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matan4il · 4 months

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Hi, I saw on your posts that you volunteer at Yad Vashem.

I came to Israel as a (gentile) tourist in 2012 for 2 weeks when I was 16 as part of a tour, as one does. In the UK, where I live, it is a statutory requirement to teach the Holocaust in history class before the age of 15, and, unlike a lot of people I could mention, I actually paid attention in history class, learning about Kristallnacht, the Kindertransport, the ghettos, and the Final Solution. And I read and saw all the grisly school displays in the history corridor with pictures of emaciated dead bodies in those striped uniforms. And I read at least 3 books by concentration camp survivors in the school library. And my school got a Holocaust survivor in to talk to us, AND we covered the Holocaust, the Khmer Rouge and Darfur in Religious Studies. Not to mention I had taken history as an elective and done Interwar Europe and WW2.

So I was pretty well-versed on the factual, violent elements of the holocaust.

But when I came to Yad Vashem, there was an aspect to the Holocaust that I wasn't expecting, and that was how people held onto their humanity in the worst circumstances. I remember seeing a photo of people lining up for the cinema they'd organised in the ghetto - people who were lucky to get one meal a day. I remember the story the tour guide told us about a rabbi's son who ended up in a camp with his kid brother and kept him alive.

But the most moving thing of all was the makeshift ram's horn that a rabbi had made in one of the concentration camps.

Not even the camps could stop him blowing the ram's horn. And while I don't know much about Jewish festivals, I felt that the ram's horn was a sign of hope.

Hi lovely!

Thank you so much for sharing this with me. I'm very moved to hear how much you care about the topic of the Holocaust. I personally believe we can't understand human nature, without attempting to understand the Holocaust, all of it, the whole range of human nature as it was expressed back then, from the worst of the worst, to the best of the best. We do very much try to talk about this subject, as we try to generally highlight parts of the Holocaust that we feel have been neglected. So, I am REALLY happy to hear that we could introduce that aspect to you, and that it touched you so much! <3 I personally find a lot of comfort and strength in studying more in depth how people managed to do it, how they maintained their humaneness, even as they witnessed, and were victims of, the most monstrous deeds humans are capable of.

I guess following Oct 7, I feel the same way about seeing Israelis, Jews and allies react in a similar way, and choosing good, in spite of the evil we have experienced again, firsthand.

The ram's horn is a Jewish shofar, and this is the specific one you're talking about, it's found in gallery 8 (which focuses on life for enslaved Jews in the Nazi camps):

And this is Moshe Ben Dov, who crafted it in a Nazi slave labor camp in Poland, in 1943.

He said, "I think I must have softened the horn with my tears." Moshe Ben Dov knew that for using the tools the Nazis gave him, to create an object with Jewish significance, they would kill him if they found out. He wasn't in denial of his pain and of the horrors surrounding him. He didn't blindly ignore the danger. He simply chose to overcome it, to channel that pain into creating something good, a symbol of hope as you said, a holy artifact that would allow Jews to blow the shofar, and maintain their tradition and religious customs, even in the middle of a Nazi camp. I think it's remarkable.

This is why one of my favorite Jewish sayings is, "A little bit of light chases a lot of darkness away." This shofar didn't change the world, but it changed something fundamental about the reality of the Jews enslaved in that camp (they all came to hear the rabbi blowing the shofar on Rosh Ha'Shana), and I believe it can also change us for the better, if we let such incredible deeds inspire us to channel our pain into doing good, too.

Thank you so much again for this ask! I hope you have a wonderful day! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

#ask #letmyneckbelikethetowerofdavid #personal #holocaust #israel #terrorism #judaism #jewish #shoah #jumblr #frumblr #anti terrorism #rosh hashanah

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onskepa · 10 months

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I don't think I've asked for angst yet.... so, Can I get Lo'ak x (dying)female reader

where the reader gets shot instead of Neteyam. I Dunno, maybe she got in front of Neteyam or tackled him and that's why she got shot instead of him?

And-

I just realized what would make this sadder is that Lo'ak confessed to the reader as she is dying-

Why do I do this to myself?- T^T

Hi! sorry this took a bit, I had to mentally prepare myself for the angst I was getting myself into. A FUCK! I cried a bit. So if this makes you cry then I did my job. Enjoy!

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Tirey

Fire. Explosions. Smoke. Screams. Death.

There was supposed to be peace. There was to be joy, happiness, blissfulness, laughter, and happy moments. Life was to be full of gifts and great moments, learn and grow and thrive. But no. Never again. And never again will things be the same.

Once again the RDA returned. And again they come with their tools and weapons to destroy another planet, another life.

Lo'ak has seen many things in his life, both good and bad. But he tries to make the most of what he has, and honest to Eywa, tries to be more than what he is seen as.

So when the RDA captured spider and his siblings. He knew what had to be done. But like everything else, things never go as he wanted.

It all happened so fast...Why wasn't he faster? Why did he jump first?

Tsireya, tuk and himself were saved by neteyam, payakan and his dear friend human friend Tirey. Both were quick to cut the binds that held them at one spot.

"come on, who's the might warrior?" tirey would teasingly ask him as she cuts his binds. Trying to make light from the situation they were in. He rolled his eyes but his alarms were ringing high. After cutting his binds, she was quick for tsireya and soon everyone was free.

"come on! lets go lets go!" neteyam says, quickly shoving everyone to go overboard. Tuk and tisreya jumped to find kiri, ao'nung and rotxo ready to help them. Tirey grabbed lo'ak's hand ready to jump with him when he halted, suddenly remembering.

"we have to get spider! we have to get him!" lo'ak says as he grabs a gun from one of the dead humans. Neteyam and tirey shared a look. They knew it be a risky thing but spider was their friend. "We better make this quick" neteyam says. The three grabbed weapons as means to arm themselves in search of spider. Slipping through the pipes and hiding behind big machines, climbing on hanging machines, they managed to find spider. But he wasn't alone.

With a quick ambush, the three jumped down and knocked out the men that surrounded spider. Spider catches on and fought the humans back. Tirey knocked a man down but her strength wasn't enough, the man turned to grab his gun but lo'ak was quick and shot him dead.

Just when things calmed down, spider spot Quaritch. "we gotta go now!" he said urgently. Tirey saw him and tried to shoot but lo'ak held her gun down and pushed them to run, ducking quaritch's bullets. "AT LEAST ONE BULLET!" tirey argued, "another time!" lo'ak replies as they make haste. Having to drop down their guns.

"thanks for saving me!" spider says as they run. Tirey huffs a bit, forming a smile, "you OWE us big time spider!". The charm of Tirey. Always makes things positive in a moment of danger. A method to calm herself and others down. But only that can last.

Lo'ak and tirey smiled. Getting near the edge. Yes! It's almost over! They will go back to the island, get treated, probably have a long lecture from their parents, eat the best fish, and cuddle and have a nice sleep. Everything will be fine. Everything will be as it was. And lo'ak can finally tell what he wanted to say to tirey and they would-

"NETEYAM MOVE!" screamed tirey as they all fell down to the ocean.

All swam up, cheering at their escape. But one wasnt.

"ow!! ow! I got shot!!" winced tirey in pain. Trying to keep herself up float. Hearing that made lo'ak's heart stop. No no no! She couldn't have been shot!

But seeing red surround her, they had to act quick. Tsireya was there in time with an ilu, lo'ak and neteyam helped tirey get on, lo'ak taking control of the ilu with neyetam in the back holding tirey as she bleeds.

"your sisters are still up there!" tsirey said, neteyam looked back at the ship, heart broke of the choice. "We cant go back! we have to go!" spider and tsireya hold on to the ilu as the made it to a giant rock.

Lo'ak gently placed tirey down as she was breathing weakly, trying to keep herself awake. Feeling panicked, he didn't know what to do. Neteyam had to react quick, seeing the wound bleeding close to her heart, lifting her up to see the back. Doing how his father taught him.

Neteyam felt dread. She isn't going to make it. "pressure! put pressure!!" he guided lo'ak's hands as means to add pressure into the wound. Tsireya wanted to help, but she had no medicine with her. Feeling useless and can only watch as sweet tirey clings on to life.

"please please please...!! come on, hold on a little longer!! " lo'ak beggs. Tirey tries to laugh but it was just too painful. Feeling the pain grow all over her body. She tries to speak. "c-come on lo'ak....!! I'm n-not weak....!".

Jake and neytiri made it to them, jake seeing tirey wounded made his heart break. "kid come on, stay with me!" he tries, his voice giving away he is scared for her life. With a Shakey arm, tirey points somewhere among the smoke. "kiri.....and t-tuk....!! agh!!" *she winces in pain as she breathes harder. Neytiri looks at where she is pointing at and understands, but the matter at hand she couldn't ignore.

"we have to get her to ronal!" neytiri says urgently. Jake looked at her shaking his head, "she wont make it..". Lo'ak denies it and leans in more to tirey.

"y-your going to be ok..! j-just please!! please hold on a little longer..!!" his voice cracks, begging tirey. All she could do is smile weakly. Lifting her hand, she gently places it on lo'ak cheek in a loving matter.

"I'm not going anywhere...."

Not being able to keep it in anymore, lo'ak had to say what he wanted to say every since they met.

"tirey listen to me, I l-"

"I love you" she smiled. Her voice clear as if she wasnt in pain.

All stood still for a second. Everyone hearing what she said.

"I love you lo'ak. I always...." the light in her eyes fades, her smile dimmed but there on her pretty face. Her hand landing at her stomach. Her head and body now limp.

"tirey? tirey?! no no no!! please!! please please!!" lo'ak shouts. He screams at the top of his lungs, angry. At himself, at the humans, at everything.

Neytiri held her son close, as means to comfort him, while neteyam, grieving in his silent way, gently removed tirey's mask from her face. He will forever be grateful of her sacrifice. Taking the bullet for him. But guilt was there in his heart. Guilt that she had to die instead of him.

Everything was a blank mess after that.

Wasn't long that the metkayina people held a funeral for tirey. The first human to be given such a treatment. After hearing of her sacrifice, it was only right.

Lo'ak took lead, tears still running down his face, his family following close. All grieving for their dear friend. When it was time, lo'ak gave his first and only kiss to tirey on her cold lips. To cherish it in his mind.

Together, the sully family swam down with tirey's body. Letting the yellow tendrils take her body down.

Lo'ak wanted to reach out one more time but neteyam was there to hold him close. Letting lo'ak cry his heart out. Never to see the love of his life grow, be his mate, his other half. Never to have be a family with him, laugh or cry or any of that anymore. Never again.

It is as Tsireya says, the ocean gives, and the ocean takes.

Ok that is all folks! Hope I did justice. Now excuse me as I go wipes my tears-

Tirey = Life

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rainydaywhump · 5 months

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Whumpcember Day 13, Alt Prompt 7: Hunger

Zale is taunted in captivity.

CWs: mer whumpee; human whumpers; hunger; food used in manipulation; dehumanization

As time in his forced isolation went on, a new pain was added to the pile: hunger.

His arms and shoulders alternated between burning and aching from being held up by the chains. His tail, irritated from the fresh water, was starting to develop small scabs; his whole body and his lungs, unused to being out of water for this long, were strained and dry. He kept his eyes closed most of the time, trying to sleep, but the harsh artificial light made them smart all the same.

