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jxst-saying · 5 years

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“No one will suit you like I did.” Luke please

[+masterlist] requests are open!!

Summary: In which red carpets are rolled, stars are found in the theatre and not in the night sky of the city, unfortunate truths are acknowledged, Luke doesn’t know how to let go of the past, and neither do you.

Word Count: 1,979 words

Bright lights. Blinding flashes. Blood–red carpet. Dazzling gowns that trailed across the floor. Shouts of, “This way, darling!” and “Over here, Y/N!” You weren’t exactly any sort of talent; you had no real reason to be on the red carpet save for the arm you were clinging on to for dear life. You were the new toy, something to be dissected and fascinated with for the next month or two until a new toy was found and the cycle started all over again. That was how it was. You didn’t make the rules; you just followed them.

It was your first red carpet with the new man. Three months and two days. That was how long it had been with him. And it was fine. Everything was fine. Easy. His smiles were friendly; his touch was warm; his eyes squinted when he laughed. He met you at the local park when his dog had run from his leash and ended up at your own feet. It was all very cute and very easy and very different from what you were used to––this red carpet included. As an up and coming film director, this event was more his speed than yours. With every light that blinded your field of vision, you clung tighter to the expensive hand–tailored black fabric of his tuxedo. Your knuckles were turning white.

It was the premiere of the newest movie he had directed, a project that he said could “put him on the map.” Stars, celebrities, and assistants littered the walkway to the theatre, and the chilled night breeze swept across your skin. Goosebumps rose in its wake.

Photographs and haphazard staff weren’t the only ones that spied you, Tinseltown’s Newest Toy, in the crowd. A pair of familiar blue eyes––ones that you haven’t found in the crowd––carefully observe as you walk into the dark theatre. More accurately, they observe the death grip you have on the arm of the man next to you, the one with the disarming smile and the name in lights and, most importantly, the arm in yours. Touching you. Just like he remembered doing. All too well. He remembered everything all to well. Unintentionally, his eyes narrow at the sight of the two of you; blood begins to boil; heart sprints toward some unknown finish line in a race to the death; vision turns the same hue as the carpet he just stepped off, all red and vibrant and bloody and gruesome.

Touching you.

Someone was touching you.

Someone that wasn’t him.

In short, it all went downhill from here.

It was one of those movies with a moralistic sort of end goal, some hidden message about life and love and liberty laced throughout. Completely metaphorical and entirely prosaic, whatever message–in–a–bottle was meant to be uncovered from the one–hundred and twenty–nine minute movie flew right over your head.

So, it wasn’t really a surprise when at the fifty–seven minute mark, you scrounged up some excuse to disappear into the foyer of the theatre. With assurances of, “I’ll be right back, don’t worry,” and, “Just need a little fresh air and some water,” it wasn’t all that difficult. You weren’t all too sure why you were taking a breather from the two hour long movie. It wasn’t that it was terrible; it was probably something like a cinematic masterpiece if you knew anything about Oscar–nominated cinema. But you didn’t. Your film knowledge and expertise ended at The Sound of Music and your belief that Princess Diaries was as good as anything could ever or would ever get. So, maybe it was just that all of this was flying over your head. Yeah. That was probably it. (Definitely not the fact that you thought you might have been feeling a little suffocated with all the eyes on you and the tight grip of his hand holding onto yours and the whispers that you could hear from the rows behind you. Definitely not that at all. Of course not.)

The temperature had dropped two or three degrees since the beginning of the premiere, the chilly wind now nipping at your skin instead of caressing it in a cold embrace. The cold bites here and there felt better than the asphyxiation you were feeling inside, however, and you leaned against the stucco wall of the exterior with your arms crossed over your chest. Your emerald–green dress dragged across the cement floor collecting dirt, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

A handful of stars were scattered in the night sky smog of the city, and you breathed deeply. The last glimpses of summer were transitioning into autumn, and you welcomed the colder months––and this brief moment of solitude––with open arms.

But the solitude didn’t last for long. (Did it ever?) Your absence from the screening didn’t go unnoticed by a certain man at the back of the theatre––the same one from earlier with the stark blue eyes and blonde hair tousled into haphazard waves. Peeking from around the corner, he spied you leaning against the wall and staring at the scattered and broken constellations. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his pitch–black suit trousers and let the corners of his lips kink upwards into that classic smirk.

“I don’t think you can see the movie from here,” he said, breaking the silence that you had wrapped yourself in.

Your head snapped to the all–too–familiar voice and you were met with those blue eyes and blonde hair and slightly tanned skin. It was him. He was here. Your breath hitched in your throat. Luke. One–hundred and eighty–seven days and he was still able to elicit some sort of response from you. You mumbled shit under your breath with your mouth slightly agape and your hands limp at your sides.

But then you noticed his smirk, that same blasted smirk that got you into trouble more times than you could count. Quickly, you collected yourself; arms once more crossed over your chest, eyes narrowed at the dark sky above, heart beating much too fast for your own good in its bone cage. Sure, you had thought of the possibility of him and the other three making a grand (sort of) appearance. Maybe it had crossed your mind a few thousand times. Maybe the thought just never left your mind. But even with that, never in your wildest dreams did you imagine that you would be standing face–to–face with the man of your nightmares and dreams.

“It’s called fresh air,” you answered with some bite in your words. He didn’t miss the venom and sharp tone. Instead, he leans against the same wall with you, just a four or five inches shy from your side. (If he reached out with just the simplest gesture, he could touch you, he thought. He didn’t dare.) “What are you doing here?”

“It’s called fresh air,” Luke repeated with wry laughter and that same damned smirk.

You peeled yourself off the wall and shook your head. “No, what are you doing here? At this premiere?”

“Can’t a man see a movie in his spare time?”

“Sure, but not when it’s directed by the––”

He rolled his eyes and pulled his hands out from his pockets, crossing his arms over his chest instead. “The prick you’re walking around this town with? That guy?”

“He’s not a prick.”

“He is in my book.” Luke kicked at a pebble at his feet, letting it trip out into the street.

And, of course, the man in front of you hadn’t changed at all. Of course, he still only wanted you when he couldn’t have you, when you had no more chances for him up your sleeve, when there was no more hope or saving grace or complete idiocy that could keep the two of you together. Classic. Really, it was. But that was how Luke had always been: realizing The Most Important Things after it was all just Too Late, trying to make up for things that he had no business being forgiven for. One–hundred and eighty–seven days later, and everything was still somehow the same.

What did they say? The more things change, the more they stay the same? Maybe they were right.

But you couldn’t go down that road again. Not here. Not now. Not again. So, collecting whatever strength you have in your bones, you took a step away from the blonde and toward the door. “I can’t do this, Luke. I won’t. You’ve had––you’ve h-had––“

He interrupted. (Again.) “So many chances, Y/N, I know. But––”

“No. No more buts. There’s nothing different this time. Everything is still the fucking same, Luke. This is always the fucking same. And I just––I can’t do it anymore.” Another step toward the door. “I have to go back inside. I suggest you do the same. It’s a good movie.” Maybe that was a lie. “He worked hard on it.”

You were just about to open the door––your hand extended for the cold, metal handle when you heard it. His words were faint and nearly unintelligible with the car engines and the wind in your ears and the noise on the street and the city ambiance, but you heard it nonetheless. “No one will suit you like I did.”

There was always something about his incessant arrogance that drew you to him. Maybe you found it charming in some sort of way. Either way, it was enough for you to pause for just a brief moment in time. Without turning around (you couldn’t say what you were about to while looking into this swimming pool eyes of his), you took a deep breath and let the words fall into the one–hundred and eighty–seven day space between the two of you.

“You’re probably right. But I can damn well try.”

You left Luke out there in the chilly city streets then with nothing but the near–autumn breeze to keep him company. With your head held high and your spine rod–straight, you marched your way back into the theatre. Every forced and nearly impossible step brought you farther and farther away from the wavy–haired and oceanic–eyed man outside the theatre. Every step was simultaneously a championing victory and a heartbreaking defeat. And so, what if there was a salty drop of water hanging dangerously off the precipice of your lower lash line, threatening to streak the makeup painting your skin? So, what if when you sat back down in your uncomfortable red–velvet theatre seat, you sniffled to bite back those frustrating water droplets? So, what if that prick sitting next to you asked if you were alright and if you were enjoying the movie and he believed you when you said you were fine and that it was great and amazing and whatever other bullshit adjectives you could string together?

So, what?

(And, so what if when the credits rolled you turned back around and spied the last row in the theatre where the man with the swimming pool eyes had been sitting only to find it empty? So, what if that seemed to break your heart more than you wished it would?)

No one will suit you like I did.

He was right.

And with that thought, everyone rose in a standing ovation for the man next to you (The Prick). With that singular thought, you were standing in a theatre with thousands of people all around you––all there for, essentially, you and the man you had come with––yet you had never felt more alone. Their eyes were empty; their applause numbing; their smiles meaningless.

It didn’t suit you.

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letterfromtrenwith · 6 years

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Prescription Passion - Ch. 7

Carolight Hospital AU

Ch.7 - Dwight's day gets off to a bad start...and it's all downhill from there.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

HONKKKKK

Dwight jumped as the horn blared, turning to see a red Ferrari startlingly close behind him, but only because it seemed to be trying to drive over the pedestrian pathway in the car park to get to a space opposite. He half-leapt out of the way, and the car pulled in. A tall, dark-haired man in his 40s got out, locking the door with little more than an imperious glance back at Dwight. Under ordinary circumstances, Dwight might have objected to being nearly run over, but he was not only too astonished by the man’s behaviour, he was also in too good a mood.

