#this is a project I've wanted to write for nearly a year now

[princesssmars]

another one of my dreams that i have to write out because it flabbergasted me and two of my friends. but this time about hazel from bottoms.

ok, reader is the new girl at school. in my dream i was kind of a loser (accurate) but because i can write what i want (and i've read @ptolemaeacles cheerleader headcanons ten times) im changing it.

so reader is trying out to be cheerleader! it helps you make a few friends, isabel being the best one because she’s amazing, beautiful, and a little weird in a really endearing way. she finds you interesting, given your natural talent for dancing and how despite doing vulgar dance moves on the football field, off of it you can be a shy and sweet person!

because of this isabel, brittany and you are pretty much always together. and since they're popular and seen everywhere, that means you are seen everywhere!

which means hazel cant take a fucking break.

walking to sit with pj and josie during lunch and means almost having a heart attack when she sees you handing out flyers for the next school event, looking so ethereal in your cheer uniform she nearly trips over herself.

or when every morning she sits two rows over from you in math class, not so sneakily staring at you for minutes at a time while doing her worksheets.

despite being close to a genius, she thinks there's no way in hell you have ever noticed her. never seen the way your eyes will drift to her when she's sitting in the bleachers while, you're practicing, how you're heart will race when the teacher is calling names for project partners with the chance that the brunette could be in your group.

so sure you had a crush that was going nowhere, but you had a nice bunch of new friends, so people we're starting to like you!

all except one.

mrs. fucking barnes.

for whatever reason, your second period english teacher had decided on your first day to make your senior year a living fucking hell.

put a good amount of effort into an essay? you get a d minus!

want to share a comment you had about the book the class is reading? shut up silly, jeff is going to popcorn read and stutter over a basic sentence!

but one friday, you decided to skip class and the next week she went ballistic.

now, since moving to town, you had noticed that the people here were a little odd, regularly seeing a normal interaction or conversation go to the extreme in seconds.

so, when you're hovering over the toilet in the girls bathroom, a small thought in your brain that loves to say what if's asks: what if somebody bursted in here right now?

when you finish and stand up to pull your jeans up, only to be interrupted when the stall doors bust open with a loud bang! you think for split second that god can literally hear your thoughts and is making you pay for whatever sins you've committed.

those sins must have been fucking murder to make up for how mortified you felt standing in a cramped girls bathroom stall, your pants down with three people staring at you/

the first, mrs. barnes, wearing a look thats a mix between anger and regret.

the second is nettie brown, a girl you recognized from your art class who you remember complimented your heels and you did the same for her coat.'

and then, standing in front the sinks with eyes that look as big as fucking saucers, hazel callahan herself.

your brain catches up to your body and you manage to splutter out a string of curses and yells, forcing the door back closed as the teachers splutters out an excuse about someone telling her you had started doing weed in the bathrooms.

you hear her and some more shoes shuffling out of the bathroom, taking a minute to gather your bearings before you leave the bathroom. when you open the door again you rest your hands on the counter, your eyes closed as you take a breath. when you look up to your reflection, in your peripheral you see a figure standing awkwardly at the back of the bathroom, blue eyes avoiding looking at you.

"hazel?" you ask under your breath, turning around to look at her dead on. she flinches to attention like a child called to attention.

"uh...i just wanted to make sure that you were alright, what she did was really fucked up."

"oh," you mouth, grateful that after something so embarrassing this girl who you barely knew was waiting in a crappy bathroom to make sure you were alright. if it was possible your crush on her just grows. "thank you. that means a lot to me."

her face lights up so brightly you think it could light up a city.

"no problem! i mean, really who cares that much about weed, anyway? i've never cared about bush anyway-"

the room gets silent.

as she quickly rushes out an apology and leaves, all you can think about is how its weird you've been shocked like this twice in a span of ten minutes, and that you have got to ask hazel callahan on a date.

i made this a lot cuter than it was in my dream. i was in the bathroom, looking at these really nice coats on the counter ?? when the door opened, hazel just said "y'know ive never minded bush" and the sheer confusion made wake up.

i put my senior year english teacher in here because. i still hate that bitch.

#bottoms 2023 #bottoms movie #bottoms x reader #hazel #hazel callahan #hazel x reader #hazel callahan x reader #hazel callahan x you

[evertidings]

— NOVEMBER 2023.

accomplishments.

the thing about writing these updates is that i never write them on the first of the month. on top of that, i skipped last month because i published the update on october 28th and, well, you didn't exactly need a whole post of me rambling about how i gave myself too little time to edit and almost ripped my hair out during the process. that can be summed up in a sentence.

this month, however, needs a longer discussion. granted, november has always been a very busy month for me in terms of university and, on top of the mini-break i gave myself, there's not that much to talk about, but here i am.

to describe chapter eleven in a word, i'd say it's "progress." progress in terms of plot, in terms of character development, both the hunter and the ros—just progressive in general. i said this on patreon, but i have a habit of saying "this chapter is different to any that i've written before." i suppose it's true in a sense, but if i had to compare it to anything, i'd say it's giving the vibes of chapters one and two. maybe with a mix of chapter ten. the more i write, the more fun i find myself having with the chapter. it's exploring some themes i've been itching to get to for a while now and it's so satisfying to be able to wrap up all these loose ends and have it all come together.

it's way too soon for me to have any sort of release date right now but just know it's being worked on. i know i've been a bit quiet on this front and i swear i'm trying to work on it, but after nearly three years at this, i still feel like a boomer when it comes to answering asks. i do read them all as they come in, however, so if you ever wonder about that, now you know.

as the year comes to an end and the holidays begin, i just want to thank everyone for your endless support. extremely sappy, i know, but i just had to say it. no words can describe how much it means to me that people follow my updates and are invested in this project as much as i am. i hope you're all taking care of yourselves and that you're well <3

stats.

476,219 words (+4449)

#update #when twilight strikes #the midnight hours #interactive fiction #twine game

[yanxidarlings]

"they say the wizarding elite aims to have heirs within a few years of each other, so that when they begin attending hogwarts, they can form a gang, a clique, whatever it is, to represent the prosperity of the pureblood circle, to uphold the values of the sacred twenty eight" "didn't nott's grandfather write that list?" "no- well, yes, his father did. but the idea of the wizarding elite predates it. the slytherins have had their heads stuck up their arses since 990 a.d — salazar slytherin himself is who we have to thank for the glorification of pure blood — and so centuries of inbreeding has led to what we now know as the slytherin elite" "so it's like the wizarding nobility then?" "not.. exactly. it used to be, many family's from the sacred twenty eight used to hold very real titles and power, but when the magical government became centralised in the 1700's, they were given hereditary seats on the wizengamont to keep them happy, but the power they once held slowly faded — that was around the time when the concept of slytherin gangs began" "merlins beard, they've been at this for nearly three hundred years? haven't they run out of purebloods to inbreed with yet" "some have, that's why you don't see any gaunts, beowulf's or volants in the group-" "if i'm being honest, they all look like the same stuck up gits, you absolutely positive some pureblood lady didn't just pop out fifteen of them at once" "there's only nine, malfoy and zabini are pretty distinguishable from the others, but you do have a point, i'd bet my left leg they're all at least fifth cousins" "how do you know so much" "i read you know, and people watch" "a'right then, which one is which" "why do you want to know so much? that's... caster rosier, best avoid him, apparently by the third year he had dated all of slytherin house" "you're kidding, right" "and then he moved on to hufflepuff and ravenclaw, but i suppose that's what happens when rita skeeter raises you" "rita skeeter? poor bloke" "and he does nothing but gossip, we once had to work together for a potions project and i mentioned that i had a cough and he started a rumour that i had mono" "i take that back, stuff him" "and he's supposed to be one of the nice ones. the one sitting next to him, pollux black, is the biggest prick i've ever had the displeasure of meeting, bumped into him once on my way to herbology, the bloody bastard has had it out for me ever since, calls me every foul word you could imagine, told me i was better off dead, i think i'm the reason he's started bullying you as well" "i thought i was getting bullied by one of the riddles" "you probably are — if he hits, it's mattheo riddle, if he snitchs, it's draco malfoy, if he's rude, it's pollux black, if he ignores, it's blaise zabini, and if he smokes, it's theodore nott. berkshire, greengrass and rosier are the 'nice ones', by slytherin standards" "which is the one with the punchable face?" "eulalio greengrass" "i was paired with astoria greengrass in transfiguration the other day, and messed up the spell, which cost us the grade, you know what he did when she went crying to him? broke my fucking wand" "i thought you said you stepped on it-" "he threatened to have me kicked out of hogwarts if i told anybody!" "that's just how those people are, think they're above everyone else because of their blood status and house. i think berkshire is the only one with redeemable qualities" "which one is that" "are you faceblind-"

#draco malfoy #slytherin boys #theodore nott #theo nott #blaise zabini #mattheo riddle #slytherin pride #slytherin edit #tom riddle #tom riddle edit #tom marvolo riddle #enzo berkshire #lorenzo berkshire #mattheo riddle x reader #lorenzo berkshire x reader #draco malfoy x reader #harry potter fanfic #harry potter fandom #hpedit #hp fanfic #theodore nott x reader #tom riddle x reader #hp fancast #caster rosier #pollux black #eulalio greengrass #elio greengrass

[bloodynereid]

Scream for Me | Halloween Headcanons for Scream Killers

pairings: stu macher x fem! reader, billy loomis x fem! reader, mickey altieri x fem! reader, jill roberts x gender neutral! reader, amber freeman x gender neutral! reader, quinn bailey x fem! reader, ethan landry x fem! reader

tw: slight smut (nothing too graphic but yeah it's mostly fade to black stuff), mentions of horror movies, kissing, alcohol, nothing much else? it's not that crazy honestly.

description: what do killers get up to during the spookiest time of the year? well spend time with their s/o's ofc.

a/n: part 1 in my halloween double feature project! i've been meaning to write for scream for agesss so hopefully i'll do that more now that i've actually taken a stab at it (you see what i did there). anyways these are just my personal preferences so if you want a specific killer or scream character that isn't in here you can request something cause my requests are currently open! hope you enjoy <3 and have a safe halloween!

