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markrees · 5 years

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Realise - Mark Lee

The thing with Mark was that he avoided everything that needed to be confronted.

category: au! college mark & female reader / fluff / jealous! mark (ish)

minor characters: yukhei, donghyuck, brother youngho

warnings: mentions of alcohol & being drunk

word count: 12.5K woah i got carried away

a/n: a bunch of scenarios put together u.u i had so much fun i hope you likeeeeee i love mark honestly u.u

“What you heard is true.”

You eye Mark carefully in front of you, both hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans as he rocks back and forth on his toes. There’s a noticeable change of rate in your pulse when he looks at you with eyes unwavering and firm. He purses his lips before he speaks again, trying to find the words to say next without scaring you away.

“And I didn’t want to tell you because I really really appreciate what we have right now, our friendship. But I guess I wasn’t careful enough to keep it from you.” The tone of his voice is calm, like how it always was when he spoke to you, however you couldn’t help but pick up the small hint of shyness that coated his words towards the end of his sentence.

You suddenly feel bad for Mark for uncovering something he wanted to keep hidden. Earlier, when you wanted to scare him from the back as you secretly tip toed behind him in the hallways after your last lecture before lunch, you overheard his conversation with Donghyuck, who traipsed along in step with him. And as a result, here you both were, at a secluded area of your university, overlooking the whole campus in front of a large glass window.

“But it’s true. I like you. More than a friend,” he continues when he notices how quiet you are, just merely blinking up at him as you try to absorb everything he’s saying to you.

Shock was an understatement because you were so much more than that. Mark was your friend, one of the few you had and he had made the transition from high school to university easier when you came across him looking just as lost as you on the first day you began your new venture. Ever since then, it became normal for you to just be around each other despite the complete opposites of what you were both studying. Mark was majoring in engineering while you opted to study literature.

Mark studies your dumbfounded expression and releases a sigh, silently interpreting the message your body language sent himself.

“But don’t worry. I’m not going to do anything about it.” He snaps you out of your thoughts, bringing you back to reality. “I want to keep being friends with you, that’s more than enough for me. And I don’t want to ruin that for the two of us. So I hope nothing will change just because of this whole thing.”

His expression looks hopeful as he searches your face for any signs of acknowledgment with what he just said. You shake your head ever so slightly and momentarily take your eyes off of him, not realising you were gazing at him this whole time. You let his words echo in your head one last time so that you can finally utter a response.

“Oh. Y-yeah. Of course.”

And Mark sticks to his words. The next few days occur like your accidental discovery didn’t happen. Mark continues to joke and laugh with you during lunch and you spend your free time at the library together that always seem to chase you both into the late hours of the night, working on piles of essays while he productively strategises for his projects.

It’s ten at night on a Friday and you are in the midst of starting a new paragraph for your five thousand word essay. Mark is nowhere to be seen, his seat in front of you empty with his work sprawled out on the table. From the corner of your eye, you saw him leave a good few minutes ago without announcing where he was headed to. You figured he’d gone to the bathroom.

It isn’t until thirty minutes later that you start yawning, feeling the fatigue consume your body. You peel your eyes off of your laptop screen and lean back on your chair, your hands flying up to your face to rub your tired eyes. Mark appears then with two cups sitting snugly in his hands. He reaches over the table and places one just beside your laptop, smiling at you warmly and eyes sparkling behind his round glasses.

“Hot chocolate. It’s late and I didn’t want coffee to keep you up later,” he whispers, careful enough not to disrupt other students who were just a couple meters away from your table.

You smile at him widely and cup the beverage in your hands, allowing the warmth relax your stiff nerves. Mark was always sweet and it was little things like these that never went unnoticed by you, making you genuinely smile and happy on the inside. After all, it’s always the little things that counted the most.

“Thank you,” you whisper back.

His eyes linger on you a little longer and you silently wonder if there was something he wanted to say as you peered into his eyes. But he doesn’t and it isn’t long before he takes his own seat and resumes his work.

When the both of you walk back to your dorms, not too far from campus, the winter air is cold and you are clinging onto Mark’s arm for extra warmth, something you’d grown to do for the last two years and something he never minds you doing even when at times, you’re literally dragging him down when your grip gets too tight. You lose your face into the thickness of your scarf as you let Mark lead the way, chuckling to himself at your antics. At this time of the night, the streets are empty and there are barely any souls found wandering about with everyone probably tucked away at the comfort of their warm homes.

“Any plans for the weekend?” You hear him say faintly as you both take a left, heading towards your dorm first.

You scrunch your face up involuntarily as you remember the mounds of work left to do. “Study I guess. Winter exams are looming and they’re stressing me to my wits end.”

Mark lets out another hearty chuckle making you smile into your scarf in return.

“How about you?”

“Projects. Study. Projects again.”

“Sounds fun.”

“I know I’m so excited.”

The two of you eventually reach your building dorm and halt just at the entrance. You slowly remove yourself from Mark’s arm, feeling even colder as you shiver from a gust of wind that passes. You step away from Mark after and turn to face him with a hand up in the air to wave him goodbye. Mark smiles, his eyes doing that twinkling thing again with his nose is scrunching up against the rim of his glasses. He takes a step closer to you and he reaches his hands out to fix your scarf so that it sat snugly around your neck to ensure it did its job right. Unknowingly, you smile at the gesture as your eyes follow his movements before looking up at him again.

“Take it easy okay?” His voice is soft and dipping with warmth. “You tend to go overboard when you study. Make sure you take rests in between and eat good food.”

A small laugh emits from you but you appreciate his reminders nonetheless, your fondness for him resurfacing at his ability to remember things about you. It’s been years but Mark never ceased to treat you with such gentleness.

“Yes mom. I’ll do that.”

It’s his turn to laugh now. It isn’t long before he’s ushering you to get inside and with one last wave of your hand, you turn to your heels and walk into the double doors of your building. Mark watches your back completely disappear from his view and takes this as his cue to make his own way to his dorm, hands buried deep into the pockets of his thick jacket with his head ducked down to avoid the cold.

“Someone confessed to me today.”

Your words come out of nowhere and they spill out of your mouth almost too naturally, as if you weren’t bothered by it, as if you didn’t really think much about it. Even though the canteen is filled with chatters of students enjoying lunch with peers, Mark’s ears are quick to pick up your words. He snaps his head up from his book and blinks at you.

“What?”

Your are oblivious to the way he is staring at you, now with furrowed eyebrows, almost meeting in the middle. You take the first bite of your sandwich, letting the taste melt in your tastebuds and satisfying your stomach for feeding it its first meal of the day.

“Someone confessed to me today,” you repeat after you swallow your food.

