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kariachi · 11 months

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This Trade-Off au has been in my head for well over a year and it’s finally gotten written down.

Mike’s plot goes very, very sideways, and somehow he comes out better for it.

None of it was supposed to happen like this. None of it.

The plan had been easy. Simple. Get Levin’s help obtaining the Dominus Librum- a threefold advantage that not only gave him access to transport to carry them past the point he could fly himself, an immediate chance to use it to get himself at worst back to his normal appearance and at best, normal, and the opportunity to watch Levin fight a third party again. (He’d already known Levin was the most physically attractive of that little posse- with those high cheekbones, broad shoulders, and he’d always been weak for brown eyes- but seeing him in action against the Highbreed Invasion had firmly cemented him in the ‘lustful fantasy’ pile.) Use the Dominus Librum, which, if his estimates were right, would leave both of them back to their proper looks and without their powers. Take it home and use it to replace his energy absorption, so he could use it to continue to feed his addiction while the Tennysons were down a team member and so less likely to be able to stop him.

Simple plan. Easy. There should not have been any issues.

Levin, in an outburst of joyous impulsivity, had lobbed the thing into the fucking ocean. Had by pure luck scuttled the entire goddamn plan.

Things had immediately descended into an argument about how shortsighted that was and how valuable the artifact was and no Levin he did not want to ‘figure something out’ if things went sideways from here. The conflict had escalated, voices were raised, things had been about to spill over- when it hit that he’d been talking too fast, that despite this he’d not felt his teeth rasp together once. Nothing’d gotten caught. A check showed his palms an unbroken plane. His hunger was barely worth noting.

The burning, hollow need for energy, for power, was still there, but compared to whatever in his chest was still nine and convincing himself he wanted to play alone breaking into two? It may as well not have been there either.

One moment he’d been yelling and about to hit the bastard like he’d wanted to from the start, then it had maybe been four beats, and he hadn’t been able to stop himself laughing. A halting, half-choked thing. Then Levin had been laughing, and he’d always been told snorting was slobbish but when he had all his senses later he’d admit it was charming from him. There’d been hugging (he didn’t even have to be delicate!) and more laughing, and he was forever going to blame the cacophony of emotions going on for how damn close he came to kissing Levin before he’d pulled out of his grasp. It wasn’t his fault; he’d been grinning like sunshine and anyone who said they were stronger than that was in denial.

They’d gone back to Bellwood, both more than a little dazed by the whole situation. They were normal, for once in their lives the health concerns, keeping tight control, the social pressures, the ostracization, didn’t apply. It was a lot to take in, and the trip had been mostly silence. That and the rumbling of their stomachs as they reached land. Given Mike’s had been going when they set out on their little trip, had been for most of his life, and that they had been a solid day, it was good timing. Mike had sung the praises of his favorite Indian restaurant until Levin had rolled his eyes, still grinning, and agreed to try it out.

They’d chatted while they waited for food, mostly about their mutations and the trouble they’d given them and how wonderful it was not to worry about that shit anymore. No more pulling teeth, no more getting stuck Wrong, no more undying hunger, no more fucking tumors (Mike may have called the waitress back over and ordered Levin a dessert to make up for that shit). The conversation had died when the food had arrived, and Mike couldn’t be shamed to admit that it was his fault. He’d been too busy properly appreciating his chicken vindaloo for the first time. Levin had teased him for practically melting over the dish, then laughed at his admittance that the extra teeth had left him with too little clear space for enough tastebuds to get near the full range of flavor and shared his food.

For obvious reasons they had parted on better terms than Mike had thought possible, given their history. He hadn’t even liked the guy twenty-four hours ago and the feeling had been very mutual.

Fuck, he’d been in a good enough mood, and happy enough with Kevin, that when Gwen had tracked him down later to figure out his angle he hadn’t even antagonized her, no matter how much having that power settled well. He’d simply admitted he had no angle (what could he have, his powers were gone and his plan had been scuttled, though she hadn’t had to know that) and disengaged.

