing the dead at the crystal pool to come around in that way tbh #it is strange though.. why did terapagos do that.. #and it like. i think implies that you gave an alternate dimension arven his parent back? since they say theyll go home and read briars book #and you have the book arven has throughout the sv main story.. #but that also happened?? in our universe?? thats the hint for that cutscene?? #like you could say maybe prof had multiple copies but idk the scribbled name implies its The Copy from their childhood no? #tbh i dont really like it having actual spacetime powers so im going to pretend thats also a dream/desire #the player wishes for their friend arven to have had a better life somehow #and terapagos manifests a token that may or may not indicate that you influenced that in another timeline #just like the paradox pokemon are a token that may or may not indicate that the prof's 'paradise' is real #though i guess the scarlet/violet books being real throws a wrinkle into it since they also saw the paradox mons #BUT THAT WAS ALREADY A WRINKLE CAUSE PROF DIDNT SEE THEM UNTIL THEY MADE THE TIME MACHINE!!!! AUGH!!!!!!! #terapagos itself might also be a manifested token of briar's desires for heath to be right if we wanna keep spiralling about it #not only wanting terapagos to be real for vindication reasons but also her desires to control and understand terastalling further #what better way to fufill that than a pokemon you can catch that has. immense control of that energy #basically what im saying is its all a dream but like in a fucked up way thats also real #paradox mons is tulpas i think

[ssruis]

Aside from the noble platypus I also feel like rui would really enjoy these animals:

Mola mola/Sunfish

Anteater

Echidna

Kiwi

Kākāpō

Axolotl

Horseshoe crab

Gibbon

#i have reasoning for all of these beyond ‘they look funny’ trust #mola mola are just. so fucking weird man. they’re so odd. their back fin grows back on itself? they’re so rigid it reduces drag #but they ‘swim’ really slowly? they swim similar to how a bird flies. just sideways. largest bony fish. they bask to get enough warmth #to allow them to dive super deep to forage for food (cold blooded so they’d be fucked without doing that) #anteaters are interesting. did you know they’ve (the giant ones) killed jaguars and humans before #because they walk on the knuckles to keep the huge knives on their feet sharp and their threat response #is basically just ‘swipe blindly (poor vision) at whatever comes close until it stops coming back’ #echidnas are fellow monotremes (only ones besides the platypus) and are just as strange #they also have electrosensors (~2000 compared to the platypus’s 40000) and a similarly low body temp #(second lowest of all mammals after. u guessed it. the platypus) and are actually decent swimmers despite looking Like That #kiwis are weird beasts. #massive eggs compared to their body size. rely more on scent than sight because their eyes are so tiny and under developed. #kākāpō are the heaviest parrot and also the only flightless parrot. they also kinda resemble owls face wise? and they’re green. #evolved with no natural predators and are currently being fucked over by invasive rats #axolotl is self explanatory #although to give a fun fact the wild type is naturally brown. the fun colored ones would be easy prey in the wild. #& they’re capable of going through metamorphosis (like how tadpoles -> frogs) if exposed to the necessary hormones #but they don’t produce it on their own #horseshoe crabs despite having crab in the name are more closely related to spiders/ticks/scorpions than crabs #& gibbons are included because 1 I’m biased towards my favorite animal 2 only species of lesser ape. live in family units. #tbf I think he’d like all apes and probably prefer orangutans/chimps but I’m saving you the extensive lecture on great apes #here at ssruis we strive to be educational. #biology cool. despite me dropping out of the program (treated as premed at my college and I could NOT do chem let alone orgchem/physics) but #i liked biolab/the units abt animals ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ #rui

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

Just found out my two siblings are in my mom's will, but not me. Also my grandpa has told the entire family about his engagement. Except for me. Also my dad told my siblings that he and my mom bought a plot of land. Can you guess who they haven't told?

#these tags are about to be a massive trauma dump tbh so avoid if you want #when i was fifteen i came out as trans. and my mom was terrible about it. and my dad was up for a promotion so we were considering moving #and i found a list of my moms pros and cons for moving. on the pros was 'people there dont know about (deadname)' #so that was ideal for a suicidal fifteen year old to find. and tonight i just learned that im not in her will #both of my siblings are. but im not. and its just always been like this #im treated like im not part of the family anymore. and it's been that way since i was fifteen #i heard from my brother that my grandpa is engaged. and he told both my siblings about it directly. he never told me #i reach out to my parents. i never hear back. my aprents text my sibling to check on me (sib and i live together) #everything is kind of shit rn. one of my rats is dying. my family doesnt love me. im broke. my best friend and i arent really talking #because he fucked my ex gf and now things arent really the same anymore. strangely enough. he doesnt reach out anymore #so i have no one to talk to about any of this shit #last night i was crying about my rat and i guess my roommate heard it cuz this morning they said #'are you okay? if you ever need someone to talk to who will never bring it up again you can talk to me' #and thats the most loving thing ive heard from someone in months. from a woman ive known since august #im. just. at a loss. since i found out tonight. that im not in my mom's will #its not about money. or assets. its about the fact that im her fucking child and both of her other children are in it but im not #after she dies shes willing to help them out but i can get fucked ig #i wonder if im gonna be invited to my grandpas wedding. i wonder if any of them would want me at their funeral #i wonder if any of them would come to mine

