#that need to be killed off first

[hussyknee]

TW: 200th rant about the stupid "HP fans are all complicit in antisemitism and transphobia" discourse, brought to you by my OCD-induced suicidality.

I've by now become so wary of trans people and enbies on social media, especially Jewish ones. I'm like "this person is GOING to be on their Harry Potter bullshit and trigger the hell out of my OCD" and my hackles go up automatically. Then my OCD goes "haha you hate them because they're Jewish and/or trans, you're an antisemitic transphobe so they're clearly right about people who defend HP! SUFFER bitch!" Cue hell loop until my brain is flayed over anything nobody actually even said or did.

I don't even LIKE HP that much anymore, why is wanting to stop having PTSD episodes about stupid shit the thing that also dropkicks me down seven circles of hell??? It's made all the so-called "leftist" enclaves of the internet a minefield. Why are people with OCD everyone's favourite collateral when it comes to stuff shitty rich assholes do? Is it so fucking hard to stop making up thought crimes to attack people over??

It's an extra layer of horrible when the same people have no problems applying "no ethical consumption under capitalism" to stuff like Coca Cola and Nestlé products. Y'all can't possibly live without child slavery chocolate or making brown people drink Nestlé's toxic filth or anything that's subjecting Indigenous communities and people in entire Global South continents to long, lingering, horrible deaths, but this one franchise whose author royalties are funding the UK transphobic lobby is the one line that matters. Fuck all the trans people in those places I guess. Every single Global North consumer moral policing is western leftists's dehumanization of our people writ large. Fuck all of you.

#yeah i know i keep bringing this up. that's the nature of OCD #and the sheer prevalence of this rhetoric and the lack of opposition to it #sometimes it's like Im the only one speaking out #and it's because my fight and flight response is set to fight and I can't disengage #not because Im brave or something #in order to avenge the UK's trans genocide it's people like me all over the world #who can't even afford books and games #that need to be killed off first #when you're triggered into suicidality over and over because of your love for a book #that helped your child mind escape while cowering from the adults in your life #even without having paid money for anything HP related in years #how exactly are you supposed to rise above that #i've systematically lost my entire friend group to this clown circus this year #because apparently ''this thing you're doing is ableist and also making me suicidal'' is just me being lost in the fandom sauce #and not caring enough about real issues #it's no use singling out the western left anymore bc USAmerican internet hegemony means even my people take their political cues frm them #''you're being influenced by western imperialism'' went down about as well #as did ''if my wellbeing is not enough for you I literally know trans HP fans wth OCD who are suffering even worse than me'' #harry potter #knee of huss #scrupulousity #pure ocd #actually ocd #western leftists #white queers

[sergle]

I don’t know if there really is any science behind workout routines separated by sex, but even if there is benefit to doing exercise “for women” i don’t give a shit. and i will intentionally seek out guides made For Men. because by and large, this is how the different video thumbnails shake out

#especially when you are explicitly looking at strength training but the focal point of the thumbnail is still thinness #and the girl always in something of this type of pose. #if there's a dude in the thumbnail w his shirt off also he's facing the camera directly and looking Bulky as fuck #so even that doesn't compare At All #but half the time it is literally a guy just talking. in the thumbnail. #anyway if you want to be strong as a Wamen you need to wear tight little yoga shorts first #sergle.txt #i'm not trying to get sexy i'm trying to get strong. killing you killing you killing you #I realize that fitness IN GENERAL is very Thinness and Attractiveness-centric but it's worse if you type 'for women'