Still, the improvement in relations had meant nothing to him two days later, when he had stormed into Levin’s garage while he was, thankfully, alone and promptly broken his nose. There’d been a lot of yelling, ninety-nine percent of it from Mike as he’d proceeded to lay the blame for the downright painful need to absorb energy- he truly was aching, it had never been this bad before- coming clean about his original plan so Levin would know why his pain was his fault. He was aching, craving, he couldn’t sleep, this was apparently his life now, because things hadn’t been and enough before now he had this going on too, at one point Levin had to help him keep from tripping over his own two feet. All of this he threw back at him, if he hadn’t tossed the fucking artifact Mike could’ve fed this need, he wouldn’t be going through this, it was all his fault, right up to the moment Levin grabbed him by the shoulders and asked if he needed to hit him again.

The offer had been so far out of left field for who he knew him to be and the history they had that it’d shocked Mike right out of his fit. He’d taken several deep breaths then, restocking his lungs, and carefully shook his head in the negative. Levin had nodded, led him over to sit on the ratty couch by the wall, and gotten him some painkillers and a soda. As he did, he reassured him that it would all pass, he was going to be fine, he should be ready in case of seizures, yes those were possible, yes it was bullshit, it might be several weeks for things to completely clear up, but he would be fine. It was a very confusing situation for anybody, nonetheless somebody running on minimal sleep, with a pounding headache, and who really wanted to eat the fucker in front of him. Which must have shown from the smile Levin gave him.

“Hey, you didn’t try to kill me, so you’re at least handling withdrawal better than I did.”

It had been one of the least pleasant periods of Mike’s life. Not quite up there with that first month after his dad died- way too much had happened there that had led him into this whole mess in the first place- but a close second. The moments of disorientation improved over the rest of the week, shifting into something more easily blamed on the fact he still couldn’t manage a good night’s sleep. The insomnia seemed to take ages to fade away, as did the pain, neither of which helped his swinging mood and shortened temper. Kevin had put up with it well though, and Mike had quickly found himself a regular visitor. Having somebody he could bitch to about what he was going through, who could give advice and reassurance in kind? Was incredibly appreciated. The Tennysons had pitched a fucking fit when they found out he was hanging around and Kevin was letting him, not helped by how short Mike had been with them, but there had been a wary cease-fire put in place. Nobody would be fighting anybody until they started shit.

So, things had quickly settled into what wasn’t quite a routine. When Mike felt like shit he would go to Kevin’s garage and either wait for him to come back or just immediately head in and throw himself onto the couch. They’d bitch back and forth a bit- withdrawal was an absolute cunt and apparently juggling black market work with dealing with the Tennysons would give anyone a migraine- snipe at each other in a way that had started out cutting and descended into something that was almost fondness, talk about shared interests and what they had going on. Mike would try to catch up on his sleep, Kevin would make him help out around the garage. At one point, half dozing, Mike had even admitted to missing flying. He hadn’t known the weight that was on his shoulders until Kevin noted his enhanced strength having been really nice to have.

They built up a back and forth over time. Kevin mentioned wearing her grandpa’s suit to his first date with Gwen, Mike had drug him to his favorite boutique to get him his own. (There’d been a lot of eye rolls and bitching, but the look on Kevin’s face later, when he saw himself in a well-tailored suit? Made it worth it.) Mike admitted to never having had to do his own chores past throwing his clothes in a hamper, Kevin had indignantly drug him to his apartment and taught him to wash dishes and do laundry. (It grated against his pride like nails on a chalkboard, but be had to admit the sense of accomplishment when he got it all down was far better than he’d expected.) Kevin needed a hard-to-find part for his car, Mike made phone calls. (Yes, he could have got it on his own, classic car owners had whole forums, he was aware, but why wait when a family name can carry you?) Addiction gnawed at the back of Mike’s brain, Kevin helped him take steps looking into a few hobbies to focus himself on rather than find something new to feed it. (He was now tentative owner of three houseplants and enjoying playing Amnesia even if he was shit at it.) Kevin opened up about some bullshit that’d happened to him not long before Mike put his plan into action, Mike took his side without a second’s hesitation. (“So, when I manipulate and feed on Gwen, she’s an innocent victim, but when somebody manipulates and mind controls you, you brought it on yourself? Fuck that.”)