Zale wasn't sure how long it had been since he'd been captured; there were no windows for him to see the sun (or lack thereof) here. But, however long it had been, it was enough to leave him feeling weak, nauseous, and hollow in a way that only hunger could. Zale lived a good life in the ocean; he had rarely felt this way before. He would gladly starve for longer if he could do it back in the water.

Lost in his dazed thoughts, the mer flinched when the door opened. As heavy bootsteps walked in, he realized that he had started to drift off.

"Jesus, it got out of its tub," said Brimmer. "Why'd it do that?"

"Hmm. Perhaps we'll find out." Halloway crouched down in front of the mer. "Huh. Looks like he didn't bust his stitches, at least.

The entire time, Zale had been too shocked and scared to move. Now, when Holloway snaked an arm to touch his torso, he was all but frozen.

"Look at it, it's gone all still," Brimmer remarked.

"A fear response, maybe," said Holloway. He pawed at Zale's stitched and bandaged wound, not even bothering to look at the mer's petrified face. It was as if Zale was merely a curious object to him.

"It's healed remarkably fast. There must be something in its fish blood that boosts cell repair."

A sharp metallic clang made Zale jump again, and Holloway sword. "What the hell, man?"

Brimmer was standing with an impish expression on his bearded face. He held a metal bucket and a funny-looking tool. "Sorry," he said, not sounding the least bit apologetic. "I just wanted to see if that thing still had reflexes. I thought doctors did that," he said, all innocence.

"Don't quit your day job, Brimmer." Holloway rolled his eyes surface-ward.

...only it wasn't surface-ward at all, Zale thought. What a terrifying idea. He didn't know exactly how high up the rig reached, but it seemed like even the biggest of waves couldn't reach it.

The only thing above the place he was trapped in was sky.

Holloway was still talking. "...and then it'll be fine. I'll be confident that we won't accidentally kill a specimen, at least. Just feed him enough."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You act like I'm an idiot," Brimmer complained.

"You are. Pretty sure you came outta your mom's ass instead of her cunt. Have fun."

"You love me, admit it!" Brimmer called after him. Holloway snorted and shut the door behind him.

It was then, alone with Zale, that Brimmer's playful grin faded and his eyes darkened. Zale winced under his glare. A whimper built up in his throat, but fear stopped him from letting it out.

Brimmer plunked the bucket down and took a step toward the chained mer. "Holloway thinks I'm some sort of subhuman like you, but he's the one who didn't even think to put salt water in your tub," he muttered. "Your skin's all itchy, isn't it?"

Zale's eyes widened in shock. Was Brimmer actually going to help him? Maybe he'd been wrong about this human! "Yes!" He tried to say, and this time he managed to contort his throat and mouth into making a sound that passed for the word if you knew what to expect.

"I'd hazard a guess," said Brimmer, tilting his head, "that you'd have a better time talking underwater, that right?"

Zale's heart leapt. "Yes!"

Brimmer affected a look of confusion. "What was that? I can't understand you."

"Y...yes?"

Brimmer shrugged and smiled cruelly. "Huh. Guess I got my hopes up."

Zale's heart fell. He looked into Brimmer's eyes, hoping for even a crumb of sympathy, but there was none. He felt a flash of bitterness for falling for the man's taunting, but any flash anger it could've caused was put out by the deep hopelessness that followed. He curled inwards on himself, dragging his irritated tail closer to his body.

"Bet you're hungry, though," Brimmer said.

Zale's head shot up, and the man grinned wider.

"Yeah. Surgery always takes it out on me, too," he said, nodding conversationally. "You like fish, little fish? You've got some real sharp teeth in that weird head of yours. Bet you're a meat-eater, huh?"

Zale copied his nod. His species ate plants, too, but the type they liked were a lot harder to find out in the open ocean. His stomach somehow felt even hollower now that he was thinking about food. Pleadingly, after a moment's hesitation, he scooted closer to Brimmer.

"Eurgh. No, don't get too close. You stink. So does this, I'll admit."

He reached into the metal bucket and lifted out an arm-length fish that Zale had never seen before. It had clearly been dead for a long time. The mer would have been concerned that he hadn't smelled it before now, but that was the last thing on his mind.

Brimmer held up a finger on his other hand. "Now, now. There's more than just food in my hand. If you can cooperate with me a bit, I'll give you the fish *and* I'll get you some seawater in that tub."

Whatever you want! Zale thought.

Slowly, Brimmer reached his free hand into his pocket and withdrew a short, sharp knife.

Zale flinched back and began thrashing at his restraints, but Brimmer just shook his head, smiling. "Now, now. I'm not going to cut you. That's your job."

What?

"I'll unchain one of your hands," Brimmer explained, "and then you'll take the knife and cut one teeny, itsy-bitsy little line in that slimy skin of yours. Easy as that. Really, it's a small price to pay."

Zale simply stared at him. He was in so much pain, he was so scared, and he was *starving,* but this -- this was sick. This was wrong. This was demeaning.

As if nothing else so far had been all of the above.

""Come on, ya stupid little fish. Your choice." He waggled the dead fish over Zale's head.

Zale's stomach was threatening to throw up what little it had left. The mer gritted his teeth. He hated the idea of playing the human's weird game, but....if it was only a small cut...just a small favor, and then he could eat....wouldn't it be worth it?

Slowly, shame rising in his gut, Zale nodded.

"Good choice!" Brimmer exclaimed in a tone that made Zale feel even worse. "Now, let's get that hand free...weird fuckin webbed fingers, ugh...aaaand there you go, nice and easy, take the knife. Ha! Look at you, you look like you don't even know how to use it! The other guys said you might try and attack me, but I knew you wouldn't have it in you."

He laughed. "Lemme guess -- you mers are the weird hippie types, right? I'm surprised you even eat meat. You look like you don't have an ounce of fight in you. See, this is why humans have control of the world. We're just better."

Zale didn't reply. He just hung his head and obeyed, telling himself that he was only listening because he wanted that food, not because any of Brimmer's words were true.

Hours later -- alone, stomach full, and tub filled with sea water -- he was still telling himself, only this time, a small, hopeless part of him wondered if he was an exception.

...

@whumpcember @i-eat-worlds @pigeonwhumps (lmk if you want to be added or removed!)

#whump #whump writing #whumpcember #whumpcember2023day12 #mer whump #merman #whumpee #whump prompt #medical whump #whumpblr #dehumanisation tw

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copperbadge · 1 year

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Sam, you’ve talked a bit about the anger that comes with going undiagnosed for so long, and with having parents that dismissed your struggles. I’m about your age and I recently told my mom that I am relatively sure I have ADHD and that I was looking into getting a diagnosis, and I was at least 60% expecting her to disagree. And instead she said. “Oh yeah, I always thought that.”

Like. ????? WHAT. WHY DID SHE NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING???? Also, she was a teacher for years, and she knows how much I struggled in school so I am just. I’m honestly not sure if this is better or worse than her trying to say I couldn’t possibly have it. Like, at least she acknowledges that I struggled I guess? :/ Anyways, how’s it going with you?

I mean, I'm a big fan of repression.

That's only partially a joke. I'm not a big fan of repression but I do believe in trying to correct negative/damaging thoughts when they can't lead anywhere productive. I'm not a "think positive" person per se, but...

Yes, I am angry I didn't get a diagnosis earlier, particularly since it's not like my family was ignorant about the issue. But meditating on that just makes me more upset, and discussing this with my mother is not going to be cathartic for me or productive for either one of us. Even if I just wanted to take out my anger on her, which is a childish but understandable impulse, it's not like she did it maliciously. She was doing the best she could alone with three kids to raise and she desperately needed at least one of them to be "normal", for reasons that have much more to do with her upbringing and mental health than anything to do with me or my siblings.

And that's all a fucked up situation, but there's nothing to be done about the past. So when I feel annoyance or anger, I stop and think, okay, but there's no point in lingering. Get it out if you have to, but then let's move on to how you can repair that damage. Then I talk about it on here so other people will feel okay about it, and I try to practice compassion, to remember that my parents tried to give their kids a good life with the tools they had and with their own disabilities to deal with.

It sounds like you're in a different place than I am, so I don't know how helpful this is. Not that you really asked for help, it's sweet that you just asked me how I'm doing, but I like to be helpful anyway :) I think the anger you're feeling is normal; the "oh yeah I assumed you had a disability and DID NOTHING" situation is actually quite common, you're not the first person I've spoken to who's had that experience. But part of managing the anger is making a conscious decision about what to do when you feel it.

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, wrote a book called Start Where You Are that I read about five years ago and which I've found useful in managing emotions about things I can't change. I think it gets overhyped as a self-help book, but that's not really how it functions; it's more about explicating a specific line of Buddhist reasoning and using Buddhist practice to accept the difficulty of the world without buying into helplessness over it. Part of that is learning to sit in the pain of unhappiness -- to acknowledge an emotion, experience it, and move into either using it for a productive purpose or letting it go. It's a practice that doesn't come easily, but it does seem to help, at least for me.

Funnily enough, I started writing the Shivadh novels before I had a diagnosis but I knew from the first novel that Jerry was neurodiverse. Writing him with ADHD, even as a supporting character, has been very helpful for me because like me he can't really talk to his parents about it, with a father who has passed and a mother who is in denial. But he's still a fundamentally likable person who gets to demonstrably mature over the course of the books, to achieve things he couldn’t before and be praised for it. It's very satisfying to write about someone who got a late diagnosis and that made his life measurably better. Because it has, for both of us! I would rather have this diagnosis at forty than never have had it at all.

So yeah I'm sad, and angry, and struggling, but crucially I'm not taking it out on myself or others, and I know that this is a temporary situation. These are feelings that will fade in time because they arise from grief for could-have-been, and it's worth the sadness and the anger to have the diagnosis and to finally have help. I can't help the failures and bad relationships and mistakes I made because I had a disability I didn't know about, but I didn't know about it -- and now that I do I can improve my life going forward. What I'm feeling now is passing; what caused those feelings is permanent, and from now on I'll understand myself better (and, at least in theory, have access to bomb-ass medication to help raise my quality of life).