Admittedly, he might have actually seen the car coming if he hadn’t been so distracted. He’d been in a bit of a dream for the last couple of days, since Caroline had waved off his taxi outside the restaurant. Like the smitten fool he was, he’d twisted around to watch her until the car turned a corner. She’d stood out in the twilight, golden hair bright against her simple red dress. It wasn’t until he got home that he’d realised she’d watched the car drive away in return.

It was only Monday, so he wasn’t sure if that was too soon to ask her out on another date – or rather, ask her out on a date for the first time, since she’d done the inviting last time. Dwight wasn’t used to being asked out by women, and definitely not ones as beautiful and fascinating as Caroline. He hadn’t been lying when he’d told her that relationships weren’t exactly his strong suit – he’d only had one truly serious one, and that had ended…

“Are you all right?” He was startled out of his thoughts by George’s voice. He’d made it into the hospital lobby, following the man who’d nearly knocked him down. “I saw your near miss out there.”

“Oh, er, yeah, I’m fine. Just got a bit of a fright.” He glanced after the driver, but he’d disappeared down one of the corridors which splintered off from the reception. “Do you know who that was?”

“Oh, yes.” George pursed his lips, disapproving. “Francis Bassett – he’s one of the hospital directors. Not a doctor. Some sort of pen-pusher. It’s not the first time he’s nearly caused an accident in that midlife-crisis-mobile of his. Arrogant bastard. And I work with surgeons, so I know from arrogant.”

Dwight laughed. He knew the type – both from his previous work in the NHS, and his time with MSF. Charity higher-ups were often the same, treating the organisations they were in charge of like their own personal fiefdoms, believing they could do what they wanted because they were ‘helping people’, despite the fact that they rarely went near a patient or anyone in need. Primarily because most of them weren’t doctors, or anything at all, so far as Dwight had ever been able to tell.

“So, are you on your way in or out?”

“In. I’ve just dropped Valentine off at nursery.”

“Elizabeth not with you?”

“She came in earlier. They had a bit of a rush on.” George smiled. “If you’re hoping to avoid her, she’ll probably be finished by about 3.”

“Avoid her?” Dwight frowned. “Why would I want to avoid her?”

“Because you’ll get the third degree about your date with Caroline on Saturday night.”

“How did – “

“Oh, she got that out of Caroline days ago.” Obviously sensing that Dwight was slightly taken aback, George’s expression softened. “Elizabeth’s not trying to interfere, she’s just pleased for Caroline, that’s all. Caroline didn’t really know anyone when she came here, and her Uncle is an old friend of Elizabeth’s dad. They’re close. She’s Ursula’s godmother.”

“Oh, I see.” It made sense. He couldn’t really imagine Elizabeth as the busybody type, and he felt badly for thinking otherwise, no matter how briefly. Caroline had certainly given him the impression that she was good friends with the obstetrician. He elected to change the subject. “She’s very cute, by the way. Ursula, I mean. People couldn’t tear themselves away at your party.”

“Yes, she is.” George smiled fondly. They’d begun to walk into the main body of the hospital, towards the staff wing. Dwight still had a short while before he needed to sign in for his shift. “She’s got us both wrapped around her little finger. Valentine was the same.”

“How did you and Elizabeth end up working in the same hospital, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“No, not at all. We met here, actually. I did the first part of my registration in Bath, but came down here to finish. First week on the job, I got called in for an epidural and…there she was.” He smiled, remembering. “Took me six months to work up the courage to ask her out. Wish I hadn’t wasted all that time, to be honest. What’s the point in waiting when you know what you want? Well, this is me. Got a budget meeting. I’ll see you later.”

With that George disappeared in the direction of the administrative offices. Dwight stood a minute watching the double doors slowly swing to stop. He had a feeling that George’s comment about not waiting hadn’t been solely referring to himself and Elizabeth.

Dwight stretched, hearing a popping noise from somewhere in the vicinity of his shoulder. He would go and have a sit down, he thought. It hadn’t exactly been busy today, just a steady flow of one patient after another. Nothing especially serious, thank God, although a man with chest pains had been admitted for further observation, but there had barely been a pause.

As he was signing off a patient form, the phone rang on the desk and Rosina answered. She listened intently to whatever the person on the other end was saying, and the way her mouth set into a grim line gave Dwight a deep sense of foreboding. He was proven right when she hung up.

“There’s been a scaffolding collapse on a building site. At least 20 casualties. First ones should be arriving in the next 10 minutes. Don’t know how many are coming here yet.”

“All right.” Dwight took a deep breath, steeling himself. He’d dealt with mass-casualty incidents before and he’d had significant training. As the senior physician in the department today, he needed to take charge. He could do this. “Activate the MCI procedures. Call in everyone nearby, and see if other departments can spare any qualified personnel.”

Rosina gave a sharp nod and picked up the phone again – she’d be paging just about every doctor in the hospital with the emergency notification. Dwight headed off to round up every spare staff member he could find in the A&E, hurrying them to clear as many beds as they could – getting all the patients who were to be admitted or discharged processed as quickly as possible in the time left, which wasn’t much.

The estimate hadn’t been far off – about fifteen minutes after the phone call, they were alerted that the ambulances had begun to arrive. Just two to begin with, but there would be more, he knew. Thankfully, the extra staff had also started to appear. Mostly nurses, but a few doctors, as well – Dwight saw Hugh Armitage and Malcolm McNeil, and some others whose names he still didn’t know. With another deep breath, he strode out to the ambulance bay doors.

Everything after that seemed to happen both too quickly and in slow motion. The injuries were just what would be expected from a building collapse, but that made them no less distressing. Crush injuries, broken limbs, head traumas – and not all members of the building crew. Debris had fallen onto pedestrians on the street.

It seemed the first reports had underestimate the number of casualties – some had gone to the Royal Cornwall and a few with relatively minor injuries had been taken further afield – but over the course of the next few hours at least 20 patients arrived, although Dwight struggled to keep count, even though he was nominally in charge of co-ordination. There were more pressing issues to attend to – like the young builder with a metal rod through his torso, or the other who had fallen almost thirty feet, or the little girl whose leg had been crushed by a scaffolding pole. After some struggle to stabilise the men, both were whisked away for emergency surgery. Hugh stepped in to take charge of the girl, also hurrying her away to theatre.

Dwight ended up calling time of death on two patients in a row – one who had been struck on the head by a falling plank of wood, and another, an older man whose heart simply gave out with the shock of his injuries. At the edge of his awareness, he heard at least two other TODs being called – the second he recognised as being in George’s voice.

Shortly after that George appeared at his side to tend to another worker with fall injuries – he was still conscious somehow, and in severe pain. Ironically, that was a good sign under the circumstances, indicating against paralysis. The patient was also very distressed, by everything that had happened, and by being strapped onto the spinal board, his head held still by the cervical collar.

“What’s – what’s going on? Ah Jesus! It hurts so much.”

“Shhhh, it’s all right. What’s your name?” Dwight did his best to keep his voice soothing.

“Danny – ah – oh God.”

“All right, Danny, just try to breathe slowly.” As he did his best to assess the young man’s – he couldn’t be more than 20 – condition, Dwight saw George prepare a syringe, inserting into Danny’s drip and injecting the contents, eyes on the monitors at all times. Relatively quickly, his vitals stabilised a little, blood pressure and heart rate decreasing closer to a normal rate, the opioid acting quickly. His injuries were still severe, however. Dwight was certain both his legs were broken, and quite probably his pelvis; he was struggling to breath in a way which suggested the possibility of a collapsed lung.

“He needs an x-ray, and a CT scan.” Dwight said.

“We still need to get his BP down.” George rummaged in the cabinet, extracting another syringe. A dose of ACE inhibitors did enough, and Danny could be admitted for further treatment.

By the time everything began to tail off, Dwight had no idea what time of day it was. Once the last casualty from the collapse had been wheeled away into the main body of the hospital, he slumped against the nurses’ desk, all of the energy and adrenaline draining out of him. Nearby, a nurse was cleaning blood from the floor. There were still a few patients receiving treatment – some not from the collapse, but they were being treated by reserve staff who had been called in to take over.

Although he’d called TOD on three patients all told, he’d paid little attention to the actual passage of time, his mind on other things. Blearily, he squinted at the large clock about the desk. It was half past eight at night, about seven hours since they’d got the call. With some difficulty he made it out into the corridor, sitting down with his back against the wall. It was blessedly cool; drawing up his knees, he dropped his forehead onto his folded arms.

He felt as if a weight was settling on his shoulders, and – uninvited – his brain began to conjure up memories. Sparse wooden shacks used as hospital wards, blood permanently ingrained in the floor planks; little malnourished bodies on pathetic excuses for hospital beds; bombed out buildings; remains pulled out of homes crushed by mudslides; a knock on the door in the middle of the night, blue lights flickering through the glass…

“Dwight? Dwight? Are you okay?” Lost in his unwelcome thoughts, Dwight was startled. He looked up to find Rosina crouched next to him. She gently put her hand on his shoulder. “That was…pretty awful.”

“Yeah..” He scrubbed a hand over his face, and it came away wet. Oh Lord, he’d been crying. He blinked a few times, and saw that Rosina’s eyes were also red-rimmed. She was relatively recently qualified, this was almost certainly the most severe situation she’d ever been in. “You – er – you did really well back there.”