[bacchuschucklefuck]

she turns, makes direct eye contact with you, smiles,

#dimension 20 #fantasy high junior year #fhjy #fhjy spoilers #kristen applebees #kipperlilly copperkettle #buddy dawn #cw: blood #cw: gore #cw: violence #hello this is the first post on this blog. welcome. I need to offload my art somewhere outside of my usual sphere #anyways yeah. yeah #I just think making direct eye contact with the person your murder victim is supposed to mirror before murdering them is kinda vibe #thinking abt kipperlily and kristen and how kipperlily was meant to be riz's foil but #genuinely kristen works so much better as foil for her instead. like how would beardsley ever not have swooped in to steal this off of #murph's plate. order vs chaos. embracing the rules vs rejecting them for having always fallen through the crack by your nature #so my busted ass brain saw this moment of kipperlily KILLING kristen's foil and I went insane like she took him out of the equation #HE is no longer kristen's foil. KIPPERLILY is now. deranged I need to draw this Immediately #kristen seeing kipperlily with true sight... smiling at her..... the interference that now narratively connects them do you see #can anyone hear me. hello

[heybiji]

dandelion talks about how when he died it was like he was floating in a sea of black, and the paladin, lafavel, tries to talk him into finding a deity because he's worried about this warlock's soul*

*it doesn't work. dande gets defensively antagonistic

#dungeons and dragons #dnd #ocs #dnd art #dnd character #dnd oc #dandelion treehollow #lafavel adalhard #lafavel says i know you live a long time but you're not going to live forever #dande says well i have plenty of time #then an hour later forgets about the curse in his head that goes off if he wanders off on his own #and it does 30 psychic damage and almost kills him LOL #embarrassing behavior #dande's had some issues with the dark every since he got spirited away to meet his hag mom for the first time in a century and it was DARK #“it feels like that dark is following me...” #honestly very funny that the paladin is so concerned for dande's well being he's like bro you need jesus #he's not wrong #ravelers

[cursedzucchini]

You know what? Fuck it

DC x DP prompt #3

I think at least lmao.

Anyway! Jason starts making videos on YouTube for one reason or another (is really stressed, no one listens to his rants Abt books who cares). His content is mostly bad books he read or really really really long rants Abt pride and prejudice. Like 3 hours on one tiny detail he noticed on his 214th read through.

He's kinda popular, mostly bc his terrible books videos. He talks Abt the ones that made him the most mad, which coincidentally are mostly romance and supernatural. Like he's one of the well known figures in the supernatural romance critique group (whcih is pretty small, but well). (Also he doesn't show his face on camera, bc secret identity and stuff, it's just his voice over a video of something mundane, like the sky or a room in which is a fly or something)

And now this can go two ways, that i can think of (w dead on main in mind at least)

1) one day Jason finds a book which is supernatural romance and is actually good. It has a kidna cliche system for the supernatural stuff, but with a refreshing twist. The characters have depts and flaws, yet are still very likable. The plot is actually interesting and overall the story's theme is death, not belonging anywhere and overall stuff that is very close to Jason's heart. The story doesn't shy away from violence and it is suprisingly accurate.

(I'm.gonna reblog this w pretty long idea of what this book could be Abt, bc i don't wanna annoy ppl lol)

Anyway Jason kinda falls in love w it, and it becomes famous for being the first novel Jason rated positively or something.

Meanwhile Danny, who was told by jazz writing is good way to get his feeling out, and just wanted to make a quick buck, is really fucking confused how tf did his book become so popular and who tf is this nerd who rates books for a living.

(basically big fan Jason and suspicious/awkward Danny lmao)

2) there is a famous series on Jason profile. It's the worst fucking series he ever read and it's just fucking awful. All the characters are fucking terrible, always going on and on about one thing, the romance sucks in a way that isnt even funny. Jason would love to believe some wrote this as a joke, if it wasn't for the absolute cringefest this was, and it wasn't a whole ass series!! Like who writes 12 books for a joke?

