Rarely do I broach an animated movie in this column, mostly because there isn’t much worth writing about these days. There are Minions movies, sequels to Cars, and every three years Pixar vomits up some Oscar bait to reassure Disney’s Academy Awards supremacy.
But today my friends we journey back in time to the year 2000, when Fox Animation Studios threw the cinematic Hail Mary pass that was, unfortunately, incomplete. I’m of course talking about Titan AE, a fascinating last gasp in traditional animation.
Before describing the film itself, a bit of (a)historical context is needed. A man named Don Bluth once worked for Walt Disney Studios as an animator, but in 1980 he resigned from Disney over “creative differences”. In essence, he felt children’s movies were too soft; “you can show a kid anything, as long as there’s a happy ending.” He made several modest hits over the years, including American Tail (where Jewish mice get massacred by Bolshevik cats), All Dogs Go to Heaven (where a dog gets hit by a car and is briefly dragged to hell), and of course The Secret of NIMH (where a wizard is crushed by a cinderblock & a rat is graphically killed with a throwing knife).
In the late 90s Bluth sought victory over Disney animation with an epic sci-fi space opera adventure, with a star-studded voice cast that included Matt Damon, Drew Barrymore, and Nathan Lane. It was a sure fire hit. Until it flopped at the box office and bankrupted Fox Animation.
So why talk about this weird quasi-adult animated film that flopped hard 22 years ago in this column? It’s simple:
The n-word.
Nostalgia! Nostalgia is one of my most hated words, used today as an excuse to tolerate the garbage thrown up on screen. (see The Rise of Skywalker) Too often do people don a pair of rose-colored lenses and look upon their childhood favorites with undo fondness; You see a reference, and you clap because you understood it. Everything you saw as a child must remain cool because you were a child and it was SO COOL then.
This brings us back to Titan AE. The movie is overall adequate, the voice acting is kinda lame, the matte paintings are awesome but the CGI is dated, blah blah blah. As a kid, my brother & I rented this stupid movie about once a month, along with Disney’s Atlantis: The Lost Empire and Treasure Planet. Imagine my delight when YouTube decided to auto play this film in it’s entirety after I looked up a shepherd’s pie recipe.
These movies all flopped, their scripts are all over the place, and the quality of the animation is especially all over the goddamn place. However, Titan AE and it’s aforementioned ilk hold a special place in my heart. It introduced me to steampunk, dieselpunk, grimdark sci-fi, an entire universe of lore explicitly teaching worldbuilding. Nostalgia, it seems, isn’t all bad.
Another song for Pride month about breaking social norms, this one goes for aromantic people and all people who don't want to pair up.
The song is "Ai, mare" by the band Tito Pontet (a band that mostly makes cumbia, reggae and calypso music) featuring Noelia Llorens "Titana" (a singer of traditional Valencian music).
These are the lyrics in Valencian Catalan and the translation to English:
Nits i vespres plens de festa, / juntes 'nem perdent el seny, / el meu cor balla amb la resta, / que sense elles no soc res.
Nights and evenings full of festivities, / together we gradually lose common sense, / my heart dances with the rest, / for I'm nothing without them.
Cantarem la nostra vida, / esta és la nostra elecció, / ja em fa igual tota eixa 'criba', / ja no vull més redempció.
We will sing our life, / this is our choice, / I don't care anymore about all that narrowing down, / I don't want more redemption.
Jo no vull tenir un home, / millor fadrina que casà. / A tots els que em dieu coses: / ja mai més em fareu mal.
I don't want to have a man, / better maiden than married. / And to all those who criticise me: / you'll never hurt me again.
Sense por fem front a l’ona, / nadem davant de taurons. / Despenjades de la norma / perquè el premi és molt millor.
With no fear we face the wave, / we swim in front of sharks. / Shaking off the norm / because the prize is so much better.
Cantarem la nostra vida, / esta és la nostra elecció, / ja em fa igual tota eixa 'criba', / ja no vull més redempció.
We will sing our life, / this is our choice, / I don't care anymore about all that narrowing down, / I don't want more redemption.
Jo no vull tenir un home, / l’altar mai he de xafar. / Consellers i xafarderes, / ja m’haureu de perdonar.
I don't want to have a man, / I shall never step on an altar. / Consultants and gossipers, / you'll have to forgive me*.
Finally after almost 3 years of procrastinating..... Az's eridian true form has a proper design :')
Gif version of her layers:
Her design is heavily inspired by the early concept art of the eridian guardians in borderlands 3, im such a sucker for their color palettes and designs
指切りげんまん 嘘ついたら針千本のます
指切りげんまん 嘘ついたら針千本のます
指切りげんまん 嘘ついたら針千本のます
指切りげんまん 嘘ついたら針千本のます
指切った
I pinky swear it, and if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.