Yukhei being in the same course as you, was in almost every one of your lectures, ocassionally exchanging words whenever you bumped into each other or when he happened to take the empty seat next to yours. He was always cheery and whenever he was around you, you couldn’t help but be infected with his happy nature, laughing in secret during lectures because of everything he said in whispers. But his confession caught you off guard because besides those short moments shared in class with him, you never really talked nor saw each other around. And even though other students would literally fawn over him and dream of receiving a confession from Yukhei, much to your surprise, you find yourself unfazed and almost unbothered for reasons you couldn’t quite point out.

“And?” Mark prods, locking his eyes on you as you continue to eat. By now the book he was reading earlier was long closed and long forgotten.

You blink at Mark. “And? Nothing.”

“What do you mean? What did you say?” Mark replies almost too quick, his questions running into each other.

You set your sandwich down and take a sip of your water, slightly confused at the haste in Mark’s voice. “He asked for a date. I said no.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I didn’t want to?”

“You don’t like him?”

“What?”

You unconsciously laugh at the pointless direction your conversation was heading towards. You notice Mark is leaning over the table and when you stare at him, he merely blinks a couple of times before realising and settling back into his seat.

“Why did you say no?” Mark asks again as he fiddles with his thumbs and avoids your eyes.

You shrug your shoulders nonchalantly. “Does that matter?”

“I don’t know. Does it?” Mark says.

You squint your eyes at him, puzzled at the sudden shift in behaviour. Regardless, you answer him.

“I said no because I didn’t want to go on a date,” you say honestly. “And plus who’s got the time? I have so much to do.”

Mark exhales a breath he didn’t know he was holding in until now. You don’t see the way his shoulders relax in front of you when you focus your attention on eating again. A small smile finds its way on his lips as he looks down on the table, somewhat satisfied with your answer. But a part of him, the bigger part seemed to be bothered more than he feels he should be. He was just looking out for his friend right?

“Who is it anyway?” Mark blurts out, silently reprimanding himself for digging his own grave and for letting his curiosity take over.

“Does that matter too?” You asked.

“Well you’ve started your story, might as well go the whole way and finish it,” Mark reasons even when he knows he’s dreading your answer.

“Yukhei.”

Mark is about to lean over to wipe some breadcrumbs that had managed to sit on the corner of your lip when he instantly freezes upon hearing the name. Of course Mark knew Yukhei. After all who didn’t know the extremely friendly giant? To say that Yukhei was popular amongst the students was an understatement because his popularity extended all the way to the professors and even to other universities. Not only was he good looking, but he was also extremely kind and made everyone around him at ease, something that Mark had observed even when he hasn’t had any proper interaction with the said boy. And that makes it even harder for Mark to find plausible reasons to hate him. He’s mentally scoffing at himself because of how pathetic his thoughts had become but settles with Yukhei’s uncalled-for-confession as an excuse not to be so favourable of him.

“I see.”

Mark’s voice comes out rough and he tries to brush it off by proceeding to lean over the table and uses his thumb to swipe away the breadcrumbs that had settled beside your lip, making you momentarily halt munching on the last bit of your food. You’re staring at him closely while he focuses on cleaning your face, eyes glued on your lips.

You mumble a quick thanks, unsure whether he heard it or not, too distracted by the feeling of heat rising to your cheeks as he sits back down, something you found very very unusual.

“Please?”

You stare at Yukhei who’s holding a bouquet of flowers in his outstretched hands, standing patiently opposite you as students walk past in the hallways, sparing long glances at your direction and throwing whispers here and there. You were attracting attention you didn’t want and honestly, a part of you wished the ground would open up to swallow you whole.

“Yukhei I-”

“Just one date. That’s all,” he insists, his smile never leaving his face. If anything, the smile on his face only seemed to grow wider with each second that passed.

You try to rack your brain for any excuse because you’ve already made up your mind and you know deep inside you didn’t want to change that. “I have exams to study for Yuhkei. A lot.”

But Yukhei doesn’t get discouraged like how you would have hoped for and you mentally slap yourself for expecting so. “I know you do. I do too. But just one date. One quick date. For two hours, at least. And if I can’t change your mind about me during that that time, I won’t bother you again and we’ll stay friends.”

Guilt washes over you when you find that Yukhei’s persistence was unrelenting. Yukhei was harmless and now that you thought about it properly, you didn’t quite understand why you were so quick to turn him down in the first place. You don’t even remember having any other excuse other than, simply not wanting to go.

Glancing at Yukhei one last time to be met with hopeful eyes and becoming even more aware of the people who have stopped at their tracks to watch the both of you, you extend your hand to take the flowers from him.

“Okay.”

Yukhei’s eyes immediately light up as he breaks out into another grin, genuinely ecstatic to be scoring a date with you and you couldn’t suppress a smile at him because it was such a cute sight to witness.

“You pick what day. I don’t have any preference,” Yukhei announces happily and you feel grateful.

“I can do this Saturday? At 4?” You suggest.

Yukhei nods, still smiling.

“Perfect. I’ll see you then. Thank you. Thank you, really.”

“Mark!”

You call from across the hallway when you finally catch a glimpse of him after three days. He whips his head to the sound of his name being called and when he sees you, you are sure you see something in his eyes that you’ve never seen before. He tries to conceal it with a smile after but it was too late, you’ve already seen it and somehow your chest tightens despite not knowing what that actually was.

You watch him jog lightly over towards you and when he reaches you a few seconds after, you are about to bombard him with questions as to why he’s been missing your texts. Not being around Mark felt weird. Unsual.

He speaks first though, depriving you of questioning him.

“Hey. I actually have a lecture now, I’ll talk to you some other time?”

You unknowingly wince at his voice.

Cold.

He gives you a small smile, one that doesn’t quite reach his eyes like how it usually does, before turning around and lightly running to where he was initially, disappearing into a lecture hall door.

You are left with your thoughts then and the faint aching of your heart.

And the questions don’t stop even when Yukhei is in front of you, big eyes ogling as he initiates conversations left and right. You feel bad because you feel yourself give half-hearted replies but Yukhei doesn’t seem to notice, still hung up on the fact that here you were, on a date with him. You try to drown out your thoughts by filling your mind with Yukhei’s deep voice as you attempt to focus on the pasta you had ordered a few minutes ago. You laugh occasionally with your date and at times if you prevailed at fixating your attention to him, you’d actively ask him questions about himself and you’d notice the way his eyes would sparkle knowing he had your attention.

But it didn’t change the sickening knot in your stomach.

When the two hours are up and Yukhei is walking you back to your dorm, your thoughts inadvertently fly back to Mark when you realise he has been the only person who’s ever walked you home. You smile to yourself at the discovery and Yukhei notices.

“You’re smiling. Want to share?” He asks curiously. He walks ahead of you and turns his body so that he’s facing you as he walks backwards.

Your smile disappears almost instantly then when Yukhei points it out and shake your head lightly. “It’s nothing. I just remembered something.”

You paste your eyes to the ground so you don’t see Yukhei open his mouth to say something and close it again after giving it some thought. He stares at you as if studying you while he tries to guess what’s on your mind but you’re too distracted to even notice that.

