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flowercrowngods · 7 months

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felt like letting mike and steve work through some shit again

cw: descriptions and imagery of them being lost and self-sacrificing, left alone with trauma they have no means to work through, could read as suicidal tendencies or intrusive thoughts

🤍 also on ao3

“What do you want?” Mike asks when Steve sits down beside him, gravel crunching, their feet dangling over the dark and endless abyss that is the quarry at night.

Steve doesn’t answer right away, doesn’t really know what to say now that he’s here, now that he found him. He looks so small, now more than ever, and it reminds Steve so painfully that he’s still just a child. He was always just a child, and children shouldn’t—

It feels like they got their rights at a childhood revoked years ago, and then they were just… supposed to be okay with it. It was expected, it was implied when nobody came to talk to them after.

When all they got was one NDA after another. When none of the professionally trained adults took one look at the children that they were, and asked, Are you okay? What do you need to be okay? I will talk to you once a week and make sure you learn how to be okay again.

Steve feels like a big brother to most of the kids now, sure, but he’s not their shrink, and he sucks when it comes to actually talking about shit. He can be there to drive them anywhere, can provide an evening of distractions and as much of a sanctuary as a house as haunted as his can be.

With everything else, though, he’s helplessly lost. So he says nothing, weighs his words to make sure they come out right — especially for Mike, who’s always just waiting for him to say something wrong and throw it back in his face with the sunny disposition of a feral, rabid cat.

“Hey,” Mike says then, irritated again; but his voice is hoarse, too. Tired. No heat behind it after that stupid fight with Dustin and Lucas earlier tonight that made him snap and leave Steve’s house in a frenzy. “I said, What do you want?”

Steve shrugs, looking ahead into the darkness that feels endless and alluring and deeply terrifying.

I miss my friend! My best friend, Mike!

“Making sure you’re okay.”

You’ve changed, you know that? You’re not the guy who would jump off a cliff for me anymore, I don’t think I even know you anymore!

Dustin’s voice echoes in Steve’s mind as it undoubtedly does in Mike’s, too, and he can only imagine how much that hurts, especially if he’s shivering like that even though the night is warm for early September.

“I’m okay,” Mike says, sounding endlessly annoyed about the fact. Steve almost huffs out a humourless laugh. Yeah, right.

“Sure you are,” Steve says, keeping his tone carefully neutral.

He shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over Mike’s shoulders without a comment, half-expecting him to just throw it into the darkness below. But Mike doesn’t move, is eerily still beside him, pretending not to notice that Steve’s watching him.

“But you know it’s, like,” he starts again and trails off, looking for the right words because this is unfamiliar terrain and the ground beneath his feet is quite literally nonexistent. “It’s fine if you’re not, right? It’s actually really fucking normal to be more than a little fucked up after everything, all that crazy shit. Or just… in general.”

You were twelve, he wants to say. You were twelve and you jumped off from here. You were twelve and you were going to die. And not because of those monsters, not yet. Just because… you were twelve.

Mike doesn’t say anything, but the gravel crunches once more as he reaches for a handful of stones to throw them into the darkness one by one, the void beneath them so enormous that they don’t even hear the noise of impact.

You jumped.

The longer Mike remains silent, the more Steve wants to scream, wants to grab him by the shoulders and shake him, wants to make him see and understand that Steve knows about the scars a decision like that leaves, especially when you live to deal with the consequences.

He gets seizures to deal with the consequences. His ear is fucky, his eye is twitchy, his head is aching constantly, he gets migraines that knock him out for a day or two, all because he wanted to protect his friends. All because he did protect his friends. It worked. They’re safe.

But they’re also unaware of… of everything. Of the horrible stillness as clarity dawns and all signs point to the one way that always seems to work. The one easy way out, and still the hardest of them all when the plan goes wrong and he makes it out alive. When It’s gotta be me is the only thing to say, but later turns into an angry It never should have been me because the world looks different when it’s smeared with your blood.