It was, Mike was blindsided with nearly two months after that confrontation in the garage, as he sat there soothing the pain of his regrowing teeth and the rumbling of his stomach with a cheesecake and politely ignored the way the lights flickered as Kevin got annoyed with his latest project, a friendship. Or at least he was fairly certain it was at that point. He’d had all of one friend in his life and they hadn’t spoken in over a year for various reasons. But it felt like a friendship. They were still hanging out, even after his withdrawal was well behind him. The Tennysons weren’t happy, but nobody gave him trouble when they were all there at the same time, and he found himself keeping his trouble to obvious teasing. He was learning things and enjoying it, Kevin was learning things and enjoying it. When he’d realized his mutations were returning (and hadn’t the mix of dread and delight at when he was regaining been absolutely dizzying) he hadn’t even thought before going to Kevin about it, and felt camaraderie over his sparking and neither knowing quite what emotions they had going. Mike had talked about buying him suitable property of his own once he had access to his trust funds in a handful of years, and had shocked himself by meaning it.

This hadn’t been the plan. None of it. Not even close. If anything, he was living the opposite of his goal and surprisingly happy for it. Or at least somewhere bordering content. The yearning for power and energy was still there, but he felt like he was getting a better handle on it, an actual one this time. And he had a friend now, when the fuck had he gotten a friend? Out of Kevin, with whom two months ago he’d had a mutual ‘fuck you’ relationship. Who now could smile and make his gut flip around, something it hadn’t done for over a year and he was doing his level best to ignore.

For not the first time in the past few months, Mike had no idea where to go from there.

#fanfic #i was partway through writing this before i realized that kevin's addiction and that he doesn't seem to be able to use his base powers #when he's all chimera mean that from the end of framed onward that boy was likely going through withdrawal #could not have helped things #also tagging this #levinstar #because while there's no outright shipping i think it's rather clear mike has gone from 'i'm a teenage boy what do you expect' to #'no i do not have a crush shut up'

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adammilligan · 2 years

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something about how michael was built for war and he’s lived through and won endless battles and did win the war against lucifer so long ago but the first time we actually see him lose his composure on screen is when adam asks him, very gently, if he still cares about what god thinks of him after he left him in the cage. when he gets frustrated and even snaps at one point and adam is still so kind to him anyway. something about heaven’s most terrifying weapon being rendered speechless at one string of words spoken with nothing but gentle concern. not to drag a quote into this but quite literally sometimes being offered tenderness feels like the very proof you’ve been ruined

#like he can handle war but he draws himself up defensively and can't even speak when adam confronts him with nothing but kindness #behind the gesture #and that line is still so interesting to me! because it kind of implies that michael hadn't been acting like he cared about being #the favorite anymore. which to be fair he hadn't! he ditched heaven to hang out with a human that's far from how god's favorite should act #but the new identity michael was building for himself was still shaky especially since yknow. a lot of it was developed in a cage. in hell #so it makes sense that when confronted about it he would start clinging to that old identity all over again. it's very human of him actually #and with adam's real genuine concern/confusion over it + how it's apparent that they talk to each other about everything #it makes me think that no michael didn't actually care about being the favorite anymore. even in 15x19. ESPECIALLY in 15x19 #in 15x19 especially it was a combination of a) his unstable mindset after losing his closest and only friend #b) that loss being a direct hit on the foundations of his new identity #and c) the old identity coming back up to take its place because otherwise he might've actually gone insane. he had to function SOMEHOW #and i know there's only so many ways you can defend 15x19's genuinely godawful writing. i know. and i'm a steadfast 15x19 hater #but this is perhaps one of the only ways i can EXPLAIN it #and no bringing lucifer back didn't help. one of thee pillars of his old identity shows up while his new identity is crumbling to dust in #the face of adam's death and he's falling and you don't expect him to reach out and lean on it for support? that's just what people DO #it's like taking away an addict's best coping mechanism and expecting them not to relapse if only the one time #and he was being actively encouraged to relapse was the thing! dean going 'daddy's boy' at the beginning of the ep? their plan RELYING on #michael's death at the hands of chuck? REALLY.#these tags are not the point of this post. anyway #kate rambles #michael #adam milligan #midam