#sam has adhd

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mizugiyuu · 2 years

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In my dreams,

“In my dreams, you love me back”

— 1:54 in my dreams, red velvet🎵

pt I | next

pairings: diluc x y/n

genre: angsttt

warnings: a child (literally), mentions of jealuc

about: a wife who never knew love, and a husband who didn’t know how to show it.

you awoke with tears in your eyes. your cheeks wet from the spells that darkens your dreams. yet, as usual you can’t remember what it was all about.

no matter how hard you try to jog over your memory, you just couldn’t remember what was it that made you cry every night. what was it that had your heart clenching so hard that you were left breathless, pained for air just so you could scream to stop it.

looking over next to your spot on the bed, you were welcomed with emptiness. dawn was probably coming soon but still, the owner of the other side of the bed was nowhere to be found.

it’s been almost a year since this has become your new routine. after all, you married the all mighty and glory; diluc ragnvindr. don’t get him wrong, he was sweet in his own, quiet ways, he was attentive when you least expected and he was the reason you had your freedom.

the two of you were approaching your second anniversary of marriage. a year had passed since you managed to escape the hell you once called home. marrying diluc had your life turning upside down in a day, you basically became cinderella.

you loathed your family whom basically sold you off for a marriage of benefit. however, you never expected your spouse to offer you a better bargain. “i can promise you freedom and happiness, as long as you stay by my side.” was what he told you on the day he proposed. he gave you a chance to break off the ties from the family who only viewed you as a tool.

your clan, or your family wasn’t nearly as powerful as the ragnvindrs. however, your family possessed a great influence in politics. although you didn’t own much wealth, but the ruler of mondstadt was once dear friends with your grandfather. unfortunately, your grandfather passed away in battlefield, and even though the ruler wanted to offer all the wealth he could to your family, your grandfather had already left a will saying he would accept no such things from a friend.

growing up, you admired how pure your grandfather intentions were. he sincerely loved the nation, and was asking for nothing in return. however, because of his will, your greedy family hated him. they blamed your late grandfather for them still being poor despite all the respect they received from other nobles. thus, when the offer came from the ragnvindrs to join power in politics, of course your family rejoiced. after all, selling off one daughter had no effect on them.

now, you were never close with any of them. In fact, you’ve always wanted to run away. they never treated you like a daughter. you grew up being bullied by your brothers, harassed by your peers, none of them showed you kindness or respect and eventually, you came term with it. you never knew how love felt like, and you were sure you didn’t want to.

that was until, you met diluc ragnvindr.

at first, he showed you a taste of what it felt like to be free, to be able to decide what to do for the day, what to eat, what colours to don, and for the first time ever you felt tremendous emotions that made you cry tears of joy.

diluc ragnvindr was your saviour.

he showed you so much and sheltered you from many more that he deemed harmful to you. naturally, after having a taste of what was deprived of you, you grew a little bit greedier. you fell for him.

you used to lay awake in the middle of the night and found him right beside you. his red tresses covering his face, occupying his pillows. “it’s soft.” you would whisper as you played with his hair. he was beautiful under the moonlight, and even more breathtaking in daylight.

you started to diligently perform your duties as his wife. you would wake up at the crack of dawn just to see him off, you would welcome him home at night, and you would cook meals sometimes. you became a cheerful lady in which you never expected you could be. you were full of smiles whenever diluc was around, even the servants noticed it.

diluc tried to stop you, telling there was no need for you to tire yourself out by doing all those things but eventually he knew, there was no stopping you. he always welcomed you with a smile after all.

“my lady, it seems that master bought a gift for you today.” one of the maids stated, and as if on cue diluc walked into the manor with a bouquet in his hands. usually, he wouldn’t go around buying gifts for you unless you asked for it. however, at times when he surprised you like this was when you loved it the most.

he was quiet but his actions boomed loudly in your way. oh, how you were so lovesick for him.

yet, after a year of marriage everything went tumbling down. your whole world was crashing down, and slowly everything that was never yours started slipping away.

“my apologies, sire. i can’t seem to find the root of cause for my lady’s condition.”

the doctor removed his glasses as he noted down all the symptoms and started to prescribe some medicines for you. the whole time it happened you looked away from both of them. you didn’t know why you were so anxious, as if you were having your death sentence pronounced.

“please keep her warm at all times as her temperature is quite low, make sure she has her meals as well. i will visit again in two weeks time.” the doctor excused himself as your husband escorted him until your bedroom doors.

as soon as everyone left the room, you were left to drown in your own thoughts. what was happening to you, what would be your fate after this? how much time do you have left? the doctor never mentioned about it being fatal, but an unknown cause always leads to unknown deaths-

“don’t worry yourself over it. i’ll make sure you’ll get better.” you heard diluc said as soon as he closed the door behind him. you looked at him and at the same time tears fell down your cheeks. you were so afraid, you didn’t know what to expect, what would become of you.

“i’ll leave you to rest, i’ll be in my study.”

those were his last words before he started to spend less and lesser time with you. weekly dates became monthly routines, and eventually they never repeated again. slowly, a world which was once filled with freedom and joy became a dark abyss that was so silent and lonesome.

“my lady, it seems to me you a disease of the heart. it eats away at every waking loneliness.”

a month later, the doctor came with a diagnosis. ironically, you received the news alone. diluc was out in another city, doing his duties as the head of his clan. you told him it was fine, and that you would tell him what the doctor said later when he returned.

you looked at the old man in front of you, he was one of the best doctors in mondstadt and was directly working for the ragnvindr clan. “and the cause of it?” you asked, trying to seem unaffected by the diagnosis.

“sadness, hatred and, loneliness. it’s not a common condition, hence why i couldn’t figure it out when i first came see you. the disease doesn’t occur suddenly, it takes time to manifest and usually stemmed from childhood.”

“may i ask how did you spend your childhood, my lady?”

my childhood? you thought. you hated that place you used to call home. you were never truly loved. being a female as the firstborn was considered unfortunate for your parents. they blamed you for the clan’s weakened position in politics, they told you academics and self defense were useless when it came to a girl.

you were nothing but a pawn, and they proved it right when they basically sold you off the moment a powerful clan like ragnvindr offered a bargain.

your childhood? your childhood was filled with nothing but hatred, nothing but loathsome. but you broke free of it, so why? why did you have to fall sick because of something you had cut ties with?

“just a normal childhood.” you replied nonchalantly. the doctor seemed confused as he couldn’t find the reason for the disease to manifest. “but sir, i have a favour to ask of you.” you said as the doctor wind up the session for the day.

“please keep this disease from my husband. just tell him that it’s some kind of cold. please, i don’t wish for him to worry.”

“as you wish, my lady. however, please fill your days with positivity. you cannot afford to pass out again, there are chances that you might not wake up at all if you failed to fill your heart.” the doctor hesitated at first but finally agreed to your request. diluc never found out the true cause of your condition but even so, you could tell that you were already a burden to him. how else would you explain the ever growing distance between the two of you?

“i have a child.”

four words. those four words had his eyes shone brighter than the flames he emitted during a fight. those four words painted joy across his face, a look you couldn’t even recognise he could have.

those four words were all it took to drive you to the edge of an abyss. dark thoughts plagued you. you were a parasite, dressed as a wife.

diluc was married before he met you, however things never worked out with his previous wife, jean gunnhildr. the currently acting grand master of the knights. she was a woman loved by the nation, a hardworking, beautiful lady. it was rare for a woman to become a leader, let alone of the knights.

both her and diluc were a pair that everyone had no objections to when they married. in fact, you remember how the country celebrated the wedding, it was like royalty.

sadly, as both of them were very capable and responsible beings, they never got to enjoy each other’s presence and it drove them away from each other which eventually lead to separation. they were young, and they realised that it was a mistake to rush themselves into settling down together.

a few years later, the ragnvindr clan decided to marry into your clan to strengthen their foundation as one of the oldest and strongest clans of the nation. deep down you knew that you were disposable for the ragnvindrs, after all no one in the clan ever respected you like a lady.

it was the same treatment your received from your clan before.

seeing as there is no response from you, diluc continued; “she’s 5 years old and i just found out last week about her existence.” you tried to calm down your heart that was beating too fast to a point that it hurts to breathe.

forcing a smile, you looked to him. “that’s great. i’m happy for you.” you swallowed the lump in your throat. “you’ve always wanted a child, but i…” you paused. you couldn’t say it, the fact that the two of you were hit with such despair news when the doctor told you about your sickness a year ago.

a disease that made you weak with every waking move, that worsens if you fail to fill your heart with joy. and the worst you could ask for, an infertile body as long as the disease remains.

“i won’t bring her here, as she’s only warming up to me and i don’t wish to bother you recuperating.” he said, as if to cut off your insidious thoughts short.

so, does that mean you will go to master jean’s house then? maybe you should’ve asked him that, but you didn’t dare to hear his answer.

you kept quiet throughout the whole dinner. a dinner that was once a routine for both of you but for the last year since you fell sick, you could count with one hand how many times have you sat across one another.

you didn’t know what else to say, you didn’t dare to ask questions, afraid of his answer. diluc always waited patiently for you to finish eating. he always made sure you finished your meal, and he would have his servants escort you to your room while he retreated back into his study.

after you fell sick you figured out that you had become a burden to him. the opposite of what he wanted when you first got married. he wanted a wife, a woman to strengthen his stand in the nation but instead you came with a load of mess that needs fixing.

it explained why he distanced himself from you, as if subtly telling you to be prepared that one of these days he might just get rid of you totally.

now you could tell that your time must be limited. he would surely treasure a child that he always wanted. so, where do you stand now?

it’s always possible for him to reunite with master jean. after all they were matched made for each other. his first love, and a child would be a solid excuse to reunite—

“no, no.” you shook your head. “stop doing this to yourself, remember what the doctor said.” you wrapped your arms around yourself, remembering the promise you made to yourself. that you will get better, so that everything can resume to those days when you felt happier than ever to be in this manor.

that night, you went to sleep with an empty bed next to you and awoke with yet again, tears in your eyes of a nightmare that you can’t remember.

“my lady, you are improving in shading those colours. i am delighted.”

“thank you, calx.”

you smiled as your mentor commented on your progress. ever since you fell sick, diluc wouldn’t let you leave the house. he was afraid that you’d end up with a fever again. you remembered the worried look on his face when you nearly passed out at the front door.

you complained to him that you couldn’t just sit in the house and do nothing and he did everything that he could to provide you with entertainment. in the end, you told him that you wanted to learn to paint, and as a dutiful husband, he had one of the best painters in country as your teacher.

“i’m certain the master would be elated to see the results.” he smiled as you continued to colour the canvas with red.

how blinding, you thought. even through colour, you could feel his warmth. for your first ever project you decided to paint a portrait of your husband. it has been a month since you started on the work.

a month since you had dinner together, a month since you last saw him.

the sad thoughts had your heart clenching a little too hard, causing you to accidentally let go of your brush. you had to take deep breaths to calm yourself again.

“my lady, are you okay?” calx worried voice hovers you. “should i call the doctor?” he was about to get up and leave but you caught his hand in time.

“i’m… fine.” you exhaled. “i’m just tired…” you lied. “i haven’t been sleeping well.” forcing to straighten yourself up, you gave him a small smile.

calx wasn’t a fool, he knew that you were nowhere fine. after all, he had been mentoring you for a year now. you could say that the two of you naturally became friends with one another.

“my lady,” he trailed off. “no, y/n. as a friend, i’m getting worried about you.” he sighed, offering you water as he waited for you to calm down.

you chuckled hearing the tone coming from him. “oh albedo, getting a little bolder now calling me with that name, aren’t we?” he gave you a small smile seeing as how he managed to lighten up your mood.

“your condition, it’s getting worse isn’t it?” he asked. “have you told your husband about it? what about the pharmacist in liyue i told you about, maybe he could prescribe you something better.”

