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multific · 10 months

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In the High of the Feeling

Mattheo Riddle x Cat Animagus!Reader

Warning: smut, tiny blood play, a hint of breeding kink

Summary: Much like for many animals, heat season was right around the corner for you as well.

A/N: This one has a little Omegaverse feel to it. I did try and make it different but there are similarities. Both parties are +18!

A/N: This can be read as part 2 of this piece.

Being an animagus had its ups and downs.

Your loving and helpful boyfriend, Mattheo was definitely a bonus.

He would help with any difficulties or tried his best to help. No one in the school knew, none of the students beside him at least.

It hadn't been that long since the two of you got together and he realized your secret.

This will be the first spring the two of you will spend together and you were... for a lack of a better word, nervous.

Extremely nervous.

You knew what spring brought.

It brought a new start. Flowers bloom and animals... yeah.

It was rare for an animagus to be so tied to their animalistic side. But you were.

And with spring, came your heat.

A week where you would have the strongest desire to have offsprings.

Ever since you hit puberty, the feeling was there, but lately, as you got older, the feeling got stronger.

And now, that you had a boyfriend, you knew your body and mind will go crazy, you needed to stay away from Mattheo and you needed a way to explain this to him to the best of your ability.

But how do you explain to a horny guy that he needs to stay away from you because for once it will be you who wants to have sex all the time? With the purpose of getting pregnant.

You couldn't let that happen, you were too young.

You understood it was only nature, but still... no.

"Babe? BABE!" the yell made you snap back into reality as you looked at your boyfriend sitting across you by the table. "You have been distracted lately. Do you have another man or something?"

"Nothing like that... it's-"

"Is it a cat-thing?" he asked as he popped a slice of apple into his mouth.

"Actually, yes." you looked around, making sure no one was there to hear you. "Spring is coming." you said with a low voice and he made a face then a sudden realization. You hoped he would understand.

"You are right! More Quidditch!" you wanted to slap him.

You pinched the bridge of your nose as you let out a long sigh.

"No." you said not opening your eyes to look at him.

"No? Then what Princess? You have to go home for the break or something?"

"My heat is coming." you said, straight up, since you knew dancing around the subject won't help.

"What's that?" you finally opened your eyes and looked at him.

You shouldn't have expected for him to understand.

"Spring brings new life. Flowers bloom and animals..." his eyes grew big with realization. "Professor McGonaghall said she would give me a potion to keep my... needs at bay but apparently the very flower that you would need blooms after my heat would be over so..."

"I'm too young to be a father." was what he ended up saying.

"So am I. It's nature, unfortunately, I can't do anything with it. I will have the week off, I already spoke with the teachers. I have so many things to do. I just wanted to tell you to please just... for that week stay away from me. I wouldn't be able to control myself and... I wouldn't want to force you."

"First of all, you would never force me. I do understand your point now, but I'm also very curious. Tell me more about it. What happens? Does it hurt? What do you do? Do you touch yourself?" you could see in his eyes he was genuinely interested.

"It hurts, unfortunately, yes. But it's a very different pain from like a wound. I would say it's like a heartbreak and a broken leg at the same time. I always have a little area that I put together so I can stay there. I put soft things... pillows, blankets and- Oh that reminds me, can I borrow a shirt from you? Your scent might help me." he only nodded as he listened, he was more interested than ever. "So, yeah I just... I do touch myself, yes. It helps with the pain. I'm just worried about what might happen this time."

"Why?" he reached out on the table and held your hand in his. "What would happen this time?"

"Well, now I have you. I have a partner and my body knows that. So I'm nervous about what would happen this time."

"I see. I will give you the shirts. Many of them. When does this... heat start?"

"You can't really pinpoint it out, it's like a period but it should be this weekend/next week that it starts." you smiled at him, happy he didn't find it disgusting or anything.

"I will bring you my clothes tomorrow then."

"Thank you." but he didn't know, you thanked him for another reason.

The next morning you woke up with a strange feeling. Your foggy mind didn't even realize what was happening. You found yourself thinking more and more about your boyfriend, more specifically, him naked.

You were thankful that last night you at least build your comfort place on your bed.

Your entire body felt hot and your mind could only think of one thing.

The dirtiest images flashed in your mind.

You only ever slept with Mattheo a couple times, but now it was all you could think about.

How soft his skin was, how you could run your fingers over his scars, letting him know that it was okay.

How he smelled and felt like.

How amazing he made you feel as he just kept rolling his hips with a steady rhythm.

The images flooded your mind as your imagination ran wild.

You wanted him to ravish you.

To completely fill you up and have your own litter.

You were going insane. You let out a soft moan when there was a knock on your door.

"Princess? I brought the shirts I promised." his voice, his nice voice, his intoxicating voice.

You felt your ears and tail pop out, you felt your eyes change.

You were gone. Your most basic instincts took over as you walked to that door and opened it.

He was saying something, you saw his gorgeous lips move. But you were far too gone to hear it.

When he looked at you, confused, you pulled him in and locked the door behind him, you pulled on his hair, kissing him with all you had.

Your cat-like teeth managed to scare his lips as you now tasted a little blood along with the tobacco he always smoked.

Your hands found his tie as you began to take off his clothes one by one.

"Hey, hey, slow down." he said as he pulled back as he laughed a little.

"You have too many layers." you said, not even looking at him as you began to undo his belt. That is when he jumped back, keeping you at arm's length.

"Why are your ears out?" you put your hand on his forearm as his hand was on your shoulder.

"I need you." you said with the most intoxicating voice Mattheo had ever heard. He did hear you say those words before. He did make you say and moan many things but this. this was different.

Your voice was filled with lust.

"Oh shit, this is it right? Your heat. Fuck." Mattheo looked around, he knew, he needed to go. NOW. "I-I have to... go." he said but by the time he finished you were completely nude in front of him. His eyes were glued to your body.

Men are such easy creatures.

"Matty, I need you." you said again as he looked into your eyes.

"Okay... Okay. I-I have condoms."

"Noooo." you walked over to him, you put your hands around his neck as your mouths were only inches apart. "I need you to fill me up. I want to feel it ooze out."

He grabbed your waist with both hands.

It was all too much for him, he felt himself getting harder by the second.

"I'm so wet Matty, please." he had to gulp, he looked away from you and noticed the arranged pillows on your bed. While he was thinking you took the opportunity to make your final move.

He watched as you walked away from him and towards your bed. With your back to him, you knelt down on the bed and moved to lay down with your ass up in the air. You reached under your body and with two fingers you spread your lips, showing him your wet cunt. Then you moved one finger in and dragged it down, letting out a moan as you touched your clit.

"Please, Mattheo." is all you needed to say as you looked at him with your head on the bed.

He lost.

Thankfully he still had the mind to put on the protection.

"Nooo. No condom." you said but he didn't hear you, his focus was on your pussy.

He jerked himself twice before grabbing your hips and slowly pulling you back, filling you up.

Just what you have been craving for.

You both let out a long moan as he filled you fully. You were finally a little satisfied, feeling his balls slapping onto your skin as his huge cock filled you up to your stomach.

He started off slow, keeping his focus as he felt your tail wrap around his leg then move up his back.

He needed to have control.

You were in a very vulnerable state. He had to remind himself.

But it seemed almost useless because every time you looked into his eyes, his common sense failed him.

Especially when he felt you beginning to move back onto him with rough movements.

"Fuck." he said as he watched you fuck yourself on his cock. "Shit, Babe." but you were a moaning mess.

If he was far too gone, you were beyond.

"Wait." he said as he almost came, in his nearing high, he grabbed the base of your tail which made you yelp in surprise. "Sorry." he said, knowing how sensitive it was, he ran his hand up your spine. feeling the curve in which you were laying.

He loved it.

He loved you.

You patiently waited for him to began moving again, and when he did, oh how magnificent it was.

His movements were fast, you were sure his fingers will leave their marks but you didn't care.

All you wanted is to feel him fill you up.

Then he grabbed your hair and pulled back on it a little. The room was filled with the noises of skin slapping against skin and moaning.

His name was all you could say as he groaned and moaned.

Once again you moved your tail around him as he moved you, laying you down onto your stomach, as he put a pillow under it, raising the place he wanted to reach the most. Your fingers entangled with the sheets as he moved back inside you. His two hands by your side as he continued to ruin your pussy.

"So good." he said. "So fucking good. Look at me." and you obliged, looking at him with your cat-like eyes as he was nearing his end.

"Matty, I'm close." you said as you started to feel the familiar knot in your belly.

Upon hearing that Mattheo knew he needed to set a pace he can keep so you can cum.

He focused on you and you alone, he moved and kissed your shoulder as he felt you tighten.

"Come for me, Kitten." he whispered into your ear as you came with a loud cry. Or, you would have but he put his hand onto your mouth, he felt your sharp teeth gaze along his fingers but he couldn't care.

You felt so tight, warm and wet.

And feeling you cum around him did the trick.

He came with a small shake and a moan as he emptied himself into the condom. However, his instincts did the trick. After, he made long movements as if he was filling you with his cum. Slow and deliberate movements with his softening cock.

It felt like heaven.

You finally came to your senses a lot more but when you felt him placing kisses along your spine, you knew he wanted this as much as you did.

You seduced him, but you didn't feel guilty about it.

It seemed that only for a moment he left you but soon he was laying by your side as he put a blanket over the two of you.

"I could get used to this." he said as you cuddled into his side. "You are so sexy."

"It comes with the heat too, I put off a scent which is attractive for men."

"Nah. It was more than that. You were sexy before. We should have done this earlier, I didn't know you could take it so rough."

"I love you." you said as you closed your eyes, ready for a nap before you need your next round.

"I love you too, Princess. I think I could get used to this. Every year, a week where you cannot keep your hands off of me."

"Two." you said with a very drowsy voice.

"Huh?"

"I have heats twice a year. So, two weeks."

Mattheo looked at the ceiling.

He knew he will need a lot more condoms, he suspected you will wake up within an hour or so and he needed to be ready.

But he can definitely get used to this.

Twice a year.

Taglist: @fleursirvart @greenarrowhead @thisismysecrethappyplace @sincerelyfan @theoneanna @aestheticsandmarvel @rororo06 @castellandiangelo @destynelseclipsa @spilledinkindumpster @capsiclesdoll @puknow @alwayshave-faith @alex12948 @lxdyred @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @anonymoussherlockandmarvelgeek @praline357 @trshngyn @avengers-r-us @violet-19999 @top1bbgloak @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou @mandoloriancookie @noname2246

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DO NOT STEAL, REPOST OR TRANSLATE ANY OF MY WORKS

#mattheo riddle x reader #matth #mattheo riddle imagines #mattheo riddle imagine #mattheo riddle x you #mattheo riddle #harry potter imagine #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fanfiction #slytherin boys imagine #slytherin boys x you #slytherin boys #slythering boys x reader #slytherin boys smut #smut #mattheo riddle smut

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k00297635 · 1 month

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Delighted to be back in and with my trains! I made some as like extended pinch pots. Trains are a very man made structure so I likes the idea of having a smooth and even one for the new train and a more pinch pot/hand made one for the old trains (the train I get most of my stories from). My stories my train kind of thing.

