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lincolndjarin · 7 months

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main masterlist ✧ kinktober masterlist ✦

kinktober : day two - afab!ficauthor!reader x javier peña

prompt : virginity loss [ 18+ mdni ]

word count : 5.1 k

summary : javier peña has been a thorn in your side for months, the last thing you need is for him to find out you write dirty fanfiction

warnings, etc. : language, fluff, smut, protected sex, p in v sex, oral m!recieving, fingering, mutual masturbation, viginity loss (duh), innocence kink sorta, squirting, reader is completely clueless when it comes to sex, javier is a dumb sweetheart in this, plot w a little porn lol

a/n : yippee! this is an idea ive had floating around for a bit and this seemed like a good opportunity to do it! easily the longest of the kinktober stuff lmao which is why i didnt want this to be day one cause i didnt want to set a precedent haha. also i hate this but it's october so like i can't do much about that lmao. AND the edit was rushed bc i gotta get to work so apologies for any errors!!

“What’s that?” You slam your laptop shut the moment you hear his voice.

“Nothing.” You hadn’t heard him come into your office yet here he is, looming over your shoulder.

“Didn’t look like nothing.” You can’t stand the mocking smile on his face.

“Did you need something?” You do your best to sound patient.

“I’ve got some suspect photos I need you to identify.” He’s still grinning from ear to ear as you hold your hand out for the file. You flip through the pictures before tossing them onto the pile of paperwork you’ve been trudging through. You’re waiting for him to leave but he just stays in place behind you until you spin around in your chair.

“Is there something else?” You cross your arms in front of your chest, glowering at him.

“What were you working on?” For god's sake, drop it.

“Get out of my office Peña, or I won’t process your suspects.” Thankfully that gets him to leave, sighing as he closes the door behind him. Once you’re sure he’s not coming back you open your laptop again, quickly closing out your tabs.

The last thing you need is for Javier fucking Peña to read your Star Wars fanfiction.

He makes your life hell around the office enough as is. He makes fun of how you dress, he only ever asks you to file his paperwork, (despite the dozen others who are just as capable.) and you’re pretty sure he stole your lunch one time. He’s just in general a nuisance. (And it doesn’t help that he’s gorgeous and knows it.)

It’s not like you’re ashamed of your writing, you’ve mentioned it in passing to some of your friends around the office but Javier is different. He gives you enough grief without knowing how badly you wanna fuck Anakin Skywalker, you can’t imagine how much worse thing would get if he found you’re writing.

So you get back to work, trying to forget the interaction entirely.

You like to work late on fridays, it makes things easier, you don’t have to come in early on monday and no ones around to bother you while you work. You’re just about done with everything as you gather up all the finished documents, going from empty office to empty office as you leave the respective papers on each person's desk.

You’re nearly done, you’ve just got Javier’s suspect list to deal with as you step into the bullpen to deliver it you’re surprised to see him still sitting at his desk, everyone else is gone, only his desk lamp and computer monitor light the large room. You approach quietly, wanting to get this done as quickly as possible so you can just go home. You’re about to clear your throat to get his attention when you freeze in place.

You recognize the website he’s on.

You’d know that red bar anywhere.

There’s no fucking way.

You feel your face getting flushed, a deep shame settling in your stomach as you take another step forward just to be sure.

Archive of Our Own beta

And just below that, the name of your favorite song, but more importantly, the title of your fanfiction.

You’re so fucked.

You feel a mess of angry tears starting to pool in your eyes as you hear him groan.

That somehow hurts worse.

Not only is he reading it, but he also thinks it’s so bad he’s audibly expressing it. You’re livid, and humiliated, you should spend this weekend looking for a new job because he’s about to become insufferable. Knowing him, everyone will know about it before you even get in on monday.

In your rage you walk forward noisily, tossing his files down onto his desk, turning, planning on glaring at him once before leaving, hoping he doesn’t see how truly upset you are.

Nothing could have prepared you for what you’re met with. You’re expecting a smirk or maybe even a look of disgust, instead he’s gritting his teeth, his hair sticking to his forehead, a visible sheen of sweat on his face and most prominently, his hand haphazardly shoved down the front of his pants.

You both realize the predicament you’re caught in at the same time. You stare way too long. Eyes lingering on the exposed skin where his shirt rides up, a trail of hair running down his naval. Neither one of you moves until you finally snap out of it, squeezing your eyes shut and turning on your heel, walking as quickly as possible towards the exit when you hear the squeak of his chair on the floor as he calls out your name. You don’t dare turn around though, not slowing your pace until you’re out of the building and in your car.

Thankfully he doesn’t pursue you further as you drive home as quickly as possible. Hands tightly gripping the wheel the entire time. You can see your phone blowing up in your bag, the inside dimly lit the entire length of the drive. When you pull into your apartment building’s parking lot. You grab your bag and hurry inside, desperate to just go to bed and forget everything that just happened, ignoring the throbbing between your legs from what you just witnessed.

You step inside your studio, locking up behind you as you toss your bag onto the bed, shedding your clothes and stepping into the bathroom, praying that a cold shower will clear your head.

It doesn’t.

You feel just as hot and frazzled as you did before. Maybe he was just trying to mess with you. If that’s the case then now he’s just sexually harassing you.

Stupid fucking Peña.

You pull a tank top over your head and throw on a pair of panties before collapsing on your bed. You don’t want to look but you won’t be able to sleep if you don’t, so you reach into your bag, retrieving your phone.

Just as suspected you have an endless amount of messages from the man himself. You're about to start scrolling through them all when you read the most recent one.

[ I’m coming over. ]

Son of a bitch.

You quickly scroll through the previous messages.

[ I’m sorry, are you okay? ]

[ Call me or I’m coming over. ]

[ Please just text me back. ]

[ I really liked your story. ]

[ I’m sorry. ]

There’s about a hundred similar messages but one stands out to you more than anything else.

He liked your story.

Why does that make your face burn up?

You start typing, telling him that he doesn’t want to find out what’s gonna happen if he shows up but you’re interrupted by a knock on your door. You trip over yourself as you rush to your dresser, pulling on a pair of sweatpants before peering through the peephole.

Sure enough, there he stands, he looks exactly like you’d left him, shirt untucked and askew, hair a mess, except now his hand isn’t in his pants. You’re about to reach over and turn your lamp off when he clears his throat.

“I know you’re in there, your car was out front.” Well, so much for pretending you aren’t home. You hesitantly unlock the door before pulling it open, plastering a scowl on your face.

“What do you want?” You try to look stern but you know you probably just look nervous.

“I just wanna talk.”

You’re hesitant but you open the door fully, letting him in as you return to your bed, sitting and pointing at the loveseat in the corner for him. Neither one of you speaks, you watch as his throat bobs, he won’t look at you, staring at his hands instead.

“How did you get my address?” You finally break the silence.

“Your file.” He says sheepishly.

“You can’t do that! That’s an invasion of my privacy!”

“That’s what you wanna be mad about?” Fair enough.

“Fine, why did you do it?” You don’t like that he’s here, in your tiny apartment, the memory of him splayed out in his chair takes up all the space.

“Which part?” He finally looks up at you, meeting your gaze.

“Why did you read it?”

“I was curious.” He looks truly apologetic, it almost makes you want to believe him.

“Really?” Your tone drips with sarcasm.

“You seemed really defensive, I wanted to see why.” It seems genuine but you know better.

“You wanted to embarrass me.” You say plainly.

“Why do you act like I’m out to get you?” His brows furrow and his mouth settles into a frown.

“Because you are.” You say it matter of factly, you honestly can’t believe he’s acting like he doesn’t know.

“I don’t understand what I did that makes you hate me so much.” You’re tempted to soften your gaze, but the last thing you need to do if this is all just some trick is appear vulnerable.

“You can’t be serious.”

“Please, enlighten me.” He throws his hands up in exasperation.

“You despise me! You torment me every single day!”

“Really? I torment you?” He points an accusatory finger in your direction.

“You make me do your paperwork every single time, even when there are plenty of other people who are capable of it.” You feel the urge to stand and have this argument, you’re getting heated in several ways now.

“You do it better than everyone else.” He shrugs like it’s a valid excuse.

“Bullshit.” You snark as he puts his head in his hands.

“And I like the excuse to see you.” He mumbles before looking back up at him.

“You make fun of how I dress.” You’re quick to change the subject, not wanting to fall victim to his charms.

“I do not.” His voice pitches up defensively.

“You said I dress like your grandma.”

“That was a compliment.” He can’t be serious.

“How the fuck is that a compliment?”

“I love my grandma very much.” He sounds serious.

“You’re a nightmare.” You fall back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, your head swimming with confusion.

“Have you ever considered that I just wanted to be around you? You assume that I just liked to bother you but maybe I just like being near you.” He stands as you sit up, a look of honest upset on his face.

“You expect me to believe that you did those things because you like me? Are we in middle school, Peña? You could have just asked me out instead of pulling my pigtails on the playground.” You stand, not liking the power imbalance of having him towering over you where you sit.

“I did, you said no.” He crosses his arms and you scoff.

“You did not, you can’t just make things up to get out of this conversation.” You poke a finger into his chest but he just brushes it away.

“I asked you out to lunch two weeks ago and you said no.”

“I think I would remember that if it happened.” His anger fizzles out a bit as he looks you up and down.

