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bookandcover · 10 months

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It has been far too long since I wrote one of these. I’ve gotten out of the habit. I’m also out of the habit of reading thoroughly in the way I long to, and best enjoy. It is thorough reading that lends itself to these reflective writing pieces, to tracking my thought process about a book. I have been in the habit of rushing through books for my book clubs during the busy school year. With the advent of summer break, I hope to return to that depth of reading and reflection. Let’s start with The Vegetarian.

I read this because I loved (and was disturb, challenged, and changed by) Human Acts. Han Kang has a new book out that I hope to read this summer as well. This book has much of the same dream-like thinking, gritty realism, complex psychology, and weighty symbolism that made Human Acts so compelling. Like Human Acts, the choices around narrative point of view (who tells their story and whose story gets told) feel deliberate, strategic, and powerful. This book felt a bit less mature as a novel than Human Acts, which makes sense given it’s an earlier work by Han Kang. I felt that the framework of metaphor and meaning was a bit harder to piece together here. There were more different loose threads and more questions remaining for the reader at the end of the book. I left the novel wanting just a bit more clarity, of the type that I had gotten from Human Acts.

That being stated, there was so much in this novel that was evocative and memorable, and which will stick with me—as imagery, as emotions, as concepts—over the years.

We begin with Yeong-hye’s dream. It’s the dream that moves her to stop eating meat early in the novel. The nature of this dream is revealed only in fragments, as Yeong-hye’s narrative point of view is never included (she is never given a voice, in her own story). In fragments scattered among her husband’s narration, we see parts of dreams (some of which, I later realized, draw on real memories from her childhood). This left me unsure of what Yeong-hye’s dream really was: the dog dragged in circles after her father’s motorcycle until death (later, it’s clear this is a memory)? A strange moment of cannibalism (bodies in a barn, teeth sinking into flesh)? A face in pain that repeatedly confronts her? The weight of all the dead things she has eaten settling over her heart, their bodies in her body? The dream that changes Yeong-hye could be all of these things, one of them, or none. The brutality in all these images is clear.

I deeply internalized this early explanation of Yeong-hye’s vegetarianism because it is—bizarrely, incredibly—exactly like my story. I became a vegetarian more than 13 years ago after a dream. I woke up the next day and I never ate meat again. Full stop. I have a different explanation I often give for my vegetarianism: that week, my town’s last small farm (one where my family had often volunteered our work efforts, and where we had befriended the generational farmer) went out of business. No longer able to survive as a small-scale, local operation in the face of climbing costs and competition from factory farms, the farmer went bankrupt. She needed to get rid of all her animals—about 200 sheep and 200 chickens, and 100 cattle—in 48 hours. My mom and I had helped with this, strategizing together, and my mom made phone calls to plead with people we knew to take some of these animals, so not every one would be sent to slaughter. This experience forms the backbone of my vegetarianism. Despite raising sheep and seeing other 4-H kids sending animals to slaughter, I understood that the real enemy was the factory farm operations in which animals were raised cruelly and unsustainably in order to drive down costs. I wanted to practice what I preached and one small way to do that was to not eat products I knew were coming out of the factory farming system.

This is the rational explanation I give about my conversion to vegetarianism. Even from myself, at times, I think I have hidden away the dream. The dream is what really changed me because—in the dream—I felt everything. I understood the horror of the factory farm on an emotional, not a rational, level. My dream feels hard to explain or share because words don’t adequately capture what it felt like, still so vivid in my memory all these years later. When the topic of my vegetarianism arises, I spend a lot of time not looking at my dream directly. In my dream, I was in a warm, dark space. There was the breathing of hundreds of other animals all around me. I could feel their presences and their bodies pressing in around me. I’m not sure what form my own body took, but I perceived the dream from the eye-level of the other animals. Among them, I felt a kind of individual invisibility, a kind of blended “togetherness.” But then, I suddenly understood what was coming. I saw with crystalline horror the future just in front of us, as we were being funneled out of this dark enclosure and slaughtered. Sliced at our soft throats, second jaws gapping, dangling. I could smell the blood. I could feel the deep terror in my body, like a cramping pain inside me. The certainty of death washed over me, and the need to stand in that certainty, to just anticipate it. I woke up, shocked awake.

The impossibility of adequately explaining how this dream felt to me, and how I woke up changed from it, makes the early fragmentation of The Vegetarian accessible to me. What is it to try to articulate the dream that redirected an essential thing? It’s better for us, the readers, to stay guessing a bit about what, exactly, is the dream. Anything less than this would feel cheap.

Yet, this novel, it quickly becomes clear, is not really about vegetarianism. Unlike Yeong-hye, my conversion to vegetarianism went that far and no farther. Yes, I know the people in my life responded much better than Yeong-hye’s did (in fact, all my immediate family members subsequently became vegetarians), but Yeong-hye enacts a complete disengagement with the exploitative world humans inhabit and normalize on a daily basis. What is this book really about? It’s about control, and gender. It’s about obsession, and art, and self-awareness. It’s about power, and nature, and what makes a life worth living (or ending).

The three narrators—Yeong-hye’s husband Mr. Cheong, Yeong-hye’s brother-in-law, and Yeong-hye’s sister In-hye—play out different responses, different levels of understanding, and different personal battles in the face of Yeong-hye’s increasing mental, emotional, and physical deterioration. While a key theme across the Han Kang books I’ve read is the problematic nature and impacts of the patriarchy (the violence, both physical and psychological, that men are permitted to enact on women), I felt a surprising amount of sympathy of a key male figure in this text: Yeong-hye’s brother-in-law. While Yeong-hye’s husband’s narration is repulsive in its dismissiveness of Yeong-hye’s inner life and personal experiences, and Yeong-hye’s father is revealed to be a key abuser in her childhood, Yeong-hye’s dynamic with her brother-in-law—while problematic—felt more mutually painful to me as a reader. I mention this because the brother-in-law’s narration feels like an area in the book of incredible nuance worthy of discussion. While it would be difficult to disagree about the problematic and outright morally wrong role of Yeong-hye’s husband and father, the role her brother-in-law plays is more complex. In-hye’s horror at discovering her husband and sister’s affair seems fully justified. She seems right to perceive her husband as taking advantage of her sister as her sister descends into madness. However, the brother-in-law seems to exhibit some striking similarities to Yeong-hye in a way that unites and binds them together. His obsession with the image of her Mongolian mark, and the flowers blooming on her, feels reminiscent of her obsession with the face from her dreams. An obsessive image is destroying him (his destruction includes that of his family, his role in his family, and his societal obligations). Distraught with obsession, both characters have something they want to get from the other, something they believe can be achieved by their union: relief. Viewed in this light, the brother-in-law seems as powerless in their affair as Yeong-hye does. Both are desperate, helpless, and mentally overwhelmed to the point of making choices they would not have made under normal circumstances. This feels like interesting commentary on human psychology, on the lengths we are willing to go to alleviate mental suffering, to distract or regain control of our own minds.

During this section of the novel, I wondered whether this brand of “vegetarianism” (obsession with plants, becoming plant-like oneself) could spreading from Yeong-hye to her brother-in-law. I tried to remember (and later Googled) the kind of fungus that inhabits and controls the human brain (turns out, this is only in Science Fiction…) This infectious plant theory feels like a too-literal explanation for a more figurative arc of the novel: what does it mean to consume or be consumed? What are all the different ramifications of consumption, of eating? In the third part of the novel, there is a similar expansion of Yeong-hye’s mental state to include and impact the person closest to her. In-hye’s does not understand her sister’s condition immediately or easily. She struggles to relate to her sister when she, herself, puts “making it work” and “holding things together” above all things in her life. But she comes to understand as she visits her dying sister in the mental hospitality and witnesses the cruelty of stripping Yeong-hye of her agency, of trying to force her back into life by maintaining her body, when it’s her will to live that is being squashed. As In-hye watches doctors force-fed her sister who refuses to eat, she sees the shadows of their past in which she choose stability over freedom (she chose to return herself and her sister to their abusive father, rather than run). She finally truly sees her sister’s transformation, and longing to change states and forms, the way she is “armored by the power of her own renunciation” of meat and, in this armor—like thick skin, like bark—Yeong-hye becomes incredibly plant-like (and increasingly free from her own mind/subjected to the consumption of others). The proximity of nature, the closeness of tree and woman, returns throughout this novel. Yeong-hye insists she does not need to eat, as she—like a tree—feeds from the sunlight. Her choice to not eat meat eventually becomes a choice to not eat at all, or to not eat in the way we humans understand eating…which involves consumption and eradication, rather than transformation.

There are several central images that, as I’ve mentioned, will remain with me. The death of the dog, both memory and dream, is one of these, as Han Kang is excellent at creating literal imagery with powerful metaphorical and philosophical resonance. This brutal scene immediately called to mind Achilles dragging Hector’s body around the walls of Troy, the public viciousness enacted by the victor, the visibility of brutality that is part of the process of control. It is not the same as violence conducted in secret. It is both more honest and more deeply performative. The second wave of metaphorical echo that flowed over me reading this scene was the Stations of the Cross, as Jesus carries the cross to his death and falls the first time, and falls the second time. This echo across the literary ages also highlights the brutality of humans (the acts of violence of which we are capable), but also the longing for redemption which is as fundamentally human as violence. Yeong-hye ate the dog meat. And, years later, her body seeks redemption, a kind of spiritual transformation, to purge that act of violence from the place in which it is held and remembered: the body. The physicality of Han Kang’s writing is as directly confrontational as I could imagine, and she pairs this physicality with deep moral complexity and nuance, so we are left seeking the meaning of these images that we—like Yeong-hye herself—cannot expunge from our minds.

#The Vegetarian #Han Kang #Human Acts #Vegetarianism #tw: descriptions of animal death #important reading #critiques of the patriarchy #South Korean Literature

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kunstmull · 3 years

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The Ruins

So I finally finished Matosman’s book, and I have... thoughts.

First off, I overwhelmingly enjoyed it. It was gripping, and intense and so moreish I inhaled the whole thing in 2 or 3 days. It was a Fun Ride, and very much ~Relevant To My Interests~ swinging from music industry machinations to architecture to KOLLAPS to hints of psychogeography and hip namechecking of all the right occult tidbits, and yes, it’s very obvious that this is a man who has watched Performance over 100 times = A++ would read again

But.

My god, it reminds me why I don’t read fiction written by cis men.

There were two female characters, they had important plot points and yes, they (eventually) had a conversation with each other (the conversation was reported rather than detailed so I couldn’t tell you if it was about something other than A Man). But these female characters had no internal lives. One had literally had her voice removed and replaced with a piece of software that stripped her words of emotional content. And the main woman, the Love Interest character - the author made it a feature of her, that she had no internal life - SPOILERS - that she described the way she felt she literally only existed when other people (all men - boyfriend, son) were looking at her. And the way she repeatedly asked the narrator, “What’s it like, for you men, to ::have an internal life::?”

A charitable interpretation was that this was lampshading, but it felt too much like the trope itself, rather than lampshading the trope. You cannot tell if it’s just the character, or the author himself that believes that women do not have interior lives / creative urges / escapist worlds, and that annoyed me. (Even more annoying, because Suede’s main lyricist is so good at capturing women’s internal lives!)

Other than that...

The worldbuilding was fun. The insights into the music industry were wonderful, and it really showed that it was a book about musicians written by a musician, who actually understood everything from ‘how backstage passes work’ to ‘the recording process’ to the internal wranglings of bands and their weird jealousies and rivalries that can both fuel and tear apart the creative process. That was amazing.

Because of their names, it was so, sooo hard not to read the rival musicians as Br*** And***on and D***on and I can only presume the mirroring of their names as intentional? (And an absolutely hilarious dig at the thieving mockney who has made a career out of sucking the marrow out of more creative artists. Come on!)

But is Brandon really Brett Anderson? Nah, mate. I think he’s someone else - I think he’s much more Brat, the made-up creation where Mat used to pose as Brett in interviews and do exaggeratedly over the top satire of the media image of the kinds of outrageous things that ‘Brett Anderson’ was supposed to say or do.

The identical twin thing is done to death, as a trope, but I thought that the duality of Brandon/Adam was - not just a clever homage to the identity-switching in Performance - but it felt very much like an acknowledgement of the duality of the Rock Star. Something Brett talked about a lot in his own autobiographies - the distance between person and persona. After such a period of almost stratospheric hype, that the members of Suede experienced an almost catastrophic disparity between the cartoons of the ambitious, outrageous, narcissistic, controlling personas, and who they were (or weren’t) at home - shy, fatalistic, failure-stained weirdos living in a dream world? Brett talked about finding himself being two different people at the same time. I think that the Brandon/Adam split was something that made that manifest. All of Suede were turned, by their media baptism by fire, into two people. That idea - that one twin murders the other, and the survivor has to knit both of them back together - that comes from Performance, but it also seems like something that Suede had to do, as human beings once the storm had passed.

Anyway, I found it a fascinating and gripping book, and of course I read too much into it, but isn’t that what shy, dreamy Suede weirdos are supposed to do with this stuff? That Kimi, at the end, literally said, don’t connect the dots, don’t give answers, leave the stuff open to interpretation because that’s what hooks us crazy, obsessive fans... or something...

#the ruins #mat osman #swayed #reading far too much into things #long post

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cheri-translates · 4 years

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[CN] Victor’s R&S - So-called Disparity (Eng Translation)

🍒This R&S (“所谓差距”) will not be released in EN or any server as it’s one of the cancelled R&S which came with the Dream Heart Lake gacha event!🍒

This is a full translation, so you can follow along with the narrator if you want to!

Summary: Goldman recognises that the gap between him and Victor isn't actually that large - it simply spans the Amazon River.

Cancelled Victor R&S:

> flashback

> six out of seventeen

> paradise on earth

[ Chapter 1 ]

Goldman entered that university as the third highest scorer in his entire province. Before that, he always felt like students who jumped off buildings in high school were mentally weak, and were making a fuss out of nothing. It was only after entering university that he knew how blessed he was to be a frog in the well.

Goldman has always had a pretty good mentality. A normal person would require a semester to get used to the psychological gap of being a big fish in a small pond instead of a small fish in a large pond. However, Goldman only needed two weeks - to be more exact, thirteen days, to adjust.

In his own words, it was something like this: “There is sky above the tallest mountain, and there is land under the deepest sea. This is very normal. I’ll never do something which puts me at a loss like jumping off a building. I, Goldman, have an eighty year old mother and an eighteen year old girlfriend--” before he could finish speaking, the neighbouring scholar snatched the reins of the conversation.

“I couldn’t tell at all. Just because you say something, it doesn’t mean it’s true. Show me a photograph!” The air in the surroundings of the dormitory, which was originally full of pretension, was altered by Goldman’s words.

In a sense, Goldman had a talent for being a “coordinator”.

The first time he heard of the name “Victor”, Goldman had experienced life as a university student for a month.

“Do you know the guy from 207? The one from the economics department... I can’t remember his name right now, but he’s the one who dresses very stylishly and always has a group of ladies running behind him.”

“Ah, I’ve seen that guy before. I think his surname is Gu. What about it?”

Goldman continued cutting voting slips for the student union, but his ears had long since developed a mind of their own, eavesdropping on the two people engaging in idle conversation.

“He seems to have invested in a business run by a few third year students, and they even promised to return him thrice the principal amount in a month.”

“It’s obviously a trap.”

“Let me finish. I originally thought so too, but that guy actually bought a new car!”

“Could his family be wealthy to begin with? Come to think of it, being able to buy a car means the amount he invested as a principal sum must have been quite a lot.”

“Who knows. Anyway, he has been advertising for those third year students recently.”

“Are you stirred?”

“I am, but it was a recruitment for an intern assistant. The opportunity to earn thrice the amount is gone, tch tch tch.”

“If you think about it, If we could learn how to earn thrice the principal amount, it wouldn’t be a bad idea to be an intern.”

“It’s not rare to see such businesses come to a premature end halfway. What if you end up wasting your time if you can’t prove that you did an internship there?”

“That’s true. Also, I’m not even certain what it is they do... it feels a little weird and scary.”

The speaker didn't mean it, but the listener heard it. That night, Goldman knocked on the 207 dormitory, and heard the name “Victor” from the man whose surname was Gu.

Even though he just experienced the blow of seeing a Gold Olympiad medal in the room of this scholar, Goldman was not to be trifled with. If other people didn’t dare to test the waters, he won’t be the first one to stupidly try.

Which is why in the following year, Goldman adopted a wait-and-see attitude.

[ Chapter 2 ]

Goldman interacted with Victor in person in his sophomore year, after he thought to look for an internship.

At that time, the newly established company which was still in its incubation stage was not Goldman’s first choice. But as a full-time sophomore, it was difficult to guarantee the prerequisite GPA in order to receive an offer from the top 500 companies. Which is why decided to try knocking on the doors of the new company.

At first, what went through Goldman’s mind was - if this company was unable to develop, he’d just go somewhere else. After all, there was still time to find other internships.

In the end, halfway through the interview, Goldman realised that the issue wasn’t whether he wanted to join the company, but whether it was willing to give him a fighting chance. Those who fluently recited their prepared lines and rehearsed repeatedly said that they failed to be accepted into the small company called “LFG”.

In actuality, Goldman’s self-introduction was cut short not even after thirty seconds, by a sharp-eyed man with short black hair.

“I only have one question. What will you do?”, with an emphasis on the word “you”.

Goldman noticed that when the young interviewer asked this question, the other interviewer had a hand to his forehead.

“Huh?”

In just two seconds, Goldman was left dumbfounded. However, as a student leader from the student union for such a long time, he reacted quickly after a slight pause, and started talking grandiloquently about his experience of attracting financial support for businesses.

This was an experience Goldman felt proud of and thought could prove his capabilities, which was why he was full of confidence as he talked about it.

He didn’t expect that... it wouldn’t be enough to satisfy the interviewer, who, at a glance, looked like he wasn’t good to get along with.

“I’m asking what you, Goldman, will do.” It wasn’t even a question this time. Separated across the table, Goldman could easily sense the other party’s brimming impatience.