Today I printed some illustrations on with slip on the new train. I did some figures moving and sitting on the train. I wanted one to feel very still and the other two to have a feeling of motion. Its a funny feeling being on somethin that moves so fast when you are sitting so still.

The printing of the slip didn't work that well. I think looking back I should've used a wet sponge when transferring them to the surface as opposed to the rubber kidney but I just painted in the blanks. I had been sick so my trains had gotten a little hard but I managed to rehydrate them by spraying some water on them and wrapping them in cling film. I'm thinking of doing them green and yellow. I loooved the colours of the gorse in Kildare and I think its a nice idea to have the man made objects bring you to such a beautiful part of nature. I think Ireland and its culture and wildlife is really special. Its so treasured and can promote such a sense of community and belonging as everyone in the area carries so much respect and admiration for the landscapes around them.

I made some trays for the trains. I just cut some slabs and used my fingers to give the edges. I think when they're fired you could run a stick off it or something for an interesting sound. Maybe it will sound train like.

I posted a sound recording of walking into the Limerick train station and hearing the lovely piano being played but today was the first day I realized that its painted and so lovely! I imagine the river on it is the Shannon. I wonder if Limerick people feel the same way about Spanish arch as Galway people feel about Sparch.

The tracks from Ennis to Limerick are flooded so we have to get off at Ennis and get the bus the rest of the way to Limerick. I think they have given us the new train as an apology for the inconvenience. I hope we get to keep it because its sooooo nice. Even nicer than the Dublin train. Look at those lovely leather seats. I could sit there for five hours no problemo. This picture is of my favorite time of day. Its when the train starts to pull into Galway bay and it just always looks so beautiful. I love college but I really love coming home.

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wamtorical · 1 year

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Jemima was approaching her second birthday and was slowly but surely growing bigger. While the loans were far from being fully paid off, they were progressing reasonably well and all seemed fine. In reality, Elmer's job as a nurse proved to be a difficult task, often leaving him home as late as 10pm. He thought it was ridiculous; how would he manage to spend quality time with his lonesome wife and child living like this?

In search of a means to relax, Elmer took up a new hobby: woodworking. Not only could this help save money, but it could help make money should anyone be interested in his creations. His first long-term project was an easel he'd made for Claudia, subtly encouraging her to explore a new hobby and follow in his footsteps. Given the limited activities on the farm, indulging in a little fun wouldn't harm either of them.

Still, the mounting stress was taking its toll hard on Elmer. The weight of his responsibilities became overwhelming and solemnly watching him break down as soon as he stepped foot into the bedroom was an all too common occurrence for Claudia.

She too faced her own set of challenges as she navigated the journey of motherhood, shouldering the responsibility alone most of the time due to Elmer's demanding shifts. Raising a child sure proved to be a tricky task. Jemima's peaceful and quiet nature occasionally granted her moments of respite and during these precious intervals, she managed to carve out time for herself. Leaving the task of nurturing the baby to a trusted friend, Vera Brindleton - patriarch of the proud Brindleton family - had invited her for tea in the local cafe to finally get to know the new family in town ... Even if it had been a few years by now.

The town centre held a special place in Claudia's heart. It offered a stunning view of Brindleton Bay's finest sea and alongside it, a vibrant yet not overwhelmingly crowded atmosphere. The surrounding shops and their nostalgic energy, as if you could sense the citizens that had once roamed the area years back, added to the charm of the place. During their outing, the topic of children had been brought up by Vera.

Vera: "A single babe? And a female, too? That shan't do Claudia, do you know how imporant bearing sons are for us ladies?"

"Should you feel true pride for your country and take the role of a proper English woman, you simply must give birth to future protectors of our land. I've lived by that for as long as I can remember. Do you know how many brothers I have?"

Claudia: "I appreciate the sentiment, Vera, but I believe bearing children is more than just producing human safety nets - Though believe me when I tell you I don't intend to come across hostile. Pregnancy has just never been an easy decision for me."

Vera let out a deep sigh, dismissing Claudia's logic as if it were a mere product of a child's mind in dire need of further education.

Vera: "I love my sons very much. My boys understand just as much as I do their role in society. They must protect us and I assure you they are more than willing to die for Britain. Pride naturally courses through their veins. War is not something to be wished upon, of course, I'm saying it is simply what they were born for." Vera calmly claimed, leaving Claudia wondering how Vera's youngest boy - 6 months - was able to understand the weight of his mortailty to this degree.

Claudia: "But Vera, raising children is ever so hard ... And should war come upon us, I'd hate to see any son of mine leave to fight. My child's life is surely worth more than my country."

"Then you stand alone. You have a kind heart, Claudia, but you lack the ability to see past your emotions. The greater good will always be for, as it suggests, the greater good. No matter what."

After they'd parted, Claudia felt incredibly conflicted. On one hand, she wanted to stay true to her values and on the other, she couldn't help but ponder whether there was any truth to Vera's words. One undeniable fact remained: most women in Brindleton bay possessed sizely families, so just like Vera had put it, she really did stand alone. Perhaps, she thought, it would be better to contribute to this societal norm rather than disappoint the people around her. It was just so scary ... Claudia would have to make up her mind, and fast.

📜 next / previous / first

#The Pence Legacy #ts4 decades challenge #Claudia pence #Elmer pence #Jemima pence #1890spence #pencelegacy #1890s #ts4

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definegodliness · 2 years

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I'm back! Here, an impression:

Home away from home. Tiny but cozy!

After we had settled we watched a football match and went to sleep. The next day we went to museum Mémorial de Verdun. I never take pictures in museums. It always takes a minute or ten to get in to the 'pace' of a museum, wherein you can give all the information a place. Or so you can process it. And with pictures you won't get the chance. The story or Verdun was layed out and explained perfectly there. And the artefacts interesting. But personal belongings like photographs of sweethearts and family, or letters, always get me. The horrors of Verdun (1000 deaths per day, for 300 days) were made most tangible on a multi-layered screen, mimicking trenches. Those boys and men throughout the seasons have seen every rendition of hell imaginable. What a tragedy.

At a mobile kitchen there was a story about what happened behind the frontline. They played an old French love song, I guess a harlot song(?), which got stuck in my head and will now haunt me forever. I'll never hear it again. It was so enchanting. The lyrics went something like "tu es le monde", but I can't find it. Alas, alas.

Anyway, then we were off to Fort Douaumont, which we learned, in the museum, played a key part in the battle of Verdun:

Here the war became more real. Where the museum had given us information about the battle; timelines, tactics, various important characters - the story of Fort Douaumont was more of the soldiers. For instance: in the museum I learned the Germans took this key position in 4 days. At the location I learned life was hell in there. The first floor got shelled and life was in its dark, narrow, wet, horrid abysses. It's strange to think the Fort got captured by just 24 men. And that a French engineer had the order to blow the whole thing up, but didn't. Those two actions butterfly effect'ed into 300 days of slaughter. Also shows that in war there are no heroic stories. Only tragic ones. An important reminder.

What was nice, as a counterweight to all its darkness, was that the place now is overtaken by swallows:

This was the first casemate we went in. You can see a couple of nests next to the windows. A swallow immediately flew overhead, adding to the surreal experience. We went there without knowing what to expect, and my dad's claustrophobic so we would've never gone if he knew it would be like this! But he could keep the phobia at bay. Which I find a really cool personal victory. The audio tour gave the right distraction. It was cold and wet in there. Stalagtites were shaping up. And all sorts of fungi and mucous like material stuck to the walls and ceilings. Truly an astonishing place to be.

After this we visited an ossuary and a graveyard. Places of true silence. I lit a candle in the ossuary there. There were lots of little moments of contemplation. Which is why I forgot to take photos.

On a happier note, after that we barbequed! Here's me dodging the hot juices (man, French produce is the best):

So tasty!

We went to a town called Romagne after that, to a museum called Romagne 14-18. A rather unique museum / private collection of a man who has collected over 300,000 artifacts over the course of 40 years. And all in an area of 5 square kilometers, and all without a metal detector. He told us the reason he stopped using a metal detector was because he used to find graves. Humans would lay there, with their photos, and letters, with their dogtags... but when he notified authorities they would just fill the hole again, as the humans laying there were Germans. The owner of the museum was a very cynical man when it comes to the war, and it was evident he had made it his mission to share the whole story, and not just the victor's version. His museum mainly consisted of personal belongings, and busted up material (not the shiny never-seen-action mint condition material you find in regular museums). To me, it is an incredibly important place. It makes people who think in terms of 'good and evil' uncomfortable, which I think is the best a museum can do.

Also interesting, when entering the town Romagne, you first go through an American memorial / cemetery. As I have a lot of American friends here (and also because I forgot at the ossuary), I took some pictures:

The water in the fountain was purple

After these trips, we just enjoyed the country. Verdun is absolutely stunning. Flowing hills (mountains to a Dutchman, but I suppose they are hills), covered with forest, spliced by the river Meuse. It's so green there! And I, as a nature boy, thoroughly enjoyed it all. It's bizarre to have seen this area consisting of nothing but mud and craters. Not a tree was left standing. And, to illustrate the situation, one hill got bombarded so heavily it lost 7 meters. Now there were trees again, and the whole area looked like a painting. It is one of the gentlest places I have been. As with the swallows at Fort Douaumont, life takes over.

Of course I forgot to take photos.

#life of mark

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penname-artist · 1 year

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TELL US ABPUT WINDS HORSE PHASE

HEHEHEHE

when I say horse phase, I merely mean the time Wind was most interested in the subject. Windlifter has always loved horses - and I'll add more notes around that further down - but he was most prominent in his interest between the ages of 10 and 16.

Also a quick warning, this is me very quickly dumping ALL of my ten plus years of horse hyper-hyper-hyperfixation history into one backstory and I am not sorry

Both his parents and grandparents have owned horses off and on, so he's always kinda been "around" horses in some manner. But his parents didn't use theirs very much and they each went to new homes around the time of their second child (cue Hinto), so Windlifter only remembers the horses at his grandmother's home growing up

The areas he grew up around had lots of riding trails and many folks owned various livestock, so people would ride around all the time (which probably instigated it)

For the longest time growing up, he held a fascination with horse things on television (ie the Triple Crown races, etc), and although he isn't able to appreciate it now, he does think fondly of the time that he did [AN: added this because I'm the same way. I used to love the horse racing thing but then when I got more into actual horse knowledge and psychology and such, the whole sport just leaves a bitter fucking taste in my mouth.]

Often spent the whole day out in the fields with Hinto, watching horses and then going off to play their games. But they kept the two things separate; from an early age they were taught to respect the animals and not scare them.

Despite the fact that he was crazy about them, his grandmother wouldn't let him actually ride the horses until he was twelve. Or at least, that was the original deal. She decided to tone back to eleven when she took account of the fact he had done everything to convince her he was ready

There were four horses in the herd she had out there, although only two were properly fit for riding. Most were older horses, former cattle herders from their ranch before her husband's passing. Since then they'd been turned to pasture and left to roam.