STU MACHER:

You are obviously going to some type of Halloween party (maybe even hosting one??).

You spend the night cradled in Stu’s arms as horror movies play in the background and beer flows almost like it’s falling from the sky.

You had decided to do a couple’s costume that year. So Stu obviously chose Jack The Ripper and you went as one of his victims.

He had convinced you it would be sexy.

So you lay splayed on the couch in a corset and long flowy skirt with fake blood on your neck while Stu wore a flowy cotton shirt splattered with fake blood and tight pants.

It may not be totally period accurate but you guys looked hot.

Throughout the party you and Stu could barely keep your hands off each other, something that made the rest of your friend group groan.

The tension finally became irresistible when Stu did that particular thing with his tongue which had you pulling him quickly away from the couch and up to one of the unoccupied rooms.

Stu would later tell you that was one of the best Halloweens he’d ever had and you would readily agree.

BILLY LOOMIS:

You and Billy always went all out for Halloween - ever since you were kids.

Childhood best friends to lovers. Stu always teased you for being too tropey.

But you loved each other. Even when Billy started to pull away after his mother left his father.

That Halloween you knew you had to do something special, just to try and cheer him up.

Your plan started with watching a few horror movies before going over to Stu’s for the customary Halloween party.

You had decided to go as Hannibal Lecter and Clarice Starling, since you were both obsessed with the movie ever since you had sneaked into a showing when it first came out.

It was just the right level of insane and scary.

Your plan came to fruition during the middle of the party, when you swiftly pulled Billy away from your little group of friends and towards one of the bedrooms.

You may or may not have suggested an idea to spice up the bedroom - with some role play.

And well… let’s say that Stu had to push the volume of the music up so people wouldn’t hear the screams of pleasure coming from upstairs.

MICKEY ALTIERI:

You were both movie fanatics, which is actually how you two met - through the film studies class at Windsor College.

You had become fast friends and when October had rolled around you had spent nearly every day watching a horror movie in either your dorm or his.

He also liked to film you, he always teased you that you were his muse whenever he pulled out the movie camera just to capture your laughing face.

On Halloween night is when things actually changed between the two of you.

You had gone as one of your favorite characters from Pulp Fiction, Mia Wallace and Mickey was dressed up as Dale Cooper from Twin Peaks.

You had met up at one of the many frat parties that the campus hosted but had ended up leaving because even if insanity was reining on a night like this, having sweaty guys crowd in around you wasn’t your vision for a good Halloween.

So you had settled in on your bed since your roommate was busy making out with someone on your couch and put on the newest episode of X-Files.

However, instead of actually watching the tv show the two of you got into some weirdly deep conversation about aliens that definitely made you sound high on something.

That was when Mickey kissed you, before he pulled away quickly - blushing intensely that made you sort of glad that he had made the move you had been thinking about doing the whole length of the conversation.

You pulled him by the collar and kissed him deeply, leaving him slightly stunned before he relaxed in your hold and pulled away a few minutes later.

After confessing the fact that he had literally been in love with you since he met you, you basically pounced on him and the rest of the night was spent with Scully and Mulder in the background as you two kissed.

JILL ROBERTS:

Jill was definitely one of those people who didn’t really love Halloween, sure she loved watching horror movies and putting on a cute outfit but that was it.

So it basically took all of your persuasive ability to get her to come out with you, even if it was just for a walk to see all the decorated houses.

Jill pretended not to enjoy seeing all of the incredible decorations and the fall leaves but you caught her smiling and watching you with sparks in her eyes a few times.

Since she wasn’t all that big on Halloween you both wore pretty understated costumes.

You went as the moon - covered in all silver and glitter placed strategically on your face.

Jill went as the sun because let’s face it, she’s literally the sun in her day to day life.

After completing your autumn walk, you grabbed two hot chocolates from one of the coffee vendors at the town center before you both walked back to Jill’s place.

You spent the night watching some random tv shows and making out.

Even if you didn’t really do anything Halloween-related it ended up being one of the best nights you had ever had with your girlfriend.

AMBER FREEMAN:

STAB MARATHONNN

Tara had tried to drag you to one of the many Halloween parties that were happening that year but you knew you had to be around for your girlfriend’s yearly tradition - especially since it was the first year you had been officially dating.

You had gotten a bunch of snacks that you both loved and dressed up as your favorite characters from the franchise.

Amber obviously went as Ghostface.

You sat cuddled up on the couch right after getting to her house when school finished and watched each Stab movie, one after another.

Amber spent a lot of time explaining certain parts of the movie or added fun facts from the actual massacre.

Most of the time you couldn’t pay attention to what was going on in the movie but it was so worth it to hear Amber rave about random details.

You thought you were more than lucky to be able to have her as your girlfriend.

Obviously you only watched up until Stab 7.

DO NOT mention Stab 8 around Amber - you had learnt that the hard way.

The date night ended with you both having eaten all the snacks and slightly over exhausted.

But that didn’t stop you from kissing the life out of your girlfriend and having some definitely not PG-13 fun.

The mask was particularly attractive, okay?

QUINN BAILEY:

Being with Quinn meant that you had to live with constantly being surprised by her.

For Halloween you had decided that you would hit a few frat parties before going to an escape room (which was her suggestion surprisingly enough).

So you rocked up to the escape room place in your Harley Quinn (you) and Poison Ivy (Quinn) costumes and were led by a member of the staff towards one of the many rooms.

Since Quinn had picked everything out, you didn’t know what to expect.

You two ended up doing a noir version of an escape room, with dramatic music and every aspect in the room was bathed in black and white.

Even with being slightly tipsy (from pregaming vodka and the parties) and horny, you somehow made it successfully through the maze of rooms… with a lot of intermissions for fumbling in dark corners.

All Hallow’s Eve concluded with you carrying your escape room certificate back to Quinn’s apartment where you probably kept Tara and Sam up for the rest of the night.

ETHAN LANDRY:

The first time that you met Ethan was on Halloween night, even if the day fell on a weekday there were still parties raging in and around Blackmore.

Of course you had seen him around campus because you knew Chad from the random times he had asked you to tutor him in the mandatory chemistry course you both had to take but you never actually got to talk to him.

Decked out in your Carrie costume you were drinking cherry schnapps (not wanting to get too drunk) in one of the many corners that the frat house had.

Your friends were either busy dancing or were flirting incredibly badly since they were drinking wayyy more than you were.

You had been so focused on the red liquid in your cup that you didn’t realize that someone had joined you until you nearly jumped at the sight of a rather cute boy in a cardboard knight costume.

Ethan had stuttered out that this was a dare and that he was sorry to interrupt your night but you only laughed and stayed talking to him for basically the remainder of the party.

You were even able to crack his shy facade and get him to dance with you in the corner when your respective favorite songs came on.

Halloween night ended with a promise for more and a phone number after you gave him a soft kiss, tinged with cherry.

hehe those were fun to write - i'll definitely be doing more in the future.

#scream #scream x reader #scream fanfics #scream franchise #stu macher #stu macher x reader #stu macher image #billy loomis #billy loomis x reader #mickey altieri #mickey altieri x reader #mickey altieri x you #jill roberts #jill roberts x reader #scream killers #scream movies #scream movie #horror #halloween #amber freeman #amber freeman x reader #amber freeman x you #amber freeman x y/n #quinn bailey #quinn bailey x reader #quinn bailey fanfic #ethan landry #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n

[jahiera]

You mentioned in a previous Astarion analysis post:

"But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis)"

I am encouraging you to squawk. I think you've got a really good grasp of his character and I love your posts!

UPDATE***written during EA

@littlemisstrancy Sorry for the late reply! I fell down another rabbit hole of replaying haha.... Aww, thank you! I'm so glad, a good grade in Astarion is a Normal and Reasonable thing to want to achieve. But YES, I find his entire sex scene to be extremely interesting (going off of what Larian said that, paraphrased, nonsexual intimacy with some will mean more than sex with others, because of the nature of the relationship.)

What I find most interesting about Astarion's romance scenes is that the scene itself is remarkably much more syrupy than he, by nature, really is. We can point to, "darling," "my love," as evidence of his tendencies for the dramatics, yes, but given that these are petnames he'll throw out to a Tav he hates as much as a Tav he enjoys, the surface meaning and connotations of dramatic flirtations and even more dramatic pre-sex speeches.... shifts.

