#tw: self hatred

[saebaragi]

i hate myself a lot but when I get a reply from an fanfic writer like this I think "huh maybe I'm not that bad, maybe I'm okay even"

#random stuff on my account like usual #fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 #ao3 replies #ficwriter replies #tw: self hatred

[bunbunuwuu]

what it feels like looking into the mirror while you're severely depressed.

#tw s3lf harm #depressing shit #tw depressing thoughts #sorry for being depressing #sad thoughts #tw: self hatred

[spreadssheets]

i stay writing steve harrington as a child of abuse and neglect i am obsessed with this tiny little man

"Robin," Steve whispers, teeth grit. "With all due respect, you don't know what it's like."

Robin gapes at him, her blue eyes wide with shock for a moment before they're narrowing with righteous indignation. 

"I don't know what it's like?" She asks, her voice going shrill. The way it always does when she's angry and upset. When Steve has done something to piss her off. "I don't know what it's like to be unloved?" 

Steve looks at her. He's tired. He's so fucking tired. 

"I'm living a LIE, Steve," she whisper shouts. "I don't even know if people love me for me." 

"I love you for you," Steve says simply. 

Robin blinks, something finally dawning on her. 

"Steve, do you think I don't love you?" She asks, suddenly soft around the edges, her anger giving way to sadness. "Do you think WE don't love you? All of the kids and–"

"I don't know," Steve answers. "I don't know, Robin," he says. He can't even look at her. His gaze is glued firmly to the floor beneath their feet. The ugly stained gray carpet of Family Video. 

"How do you not know?" She whispers softly, reaching out to touch his arms. 

Steve flinches away. He can't have her touching him if he wants to get this out. 

"I don't know that…" he swallows. "I don't know that anyone has ever loved me. I don't…" he takes a shaky breath. "God, I don't even know if I know what that would feel like." 

He hears Robin's breath catch, her hands reaching out for him again. 

This time he doesn't shy away from her touch. 

"I-i…" he stammers. "Robin I don't…even know what that feels like."

If at any point y'all wanna fight me in hell, i would not blame you.

#stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #fanfiction snippets #my fanfiction #my fics #steve harrington #robin buckley #tw: child abuse #tw: child neglect #tw: self hatred #tw: internalized homophobia

[suspiciouscatastrophe]

Days when my brain isn't doing well:

My head is overflowing with gory imagery about my own demise, which I find extremely gratifying. I have one new message from my best friend. Before I open it, let me play out all the heavy accusations and goodbyes that could be there in their voice. You're welcome :) Oh. They're just saying hi. Okay. Wait! What if they're just scared to tell me they hated me? Wait for the next message. That's gonna be it. While I'm waiting, how about shooting the person next to me with a gun that I don't have? I must not – and I repeat – I must not even dare to buy those snacks. You will die at 30 from Financial Irresponsibility. Also, consuming food without clear ethical sourcing makes me a supporter and a perpetrator of worker mistreatment and corporations destroying our planet. On the other hand, if I pay more and buy the much more expensive product, I'm an overprivileged bourgeoisie scum. All that aside, I've just accidentally made eye-contact with a child in this crowded room, and I think that was a clear sign I am a pedophile. My existence is a caricature and smells of transphobia classism racism ableism and homophobia. I've just zoned out for 241 minutes, were you saying something? I feel like a mistake. How about eating the dead worm on the pavement? My leg hurts. It's been painful to walk for more than a month. I know that if I were a better person, though, my body wouldn't suck. I think about there being a tomorrow tomorrow and I want to cry. Anyway, excuse me, I must go work on my theory about how I'm an Abuser, or take a six hour nap. Both are equally likely.

Days when my brain is doing better:

On no. My current deficit of intrusive thoughts and suicidal ideation clearly proves that I'm The Mentally Healthiest The Neurotypical(est) and I have only been faking for attention the whole time.

The back of my head: Throw that stranger's chewed chewing gum in your water bottle and-

#personal #autism #ocd #mental health #tw: self hatred #self-hatred #intrusive thoughts #ableism #shooting mention #gun mention

[citrineleaf]

@playerappreciationweek Summary:

When one is in a team, they must make certain... sacrifices. And, sometimes, your team leader doesn't approve of those, but damn it if you won't try. -- Alternatively; Player would very much like to stay behind for everyone's safety. Player is a moron, according to Carmen.

(Made for Player Week, Day 5 "For Carmen's Safety, Right?")