The one that Wind was always the most interested in was a mare named, ironically, Wind Chime. She was probably some kind of Appaloosa from her build and colors, but she was a Mustang, wild caught - which was a big part of the reason grandma very quickly implemented 1. Respect horse, and 2. Be old enough to be sensible before you do aaaaaanything with riding

Wind Chime was bay in color with points (ie dark legs and ear tips), and had blanket spots across her rear and flanks. For being a relatively short horse, she moved 'big' and had wide-footed gaits. But she was a sweetheart, and extremely responsive to the very slightest tap.

Windlifter rode with WC for a long time, mostly just around trails and things, before moving onto his first job, and eventually moving away when he started with the lumberjack thing. WC passed away before he switched to PPAA though.

Post-fire station switch, Windlifter's actually gotten himself a nice mare, with a different name and look, but a similar quality to old Chime. She's a sweet horse, also a Mustang but a bigger build, potentially a little bit of Friesian blood. He ended up naming her Doe, even though he had a whole list of really thought out cool native names, simply because his grandmother really liked deer and how horses also had those big dark eyes. So, Doe it was. [AN: Doe, a deer, a fe-male deer-]

OKAY I SWEAR I'M DONE

CAN YOU TELL THAT I WAS A HORSE KID YET

#the answer is yes #disney planes #disneyplanes #planes fire and rescue #disney planes 2 #windlifter #hinto

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returntosaturn271995 · 3 months

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Monday, March 18th: On the Run

Last week? From my feelings, therapy, cooking

This week: To all that good future stuff/enjoying the present

That's actually a little harsh. While being home almost always throws me off my game and has me crying at least once, there's still so much beauty about the Bay Area. The ways the trees smell, walking the Mary Stutz path with Dad and George, and sneaking some cigarettes with Mom to talk shit on the rest of the family to name a few. I also got quality time with Rosie (I sang her "Over the Rainbow" and fed her treats, and she had a massive diaper blowout and then tried to give me kisses and cuddles. That's how I know I love her tbh.)

I went to work and got an epic massage and a lot of sushi. All in all a girl could do worse with her life.

Today, I re-entered the stratasphere of self-improvement/general adult behavior and I feel vibrant. Is there a word for returning from vacation with renewed appreciation for your life? There should be. I bet there's a French word for it.

Seriously. It's just been a good day. I got back into running with a 555 Nike Club guide (my mile time has survived a week or so off). Wore an adorable skort and cropped polo set from Beyond Yoga along with my "Yes, Chef" hat and simple necklace.

At work we had an IAT meeting for Froot Loops and one of the benefits of shilling a sugary cereal is the advertising is pretty fun. Chelsea Sams at one point did a physical back bend during the presentation. And the group chat pops off! Not for nothing but I always get a ton of likes. We are currently creating briefs based off of Love is Blind Season 6 and the popularity of "Let's Gooooo".

Yes, this is my actual job.

I also got back on my reading game by re-opening the Spy rom-com book, The Blonde Identity, about a girl who is also on the run with amnesia trying to find her spy twin whom she's been mistaken for. It's very silly and fun, but after all of the heavier stuff I've been reading lately, it was almost too sweet. I found myself embarrassed to read it, of the lady who wrote, of the women who like it. But after a while, I let myself just enjoy something for what it is: something fun and cute and corny.

I don't want to be someone who can't enjoy silly, fun things. Those people suck. And oddly enough, the overpaid researcher for Froot Loops found evidence that silliness is good for people.

So, fucking, there. Enjoy. If you get pink in the cheeks over earnest love interests but not over HBO murdering people every two minutes then maybe rethink some things.

I still have skincare and yoga and cooking to get to. I'm cleaning and organizing the house. Right now? It's good to be in a pretty home, enjoying the girlier things in life. Sometimes it isn't about fixing what's broken, but rediscovering what isn't. I don't have to pretend to be more badass than I am.

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memo-irvine-winter-2024 · 4 months

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Andrew Tu

Looking for a BIG!

Year: 2nd

Major: Biological Sciences

Favorite Color: Blue

Favorite Snacks: Jalapeno Cheetos, Dr. Pepper, Sour Patch Kids

Favorite Hobbies: Fortnite, Basketball, Reading (Harry Potter/Percy Jackson), Spending time with family/girlfriend, Looking at shoes

Favorite Animal: Tiger

About: I'm from the Bay Area, specifically San Jose. I feel like I'm a simple creature. All I need for fun is a good TV show or movie, and perhaps some In-N-Out. When I'm at home and spending time with my siblings, that is our go-to. When I'm here in Irvine, I do the exact same thing, which I've been told is IPad kid behavior. I've found that I rotate between fast food restaurants when I'm here, and currently on my rotation, Raising Cane's is next up. While it is delicious, hopefully whoever ends up being my big could introduce me to some new places to eat so I do not get tired of my burgers and chicken. When I get the chance to, I love to read books, and I'm a sucker for the Percy Jackson or Harry Potter series. I think I've read each one over and over again about 8 times, and I'm about to rotate for a 9th. I'm always willing to try new TV shows or movies. I'm currently watching Percy Jackson and the Olympians with my girlfriend, who also got me hooked onto The Rookie, which is a super interesting cop drama show! Once I finish these shows, I'm going to lock in on watching Jujutsu Kaisen before the spoilers reach me. Aside from that, I'm honestly into any sort of shows or movies as long as there's action to keep me awake. For sports, I've played basketball all my life, but I'm always excited to learn a new sport to help me stay active! When I listen to music, I have a habit of listening to one song on repeat until I find something else I like. This happens so often that I ended up with the Ninjago Theme Song as number 1 on my Spotify Wrapped one year, which has to mean I have great taste in music. Usually when I do listen to music, I'm an average Katy Perry enjoyer and mostly listen to general pop music from people like Bruno Mars and The Weeknd. As for my other hobbies, I had a phase last year where I got into Fortnite, so I'm always ready to run squads. I also very much like Brawl Stars, so if you need a Bull for Brawl Ball, I'm your guy.

What are you looking for in your future Big/Little?: When looking for a big/little, I'm hoping for someone who I can crack jokes with. I've been told I'm not the most extroverted person, but with people I'm comfortable with I can be. I usually find I connect with my friends when we laugh at the same things, no matter how dumb they may be. Nevertheless, I'm going to form a strong connection with anyone I'm paired with, but being able to have a laugh with them is just an added bonus!

#biosci #little #fortnite #basketball #reading

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fleurcareil · 10 months

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North Ontario (3): Neys and Sleeping Giant provincial parks

After stocking up in Marathon, it was only a short drive to Neys provincial park, of which I had never heard of until I researched for this trip, although someone told me that this is the locals' favourite. Unfortunately the lakefront sites had already been booked so I sat a bit further back in the forest with less view but also less wind, which turned out to be of benefit as it was definitely not calm here!

In the morning, it wasnt much better so went for a paddle on Little Pic River instead, which had some pretty rock faces and two high bridges to cross under (I had already heard the train overnight as it passed by at 4am tooting the horn to scare wildlife off the tracks), but then it quickly became shallow and I couldn't proceed beyond some gravel banks.

This meant that I had plenty of time to show up at the visitor centre for a guided hike of the prisoner of war camp that had operated here during the 2nd World War, during which a total of 3,000 Nazis were held here, on request by the British government to keep them as far away as possible from the front line. The site was later also used as a Japanese-Canadian internment camp, of which I had already heard of during a visit to the Human Rights museum in Winnipeg (which made me realize I'll always only be seen part Canadian with my rights being able to taken away at any moment), but I wasn't aware that Canada had also kept 36,000 mostly German prisoners of war in detention or logging labour camps... under the Geneva convention, if prisoners would be treated well here, Canadian prisoners in Germany should be receiving the same conditions, so in some distorted way, the Nazis were treated exceptionally well here with good food, an ice rink, orchestra etc. The reason that the camp was built here, is that surrounded by a freezing lake and black bears 😝 it would be impossible to escape (which indeed no one did). Although there's hardly any remnants left, overgrown by the forest in the last 80 years, it was one of the most interesting guided hikes I've ever done!

People on the tour were very friendly so we hung around afterwards for quite a while to share tips where to go next, why they loved it so much here (many being repeat visitors since 10-20 years), inquiring about my moving plans etc 😃

Feeling lazy, I sat a bit on the beach for lunch & reading, but the hard wind wasn't pleasant, so I went on another short hike to see logging boats that had been used by the PoW labour camps and just chill on the rocks. 🤗 I followed a group of Canada Geese that were battling the waves to get to a calmer spot and although I don't like them, I was impressed with their swimming capabilities!

It was dreary the next morning, so packed up the tent and went to a viewpoint of the lake... Aware of how quiet I am on a hike, especially compared to a group with children 😝, when there's no other cars parked/ people on the trail, I say the following verse out loud; "Hi hi, I'm a human. If you're a bear, please go away. I know I'm in your home but prefer not to see you today." 🤣🤣 I did hear at some point a loud cracking sound but it could very well have been a squirrel as those also can make a racket!

After a shower & in between rain bouts, I finally also hiked a small dune trail which showed a clear contrast between the planted pine trees in the 60's where the PoW camp had been (left pic) versus the original boreal forest with its shaggy trees and moss undergrowth in open areas (right pic).

On the way further west, I made several pit stops to break up the drive; first up were the Aguasabon falls near Terrace Bay, then a pebble beach at Schreiber (where I tried to use my thermos as a selfie statif with mixed success 😉), followed by a viewing tower at Nipigon (where both the LCBO and beer store were closed on a Sunday so I would be dry for the next few days, not a disaster 😅), and last but not least the majestic Ouimet Canyon. I had heard about the canyon before, and although it's not entirely the Grand Canyon as someone described it to me 😁, it's impressive to see and to realize that the valley bottom is an Artic ecosystem with ice under the moss & rocks that never melts!

At the canyon, I already heard thundering from far, so luckily I managed to set up my tent at Sleeping Giant provincial park before the rain started. It then rained for the rest of the evening so instead of experimenting with a roasted pork tenderloin on the fire, I ate chips in the car until I went to bed 🤨.

Despite the rain all night, next day the sky was very smokey with an orangy bleak sun if it came at all, so I forewent the famous 22k hike up the Giant (which I had already done in 2012 when I was here and although beautiful, wrecked my legs with shin splits from over-exertion). Instead I hiked easily to the Sea Lion arch with the giant as the backdrop (the head is to the right, then the body and completely left are the toes or knees I believe).

It felt good to be on the move so I did another hike after that to a secluded bay where the water was incredibly calm but cold so brought my bikini for nothing and instead really got into my book - thanks Navneet for giving it to me a long time ago as I really liked it! 😍

Back at the campground and after having read some more over a cup of mint tea, my body was up for even more exercise 🙃 so went for a 1.5hr paddle on Marie Louise lake; easy going along the shore to minimize fighting the wind and with the giant in sight. Although I'm definitely fitter than when I was sitting behind a desk all day, it does not translate into a thin body due to too much chips & beer 😜 but hey, I take it as it is!

The wood logs were wet of the rain & were hard to catch fire so I gave up and dove into bed early. In the morning, it was foggy so perfect excuse to finish reading the book in bed until 9am.

Today is 1st August so that means I've been on the road now for two months already! 🎉🎉 Time to leave stunning Lake Superior behind and get myself to the Prairies and the west.