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blessyouhawkeye · 2 years

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cannot stop giggling over b*s going on hiatus...... hope it's a one direction hiatus and they all just permanently go solo it'll be a net win for society

#maybe some time apart will make their music good again #it felt like yoongi put his whole pussy into agust d and producing other people's songs and left none of that for b*s #like psy's that that? fantastic. iu's eight? phenomenal. i'm still recovering from daechwita #but none of that carried over into the group's music LMAO #same for hoseok tbh like hopeworld was art. he put his whole hobussy into outro: ego and then gave up #OH NO is namjoon the weak link??? his solo album was mid oh no...... namjoon baby i need whatever you do solo to actually be good. please.#well. none of this matters since I'm still convinced hyung line are all enlisting #with b*s gone though all the big third gen boy groups are inactive......#no b*ngtan no exo no got7...... and 4th gen is DOMINATED by girl groups..... the boy group is a dying art #i bet skz are going to fill the void #they're doing similar stuff to b*s at their peak they write and produce their own music they have the strong dance/rap line #they've also got the best face cards out of 4th gen bgs LMAO #wow turns out this is something i've got hella opinions on. sorry.#me.txt

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timespenttogethercomic · 2 years

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rude

youtube

#original comic #if i'm honest this page is almost physically painful to read back #if i'd known two years ago i'd accidentally write almost exact how my breakup just a year later would go i'd have laughed #that being said 'i respect you (in some ways)' holds up and still makes me laugh #also i worry i'm overrepresenting the boy who knew too much in my lesser known mika song choices #but 1) i spent two full years listening to this album every single day #and 2) good gone girl is the only song in the whole world that could have gone with this page #Youtube

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underthebluerain · 10 months

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just encountered a ‘s*ra is b.b.s kairi’ theory and wow! I never want to see that bullshit again! :)))

#my post #just say you hate kairi and want her gone for your slash ship and go #ugh i swear #of course it's because they ship s*riku. is anyone surprised #worst part is they disguise it as 'so cool that sora is a trans character!' like hiding behind the 'progressiveness'#the way slash shippers used to do to justify their treatment of female characters #'it's gay so it's more progressive and therefore we are right about everything regarding how badly we treat women' fuck you actually #i hate it!#guess what sora can be trans without you erasing a vital loved one in his life #you don't need a super complicated nonsensical theory to explain him being trans. like he can just be. amazing i know #but then you wouldn't get the weak justification to erase a female character which must be such a bummer to you #(they also have a 'they're siblings/twins theory' lmaoooo i'm done)#we get it you're mad sora and riku didn't fuck. go write some fanfic and shut the fuck up already #THIS IS INSANE LEVELS OF REACHING JUST TO EXPLAIN A WOMAN BEING WRITTEN OUT ADFGHJGFDSJS #it'd be funny if it wasn't so depressing #like. just write her out in fic. JUST DO THAT INSTEAD OF INSISTING SHE DOESN'T EVEN EXIST IN CANON #JUST TO JUSTIFY YOUR BOY BOY SHIP #wow i have not accessed that particular emotion in YEARS like since the days of old in which this shit happened constantly #i'm not even tagging this i don't want this shit in my tag #FUCK YOU. goodnight

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babisawyer · 1 year

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for as detailed as eric kripke made dean winchester he sure knows nothing about him.