“Ah, Goldman, don’t be anxious. What Victor means is that if you weren’t endorsed by the school, do you think that company would still support you? And what is the reason for that?”

Thanks to the other interviewer, Goldman’s interview could continue.

When Goldman left the company, whatever impression he had of that “saviour” was merely an outline - his short hair was dyed brown, and he looked pretty easy to get along with. Apart from that... he couldn't remember anything.

The thing he remembered was that sharp gaze, that impatient tone, and that emphasis on “you”.

Oh, so that’s Victor.

Always observant, one moment didn’t slip past Goldman: the interviewer with the genial expression looked at the CV on the desk before calling his name.

But Victor didn’t.

On hindsight, Goldman wasn’t sure how he managed to pass the interview. Perhaps it was because Victor chose based on impressions?

Just like the moment he met Victor in person - even though he was stunned by Victor’s aura, there was a sense of expectancy and admiration in his heart.

Vice versa - Did Victor also experience something back then - a shred of “good feeling” which explained why he allowed Goldman to pass the interview?

But Goldman would never have the courage to verify the answer to this question with Victor.

Even more so when the reputation of LFG grew, causing Goldman’s courage, which wasn’t very large to begin with, to shrink even further.

[ Chapter 3 ]

In the year of his graduation, Goldman had a few choices:

One - pursue postgraduate studies in his major as the top of his class. Two - accept one of the offers from the world’s top 500 firms. Three - continue staying in LFG and working together with Victor.

Goldman eliminated the first option - he was in no mood for further studies. Back then, the reason why he entered the country’s top university was to find a good job in the future. Now, since he already had the second option in front of him, doing a postgraduate wouldn’t mean anything to him.

Goldman had a long struggle between the second and third options. He even specially called his parents in his hometown to seek their opinions.

“Being a trainee is essentially meant to train me to become part of the management in the future. If I go to that company, I just have to work hard and one day, I’ll make it big.”

“Mm, and a large platform means a stable job, and a broadened view. As for the salary... it’s around this amount at the start.”

“If I stay at my current company? I’d probably continue getting scolded by my boss every day. Although the prospects aren’t bad, it might close down anytime.”

“Boss? Oh, actually, he’s a senior who’s older than me by two years. I’ve interacted with him for two years, and he’s all right, just that his temper is a little bad.”

“How do I have a bad temper? Mum, you have no idea that compared to him, your son is piteous little sheep who hasn’t even learned how to hurt someone!”

“And I wasn’t mistreated or bullied. Your son’s skin is tough like iron! It’s not like you don’t know it. Also, I'm not the only one who gets scolded by him. If he only scolds me or can’t tolerate me, why would I follow him? Your son isn’t that silly.”

“Anyway... I feel that following him has enabled me to learn quite a lot of things. I’ve also thought about it - to use my youth to give it a try, and if I really can’t do it, I’ll find another job.”

“My classmates from different fields? They’re either inheriting a business, or going overseas for advanced studies, and can’t give me any advice at all.”

“I’ve been so worried these two days. Mum, which one should I pick?”

Talking garrulously on the phone, Goldman was best described as “a baffled person on the scene.”

[Note] The first part of an idiom is used here - “当局者迷，旁观者清”, which loosely translates to “The person at the scene is baffled, but the onlooker sees clearly. It refers to how outsiders tend to have a better perspective on matters.

He was completely unaware that he had already made an important decision during his discussion with his mother.

[ Chapter 4 ]

Although Goldman had indeed made a decision after graduation that only a hot-blooded youth would, he wasn’t the type of person to get frenetically excited over something.

As a man, he even allowed himself to wallow in a gloomy mood for a few days each month. This “dejection every month” became all the more inevitable when his understanding of Victor gradually deepened.

At the very beginning, he wanted to learn things from Victor, and from LFG. Honestly speaking, Victor did teach him how to get multiple returns on a principal sum in a short period of time, and he was also exposed to the many rules of the market. But there were still many things that he just couldn’t get a hold of no matter how hard he tried.

For example, strategising. For example, structuring.

The gap between himself and Victor... how should he put it, it wasn’t that large - it simply spanned the Amazon River. Even though the gap wasn’t as frightening as the Mariana Trench, it was still a distance that he couldn’t cross through sheer hard work.

How did the proverb go? All roads lead to Rome, but some people were born in Rome. Whether it was Victor’s thinking or his vision, these were things Goldman couldn’t learn.

Sometimes, he felt discouraged when thinking about it. Despite being born into a good life and having handsome features, Victor was still so hardworking. In that case, was there even a point for a normal person like Goldman to work hard?

On one particular day, when he was harbouring such a dejected feeling, he accidentally spilt coffee outside Victor’s office. To make matters worse, Victor was sitting in the office, witnessing the scene of the coffee being overturned.

Goldman was certain that he would get chewed out by Victor: Just like the time when he made a mistake and missed an underselling opportunity, had an incorrect financial leverage, and pasted wrong labels on documents, etc...

Or maybe he’d hear a clicking of the tongue, or receive a glare. But he never expected that this time, Victor’s response only comprised of four words: To err is human.

“Boss, are you talking to me?” At that time, Victor was not yet LFG’s CEO.

“...who else? Would I be talking to myself?”

Oh, it’s that familiar tone and familiar taunting, there’s nothing wrong - that was what the junior thought.

“Boss, are you in an especially good mood today?” At that time, Goldman was not yet as overcautious as he is.

“...I guess so.” A pause followed. When the senior opened his mouth again, it was uncertain whether it was an invitation or not. “The company going public is something that is more or less done discussing. When the time comes, I’ll need a CEO assistant.”

Such a light tone caused both parties to involuntary think of what happened during the interview a few years ago.

“...if you do that again.” his gaze was cast towards the mess on the floor. Victor’s tone was as calm as always. “I’ll do an external recruitment.”

Only after three seconds did Goldman understand what Victor was saying.

In just three seconds, the Amazon River became the limpid, clear stream outside his old home.

In this mirror-like stream, Goldman suddenly saw himself clearly:

Actually, Goldman had never sought to possess Victor’s air of a monarch.

To him, it was enough to be acknowledged by such a “king”.

After three seconds, apart from “dejection every month”, this little assistant had another motivation to press on.

Other cancelled R&S: here

Lucien’s cancelled R&S (by other user): here

#mlqc #mlqc cn #mlqc victor #cncancelled #Goldman why do you use so many idioms T^T #mlqc goldman

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kimkymury · 4 years

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Blue Rose Tears - Chapter 9

Hey everyone, another chapter of Pascal x Carl fanfic is here, I hope you like it!

I’d like to thanks @depressedoverdrawings for for reviewing the history and help fixing grammatical errors.

Warning: Just a little warning, some characters have distorted views about sexuality, and those views do not represent what I think in real life. This was written on purpose to suit the environment and the time that the story takes place, since at that time people were more closed minded.

The Portuguese Version of this story is avaliable on Wattpad: https://www.wattpad.com/963625097-as-l%C3%A1grimas-da-rosa-azul-cap%C3%ADtulo-9

Under the cut!

Chapter 9

P.O.V Narrator

The boy who had been concentrated on the teacher's lecture now found himself exchanging messages with the friend next to him. Carl's every movement was made with care and apprehension, fearful that they'd be discovered. On the other hand, the red-haired boy didn't care so much about discretion. His indifference towards the classes was evident: every time he attended the class, he always counted the minutes to return to the laboratory. The dark-haired boy discreetly unfolded the paper he was given, preventing the act of unfolding it from making any noise and hiding it in one of the pages of the book. The almost illegible handwriting was one of the scientist's characteristics, and it took a little effort to understand what was written. Carl was already used to it, reading what was on the paper was not a problem.

Carl begins to read the note hidden inside the book:

"Latin truly is a dead language, they could teach us actually useful things, like Biology, ne in vobis? (Don't you agree?)"

The last part of the sentence was written in Latin. The redhead liked to make clear that the fact that he found the subject useless didn't mean he was ignorant of it. Complaints on his friend's part were common, Carl just didn't think he would expose his whining during class. Pascal looked at him as if waiting for an answer. The dark haired boy needed to think about what to write and return the paper without causing suspicion. The pencil slides over the surface of the paper quickly, as the writer struggled to make as little noise as possible. The redhead is pleased to receive the small piece of paper back, he opens it and gets ready to read and answer. Carl's careful and beautifully rounded handwriting carried the words the scientist had already expected.

"I know you prefer to study other things, but you need to learn Latin if you plan to graduate someday."

Carl's words were so predictable that Pascal had an answer ready, he just needed to know if it was the right time to make his proposal. The small piece of paper is passed again to the friend, who was eager to continue the conversation, despite being afraid of getting caught.

"We have yet another class after lunch, the teachers must be trying to destroy our brains, like this. I was thinking of going to the greenhouse to pick new species of flowers after noon. Would you like to join me?"

The religious boy repeatedly reread what was written, for fear of being mistaken. Had Pascal just invited him to go the greenhouse during class time? The friend's habit of failing on purpose was known to everyone, and no one was surprised when they didn't see him in class. But with Carl it was different, he was the complete opposite of Pascal, he could count on the fingers of one hand how many absences he had in an year. It would be risky, they could be caught, punished, warned and maybe even their families would know. His good nature and rigidly constructed morals screamed at him to refuse the invitation, the fear and emotion of being doing something wrong mixing together. But the desire to spend some time with the redhead proved greater than all that. Fervently hoping that they wouldn't be seen or discovered, the dark-haired boy internally asked for forgiveness for what he was about to do, feeling unimaginable guilt. But it was his curiosity won the control over his actions, not his guilt. The note is returned slowly. Carl could not believe what he had written, there was still time to change his mind, but he didn't.

Pascal opens the paper and smiles, satisfied with what he'd read. The opportunities to see his friend doing risky things were rare; he liked seeing him leave his comfort zone.

"As long as we don't get caught, I accept." - That small sentence was enough to end the message exchange. Now they had to calmly wait until the right time.

In a way, the scientist wasn't so bothered by how long Latin class was taking now, he seemed distracted, thinking about what was going to happen, with a simple, surreptitious smile on his face. The religious boy, on the other hand, turned his attention entirely to what he was learning. For him the hours seemed endless, as he felt a sickening mixture of anxiety and excitement at the same time. He'd never agreed to doing something so risky before. The truth is that Carl would have refused the invitation had it been made by anyone else, but with Pascal was different, he knew that he would have fun, as long he was with his friend. It was a time that deserved to be spent and a risk that was worth taking, he concluded. And while the religious boy was lost in his thoughts and feelings, the scientist's mind worked at full speed. He was extremely determined in what he did and felt, and didn't make the proposal to his friend without a proper reason behind it. He wanted to put his feelings to the test.

With his chin on one hand and a bored look that watched the professor read the passages in the book, Pascal remembered what it had been like to discover what he felt. It was a strange feeling, it wasn't like anything he'd read in his biology books. It was a genuine happiness, that seemed to have no particular cause. He was surprised, but he was not disappointed, after all, he knew he was liable to have feelings like anyone else. He just didn't expect those feelings to be for the person he least expected. Someone who was by his side all the time, someone who probably wouldn't feel the same way about him. Frustration was part of his life, but the frustration he felt now burned like impotence, it wassomething that even made him feel physical pain. Discreetly, the red-haired boy's gaze turned to the boy next to him; he carefully analyzed his friend, who was concentrated on what he read. The white skin had few imperfections, just a few slight marks, too subtle to be noticed. The hair was as dark as black ink, its texture was smooth, and it looked thin, soft, and easy to comb. The eyes, dark as the night sky, showed a permanent expression of sadness or worry, as if something was always troubling him.

Pascal might consider himself stupid for being enchanted by such common things, things he saw daily and for so long, and yet, no matter how much time passed or how close they were, Carl kept fascinating him. A slight sigh is released, the expression that seemed bored before, now seemed thoughtful. Every second until lunchtime was counted impatiently by both boys, who were surprised at their excitement over going flower-picking together.

After a few hours, the lunchtime bell rang, providing a great relief for all students. The way from the classroom to the cafeteria was walked quietly; Carl still wondered if it had been a good idea to accept the invitation, and whether he should have refused. But that thought changed shortly after they sat down to eat, as Serge was unaccompanied and sat next to Carl just like the night before. The pianist asked some questions about Carl's morning tardiness, but soon his curiosity was placated with some excuses. However, the other boys present, like Kurt and Neka, quickly took the opportunity to make all kinds of jokes possible with the situation.

"Professor Watts often complains that we are late for the first class of the day, next time I'll just tell him that even the Class Representative does it, so there's no reason why I shouldn't do it too." - The boy with curly red hair said, making everyone at the table laugh, even Carl.

It almost made him forget why he had been so excited for lunch, but the exchange of looks he had made with Pascal quickly reminded him. It was as if they agreed on the right time to act by exchanging looks. Conversation between friends flowed naturally, the dark-haired boy was so distracted that his thoughts about the gypsy boy, which had previously disturbed him, were forgotten for a few moments. The minutes passed and the number of students in the cafeteria decreased. The boys' dishes were progressively emptied as they became more apprehensive about how to leave without being caught. The older boy, who sat across from Carl, nodded discreetly, indicating that it was time to act.

The two young men stood up after making up some excuse for their friends who were still eating, afraid that their nervousness was evident in some way. Everything would have gone perfectly, were it not for Serge's intervention:

"Carl, Gilbert didn't come to class today, why don't we sit side by side in Latin class after lunch?" - The pianist asked before Carl could walk away, leaving him at a loss for an answer.

Pascal stopped walking after hearing this. He had his doubts whether Carl would really continue with the plan after receiving Serge's invitation. He wasn't a hypocrite, he knew it was difficult for his friend to deal with unrequited feelings. Yet, he couldn't help but feel frustrated at the gypsy boy's attitude. He knew that feeling wasn't reasonable, it wasn't as if Serge had asked that just to annoy him, he didn't even have any idea about what was going on with Carl. The scientist patiently waited for the religious boy to respond. Carl's conscience was split in two. It was a fact that spending time with Serge was all he wanted, especially now that the blond boy wasn't near. But a part of him, the part that controlled his decisions, made him think that perhaps the time he could spend with Pascal, as risky as it could be, would be more worthwhile.

"I'm sorry, but I promised Pascal that I would help him in today's class" - The dark-haired boy said, trying to look as convincing as possible, feeling bad about lying and refusing his friend's invitation.

It was difficult to refuse the request of a person he so yearned to be close to, but in a strange way, he found himself wanting to be with Pascal even more than with Serge. The redhead understood him like nobody else, he could be who he really was with him, he felt understood and safe. Pascal, on the other hand, was somewhat jealous of the way Serge was deified by Carl. But the scientist made an effort to be rational, and he would not let a feeling or a whim impair his relationship with his friend.

With a gesture of understanding, Serge made no further inquiries and soon went back to talking with the other boys. The two friends then took the opportunity and left the dining hall, which was already getting empty as the students finished their lunch. In the corridors were some teachers and other school staff, who guaranteed the supervision of the students, so that they didn't escape the school or avoided attending classes. Some boys used the last minutes of lunch to talk or rest outdoors, at the small courtyard in the center of Lacombrade.

A feeling of nervousness came over Carl. He walked calmly beside his friend, who seemed to be concetrated on his own thoughts. It was practically impossible to get out without being caught, but the red-haired boy was already an adept truant, and so had a plan already orchestrated in his mind.

"There is no way to leave without being seen! What are we going to do now?" - The dark haired boy asked in a low voice, doubting the possibility of his friend having an answer.

"At exactly five to one, Professor Watts crosses to the other corridor, leaving free passage to a small room used to store materials and other useless things. There's a small window that gives access to the outside. After leaving throught it, we simply follow the path to the greenhouse. " - The redhead replied as if describing an everyday act, which it really was, to him.

While he was somewhat impressed wish his friend's experience in truancy, the dark-haired boy felt the need to reprimand him for taking such risky and immoral actions, but he knew that now was not the ideal time for that. And even if it was, Pascal would not hear his sermons; he was used to his routine of going to look for flowers to pick, and would have no intention of abandoning it. The two friends waited (one of them anxiously) for the moment when the professor would leave his post and the passage would be free. The scientist as naturally, as if nothing was amiss, while his religious friend watched the surroundings in fear of being caught. There was nobody else in that part of the school, it was a seldom frequented place, which relaxed their worries over being watched.

However, it would have surprised them to know that there was one person who watched the scene intently. A young boy who also carried the surname Messier, saw his brother accompanied by the redhead, and was surprised by what he saw.

In a deeper part of his mind, he had already imagined the scientist's possible intentions, and noticed that he had some sort of strong affection for Carl. Sebastian did not imagine that his brother would go as far as breaking a Lacombrade rule however, rules that he defended at any cost, just to be able to hang out with Pascal. He let out a tiny sigh and started walking in the opposite direction. Sometimes, it seemed that they weren't even brothers, so different they were.

After the short journey was made without raising suspicion, they approached the old wooden door. It was not well cared for like the other school doors, and it seemed to not having been changed in a long time. Carl vaguely remembered this room. He hadn't had many opportunities to enter it, but he knew it was always locked and could only be opened with a key that only the school staff had access to.

"We don't have the key, how are we going to open it?" - The religious boy asked while turning the knob and failing to open the door, wondering if his friend had any solution to this problem.

From inside one of the pockets, the red-haired boy took out a small key that he used to unlock the door, prompting Carl to ask where he got it from. He did not believe that his friend would be able to steal something just for his own benefit. Pascal had many defects, but dishonesty was not one of them.

"This type of doorknob is an old model, similar to those in my house. I just took a key of mine and filed it in a similar shape until I managed to open it." - The redhead said just before opening the door.

Really, he might not look like it, but he was a real genius. An eccentric and even rebellious genius, but one who possessed a greater intelligence than most usually expected. He went in first and waited for his friend, who was still standing at the door, hesitating. The dark-haired boy looked around before entering, asking God's forgiveness for doing something wrong, letting guilt consume him before proceeding. Carl had gone delinquent. He wasn't proud of it, but something was telling him to continue. Maybe it was the strong desire to forget about his problems and get a little distraction, or to just enjoy the company of his best friend, which was comforting. Their friendship was inexplicable, unshakable, they understood each other better than anyone. Pascal didn't show it much, but he was extremely happy that Carl had accompanied him. It meant a lot to him, it meant that the dark-haired boy liked his company.

