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#the way the stranger is infinite potentiality
strixcattus · 3 months
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I really enjoy looking at this still from Slay the Princess:
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In the midst of all the weird imagery from the first part of the Stranger route, you see for a moment—and it is cut off at the end, so I had to be quick with my screenshot—every route laid out in front of you, paired up as the game does elsewhere, and described, interestingly enough, from what I can only believe is the Voices' perspectives, or perhaps the relationship between the Princess and the Voice of a given route.
Consumption: The Beast (Hunted), the ribcages in the bottom right. Being eaten, alive or half so, is one way or another the outcome you face in the Beast. This one seems to be the least connected to its route's Voice, though I can still see it in a relational sort of way. Betrayal: The Witch (Opportunist), the nail-studded... I can't tell what it is, but it's at the top left. Betrayal on your part is the cause of the Witch's route, and it too is inevitable in some form once you're on that route—the Opportunist is very vocal about it.
Skepticism: The Prisoner (Skeptic), the chains at the bottom. Pretty clear analogue given the name of the Voice, but not to neglect—you reach the Prisoner by taking the blade (distrust of the Princess) but ultimately using it to free the Princess (you take the time to think critically about what you're being asked to do, and decide the Narrator is less trustworthy). Blind devotion: The Damsel (Smitten), the... I can only imagine locks of hair at the top. You reach the Damsel by immediately and wholly assuming she has no ill intentions, an attitude made manifest in the Smitten.
Rivalry: The Adversary (Stubborn), the spikes to the left. The Adversary route is, so long as you embrace it, about your probably-a-metaphor-for-sex-I-mean-the-Eye of the Needle-isn't-even-trying-to-veil-it eternal fight with the Adversary, with the Stubborn in strong support. Submission: The Tower (Broken), the stone columns to the right. One of the most clear-cut "this is about the Voice" examples—the Broken has completely submitted to the Tower's will, even though the player still has a few chances to resist her.
Terror: The Nightmare (Paranoid), the eyes in the upper right. Of course, the Nightmare is all about fear, and the Paranoid is the embodiment of your fear of the Princess—the fear that made you lock her in the basement and the fear that stopped your heart when she broke free. Longing: The Spectre (Cold), the wisps in the bottom left. This one is interesting, and almost made me second-guess my "Voices" reading, as the Spectre herself is clearly a creature of longing—but then what about "Submission?" The Tower is not "submitting" to anything. That's her whole deal. Perhaps this one is connected to your desire for something other than what the Narrator calls the "Good Ending..." or perhaps it has something to do with the Cold's interest in feeling something, which he expresses in a few routes (the Greys being the most obvious).
Pain: The Razor (Cheated,) the spikes at the top. She skewers you, and you die. Over and over again she skewers you, and you die, and it is painful over and over again. I'm not sure I have much to add to this one. Unfamiliarity: The Stranger (Contrarian), the abstract DNA-like strand at the bottom. You reach the Stranger by refusing to interact with the Princess, leaving her an unfamiliar blank slate whose actions you cannot predict and thus fracture into every possible image of her.
And at the heart of it all, an emotion that can only be described as—what? The Narrator doesn't get the chance to finish his sentence before you wake up in the Prisoner's basement, but I'd think the answer is obvious once you've finished the game.
After all, this is a love story.
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unopenablebox · 25 days
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i can't figure out if gaining regular access to cats would make me better or like. much, much worse
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burketm · 10 months
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( tag dump!! c: ) tag dump pt 2.
#「 ☠ 」  » IN CHARACTER. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ LETTING FOREVER COME AS SLOW AS IT WANTS. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » MUSINGS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ I HAVE SILENCES BURIED SO DEEPLY I WEEP WHEN THEY BLOSSOM. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » HEADCANONS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE UNKNOWN IS THE REALM OF INFINITE POTENTIAL. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » VISAGE. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE FORMER CHILD GENIUS. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » ASKS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE SUN WILL RISE AND WE WILL TRY AGAIN. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » AESTHETICS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ BETTER THINGS ARE ON THE WAY. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » LIKES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ SOMETIMES WHEN I’M IN HEAVEN I GET FORGETFUL OF EARTH. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » DESIRES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE WARMTH OF YOU FILLS ME UP FROM HEAD TO TOE. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » MAIN. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE DEAD CITY. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » THE WALKING DEAD. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE DEAD WALK AMONG US. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » STRANGER THINGS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ STRANGER THINGS HAVE HAPPENED. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ THE SKY DREAMS OF DRAGONS. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » GRAVITY FALLS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ TRUST NO ONE. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » MODERN. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ LIVING FOR THINGS TO GET BETTER. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » WEDNESDAY. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ FORMIDABLE OUTCAST. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » OUT OF CHARACTER. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ NOAH RAMBLES. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » OPEN STARTER. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ BE BRAVE AND TAKE YOUR CHANCE. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » STARTER CALL. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ A NEW ADVENTURE IS ABOUT TO BEGIN. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » DASH COMMENTARY. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ ALWAYS OBSERVING THE WORLD AROUND ME. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » MEMES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ HOW ABOUT A LITTLE GAME? ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » DASH GAMES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ HOW MUCH INFORMATION IS TOO MUCH TO SHARE? ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » CRACK. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ JOKING IS MY WAY OF TELLING THE TRUTH. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » TUNES. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ HEADPHONES ON WORLD OFF. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » PROMO. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ CHECK ‘EM OUT. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » ANONYMOUS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ BEHIND A MASK LIES STRENGTH. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » QUEUE. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ FILE THIS UNDER FUCK IT. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » SELF PROMO. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ SUPPORT MY BRAND! ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » MEME CALL. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ IT’S A BACK AND FORTH KIND OF THING. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » WISHLIST. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR LATER. ˎˊ˗#「 ☠ 」  » POLLS. ⋮  ━━ ˗ˏˋ SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS. ˎˊ˗
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ddarker-dreams · 2 months
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Recent chrollo thoughts?
you make his world more vibrant, whereas he desaturates yours.
the realization hits him one morning with the impact of a collapsing star. chrollo's humming to himself — the tune coming from a song you've replayed to death — reflecting on the day's itinerary. a trip to the pier, an aquarium, then a waterfront restaurant. he can already guess the outfit you'll pick from the wardrobe he provided you with. it'll be something comfortable. sneakers and a cardigan, since all the walking will warm you up too much for a coat.
you'll find the coastline's wind irritating, he muses. your preferred hair ties are ready and waiting in his jacket's pocket for the inevitable complaints. maybe you'll gawk over a pigeon, or some equally unimpressive urban wildlife. unlike him, your footsteps aren't silent enough to go undetected. that won't stop you from trying. he can envision the disappointment on your face when whatever catches your interest scurries off.
as you sulk at the loss, you're likely to blame him for the development.
"look what you did. your vibes are so awful it scared the poor fella off," or, potentially: "it couldn't stand to be near you a second longer. can't say i blame it."
at some point, he'll try holding your hand. your nose will scrunch up and you'll look at him with thinly veiled revulsion. he'll smile, as he always does, asking what's wrong like you could respond honestly with others in earshot. you'll deflate and capitulate eventually, digging your nails into his skin for some semblance of vengeance.
at the aquarium, you'll point to the ugliest aquatic animal, proudly declaring its resemblance to him. he'll fight back a laugh. if you're feeling particularly daring, you might ask him to stick his hand in a tank with venomous inhabitants. his immune system is advanced to the point that it wouldn't harm him, but you don't need to know that.
when evening brings its cooler temperatures, you'll act like you aren't cold, despite visibly shivering. he'll offer you his coat and you'll tell him you'd sooner experience hypothermia than accept it. he'll take a longer route to the restaurant to see how true this claim is. once you're inside, you'll walk to your chair swiftly, preventing him from pulling it out for you. he'll already know what you want to order before you glance at the menu. when the waiter comes, you'll send a nervous glance his way, uncertain if speaking to the stranger is a good idea or not. this subconscious acknowledgment of his power over you will give him a thrill.
chrollo lives through a day that hasn't happened yet. you sit at the epicenter, connected by infinite possibilities he can't wait to experience firsthand.
creaking floorboards interrupt his daydreaming.
you're awake, he notes, as incapable of sneaking up on him as ever.
only you could make the mundane extraordinary to a man like him.
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Honey, I’m Home! ~ Alhaitham x Liyue!Reader
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“Girlfriend?! You?!” Kaveh’s face showed nothing but utmost shock. “I don’t believe a word you say! Nobody would! I mean -- You?! There’s no way any sane woman would stay around you!” “I am not one to respond to baseless provokation, however, I have to point out that you directly insulted my partner intellect and mental well-being, to which I cannot remain silent - Though, I suppose you are intoxicated and there’s little I should care about. No word coming out of your mouth is ever worth taking into account to begin with.” Alhaitham, much to his mate’s irritation, didn’t even raise his gaze from the book he was reading. “Hey, you--! You’re SO insufferable!” the poor architect growled in anger. “Since when? You never told me about her, and we’ve known each other for enough years! You’d have let it slip somehow - Or, at least, your arrogance would’ve!”  “Your impression on my personality has nothing to do with any kind of potential slip you think I might have had. As a matter of fact, the existence of a significant other had never been a secret to begin with. You just never asked, therefore, I had no reason to go out of my way and brag about my perfectly accomplished life, considering not only your living conditions, but your infinitely tragic luck. I did not want to bother with you crying again, out of nowhere.” Kaveh threw a random book at his mate’s head, which annoyingly enough, he masterfully caught without as much as blinking. “GAHH, I HATE YOU SO MUCH!” the man whined, slamming his face into the table. “FINE! TELL ME! ENLIGHTEN ME! WHO IS THIS MYSTERY WOMAN THAT MANAGED TO IGNORE THE INFINITE AMOUNT OF NEGATIVE TRAITS AND THAT STUPIDLY ARROGANT AND UNAPPROACHABLE FACE OF YOURS?! IS SHE BLIND?!” “There is nothing wrong with her eye function. In fact, she often compliments my appearance.” the scribe pointed out. “We have been together since a year before we presented our graduation thesis.” poor Kaveh spit out the beer he was drinking. “HOW LONG?!” he was absolutely convinced he was lying. “There’s NO way that is, in any way, true!” “If you don’t believe me, there are plenty ways to search for proof on your own. The only thing I would have to warn you about is not to use your usual barbaric ways of speaking to her, if you manage to find her. You will scare her away.” Kaveh couldn’t help but glare at Alhaitham, though, considering the amount of unceremonious yelling he just did, he couldn’t refute much. “Fine, whatever - Tell me about her. How you met. Something. Anything relevant. I’ll see after if I believe you.” Alhaitham had to fight the smirk off his face as he hummed in amusement - It was so easy to get a rise out of this fool. “Y/N is originally from Liyue, although you can say, after finishing her Amurta course and graduated, she would spend about half a year back home to take care of her family and help with the medicine aspect of the country.” Kaveh’s eyes suddenly shot open and he gasped. “Hold up! Is this the Liyue friend that Tighnari mentioned? They were in the same Darshan and -- They worked on their thesis together a lot and -- And Cyno too, on enough occasions -- Is that her?!” Alhaitham shrugged his shoulders, though he knew it was the truth. There were a lot of references that one must use in the bibliography, and the practical percentage of her thesis she did on the comparison of Fauna and Flora from Sumeru and Liyue was done for the most part with Tighnari. Y/N often mentioned the fennec boy being her only friend for the many years she in Akademiya. 