Danny ducking Fenton that's who. Dude was so ducking annoyed at his rogues, he threatened them w writing a terrible romance novels abt them. The ghosts, knowing his terrible grade in literature backed off for a moment, before someone crossed the line. And write Danny did. It was the worst thing he had ever written, the love interest was perfect caricature yet still faithfully go the original. And Danny, because fuck them he lost sommuch sleep over that one prank, decided to publish it. (The book was pretty thin so it didn't take that much time writing it). Unfortunately it became immensely popular in the infinite realm. So the ghosts started crossing lines on purpose. Before Danny figured it out, he had already published his fifth book and was writing another three. After some bargaining, getting a book written Abt them as a piece of shit love interest became a reward.

And while yeah, he had to say his writing was terrible and the books sucked, some small part of him was kinda proud y'know? Like a mother of her twelve ugly as fuck toddlers.

So when he saw some nerd on the internet not only shit talk his book, but also get money of it?

Danny decided to haunt him (just like his books did him, now that everyone knew Abt them thanks to this guy)

(enemies (sorta it's not that serious tho) to lovers ala terrible writer Danny who hates his books and kinda famous YouTuber hasn't who also hates Danny's books)

--

Fuck this is way too long wtf. Anyway imma reblog this w 1) book idea. Might add whatever i think the twelve books could be Abt. Pls if u want to add anything to this pls do!!

#dc x dp #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover #crossover #dcxdp #dp x dc writing prompt #jason todd #danny fenton #writing prompt #dead on main #youtuber jason #jason the youtuber lmao #writer danny #they r so dumb wtf #also i imagine batfam doesnt know and they find out by either jason crying abt how good this book is and how he needs to meet the author #and how he needs to make a video abt it or 2) the same thing but hes pissed off bc he juzt spend his time to read that abomination and #just wants to kill danny lmao #im not sorry #ghost zone #also i imagine the first one to get a book abt them is kitty w johny 13 as a guest and its just romeo ajd juliet parody #in jasons words the bike has the most personality lmao

[suntails]

hijo de la luna

#okay FIRST off. song by mecano my friend said is soooo silver and it is. like. the story steers off his course but its still his song #SECOND. this isnt Actual hollow moon fanart but it is in my heart. ive reread ell's fic 3 times now and every time it kills me. KILLS #go read it. hollow moon by serenescribe. its a 40k oneshot of silver slowly but surely being moon snatched. its delicious #the tumblr crowd already knows how swagalicious ell is tho i dont need to sell it to u. the munchiest crunchiest writing ever. mwah #but yes. i want silver to be made of moondust. i want him to shimmer and glow white as snow i want him a MOON CHILD #also i do Not make OCs bc im not creative but i think his roommate is a vil fan and eats oatmeal and likes sil's birds #by proximity. doesnt care for animals otherwise. he also has a crush on silver he told me himself #twst #twisted wonderland #twst silver #if catríona suntails doesn't draw a dramatically lit background then what's the point #suntails

[s0fter-sin]

soapghost

#i love repressed ghost as much as anyone but i also love ‘thinks hes straight’ soap unknowingly getting a crush on out and proud ghost #and metalhead ghost?? #punk soap and metalhead ghost??? #fuck yeah gimme #ghost whos been in pits since he was a kid and is now a veteran of the scene and the self appointed look out #he keeps an eye out for anyone falling or passing out #kicks the shit out of anyone crowd killing or being creepy #and hes been keeping an eye on soap since he saw him throw himself headfirst into the wall of death #thinks hes either going to start something or end up hurting himself #and if he does he needs to know if he did it on purpose #he uses these places as an escape and he knows all to well how easily an escape can be self destructive #so when he sees him sweat his mohawk off he has no issues with pulling him out of the pit and telling him to open his mouth #at first the glaze the falls over his eyes concerns ghost #along with the colour of his tongue and gums he half thinks the guys about to drop #but when he reflexively tightens his hold on his jaw soap shivers and he smirks #soaps dropping alright just in a completely different way #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod #we’re a team. ghost team #save post

[lukewarmbreadatamoderatepace]

I already forget where I heard this, but it's really sparkly to think about:

Which do you think is greater:

1. the combined number of jumps all humans throughout all of human existence have performed

or

2. the combined number of jumps all video game characters (specifically ones piloted directly by the player) have performed

?