Wildlife: 3 deer at Sleeping Giant

SUPS: one at Neys & one at Sleeping Giant

Hikes: four at Neys & two at Sleeping Giant

Distance driven this week: 759 km

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moregraceful · 10 months

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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

this is such a nice exercise, thank you, i was just getting so ripped up over my wip while also trying to acknowledge that self-loathing wasn't going to make the editing process better in any meaningful way.

in no particular order:

5 Uses For A Parachute You Won’t Find In An Army Field Manual [band of brothers, gen, general]

(but which Major Dick Winters lets slide because it’s good for morale.)

this fic is one of my favorite fics i've ever written, it's so joyful!! but also such a big heart and so much love for the people in it. ah....friendship in a war zone...

And grace will lead us home [baseball rpf, bo bichette/vladimir guerrero jr, general]

Vlad knows only a couple things to be true. God is real, obviously. The sound of a ball hitting a wooden bat is the sound that the universe was made for. He’s in love with Bo.

i was down SO BAD for the bb jays in 2021. and so fascinated by vladdy and bo while knowing negative things about them...they were just always huggin on the bb jays instagram!! so i wrote a fic abt them that very gently plays with religious imagery and the concept of magic. it came together in a way i love so much.

Trust Me [jonas brothers/bandom, gen, teen]

Nick says, "I'm sorry. I was homeschooled."

"Then this will be a very interesting experience for you," says the tall blonde guy. "My name's Bob."

you know when you write something and you're like, this legitimately might be the greatest work i ever write? and you're literally 21? and it's not that it's the greatest thing you've ever written, but you're going through a really gross reality shock in your first two years away from home and so so many things are new and exciting and scary but you're starting to feel so interested in having a future, which you didn't really plan on during high school? the jonas brothers coming of age on warped tour 🤝 me at my shit ass small liberal arts school reading books by living non-white non-american authors

Don’t carry nothing but the righteous and the holy [hockey rpf, jasper weatherby/william eklund, teen]

Jasper Weatherby On William Eklund’s Return to San Jose April 8, 2022 | Sheng Peng, San Jose Hockey Now Jasper Weatherby was all smiles after today’s practice at the SAP Center. The reason? “I’m just excited to have Gecko back.” Jasper Weatherby and William Eklund were fast friends at the start of the 2021-2022 season. Weatherby and Eklund, who had been roommates throughout rookie camp and remained road roommates and hotelmates, had bonded over the unique experience of living in the Bay Area...

this fic literally exists outside the space-time continuum. like you have to read it as an artifact of its time (no cuda fandom, very small sharks fandom, william eklund a just-hatched baby bird with no feathers) for it to even be salvageable as a fanfic, but there like. WAS no time, there was only me, my growing jasper weatherby feelings, and an unexpected 10 day vacation at the end of the year. i love it so much and would write it completely differently if i wrote it now. so i'm very glad i wrote it when i did, because it just has so much love and is so hopeful and so chaotic.

Every year with you is better than the last [hockey rpf, devon toews/cale makar, explicit]

“Ah, it’s fine,” says Cale. “You don’t have to buy me anything.” “I want to,” says Devon, and once he says it, he realizes he really does. He doesn’t get a chance to give Cale presents often, because Cale makes more money than him and rarely asks for anything. Birthdays are hell with this guy. Something little goes a long way.

i actually don't even reread this regularly bc i get so mad about the process i went through while posting it, but it IS one of my favorite things that i've ever written. i really wanted to try to write a friends with benefits fic where they aren't In Love-in love and they stay friends only but are deeply committed to caring for each other. and i think i did that pretty well tbh. it came together how i wanted it to. though i sometimes think about the hypothetical future of cale and devon in the fic and get kind of sad. like, is there a future for them where they remain the same or does cale eventually fall for devon and the peace between them gets wrecked or does devon get traded and cale's little heart cracks without him, or. you know like what happens to cale, basically, i don't know. i'm not writing a sequel but i think about their future from cale's pov quite often

thank you for sending this, i really appreciate it!!!

#cage replies #unfortunate birdcage fanfictions #anon

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thoughtsfromaveggie · 1 year

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1/29- 2/19 (new year!)

Alright. So the past month and a half has been full of changes and I don't think I have had a second to really sit down and process everything. So lets start from December 2022.

November and December were stressful. After going through multiple interviews with programs that I admired (for the most part) and getting rejected many times, I was starting to lose hope. The biggest piece of feedback that I received from these interviews was that I lacked the experience. I found a program that would give me the experience that I need, hopefully. So I applied, got a spot and so I began the next steps. Found some housemates, created a list of homes that I was interested in, created a budget, and so on. Only issue was that I had bought a flight home for a month and the program started shortly after I returned from my trip. Right before my trip I was going to a Peach Pit concert and right before that, I was heading to Yosemite for a week. I also had my last shift at the coffee shop the day before I left to Yosemite. Apparently that coffee shop is up in flames now. That's what the owners get though. They were the absolute worst. Fantastic coffee though, I'll give them that.

Yosemite was lovely. I have never been at a loss for words for an area. Though I love the outdoors, I'm never fully "impressed." I think it stems from understanding how these formations come to be. Maybe to an extent I'm desensitized to the beauty of it all. I digress. The sights were beautiful. I slipped on some ice and scratched my face up, I still have a small mark on my face from the accident. I'm hoping it doesn't scar but if it does, that's okay, it'll be a nice reminder. Right after I fell on my face, my partner and I were starting to run low on energy, I was slightly agitated from falling on my face and we couldn't find the end of the trail. So they took of their shoes, carried their stuff across the lake, came back, put me on their back and carried me across the lake. It was very sweet of them. The next day we summit the top of Yosemite falls, which is one of the tallest waterfalls in the United States. It was definitely a challenge but I am proud of us for getting to the top. The amount of people we saw going up just as the sun was beginning to set was concerning. I hope they're all okay. There was a large group of kids from SF potentially on a field trip that were struggling. Oh. this was on Thanksgiving. I almost forgot to mention. It was a great hike. I always loved how California mountains seem to be separated into three different terrains.

Anyways, once we got back to the Airbnb, we made ourselves a little thanksgiving dinner, mac and cheese, some veggies, fake ham. It came out pretty decent for the equipment we were using. The next day was pretty relaxed, and I cried as we left the park. Not only did I get to see the national park that really kicked off conservation of parks and land, but I was also saying goodbye to California. I am two weeks into my new home and not a day goes by that I don't think about california and how much I miss it.

Once we got back from the park, I packed my bags, I packed Ben up and headed to the Bay Area. I spent about a week there. Ben and I really like our time there. They always seem happy. And I got to be a stay at home partner. Everyday my "partner" went to school or work, and I would stay back waiting for them. Cleaning the space for us, cooking us lunch and dinner, then getting more housing stuff in order. It was really nice. I never thought I'd find that lifestyle appealing but it was endearing. I wouldn't mind being a stay at home partner for a little.

December 1st was Peach Pitt. They were fantastic. I thought I was going to cry for sure but I was in a newish setting at this concert. There have been maybe three concerts (including this one) where I was not in the crowd. We found this nice little spot towards the back that was slightly elevated. I have never felt such intense emotion when listening to a guitar solo than I did with Chris. They did this cool little thing where their guitars harmonized together while they were playing the song "Hotel California." Tash Sultana came close, I think company also had a small influence on how I felt at those concerts. I felt pretty empty after that concert. That hallow feeling lasted a couple days.

A few days pass by and it's time for me to head back home to pack and get ready for my flight back "home." I gave myself little time to pack and on the next day I embarked on a 8+ hour trip to the other coast.

My time back home was surprisingly quiet. I worked with my dad everyday at their new business. It was nice getting to work with him. Every morning him and I would go to a new cafe and try out their coffee. I would tell him about what I tasted, if it was good, and how they could improve. He threw the idea of helping me start my own coffee shop at me and was beginning to find spots for it. I cannot fathom how quickly he was ready to open one up with me and help me. I think that would be so fun. I think it would be Latin themed. There was this one coffee shop in Portland that really caught my attention. I'm blanking on the name currently, but it's owned by a Mexican human and their espresso drinks are inspired by traditional drinks and flavors found in Mexican dishes. It was lovely. I would love to do something similar with Central America and their traditional flavors.

I really didn't do much more than work. I hung out with my brothers here and there. They were also working most of the time. B and I headbutted a lot which was so disappointing. It's been happening for years but it always hurts to fight with him. His girlfriend is also the worst in my eyes. The youngest one has a girlfriend now too. I like her. She seems good for K. I also got to spend a lot of time with my cousin M. He makes me laugh so much. I miss them all so much now that I'm gone. i wish we got to spend more time together.

I was super concerned about seeing family since my trauma was spilled to the family by a drunken, protective, yet sloppy father. I expected to be seated down with my uncle and confronted. But thankfully when he saw me working at the grocery store, he walked the other way. In a way, I'm kinda disappointed that there was no conversation. He gets to live on and take advantage of others. Takes money from my family, treats them poorly, and so on. Though there was no talk, I am happy that it really didn't impact my stay too much.

I also saw a past partner, the one that has been on my mind for so terribly long. They reached out to me in August, asking me what I expected from our friendship, and how I viewed everything that happen. I was honest, told them that I didn't really see much of a friendship between us but I still had hope for us in the future. I interpreted their response as them feeling mutual about my statement. It's so funny because every time they would text me, or we would have a phone call, I ended up hurt. By my own doing of course. I don’t think I’m fully able to have them in my life. And maybe I never will be. Them appearing hurt each and every time. I longed for this person for over two years, romanticizing what we had the entire time. Looking back now, it really wasn't that great. I was not happy, and by no fault of theirs. I was dealing surprising so much trauma at that time. I never acknowledged the pain I was in. i was also so confused in my own identity and the body dysphoria was all consuming. I did not treat them well at all. I was a horrible person. I do believe that I loved them above all. I still believe that they were my first love. But how much of it was real? how much of it was trauma? I guess it really doesn't matter.

Our hangout was fine. They drove up to see me. We headed out to a park and sat by the Bay together for a bit. It was the same place that we had our first date actually. I'm not sure if they remember that we kayaked past that location together. We chatted and got coffee. They told me about their new partner and I was happy to listen. The language that was used made me feel quite uncomfortable, it almost felt as though they were trying to really highlight all the areas that I failed in, and how their partner is significantly better in those areas than me. I also acknowledge that I could have been reading it wrong, especially as a past lover. Being together felt like old times, the playful banter, the goofiness, the big old smile of theirs. I guess none of that was exclusive to our relationship but it was very missed. Seeing them fucked me up. I ended up getting stuck in my thoughts and focusing on them too much. So much so that I actually went to their account and read their most recent post. It really put the nail in the coffin for any hope of there being a future together. And to think I thought something else may have happened when we saw each other, especially considering that a few days before hand they sent me a text saying that their friends didn't want them texting me when they were drunk. Silly me, reading too deep into it.