Alhaitham knew, no matter how nice of a person you were, if you had a unique brilliance, the common flock of mindless sheep were bound to be rude to you. He was no stranger to the endless amount of insults he received from many, although, in almost the same ponder, he also had many more compliments of all kind, be that on his intelligence, on his work, or... His looks especially. Tighnari and Cyno were no strangers to this kind of treatment, but at least they had each other - For the most part.
Back then, having a new student, from another country no less - A country with a rich history, though not as much focus on studies as Sumeru - A new student that, through thorough examination, was able to start her Amurta studies not from the first year, but skipped about a half of the years required to graduate.
From the get-go, Y/N was a bit of an odd one, and the students of Akademiya were no less lenient with her, nor did they bother teaching her about cultural differences and what not. Alhaitham, too, noticed something strange, but it was different from everyone else. Was it that he never heard her speak, even once? Or that, were it not for the amount of gossips and bullying he witnessed, she’d have been walking the halls of the House of Daena like an invisible ghost, unseen, unwanted, unneeded by all around her?
Or, perhaps, it was that there was a large amount of books that she was reading - Manuals, text-books, works, thesis of all kind, from different Darshan courses even - And for the most time, she’d read them all outside, in the forest, far away from the Akademiya; As far away as possible, if need be.
And despite the awful treatment she received, and the amount of diligent hard-work she was putting into her courses, she never seemed to frown or let things affect her. She wasn’t smiling either, and her tiredness was showing - Still, it almost looked endearing; A brilliant woman, so effortlessly beautiful and graceful in everything she did, wearing a passive, demure smile on her face, even if none wanted to appreciate it.
Were all women from Liyue like this, he wondered? Most Sumeru women he had the displeasure of conversing with were so obnoxious and emotion-driven; Oft times, he even wondered if the inspector examining them did his job well enough, because he himself could see no ounce of anything clever in their bleak, dark minds of theirs. No that the men were any different, but they had the courtesy of avoiding him like the plague, to which, Alhaitham was grateful. He never cared for idle chatting for no reason.
Hence why, he needed to concoct a proper conversation reason, otherwise, there would be no sense to start speaking with the new student.
Luck had always favoured him for some reason, and instead of wasting his time with needless research, it was Y/N herself who came over to him. She nodded her head at him as a courtesy greeting, and introduced herself as Y/N from the Amurta class. She explained that, although her thesis was based on biology, she had plenty of interests in many other areas, and having heard him as the most remarkable student from Haravatat, it was a no brainer that she’d come to him requesting aid for some book and course recommandations.
Though his reply was a simple yet positive one, informing her that, once he gathers some time, he will see what he could do, she offered him a grateful, princess-like smile, and this time, a brief courtesy, before leaving. For a split second, Alhaitham had to wonder if this Y/N had any amount of noble blood in her lineage - No woman could act so perfectly elegant all the time without some proper training from before you even begin breathing into this world.
Regardless, Alhaitham found himself completely abandoning his work for a whole day in search of accommodating Y/N, and when he searched for her with the piles of books he had for her, all of them old, dusty and tattered, she was outside, under a tree, reading a story to a little fox. Such odd behaviour - Though the fox seemed to enjoy it, as it was purring in her lap as it was being stroked. It was quite the sight for sore eyes, he had to admit.
“Ah, so fast, you needn’t! You are far too kind - There is no way to repay you for your kindness. Allow me to treat you to some tea and a meal tomorrow, please.” Alhaitham shook his head, sitting down next to her. “There are few people actually interested in proper research and academics. If someone came to me, willing to learn, there is no reason why I should decline.” he answered simply. “I do not require any reward. Simply put, I did it because I wanted to. However, if you want to repay me, then tell me - Why do you read so many books, when a lot of pointed information can be found out by simply asking through the Akasha terminal.” Y/N smiled at him enigmatically. “That is a question to which I cannot provide an answer. Not because I am unwilling to disclose the information - In fact, it’s quite silly, rather. The reason behind my silence is that... Due to this device you are wearing, if there is anything that I tell you, whether you wish to share this information with anyone or not, the whole network of people using the Akasha device are going to know, by simply asking. The people wearing this device cannot control the information they disclose - It is actually quite frightening, I might say.” Alhaitham’s jade-like green eyes peered deep into her own; They were so gentle and warm, almost resembling those of a fawn, yet even he could discern the tint of sorrow and loneliness pooling behind them. “You almost sound like a criminal speaking like that.” at the faintest hint of a crystalline chuckle, Alhaitham’s heart skipped a beat - Just one, of course, he simply wasn’t expecting such a sound as a response to his words. Was there something amusing in what he said. “Well, I suppose, considering nobody taught me the laws of Sumeru, there is little I can say to refute such a statement. Who knows, perhaps, in my ignorance, I might have managed to stray away from the right path. Regardless, what I can say is - I am forced by conjuctures to personally gather the information I am seeking. Whatever you wish to do with that information, it is up for your own interpretation, and I am unable to either approve or disprove it.” the man couldn’t help but scoff a little, though he came up with an answer easily.
Somehow, this pretty little princess was just about as much of a fairy as he was, and she, for some reason, managed to trick her way into not wearing a Terminal - Or she made it malfunction. Either way, it would make perfect sense.
“Fascinating as it is to guess, I am no philosopher, I am a researcher who bases his work on the factual, not on stories. I will not lose time coming to an uncertain conclusion.” for some reason, his words made the woman next to him chuckle again, for the second time in less than half an hour. Interesting. “Then, may I be so bold as to ask for your aid again, should I require again some kind of help oh some kind?” the woman asked, seeing as he got up, picking up the large pile of books, yet he seemed to have no intention of handing them other. “If the time allows me to take a detour from my work, then I suppose I see no reason not to help.” he answered briefly. As Y/N stepped in front of him, placing her hands over his own, in an attempt to burden the heavy weight of knowledge, he simply stepped past her. “Just show me where to get them. You may be ignorant of Sumeru’s own law code, but I doubt you would be foolish enough to ignore the laws of physics and even delude yourself that you could carry them yourself and reach home without as much as one of them at least being damaged.” he spoke, walking ahead. 
Y/N couldn’t help but blink in surprise at the rather adorable and gentlemanly reaction of the otherwise stoic in inabordable man, however, she couldn’t help but smile in amusement, catching up to his pace and leading the way. “Judging by your your looks, there is no way you weight more than these books, therefore, given their mass, Newton’s law says that an object can only move another if its mass is greater. A single kilogram equals to exactly 9,81 Newtons. With this knowledge, we have to exchange the parameters with actual numbers, in the Law of Force, which says that Force equals the multiplying of the mass and acceleration of said object; And since acceleration is measured in meters per square second --” he continued ranting on and on about the laws of physics and the approximates he took, only to feel a hand powerfully slap the bottom of the book stack, making them all fly aimlessly in the sky - And be caught with the aid of Y/N’s Dendro vision powers. Y/N was smiling like an innocent child, though, with the way she was fighting back a smirk, it only made her look like a playful, mischievous vixen. “Alhaitham --” she said, a hand covering her smirking mouth. “Has anyone ever told you how adorable you are when you’re rambling with no sense?” the man couldn’t help but be rooted to the spot, completely unresponsive.
What did she mean? Him, ranting idly, for no apparent reason whatsoever? That was completely unlike him - Surely, she must be mistaken - He was trying to educate her; There is reason in everything he says. “Come along, I recently brought over some fantastic bamboo dew tea -- Oh, and I suppose, if you’re interested, I have some sweet Osmanthus wine also, the finest batch. Mr. Zhongli himself vouched for the quality, and there’s no other like him, a true connoisseur in everything fine.” with a delicate hand wrapped gently around his wrist, Y/N guided the speechless man toward her home - A pretty, tall house made out of wood, vines and leaves of all kinds, all of it, carved inside a grand tree. With a wave of her other hand, she created a staircase out of liana, allowing them to get up to the top-most part of her house, where her library was. “It isn’t much, but I hope you feel comfortable enough during your stay.” still, Alhaitham couldn’t utter another word as he went to sit down on the couch. Though he couldn’t help himself and analysed every inch of the chamber, he could still faintly feel the slight rise in his cheeks’ temperature, biological and physiological truth which irked him greatly, as it gave away the speed with which his heart beat, and, consequently, the fact that, despite his ration-based life, he was somehow able to be weak before the effortless charms of a woman like Y/N, who made him act like a fool.
But unlike him, Y/N seemed to be his own personal anti-thesis; Y/N seemed so calm and friendly, so warm and with just the right amount of conversation lines that didn’t border on the obnoxious type of talkative. In fact, Alhaitham might even have to admit, he didn’t mind the sound of her voice, in fact, he might as well admit that he found it rather pleasant to his ears. In only she’d know the stimulant effect her presence alone has on his heart’s rhythm, as though someone had secretly injected him with adrenaline... There must be something to be done about this.