“Thanks for today Yukhei. I had fun,” you say when you arrive at your building. Something pulls at your heartstrings when he’s smiling at you warmly, remembering how poorly you behaved in his presence, how your words didn’t quite match what you felt despite his continuous efforts to entertain you.

Yukhei buries his fists into the pocket of jeans and rocks back and forth on his toes, a gesture that reminds you of someone you shouldn’t be thinking about.

“Yeah? I had fun too. Thanks for letting me have some of your time,” Yukhei says bashfully. “I hope agreeing to come out with me today was worth it.”

You smile weakly as you mask away the guilt. Yukhei was still so kind despite your divided attention. And you’re afraid to speak anymore in fear of making the guilt worse even though you knew it was something you deserved.

“You should go in, it’s getting cold,” Yukhei says, his smile unwavering. “Good night.”

You nod quietly. “Thanks again Yukhei, I’ll see you around.”

Deciding that you couldn’t sleep after an hour of forcing yourself, you decide it was best to do even more studying to maybe induce your fatigue a little more. Your body was exhausted yet your mind wasn’t. The time is stretching towards two in the morning and you automatically decide that there would be no sleeping tonight, not when your head was bursting with thoughts. Thoughts of exams, Yukhei... Mark.

Right after you had come up to your dorm after separating with Yukhei, you fully acknowledged the fact that there was no stop to thinking about Mark (you weren’t going to lie to yourself any longer. It was just you and your thoughts now, alone) because if you were honest, the image of him that day he gave you that look was still so fresh in your mind you missed no detail. And throughout the days, you think hard to put a finger, a word on it to understand but nothing came to mind. At least not the right one anyway.

He looked so... disappointed.

You flinch when your raging thoughts are disrupted by a series of knocks on your door. You glance at the clock on your bedroom wall to confirm the actual time because it was too late into the night for you to be expecting any visitors. Hesitantly, you rise up from your chair and reluctantly exit your bedroom and walk towards the front door. You go on the tips of your toes to peek on the peephole and it isn’t even a second later that your hand is already fumbling the doorknob to open the door, you heart picking up its pace.

Mark is staring at you through half lidded eyes, lips slightly parted and stature swaying lightly from side to side. He doesn’t say anything and when you’re about to ask why he’s here, he falls forward, crashing into you. Your arms immediately fly to catch him as he rests his chin on your shoulder. You shift in your spot until you get a better hold of Mark, allowing him to push the majority of his weight on you as you drag him inside your home. After closing the door behind you, you struggle to pull Mark into the living room and that’s when the smell of alcohol fills your nostrils. He’s drunk. Your scrunch your face up at the strong and unpleasant smell finally lying Mark down gently down on the couch.

You inhale a deep breath just as he exhales one, wriggling to find a comfortable position on the couch. His eyes open then and when he finds you standing over him with your hands resting on your hips, he smiles and it reaches his eyes. Something you didn’t know you missed.

“Mark? Are you alright?” You ask him worriedly and take a seat beside his body in the edge of the couch.

He doesn’t reply for a few seconds and just stares at you. And suddenly you’re embarrassed because his eyes are wide open now and his brows are furrowed together in the middle. He blinks not too long after and allows his head to rest fully on the pillow letting his fatigue take over.

“... It’s so hot here,” he mumbles and clumsily raises his arms to unzip his jacket but eventually gives up when his drunken state misses the zip a couple of times.

You let out an amused smile that he doesn’t see. “Here, let me help,” you say as you reach for the zipper and zips his jacket down. “Mark, I need you to lean forward so I can take this off for you,” you say quietly, examining his rose tinted cheeks. How much did he have to drink?

Mark doesn’t move an inch and so you take it upon yourself to do it for him. You lean forward and wrap a careful arm around his neck. You lift him then once securing your hold and successfully remove the garment from under him and toss it aside. Now he was only in a plain white shirt and black jeans and he appeared to be more comfortable because he smiles in his sleep. You’re about to remove your arm from him when you settle his head back in the pillow when his arms suddenly find their way around your waist and in an instant, pulls you closer. You’re so close to him that you could feel his breathing against your skin, foreheads touching.

Your heart is hammering against your chest and you don’t take note of it because of how focused you are on studying Mark’s features. You’ve never been this close to him before and now that you are, his features make it hard to breath. He was beautiful. Beyond beautiful. And you can’t control your eyes from travelling from his thick lashes, to his button nose until you catch yourself staring at his lips a little longer. You hate the smell of alcohol but right now it didn’t even matter when you the smell was as strong as ever due to your proximity because this human was breathtaking.

“Y/N...” he mutters in his sleep, breaking your chain of thought. You blink at your name escaping his lips and you almost wonder if you had heard right. He calls your name a second time and this time, you feel your heart jump.

“Y-yeah?” You whisper, slightly trembling when he tightens his arms around your waist.

There’s silence for a while and though your mind is telling you that Mark is drunk and that you should step away from him now, you don’t lift a finger and let yourself stare some more. The drumming of your heart is drowning out everything and your free hand reaches out unconsciously to move a strand of his hair away from his forehead.

“I...” You stop what you’re doing immediately, your forefinger frozen in the air when he begins to mumble again.

“I.. Miss you a lot.”

Time stops right then and there.

It’s been a whole week without Mark. And you had to admit, it was a painfully long one. Not to mention the countless messages you had sent him and the excessive amount of times you had gone out of your way to find him around campus only to be disappointed when you couldn’t.

Was he avoiding you?

You falter at the thought and think of possible reasons why but none come to mind. And you figured the best way to know was to ask him yourself.

“Mark, are you avoiding me?”

You unknowingly hold your breath to wait for his reply but remind yourself that he might not even be conscious enough to answer you, given his current state.

But he does.

“I don’t mean to.”

His words are so muffled but you’re paying so much attention to him you don’t miss a single syllable.

Your assumptions were right and it breaks you that they are. “Why? Did I do something wrong?” Your words come out without much thought and almost in a hurry.

Mark shifts in his position and you feel his hold around your waist loosen bit by bit, his breathing becoming heavier to indicate he had fallen completely asleep. You release a sigh as you peel yourself away from Mark, careful enough not to disturb his sleep. You make your way into your bedroom only to emerge a minute later with a blanket in your hands knowing fully well he’ll become colder sooner or later.

After you stealthily place the blanket on him, you take one last look at his sleeping figure before turning the living room lights off. The moon outside illuminates the room through your windows and in the silence of the darkness, Mark speaks in mumbles for the last time.

“I’m in love with you that’s why.”

Exam season. Two weeks of pure stress and the burning desire to rip your hair out of your scalp. The late nights of studying were creeping up on you and so when you finish your last exam, you couldn’t be more ecstatic to be problem-free for the whole duration of the winter break. No more running on six cups of coffee, two hours of sleep and constant staring at words that seemed to blur together on paper.