#csplayerweek2023 #tw: manipulation #tw: panic attacks #tw: minor violence #tw: imprisonment #tw: kidnapping #tw: self hatred #tw: self esteem issues

[doctor-wombat]

.

#useless #I’m so pathetic #I literally have like no real problems #I’m so so lucky #and yet? constantly moping around #I hate myself for that #I hate that I can’t stop feeling sorry for myself for one minute to help the people who actually need it #fuck I talk about how exhausted I am but am I doing even the bare minimum of what everyone else does? nope! #i talk about how overwhelmed I am and I have what… three main responsibilities? fuck I’m so spoiled #I’m a fucking asshole #I hate how entitled I am #I hate that while everyone else is so strong for pushing through their struggles I’m making my own fucking struggles #there’s nothing actually wrong and yet I carry on like I’m dying #like fuck why am I so selfish #I despise myself #literally can’t stand myself I don’t know how people even talk to me without getting frustrated and seeing right through my bullshit #tw: self hatred

[nerdybirdboy]

Open || Back to Normal?

Set in Tim's Post-Joker Jr. verse.

Back in the Manor. Back home. It didn't feel like home. Nothing felt like home anymore. Nothing felt safe. Tim had been back in Gotham for a week and beside Alfred, he had refused to see anyone. He kept to his room. They had told him it was important that he tried to make things return to normal, but how could he ever return to normal? How could his life ever be remotely like before again? He was damaged in every sense of the word. No, there was no normal for him. Tim had decided he'd stay here, in his room, for the rest of his life. He couldn't face the others. Couldn't stand their pity. Couldn't risk him doing anything to them, even if he hadn't had any impulse to hurt anyone but himself since he snapped out of the Joker's brain washing, but he didn't trust himself.

He sat curled up in a corner of his room, trying to read, when someone entered his room. No knock, no warning whatsoever. The person just entered.

"No! Get out! I said I don't want to see anyone!" Tim instantly yelled while simultaneously trying to hide, not wanting to be seen by someone who knew him. Knew the old him.

#open #v: post joker jr #v: joker jr #tw: mental illness #tw: brainwashing #tw: depression #tw: self hatred

[yuriko-mukami]

After Haruko left...

#yuriko tsukino #haruko hizashi #yuriharu #diabolik oc #poetry #admin's poetry #tw: self hatred

[a-lonely-womans-dreams]

When you've been in therapy long enough and you're able to Identify the Fucking Problem and you land with a truth about yourself in this moment you don't particularly like... what then? How do you change it, when you can't change your previous actions, and you're not sure if you will change your future ones? When you can see the path forward you'd need to take to change thing your behaviour and do better, but you know you're not committed enough to do it?

Annie Proulx wrote that if you can't fix it you have to stand it. I'm screaming that I can't stand it and I can fix it by changing my behaviour but I won't. I'll keep going on this path and if I keep succeeding it's not going to be by own merit, it'll be continuing on the coat tails of what others have given me or done for me. And will I fix it, when that runs out? Will I get up off my ass and change things? I don't know. I really don't.

#hmmm #this needs a trigger warning #it would be triggering to me so it needs one #tw: self hatred #I guess????? #that's a strong word but I can't think of a better one

[penguinsledder]

Just another day of starting out the day hating myself!!!!

#I'm mad at myself that i can't be productive at home #i need to spend to work outside #and then i wake up hating myself at home #idk it just never ends #TW: self hatred

[songrecommendation]

Song: C'mon, Just Praise Me for Living, Please!

Artist: JubyPhonic (Original: 100kaiouto)

Genre: ? (I can't find one that I believe accurately reflects the song, as Vocaloid is cut off in translation)

#Youtube #unknown genre #c'mon just praise me for living please #jubyphonic #100kaiouto #song suggest #song suggestions #song reccomendations #song rec #song-rec #song-suggest #otacore #tw: self hatred #tw: depression #tw: depressive thoughts #tw

[speciosuspoematis]

ANONYMOUS ASKED : It's kind of pathetic that you don't have any magiks at all. How does it feel knowing that you're worth less than the dirt under your feet?

He needs not reminding. Ever since he was a child had he been subject to great expectation - and that fell heavily once it came to light that Achaeus had not even a fraction of what he had been designed to have. The weighty label of being an utter disappointment, shrouded in absolute disdain and hatred, had affected him deeply but he burrowed it as far down as he could manage.

The first thought in his head every morning when he woke and the last thing on his mind when he went to sleep... Was about how lacking he was. Of how he had no grasp upon any magiks, of how he lacked the intelligence of his parents, of how he had not only let them down but dashed their reputation and altered their careers.