The scientist's feelings, which were already strong, had intensified in recent days. He knew that he was not reciprocated, that Carl's heart was already broken and he would not surrender easily, but he was satisfied with only his presence.

I loved you from the beginning, Since I saw you, you have won a special place in my heart. I don't know what makes me love you so much, it's irrational, it's against logic. It's like breaking the laws of physics, it hurts me to see you so close, And to know you are so far away. If numbers could describe us, we would be the Riemann Hypothesis*.

Frustrations were part of Pascal Biquet's life. He had already become so used to them that he saw no problem in having one more in his collection.

* Considered one of the most difficult mathematical problems of all time, this equation has never been solved and there is a prize for those who can solve it.

Continued in Next Chapter

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belle-keys · 4 years

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Here’s me roasting some foreign language literature

2/7 of my final exams are finished so I will be roasting all of the Spanish and French literature books that I studied over the last two years, ranking them in order of how much they should have existed in the first place, uwu.

Spoiler: I have no idea what I’m talking about.

8. Pays-Mêles and Nanna-Ya by Maryse Condé.

Main idea: Men are trash.

Synopsis and Review: Two novellas about the legacy of colonialism in the French and English Caribbean. Umm, women suffer a lot, racism exists, rich kids are treated like breeding mares, guys beat girls a lot, everyone’s life is kinda suckish. I... I think that’s it, lmao. I swear I’d rather die than ever have to reread these stories beyond for my exams. I just can’t tell you what the point was. This was painful, but Condé raises important questions concerning négritude and the partiarchal nature of Caribbean society so I can’t give this nothing.

Rating: 1/5

7. El coronel no tiene quien la escriba by Gabriel García Márquez.

Main idea: Go vegan.

Synopsis and Review: This was almost as bad as Condé, but it’s not last because I have a special fondness for Colombia and Colombian history, and I also love seeing la mujer stick it to el coronel. It lowkey reminds me of my parents. I, personally, as a being, would have curried the rooster a long time ago but not everything is about me. A lot of absolute nothing happens in this book and I won’t pretend otherwise. It’s just a lot of old people basking in their own futility and impending death. It’s borderline painful except for one scene where el coronel thinks he’s talking to a dead guy out of nowhere. That was fun. Also, screw Sabas.

Rating: 1.25/5

6. Un Papillon dans la Cité by Gisèle Pineau.

Main idea: Diasporic life is overrated.

Synopsis and Review: Okay, a kid narrates this book and it was kind of annoying for me. But, all that happens is that Félicie goes to France and realizes that it ain’t shit and that she misses her Grandma. It’s basically 5 chapters long, but there’s admittedly some commentary and subtext about why white countries aren’t the Promised Land and also, the writing style was sometimes interesting to me. That being said, I lost a lot of hours on this book.

Rating: 1.75/5

5. Une Si Longue Lettre by Mariama Bâ.

Main idea: Disappointed but not surprised.

Synopsis and Review: So our resilient Senegalese queen Ramatoulaye is writing a letter to her BFF as they discuss exactly how their husbands have (repeatedly) failed them. Basically, Ramatoulaye’s husband got a second wife behind her back who happens to be a girl that’s his teen daughter’s age i.e. the daughter’s friend. Ramatoulaye says “screw it” and decides to just be completely independent from him. Now, this is the most interesting thing about the story... the details about their childhood and the political background of the country didn’t interest me as much. Anyway, the hubby dies which triggers Ramatoulaye to write the letter. Whoop.

Rating: 3/5

4. Cuentos de Eva Luna by Isabel Allende.

Main idea: Only women deserve rights.

Synopsis and Review: This is an anthology of short stories about ~the human experience~ and features a lot of feminist rhetoric, commentary on European imperialism, humanity, power dynamics, and love. And sex. Lots of fade-to-black-the-CW-type sex scenes that we had to discuss with our teachers, lmao (save me). Anyways, the stories we zoned in on were beautiful and empowering even despite their conciseness. Nonetheless, my issue with this book is the *ahem* magical realism. Eye- okay, listen, I get that the stylistic choices of Allende are to create a fable-like reading experience for the reader, to enchant them, whatever, but for me, personally, sometimes her writing style in these stories comes across as a wee bit pretentious. Maybe that’s the whole point but I found myself cringing enough to remember this detail.

Rating: 4/5

3. Bodas de sangre by Federico García Lorca.

Main idea: Woe is me! *snatches babe*

Synopsis and Review: I love this play so much, I almost put it second actually. My sole qualm with it is that everyone is so fricking extra in this bitch that I’m like “stop lamenting to the moon and start stabbing each other please!”, but other than that, this is exquisite solely because it’s full of drama and angst. Mutual pining, cheating, forbidden romance, secrecy, discourse on the validity of the bride’s virginity? It’s all there, bud. Leonardo is a bit of a bitchass but I imagine him as a hot Enrique-looking ass type guy so I can’t really blame the bride. Out of all the main characters on this list, I only want to fight Leo slightly less than the MC of my #2 pick.

Rating: 4.5/5

2. Les Mains Sales by Jean-Paul Sartre.

Main idea: Eat the rich.

Synopsis and Review: Okay, Hugo is the biggest bitchass of all time, but like, he humors me with it, okay. Olga is the baddest HBIC ever, and Jessica deserves better. Anyways, the discourse on power and politics and capitalism through pure dialogue was enough to hook me yet not overwhelm me. The constant foiling, and every passive-aggressive conversation between Hugo and Jessica was worth the 8 weeks of studying it. The ending made the entire story even better than it already was. Everything in this play boils down to “I’m insecure and I wanna die but then I wouldn’t be able to fight the bourgeoisie so what now?”.

Rating: 5/5

1. La Casa en Mango Street by Sandra Cisneros.

Main idea: You can run, but you can’t hide (from yourself).

Synopsis and Review: This is so beautiful that I didn’t even need to take this book in 2020 yet I still think about it all the time. It’s the most lovely in-school book I’ve read in secondary school. This is a book that’s meant to be read only in Spanish, because the translations of the vignettes aren’t done any justice in English. Anyway, it’s a collection of short stories and vignettes about Esperanza, a young chicana girl in Chicago dealing with her internal, familial, and cultural issues. It’s hella freaking inspiring so go learn the Spanish language and read it. Now.

Rating : 6/5

Anyway... I’ll miss some lit classes. But not all.

#langblr #spanish langblr #french langblr #studyblr #studyspo #french #spanish #french literature #spanish literature #sixthform #france #books #literature #lit #reading #booklr #school #a levels #academia

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florrickandassociates · 5 years

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TGF Thoughts: 3x01-- The One About The Recent Troubles

HI GUYS I WROTE A LOT

New season, new naming convention. Well, it’s either that or Diane Lockhart’s joined a reboot of Friends. Jokes aside, I don’t love the new naming convention (I never watched Friends) but I don’t dislike it either. It’s fine. What I do like is that we’ve dropped any sort of counting (unless you consider “the one” counting). (I am just now realizing that last season’s episode titles were more in the TGW tradition than I thought-- they were just another form of counting). Three seasons in, TGF is its own show (with its own titles!), and that makes me very happy.

I’m about to hit play on my third viewing of this episode. I watched at 5 am on the day it was released (worth it, tbh), then again with my roommate after work that same day.

This year’s previously montage works better than last year’s, but I still don’t love it. The selection of clips seems a little random at first: Liz talking about her father? The Assholes to Avoid case that I was hoping to avoid thinking about ever again? Okay…?

It’s time for some tone-setting! “I’m happy,” Diane states as the season opens. She’s in bed with Kurt, waking up in the morning. This is one of those statements that becomes important mostly because it’s so prominent. I believe that Diane’s happy with her life and happy waking up next to her husband, but I don’t think Diane is trying to make a Thesis Statement. I think she’s just expressing that she feels good. The writers, however, definitely want us to note that Diane starts out the season in a good, happy place. This is because they are going to slowly complicate and destroy Diane’s happiness. That’s not a spoiler-- it’s a prediction.

Kurt laughs. “You like narrating your life,” he comments. Interesting.

“You know, there are psychological studies that say, when people are happy, they look desperately for things to make them unhappy. But that won’t happen to us, will it?” Diane wonders. Of course it will. I know these writers. If there’s one thing they hate it’s writing more than a few scenes of a healthy marriage.

Diane and Kurt’s new bedroom confuses me. It has an arch that seems very low and I can’t tell if that’s the angle or not. Also, we only see the area with the bed, the bathroom, and a large sitting room in this episode. It would make sense for Diane to have a bedroom suite and a separate living room/dining room/kitchen, but the way this episode is shot makes it feel like Diane and Kurt only have that one space.

Now Diane’s asking Kurt for reassurance that everything’s going to be alright, and she seems moderately worried that he doesn’t sound certain when he responds. Maybe there are still some issues there…?

“What could go wrong?” Kurt asks, and right on cue, shit starts to blow up. (By which I mean the title sequence rolls.)

New objects/shots this year include: A tea set, aerial shots of a wine bottle, coffee cups (they discovered aerial shots this year and clearly liked them a lot), the same four purses from last year but arranged differently (looks cooler now), new images on the TV (bye, tiki torch nazis), and the entire set where they staged the explosions.

The third co-creator is still listed, because his name will be attached to this show for as long as it runs, but I really want to know: what did Phil Alden Robinson even do to create the show? Invent the basic sketch of the premise and the new characters? Just today I saw him credited in an article praising season 3, and it’s my understanding that he hasn’t even touched TGF since the pilot, back before the Kings signed on.

The Kings wrote this episode, but I didn’t need the credits to tell me that. Robert directed, too, which is only surprising because I wasn’t sure if it would be him or if it would be Brooke Kennedy.

Complaining about this now before I get any farther into the episode: CBS, FIX YOUR CLOSED CAPTIONING. Someone over at All Access doesn’t believe in apostrophes and it’s driving me up a wall.

After the credits, we resume with Julius talking about Carl Reddick, founding partner of RBL and civil rights icon. Julius has to be prompted to add on that last part, but Lucca doesn’t: she read about Reddick in history books.

Lucca’s dress for the interview shouldn’t work, but she pulls it off. It has several different colors and patterns, big gold buttons, and a ruffle down one side.

Here’s Liz’s comment on her father: “When my father died, I could think of no better way to honor his life than by taking over his partnership here.” We know that’s only partially true.

Next up is Reddick’s secretary of 15 years. She refers to him as “Mr. Reddick” instead of “Carl” and seems uncomfortable talking about her experience. Jay and Marissa, who have for some reason been tasked with creating promotional materials for the firm, notice her hesitance. Marissa asks what a typical day was like, and the secretary-- Cynthia-- starts to cry.

Cut to the RBL website, which is very boring and generic. “Who are you?” a publicity consultant asks Adrian and Liz. This reminds me of two things: one, Diane and Will’s conversation in season 4 about firm identity, and two, the fact that Hitting the Fan started off with the line “You’re stable.” Isn’t that very reminiscent of this episode starting off with, “I’m happy.”?! Yikes, we must be in for a ride…

Adrian’s answer is that they are a “mid-size Chicago law firm.” Really? That’s all you’ve got? The consultant pushes further-- he wants their story. Liz says their story is that they’re growing with new hires and a new floor. The consultant isn’t happy with that, either, because he seems to believe there’s only one right answer: they’re an African American firm, and that is their entire identity. Ugh.

When TGF first started, RBK felt like a firm that had an identity and a mission-- a commitment to giving black lawyers opportunities for success in an environment where no one would be a token, coupled with a strong focus on civil rights cases (particularly police brutality cases). I assumed that was the shared goal of Carl, Adrian, and Barbara, but the firm’s gone through enough changes that I’m willing to accept that RBL might now be struggling for an identity. Carl’s dead, Barbara was always the one who would actually put her money where her mouth is (sorry, Adrian), Diane is (as always) interested in being profitable while looking like a liberal legend, and Liz accepted partnership because it was a lucrative offer that fell into her lap right when she lost her job at the DOJ.

Adrian says he doesn’t want RBL to be sold as an African American law firm. Hasn’t he pitched it as such in the past?

“Diversity is in right now. Black Panther. Black-ish. And diversity is something you have in sp-- in abundance,” the consultant says. My God, he’s terrible. He’s also using “diverse” and “black” as interchangeable words.

Adrian gets a reprieve when Jay and Marissa call him out of his meeting, but it doesn’t last long. Cynthia, Carl’s secretary, told Jay and Marissa that Carl repeatedly sexually assaulted her.

“He forced her for 15 years? Why would Cynthia stay for 15 years?” Adrian asks incredulously. “Seriously?” Marissa replies. Woah there. I agree wholeheartedly with Marissa but just because I’d write “SERIOUSLY?” in a recap doesn’t mean I’d ever say it to a name partner with that tone! (But really: Marissa’s very right. “Why would she stay?” is a terrible argument. Cynthia had bills to pay and a family (or at least a daughter) to care for. She likely didn’t have the luxury of looking for a new job. And that’s setting aside the fact that for decades, language around sexual assault wasn’t widely known!)

Adrian asks Marissa and Jay to keep quiet, and Marissa pushes back, asking if it’s so they can cover it up. Marissa! You’re not helping your cause here!

“Marissa, I don’t have the luxury right now of being outraged. That doesn’t mean I’m not outraged,” Adrian explains.

In the hallway, Jay suggests that Marissa give Adrian (and Carl) a break, since the Reddick name brings in half of their business, and if Reddick’s name becomes toxic, the firm could be in trouble. “Well, then, maybe it should be,” Marissa responds.

I loooooooove Diane’s new hairstyle! It’s been ten years; it’s time for a change.

Diane is about to head into the office when she notices Kurt went hunting the previous night with a gun he hates. And to make matters worse, there are blonde hairs on his jacket and Kurt won’t admit he went shooting with anyone. Well, I guess Diane’s happiness didn’t last very long at all.

Maia has a scratched cornea, so she’s wearing big sunglasses. “I wouldn’t wear those when you meet with the partners,” Marissa says, planting a bad idea in Maia’s mind. The sunglasses take two seconds to explain, and no one is going to fault her for this. If Maia didn’t get fired for not doing any work over a two year period, she’s going to be just fine wearing medically-required sunglasses to an internal meeting.

Julius wants to talk to Maia and explains that on the new website, they’re adding associate and partner bios. They just might not be adding Maia’s. “Don’t take it as a criticism. You’re doing a great job,” Julius says. This is basically the only circumstance in which I understand giving Maia praise: trying to keep her from causing a scene by stroking her ego.

Since Maia took off her sunglasses, she now appears to be crying. Since Maia lacks common sense, she does not explain why she is crying, leading Julius to keep heaping on the praise and explain the obvious (it’s about her parents’ scandal). Maia says she understands and that “this is all medical.” THAT’S SO VAGUE, MAIA. You’re looking for the sentence you just said to Marissa: “I have a scratched cornea.” I know this moment is supposed to be funny. It just makes Maia look impressionable (she took off the glasses) and slow (she can’t easily navigate out of this situation when the exit route is obvious). I already think Maia is both of those things, so I’m not complaining about this scene (I did laugh!), it’s just… Maia, why???

Julius is so confused by Maia’s odd reaction that he goes straight to Lucca’s office. Lucca is pumping and doesn’t care who sees, because she’s the fucking best. Julius asks Lucca to talk to Maia about the website.

Diane’s still thinking about the hair when she arrives at RBL. Marissa greets her with an empty mug, I mean, with coffee. Diane asks what Adrian wants to talk to her about, and Marissa says, “I’ve been told I speak too much, so I won’t handle that.” If Marissa weren’t so good at her job she’d need to watch out.

Marissa tries to join Adrian and Diane’s meeting, and Adrian slowly closes the door in her face. Marissa walks away. I love it when this show emphasizes that their main players aren’t all of equal status at the firm, and this episode does a fantastic job of showing it.

Adrian explains the Reddick issue to Diane. He’s (wisely) chosen to go to Diane before Liz about this.

Adrian’s plan is to have Cynthia sign an NDA, and now there’s a “Good Fight Short” to educate us about NDAs. God, this show is weird and I love it.

“Think they’re maybe always in a red folder but I didn’t do my research that well” cracks me up.

“Let’s try to count all the red folders in the show today. You know what who cares just pay attention, put your phone away,” the song continues. Okay, show, I’ll listen to you and put my phone (on which I’m watching this show) away and go run my errands. That’s what you wanted, right?

A storm rolls in as Adrian and Diane pay Cynthia a visit. Thunder is dramatic, in case you were unaware.

Adrian tells Cynthia he knew nothing about Reddick’s behavior. He reaches for the NDA a little too quickly and Diane slows things down.

Adrian promises they’ll have sexual harassment training moving forward. Cynthia reminds him that they’ve always had that-- but partners never attended. Or, apparently, remembered that it existed.

Diane and Adrian hear pots and pans banging in the kitchen and realize that Cynthia’s daughter is home. That complicates things because the daughter anticipates the NDA and doesn’t want her mom to sign.

When Cynthia leaves the room, Adrian comments to Diane that “this house, it reminds me of my aunty’s house.” Diane just smiles, probably because that’s a reference she can’t understand.

The partners hold a secret meeting without Liz, which is certainly a way to handle this but probably not the optimal way. Liz should know what’s going on before any NDAs concerning her firm are created.

Liz notices that the offices are empty, and asks Marissa (who’s walking past) where everyone is. “I have no idea. I’m just staying on the sidelines today,” Marissa says unhelpfully. Great attitude. Very professional. As you’d expect, Liz is not satisfied with that answer.

Downstairs, the MANY partners of RBL are debating next steps. Why do they always pack these partner meeting scenes with so damn many extras? How many partners am I meant to believe they have?!