“I may or may not have thrown your lunch out that day so you’d be more likely to accept.” He gives you a sheepish look. “But you were so mad you brushed it off.”

“That was a serious offer? I thought you were messing with me.” He just stares at you, wide puppy dog eyes you have to turn away from lest you fall for this act. You don’t get a moment's rest though because as you stare at the floor a particularly harrowing thought crosses your mind.

“How much did you read?” You turn back to him quickly.

“Enough.” When you turn back to him he’s staring at his hands again.

You both know what that means.

“It seemed a little familiar.” He says softly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You want him out, now.

“Don’t play dumb, you know what I’m talking about.” You’re going to look at job listings once he goes home.

“I think you should leave.” You clear your throat, nodding towards the door.

“I’m not leaving until we talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You sit back down on your bed, your legs feeling unsteady.

“Well I do.” He takes a few steps in your direction and you immediately regret sitting.

“I don’t care what you want, get out of my apartment, now.” You head is tilted up completely as you glare at him.

“Do you really not realize exactly what is happening here?” You can feel his breath on your face, cigarettes and spearmint. You turn your head to the side, refusing to look at him.

This is exactly what happens in your story.

“You’re an idiot.” You whisper, willing yourself not to get any more upset than you already are.

“You wrote your story about us.” He says each word sharply as you grit your teeth.

“I did not.” Now who’s just making things up to get out of a conversation?

“Everything that I did to you, he does to her.”

You don’t have a response to that. What are you supposed to say? He’s right, straight down to the confrontation where he tells her he wants her and she tells him that can’t be possible. He hates her.

He kneels in front of the bed, moving to be in your eye line and when you go to turn your head he grabs your chin, forcing you to look at him.

“I really did like your story.” You shove his hand away as he says it.

“Don’t mock me.”

“Jesus, what do I have to do to make you realize I don’t have an ounce of contempt for you?” He stands, throwing his hands up in defeat.

You finally snap.

“Maybe stop taking my shit and stop giving me extra work and stop invading my privacy and just fucking talk to me like an adult, you arrogant, immature, son of a-“ He grabs your face in both of his hands as he leans down and crashes his lips against yours, you let out a surprised squeak as he cups your jaw. After a moment he pulls back and you’re left staring at him dumbfounded.

“Now, can we please talk about it?” He mumbles before pulling you in again for a single chaste kiss.

“Okay.” You feel a little breathless at the abruptness of his actions.

“I really liked it.” He smiles now, the energy in the room changing drastically.

“You keep saying that.” You whisper.

“It’s true.”

“Wanna give me some constructive criticism?” You laugh but you can see his eyes flicker to the ceiling quickly and suddenly you want to press further.

“You know you quoted me word for word a couple of times.”

“You’re avoiding the question.” You laugh again but now you’re genuinely curious.

“I guess I thought the sex scenes were the tiniest bit unrealistic.”

“Unrealistic?” You feign offense.

“Well yeah I mean, it’s written like you’ve never had sex. They go at it all night and he never needs any breaks? And doesn’t she have like twenty orgasms? I’m pretty sure she’d be in terrible pain at that point.” He laughs softly but when you furrow your brows he stops. “I assumed because it’s fantasy that that’s intentional though.” He adds on quickly at the end.

Your embarrassment is clear on your face as his own expression goes to one of poorly concealed surprise.

“You’ve never-” He whispers, clearly shocked.

“I’ve never.” You finish his sentence, not wanting to hear it out loud.

“I mean, that’s fine.” His ears are burning red.

“I know it’s fine.” You mumble. “I’ve had opportunities to, I just… I don’t know, I guess I made it too big of a deal in my mind and now I just don’t care but I’ve waited this long and-”

“Cariña, it’s fine.” He interrupts you now, that soft smile on his face never wavering.

“Do you think my writing would be better if I had more experience?” You say it like it’s a joke but he sees right through you.

“I’m not sure, how much experience do you have just in general?” He stands, moving to sit beside you on the bed.

“Well I’ve kissed people before.”

“That’s it?” You glare at him and he coughs nervously. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course.”

“I’ve been busy with work, it's just, it’s never been a priority of mine.”

“You do know… how to do it? Right?” You smack him on the arm.

“Of course I know how to do it, you read my stuff.”

“That’s why I’m asking.”

“Oh come on, you said it was good!”

“It is good! Everything but the dirty stuff is really good!” You groan, putting your head in your hands, he sits quietly beside you for a bit, rubbing your back.

“Do you want me to teach you?” He says lightheartedly.

“Seriously?” You glare at him.

“It’s the least I can do for unintentionally making your work life hell.” He’s starting to sound more genuine in his over, it sends a chill down your spine.

“So what? We just… do it?” You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like the idea of losing it to someone who knows what he’s doing.

“No we don’t ‘just do it.’ we do other stuff first.” He sounds amused but you’re glad he doesn’t outright laugh at you.

“Can you just- can you just tell me what to do?” You rest your head on his shoulder briefly and he runs his fingers through your hair.

“Is that what you want?”

“Yes please.” You mumble, feeling a strange mix of aroused and nervous.

“Well, in one of the later chapters she blows him, right?” You nod slowly. “And you say it’s her first time doing it, she probably shouldn’t have been able to just take all of him in her mouth right off the get go, especially since he’s apparently nine inches? Which is a whole separate issue by the way.” You can feel your face getting hot all over again as he explains everything like it’s obvious. “If you want to start there we can do that.” He murmurs, trying to meet your gaze but you just keep trying to look anywhere else.

“How big is it supposed to be normally?” You chew on your lip, hoping you don’t sound stupid, you couldn’t be more thankful when he once again doesn’t laugh.

“It depends, but nine inches is a bit outlandish. Have you ever actually looked at that on a ruler? It’s way bigger than you think.” He holds out the estimated size with his hands and you have to stifle a giggle.

“Fair enough.” You lean against him one last time before sliding off the bed, kneeling in front of him. “So she’s like this.” You watch his throat bob as he swallows harshly, everything is starting to quickly become real as he nods. You reach your hands towards the noticeably larger bulge in his strict jeans, stopping just before you touch him. “Can I?”

“Yeah, of course.” With his approval you gingerly unzip the restrictive fabric, watching his half hard dick spring free. He’s certainly not nine inches but he’s still intimidating. You don’t have a frame of reference but you have to assume he’s on the bigger side of things.

“You don’t wear underwear?” You scoff, trying to lighten the mood despite the combined anxiety and arousal pulsing through you right now.

“Not usually.” He murmurs, notably softer than before.

“What do I do first?”

“If you want, you can start by touching it, just do what feels right.” He reaches down to hold your face for a moment until you’re able to calm down a bit. You reach forward at a snail's pace until finally wrapping a hand around the base, jumping a bit as you feel him twitch against your palm. You slowly stroke him, just once before looking up at him, a reassuring smile on his face as you stroke him a few more times, feeling him swell until he stands fully erect. Almost absentmindedly your other hand drifts between your legs, you experimentally grind against your own hand as you continue to leisurely jerk him off, watching how he grips the sheets when you run your thumb over his drooling tip.

“What do I do next?” You look up at him.

“Spit on it, hermosa.” His voice is raspy and you sit up on your knees, a line of spit falling from your mouth onto the head of his cock, drawing a hiss past his teeth. It’s easier to stroke him when it’s wet, you experiment with different speeds, watching his reactions until in a moment of bravery you tentatively guide him into your mouth. You can’t help but feel pleased when his hand instinctively flies to your hair, not moving you in any direction, just holding you. You swirl your tongue around the tip, tasting the bitter pre-cum as you open your jaw a bit wider, letting him slide over your tongue. As you take him deeper you feel him against your throat and you quickly gag, coughing a bit as he gently pulls you off. “Go slow, don’t take more than you’re able to.” You cough again, catching your breath before taking him in your mouth again, slower this time. “Use your hands on the rest.” He murmurs, the low tone shoots through you and you quickly go back to touching yourself with one hand while using the other to stroke the half of his length that you can’t fit in your mouth.

After a few minutes you begin to moan against him as you try to reach your own peak, your hand now haphazardly shoved down the front of your pants. He’s leaning back, his pupils pitch black as he watches you, his breathing unsteady.

“You think you’re ready for more?” He says sweetly, caressing your hair. You pop off of him, watching a line of spit going from the head of his cock to your lips.

“Sure.” You feel less nervous than you thought you’d be as you stand up, wiping your mouth on the back of your hand. You feel all fuzzy and slick between your legs, your pussy aches with need as he takes your hand, pulling you onto the bed with him. You sit up against the headboard as he strips completely, discarding his shirt and shoving his pants all the way down.

You can’t help but take in the sight of him as he turns back to you.

His warm sun kissed skin, the wide expanse of his shoulders a sharp ratio to his slim waist. He’s toned but he’s soft around the edges and his cock stands proud against the thatch of hair on his lower abdomen. You tilt your head the way it curves, admiring it until he laughs.

“I want you to do something for me that wasn’t in the story.” He climbs back into bed with you, playing with the waistband of your sweats.

“Sure, what is it?” You lift your hips, letting him pull them down, tossing them off the bed.

“I want you to show me how you touch yourself.” You stare at him, a little shocked by the request, your eyes going wide.

“Why?”

“I want to see, I want you to show me what feels good.” You want to feel more self conscious but he’s completely naked and something about the fact that you’re still a little covered up helps you relax, with a soft sigh you gingerly slip your hand down the front of your panties. You go off of muscle memory, recalling what you would do if he wasn’t here.