As he asked her about her thesis, he swore, he could see sparkles in her eyes - Her infinite amount of love and dedication for the flora and fauna of both countries was insurmountable - Y/N was writing her thesis out of passion of the living beings, not necessarily out of sheer interest in research, though everything that she’s assimilated clearly set her on the right path. In must have been some kind of miracle that his plan on working on a thesis with that good for nothing Kaveh from  Kshahrewar; Simply, he erased his name from it, and moved on to a singular part of the research, though he had to admit, the environmental conditions weren’t the brightest - The subject, at least, was highly fascinating.
“Would you be interested in writing a project together?” he found himself asking all of a sudden. “A senior had previously proposed a thesis subject that interested me, alas, due to differences of opinions and views, the project fell through. The topic of my half of the thesis was the decoding of the ancient runes from the Ruins of King Deshret's Civilization.” “That does sound like quite the intriguing thesis, and I have to admit, I would also be interested in researching the history of the old civilization... But I’m not used to the harsh environment of the desert, I... Am not sure I would be a proper asset to the team.” Alhaitham hummed in understanding - Even Sumeru people had a hard time dealing with the desert, and knowing the landscapes and the weather from Liyue, he could see the reason behind her reticence. Still, he was passionate not only about this project, but about spending quality time with the woman before him, doing what they know best to do - Study. “As long as you’re willing to join the project, I can deal with accommodating you during the practical field research, as I’m more familiar with the country.” despite her skepticism, Y/N couldn’t help but accept, completely uncaring about any risk whatsoever. As long as she was able to spend time with the man in front of her, everything was going to be fine. “Alright, Alhaitham. Let’s make the most outstanding project the Akademiya has ever seen.” her positive outlook was a rather welcome change of pace, unlike Kaveh and his constant wish to either bicker with him, or complain.
For the rest of the years it took for both Alhaitham and Y/N to graduate, they went on a vast number of adventures - Considering the amount of time it took for them to reach the graduation, it was only fair that they extend their thesis for three major regions - Deshret’s desert area, Greater Lord Rukkhadevata’s Sumeru forests and Rex Lapis’ Liyue - Each of them, with their own distinct and fascinating manuscripts, writing styles, flora, fauna and civilizations that have been rapidly evolving throughout the years. Their project ended up truly being one worthy of envy, but not without merit.
The amount of times they got lost in the desert or had to fight mercenaries and treasure hoarders, got trapped inside pyramids, ruins and underground catacombs, had to solve puzzles and decipher codes, decode runes and languages lost to time, found relics and fossils, cave paintings and old manuscripts describing never-seen and never-heard before wildlife from all over the two countries.
“Are we ever going to find a way out of this mess of a tomb? I feel like a grave-robber that’s about to lose her sanity from the lack of food and water.” Y/N dramatically joked as she used her vines to propel herself up to some suspended platforms and activate some intricate mechanism that was going to open up the door - Hopefully, at least. “We haven’t done all this for all our work to be thrown down the drain.” as the door opened, he readied his sword to attack the activating perpetual robotic monsters, and together, they would fight - Yet Alhaitham especially felt a sense of protectiveness over Y/N - Whether it was over the fact that he’s practically responsible for her life, as he got her into the project... Or perhaps it was the fact that he feared anything happened to her. She was a talented healer, and she often used her vision power to shield him from imminent danger or mend some of the wounds he got from direct confrontation against multiple enemies that came in waves at once.
Though they had lots of practical field trips that involved a ton of travelling, the simpler parts of theoretical research was often done in far calmer environments, be it either of their homes, or a neutral place, namely the popular tea house, so they could also catch a bite. Unfortunately, Puspa cafe often hosted a ton of Akademiya students, and that more often than not meant some of their own classmates, that due to exceeding envy, ended up ruining their pleasant leisure time. Just like that one time when a junior from his own Darshan of Haravatat came over to their table - Masterfully and tactically chosen to be the farther-most, retreated from the majority of the people and in a corner away from the prying eyes - And put her hands on her hips, frowning down at them.
“What are you doing here?!” the stranger asked in a rather irritated voice, yet neither of the two even bothered raising their gaze and acknowledge her presence. “Hey - Don’t ignore me, you -- Gosh, you’re so rude.” still, no answer. “Alhaitham~! Why do you waste your time around such a boring woman? She’s no good, y’know? You don’t need to help her with her studies - She’s a plant lover from Amurta - Nowhere near our above-brilliant Haravatat intellect!” the girl whined, hoping to get the man’s attention, yet once again, she was met with no response. Infuriated, the girl threw herself on the couch next to him, clinging onto his arm and cuddling on his side. “Alhaitham~! You are my senior! You promised to help me with research. In fact - Let’s do our thesis together!” Much to her indignance, the stranger was shrugged off the sofa, and received an irked glare. “I have no idea who you are, nor am I interested in your identity, but I would like for you to stop bothering our study session, otherwise I will be forced to ask the patron to kick you out of the cafe for disturbing other customers.” the flabbergast expression on her face would have been amusing, were it not for her disgusting hostility. “Wait, no -- You can’t do that, I -- Alhaitham, don’t you remember me? I’m your Junior, Emiya! You gave me a book about deciphering ancient texts a month ago, remember?” she tried to plead, but was met with a firm, negative reply. “And you -- You have to stop parasiting him already! Do your own work, for once! Can’t you see you’re inconveniencing him?!” Y/N said nothing. “Say something!” “The Phoenix does not lose sleep over the idle chattering of mice.” Emiya’s eyes widened in complete confusion, though Alhaitham couldn’t help but let out a breath of amusement. She fancied herself an Empress, how lovely. “Wh-What?! You make no sense -- Hey, you’re in Sumeru, not in Liyue anymore, y’know? Get it right already.” for the first time, Y/N rose her gaze to meet Emiya’s; the junior shuddered slightly, realising the cold passiveness of her intimidating demeanour. “I don’t know what kind of delusions you like to feed yourself, but I would ask you to leave our table, unless you wish to get permanently banned from Puspa. I would like to return to the research I was doing for our thesis, until you so rudely interrupted our tireless work. Unlike you, we are not so carefree and leisurely.” Y/N curt voice had a frozen edge, intimidating the girl. “Well, whatever! Go back to your stupid grass work. Alhaitham and I have more intelligent research to conduct - And some practical research, perhaps?” Y/N had to turn her head slightly to the side, demurely hiding her mocking chuckle. “I believe it unethical, stealing one’s project partner. Alas, willow blossoms go in dreams, only to find sorrows hidden on the moon.” Emiya’s eyes were wide, and her jaw to the floor - Her mind had gone numb from stupidity. “You pride yourself with being a Haravatat student, yet you fail to comprehend even the most forward of poems. I have no intention of associating myself with mediocre people.” Alhaitham dismissed the tearing up girl with a bored wave of his hand; Y/N and him had to look away from each other to avoid chuckling, “So... I actually found this interesting Zaytun Peach wine recipe -- And I have some Glaze Lily flowers and Sweet Flower to make tea - I’ve got this snow kept for special occasions - I find tea made out of melted snow to have the richest aroma.” Y/N said, disclosing the contents of the book she was reading; The farthest away from being a research-based book. “The history of the Guili plains and the Guizhong ballista are also rather intriguing. I would be interested in finding out the blueprints and the thought concept behind it and its making.” he hummed in acknowledgement, enjoying reading about the past of Liyue and what similarities and differences exist between it and Sumeru. “Do we have any more of that special delivery Dandelion Wine from Angel’s Share?” “Of course! Master Diluc just recently had a few bottles delivered to me through his brother Kaeya, who was on an errand here in Sumeru. He didn’t stay long for catching up, but he brought the goods, so it’s fine either way.” with a shared look, the two got up and moved their leisure reading back to Y/N’s home, delighting themselves with the most quality wine that Teyvat had to offer. “That’s a fine deal.”
At some point, just a year before their graduation, Alhaitham was going to purchase some alcohol to celebrate a massive breakthrough he had in his research - And consequently, escaping yet another death-nearing experience - His ex-project partner, the senior architect student from Kshahrewar, spotted him. This blond man with a volcanic personality ended up shredding his joined thesis in a fit of frustrating rage, only to end up gluing back together out of regret, once he ended up all alone, bankrupt, and realising his once friend’s harsh words were actually viable advices that he should have heeded long ago.
There was no reproach in his words - Alhaitham had nothing to gain out of making Kaveh feel even more humiliated by his own failures, brought upon him mostly by his overly empathetic nature. He had to admit, bit of this precious and rather naive selflessness he could very often see in Y/N, which only made him feel more afraid that there might be some brainless deadbeats upsetting her or taking advantage of her benevolence.
Still, interestingly enough, after getting drunk enough to spill out all of his grievances, Kaveh found himself speaking of some rather interesting rumours. “Ever heard of the flower fairy rumour?” he asked. “They say once a month, at midnight, there’s this mystical being, beautiful as no other woman, and she dances on the sheen of the lake.” “You don’t seriously believe such ridiculous children stories, do you?” Alhaitham scoffed, raising the beer bottle and drinking a bit, yet his eyes never once left the blond. “I believe it more than the Wisdom Seelie, the children of the forest or the Aranara.” the architect grumbled. “How ridiculous.” still, he couldn’t admit, Alhaitham had his own suspicions on who this might be, and his professional curiosity had him want to come to a concludent answer. “Honestly, if that flower fairy is real, she might be the only living being capable of liking someone as arrogant and insufferable as you. No human woman could ever stand you.” Kaveh hiccuped as he sneered at his refound friend. Such a proposition sounded so much like a challenge, that Alhaitham found himself internally accepting.
Thus, every night for a whole month, Alhaitham hid behind a tree and investigated the lake area for any signs of this supposed fairy - And finally, his hard work came to fruition. From the direction of Y/N’s home, followed by an array of forest animals, the glowing silhouette of a gorgeous woman playing a sorrowful tune on the flute piqued his attention. Indeed, it was Y/N, just as he suspected, yet now he could see why she would be mistaken for a fairy. Wherever her barefeet would step, flowers would grow. Her long, light pink dress, flowy and embroidered with the finest gold thread, made her look like a lotus bloom. Her long hair of the most beautiful shade was embellished with royal-looking jewellery, and even her make up, so soft and delicate, yet so feminine, made her face look prettier than the moon itself.