“I tried. You were amazing. You were so calm.” She smiled a little, still rubbing his shoulder gently. Unexpectedly, she leant forward and pressed her forehead against his for a moment before quickly standing up, wiping her own eyes and disappearing back into the ward. Dwight glanced in the other direction, just in time to see Caroline turn and walk away through the doors.

#poldark #dwight enys #george warleggan #rosina hoblyn #caroline penvenen #dwight x caroline #carolight #prescription passion #f: dc #f: au #fic #m: fic

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prettymuchlanky · 6 years

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Clam Shell {Edwin Fluff}

Awkward. That was the only word that could describe your current situation.

The silence between you and him only to be filled with the murmurs of conversations and comments of the other guests.

You sighed, trying to get his attention, you looked over at him, he was so gorgeous, so precious and gentle. His eyes gleaming with love and kindness as he observed the swimming creatures within the glass walls surrounding you both.

You glanced back at the wall and continued reading the fascinating facts about the creatures featured within the aquarium. Again, you sighed. You felt a warmth approach you and positioned itself right next to you, it was him.

This whole date he’s been cold. Small talk was the only thing you could get out of him, he wouldn’t laugh at your regular puns, and would forcefully give you a smile whenever you looked over at him. He was your best friend, your companion, the man that has been with you through thick and thin, yet at the moment he seemed to be a stranger lost within your trance.

You both moved onto the next pair of glass walls, without a single word, you just observed.

“Don’t you ever wonder if fish get thirsty?”, you turned to him, and to your surprise his face greeted you with the same genuine smile, that brought you both together long ago.

“You’re such a weirdo, you know that right?”, he said as he giggled and nudged you on the shoulder.

You looked at him in the eyes, a smile still plastered on his face. Those same eyes that have seen you cry, those same eyes that had seen you in your best moments, those eyes that had been there for you every time you needed them.

As you stared into those beautiful brown eyes, you started to wonder how you got here in the first place.

It was about 2 weeks ago, when your group of friends were planning on celebrating the success of your friend Nick, who had just won his first dance tournament. Nick was a total softie, his love for nature and sealife was what made him the cutie that you love to tease so much, and no matter how badass he tried to make you think he was, there was no way he could hide his soft side.

“Let’s go to the Aquarium”, Jessica suggested, she was Nick’s best friend. She knew that kid front and back, she knew what he loved, what he hated, his goals, hobbies, everything.

“Let’s go! I’ll make a group chat and we can totally get together. What about the 28th? It’s two weeks from now, and as far as I’m concerned we all have that day free”, Nick remarked as he checked the shared group calendar. You and your friends all agreed. You planned the whole trip, the aquarium, after party, food, snacks, every little detail down to the bone.

However, that was until today.

You woke up, plans settled within your mind, you were set for the day, at least that's what you thought.

Your usual routine was taking place. Breakfast, clean up, makeup, hair, and the only thing that was standing in your way now was your outfit.--

“Should I go casual?”, you spoke to yourself as you grazed the clothing hung in your closet in front of you. “Maybe chic?”, your mind couldn’t decide, it was as if it knew something that you didn’t. “C’mon y/n, it's just a group of friends. They've been with you since freshman year of college. There's no need for this to be difficult”, but as much as you wanted to believe what you had said, there was something that was stopping you, something that made you feel insecure, a feeling within that you couldn't quite decipher.

There was 30 minutes on the clock. You were to meet everyone there, looking all good and ready to go, yet there you were staring into the dark hole that seemed to be your closet. Clothes had been thrown around, shoes were everywhere, and that's when you saw it. A white flowy dress, the one you had bought when you thought your ex boyfriend was going to take you on that cute picnic date you had always dreamed of, when instead he decided to break your heart, and in change your best friend broke his leg, with her car, very brutally… let's save those details for another story.Your dress was cute, flirty, and casual. Something that you found perfect for the occasion.

You had arrived to the Aquarium with 5 minutes to spare, and there he was in all his glory, your best friend with that cocky glare and smirk that you oh so loved.

“Hey Edwin”, you said as you approached him. You were jittery and nervous, something that you had never been around him. “Where's everyone else?” you asked in confusion as you looked around in search of familiar faces within the crowd.

“I have no idea, let me text the group chat”, you both pulled out your phone's and started to type. Staring at the bright white screen, messages started to bloom out of nowhere, excuses as to why they couldn't come, cancellations, you name it. You looked over at Edwin and were waiting for him to say anything, because at this point you didn't know what to do.

“Well…” he started out, “we're already here and we already paid our entry pass, we might as well spend it together. Kinda like a bestie date, I mean you're already dressed for one”, his comment seemed to make you boil, you felt your palms sweat and cheeks flush a shade of rose. “O-okay”, and there it was, the one thing your subconscious knew, a surprise date.

Everything was fine at the beginning, until the fatal text ruined it all. You didn't know what it said, or who had sent it but, Edwin received a text midway your aquarium “bestie date” and then everything went downhill. He started to make things awkward, he stopped cracking jokes, stopped looking at you, he turned into a complete stranger. And that's what brought you here to this moment. Looking into those deep brown eyes he so lovingly has.

“You've been staring at me for a while and it's kinda freaking me out”, he said as he brought you back from your train of thought. His genuine smile back on his face. “We have one showcase left, let's go”, he took your hand into his, the feeling shocking you, his hand overcoming yours with such delicacy his fingers intertwine with yours so perfectly and now amidst it all, you felt a flutter, a flutter that you had never felt with his presence. Something new, something different, something real.

He pulled you into the next showroom, hands still locked together. You played along, giggled had fun, and it was over before you knew it.

“Next, the gift shop”, he said as he pulled you into the cutely decorated room. The walls filled with paintings of ocean animals and shelves full of trinkets and decorative pieces. You were so amazed by the organization and pleasing sight that you had not noticed that Edwin had left your side.

“Edwin!” you yelled, looking down at your hand longing for his touch. “Where are you??”, you yelled once more looking around the area around you. “ARF” a loud sound came roaring behind you from a familiar voice. Edwin had found himself a mask, a seal mask to be precise, he chased you around the whole shop, not caring about getting kicked out.

Panting you paused and stopped in a corner, you were tired and needed a little rest to catch your breath.

And at that moment everything changed.

You felt two strong hands hold your waist, the tight grip that didn't let you go, and that similar smell plastered on the body that overcame you from behind. It was him, the one you didn't know you loved until now. Edwin.

You looked down as his hands, they were strong, intricate, manly, yet soft and delicate. You felt his breathing and as you concentrated on it a little more, both of you were breathing as if you had become one.

“I want you to know, that this isn't a joke, or a game”, he whispered into your ear as you felt his soft breath come in contact with your neck and skin. You looked down at his hands as he revealed a clam shell. Confused you kept staring and inspected the object taking over his palm. And with a slight movement, he opened it, revealing a ring.

You turned around in shock, and met his brown eyes once again. “This is a promise ring, I've been meaning to give it to you for a while, but I never had the courage until today”, he gasped for air as he tried to read your body. He seemed to understand you were confused as he continued to explain, “I planned this whole thing,” he paused “for you and me to end up here alone, just the two of us, together. And then I realized it was time, when Nick sent me a text saying to man up. I've loved you ever since I met you. I held back from killing every guy who looked at you. Your ex boyfriend is lucky I didn't kill him. You are the reason I smile every morning, you're the reason I laugh, the reason I cried, you're the reason for my existence.” You felt your body begin to boil, your head began to spin and your senses became numb as you carefully watched his every move.

He got down on one knee and said.

“Y/n, I give you this promise ring in hope that you will never love another man but me, that you won't go for any other man but me, and that you remain my best friend until the day I ask you to be my wife”

Your mind was blurry, or maybe it was just your vision from all the tears that we're filling your eyes. This man kneeling before you has been your best friend for 7 years and here he was pouring his heart out to you.

Your body became weak, and sobs became stronger and stronger as you realized that your future was right there in front of you.

And without hesitation you took him within your arms and planted your lips on his, enveloping a feeling that you had never felt before. True love.

Adrenaline rushed through your body as you felt the chemistry between the both of you as your lips remained in motion with all the feelings your heart had to pour out.

You pulled yourself away, and looked at him focusing on every little detail his face had to offer, as he did the same, he wiped your tears off with his thumb and caressed your cheek. “Is that a yes?”, he said as he looked at you again. And with no word exchange at all you took the ring and placed it on your finger, looked him dead in the eye and took his lips in with yours once again.

And for once thirsty fish, were the reason of someone's happiness.