The way we filter these interactions shifts because we have to filter what is, at first glance, a typical romance scene, through the lens of the character giving the spiel. If Astarion associates dramatic seduction and slinky purring as simply the easiest way to get what he wants--or, perhaps, more than that, the expectation, the only way for this interaction to occur, because hollow dramatics/play-acting have been likely the only pseudo-""romance"" he's engaged in in the 200 years he's been with Cazador, that changes the meaning of everything, including the line: "You want to lose yourself in me." <- sure laddie, just keep objectifying and disconnecting yourself from the experience itself and repeat the habits of behavior that you've learned from 200 years of being someone else's toy and tool where you weren't even a willing participant in what was happening, merely a mandatory one. that'll be really great. no backfiring here whatsoever.

Okay, sorry, under the cut the rest of this goes because I went off on three different tangents to try and tie them all back together again. This is mostly my background reasoning for above. WHAT DOES THE REST HAVE TO DO WITH TAV. Honestly I'm not sure anymore I started talking and then I didn't stop talking.

It feels like so much of the overarching realities of their circumstances fall away for Tav, but it also haunts the entire interaction with Astarion. Shallow charm. Winning over people. A pretty face opening doors. I'd chalk it up to sexy-video-game-scene-writing if it were any other game, but the other romance scenes aren't nearly so grandstanding and are written I think intentionally to subvert that, so this is an Astarion Thing, and likely goes deeper than that first glance. As it stands, Astarion barely even knows who he is now that he's outside of Cazador's control. "Another thing that I've lost." -- His personhood has been nonexistent, and he's been a tool, and he's been, for lack of a better word, dehumanized to the fullest extent for an insurmountable amount of time. So of course the thing he learned best is that the easiest way to get what you want, or get what you need, is to be easily projected unto. He can't keep the facade up for very long, I don't think, but in that scene his "don't ask too many questions just look at how hot I am" mindset is fully on to me.

The thing is that his circumstances with Tav here are entirely different than the ones he's been in before, but just because the circumstances are different doesn't mean that the behavior will be different, or that habits formed out of severe distress/torture in his own words will be so easily let go of. My ULTIMATE POINT is that charm and flirtations are things Astarion clearly separates from himself and his actual beliefs, and he treats what we conceive as "charming" behavior fairly flippantly--once again, that "my love," means... not... a lot. we just met 2 weeks ago, pal. And I don't think he's interested in using it like that anymore, because he's not making a super great effort to be perceived as likeable. It comes out mostly in scenes where flirting and charisma are expected of the interaction and then they're pushed to their most exaggerated format, when he isn't actually typically like that in other conversations. Dramatic and foppish, yes, and enjoys ridiculousness in several formats, yes, but not nearly so egregiously saccharine, at all.

If he is starting to give a fuck about Tav, or even the group, that's something else to grapple with, and it's still at this point I think partly wrapped up in the idea that Tav makes for a "good ally." His scenes where he says: "we're more alike than I thought" "You're stronger than I gave you credit for," feel more genuine and honest to me in some ways than his sex scene speech. His fondness for Tav and his idea that strength/power/security can be found by sticking close to Tav can be true at the same time, in an interesting dance between his growing connection to them and his general ideas on people, power, and control.

So secondary: is Astarion a manipulator who's using this sex scene to control Tav emotionally and that's what he's got going on here? Eh... maybe yes and no? He wouldn't ask Tav if he wasn't interested--as seen by how he'll shut you down if he can't stand your guts. If he's using sex for that, it's up in the air, open to interpretation, depends on your HC, I can see both interpretations and I'm not going to claim one is more true than the other, since there's evidence for both "manipulating" and "not manipulating" and to me, the truth falls somewhere in the middle. I'm sure the thought has probably crossed his mind, but I don't actually think he's good enough at charm to follow through on that, which I will now elaborate on in INTRICATE detail....

Astarion isn't actually concerned about being likeable, or wanted within the group--or, rather, he may be concerned about it (because there's both safety and danger in a group setting), but he also isn't concerned about it enough to not advocate entirely for self-preservation and selfishness at generally every turn. He also isn't concerned about winning over the group enough to abdicate his firmest belief: that the tadpole is an advantage they should use, and a power he intends to keep.

And, if you relent to the group, he calls you spineless in the face of everyone else. So he's not afraid to insult you, Tav, either, certainly not to preserve some loose semblance image of ""charming,"" which he's already really bad at maintaining in general, because his brand of everything can just as easily piss people off as compel. Bad taste central.

Hell, his intro scene displays this best: He lures you in with a silly little lie that makes him sound weaker than he is ("You can kill it, can't you? Like you killed the others!") and then he strikes when your back is turned. Shallow charm is an accessible tool, he doesn't have the patience for long-lasting plots or extended slinky charm. Or if he does, and he's been manipulating all of us, he's not doing a great job, since half the party is making faces at him the whole time. Buuut....

During the mirror conversation, if you tell him vanity is a weakness:

(Text - Astarion: It's an indulgence, I'll grant you, but a weakness? A well-presented face can open a lot of doors.)

There is an awareness of beauty and charm that Astarion references often. He isn't really afraid to objectify himself for his own means, or being perceived as weaker than he is (except in certain circumstances). He knows these things are quite relevant, socially. Beautiful people are treated better. Beautiful people typically can get away with more. Actually I could probably approach this from a Class and Wealth related lens too, because his history as a magistrate probably also influences this mindset a lot, but that is. a THIRD separate essay.

He seeks to be strong enough to beat Cazador, at least partly through the same means that Cazador himself uses. The tadpoles give us absolute authority, in the end, and Astarion has zero qualms inflicting onto others what was inflicted onto him when we use them. But prior to the tadpole, what tools did Astarion have at his disposal? Very few, and most of them revolved around empty charm, quick-thinking, and trying to predict unpredictable moods and then enduring whatever came of those moods. That hollow charm falls under these kinds of tools, which gave him very short-term influence over at least the people he would lure back to Cazador. Likely the only form of control or power he had within all of that, and where he himself was without control as his entire being was under someone else's thumb. And those habits will likely persist for awhile, until he relearns who and what he wants to do and be outside of Cazador's purview. Which could mean anything, this is not to make him sound softer than he is or sweeter than he is. His vainglorious bitch syndrome is 4D chess of truth and not truth, empty cloying, vicious lashing out, and 10 degrees of identity issues wrapped up in all of that, so it's difficult to pin down just one thing as Real or Not Real, and I don't think even he knows what's Real and Not Real right now.

#Hi Sorry. Guess who can't shut up. That's me. #astarion #bg3 meta #bg3 #This is fairly incoherent rambling.... I didn't actually have an end in mind when I started talking so you can hear the #pepe silvia meme vc in the background here #COMPLEX CHARACTERIZATION indeed. I want to bite down and chew on him #I'm still not sold on any of this either -- my interpretation of him shifts with the wind and every other thing he says #But these are my first.. initial... thoughts anyways... #thank you again for asking! so sweet of you hgfhghf

[azuphere]

Okay but you still haven’t explained what the glitch theory is, like what does it mean??

omgg lore dump time this is so exciting, more under the cut but the glitch theory basically revolves around this merch from phil from november 2019 !

(re: this ask)

so like at the time, this piece of merch had ppl like 👀👀 bc the concept and the graphic novel vibe and the way it said ‘to be continued’ had ppl thinking this might be a hint at a secret project!

and over the years, phil would keep hinting at wanting to channel his creative energies into a project, and how he'd love to do smth interactive like bandersnatch ! esp in 2019/early-2020:

in an interview from february 2019, he said that his plans for 2020 included: "a few projects on the burn which I'm not ready to announce fully yet. They all involve writing. There are some stories I'd like to tell, so with some hard work and a bit of luck I might be able to share these with you on-screen on in print next year."

in 'The Scary Reason I Didn't Buy A House' (april 2019), he said: "I do actually have a story in my head, I'm just not quite sure how I wanna tell it yet. So it could be a book, it could be like a TV series-style screenplay, it could be a movie script. I just need to consolidate all these ideas in my head and turn them into the thing. But I have been thinking about it for about five years, so it's just when the right time is to actually release the ideas."

in 'draw my life: part 2' (august 2019), he said: "maybe for the next secret big project, it's time for Philly to think about the big dreams he's always had! [...] What I've always dreamed of doing is writing stories and directing films to take what's in my mind and share it with the world on your screen, maybe even a bigger screen. Now remember the rule of secret projects! Who knows what's going on and if it'll ever be real, but let's just say some writing is happening."

in the TalentWorks podcast from vidcon london (february 2020) at about 29:35 (spotify link | acast link), he said: "I think I've reached a point where I'm ready to sink my teeth into a new big project [...] I'm ready to do something new that's also very Phil and very my own thing, so I've been looking into- I'm really obsessed with interactivity. I think there's been a big boom of it since Bandersnatch [...]. I already pitched one interactive thing which didn't work out, but I got a lot of other ideas that I'm thinking of."

and in one of the stereo shows, dnp also confirmed that they tried pitching an interactive show to netflix but it fell through cause of covid ! and there was this insta story of dan being in LA in january 2020, which aligns with the timeline mentioned in the podcast. a transcription of that stereo moment is here

so it was never confirmed whether the glitch hoodie was actually supposed to be smth greater or if it was just a fun merch idea, but it was a common fan theory that glitch was supposed to be one of phil's projects!