#🐇#I'm on the jinn episode and it's just very odd to me how almost every romantic relationship dean has is so vague and boring #just like these sort of random hot girls that are sort of there but carmen is apparently perfect for him #how are you gonna write this pathetic dumb little freak boy and not give him a weird chick to date eric what the fuck #weird chicks can be hot this is misogyny!!!!!#I could go on about this more I'm actually very upset about it like so far all of sam's love interests have been fun and it's annoying #because you don't really get that much time with any of them. but then with dean it's like hey you hot girl stand there and say #cheeseburger when we tell you to okay??#very obvious that dean is his favorite of the two and yet he can't even write good fanfic for him it's shameful #originally I never watched past the leviathans I think but I think by then they'd gone full queerbait mode so I'm thinking I don't really #have much to look forward too. oh god and the series finale........how could you do this to my special boy

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runwayrunway · 11 months

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I'm going to interrupt my normal posting schedule briefly to discuss naming airplanes. Don't worry, I'll post the regularly scheduled Friday review after this, but first I'm going to talk about naming airplanes.

When I say that I don't mean naming types of airplanes. I mean giving the airplanes names. A lot of airlines do it. Back in the day you had your Clipper This, Flagship That, Star of the Whatsit, so on. Lots of airlines name theirs after places. Aer Lingus names theirs after Irish saints. SAS names their Vikings. FedEx Express gives theirs human names, like Gabriel, Richard, JobEdokat, and Meredith.

The year is 2023 at time of writing. Clipper This, Flagship That, and Star of the Whatsit are now all relics of a distant past where a plane ticket cost more than some cars and airports sold life insurance at kiosks. That age is long past. Delta, United, American...all cowards, their airplanes long unnamed. Though the practice is alive and well elsewhere, for some reason it has largely gone dormant in the United States. There are few exceptions, but there are exceptions, and there is one in particular which stands out from the rest. Just one carrier on a mission and their 289 individually named flying machines.

I would like to present you with a curated selection of things which jetBlue has named their airplanes. There are many more - 289, to be specific. Take a look through them all if you care to. But this is a list of my favorites. Just a bit of appreciation for a true titan of aircraft-naming in an era where the art seems all but lost.

Roses Are Red, This Plane is Blue (N3104J)

Aruba, Jamaica, Blue I Wanna Take Ya (N2016J)

Blue's That Girl? (N997JL)

Don't Hate Me 'Cause I'm Bluetiful (N996JL)

Don't Mind If I Blue (N971JL)

Blue Kid On The Block (N913JB)

1. Fly JetBlue 2. Repeat Step 1 (N807JB)

Shantay, Blue Stay (N794JB)

#Follow @JetBlue (N334JB)

Enough about me...let's talk about blue (N712JB)

Big blue people seater (N705JB)

Bippity, Boppity, Blue (N565JB)

Blue-yah! (N187JB)

Badda Bing Badda Blue (N534JB)

FuhgeddaBlueDit (N3113J)

Boogie Woogie Bluegle Boy (N3062J)

My Other Ride is a JetBlue A320 (N329JB, an Embraer E190)

My Other Ride is a JetBlue E190 (N793JB, an Airbus A320)

And, my personal favorite:

How's My Flying? Call 1-800-JETBLUE (N715JB)

(Although if you can read that, you're probably too close. Incidentally, 'If You Can Read This, You're Blue Close' is an A320-200 with the registration N729JB.)

#stopovers #runwayrunway blueses it #jetblue

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chuluoyi · 5 months

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✎ daddy-to-be

- gojo satoru x reader

in which you're worried about how he'd react to you carrying his baby

genre: fluff and comfort, mentions of pregnancy and dizzy spells

note: i feel soooo warm writing this *sigh* thank u anon who asked this!

a part of gojo's love entries

series masterlist | oneshot masterlist

"Gojo-sensei! Must we do this?"

"For real?!"

"Okaka..."

"Yoohoo! Hehehehe~"

You sighed at the sight of your tall paintbrush of a husband. Satoru was supposedly teaching his first years—Maki, Panda and Inumaki—and yet, from where you were standing, it looked more like he was bullying them into following his whims more than anything.