Tracing your fingers in delicate circles around your clit, watching as he begins to touch himself, almost matching your pace. This would have been a fantasy of yours that you’d resort to when nothing else worked. Javier Peña in your bed, revealing some sort of secret attraction to you, you just never thought it would ever come to fruition.

But here he is.

Ravaging you with his eyes as you dip two fingers into yourself with a shuddering breath, his own movements stuttering a bit as you do so. With everything leading up to this it isn’t hard to feel the familiar heat building as you expertly push yourself towards it. After a few moments more you shove your panties down completely, wanting to be unencumbered as you discard them. Without them restricting you, you can easily feel that hot tightening sensation approaching rapidly. Your breathing gets heavy as you grind your fingers against your palm, you feel the familiar fiery sensation in the bottom of your stomach as you start haphazardly fucking your own hand, you keep your eyes on the way he fucks his own until you’re just about to burst and he takes hold of your wrist, stopping you.

“Please I-” You let out a frustrated whine but he shushes you with a quick peck.

“I know, can I do it?” You nod frantically, you’d like nothing more. He gently pushes two fingers into you, you gasp in surprise at the sudden stretch as he slides them in and out slowly, continuing to jerk himself off with his other hand as he watches how you eagerly suck him in.

It doesn’t take much from there.

His thumb mirrors the motions you did against your clit and that’s all he has to do to push you over the edge. Your cunt spasming around his fingers as he works you through your orgasm, hot white burns the edges of your vision and you keep your eyes open long enough to watch as he squeezes the base of his own cock, groaning as he makes his own attempts not to finish. You're vaguely aware of him murmuring something that sounds like praise in Spanish as you get your bearings, he slowly removes his fingers, leaning forward on his knees to kiss you. You catch your breath through the kiss until finally he pulls back.

“Do you want me to fuck you?” His breathing heavy as he nudges his forehead against yours.

“Is it gonna hurt?” You’re more curious than nervous at this point.

“It shouldn’t, and if it does I’ll stop, okay?” He hops off the bed for a moment, searching through his wallet before tossing you a condom.

“Okay.”

“And you’re sure this is what you want?” You carefully tear open the condom wrapper, handing him the rubber ring with a nod, watching how he aptly rolls it onto his cock.

“Probably wouldn’t have come this far if I didn’t.” You slide down the bed a bit so you’re mostly laying on your pillows as he positions himself on top of you. He still seems worried about you so you reach forward, taking his cock in your hand and guiding him between your legs.

You can’t help but sharply inhale as he eases just the tip into you, your eyes flutter shut and your mouth opens slightly as you sigh.

God, you wish you’d done this sooner.

It doesn’t hurt. You expected a stinging, or a tearing, instead it’s just pressure. When you open your eyes you find his squeezed shut now as he slowly works himself into you, rocking slowly back and forth. He keeps your foreheads pressed together, occasionally, bumping his nose against yours.

“Still good?” He whispers, a noticeable strain to his voice. You nod, watching curiously as he pushes his hips forward in one last motion to fully seat himself in your heat. His jaw is tense and he’s breathing through his teeth. “So fucking tight.” He mumbles before leaning forward, groaning into your mouth.

“Does it hurt?” You ask when he pulls himself away with a soft smile.

“No, it just makes me worried about hurting you.”

“I’m okay, I want you to move.” You look down to where the two of you are joined. Watching how he gently pulls himself from you just a bit before pushing back in. That’s when he bumps against that spot inside of you that suddenly has you seeing stars, your hands grip his shoulders as a moan slips out of you, the grin you’ve seen a hundred times before forms on his face, you’d once hated it but now it has you gushing around him.

“Does that feel good?” He tilts his head to the side, nudging his nose against your temple as you nod fervently. He repeats the motion, pulling out about halfway before snapping his hips forward again, your back arching when he slams into the sweet spot inside of you.

“Fuck- Peña, right there.” You whine, your nails leaving little crescent indents in the tan flesh of his shoulders. He gets into a steady rhythm with it, crashing into you with precise deliberate strokes, designed to make your head spin. He grits his teeth once more, his breath going ragged.

“Javier.” He pants, gripping your waist to hold you still. For a brief moment you almost see vulnerability in his eyes.

“Just like that, Javier.” You stammer out as he bends one of your legs up, pressing you into the mattress further as he throws your ankle over his shoulder, the new angle letting him fuck far deeper into you than you even thought possible. The soft and slow Javier starts to dissipate as he bares his teeth, his breath hot and heavy through his tense jaw as he slams into you. The second orgasm building in your stomach isn’t like anything you’ve ever felt before, it’s molten inside of you, threatening to burst as he brings a hand to your clit.

“Shit- tell me when you’re close.” He growls, your vision’s already blurring again as an unfamiliar pressure settles within you.

“I- I am.” You pant out, he accentuates each thrust with a grunt and you feel yourself slip as he applies the slightest pressure to your sensitive bundle of nerves. You’re positive you’ve never come like this before, you soak his cock, a flood of your release pulses out of you as you strangle his cock. He collapses into you, your orgasm sending him over his own edge. You feel him throbbing within you as he groans into the pillow next to you. The two of you lay in a sweaty, breathless heap for a moment until he pulls out of you with a hiss, rolling over, his chest heaving as he lays beside you.

“Now do you believe that I don’t hate you?” He gasps out.

“I might need a little more convincing.” You grin, reaching behind you to turn your lamp off before rolling yourself over so you're on top of him.

a/n : I have a very serious love hate relationship w this.

#lincolndjarin #kinktober #kinktober 2023 #javier peña #javier pena x reader #javier pena fanfiction #javier pena narcos #javier pena x you #javier peña / reader #javier pena smut

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thesherrinfordfacility · 9 months

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it's high time that i redid the ✨masterpost✨ of all the shit floating around this blog where i say anything arguably insightful, existential/philosophical, or even just teetering on the cusp of being vaguely intelligent, so voila here you go and fucking enjoy:

worth having a looksie through this: longwinded anon (LWA)✨ masterpost

and then because i am actually so proud of these i did video edits to lewis capaldi (he's my hozier fight me) and im sorry but my beat matching is insane, godlike even:

season 2 (forget me)

season 1 (heavenly kind of state of mind)

also:

did i get emotional over crowley's fall and having to leave behind his creations and aziraphale's various conflicts in faith? you're goddamn right i did (credit to hillywood for the fall scenes that sent me into a frenzy)

stuff that is potentially relevant to s3 or is essentially my safe space to shit on these two incompetent-ass characters for being the most ridiculous beings god ever conceived:

(be warned, all of these will conflict each other bc im a loose cannon, a wildcard, and can't settle on a single thing)

(no seriously my opinion changes over time so interpretations that i once held might no longer be the interpretation that i have now, ya feel me)

you wanted a s3 plot prediction, right?

aziraphale brought an ak-47 to a fist fight and ohooo boy did it have Consequences

god i really ought to work out a tagging system in here, huh - this is my ramble on what i think could have happened during the fall

just a small one on the 1967 scene and the holy water thing (tw: suicide)

crowley found the book of life and tbh it was very james bond of him

saraqael rapidly slotting into my top 5 GO characters based on a singular hc wahoo

fuckin ✨1941✨ (this also upsets ALL of my interpretations of the Final Fifteen which... well what can u do)

a fucking rug just put shivers down my spine

more on raphael/azazel/scapegoat/fall theory, glorious smart anons are feeding me yummy soup

perhaps a more comprehensive rambling on omelas, scapegoats, and Those Promo Photos

an updated maggie rambling why not, she's still giving me a headache (and this ask neatly summarises some stuff too!)

my boy crowley really doesn't like change, does he wee baby (may develop this into a full meta who knows)

you know i think heaven might just be the bad place, i know - shocker

god i hope i was possessed by agnes nutter when i wrote this

a gifset format bc i cba to write, but aziraphale might have been, or might become, raphael

ive lied like a rug in previous theory posts: THIS one, this time travel clusterfuck, is the bottom of the barrel

spent hours studying michael sheens face in utter disbelief that he is capable of portraying every emotion known to man, and wrote about it (ie my take on the kiss)

i think goob might have been more important in the mega miracle than we initially thought (and no - not in the way you're currently thinking)

aziraphale and suffering are pretty well acquainted with each other (warning: i absolutely HATE this meta it's so bad)

um i guess you could term this as god is dead theory? nietzsche strikes again anyway

we REALLY hit rock bottom in the theory stakes with this one, lads (it's about whether crowley does in fact fully remember the fall)

(REWORKED) greasy johnson is the second coming. that's it. that's the post.

finally wrote about the book of life well done me

crowley was offered the same chance as aziraphale, im fairly sure, and as far as ive seen noone noticed??

the motif of lies in job made me come over all poetic

relativity is NOT my milieu especially in GO but giving it my best shot

hahaha is everything aziraphale's fault hahahaha

fuckinnnn BOOOOOOKKKSSSSS

EVERY DETAIL MATTERS? YEAH I SHOULD FUCKING THINK SO (and im still keeping this on here bc if im right in s3 im never going to shut up)

job is crowley and crowley is job except job didn't get sent to sit on the naughty step

never thought id see the day where i analyse richard curtis' 4WAAF but this show has got me whipped, jumping through hoops and over stalls like a fucking show pony

i have the dreadful feeling that we might have been fools by sleeping on aziraphale's own angelic importance all this time

did the costume department just simply go ham in s2 or are the angel costumes Important?