Placing the flute inside her sleeve, Y/N stepped on the mirror sheen of the lake that seemed to sparkle with zircons from the silver light of the celestial body up on the dark night sky, and accompanied by what no doubt was an old Liyue melody, Y/N performed a dance, so enticing, so fluid, like a willow tree in the gentle breeze of spring. Every move she made, every little twitch and tweak of her joint, her body, all of them were perfectly calculated, even the amount of green dendro magic that made her performance even more alluring and worthy of being mistaken with a fictional mythical being.
By the time she was done, Alhaitham was leaning back on a tree, applauding. From the shock of being discovered, Y/N’s cheeks flared red with warmth and embarrassment. “Of course it had to be you who would find me out.” “It was actually a senior of mine who mentioned the rumours of this supposed flower fairy. I had my suspicions, and I felt compelled to have them approved or denied.” the corner of his mouth slightly twitched upwards in a smug smirk. “It seems my intuition hasn’t failed me yet.” “Tian na!” Y/N found herself softly shaking her head, a gorgeous smile gracing her features as she stepped on the soft grass next to him. “Fate sure has the weirdest ways of bringing people together.” Alhaitham found himself scoffing in distaste at the sheer notion of destiny. “Don’t use such foolish words. We are humans, and we create our of path in life. It is our actions and choices that define us, not the biblical or religious concept of a life already chosen and woven for you since before you are conceived and brought into this wor--” before he could continue rambling on about his own views on fate, Y/N reached up to pick his chin, bringing him down to her level, and with one hand on his shoulder to lean up, she captured his soft lips into a kiss that left him speechless from surprise.  “For years we have been friends, yet I cannot tire of how adorable you are when you’re so flustered that you end up ranting over the weirdest things.” Alhaitham wanted to scold her for doing something so uncharacteristic and unexpected, wanted to refute her claim of him ranting over ‘weird’ things - Or simply, the idea of him ‘ranting’ was ridiculous - Somehow, instead of all that, his body moved on his own and his brain took a short break, and the otherwise stoic man found himself cradling dearly Y/N’s form in his strong arms and sharing a much more loving and intimate kiss that seemed to allow the river of emotions to flow and come undone and expose itself in all its glory and vulnerability.
“You are bulshitting me because I’m drunk.” Kaveh growled at his friend. “You just randomly remembered those stupid rumours about the fairy thing and use that against me.” “I already told you, it’s not my job proving to you that I’m speaking the truth.” Alhaitham simply took another gulp of his beer. “But you said the fairy was just a stupid joke! And you never mentioned working on a thesis with someone else! Or having a friend, let alone a girlfriend! Hell, I thought nobody liked you! I still do!” the architect pointed an accusatory finger in his face. “I refuse to bother replying to your ridiculous disbeliefs anymore.” the scribe huffed, ready to take out his headphones and tune out the noise pollution that Kaveh was providing. “HEY, DON’T IGNORE ME! GIVE ME ANSWERS! I DON’T BELIEVE THAT STUPID STORY--” just as Kaveh shot up to his feet, slamming his hands onto the table, the front door was opened, and a beautiful woman entered the living room. “Honey, I’m home~!” her crystalline voice chimed, making Alhaitham smirk smugly and putting back his headphones in his belt pouch. “I brought some Osmanthus wine and moon cakes!” Kaveh’s eyes bulged out of their orbit and his jaw was to the floor, watching the beautiful woman plop down on the couch next to his friend and sharing such a tender kiss with him. “Oh - You must be Kaveh! I heard so much about you! I’m Y/N. Alhaitham’s fiance. I came to Sumeru from Liyue and enrolled in the Amurta Darshan course and graduated with a joined thesis written with him.” “F-F-Fi... Fi... Ance...?!” the blond fell back on his seat. “I-I thought you said... Girlfriend...” “I actually used the word ‘partner’, to be precise. You simply assumed, and I didn’t bother correcting you. If I were to correct every wrong supposition you’ve had since we’ve met... Well, I have better things to do with my time.” Alhaitham declared, his arm around Y/N’s waist, pulling her subtly to lean on his side, planting a kiss on her temple, purposely annoying his friend. “S-So... You mean... She -- And the Fairy -- And Tighnari’s friend -- And your Thesis partner -- They’re all the same person?!” the crestfallen expression on his face only made the beautiful lady hum in amusement. “Yes, I suppose that is me - I should thank you for the nickname - I think being called a Flower Fairy is highly flattering. Here is my gratitude.” with a graceful swish of her hand, Y/N created a flower crown on the architect’s hair. “...You may be lovely, but I swear, you almost have the same kind of mocking cruelty as he does, hidden behind a pretty smile.” Kaveh groaned, getting up and stumbling towards the other chamber, where his bedroom was. “HEY, HOLD UP! IF YOU’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR SO MANY YEARS, WHY HAVE I NEVER SEEN YOU OVER?!” “No thirds wheels allowed on our dates.” seeing that annoyingly taunting smirk, and the implication behind those words, Kaveh let out another frustrated groan and shot into his room, not wanting to see either of the two anymore. “Perfect timing as always.” Alhaitham praised, pulling Y/N onto his lap. “Yes, well, I have to admit, I was getting cold out there, leaning on the door and waiting for you to finish that story already. Regardless... I think it’s adorable that Kaveh didn’t pick up that the reason you were so intrigued to continue speaking to me was because I fooled the Akademiya not to wear that Akasha device.” Y/N laughed lightly. “One of the many.” he said, bringing her flush against his chest. “Or perhaps, one might say, I was trapped under the charming spell of a certain flower fairy.”
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blacktabbygames · 6 months
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I’ve been a big fan of STP since the first demo, but I’ve been curious about one thing in particular with every new update: Is there any reason why The Stranger route got changed so many times? Was there story troubles with the og design and voice (which I personally liked but that’s neither here nor there) or something like that?
It was a few things: 1. Her voice, while very fun and spooky for a couple of lines in the demo, would have been incredibly grating (IMO) in a prolonged conversation. I know Abby in particular had to cover her ears anytime we watched a stream get to her.
2. The original plan for the route was far too open-ended. All of the other chapter 2's were shaped/limited in scope by the constraints you already had from your relationship with the Princess in chapter 1. Aside from the stranger existing as a contradiction of Princess and world-ending monstrosity, there was no relationship there, which meant the potential scope of it was was enormous for what, IMO, felt like would be very little payoff.
3. Design-wise, a lot of people didn't quite understand what we were going with for her initial look — (a combination of Princess + !Princess as well as a ton of potentialities crammed into one space.)
So overall it wound up being a lot cleaner to focus on how you got to the chapter and what you saw, and to make it a more direct examination of choice and relationships in the face of the infinite (as well as a peak behind the curtain without any of the context necessary to fully get what you just saw.)
I've seen quite a few people bemoan the fact that we even let them get to the stranger as their first princess and I've seen comments wishing that we blocked them off from her until at least the second loop but IMO:
We don't want to hold anyone's hand and force them to play a specific way. (And the game gives you several options to opt-out before you trigger the stranger.)
I actually really like the Stranger as the first Princess encountered by a player. It adds interesting thematic bookends to each side of the story, and turns your experience into something else entirely.
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cuubism · 10 months
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No worries if the prompt doesn't inspire. I just want it out of my brain:
When Dream is captured, his ruby automatically goes to Hob, who is suddenly in charge of the Dreaming. He has to figure out what he's doing, realize his Stranger is missing/rescue him, and try to get answers on why the Dreaming chose him.
this could absolutely be a 100k epic, which... i just don't have the energy for right now, but here's a potential scene:
--
Hob's been to more than a few castles in his long life. Hob's as old as more than a few castles. He's seen them from afar, and in more prosperous times he's been in them, majestic old forts and comparatively modern palaces bursting with color and finery and legions of staff.
And the thing about castles is they're busy. It takes a lot of staff to run a castle. The only castles Hob's seen that were empty were the ruined ones, fortresses that predated even Hob, were nothing but crumbling remnants by the time he ever set foot inside.
More like tombs, those castles. Relics. Memorials.
The palace he's in now feels more like that.
It hasn't crumbled, still has all its glass intact, its draperies and rugs not yet moth-eaten, the strong pillars of the throne room still reaching up to an infinite sky. It's beautiful, fine stone and intricate carvings, stained glass murals and impossible bridges--but desolate. And quiet. Quiet enough his soft, bare footsteps echo loudly on the flagstones as he walks towards the empty throne at the end of the long room.
It's so empty. He hasn't seen a soul yet. Twilight falls through the stained glass, casting patterns of red and orange at his feet. Winding stairs meander up to the throne, nearly lost in the gloom. Melancholy blooms in his heart, like he knows, through some instinct, that this place should be different. The feeling of standing in ruins of stone and thinking, this was grand, once.
The ruby glows in his palm, pulsing steadily.
Hob slowly ascends the stairs, unsure exactly what he's looking for. Answers? A way to revive this place from its steadily deepening torpor? He just climbs, and he reaches the throne, and runs his hand over the hard cut stone. Imposing, unforgiving, and no trace of its master. The king's gone.
For all his many careers, Hob's never been any sort of king. It's not something one just becomes.
He wanders behind the throne, just below the high stained glass windows. The ruby warm in his palm. When he steps into the shadows, they change, and a new room appears around him. A softer, more enclosed room, for private musings rather than public audiences. A bedroom. The king's bedroom.
Morpheus's bedroom.
Hob startles, grip closing around the ruby. He doesn't know how the name comes to him. Only he holds the ruby, and he feels it.
The room is simpler than he might have expected of a king, almost sparse, as if little time is spent there. The draperies are dark, the bare stone floor cold underfoot, and the massive window looks out over twilit fields and mountains, an entire kingdom below.
Hob almost walks over to it, but his attention is diverted by the robe that lays strewn across the bed, disrupting the otherwise untouched lines of the linens. He picks up the hem of the long, black cloak. The fabric flows like mercury between his fingers for all that it's heavy and thick like a shield. Like a shroud.
Hob gathers it up in his arms, a quiet gasp escaping him. He knows such black clothing. He knows this ruby. Only he hadn't seen it before. Hadn't seen that he was dreaming.
Morpheus. His stranger. A king and he'd never said.