As we learned in the Assholes to Avoid episode, the most interesting thing about #MeToo is that it’s controversial and leads people to talk over each other. That’s what’s happening in this scene, but it works far better than the show’s last attempt at showing this idea. Unsurprisingly, when they have more to say than just “controversial topic is controversial” they do better.

And, I’m not sure where to put it so I’ll just say it here, I think the Kings have more to say about #MeToo, and a new (and better) angle on it because it hit closer to home. This plot isn’t a reenactment of what happened with Moonves, but the ideas it explores? Once you think about Moonves and the role he had in bringing TGW to life (and keeping it on the air), it’s all you’ll see. This plot is the Kings reckoning with how to move forward and create distance after a powerful man in no small part responsible for their own success turns out to be a serial harasser.

And that’s so much more interesting than “what if we took the Aziz Ansari thing but removed all nuance?” TGW, and TGF, wouldn’t have existed without Les Moonves. I’m pretty certain I’ve heard the Kings and Julianna-- and probably other cast members-- speak glowingly about him (before the allegations, obvs). He allowed TGW to flourish (and TGF to exist, which is kind of amazing when you think about it) while also enabling sexual assault all throughout CBS.

The reason for this meeting? Now they want to pay Cynthia off. Diane suggests letting the story surface, emphasizing that Carl did good things and bad things. Diane also, wisely, notes that if they pay someone off, then it becomes the whole firm’s problem. But it seems they might have already paid someone off, so it’s too little, too late. RBK had, in 2012, agreed to cover all of Reddick’s sexual harassment suits. (This is, apparently, “standard” for CEOs, barf.)

I’d still like to dig into Diane’s “just own it” idea a little more, but I do see why the other partners (the ones who were actually there for the bulk of the time Reddick was) shut it down.

Then Wendy, the stenographer, speaks up: Carl Reddick assaulted her, too. If there are two, there are more than two, and I’m surprised that Liz is the first person to suggest this.

At home, later, Diane scrolls through Netflix (not a streaming site, this is Netflix’s layout with different shows), unable to decide what to watch. I’m sad to report none of the fake shows are any fun, and none of them are Darkness at Noon. I guess Darkness at Noon is probably on AMC All Access, behind a paywall…

Kurt arrives home and asks what Diane’s doing. “Figuring out whether to watch a German series about serial killers or a Scandinavian series about serial killers,” Diane replies. Haven’t we all been there? That’s scrolling through Netflix in one sentence.

Diane has “helped” Kurt pack for a trip, and THANK GOD, she’s not kicking him out (that’s how scenes where the husband arrives home to find his bags packed always go). She’s passive-aggressively packing for his upcoming trip she discovered on their credit card account.

Kurt’s going on a safari. Diane says she doesn’t shoot anymore (I guess since 2x10?) and wants to know who Kurt’s going with. Shouldn’t Kurt be telling Diane if he’s going to go on a safari?

Kurt senses something’s up and asks what’s wrong. Diane says work has her thinking about “men.” Then she tells Kurt she doesn’t think he’s being honest and says she doesn’t like pretending to be the “cool wife who overlooks lies.” Is “Cool Wife” a variation of “Cool Girl” and if so, can we get a Gillian Flynn novel about it, please?

Finally, the truth emerges: Kurt isn’t hiding an affair (though Diane briefly suspects he’s seeing someone named “Holly Westfall” again… idk, have we ever heard that name? Nothing’s coming to mind, because Kurt never cheated on Diane and Peter’s trial never happened.). He’s giving private shooting lessons to 45’s sons.

My GOD, Diane’s reaction.

I love how every time Diane says “safari” she says it with a little more disbelief in her voice.

Kurt says this is just a job; he’s being paid. Can he take someone else’s money then? How strapped for cash is he? This is like the “we’re defense attorneys!” line Diane always goes back to. SURE, but you don’t have to take EVERY case to be profitable.

Diane proceeds to start BANGING HER HEAD AGAINST THE WALL, REPEATEDLY. This scene is simultaneously comedic, dramatic, and ridiculous and I love it. I’m not sure how it manages to feel far-fetched and also character-driven at the same time, but hey, it works.

Diane storms out, saying she’s going to do something she should’ve done nine months ago: conjure up space bugs. Okay, no, she’s making contact with her FuzzyFuzzyCuteCute friend, but she’s doing so in a way that involves moving lots of flowers to her windowsill, and THAT’S HOW YOU DRAW IN THE SPACE BUGS.

In case I haven’t said it enough times, TGF in some ways seems more like it’s a continuation of BrainDead than TGW.

Diane talks to Tara and asks her to break her NDA (some legal nonsense) and come forward with allegations that 45 paid for her abortion. Tara asks Diane why now, and Diane’s answer is kind of bullshit: “because now it’s personal.” And it wasn’t before?! And that matters?! (I believe it from Diane, but come on. You need it to be personal to fight this as hard as you can? The fact that this administration’s policies are having catastrophic effects on families isn’t enough?)

Adrian finally shows Liz the interview with Cynthia, and Audra McDonald could win an Emmy for her reaction shots alone (I can’t say enough times how pleased I am with the addition of Liz). Adrian draws the curtains of Will’s office, I mean Liz’s office, to give them some privacy. Good move.

Liz wants to know if Adrian knew, and she has good reasons to believe he might have. For one, when they were married, Adrian asked how her parents were doing-- suggesting they might have reason to not be doing so well.

Liz goes into her bathroom (first time we’ve seen this set, though we’ve obviously known it existed from ~Willicia sexytimes~) (Not to derail this recap entirely, but does anyone else ever wonder how Willicia would’ve played in this day and age? I wouldn’t consider it assault or harassment because it was obviously consensual, but I don’t know that you can do a boss/employee romance plot as easily today as you could in 2011.)

Liz, through tears, confesses that her father didn’t always treat her mom (or “us”-- I assume meaning Liz and any siblings she may have) well. She’d always rationalized it as the part of “sharing him with the world” while he was “fighting,” but “he was just here.” God, this is devastating, and this scene is spectacularly done.

Adrian tries to comfort Liz, but she realizes something: Adrian put in the glass walls. She wants to know why. Was he trying to force Carl to be more transparent about something? Liz remembers her dad complaining about the glass walls. Adrian says it was just a design choice. Liz doesn’t believe it, but she’s moved on to other things. She’s putting on her jacket and trying to decide her next move. She angrily opens up the curtains even though she’s about to leave her office (just to show that she values transparency) and marches down to the partner’s meeting.

Everyone quiets down when Liz walks in. She grabs a notepad and a chair and begins to take an active role in negotiating payouts. Julius mentions Wendy, and Liz didn’t know about Wendy yet. Her reaction? A long pause, and then: “My dad raped the stenographer?”

Have I mentioned yet that Audra’s great? She delivers the line with a fantastic blend of anger and resignation. And I love the line itself, particularly the use of the word “rape.” Aside from Cynthia’s daughter, Liz is the first person in the episode to call Carl’s actions what they are, and it’s meaningful to hear the word from her. Liz isn’t shying away from what her father did; she is trying to figure out how to name it and address it. Pretty remarkable.

Liz volunteers to make the deal with Cynthia. She immediately begins to ask Jay for help, but she thinks again and goes to Marissa instead (and says “rape” again) to find out if there are any others. Adrian and Diane should’ve had Marissa on this yesterday.

LUCCA!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry I’m just happy to see Lucca Quinn, who is the best and does not get nearly enough screentime. Because Lucca is the best, she’s meeting with the partners. She thinks something must be wrong-- that she’s about to be fired (no!!! I don’t even like thinking about that!!). But nothing is wrong. “In fact, consider this a promotion,” Adrian says. He offers Lucca the position of head of divorce law. (What are the odds we get through this arc without a cameo from David Lee?)

People who know more about the law than I do, is this even remotely plausible? Shouldn’t this be Lucca’s specialty if we’re going to see her head it up? Have we ever seen her on a divorce case?

The guy they had hired to head up divorce law had “harassment issues at his last firm.” “And that’s a problem these days?” Lucca jokes, not knowing just how bad her timing is. No one else laughs. (I! Love! Scenes! That! Show! That! Some! Of! The! Characters! Are! Junior! Staff!)

Lucca does not seem to want this promotion, but she realizes she’s being told, not asked.

Meanwhile, Maia’s spending her work day staring at the company website. Adrian stops by to see her (guess Lucca didn’t talk to her) and console her about the website. Maia now chooses to explain her scratched cornea. She doesn’t explain it clearly, so Adrian continues with his speech. “This is not a reflection of how we feel about you. It’s a branding thing.”

I suppose the same could also be said of the fact that the main poster for this season of TGF features Diane, Adrian, and Lucca when the first two seasons had posters featuring Diane, Maia, and Lucca. Maia adds less value, to the show and to the firm!!!!!

(I don’t hate this Maia plot, I just think it’s silly and unnecessary, and Maia’s still done nothing to prove to me that she’s interested in her job and/or good at it.)

“You keep up the good work,” Adrian says. Forget good work. What WORK?

The partners fussing over the website has made it a Big Deal for Maia, and now she’s pissed! Luckily, Marissa’s there to teach her how to be a badass.

“I’m a third year associate, and they are treating me like I was hired yesterday,” Maia fumes. Well, are you doing the work of a third year associate, or are you doing the “work” of a new hire who hasn’t yet been staffed on projects and just stares at the company website all day? Hmmmmm?

Marissa blames this on “the curse of short people.” Is Maia short? She’s never seemed short. Rose Leslie is, according to Google, 5’6”, which is hardly short! Then Marissa starts rambling about “the volcano of Vulcan” and, whatever, Marissa, I think Maia’s problem is that she has scumbag parents, not that she’s short.

Marissa’s advice-- which is basically to be more confident-- isn’t bad advice. But that’s not why Maia’s not on the website. Maia could be Lucca levels of incredible and her name would still look toxic on the website.

Maia’s so awkward she makes me look confident.

Marissa commands a “tall lady” not to wash her hands after using the bathroom and what, that’s gross, why are you doing this Marissa?

Marissa has a gift for Maia: Sunglasses that are “cool.” Marissa then breaks the doctor-approved sunglasses. Seems… unwise.

New, cool Maia gets a theme song and a leather jacket. She makes quite an impression on the image consultant in the elevator, and he asks her out. She rejects him. Ha ha.

Liz and Jay head to Cynthia’s next. They remember meeting each other before. Liz mentions the NDA, and Cynthia responds, “Your father wasn’t a bad man.” “I don’t understand how you can feel that way after everything that he did,” Liz replies.

Liz seems like she’s close to getting a signature on the NDA when Naomi Nivola, the reporter from 2x05, appears at her door asking about sexual harassment. Cynthia’s daughter tipped her off. I’m very happy to see Naomi again, not because I think she’s a wonderful character but because I thought Adrian’s “starfucking” excuse was too weak of a conclusion to her plotline last season. I’m almost glad to know she still holds a grudge, because it doesn’t let Adrian off the hook for some shitty behavior. Adrian isn’t Carl Reddick levels of disgusting but he’s done some troublesome things (and the way he talks to the female characters is a little condescending, no??)

(I went to re-read my thoughts on 2x05 and Naomi as I was writing this, and apparently I said I thought an episode about NDAs as they relate to #MeToo would be interesting. Hah!)

It’s still raining.

“I’ll talk to Naomi, find out what she knows,” Adrian decides. “You?! No,” Liz replies. Adrian actually asks why not!!!

Liz goes to settle with the stenographer next, and, again, she insists on doing it herself.

Maia is holding an NDA and sitting out at one of the associate desks, surrounded by a bunch of black men (does the firm have female associates?). Maia’s holding a red folder, and while that should mean she’s working on a case, she probably just picked it up because it was BOLD LIKE HER. What are work files if not accessories to make you look badass?

Maia’s also got her feet up on the desk. YOU’RE AT WORK, GIRL.

Julius asks Maia to move her feet. “Yeah? What do you need?” she replies. Julius is too stunned to actually play rank. Maia takes this as a victory. She shouldn’t. She can do this once, maybe twice, before it stops being cute and confusing and starts looking like what it is: an entitled white girl acting out and being disrespectful. If she wants to create distance from her parents’ scandal-- the actual issue here-- then she needs to be mature and develop a plan to work around it. She could, for example, take on lots of charity work and write an op-ed about deciding to help turn her dad in, and what she’s learned about the world from having her world crash down. Acting out in designer boots, red lipstick, and sunglasses is going to make Maia look like the oblivious child of privilege she is.

Why does this show insist on saying that Maia’s biggest weakness is her lack of boldness? She’s just awkward. She’s plenty confident. She just expresses it poorly.

I know this is a comedic subplot but Maia does not really behave like a human being??? Who would have that interaction and then feel self-satisfied? This is her place of work!!! She looks ridiculous!! She just talked back to a partner!!

Wendy doesn’t want to sign the NDA, and she doesn’t want any money. She says she’ll never tell anyone, because “there are so many people who want to destroy men. Black men.” And she doesn’t want to be a part of it. Interesting perspective, not one I agree with but one I’m pleased the writers included because it adds some nuance to the episode’s exploration of #MeToo.

Naomi and Jay talk in a not-very-interesting scene that includes some weird and unnecessary close ups of Jay. Main takeaway: Naomi thinks it’s Adrian who assaulted Cynthia.

Don’t really get why it’s great that Naomi thinks it’s Adrian. I suppose she’s a good enough journalist she wouldn’t publish a story there was no evidence for, but Adrian being able to deny it without lying hardly seems like cause for celebration. And would Naomi really drop it if Adrian said he didn’t rape anyone?

Eric and Don bailed on the safari, so Kurt’s still around. He winces when Diane hugs him, and Diane doesn’t let it slip. Kurt, being Kurt, says nothing is wrong.

He goes to the bathroom, and Diane’s phone rings. It’s Tara saying she won’t come forward.

Diane joins Kurt in the bathroom (lots of scenes in bathrooms this ep) and notices he has a huge bruise on his shoulder because Eric or Don shot him. We don’t get to find out-- and neither does Diane-- because Kurt’s signed an NDA about the incident. HAHAHA!

Adrian has his interview with Naomi. He denies they’ve asked Cynthia to sign an NDA, and denies he harassed her. And that’s it, until Naomi reveals THE REAL STORY: Assholes to Avoid.

I wonder, IRL, how much this would hurt the firm. I also am still not sure why they took that damn case. 2x05 and whichever ep was Assholes (I mentioned I’m glad we’re not counting days anymore, right?) annoyed me more than basically any other s2 episode because they were tied up so neatly, so I’m happy to see both cases come back to complicate things.

Now shit gets weird. I assume this next scene is one of the “soliloquies” the Kings mentioned that the season would include, and I like the idea more than the execution. The characters taking turns verbalizing their inner thoughts in eloquent speeches to no one? Sure! I’m down! Diane suddenly beginning to talk to a Trump-shaped bruise THAT MOVES AND TALKS in the middle of an episode? I’ll just say I hope they’re not all like this.

“The footman to the king. I am married to the footman to the king,” Diane starts. Then TrumpBruise talks back (don’t love this impersonation). I think this would work just fine as a monologue, and I definitely don’t need the animation. I couldn’t see it the first time through and the episode was better for it.

Anyway, Diane’s upset that Kurt’s become a worthless servant to a family she loathes, and she connects this to her ongoing thoughts on the State of Masculinity.

“What has happened to men? Where did the real guys go? Why do we now have these snide little creatures with slicked-back hair and cologne? What happened to Paul Newman and Burt Lancaster? What happened to men who were slow to anger and responsible and who didn’t cry like whiny little bitches? When did Trump and Kavanaugh become our idea of an aggrieved man, quivering lips, blaming everyone but themselves? You’re not fit to kiss my husband’s feet. A truthful man, uncomplaining, never passing the buck, never punching unless he’s punched. When did he become the exception?” Okay. But toxic masculinity is not a new thing. This isn’t insightful enough for me to applaud it and it’s not offensive/wrong enough for me to actually want to dissect it. I like that the show’s taking risks and like the soliloquy idea but this is… meh.

Bruise starts talking about how happy he is. He’s taunting Diane (well, technically, Diane is criticizing herself) because she was happy earlier, and now she’s not and this asshole Bruise is sooooo happy.

So Diane’s solution is to leak Tara’s abortion. Interestingly, she imagines TrumpBruise calling her out on breaking Tara’s confidence. Implying that Bruise has a conscience (or enough savvy to push her buttons), even one fueled by Diane’s imagination, feels weird to me. Diane’s imagining Bruise has a conscience?!

FRANCESCA IS STILL AROUND!!! My wish to ditch Colin and keep his mom came true!

Francesa is singing “I Wanna Be Sedated” to her grandson. Of course she is.

I’m unclear on a few things with this scene: who is Francesca talking to? Does Francesca know them? This must be Lucca’s house (?) if Francesca is leaving and taking calls for Lucca, but why does Lucca have a land line, and why would a client be calling her on it?

Francesca has an Instagram. God, I would love it if that account existed.

Lucca’s baby is really cute. What’s the kid’s name? Is it Joseph?

Francesca tells Lucca she’s the perfect divorce lawyer. Anyone else feel like we missed a scene or three with this Lucca/divorce law plot? Why would Francesca say that? Does she know about the opportunity? Was Lucca working divorce cases and doing great? MORE LUCCA NOW.

Maia’s still wearing her sunglasses the next day (unclear if this is for medical reasons or because she doesn’t know when to just stop). She’s sitting in on a meeting of the partners about the new Assholes scandal.

Adrian says they need to get their story straight, that they didn’t know they were taking down the site. That’s blatantly false, and Maia speaks up to say so. Adrian says they didn’t. Um, they did. Julius asks Maia to step out, and Lucca, who has a seat at the table, defends Maia. Julius says “this should be a partner thing” and Maia gets up to leave. Lucca, who is also not a partner unless we did, indeed, miss multiple Lucca scenes, asks Maia for her opinion.

On her way out, Maia says RBL should “own it. Our client wanted us to take down a #MeToo site. We didn’t agree, but we took it down. Because we’re that good.” Meh. That’s really the only way out of this. But as a client, I would not be reassured by that, especially not if I had brought my business to a firm specifically because of its values.