And it’s always the lost boys who make decisions like that. Steve wonders, some nights in cold sweat, what happens if he makes these decisions without immediate danger. What happens if he just… decides to jump. Decides to run. To give the world more of his blood. Without saving anyone.

It’s not like he wants to — but he’s terrified that it’s just who he is. Who he’s turned into, terrified that his friends will forever expect him to.

And he’s even more terrified knowing that Mike jumped before he learned about monsters. Before he learned about fighting and surviving.

You were a kid, he wants to say again, but his throat is closing up on him.

“I don’t think that’s okay actually,” Mike says after a while, tearing Steve away from his fears. They’re still both looking ahead rather than at each other, but it’s fine. They’re still here. “Like, people say it is, but it feels so empty when they do, you know? Like, sure, yeah, I’m not fucking okay, but what the hell do we do about that now? Oh, right, I know! Let’s throw it in my face that I’m not good enough for you anymore now that there’s no monsters to kill anymore. Now that I’m just Mike, who’s not even enough to be that anymore, sure. Right. Yeah. Let’s pretend it’s all fine, Steve, let’s pretend it’s okay to hurt all the fucking time!”

Mike is shaking now, violent tremors running through his body, and Steve’s first instinct is to reach out and pull him close, to keep him from that edge and take him to his car; turn on the heating and talk there. But Mike seems to need the darkness, seems to need to be faced with endless depth to give voice to his thoughts.

“What Dustin said was messed up. He shouldn’t have said that.”

Mike shrugs, throwing more pebbles into the darkness, though his motions have lost their vigour. “He’s right, though.”

Steve sighs, though not unkindly. “No, he’s not. Hey, listen to me.” He waits until Mike turns to meet his eyes, and he leans forward. “It’s not okay. It’s not right what he said. You don’t deserve to have that shit thrown in your face just because Dustin is a tactless little douche bag.”

Taking a bullet for someone is not the baseline for friendship, he wants to say, and it occurs to him once again how fucked up their perception and idea of friendship must be, now that they’ve all bonded over the most horrific shit and actual grief they never learned how to work through.

It’s not even Dustin’s fault, not really. They’re all just collateral damage to something Bigger, and all they have is each other, leaving them in a vicious cycle that is so, so fucked up.

“Why’d you jump?” he asks eventually, quiet in case the darkness tries to listen in. “Back then, why did you jump?” And do you wish El had let you? Do you sometimes wish that? When your room is quiet and it’s only you living with all those silent, terrible decisions?

Mike shrugs again, but there’s not much fight left in him, Steve can see that, can feel it in the air between them.

“Will was gone,” he says like it explains everything— and it sort of does. Steve has seen the way these boys look at each other when the other’s not looking, he has seen the hurt and the anger and the gentleness stored there, the words unspoken and the fear that, despite interdimensional monsters, kinda goes unmatched.

Because they have each other. They only have each other. And if someone’s suddenly different than what they thought they knew, if someone’s suddenly different, then… Everything might just fall apart.

And Steve wants to grab him again; wants to pull him close and say, I’m the same. We have the same scars. We have the same!

Slowly, carefully, he does lean over now, weaving an arm around Mike’s shoulders and pulling him into his side.

“I get that.”

Mike swallows heavily and exhales shakily. “I don’t think you do.”

“No. I think I really, really do. But it’s okay, Mike. You won’t be alone with this, okay. I’m on your side, you little shit.”

A pause, a beat, a moment’s respite. Then, “Why?”

“Because,” his heart is racing, his mouth trembling around forming the words for the first time, but he knows it’s the right thing to do. Knows it’s important.

Knows it might just save a life.

“Because I fell harder for Eddie Munson than I ever thought possible, and once i found out what was happening, I kind of wanted to jump off a cliff, too. But I didn’t, because I had someone with the same fears as me, and instead of stupid shit we just… Cried together sometimes. Screamed into our pillows. Laughed with and at each other, calling ourselves hopeless, and— I don’t know. It’s really fucking scary, and that doesn’t go away just because you have someone to talk to. But it‘s… better. It’s so much better.”