A kind reminder that… this silly man is the father of your unborn child.

He didn't know that you were pregnant yet, because you had discovered it just a few days ago and chosen to keep it a secret for the time being.

In theory, this was normal. You two were married and engaged in a high level of sexual activity—something Satoru made sure of—and therefore, conceiving a child was bound to happen sooner or later.

Admittedly, accepting the fact that you were carrying his baby wasn't as easy as you thought, even knowing that. You hadn't seriously talked about having kids, and sure, your husband might have just taken a young cursed boy Yuta into his care—and way before that, Megumi, but it wasn't the same with your own child. It can't be the same.

And not to mention that you two were jujutsu sorcerers. Where would raising a baby fit in this bloody, cursed world you lived in?

...and above all, as things stand now, does Satoru even want a baby?

You released another sigh as you walked away, but then your vision tipped and you had to grab the wall for support. Right, you hadn't even been feeling well these past few days. You got queasy easily, and you experienced sporadic bouts of vertigo too.

"Sensei?" Yuta's worried voice greeted you, and you forced yourself to remain upright. "Are you okay?"

"Ah, yes, I'm fine," you assured him with a smile.

"Should I get Gojo-sensei? You seem pale..."

"No, no, that's—"

"Ooh~ Wifey!"

You cursed his impeccable timing as the striking white hair of your husband came to view. A mischievous grin adorned his face, a bundle of sunshine and trouble as always, as he wrapped an arm around you.

"Don't you have to teach the second years? My pretty wife, you can't be slacking—"

His smile abruptly fell when you subconsciously leaned on him and he noticed your shallow breaths. Satoru promptly tightened his grip on you.

"Yuta," his tone had taken a sharper turn. "Go to the training grounds and train with the others. Class ends after that."

As Yuta nodded and proceeded on his way, he immediately turned to face you. "What's wrong?" he asked with genuine concern. "Are you not feeling well? Can you walk?"

"I'm fine," you insisted, even though the edges of your vision started to blur.

Satoru pursed his lips, and you could tell even with his blindfold on, he was staring at you hard. "Don't be stubborn. Come on, let's get you home."

In an instant, he teleported you back to your shared home, his arms securely under your knees. You didn't know when the dizziness started to ramp up, but you were sure to fall if he didn't have a secure grip on you.

"How long have you been feeling unwell?" he inquired as he carefully lowered you onto your bed.

Realizing there was no point in hiding it any longer, you squeezed your eyes shut as your head rested on the soft pillow. "...since this morning."

Satoru expressed his dissatisfaction with a grunt. "In that case, you shouldn't have gone to school. From now on, you're on leave."

He fussed over you—removing your shoes, fine-tuning the air conditioner, and ensuring you were snug in bed. "What is causing you to feel this bad? Is it something you ate? We had dinner together, and I feel perfectly fine..."

You raised your gaze to him just as he tore off his blindfold, his eyes locking with yours. The blue of his eyes scrutinizing and assessing you, and suddenly, you felt insecure as he quirked an eyebrow, seemingly suspecting something. “Is there something you aren't telling me?”

This is it. You couldn't keep this from him any longer. This was his child as much as yours, he had to know for you to be able to decide on the next steps.

You exhaled. "I'm… pregnant."

Silence. For the next five seconds, you could've sworn that Satoru held his own breath.

"Pregnant?" he repeated, stunned, widened cerulean marbles blinking several times. "You...?"

You sat up, reaching for your nightstand and retrieving the five pregnancy tests you had stashed in the drawer, handing them to him.

Satoru fixed his gaze onto the two red lines on the sticks, examining them and then shifting his eyes between you and them several times. You didn't dare to look at him, feeling your hands starting to shake and your gut twisting.

But contrary to your dread, before you could blink, he pulled you into his embrace. Your heart melted as he softly murmured, "Dummy, why didn't you tell me sooner?"