“can’t you see i’m getting better? i managed to go to the lamp grass field without taking breaks now.” you smiled as you thought of the flower field.

you used to love cecilias, but on your wedding day you were given a bouquet of cecilias with small lamp grass. you find them absolutely beautiful, how they glowed on your bedside table in the night. it was later that you found out that diluc himself had picked the flowers after asking the maids what you’re your favourites.

he added the small lamp grass, a choice he personally liked into the bouquet and you found the gesture warmed your heart. the grass lamp emitted warmth during the night, similar to that husband of yours.

you discovered a field of those small lamp grass one night when you couldn’t sleep. the warmth that was missing from your bed was replaced with the warmth on the field. you felt secure, just like how diluc made you feel before.

of course, you never told him that you sneaked out at night whenever you feel lonely. that would only made him worry and you didn’t want to upset him. albedo knew the story because he caught you one time while he was out painting.

he sighed upon hearing your reply. “y/n…” he shook his head. “your stamina doesn’t necessarily determine your well-being. it’s a disease of your heart, your emotions. you need to fill up that empty space, my lady.”

“i’m afraid to ask for more.” you stared at your almost done portrait. “i’m not equal to him, and i’ve become a burden.” you said. “he found no joy in my presence but i’m happy that he has a new profound happiness now.”

“what do you mean?”

“he has a child.” you smiled, remembering how he was anticipating a positive reaction from you when he broke the news. “with master jean. he only found out last week, and… oh god, you should see the look on his face.” you didn’t even realise that albedo was already standing in front of you.

“he looked so happy.” tears were running down your cheeks before you knew it. albedo pulled you in his embrace, but sadly he wasn’t as warm as your husband. however, you took whatever you had to comfort you empty, bleeding heart. “i can’t make him happy, i’m a fool for thinking that i can give him joy.”

note: angst for the birthday boy!

#diluc x reader #diluc ragnvindr #diluc x you #diluc x y/n #genshin fanfic #genshin diluc #genshin x you #genshin x y/n #diluc angst #genshin imagines #diluc imagines #jealuc

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series-thoughts · 9 months

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Breaking the Dollhouse - Chapter Two

Word Count: 2.3K

Summary: What would have happened if Junior survived and was taken by Tiffany from the hospital? What would that mean for Junior and Nica over the next year?

Notes: So, there was a lot of talk about the reality of how Nica and, in this case, Junior would have been treated during the year of imprisonment which resulted in a lot of pain. On the bright side that did lead to opportunities to write Junior and Nica bonding more.

Tags: @losersclubisms

Over that past month, Junior had become a better actor than 'Jennifer Tilly'. Whilst Tiffany's act had begun to crumble in Junior's eyes, his was only getting stronger the more time he spent with her and Nica. After that first encounter with Nica, Junior had learnt that the child-like excitement Tiffany would often display which he had mistakenly taken for kindness. Maybe even a sign that she had simply become stuck in that situation like him, was really just the extent of her insanity.

He was grateful that in all the chaos, that wasn't the only revelation. After that first meeting with Nica, he settled into a steady routine of sneaking into the room to talk with her after Tiffany had gone to bed. Junior was grateful for the comfort it brought him, Nica was the polar opposite of Tiffany. Where Tiffany was playful but self absorbed, Nica was realistic and selfless. It made him feel safe, or at least as safe as he could given the circumstances.

Tiffany had insisted on the three of them spending more time together and keeping up the act, Junior had managed to convince Tiffany to stop drugging Nica as much. He had been adamant with Tiffany that he wanted to get to know 'her girlfriend' better and that it would be easier if she was drugged less, with how little she had been responding.

Nica was just as grateful for Junior's company, not only for the fact it meant she was alert enough to form full sentences. Junior had been the first person in almost 5 years to not look at her as if she was a tool in their game or worse still, a monster that butchered her whole family. She enjoyed listening about his life and being able to talk to someone about Chucky without them looking at her like she was insane.

That's where she found herself now, once again in that hideous room with Junior sat cross legged on the end of the bed, delving into another story about his father's horrible treatment of him. Even though hearing about his father's treatment of him made Nica's blood boil, she was happy to listen to his venting. She could remember how Barb's treatment of her hurt and she only had to deal with that when she came to visit, with Junior having had to deal with that constantly, the least she felt she could do was be willing to listen to and support him. To be the kind of person she used to wish for.

"He was always so obsessed with me 'being a man.' You know?"

"Ironic, he definitely wasn't much of one if he had to pick on his own kid."

Junior smiled at her response, happy to have someone on his side before lying on his back at the foot of the bed.

"Nica?"

"Hmm?" She responded as she moved a piece of hair out of his face.

"What was your dad like? You've never mentioned him."

Nica gave a sad smile at the comment.

"I don't really know. Chucky drowned him a couple of weeks before I was born."

Oh, now Junior thought about it, he knew it made sense, Nica had told him about how her mother had been kidnapped and that Chucky had stabbed her when she was in the womb. How he had returned to finish the family off. She hadn't mentioned her dad in any of that.

"Did your mom ever talk about him?"

"Not often, it was too painful for her. She was sick basically my whole life, mentally." She added when Junior looked up, she knew about what had happened with his own mother. "I had to do a project when I was in the 1st grade about my family. That was the most I remember her talking about him and even then all I found out was that his name was Daniel, he worked an office job and had dark hair like me, which I knew from photos."

"Your mom being sick is why they thought it was a suicide at first. I'm sorry." Junior responded softly. Nica gave him a small smile and stroked his hair, “It’s okay, you couldn’t have known. He was kind, or at least I like to think he was. We found an old video the night Chucky attacked from before I was born, he was playing and messing about with my sister and mom was so happy.”

Junior stayed silent for a few minutes, enjoying the feeling as Nica continued to stroke his hair. It was comforting, the kind of physical affection he had been craving since he lost his mom, whenever Tiffany tried to be affectionate it always felt wrong. Possessive rather than comforting.

“What are you gonna do? Once you get out of here?”

“Try to clear my name, or change my identity. I haven't really thought about anything past that. I still think you should come too. I know I was heavily drugged but I meant it, it’s not safe here.”

“She doesn’t lock me in my room like she does with you and she lets me eat as much as I want. My dad never let me do that, so it’s not that bad.” It took Nica a moment to properly process what Junior just said, what on earth had his father done to make him consider THIS as ok?

“Honey, that’s not okay. The way your dad treated you was unacceptable but so is the way Tiffany is treating you. She won’t even let you go outside! When I get out of here, you are coming with me. You deserve a proper childhood, at least what you have left of it.”

In all honesty, Junior wasn’t sure if he did. The longer he was free from his dad the more he thought about how he used to act, the more he grew ashamed. At this point, he wouldn’t be surprised if his cousin had celebrated his ‘death’ after the way he had treated him. He missed when they were younger and they got along, before things got complicated, they had been practically inseparable back then.

“Tiffany asked me to stay in my room tomorrow, because of the twins visiting.”

“You aren’t meeting them? Her playing happy families and all? I get why I’m not but I thought she would introduce you.”

“She says she will during a later visit, she doesn’t think it’s the right time yet.” He watched Nica roll her eyes at that comment, Junior knew she was holding back some snide comment about Tiffany’s behaviour.

“You’ll be okay tomorrow? Won't you?” She asked quietly.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. I’ll still come and see you once they are in bed.” Sure, Junior was expecting to spend the next day a little bored, but at least he could catch up on some sleep after talking to Nica all night. It couldn’t be that bad.

It was.

Junior had severely overestimated how considerate Tiffany was and he was currently paying the price for it. The twins had arrived a little after half 10 that morning and Tiffany had hurriedly told him to go to his room and keep quiet as she wheeled Nica (who was once again drugged) to hers.

It was now 10 pm and he could still hear Tiffany talking to the twins through the vents, a trick Nica had let him in on after he first visited her. Tiffany hadn’t come to see him once, his stomach had started to growl hours ago when he smelt whatever Tiffany had been cooking. He knew she didn’t want Glen and Glenda to meet him yet but surely she would still bring him food? Junior hadn’t even questioned that, even if she didn’t tell them what she was doing she changed outfits enough that she could have brought him food without them knowing.

He felt awful, he hadn't been able to sleep at all. He was too afraid, too hungry, too thirsty and alone. He had truly believed that after he killed his dad he would never have to suffer through hunger like this again, especially with how much food Tiffany usually offered him. For now he was lying on his bed, curled up in a ball wishing the pain in his stomach would stop. Surely Tiffany would bring him something before she goes to bed, right? He had seriously started to consider drinking the water from the tap in the bathroom that was attached to his room. The only thing that was stopping him was that he didn’t know how safe it was, Tiffany was supposed to be getting someone to check it but she was taking her time out of fear of them finding him or Nica.

Gods, Nica. Was she okay? He wished he could go and see her, being alone was making the whole experience so much worse. He wanted to feel safe again. He was so glad he had eaten a snack and drank some water before Tiffany ushered him to his room, Nica probably hadn’t had anything since breakfast.

It wasn’t for another two hours that Tiffany and the twins finally decided to go to bed, Junior got out from under his blanket and sat up, hoping to hear the click of Tiffany’s heels making her way to his room. Half an hour later and he knew it wasn’t happening, the house was silent apart from the growls of his stomach. He made his way out of his room and went straight to the kitchen and downed an entire bottle of water. It made him feel sick but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He moved his way around the room grabbing as much food as he could carry in his arms, along with more bottles of water. Junior only hoped that the twins wouldn’t look in the cupboards for snacks the next day and made his way down to Nica’s room.

Nica had given up trying to distract Chucky hours ago, she just allowed him to continue talking shit as she drowned him out. She had no idea what time it was, she couldn’t see the clock where Tiffany had left her and now that the drugs had worn off she could feel that Tiffany must have tied her hands together before gagging her. As she focused a little more she realised she could no longer hear people talking, it must be late. Too late, Junior was normally there by now. What if he was hurt? What if Tiffany had lost her temper? No. She couldn’t think like that. She tried to focus on her breathing, anything she could to distract her when she heard the familiar sound of Junior picking the lock. She turned her head as much as she could to see him stumble through the door with his arms full of water and snacks. Once he caught sight of her, he dumped the supplies on the bed before moving to untie her. He was pale, that was the first thing Nica noticed, that and his hands shaking as he began to untie her. By the time Nica was untied and making her way back from the bathroom she was met with Junior sitting in his usual place at the foot of the bed, practically inhaling the food in his hands. Nica quickly pulled herself up onto the bed and Junior looked up at her.

“The food is for you too, that’s why I brought so much.”

“Thank you.” Junior was instantly back to devouring the food in front of him, Nica saw the fear in his eyes when he had looked up at her. She slowly sipped some water and started eating as she continued to watch Junior. If Nica hadn’t wanted to kill Tiffany before, she certainly did now. She gently put a hand over the boy's wrist, “Honey, you need to slow down a bit, okay? You’ll make yourself sick eating that fast.” He took her advice before looking up at her again and Nica could see the unshed tears in his eyes. She gave him a small smile as she reached over and placed her hand on his cheek. It seemed to calm him down a little as they continued to eat.

Once they were both feeling better they moved the rest of the food and water to the side before Nica spoke again. “She didn’t give you any food, did she?” The tears returned to Junior's eyes at the question and she shook his head. “Come here.” She spoke gently and she held her arms out to him. He hugged her back instantly, clinging to her as if she could disappear at any moment. He could feel her stroking his hair again as a few tears escaped his eyes. Safe. He wasn’t entirely sure how long he stayed there, slowly calming down as Nica held him. He could just hear her voice, “You’re okay now. You’re gonna be okay, I promise.” Eventually, Junior released her from his grip and sat back.