Seeing that post set me free though. I realized that I was never really able to love my partner fully because of the feelings I was holding onto. I told JC about every time MDM and I would talk. I was always so painfully transparent about how I was feeling, how much I missed MDM, how I felt as though I could develop feelings for MDM at any second. I cannot imagine how JC felt about that. I was holding on, and holding myself back from a loving relationship. Before I left home, and right before I saw my past partner, JC and I had a talk about where we stood, and I told them that I didn't want to continue doing what we were doing due to past actions and excuses that they always gave me. I think that scared them because that night they cried and told me that they want me. We talked about how they hurt me and how they need to improve. A few days passed, and we made it official.

The entire time I was saving a spot at my "love party" for someone who would never show up and not giving enough to the person who had been showing up for an entire year and a half for me. They are actually the one who picked me up from the airport on January 6th with arms wide open, eyes that twinkled when they saw me, and a smile that could make my heart melt, along with a container of food for me. They drove us to their apartment in the Bay Area for the night. The next day they drove me to the light rail and we kissed each other goodbye. Once I got to Sac, I began to pack up my things and began to get ready for the roller coaster that I was about to embark on. I packed, donated, put coins into little sleeves, and awaited the day to arrive for my big move.

A day before my move, my friends threw me an "emo night" party. On the table there was a basket full of weed (I haven't smoked in ages) and a cute little tofu stew awaiting me. It was lovely to see everyone. It's nice knowing how loved I am. I miss everyone in CA.

And with that, my bunny, JC, and I were on our way to a new state the next morning. I gave my housemate a hug goodbye, shed a tear, and left my home. The drive wasn't too bad. It took us about 13-14 hours to get up here. JC and I tag teamed it and honestly, time flew by and my bun took it like a champ.

We settled into my new home, they helped me run some errands, and we got to explore the new city. I have to say that I don't fully love living in a big city. I don't hate it but I don't really like it. The only redeeming feature is the light rail. Honestly the community here is nowhere near as good as it was in CA. they keep calling it the WA freeze and I feel it. I've been looking for some mutual aid groups to volunteer with but I have been having a harder time finding one that calls to me. In sac, there were so many, and I loved them all so much.

I don't see myself staying here. Maybe my gut was wrong about finding community out here. I could be very wrong. I'm going to ballroom event next month so I hope to meet some cool people out there. who knows. Today I went to a Salvadorean bakery, the southern part of the town seems to be where all the cool folks are so maybe I'll spend more time exploring that area.

Anyways, my partner left a few days after being here with me, and they told me they love me before getting on their plane. They have never said it first and it was nice to hear them say it with more ease. (they have never been good at saying they love their friends or family, we are working on it). A few days after they left, I started my new job, along with a battle with getting new plates, license and what not for this new state. Shortly after, i found that my car was beginning to shake, so now i suspect that my transmission may be hurting. it's been a few weeks and I do not have the funds to take it to the shop but I think my next paycheck will allow me to take her to the shop.

Every morning I would wake up at 5, get on the light rail and get to work at 7:30. The commute was rough but I grew to like it. The people were okay. I think my crew from last year just made such an impression that these folk are kinda disappointing, or so it seemed at first. Now it's been almost a month and I feel as though folks are starting to warm up to me. I still feel as though they all speak over me and ignore me, which makes me feel some sort of way but honestly who gives a shit. I'm too hot and sexy to care about these pathetic little white people.

The opportunities that are appearing in this job give me lots of hope honestly. I think I will definitely get a better shot at the jobs I was applying for last year. I'm excited! I do want to apply to some jobs back in NorCal. I really do think that's where I want to be.

I went to a valentines day party yesterday with my coworkers and that was pretty alright! And my partner sent me flowers which was really sweet. I hung them up to dry so I can hang them up on my wall. I told them that when we break up I was gonna eat them. their response was "wow, you really have this all planned out." At the party, one of my coworkers kept hugging me and telling me that they loved me. That was fun. Thank you gay man

Anyways, its pretty late, and this post took forever to finally finish. Honestly, it's just a lot of word vomit but I do feel much better. I felt myself getting a bit sad right now and this def got my mind off of it. I'm sure I'll have more to add later. Remember to take ur vitamin D cause this lack of sun is something else.

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mochingblog · 2 years

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RUILIAN'S BLOG INTRODUCATION

Name :

My name is Ruilian Song, this is my Chinese name. Unfortunately, I don't have an English name, at least not at present. But if people do not know how to pronounce it, I don't mind writing my name as Raylian. And I also have a bunch of nicknames, but it is not that important to remember.

But the most important and meaningful thing is the name, which seems to be a blessing from my family.

Rui means wise. It means that a person is far-sighted and has a deep understanding. But, even in Chinese, there are still a lot of people who make mistakes. Well, it has happened for so many years, so I am not that caring now.

Lian refers to the meaning of lotus. Ancient Chinese poetry said the lotus grows in mud yet never contaminates it. And she floats on waving water, yet never dances with it. Many people like the sound of it, but I prefer the meaning.

Education :

My education is across China and the America, and my high school is across California and New York.

Copyright © 2019 - 2022 by Ruilian Song I went to Washington High School in the Bay Area during my first and second years. I remember that I needed to ride my bike home in the hot sun every day. Back then, students were not required to write their homework on computers, and there have been no online classes since the pandemic. The pace of life was much slower than it is now.

Major :

Now I'm majoring in new media, and that's how it's divided at community college. But I hope that one day when I introduce my major, it is no longer a general term of new media but my favorite major - film production.

My original intention of choosing the film major stems from my fine arts foundations and my curiosity for VFX. People at a young age will always like to try things differently. Unfortunately, I was also like most people, and it took me two full years from little knowledge to get into the career.

At first, I doubted whether I should continue to study visual art. Still, the traditional art and the collision of the new age of scientific and technological achievements let me change my original intention. In 2019 the summer, a chance let me rub shoulders with the film industry. With my curiosity about unknown things, I gradually understand the big picture of this career at a later time. I had my camera, computer, film lights, Gimbel, and many other gears to help me learn.

But initially, I still lacked a lot of knowledge and experience. Through studying in college, I found out what I could do. Through the internship, I learned about my shortcomings and the things needed to make breakthroughs. More importantly, I know how to learn more effectively.

It was a lot like the process I went from an unsuspecting toddler to a child who could recognize problems. But I know this is far from enough to become the standard of an adult.

Hobbies :

I have many hobbies that I would like to spend time doing. A little time, I am even a bit glad this is a way of life.

For example, I love singing. I will record songs and compose music by myself at home. I love the manual, so I bought a lot of plaster sculptures, threads to embroider, and bracelet beads with aluminum wire. Piano, ballet, and Chinese classical dance are also my hobbies in my leisure time. The pursuit of photography gives me a pair of eyes to see the world differently. As well as the flute, calligraphy, swimming, different kinds of chess, performance, books, and so on, the interest in developing my specialty also broadened my horizons.

I once heard a saying that doesn't compare your hobbies with other people's majors. Now that I think about it, there's a truth to it. I like a hobby because doing it can make me happy, not dull. And if I have to make a career, I have to accept the aspects I don't like, take frustration and boredom. So that's why many of my hobbies are just hobbies.

Sometimes I'm glad I have so many things I like to do that I don't have to spend so much time on my phone daily. But I am happier now that my hobby is also my major. I hope it can accompany me to know forever and never get tired.

Things related to me :

Book

I have not read books for a long time except for the textbooks required in school. But last month, I found a novel on a whim and spent a day reading it.

This book is called "Seven Unfortunate Lifetimes, All Thanks to a Single Moment of Impulse" This is a fascinating fantasy novel because it will be adapted into a TV series, so I found and read it myself in advance. The book's content is not long, but the style is very novel and unique, so I use this book to relax the mood.

Movie

A lot of people like minions, and I do too. I went to the cinema to watch the fourth movie when it came out. But I recently remembered it, so I watched Minions four again. It's an amusing cartoon, and every character is so happy. I want to watch it again if I ever have a bad mood.

Coffee

I create my coffee every morning because I drink coffee every day, like making different flavors, and want to try other new products. I could use my coffee machine to make Mocha, Latte, or ice American at home. I'm still learning my latte art.

Funny Questions

What is the last meal on earth you're going to eat?

I guess it is Mochi ice cream. I can not find anything I really want to eat, but one of my nicknames is Mochi, which means what it means. So why not eat this?

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

I do not know, and maybe I just changed my memories.

What is your biggest fear?

I fear someone knows my biggest fear.

#new blog #tumblog #new york #blog

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bokebelle · 3 years

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connie springer + friends with benefits

A/N: this is very very self-indulgent and ended up being longer than intended but please enjoy my Connie brainrot bc i love him a lot and he needs more content

WARNINGS: 16+; friends with benefits relationship; mentions of sex; modern au

PAIRINGS: connie springer x gn!reader

TAGS: fluff, a tiny tiny bit of angst.

REQUESTS: open

One of the best people to get into a friends with benefits type of relationship 💯

You guys would have to be good friends before this kind of relationship happens. Connie may be fun and goofy from time to time but he wants to make sure you trust him as a partner and vice versa

He probably wasn't even looking for a fwb type relationship tbh it probably just happened and you guys just went with it

it probably started with growing sexual tension whenever you two hung out. A little playful flirting here and there 👀

At a party, you two were a little flirter than usual and he just looked around to see if anyone was around, and whispered in your ear if you wanted to make out in his car LMAO of course you agreed

things just escalated over time til he offered to take you home one night and you best believe he did NOT go home that night

When the post nut clarity finally hit that you guys hooked up, he just asks if you would want to do it again

Connie turned to look at you, lips slightly swollen, with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks and a light sheen of sweat on his chest. "So...wanna do it again?"

"Right now?!" you sit up, instantly feeling the soreness in your lower half. you definitely weren't ready for another round

"Not now, dummy. But maybe...whenever we both wanna, y'know..." he avoided looking at you, suddenly feeling embarrassed at his own proposition. "but if you totally don't want to, it's fine I understand."

A small smile dances on you lips. He looked cute all flustered, suddenly looking nervous when he was anything but just moments ago. "I think I'd like that."

You two don't really tell anyone, but you don't keep it a secret either. He'd tell them what's up if people would ask (if you wanted them to know) but since you guys flirt all the time no one really suspected anything more was going on

the longer your relationship progresses, the bolder he gets lmao literally went from being shy about asking to hookup in his apartment to dragging your ass you his car during a date because his dick "suddenly missed his best buddy" you smacked him

He is also very open to experimenting and trying new things. He'll try it once and if it doesn't work then it's fine. He also respects your boundaries if ever you don't feel comfortable with the idea of trying something new. he won pressure you and won't bring it up

Probably uses a safeword like "taco"

He isn't THAT rough that you'd need one, but he wants to give you the option of stopping whenever you feel like you can handle it 😭 this baby doesn't wanna hurt you and wants you as safe as possible 🥺

This man is a great mix of playful and serious in the bedroom. He knows when to make you laugh during sex and to tone it down when you just need a physical release. your comfort is his priority so he wants to make sure he fits whatever you need

Connie is actually really good with aftercare despite not knowing it's actually a thing!!

He just knows it's on him to take care of his partner afterwards so he helps you clean up, gives you clean clothes especially if you're at his place, and offers you a snack or asks if you wanna watch a movie

If you want to cuddle and just talk, he's totally down! if you also need some personal space, he'll totally respect that and give you the time you need, whenever you need it.