#edwin honoret #prettymuch #fluff #anon request

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a-lbeit · 5 years

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2018: a year in review

rang in the new year with really good people actually watching the ball drop for the first time in a few years. it always makes me sad in a happy way.

had my friend (from california) i met while studying in berlin come to visit!!! but there was a giant (relatively speaking) snowstorm that came through, so we had to rearrange a couple things we had planned on doing. but most things worked out, especially since i didn’t have to go to work for like 5 days lmfao. we did a ghost tour, went to a few historical sites, and even drove to savannah for a day.

went to waffle house with a few people the night before i left for my last semester at american university and....tbh....started feeling some things about someone again (but it’s gone away lmao)

returned to dc for the last time for a while

actually started booking things for the best goddamn spring break -- a trip to western south dakota to visit badlands national park and everything around it

saw the devil makes three

started an internship with rock creek park, my own door into the nps

went to the bars on u street for the first time for my friend’s birthday. almost got projectile vomited on during the pregame lmfaooooo

saw arlo guthrie

got moviepass at the height of it. i saw many films with it, some of my favorites being lean on pete, three billboards outside ebbing, missouri, and bad times at the el royale. however, the company obviously went downhill. i was all right with only being able to see 3 movies a month, because for 10 bucks, that’s still not bad. but then showtimes started disappearing and i finally gave up hope. it was nice while it lasted.

took my german midterm and skrrted right out of dc to embark on one of the greatest journeys of my life. i’d had this spring break in mind for a year and a half, and i feel so grateful that i could actually accomplish virtually everything i had dreamed of:

drove to dayton, ohio, then waterloo, iowa, then wall, south dakota, my final destination. along the way, i saw a zoo that was my window to a west i had only ever heard about, a statue of abraham lincoln right next to the mississippi, the world’s largest truck stop, a hobo memorial, an intricate and delicate and intriguing grotto, a tri-state marker, a corn palace, the goddamn missouri river, and all the farmland and life that make up the heartland of the united states. i was mesmerized and i had barely started.

reached my motel in the evening with a backdrop of the sunset over the badlands, got nervous by a group of men wearing camo and carrying what seemed to be hunting or fishing gear, went to dairy queen, and came back to a once-again empty motel parking lot. i felt better.

spent the next day in the national park. it was the off season, so the entrance i went through was unmanned. i saw countless sheep and prairie dogs, sometimes within a few feet of me, and admired the bright, layered colors in the rock. i played springsteen’s “badlands” with nobody in sight, miles of land in every direction that seemed both right there and unreachable at the same time. the visitor’s center had information and nice people. the cliff shelf trail was a small introduction to my hiking in the park. the notch trail was fun and gave me a bruise and let me see the badlands as they are meant to be seen -- you get to climb a ladder and get into the formations. there is an astonishing view, but if you go a bit further than most people do, it’s even more incredible. i lay down backwards and looked at everything upside down. i drove back the way i came and stopped to admire the sunset over the jagged and far-off edges. it was still the beginning.

(got an email saying i was accepted into the disney college program lmfao)

with the next day came a further destination. in belle fourche, sd, there is the true geographical center of the us. you go down a gravel road for around 8 miles. it’s scary when the fog doesn’t let you see more than 200 feet in front of you and the farms on either side of you are encased in snow. but the mysticism surrounding the decor -- a homemade cross, a simple “the true center of the nation” declaration, and various hiking boots stuck in the fence -- especially when you seem to be the only person for miles, is surreal. i left there and finally found my way out of the fog and went on into wyoming to see devils tower. the sky was a piercing blue and i was blinded by the light, but snow is always on the ground that time of the year, i guess, and i hiked knee-deep through 2 miles of it. i dropped to my knees in happiness like a weakling when i saw my car again, but i felt like cheryl strayed. people feed the prairie dogs so much there that they come right up to you. the squeaks were unending and cute. i drove the 2 or 2.5 hours back, mostly in the dark, my feet water-logged but my heart full.

i drove to mount rushmore the next day. it’s strange always knowing of something and finally seeing it in person. i love the sculpture and i don’t know how people are able to do things like that. i wish i could have hiked closer to it, but the trails were still closed for winter. then, through the black hills i continued, coming up to the crazy horse memorial and reluctantly paying the admission fee, although i know it helps their progress. i know i probably won’t be alive when (and if) it’s completed, but it’s nice to see at least part of it. i wish i could go up to it. maybe one day. wind cave national park came after, and i saw bison munching on grass 10 feet away from me. i wish i could have gone into the cave. maybe one day. i walked along the grassland without a jacket on. i couldn’t believe it. i left and took the backroads to return to mount rushmore to see it at night. it was scary, especially navigating the never-ending curves in the black of the unpopulated areas, but coming closer to the monument, i passed through one-car tunnels that framed the sculpture perfectly.

the next day was my second time around at the badlands. i hiked half of the castle trail and climbed some of the formations, able to admire all i could see from a throne made of crumbly rock. there was fog in the morning which lifted to another sunny day. there were cacti and deer and even phone lines. the shadows in the creases of the hills kill me with their nonchalant elegance. i went back to my motel and came back into the park at night. i had never seen so many stars, although it was so goddamn frightening being in a parking lot unable to see 5 feet in front of me that i left after a few minutes.

my last day, i was supposed to go to jewel cave national monument, but it snowed and caused some of the roads to close. instead, i walked through the storm to wall drug store and meandered around the kitschiness. i want to bring people there to show them how incredible it is.

i drove back to washington over the next 3 days, stopping at the now snow-covered badlands for one last look, the green giant in minnesota, effigy mounds national monument, dubuque, and everywhere in between along the way.

native american history around all of the places i have mentioned is rich and cannot be underestimated. i didn’t talk about it, but these places are of course sacred to the tribes of the region and it is paramount to respect that. i think the nps tries to educate, but it could do more.

i went about 4,200 miles on that trip. i miss the days of driving with my playlist that took months to create.

i came back to washington and didn’t really talk about my journey except for a mention of it when discussing what we had done over spring break in german class. i love to recount this 10 day period, but i don’t do so very much because i feel inarticulate and i don’t want to minimize the effect it has had on me.

saw langhorne slim, don mclean, and george ezra (on 3 separate occasions)

was a part of park rx day with rock creek park

saw old crow medicine show (which has become a yearly tradition i guess lmfao)

went to the graduation happy hour for the library circulation desk. that night was something i’ll never forget. i miss that place so much.

the next day, drove to clemson to see melissa graduate! what a time in our lives. then promptly drove back to dc for my own graduation

but the night before my ceremony, i saw david byrne. it was wild but not as great as i had hoped, mostly because i couldn’t see too well.

graduated from american university, but continued to be on its campus a few days a week until mid-august because i couldn’t bear the thought of leaving the library or the campus. i love that place more than i thought i ever would.

saw shakey graves 2 days in a row, as you do

saw pussy riot thanks to a recommendation from my german professor

visited my work friend’s farm just outside of baltimore

saw pauly d dj at a club lmfaoooooo

found a shark’s tooth at calvert cliffs state park

went to new york for a day to visit brandon before he moved to san francisco! i got in around 5:30am and had the first part of the day to myself. i went to staten island and all the nps sites downtown, then met him at his brother’s apartment a couple blocks from central park (???!!!!). we went to greenwich village, ate lunch at the white horse tavern, and then had a second lunch from mcdonald’s in washington square park. he had to go after a while, but i walked over to the high line to see the sunset. i walked ~45k steps that day but the joy is remembered more than the pain in the end.

i worked and flirted with a nice guy. i might visit him in california in may.

went to nashville to see paul simon with my friend callie. we rocked and enjoyed trashy nashy. that same day, paul simon announced his final show in queens was to be in september. i thought about how i could attend.

we came back to charleston through the smokies and went swimming in the rain. the beauty of that area is unlike anything else. then we met lauren for lunch and it was so goddamn nice. i wish it could have been for longer.

saw harry styles bc i love myself ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

had a couple friends visit and we did the touristy stuff of dc. it was nice to do that with people for once.

had a couple more friends visit and we went to asbury park for the fourth of july. it was atmospheric and i couldn’t believe i was in springsteen’s stomping ground, especially as one of his song’s namesakes.

saw southside johnny and the asbury jukes

saw a ship belonging to the spanish navy when it docked in charleston for a couple days

started my second long trip of the year

drove from dc to cleveland, first of all. i spent as much time as i could in the rock and roll hall of fame. i saw all the stuff i had learned about in my rock and roll history class and stuff i had grown up with and everything else i didn’t know about. “bruce juice,” pete seeger’s banjo head, and a couple free games of pinball were memorable moments. then, i went on to the cleveland museum of art, where i took a photo i wasn’t supposed to and recognized a couple pieces from my art class sophomore year. i loved cleveland way more than i thought i would and saw myself as a resident there.

went to cuyahoga valley national park the next morning, admiring the only national park in ohio with its waterfalls and greenery, and continued on to bowling green, kentucky. on the way, i went to kent state (which affected me more than i thought -- the military is too often a disgusting institution).

took a 4 hour tour deep into mammoth cave and saw things i couldn’t have even fathomed before. i couldn’t really wrap my head around the fact that we were underground where it is always dark yet still teeming with life. the change in humidity when coming back outside made my camera fog up for a good few minutes. it was funny, really. afterwards, i took advantage of the parts of mammoth cave national park that light does touch -- i got soaked in a rainstorm but seeing the green river and having a butterfly land on my finger were things i will always remember. wet and cold, i went on a second tour of a different part of the cave by lantern light in the evening. we saw cave graffiti and even a bat.

i left that area and moved on to the cumberland gap. it was the day before my 22nd birthday and i was in 3 states at once (for the second time this year). “salt seeking buffalo, moccasin clad warriors, dreaming pioneer, battling civil war soldiers. each was here in the historic cumberland gap, and now so are you.” [punctuation added] has got to be one of my favorite signs i’ve ever seen. it conveys the history in simple terms, which is the way i like things. it’s endlessly meaningful without being pretentious.

on my birthday, i toured the forbidden caverns near the smokies, then hiked some of the alum cave bluffs trail. i wish i could have done the whole thing, but i was short on time, as i wanted to be back in charleston by the evening to celebrate my birthday with my parents.

the day after, i slept in for once, went to the angel oak with melissa, and saw brian wilson and the gang perform all of pet sounds with callie. it was nice but there were so many empty seats that it was a little sad.

started my travels again, going back to the smokies area but stopping in blowing rock first and then going down the blue ridge parkway. the next day, i went to pigeon forge and rode an alpine coaster and finally did a somewhat substantial hike in the smokies -- charlies bunion. i saw a mother bear and her 2 babies and was alone on the trail with a beautiful deer. after that hike, i did the tail of the dragon drive and went to fontana dam, where the fog along the water made for an otherworldly feeling in my heart.