Adrian takes Badass!Maia’s advice, word for word. And it works. This particular client also wants to know who Maia Rindell is. He typed in ReddickBoseman.net instead of .com (but WHY) and it landed on a “really really cool” page about Maia.

Liz and Adrian immediately go to find this cool site, and Adrian shows how hip he is by typing a url in the search bar. What pops up is a site with the RBL logo and several ~fashionable~ pictures of Maia and her Miraculous Sunglasses. It’s hilariously terrible. They’re not bad pictures, but it’s sooooooooooooooooo inappropriate and ridiculous. It’s also unnecessary, and I know I’m overthinking a sight gag (and it is an effective sight gag) but if Maia wanted to be on the website that badly, she could have, you know, SAID SO instead of making a fucking website.

Lol @ Maia staging a photoshoot at the office. Why wouldn’t she?

The website has the tagline “younger-tougher-smarter”. Well, one of those things is true, and you all know which one it is.

Cynthia’s back, in the office, to sign the NDA. She does.

Marissa’s prepared her research on Carl Reddick. She leaves it with Liz, in a green folder.

Diane goes to Naomi with Tara’s story. We don’t hear her tell it, so there’s a chance she thought better of it, but omg, how shitty, Diane!!!!!

Liz and Adrian share a drink. Adrian says he did suspect that Carl might have been having an affair, he just never thought it was assault.

“Your dad was really good to me, Liz. He’s the reason I have a career,” Adrian explains. “Me too,” Liz says, raising her glass. Damn. I don’t think those words were chosen unintentionally. Lots of layers to this scene.

Adrian decides to lighten the mood by mocking the image consultant. Liz, who’s wearing heels similar to the ones Maia was wearing earlier and has her feet up just like Maia did, comes up with an identity for the firm: “We’re a firm with no past. Not anymore. We’re starting over. That’s refreshing.”

Then they toast to Peter Florrick’s State’s Attorney campaign slogan/the writer’s perpetual favorite phrase: “New beginnings.” But it’s still storming, and the folder with all of Carl Reddick’s past misdeeds is sitting feet away. Dramatic!

As the credits roll, there’s an actual count of all the red folders in the episode. Heh.

I’m very on board with this season so far. Can’t wait to see what happens next!

Couldn’t all the episodes of this show (and TGW) be called The One About the Recent Troubles, though???

#the good fight #tgf thoughts #i feel so out of practice. what are words and how do i make them go together?!

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phroyd · 6 years

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... and “Yes”, she describes Trump’s Dick! Way To Much Information, but are we surprised?! LOL! - Phroyd

In a tell-all memoir, the pornographic actor Stormy Daniels details salacious descriptions of her time with Donald Trump, wonders if he is fit to be president and claims he offered to cheat for her in his reality TV show.

A copy of the book, Full Disclosure, was obtained by the Guardian. In it, Daniels describes her mounting disbelief as Trump began to win primary contests in 2016 for the Republican presidential nomination. Former castmates whom she had not heard from in years, but who had heard her story about sleeping with Trump in 2006, would call her up to marvel at the news.

“It will never happen, I would say,” Daniels writes. “He doesn’t even want to be president.”

But as Trump kept winning, Daniels writes, she began to think she might be in danger. The story she had to tell about Trump seemed more sensitive the more he won. And she had already been threatened once, years earlier, and warned never to tell the story about Trump, she has claimed.

Those moments of fear and doubt – and Daniels’ decision on the eve of the election to sign a $130,000 hush agreement – hang around a detailed description of Daniels’ alleged tryst with Trump at a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe, California. In the book, Daniels writes in sometimes excruciating detail about the president’s genitals and describes her disgust with herself for letting the scene play out.

She continued to answer Trump’s many phone calls over the next year in hopes that he would make good on his promise to put her on his reality television show, The Apprentice, Daniels writes. Trump even suggested that a cheat could be arranged to allow her to survive through more episodes of the show, she writes.

“We’ll figure out a way to get you the challenges beforehand,” she quotes him as saying. “And we can devise your technique.”

“He was going to have me cheat, and it was 100 percent his idea.”

Whenever she saw Trump on television for years afterwards, Daniels writes, an internal monologue would play out: “‘I had sex with that’, I’d say to myself. Eech.”

Trump has denied any affair with Daniels, although he admitted to personally reimbursing his personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, for the money Daniels received in the hush agreement.

With its intensely intimate portrait of a clownish and insecure Trump, the book lands after weeks in which the White House has struggled to debunk a portrait of an outmatched and incompetent president in a separate book, Bob Woodward’s Fear, and to debunk an editorial by anonymous administration official claiming that subordinates routinely ignore and subvert the president’s orders.

The proliferation of damning narratives have been dismissed by the White House as made-up stories, floated as a distraction, Trump claims, from his achievements. But his approval rating appears to be slumping toward the mid-30s, a historic low for presidents at a similar stage in their first terms.

Opinions about Trump’s presidency are scarce in Full Disclosure, although when Daniels tells a story about Trump growing agitated about a golf course plan, she notes, “there was nothing that made him seem as petulant and prone to tantrums as he has been as president.”

The crux of the book, however, follows Daniels’ decision to go public with her story about Trump just before the election, after years of hiding the affair, she writes, from her then-husband. Going public meant that she and her daughter would be less vulnerable to attack, she reasoned. She recounts a story she has told elsewhere, of being approached by a large man in a gym parking lot in 2011 and warned not to tell the story about Trump. Trump has said the parking lot story is “a total con job.”

Beginning with Daniels’ youth as a girl named Stephanie Clifford growing up in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, Full Disclosure tells a vivid story of childhood poverty, neglect and abuse, including sexual abuse by a middle-aged man beginning when Daniels was nine years old. The stories are intercut with light moments such as her time with a beloved pet horse and a crush on Patrick Swayze so intense she kissed a hole in her Dirty Dancing poster.

“The deck has always been stacked against me,” she writes, but “I own my story and the choices I made.”

The memoir narrates Daniels’ first experiences as a stripper while still in high school, and how she broke into the porn industry, through which she rose to become an award-winning director, writer and star.

It was in that role that Daniels attended a celebrity golf tournament in Lake Tahoe, California, in 2006, where she and two colleagues greeted golfers between holes. There she first sees Trump: “He had a red cap, a Trump crest as a placeholder for the MAGA slogan not one of us could see coming.”

Trump’s bodyguard invites Daniels to dinner, which turns out to be an invitation to Trump’s penthouse, she writes, in a description of alleged events that Daniels has disclosed previously but which in the book are rendered with new and lurid detail. She describes Trump’s penis as “smaller than average” but “not freakishly small.”

“He knows he has an unusual penis,” Daniels writes. “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool…

“I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart...

“It may have been the least impressive sex I’d ever had, but clearly, he didn’t share that opinion.”

Daniels’ alleged relationship with Trump included one moment in 2007, she writes, in which she is with Trump in a hotel room watching a Shark Week broadcast on cable television when he receives a phone call from Hillary Clinton, then running against Barack Obama for the Democratic presidential nomination.

“Then, to make it crazier, Hillary Clinton called,” Daniels writes. “He had a whole conversation about the race, repeatedly mentioning ‘our plan’...

“Even while he was on the phone with Hillary, his attention kept going back to the sharks.”

Phroyd

#stormy daniels #donald trump #us news #world news

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fatalism-and-villainy · 6 years

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All the criticism of “show, don’t tell” as writing advice that I’ve seen recently is making it very clear that maybe I’ve been operating on a very different definition of “show, don’t tell” than apparently most people? Like, that quote going around about how “show, don’t tell” reflects western-centrist/colonialist/etc. biases because it relies on the audience already being aware of western cultural tropes and literary allusions? And I don’t doubt that that sort of thing is a definite problem with how creative writing is taught, but.... ime that’s really not what “show, don’t tell” is referring to?

I mean, for one thing, that quote seems to be conflating “explaining unfamiliar concepts” with the “telling” portion, when they don’t necessarily have to coincide? Showing can, in fact, be a form of explanation. This is how fantasy worldbuilding works so much of the time - information about the setting and the forces that govern it is often done through specific scenes and examples of the power systems/magic/whateverthefuck about the world you’re trying to convey, or slipped in through natural dialogue between characters who already know how things work and therefore don’t have to explain everything to each other. And I think the point of “show, don’t tell” is that worldbuilding is richer, and flows better, if it’s done in that way, as opposed to bringing the story to a grinding halt so the narrator can spoon-feed the reader everything they need to know (or using characters for As You Know conversations.)

And one of the most common uses of “show, don’t tell” as criticism that I’ve seen has less to do with setting/genre/internal workings of the world than it does with characterization. Giving your character an informed attribute without actually having that come into play in the story is bad writing and is annoying to see. Same goes for relationships - if two characters are repeatedly stated to be close, or influential to each other, but barely interact or affect each others’ decisions, then the story is going to feel lazy and shallow. And I think that’s pretty universal regardless of whether your story is comprehensible to the Western gaze or not.

And like, even if you’re writing outside this Western gaze - you still don’t have to use wordy explanations? Like, Birdie by Tracey Lindberg utilizes a ton of Cree narratives and cultural concepts, many of which aren’t immediately accessible to a white audience. And she doesn’t go out of her way to make it accessible. She’s clearly not writing for the benefit of a white audience. And yet the story still works because it’s emotionally coherent, even if you don’t intuitively understand the spiritual stuff that’s going on. Like. Making your readers work for an understanding isn’t necessarily a bad thing, and that’s what bothers me about a lot of those posts.

#i mean lmk if i'm misinterpreting that quote but honestly #show don't tell stan blog #alpha's literary opinions

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wikibious · 3 years

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Who is Abigail Elphick? Wiki, Biography, Age, Family, Video, Instagram

Abigail Elphick Wiki - Abigail Elphick Biography

Abigail Elphick is the New Jersey woman nicknamed "Victoria's Secret Karen." Video of an incident involving her at the Short Hills Mall has gone viral. The 25-year-old woman was seen in a video charging a black woman, Ijeoma Ukenta, and later claiming to be the victim. Ukenta posted videos of the incident on TikTok and YouTube. On Twitter, some people criticized the Millburn Police Department and mall security for not doing more to protect Ukenta. “There were many egregious violations of her rights and general welfare by both the Millburn Police Department and Short Hills Mall security. Abigail Elphick should have been arrested {and still needs to be arrested} and at least charged with assault and intent. of theft, ”wrote one Twitter user. NJ.com reported that the incident began when Ukenta, 38, of Newark asked Elphick to move six feet away from her. At one point, Elphick appears to raise his hand towards Ukenta in the video. The police report says this caused Elphick "to have a panic attack, at which point she followed her to stop recording her," according to the news site. The police did not make any arrests. "Pending further review, the Millburn Police Department believes that our officers acted in a professional and competent manner to defuse the situation and restore calm and order," the police statement reads to NJ.com. “I was banned from Tik Tok, yet everyone else was able to tell my story. I'm traumatized, ”Ukenta wrote on Twitter. Victoria's Secret issued a statement saying that “the safety of associates and customers is our top priority and we are committed to creating a safe and welcoming environment for all. The video taken at our store is disturbing and we have launched a full investigation. Our associate followed our protocols and immediately called our Emergency Operations Center, as well as mall security, to provide support during the altercation between our clients. We are dedicated to continuing this critical conversation and demonstrating our commitment to diversity, equity and inclusion through our actions and our words. "

Abigail Elphick Age

Abigail Elphick is 25 years old.

Elphick can be seen in uploading videos

The video series begins with Elpnick charging at Ukenta and trying to hit her and the camera. She backs off when Ukenta says, “My God. Oh, Lord. See this? Oh, Lord. I never thought anything like this would happen to me. She tried to run and hit. "Elphick then crouches down, holding her head in her crying hands, and says," No, I didn't. "She says," I don't want to be recorded. " Ukenta tells other customers and workers: “Did you see that? … Karen had a nervous breakdown. She tried to hit me. "Elphick again states that she did not try to hit Ukenta and says," I don't want to be recorded, "while crying. While Elphick continues to cry, Ukenta, holding a coupon in front of the camera, says:" I tried to come to get my free panties. "Elphick then yells," Why aren't you defending me? I just don't want to be recorded. " Elphick then yells and yells, "Don't record my mental breakdown, please. Please please please." The second video begins with Elphick lying on the ground, screaming and kicking. "She's recording me. Tell her to stop," she squeals. "You keep lying saying I'm threatening you, so I'm filming to protect myself," Ukenta replies. She doesn't seem to be very close to Elphick. The video shows Elphick yelling and running towards Ukenta, who was filming the scene. Ukenta kept repeating that she was concerned that the police would believe Elphick if she claimed that Ukenta attacked her when the video shows Elphick charging at Ukenta and Ukenta doing nothing more than recording the scene. "She's trying to attack me, no, no, no," Ukenta says at one point. "Once the law comes, who are they going to believe?" She says that she is concerned that the police will believe Elphick about Ukenta because Elphick is white and Ukenta is black. Elphick, who makes a phone call at one point, yells, “Stop her so she doesn't record. ... She is recording my mental breakdown. ... My heart races ". Ukenta narrates: "She's lying on the phone. I don't give a damn if she's sick. I'm worried about myself. This is real. This is really happening to me. She's on the phone with the police for me and she was chasing me around the damn thing. store ". At another point, Ukenta says, "I just came to get a free panty, that's all.… This lady chasing me. Now she's calling the police. I can't believe security isn't here. This is how black people die. Do you see what these people do? They call the police and they call in a panic and tell the police that you are doing something to them when clearly she was chasing me around the store. " She also says, "I don't want to turn my back on this white lady, sorry. She's crazy. Did you see her trying to accuse me again? That's the third time." The video does not show Ukenta attacking or making any moves towards Elphick. Read Also: Who is Angela Alberts? Wiki, Biography, Age, Trev Alberts’s Wife, Children, Instagram

GoFundMe campaign

Ukenta created a GoFundMe page that had raised over $ 38,000 as of July 13, 2021, a day after it was created. "I am a black Muslim Nigerian AM and I was treated like it was 1920 in Short Hills Mall. I was assaulted and harassed by a white woman and neither security nor police did anything," she wrote on the page. “I am looking to hire an excellent lawyer who can help me clear up this problem. All videos and updates on the situation are on my YouTube channel: Mama Africa Muslimah. They threw me a TikTok for posting what happened to me and they let someone else post and get millions and millions of views, however, they deleted 2 of my accounts. … One that I have for my garden that was my original account and another 1 that I created after my main account was deleted. I have been harmed by Abigail Elphick (Karen in my videos), Short Hills Mall security, the Millburn Police Department, and most of all, humanity. Please help!"

Elphick told officers that he wanted the video to be recorded

In a video, Ukenta read what he said was a police report: I spoke to the "crazy lady" and told her that she had spoken with the store clerk and that they replied that what Miss Ukenta had said had happened. Miss Elphick seemed to admit that she was wrong and she said she was worried about losing her job and her apartment if the video was posted online. She was having a panic attack from the video recording. I told you that Miss Ukenta has the right to videotape. I asked her several times if she was okay and if she needed an ambulance. And she repeatedly refused. She kept expressing her concern for her job and her apartment. She finally said that she was going home, I asked her if she could drive and she answered yes. At this time, Ms. Elphick voluntarily left the mall with mall security. Ukenta says in a video update: “I see everyone asking me for an update. I'm at the police station. I have the police report, which is somewhat true, but very, very long. I'm happy I recorded because even the officers said that I only showed him the video of her lying on the floor when I showed it to him. Of course, first, they took a statement because she, of course, she called the police. And she completely lied. She is trying to say that I started recording her, which triggered a panic attack, at which point she followed me to try to get me to stop recording. " She adds: So, I am filing a complaint against the two officers who responded. I did not feel protected. I am also filing a complaint against the mall security. Victoria's Secret, in my opinion ... what can we expect? Grab this woman? The manager even sent someone to walk to get security because they were taking too long. So, I really don't have a problem with them ... not at the moment. Now if they give us trouble getting the video, we'll talk about that. That will be another story. "The Internal Affairs Division is now investigating the matter to assess how the officers behaved," the police department said in a statement to NJ.com. "The second woman who was filming much of the incident asked officers to remove the first woman from the mall because she felt threatened," NJ.com said, as described in the police report. "The officers explained that they did not have the authority to do that because they had no indication that a crime had been committed or a crime that could be arrested." Heavy has contacted the Millburn police to get her response as well as police reports, both of which will be added to this story if received.

Elphick says she has worked as a teacher's aide

Elphick posted a short biography on a site that lists people who have a colostomy. In it, she said that she is a teacher's aide. "My name is Abby Elphick," she wrote. “I was diagnosed with chronic constipation and pelvic floor dysfunction. I am a 24-year-old woman who has a colostomy. I am a paraprofessional assistant/teacher who works with children. I love walking outside, shopping, eating out at restaurants! I want to feel comfortable with people who have an ostomy like me to know that I am not alone! " Online records show that she has ties to Cedar Grove and Newark, NJ. The Cedar Grove School District has denied that she is an employee there, writing in a note at the top of its home page: “The person involved in the Mall at Short Hills that took place on July 11, 2021, is missing and she has never been employed by the Cedar Grove Board of Education. " Elphick wrote on a Classmates.com profile: “I am 24 years old and I am going to school to become a Child Development Associate in teaching preschool-age students. I graduated in June 2014 from Cedar Grove High School when I was 18. " She stated on the profile, "I got good grades" and "wrote a book." The Verona-Cedar Grove Times mentioned Elphick in a 2013 article about her brother with a developmental disability and indicated that she had a colostomy. Elphick appears in a photo with her brother and her parents, Kim and Andrew Elphick. There is no state professional license for Elphick listed in the New Jersey state database.