more on outfits

ruminations on the fall, morality and omniscience vs. free will, and making choices as if i have any idea what im talking about

okay this one is a little shitpost-y but the message is sound and im an un-apologetic aziraphale supporter, sue me

a sprinkle of s2 symbology, a dash of ineffable plan speculation, and laure girlbossing on how the two go together mwah

this was sooooo tasty i love talking about nietzsche

honestly this one doesn't even have a theme i just like talking to people

okay so this is the genesis of my aziraphale defence league (population: like 15% of the fandom) but i will not stop until he gets the recognition and empathy he mf deserves

Cancel Metatron 2k23

this was pre-s2 but the concept still stands: something feels icky about crowley's fall narrative and the book of life is ringing alarm bells

the concept of pedestals is one of my juicy favourites in psychology and you will find out just how much if you stick around this blog long enough (aziraphale's critique)

and lastly crowley's narrative of his fall? hm, big issue there and honestly the root of all Crowley discourse on this blog, be duly warned

old stuff if you fancy having a giggle at my expense

come chat to me about things

#good omens #no need to interact if you dont want to but feel free to like #this is honestly so i don't have to scroll through my blog shitpit to find old theoties etc #toodles✨

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softxsuki · 9 months

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Hiiii I hope you're doing okay! I would like a urgent request with Itadori, Levi and Sanji please? Btw, it's pretty heavy topic, i know it's what your urgent requests are about but still-

The headcanons with a gn!s/o that got new prosthesis legs? (Fluff/comfort please)

-------

I lost both of my legs at 5 years old because I had a heart tumor and oxygen levels problem and my legs didn't had enough oxygen so I eventually couldn't move them anymore so they amputated them and I got my first pair of new legs at 7 years old, the heart tumor came back at 9, 12 (this one gave me cancer) and 17, right now I'm tumor free (im 19) but I still stay in the hospital all the time since my oxygen level is still low, I've never lived outside the hospital for 14 years, I mostly made friends with everyone at the hospital and I love playing with the youngest patients but it's been really hard on the mind and sometimes I have to get IV because I can't eat because of it, 2 weeks ago I got my new legs and I'm super happy about them, obviously, but it's been a bit hard to adapt to them and for the mind since it's a lot, I can't even look at the scars, I also spend a lot of time in the psychology block to help me cope and get better

So please, can I have headcanons where s/o gets new legs but have a bit of difficulty walking in them and mentally? Thanks! <3

By the way, I love your blog and thank you for these requests, I love your writing and you're amazing!

Itadori, Levi (AOT), and Sanji Support You When You Get New Prosthesis Legs

Pairings: Itadori x Gn!Reader, Levi (AOT) x Gn!Reader, Sanji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: mentions of amputations, prosthetic limbs, mental struggles, health issues

Genre: Comfort, Fluff

Post-Type: Headcanons

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In they comfort you when you struggle to walk in your new prosthesis legs, along with the mental struggles you face

[A/N: Hellooooo <3 Idk if you're new to my blog or not, if you are, then welcome, glad you found me, but if not, then I'm glad to hear from you anyway! Can I just start off by saying how amazing you are? I complain about things in my life so much when I probably have it easier than so many others out there. You're a true fighter and I'm so proud of you for getting through everything you'd faced thus far. I'm so glad you're alive and tumor free in this moment. I pray it remains that way so things get easier for you! As for these headcanons, I did as much research as possible to make this accurate, I'm probably still way off, but I did my best :( I'm still confused on when to use Prosthesis vs Prosthetic, BUT hopefully I did okay. I hope these hc's provide you with some comfort! You asked for fluff so I assumed that meant these were romantic?? Please let me know if that isn't the case, I can always edit everything and make it platonic! Anyway hope you enjoy <3 I'm here if you ever need anything <3]

Itadori:

Itadori was always in the hospital visiting his grandpa after school, so it’s only natural that he eventually met you

He noticed you had two prosthesis legs, which made him curious–that’s how he first approached you

After learning your story and seeing you more often, he eventually fell for you and asked you out, which you hesitated at first. How could a relationship like that work? Did he really like you or was he just feeling pity for you?

Yet it did work out, years after Itadori’s grandpa passed away, he continued to stay by your side through everything, showing you all his love and support

So the day you received your new legs, he was right there with you, glad to see you happy with them, though there was always that hint of frustration and sadness behind your eyes

You had trouble walking in them at first, they were heavy and different from the ones you had before, you knew it would take time to get used to, but struggling to walk was very frustrating on you

Thankfully, Yuuji was always there to help you out

He’d take your hand and slowly walk with you in the hospital hallways, helping you regain your balance whenever you lost your step

“You’re doing great,” he smiles, squeezing your hand

There was never a moment when he wasn’t encouraging you and cheering you on; he knew what you’d been through and what you’re still going through, so the least he could do was bring some positivity and happiness to you whenever he could

On harder days where you were mentally exhausted, he’d continue to be there for you

It was hard for you to look at the scars on your legs, a reminder of the amputation that had happened all those years ago. Wishes of having a different life like all the other people your age, it was tough

“You don’t need to look at them if it’s hard. They’ll always be there and we can’t go back in time, but I love you as you are and you should too, Y/N. You’re a fighter and I’m sure so many of the younger kids in this hospital who are going through similar situations, look up to you. You’re so amazing and I love you so so much. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and how you continue to fight for yourself.”

He knows there isn’t much he can do for you. After all, he didn’t know what it felt like to lose both legs at a young age. He had no clue what it was like to be in a hospital your whole life because of a heart tumor that continued to return and left you with low oxygen levels, he had no idea

But what he did know, was that he wouldn’t let you go through it alone anymore; he stayed by your side years ago when he first met you, and he’d continue to remain there, doing anything and everything in his power to bring you joy and love you to the fullest

“You’ll get the hang of it, don’t worry. I’ll be here for you no matter what,” he says, kissing the back of your hand as you continue to practice walking in your new legs, with Yuuji by your side

Levi:

Levi frequented the medical ward due to all his comrades and friends that passed away or got gravely injured during ventures into the outer walls and later in the areas within the walls that harbored titans

So he was bound to run into you at some point, and when he did, it was when you were playing with the younger kids in the medical ward, you had a bright smile on your face, yet he noticed your prosthesis legs, knowing you’d probably been fighting your own battles

He’d catch himself watching you every now and then whenever he found himself in the medical ward, you were attractive and your spirit also seemed to draw him in, he couldn’t help it

Sometimes he’d even show up at the medical ward when no one he knew was there, he just hoped to catch a glimpse of you

This continued for a while until one day you met eyes with him and he awkwardly looked away, but figured he’d seem a little weird if he just left, so he approached you and made small talk with you

He enjoyed talking to you more than he thought he would and eventually you naturally got closer, leading to being together romantically

It was now the day when you received your new legs and Levi quietly sat in a chair in the corner of your room, watching the doctors set you up in them

Levi is a man of few words, so he just carefully watches their every move, listening to their instruction before they leave to give you some privacy

He stands as you stand to get used to your new legs and hovers by your side, his arms ready to leap out incase you need the extra support

Let’s just say even though he isn’t very verbal with his care for you, he’s super attentive and shows you he cares through his small actions

Frustration is written all over your face as you struggle to get used to them, you felt tired of your situation at times since it was mentally exhausting and Levi understood that well

As a soldier, he’s lost so many comrades and friends along the way, feelings of helplessness and wanting to give up deep inside him; he assumed you felt the same at times in regard to your situation, but he wanted to make sure you knew you had him around if you needed him, you weren’t alone in this

“I know it must be hard dealing with this all the time. Though, you’re braver and stronger than half the soldiers on my team, Y/N. Despite everything that life has thrown your way, you’ve faced it and moved forward, I really admire that…” He says awkwardly, yet in full honestly. He wasn’t used to opening up like this verbally so often…

He’s ready to help in any way he can, and at night when the doctors are gone and the lights go out, he pulls a chair next to your bed, as his hands trace patterns on the skin above where your prosthesis start, leaving gentle kisses to the skin, his eyes shining with love and admiration for you

He loves all of you, even your prostheses and he wouldn’t change you for anything

Levi always makes times for you at the end of the day when training is over and he has nothing else to work on

Drinking tea with you in your room and reading together or listening to you speak is the highlight of his day, you bring a light to him he never had before, and he’d do anything to protect that

Sanji:

Being part of the Strawhats was always a wild ride, but how did you get here?

Luffy and the crew had visited your island and he was instantly amazed by your legs, yet seeing you stuck in a hospital room felt off to him, so he invited you to join the crew to go on all their adventures, giving you the opportunity to see the world that was out there

After all they had a doctor on board, so you were in very capable hands with Chopper who always did his best to care for you

And of course this was how you met Sanji who was drawn in by you the second he saw you

It didn’t take long for him to ask you out repeatedly which you refused several times, until you realized that his feelings for you were actually genuine

Only then did you become a couple and he treats you SO WELL

He treats you like a delicate flower, making you the best foods that are easy to eat, yet still provide you with all the nutrients you need to live (whenever you do have the appetite to eat)

Franky had just finished making your new legs, thanks to Choppers detailed instructions of what you’d need and it was time to try them out and of course Sanji was there with you

“Careful with that, can’t you be more gentle?”