came back to charleston once again, but not before swimming around looking glass falls and feeling that this is what summer should look like. also made a stop at the carl sandburg home nhs.

started my drive back to dc for the last time, but took the scenic route -- south of the border, luray caverns, and the hardest hike i’ve ever done over in shenandoah. the famed old rag. it was a rainy tuesday, and the rocks were slippery. i didn’t see a single other person. i clutched those rocks for dear life at times, but i made that 10 mile hike and it was invigorating. i miss getting grimy in the forest.

that whole trip took me 3,755 miles around the eastern us with my ipod, 60s on 6, and phlash phelps’s voice in the morning as my soundtrack.

acknowledged in my head that it was nearly time to the leave the library, a home of mine for the past three and a half years. i told people the date of my departure and it inched closer despite my desire for time to stop progressing.

had a tour of the towers of the national cathedral. it’s not something many people have done and i’m glad to have seen the not-so-showy parts of the structure, along with a closer-up look at the showy parts we know and love.

had a visit from lauren -- we went to nando’s, the portrait gallery, and thrift shops with paige. i wish it would have lasted longer.

went to six flags with my friend from work, where we rode every ride we wanted to. it was carefree, even though my pants ripped.

my final day at the library inevitably came and went. instagram follows and facebook friends increased as i knew this was now the only way to see the people i had known for so long. i got choked up, and i’m choked up even writing this. to say i miss it is to put it very insignificantly. i have left some of myself there.

went back to new york for a few days, where i met up with my father so that we could see a concert in central park celebrating the greenwich village folk scene of the 60s. the mc was richard barone, who we’d met 2 years prior when he gave us a tour of greenwich village. on that trip, i saw theodore roosevelt’s birthplace (thank god for him, sincerely), the cloisters, staten island again, the seinfeld restaurant, and even coney island. we took the bus back to dc and drove my ‘97 ford escort back to charleston.

for the few days i had in charleston before moving to orlando to work for disney, i hung out with people like old times. trivia, the beach, apartments. the circuit.

i really fuckin moved to orlando, i guess. i moved in with 7 other people. we resort-hopped before we got our entrance passes to the parks. i felt mostly unmoved by the orientations that they try so hard to brainwash us with. i took a huge paycut coming here.

i started working at the food and wine festival. goddamn, i miss working at epcot. i saw the groovin alps play their bavarian percussion music and i poured beer and served lobster rolls and korma chicken and lentil stew and everything in between. i met dozens of beautiful people, some of whom are gone back now to from where they came. but i’m still here.

i mentioned earlier that paul simon announced back in june that his final concert would be in queens in late september. i bought a ticket the day they went on sale and was determined to find a way to attend. i did. i flew to new york for a few days -- came into penn station from newark, walked around to greenwich village and the brooklyn bridge and went to the museum of the moving image late in the evening on a friday when it was free. the next day, i visited the queens museum in flushing-meadows corona park (where the concert was also being held) and was in line for the show by 11:30am. i waited for like 8 hours in all, but i was front row. that final paul simon show (which we all know isn’t really the final one, but it did have a certain finality to it) was transformative for me, paul, and everyone else in the audience. i saw lorde, jimmy fallon, and john mulaney. i cried and was recorded and tapped along and admired the performances of “the cool, cool river” and “the obvious child” and every other goddamn song he played. i stuck around as long as i could. the next day, i flew back to orlando and returned to work, but i felt different.

lived the typical life of a college program participant: work, go to the parks, work, go to the parks, sleep.

voted somewhere along the way and was overjoyed that democrats took back the house.

went to st augustine with sarah

eventually, the food and wine festival ended and i was transferred to port orleans riverside, where i currently am. it’s awful but i’m alive.

spent thanksgiving, christmas, and every other holiday at work. it wasn’t really a big deal but it was obviously depressing.

at the beginning of december, broke down and bought a plane ticket back to dc. i had to pick up a poster from the anthem (a music venue), anyway. i stayed with paige and saw my old work friends and just had a good time. goddamn, it was cold, but it was worth it. i finally was able to tour the department of the interior and and i went to theodore roosevelt island for the first time since like freshman year. we even saw zoo lights and went to the christmas pop-up bar on 7th street again.

played basketball one time lmao

played jackbox countless times with my roommates and we made a few trips to jellyrolls, one of the best parts of disney world. i love to go there and sing and hear the piano.

spent new year’s eve at jellyrolls, coincidentally, where i stole a noisemaker and we all wore hats and sang “auld lang syne” when the clock struck midnight, just as you’re supposed to do.

laughed and cried while going through so many large life changes but still understanding that there is always some sort of constant in your life

drove more than i think i ever have before

went to several of the concerts they had for the food and wine festival -- saw people like air supply, starship, and the plain white t’s

listened to countless hours of music -- i think my most listened-to artists were springsteen, dylan, paul simon, maybe david cassidy, old crow medicine show, and lorde.

song of the year: “fare thee well (dink’s song),” marcus mumford and oscar isaac (from inside llewyn davis). it’s an incredible song to travel to.

was always conflicted about working for disney, but really became disgusted with the corporation the more i worked here. i will be happy to not work for them anymore when the time comes because it makes me so uncomfortable to be employed by an entity that doesn’t give a shit about its employees and milks every single fucking penny that it can out of its customers, all under the guise of being giving and magical by using terminology such as “interactions,” “magical moments,” and “guests”

considered my options after this is all over

loved the national park service and even wrote a capstone on it

2018 was the most eventful year of my life. i am not in school for the first time that i can remember; i have a degree. i travelled to more of the us than i ever knew really existed, i saw incredible concerts, and i met some truly wonderful people. but of course, the difficult moves that come along with a year like this were depressing. i knew i would be completely heartbroken when i had to leave the library back in august, but i didn’t realize how sorry i would also be to see my roommates go back to their homes at the end of their tenure at disney. it’s been 2 days, but i miss being able to hang out with them. to gain all the life experience i did, it was necessary to lose some really great parts of my old life. and that blew. but you get over it.

this year in review has taken me so long to write because i had so much to include that it seemed overwhelming to try to articulate it all. i think back to when i would wait until the night before a paper was due to start it, and i feel the same way. but the power in finishing it and having something tangible that points to a certain time in your life and explains the way you felt at that moment is like nothing else. even if the paper you write is shit, it never seems as bad (at least, to me) when you return to read through it a year or two later. it’s your thoughts set in stone, frozen in time. it’s a nice reminder. and i really enjoy writing these posts and i generally like what i write and how i say things, despite the inevitable procrastination in doing so.

i always think of “auld lang syne” when i do a year in review. sure, it’s a standard song for the new year and these year in reviews are written on or around the new year. but to write this, i have to think back to days gone by, before the year even started. and i get this feeling in my stomach of nostalgia and wistfulness (i’ve written about it before, i know) reflecting on the good ol days of these past 365 days and the times before them. we live in strange times right now, especially during what has become a two-week long (and counting!) partial government shutdown, but the memories of the warm past and the dreams of a better future are always going to be around to steady your head. without the abstract, how would we get to the concrete?

“we all cherish our children’s futures. and we are all mortal.”

#about me #me #a year in review #2018

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drx3-imagines · 7 years

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omg I loved your dotachin scenario! I requested it, so I'm really happy to see it up so quick! what about dotachin with a s/o who has social anxiety? - dotachin anon

I’ve got major social anxiety so I really felt close to this piece. I hope you all feel the same and that those who have anxiety, minor or major, can take a bit of comfort from this~ ^_^ It did get kind of long though, sorry ;;;

Dating Kadota could be hard sometimes. It’s not that he does anything wrong, of course; it’s just that he is strangely magnetized towards crowds… and loud people… and he encounters strangers often. This is totally fine from any point of view but your own; only because crowds make you feel, well, crowded. Loud noises scare you more often than not which makes you jump and then people stare and then… Okay, so, you’re a little skittish. You can’t really trust strangers and in a big, crime-ridden city, the very thought is even more worrisome. Being slightly averse to these things is foreign for Kyohei though because he lives and breathes excitement every damn day. Honestly, he just thinks you’re being shy and he finds it cute which would be great if it weren’t for the fact that you were constantly wanting to grab him by the shirt and tell him that nothing is okay. You couldn’t be angry at him though; mainly because you’d never mentioned that you were anxious before.

Today, like many other days spent with Kadota, began really well. You woke up early and cooked breakfast, this being one of the occasions where you had stayed over the night before. It was like something out of a movie, the way he walked through the kitchen doorway in a pair of pajama pants while he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He wrapped his arms around your waist as you plated food and grabbed some water. That was your morning. It was romantic and made you feel like you were dreaming.

As per usual, once noon hit, everything had a 50-50 chance of escalating to extremes. Today, like many other days spent with Kadota, ended with you in a silent panic. This time was worse, though. Far, far worse. The reason you had woken up so early in the morning was because you had come to the nauseating realization that soon you would have to talk to Kadota about your “shyness”. It stuck in the back of your head, nagging at you throughout the day. Sometimes it would be gentle nudges as if your brain was trying to help you better yourself slowly, gently. Other times your thoughts were filled with “Tell him. Tell him. You have to talk to him. Why don’t you just say something?” like a bad mantra until you had a headache and every nudge of a passerby in the streets where you walked, holding Kadota’s hand, was another nail in the coffin. It felt like everyone around you was staring, trying to suffocate you and all you could do was hold Kyohei’s hand tighter, stand as closely as you could, and pray that you’d make it out of the ocean of bodies before you fell unconscious. He was blissfully unaware of your breathing which grew quicker by the minute as your palms began to sweat. You’d never have thought that things could get worse.