Elphick is not related to a Secaucus

A police lieutenant created a Twitter account just to counter what she wrote were false accusations that Elphick is related to her. "Wrong. This is me and I have no kids. I also have no idea who Abigail is," she wrote in response to one such statement on Twitter. Police Lt. Kim Elphick added: “Additionally, this incident occurred at the Short Hills Mall, which is covered by the Millburn Police Department. Secaucus has no relevance to this case at all, other than the last name. " She added: “Because I am the officer that everyone says is my daughter. I don't have children and I have no idea who Abigail is. Coincidentally, I have the same name. " She concluded: “I received personal messages about what was being published. I created this account to fix it. It spread too fast to get ahead of me and tackle it. Feel free to call the agency tomorrow and I'll be more than happy to verify my identity. " FOLLOW US ON FACEBOOK Read the full article

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madamekyberpunk · 3 years

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Film Diary (July 12, 2020 - Dec 28, 2020)

JULY

July 12, 2020: KNIVES OUT (Dir. Rian Johnson)

We get to see Rian Johnson finely tune his craft in real time, and I find it exciting. I’ve been on a binge of his work as-of-late and a recurring theme of most of his movies is them being a commentary on themselves or the genres they’re working within. I think this movie nails that trick on the head without patting itself on the back too much. The ensemble cast is expertly chosen and works together really well, and you can tell just by watching it that they were having fun on set. The cast is grounded by Ana de Armas’ quietly brilliant performance. My favorite Rian Johnson movie is still reserved for Star Wars: The Last Jedi, but I do think this is his best work so far.

July 13, 2020: MERMAIDS (Dir. Richard Benjamin)

A slightly more absurd version of Lady Bird, if Lady Bird was made in the nineties. A good addition to the strained-but-loving mother-daughter relationship cinematic universe.

July 15, 2020: THE UNTOUCHABLES (Dir. Brian De Palma)

This is actually the first mafia movie I’ve ever seen, and honestly...it was probably a bad one to start with. Although it was entertaining and tense at all the right moments, the whole thing just felt empty. Every character seemed half-baked and none of them really had any development. De Palma could’ve gone grittier for an R-rating and made his interpretation of Al Capone a little less cartoonish; Kevin Costner’s Eliot Ness was doing the absolute least, and Robert De Niro’s Al Capone was doing the absolute most.

July 31, 2020: (500) DAYS OF SUMMER (Dir. Marc Webb)

For some reason I have unintentionally seen almost all of Marc Webb’s filmography, and I have to say that I’m underwhelmed by all of it. While watching I found myself reflexively comparing this to Webb’s The Amazing Spiderman and maybe it ruined my viewing experience a little bit. Both of them have lots of super mumbly, drawn-out conversations and an interpretation of an “indie” style that just seems...bland to me. (Also, both of them have pale women with bangs and men with undiagnosed depression.) I don’t know, I just feel like if you want a rom-com with a realistic depiction of romantic relationships, you should just go watch The Big Sick.

AUGUST

August 14, 2020: LATE NIGHT (Dir. Nisha Ganatra)

Emma Thompson was great in this, and I think Mindy Kaling is very underrated as a writer (in some ways, I think she is the modern Nora Ephron). I’ve seen quite a few reviews claiming that this movie plays along with conventions, but I don’t necessarily think that conventions are inherently bad as long as they’re executed well. In this case, they were.

August 22, 2020: THE FAREWELL (Dir. Lulu Wang)

I’d classify this as a really good movie that just didn’t click with me. It was a complete, “it’s not them, it’s me,” situation. It was smartly directed with a focused, sharp script and an excellent leading performance from Awkwafina - I can see why people were upset that it got snubbed at the Oscars - but it just wasn’t my thing. The only time I really connected with it emotionally was the ending.

August 22, 2020: KNOCK DOWN THE HOUSE (Dir. Rachel Lears)

The only piece of media currently in existence that somehow makes me feel a sense of patriotism for this hellscape of a country.

SEPTEMBER

September 5, 2020: BARRY (Dir. Vikram Gandhi)

Speaking of living in a hellscape of a country, I have mixed feelings about the Obama presidency - but this movie isn’t about his presidency. It isn’t indicative that he’ll be president at any point. It’s essentially a piece of historical fiction about race and American identity that happens to use Barack Obama as its protagonist. You could replace him with any other dude with a background similar to his and it still would’ve been interesting.

September 8, 2020: UNICORN STORE (Dir. Brie Larson)

If there’s one word to describe this movie, I’d say, it’s cute. Not in a patronizing type of way, but in a this-movie-feels-like-a-warm-hug type of way. I like this Brie Larson vehicle much more than Captain Marvel, mainly because I feel like she’s having more fun in this and she gets to wear more colors and Samuel L. Jackson has tinsel in his hair and also there’s a unicorn in it. I’m a simple girl with simple needs. I also think Samuel L. Jackson should be adorned in tinsel in every film he’s in without explanation (I might actually watch Pulp Fiction if Jackson’s character had a sparkly afro in it). This movie also made me stan Mamoudou Athie - I think he plays a good straight man and I hope that they don’t waste him in Jurassic World: Dominion, although I’m not getting my hopes up.

September 11, 2020: LADY BIRD (Dir. Greta Gerwig)

I waited a criminally long amount of time to finally watch this. I can’t really say anything about this movie that hasn’t already been said. It’s good! It’s genuine and sweet and I liked seeing Timothée Chalamet play a pretentious asshole.

September 12, 2020: THE BROTHERS BLOOM (Dir. Rian Johnson)

Upon a rewatch, I’m taking my original score of 3.5 out of 5 and bumping it up to a 4 out of 5. Adrian Brody and Rachel Weisz’s performances pretty much make this movie with their earnestness and chemistry. I think you could qualify this film as a romantic dramedy that just happens to be about an international con job. It doesn’t do the greatest job of explaining itself plot-wise, but it makes up for it with stylish direction and a charming cast.

September 18, 2020: EVER AFTER (Dir. Andy Tennant)

The best Cinderella adaptation currently in existence (next to Nickelodeon’s Rags starring Keke Palmer, of course). It’s so good that I’m willing to forgive Drew Barrymore’s attempt at a British accent. I also think this is one of the few movies that could be a decent remake if you gave it to the right director.

September 19, 2020: BRICK (Dir. Rian Johnson)

I love Rian Johnson, I think we’ve established that already, but I kind of sort of hated his film debut. It seemed so caught up in its own concept that it ended up seeming like a shell of a movie with no theme to ground it. Sometimes I don’t care if movie has no theme if it’s entertaining, but this movie was not entertaining, so...

September 25, 2020: ABOUT LAST NIGHT... (Dir. Edward Zwick)

Alternate title: Toxic Man is Horrible to a Woman Who Literally Does Nothing Wrong Ever and Also is Gorgeous, They Break Up, Toxic Man Gets a Different Job and Toxicity is Gone Now, Like His Personality was Sifted Through a Brita Water Filter, then the Toxic Man Gets an Unearned Happy Ending with Gorgeous Woman. It might be a little bit long, but at least people would know what they were in for. Still better than (500) Days of Summer, although every male character in About Last Night... deserves to be in jail. All of Demi Moore’s sweaters get five stars.

OCTOBER

October 3, 2020: ENOLA HOLMES (Dir. Harry Bradbeer)

During the first draft of this post, I gave this movie a pretty good review. Then I rewatched it, and...huh. It’s not exactly a bad movie, it’s just an aggressively average movie. Enola Holmes would have benefited from a) a shorter runtime, b) a better mystery, and c) a weirder style. I think that if the character is going to repeatedly talk into the camera, which is kinda weird, you should just make everything else weird too. Give it a Birds of Prey-esque unreliable narrator and non-linear storyline. It’s still a fun movie, and the inevitable sequels have potential, but it just felt like they could’ve - I don’t know - made more of an effort?

October 10, 2020: HUNT FOR THE WILDERPEOPLE (Dir. Taika Waititi)

This is the first Taika Waititi movie I’ve seen besides Thor: Ragnarok. I liked seeing how his style transferred into Ragnarok, and it probably has the funniest funeral scene ever written (do yourself a favor and look it up on YouTube). Hunt for the Wilderpeople knows when to make a joke without getting too goofy, and it knows when to be sentimental without getting too sappy. It also has dozens of glorious one-liners.

October 11, 2020: LITTLE WOMEN (Dir. Greta Gerwig)

The best Little Women adaptation. (I haven’t seen the one with Katharine Hepburn but I’m just going to assume that this one’s better.) This movie was clearly made for people who know and love the story, which can be a good thing and a bad thing - it means that it took some creative liberties that enhanced the story and added subversions that made it feel meta in a satisfying way. But it also meant that it could be potentially confusing for people who aren’t familiar with the story. Personally I wasn’t lost, but I think Gerwig could’ve used some more visual cues to let you know when they were in the present or when they were diving into the past. I wouldn’t want her to eliminate the jumping back and forth, though, because I think it allowed the characters to be explored a lot more than a linear story would’ve allowed. Gerwig also did a great job of letting you understand the motivations of the supporting characters - specifically Amy - in a way that prior adaptations never really did. Every character felt like their own person instead of accessories to Jo’s life.

October 16, 2020: THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7 (Dir. Aaron Sorkin)

Siegel, a very good Letterboxd reviewer that I follow, said it better than I can: “Aaron Sorkin is way too good a writer to be forced to work with such a mediocre director as Aaron Sorkin”. I didn’t mind the beginning - I thought the quick editing, upbeat music, and cuts back and forth between historical footage and fictionalized scenes were engaging, but the ending was clunky and didn’t fit the tone of the rest of the film. The Trial of the Chicago 7 was a little confused politically and wanted to desperately cling onto a centrism that didn’t let the film fully embrace the anger that it could’ve ended on. Despite all of these things, I still thoroughly enjoyed it. The performances were all excellent, and if any of them get nominated for an Oscar it’s well-deserved. I’m also a sucker for Aaron Sorkin’s speechy, tangential dialogue. It makes me feel smart whenever I listen to it.

October 20, 2020: HALLOWEENTOWN (Dir. Duwayne Dunham)

This movie does it for the girls and the gays, that’s it.

October 26, 2020: BIRDS OF PREY (AND THE FANTABULOUS EMANCIPATION OF ONE HARLEY QUINN) (Dir. Cathy Yan)

This movie also does it for the girls and the gays, that’s it. Seriously, I honestly don’t know why people don’t love this movie. Margot Robbie’s performance as Harley Quinn is Oscar-worthy. That’s not a joke. I actually think that if the Oscars knew how to have fun, she would get a nomination. She is this character. It feels so lived-in and she never does too much - and with a role like Harley Quinn, it would be very easy to do too much. I also have to give props to the type of feminism that director Cathy Yan inserted into this film. I really enjoyed Wonder Woman and didn’t mind Captain Marvel, but there was something so formulaic and studio-approved about the female empowerment in both of those films. Birds of Prey, however, didn’t really give a single fuck. It was a nuanced, violent, funny as hell story about flawed women forming alliances and finding meaningful relationships in a world that actively abuses them and ugh, I love this movie. It’s probably my personal favorite of the year.

October 27, 2020: DOLLY PARTON: HERE I AM (Dir. Francis Whately)

This documentary was strangely edited and offered pretty surface-level information presented in an uninteresting way. I enjoyed myself while I was watching it, but I just wish it would’ve gone deeper. Dolly Parton is one of the most interesting figures in music history, and there was a lot more they could’ve explored.

NOVEMBER

November 1, 2020: ATTACK THE BLOCK (Dir. Joe Cornish)

This 82-minute movie gave John Boyega a more satisfactory arc than the almost seven hour long Star Wars sequel trilogy. Seriously, this movie fucking slaps! It hit all the right notes at all the right moments. I honestly think that a lot of sci-fi movies would be better if they worked with smaller budgets and shorter runtimes. Something about working within limitations makes a film feel more authentic and cuts out a lot of the excess fat. This movie is funny and earnest and surprisingly has a lot to say about the world we live in, with a budget that’s 200 million dollars less and a runtime that's 45 minutes less than a lot of sci-fi movies out there.

November 18, 2020: A PRINCESS FOR CHRISTMAS (Dir. Michael Damian)

*Lady Gaga voice* Amazing, show-stopping, spectacular, never the same, totally unique, completely-not-ever-been-done-before... My go-to shitty Hallmark Christmas movie every year :)

November 19, 2020: THE LEGO STAR WARS HOLIDAY SPECIAL (Dir. Ken Cunningham)

I’m giving this a five-star rating completely unironically. This movie uses the mechanism of time travel better than Avengers: Endgame.

November 20, 2020: THE CHRISTMAS CHRONICLES (Dir. Clay Kaytis)

There’s a scene where Kurt Russel does a musical number in a jail cell and then Winston from “New Girl” quits his job as a cop. What more could you want from a Christmas movie?

November 21, 2020: INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS (Dir. Joel & Ethan Coen)

What was originally intended to be an Oscar Isaac thirst watch turned into what might end up being one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s one of those movies where it’s hard to articulate why it was so good, it was just good, but for the sake of this post I’ll try my best. Oscar Isaac was phenomenal in this - and I’m not just saying that because I’m a simp. His performance, combined with the script, made you root for his character even if he was a douchebag a lot of the time. The movie did a great job of blurring the line between what Llewyn Davis brought on himself and what was the result of just really, really bad luck. The use of sound in Llewyn Davis is excellent, too. Instead of using an instrumental score to emphasize emotion, they used sounds from the character’s environment, which really let the occasional musical moments pop - whenever anyone started singing, it almost felt cathartic. The Coen Brothers also provided moments of levity with perfectly-timed comedic moments throughout. It’s one of those movies where at the end of it, you’re kind of jealous that someone could make something that good. The fact that Oscar Isaac didn’t even get an Oscar nomination for this is - not to be dramatic - a fucking war crime.

November 22, 2020: STAR WARS: THE LAST JEDI (Dir. Rian Johnson)

Listen, I know The Last Jedi is such a hotly debated movie that it’s almost political, but it happens to be my favorite movie of all time. Like, number one. It even beats A Princess for Christmas. I’ve had my fair share of slander for loving this movie so damn much, but I will defend it until the day I die, and then I will have my tombstone engraved with “Luke Skywalker’s portrayal in this movie makes sense, you guys are just poisoned by nostalgia.” I’ve seen this movie several times, but I actually haven’t given it a rewatch since The Rise of Skywalker came out last December, and it still holds up. There’s a couple of things that I really appreciated a bit more this time around: every shot in this movie seems so intentional and emotionally charged. Pause it at any point and you’re going to have something interesting and aesthetically pleasing to look at. I really enjoyed the dialogue, too. In most of his movies, Rian Johnson makes his characters talk in a slightly heightened (or in Brick's case, very heightened) way, and it lends well to the Star Wars universe. I'm never going to to not gush about this film. The Last Jedi is the movie that made me love movies, and for that I will always be grateful.

November 25, 2020: HAPPIEST SEASON (Dir. Clea DuVall)

I have similar feelings toward this movie as I did toward Crazy Rich Asians; it follows most of the conventions that populate the rom-com genre, but for the marginalized people the movie is representing, it’s actually pretty fresh. Hot take, but I don’t think that Kristen Stewart’s character should’ve ended up with Aubrey Plaza’s character - I just think the film could’ve done a better job of empathizing with Mackenzie Davis’s character. If we focused on her perspective a bit more, maybe she would’ve seemed less...shitty and distant. I’d also appreciate it if we just stop doing the Gay Best Friend Trope after this movie because - let’s be honest with ourselves - no one’s going to be able to top Daniel Levy’s rendition of it.

November 29, 2020: MANGROVE (Dir. Steve McQueen)

See my Mangrove review here.

DECEMBER

December 5, 2020: RED, WHITE AND BLUE (Dir. Steve McQueen)

I may need to give this a rewatch at some point, mainly because it seems like I didn’t fully grasp the themes it was conveying due to my own skepticisms going into it. Here’s my original review.

December 13, 2020: THE PROM (Dir. Ryan Murphy)

I really can’t critically engage with this movie because my brain just turns off the minute the first song starts. Most of the criticisms you’ve heard are valid - though perhaps a little bit blown out of proportion - but it’s so much damn fun. I’ve watched it twice now.

December 19, 2020: MA RAINEY’S BLACK BOTTOM (Dir. George C. Wolfe)

Chadwick Boseman’s last performance is haunting, transformative, and magnetic. The same can be said about Viola Davis’ performance, which is a surprise to no one, but this is really Chadwick’s vehicle. I just wish the directing was as interesting as the acting. This film was adapted from an August Wilson play, and directorially it was treated like a play, which doesn’t necessarily translate that well to film. The space around the actors wasn’t really utilized, and the way it was shot was pretty lackluster and static; oftentimes, the only interesting thing to look at in a scene was an actor’s performance. Maybe I’ve just been a little obsessed with Steve McQueen’s directing style lately, but this movie probably would’ve been five stars for me (instead of the four-and-a-half I gave it) if it was directed by him.

December 19, 2020: LONG TOAST (Dir. Karsten Runquist)

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Fuck yeah, Karsten Runquist! Shout out to his monthly “what I watched in [insert month]” videos for giving me the inspiration to write this.

December 23, 2020: LET IT SNOW (Dir. Luke Snellin)

Weirdly enough, this may be one of my favorite Christmas movies. There’s nothing all that remarkable about it, but it has a sweet, simple holiday vibe with innocent performances and low stakes. I don’t really ask a lot for Christmas movies, and this pretty much delivers.

December 25, 2020: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF DREAM ANALYSIS (Dir. Rian Johnson)

This short film from Rian Johnson is the earliest thing I could find of his filmography on Letterboxd, and it was a pretty engaging watch. It was essentially all of Johnson’s quirks as a director condensed into ten minutes. It reminded me of those trippy short stories you had to read in middle school.

December 26, 2020: PLUS ONE (Dir. Jeff Chan & Andrew Rhymer)

I’ve seen a lot of rom-coms - like, an ungodly amount - and my love-hate affair with this genre has made me realize that predictability isn’t the issue with rom-coms (a lot of genres are very, very predictable). The issue is a lack of authenticity. Yes, this film is predictable, but it’s authentic. The humor in this movie actually feels like something that would happen in real life, not something heavily contrived or exaggerated for the sake of entertainment. I don’t have anything against the contrived and exaggerated, but it’s refreshing to see comedy being delivered so naturally in this genre. Plus One also has a more realistic (but still sweet) perspective on love and relationships which you don’t normally see in any genre.