--

(and

if you think it's the latter-- when did 2 overtake 1?)

#I have zero guesses and no capacity to meaningfully speculate beyond a very shallow first pass #but the *concept* of it is so fun to me #hmm need a category tag for like #posts where the point is engagement but i think there's an edge chance they will break containment #so i post them here instead of on main #so that if that happens i don't have to feel trapped between killing a perfectly good post #and feeling uncomfortably on display #(turns out turning off notifications has limited utility because I don't want a ton of *invisible* attention either) #anyway uh #containment

[whimsical-sonic]

oodles

#cosmic chatter #doodles #my art #sonic #sonic the hedgehog #sth #that left doodle is based off a dream i had #i hope tumblr doesnt kill the quality too bad lmao #i need to post to bsky first more often because i have an easier time writing alt text there

[comradekatara]

but one of many battles in aang & suki's epic prank war

#id in alt text #avatar the last airbender #atla #aang #suki #sokka #aang&suki #sokkaxsuki #if the comics were any good this is what theyd be about #sorry for drawing suki rly pale in that first one i just needed to illustrate how badly she was sunburned lol #kinda wanna make a tag for their #prank war #in case i draw more of it #mart #art #sokka is a conscientious objector #because he thinks theyre going to get each other killed #and does not condone it #(also he hates being pranked) #(and is secretly glad that suki doesnt mind aangs pranks and even retaliates because it means he can get aang off his back. finally!) #katara and toph have their own prank war of course #sometimes theyll team up #at which point sokka and zuko vacate the premises entirely #oh also before anyone asks: suki did in fact spend weeks in solitary at the boiling rock. according to 'suki alone' which i consider canon #bc i like it :)

[super-secret-clown-corner]

you guys don't understand how badly i need fanon branzy to be smart deadly like there is a reason why he can survive lifesteal

#i NEED evil branzy #sure he may not be a great pvper but like dude could be an amazing strategist #got killed so much that he knows how to read people well enough and bait them into traps and/or teammates to get them off his back #let him be sick and twisted and deranged #or he knows how to see signs of betrayal the second the other starts considering it and betrays them first instead #PLEASE let him be a little evil. as a treat. #mcyt #mcytblr #mcyt fanart #lifesteal smp #branzycraft #the jester's art #the jester's sketch #maintagging to spread the evil branzy message #i don't know mcyt character terminology

[cerise-on-top]

Hey! It's me again, I've been a little needy these days and I'd like to make a request, something really cute.

Valeria, Farah and Kate.

Like, they spent the night with you having fun at home, but in the morning they had to leave for work without even having time to say goodbye, but before leaving there was a noticeable mess that remained in the house, a tremendous mess. But when they arrive late from work, they find the house shining completely clean, and soon they find the reader sleeping in the living room with the TV on, but still sleeping peacefully, because her tiredness does not allow her to stay awake to receive them.

(I would love to be spoiled by Valéria in exchange for being her housewife)

I think this scenario is so cute and I love your writing, and sorry if something is wrong, I'm using the translator again. Kisses and have a great day. <3

Hey! That's a really cute idea! Sorry this is short, I'm just really tired again tonight!

Valeria, Farah and Laswell Finding Reader Asleep

Valeria: She’s not particularly surprised to find you asleep, she usually comes home extremely late at night. However, the sight warms her heart every time. Stands in the doorway for a few seconds, watching your chest rise and fall as you sleep, a small smile on her face. It’s only afterwards that she realizes you’ve cleaned your shared home. Valeria will sigh a bit, the home was in complete disarray when she left, so it must have taken a while for you to clean it all up. No wonder you’re asleep. Although she may not be the tallest person, Valeria is strong, so she’ll pick you up and carry you to your bedroom, giving you a kiss on your forehead. During these moments she loves nothing more than to hold you, even if she normally isn’t a very touchy feely person. But something about you being asleep in her arms as she carries you, completely vulnerable, just gets to her. However, it won’t be long before Valeria goes to bed herself, getting ready for such a thing, she’s tired as well. The day after she’ll spoil you rotten, though. You’ve earned a nice reward for being such a good spouse for her, and so she’ll take you on a fancy date. Or maybe, since you’ve cleaned your home so nicely, she’ll just stay home with you to cook a good meal together. The choice can wait, she’ll just ask you later.