Lo and behold, the universe hated you like Shizuo hates Izaya. Of all of the many adventures you had been on with Kadota, his recon missions to gang hideouts were not one of them. Ever. And originally, he hadn’t planned to bring you here at all but traffic had him running very late for his trip to drop you off at home and this Yellow Scarves meeting was crucial for some reason unbeknownst to you. One thing led to another and soon you found yourselves running through the warehouse doors as a gang member was sliding them closed. Kadota adjusted the yellow bandana around his face as you tightened the one around your wrist. You were, for the moment, relieved; the adrenaline of your full-speed run to the warehouse helped dull the intrusive thoughts in your head as you relished in the silence, waiting for the gang meeting to start. You were grateful that the seats the two of you managed to grab were at the end of the row and closest to the warehouse entrance.

Things were fine, you were fi- clang! The once peaceful, albeit tense, conversation between a few of the members and the pseudo-leader A.K.A. Ugly Butterfly Shirt Guy™ went downhill fast. The room was filled with colliding metal and yelling as the entire room watched the fight before them. A lead pipe crashed against a crowbar as the pseudo-leader screamed at the top of his lungs towards the leader of the small sub-group, “Tell them! Tell everyone here about what you were doing with those Dollars bastards!” That was it. That’s all it took for both you and the crowd. The commotion had already sent your nerves flaring up and those words were of no help. Things were getting worse.

A few gang members started to attack the group at the front of the room and soon that fight started getting bloody. The entire warehouse, already antsy from the initial confrontation, aided in creating a full fight between most, if not all, of the people in the building. Kadota was doing his best to try and get you out of the warehouse as soon as possible but you weren’t easing his struggles in the slightest. Your head was that of a thousand panicked birds in a cage the size of your palm. Your hands were sweaty and shaking as one violently rolled the hem of your shirt between your fingers and the other gripped Kadota’s hand as tightly as you could. You were frozen in place. All you could do was sit in the folding chair that squeaked painfully as you stared straight ahead, borderline hyperventilating and watching the chaos play out before you. When you took a moment to steady your racing thoughts, you found yourself outside and leaning against the back of the warehouse, listening to an out-of-breath Kyohei slump to the ground beside you, forehead bleeding slightly.

“Wh-… What happened?” you spoke shakily, wiping your eyes which were wet with tears you had not previously noticed.

Kyohei’s breathing had slowed somewhat but his voice was equally uneven in his reply, “You wouldn’t move so I had to carry you out, I got clipped by a bat on my way through the door,” he tugged off his hat and pushed his hair back, wiping at the blood on his forehead with the bandana, “What happened back there? I was worried. You looked so… afraid. And it wasn’t normal fear. You looked like you saw a ghost.” You turned your head to see Kadota walking towards you before he slung an arm around your shoulder. The look on his face hurt you deeply when he watched you flinch, your mind hazy and hardly registering anything at a normal speed.

You knew you had to explain yourself. The fear had been haunting you all day and this was the only way you were going to be able to get rid of it. Your head fell back against his shoulder, shaky palms made their way across his back and stomach until your body rested in a pitiable sideways hug. Your tremors returned in full force as you choked on a strangled noise. Your throat burned and your lip quivered but all you could do was try to calm your breathing and hide your pained expression in Kadota’s arm. “I-,” a quiet sob wracked your body tears falling freely, quietly. “I got overwhelmed, I guess. All I could think about today were situations li-like this, looking so pathetic in front of you.” Kadota stayed quiet. “Crowds. The crowds bother me. I feel like I’m going to lose you and drown in a sea of st-strangers and the fighting had me scared a-and I knew I had to tell you but everything got bad. it got too bad and I should have said something and n-now I… I just… Oh god-” You were sobbing, your body shaking as your tears soaked Kyohei’s jacket and the fear you felt washed over you in waves. it suffocated any hope you had of surviving the situation. It was terrifying, the thoughts you had of Kadota laughing and walking away, of him leaving you alone behind the warehouse in a pile of tears and distress.

All that could be felt were long arms holding you against a warm body, listening to gentle shushing as a large hand ran its fingers through your hair. “You’re fine. It’s okay, don’t worry. You’re not pathetic, just- just hold on. It’s okay to be afraid, you did nothing wrong,” it was a chant against your ear as his warm breath eased your nerves somewhat. His voice was gentle and carried you away from yourself; you were beside your fear, looking at it with puffy eyes like it was a broken toy, only meant to upset you. Kadota’s kindness, his love, helped you begin to clean up the pieces and throw it away.

“I h-have anxiety. Like, really bad anxiety, Kyo. When we walk through the city I get scared a lot, and the strangers you meet make me nervous and the noise is so loud all the time, I get so afraid,” you pull him closer, tighter against your body. The tears have slowed, tremors lessened, your sobbing is less fierce now.

He holds you so tight as he tilts your head to look at the polluted sky, only a handful of stars were visible in the darkness. “It’s okay,” he whispered, “Just let me know what I can do to help. I only want you to be happy.” He leans in close and places a gentle kiss to your lips which had finally stopped quivering. It helps to calm you even more and you slide to the ground with him and take a second to relax. The night drags on, the two of you talking quietly and discussing ways to help you calm yourself when you’re afraid. The way back to his apartment is quiet, comfortable. Your head rests against the pillow as you allow Kadota to climb under the blanket and lie beside you. The two of you had finally arrived home and settled in Kadota’s room. This won’t cure your anxiety but it will surely help ease you through the night.

- Pasya

#kyohei kadota #durarara #kadota #anon #Pasya #scenario

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angelergic · 7 years

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Manhunt - Chapter 8

~MASTERLIST~

Words: 3376

A/N: New chapter alert, my dear readers!

I know, it was once again a long time you had to wait for this chapter. It took me almost a week to finish this chapter, and I can honestly say, I'm proud of the rollercoaster of emotions that you're going to read in here!

I also wanted to tell you, that my surgery went well and that I'm doing fine. Also, they let me home on Tuesday.

I hope you enjoy this chapter and as always, I'm happy to read your feedbacks!

Tagging: @celebranehelyanwe, @ladystar0710, @annamreed, @humorcomchantilly @thefivebaddestbidders (if you don’t want to be tagged just tell me.)

CHAPTER 8:

I stumble back when the realization hits me that I still have a piece of family living out here, somewhere.

"Well, actually she's your half-sister you two only have the same father but different mothers." Eisuke's gruff voice rips me out of my thoughts, all of a sudden, he's right at my side also looking at the computer screen.

I only click my tongue at his unnecessary correction and lean forward again, "Soryu, can you find out anything more about her?" he gives a simple nod and begins to type away on his laptop.

Suddenly, a lot of information pops up. I rapidly blink my eyes, not expecting to find so much. The one that is on full display looks like it's some kind of personal description, like the ones you can find when you want to know everything about a certain celebrity.

"All right, this is all the information I can find about her. She kind of looks like you when you were in your teens." Soryu whispered the second part, so only I could hear it. I smiled lovingly at the picture.

"She does, doesn't she?" I said dreamily. I guess it was a picture from around 3 years ago, she has puppy-like, grey-green eyes with a dark circle around her pupils, her nose is small just like mine too and she has cute, pouty lips. Her hair looks absolutely beautiful, it's espresso brown, shoulder-length, and looks thick and healthy.

I let my eyes drift downwards to all her personal information like her height, weight and also her address. My eyes widened in surprise when I read her address. St. Luke's International hospital, Tokyo.

I didn't know if I should feel joy or sadness. Joy; she lives in Tokyo. Sadness; she has lived in a hospital for 2 years now, with her mother.

"Soryu could you open her medical record, please?" I whispered to Soryu, who seemed to be just as confused and curious as I was, so he opened it immediately.

As her medical record popped up I looked at the numbers of pages it had. There were 3 pages. 3. Dear god.

Soryu stood up and motioned for me to sit down and take the laptop which I immediately did. I gave him a curt nod and mumbled; "Thanks." I went to reading right away and began to shut down the deep voices from the men that gathered around me.

The first thing I read about was a tonsillectomy, or also known as a tonsil removal, in 2008. Everything went well and she healed nicely, no complaints.

Skipping to 4 years ago, the year 2012. There was a big car crash on a highway in Tokyo. Tamara and her aunt were in the car, they just came back from camping for the weekend. When a drunk-driver was speeding against traffic with 120 mph and hit their car frontal, her aunt was instantly dead but by some miracle my sister survived after they put her in an artificial coma. She also lost the mobility in her legs.

I didn't realize it before something trickled down my hand I had on the keyboard, I was crying. God, why was I acting so stupidly emotional lately? I was always crying over something whether it was Eisuke pissing me off or reading the medical chart of my sister. Maybe I was already developing a strong and deep love towards a person I haven't even met.

I wiped the tears off my cheeks with the back of my hand and continued reading.

2 years ago, she was diagnosed with PTSD. Since the car crash she spaced out more than she normally would and always woke up screaming and sweating from horrible nightmares, constantly reliving the events prior to everything. She also kept avoiding highways and cars that were the same brand as her aunts.

From there on her life seemed to be going even more downhills than before her diagnosis.

Almost exactly 1 year ago, she went to the doctors because she had been experiencing severe nausea, fatigue, pain in her bones and rapid weight loss for unknown reasons. After a bone marrow and blood test the diagnosis was clear.