In a way, you were thankful you had exams. Exam meant you had to be preoccupied with other things. Exams meant distraction and it gave you the opportunity to set aside Mark’s drunken confession so that you didn’t overthink it too much or analysed it to the point where you would literally go berserk. You hadn’t seen or talked to Mark after that night. Once you woke up the next morning, he was gone with the blanket neatly folded on the couch, pillows straightened up and a little note at the coffee table that said “Thank you and I’m sorry. I owe you one”, leaving your thoughts in haywire. It was a conscious decision to shrug the event off so that you could focus in your academics, but now that that was out of the way, you feel the frenzy of your thoughts beginning to reappear.

So when you catch sight of Donghyuck, making his way out of the exam hall, you don’t think twice to walk over to him, somehow making up your mind to address whatever it is your mind calls your dilemma. You feel yourself becoming nervous and you try to ignore it by the time you reach the said boy.

“Hyuck!”

Donghyuck stops in his tracks and turns around to face you, smiling.

“Hi Y/N!” He greets. “Finished exams?”

You nod, a wave of relief washing over you once again with the reminder. You fall in step with Donghyuck as you both walk out of the building. “Yes thank goodness finally. I’m ready to hibernate.”

Donghyuck laughs. “We’re all on the same boat.”

You’ve been around Donghyuck multiple times. If Mark didn’t hang out with you, you’d usually find him with Donghyuck. And there have been multiple occasions where the three of you would go out and eat together. You liked Donghyuck. He was outgoing and pleasantly easy to talk to primarily because of his friendly nature.

You crane your head briefly to scan your surroundings to ensure that what you were about to ask next was valid and answerable. “Hey um. Have you seen Mark around?”

Donghyuck shivers with the cold once you both reach the outdoor grounds. He doesn’t take note the way your voice falters at Mark’s name and if he did, he did a good job of not showing it.

“Mark? He left our exam like ten minutes early. Not quite sure where he’s off to though,” Donghyuck replies honestly.

You nod slowly and fiddle with the material of your scarf. “And.. how is he lately? Is he okay?”

“Ah.” It’s as if a light bulb lights up in Donghyuck’s brain at your question. Knowing he was Mark’s best friend, you were sure he knew something you didn’t. “You haven’t been talking?”

You shake your head in disappointment this time. “I guess we’ve both been busy. You know.. with exams and all.”

Donghyuck nods knowingly for different reasons, not quite buying yours but he wasn’t going to tell you that. “Exams are over now so,” he says and he glances towards you. “I think you should talk to him.”

There’s a hidden message in what Donghyuck is saying and even though you don’t know what it is, you understand what he’s implying.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay. Thanks Hyuck.”

Looking for Mark was harder than you thought and the enormous size of your campus didn’t make the job easier at all. You’ve tried the other end where his dorm was only to find out that it was empty when your knocks were unanswered. You searched the gym just in case even though you knew Mark never really visited the place often. You skimmed through the tables of the empty library but still found no luck. You decide to go back to your dorm and rest, feeling your head becoming dizzy. You’d try looking for Mark again tomorrow and hopefully by then he’d stop hiding from you.

Turns out you didn’t have to look any further when you spot an all too familiar kicking invisible rocks with his foot just outside your dorm building, hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans while trying to keep himself warm with what appeared to be a very thin jacket. You stop just meters away from him to revel in the feeling of one of the weights being lifted off of your chest just at the mere sight of him.

He turns his head and finds you standing there staring at him. You catch his eyes and walk towards him, trying to hide the excitement in your step. Man you missed him so much. He smiles at you for the first time in weeks and you feel your insides helplessly melt.

“Are you finished playing hide and seek?”

He grimaces at your words and you try to laugh as you stand in front of him. “I was joking.”

“Were you?”

“I don’t know.”

Silence hangs in the air and Mark studies you closely, too much words at the tip of his tongue yet not knowing where to actually begin. He feels frustrated at himself and he thinks that maybe that was what drove him to actually come here without a clear plan in his mind.

He sighs exasperatedly and you look up to see him already staring at you. “Listen umm.. About that night, I’m really sorry I showed up like that. I don’t even know how I got there.”

You try to smile and recover from the heaviness of your exchange of words previously. “It’s alright. You were really drunk though.” You recall that night, memories still so fresh and his words still so vivid you find yourself repeating it in your head like an addictive mantra.

Mark chuckles and begins to loosen up a bit. “Somehow I got dragged to go out with some friends and I had too much to drink as you would have noticed.”

“Yeah. A little too much,” you reply.

“I didn’t say anything weird that night, did I?”

And it feels like a stab in the heart. And you feel dumb for even assuming that what he had said under the influence of alcohol were real. All the times you had thought so hard until your head started to pound against your skull all came down to this, all to nothing. He doesn’t remember. He was drunk, after all. But still, deep down, you had hoped otherwise.

“Y/N?”

You snap out of your daze and out of your thoughts.

“Huh? Oh. No. You didn’t. Not that I remember anyway.”

You see a hint of relief flash across his eyes, something that hurt you even more.

The next few days only make your pent up frustrations even worse. Besides the fact that you had no one to hang out with, you could feel Mark running away from you every chance he got. He doesn’t answer your texts and when he did, he would reply with one word messages, sending you closer off the edge. You’d try to talk to him whenever you’d bump into him coincidentally and it would always be a series of excuses that comes out of his mouth after that. You’d think that the conversation you had the other day would help things return to normal, but it only makes everything take another turn further south. Besides the fact that it was weird not have Mark around (as you had already established during the past few weeks), it ticked you even more to see him have a good time with his other friends when you were literally restless on the other side because of.. Well, him.

You take yourself back to the day Mark confronted you with his confession after overhearing his conversation with Donghyuck and question yourself if that really happened because his actions right now proved otherwise. If running away was his way of protecting your relationship with him, he was doing a really crap job. And you hate it because you can feel the distance between the two of you widen. You feel him slipping away.

So here you were, in front of his dorm door, knocking firmly as you allow the all the frustration to take over whatever you were about to do and say next. You hear the knob turning not too long after and you are met with Mark who’s nice and warm in the comfort of his hoodie and sweats, hair a little messy. He seems to be surprised to find you here but you shrug it off, reminding yourself of the reason why you came.

You don’t let him speak because the thing with Mark was that he avoided everything that needed to be confronted.

“Hey, can we talk?” You say in one breath as you try to hide your fingers shaking. Despite your determination to fix this, you were still nervous.

Mark senses the urgency in your voice and he nods. “Y-Yeah sure. I’ll just put my shoes on.”

And you leave after that, allowing him to follow you just outside the building.

When you feel Mark running towards you, you turn around to face him as he comes to a halt. He looks nervous. Probably because you have never spoken to him in that manner before and honestly, who wouldn’t feel nervous when someone asks “can we talk?” But you go ahead anyway, the aggressive side of you taking over.