Farah: She’d be ecstatic to see you’ve cleaned your home. It must have been a long and boring task, but she truly does appreciate it. Like Valeria, she watches you for a few moments, thinking about whether or not she should wake you up. In the end she decides against it since you truly must have been tired. However, she will drape a blanket over you and give you a small kiss on your cheek, hoping to not rouse you too much in the process. Farah makes herself a small snack so she has had something to eat before she finally goes to bed herself. However, she doesn’t go to bed, she joins you on the couch, holding you close and nuzzling into your hair. While she may be extremely tired herself, she still daydreams a bit about how she could possibly repay you for doing that Sisyphean task. Anything from ordering takeout and paying to going on a walk during the sunset sounds good to her as long as she can show you her appreciation. Since she’s feeling very content around you, she might also start humming a bit, knowing fully well that you can’t hear her. But it’s just something she does when she feels comfortable around someone. Plus it helps her fall asleep too. In the end she’ll likely settle for something calm like staying at home and just cuddling the day away while thanking you. Or just doing whatever you say so she can feel like you’re getting enough rest and she did something for the household as well.

Laswell: By the time she’s home the sun has probably almost risen anyway given her line of work. Laswell would be dead tired, so I’m not even sure she’d notice you having cleaned right away. However, she would see you having decluttered the desk in the living room and be grateful. Although she may almost fall asleep herself, standing in the doorway and barely noticing her surroundings, she will see you sleeping on the couch and immediately think about sleeping next to you. Granted, Laswell isn’t a very cuddly person either, and she can’t sleep particularly well holding someone either, but she thinks it would be unfair if you slept on the couch while she slept in the bed. At least that’s her logic at the moment. She won’t even try to carry you to bed, she just wants to head to bed. Gets changed and stands still in front of the couch for a few moments before draping a blanket over you. Naturally, she’ll turn off the TV, but afterwards she gets some shut eye for a few hours as well. Only in the morning does she notice that everything is spic and span. Laswell will feel bad if you woke up before her and made some breakfast. However, she will make it up to you as well. If there’s anything you ever need from her, she’ll do it. She’ll have done it before as well, but she doesn’t want to be indebted to you. Gives you a kiss before promising you that she’ll clean up next time. Either on her own or with you. You did such a good job, she’ll likely get you some cake to show her thanks in the meantime.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #farah karim #farah karim x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #I don't have much to say again tonight #I'm just looking forward to going to bed. not looking forward to tomorrow #next week I have my first proper driving lessons. I'll be sitting in a car then and driving. I've never driven before #I've only killed the engine once and that's it #I think I have eight lessons next week and the week after I have the theoretical exam #I need to pass this I need this driver's license #right I wanted to write something about Easter with König but I'm not sure I'll actually find the time to write it #easter is next week so I thought it would make sense for me to write something like this #if I have to celebrate easter then so does König it's the law. I'm gonna pass my suffering onto him #I am not at all looking forward to seeing my grandmother. “do you have a boyfriend yet?” #I don't care about getting a boyfriend and I'm too much of a loser to pull a girl 😔 #but it's such an exhausting question. how many more times do I have to aggressively say that I don't want a guy until someone understands? #it's gonna piss me off so much I just know it already