Stage 4 leukemia.

She is currently undergoing chemotherapy even though the doctors told her that they could only extend her life span for a while.

I cover my mouth and try to stifle a sob, but it escapes anyway as tears once again begin to cascade down my cheeks. I hunch over and put the laptop in front of me on the table and bury my face in my hands, crying to myself.

I feel three hands touching my shoulders and my back, each of them rubbing soothing circles into my skin. I open my eyes a bit and look absentmindedly through my hands when I notice someone moving in front of me, kneeling so he is face to face with me and taking my tear soaked hands in his calloused ones.

Kneeling in front of me was Soryu with a soothing and reassuring smile on his face. "Hey, you're going to see your sister. We're going to visit her and then you can talk about everything you missed out in each others life’s." Apparently, he misunderstood my reaction thinking that I thought I was not going to see her or worrying that she's not going to accept me.

I shook my head and a frown made its way on his face. I mumbled hoarsely; "No, you don't understand. She has stage 4 leukemia and the doctors, they told her they don't know for how much longer she will live. They couldn't even give her a number on how much longer she's going to live."

I felt the four hands that were touching me begin to tighten at the things I just revealed. Soryu looked at me with sad eyes but he was stunned to silence, comforting someone was never his strength. I saw somebody move beside me and get into the same position as Soryu was currently in.

“Princess, I can only imagine what you’re going through right now but you need to be strong for us. For Tamara.” Baba comforted while kneading the flesh on my upper arm.

I looked over at him and could see his eyebrows form a sad, worried frown. “Please, we need you to stay here with us. Don’t shut us out.”

Soryu also began to press my knee with his hand which made me turn my attention towards him. I stared into his eyes for a few moments, his eyes were filled with determination and reassurance, he gave me a light nod and a faint smile.

I wiped my tears off my face and took a deep breath, “Okay let’s get back to it, we have a case to solve.” My voice was still a little weak and shaky, but filled with determination.

Soryu and Baba smiled at me, getting back on their feet and Mamoru said, “Alright y’all heard the kid, back to it!”

Before Sor could turn away from me, I put a hand on his shoulder which made him turn towards me once again with a questioning look on his face. I softly smiled up at him and whispered a soft, “Thank you.”

He smiled back at me and placed his hand on top of mine. I dropped my hand and turned back towards the computer on my lap.

---

After what could have been a few minutes or hours, I'm not exactly sure, Eisuke stepped out of his office and called me up to look at something.

As I jogged up the stairs, I could not help but get lost in my thoughts. I kept thinking about Tamara, I would love to go to the hospital she's at to visit her and also, to get to know her better. On the other hand, I didn't want to confuse or scare her away from me if she rejected me or didn't want to have anything to do with me, her life has already been hard enough.

"Pick up the pace!" I heard Eisuke growl from the top of the stairs. I almost fell down the stairs because he startled me so bad. When I reached the top, I shot him a killing look and cursed under my breath.

When we got to his office, Eisuke closed the door and walked to his desk with his laptop on it. He sat down, pulled a second chair next to him and patted it as a sign for me to sit down. I hesitantly obliged and questioned while doing so; "What did you find, Eisuke?"

He had his triumphant smirk on his face and turned to his laptop, typing away. "So, I searched for murders that are similar to your fathers in the past 15 years. And I found a few, 6 to be exact."

As I listened to Eisuke I began to focus my eyes on the laptop screen and scanned over the names of the victims. I absentmindedly began to mumble to myself and Eisuke stopped talking while he shoved the laptop in front of me.

I noticed that the victims were from both genders, which meant that he did not have a strong hate towards one gender. But they were all in the same age group, late 20's to mid-30's.

They were also all killed in Japan and were just as successful as my father was, from being in a grand business to working as a head chef in the biggest restaurants in Japan. My mind couldn't really grasp all the information that was suddenly thrown at me and this stupid nightmare just kept creeping back into my mind. Without thinking, I began to write down the crime scene of Ota I have seen in my dream. The first name that popped up was John Wayne Gacy, the psychotic killer-clown from Chicago. Then I narrowed it down to just the Japan area, no specific name popped up just another unsolved case that was opened 15 years ago. Only now there was a list of 21 people on this list.

I sit back in the chair and let out a tired sigh while rolling my head to get some of the built-up tension out of my shoulders. "If this is all the doing of one person, he would have multiple personality disorder. That means he has about 5 or 6 personalities, damnit!" I begin to mumble to myself but the last part was a little louder than intended which made Eisuke turn towards me.

"What are you mumbling about? Found something?" he asked annoyed while crossing his arms.

"No. I mean, yes. Kind of?" I shrug and shake my head to gather my thoughts, this was all just too much of an emotional rollercoaster. "I had a nightmare about the 5 of you being murdered in 5 completely different ways. So, I looked up one of those scenes and found the exact same time-span, with the exact same descriptions of the killer. I think our murderer might have a multiple personality disorder." I began to explain with a clearer head, by just concentrating on the matter at hand.

I could see that Eisuke's attention was transfixed on the words that were escaping me. When I was finished with talking he scratched his chin while thinking about my words and probably puzzling the pieces together.

---

Our little study round was interrupted by Baba bursting through the doors of the giant office. "Princess!" he chirped in a tone that I already found overly suspicious, "Come with me, I have a surprise for you!" he held out his hand and did a gentlemanly bow.

Eisuke and I shared a side look and the both of us shaking our heads while I began to giggle at Eisuke's funny, grumpy face he had. I turned back towards Baba's outstretched hand and took it with little hesitation, I didn't like his tone before but I know that Baba has something up his sleeve I will find enjoyment in.

He led me out of the lounge and charged towards his room. "Baba, what exactly do you have in mind?" I asked, knowing I will only get a half-assed response but hey, asking doesn't cost anything, right?

"Didn't I say that it would be a surprise?" he asked back while coming to a halt in front of his own penthouse room.

"Well, yes you did. But I'm an Interpol agent, you should know I don't like surprises that much, especially when they are coming from a criminal." With a smug smile, I decided to tease Baba back.

He unlocked the door and looked back at me pretending to be hurt by my words. "Now that right there was just cruel! I'm not a criminal, I'm a thief!" I looked at Baba dumbfounded with big eyes and my mouth slightly agape. Then I burst out laughing so hard I had to hold my stomach. When I turned my gaze back towards Baba he had a sincere smile on his lips.

"Alright so what is this big surprise you're playing up right now?" I walked past Baba into the living room and turned back towards him.

"Go take a shower, wash all those tears away. When you're finished go into my bedroom and put on what's lying on the bed. I'll be waiting here." He slumped down on the couch, still wearing that honest smile.

I nod and head towards his bathroom, where a long overdue shower is waiting for me.

---

To say that the shower was much needed is probably an understatement, it was most likely one of the most satisfying showers I've ever had in my entire life. With the towel tightly wrapped around my body I walked into the bedroom, that was connected to the bathroom, while drying my hair.

When I reached the bed, I couldn't believe my eyes and thought Baba was messing around with me. There was a beautiful, fluffy cocktail dress lying on the bed. I gasped loudly as I took the royal blue, silky, dress by the hanger and pressing it to my body while looking in the mirror.

I put the dress on and had one of the biggest, most idiotic smiles of eternity on my face. It was a perfect fit and the perfect length, it almost reached my knees. How did Baba even know my dress size?

When I turned back around to see if the zipper was all the way up, and maybe to see if my butt looked good, my gaze fell back towards the bed where I noticed a pair of simple, black high heels. I picked them up and held onto Baba's armoire while putting them on. Like the dress, they were exactly my size, how does he do that?

As I looked at my body in the mirror, stepped closer to it and got a closer look at my face. I had faint dark rings, my lips and my skin looked dehydrated. I wondered if by some miracle, Baba had some makeup. Suddenly I heard some shuffling behind the door and saw Baba opening it.

"Wow." Was the only thing he could muster, while his eyes danced up and down my body. "Princess, you just made me lose my words, and it takes a lot to do that to a man who really likes to talk." I laughed a little at his remark and turned fully towards him.

"Makeup's in the bathroom mirror." He crossed his arms triumphantly. "You really think I would forget one the most important things? I have everything perfectly mapped out." I grinned up at him and made my way into the bathroom, to do my makeup and hair.

After about 30 minutes I walked out and found Baba sitting on the bed with his phone in hand. "I'm ready." I said in a soft voice.

He lifted his head away from the phone screen and his eyes grew wider than before as he took in my finished look. I blushed and placed a piece of hair behind my ear while smiling shyly.

He walked towards me as he extended his arm out towards me and I took it without hesitation. "Alright, my lady. Let's go." And so, began an evening I wouldn't forget in a while.

---

Dinner was absolutely fantastic. We went to a little restaurant, a secret favorite gem of Baba's so he told me, that was in a vintage style with huge chandeliers decorating and lighting up the room. The company I had with me wasn't so bad either, it made me feel a little nostalgic only that the both of us matured, some more, some less, and conversation flowed easily with the occasional flirting in-between.

After we were finished with our food and left the restaurant, Baba asked me to come with him for one last adventure before we withdraw to our respective rooms. I gladly accepted since I didn't want this evening to end.

He led me to the rooftop of the Tres Spades. I let out a silent gasp when I discovered that Baba had even more up his sleeve. There was a bottle of champagne, two glasses and a candle placed on a low table with two cushions on the floor.

I walked towards said scene with Baba following after me. When I stood there, I didn't know what exactly to do now. Baba probably noticed my hesitation and gestured me to sit down, which I gladly did.