“Okay, so what is your deal?”

Your question comes out blunt and straight to the point and you secretly feel proud of yourself for mustering the firmness in your voice because looking at Mark now, there was nothing else you wanted to do than just hug him.

Mark is taken aback by your question and just blinks at you. “What do you mean-”

“You’re ignoring me, aren’t you?” You add. “You’re avoiding me. Is there a reason why?”

“Y/N-”

“Well there is a reason. There has to be. Let me rephrase that. Why are you avoiding me?”

You feel yourself experiencing deja vu as the exact same words leave your mouth for the second time. Only this time, Mark was not drunk. And even though you received an answer back then, it didn’t satisfy you because it didn’t make sense.

You are tipped over the edge when you hear no response from Mark as he continues to stare at you with apologetic eyes. You close your eyes momentarily and draw in a deep breath before you let go of everything you’ve been wanting to say, ignoring all the possible consequences that could result from everything you’re about to say.

“For goodness sake Mark! You said you liked me,” you start, never breaking eye contact to ensure you get the message across. “And I understood when you said you wanted to keep being friends but I don’t understand now. You’re literally choosing to ignore me every chance you get. And then you show up at my dorm drunk one night and tell me you’re in love with me-”

“Wait what?” Mark speaks in between your sentence, eyes widening. “You heard that?”

“What? You remember saying that?”

You stare at Mark, mouth slightly hanging open. All this time, he remembered. You sigh in defeat as your shoulders droop in dismay. You take your eyes off of him and focus on the ground instead.

“Mark.. I don’t understand you.”

Mark doesn’t speak for a few seconds so that he can gather everything he wants to say.

“Okay. Everything you’re accusing me of right now are all true,” you snap your head up just in time to see him take a deep breath as you lock your eyes on his. “Yes, I said I liked you. And yes, I didn’t want to do anything about it because I didn’t want to ruin what we had. I still don’t.”

“Then why-”

“But I realised it’s easier said than done Y/N. Everyday it got harder to suppress what I felt when it was so impossible not to love everything you did and how you did it. And I knew. I knew and I felt myself falling every second. And I tried to stop it, believe me I tried but nothing worked. I couldn’t help myself. And it wasn’t until I saw you take flowers from Yukhei that just...” He runs a hand through his hair out of frustration. “I figured the only way to stop was not to be around you anymore.”

You stare at Mark in utter disbelief and you have to blink a lot of times to make sure you were hearing right. Your limbs are shaking underneath the cold and you’re sure it’s not because of the winter temperatures.

“And I don’t even know how I ended up at your dorm that night. I was drunk but I just had to see you. And it turned out I said things that I had intended not to tell you. I remember everything I said.”

He sighs again, this time in defeat.

“And I meant everything I said.”

And then it all clicks. Everything you felt made more sense to you right now. From that date with Yukhei you weren’t really present at to the helpless hours thinking of reasons why Mark is being indifferent with you to all the times you couldn’t get him off your mind to the heat rushing to your cheeks when he pulled you close for the first time to the current trembling of your fingers with every word Mark spoke.

You had fallen for the boy yourself.

You have always liked him.

And how he always made you feel.

“And I’m sorry if this is all so much for you right now, I totally understand,” Mark continues, oblivious of your silent epiphany.

You need to tell him right now. With your newly found discovery comes the heaviness of your heart disappearing almost in a heartbeat.

You need to tell him now.

And you are about to when the phone in your pocket vibrates. Mark nods at you as you take the device out, encouraging you to take the call from what it appeared to be an unsaved number.

In a matter of seconds, your world literally turns upside down as the person on the other line speaks.

“Mark..”

Mark peels his eyes off of the ground when he hears the sudden drop in your voice. His heart drops when he notices the tears welling in your eyes, ready to fall anytime soon. You’re staring at him in hopes of registering what you had just heard on the other end of the phone and the confusion on his face pushes you on edge because nothing was making sense at this moment. Instinctively, he minimises the gap between the two of you as he takes a step towards you, landing his hands on your arms to disrupt the trance you were in.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

The worry in his voice is enough for your tears to finally spill at a dangerous speed down your face. Mark’s eyes widen at the sight of your tear stricken face as he watches one fall after the other. He feels you begin to shake beneath his hold and he gives your arms a squeeze in hopes of calming you down. You blink a couple of times, vision blurring because of the tears that didn’t seem to stop. But you see him, eyes furrowed together in pure worry as he waits for you to respond.

You lift your shaking hands to rest on Mark’s arms for support because your knees were beginning to quiver and at any moment now, you would feel them give way. Mark only replies by holding you firmer.

“M-my brother.. He got into a car accident.”

Youngho is in the operating theatre.

You are a crying mess as you helplessly watch the double doors in front of you that lead to where your brother was. Your whole body is trembling and no matter how much energy you exerted in trying to make the tears stop, they were just never ending nonetheless. You don’t even feel the sensation of your lungs burning as a result of you running to get here. All you knew was that your breathing was all over the place, your chest heaving violently with every single tear that fell.

It isn’t until Mark places his hands on your shoulders and turns your body slightly so that you’re looking at him and not at the painful red lights situated angrily on top of the doors. He has a calm expression on his face though behind your tears, you can see worry in his brown orbs, a sight that made you even weaker.

You couldn’t stop shaking, not when your brother was on the other side fighting for his life and the thought alone made it even harder to breathe. So much so, that Mark has to bring both his palms to your wet cheeks just so you could focus on him for the time being.

“Hey, hey. Look at me.”

You try to calm yourself down. Whatever Mark was doing, maybe it was his touch, or maybe it was the way he was staring intently at you, so focused on calming down, it was working because you could feel your nerves relax for the first time in an hour. He’s wiping your tears away with his thumbs silently and waits for your waterworks to stop before he continues to speak. When he finally feels you completely relax under his fingers, his expression softens as you come to a point where you’re only sniffling.

“I need you calm like this. Your brother will be fine. But right now, let’s stay like this okay?”

You weakly nod at his words, appreciating the way his voice and his words brought comfort to your tight chest. You don’t know if the it was the exhaustion or the haziness of your thoughts, but you feel the world spin when Mark proceeds to wrap his arms around you, bringing you close for a tight embrace. Whatever it was, you feel your anxiety calm for the first time and let yourself rest your head on his chest, inhaling his scent that brought your raging waters to a complete still. Your arms find their way to wrap around his torso and doing so made you realise how much of a relief his presence offered.

You feel Mark rub your back in a soothing manner as your waterworks begin again, your mind unconsciously filling up with images of the worst case scenarios once the fluorescent lights would shut down. Mark’s grip tightens around your body then, whispering words of comfort to your ear.

“Shhh. It’s okay. I’m here.”