He can be a total flirt but he's also very friendly and knows his limits so he doesn't end up sending mixed signals. He's flirty enough to keep things interesting but not enough to confuse either of you about your relationship unless he falls for you.

Great aftercare? Attentive in the bedroom? Funny, handsome, respectful king? overall one of the best people to have a FWB relationship hands down

If you ever decide you want to end that kind of setup, he'll totally respect it and would still treat you as a good friend! will occasionally make inside jokes about hooking up but it's all in good nature because he enjoyed his time with you and he wants you to remember that time with the same smile he has whenever he thinks about it pls i love him

BONUS: Falling in love with Connie during your FWB relationship (and him falling in love you with back)

honestly how can you not fall for him

Connie is always so sweet, funny, respectful, both in and out of the bedroom so it wasn't long before you started wanting to stay in his arms a bit more after a good session

Connie never treated you any differently, but there were times when things just felt different

The moment you knew you had feelings for him was when he fucked you differently compared to your previous sessions

Sure he would blow your back out every now and then, but there were also more mellow times with him when you both were feeling lazy and needy

But THIS was a new experience. He fucked you slowly, but intensely. His hands were all over you but his touches were more gentle and soft. His kisses were a little bit sweeter and the caresses on your face lingered just a bit longer.

You snuggled into his chest a little more after that and you swore he held you a bit tighter, pulling your body just a bit closer to his. When you became aware of his heart beating under your ear, and found yourself being lulled to sleep by it, you knew you were fucked both literally and figuratively

Your feelings for him weighed you down more and more until you decided you were playing a dangerous game and you had to get out before you reached the point of no return

it sucked having to break things off with Connie but it was the first rule of any fwb relationship and you broke it more and more everyday.

As you sat up and rolled out of bed, ready to get dressed and leave, you felt Connie's arms come up behind you and rested his chin against your shoulder.

"Hey, why don't you stay the night?" he asked, placing a quick kiss on the junction between your neck and shoulder.

You exhale heavily, dreading what was coming next. You didn't plan on breaking it off so soon, but you knew staying the night would only be the wrong choice to make - for your sake and your heart's.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"C'mon, this isn't the first time you've stayed the night. Please?" You wanted to give in. You wanted to roll around, kiss his pretty face and spend the night in his arms. But knowing he didn't feel the same way as you did, knowing you'd leave with a heart that would break a little bit more if you stayed over, is what made you say no.

"It's not a good idea, Connie." you take a deep breath. "Actually, I think we aren't a good idea anymore."

You felt him withdraw his arms from your torso, the areas where he held you instantly feeling cold and empty. You hold on tighter to the sheets, partly to cover yourself up but mostly to keep you from breaking down in front of him.

"What?! Why not? Did I do something wrong? Was I too rough?"

Connie desperately racked his brain for what could have gone wrong from when you were saying his name like a prayer to now. He didn't want to mess it up with you, he really didn't. You slowly became someone he felt safe with. You became the one he wanted to see first thing in the morning, that's why he wanted you to stay over. He was falling for you, but he didn't want to admit it just yet. Maybe you caught on and didn't feel the same way? He knew he'd have to tell you eventually, but he wanted to be selfish a little bit longer. He wanted to enjoy what you guys had before going back to being just friends with no 'benefits'.

"I know we agreed to being just friends but I think I'm starting to feel something more than that and it's really stupid. But I don't think I can do this anymore without falling for you more than I already have." The tension in the air is palpable. In the time it takes for what you said to finally sink in Connie's mind, you decided his silence was his final answer.

When Connie saw your figure quietly get up from the edge of the bed, he knew this was his chance.

He quickly made his way over to your side, sitting on the edge. He reached out and gently wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Don't go, please." He whispered into the skin of your back.

You turn to look at him, keeping your tears at bay, trying to pry his arms off of you. God, with the way he was looking at you, that was almost all the convincing you need to stay just last night with him

"Connie, don't make this harder on me. You don't understa-"

"No, [y/n]" he cuts you off, now moving his hands to hold yours. "you don't understand." he delicately presses a kiss to your fingertips before kissing the back of your hand. "I want you. I want you to stay."

The meaning behind his words lit a spark in you that erupted into a passionate flame in your chest.

Connie wanted you. He wanted you just as much as you wanted him.

You cup his face, one of his hands coming up to rest over yours. You lean down and place the sweetest, softest kiss you can on his lips. It's not much but you hope he can feel all you've wanted to tell him in that one kiss.

"Okay, Connie, okay" you whisper as your lips pulled away from his own, a small smile forming when he whined at the loss of contact.

You committed the image of Connie Springer pouting at you because he wanted a kiss to your memory. You would tease him about it soon enough, you just wanted cherish the fact that he wanted kisses - your kisses.

You had more nights to share, more kisses to give him, but for now you just wanted to enjoy the feeling of having Connie in your arms, knowing you had each other as long as your hearts wanted.

You wanted to enjoy the feeling of Connie simply being there, finally being yours. He wasn't going anywhere, and neither were you.

"I'll stay."

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boolproppin · 3 years

Note

UGH, I want to ask all of them for Adam and Helmi (because they are my favorite) but I will behave and only ask... all the even numbers. akjsdaskdjas I'm sorry I just want to know all the things. ;-;

I will answer all of them for you my friend <3

1. Who’s the one who’s reckless and always getting into trouble while the other gotta pull em out

They are both very level headed, however if one of them got themselves into trouble it would more likely be Adam who would follow his ideals and being a standup guy (unintentionally getting himself into a pickle). Helmi would need to talk some sense into him and help him see the grey area.

2. Who’s the one to send the other “I love my gf/bf” memes

This would so be Adam! He’s only recently learned about memes and gets a pretty good kick out of them. He would absolutely EMAIL them to Helms.

3. Who’s the one who listens to a music genre the other doesn’t like and how does the other react

Helmi listens to indie pop which Adam just can’t seem to get into. He usually has a confused look on his face and then “recommends” putting on some Fleetwood Mac.

4. Which one spoils the other more and do they ever get competitive to show the other more love

Adam! They aren’t competitive though, they both have a very sweet way of spoiling each other in different ways.

5. How many years did it take to get married or was it just not for them

This is still up in the air ;)

6. What was their wedding like

IF they got married it would be low key, minimal, and a small group of friends at an outdoor celebration. Their first dance would be to I Only Have Eyes for You by The Flamingos

7. Is their friends/family supportive

Helmi’s family and friends are very supportive of her meeting and starting a relationship with Adam. As far as Adam’s family...ehhhh, but his bestie Rayland is all for him moving forward in his life and being with someone he adores.

8. How does one comfort the other when the other is in distress/having a panic attack/crying

Adam to Helmi: blankets, tea, and cuddles Helmi to Adam: words of affirmation and hugs

9. Which one dissociates

Neither

10. Which one stares at the other’s booty like “damn” and how does the other react when catching them

Adam fo’ sho. Helmi just shakes her head, “there’s nothing even there to stare at!”

11. When they live together what kinda place do they live in? What does their home look like?

Small home with mid-century modern feel.

12. What do their dates look like

Randomness! Adam and Helmi have so much to show each other with the age gap. A night out to the movies ends up being an adventure of watching buskers, stopping at random bazaars, checking out random shops.

13. How does each act when getting drunk

Helmi- flirty and DTF Adam- Sadsies, but easily coaxed into a better mood ;)

14. Which one rolls over in the morning to wake up the other one just to give kiss them

Adam for sure, he’s an old man so he gets up early.

15. Have they saved each other’s lives before

I think they both did in a sense, they aren’t just existing anymore.

16. Does one have an interest the other think is weird but wants to listen to it regardless

Yes! Adam is insanely obsessed with Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Nicks (probably why he just thinks Helms is the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen). Helmi just loves how he lights up and gets excited when talking about them/her.

17. Which one uses cropped hentai as reaction images

NEITHER LMAO

18. Does one of them kinkshame the other

I think Helmi would vanilla shame Adam, “you know they’ve invented more positions since missionary?”

19. Is one of them self conscious about their body? If so how does the other comfort them

They are both pretty content, however I could see Adam getting self conscious if he met some of the models Helmi is around.

20. Say they were cuddling on the bed while listening to record player playing the background. Which song is playing?

My Girl by The Temptations

21. What is their song? Like the song that gives them overwhelming feelings?

Bring It On Home To Me by Sam Cooke

22. What song do they listen to while going on a joyride

Renee by SALES

Adam likes the “hey you got it” part.

23. What kinda joyrides do they go on? Relaxing ones or wild ones?

Relaxing. Visit a small town or go to a beach nearby. Stop by some of the shops along the way.

24. Where would they vacation for a honeymoon

Brindleton Bay

25. Do people ever get annoyed of their pda

Not at all, they are the couple that holds each others hands or are close to each other, a peck on the cheek or lips.

26. Would they live in the city or the country

Country but not too far from the city.

27. Which ones the red which ones the blue

Helmi is red, Adam blue

28. Are either of them mentally ill, if so how do they help one another cope

Adam has depression and Helmi has anxiety. They help each other by listening, going to counseling, and checking in with each other.

29. Does one have a spot on them where they would melt when the other kisses them there

Helms melts when he kisses her hand.

30. Do they dance together

Oh yes, many an impromptu dance sesh when the record player is on.

31. Do they sing together

Yes and they both are HORRENDOUS singers.

32. Which one is better at cooking than the other and makes most the dinners

Adam is a better cook so he would definitely make more of the dinners.

34. Are they a reckless couple or safe

Safe!

35. What be they kinks and do they try each other’s kinks

Adam would love to do the deed while Helmi wears his lettermans jacket. As for Helmi she loves the thrill of having sex in public. As far as trying each others? We’ll have to see!

36. What would their valentines gifts be to each other

Adam would get the old school boxed valentines cards (the kind you took to elementary school) and would write something sweet along with a box of chocolates. Helmi...probably in his letterman’s jacket waiting for him to come home.

37. Do they get into fights often? If so what do they fight over and how do they make up?

Not often. They would most likely fight about Adam’s idealistic tendencies or insecurities. Making up would consist of apologies and cinnamon rolls.

38. Which ones top, bottom, verse

Het couple so verse?

39. What kinda sex they be having (gentle rough whatever)

Gentle but also a tiny bit rough at times.

40. Who would fight in honor for the other if someone would insult them

Both! No one messes with theirs!

41. Which one has a favorite movie that they have the other watch with them again and again

Helmi does which is 50 First Dates

42. How would one react if the other was to die

Inconsolable. I don’t think either of them would ever move on.

43. Who dies first

Helmi

44. Do they want kids

Adam can’t have children and his only child Rhiannon was conceived with IVF, but that is no longer an option. Helmi is okay with not having children, she’s never considered having her own.

45. How would they spend their last moments together

Dancing while the record player is on.

#simblr ask #simblr ask game #queenofvraquin #THIS WAS SO FUN #THANK YOU <3 #helmi kvalhiem #adam nowak #the nowaks #the kvalhiems #TSS outtake #tss outtakes

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justanotherlifeff · 3 years

Text

Levi Ackerman × reader

Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn

Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm and other triggering stuff.