and i think one of the most notable theories that supported the glitch concept was that a couple weeks after the merch release, phil tweeted this:

bc the suspicious thing is that it's nearly identical to smth he tweeted 4 years prior on literally the same day and almost the same exact time ! so we’d joke about how it was like a glitch (!!) in the simulation and he even responded to a tweet about it. and he also talks about it in this liveshow (at 24:39), where he just jokes about how he's living in the matrix

so yea! tldr: glitch is just one theory about what (one of) phil's secret projects is <3

#but then again he didn't say anything about his nose twitching on dec 3 2023 so does that kill the theory. #the answer is no i still choose to believe #and after compiling all these quotes like. maybe i will make a 'phil secret projects' gifset one day <3 #also me re-listening to the whole podcast again just to find where he talked about ~secret projects~ and the podcast was so lovelyyy ;-; #like the way he speaks 🤌🤌

[barkhoffman]

rest in peace tumblr user barkhoffman 🕊🕊

I'm gonna use this ask I got to springboard an explanation as to why I've gone silent and stopped updating, so! here it is! the Discourse no one asked for!

it was brought to my attention recently that some people on twitter (a site which I no longer use and have not used for years because it is a cesspool) have been vaguing/insulting SLAP, which! sure! fine, that's your right! not everyone has to like what I create, I don't mind that at all! that's not why I vanished, though.

my issue with these "criticisms" is that they ended up insulting who I am as a person. accusations of fatphobia, transphobia, and ableism (among other things) have been leveled at me, and that's where I personally draw the line.

you don't have to like me. you don't have to like what I write. but when you call my moral character into question, I get a little bothered.

an example: some of the accusations include calling me transphobic for using the word "vagina" to refer to a transmasc character's genitals. for those of you who don't know (not that I should have to disclose this information), I am not cis. trans people are not, in fact, a hivemind, and the idea that we should all be ashamed or uncomfortable or whatever the fuck with our anatomy unless we couch it in different terms is actually rather more transphobic than using a medically accurate term to refer to a person's genitals during a smut scene -- a scene which is written from the third-person limited perspective of a 48-year-old cis man who is unfamiliar with transgender issues, so even if it WAS universally offensive to call a vagina a vagina, it would still be in-character.

the thing is, in-character observations, speech, and thoughts are not actually a universal indicator of the author's identity or beliefs. things that you dislike or that make you feel uncomfortable are not automatically morally impure, and you don't have to reach for reasons to say the creator is a bigot because you don't agree with how they portrayed things.

(there's also something to be said about the inherent colonialist racism in the transmed viewpoints that lend to "transmascs shouldn't ever have vagina used to refer to their genitals," dismissing nonwhite cultures with a rich history of third/other genders and gender euphoria. DYSphoria is not the only trans experience. furthermore, calling the word vagina "female-gendered" is a slap in the face to all of us who are NOT female who have no problem referring to our genitals in that way. idk man, are the arguably more gendered terms "pussy" and "cunt" REALLY more appropriate here? should I have used "bonus hole" instead? not sure what the solution is supposed to be.

anyway.)

I could go on and on and get into every little accusation thrown at me and how insulting and ridiculous they are, but I don't want to invite that level of discourse. this is bad enough. it is absolutely batshit bonkers that I, as a nearly 30 year old person, am sitting here typing this right now. it is even more wild to me that at least some of the people involved in this drama are apparently in their 30s as well.

listen to me. look me in the eyes. if those of you who have a problem with my fics expended even half that energy into helping actual real life people instead of defending the nonexistent honor of fictional ones, the world might actually get better.

I know, I know. it feels good to vague on twitter and pretend you're doing activism when you're trashing a small creator's work in a way that's very likely to get back to them. it feels nice to know you've "saved the world from some evil" when you discourage people like me from continuing their projects. it feels like you're making a difference, right?

unfortunately, you are not. I would advise those of you involved in all this to get well soon and mature a little bit past wrongly deducing someone's viewpoints via the fictional works that they create. there are happier and more productive ways to spend your time, I swear.

I'm not mad, honestly. I'm just sort of tired. tired of getting messages asking where I am and what happened. tired of feeling like I have all this bottled up inside. tired of fandoms that would rather stoke fake moral outrage like Republicans than, idk, go to a protest or give a homeless person a dollar or defend POC from your racist uncle at the neighborhood barbecue.

I don't think we as an internet "society" really understand the mental toll it can take on someone to be called things like fatphobic, ableist, and transphobic -- particularly when, in my case, I am fat, disabled, and trans. of course, being a member of a group doesn't absolve you from bigotry against that group. however, when these accusations are leveled based entirely on someone's body of work and not on their actual character, it makes us far less likely to create works, what with the likelihood that they'll continue to be looked at in bad faith by those who have some sort of weird moral high ground point to prove.

I really didn't want to have to post about this and bring the people who like my work down, but I think you guys are owed an explanation rather than silence. not sure if I'll post anything after this, because I'm really too old to be engaging in internet slapfights over torture porn movie fanfics, of all things (I guess I really spoke too soon when I called this fandom nice, drama-free, and welcoming). if my ask box gets too messy, I'll turn it off. idk. just wanted you guys to know where I've gone.

now stop telling everyone I'm dead

#I don't think I'll tag this as anything much bc I'm not that bad of an attention ho #but #for my ocd's sake #ask tag #anonymous

[pocketpennytm]

INESCAPABLE

The story where everyone is doomed from the start. (Ft. FATEBREAKERS) Chara (they/it) - SOUL of Pain Plaster (he/they) - SOUL of Patience Omlet (she/they) - SOUL of Kindness Talon (he/him) - SOUL of Bravery Oxalis (they/them) - SOUL of Justice Sonata "Breve" Stardust (she/her)- SOUL of Integrity Litany (he/him)- SOUL of Perseverence Frisk (they/them) - SOUL of Pain Bear witness to my takes on the six fallen humans! I love these silly lil fellas. My main focuses have been envisioning "UNDERTALE: Open Wound", of which Plaster is the protagonist, and "UNDERTALE: Simmer Down", of which Omlet is the protagonist, but I've got ideas for everyone else too. Which I will detail down here lets gooo; Plaster is an anxious overthinker, thinking that they're always doomed. His patience manifests as analysing his enemy's patterns and behaviour, waiting for the right moment to strike... Either emotionally or physically. Omlet is a rude, abrasive person, who thinks the kindest, most selfless thing they can do to people is tell them exactly what she's feeling. Though she seems distant, she does have a warm and caring side- expressed through their cooking. Talon is a very plucky individual, whose bravery manifests as completely pushing down all fear and pretending that he's fine when he's really not fine. He projects outwardly a very cool, calm and collected persona, never breaking a sweat at anything. This trait of his just might be the death of him, as he moves on ahead with reckless abandon- never asking for help, when that just might've saved him. Oxalis seems unemotional at a distance, but they do have occasional moments of goofiness that break through the cold facade. They play as a cowboy embodying justice to cheer themselves up, but it's really only made them seem slightly scary from a distance. Sonata "Breve" Stardust doesn't take shit from anyone. She stays true to herself, no matter what- with her rough-and-tumble-yet-oddly-elegant style. Though perhaps being unaccepting to changing the path one is barreling down is as much of a strength as it is a weakness. Litany is a caring and nurturing person, playing out the fantasy of being a doctor with a clipboard. Always writing down notes on his "clipboard" (journal), clutching onto it for dear life. He only really wants to help others, and he keeps going to achieve this goal no matter what. MISC NOTES: Sonata's form of "game" would likely manifest as a rhythm game sort of thing, justifying it in-universe as this "bizzare trend going around the underground." Stay with the groove, or die! (metaphorically) It's been my headcanon for nearly two years now that the "Red SOUL trait" is PAIN. It is not all too logical. I am sticking by my guns.

NAME LOGIC: I was inspired by Clover from UNDERTALE: Yellow being named after the fact that once pacified, the gun fires clovers. So, I extended this philosophy to everyone else- while also seeking to capture that odd jank the names "Chara" and "Frisk" have.

Plaster is named that because the knives turn into bandaids, and plaster is an alternative term for a bandage, or something that patches up a wound. Omlet is named that because the fire turns into omelettes, and I decided to shorten it for some reason. I think it's charming like this, though. If anyone else mentions how they "aren't really omlettes", i will sob. Talon is named that because that's the most convoluted way I could reference the concept of hands. Which is what the bravery soul phase attacks with. Oxalis is named that because Oxalis Tetraphylla is the official name for a four leaf clover. Though she probably uses Alis as a nickname. Sonata "Breve" Stardust is named that bc the musical notes eventually heal you. a Sonata is a form of music, a Breve is a type of note, and she attacks with some stars. it's also sort of an Equestria Girls reference whoopsie. She's the only one with a lastname bc I feel like "Breve" captures the sort of janky charm I want, but Sonata is a name that I just found legitimately really pretty Litany is named that because that's the most convoluted way i could say "words", in reference to how the soul phase... attacks you with words. It means a funeral procession recited for the dead, but also something that's overly long and needs to be practiced several times- exactly like the cycle of the fallen humans. Or a long and lengthy ramble, like an indecipherable journal.