And Mark sticks to his words because even as the clock ticks by, seconds turning into minutes, minutes turning into agonising long hours, he never leaves. Instead he’s here with you as you wait hopelessly outside the theatre, sitting on the cold metal chairs. His fingers are laced in between yours and every now and again, he applies extra pressure on your hand as a silent way to reassure you, as if his hold on your hand wasn’t already tight enough. But you didn’t mind, because if you were honest, his small gestures were the only thing that had the ability to declutter your mind and bring your trembling to a halt. His other hand is enveloped in your intertwined hands, his thumb rubbing circles on your hand and your grip on his hand is just as tight. Your head is resting comfortably on his shoulder, your exhaustion creeping up on you from running and from crying nonstop. Once in a while, you would feel Mark crane his neck a little to glance at your face and you’d find the heart to offer him a small smile, a quiet expression of how thankful you were for him for being here, for holding your hand, for comforting you silently. And he would return the smile as you notice him linger his eyes on you for a few more seconds before settling back into his seat.

Sitting next to him like this only made you even more sure of what you felt for him.

“Is he your boyfriend?”

You are peeling a clementine for Youngho when you hear him ask his question. It’s been a week and a half since the accident and your brother was recovering pretty well from the injuries he sustained that were dealt with during the initial surgery.

You give him an incredulous look and finish peeling before handing it to him. “Who? Mark?”

Youngho takes the orange from you and begins to eat it. “Is he the guy who dropped the box of oranges here earlier this morning?”

You nod. Every other day or two, Mark always showed up to the hospital to bring different sorts of food for you and your brother. And while you introduced Mark as a friend to Youngho, he was quick enough to sense he was more than that.

“No, he’s not,” You reply earning a raised brow from your brother, silently urging you to continue. “But he says he likes me.”

Plopping the last bit of the orange into his mouth, you hand him a tissue for him to wipe his hands on. “Like? Are you sure?”

“What?” You ask inquisitively.

“That boy is in love with you.”

You rest your elbow on Youngho’s bed and prop your head on your hand. “You think so?”

“I know so,” Youngho says firmly. “And I also know that you are too.”

If it were any other situation, you would have scoffed at your older brother because of what he said, but today was different and coming to terms with your feelings was an exhilarating achievement you didn’t want to deny or suppress.

You sigh. “I guess I am.”

A grin spreads across Youngho’s face, a cheesy one. He shakes his shoulders in excitement only to stop a moment after when it causes him some pain. Regardless, the smile doesn’t leave his face.

“Awwwwww. Look at my sister being in love for the first time,” Youngho teases. “You’re so cute.”

You laugh at your brother’s antics and shake your head in disapproval. “Stop. You’re embarrassing.”

But Youngho doesn’t stop because he’s having too much fun poking at your already rosy cheeks. You try to swat his hands away before you eventually give up. You let your brother have his moment because seeing him smile like this after everything last week, made you happy.

“I really like him for you, Y/N. He seems like a great guy,” Youngho says when his teasing comes to a stop.

You smile at your brother, glad to know you were both thinking the same thing.

Mark never failed to pick you up from the hospital after spending your days with your brother in the confinements of his room during the winter break. And today was no different. You watch him in admiration as he jogs over towards you and he smiles when he finally reaches you.

“Here. It’s extra cold so you should wear this,” Mark says and shows you a jacket you didn’t notice before. He helps you wear it over your own and you feel extra warm because of the jacket and also because of the owner of it. It smells like him.

“Are you ready to go?” He asks with a smile and you nod in return.

When the two of you leave the hospital grounds and into the streets that lead to your dorm, you fall in step with Mark and appreciate the comfortable silence that enveloped the air. Your eyes darts to all the buildings you pass, enjoying the views of the lights while Mark glances at you every now and then secretly.

“How was your day with your brother?” He asks. You noticed how Mark always started your conversations during your trek home by asking about you. And even though it was more or less the same question every time, you felt comforted by the fact that he took a genuine interest in your day no matter how uneventful it may have been.

You smile as you recall the conversations you had with Youngho earlier. “Really good. He’s doing better everyday. Doctors say he can go home next week at the latest.”

Mark smiles at your response, happy to hear the contentment in your voice. “That’s good. And the oranges were okay?”

You chuckle and nudge his shoulder. “The oranges were delicious Mark. Thank you.”

A satisfied grin appears on Mark’s face which in turn only makes the smile already plastered on your face, wider. You can’t help but stare at his face a little longer, trying to pick out your favourite feature, long enough for him to notice you staring.

He turns his head to your direction and momentarily meets your eyes, catching you red-handed before you can look away in embarrassment.

“What is it? Is there something on my face?”

You laugh to yourself at the absurdity of your thoughts and actions just now, leaving Mark slightly confused. You step sidewards so that you could walk closer with him.

“Hey, remember that night you got drunk?” You suddenly say, a hint of teasing evident in your words.

Mark sighs and drops his head low. “Y/N, could we not do this right now?”

You laugh at his reaction and shake your head even when he doesn’t see it. “No I promise it’s not about that.”

Mark lifts his head up then and looks at you curiously. “What is it then?” he asks hesitantly.

“Well, remember you left me a small note the morning after?” You asked further, recalling the words hastily written on a small piece of paper.

“Mhm.” Mark says. “I said owed you one.”

You nod eagerly and quicken your pace so that you’re in front of him. You turn around to face him and continue to walk backwards.

“Want to make up for it now?”

Mark nods slowly in agreement, remembering the favour he owed you for allowing his drunk self to sleep in your dorm unannounced that night.

“Is there something you want specifically?”

“There is.”

“What is it?”

“Take me out on a date.”

Your words come out so naturally it catches Mark completely off guard. He halts in his tracks, eyes widening at you, orbs penetrating into yours. You hold in your laughter right then and there because he seems to be sincerely surprised with your suggestion.

“D-Did I hear that right?” Mark asks, unsure.

“I’m pretty sure you did,” you say teasingly and you turn on your heels to walk ahead.

It isn’t long before Mark catches up with you, eyes boring onto the side of your face. “A-Are you sure? I mean a date-”

You cut him off of his words and try to act cool even though you were faltering because of his flustered nature. “I wouldn’t have suggested it if it wasn’t something I wanted in the first place. Don’t you think?”

The both of you hadn’t talked about the conversation you had just before your brother was rushed to the hospital. It’s almost been two weeks and with the knowledge that Youngho approved of Mark himself, it only encouraged you to give Mark a reply you knew he deserved and you decided that maybe going on a date with him would be the best way to let him know.

After your reassurance, Mark smiles genuinely.

“Alright then. I’ll take you out on a date.”

Youngho is discharged from the hospital the following week and it takes him a lot of convincing for you to stay put and not accompany him to your original home. He says he’ll be fine once he gets into the cab and that he really didn’t see the need for you to bring him home only for you to come back straight away.

“I mean, I could stay with you for a night or two-”

Youngho shoots you an unamused look and gestures to himself. “Y/N look at me. I’m perfectly fine. I got this. Stop being so fussy and go worry about your date already.”