This man is so protective over you, poor Chopper is getting fires of questions thrown at him as well as Franky, as Sanji questions whether this is really the right fit, and if it’ll do you good

He just wants the best for you, especially with these new legs, but once he sees your smile as you try them on, he relaxes a little

You have a hard time walking in them at first, needed to get used to the new shape and weight of them, and being on a rocky ship didn’t exactly help either, but Sanji is right there to help you whenever you need it

I think he’d even be a little too clingy at times; one hand around your waist as his other holds one of your hands…he just doesn’t want you to lose your balance and fall

Sometimes he sees your frustrations and holds you close to him whenever you have mentally draining days where things are just extra difficult for you to face, but at least you know you have his support

“Everything’s going to be okay, my love. I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you, but I swear I’ll do what I can to make it easier to bear”

And of course the way he knows to comfort you the most is through his hugs, kisses, and with his cooking of course

Warm soups are probably your favorite, they’re easy to eat and comforting as you sip on them, but he’ll make you your favorite treats as well if you’re ever craving them

Sanji does worry a lot about you, but he’d never let you see it. He just wants you to be happy and healthy, so always seeing you on oxygen in Choppers office pulls at his heart strings, but he’ll put on a brave face for you and give you all his love and attention

If you need anything at all, just tell him and he’ll get it for you, even if it’s just something as simple as wanting to hold his hand…he’d run to you in a second to make it happen <3

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 08/12/2023

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haknom · 1 year

Text

MUTUAL AWARDS!!

honestly i used to want to do them sooo bad when i was actively posting on tiktok etc but never had the chance soo... EVERYBODY CHEER HERE THEY ARE!!!! *insert crowd cheering*

here are the awards for tonights show; funniest mutual(s), the one(s) i cherish most, my #1 hater, mutual that only speaks truth, best music taste (the artists we have most in common with), mutual with the best series/fics, the mutuals i look up to the most, the mutual i love hearing life stories from, and lastly, the mutuals i love being around!

let’s start off strong and go with my #1 hater !!

lately, i’ve been getting sm HATE from my mutuals bc of the jungwon fic i am currently writing and it’s been coming from MANY of them. our nominees (by ME) for tonight are; fee, soph, rei, and diana.... It was really hard choice but. @feeeli wins the award bc tell me why SHE IS SO TOXIC DANGG like cmon bae it was never that serious 💔 we literally went from enemies to lovers so It’s an easy win tbh BUT SECOND PLACE WAS DEF REI LIKE DAMN SHES ALSO TOXIC 😭 i can say one word and i’ll get a “shut up” in response I SWEAR.

now that that little rant is over (love u both sm!!) let’s move onto the second award... the one with the longest name - best music taste (the artists we have most in common with). obviously my mutuals and i stan a lot of similar groups but there is the one mutual who literally. I js adore them for this. ANYWAYS NOMINEES FOR TONIGHT ARE moki, rei, and sia (literally gives the best song recs tbh). Really difficult to choose Once again but this award goes to... @mokiverse !! u don’t know the GASP i let out when i saw that u also love dept on ur carrd. LITERALLY NOBODY KNOWS HIMMM makes me so sad BUT DEF DESERVED THIS dept4life yall ! sia and rei have GREAT music taste esp sias song recs SHADY AND ONE NIGHT >>>> been obsessed since she gave me them!

3rd award of the night is..... funniest mutual(s)!! nominees for this one are rei, soph, flo, sona, sia, mari, diana, yen, sunny, esther, eju ema, sav, fee, and jules!!

no joke.. i wish i could js @ like every single one of my mutuals for this one bc u should see how much they make me laugh under the span of 5 minutes..

hard choice tbh and im Srs abt this one but i’ll try and limit it to at least 5 mutuals 😞 BUT ANYWAYS these 5 mutuals r like IDK They make me giggle, their comebacks r so funny and good, THEIR HUMOR?? dont get me started, and their jokes r js so good. the winners for this award areee @soov @son4taa @hanniluvi @wonieleles @eundiarys and @feeeli (again Ik) GUYS DONT BE SAD PLS if u dont win this is all for fun..... BUT REIS JOKES R SO FUNNY IDK WHY even if theyre directed at me im still gonna giggle.. SIA >>> her dn jokes when i first met her always made me laugh ESP THE CHEWING GUM ONE i forever hold onto it LMAOOO 😭 SONA AND SOPH.

theyre literally twins i swear Bc why do i let out the same three laughs whenever they make jokes. SOPHS SMAUS R SO GOOD AND HER RESPONSES TO EDITS OR REACTIONS TO THINGS LMFAOOO i saw ur reaction to that one edit soph Dont hide “eats my walls” WDYM??? 🤨 and sona is js so funny theres no reason needed. DONT EVEN TRY AND DISCREDIT HER 😒 i giggle sm its unbelievable. FEE!! double award how r u feeling bff!! ever since we met each other under esthers comment section LMAOOO ive always found u funny 😭

LIKE U SWITCHED UP SO FAST AFTER FINDING OUT I WROTE BAD NEWS?? WERENT U JS THREATENING ME A MINUTE AGO 😭😭 jules taehyun smau??? I giggle left and right I WAS LITERALLY LAUGHING AT 7:17 AM LIKE THATS HOW YK SOMETHING WAS WRONG WITH ME LMAOOO

okay now for the 4th award “the one(s) i cherish most” No joke. this one is literally impossible idk how i was able to narrow it down 😓😓 but todays nominees areee.........................................................JK U RLLY THOUGHT 🤣🤣🤣 i cherish every single one of my mutuals! theyre all special to me to the point where i cant even separate them into categories nor rank them. BUT ANYWAYS next award guys!

this award is called “the mutuals i look up to the most” once again! this one was acc a hard choice since i look up to everyone but if we’re going by who i admire the most / am inspired by then it’s not that bad. here are the nominees!! sona, soph, rei, sia, yun, yen, esther and sue!! the winner(s) of this award will now be announced. @soov @soobnny @amakumos @hanniluvi @son4taa @yenqa @urszn Funny how they all won the award... BUT FR! yun has been my main inspiration for starting an acc SHOCKING IKK LMAOO and when she followed me back tears formed in my eyes HELP i was so surprised tbh but i admire her sm and enjoy ALL her works! as well as sue! i love sue and when i saw that she followed me back??? i literally SCREAMED.

LIKE THE SUE FOLLOWED ME BACK?? i rarely interact with them both since yk a little too shy to do so BUT YOULL SEE ME IN UR ASK BOXES OCCASIONALLY TRUST ! soph sona yen esther and rei i love them smm IDK WHY BUT they js inspire me to write and continue series i want to discontinue LMAOO support them Now. i will appear under ur covers at night do Not test me rn.

next award!! “the mutual i love hearing life stories from” easy win tbh. nominees r mari, raven, and rose! AND TBH everyones life stories r so entertaining to hear but theres something abt this one mutual’s life... ESP THEIR LOVE LIFE HELLO???? the winner is.... @aezrali !! LIVE LAUGH LOVE ROSE’S LIFE STORIES. YOU LITERALLY LIVE IN A DRAMAA I SWEAR the asks u used to send me always had me so intrigued no joke. PLS BRING THEM BACK 🙏 still rooting for the second lead btw 🤞

7th award tbh Why am i on a roll. “mutual that only speaks truth” Literally everything this mutual says is agreeable (UNLESS ITS ABT ME AND THIS JUNGWON FIC 😒) this is like the 3rd award this mutual won LOL but tonights nominees areee raven, rei, and soph! but the winner is @soov ! EVERYTHING U SAW ABT THIS FIC IS WRONGGGGG (idk what u say so Dont ask me.) BUT ANYWAYS rei literally speaks truth and adds humor into it SO its an automatic win tbh 🤞 never mess with rei I learned that the hard way...

second last award for tonight isss; mutual(s) with the best series/fics! i’d say i nominated all my mutuals for this one but i do have personal favorites! @amakumos @son4taa @hanniluvi @yenqa @eundiarys !! all their seires and fics r so good. Literally go support them pls 🙏🙏 you’ll see me reblogging their posts A lot. So clearly theyre good 😂

LAST AWARD GUYS!! MUTUALS I LOVE BEING AROUND ! as i said before its impossible to put my mutuals into categories like these but if i HAD to choose i’d say @taejays because they’re very comforting and fun to be around! i enjoy our little chats about fics etc 😁 @wonieleles ever since i met sia i always loved being around her! shes one of my favorite people to speak with or at least have her presence around me.

@redm4ri MY OG BFF!! when we first both joined walmart enhypen we literally connected so quickly?? unbelievable LMAOO but youre so exciting i love u sm @feeeli everyday We shall thank esther’s comment section that brought us together bff 🫶 it’s been like 3 weeks of knowing u and it felt like we’ve known each other since diapers...CRAZY RIGHT IDK WHY BUT IT SHOCKS ME EVERYTIME I THINK ABT IT i love ur company sm and our little secret gc LOLOL forever my #1 rival 🤞

@isoob MY FIRST MUTUAL ON THIS APP. everyday i wake up and i am thankful i met u! we literally fell off for like a good 10 months BUT WHO SAID THAT STOPPED OUR FRIENDSHIP 🤣 LOVE U SM EJU!! @ox1-lovesick ty for sending me that ask during math class! i literally smiled ear to ear when i saw it i was sososooso excited and happy u dont understand LMAOO but i love being around u sm LIKE its js sm fun I MISSED U SM WHILE U WERE ON BREAK THO 💔

and everyone in walmart enhypen! i cant rlly @ everyone before this becomes a whole long fic type post LMAOOO but i adore all of u guys and hope the world treats u best! i always wake up grateful that i accepted that little invite rei posted If not... this post wouldve never been this long tbh LMAOO BUT U GUYS R AMAZING AND SO SWEET I LOVE U ALL!

hopefully this wasnt THAT long PLS FOR READING AND I HOPE URE ALL HAPPY WITH THE AWARDS!!