He huffs, swallowing around the lump in his throat, smiling into the darkness.

“So I’ve got you, okay? Whatever it is, whatever makes you feel like it’s not fucking okay, I’ve got you. You come to me, yeah? Lucas does, Dustin does, even Max does. This is your official, standing invitation and whatever, okay, dickhead?”

Mike shoves at him lightly, still not parting from the rather awkward side-hug they’ve got going on, and Steve is glad for it.

“Okay, okay, geez,” the little shithead says, rolling his eyes which Steve can see even in the dark, and it feels like the edge has moved away from them, like they have solid ground beneath their feet again.

Steve doesn’t say anything more after that, just waiting for Mike to stir to lead him back to the car, load in his bike and take him wherever he feels like spending the night.

But Mike doesn’t move for another long while, and it makes Steve feel like something big has just happened between them. Like they finally have found the common ground that Steve’s been suspecting they had for months now, even years.

Eventually, as they make their way to the car and Mike goes to grab his bike, he speaks up again, but more subdued now.

“Hey, Steve?”

“Hmm?”

“Does… Does Eddie know?”

“About what?” My tendencies to take a leap off the edge?

“You. Being…”

“Oh!” A smile as he unlocks his car and opens the back door to squeeze Mike’s old bike in there with minimal smears of dirt. “I’d hope so, we’ve been dating for months.”

“You’re dating?! You? Eddie’s dating you?”

“Yeah, listen, do you want me to just leave you here or would you rather be thrown out in the middle of nowhere?”

Mike grumbles something unintelligible as he climbs into the front seat, waiting for Steve to start the engine before he speaks up again.

“It’s just, you’re so… How did you even do that?”

Steve laughs at that, disbelieving and all, because, “Trust me, I have no idea. Must have been the ol’ Harrington charm and all that.”

Mike rolls his eyes and crosses his arms in front of his chest, sinking lower in the seats to pout. “You’re so lame.”

“Sorry, I couldn’t hear you over how much I have a boyfriend and you don’t.”

If his heart skips a beat because it still feels like a forbidden truth saying the word out loud despite the playful banter, then he’s ignoring that in favour of revving the engine.

“Asshole.”

“Dickhead.”

“Grow up,” Mike says, but Steve can see the smile he’s not even trying to hide, and he mirrors it with his own as he turns on the radio catching the final tunes of Springsteen’s Dancing in the Dark.

They’re not okay, none of them. But the car is warm, the cliff’s edge is behind them, and they’re not listening to the same ten songs anymore.

They’re getting better, step by tiny step.

#stranger things fanfic #steve & mike #steve harrington #mike wheeler #steddie #<- mentioned but established #byler #<- implied & yearning #i am projecting HARD with this one #i’m so so convinced steve and mike are directly juxtaposed in their development with very similar trauma #this probably makes sense to no one but me but alas #let them be fucked up while life continues and let them be unable to handle it #i feel like it’s all over the place but if you’ve ever had a single vulnerable conversation then you’ll know this is how they can go #dio words

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skimpilydressedwithanaxe · 7 months

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I made this mainly for fun because I like a lot of colors but it turned out somewhat ok

#shyly holds out the drawing #I DONT KNOW GUYS I FEEL A LITTLE TIMID ABOIT POSTING MY ART HERE SINCE I SEPARATED MY REBLOGS FEOM MY DRAWINGS #i hope you guys fw the colors.#also continuing the unspoken trend of Rick Prime fanarts depicting him extending his hand to the viewer #seriously I’ve seen like 5 other drawings like that all by different artists and it just. it makes me laugh ok #it’s very him imo #rick prime #rick and morty #rick and morty fanart #I’m so not ready for season 7 #yearning was so comfortable why does time have to pass :sobbing emoji:#three headed snake

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a-teacup-of-golden-cracks · 7 months

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CW: very much smut and also petplay, reader is assumed submissive. This writing does not assume the reader's gender, nor does it assign a type of pet (ie cat, dog, fox, etc.) for the petplay aspect. The term Mistrum is used in reference to myself and is the gender neutral version of Master/Mistress

Over the past few weeks you've been living with me you've never been happier. Every need and want in that silly little head always met, never having to feel worry or do any work. Just stay at home and be my adorable little pet. Except for one thing.