“But that’s-”

“I am fine. I am breathing. And I can go home by myself. I think you’re forgetting I’m the older one here,” he says sternly only to break out into a smile. When he finishes putting his bag into the boot of the cab, he walks towards you to give you a long and tight hug. “I’m sorry for worrying you like that. I should’ve been more careful. But thank you for coming everyday to keep me company. I really appreciate it.”

You let yourself hug your brother in the same manner he did. “You’re my brother. It was the least I could do.”

When he lets go of you, he ruffles your hair in a playful manner. “Look after yourself okay? And if there’s anything, I’m just a phone call away.”

You nod with a smile. “Of course. Be safe on the way home!”

And just like, the taxi whizzes your brother away.

You and Mark had previously agreed to go on your much awaited date when your brother was discharged from the hospital, whenever that may be, so here you were, getting ready for something you’ve been so excited for. When your phone vibrates to indicate a message from Mark saying he’s downstairs, you take one last look at yourself in the mirror before leaving your dorm.

Mark looked just as handsome as ever, sporting a casual look with a sweater and a pair of jeans on, hiding just underneath his black coat that reached just above his knees. And you laugh as soon as you see him because you’re wearing almost the exact same outfit. He realises this when you emerge from your building and can’t help but smile at your accidental coordination.

Mark didn’t tell you where you both were going and you didn’t want to ask, allowing him to surprise you to wherever he had planned for tonight. You find yourselves seated in a booth of a cozy restaurant that served all sorts of different food - from burgers to pasta to pizza. And you both lose yourselves in your conversations, laughing here and there, just like how you normally did on a daily basis before things got too complicated and messy. You realised you missed these moments the most with Mark; when you’re talking about anything and everything as you jump from one topic to another.

If Mark was honest, he didn’t have much planned for your date. All he knew as that being able to spend time with you was more than enough for him. And if you knew Mark thought this way, you would’ve agreed with him as you are currently enjoying the scenery and lights the Han River offered. Both of you are walking side by side along the river, the cold not being too much of a bother for some reason.

The both of you had talked about nearly everything by the time you left the restaurant and now that the two of your were surrounded by nothing but each other and the calming views of the river ahead, you figured this would be the time to talk about things that mattered more. And Mark seems to be reading your mind when he initiates the conversation first.

“So what sparked your interest on going on a date with me?” He asks in his usual gentle voice and you liked the fact that he didn’t sound nervous.

You think about it for a moment before replying silently debating how much you could reveal in one go. “I guess I just realised some things when you weren’t around.”

Mark accidentally brushes his hand against yours and there’s a growing urge in him to just grab and hold it.

“Yeah?” he confirms and you nod. “Would you like to enlighten me?”

When your hands brush against each other’s for a second time, he stops in his steps with his eyes fixated on your hand and eventually reaching out to lace his fingers in between yours. You stop walking briefly and look back to see your already intertwined hands. You smile unknowingly, letting warmth spread in your insides. Mark tugs at your hand then and you both continue to walk along the path.

“I don’t know where to start,” you reply truthfully with a laugh.

Mark smiles and gives your hand a small squeeze. “Start with the easiest.”

“Okay,” you say and organise your thoughts from the smallest to the biggest. “I realised it was weird not seeing you. I think I just got so used to spending the majority of my time with you, you know?”

Mark nods, a small smile resting on his lips.

“And then I went on that date with Yukhei but I couldn’t concentrate because all I could think about was you. I can’t even remember half the things he said to me that day and I felt so bad. But we’re okay, we’re friends now and I knew then I only wanted to be friends with him.”

Mark’s smile widens and you roll your eyes playfully.

“And then you said you were in love with me when you were drunk and that really wrecked me for days because I couldn’t stop replaying what you said.. And then I confronted you because you kept avoiding me and I think during that time when you cleared things up that’s when I realised something I had neglected for ages.”

Mark nods silently as he rubs small circles on your hand with his thumb.

“It was only when we were at the hospital waiting for my brother to come out of the theatre that I became sure of what I realised.”

“Which is?” Mark asks.

It’s your turn to tug at his hand this time, making him stop in his steps. He takes a small step towards you so that he’s facing you. You tighten your hand around his slightly, as if gaining the courage to say the next few words from his touch. He stares at you with soft eyes and you smile at him, a smile that radiates from the deepest pits of your heart.

“I am in love with you.”

Your words come out quieter than you would have liked and you worry Mark doesn’t hear but he does and you can tell by the way he’s smiling at you, his smile reaching his twinkling eyes. You look away from his gaze shyly, amazed at the fact that you were able to utter those words so comfortably to him. You try to pull his hand so that you could continue your walk but he only pulls you back so that you could face him again.

“You’re in love with me.” he repeats in complete awe.

You nod under his gaze. “I am.”

His mouth hangs open a bit. “Wow.”

You throw him a weird look and laugh. “Why is that so hard to believe?”

He pretends to be offended by your question only to be replaced by a small smile afterwards. “Is that even a question? I mean look at you? You’re-” He uses his free hand to gesture at you and when his eyes land on yours after gazing at you up and down.

“Beautiful.”

You melt for the nth time that night and you try to hide it by playfully nudging your shoulder with his. Who knew it would be possible to fall any deeper than you already had?

“God, I must have saved the country in my past life or something,” Mark finds himself saying when you continue to walk.

You chuckle at his words feeling heat creep up on your cheeks. “You make it sound like I’m a divine being.”

He smiles and gives your hand another squeeze.

“You are.”

For the remaining two weeks of your winter break, you spend it at home with Youngho to celebrate Christmas and to welcome the New Year while Mark flies to Canada to see his family before diving into a new semester. Even though you were miles apart from each other, you felt giddy everyday because Mark always made sure to call you to update you on the interesting things he did back home and of course, to hear your voice. You even got the chance to briefly meet his parents over skype and Youngho being the nosy brother he is, would often snatch the phone from you and talk to Mark himself, sometimes about silly things and other times consisted of him playfully threatening Mark to look after you. Nonetheless, the distance never really mattered because Mark was in constant contact with you, whether that be calls or texts. There’d be times where he’d fall asleep during your skype calls because of the time difference or vice versa and whenever you’d doze off into dreamland in the middle of his words, he’d stop immediately and smile just so he can stare at your sleeping figure which he found to be very endearing. Other times you’d feel your phone vibrate in your pocket during the randomest times of the day only to receive a picture from Mark about anything; the sky, flowers, buildings, even food, accompanied with messages like I saw this and it reminded me of you. I miss you. And you’d allow yourself a few minutes to reread the messages over and over again, feeling the warmth he ignites in you spread all over your body. Sometimes Youngho would catch you smiling at your phone and often he’d tease you about your love-struck self but other times he’d smile to himself knowing you’re happy.