No one's POV

Year 845: The day when wall Maria fell

"(Y/N)! Thomas! It's time for breakfast!" Gloria shouted from the dining room. Thomas, (Y/N)'s father, was sitting with (Y/N) in the living room. One of them busy with paperwork and the other with an interesting book borrowed from Erwin. (Y/N) didn't have training sessions with Erwin for a while, as he was on an expedition. He was supposed to return by now, but, he would be going to Wall Rose directly. (Y/N) kept her book down and followed her father out of the room to the dining room. "(Y/N), I cooked potato pancakes for you. Aren't they your favourite?" Gloria, (Y/N)'s mother told (Y/N) with a smile.

"Thank you" (Y/N) said softly, with her usual frown etched up on her face. It pained both Gloria and Thomas (L/N) that their adoptive daughter, no, they saw (Y/N) as nothing less than their own child, couldn't show emotions properly. It started after the incident with Jacob, one that they regretted ever since it happened. Only if they had the faintest idea of what that wretched man was doing to their beloved daughter... They consulted doctors from wall Rose to make sure (Y/N) is back to normal but the doctors only told them to be careful and not let (Y/N) get hold sharp objects.

They assumed (Y/N)'s aggression had something to do with her past in the underground, much like her self harming habits. They didn't know, however, that this would only push (Y/N) away from them. It's true that (Y/N) couldn't show emotions properly, but, that didn't mean the (L/N)s would love her any less. The day passed by normally, and just as Gloria was washing their plates for lunch, with the help of (Y/N), there was the sound of a huge explosion. "Gloria, stay with (Y/N) inside the house. I'll go see what that was" Thomas told the two of them before getting out. They waited for about fifteen minutes before a Garrison soldier knocked at their home.

"The wall of Shiganshina is breached! Gloria-san, your husband is helping with the evacuation. We need you to go to the barracks and gear up." the soldier said hastily. "Okay. Cadet Schultz, take (Y/N) to the evacuation boats. I'll catch up later" Gloria told him calmly. (Y/N) was witnessing everything. She knew enough about titans. She read about them in the books of Erwin's library. "Mom, I want to go with you" she told Gloria. Gloria looked at (Y/N)'s eyes, surprised that her eyes showed more emotions than she ever saw her express. There was fear, concern, love... "Honey, it's dangerous. I promise I'll be back before you know it with your dad." Gloria smiled as she felt (Y/N) hug her tightly. She knew that the chances of making through this was low. Very low. "Go now. We will be fine." she told (Y/N) before sending her off to the boats.

(Y/N) was sitting on the boat, hugging her legs. There were too many people here and she couldn't see any of her parents. There were no other soldiers here on this boat. "Maybe the soldiers are coming on a different boat?" (Y/N) thought. When the boat docked in Wall Rose, (Y/N) saw Erwin Smith standing there on the dockyard. She pushed through the crowd to go to him. When she reached him, she asked, "Are my mom and dad okay? Where are they?". "(Y/N), we don't have news about the soldiers fighting there yet. We will know by the next day. Right now, I need you to come with me. You won't be staying with the refugees as it is not safe. I arranged a home for you. You'll get good food, good clothes and a good place to sleep there." Erwin explained with a smile.

(Y/N) held his hand and went to the place he mentioned. It was a government run orphanage. Erwin mentioned that he had to pay money to let them take an extra child at this time. The matron looked like a kind motherly looking woman to (Y/N). "Be nice to everyone. Okay? I'll bring news about your parents as soon as I can." Erwin told (Y/N) with a kind smile before he left. (Y/N) remembered that something like this happened before.

"Don't be scared. You are safe now. No one will hurt you again." the blonde man told (Y/N) as he used a hairpin to unlock her cuffs. (Y/N) was huddled into a corner, scared that these men will take advantage of her like every other time. "It's okay. Everything will be okay. What's your name dear?" he asked with the same kind smile. "(Y/N)" (Y/N) managed to croak out. "Nice to meet you, (Y/N). I'm Erwin. Everything is going to be okay." he said, smiling. Everything didn't become okay.

"Was it happening again?" (Y/N) thought. "No. It can't be happening. They promised me that they will be back" (Y/N) brushed away the thought.

The next day

It was dawn. (Y/N) was sleeping on the bed assigned to her. The other children didn't talk to her yet as she spent most of her time in the matron's office. The matron was an amazing woman. She was nice to (Y/N), tried to give her as mental support as possible and made food almost as tasty as her mother. "(Y/N) dear? Wake up. Erwin Smith is here..." the matron called (Y/N), her face concerned. The whole orphanage was quiet, none of the other children were awake yet. (Y/N) walked towards the matron's office with the matron, a walk that seemed to go on for eternity. When she reached, (Y/N) saw Erwin sitting there, looking tired. "(Y/N)..." he started but (Y/N) interjected by saying, "They are dead, aren't they?".

There was no visible emotions in (Y/N)'s eyes. After all, she felt dead. Just her body was still functioning. It happened again. "Yes. Your parents died heroically, saving many citizens with their lives" Erwin told her, trying to make her proud. "They broke their promise. They left me too. They are no different from other people. They are just as bad as everyone else." (Y/N) stated, as if she was in a daze. "(Y/N), I'm sorry.." Erwin tried to say but (Y/N) stopped him. "It's not your fault, uncle Erwin. It's them." she told him, before walking to the bathroom. "I need something sharp..." she thought as she searched the bathroom for a blade.

A week later

The matron introduced (Y/N) to the other children as she decided that (Y/N) couldn't curl up in her office with a book forever. After all, (Y/N) was a permanent resident. There were twenty other children in the small orphanage. (Y/N) of course, didn't give any heed to their names at first because, of course, it was all pointless. What was the point of being alive anyway? What did she have left? Except her uncle Erwin? She was sure that he was strong enough to deal with her death anyway. He was the one who made her as strong as she is now.

It's because of him, she's still fighting. After the matron went away, telling (Y/N) to talk to the other kids, (Y/N) simply went to a corner of the room and start reading the book in her hand. It was the books and the agony in her body from the cuts she made on herself that kept her mind at bay from the death of her parents. She, of course, stole bandages from the matron's office to keep the bleeding at bay so that she wouldn't die. The cuts weren't too deep, just deep enough to sting for a whole day and heal up. She just had to make more cuts after it healed up.

"Oi brat, you think a newbie like you can just sit and read shit without working?" a young boy, much bigger than (Y/N) walked towards her, with another girl and a boy with him, all of them bigger than her. (Y/N) merely looked up from the book with a vacant expression. "Don't give me this look, you shit! Go do the dishes!" he shouted. "Isn't the matron supposed to assign chores? I remember doing mine this morning." (Y/N) answered to him calmly. "Listen, newbie, we make the rules here. Go do the dishes!" the leader of the group tried to speak in a menacing voice.

"I refuse to do it unless the matron asks me to" (Y/N) simply answered but just as she did, the boy took the book from her hand and tore it in half. "You two, get her" he ordered the other two kids who started kicking (Y/N). (Y/N) could’ve easily beaten them up but she remembered the advice from Erwin. "Be nice to everyone" he said. (Y/N) didn't flinch even when they hit her in the areas with cuts, she was accustomed to pain. After all, she always had these habits and also went through training with Erwin.

These went on for a week. When those kids, Sean (the leader), Lena (the girl) and Paul (the other boy) found out that (Y/N) doesn't react to beatings, they started picking up on her in different ways. One day, they poured horse shit in her drawer full of clothes. The other day, they burnt all her books. (Y/N) still didn't move from her decision to do their chores for them. After a week, Erwin came to visit. Erwin decided to visit (Y/N) every week, to brush up on her training. Her training was complete before the fall of wall Maria, but, he still decided to spar with her sometimes, so that she wouldn't loose her practice.

Erwin also was fond of the small girl, almost as if she was his own daughter. It's true, Pixis asked him to train her in the first place and also got (Y/N) the place in the orphanage using his power in Trost, however, as Erwin trained her, he realized that she was going to be a deadly weapon if she ever joined the military, or the survey corps. Erwin, however, wasn't keen on her joining the survey corps due to the mortality rate. He didn't want (Y/N) to die as she was almost like the daughter he never had. Erwin was a ruthless person but, (Y/N) seemed to be one of the very few soft spots he had. As he sat in the matron's office, he saw a calm but angry looking (Y/N) enter the room. He figured something was wrong. "(Y/N), is everything okay?" was his first question to her.

"I don't like this place." (Y/N) simply replied. "Why is it? Did someone bother you?" Erwin asked, concerned. (Y/N) explained everything that happened in the past week to Erwin. "Why didn't you fight back then?" Erwin asked, quiet surprised that (Y/N) took a few beatings. (Y/N) wasn't the type of person who would take beatings without counterattacking. At least that was how it was during training. "You told me to be nice to everyone" (Y/N) grumbled. "Well, did you complain to the matron?" Erwin asked. "I did. She scolded them but that only increased the problem" (Y/N) explained.

"I see. Well, I know I told you to be nice to everyone but that doesn't mean you won't use self defence when required." Erwin advised. "So, I can beat them up?" (Y/N) asked, with an evil glint in her eyes. "Yes but stay in your limits. Don't make any permanent injury." Erwin said cautiously. (Y/N) was still a kid and kids couldn't be trusted much when they are angry. "Oh don't worry. I'll just scare them a bit." (Y/N) answered with a sly smile that worried Erwin even more. With that, they went to a nearby field to brush up on the training by sparring.

That night, (Y/N) sneaked into the matron's office to find a stack of newspapers. She saw the stack in the matron's shelf before when she took a book from there when she first arrived. After searching for a while, she found the newspaper she was looking for, the one from 6 years back. The one with the news of the murder of Jacob. After taking the newspaper, (Y/N) sneaked into the kitchen to get a knife.

She walked into the boy's dormitory to find Sean sleeping on his bed. "Oi, Sean" (Y/N) called out. "Huh? What?" Sean got up, still sleepy. "What the hell are you doing here. Are you really itching to get beaten?" he growled after seeing it was (Y/N) who called him. "I don't intend to have a single scratch by you on my body, Sean. However, I can't say the same for you" (Y/N) answered, putting in a psychotic smile on her face as she brought her knife out in the open as it glinted in the moonlight coming from the window in the room. The whole room of boys were awake now. (Y/N) suddenly threw the knife backwards, which stuck to a bed post along with the fabric of the night shirt of Paul near his hand, thus keeping his hand in place.

Paul was white with fear as it happened and (Y/N) simply said, "Paul, don't try to move or come at me with the knife. It's going to get in your stomach in that case". She then threw the Newspaper at the now intimidated Sean's face before saying, " Read the headline.". The whole room of boys were watching, scared by (Y/N)'s sudden change in demeanour. "8 year old brutally kills soldier". Sean read before pausing. "(Y/N) (L/N), an 8 year old child from the Shiganshina district, killed Jacob Meyer, a garrison soldier from Thomas (L/N), (Y/N) (L/N)'s adoptive father's squad. Jacob's eyes were gauged out and throat was slit and his head was almost severed by what seemed like at least 20 stabs. About (Y/N) (L/N)'s past, all that is known is that she was rescued from a whorehouse in the upper class pleasure district in the underground..." Sean continued but his voice faded.