[bonefall]

maybe with the ending.. make it be like the link between Breezepelt's leaving to join Kin and his POV in AVOS? of course from Nightcloud's perspective but

like. she would be injured and recovering away from the clan. but they would be unaware that she is alive and like in canon assume she died and hold her a vigil. Breezepelt, who is already at low point, taking it very badly - yes he was pushing her away bc he was hurt and angry and started taking it out on her, but.. it's still his mom. his Mi. and she is dead? or is this stupid clan just going to believe this to make it easier? are they really giving up on looking for her, or her body??

i can see Nightcloud being the one of very few, if not THE Only one, things that kept Breezepelt in WindClan at this point. and without her, what's the point? it's not like anyone else likes him. the link is gone and they buried it in a bodyless vigil. so it's what pushes him to actuall take the step and leave.

not sure how well it would align with the timeline and events. and how soon Darktail was assembling cats from other clans like Breeze. but i think it would be interesting and heartbreaking if at the end of her SE, Nightcloud just arrived back to WindClan and asks where Breezepelt is and someone tells her.. he either was missing since this morning or just left the clan earlier the same day. like, just have them miss each other by a hair.

I'm thinking that the second-to-last chapter is her with Pickle, having a bit of a sabbatical to unpack everything that happens through the story. Mostly because I want to throw her into some kind of pretty garden as a nice setting for this lmaoo

A LOT of BB stuff is being added to Nightcloud's Pannage that wasn't in the main series; Hillrunner's abuse, her mentor Addersong, several expanded little background characters now complete with their own side conflicts. I think what I can bind all these things with is Nightcloud considering what a Clan means.

Because of her new reputation, I'm noticing I'm writing scenes where she's intentionally doing and saying things to try and sway them. While also grappling with her resentment towards them, and things she can't change.

There's a bit of a melancholy air so far, so I'm starting to feel like the best ending is just having a bit of space to herself to think. Ultimately, she decides that it's more than Breezepelt or Crowfeather that binds her to WindClan. It's the life and connections she COULD have.

WindClan cats are also quite religious next to other Clans, so I really do mean "sabbatical." I'm going to have Addersong die of old age shortly after they reconnect, so she's in Pickle's Garden talking to her new friend, choosing cats she's lost to pray to as patron spirits to give her the traits she feels she needs, and just recovering both physically from injury and spiritually from turmoil.

So all that to say; it works well that by the time she gets back, Breezepelt has joined The Kin. He was one of the first to join when he started calling for members anyway, so having Night be gone for about two or three weeks sounds appropriate.

#I'm still working out WHAT the injury was though #I just know for sure that Night was in some DEEP trouble. Possibly being attacked by a fox or dog #And she can't tell for sure if it was gratitude or hunger or the brief influence of StarClan shining through the sow's eyes #But Marge does an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE and kills what was attacking her #Before scuttling off with her three surviving humbugs into the mist #And when Nightcloud wakes up she's at The Pickle Jar #Too injured to travel and kinda understand she needs the time to unpack some stuff anyway #Wanting to get home desperately ofc to stand by Breeze #But also... StarClan has probably placed her here. Away from the Clan. For a reason. #Especially with Pickle in particular since she's grappling with how her reactionary xenophobia has affected people through her life #I have a LOT of little ideas for NcP #Which I'll need to trim and focus I think #As-is I think it's meandering BUT it's good to get EVERYTHING down in a first draft #Better bones au #I actually have a crowf ref finished and planned to post that with a summary lmaooooooo #Sorry Crow. I like ur wife too much #Nightcloud's Pannage

[dayurno]

breaking my silence to say i think kevin would absolutely devour stardew valley. yes he would be too busy creating the most efficient farm you have ever seen to romance or even befriend the characters but after successfully creating a monopoly on truffle oil and diamonds in the valley he would take a short break from business to marry the town doctor

#anyway guess what ive been playing everyone 🖐️ #harvey stardew valley would make kevin start gnashing at the walls of his enclosure if im honest #but he would only marry harvey after his business takes off because first and foremost kevin day is a man of ambition #im projecting but i think kevin would want to marry robin desperately too #hailey maybe but shes too close to allison to be safe #he wouldnt take the joja deal not for any moral reasons but because he wants to do it himself #also because i think he would be so pissed off at the joja garbage on his farm #god. i need to play sdv with kevin day. i need to kill him in the mines #<- neil would do this #txt #kevin