He'd always had that bearing, though, Hob thinks as he twists his hands in the impossibly soft fabric of the coat. He'd never have let Hob in here, especially not after how they'd left things. He'd never have given Hob his ruby, which Hob can now feel isn't just an expensive trinket but actually some sort of powerful object. If they'd even reunited, if his stranger had returned, Hob had expected at best concessionary forgiveness for his bluntness, and possible just sullen silence. Not an invite to his inner sanctum.
A space which his stranger is conspicuously absent from.
Hob doesn't like the feeling of what it adds up to.
He takes the cloak, and the ruby. Lays a hand indulgently on the bedspread, imagining his-- his friend, he'll be determined about it, sleeping there. Not he seems to sleep much, from the look of things.
Then he leaves Morpheus's bedroom be, and goes to see if there's anyone left in this abandoned kingdom who can tell him what's happened to his friend.
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drdemonprince · 3 months
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what made you choose a deer for your fursona?
It's a long story that I am all too happy to tell!
I first attended Midwest Furfest in 2018, after years of being curious about it. My boyfriend at the time was a member of the Neo-Futurists Theater, and the Neo's had a longstanding relationship with the MFF community. They perform their flagship show (Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind, later rebranded as The Infinite Whale) there every year, and when the theater company's former founder attempted to steal their show name/copyright following his ousting due to sexual assault allegations, MFF really came through to offer considerable moral support.
There was lots of goodhearted joking about the furry community within that theater space, and I'd always been curious about furries and a supporter of them in heart if not in fact, and so I finally decided one year to tag along, see my boyfriend performing there, and walk around the convention floor and visit the dealer's den during my down time.
I absolutely LOVED IT. I was completely blown away by the artistry of the suits and the playful spirit of the suiters. I ran into a few friends there, outing them as furries to me, and we grew closer. I also took notice of some teal, sparkly resin antlers while I was in the Dealer's Den:
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I snapped those things up and put them on immediately. Some stranger started to pet me right away (which is technically a convention consent violation, and should *not* be done, but I personally was the opposite of troubled by being treated in this way) and I was hooked.
I had always had a "thing" for antlers and horns since playing the PS2 game Ico back in the early 2000's. The young male protagonists horns representing an unwanted appendage and a visible "curse" was very appealing to me... as a boy who had been saddled with two very unwanted appendages of my own. (trangsender). I also have had many very magical encounters with deer in Ohio and Pennsylvania where I grew up. As a skiddish bottomy freak whose caused a lot of car accidents, a prey animal that also has the power to kill people in vehicles seemed plenty apt. So when I found some antlers to wear, it seemed like a natural enough fit for a potential fursona.
Then my friend @jettvector designed my fursona, using the teal antlers as a jumping off point. (this art has his old watermark on it, but he goes by jettvector now. commission him!):
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Now that I had a friend-assigned fursona and was officially a furry, I ran with it, and began commissioning some art that further refined my image of the character:
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this is from 9inko on Instagram
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this one is from @heresvix, who specializes in deer
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and this one is from @murgzt . I am currently having a partial fursuit of this iteration of the character made by Daring Duck Designs!! :0
A few things that I love about my sona's design: I love that his ears are big and really stick out, as my ears do the same, I love that he has a spot reflecting my monroe piercing, I love that deers are spotted in general, which can allow me to recast my own bacne scars in a more positive light, and i love that his greenish teal skin reflects my own olive complection (which I used to get a lot of weird comments about as a kid and felt self conscious about).
I also accumulated some gear in the meantime that allowed me to better embody my deersona, who I now call DD (which stands for Deer Devon, Docile Deer, Devon Dawn, my former DD tits, or any numer of potential things haha)
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Hood by Miss Kinky Latex UK, photo by @photopotamus.
I have become a little bit more of a furry with each passing year, and it wouldn't have been possible without the hard work and creativity of so many people within the fandom, many of whom are beloved friends. <3 That's part of what makes it so special. Thanks for asking!
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beanzfandoms · 5 months
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୨⎯ "𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 & 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭" ⎯୧
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✎ Made: March 17th, 2024
🎙️Hello, I'm Beanz! I'm a writer with a busy brain! I daydream a lot, and I'll most likely write those daydreams into stories! All my fanfictions on this page are gender-neutral unless stated otherwise!
If you also like fanfiction unrelated to x reader, please consider checking out my other works on here too! I also post about my ocs and projects I'm working on! I'm hoping to start being more consistent, so stay tuned! 📻
🎷Also, I have a community server, where anyone and everyone can show off their works! Whether you are a writer, artist, or have any other creative hobbies, we welcome you to join!
Join server: Here!
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〣Upcoming Pieces〣
Nothing for Now...
〣Ongoing Pieces〣
The Stag and The Heron (Human! Alastor x Reader):
(Y/n), forced to be confined by societal standards, wishes for someone to understand them. Everywhere they look, it seems as though the people they once knew have abandoned them. It's not until they are introduced to a well-known radio host that they realize their true potential.
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What I like:
⤷Supernatural
⤷Genshin Impact
⤷Resident Evil
⤷Creepypasta
⤷Hazbin Hotel
⤷Baldur's Gate 3
Here's what I can do:
⤷Fluff & Angst
⤷Platonic & Romance
⤷Child Reader/Teen Reader
⤷Gender Neutral Reader/Female Reader
⤷Head cannons & Blurbs
Requests are open!(0/3)✅
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〣Genshin Masterlist〣
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〣Supernatural Masterlist〣
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❛Miscellaneous Oneshots❜
Chris McLean x Reader
“Get over yourself, McLean” - Chris McLean x reader: You and Chris used to be a thing, and despite the hurt he caused you; work is work. You aren't going to hide away just because of him.
Chris being a man baby head cannons
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
“Nice to meet you, Thomas” - Leatherface x Female! Reader: An AU where the Hewitt's are a normal family working in their worn down-town for a living. The reader's family moves in next store, wanting a new life for themselves and be friendly with the neighbors.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
Present Silence - Clockwork x Reader: Clockwork visits an old friend and is reminded of her past.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
The Comfort of a Partner - Leon Kennedy (Infinite Darkness) x Reader: Leon's partner subtly comforts him in the only way they know how.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
Humble Til Death - Ascended Astarion x Vampire! Reader: The war between vampires and humans has begun, and every duke and spawn a like look to the Vampire Ascendant to help in battle. As they discuss what needs to be transpired, a stranger outcasted by both sides joins the discussion with a humble approach, which catches Lord Ancunin's attention.
˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
Party For One - Vox x Idol! Reader: (Y/n) was once an overlord, dominating the music industry with their talent and the souls they captured along the way. Then Vox came into their life and stole their heart with his big dreams. Everything was great for the lovers at first, then Vox wanted to team up with other overlords for more power. Vox became obsessed over his work, and with also looking out for the other Vee's, (Y/n) begins to realize that maybe they were never part of Vox's plans. They decide that it is time to start again and leave Vox behind.
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❛Miscellaneous Series❜
The Stag & The Heron: Human! Alastor x Reader
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Prologue - (Y/n), forced to be confined by societal standards, wishes for someone to understand them. Everywhere they look, it seems as though the people they once knew have abandoned them. It's not until they are introduced to a well-known radio host that they realize their true potential. Chapter One - Alastor offers (Y/n) a job, and though they are hesitant, they accept.
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❛Y/n Meets Resident Evil❜
Chris Redfield: Himbo Friend Edition Jill Valentine: Wife Edition Albert Wesker: Dad- OH
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〣 If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! My work is intended for entertainment purposes only. Please do not repost anything without my permission. Thank you! 〣
Last Updated: April 12th, 2024 ✎
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heavenlythea · 1 year
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you are love and you are loved
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out of all of the possibilities, all of the potential scenarios it was you who came into existence. all that is, great I AM, the God itself chose to experience life through you specifically. you chose to experience life through you. instead of being nothing, you chose to experience filling your lungs with fresh air and hear beautiful melodies and smell lovely flowers and have thoughts and feelings and friends and feel love. instead of just being love, you chose to experience feeling loved.
your whole existence is an act of love. you did not throw yourself into an alien world filled with strangers and circumstances that are always against you. you gave yourself the whole world. you gave yourself an infinite amount of realities with which you can fill your life. and all of those realities are not just yours, they are you. you are all of the people and opportunities and love and flowers and melodies.
and since you (the God) love yourself so unconditionally, you are allowing yourself to experience absolutely anything from great love to great pain and your world is responding to you to deepen your experience. just how you can feel that the world is always against you, you can feel that the world is always supporting you no matter what because at the end of the day, it's not the world, it's you and what you're choosing to experience.
now, i know that it's not easy to relax yourself into love. it's not easy to expect support from the same sources that used to throw punches at you. but that is okay. it's okay to be scared. it's okay to feel uncertain. by embracing where you're at, you can ignite real love and strength within yourself. but it's okay to be scared first.
i do believe that embracing the law of assumption goes to a certain extent hand in hand with self-development, but the law goes much further. self-development is about getting rid of limitations so that it's easier for you to see that you are loveable. but unconditional love is about embracing that you are loveable even with your limitations. actually, that's what you came here to experience, you are supposed to have limitations, if you weren't you wouldn't be a human being.
you can receive love and support of your whole reality even when you're scared. you can receive love and support of your whole reality even if you don't think you deserve it. you can receive the love and support of all of existence simply because you exist. your existence is proof of that. if you wouldn't be worthy of unconditional love, you couldn't exist. the idea of someone unworthy of love and support simply doesn't exist.
allowing love into your life even just a little bit makes you better naturally. it makes you lighter. it makes you closer to your I AMness. and it's a point that you have to eventually arrive at anyway. you can't keep on "getting better" to deserve your own love in the form of your dreams. you're running like a hamster in a wheel for something you deserve without the effort. that is acting out of fear, not out of unconditional love.
you will always have imperfections. you will always make mistakes. you will always get scared every once in a while. that's why true love is unconditional because it loves regardless of any conditions or circumstances. being perfect is not the goal because then you're still just conditioning the love.
all of your role models, idols, celebrities, CEOs, presidents, models from photos on ig and pinterest, or whatever are still imperfect. they get scared, they have things they're ashamed of, they may feel unloveable or unworthy sometimes, they did or went through some really bad things, but they don't let it stop them from living life the way they want to. and you don't have to either.
you are love and you are loved. the love of all of existence is your own love. your existence is proof of it 🤍
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laluvlidovezgal · 5 months
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✦ 𝐓𝐇𝐄.
.𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐒 ✦
✦ 𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐆𝐍.
.𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑 ✦
✦ 𝐈𝐌.
.𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 ✦
✦ 𝐘𝐎𝐔.
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𝑨𝑰𝑲𝑨 𝑯𝑨𝑵𝑨𝑴𝑨𝑹𝑰 ⎯ 𝘚𝘏𝘌/𝘏𝘌𝘙
hi, hello, heyo!
a stranger amongst many. sincerest of greetings from me to you!
a teen astray the infinite void, aimlessly adrift the tremous journey of studying ⎯ a newfound author, honoured to make your acquaintance.
have you ever felt that hefty feeling, so overbearing that you wonder as to endeavour a charade ⎯ a deceitful escapade from reality?
why, darling, fret not!
please, if you may ⎯ i humbly encourage you ought solitude within my abode ⎯ now a shared sanctuary ⎯ to ensure a tapestry for us through a mutual desire of a longing to infinitely be enveloped in a mesmerizing reverie, by the means of our limitless imaginary.
despite a majority of society potentially deeming it all a mere delusion — i yearn to grant me and you boundless indulgence in our false reality.
seek refuge in our fantastical daydreams. manifested as I weave mine to words, laid to the utmost flare of my capabilities, to gift a safe haven for you and me.
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in this station specifically, i’ll be primarily concentrating on short stories.
such as scenarios, oneshots, hcs, etc…
i tend to harvest in the realm of many themes.
yet even still, i’d prefer to keep mine mature—pardon, not in that explicit way, however.
it is merely themes centering with ones such as gore, violence, harsh language, etc…
nonetheless, i am open with engaging in multiple fandoms.
ɴᴀᴍᴇʟʏ…
tdlosk/sknpn.
tbhk/jshk.
╰ var. (requested)
ds/kny.
var. (crossover)
var. (isekai)
t. muichiro (short story)
╰ t. giyuu (oneshot)
╰ t. muichiro (ramble)
╰ t. muichiro (oneshot)
╰ t.muichiro (requested)
thh & sdr2 & drv3.
jjk.
╰ g. satoru (oneshot)
gi & hi & hsr.
var. (crossover)
╰ scaramouche // gi. (drabble)
bsd/lsd.
pjsk/cs.
snjc.
kcc.
aot/snk.
fbje/snf.
onk.
hazbin hotel.
soe/ons.
sxf.
sec . acc (do check it out! this is where i post my artworks and stuff)
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any of you’re radiant displays of endless support,
evokes a heavenly bliss within me.
kindling a whimsical jubilation,
i had not fathomed remained.
as serendipity intertwines our paths,
my fervent aspiration is to adorn you
with even the most delicate semblences,
of that ineffable warmth.
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atiny-for-life · 3 months
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Xikers Full Storyline Explained - Part 1
Masterlist
NOTE: Apologies for the new post - I accidentally deleted the old one when I was cleaning up my old posts in the mass editor so I had to rewrite it from scratch.
도깨비집 (TRICKY HOUSE)
Side-Note:
The meaning behind the name "Xikers", to reference Minjae from Showterview, stems from a combination of 'X' and 'hikers' in which the 'x' represents an unknown variable in math but also the Roman numeral X, meaning 10 (they're 10 members) while 'hikers' means travelers - combine the two and we get the general meaning of "10 boys who travel through infinite time and coordinates"
The Korean title "도깨비집" translates to "Goblin House" which already provides us with the concept of the entire MV - Xikers are goblins
More specifically, they're Dokkaebi which stem from Korean folklore and possess a multitude of supernatural abilities which vary between regions and tales
For the purpose of this MV, we'll be focusing on the following abilities and characteristics: they're mischievous and enjoy playing pranks on mortals, they possess inanimate objects (i.e. common household items), blue flames herald the appearance of a dokkaebi - keep all this in mind as we begin our analysis of the MV
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We open on a business man resting his eyes in a near fully empty subway car and can already see a familiar figure in the background: Jinsik
He's listening to music as he spots this video's victim and proceeds to get up and place his headphones over the stranger's ears
Immediately, the man's eyes fly open and the madness begins as Yechan's voice kicks in with the first line of the song
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In a trance, the man gets up and watches Jinsik as he backs away and begins to perform on his way to the end of the subway car
He turns on his heel, opens the door to the adjoining car and disappears into the darkness beyond, only to instantly be replaced with Junmin who comes leaping out - an exchange that happens too instantaneously to be humanly possible
Side-note: It's really sick practical effect - and it's only the first of many (I fucking love this MV)
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Junmin picks up the performance where Jinsik left off and also proceeds to summon three further members with a fluid movement that sends out blue glowing streaks of light - the blue fire heralding the appearance of further dokkaebis
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The remaining members appear shortly after , seemingly by the same door Jinsik disappeared through - however, this is when the space around this poor man begins to bend the fabric of reality
We see him facing the second half of the group as he suddenly begins to rush backward, pass through a doorway and stop right by the first group (another perfectly executed practical effect)
We're now forced to accept that we've left behind such concepts as the laws of physics
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The lyrics here really drive home that, to these dokkaebis, this is all just great fun ("This is a game, yeah, welcome to my playground") - they just wanna mess with this guy, make him sing and dance for their own entertainment
Following Yechan's rap, the business man's cheeks fill up before he pukes out multiple blue streaks of light which very much drives home that this guy is fully possessed at this point
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During the immediate aftermath, the environment begins to warp further, expanding the subway car to create a wide enough space to serve as a stage for ten people
The overhead ceiling also changes completely to a clockwork-like interior made up of interlinking gears and chains
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As the chorus continues, we also switch to blue lighting and then fully shift into a CGI space in which the blue glowing wisps freely fly around the members
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We switch to the second verse which also returns the subway car dimensions to normal
It is then that we see the businessman is no longer wearing his headphones, as he's presumably too deep into his possession to be pulled out by noise alone, and takes a microphone out of his briefcase, indicating a potential pre-existing interest in singing
However, we don't get to witness him perform just yet, instead, we see him get out at the next stop and sway on his feet as he tries to stand still in his ongoing trance
He's just about to collapse when he falls back into a shopping cart and suddenly, we're no longer by the subway tracks but in another corridor just as empty as the former space had been
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But the man isn't really alone
All ten members appear around him, pushing him along in the cart - a shot that is then briefly replaced by him rolling along only surrounded by a few streaks of blue light
It's made clear that he's the only one capable of seeing these spirits - to the rest of the world, he'd appear to be doing all this to himself
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While the lyrics reiterate the hallucination-like state of the situation, our mischievous beings, of course, take the business guy to an arcade where they proceed to waste all his money on winning plushies and goofing around
We get some really pretty lighting in this scene and some neat fisheye lens shots of Minjae guiding us through the location
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Moving into the second half of the video, the tension keeps building as the possession escalades further and further
We see the man (covered in his spoils from the arcade, aka a shitton of plushies) fully lose himself in hallucinations of giant plushs who approach him in an empty parking garage and proceed to join him in a little dance performance
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His dance group alternate with half the Xikers members before we cut to a shot of a giant hand pulling the strings of our business man who's now no more than a puppet to forces beyond his comprehension
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The dokkaebis then decide to continue on with their stroll through the city and take the man along in his familiar shopping cart
Along the way, they perform in a bike storage tunnel before they reach their next destination: the fairgrounds
Here, they leave the poor guy to ride endless circles on the carousel while they themselves enjoy their ongoing performance of the chorus
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It's then that the illegal activity comes to a head as the man takes a metal pipe to an ATM which causes the bills within to erupt and rain down on the still performing dokkaebis
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The melody then switches up, slowing down a bit, becoming more entrancing
We find our business man in a black void, looking absolutely out of it, as he gets circled by the familiar blue wisps
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It is then that we cut to a red Porsche conveniently located in the center of a vacant parking lot
We can only presume it was purchased with the money from the banged up ATM
The man gets in, starts the engine, grabs the steering wheel and steps on the gas pedal as the song goes from a slight fade out to a steady beat accompanied by the members chanting together
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In the darkness of night, he's driving donuts around Xikers who're performing their dance break as the wind picks up around them
Ghost-like white pieces of fabric are being carried along by the borderline storm which is beginning to form with Xikers in its eye
It is here that we move into the iconic "Shanty-shanty-ay-a-ya"
Side-note: "shanty" is the name for both a small shack-like house (potentially referencing the Tricky House) and sailor's work songs from the past which were created to accompany rhythmic laborious tasks as they would help sync up their movements (potentially referencing the repeated chanting of the line)
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During this section, we repeatedly cut back to the previous stops of the night's excursion until we wrap it up with Xikers in the parking garage
Once the song is over, we return to the business man on the empty parking lot
He's laying there alone, his briefcase nearby and no signs of a red car or plushies anywhere
However, he's surrounded by exactly ten brooms, representing the ten dokkaebis who just so happen to have the ability to possess households objects - mysterious
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astraltadpole · 2 months
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Oblodra remnant: Tav x Emp origin fic idea
House Oblodra origin https://forgottenrealms.fandom.com/wiki/House_Oblodra
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Your Tav could be a drow or half-drow originally from House Oblodra, most likely a lesser-connected noble, retainer, or slave. House Oblodra is an extinct drow house that was known for its strange experiments in psionic powers and disturbing links to illithids. Approximately 130 years before the start of BG3, House Oblodra launched a coup against the other ruling houses in Menzoberranzan, the drow capital. Because weave-based magic was unreliable then, during the "Time of Troubles," House Oblodra's terrifying psionic powers left them nearly unopposed in their conquest. Lolth herself intervened to destroy Oblodra and their unnatural ways.
YOUR TAV could be a survivor of this incident, either a shock trooper (psi warrior), assassin (soulknife assassin), or perhaps a noble or noble bastard that was able to escape. How do they feel about what happened? Where did they go when they escaped?
Did they stay in the Underdark, or did they flee to the surface, and what have they been doing for the last 130 years? Did they stay connected to their psionic powers, or did they cut themselves off from it? Did they turn to other gods, or turn away from them at all? Did they try to seek out a mind flayer colony? What do they think of illithids? Bonus: What do you want to do with the in-game example of a last survivor of House Oblodra, Araj Oblodra, aka the creepy blood lady at Moonrise Towers? (Did you figure out that she wants True Soul blood for weird, illithid purposes?)