[justisco]

had the day off work today so went to the cinema by myself for the first time ever and can inform you all that strange people go to the cinema in the middle of the day

#there was a guy in there #he obviously had some issues #he kept getting up and walking around #before the film started he got up and went and sat right at the front #then went back to where he was #he climbed over some seats #would leave the cinema for like 20 minutes at a time then come back in #at one point a staff member came in with a pair of binoculars??? #looking for him i guess?? #then after another long stint out of the room #he came back got his stuff and left #but shouted something on his way out #was soooo strange #anyway the holdovers is good

[seventh-district]

.

#Seven’s Public Diary #vent post #cw vent post #vent #cw vent #wound mention #sighs deeply #had to take my shirt off for someone recently for medical reasons and while 'oh you poor thing..' is far from the worst response ive gotten #it's definitely still strange to hear. like i'm not rlly surprised‚ i am aware that i'm an upsetting sight #and i keep myself covered all the time to avoid upsetting people that can't handle the sight of marred skin #but i've grown so comfortable in my body over all these years that an interesting side effect of that is that i tend to forget #just how shocked and upset and worried ppl tend to get when they see me. it's almost funny. the sad kind of funny i guess #guess i'd rather laugh than dwell on the knowledge that i'm a set of walking trigger warnings that must be censored #anyways. that experience combined with the stressful and tiring process of tending to a wound on my back for the last 2 weeks #has me thinking about Ch. 5 of AEIWNF. for... reasons. so maybe i'll finally make myself draft and post that today #there's so many things i need to make myself do but the appeal of just sitting alone weaving bracelets and binge-listening to TMA is strong #the urge to be alone and craft things while listening to stories told through a lo-fi medium... where does it come from #that's a rhetorical question i know exactly where it came from. i'm just turning into both of my grandmothers lmao #what's the line. 'i've got my grandmother's veins in the back of my hands' what's that from. it's a Wonder Years song right #Hoodie Weather!!! yeah that's it. man i haven't listened to that in ages. maybe that'll be today's weather report #anyways. what else can i vent about. uhh. it's getting harder and harder to put my thoughts into words and that's concerning! #i'm fighting the desire to push everyone away again even though it feels like i should. i'm too toxic of a person #like. talk to any of the people that have ghosted/blocked me and they'll likely tell you to stop wasting your time on me lmao #and they'd probably be right. i'm so caught up in my own issues that i feel bad for anyone that tries to be friendly to me #everyone gets sick of my shit eventually. i'm overbearing and self-centered or you don't hear from me for months. there's no inbetween #i wish there was. god i wish there was #i'm never active on here anymore bc i feel like if i am then that's disrespectful to everyone waiting to hear back from me #but it's so much easier for me to post and reblog stuff than it is to talk one on one with literally anyone #it's not even social anxiety atp there's just something wrong with my brain. like not to self diagnose but Something's Wrong #okay that's enough whining. gonna go try to do something productive to make myself feel less useless

[eurovision-del]

I am thrilled to see that Luxembourg is going to be returning to Eurovision next year! I almost didn’t believe it at first until I saw the source was the official site - it seemed so out of the blue! The contest is always better the more countries that are involved, and I’m super excited to see what they’ll send. I do hope they focus more on local talent than they used to back in the day though! Also, hopefully this is a sign the EBU is serious about getting previous participants involved again - I’d love for more to follow!

#eurovision #esc2023 #or should I tag it esc2024 #seems a strange time to announce it in the middle of this week #but I guess that’s when the most attention is om the contest! #people have been talking on and off about Andorra for a while #I’d lost hope of any of the long term absent countries coming back honestly but if it was going to be anyone I’d have guessed them! #would love to see them and Monaco back #and ideally Turkey Slovakia Hungary etc. #though I know there’s a lot of factors involved…

[fangparade]

why is it not socially acceptable/doesnt feel comfortable to flat out ask someone "hey. are you interested in me? i am interested in you, so if you feel the same we should hang out"

#would make my life atm a lot easier #but it feels weird to ask because it seems idk. too straight forward #why is society built like this ?????? why are people so strange and cryptic when it comes to this ? #i guess it's because we dont want to lose face. so everyone sort of holds back until they both can confirm that the feelings are mutual #but god it would be easier and less of a waste of time if we could just speak clearly with one another #txt