DESIGN NOTES: I really wanted each of the fallen humans to use their trademark items in an unusual fashion- or just generally "break the mold" a little, ie having Omlet be a rather rude seeming person, while most personify kindness to be a gentle little angel. So, I'll go into that just a smidgen more here. Instead of wearing the Faded Ribbon like an actual ribbon in his hair, Plaster wears it like a bowtie. Omlet wears the apron around her waist, since she's outgrown it but it still holds quite a lot of sentimental value. Most people just?? forget that the worn bandanna is supposed to go around your neck?? since it's got abs drawn on it, and it's like, the whole joke is that it's supposed to look like you have abs- It's a hat. Sonata was such a fun design to make for me. Everyone always chooses to make Integrity a dainty little ballerina girl, so I chose to give Breve a whole-ass varsity jacket. She looks like she'd beat you up and I love it. My logic for Litany's design was entirely "okay... who wears glasses... and takes notes- DOCTOR". So that's what I did. Chara and Frisk were difficult for me to redesign. My friend Cacote suggested Chara be wearing an oversized sweater alongside messy hair, which I quite like. Plus, their hairstyle is a partial reference to Chara from Fanontale, which is always cool. They look adorable. My friend Cacote suggested Frisk be wearing some bizzare fashion, somewhat akin to futuristic clothing. This manifested as me... giving them a weird suit/trenchcoat combo. And a sticky bandage on their nose. They look kind of like a huge asshole, and I love it.

#undertale #undertale au #six fallen humans #six humans #six fallen humans take #frisk #chara

[jessaerys]

your fav mello/near fics??? thank yeww (also love your drawings!)

oohh this reminds me i should pick up my ff.net archival reclist project up again...

it is of note that it's been a looooong while since i've combed the archives and there's a couple of common tropes i don't usually read due to personal taste, so i'm sure there's a lot of good fic i'm unaware of and/or forgetting about! this has totally renewed my interest in making a comprehensive personal reclist >:) perhaps i'll come back and edit this post every now and then.

i owe comments to nearly everyone mentioned here i am SO sorry. it's a lost skill that i am working on developing again. at the very least i've got everyone in one place so i can go down the list this year. i encourage everyone reading from this reclist to leave a comment too!

i wrote "off the top of my head" but this got VERY long so under the readmore it goes

obligatory classics

• the famous @tierfal 's sidetracked (2010) and full of surprises (2009). rated e and m respectively. these are like the allegorical little black dress in the wardrobe of the platonic ideal of the mellonear oneshot. seem to be pretty well known across the ship fandom • stripped (2009) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire on tumblr. explicit. i haven't read this in a while but i remember it capturing the delicate gossamer tension of the ship in a way that was sooo bittersweet and nostalgic. • to speak of rules and privilege (2008) also by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, gen, a manifesto on tenderness, soooooooooo soft, changed the game, near being afraid of thunderstorms was immediately adopted into personal canon. big time influence for the way i write near and mello's pre-canon relationship re: big brother, little brother. • an understanding (2008) by blueberryash/@tka-trashfire, rated T, short and sweet, razor sharp prose, the aesthetics of the little piece live rent free in my head. • dual(2011) by ramasi, @ramasi here i believe. rated m. historians say this might be one of the first examples of mellonear choking kink ever recorded,

•scarification (2012) by gacrux11 on fanfiction.net, rated m, big time dead dove do not eat. sorry this one leans early 2010s era grimdark melodrama but i love it sjkdfkjfd. not enough dead dove fics about the boys if u ask me. • salt in the wound (2007) •tempus fugit (2007), and • white out (2006) by vaudevillain king on fanfiction. net. a beloved rare find. all of them are rather grimdark edgy products of their era, but some of the best the era had to offer. they make me so nostalgic for my teenagehood on fanfiction.net. i get the impression these might've been written even before death note was finished? • birthday smut (2009) by kleine_aster on livejournal. explicit. this one is SO funny to me because it is both really, really good, very in character, but unfortunately it suffers from almost satirical misogyny that afflicted fujoshis back in the day. near literally is like oh that bitch... like. he would not fucking think that but i can edit quickly in my brain as i read. bisexual mello rights! otherwise really sexy imo. i might be writing something that's kind of in conversation with this fic.

RARE finds

(please tell me if you enjoy any of these, i want to feel like an explorer that's brought back treasures from far away lands)

contemporary favorites:

• you've heard about it before and you will hear about it again: the archer ensnared (2023) by jabbernatty, rated e. a jessaerys obligatory syllabus read, the fic that made me go fulltime yaoi disease. i owe so much to jabbernatty they are my white whale my friend my enemy the writer i've psychically imprinted on from the beginning. honestly too scared to even leave a comment given the jessarys archer ensnared lore. may one day may contact and pray i don't come across as insane • postmortem (2023) by the_hemlock true gen, a favorite of ALL time. it's only tangentially mn really, it is 99% about near trying to piece together the mystery of lawlight post-canon, but the characterization and prose are some of if not the best i've ever come across. reads like it could be a piece of canon material. if you only read one fic on this list i'd pick postmortem. • it's friday i'm in love by neallo/@neallo rated m. possibly my all time fave in the neallo cinematic universe. something about the after-hours longing and the standing in the kitchen by the refrigerator lights, as the poets say. i love when stories feel like you're cutting out a window to peer into a larger universe that is just out of reach. perfectly captures what it is like to have a maddening crush • i want to hold you (hostage)(2023) by neallo/@neallo rated e. thee defining fic of this current modern mellonear era. manages to walk the line of kinky/sexy/sweet/fluffy all at once. plot twist of the century in the last chapter. near is properly as bananas insane as mello is in this fic, which is the marker of a good mellonear dynamic. really everything by morgan neallo is a safe bet for a great read • there's nothing i want but you (2023) by neallo/@neallo rated t. wammy's era mellonear obsessiveness that is soooo teenagery and yet a portent of just how codependent they might one day get. cute and ominous. • armageddon/kill game (2024) by bolide/@bolide-archive came out of nowhere a couple of months ago and ascended to the top of the game like a dark horse. rated m, chess au. one of my favorite interior mello narrations and one of the most similar to my own interpretation. such naturally talented prose. i rotate lines from this in my head all the time. still in progress but i have faith that it will be completed :') • how to burn down the sacred loom (2023) by dornishviper/@vriskarlmarx a contemporary CLASSIC. the less you know going in the better. beautiful prose, beautiful structure. they don't make fic like this anymore • the house always wins (2023) by mer_curia/@vivi-scera. screaming with my mouth closed. holds a special place in my heart given that it is my posting that convinced vi to give the ship a try, and i was rewarded with a fic that is so catered to my tastes i honestly had to read it through my fingers. SO good, the manifesto on wammyscest, so rather controversial. heed the warnings. • moonlight (2023) by tsukinousagi/@quicktimeeventfull rated t. an austere, cold little glimpse into a vampire au. it's giving let the right one in. so melancholic. one of the saddest near examinations out there. •proximity tells (2018) by abysmallypresent, rated m. truly lives up to death note's second-by-second minutia while managing to keep up the tension the entire time. great characterization. •silhouettes (2015) by bad blood/eroticcodependence, @wxmmyshouse on tumblr. unrated, post-canon compliant. made me CRY! elegantly short and simple, bittersweet and so so wistful. •arsonist's lullabye (2023) by tzviaariella/@tzviaariella. rated t. this one has a heart-wrenching air of realism to it that exists outside the chaotic universe of death note, one of those examinations of picking up the pieces after the titans have all gone away. very bittersweet.

honorary mentions

• let's die somewhere prettier (2020) by firesafinething also one of my absolute favorites, unfortunately it is discontinued and it is likely it will never be completed. sad! the premise seemed SO promising. in my mind i file it right next to postmortem mentioned above. the exploration of the tragedy of 27 year old near we could have had in a better timeline. one day i will leave a comment so good maybe it will bring back the fic from the land of the dead • august underground by me & @firebuggg rated e, in progress. >:) (shamless self promo)

#death note #meronia #mello dn #near dn #mihael keehl #nate river #mello #near #fic recs #this took so long to compile dfkgjfdjkgfdjk

[meraki-yao]

Some people say Nick posts about mary & george when there is something about Taylor because he wants to show that he has real jobs and shift the focus to real projects god, they're so evil

Jesus Christ, fuck them. They're stirring drama for drama's sake. That's their FUCKING JOB. M&G is literally 2 weeks, 14 days away, why wouldn't Nick post about M&G? Like they didn't choose for these dates to collide, it just did.

So yeah you're right, those people are fucking evil who can't leave a good thing alone.