"I... I was worried. I didn't think I..."

He nuzzled into your neck, breathing in deeply. "Silly... I'm supposed to be your safe space. You can and absolutely should tell me these kind of things..."

A lingering fear persisted in your gut as you croaked out, "Are you... okay with it?"

Satoru snapped his head so quickly, his brow furrowed. "What do you mean—of course I am! Why wouldn't I be?"

You didn't know why, but his impromptu and steadfast declaration brought tears to your eyes.

"Stupid," he chided, his voice tinged with slight giddiness and overflowing fondness, and doubled with the wide grin on his face, you were starstruck. Holding your hand, he pressed a tender kiss on your knuckles, and then on the wedding band resting on your ring finger.

His sincere, warm eyes spoke volumes as he said, "You are my beautiful, lovely, and amazing wife. And now you're about to make me a daddy. Why wouldn't I be thrilled about that?"

You had given him love that saved him in countless ways, some of which you might not even realize. And now, you were about to gift him another piece of you to love—his own family to cherish. Satoru was convinced he couldn't love you more than he did in this moment.

You cried even harder, wiping your face sloppily as you pouted at him, voice clogged with tears, a mixture of relief and happiness overwhelming you. "Why are you so s-sweet? You're u-usually... such a menace..."

"Hey! That's slander! I'm always nice to you!" he protested with a mock frown, trying to lighten the mood.

Satoru brought you into his arms again, affectionately stroking your hair. His excitement was palpable as he chuckled gleefully at the very idea of becoming a father to a mini-him or you in a not-so-distant future.

With that sentiment in mind, he genuinely meant every word of what he softly uttered in your ear:

"I love you, sweetheart. And mark my words—with everything I have, I won't let anything happen to you or our baby… I swear it."

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hailsatanacab · 6 months

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A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

#dpxdc #batpham #i forget - can we tag the parent fandoms? w/e #immediately alfred's like: while i do appreciate your initiative may i suggest it wait until after dinner?#and danny - who has barely eaten proper homecooked food ever - takes one bite and then absolutely wolfs down the whole lot #after he's finished he's like 'bear with - I've got to add that to the 'Reasons I Would Like to Live Here' section'#danny's powerpoint has tailored sections for each batfam member with lists of reasons why they'd get along #my au thoughts on this is that the fentons disowned danny when he told them he was phantom #and that this is after the ultimate enemy - wherein which he allied himself with the JL to fight against dan #(which didnt really work at all - BUT he knows some of their identities now INCLUDING batman's)#so one of the main reasons why he'd be a great fit is that he knows their vigilante status anyway so they don’t need to worry about secrets #dick just turns to tim like 'he’s your friend. he learnt this from you.'#tim: 'i didn't tell him our identities!! i would never!!'#dick: 'no i know that. it's the stalker tendancies. it's baby tim all over again'#tim: scandalised gasp #they all eat dinner in silence just super subdued and in shock and sending glances to bruce and danny #duke like: 'so i know I'm the last one in the family but like... this isn't how it normally happens right? did any of you make powerpoints?#tim gets all shifty because he absolutely did make a powerpoint he just never actually showed it to anyone #everyone stares at tim because they all know. it was in one of bab's blackmail files she has on him #damian's slide has danny offering to throw down at any time. 'tim says you like to prove yourself with your skills?#how about a real challenge? if i beat you then you have to vote yes to adopting me!'#damian is in two minds about accepting because... 1) look at him damian could take danny in his sleep! but #2) on the off chance that he does win... damian does not want any more brothers #(he takes the bet and its a suprisingly fun fight - and while he'll never say this... he would vote yes even without the wager)#on one of danny's slides there's a picture of ellie: you'll also get my clone sister! two children for the price of one!!#uhhh.... thats it now - I've been having fun with this haha #spent all day with the 'ive lured you here under false pretences' 'danny i live here' line in my head haha #anyway enjoy!!!!!! this was fun #i wanna make these slides so bad

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