(Y/N)'s picture was drawn on the newspaper. They had no idea who they were messing with. "Well, that's enough. Now answer me, who else wants to end up like that piece of garbage?" (Y/N) asked in a cold voice. No one answered. "That's a good choice. Now," (Y/N) started as she moved towards Paul and pulled the knife out of the bedpost, "all of you, don't mention that I was here tonight. And yes, no one will be listening to these two worthless garbage here anymore or their so called friend. No one will do one extra work than what's assigned to them by the matron. Am I clear?" (Y/N) finished. Some kids were crying as they were intimidated but all of them nodded or muttered yes. "Good. Oh, and, don't bother me when I'm reading. Just leave me alone okay?" (Y/N) told before leaving the room with the newspaper and the knife so that she can keep those in place again without anyone realising.

Year 847:

It had been two years since (Y/N) started living in the orphanage. After that day, no one messed with (Y/N) again, and, no one listened to those three bullies ever again either. However, every good thing always came to an end. "Commander Smith, (Y/N) is already 16 years old. She's an adult now and we usually look for a groom for anyone who is of age in our orphanage. If you gave me the permission, I would've looked for someone suitable" the matron told Erwin. Erwin was called to the orphanage after (Y/N)'s so called 16th birthday according to her birth certificate. "Well, I suppose? I just didn't think that she will get married so soon..." Erwin started but (Y/N), who was also sitting in the room and listening to the conversation, stopped him and said, "Exactly. I am not getting married so soon.".

"But (Y/N), you're of age and it's against orphanage policies..." the matron started but was interrupted by (Y/N) as she said, "I understand that. I'm joining the military.". "(Y/N), you are not joining the military." Erwin simply answered. "Why not? Am I not of age? Am I not allowed to make decisions now? If I'm old enough to get married, why am I not allowed to join the military?" (Y/N) asked casually. "(Y/N), it's dangerous unless if you join the military police." Erwin sighed. He knew where it was going. "You really think I will join the military police, Uncle Erwin? I'm joining the Survey Corps. I'll kill those bastards who took my parents away from me." (Y/N) said as the matron shouted, "Language (Y/N)!".

"Very well. I have to ask you though, (Y/N). Could you die if you're asked to?" Erwin asked (Y/N). "Depends on why you are asking me to die. If the reason is valid enough, then I am ready." (Y/N) answered. "Well, (Y/N), on missions, I can't look out after you. I might have to send you to your death if required because on expeditions, I'm your commander, not your uncle." Erwin told (Y/N) coldly. "I understand." (Y/N) answered. She enlisted to the 104th trainee corps the next day. "I won't let myself be hurt again" she thought as she wore her uniform, leaving the orphanage for good. The (Y/N) from four years back didn't know that it will keep happening again (Jacob) and again (death of parents) and again (death of squad Levi) and... Again...

To be continued...

Taglist: @reality-is-often-disappointing, @kingtamakimurder

#levi aot #shingeki no kyoujin levi #levi x reader #levi attack on titan #levi x fem!reader #levi×reader #levi ackerman #captain levi

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deanothecheynosaur · 4 years

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The Bear and the Nightingale (2017)

Yay first one! (Whether you read the long synopsis or not, the ranking is at the bottom)

Funny story before I get into it: so my boyfriend's brother bought me this book in paperback for Christmas. I had not started reading it yet, but I was checking my Kindle to see how many books I read in 2019 and saw that I had purchased this a while back, never got around to reading it, and forgot I had it. So I'm taking back the paperback as soon as his blizzard is over (which oddly fits the book) and bought the second and third on Kindle. I have another gift card, but I need all three books to be in the same format.

Short synopsis:

Vasya is a young girl in a small village northern Rus' who can see things others can't. Everyone thinks she's a witch. The frost demon Morozko watches and protects her to keep himself strong enough to contain the Bear. An epic story about the clash between the old religions & the domineering Christianity & about the sexism of the time.

Long synopsis:

Moving on. Our story opens in Northern Rus' in the remote village of Lesnaya Zemlya bordering a large forest with the family of Pyotr Vladimirovich, his wife Marina Ivanovna, and their children Kolya (Nikolai Petrovich), Sasha (Aleksandr Petrovich), Olya (Olga Petrovna), Alyosha (Aleksei Petrovich), a bun in the oven, and their nurse, Dunya (Darya Nikolaevna). There's some important backstory though. Marina is the daughter of Ivan I Grand Prince in Moscow and his third wife, a mysterious woman who wandered out of the woods with no family, no history, and many suspected she was a witch. Marina knew it would be her last child and it would be a girl like her mother. This is set during the late 13th century, after Genghis Kahn died while the Tatars were still dominating the area. But Marina was right. She died in childbirth delivering Vasya (Vasilisa Petrovna). Throughout the book, there are hints that everyone but Sasha blames Vasya a little for Marina dying.

Vasya grows up naughty and ugly, with huge green eyes, black hair with a hint of red, a mouth too big for her face, long limbs, and too skinny. Olya calls her "little frog." Vasya does whatever she wants: Dunya is old, Pyotr is a busy man between being the Lord of the area and a farmer, and she has no stepmother. One evening, Vasya gets lost in the forest and sees a one-eyed man sitting against a gnarled black oak tree she had never seen before. He was uber creepy. But then another man shows up on his horse, refers to the one-eyed man as Medved, and tries to talk to Vasya. She gets scared and runs, but neither man pursues her. After she gets home (still freaking out), Pyotr decides it's time to remarry before Vasya gets unmanageable. He takes Kolya and Sasha with him to Moscow to find himself a wife and Olya a husband. It's mentioned several times throughout how a character cleans the ice out of their horse's hooves or mane, which I think is a great addition because it really solidifies the time period by how important horses were to everybody. Once they are settled in Moscow, Sasha spends time with other devout Christians (he prays a lot) and discovers that there is a renowned holy man (Sergei Radoneshsky) at a monastery three days north of Moscow. Pyotr lets him go alone to meet the man. Once Sasha gets there, he decides he wants to be a monk at this monastery and goes back to Moscow to ask his father. Pyotr agrees on two conditions: 1. Sasha cannot join the order or speak to Father Sergei until after the next harvest; 2. Sasha will be disinherited. Which honestly I think is fair.

A minor character that sets a lot of major things in motion is the Metropolitan of Moscow, Aleksei. Took me a minute to figure out that that means he's a bishop. Anyway, basically his job is really to deal with problems that might hurt the future of the current family ruling. Initially, he lines up marriages: Olya to a lesser prince that could have a claim to the throne of he married higher, and Pyotr to the Grand Prince's mad daughter, Anna Ivanovna. She saw demons everywhere except the church, so she wanted to be a nun. Of the two arranged marriages, the latter was less necessary in the initial context but crucial to rest of the plot. On their way back home, they run into a strange man, slight in stature but moves too quickly to see with pale skin, curly black hair, and icy blue eyes. He admires Pyotr's horse and Kolya is a dick to him about it, so the man has a knife to his throat. To save Kolya, Pyotr must give a necklace with a bright sapphire stone in it to Vasya to keep with her always. Kolya forgets the encounter altogether and wonders about the white scars on his neck... Pyotr is nervous about he necklace, so he gives it to Dunya. Dunya doesn't want to spoil her, so she decides to keep it for a while. Then she starts having one of several dreams in which she is confronted about keeping what is not hers.

After Sasha and Olya leave to be a monk and marry, respectively, Vasya spends less time with people. We soon learn that she can see creatures, the spirits from the old fairy tales Dunya told. Except they're real. Vasya is not crazy, and neither is Anna, but Anna is too Christian to be cool about it. Plus, Anna is a mean stepmother, strongly preferring her own daughter, Irina Petrovna. Vasya soon befriends the domovoi who lives in the oven and protects the house. Vasya doesn't realize her family can't see these creatures, so she talks to the vazila, the spirit of the horses who guards the stables. He says that she and Anna are the only people who can see them. Vasya thinks the stables are safer, so she visits the vazila often. He teaches her to speak to horses and understand them.

Then our friend Aleksei the Metropolitan does his last bit of manipulation. There is a priest in Moscow who is very good looking and gifted at painting icons. Aleksei is concerned that this will cause too many disruptions, so when the priest up in Lesnaya Zemlya dies, he sends the pretty priest, Father Konstantin Nikonovich, up there to take his place. I've never hated a fictional character so much in my life. Vasya is talking to the rusalka, a river demon who lives off of consuming the fears and desires of various animals and humans, killing them in the process. She goes for men a lot. Vasya unfortunately stops her from killing Father Konstantin. He immediately dislikes Vasya, thinking her too bold and not pious enough. Anna is obsessed with Konstantin because priests are her favorite and this is a hot one.

As time goes on, Vasya gets less and less like a lady should be, which infuriates Konstantin, but he's also having impure thoughts about her, which infuriates him in other ways. Anna and Konstantin try to convince everyone that if they continue to leave offerings for the old spirits, they will go to Hell. But shortly after, the village faces all the hardships. Freezing cold. Food shortage. People dying from the temperature. Wolves eating livestock. And then the crops flood. What survives the flood in the spring burns in the summer. Konstantin tells everyone that God is testing their faith, meanwhile Vasya is trying to sneak offerings and keep people alive. She also learns how to ride horses. Pyotr betrothes her to a Lord/horse breeder from a few towns over, Kyril Artamonovich. He's an oblivious ass. When he finds out she can ride, he calls off the wedding and leaves. Konstantin convinces Anna that Vasya somehow will get Irina killed, so when Pyotr leaves town, Anna tries to get rid of Vasya, either by death or by hog-tying her and taking her to a convent. Anna tells Vasya that she can stay if she finds snowdrops (the flower) in the forest (it's midwinter). Vasya takes off to find some, deciding worst case scenario, she would rather die in the forest than in a convent. She ends up at the gnarled black oak from her childhood, and the one-eyed man is still there. He tries to grab her, but the same man on horseback swoops in and saves her. He takes her back to his "house" to rest. She shortly finds out that he is Morozko, the god of winter and death. The one-eyed man is his brother, Medved, the Bear, the god of fear and suffering. Morozko has had him bound for a few hundred years, but with the offerings decreasing, Medved's strength is increasing. Morozko is known to be a trickster and a lavish gift-giver. Among other things, he gives Vasya a horse called Solovey (Russian for Nightingale), a young bay colored stallion who is not quite as mortal as your average horse. He also gives Vasya some snowdrops so that she may go home, but when she arrives, things are not how she left them. This is where we hit the climax, and I'm not giving away the ending. 😉

I'm very into folklore and old religions, I love forests, and Russian history is so long and colorful that it's been a fascination of mine for a while. Plus, ice stories interest me, maybe because my birthday is frequently cold and icy. So this was a great book for me to read. It's also clear how well-researched it is, as well as spelling things so that an English speaker would still be saying it with the Russian pronunciation.

On a scale of 1-5, I give it a 4.5. It would be higher but so many characters were unlikeable.

#books #book addict #book review #the bear and the nightingale #2017 #katherine arden #the winternight trilogy #russia #russian folklore #review #pagan witch #pagan #witch #christianity

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