But honestly, I'm amused by this "argument"/"criticism", and I'll tell you why (warning: discussion of real-person shipping under the cut, please don't read if you're uncomfortable with the subject)

Also warning, I ended up with a short-essay, because I'm me lmao

As I mentioned before, for rwrb I'm mostly active here; but I also look at the posts and opinions of the Chinese rwrb fandom (i don't post there though, I don't have nor want to have Chinese social media accounts)

and the thing about shipping culture in China is that RP shipping is almost DEFAULT (and I can write a whole dissertation on this phenomenon if anyone wants to read it) like, if you ship a pair in a show/movie unless the actor/actress is publicly in a long term MARRIAGE, not just relationship, MARRIAGE FOR LIKE AT LEAST FIVE YEARS, the audience will automatically ship the actors too. So much so that this is part of THE MARKETING STRATEGY of all locally-produced streaming shows

Also, when I say ship, I don't mean "aww that's cute they're cute together", I mean tin hatters. I mean they genuinely try to find snips and bits in photos that might serve as proof that they're together. We call it 嗑（磕）糖 ke tang (Eating/Drugged by Candy), because in Chinese weddings candy (called 喜糖 Xi Tang "happiness"-"candy") is given to guests, and because it's sweet. The "evidence" is called "candy", and the act of looking and finding "candies" is called "eating candies".

all this to say, nearly all rwrb fans in China ship Taylor and Nick together, and they're genuinely convinced that they're together. I've seen my fair share of "candy"/"evidence" and they keep coming. (some of those i genuinely think they're trying too hard but there are really some that I see and go "...damn.")

now finally back to this ask. Nick posting when Taylor has an event, what the people mentioned in the ask is bitching about, IS CONSIDERED A CANDY. EVERYBODY IS GIGGLING AND GRINNING OVER THE FACT THAT NICK AND TAYLOR POPPED OUT TOGETHER IN THE PAST COUPLE OF EVENTS LIKE THE GQ, THE ACADEMY GALA, MILAN AND TODAY. IT'S LITERALLY THE OPPOSITE END OF THE SPECTRUM.

a last little tidbit from me and my opinion on the whole shipping thing for now: personally I don't entirely agree with the default real-person shipping, it has proven to be problematic in the past and honestly I hate how monetized it is, but 1, it's such an "everybody in the country does it" thing that I... would be lying if I said I'm not influenced by that mindset at all, 2, I know where this mindset came from and it has stuff to do with the societal pressure of young adults in the country and rebellion against traditional concepts of marriage and stuff. It's a sociology phenomenon, and when I look at it as an outsider, I find it kind of fascinating.

As for my opinion on the boy's relationship, I don't...care? I know they have a good relationship and that's all I want for them. As for what type of relationship they have, I don't really mind/care, and I don't think we should look too much into that. That's their relationship for them to define and them to publicize if they want to. I know for a fact, that they are great friends. Are they more than friends? That's unfalsifiable, and that's no one's business but their own. So that's my stance.

But I had to choose one extreme fan's reaction, rps is a much less harmful thing than the sheer amount of hate and deliberate drama-stirring I've seen. So there.

#rwrb #red white and royal blue #rwrb movie #taylor zakhar perez #nicholas galitzine #alex claremont diaz #henry hanover stuart fox #henry fox mountchristen windsor #firstprince #rwrb thoughts #rwrb rambles #meraki essay #i honestly like talking about the phenomenon of rps logically and academically lmao #anon ask #answered

[kityana]

#i was actually surprised at how quickly they dropped their weird version of blackhands #like for over a year now they've been writing blackhands as this abusive relationship with ed as an uncontrollably violent toddler #which. you know. incredibly racist on its own #but then they claim they actually got it in canon and it's too much so they drop the brown guy and ship the white guys exclusively? #very very weird

^^its not actually weird at all!! it’s very simple: the brand of blackhands these shippers loved is when they could portray the relationship as constantly imbalanced in izzy’s favor bc ed needed to do so much work to Atone and izzy was a poor helpless victim to ed’s violence. and when i say they wanted that relationship constantly imbalanced i mean CONSTANTLY constantly, like they needed ed groveling they needed izzy being doted on they needed the entire dynamic of their relationship to be centered around how izzy is finally getting the love he “deserves” for putting up with ed and being ed’s victim for so long.

and now they got the first half of the dynamic they wanted which is ed being a domestic abuser and izzy being the target of ed’s abuse (i mean, they didn’t actually get it, but they THINK they did) but they had a part two to the dynamic that they didn’t end up getting which is “ed is permanently put in the doghouse” and to them, ed saying “sorry bout your leg” was not NEARLY enough groveling.

and!! ed even got to be happy in the season despite not fixing his relationship w izzy!! bc these fans only think abt any aspect in the show when they’re thinking abt “how can i make this about izzy” so like to them the most important part of any narrative analysis of ed revolves around his relationship with izzy (this is why ed leaving in 1x07 is abt missing izzy and not abt him being unsure of his relationship w stede, why they’ve written metas abt how the chain and run from me are edizzy songs, why there were headcanons that thankfully got squashed pretty quickly they DID exist for a minute abt how ed grew out his hair bc izzy had long hair when they were younger and ed thought it was cool) and they expected the show to write ed this way, too.

and then the worst part (and also the part i've seen izzy stans analyze the LEAST which is in no way a coincidence) is that in izzy's dying words he admits to Fueling Ed's Darkness for his own personal gain. he apologizes for being cruel to ed. and outside of their buzzword phrases about how this was a portrayal of "an abuse victim apologizing to their abuser" i haven't seen anyone from the izzy stan crowd dig into what it actually MEANS and what kind of harm izzy caused by feeding ed's darkness and pushing ed to be blackbeard, like they're acting as if izzy’s literal actual last words have no narrative significance whatsoever. but you’ll notice there are MANY posts from izzy stans abt how horrific the violence ed did to izzy was and how tragic it all is for poor izzy :(

so yeah. the three-hit combo of 1. not enough focus on ed atoning for harming izzy, 2. ed being allowed happiness despite not having properly atoned for harming izzy, and 3. the finale directly saying “izzy did bad things in this relationship, too” are why they fully fucking hate ed now and have abandoned ship to start writing stizzy now. like, we have a few stede and izzy interactions in s2, but for the most part their relationship is a blank enough slate that they can create a whole fully-fleshed out (and, lbr, probably very generic and overused) fanon dynamic out of scraps. but ed was given too much attention from the story outside of just being a vehicle to project izzy’s desires onto and also the source of izzy’s trauma and they can’t reconcile their version of edizzy with what happens in canon. thinking abt edizzy means thinking abt how canon didn’t punish ed enough and how ed got a happy ending when izzy didn’t, even tho in their minds ed is the reason for the majority of izzy’s misery.

sorry lol “it’s actually very simple” i say before depositing five hefty paragraphs into ur inbox

(this is in reference to my tags on this post)

yeah that is a pretty good summation of everything.

tho thinking about it, i do think there's a secret 4th component as to why they're now dropping ed completely and shipping stizzy, which is how stede became more masc this season. i think the show makes it pretty clear the reason for it is that stede thinks he has to become more masculine and violent to get ed back and keep him, but that doesn't really matter to them. the fact remains that stede is now dressing in muted colors and leather, and pulls out his sword on a dime. so now they're more comfortable enjoying him.

#Our Flag Means Death #Stede Bonnet #The Gentleman Pirate #Edward Teach #Blackbeard #Izzy Hands #fanfiction

[darlingillustrations]

I feel like I should be panicking more. My rent is due in one week, my landlord isn't friendly, and I have no one to ask for help. And yet? I have an eerie sense of calm about it.

I know the calm that happens when you are not actually calm but panicking and your body is helping you survive. This isn't that kind of fake calm. I am sleeping at night. I'm not snaping at my kids. I am *at peace.*

(Read more for musings about the economy, my spiritual mindset in the midst of it all, and some Mary Oliver poetry.)

Five years ago? I would be panicking and staying up late working long hours and burning myself out. But now? These days I'm working full days, then stepping back and cooking meals or working on projects for my kids. It feels more stable this time. I feel like I've matured.

I got a report in my email yesterday which showed that retail sales in January plunged 0.8% from December, far worse than the consensus forecast for a decline of just 0.2%, and the largest monthly loss since March 2023. On the one hand, it made me feel better that it's not just me. On the other hand, it sucks that lots of other people are struggling, as well.

Still, I make the time to meditate every morning. Still, I pull out my poetry books and take my life advice from Mary Oliver. In the poem One or Two Things she wrote:

One or two things are all you need to travel over the blue pond, over the deep roughage of trees and through the stiff flowers of lightning--some deep memory of pleasure, some cutting knowledge of pain.

You don't need to have all the answers. You just need to put one step in front of the other.

Last year when I launched my wholesale business, I drummed up over 1000 leads. I'd pick a city and use google maps or yelp to search for gift shops, stationary stores, coffee shops... anywhere that I thought might want my work... and I took the time to write a personal note to each and every one of these businesses. This month I decided to check back in with them again, and so many of the businesses are now closed or their email addresses no longer work.

Having exhausted these leads, I sat at my computer yesterday with the knowledge that I needed to wait on people to get back to me, that the wholesale leads were out of my hands. And that I still did not have money to pay my landlord. Not once did I fear I would join the list of closed businesses. I did not despair.

Instead, I turned to my first joy. I went back to the sales history on my website and found my very first customers from back in 2016 when I launched my web shop. I emailed them, each of those first customers, sending personal emails. I did not ask them to buy anything. That wasn't what I needed. I asked how they were, what they have been up to, where their lives have taken them.

I was searching for that deep memory of pleasure, that cutting knowledge of pain. One or two things is all we need, after all.

And I got one email back.