I pinky swear it, and if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.
I pinky swear it, and if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.
I pinky swear it, and if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.
I pinky swore it.
良い子にゃ餌をやろう お前には頭を垂れてやろう
頭隠さず尻隠せ
生きるのは辛いだろう 一度死んでみるのもありだろう
次があるかは知らんけど
I feed the good kids, and I hang my head to you.
Take your head out of the sand and cover your vitals!¹
Life’s tough, isn’t it? It kinda makes me wanna give dying a try.
Not that I know for sure if anything would come next.
きっとこの世は敵だらけで あなたに出会えたのは
神様からのプレゼント
さぁ感情論で語りましょう
ハイ論破!!って煽りましょう
バイバイ 鷹の爪
I’m well aware this world is full of enemies, so my meeting you
must be a present from God.
C’mon, let’s make some sentimental arguments,
let’s fire ourselves up shouting “nope, I win!!”
Bye-bye, hawk talons.²
ベースボール
ヤンキーだらけのジャンキー市街は
どうにも出口が無いようで
哀愁漂う売春ガールも
買い占めてこうぜ
犯罪歴とか関係ないのさ
今日から人生リスタート
1 2 3 4 足並み揃えず
怠惰に生きろよ ラッタッタ
Baseball,
there’s no way out of these junkie cities
chock full of delinquents,
so how about we go buy up the time
of those doleful ladies of the night over there?
Criminal records don’t matter here.
From now on, life’s gonna restart.
1 2 3 4 Don’t bother falling into step with the rest of them
and live indolently! Ra-tta-tta
ガラクタ ガランド ガラパゴス
メルシー メントス メメントス
バリカタ ハリガネ 湯気通し
ニンニク マシマシ チョモランマ
何でそんなことするの? かさぶたが取れたら合図だぞ
意味があるかは知らんけど
Garbage, gutted, Galapagos,
Merci, Menthos, Mementos,
Barikata, Harigane, steamed,
extra garlic, as much as you can add.³
What the heck are you doing? Once the scabs come off, that’s the signal.
Not that I know if there’s any point to it, though.
ずっと自分から逃げてきた 偽物に憧れた
心はいつも空っぽで
もう嫌になんだ 苦しいのは
散々だ おままごとは
さよなら、優等生
I’ve always been running from myself, longing for something fake,
my heart forever empty.
Ugh, I’m sick of all this painful shit.
All this playing house is just awful.
Goodbye, honor student.
デッドボール
最近噂の賞金稼ぎは
どうやらたちが悪いようで
雷神気取りの黄金バットで
ぶっ飛ばして行こうぜ
将来安定 脳内感染
無個性工場抜け出して
1 2 3 4 空振り三振
前だけ見てろよ ラッタッタ
Dead ball,
All the gossip-mongers in the area
have seemed weirdly nasty lately,
so let’s take up a pair of golden bats like we’re some gods of thunder
and go knock some sense into ‘em!
Future stability, cerebral contagion;
we slip free from the factory of conformity.
1 2 3 4 Strikeout!
Keep your eyes forward! Ra-tta-tta
ヤンキーは僕の最大の敵だ
ヤンキーな俺の最強の敵だ
Delinquents are my greatest enemies.
The strongest enemies of a delinquent like me.
ヤンキーだらけのジャンキー市街は
どうにも出口が無いようで
哀愁漂う売春ガールも
買い占めてこうぜ
犯罪歴とか関係ないのさ
今日から人生リスタート
1 2 3 4 足並み揃えず
怠惰に生きろよ ラッタッタ
オーパッパッパラッパッパッパラ
はぁ?
There’s no way out of these junkie cities
chock full of delinquents,
so how about we go buy up the time
of those doleful ladies of the night over there?
Criminal records don’t matter here.
From now on, life’s gonna restart.
1 2 3 4 Don’t bother falling into step with the rest of them
and live indolently! Ra-tta-tta
Oopa-ppa-ppara-ppa-ppa-ppara
Whuh?
指切りげんまん 嘘ついたら針千本のます
指切りげんまん 嘘ついたら針千本のます
指切った
I pinky swear it, and if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.
I pinky swear it, and if I lie, I’ll swallow a thousand needles.
I pinky swore it.
¹ From the expression 頭隠して尻隠さず “to hide one’s head without hiding one’s bottom” meaning to inadvertently expose a weak point while trying to protect oneself.
² I assume this is a reference to the proverb 能ある鷹は爪を隠す “a skilled hawk hides its talons.”
³ The first two lines seem to be meaningless alliteration, but the second two lines are phrases for ordering ramen. Specifically, “barikata” is “extra-firm noodles” and “harigane” is “extra-extra-firm noodles.”