#☆ — mutuals #☆ — k’s thoughts #this was sm fun wtf #once again!! this was only for entertainment purposes pls don’t be sad 😓😓

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slimeylee · 2 years

Text

tw//dream situation, grooming, swearing. added a trigger warning since i know a lot of people are finding themselves turning against dream which is totally fine and your choice. you dont have to believe me or any of the tweets i attached to this message. thank you and read on if you'd like.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

alright. i may not have all the information that i found, but ive found a decent amount of stuff that proves these claims incorrect

first, the way he texts-- look at the way dream talks to his BEST FRIEND versus a random stranger. like bitch what? no way those are real text messages. and dream hardly ever calls anyone other than george 'bb' and uses emojis nearly never. when dream texts he is often very dry and in that screenshot of dream talking to a COMPLETE STRANGER is nothing like what he normally is!

look at this and look at this. you see how different the background colour is from the colour around dreams profile picture, 'dream' and 'from your contacts'? it looks edited, right? if it were really true, the whole background would be the same colour dont you think?? more on the twitter dms; look at this post basically, depending on how many white dots the photo has can determine whether or not its fake exactly. it may not be the best proof that the messages were fake, but then another thing; aman-duh said that dream face revealed to her. who in the world is gonna believe that--the only people that knew dreams face before he started face revealing to his friends and people he knows were sapnap, and any relatives probably.

'aman-duh' said that she was going to stream and show more evidence on the whole grooming situation. however, both her and dream said they were going to take legal actions on the situation. you cant show proof/evidence of anything when you take the path of legal action. so how would aman-duh be able to show anything that may come off as proof? dream could not be sharing any further information about the situation BECAUSE he is going to pursue legal action.

also-- why did aman-duh lie about her age? she said that she was twenty years old. and now shes saying that shes a minor and is 18? where is the logic behind this? i dont understand. why is she livestreaming on twitch proofing more evidence instead of taking it to the fucking police? and more importantly--she still likes dreams tweets and is FOLLOWING HIM STILL. why would you want to still be in/able to contact someone who groomed you? personally i would have already blocked the person

she wouldnt lose any of the evidence she had if she SCREENSHOTTED IT and saved it to her camera roll. plus, it happened on instagram and snapchat, not on twitter. so why is she still following dream and liking his tweets? what is the logic behind that?!

alongside that, oxeclean who also stated that dream groomed them, they deleted everything they said, privated their twitter, and they even SAID that everything was fake and they were NOT LITERALLY GROOMED!! all this does it hurt REAL VICTIMS!!

if you are a victim of grooming, DONT BRING SOCIAL MEDIA INTO IT!! GO TO THE POLICE WITH THE EVIDENCE IMMEDIATELY PLEASE!! TALKING ABOUT YOUR PERSONAL LIFE PROBLEMS ON SOCIAL MEDIA SUCH AS TWITTER WON'T HELP YOU, IT'LL CAUSE BIGGER PROBLEMS!

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if i find anything else i will reblog this post and share it however this is all ive got at the moment. ive said this two times and ill say it again; my heart goes out to any victims of grooming. your voice deserves to be heard and your body is not a toy. remember that i love you and care abt u so much even if i have never talked to you or i dont know you personally.

-spookyslime

#slimey-thinks #dreamwastaken #dream allegations

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ghost-proofbaby · 8 months

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hey ghost!! so ive finally taken the plunge and started plotting my first ever eddie x reader fic, and i was wondering if you had any tips?? i haven’t written fan fiction in so long, and ive never written an x reader and i really really don’t want it to come across like a ‘my mom sold me to one direction and they all want me because im perfect’ type of fanfic. and like i was outlining a scene that was kinda pivotal for eddie and reader’s feelings for one another and i love it but also. it’s so fuckin cheesy and i don’t want people to think that the reader has main character syndrome. and i don’t wanna write eddie out of character and ACK im overthinking this. the perfectionist jumped out.

if you don’t have time to give tips, feel free to ignore this ask, but if not, send me a message! seriously no pressure, i was just wondering if you might be willing to give me some writing advice when it comes to x reader fics. no hard feelings if you can’t or don’t want to!

i don’t mind at all!!!

i think the hardest thing with x reader fics for me is avoiding being too specific until reader is no longer relatable (in sense of background, experiences, emotions, etc. physical appearance not so much haha), but i have found that overthinking is the number one enemy.

who cares if it’s cheesy? life can kinda suck, we deserve a lil cheese to sweeten it up. who cares if reader has main character syndrome? we are the main character in this fictional world we set. i struggle with both of those a lot, but the best thing i do is sit back and ask myself if concerns like that ever deter me from reading stories. and honestly? it doesn’t! i like cheesy and i don’t mind when stories aren’t perfectly aligned to reality. half the fun of reading is escaping reality <3

the issue with writing OOC is honestly one of those things that’s scarier. i’ve certainly written and then chopped/rewritten scenes because i read back and go “oh he absolutely would not do this what”. most of my editing process has recently just become trying to reread my works as if they aren’t my own, as if i just came across them on the dash, and that’s helped a lot. putting myself in the shoes of actual readers and asking if i’d like it/read it!! trying to set aside that terrible perfectionism that lives in so many of us as writers.

overall, if you’re having fun and enjoying your work, that’s the point. as long as that’s happening — you’re golden, babe. <3

#ONCE AGAIN IM NOT A PROFESSIONAL #thank u ily <3 #bllshitbel <3 #writing ooc is a fear BUT sometimes… it’s like… you gotta be ooc a lil yeah?#it’s also easier said than done when it comes to not overthinking so much so i completely understand babe

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hotfudgecherryrosy · 3 months

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A couple friends and I watched the first four episodes of Hazbin last night. It was fine. Other than the most tasteless scene ive ever seen in my life. But if it had been removed then the show would be fine.

Edit: As I mentioned in my comment below, I went to seek out other perspectives. I didn’t see a ton since I looked briefly and I don’t have any other social media, but it seems like a significant amount of SA survivors may find Poison as more respectful than my initial thoughts. Maybe I let my initial feelings watching the scene cloud my perspective (it’s meant to be disgusting and uncomfortable), or had the recent scandal too much in the back of my mind, but the last thing I want to be is the person that hates a show just because of some drama or speak over the experiences of others. Overall, I thought episode 4 was actually really good, probably the best out of the bunch. I also found the representation of Angel Dust pretty respectful overall.

Though I do want to mention it’s UNACCEPTABLE that the episode didn’t have a trigger warning before it

I don’t want to say a ton more because I suck at critical analysis and my friend is writing a longer review that I’m gonna help provide art/ music insight on and I don’t wanna step on his toes.

(also added tw’s because of my additions to the post)

#hazbin hotel #🍒🌹 rambles #tw sex abuse #tw sex assault

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dont-read-this-im-dead · 5 months

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When I was in 10th grade, I was in the literary magazine club. The club had faded from my school for several years, but I helped some friends rebuild it with my English teacher.

I was never brave enough to submit anything for the publication, but soon before the magazine was published, we hosted a program called Shout Out.

Anyone who wanted to read something they wrote (even if it was not in the magazine), could get up.

I was expecting maybe 3 people, plus the editing team.

But the auditorium was FULL. Students, parents, some teachers.

And I stood up to read.

But before I read, I told my audience, "I just want to let you know that none of the names or events in this story depict real people or events. Everything is completely fictional."

And then I spoke for 30 minutes, reading a short(?) story I wrote about this girl who was systematically and repeatedly raped by her father, her brother, and her best friend's brother, each one unaware of the other two, until one day, a medical condition puts her in the hospital, where she finds out she's pregnant.

I wove this tale about a 16 year old girl who asked her doctors to banish her family from her room, unable to speak the forbidden words that would simultaneously grant her freedom and render her homeless.

I practically whispered the bittersweet ending of a 19 year old with a two year old son that looked just like her husband, because she didn't know how to live alone, so she chose an uneven path, gradually learning how to fall in love with her best friend's brother.

I ended the story with her going to a high school with her son and talking to a health class during their sex ed week, telling her story.

Then I thanked my audience for their time and sat back down, my knees trembling something fierce and the silence so PROMINENT, even I could have heard the pin drop.

While everyone else decided to clap to fill the silence (still not sure why they gave me a standing ovation--it wasn't a GOOD story), my dad, sitting in the seat next to me, leaned over and whispered, "I'm really glad you warned everyone at the beginning that it was fictional, because they would probably be trying to arrest me by now if you hadn't."

When everyone was done reading, a friend of mine found me and said, "first off, how dare you have her end up with her rapist, that's evil, and I hate you for that. Second, I was on the edge of my seat the whole time, and omg, that was SO GOOD. Third, it was good that you said that thing at the beginning, but seriously, anyone who has ever met your dad knows he's basically a teddy bear. But also. WHY DID YOU HAVE HER END UP WITH HIM????"