For Lae'zel: this kind of Tav and Lae'zel may actually have very similar backgrounds on how they were raised. What does Tav think of her, and how do they get along? Is Tav naturally wary of Lae'zel while wanting to be her friend? Tav has a lot to lose in this situation because even before the tadpole they were already "ghaik trash."
And, how do they react to Omeluum and the Emperor? Is a friendly illithid all they wanted, or are they more paranoid than usual? Do they commune with the astral tadpole? What do they think about all this?
Vibe ideas: Think of the post-order 66 jedi children who ran away to escape destruction, and how they attempted to blend into society and hide their powers. Some of them cut themselves off from the Force. Did you know that the psionics in dnd were influenced by Star Wars, and the "Psi Warrior" class takes direct inspiration from Darth Vader? Don't you love how nerd ideas all flow together? Or, for a love letter back to Stranger Things, which loves dnd itself, why not play with a character who could have been like Eleven?
You see it now, don't you, the fic potential for this background? Isn't this fun??
Don't worry about trying to figure out how psionics work in dnd if you don't want to mess with that. Have them class into something else, or give them a few BG3 illithid powers activated at the start. For fun, you could have the "Telepathic" feat from dnd, which is not in the game, but it allows a character to cast a free slot of Detect Thoughts without anyone knowing they did that, and they can constantly speak in the minds of others they can see within 60ft.
Anyway, have fun with that if you want it. I always enjoy making custom characters in RPGs with backgrounds that connect to the most drama when I go in to write a fic. This is the background I've chosen for my Emp-romancing Tav-- a misfit half-drow/wood-elf with murky illithid connections who was a psi warrior back in the day. He escaped to the surface and fell into the life of an adventurer, a Swords Bard who became a follower of Eilistraee. A bombastic and loving party animal whose mind-reading powers have made him very understanding of other people's bullshit, and very suited to solving all these weirdos' personal problems.
Like all good ideas, I find they are best when shared, and there are infinite permutations to how they can play out. So I lovingly offer this up for you, to see what you do with it, just as people all have a different Durge. I hope you consider this and feel free to ping me if you do. Go have fun out there.
Here's your lore link again:
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deke-rivers-1957 · 2 months
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ECU Film Ranking Part 1
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This will be a 3 part series where after 10 or so movies, I'll rank them in reverse order with 10 being the worst and 1 being the best. My ranks are based on how much I liked the movie, how much I liked Elvis' character, and how well made it was. Each entry will have an explanation so I hope my opinions make sense. If you have any disagreements feel free to share them. Enjoy!
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Roustabout
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The problem with this movie is simple: it completely misses the point of Charlie's character. When you think about what the movie wants us to believe, Charlie is supposed to be a grown man who's got a chip on his shoulder about being made an orphan and wants his respect. While the movie does show him as pushing back when he's being disrespected, Charlie isn't a jerk who needs to get rid of the chip on his shoulder. If anything Charlie is a saint for having to deal with people who actively hate him. In fact outside of bit characters and Mr. Carver, everyone else is infinitively times worse. How are we supposed to think Charlie needs to learn his lesson when the whole time we're on his side of most confrontations? Overall, it was a good story concept with terrible execution as it a completely wasted potential storylines and an amazing soundtrack.
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(John Lennon wrote Revolution 9.)
Wild in the Country
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On paper this should be an absolute banger of an Elvis movie: An angry young man who has no faith in himself until he meets someone who inspires him to be better. Too bad the movie felt like it had no idea on how to work with that concept. You get the feeling that each writer had a different story idea but was never able to execute it from start to finish. For instance, the ending was supposed to be tragic but instead became bittersweet in the most mild way possible. Given how this movie initially sets this serious tone where a character's bad actions will have consequences, the ending does a complete 180. Nothing of consequence happens and the movie suffers because of it. If the most intense part of the movie is done and over with in 5 minutes with no time to even digest what happened before we see Glenn go off to college you just sit there thinking "what was the point of that if nothing came out of it?" It's slightly better because at least the first third gave us some of Elvis' best character moments with Glenn giving an emotional monologue about his life.
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Love Me Tender
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Story wise it's a step up from the other two, but still suffers from executing a vision. The entire 3rd act destroyed whatever character arc Clint had going for him. I get the idea that Clint suddenly turning on Vance and Cathy just because practical strangers filled his head with ideas was something that was added at the last minute to make Elvis more relevant despite an originally smaller role. I can understand Clint being insecure about his manhood and doubting his wife's loyalty, but the execution of that was terrible. Just fix Clint's character arc in the 3rd act, and this movie would've been fine.
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Paradise, Hawaiian Style
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There's nothing wrong with Rick as a character. The problem's that he's boring. He doesn't have much of a character arc as it's not like him saving Danny showed a new side of him. His womanizing is his character flaw and the driving factor of his irresponsibility. Him rescuing Danny doesn't change that and it definitely doesn't give his romance with Friday any weight as I simply don't believe they have any chemistry. Then again, the only vision this movie had was to showcase actual Hawaii and the Polynesian people. For the 1960s they did that in a pretty respectful way. Drums of the Islands is a great finale song with beautiful visuals. It's a nice finale to conclude an otherwise boring movie. But what a finale it is.
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Clambake
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As much as I love Scott's character arc, the songs are a mixed bag and the production at times is bad. I also wasn't that enthused about Scott and Dianne's relationship as I thought Dianne was boring. The side characters are fine but again nothing to write home about. I do think that if this was given more time it would've been better, but as it stands it's not at all the worst story. The ballads keep the soundtrack from being completely terrible. It's in general a very mediocre movie with an amazing character arc.
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(Joe DiMaggio wore the number 5.)
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Production wise this is easily the worst one as some of the effects are so bottom of the barrel of what they wanted to achieve. The story had elements that would've been amazing but simply never expanded on them. However, JODIE IS PEAK. Way more interesting than Josh and easily could've been the main character. The revelation that he's not Pappy's son alone should've been talked about in the movie as opposed to being a throwaway line. His ballad for Midge easily the best song in the movie. Such a shame this movie was rushed out. I genuinely think if they had Elvis just be Jodie, it would've been an absolute banger. The side characters have more personality than Josh and it carries what would've otherwise been a boring movie.
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Jailhouse Rock
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This movie is ICONIC but character wise Vince falls a bit flat and I have mixed opinion his relationship with Peggy. Vince waffling between liking Peggy and being cold to her is strange. Especially since Peggy simply disappears for a long period of time. When they get together at the end it's like all of the justification for why things were forgiven happened off screen as opposed to naturally seeing it play out. If you simply boil it down to a cocky young man falling off his pedestal and opening up to people, then the movie works. It's very well made but there are still wrinkles that keep it from being in my top 3.
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(2 and 3 are interchangeable. They're about even so the difference is simply what I like a little bit more today.)
GI Blues
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Story wise I don't see anything that's really wrong with this movie. I think Tulsa is a good character. Any criticisms I have boils down to how I would've written the same story but in a different way. I guess the one criticism I do have is that we get the lie reveal plot element over in done with so little time, that there was no point of even including it. Overall, it's still a well made and enjoyable movie but it doesn't blow me away.
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Girl Happy
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This is low key one of the best stories in an Elvis movie. It does the lie reveal cliche right as it gives this plot element enough time to develop, climax and then resolve itself naturally. Nothing about this is forced therefore everyone involved feels like they're real people. The point of the conflict is that Rusty is supposed to watch Valerie without her knowing that he's been asked to watch her. If Valerie knew, then she wouldn't want to be around him and would only become more sneaky. The emotional conflict of her finding him and Deena together isn't anyone's fault as it wasn't like anyone wanted to act out of malice. Everyone reacted within reason and despite the miscommunication, this is a situation where telling the truth would've only complicated things. You feel bad for everyone involved and regardless of who you think is in the right, you can totally understand where the other side is coming from. The songs are still very much a mixed bag and that's why I can't put it as my number one, but as a love story it's very underrated.
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(You know I had to do this lol.)
Loving You
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What can I say it's Elvis' story if he had an actual happy ending. As much as I don't like how Glenda is as a character the ending makes you think she will change. Deke is such a lovable character and it only makes you wonder why he doesn't have a lot of friends. I was angry for Deke when he just forgave Glenda that quickly by coming back. I'm not sure if it's simply because that's who Deke is, or if it's on the writers for not showing us his thought process. It's similar to my criticisms for GI Blues segment. It's simply a matter of "good concept, I just would've executed it a little differently". The songs are all functional to amazing. The movie is very well made as it doesn't feel the need to blast you in the face with color. If anything Deke going from generic "farmer's clothes" to a vibrant white/red combo is so fitting. When Deke is on stage he really comes to life. Even in his regular clothes, it's like they added a brightness to them. Unintentional I'm sure but it's incredible how Deke's clothes reflect his rise from nothing. He goes from being lonely and having low self esteem to feeling joy knowing he isn't alone anymore. Such a shame it's lost in the shuffle of his other 50s movies. This one definitely stands out on its own.
AN: Thank you all for following along with my reviews. If I missed a tag I'm real sorry.
Tagging: @arrolyn1114, @thedaisymaisy, @that-hotdog, @peaceloveelvis, @imaginationlast, @fuzzymusic94, @helen06dreamer, @sfull12345, @briefpandatimemachine, @alittlemoreelvis, @lynettethemadscientist, @motht-eeth, @ash-omalley, @spooky-hazex, @teamnefarious, @blighted-star, @ab4eva, @oh-my-front-door, @father-of-2cats, @atleastpleasetelephone, @xanatenshi, @crazymadpassionatelove, @burnthheparaphilia, @aliengoth3, @smokeymountainboy, @stormie-ryan23
@yksuwyksud, @tacozebra051, @alienelvisobsession, @vintageoldsoul, @ohmygiddd, @lovininapinkcadillac, @stephthestallion, @mistyspresley, @bisexualwvtson, @ahundredlifetime, @karel-in-wonderland, @elvispresleywife, @georgefairbrother, @moonchild-daniella, @musiclover712, @worldofyns, @sillybookmarks, @g00d2balive, @leighpc, @generoustreemystic, @peskybedtime, @thetaoofzoe, @renegadewarrior, @vintagepresley, @tupelomiss, @myradiaz, @pinkcaddyconfessions, @kiankiwi, @presley72elvis, @delulubutidontcare, @januarypresley1969, @livelaughelvis, @hooked-on-elvis, @slayingjd, @ilivebecauseiamforced, @dusintv, @cattcb, @eapep, @jaqueline19997, @richardslady121, @iloveelvis2, @lett-them-eatt-cake, @if-i-can-dream-of-elvis, and @lookingforrainbows.