Recently you've noticed that you started to be unable to cum without me touching you. Doesn't matter what toys you use, how long you go for, even with your favorite porn and the perfect setup, its just... not the same without me. Your dildos and vibrators simply don't feel as good as having my girldick in you, your poor dumb paws can never give you the pleasure my hands can.

So one day after you get particularly frustrated, you come to me in my office, begging for help with the need between your legs. As usual when I'm working at home I have loose and comfortable clothes on. The baggy sweatpants and t-shirt hide much of my muscular and effeminate figure. The only hint of what's beneath is my large biceps and the fact that my sweatpants are tight around my ass. In your mind though...

In your mind you remember me completely naked and above you, powerful muscles rippling as I thrust into you. You remember the sweat that dripped from my hair to your lips, how it tasted, how my perky breasts bounced with my movements. You remember how easily I was able to pin you, control you, dominate you and it makes you somehow more desperate than you already were.

With this scene on repeat in your mind you enter the office and nuzzle my side to get my attention.

"Please Mistrum, please please please help me, I need you, I can't finish without you anymore, I'm so desperate pleasseee"

I know I probably shouldn't stop my work but how can I deny caring for my beloved little pet? You're just the cutest little thing with your adorable pleading face, eyes wide open and glistening with the hint of tears. And your paws! Oh your paws which normally clasp together so nicely when you beg keep rubbing down there, showing how truly desperate you are.

So after a moments hesitation I get up from my desk and smile warmly at you "Come here my sweet pet; let me care for you, baby~"

#nsft #topposting #trans nsft #nonbinary nsft #lgbt nsft #hornypost #hornyposting #t4t yearning #t4t ns/fw #t4t smut #let me know if you want me to continue this lol #thought it was a good proof of concept but idk if people will like it so I'm leaving it here #the jolly writings

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cerise-on-top · 2 months

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how long do you think it takes Kate and Valeria to day ‘I love you’ to their s/o’s? love ur stuff fyi!!! 💚

Hello! Thank you for liking my stuff, I hope this is enjoyable to you as well! I think it would take the both of them quite a while to say it!

When do Valeria and Laswell Finally Say “I Love You”?

Valeria: It would take her a while to say it. I mean, once she’s with you, she’s already smitten, but she says “I love you” in different ways that aren’t just saying those three words. Valeria courts you with lots of gifts, that much is true, but the closest thing you’ll ever hear from her that resembles a “You have my heart, I love you more than the sun loves the moon, than the ocean loves the land” would be her spending a day with you where she isn’t spending copious amounts of money on you. But that’s not what you asked. Valeria will tell you that she loves you when you’re feeling insecure since she never says it, but on her own accord? It would likely be a year or longer into your relationship, on one of those nights where the two of you are lying in bed together, just talking about your lives, what you’ve been through and how it’s shaped you as people. Just venting your worries, voicing your appreciation for each other and how you’ve helped one another. It’s during such a night, when you’ve gone quiet for a moment, that Valeria would hold you close and tell you, in a voice softer than what you’re used to normally from her, that she loves you.

Laswell: Like Valeria, she shows her love for you through different means. While she may be a gift giver as well, she also shows you how much she loves you by doing anything you may or may not ask of her. From chores, to walking your pet, to cooking you some stew when you’re sick. Laswell doesn’t say that she loves you from the get go either, it would take her several months to a year for her to say it. But when she does, it doesn’t seem like a special moment to anyone else. You’re probably hanging up your freshly washed clothes while she’s sitting at the table, a cup of coffee in hand. Laswell would get up, give you a kiss on your cheek, and tell you that she loves you so very dearly. She was overcome with adoration for you during that moment and needed to show you that she loves you. It’s afterwards that you get a lot more I love yous from her. Not on the daily still, but they would be more common. She will always, and I mean always, accompany her I love yous with some form of affectionate gesture, regardless of whether it be a kiss to your temple, a hug from behind, or a small lovely rose she found in a flower shop. You will always be taken care of and loved.