But today was different. You missed Mark, yes but today was painfully different because you missed him more than the other days. And you think it’s the fact that Youngho is pulling your luggage out of the car and settling it in front of you as you face the first day of second semester tomorrow. Being home for Christmas and the New Year was nice because you got to catch up with your only family member and it reminded you of old times, when you were both younger and when the world didn’t seem so daunting.

With a pout, you reach out and envelop your tall brother in a chest-crushing hug.

“I can’t breathe,” he jokes but he goes on to hug you anyway with the same force you exerted.

“I hate this,” you mumble and think of the long days ahead without having to deal with Youngho’s teases, something you missed a lot.

You feel your brother bring a hand to rub your head in a comforting manner. “I hate this as much as you do. I hate sending you off to school. The house is so quiet without anyone around.”

You find it in your heart to smile but it’s a sad one. “Better start dating then so you can bring someone home with you.”

You let go of Youngho then and he gives you a playful smile. “Just because you’ve got yourself a guy, doesn’t mean you can rub it in all of our faces.” You roll your eyes at his words. “And relax, I am working on it.” He winks at you, a cheesy smile resting on his lips.

“Yeah? Don’t scare them away alright? You can be a bit overbearing-”

“And here I thought you were rooting for me.”

“I was joking. I wish you all the best,” you say, smiling. “You should go, the sun is setting soon.”

Youngho nods and ruffles your hair one last time. “Okay. Be good! Study hard! And tell Mark I said hi.”

You nod gratefully as you wave him goodbye, staying outdoors until his car was nowhere in sight.

You unpack all your things and tuck them away neatly in their designated spaces of your dorm and when you’re done it’s almost ten in the evening. Your thoughts travel to Mark. He didn’t really say when he’d be back in the hopes of surprising you and you wonder if he’d stay long enough in Canada for him to miss a few classes. You feel the familiar feeling of longing settle back in your chest. You really really missed him. You opt to sleep instead after you wash up in hopes of forgetting the fact that there was nothing more you’d want than for Mark to come back already.

You are awakened from your deep sleep with the faint knocking on your front door. You peel your eyes open with a lot of struggle and instinctively reach for you phone to check the time. 02:21AM. Who would come knocking at your door at this ungodly hour? Nonetheless, you rise from your bed and begrudgingly trudge your way towards the door where the knocks don’t stop. You don’t even take the time to check your peephole because at this stage, you could barely keep your eyes open. Unlocking the door and securing your grip on the knob, you twist it open and pull the door only to be met by the blinding lights of the hallway. You squint your eyes for a second or two before they spring open at the culprit of the knocks that had waken you.

There stood Mark. Smiling.

And he alone is enough to pull you back to your senses to wake up fully. It isn’t long before your arms are flying to wrap themselves around his neck while he rings his arms around your waist, pulling your closer and holding you tighter by the second.

“I’m sorry I woke you up,” he hums in the crook of your neck. “I came here as soon as I landed.”

You don’t say anything and just let yourself inhale his scent that you missed you so much and be comforted by his warmth. There’s a smile on your lips and you can literally feel your heart bursting with contentment.

“I missed you,” he mumbles and you feel it in the way he hugs you tighter.

All of your fatigue seems to disappear when you keep staring at Mark in front of you. After meeting him at your front door, you ushered him inside and here you both were, laying on your bed, just staring at each other as the moon glows light into your room. Mark’s eyes are shining and they shine twice as much when you occasionally smile at him in between your stares. The two of you don’t say anything for a while, merely letting the silence speak and giving each other the chance to just marvel at everything you both missed. It’s only been two weeks but it feels way more than that.

Mark lifts his hand and rests it on your cheek, making circular motions on your skin with his thumb. “I really missed you.”

You smile at him and close your eyes to sink in the feeling of his touch. “I missed you,” you say a second after.

You feel the mattress move when Mark shifts himself closer to you. You feel his arm dive beneath your neck and holds you firmly on your shoulders as the other rests at your waist. You scoot over closer to him and rest your head snugly in his neck, allowing a hand to fiddle with his hair. You can hear the steady beating of his heart and it makes you smile when you realise yours was in sync with his. There were so many things you wanted to tell him but you didn’t know when exactly to start because you were loving the way he was holding you right now. In the depths of his arms, you felt safe and secure.

“You know I realised something when I was in Canada,” you hear him say softly.

Your hand find its way to rest on the side of his cheek by now, and you’re rubbing it soothingly with your thumb, something that comforts Mark greatly. “Really? What is it?”

There’s something settling in the way that Mark is holding your waist so tightly, as if he’s afraid you’d disappear into thin air like a bubble and you let the comforting feeling settle in your chest. He keeps surprising you in ways you didn’t know would be possible.

“I never asked you to be my girlfriend.”

He whispers his words delicately but the waves of feels it sends you is tremendous. You lean your head back a bit to look at him and he’s already looking at you, a small smile evident on his lips, eyes smiling and genuine. He watches your expression carefully and figures that you’re mentally agreeing with him and when you don’t say nothing as you lose yourself in your thoughts, he takes his opportunity.

“Be my girlfriend?”

The way in which Mark asks is so captivating that you feel your heart pick up its pace. You blink at him a couple of times as he does the same. Only with him, he lets his eyes trail every one of your features, from your eyes, to your nose, to your lips. And he stops at your lips, wondering how it would feel to finally kiss them and it ignites a desire in him to do just that.

“Can I kiss you?”

In the thrill of the moment, you don’t speak when Mark asks his second question and instead, let yourself lean forward to close the gap between the both of you until you feel your lips land on his. He instinctively closes his eyes as he pulls you even closer to him as you melt into the kiss and just like how you had thought, Mark’s lips are soft and sweet. And he kisses you slowly and carefully, his next move well calculated. He is gentle when he deepens the kiss, bringing a hand to rest on the nape of your neck while you lose your fingers into the thickness of his locks. This was your first time kissing Mark and though you felt amazing to be kissed by him on the cheek before, this was a whole new level of amazing. You reach up further to him until you find yourself hovering over his body, sitting snugly on his lap. He trails his thumb across your jaw and you can feel goosebumps settling on every inch of your skin.

When you finally pull away, his chest heaving with yours, you rest your forehead on his and you let the tips of your nose touch his as you both smile at each other, elated on what had just happened.

“I’d love to,” you finally answer his initial question.

Mark’s smile grows and he closes his eyes to contemplate on what he wants to say next. The way you fit so well in his arms now only pushes him to speak the words he’s never spoken to anyone before.

“I love you.”

And his words imprint themselves on every part of your heart and every syllable travels to love your soul in a way only he could. And you love that he’s saying it to you in the most intimate and quiet way, to make sure that those words were only meant for you to hear.

You find yourself falling deeper with every rise and fall of his chest and you take the time to take in the way he’s smiling peacefully with his eyes closed. God he was beautiful. You draw in a breath and close your eyes with his, ready to let him know you felt the same way.

“And I love you.”

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