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penroseparticle · 4 months
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Curation 2024: Flesh and Marble
Hey! You got an hour?
I love curation. I like taking the unending deluge of information, of sensations, of stuff that the world throws at us, and I just. I think one of the kindest, most gentle things you can do for another person is say "look at this. Decision paralysis is banished, information overload is dead, check out this story I've created. Look at these specific rocks out of the infinite combinations of rocks there are. Not just these rocks, but this order. See the narrative? There's a through line, if you look. Trust Me. Take my hand."
I love making playlists for that exact reason. You almost have to make them like throwing pots, with a reckless abandon that allows for a stroke of inspiration. But also, you kind of have to be allowed to let a few off the wheel lumpy and potential but not fully realized. You gotta Get Down with the concept of failure. To burn through them until you find just the right combination of songs that captures a feeling, a time, a memory. A museum of music.
I like museums because they are, more than anything, a signpost for what we find important. A landmark. The public art of city streets given form in an art museum, sometimes even through that same public art, often divorced of context, because museums don't let themselves be weird enough. To commit to the bit enough.Too few museums truly curate, truly immerse in the story. Give you a reason to follow the threads they lay. You start to almost resent it. Get in your feelings. Feel Sum Kinda Way. But once you learn to speak museum, you realize that they can only meet you halfway, and you are your own curator as you wander hallowed halls and learn about building materials, about Rothko, about postage stamps. You pick your own adventure. And you fall in love with museums all over again.
So when I find a museum or something that I enjoy, I just. Lose It. I want to share it. I want to take you along and say "LOOK AT THIS. How Does It Make You Feel." I want you to share in the wonder, and the marvel. So sometimes I even write. Sometimes I say, I can enchant you, ensnare you. I can bring you along the line, into the fold, I can capture a sunray for the length of a paragraph. Time frozen in amber, in service of you seeing just a touch of the magic.
I almost died again this year. Maybe more than once. There's Comedy in death. Even near death. We have to let ourselves laugh at it. We stay silly right? You can't greet death as an old friend if you're scared of him. But you can't chase after him either. He's coy. He's shy. He'll come when he's ready. And I'm not ready now either.
I don't think I'm as scared anymore though. I wouldn't say You're My Best Friend, Death. But you're certainly no stranger. You're not someone I would turn away, and I would share a drink with you. I would be tender, I think. You have it rough too.
I think this year of all things I'm falling in love again. I fell out of love with life, a while back. It was rough and it was scary and I didn't feel like myself. And I still don't, but we all know time pulls us forward, yadda yadda, you can't step into the same river twice, you are a construct and all constructs are ever changing, time stole my front porch; can't have shit in ship of theseus. I Want To Know Your Plans, time, but the future is that quote from Nightvale, always flinching first, leaving me only a present.
So I'm different now. In the present. In some ways worse. in some better. I think I'm gentler, at least I hope so. I want to be kinder. I want to treat people with care. And I want to share an idea to cap off this year, because I want to have curated my own experience, and maybe I can help you fall in love with life again too. Next year is going up, because I am on the Up and Up.
I can't get past the idea of choice. What makes the gardener pick flowers or weeds? The tastes of the gardener. What they cultivate, what they choose. They curate their garden and all of living is just. This same action again and again, on larger or smaller scales. When I was little I tried to get into Rollerblades. I thought they were super cool, I thought I'd be a cool kid in rollerblades. But I was drawn to biking. I still bike now. You can stand, if you dare, with the wind blowing through you, wheels turning all on their own, you king of the world on your personal palantir. You can pump your legs and get your heart singing and I can't imagine my life if I'd picked rollerblades. You know?
I started chasing an idea halfway through this, but to loop back to what I wanted to explain is- I want to curate my experience of this year. I want to be able to point to this year down the line and show just why it mattered- not for the time everyone will think, but the time that happened after. I looked at my life and said, I can Make It Better. I can rebuild it, different this time. I can be me, but a little further down the river. A few more boards replaced.
Can I do it? Can I Be Him? The me I want to be, the one who took this year and kindled something bright? I miss my surety. I miss my certainty. Everything feels like a big muddy middle right now, and I don't think I can ever reach as high or as low as I once did. But I think I can be steadily climbing up. Boot up bitch, the stairs are slippery but it turns out you have nothing but time.
My mom wants me to move home. She's scared, for me, out here "alone". She doesn't think my friends took good care of me, given what happened in March. I can't blame her. I wasn't taken good care of. I wouldn't let people, I hid it all. I was ashamed. I was embarassed. It's Hard To Live In The City, but not for the reasons my mom thinks- there's so much going on here. There's so much information and so many things to know and see and do, you can hide in plain sight. You can craft a narrative. You can shape the experience so that what you are, what you need, who you have become is hidden.
I know now that I need to be seen, to be known. I need other people to get who I am. But I'm not Fred Astaire- I can't be someone to everyone, even just a name. I have to curate (sick of me yet?) my own experience. My own image. I have to choose who my audience is now. It's tougher to decide who is worth your attention (And it is attention- that's all an audience is). It feels like gardening. Who's a flower and who's a weed. I don't like it. But you have to, to live. And I'm tired of not living.
And so I walk forward from my own Easter rebirth. Shaky legged, on stilts like Bambi, just becoming a new man. I hate it but you make yourself every day, don't you? Why would now be any different. I'm just more aware of it. It'll fade, with time. Like the scar it is. But I don't want to forget this feeling. I want to remember it. To have a story to tell that circles around it, gives it edges and definition. And so I wrote this.
It's part playlist. It's part poetry. It's prose, but it's prosaically just a list of songs as well. I sat down to write and my hands started moving, and I got here, with you. Are you still with me? I'm glad. I'm glad I'm still here, and I'm glad you're here with me. I'm even glad I'm still awake,writing this instead of sleeping. What's The Time Where You Are? Here it's late-about 1AM. And I have to finish this, I'm almost done. I wanted to leave you somewhere better than we started. This story is going up, remember?
I've picked a better audience, actually. That's a good first step. They're not the King Of My Heart, but they might be as close as it gets. I feel sweet. I feel simple. I feel at ease. But more importantly I feel like I can do. I can accomplish. I can rest. I can recover. I can just. Be.
Maybe this music isn't to your liking. But that's ok, I Don't Mind. I didn't make it for you to fall in love with. I made it to make you fall in love with the idea. I want you to curate your own life. You have to. Or you're not living. I want you to love the life that you've made. I don't love mine yet. But I want to, and I'm going to. And that's that on that.
I guess the elephant in the room is, why Flesh and Marble? Why not Clay, like old man Ozymandius? It ties better to the throwing pots above. Of getting muddy biking, of being down in the dirt before rising three days later. Even now I'm thinking that Feet of Clay is a much better title. But I like Flesh and Marble. The first song I put on here was a similar title structure. But I didn't want to give the concept air time, actually- too close to March for my liking, although the song was great. It just wasn't the vibe. But the name was close. And the artist. Armani Caesar. What a name! So I guess. The title is an oblique reference. A circumnavigation of the problem. A polite, detached nod to the impetus whilst giving it no credit.
But yeah. I hope you've listened, as you've gone. The songs matter a great deal to me this year, and they almost always do. I'm sappy and I stick to a song once I love it. I'll love it for 10 years. 20 years. 100 years. I attach so fast, and sometimes forever, if indelibly.
Curate your life. Build something of value. And by god find beauty or you'll die.
Peace.
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rusquared · 8 months
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09/06/2023, 3PM EST
actually, the other me in my head drawls, your feelings on 200mg of caffeine and a handful of poems aren't any more true or valid than your regular feelings.
which is true, admittedly. there's nothing any more noble about these tears than my other ones. or the sarcastic comeback to a friend's joke. or the panicked words of advice that spill from my lips when i don't know how to make it better.
the way the world maintains its beauty is by ignoring whatever a random human has to say about it. the flowers still spread their petals when you're not there to snap a picture. the stars still twinkle and combust and send us little messages, even without our expensive telescopes. the neurons in your brain are busy as always, even if you forget to think about thinking about thinking.
my little brother turned 17 today. this is no sweet 16 or big adult 18. and i once again did have to check with my mum was it the 6th or the 7th? (we mix it up. often. sixth and seventh of september are easily confused.) 17 isn't a particularly momentous age. except when it is, when i first ventured into a new chapter at that exact age. as far i'm concerned, my brother is still a 12 year old and i am still a 17 year old and i am still a beacon of hope and great media recommendations. of course.
to remember a date is awfully inconvenient. like the 26th. or the 22nd. or the 20th of another month. i remember birthdays i have no use of and i forget birthdays of people i hug daily. i'm sorry, i hope you never find out which category you fall into. love is awfully confusing. most days i think i don't love you at all, because i think i have a chasm where the usual heart is supposed to be. other times i think god, our ordinary days were so beautiful. but only in retrospect, only when i'm no longer in that moment with you.
the way we maintain love is by pretending we don't at all. to focus only on the flowers in february and the exciting first date. nevermind the fact that everything i touch has been touched by another. nevermind the way we love and get hurt and then love all over again. not entirely out of choice, mind you. we simply cannot exist in this world without encountering others, and we cannot control the little loves that spring in our hearts. so fucking stubborn. i still don't remember your birthday, except for when i do, or when i write it down in a calendar. and i still can't forget your birthday, though by now we've spent more years as strangers than we did friends. horrifying. i loved you.
say the physicists have their breakthrough and we can capture every particle's activity from the beginning of time in the world's most convoluted and ugly equation. horrifying. they're going to look at some fluctuation of one electron out of a near infinite number and they won't even know it's from my one action potential of a countably uncountable number of them, from the time i thought of you.
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