And I just shrugged, because I didn't really want to answer, but Ive never told anybody this before, so here goes.

The reason I had her choose her non-blood relative rapist to marry, was because I had started getting really bad episodes where I basically wanted to kill myself. But I didn't want to make my family find my body, because ouch, do I hate THEM, or do I hate ME?

But every breath weighed me down until I was drowning, so I wrote this character that I could give my worst to. Someone who had it worse than me, who would need to find a sliver of hope to survive past the current hour. And I gave her my worst. I gave her a life that should have killed her, but she lived.

I gave her everything I hated, and more.

And then, I imagined my dull future of having to simply...*live,* and I gave it to her in the worst way possible that I could think of: by marrying her rapist.

And still, she lived.

And still, she loved.

Because I wanted to see someone be worse off and continue on living. Because that gave me the strength to do it myself.

#writing #im evil #none of my books have happy endings #high school #lit mags

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myownjadedpieceofmind · 27 days

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Start this with a cute picture of my dog, Gus (*edited because auto correct changed his name to god and even though he's close to, his name is gus. *) because he's the best comfort a girl could have as she recovers from brain surgery.

And...yeah..here we are, 6 days post op. I'm absolutely shocked by the way I feel, I expected to feel like dying every day. Sure, my neck muscles hurt, and so does my head, internally. But, I'm focusing on healing, and trying not to stress myself out about anything at all. Including my finances. That may lead to a really big issue later on, but for now the lights are on, the water is running, and I still have food. I can't really ask for much else.

The incision site looks wild. I have a hard time believing that I actually did the thing, you know? The scariest thing I've ever even thought about, and I actually went through it instead of running from it. Both of my arms are bruised like crazy, and even at nearly a week later, the iv sites haven't faded much. The doctors and nurses all commented on how my veins twist and turn all over, making them more difficult to access. When the iv tech learned that I have Ehlers Danlos, he took a deep sigh and told me he would try his best not to hurt me.

I took a 15 minute car ride to go get some prescriptions and figure out within the first 3 minutes that I have no business in a vehicle yet. Along with the fact that my body goes into trembles when I'm in severe pain, every single bump or turn sent shocks through me.

Ice packs have become my new best friend. Same with the silent feature on my phone. Don't get me as one of those ring tone girls- I use the vibrate notification. But I found that I'm such a light sleeper that I get disturbed easily right now. I've had to learn to prioritize my health over everything and somehow not feel bad when I ignore phone calls.

I've had absolute strangers drop off a gift card for groceries; someone I made jewelry for dropped off some homemade freezer dinners to make life more simple; the things I never would expect from people that barely know me. The kindness of strangers surprises me every time, especially when the people who know me best haven't really been showing it.

Which brings alot of feelings to the surface, and I'd rather not deal with those feelings quite yet. I'm still just trying to process the last month of my life, and I'm not equipped to really dig through the years of emotional crap I boxed up.

#chiari malformation #decompression surgery #cool scar bro #my brain #progress #disabled artist #not so invisible now #invisible disability #artists on tumblr #recovery #tw medical #tw surgery

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fandommemequeen · 4 months

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my 2023.

yearly retrospective time LETZ GO!!!

last year i said 2022 sucked but uh,, 2023 was definitely worse :'o)

with the rise in queerphobic legistlation, school getting progressively harder to stay on track with, my dad dying, and just everything else that ive had to endure this year, its been difficult. but.. i somehow made it.

and you might be wondering how i got through everything. did i touch grass and magically everything was sunshine and rainbows? buy some overpriced self help book or online course that changed my life? No <3

i just,, did what i normally do. i played video games, talked with my friends, watched youtube, brainrotted over fandoms, listened to music, came up with cool outfits, somehow made it through skool, drew, wrote, cosplayed, roleplayed, made kandi and crafts, and just overall found ways to find joy in the small things, which goes a long way when youre trans in a world where your joy is an act of rebellion.

i also had some cool fandom moments this year! season 7 of siivagunner has been AWESOME, return to dream land deluxe was great even if it fricked with the lore a little, THE TOH FINALE WAS SO FRICKIN GOOD, marios madness may be my new fave fnf mod, NPMD THREW ME BACK INTO MY HATCHETFIELD FIXATION, i FINALLY got the kirby planet robobot soundtrack cd and the limited edition quiznos training game physical edition, i found ways to actually enjoy WDY again and leave behind itz toxic fandom, i got into pokepasta, tintn, gogos crazy bones, playtime with percy, inside job, tadc, i started listening to mal blum and against me and chonny jash, im currently being dragged into eggotama as we speak and im getting back into mpdsap,,

but the fandom that had the most impact for me this year was the june archive and restoration project. getting into TJA led me to discover bowlbys other works and get into one of the best fandoms ive ever been in, thanks in part to the june archive and restoration project fanserver. ive met so many cool people through that server, and getting to chat and VC with them has always been a blast. [yknow what? shoutout to all my friends that ive loved talking with all throughout 2023 yall are awesome]

back to life stuff for a moment here, i got to do a lotta cool stuff this year! i FINALLY homebrewed my 3ds [with a bit of help from jaco xd], GOT TO SEE THE HAUNTING OF NIGHT VALE LIVE, put together some awesome cosplays for gencon and halloween, im getting better at rhythm games, i got SECOND PLACE in my skoolz national cybersecurity codebreakers competition, i had an awesome bday, i went to go see barbie [my first movie in theaters since lockdown] and fnaf and both were AWESOME!! all of this despite everything thats happened in 2023!

and as for my creative projectz,, DIGIVERSE REBOOT EPISODE 3 FINALLY RELEASED BACK IN MAY!!!!!! holy frick i was SO PROUD of that,, in addition, ive been doing character reveals for gamerz epic megamix take, i created the doomed timelines awoken au, and ive strengthened my artstyle into what it is today while learning how to use my drawing tablet :3

in addition, getting into TJA and watching bowlbys animation legacy made me think about my past as a creator, and i started work on giving my old book ocs from my days in the TWOW fandom the care and attention they deserve, even if it means some slight redesigns or rewrites. speaking of TWOW, EWOW IS OUT AND IM GETTING BACK INTO TWOW AFTER YEARS!! feelz good to be back, and im hoping i can maybe properly host a minitwow at some point in 2024!

overall 2023 wasnt great, but i stayed silly and had fun despite it and i think thatz very swag of me!

now, every time i do one of these things, if i do an overconfident "bring it on" type message at the end i almost always end up regretting it, AND i am absolutely terrified about 2024 so i am not taking my chances!

so i leave u with this sentiment towards 2024 instead:

i gotta survive The Horrors anyway, might as well stay silly and do what i like while im doing it :3

#long post #yearly retrospective #family death mention

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casualavocados · 1 year

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alright, here comes the long ass super personal and sentimental post absolutely nobody asked for (you’re welcome)

i watched episode 1 of bad buddy the day it aired (1 year ago today!) out of sheer luck. i dont even remember how i discovered it, but my initial thought was: “im bored. it’s 11pm and i dont want to go to sleep. this trailer looked fun. oh it came out today? sure what the fuck.” and i watched it in bed, on my phone. completely fucking unaware of what was about to happen to me and my life - and this honestly amuses me so much when i think about it because let me tell you...

i am NOT one to watch romance for romance’s sake. i really couldnt care less for it tbh. i’m not what i’d call a shipper at all (though i used to be, and if you remember my blog back then i owe you financial compensation bc tbh that whole spectacle exhausted me ANYWAY-).

romance is just something ive always preferred as a side dish to plot, bc i only tend to like it when it’s super well done, and ive never found any of it very realistic. this was actually pretty unfortunate for past me bc fun fact, i am a little bit of a hopeless romantic, and romcoms are my guilty pleasure. the problem is i also dont like any of them enough to care about them after ive satisfied my initial “i want to watch something cheesy and cute” urge. i’d seen a few other bl’s over the years but only bc i was bored or wanted to watch something gay, and none of them had ever stuck in my mind after i finished them. i actively avoided those fandom spaces so i definitely wasn’t keeping up with what was new.

(now listen, i have very specific thoughts on bl itself, but im not gonna get into that here (and actually miscellar said yesterday that the bl difference between 2020 and 2022 is unrecognizable and that basically sums it up so i dont have to lmao <3)).