“Are you feeling a little better now?” she asked.

“Yeah.” He paused for a minute, still trying to gather his thoughts, “I think I want to go with you. When we find a way for you to escape, I want to go with you. Is that okay?”

“Of course that’s okay, honey. We’ll find a way out.” She could see Junior’s eyes begin to droop. “You should get some sleep.”

“I’m fine. I don’t wanna go back yet.” Nica quickly moved one of the blankets over to him, “I’ll wake you before Tiffany is up.”

Junior lay down and began to put the blanket over himself, “What about the twins?” he asked through a yawn.

“They’re teenagers, they won't be up before Tiffany usually is. Just close your eyes for a while.” She began stroking his hair once again.

“G’night.” he mumbled, already drifting off.

“Goodnight, baby.”

#chucky #chucky 2021 #child's play #chucky syfy #nica pierce #junior wheeler #tiffany valentine #glen ray tilly #glenda ray tilly #Breaking the Dollhouse #chucky fanfiction

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themetalvirus · 1 year

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wait WAIT WAIT WAIT HOW DID I NOT CONSIDER THIS DETAIL BEFORE NOW IM A FOOL

egghog posting, also after i typed out the new idea i realized it sounded stupid. need your thoughts

okay. so. since the beginning of the au, i've known in my head that overuse of chaos energy's power literally makes your skin start to boil (akin to a third degree burn) and is incredibly painful (like... a third degree burn). this is why silver has scars on his forehead marking - he is pushed too hard both by eggman and himself to do more than he can reasonably manage.

supers (and the hyper forms by extension) can only be sustained for a certain amount of time before the chaos emeralds are ejected. theres a lot of like. metaphysical Soul Power and Strength and Control involved.

eggman initially plans to have the boys train and hone their attunement to chaos energy (and their misc specific powers and skills) until adulthood. all three of them need to have total control of their souls and bodies, and eggman must have total control of their minds. he needs all three of them to share the load of universe-ending amounts of chaos energy and control it well enough to construct his new, perfect world. the plan is to keep them alive afterward as a reward (and to keep him company and make sure all that work didn't go to waste)

turns out, two of them left. eggman only has full control over one of their minds. and he can't waste time trying to get everything perfect anymore - he wants his new universe now before the others can foil his ultimate plan

the new idea, though: he rushes to the finish line after the other two leave because he knows that sonic will die if he goes through with the plan. all three of them sharing the burden would hurt badly, but with the energy spread out between three people trained their entire lives, there was a chance they could survive. one person couldn't.

on one hand, eggman realizes that sonic is a one and done deal. if he makes eggman's new world, dies, and it turns out that world isn't perfect, he can't really do shit about it. on the other hand, we know that eggman is short-sighted (metal virus) and impatient (ha ha metal virus i am talking about you). he wants power and he wants it now.

that's why he was already taking over the world while raising his "sons" - he wants power. he'll take anything and everything he wants with force and bulldoze over anyone in his way without mercy, we know this. he can't stand waiting to mold the world into what he thinks is best when he can just work on that now. the "ending and rewriting the universe" plan was more of a conceptual finale for the inevitable end of his life. rather, to prevent the inevitable end of his life. we know he'd also probably turn himself into a cyborg or upload his consciousness into the computer or something if he thought he was dying but you know what i mean. plus, he lives for spectacle - turn himself into a cyborg or turn himself into god, which do you think he'd choose?

anyway. when silver and shadow defect, he sees the writing on the wall for that finale. they're too strong to leave frolicking around in the wild. he made them strong, so he knows better than anyone the damage they can cause when they are not on your side. he loses ground quickly, territory shrinking as the resistance makes use of their powerful new tools. he's frustrated.

in this universe, he's very much used to victory. not in terms of the big world-ending plans (they always get foiled), but in terms of capturing territory and developing new factories and bases and what have you. so losing what he felt was secure, a reassurance that he is powerful makes him hungry for a kick of overwhelming power. to show everybody what real victory looks like.

important: sonic does not know that eggman is going to kill him for the sake of the new universe until he is in the process of making it, starts to slowly melt away and turn into primordial ooze, and eventually goes through eggman's memories himself. so the idea is there's now TWO blows to his psyche: not only is there No Love in eggman's mind or heart for him, but he was Literally Going To Kill Him.

in sonic's head, and from what eggman directly told him, they would live in the new, perfect world together as a family. that was, of course, a lie.

those of you who know the clown baby already know how he would feel about that so i'll spare you the details. anyway (deltarune explosion)

#exoticbutterstxt

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runes-menagerie · 2 months

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Muse testing: Sevika

Thinking of testing out Sevika. Not completely certain on this but here are some thoughts I have for attempting to RP her.

Strained relationship with her father, him not agreeing with her life choices but still helping her learn to fight so she can defend herself.

Growing up she didn't have the sort of intelligence that it would take to make it to Piltover, nor did she have the sort of looks that did well in a brothel. She could have made a living that way but not as well as she wanted. It also wasn't the life she wanted. She could have also found work in a factory, her father's choice for her due to the job security. She however chose to live as first a mercenary and then as Silco's right hand.

She's not brilliant but she isn't stupid either. Her intelligence is more focused on reading situations in the moment and determining the tactics needed to ensure the situation turns out in her favor.

She's also skilled at reading people and determining if they will be a threat or a useful tool. She dislikes Jinx partially due to not being able to get a consistent read on her.

Sevika's loyal to a fault but she's also not the kind to stick around on a sinking ship. She is loyal to Silco as long as he is able to prove himself worthy of that loyalty. Finn was not worthy of it and she knew that he was likely to betray her before too long if she did side with him whereas with Silco, he wasn't likely to betray her unless she did so first.

She's not addicted to Shimmer and uses it only to enhance herself as needed after the Cannery explosion takes her arm. She does use mild doses for pain management but not a strain that comes with a high. A similar idea to how marijuana can be used for pain management without the high.

Her smoking is for a similar reason although she does have a mild nicotine addiction. She is also an alcoholic although she keeps that under control so it doesn't adversely effect her work with Silco.

There are times were she has phantom pains in her left arm which she finds rather irritating but learns to live with in the years since the Cannery.

She doesn't regret saving Silco at the Cannery since it secured her place at his side ben before she had been just another grunt in his employ.

She's able to do maintenance on her arm herself although for major repairs she will often go to one of the engineers in Silco's employ. This is more for a second set of hands rather than a lack of knowledge or skill on her part.

On a similar notes, she often makes tweaks and upgrades to her arm whenever she notices something that could be better.

She didn't come up with the initial design for her arm but she has since learned all she can about it so that she can be self sufficient with in.

More might be added to this later but there's enough here that I feel I have a good enough grasp of her character to do some test RPs.

If you're interested in working with my Sevika then PM me and we'll plot. For now she will be on request and plotted threads only until I decide what to do with her.

#ooc #Muse test #Test muse Sevika

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puckrph · 2 years

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‘THE RAVEN CYCLE’ STARTERS

taken from the YA series by maggie stiefvater. some alterations made as needed to make things fit better for rp. feel free to change pronouns, etc.

‘ sometimes, i feel like my life is made up of a dozen hours i can never forget. ’ ‘ “i’m always straight?” oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told. ’ ‘ it’s safe as life. ’ ‘ what fresh hell is this ? ’ ‘ my words are unerring tools of destruction, and i’ve come unequipped with the ability to disarm them. ’ ‘ i like you better this way. ’ ‘ crushed and broken. just the way women like ‘em. ’ ‘ fate is a very weighty word to throw around before breakfast. ’ ‘ rags to riches isn’t a story anyone wants to hear until after it’s done. ’ ‘ i’m trying not to look at your boat shoes. i feel better about you as a person if i pretend you’re not wearing them. ’ ‘ i want to feel awake when my eyes are open. ’ ‘ you’re pretty in a way that is physically painful to me. i’m attracted to you like a heart attack. ’ ‘ i am being perfectly fucking civil. ’ ‘ shitdamn, it’s hot. ’ ‘ when i’m gone, dream me the world. something new for every night. ’ ‘ kissing’s a lot like laughing. if the joke’s funny, it doesn’t matter how long it’s been since you last heard one. ’ ‘ well, i don’t know how helpful that was... we found out german beauty homers look like bloody puffins. ’ ‘ i wish i could kiss you. because i would beg just one off you. under all this. and then we’d never say anything about it again. ’ ‘ pie is not a meal. ’ ‘ i’m here. i just—i believe i’m having a panic attack. ’ ‘ thanks for the super helpful alternative suggestions. your contribution at the end of the world will be tallied accordingly. ’ ‘ blame the poets. it’s easier to stir people to rebellion if they think they’re on the side of a demigod or some chosen one. never trust a poet. ’ ‘ no one knows what ignominy means. ’ ‘ don’t be such a shitbag. ’ ‘ i’m perfectly aware that it’s possible to have a friendship that isn’t all-encompassing, that isn’t blinding, deafening, maddening, quickening. it’s just that now that i’ve had this kind, i don’t want the other. ’ ‘ you’d better wait in the car, with your fancy face. ’ ‘ feel its pulse, don’t just stare at it. pulse. on its face. there. there, [name], god. there. ’ ‘ we’re going so slow. i think i just saw a tricycle pass us. ’ ‘ my head knew you were all right. but the rest of me didn’t. ’ ‘ i just want to pretend. i want to pretend that i could. ’ ‘ damn. you’re right. i really can’t think of another joke. ’ ‘ it was cowardice and stupidity. i didn’t like good-byes, so i just abstained, and i didn’t think about the consequences. ’ ‘ in my head, everything is always so tangled. i am such a damaged thing. ’ ‘ i wouldn’t have pegged you for a fan of normal. ’ ‘ you marvelous creature! ’ ‘ maybe it’s good that the world forgets every lesson, every good and bad memory, every triumph and failure, all of it dying with each generation. perhaps this cultural amnesia spares us all. perhaps if we remembered everything, hope would die instead. ’ ‘ i was here. i exist. i’m alive, because i bleed. ’ ‘ do you think you’re the only one with a right to bitterness here? ’ ‘ i just want to keep being best friends with you forever, and maybe one day also have carnal knowledge of you. ’ ‘ my feelings for you are an oil spill. i let them overflow, and now there isn’t a damn place in the ocean that wouldn’t catch fire if i dropped a match. ’ ‘ i like you an awful lot, [name]. ’ ‘ for the first time that i can remember, i know what it would feel like to be present in my own life. ’ ‘ jesus god, dude, do you have stitches on your face? bad. ass. put it here, you asshole. ’ ‘ i was trying to protect you, you little pissant. ’ ‘ you’re asking me to define an abstract concept that no one has managed to explain since time began. you sort of sprang it on me. why do we breathe air? because we love air? because we don’t want to suffocate. why do we eat? because we don’t want to starve. how do i know i love you? because i can sleep after i talk to you. ’ ‘ not today! no, thank you! too many events this decade. perhaps later! cannot do the shock! thank you for your time. ’ ‘ i am a slow-growing creature! i cannot adapt so quickly! ’ ‘ tell me: when you dream, do you dream of the stars? ’ ‘ if you can’t be unafraid, be afraid and happy. ’ ‘ it really is a helluva fixer-upper. i feel like they should possibly renovate this basement if they want to get a good sale price. hardwood floors, update the doorknobs, maybe put the wall back. ’ ‘ the choice was death or hurting you, which wasn’t much of a choice at all. ’ ‘ that seems sentimental for a man without a soul. ’

#memes #sentence starters #rp memes #askbox meme #rp prompts #the raven cycle sentence starters #the raven cycle ask meme #trc ask meme #trc sentence starters #askbox memes #rp sentence starters #rp meme #rp starters

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spacecatbowtie · 2 years

Text

The Chemist - Din/Reader - Chapter 2

chapter 1

Rating: EXPLICIT!! 18+

Warnings: Dubious consent / Manhandling / swearing

Tags: Glove kink / helmet kink / hunter x prey kink / a lotta kinks / but Mando actually just needs a hug / FEELS

(feedback is much appreciated <3 )

Chapter 2 - Guilt

Then I bite his hand. Hard. He grunts and steps back

"WHAT THE HELL. You filthy whore!" He reaches for me again. "You are going to regret doing that.." But I had grabbed the taser sniper that he stupidly dropped next to him. I put it to his leg and fire. Immediately, his body tenses and starts to spasm, the blue electricity making its way across his armour and body. Then I let go. I did not want to kill him.