#cod #cod x reader #valeria garza #valeria garza x reader #kate laswell #kate laswell x reader #neither of them are too vocal when it comes to showing they love you but that's alright too #because one of them would watch the world burn down to warm you up with its flames #and the other one would break the world apart just to find you again in one of its crevices #they're not the most romantic people verbally but they'll always make sure that you feel loved and cared for #writing about the girls really makes me yearn for a girlfriend again!! where is my gf!!! I want one!!!#it's so sad that I've never met another lesbian irl either 😔 that is so sad I deserve a cute girl to hug in return for that #the yearning has been especially strong again as of late. especially since I saw a commission again yesterday #now I wish Valeria was way taller than me so she would look hot while looking down at me. but alas she's probably the same height as me #no amount of cute gir's love manga could ever cure my yearning I feel as though it's terminal 😔#will I continue to be cringe in the tags? absolutely! I've got another request for one of the girls. a really fun one too #looking forward to writing that one!#I'm gonna post three times today so I can get out all the requests again and be left to me imagining giving a cute girl a hug

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eqt-95 · 6 months

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quinn’s supercorp master list

multi-chapter follow the buttons | the one where supergirl goes through a lot of buttons and lena is on the case [T] let’s go flying | the f1 au [T] a crisis of indulgence | the bartender au [T] normal for a time | the established relationship meets metallo au [T]

one-shots like we’re made of glass | the one where everyone is sad until they aren't [M] a nemesis and her hero | the one where supergirl needs a nemesis [T] we can’t rewind time [T] the glasses that broke lena luthor’s back | the one where lena jumps off a balcony to prove a point [T]

#my attempt to compile all the bits and bobs floating about #i can't promise stylistic continuity - there's some fluff. angst. crack. pine trees. yearns. yawns...#supercorp #supercorp fic #masterlist

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perfectlyripeclementine · 11 months

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stopping what you’re doing to feel them push into your touch 💓

when they’re between “too much” and “more, please” and their mouth hangs open so you start again softer and slower 💖

when they tell you to ease up so you switch to a touch that is more tender in some other place and cherish them and tell them how good they’re being 💕

when you look up to them as you start doing something new and they give you that little nod and a guidance, like “be gentle”, “not too fast” 💗

asking them to beg for something they feel tender about when you’re doing it for the first time so you’re sure they truly want it and are not just going along with it 💝

all the little moments that are exploratory and center your partner’s pleasure and give them agency over what you’re doing even when you are in a more dominant role ❣️❤️‍🔥❤️

#that last ask had me feeling all kinds of tender #if u need sex to go very slow with a lot of trust building i love u #if u need to know the hands that hold u will be tender and sweet i love u #i love finding sweet and tender ways to explore pleasure together #i love making boundaries a place of invitation and safety rather than discomfort #i love being trusted to do things that people are nervous about #i love holding my trust firmly in both palms and doing my best continue earning it #this post is about queer sex #nblnb #genderless nsft #nb4nb #genderless #yearning

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shih-coulda-had-it · 1 year

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this damned dream of y(ours)

#bnha #nanahiko #shimura nana #gran torino #torino sorahiko #shih's art #my favorite thing to do in nanahiko pieces is to have torino's body language #be 100% yearning and tender and supportive #like he holds her close and he gently provides a foundation for nana's hand #but he can't Hold her. y'know? to hold and not grasp #something about not looking back as nana dies too #he can't look back. he can't even look ahead.#but yes he'll continue helping her will survive. her legacy. even as he refuses to look.