He poured us some of the bubbly goodness, as we clinked our glasses Baba raised his glass a little and said; "To our reunion, our successful careers and this wonderful evening I got to spend with the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on."

I rolled my eyes at his last remark and took a sip. Immediately, when the liquid hit my tongue, I could tell it was something overly expensive. It still tasted so good, the sweetness and the slight bitterness made it almost prefect.

I set my glass down on the table and moved to stand up to gaze out to the view we had of Tokyo. I closed my eyes and breathed in the chilly, but still pleasant, night air while a gust of wind blew by, which made me shiver slightly. Baba noticed and shrugged off his burgundy blazer and placed it on my shoulders.

I turned my head in his direction and met his gaze; "Thank you." I whispered, "I mean not only for the jacket, but for the whole night. I truly don't know when the last time was that I let this loose and didn't constantly have to worry."

Baba gave a small smile and put his hand in front of his mouth. If I didn't know it better, I could've sworn that I made the womanizing thief blush, but it was hard to see in the dim city lights.

"The pleasure was all mine, princess. I enjoyed myself just as much as you did, if not more. I'm very proud of who you've become, (Y/N)." He looked at me with nothing but honesty and love in his eyes. I smiled up at him and felt my eyes become a little hot.

"Thank you, nobody ever said that to me so it means a lot, especially coming from you." He looked shocked for a second but recovered fast and put his warm hand on my face to gently rub the apple of my cheek.

I felt myself become almost hypnotized by his eyes as I stared deeply into them and he did the same. I gingerly placed my hand on his chest right over his heart that was beating at an incredibly fast rate.

We inched closer and closer to each other, like magnets. Then, we stopped just a few inches apart. I saw his eyes flicker down to my lips and back to my eyes, his eyes were asking for permission which I granted him by putting my other hand in his soft hair and pulling him closer so that our lips touched.

Little did we know that this soft and loving kiss, would turn our whole world upside-down.

#kbtbb #kbtbb fanfic #kbtbb fanfiction #eisuke ichinomiya #kbtbb eisuke #Soryu Oh #kbtbb soryu #Mitsunari Baba #kbtbb baba #Ota Kisaki #kbtbb ota #mamoru kishi #kbtbb mamoru #voltage inc #voltage fanfic #voltage inc fanfiction #kissed by the baddest bidder

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stayswaggyponyboy · 6 years

Text

And so comes the time of reflection...the time of introspection....the New Year. I’ve done one of these posts the last couple of years now and they’ve proven to be interesting to look back on, so for the sake of my own record keeping...here goes nothing.

2017. My. Oh. My. What a year. And I really wish I meant that in a good way.

January: started off unfathomably wonderful having the time of my life in Paris doing things I never dreamed I’d be doing. Helping a famous haute couture designer prepare for his Fashion Week runway show, drinking wine on the Champs Élysées, sifting through record stores speaking blends of English and French, meeting up with friends in London. Truly a wonderful month.

February: lots of pain this month. And also some heartbreak....fuck that heartbreak man. I suppose this was the month I learned how important open communication is and honesty with other people as well as yourself. Don’t avoid shit man, confront it.

March: the end of something and yet the beginning of something as well. And the beginning of something so truly beautiful it was. Also the month I got my first tattoo woo.

April: the month I lost my best little lady but also the month I fell in love. So hard in love with so wonderful a human being. It’s very difficult to sit here right now and look back on this wow, fuck reflection. The month of quality time and experiencing new things with a new person and fuck okay yeah this is hard, moving onto May pls.

May: another wonderful month spent loving my life and loving myself with someone else. I saw Bon Iver live sitting hand in hand with someone who loves his music just as much as me. Just kept on falling I suppose.

June: started a job that was a very difficult experience. Thing is the downhill in life where everything basically went to shit. He experienced awful things and the ripple effect was significant. Cue depression.

July: don’t really wanna think about this month. Turned 21 I guess. Very grateful for my brothers. Very sorry to anyone who was friends with me at this time...I was quite unwell.

August: not much better truly....maybe worse, I don’t remember. Let’s label these The Dark Ages. But I was trying to get better. I told my parents about my faulty brain. On the 30th of this month I went to therapy for the first time so I did one good thing for myself this year at least.

September: I started to try and move on. I worked on a beautiful show with amazing and talented friends. I hated my job but at least liked the people.

October: tried something new. It was fun and nice but didn’t last long of course. Not much else....things still not great otherwise.

November: again, tried something new. Learned a lot and was able to explore ideas that I otherwise wouldn’t have - thanks for that. Went to Cape May and was in my happy place for a little bit. Manifested something for the first time, that being my new job. And rounded out the month getting hurt again ayyyy.

December: a lot of sadness and nostalgia and not great feelings. Hopeless seems to be the word that comes to mind. Finals...lots of extended family at my house....and starting a new job. Trying to find comfort in literally anything.

It’s hard because while obviously there have been goods within this year...looking at it big picture like this...it all just feels....difficult to think about I suppose. The happiest time of my year, the spring, now brings so much pain and nostalgia looking back right now, so it’s hard. It’s hard to be a glass half full kinda gal after this past year. BUT there were certainly little moments. Little moments (shit already tearing up) like getting a greeting from my roommates every single time I walk in the door. Or like a hug from mom after a really bad week. Or a really helpful conversation at therapy helping things feel a little lighter. Or like booking flights to do something I never thought I actually would. Or like those snuggles with my pupper that I realized I had to stop taking for granted. Or those laughs, god those laughs, at dinner with friends surrounded by people speaking a different language than us. There are many other little moments, some tainted now, but moments I’m trying to remember as good nonetheless. Through it all I’ve learned and I’ve grown and that’s all one could hope for I suppose.

Now is the part where I reflect on the people in 2018 who meant a hella lot (it’s sorta in chronological order I guess):

CS, EW: I know there were a couple others in our apartment but ya’ll made Paris an insanely wonderful experience. I honestly do not know what I would have done without the laughs and the late nights and early wake up calls and all of those damn crêpes and espressos.

TB: you kinda hurt me a helluva lot but I learned from it....perhaps I’ve learned I really need to stop trusting you lols but for some reason you were still a part of this year weirdly enough and I don’t hate that.

CH: I don’t really have the right words right now so I think all I can manage is thank you and I love you (and probably always will woof).

DM: I would honestly be lost without you and I didn’t expect that’s something I’d say. I am so grateful for you and for your friendship and for being someone I am happy to come home and see sitting on the couch every single night. Cheers to all the walks home, all the late nights, and all the stressful times. I am one lucky gal.

LV: you are and always will be my honest other half. We drifted and did our own things at points this year and they were good (and some bad let’s be honest lol we thriving) but through it all, when I needed someone most in some of my worst moments, you were there. And I can’t tell you what that means to me. I love you a whole, whole lot.

SC, TL: Two very unexpected lights in my life that I’m so happy are there now. Living with you guys has made me feel safe in my own home again. You’ve reminded me what comfort and trust feels like and wow I really needed that I guess so thank you.

DM: Mama you are my light, my beacon of encouragement, and I could not have done this last semester without you. You honestly inspire me every fucking time I speak to you, to try and put out the good I want from the world and I love you for that.

ZS, BS, CS: This has been a really really great year for us. I don’t know...you all have just become 3 of my actual best friends. Sure we don’t gab about our lives together but I’m just really really happy with how close we’ve gotten. Damn I love you guys.

JS: Yo real talk, one of my favorite people you are. I am so glad and so lucky that you fell in love with my brother and decided you were down to marry him because I cannot tell you how important the time I’ve gotten to spend with you has been. I feel like I can just unwind and take a deep breath when I’m hanging with you and your furry lil babies. Thank you. Thank you times a million. Also your siblings rock and I love them all as well goddamn.

MS, JS: Every year that goes by, that I get older, I come to love and respect you more and more and it amazes me because holy shit I love you guys a whole lot and am so grateful for the two of you. For loving me and trusting in me and always wanting to take care of me. Damn now I’m crying ok I love you a lot that’s all.

BW: Ok honestly I am amazed you are on this list again but I’m so happy you are. Somehow you’ve managed to be one of the most inconsistent friends but one of the truest and most honest. There are things I have talked to you about that I’ve not discussed with anyone and that’s something I’m so grateful for. To see where we started and where we are now is quite hilarious but hey, I’m glad you’re in my life one way or another.

DC: I spent a lot of my first couple of years at college wanting to move on and make new friends and this last year, the last few of months especially, I have come to find comfort again with all of you. And like genuine happiness when I’m hanging out with all of you and I’m not sure when this shift occurred or why but I’m happy it did and I’m happy you all still accept me into your lives, thanks pals.

ZL: Though someone I can get very frustrated with, there have been moments throughout this year where I have been very happy to be friends with you. And sharing in those moments, those conversations, has meant a lot to me.

EQ: Idk man you just make me really happy, you’re such a swell human being and I’m so glad I know you. Keep being you man.

PN: Ugh my heart. I am so glad our friendship has blossomed into something that feels genuine and supportive. It started out as fun and exciting and cute and now it’s just like I have this wonderful human in my life that makes me happy every time I see him. Thank you for being you.

2017 has been a very difficult year....and a very painful year. But it has had it’s moments of sheer beauty as well. And while I can’t say I’m optimistic and sure that 2018 will be great....I feel like...it has potential...potential for good things to happen. And that’s all I can hope for.

#diary #this is so long shit #hope no one actually reads this whole thing it's excessive #new years #reflection #2018 #2017

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