Although the source of the shock had stopped, his body still shakes.

And then it's silent. He did not move anymore, the sounds of pain he made had stopped. Time seems to stand still.

What had I done? Please don't be dead. Maybe I should just let him do what he wanted. It was to blame on the hormones the chemist gave him. He couldn't help it. And if I could have helped him by giving him what that stuff made him want, I should have done it. He wasn't going to kill me; it was something numerous people do. In this case, it’s just not out of love, but that does not make it different. It just makes it less personal. Which is a good thing, I tell myself.

But would he be able to live with the guilt? Like the chemist had said, it would hunt him for the rest of his life. Even if I were to tell him afterwards that it was okay, that I did not mind. He's sweet like that. He would not believe me and would never look me in the eyes again. He would have wanted me to stop him like I did now.

Without knowing how long the hormones will last, or without knowing how long he will stay unconscious, I'd better tie him up. It is what he would tell me to do.

Luckily, with him being a bounty hunter and all, he has sufficient tools to tie someone up. I find cuffs and rope.

Better safe than sorry.

After tying his wrist in front of him, I make sure to tie him to one of the thick pipes that lead from the ceiling to the floor. Across from him on the other side of the hanger, I wait for him to wake. With the sniper safely next to me.

A few hours later, a low moan and a metallic sound wakes me up. I’d fallen asleep with my head on my knees. I lift my head. Mando seems to wake up.

When he tries to turn on his side, the restraints stop him. At that he groans. He still looks pretty out of it.

"Mando?" I call for him. I want him to be okay, but at the same time I am scared to confront him. My head turns red at the thought of what we did yesterday, and the things he said to me.

"My head.." he groans. "Hurts.."

Worry fills me, but I do not dare come closer.

Slowly he sits up a little straighter. Confused, he looks at his bound arms. Inspecting.

I watch him silently. He seems slow with his movement and thoughts. Is he still under the influence of the hormones? Is he his normal self again?

With a shaky voice, I call his name again. 'Mando.. how do you feel?' Is the only thing I manage to ask. Despite having many more questions.

When he hears my voice, his head snaps in my direction. "What is going..o-."

It then seems to hit him. Everything that had happened. Everything he had done. Everything he had said. He sits frozen, before suddenly yanking back his whole body, trying to get away from me.

Now it’s his voice that's is shaky. "I..no.. I'm.. you.." He stammers. He sounds like he is about to cry.

At least it seems he is back to his senses again. I'm less scared to approach him now.

I stand up. "Let me untie you" I say, a little uncomfortable. I don't know why, but I’m shy all of a sudden. Not scared anymore at all.

"No." he states. "Don't come any closer."

With his legs he shoves himself more to the wall, away from me.

"Don't worry Mando, you are yourself again, you won’t do anything anymore." I slowly walk towards him. "I have to untie you sometime, can't keep sitting there forever" I try to joke to make the situation lighter.

With a thud his head falls back against the wall, then he turns his head away from me. I notice that his breaths are fast, not rhythmically. He is panicking.

I try to untie him carefully in a soothing way. First the many knots in the rope and then I click the cuffs open.

Immediately he stands up and slips past me. I grab his arm. "It's okay, let’s just talk."

He pulls away from me. "Don’t touch me!" He sneers and turns from me, striding to the ladder.

"No, look I know you did not mean it; I know that it was that stuff the chemist gave you that made you act that way. I know you feel guilty, but please don't be."

He does not react and climbs the ladder before disappearing in the cockpit. The hatch slams shut behind him and I hear him lock it. I sigh. Maybe it’s good to let him think by himself for a while.

I decide to take a small walk outside, to give him more privacy, and for me to think too. I leave a note for him in the middle of the floor of the hangar.

It says.

Taking a walk did me good. It calmed my mind.

I would just explain how I felt. I just have to make him understand that it is okay. It was intense and scary in a way, but it is in the past now. And it was out of his control, he could not help it.

I approach the location of the ship again, or at least where the ship used to stand.

"Are you actually kidding me!"

That bastard has left! After what happened!

I stop at the now empty lot. The long grass is still flat on the places where the landing feet had stood. I let myself fall to my knees. How could he?

A white piece of paper catches my eye. It's the note I had written, but now It said something underneath.

I pick it up, shaking with anger. Underneath the note lies a pouch full of credits.

-- two months later --

I take another sip of my cocktail. It's good, but does nothing to improve my mood.

With a frown I look around the tavern. It's full. There are groups of friends playing drinking games, there are pairs of creatures who are - by the looks of it, probably on a date, there are lonely drunks.

And there is me. Not drunk. Not yet, anyway.

"Another one of these please!" I yell at the waitress. I smack one of the last credits he had given me on the table for the waitress to collect when she had brought the drink.

Most of the credits had gone to the transport last week. I'd had enough of that forsaken planet where he left me. I had stayed there in a hotel in the village close by. And every day I took the walk back to the place his ship stood once. Every day in the beginning at least, the more the weeks passed the less I went. Until I'd had enough and left that planet.

I will never see him again. I have accepted that.

Now I am here on a big planet full of sand and a city full of garbage in a tavern full of stupid people.

Someone new entered. Which is not unusual, but he stands out.

First my heart skipped a beat, but then I realize it isn't the person I've been wanting to see so badly.

It is a Mandalorian. But his armour differs from the man I once knew.. And loved.. Wait, what? I love him?

I bury my head in my arms on the table when I realize. Even if I'm furious that that bastard left. I want some kind of revenge. Some kind of way to get rid of this feeling.

With my head buried in my arms, feeling miserable, I hear someone come closer and take a seat at the table next to me. Where, until now, no one dared to sit, because I had looked at everyone who came close with a death stare.

From under my arm, I see a shiny metal calf. It was that Mandalorian.

I huff. "What is a Mando doing here, you can’t drink without taking off your helmet. Just here to watch the half-naked, half-drunk girls?" My voice is clearly judging.

It takes a few seconds for him to answer.

"Waiting for someone."

His modulated voice sounds just like the one I was familiar with. The helmet must make all their voices sound the same.

Out of pure boredom, I start talking to him. "You know, you look like someone I knew formerly. The armour is different though, yours looks better."

He does not react. A sigh escapes me. Talking to this shiny wall of metal was rather conforming. "I loved him, you know; Still do as a matter of fact."

The Mandalorian next to me lets out an uninterested hum.

"But he left me, without saying a word. He just left a stupid note" I mumble, burying my head deeper in my arms, as if hiding from the world would lessen the pain in my heart.

No further response from the shiny man. "Something had happened you see, something that he did, but also didn't do. It wasn't his fault. And I had to stop him. Not because I wanted him to stop, but because I knew he would regret it." I ramble on.

"And he left me before I could explain. I hate him for it. I hate him so much. But I also love him. So much."

I feel bold, not caring about a single thing anymore. I sit straight up now, facing him. "I want to close that chapter of my life, to finish what he started once. And I think the only way to do that is if I did this. With you. Because err- you look like him you know."

He just keeps still like a statue facing me, looking at me. It makes me shy. "So, do you want me tonight...? Just a one-time thing...? No consequences...?" I keep stammering while he still does not move.

"Um, so I have a room here. Room 274" I stand up. Feeling ashamed. I cannot see his face, so I don't know if he is interested or thinks I'm stupid. "Come by if you want."

I squeeze between his table and mine. "Just knock." My face turns red. "Okay. So. Bye." Quickly I walk away without looking back.

After the door of my room closes behind me, I can breathe normally again.

What the fuck did I think! Did I really think a random person would want me? After my emotional rant about someone else?

I let myself fall face-first into the bed.

He even told me he was waiting for someone! Of course he is not going to come with me. He has things planned, things to do. I grunt into the mattress. I just won’t come out of this room for a month.

Climbing fully into the bed, I discard of my clothes, only leaving the baggy under shirt and underwear on. I cover myself with the rough woollen blanket.

Then a knock. I don't move.

Then another.

Did he come after all? Slumping out of bed, I reach for the door and open it a crack.

It is him. I open the door further to let him in.

"Okay, so you wanna do this?" I ask as I close the door behind him.

He steps towards me. And then does something I did not expect. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me.

"Eh okay yes we could start with this." Awkwardly, I return the hug and pat his back.

This is more awkward than if he were to come up and start undressing me.

Then he whispers softly against my ear. "I also left you credits, not just a stupid note."

"What?"

"When I abandoned you. I also left a substantial amount of credits for you, Not just the note. You forgot to mention that." I can hear the smirk in his voice.

Then it hits me. And I hit him.

I start punching and kicking against any place on his body I can reach. "Are. You. Fucking. Kidding. Me. You fucker."

I try to push him back. He doesn't budge, the only thing it does is pushing me further from him. Fine, good enough. I turn around and practically rip the door open. But before I can exit the room to run, an arm reaches from behind and pushes the door closed again.

He keeps his hand there next to my head.

I scream at him in frustration. "You are such an infuriating prick, you know that?"

Turning around, I glare at him where I think his eyes are behind that visor of his.

"Yes. I know that. And I deserve worse."

I snort. "Yes indeed you fucking do." With a finger I poke in his chest plate. "Why did you leave?"

"I was a coward. I could not face you again. I did not want to see the fear in your eyes." With that, he looks away from my gaze.

"But I don't fear you!" I shout. "Yes, it was pretty scary when you acted differently from yourself. But that is not you. And it'll never happen again."

The Mandalorian now places his other hand on the other side of my head.

"But you see darling, that is the thing."

Shocked, I look up at him. It is the same thing he had said when he pinned me against the ladder in his ship, but this time his voice sounds strained and angry.

"It IS me; It IS me who wants this. What I said then wasn't a lie. Not a word of it."

One of his hands leaves the door and strokes my hair on the way to my cheek. Just like then, he held my chin with his thumb on my lower lip. "So tell me, darling..."

Then he surprised me by sliding his fingers down and folding his hand around my throat, squeezing softly.

"Are you still not afraid of me?"

My surprised look changes to anger again.