December 27, 2020: THE HALF OF IT (Dir. Alice Wu)

I watched this at the beginning of the year and didn’t enjoy it all that much - partly because I was in the closet and aaaah girls kissing aaaaaah - and partly because I just thought it was boring. On a second viewing, I really appreciated it more. I think it’s the smartest and most well-shot movie directed toward teens that I’ve seen on Netflix. Although the script can be a bit pretentious, it’s directed in a way that doesn’t feel like it’s either trying to be too indie or like an hour and fourty-five minute long single-camera sitcom episode. The character of Ellie is also a really interesting and nuanced character, and a good example of how to write and portray queerness on screen.

December 27, 2020: TAYLOR SWIFT - FOLKLORE: THE LONG POND STUDIO SESSIONS (Dir. Taylor Swift)

I would die for Taylor Swift and/or Jack Antonoff.

December 28, 2020: MANK (Dir. David Fincher)

I went into this movie as a) someone who has never seen a David Fincher film, and b) someone who has never seen Citizen Kane. Unsurprisingly, Mank was definitely not my thing. That doesn’t mean I didn’t appreciate it. It’s a fucking good-looking movie. But it’s kind of like the himbo of movies - it’s nice to look at, but there’s not much going on underneath. I’m hearing this complaint from a lot of people: it’s a technical masterpiece, but it feels pretty damn hollow. Personally, it’s not enough for me to recognize that a film looks and sounds good - I have to care about and know the human beings within it in order for me to think that it’s a good movie. To me, a film is only as good as the emotional relevance of its story, but sadly emotional relevance is where Mank falls short.

What movies kept you sane during 2020? Let me know!

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downtroddendeity · 7 years

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quicksilver-ink replied to your post: While I fail to finish this damn fic, is anyone...

Tell me how to write Stocke, oh wise one who had read the entire RH script repeatedly. =P

'kay so.

Broad strokes:

He thinks a lot more than he talks. He’ll sometimes go on pretty extensive internal-monologue rambles in the middle of scenes, then say one sentence out loud. When writing from his perspective, he’ll usually say a lot more in the narration than in the dialogue, unless he’s talking to Lippti and Teo.

He’s quick to connect things to past information, figure out big-picture ramifications, and notice and question things that don’t make sense, and will point this stuff out if it’s not related to something he’s trying to hide. He asks some pretty incisive questions when he gets the chance.

He doesn’t talk if he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t go in for social platitudes, and about the only times he wastes words talking when he doesn’t have something substantial to say is when the game is doing the Parrot Exposition thing. (that is- NPC: “Keyword!” PC: “Keyword, huh...?” NPC: “More about Keyword!”) My quick cheat for “this dialogue doesn’t sound like him” is to cut as many words as I can from it without changing the meaning.

He’s actually pretty good at figuring out what people are feeling, aside from a huge blind spot in the entire area of “people caring about him.” But he doesn’t consistently know what to do about it, which occasionally results in him making situations worse by being right.

In situations where he’s uncertain about something, once he’s made a decision, he won’t say anything about the fact that he was uncertain, so he sounds as though he’s a lot more sure of himself than he actually is. (See: basically every decision point, but those aren’t the only places he does it.)

His sense of humor is sardonic to the point of “outright mean,” and his snarking at people mostly consists of some variation on “blunt description of events which cast the person in a very unflattering light.”

Finer details:

He has two distinct modes that he switches between: “blunt and terse” and “surprisingly eloquent.” If he can express something in monosyllables, he will, but if he gets onto a more abstract subject or has a lot to say, he starts using prettier and/or more complex language. (I doubt the writers did this on purpose, but it always amuses me how appropriate it is as a piece of characterization.)

He plans out his sentences before he says them out loud. He never ums or ers, and almost never trails off at the end of a sentence and leaves it unfinished. If he doesn’t know what to say, he either doesn’t say anything or pauses long enough to get words in order, then says a complete thought. About the only time in the entire game that he sputters is the At Journey’s End sidequest. (He’s pretty clearly bluescreening a bit in that one. :::PPP)

When he lies, it’s usually just a short, blunt statement with the minimum amount of detail. (Like... a lot of things he says, really.) Both with lies and his occasional time travel slip-ups, he often avoids them being questioned too closely by moving the conversation onto a different subject or bringing up something that needs to be done immediately.

He talks very differently to Teo and Lippti than he does to everyone else. He’s usually stuck in Eloquent mode, says a lot more of what he’s thinking and feeling, and uses them as a sounding board for theories and ideas.

When other people find out about the time travel, he switches to talking about it as if they already know all of how it works, without bothering to explain any of what he’s talking about.

#reply #quicksilver ink #radiant historia #fictional crush no. 1 #and the writing thereof #long post

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screechthemighty · 7 years

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justice in “rabbit in a snowstorm”

Told you this would be delayed. There will probably be a lot of assorted thoughts for this one, but fortunately I do have a central thought about how the case Matt works this episode ends up revealing a lot of his world view. Check out the ground rules if you haven’t already and let’s begin!

The Healey case starts with Matt, once again, jumping to the worst possible conclusion: that Wesley is up to something. Granted, Wesley is a snake in an Armani suit, but up until he calls out their hiring of Karen, he’s polite and calm. There’s nothing to suspect that he’s anything sketchy if you’re not Matt or an audience member. It could be that Matt automatically distrusts corporations—possibly a holdover from his days working at L&Z—and there is more canon proof to suggest that he’s inherently a bit distrustful of people with money (see 2.05 and the underlying thematic element of Elektra leading to Matt’s distaste for fancy things). But he seems to jump beyond even just “this guy is a skuzzy corporate dude” in his determination to figure out what Wesley’s game is. This could just be me reading into it because I know that there’s more to it than that; if that is the case, then that means it’s enough for Matt that Wesley is a skuzzy corporate dude doing something potentially even a little bit shady. For Matt, no crime is too big or too small. He’s going to stop it, no matter what. (This is also interesting in light of him asking Father Lantom if the fact that he can’t do anything about any crimes confessed to him “seems fair.” Matt is incapable of inaction if he knows something is wrong, and this is just another example of that urge in action.)

The next really noticeable detail about the case is the way Matt completely steamrollers over Foggy while trying to achieve his goals. This is something Matt does a lot with a lot of people, and I think there are two reasons for it. First, Matt is the kind of guy who gets hyperfocused on the desired outcome, to the point where he blinds himself to other obligations, other people’s input, and so on. It’s not a malice thing; he just doesn’t know how not to focus hardcore. I don’t think he even realizes he’s doing it until it’s pointed out to him. (Side note, but his lack of subtlety when he does it is hysterical to me. Like, Matt, you’re supposed to be asking this guy about the murder, not about Wesley. You’re just cluing them in to the fact that you know something is up.)

Second, I think that Matt has an instinctive need to push his wants and opinions as hard as he can—again, not out of malice, but due to the influence of one PARTICULAR PERSON that we’ll get to in a few episodes. The tl;dr of it is that Matt has, in the past, had his thoughts and worldview steamrollerd over so repeatedly and viciously that I think it trained him to be just as aggressive back, least he be washed away by outside forces. And again, I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it. His sense of conflict resolution has been that fucked.

Matt talks a lot about the confines of the law in this episode. The first time it comes up is when he’s talking to Healey, and talks about how they’ll work out the case “honestly and morally and within the confines of the law.” This time it comes up, you could read it as him justifying what he’s doing to himself. Healey is their best inroad to figuring out what’s up with Wesley, so he has to play ball if he wants answers. But even though he’s mostly chill about it, this is the guy who said he only wants to represent the innocent. Representing someone that is so obviously guilty is killing him inside. Saying this is probably his way of justifying what he’s doing to himself—of telling himself that he’s worth it. The fact that he’s so visibly frustrated when Healey says he wants the trial as soon as possible could tie into that. Doing it Healey’s way makes being “honest” and “moral” a lot harder, so the justification starts wearing thin. It also gives Matt less time to investigate, which is insult to injury in something like this.

There’s a lot going on in his closing arguments. Besides it just being a good speech (honestly, I could listen to him give closing arguments for a whole episode, like, I wouldn’t even care), he reveals a thing or two about his headspace. First, there’s the mention of morality being what ties us to humanity. Given that he’s definitely not lying when he says he’s been dwelling on questions of morality lately (between him sitting outside church and him having to face Claire’s “I don’t think you enjoy this” moment), I think this is one of the moments he’s been dwelling on: the place rules have in society, and what happens when you stop following them. What he might become if he keeps going down this path. That’s really an overarching plot of this season: how far do you go? When does it stop being justifiable? Sorry to say, Matt, but you’re going to be questioning this a lot.

There’s also the fact that he stresses that facts are the only thing that matter in the courtroom, not morality. Is this what he told himself to justify taking the case? That because he wasn’t arguing against the known facts, he was sticking to the sanctity of the law and therefore not doing anything wrong? Or is this something he’s known for a long time? I could easily see this realization as being part of the reason why he put the mask on. It certainly meshes with the flashbacks to his time as a legal intern and the lead up to his first act as Daredevil.

On a final, unrelated to the trial note, I think this is the episode where Matt starts to exhibit signs of The Sadness Beard. It’s a thing in the first season (not so much the second, which is a bummer) where Matt’s beard waxes and wanes in thickness depending on the current events and his mood. It can be hard to spot, since Matt almost always sports a five o’clock shadow (on a production level, probably so they can clean shave him for the flashback scenes), but it’s there. I think this is the episode where it starts appearing, and it’d make sense. The signs of his self-doubt start poking up here, in small but important ways (see the assorted thoughts section). It’s also possible that he’s been too tired to shave since he fairly recently fractured a few ribs and then went on to fight 7-8 Russians. I’ll be tracking his beard growth as I watch (which is a sentence I didn’t think I’d ever type).

Assorted Thoughts:

It’s interesting that Matt sits outside of Church but never goes in, and becomes skittish when confronted about why he’s hear. I think he’s starting to want help—especially since he was faced with the question of whether or not he enjoys hurting people—but also that Matt is the sort of person who needs to ask for help on his own terms. He can’t really be nudged or coaxed into it. This relates back to the thing I talked about RE: Matt kind of steamrolling back Foggy in his quest for Justice, and again, we’ll get to that when we get to Stick.

“I wasn’t paying attention, it’s my fault.” While Matt is definitely deflecting the truth as to how he got a black eye, this only feels like a half-lie. I wonder if he does this a lot—not actually specify what happened, but say that he was “careless”, which he probably thinks he was to end up that beat up.

Just World On Fire Things: Matt’s little head twitches during the meeting with Wesley. I think this is him trying to adjust his reading on Wesley, and I love it. Also, the detail with Wesley’s watch breaks my heart because it’s reductionist in a big way. Matt wouldn’t just know it’s Wesley by the sound of his watch—he’d know by his cologne, his shampoo, the fabric of his suit, a thousand details that the viewer can’t experience. Without narration, we can’t even really know that’s how Matt perceives the world. I know that the show writers can only do so much when they’re presenting the perspective of a blind man to a sighted audience, but it bugs me because it leads to the idea that Matt can “basically see”—AKA the worst criticism of Daredevil ever and I’ll fight anyone who says it in my presence. Matt Murdock is Fucking Blind 2kForever.

More World on Fire things: the moment when Matt hears the one juror’s racing heartbeat. I find that bit interesting because it raises the question of whether Matt’s senses are so fine-tuned that he can pick up the one racing heartbeat in the room without having to hear it, or whether he was already checking out their heartbeats before he noticed. I’m inclined to think the latter, mostly because it makes sense for Matt and the way he perceives the world. Think about it: if Matt could see, he’d probably be glancing their way to check the mood of the jury after Foggy’s opening statement. He can’t check their faces, but he can check their heartbeats. It’s how he tells what’s going on with anything. This is a bit of a call forward, but I feel like Foggy criticizing Matt for listening to heartbeats because it’s invasive is a unfair, because it’s the only way Matt knows what people are feeling or if they’re screwing him over. In his line of work, he has to know these things. (Zero judgment towards Foggy for reacting that way, there was a lot going on, but we’ll get to that when we get to Nelson v. Murdock.)

Matt’s comment about the check Wesley gives them is interesting to me. He states that maybe Foggy would care about how sketch the situation feels if he couldn’t see the zeroes on the check, and I have to ask how much of Matt’s perception of the world differs from yours or mine because he can’t see. He doesn’t have the visual cues that a lot of us use and judge people on. Granted, Matt has other cues that he uses and judges people on, but do they lead him to draw different conclusions than the rest of us about a person? Or the same conclusion, but for different reasons?

Also, Matt really DOES lead with his face. There is not a point in the conversation with Wesley that he looks anything but distrustful. It’s interesting that he can cover up a lot of things with charm, but not his negative emotions.

The saga of Matt’s sunglasses continues in this episode: he has them off as he and Foggy research, but puts them on the second Karen comes to the door and doesn’t take them off again after that. Karen is still a new person in Matt’s life, for whatever tenuous connections they have aren’t enough for him to feel glasses-less around her. Foggy, meanwhile, has known Matt for a long time; he knows Foggy isn’t uncomfortable with his lack of sunglasses or anything like that. He’s comfortable around Foggy.

On a finale note, there’s Matt’s reaction to the guy stabbing himself in the face. On the one hand, it’s a totally justifiable reaction to a guy stabbing himself in the face with a spike. On the other hand, the way he freezes up brings to mind other moments in the show. It’s Matt’s reaction to any unexpected event. When something happens that he doesn’t see coming, he flounders and freezes, regardless of context. Again, in this case it’s how pretty much anyone would react, but it does also fit a wider pattern. I’ll look for more of this as time goes on.

#daredevil #matt murdock #screech cries about matt murdock

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ruby--wednesday · 7 years

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summer palace feelings

I've been unpacking my thoughts about The Summer Palace, and ok yeah fandom reaction, this last while and the easiest way for me to figure things out is to write it down. I'm gonna preface this by stressing that I'm not claiming any other reaction or perspective is wrong, or I am some kinda fandom expert. It's just my feelings and they're a jumbled mess a lot of the time. I'm not calling anyone out or looking to start ~discourse.

Under the cut are my thoughts on

bias

auguste's death

the talk

softness

laurent and the baths

one last thing (sex!)

Bias

Bias is normal. Every narrator has it. Every reader has it. Being biased does not make anyone unreliable. I think it's up to everyone else to realise the truth. Like, if a Australian person says Oz is the best country in the world we know that's their bias speaking. (or America, or Russia or whatever) If Damen defends slaver in book 1, that's what's happening. When Laurent thinks in KR that Auguste would not be afraid if he was captured with Govart, that's what's happening.

Reader bias exists too. We all have our kinks and our limits and our things that cause automatic sympathy. Like, if you're always uncomfortable with cheating in a story or, idk, use of certain language. I can't abide tropes of flirty waitresses because I used to be a waitress for years. I am a total pacifist but I am Irish so I can always empathise with stories where people are trying to reclaim land. It was easier for me to see why Akielos wanted Delpha back than it might be for other people. I hate war and violence, so I see everything that happened at Marlas as showing the horrors of war rather than which side was in the right. I'll root for the working class here above anyone with privelege. One of the things Laurent did that stuck with me, out of all his bad things, was when he didn't seem to make sure the stable boy got paid.

We have things that tick our boxes, too. It might be Laurent's sneakiness that works for you but that doesn't mean soft Laurent is less real. I have a thing for seeing relationships that begin in unhealthy circumstances turn out be good because the people involved are good. That's why these books mean a lot to me.

So what's my point? I don't think Damen's unrelaliable. He's a character with his own way of looking at the world. It was easy for us to see how his view on slavery was wrong, for example. We don't need to believe the text expects us to accept that he was right about killing Auguste or the circumstance. Imo, if Damen was unreliable he'd be like Humbert Humbert maintaining Laurent was into him when he clearly hated him in the baths. He'd be like Gen, withholding his identity as Damianos throughout the first book. Writers know what they're doing when they go with an unreliable. Pacat was making Damen realistically biased and the kind of person who does not think about the bad shit.

Something that always fascinates me as a reader, and when I write, is examing the ways characters remember things compared to what actually happened. I explored this in my fic Stargazers, as it feels relevant to CP canon. How winners write history and men become myths and stories get twisted. I have a hunch Pacat was touching on these themes when she had the Prince's Guard retell what Laurent did in the mountain without Damen's role, or how they say he ran his horse to death to beat Torveld to the mark. All the accounts of the war are different and murky and it's up to us as readers to realise that nothing people say can be taken as fact.

2. Auguste's Death

I didn't expect Damen and Laurent to talk about him again in The Summer Palace but I don't have a problem with what we read. As far as I can tell, there's not really anything new there. But Damen and Laurent are at a place, especially now that Kastor is dead and killed by Laurent, that they can be more detailed.

We know Kastor is a snake. But Laurent knows Damen loved his brother and he is hurt by him dying even if he was nothing like the good man Auguste was.

The brother for brother thing doesn't sit well with me since KR. (eg it was over; like a balance restored, the past put to rest.) but I get the symmetry of the circumstance. Is the same? No. But I think the text was trying to show it was the removing the final barrier between keeping Damen and Laurent unequal.

During Kastor and Laurent's swordfight, Damen relives what occurred between him and Auguste. With the added conversation in TSP, we know that this actually isn't new information.

KR : A flurry of strikes. Damen remembered that feint from Marlas, and that sidestep and that particular set of parries.....he conjured him up now, half embodying his style as Kastor embodied Damen's, a fight between ghosts.

It was a simple misjudgement in Laurent's part...He wouldn't have misjudged if he wasn't tired. The same had been true for Auguste, fighting for hours at the front.

'No,” said Damen, who had lived this too.

Because Laurent wasn't Auguste. And the stumble wasn't a mistake, it was a feint

TSP : “You've never asked about it”

“You said it was quick.”