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just-screaming · 2 years

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And then it loops

#LIKE IT JUST HAPPENS WHERE I RECOIL AND DIE A LITTLE #but im strong and cool asf so i continue doing it #also its fun and it makes me happy #and im an idiot in love so i YEARN #self ship #self shipping #f/o #self ship art #self insert #selfship art #self ship community #screaming doods

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geryone · 7 months

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My problem is that I think rewatching Pride & Prejudice (2005) will fix me

#does it fix the yearning? NO #but I’ll continue to rewatch it

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 9 months

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ough i wanna draw so bad but my arms are virtually Unusable... too much lifting and hauling... in other news i felt True and Intense Pining today for the soft, delightful, tiny pig beanie baby in a diner gift shop. she was a wonderful pink with a lovely purple nose...

#and make no mistake the strong emotion i felt was indeed pining. longing. Yearning.#gazed lovingly at her for a solid ten seconds in the checkout line #i will think of her often and fondly #leaving the diner without her Hurt Me. but i cant afford a new friend rn </3 #still i am sitting by the bright window and playing rain sounds while looking outside in anguish #alas... we were two ships passing in the night....#absolutely unprompted #ough but really though i have to rest like. my entire arms on my desk #even just typing is making me take minecraft damage #Still I Am Going To Attempt Writing Because Now That The Work Is Done I Am Very Bored #maybe ill write some human au! i have Scene Ideas for it!#or ill continue to workshop lights out #probably work on act three... i cant decide which direction to go in with it #it'll end up in the same place for act four But. the road there... which turn will i make them take....#depends on how mean im feeling. theres the kind version. the distressed version. and the anguish version #knowing Me i will probably choose the anguish version as the au's canon!

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unlikelyjapan · 6 months

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Finales for Michael + Claire

Yo - someone has already broken down that the last/second-last images in each season finale were basically the same, right?

At any rate, I'm going do it again, because my tiny brain only mashed these two things together today. Apologies for the lack of stills.

We have flashback Mikey looking at Carmen reverently in sunlight-sepia hues at the close of season 1, then a big smile, hot on the heels of Carmy genuinely connecting with everyone at family meal - it lets Mikey's belief in his brother linger over the finale, a sense of continuation and partial closure.

The quixotic part of Radiohead's Letdown blasts us off to the credits. IMO, it was one of the most hopeful and tenderhearted moments in TV history.

In the season 2 finale we have flashback Claire, sepia-hued with her coy smile immediately cutting to a dejected Carmy in the walk-in as the welder creates "fireworks" akin to what we see behind them in Pop. There's a sense of continuation, but no closure - it just tells the audience to settle in for more regression in S3, just as we thought we were out of the woods with that experiment.

Michael Stipe walks us out with "Go it alone and haul it along" before it cuts to Syd, proud and abandoned, the song progressing into the credits.

I always felt like that last, longing look from Claire was the biggest crotch-kick from the Storer universe - it felt like an erasure of all the progress and connecting-of-dots that Carmy was working out throughout the latter half of the season, and I guess that's the material point of it all.

Maybe we have to watch this man chase familial myths and phantoms for another season, to the detriment of The Bear, his happiness, his earnest relationship with Syd, and everyone else around him. I'm not sure if he'll actually try to repair things with Claire in a fit of desperation/self-doubt, but it seems like she'll haunt him through his inevitable breakdown at a minimum.

I'm curious about how the writers engineer this without the audience feeling perpetually flogged. I also wonder how they will manage to empower Syd until Carmy starts putting shit together again.

I wish I had more endearing sydcarmy parallels to offer here tonight, but this was eating at me and now someone in the fandom needs to talk me off a ledge.

#the last-minute addition of that voicemail sent to an emotionally dyslexic man was a hate crime #watching carmy yearn for and/or frantically try to fix a shallow relationship for multiple episodes will be both grueling and boring #and watching Syd continually try to manage everything around a man exhibiting dry addict behavior after the table moment will be even worse #But if their inevitable fight leads to something hot I will be okay with everything and will send the writers an edible arrangement.#carmy x sydney #sydcarmy #carmen berzatto #syd x carmy #the bear #the bear fx #the bear hulu

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