- and ep1 of bad buddy is pretty typical bl! i adore this about it tbh because i was completely unprepared for everything the show was about to pull. my initial reaction was that it was something fun to look forward to every week.

so then-

I dont!! i dont even know how to explain it! ive tried too many times!

but it really is That Bitch, and truly feels like something i’d been waiting my whole life to see. a romantic comedy that was incredibly realistic in the sense of being overwhelmingly human, and also overwhelmingly queer. it’s so effortlessly fucking funny, while simultaneously a very (very very very) layered and emotional story. i will sing its praises to the end of time. it is quite literally the most well crafted show i’ve ever seen, and every time i rewatch it, or go back and reread old meta, im reminded that im not insane believing that. it just literally is that good. it’s such a simple story done so. extremely. well. it’s so ordinary, and that makes it extraordinary, and that was the intention from the start.

but i also have to say, one of the best things about having this show, is getting to be apart of the amazing community i found here loving it alongside me. bc i avoid fandoms. i stick to the places and the people/mutuals i know. i drift through edit tags more than i follow individual blogs. i block people like lightning. i have always had anons and replies off and i enjoy my privacy!!!

and i have talked to more people and made more friends and have had more fun this past year than i ever have before on this site.

it took me until after bb finished airing to start following people back, but by then i knew which blogs posted what and what i’d want to see more of on my dash - and there are still many many people im not following, or who arent following me, that i talk to! i love each of you so very much, and i want to do a couple special shoutouts, if thats okay. ♥️

SO, in no particular orderrrrrr:

@mrdumpling nuria you were the very first bl-centric blog to follow me, and as such gave me a little bit of a heart attack that day, because i knew you were a popular blog and i Was Not Ready For Attention lol. but im so glad you did! ik we don’t talk often, but i love lurking on your blog and following what you’re interested in, and most especially, sharing this show with you. to say your edits are beautiful is an understatement! i always love to see what you make!! 🧡

@actually-yikes SORA I MISS YOUUUUUU!!! 🌹 i love talking to you, i love bonding over warrior pran with you, i love the edits you make. i think you’re very funny and delightful. seriously. ...im kind of at a loss for words here bc you’re one of the blogs i went to the most while bb was airing, and the first person i followed after it ended. i really just think you’re wonderful, and idk how else to say it! ily!!!💕💕

@miscellar you have some of the best takes ive ever read, and you somehow seem to read my mind and write (in much better words than i ever could!) exactly what im feeling on so many different topics. i love reading your analysis, your criticism, and just in general whatever you have to say. you impress me very much tbh and im always a bit amazed whenever you talk to me. i love sharing meta with you! 💚

@pranparakul KATIIIEEE when you’re not on my dash i miss you. even if you’ve got posts in your queue ill be like 🥺 where’s katie? is she having a good day today? literally it doesnt matter what you post abt, bc your enthusiasm for whatever it is always makes me so happy. keep doing you <3♥️🌸💗💕💜🌸❣💗💜♥️💕

@snimeat GEI. okay we dont talk OFTEN but when we do we talk a LOT. your excitement is sooooooooooooo contagious and it always matches mine and i feel SO SEEN. i think your edits have such a mystical vibe to them...they always make me feel very wistful (in a very good way). luv u 💛

@pranpats Kit!!! your gifs are GORGEOUS. and you are one of the sweetest people on this site. you always say such lovely things in the tags, and i love occasionally coming to talk to you about gifmaking things. you are such a warm presence on my dash! 💜

and of COURSE @grapejuicegay - kk i think we speedran our friendship in the last 6 weeks. idk how we never really talked before, now that i know we were BOTH lurking on each other’s blogs this whole year. i don’t even know what to say that i haven’t already said in our dms. i fucking love talking to you. there are some people you just click with and im so glad you’re one of them. 💙💌💗💖💜💙💕💛♥️🌹💌💖💙💕

there are so many more of you i want to mention here!! and if you read this far please know im probably also thinking of you, and i want you all to know that i have loved every minute watching and sharing this show with you.

im constantly blown away by everyone’s kindness and how welcoming all of you are. this is truly my favorite place to be online. thank you for all the tags on my gifs and meta. thank you for being so warm.

im so happy this little show means as much to all of you as it does to me. happy one year everybody. 🎆🥂💚❤

#julian watches bb #long post #i SAID thered be emotional posts today and i MEANT IT #also huge shoutout to all my wonderful incredible and lovely mutuals and followers #who have stuck around while this show consumed my life #i love all of u i really do #and i love this show with my whole heart #its home to me <3

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everythingsinred · 1 year

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what follows is a long, rambly, and possibly sappy thank you note to the best fandom ive ever involved myself in. if you have ever sent me an ask, commented on my fics, or replied to a post i made (or even liked it tbh)--then this post is for you. (and this is most certainly not a good-bye or even close; i just occasionally get into sappy moods)

i want to start working on a career that i like, and my mom’s recommendation was to start a writing blog (she insisted i dont call it that though--to call it a “website” so it sounds more professional when i apply for writing gigs). its not the first time shes given me that advice but i have for some reason always resisted that idea before. “nobody would read it” was always the bottom line. that whole “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has always been my outlook on anything i produce. its why i feel so poorly whenever i post a new chapter of a fic or any art ever. its why im taking so long on the next batch of ga essays. its why ive never formally submitted any writing ever for publishing. why would anyone read anything i have to write, especially with no dead fandom to prompt them? who would choose me out of all the aspiring writers out there?

for ga it was a bit easier after a bit of breaking through the initial anxiety of sharing bits of myself. its a small fandom. not much content going around. theyd take anything right? even if it was from me!

but something really weird happened these past few years in the ga fandom. i started writing essays and became more vocal, posting my thoughts, writing a long, dark, fucked up fanfic. i got feedback from people who wanted more from me. theyd ask me my thoughts on things, when id never considered myself an authority on anything or even very interesting to talk to (a lifetime of being the substitute friend will do that to you). ppl sent me asks about questions. they replied to my posts to further discuss things. me! what on earth?

then it got weirder. i posted my weird messed up little fic and now every once in a while ill get a comment from a person that says that my fic is their favorite, not just in the fandom, but ever. EVER. what? a couple of people have told me that they’d read anything i wrote, even if it had nothing to do with gakuen alice.

that they’d read something just because it was me.

this isnt a rant or a vent. something has changed in my self esteem in the past few years because today, when my mom told me i should start a “writing website” and post weekly writing, it actually sounded like a decent idea. no part of her advice was different than it had ever been, but i was. i could for the first time imagine starting a blog (website) and picture someone actually liking what they found there. and that’s bc of the ga fandom and bc of the writing ive done it for it and SPECIFICALLY the writing ive actually had the guts to share.

none of it has been perfect. im lazy when it comes to self-editing and when i finish writing a chapter im eager to just throw it out there instead of rereading it once, let alone twice. a lot of it has been imperfect, but you guys still read it. you enjoyed it, even. “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has never been a problem for you. for whatever reason, quite a few of you like me, like my writing, like my ideas and thoughts. a couple of years ago i wouldnt have been able to fathom that, not even in my wildest dreams.

im proud of myself for taking those first steps a couple years back, for posting those first couple posts and letting myself get involved in the fandom for a manga ive loved for half my life. im proud because if i hadnt done that, then maybe my self esteem wouldnt have developed like this. maybe i wouldnt have been able to picture a career in publishing as clearly as i can now. i obviously still have issues as far as my self esteem is concerned. i second-guess myself. i talk down to myself. i put off rereading bc i dont want to hate what i create. but you guys have helped me like my writing and helped me see that other people can like it too.

i am beyond grateful for that. i dont get a lot of traction or feedback like i would if i were in a larger fandom, but i dont mind. the feedback that i do get is of such good quality and has meant so much to me that it has potentially changed my life. i just needed you all to know that. that the people who have sent me asks, both on and off anon, requesting my thoughts on any topic; the people who leave comments on ffn and ao3, giving support ranging from long paragraphs to a brief sentence; the people who dm me or message me to share their thoughts on my work; the people who commented on my natsumikan essays telling me that ive helped them see something from a different perspective--you all have helped me see that there’s value in the things i create.

i just want to say thank you. it has meant so much to me so far to be able to feel so confident in my writing. i really didnt even notice the change until today. how bizarre is it that something so important can change without you even noticing? i look forward to sharing more with you, from more fics to the mikan essay (which still has to be perfect, just maybe not as perfect as it wouldve had to be a few years ago lol).

don’t be nervous that this a good-bye. it is not. it’s strange because whenever i’ve said anything like this (sent a message of adoration to a person i love, for example), people think it’s a bad sign. that i’m saying good-bye, or that it’s somehow a sign of something unsaid. i understand. this kind of nonsense sappiness (like all that stuff i wrote up there ^) is usually saved for the ffn bio when someone is leaving the site, for the good-bye post when someone decides to leave a fandom. “you’ve all meant so much to me and i’m leaving now.” that’s because usually people save all the important things for the end. you only say how you’ve felt when you say farewell. i don’t think life should be that way. i’m not saying good-bye, i’m saying i love you. i think people should say that more. i want people to feel good about themselves for what they’ve done, however small, to make my life--and undoubtedly the lives of others--a little brighter. and you have. you should know and i don’t intend to keep it to myself until i say good-bye (whenever or even if that happens).

tldr; i love you gakuen alice fandom <3 youre not dead because dead things cant give life the way you have.

#me and the gakuen alice fandom: a love story for the ages #my beautiful messiah.#if i ever come across as confident #especially in my older posts #that is incidental. i am always nervous to press post. this fandom has helped me grow so much yall have no idea #ga #gakuen alice #little anya things #this is partially a musing on my conversation w my mother abt the website #but also partially a response to every post on the ga tag complaining abt the dead fandom #i feel like its maybe unfair to judge the fandom based on how few ppl post (when its not even that few--i do track the tag)#when so many ppl love it and are eager to jump in on conversations to talk about it #it may be small but its passionate. passion is the lifeblood of any media that has stuck around in ppls hearts as long as ga has #i dont think that should be understated #my advice as someone who also mourned the 'death' of the fandom:#talk anyway.#youll bring all the ghosts out <3 and theyre for the most part quite friendly #if nobody reads this thats okay. i just needed to say it

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