“It was.”

“He didn't let anyone else intervene. He thought it was fair, between princes. Single combat.”

“Yes.”

“He was tired. He'd been fighting for hours. But the man he fought wasn't. It was Kastor on the front at Marlas. Damianos has tayed behind to protect the King. He rode from behind the lines.”

“Yes.”

“He was honourable, and when he drew first blood, he gave Damianos time to recover. He wouldn't let anyone else intervene. He thought --”

“-he thought it was right. He stepped back and let me pick up my sword. I didn;t know what to do. It ahd been two years since anyone had disarmed me. When we fought again, he drove me back. I don't know why he cut to far to the left. It was the only mistake he made. I took the chance it wasn't a feint and when he couldn't draw himself back into postion, I killed him. I killed him.”

I feel like this is the same information told more explicitly. We already knew Damen was fresh and Auguste had been fighting for hours. Kastor was fresh and Laurent had been on trial for hours before their battle. Battles are hard. War is awful. Someone will get the advantage one way or another.

Damen repeatedly mentioned Auguste's honour, so the allowing him to retake his sword and not letting anyone else in is the thing that must have gave that impression. I'm also pretty sure Damen cut down Auguste's guard, the other best fighters in Vere, to get to him (not mentioned above but mentioned elsewhere I can't lay my hands on.) The wound Auguste inflicted was serious enough to have real scarring years later. He allowed Damen to pick up his sword. It's not like he offered him a chance to yield there. That's not how wars work.

Also not mentioned in this discussion, that Akielos was receiving a Veretian herald to discuss the terms of surrender (? I might be off about the details here) when the Veretian army attacked. This is completely contradictory to the Akielons approach to war. I'm inferring by the Regent's Charcy challenge that it's outside the norm for Vere too. Damen being behind the lines make sense in that context. The king and heirs staying back makes sense in general. (I have another hunch that the Regent encouraged Auguste to get into the fray but that's just me.)

So what's my point? Laurent was saying how Auguste died as he knew it. He repeats the thing thing about intervention, which leads me to believe this is a report he heard and clung to like he later clings to Damen saying it was quick. Auguste died a hero. I believe the accounts of him being good. But Damen wasn't going to say, well actually, when he got inside my guard he didn't need to run me through. Damen wants to honour Laurent and his brothers memory. He also has a much more matter of fact approach to war than most modern readers do. But none of this felt like new information to me. It was Laurent wanting details, and being able to hear them from Damen now when he was never able to take them in before, and making peace with it, and continuing to accept that it was Damen here and Damen who did it (ala KR 12 it's me here with you.)

It was acknowledged all along that Damen's identity was, to Laurent, that he was the one who killed Auguste. Prince Killer. Being Damianos meant he was the worst person in the world to Laurent. We spent three books with Laurent learning to reconcile the man he knows now with the man who killed his brother. Damen never shied away from it and the fact of it was never denied. He already said 'I hurt you...” Neither characters are the type to apologise. They're the type to admit it and do better in future.

There's no point in looking for morals on a battlefield. The most you can hope for is following the rules of war and no cruelty. I feel like the second anyone willingly enters a battle that's not about saving lives they're in the wrong. I know plenty of people disagree.

3. The 'Talk’

There was some (understandable) expectation that Damen and Laurent would discuss his abuse by the Regent in TSP.

The first thing I tweeted when I read it was that I was really glad about one thing and what I meant was that they didn't discuss it.

That's not to say that I never want them to discuss. Or that Laurent shouldn't be able to discuss. Or that I don't understand why people, especially survivors of CSA like Laurent, wanted to see him be open about this huge, terrible thing that happened to him.

I also get people wanting Damen to acknowledge it, at least internally.

But I knew 30 pages wasn't enough

And from the first mention in KR, the summer palace was framed as a honeymoon vibe place

and I think damen does a really good job of not pushing laurent and being aware of his needs before he ever knew the reason for his discomfort. Damen also does a good job of not thinking about hard things so it didn't surprise me he didn't think about it

Laurent repeatedly showed he did not want to talk about it. He went to lengths to conceal it. When Damen asked in KR was someone there for him when Auguste died, when he asked in PG had he done this before, Laurent's response every time was that he didn't want to talk about this part of his past.

So I think people (readers and his fictional partner) should respect this need for privacy and not push for discussion

I also have seen some strange, borderline fetishistic, reactions of readers about Laurent's abuse. Like, dwelling on it to an uncomfortable degree. And as a fic writer, i've had some uncomfortable comments looking for details where I deliberately did not include details. So I guess I might have a slightly different perspective on this than some other readers.

We know it happened. Damen knows now it happened. The very mention of the Regent in Damen's thoughts is loaded with the fact that it happened (like Damianos was to Laurent before.) Laurent has lived with the awful fact of it for years. I think it's nice he had a chill few hours in the palace with his man. I hope they talk about it some time when Laurent is comfortable and Damen can control his temper. I hope Damen can acknowledge he missed the signs and can reframe the context of certain things Laurent said and did and also the wrongness of certain things he said and did. Like coming on to Laurent in the baths was wrong and saying Laurent wanted his uncle to be obsessed with him (or something along the lines) and that he fucked like a virgin etc

Also, Laurent was talking about it throughout the series more than he or we or Damen know. It was sad and often a conditioned mindset but he was. The things he said about Nicaise being able to manipulate adults. When he said his brother didn't have the taint that the rest of the family had. (He was led to believe he was complicit in what happened and the shame was its own form of abuse) The cruelty he flung at Aimeric. When he said they think he loves them. It has the outward semblance of love. At first. But it isn't love. It's...fetish. And the long pause before he agreed with Aimeric 'Like Aimeric.'

What's my point? I'm not surprised or disappointed. I would like to see it happen in the future and I think Pacat could do a good job with such a discussion. I also think so much of the trilogy is about Laurent overcoming abuse and not letting it define him and reclaiming his autonomy that I, personally, am not looking for an analysis. He won. He's alive and happy and able to have a healthy relationship and comfortable sex and that's more than enough for me.

4. The softness

Touched on above, but I have no complaints about the fluffiness. I loved Laurent with Damen inside his barriers. I am proud and happy he could do that. I have no doubt his edge will be present with the rest of the world and we might see it again in the next stories. But I liked the soft kings in love and the lack of need for plots and schemes and power games.

I mean, I would have been ok with one last set of hijinks but i'm cool with the fluff

Also, I think Pacat said once the further L got from Arles and the Regent the more free he became. The summer palace is about as far as you can get from arles without leaving the kingdoms. It's an indulgent break and they deserve it.

Laurent went from laced up in fancy clothes at all times to hapily walking around naked!

Basically, I'm they're feeling their looks can they live?

5. Laurent and the baths

straight up, I get it if you weren't comfortable with the references to slaves or someone being servile. If that's not your thing, i'm not trying to change your mind

but I think I read it differently to some people. Here's my thing : I see nothing humiliating about doing things by choice and looking after the person you love in one way or another.

Laurent was wearing the chiton before Damen arrived. Laurent initiated the baths and said 'let me attend you'. The follows from Laurent had known, when he hadn't known himself...

I'm thinking Laurent knew that Damen had healing to do from his enslavement and the way Laurent himself treated him. I actually kind of love that by this point Laurent knows him so well. I love how at the start of the books the reader could see Laurent better than Damen by the tidbits that were seeded in. By the end of KR, Damen knows him better than the reader. He was right about Laurent being barbed in public and in newly tender in private.

But I digress. Laurent initiated the whole bathing thing. Damen seemed to think it would happen in the traditional way with attendants and soaking together and Laurent taking on the role was a big thing

These two also tend to fall into playing roles of slave, master, pet etc to get to the root of their personal issues. They did it in PG a lot.

Because Damen doesn't dwell on his suffering, and much of it was inflicted by our fave Laurent, and being captive is a harder thing to immediately relate to than bereavement and abuse, it's natural that readers don't always grasp the impact it had on him. The baths in Ios triggered him. The memory of the atmosphere in Arles is tangled up in that. He's glad it feels different in this palace. Baths go hand in hand with suffering for Damen in his mind. They are the starting point for three major things.

Laurent asks for instruction to act as a slave would have. Damen says his name, giving him an out, and Laurent pursues it. He has fun with it when he pours the water on himself. He deliberately goes to his knees. Damen didn't ask or push.

In CP, Damen muses that kneeling for Laurent is worse humiliation than his other huge indignities. To me, that's why he says I knelt for you rather than you had me whipped or Govart would have raped me or anything else. I don't think he was pushing for Laurent to kneel. He was acknowledging their shared, awful past.

It's about internal scars as much as external ones. Damen getting the chance to talk about what happened. (remember how L said he was glad about these things that happened before. I do.) I think this is the first time the direct hurt L inflicted is really open between them, rather than Damen's somewhat indirect hurt.

Mentioning the Regent here in Damen's thoughts shows some awareness of the magnitude of this act for Laurent. He knows and we knows what kneeling for him meant.

It comes back to choice again. This is all Laurent's free will.

For a slave it is, for a slave it means everything – is the thing said to make Laurent come when he was having difficulty in KR

And when Damen says it's not something one prince would do for another, we know that's not true. Damen would and has do it for him. He did it under duress in CP, which was wrong, but continued to do it and want to do it once they were on equal footing.

This isn't Laurent's first time being servile. The ice. Toweling him down after sex. Pouring him water. It's a nice thing he does and there's a possibility, sure, that some of it is related to his own abuse but maybe not. Ever since he spoke about being frightened, I wonder if I was wrongly attributing some of his behaviour.

These are actions not words people. So softly acknowledging the scars, and the suffering, and then being sweet and romantic is so them.

It made them happy! It was cathartic and freeing and cleansing!

6. One Last Thing

no lie, I would have liked to see damen bottom in TSP but I guess there wasn't the time or words and the scene at the inn is the closest we're gonna see in canon

but the sex! Can you believe we went from CP, where Laurent was cruel and used sex as a weapon, to PG “I...find it difficult to let go of control,” to KR 'He felt the repression when it came, the hard restraint Laurent exerted over his own body, his stomach clenching, his muscle moving in his jaw. He knew what it signaled' and '”I'll get --” Laurent detached himself...with the same stiff awkwardness Laurent lay down next to him.

In The Summer Palace - “He turned Laurent so that he was belly to the wall and kissed his neck from behind..... “Damen, I--” “Really?”.....Caught up in the way that Laurent's skin responded to him, he had missed the quickening pulse, the subtle signs of a body's approach to the brink.” And “For once, Laurent did not immediately leap up to clean himself off, but stayed....

If that's not what we read these books for I don't know what is

#captive prince #the summer palace #my thoughts #not looking to start shit #please don't be mad #is this meta?#so many typos

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goldenalteration · 7 years

Text

Tantamount to Perfection: Chapter 3

Crap...

Madjick bobbed in front of me in all their disputable glory, shining, etched orbs rotating quietly at either shoulder, the occasional mad cackle escaping them.

It had been a while since I'd last played Undertale, and my current panic wasn't helping matters. How are you supposed to spare Madjick again? I seemed to recall something about glaring at those orbs it had floating next to it...

Give it a shot, encouraged the voice in my head. What's the matter, got stage fright?

I was beginning to guess who this voice in my head was, but the current subject was a bit more pressing. As such, I turned to the orb floating above Madjick's left shoulder and gave it a withering glare.

You glared at the Chaser Orb. That'll confuse it for long enough. Good work, darling.

The orb suddenly shot forward, splitting repeatedly until ten of them filled the area in front of me, and abruptly they all rushed forth. I was never the most athletic, and as such I only dodged the attack by tripping and falling on my face, letting the orbs rush over my head. With a slight grunt, I shoved myself back to my feet.

Form needs work, but you got the job done, which is what matters in the end. I couldn't tell whether the voice which I was now reasonably confident was Mettaton was being snarky or not. I'd advise you duck again. They're coming behind you now.

I obeyed, dropping to the ground a little more skillfully this time, and heard the rough whoosh over me again.

"Alright, that's enough." Sans spoke behind me, and as I turned I could see that his eyelights had gone out. "You've had your fun, Madjick, now leave!"

"Tá an duine seo le feiceáil roimhe seo," responded the sorcerer, disappearing back into its own hat with a sound like a whip crack. The hat fell to the ground and disintegrated, leaving nothing behind.

"He seemed like a nice enough guy," I commented dryly. "Not much for conversation, though."

Sans laughed, but it sounded somewhat forced. "Let's keep going, eh, kid?" He seemed to have forgotten about interrogating me about why I was here, at least. As we left the room, he raised a bony hand to his chin and muttered something, but I couldn't hear what it was.

Moving on to the next room, I realized that it was very much like the room in original Undertale where you had a save point after that redundant, long hallway. The only difference, aside from the obvious color scheme, was that the leaf piles were replaced by tattered cyan bath mats, and Sans promptly walked up to the nearest one and flopped onto it, closing his bony eyelids. "I'm just gonna take a quick nap, kiddo. Wake me up if anything interesting happens."

What.

I'd question it, too, my narrator noted, but given his nature, you really shouldn't be surprised.

I strode over to where the save point glittered brightly just next to where Sans was lying and again tried to slide my hand over the top. Again, my hand slipped through the phantasmagorial yellow star, and the voice spoke. Knowing that Sans feels secure enough to sleep here makes you feel safe by default. You're filled with determination.

File saved.

Something, almost like a vine, tapped against my ankle, and I swung around to see a familiar droopy plant behind me.

"Golden?" I furrowed my brow. "What're you doing here?"

"Oh... well... I need to talk to you while he's still sleeping... there's some stuff I want to ask you... and I figured you might have some questions too..." the flower listed. "So... I thought... why not give it a try?"

I did, in fact, and so I crossed my legs and sat down next to the save point and Sans's sleeping form. "Okay. Let's talk."

"Well, uh, first..." The flower hesitated briefly. "What do you remem- I mean, what's the last thing you remember before falling onto those flowers?"

It took me only a brief second to recall. "As I was about to jump into the hole, I flipped off a news helicopter that was hovering above the mountain. That's the last thing I remember from the Surface."

Golden raised a cartoonish eyebrow. The voice was seemingly struck dumb by this. After a moment of silence, I tried a question of my own. "How do you know my name?"

"Huh?" Golden flinched slightly. "What are you talking about?"

"Just before you left, you said something like 'Take care, Jason. I'll be watching.'" I recalled. "How do you know my name?"

"Huh? I didn't say 'Jason,' I said 'Dasan.'" Golden fidgeted slightly. "There, uh, there was a human who fell before you, named 'Dasan,' and you look like him, so it just slipped out. Sorry."

I didn't really believe that, but before I could dispute their claim they interrupted with, "So why did you come here? Why did you come prepared?"

I could have told the truth. In fact, looking ahead for the long term and considering that these monsters would be on the Surface soon if everything went right, it would have been the smartest thing to do back then. They were going to find out eventually, so why not tell them about the franchise the game they were in had created?

But I didn't. Instead, I looked Golden square in the eyes, and I said, "It's not every day you see a mountain just pop up out of the ground in front of you, so I decided to investigate."

Golden's eyes widened, and they let out a startled noise. "What? It just appeared out of nowhere?"

In hindsight, that's where I should have told the flower that I was just joking and made up an excuse. But instead, I persisted. "Yeah, there was this weird rumbling and the mountain just sprouted out of the ground. I figured that if I investigated, then I might find something cool, but I wasn't about to come unprepared."

With a stalled snore and a brief shake of his head, Sans started to push himself up off the mat, and Golden quickly vanished back into the ground. "Ya alright, kid?" he queried.

"No." I deadpanned. "I got assaulted by thirty mercenaries and bled out on the ground while you were sleeping. You're talking to my ghost now." I raised my arms and wiggled my fingers, making spooky noises briefly before feeling childish and lowering my arms to my sides again.

"Well, sorry I couldn't help. Even if I'd been awake, I doubt I'd have been much help. I'm too much of a lazybones." Sans snorted, getting to his feet.

"Really?" I raised an eyebrow, struck by sudden inspiration. "You deserve at least a few years in the pun-itentiary for that one."

The skeleton chuckled, unaware that I'd stolen the pun from an Undertale comic. "Good one. I can see we're gonna get along like a house on fire. Alright, let's keep moving. I don't think that-"

With a sudden vibration, a black box hanging from Sans's belt burst to life, pinging frantically, and with a sigh Sans retrieved it and held it in front of his face. "Ugh, what's-" His expression contorted, and his eyelights dilated. "Ah, hell's bells... Yeah, that could be a problem. Listen," he turned to me, speaking much more quickly, "I've gotta run back and fix... some stuff. You have a cell phone?"

"Yeah." I pulled mine from my pocket expectantly.

"Alright, give me your number and I'll call you once I'm done."

As I recited my phone number and Sans input it into a sleek, shiny flip phone, I couldn't help but wonder what needed to be fixed so badly. Before I could ask, however, Sans jabbed a finger at me. "I shouldn't be gone for long. Don't move from this spot, you hear me? These Ruins are crawling with mercenaries despite how many times I've threatened Furokahn about bringing them in here, so keep low and you'll be alright."

"That's... going to get a little boring..." I noted. I was also wondering who this Furokahn was, but that could wait for later.

Sans gritted his teeth, before a sudden burst of inspiration seemed to come over him and his expression brightened. "Hey, I know. I've got an intern of sorts that pops in now and then to get me to help her with science stuff- trying to impress her crush or something, from what I gather. I dunno if she'll be here today, but if she is I'll send her down here to make sure the mercenaries don't kill you. Furokahn might have a few screws loose, but he does respect her. Just stay here and wait for her, alright? I'll call you once I've fixed this up." He turned and sprinted off, clearly having more important things to do.

With a tired sigh, I returned to the save point, just in case. Time to sit here and wait for this intern, I guess.

The voice clearly sensed that I wasn't in the mood for a lengthy description, and so merely stated, You're filled with determination.

File saved.

#undertale #undertale au #golden alteration #golden alteration au #part one #chapter three #tantamount to perfection #oc #jason #sans #undertale sans #golden #mettaton

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