"I see what you are trying to do." I easily slap his hand away from me. "You are trying to make me scared of you, so it is me who leaves this time. So you don’t have to deal with me and our history. You really are a coward."

He flinches at my words. "You really did not want me to stop, back then?"

"No. Like I already told you, I stopped you because I knew you would regret it afterwards. Sorry for tasing you, by the way"

"You did what you needed to do, like I asked."

I notice the change of tone in his voice. He slowly takes one last step towards me, pinning me against the door. His hands back on the door again.

"You listened to me so well." He almost purrs.

Automatically, I bring my hands to his chest, the metal now warm with his body heat.

"No sassy response this time eh?" His hands touch my shoulders, slides down on my arms, then caresses my waist. Sliding his fingers up my shirt. Taking his time exploring the skin.

He goes higher and higher, above my belly button. My eyes close and I shiver. "You sure are a shivery girl, aren't you."

"Only with you.' I respond softly.

He buries his head in my hair against my shoulder.

"Such a good girl" This makes me let out an uncontrolled whimper. His hands creep higher. "You like it when I call you that, don't you."

I nod against the side of his helmet. He reaches the underside of my breasts. Caressing it softly.

"Wait until I touch you without the gloves."

I make an agreeing sound. He takes his hands from under my shirt and takes the gloves off, throwing them to the ground.

I look at his hands. So strong, long fingers, I want to touch them- but he is already cupping my face. "So beautiful."

He leans forward even more and softly presses his forehead to mine. It feels so intimate that my eyes close, and I moan. He takes this opportunity to force his thumb in my mouth.

“Be a good girl for me now”'

I moan again and close my lips around his digit, sliding my tongue around him. He tastes how he smells, woodsy and like the first rain in the spring. There is also a little taste of sweat, from him having his gloves on all day. I love the way he tastes like the smell of him when he returns after a long day searching for a bounty. It smells like him. A natural, almost unnoticeable smell.

He makes a low sound from the back of his throat when I suck harder and open my eyes to look up at him.

“Darling. What are you doing to me.” His husky voice was almost unintelligible. It makes me want more.

Crouching down on my knees, I start caressing the inside of his thighs, going up.

He hesitates. “Are you sure?”

I roll my eyes. “Yes. I want you. I want you to do whatever you want to do to me. I want you to do the things you said to me two months ago when you had me pinned down.”

“'But-”

“And the hunt. When I had to run and hide from you. It excited me and wound me up so bad. The idea of you searching for me, the thought of what you would do when you found me. The thought of you having your way with me.” I realize I am rambling again and I blush.

“Sweet girl, if that is what you want.”

I nod furiously.

“I can arrange that. I'll hunt you down again some other time, but I'll do the rest right now.”

Again thank you for reading!! you can give feedback if u want <3

#din x oc #din djarin x reader #mando x reader #heavy mando smut

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obsidiancreates · 2 years

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To make up for that angsty, but amazing fic for Space, I've got a kind of fluffy question!

I imagine that in a scenario where the quality of Spaces machines end in either life or death, there's not much time to praise Space for his skills.

So when Space gets to the Manor, and he hears some praise on his machines, what's his reaction?

Oooooh, like he had to build something to get them all out of a tough spot?

Hmm...

They sprint into the door, slamming it shut behind them. Yancy pulls out as many shivs as he can and jams them into the double-door, locking them together extra firmly as Heist uses the real latches.

"And that," Dark pants, "Is why we don't follow Wilford to his dance parties."

"Holy shit," Heist breathes, plopping onto the ground. "Is that seriously what the future looks like?"

"A century or so behind where I'm from, but yeah," Space pants. "God, they had so little to work with."

"You made it work, though," Dark pants, straightening his jacket. "Very impressive."

Space shakes his head. "Barely worked."

"It worked as well as it needed to. A quick fix, as long as it fixes, is completely acceptable."

Space looks at Dark. "Even when it almost makes things worse?" His tone is challenging, almost disbelieving of Dark's praise.

"In a situation like that, it's worth the risk. Give yourself more credit. Perhaps your lifetimes of expertise were... hyperfocused, on a single project, but you clearly still have remarkable skill. Without you, we wouldn't be back home."

"Speaking of, um, where'd Wilford go?" Date pipes up. But he's ignored as Space keeps staring at Dark.

"You... really think I helped?"

"Immensely."

Space looks down ad swallows. He shakes his head and clears his throat. "I um, I'm just gonna... go fix this up." He pats his arm screen without looking at anyone else, and quickly walks out of the room.

Dark sighs. So hesitant to accept even well-earned praise... how many times did he tear down himself, his skills, his self-worth, in the time he says he spent alone in that Warp Core Room? So unfathomably long, alone with only bitter rage and a feeling of not doing enough...

He looks over the rest. "Go to the doctor."

"Aw, no. He's just doing to tell us we're dying again."

"While treating you. Go."

They all head off, minor scrapes and bruises all to really worry about. Thanks to Space.

Dark turns on his heel and goes into the kitchen. He looks over the food, trying to remember how to make food good. He usually leaves that up to... anyone, else. He always manages to burn it, somehow.

He places a bit of turkey between some bread, reconsiders, and adds some mustard.

He brings it to Space's room and nearly appears inside, but stops himself at the last second. He knocks, and Space gives a vague shout of entrance granting.

Dark sets down the sandwich, and Space hums in thanks without looking up from repairing his arm screen.

"You did save us today."

"Mm."

"One mistake doesn't define your life."

"It defined a lot of my lives," Space mumbles, hissing in pain when a spark hits his nose.

"Not this one."

Space's hands slow. "... I appriciate the..."

Pity

"... reassurance. But I'm not a kid. I can look at what I did wrong today and figure out how to do it better."

"You can also accept that it worked. That you did your best in the moment."

"... Thanks." He still won't look up. "I know I did, just... it takes a long time for me to get things right. And I... don't know if my instincts are to be trusted, sometimes."

"Sometimes they aren't." Dark gestures at himself. "I got killed because I had poor instincts."

Space snorts in surprise at the comment. "Like father like son, I guess, I died because of so many doors I was sure would take us to the core..."

"But today, your instincts didn't take you to an exploding star. They took you exactly where you needed to go."

Space fiddles with his tools. "... I guess."

"Y/N, your Captain, would think so too."

"... Yeah." Space taps his screen, and it flickers to life. The Captain's dossier comes up. "... You're probably right."

Dark gives Space's shoulder a single pat. "You can learn just as well from successes as from failures, if you look at it the right way. Let yourself acknowledge you did well today. You deserve it."

"... Thanks, Dark."

Dark nods, and takes his leave. Baby steps.

Baby steps.

#descendants of the trio au #darkiplier #engineer mark #markiplier #markiplier egos #fanfic #my attempts at fanfic

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crystalelemental · 1 year

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Unit Teambuilding - Variety Lorelei

I like Lorelei. She's not a top favorite by any means, but I like her design, and FRLG gave her some added lore that made her really interesting to me. I, too, love plush dolls. She just always seemed pretty cool for a Kantonian, pun fully intended. So when the common grid war decided to take a heaving shit on her, I figured hey. I guess this is just how life is now. Lorelei has received depression, and this is probably all she'll ever get.

Here we are like three weeks later and they're already apologizing. They know they messed up.

General Overview Lorelei and Bruno have a lot of similarities, but function wildly different, and the decision between them may be up to preference. I’ll try my best to differentiate what they’re good at, but understand a lot of their tools overlap.

Lorelei’s buffing abilities involve X Atk All, and a trainer move that’s +4 Def, +2 crit, and Endurance to all allies. Right away, you can discern two things. (1) As a buff unit, Lorelei functions, but is not particularly great at it. Atk and crit separately means that in three turns, she’s accomplishing what Hop does in two. The need for MPR on both to cap stats, with trainer move being 1MP, is also wildly painful. (2) Team-wide Endurance is insane.

Lorelei’s passives are all related to her attack, Icicle Spear. No Quarter ensures it hits five times. Recharging Strike 4 is a 50% chance per hit to regain one bar of gauge, while Restoring Strike 2 is a 30% chance to heal herself a bit on each hit. Grid nodes offer the possibility to debuff speed or defense, at a 20% rate per hit. Based on this, we can now understand Lorelei’s primary function.

Lorelei is a tank before anything else. Her grid accommodates this with Vigilance and First Aid 4, which are exceptionally strong tools in tandem with Endurance and Restoring Strike. Recharing Strike and access to Pep Rally on X Atk All means Lorelei is fairly competent at gauge management as well. What she struggles with is full buffing, and consistency of secondary effects. Lorelei can, in theory, debuff defense, but not with any of the certainty that could be expected from CS. Her buffing is slower, and unreliable to hit cap, so she works best with allies who have at least some self-buffing potential. And of course, her entire kit skews toward the physical, with exactly no tools of value to special attackers. Another potential flaw is that Lorelei does not do a great job protecting allies. +4 Defense and Endurance is nice, but no special defense or ability to heal allies (Initial Syncho Healing is basically worthless) means allies can get worn down, and you’ll want to be aggressive to finish stages fast, or having disruption in play, when facing repeated AoE hits.

EX and Move Level? Support, so the usual 3/5 and EX. Lorelei can technically accomplish her buffing at 2/5, but she loses debuffing, pop heal, and Vigilance in the trade. EX isn't strictly necessary, but you know the drill, better defensive stats for tanking and double buff for Gauntlet, etc etc.

Team 1: V!Lorelei, Masked Royal, Nanu A simple CS set. Masked Royal appreciates a lot of what V!Lorelei can provide in buffs, with crit needing an MPR to cap. Fleet Feet is ideal in this comp, to help offset more of Royal's buffing phase, letting him get straight to attacking. Nanu debuffs defense well with Screech, maximizing damage, but can also flinch where needed.

Team 2: V!Lorelei, Lodge Silver/Lodge Rosa, Tech Gyarados Lorelei tops off Silver's needed stats nicely, and her own attacking move can provide some really nice utility with the defense debuffs as well, setting up Silver or Rosa's sync

Team 3: V!Lorelei, Elesa, Volkner V!Lorelei's generally best partners are those who don't strictly need the capped crit, handling a little bit themselves. Elesa is a solid partner, because Lorelei can focus a bit on X Atk All with Pep Rally, rapidly generating speed buffs for Inertia. Volkner supplies the terrain.

Team 4: V!Lorelei, C!Iris, Ghetsis/C!Elesa Iris' trainer move gives her +2 Atk and +1 crit, leaving her wanting a lot of support. Lorelei's kit is like tailor made for her, with trainer move giving the +2 crit to cap, and X Atk All giving offense and some speed buffs, before she helps break down defense. Ghetsis can speed up the offenses as needed, or Elesa can speed up debuffing everything ever.

Team 5: V!Lorelei, Gloria, P!Marnie/Tech Magneton Gloria is another like Iris who only needs a bit of help, thanks to her Sharp Entry. Lorelei offers the needed buffs, while Marnie gives Zone or Magneton gives defense debuffs. One thing I'd like to emphasize is that, thanks to Lorelei's massive defense boosting, you could potentially aim to get the foe to use a physical sync against you, tank it, and then explode with Gloria.