This woman was the first person to ever buy an art print in my online shop--a honeybee boy painting--and it is still hanging in her stepson's room, nearly 8 years later. She shared pictures of her new baby, and I shared the pictures with my kids. This woman had sent me many emails over the years, asking for life advice or encouraging me on a hard day. She shared that she didn't realize her emails had made such an impact on me.

Funny how none of us truly sees how impactful we are to those around us. Funny how life keeps going on, whether we worry about it or not.

In One or Two Things, Mary Oliver also wrote:

For years and years I struggled just to love my life. And then the butterfly rose, weightless, in the wind. "Don't love your life too much," it said, and vanished into the world.

I want my character to be defined not by what I do when things are easy but by how I carry myself when things are hard. And I do believe things happen for a reason. Maybe the line between delusion and faith is very thin, but the universe has shown me time and again that it's had my back. I've been in worse scrapes and still came out ok.

If you've read this far and you want to help me get through the next week, you can buy something from my shop or support me on Patreon.

And if you've read this far but you are in a similar boat, don't fret. We will find our way through the fires. one. step. at. a. time.

#mary oliver #capitalism #queer artist #support queer artists #patreon artist #darling illustrations #erin speaks

[stiltonbasket]

stilton I love all the sv fics you've been posting lately 🥺 will you be posting more in the future?

I have two multichapter SVSSS WIPs (A Wife by Any Other Name and my ongoing LOTR-inspired Bingqiu fic), and I plan to post around six more oneshots for the SVSSS Gotcha for Gaza. After that, though, my SVSSS writing days will likely come to an end! :')

I do have a Qijiu age gap AU in the works; but my (countless, at this point) MDZS projects take priority, so this one might not ever see the light of day. I've attached a few scenes below the cut, in case anyone is interested. <3

Short background: in this AU, Yue Qingyuan and Shen Jiu met when they were fifteen and five years old respectively, when YQY (then a kitchen slave) took little Shen Jiu off the streets and hid him in an abandoned wing of his master's manor. They were separated when SJ was discovered, and Yue Qingyuan was badly beaten and thrown out of the estate while Shen Jiu managed to escape and ended up being sold to the Qius a few years later. When they reunited at the Immortal Alliance Conference, YQY had been Qiong Ding's head disciple for nearly a decade and had just earned the right to accept disciples of his own, so SJ became YQY's disciple and went back to Cang Qiong with him.

Shen Jiu later realizes that he and SY!SQQ (head disciple/future peak lord of Qing Jing) are brothers; the following scenes mostly concern his relationship with Shen Yuan.

scene 1, set shortly after Shen Jiu comes to Cang Qiong and discovers that he and Shen Qingqiu are related:

This soft-eyed, fair-faced fool—he could never have lived through the trials Shen Jiu and his Qi-ge had endured, no matter how strong his cultivation, or how fine his calligraphy, or how well he swayed the hearts of men to bow to his every whim—

“Oh,” Shen Qingqiu murmurs, his voice full of such pain that Qi-ge makes a sound of distress behind him. “Of course. They must have had another child after they sold me away.”

Shen Jiu stares. “What? You were…”

“There was a drought in the second-to-last dog year, before you were born,” Shen Qingqiu says distantly, unfolding his fan and placing it over his mouth. “I was the third son, and born sickly—so when the slavers came to Jinan, they told Father that I was quick-witted and handsome enough to serve a lordling in a great house, and that I would have all the food I wanted and medicine to treat my infirmity as long as I did not make too much of a nuisance of myself. So I was sold and taken away.”

He casts a thoughtful glance at Shen Jiu’s sharp nose and smooth jaw, and then at the mole behind his left ear. “The sixth year after that was a bad year, too. You must have been sold then.”

Shen Jiu wants to tell this cheap brother of his that he had not even been sold, for the slavers had wanted nothing to do with a three-year-old infant scarcely out of babyhood. His mother was long-dead by then, and his father and the two kept brothers had resented her for bearing Shen Jiu and hated Shen Jiu for not having died before he was weaned: so there was no one to protest when his father carried him out of their shack while he slept and abandoned him in an alley a few miles away. If this heretofore-unknown third elder brother, Shen Yuan, had not been pretty enough to catch the eyes of the Jinan slavers, perhaps their father would have done the same to him.

scene 2, set about a year later, after Shen Jiu finds out that Yue Qingyuan's personal name Yue Qi is not written with the character for "seven" in CQM's sect records:

“Qi was good enough for Qi-ge.”

“Yue Qi’s name was changed when he entered the sect,” Shen Qingqiu tells him. “The Qi that Shixiong uses now comes from qi xi, for a bird resting on a perch.”

Shen Jiu turns around to stare accusingly at Yue Qinguan. “You never told me that you’d changed your name. Why did I have to find out from—from Senior Shen?”

“Ah, well,” Yue Qingyuan says awkwardly, “Shizun was the one who decided that the Qi for seven wasn’t worthy of a Qiong Ding Peak disciple, and then I became the head disciple, and my name was changed again, to Qingyuan. I haven’t signed my name with the new Qi in years. But, A-Jiu, I do think that Shidi is right; it’ll be years before you can become a head disciple, and in that time…”

“Should I use the jiu for ‘a long while,’ then?” Shen Jiu quips. “Or jiu zhi?”

Shen Qingqiu snaps his fan closed. “No. How practiced are you in the scholarly arts?”

“I do well enough,” Shen Jiu bristles. Reading, writing, and the reciting of poetry were the three subjects that came to him easily after he entered the sect; and though he had been near the bottom of the class when he first arrived, his weekly reports placed him at the top by the beginning of the second month. “Ask Qi-ge.”

“Then why not use the name Jiu’ge, after the second volume of the Chuci?” Shen Qingqiu asks. “What do you think, shixiong?”

“I think Jiu'ge is a fine name. But it’s no good if Xiao-Jiu doesn’t like it.”

Shen Jiu thinks for a moment. In truth, he had wanted Yue Qi to bestow a new name upon him, if it so happened that he needed one. He gave Shen Jiu the very first name he remembers, Xiao Lizi, after the plums that Yue Qi used to smuggle to him when he was a child in the Huang manor; but he does not entirely detest the thought of this strange elder brother, thrown away just as he was, choosing the name Shen Jiu will be known by in the future.

“It’s not bad,” he admits at last. “Very well, then. Let it be Jiu’ge.”

#asks #svsss #stilton squeaks #fic preview #qijiu

[saltydkdan]

Are the JoJo's icebergs fun to work on? They look like a blast to edit and write! (If a bit of a large workload)

The Jojo Iceberg has been... interesting. On one hand yes! It has been a blast to work on in some senses! It taught me a lot about writing, and research, while also allowing me the freedom to experiment with editing and injecting my humor into scripted stuff in a more organic way. I feel like with each chunk of the series I've posted thus far, I've shown more and more confidence over time.

Plus you are right!! Once the audio editing is done, working on visual edits and gags is a blast. Sure it takes time, but I have a weird love for making smooth video edits for people to watch (even though like 50% of the people that view those videos probably just listen to em like a podcast without looking at it haha).

So that sort of stuff, yes! That's been a blast, and I've learned a TON that I'd never take back for the world!

However on the flipside, logistically this project was a nightmare from day one LOL. And this is the part where I try to dissuade anyone from EVER working on a longer project like this because god damn it's been a pain at times.

Keep in mind, the script (as it stands) is nearly 200 pages. That is the longest scripted work I've ever helped write in my entire life, and when I started I was NOT that experienced as a writer whatsoever. I'm a bit better now, but at times I still struggle.

I made the horrible decision to never put a cap on the script. For every new fact I learned, even if it wasn't a part of the original plans for the video, I would add it to the pile. No matter what it was. I was committed to making it as long as I thought it needed to be, not as long as it probably SHOULD have been to get done in a reasonable amount of time.

I did all this for a deep passion for the source material, and even after the final part comes out early this year, I plan on going back and correcting the very few mistakes or miswordings I had in the original videos when I put them all together in one MEGA video.

But that passion for Jojo is a blessing and a curse, and I hadn't realized how long a project like this would take me amidst all the other big projects like Friendlocke and HYHA.

Full disclosure, the script was first started in December of 2020. That's nearly 3-4 YEARS AGO by now. If I knew that putting all this together would take that long, I probably wouldn't have committed to it in the way that I did. In that time, I probably could have put out a TON of shorter stuff, but I was so committed to this that I just didn't and that very much hurt my channel in the long term.

Though to be real, I haven't worked on it consistently, I tend to jump on and off between projects to avoid burnout. However still, by the time it's all done, the Jojo Iceberg combined together will most likely be the longest piece of content on my channel (yes, potentially longer than Friendlocke Season 3, I estimate that it'll probably come out to around 6 hours in length if I don't cut anything down).

It's because of this that after this is all out there? I plan to NEVER tackle something this long ever again. Friendlocke and Jojo have drained my bones, and all I wanna do these days is work on shorter stuff. Though I guess in that sense, this project has really helped teach me a lot about the sort of stuff I want to make. So in a way, even the negatives have positives! There's always something you can take away with, even if your experience had some downsides.

Looking at such a long script and doing some math, it's made me realize that like... damn. I could DEFINITELY do shorter videos way more consistently in the future. And so that's what I plan to do :)

So yeah! Some positives and negatives. But overall, I learned a lot and that's all I could ever ask for.