[unlikecharlie]

every comment or post that I see yelling about sympathy, empathy, and reminding us that those people are humans with lives and families only makes me wish they're dead even harder. matter of fact, I hope they all suffer as much as possible and then go to hell and suffer even more. there

#titanic #oceangate #rambling #PATRICIA THESE PEOPLE PAID A QUARTER OF A MILLION DOLLARS TO RIDE A BOLTED PRINGLES CAN STEERED BY A LOGITECH CONTROLLER #TO SEE THE REMAINS OF A SHIP THAT KILLED MOSTLY POOR PEOPLE BC THE RICH WERE PRIORITISED IN THE EVACUATION #FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN TO HAVE BRAGGING RIGHTS AND BC THEY WERE BORED #WHILE IGNORING SAFETY REGULATIONS LEFT RIGHT AND CENTER #I HAVE NO SHRED OF SYMPATHY. NONE. THEYRE GETTING THEIR KARMA #I'LL HAVE TO PAWN OFF A PAIR OF EARRINGS TO SURVIVE UNTIL MY NEXT PAYCHECK. DO YOU THINK I GIVE A SHIT? #I COULDVE PAID OFF BOTH OF MY LOANS. GOTTEN CLOTHES AND SHOES I NEED. GONE ON VACATION FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE. GOTTEN A TATTOO #AND STILL WOULDVE HAD MONEY LEFT OVER TO LIVE OFF OF WITH JUST ONE TICKET'S WORTH. ONE #so get off your moral high horse. you will never get where they are no matter how hard you're trying to convince yourself that #if only you work hard enough. long enough. youll be rich too #you wont. #and they wouldnt piss on fire to put you out if you were in their situation

[hella1975]

hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x

#seriously another shout out to my mutuals #id particularly like to say thank you to boom who's always right there for me no matter what's happening or how insane im being #and also everyone in our little discord that wound up having to make a whole new channel for venting #bc i was there so often like 'today's weird ask isssss.... telling me about my cupsize!! rip them to shreds!!!' #hannah and theo especially being there and pushing me to finally turn off anon. war is truly over #and of course rori bc the shamelessness u show when hating on my anon asks has been genuinely really cathartic #sometimes u really do just need a rottweiler mutual to tell random people online to kill themselves 😭 #okay weird oscar acceptance speechcore gratitude over. i do just rlly love my mutuals #like i went three years not telling anyone about the worse side of internet popularity for fear of looking spoiled and ungrateful #so for the first time to open up about it and be met with outrage on my behalf and people saying in fact it's MORE fucked up #than i initially realised bc ive grown desensitised to it is. yeah cathartic i guess #they are singlehandedly reassuring me of the good this cursed app still holds #so everyone thank them and send them flowers NOW #okay im done i think. see you guys soon. i truly do want to come back asap bc like i said i NEVER EVEN WANTED TO FUCKING LEAVE #SOME ASSHOLES JUST HAD TO PUT GRENADES ON WHAT I ASSUMED WERE VERY UNIVERSAL AND OBVIOUS BOUNDARIES #if you're reading this like 'ohhh fuck i defo sent something invasive lately. i thought it was a joke/we were friends' #then 1) we arent friends if you're on anon. it immediately creates a power imbalance where you know me and any necessary context #but i have no idea who you are or how much you know about me. that's already a fucked dynamic #and 2) I HOPE YOU FEEL BAD. LIKE GENUINELY I HOPE YOU FEEL AWFUL AND HAVE A GOOD LONG LOOK AT YOURSELF #okay i think that's all. ta-ra lads??? how tf do u end something like this #ive queued this to reblog a couple more times throughout the day