Final Thoughts Lorelei is good, but a bit of a specific generalist, if that statement makes any sense. I don't feel like she excels at supporting any specific type of unit, she just does a good job broadly within her particular category of "physical strikers." The biggest hangup she has is really that her trainer move doesn't cap crit, but anything with as little as Sharp Entry handles that just fine. Those without any ability to buff crit probably don't love her so much, but MPR isn't too difficult to grid. The real problem is 20% rolls for her defense buffs. Even with a five-hit combo move, that's living dangerously. Even a 30% would've felt better. But, I'm pretty satisfied with her. The kit feels pretty reasonable.

It's just...think about those team comps, and the strengths and limitations presented. Does anything stand out to you? It should. It really should. Lorelei's function is Atk/crit buffing. On separate buttons. Friends, that is Lodge unit tech. And given her attack is so inconsistent, it's not like she's some massive threat beyond that either. You could argue Lodge Blue has better utility with his flinch rate in Stomp. I need it to be understood that Lorelei here is good, but her primary competition is Hop, you buffs Atk/crit at the same time, and is a free unit. Limited availability. This very much could have been a general pool Sygna Suit. I'm kinda pissed it's not. Variety scouts kinda suck as a concept, I hate them.

#unit teambuilding #variety lorelei

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asingingpenguin · 2 years

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I’ve been thinking a lot about my “selfishness” after my mother threatened to cut me off and disown me for changing my last name. An act I did in some part because I have always been an outsider in the family, and in part an act of self love.

Finishing Jennette McCurdy’s new book I’m Glad my Mom Died (which is a great book and far too relatable) has helped with finding some of the clarity I needed. I have struggled so much in my adult life because my life has always diverted so much from what my mother wanted for me, even if I still end up the one responsible for managing her emotions. I mean, I have been her emotional rock/punching bag from a young age. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been good at, so long as we don’t mention I’m queer or my complex feelings about being adopted.

Transitioning has been the first thing I have done that truly feels like it’s just for me. It’s a choice* I have made about my body, my name, and my life solely with the intent of making me happy. Sure, I have my colored hair and tattoos, and I love them, but they are stop gaps. Ways to try to love a body I hated when I didn’t feel like I had other options. When I felt transition was something unobtainable.

I am creating a life and a body I can be content with and learn to love. It has been such a hard process because my mom is still here. She and my family still make comments about my body, about the food I eat, and now what T has done to me (which all things considered is very little). Even if their words hurt I am still more content in my body than I have ever been. I tattooed my top surgery scars gold because what was broken and now fixed and it is an act of self love to finally just be who I was always meant to be.

I am not the selfish, irredeemable person she claims I am. I am just a person who needs a little extra help because their mother’s version of love hurt. And will probably continue to hurt, but it has been getting better. I know I was her last chance of having a daughter like she always wanted, but from my perspective and looking at how I’ve viewed my own gender I was never her daughter.

“Moms are saints. Angles by merely existing. NO ONE could possibly understand what it’s like to be a mom. Men will never understand. Women with no children will never understand. No one but moms know the hardship of motherhood, and we non-moms must heap nothing but praise upon moms because we lowly, pitiful non-moms are mere peasant compared to the goddess we call mothers.

Maybe I feel this way now because I viewed my mom that way for so long. I had her up on a pedestal, and I know how detrimental the pedestal was to my well-being and life. That pedestal kept me stuck, emotionally stunted, living in fear, dependent, in a dear constant state of emotional pain and without the tools to ever identify that pain let alone deal with it.

My mom didn’t deserve her pedestal...” p. 303

*I’ve known I was trans since I was 17 and knew my body was “wrong” since I was at least 6. The first time I came out my mom said she would disown me if I did anything to change my body, so I didn’t. I couldn’t afford to transition then anyway. The “choice” framing is saying “fuck it” and risking my financial support and family connection at the cost of my happiness. This has always been a fight between my happiness vs my mother’s expectations and now I picked me.

#Penguin's personal posts #Birds of a feather

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ruvigapo · 2 years

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Another personal post today bc i feel like i just.. am better able to think when i know someone's listening.

Remember blog culture?? I'm channeling That right now 😂😂

It's occured to me lately all the ways on which my adhd really has inhibited my ability to draw, and i just wanted to write it all out in a bulletpoint format and go through them to see if i can't find a solution to some of them.

Boredom - i get bored doing the same thing for too long and will rarely finish something if it takes me more than a week to finish.

Computer runs on 4GB - My computer is, sadly, shit. Which means a lot if waiting and hassling to save files on external hard drives.

External validation - not unique to adhd but i've been told we react much more strongly to other people's opinions of us, which sounds about right. So if i don't feel other people enjoy what i make, or even one person doesn't, whose opinion i value, i lose motivation.

Going outside - drawing from life is something i enjoy but it's very hard for me to do, which has led to me feeling very stuck in a single mindset for a very long time even though i would like to get inspiration from other sources. The insp bank is just very empty.

Starting and stopping - it's just such a hassle to navigate hyperfocus. To an extent i know how to trigger it, work with it, make the most of it, etc. But it still just takes a Lot of energy to manage.

Back pain - having a hard time exercising and stretching regularly has made it so my back pain is stopping me from drawing even if i want to.

Too tired all the time - everything is much more exausting when u have adhd so even if i wanted to work on åersonal projects or whatever, the physical and emotional toll is just too high.

Probably not an exaustice list lbr but at leadt i have it.

So a few things are more existential in nature like: "what do i want to spend my limited time on this earth making?" "Why do i feel like what i am doing is not enough?" Etc. Etc. And probably can't be solved in one sitting.

A couple things can rly be aided by a better settup though so once i move in i'm going to need to start thinking about a better settup:

A better computer with a RAM that doesn't actively want me dead.

(And good screen placement to go w that, so im not actively murdering my neck).

(And a new tablet that's not 10yrs old and a safety hazard).

Established places for all my tools so i can work with minimal effort.

Smaller usb sticks labeled by year would be nice. Computer folders drive me mad.

An inspiration board (and planning board) would be nice. Being able to visually see all my projects in action at all times. Worth a try honestly.

Moving in and settling down will aid on a few fronts:

Generally not being constantly worried about moving in to a new appartment will be swell. Love that for future me.

Exercise will happen more regularly once i move in and am not constantly stressed. Also i'll live rly close to a gym so.. fingers crossed that solves That problem.

Going back to work will help with that.

Fingers crossed ill have energy for parkour again soon🤞🤞🤞

Genuinely no solution for the Too Tired problem. I'll likely just have to let myself rest once in a while even if it means giving up on exercise and drawing for a week or more at a time. Which is probably healthy lbr.

Which.. that leaves the three biggest issues (shocker).

Going outside would help with boredom but going outside is hard.

I think i'll have to invest in some better outdoorsy bags. Like those rly cool leather hip pouches. Those would be great. Just.. a way to easily carry equipment qith me so i can just draw when i feel like it and don't have to dig around a bag just find a pencil.

Like this lol. Big enough to fit an a5 sketch book bc that's my preffered size snd like.. one water colour set and a pen. Imagine that. I think that would be Swell. I don't need a bunch. Just enough that i can carry the essentials anywhere i go.

The dream.

Another reason to marry a leather worker.

And honestly like.. i think taking a break from fanart and social media and just going outside to draw and see the world.

I think that's what i need rn.

Then there's the issue of external validation, which isn't anyone's fault, it just kinda Is.

I figure quitting social media can help with that too. Sorry to say.

The rest is probably just processing what i want to do and stuff. Ya kno. The existential bits.

#muffin rambles #personal #im feeling anxioys and in s #i must fix everythng #mood #like #ik when i get like this best i can do is notice it #look it in the eye #and say smth like #thats okay #just breathe #itll be all right #long post

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whatayrablogs · 1 month

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It has been a week since Parker followed Polly in crossing the bridge. It has been a month that Parker was deteriorating right before my eyes due to kidney failure, a disease that is inevitable to dogs his age. So last Wednesday, I made a difficult decision with the professional advice from their very thoughtful and kind vet to give him the final act of kindness of putting him to sleep. It was a peaceful Wednesday. Each of us in the family were able to say our goodbyes before he completely closed his eyes. We told him he was the goodest boy in the world. That we would be okay. That it was okay to let go since he was in pain for more than weeks now. That night before, I hugged him tightly while he was having fits of seizures and whispered that it was okay to go because a few weeks prior to that, I kept telling him to fight and not leave me yet because losing Polly was too painful and I could not afford to lose him too. But seeing him fight amidst being in so much pain was a lot more intolerable, so I hugged him for I don’t know how long that night and told him it was okay to go.

I often teased him that he was Polly’s dog. That I initially got him because Polly needed a playmate. True enough, when Polly left, he followed suit. They were too close and were each other’s best friend that they went the same order they came into my life.

Parker was the poster dog of many hollywood dog films. He was good looking but he was a troublemaker, always up to no good. Naughty. A huge bouncing ball of trouble and sunshine combined. He was big and not the sharpest tool in the shed. But what he lacked in intellect, he compensated with his huge huge heart. So huge, we even took a moment to joke that his heart was so huge, it took some time for his heart to stop beating in his final moments. Unlike his sister Polly, he never learned a lot of tricks. He only sits when you bribe him with food and his sit can only last up to 5 seconds, else he’ll get impatient and maybe grab the food from your hands. His greatest talent though, is how he managed to open any type of doors. He can force himself in any type of doors, and that included the doors to our heart. I guess the last fondest memories I had with him was even if he was already having a difficult time walking he would look at me for help to climb up the stairs near one of our doors so he can still forcibly check if he can still open it. Now it warms my heart with the thought that he might have forcibly opened his way in the gates of heaven. That would be so typical of him.

But Parker didn’t need much. He didn’t need toys, or too much walks or tasty treats. What he loved the most was sitting on your lap and pretend he was a lap dog, not really aware how huge and heavy he was. He was the most malambing of the pack, aggressively asking for pets and love and won’t take no for an answer. He lets the other dogs bully him into submission even if he’s the largest in playfights.He’d prefer to chill all day and just stare at you with twinkling eyes, letting you know you’re his world.

It has been a very rough month for me. The morning right after, I bought a Jollibee meal and for the first time in x years, I broke down horribly because it’s the first time I ate my meal in peace. No one asking for a piece of my chicken, and no drool on my legs. This past month, some days were good, some days were better, and some days were bad. Mundane things make me cry, like a neglected dog bowl in the terrace, or a fur still stuck to my shoes. Parting ways with your pets is such a bittersweet experience. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I have made peace that we were able to say goodbye, that he’s no longer in pain, and he’s probably playing with Polly wherever they are.

I’ve been trying to compose this for a week as well and it seems I cant finish it because finishing it gives it finality when all I feel like this is all a temporary thing… that they’re just on a short trip to the vet or a board house for some time because I’m traveling. But having a good support system helps a lot cope and adjust. I still don’t regret anything. But I do miss both of them a lot.

I know they’re still around. Because where else would they go? They were such privileged and sheltered dogs, I don’t think they would go that far. My boyfriend bought me dedicated wind chimes the other day and told me when it sings, it’s just them hanging around. I would like to think of it that way. That they’re just within my reach, in the wind, in my memories, and in the energy they gave and left this family. I’m very grateful even if they took my heart with them. I believe they will come back. Someday, somehow.

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