Thanks for your question! Have a good one!

#saltydkdan #salty asks #jojos bizarre adventure

[narratingvoice]

My sincerest apologies for the radio silence from this blog recently. I know, it's very out of character for me. The thing is, I've been in a bit of a pickle over the past few months. The fiscal year for 2023 didn't end nearly as profitably as I projected, not even with the hype and celebration surrounding

THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE STANLEY PARABLE (2013)!

Server maintenance isn't free, you know, and neither are infinite holes. And with Unity changing its pricing structure on top of it, well, I really needed to put the old noggin to work finding a way to squeeze every last dime out of my fans provide new and valuable pieces of entertainment that will be worth your money. And that's why I'm thrilled to announce my partnership with the fine folks at I Am 8bit to bring you: The Stanley Parable: Ultra Deluxe: Collector's Edition!

It's true! Yes, I know I did a fake announcement for something similar last year, but this one is for real! A physical product that you can purchase and have delivered to your home, and play on your Nintendo Switch or Playstation 5. And this package involves absolutely no changes to the game itself, which really takes a load off my back. Since I have no presence in the physical world, I have to trust that my collaborators will deliver the finest quality items. And trust them I do. Shall we take a look at all the wonderful bonuses you'll receive?

Stickers!

Just like the ones I slapped onto Stanley's bucket, now you too can slap these stickers on your own bucket. Or anything else that currently lacks stickers on it. You will not receive a bucket to stick them on. We floated that idea, but Mr. 8bit told me he'd rather not have to lug dozens of buckets down to the post office every day. You'd look like a right idiot doing that, I agree. So get your own bucket and enjoy the thrill of sticking!

Oh, and do be aware that whatever object you affix the "Property of Stanley" sticker to, does legally become Stanley's property, and he will demand you send it to him.

More surprises under the cut!

An instructional manual!

"But Narrator," I hear you saying, "didn't you just say you're not giving me a bucket? What do I need this for?" First of all, do not interrupt me when I'm giving a presentation. Second of all, this manual is for the bucket that's in the game. I've noticed many players do not seem to know how to operate the bucket, and treat it like it's a person rather than an inanimate container. With this instructional manual, I will give you a comprehensive guide as to what a bucket can do (such as: prevent water from spilling all over your trousers) and what it cannot do (such as: love you back). I have had some harrowing experiences in the field of instructional manual writing, but I think this one is some of my finest work yet.

A figurine!

Yes, our most requested piece of merchandise is finally here! The OFFICIAL Stanley Parable Ultra Deluxe Stanigurine stands 5 inches tall and is made of durable PVC. And as with the virtual Figustans, that's all there is to it. There's no articulation or any type of toy action. You don't get anything but the feeling of deep satisfaction at owning this collectible. The package only comes with one, so why not buy six copies if you really want to recreate the game in your home?

But wait, that's not all!

If you are an absolute Stanley Parable fanatic, you'll want to supplement your Collector's Edition with even more plastic tat commemorating your favourite game. And you definitely want to support me as much as possible, right? So you can also buy:

The button that says the name of the person playing the game!

For just $10, you too can have a button that says your name, presuming your name is Jim. The button will only say the name Jim and will never say any other name, no matter how often you press it. I found that a lot of players really got into the immersive experience of being Jim, so I decided to keep it that way instead of programming it to say a whole lot of names. Sorry, but there are too many different names in the world. You're Jim and you'll like it.

Vinyl albums!

When you buy the Collector's Edition, you'll get a free code to download the Official Soundtrack in MP3 format. But what if you don't like MP3? What if you're a bit more old-fashioned in your audiophile taste? Well, I've got you covered! With this 2-record set, you can listen to all the office ambience on your gramophone or turntable. Why, you could even DJ a set with it! If you do, please send me your mixtape and I'll give it an honest review. My music taste is impeccable.

An instructional audio cassette!

Yes, this is just a cassette telling you how to install and run a copy machine. Listen, I took some odd voiceover jobs here and there to pay the bills. And I figured, you lot are so ravenous to hear my voice that you'd even pay good money to hear me deliver some boring instructions. At least, that's the impression I get from the more saucy side of the fandom. So that's what you get. Do I do anything funny? You'll have to buy it and find out!

Hold on, Stanley is trying to tell me something. What do you mean, nobody has a cassette player any more? Why wouldn't they? It's the perfect compact audio format! It's got two sides, which is more than you can say for a CD, and it's a lot more portable than vinyl. Well I'm not shipping out cassette players. You can take it or leave it. No refunds.

#the stanley parable #tsp #ask blog #original #gotta be on that grind tbh #((im genuinely extremely excited about this))

[steamberrystudio]

27/08/2023

So now that Gilded Shadows is wrapping up, I am promoting When Stars Collide from "Spare time project" to "Part time project"

What is the difference? Well, when I work on something in my spare time, that means it is late at night or the weekend. Literally when I am not doing anything else and just feel like tinkering with it. 

As a part time project, this means that I will be spending an hour or two each day during the work week to do things for this project. It will start making more steady progress even if I'm not focusing on it full time.

This is basically taking it from me spending 0 - 4 hours on it a week to 8-10 hours on it a week. 

My goal is to have the draft complete before the end of the year (by 'draft', I mean 'rough draft'). But more on that below.

Summary

Finished all scenes for the new chapter three

Finished Yren chapter 6 scenes

Started catching Kav's route up to the others

Edited Asher's CG to account for the new conference room BG

Small adjustments to Wil's first CG

Ramble

This week my big focus for WSC has been on writing. As I mentioned, I really want to get the rough draft completed by the end of the year. Currently the draft is nearly 70% complete (for those following updates in multiple places, when you see different percentages....it's because I've written more since then. Rofl).

Now, the draft was nearly 70% in the past as well but I added another route since then, so I lost some progress due to the increase in target word count. I'm also calculating things more precisely now as I created a newer and fancier writing spreadsheet to track my progress and keep myself on track.

I went back and wrote in the new chapter 3, reorganising all the existing chapters and scenes to accommodate it. 

I finished Yren chapter 6 (which catches him up to Noel and Raif). 

And now I'm working on catching Kav, the new character, up to Yren, Noel, and Raif. (Remember, Daaz and Asher's routes are already fully drafted).

I have written about 15000 words since my last update here. I don't expect to write that much every week and my goal is actually a fair bit more modest than that. Gilded Shadows is not 100% complete yet. I still have multiple KS related things to finish and, of course, I will be making corrections and focusing on its beta testing once testers have had a bit more time with it. 

WSC is still a part time project. This was just a particularly good week for it.

I have also worked on a few other things for WSC - mostly UI related and some art related things.

I received a new BG since my last update, and realised that...I have to revamp all the existing CGs. Or at least update them to change the background elements. I've only edited one so far but I don't think it'll be too much effort to fix the others.

And I continue to streamline and adjust the UI to make it look nicer and be more efficient.

So...

Kav. The new character. Kav'isari Tiaine, a Ka'mérian crew member who works in the space labs most of the time and specialises in identifying alien technology (what species it belongs to and what it does).

To explain where Kav came from, he actually popped into my head months ago. And every so often, I would contemplate whether or not I wanted to add him. I would say I first had the idea in January or February of this year. I would repeatedly think about it and dismiss it.

I then mentioned it to a friend sort of off-handedly back at the very beginning of June. A month and a half later, I mentioned him on a voice call on my server knowing full well that if I really talked about him and had a conversation about him, I would probably end up doing enough character brainstorming that he would become "real." And I talked about him anyway.

And that's exactly how he became an actual character. I think I had his sprite sketched out by the end of that day.

But he had existed as a concept long before that. The main reason I was willing to add him instead of ruthlessly telling myself no is just that I felt there was a gap in the cast for a gadfly style character who has a little mystery to him. And I just knew I could manage another route based on the length of Asher and Daaz's routes.

So...yeah. That is how Kav came into being. His introduction into the story has caused a few minor changes to standing lore or things in the prologue (just mentions of him, etc). But the changes to the currently public content of the game are pretty minor.

Kav won't actually appear in the game until Chapter 3. He gets mentioned a few times up to that point. There are some logistical considerations to his route but I have talked about those more on Patreon.

Speaking of Patreon, now that WSC is moved into "part time" status, I will be starting to slowly release some Patreon-exclusive lore posts for this game there. Like most games monetised through Patreon content, the lore posts will not be critical to having a full and complete game experience. Rather, it is going to be comprised of additional and extra lore content.

Some of the lore content released on Patreon will be in the game (such as character back stories) but Patrons will get to see it early and will get it presented in a different format.

Much of the content can be considered "extras" rather than necessary.

I will also be updating on the development progress weekly there (available to all patrons) rather than bi-weekly, and my updates there (going forward) will tend to be more detailed than the ones here.

Once episode releases start, Patrons will be able to access them before they the public releases. But backing on Patreon is not necessary to be able to play the game and get a full and complete game experience. It's just how this particular game will be monetised as I'm looking for more sustainable release styles so I can continue to make games.

That is all for this update. I will see you in a couple of weeks to talk about WSC again!

#when stars collide #updates #amare game #indie otome