If there was a night where Achaeus did not cry himself to sleep it would be a rarity - for there was no other comfort within his reach save for the softness of a bla ket and one's own voice. Lacking - just as he: undeserving of affe tion or comfort from another.

Each day, the burden grew heavier but naught could fix his position, naught could see him bettered. 'T was out of his control - - no amount of self hatred or wishing would do aught to help.

He was stuck as he was - worth less than the dirt beneath one's boot.

#Achaeus #TW: Self Hatred #TW

[cammyluvss]

stop liking this you little fuckers

if this gets 20 notes in a week ill start drawing more and going outside

if this gets 100 notes by the end of march i will actually try in school

if this gets 200 notes by the end of march i will eat more, ,,,,,,rn i only eat lunch

if this gets 400 notes by the end of march ill stand up to ppl at school who bully me

if this gets 500 notes by april ill stop cvtting

#shblur #988blr #ewwww #sh cvt #sh #988twt #tw s3lf harm #tw sh related #self mutalition #self h@rm #i have a deep hatred for ed sheeran

[the-nymphvallien-universe]

Self-Hatred

Y'all get to see the journal entry for real this time. I didn't flake out and delete it cause it was in my handwriting. Mostly because it's not in my handwriting. See it feels less "real" when it's in a handwriting no one can even read.

TW: self-harm, self loathing, blood

I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry. I tried not to do it. I tried everything. I tried writing, I tried listening to music, watching TV. I tried to distract my mind from the madness it was making itself.

But it didn’t work.

I just needed a break. A moment to just… to just calm down and relax and I didn’t know how else to get it so I… I did the only thing I knew for sure would work. And it did. It did and I hate that it did. I hate it I HATE MYSELF I feel SICK and GROSS and DISGUSTING and

I’m sorry I’m sorry this doesn’t usually happen. I'm not sure what’s wrong with me. Something’s wrong with my brain it’s not working right. I’m trying to get it under control but it’s not going very well. I just need to process all this SHIT and I’ll be fine but it’s all happening at once and it’s overwhelming me and MY HEAD’S GOING TO FUCKING EXPLODE.

I’m sorry I’m sorry I don’t mean to yell. I don’t mean to scare you but I know I am. I know because I’m terrified of myself and I’m the one yelling.

I’ve wiped away most of the blood now. There’s still a few stains left but it’s fine you don’t need to touch them. I’ll clean them up properly as soon as I can I promise.

You left me a message earlier. I’m sorry I couldn’t answer and I’m sorry I can’t go out and help you but I need to deal with my own shit first.

I think the worst is over now I think I’m losing my mind. I don’t want you to see me like this.

But please hurry.

Date: Undated, January 2021

None of the red stuff on the page is blood, by the way. Basically what I did was paint red watercolour paint on the side of my palm and press it against the page. I think I did a better job of this on the Self -Harm journal entry, but again, that one's in my handwriting, and the last thing I want is more people to be concerned for my wellbeing.

#tw: self harm #tw: self hatred #tw: self loathing #tw: blood #fiction #writing #pov: sonwy #sonwy's journal entries #sonwy koren #nymphvallien universe

[uncanny-tranny]

Whenever people who are entrenched in diet culture talk about how terrible chemicals are, I just want to whip out this:

#diet culture #diet culture tw #described images #image description in alt #'it's got CHEMICALS in it' and so do you! and me too! IT'S ALL CHEMICALS ALL THE WAY DOWN #instead of running from this world we must learn to embrace it #i'm not particularly angry at people who say this because it makes me think that they're incredibly invested in diet culture... #...i just don't want the whole 'food = bad' or 'bodies = bad' to go unchallenged... #...part of the reason why diet culture seems just as prevalent now (if not moreso) is partially because it isn't really... #...challenged or questioned without provocation. it's just assumed to be correct because it makes you 'feel in control' #when chemicals are bad you can control what chemicals you consume. it's individualistic and places the blame onto you for 'being good' #it places responsibility onto the person in such a way that it becomes impossible to fulfill #it isn't that i'm upset that people want to treat their bodies in a way they think is responsible... #...moreso that the *way* they go about it ensures that they're stuck in a cycle of self-blame and even self-hatred #because the METHOD is ineffective. not the desire to treat your body well #also the state of ohio looks stupid and i do Not respect it #it looks like a ball that is simultaneously deflated and over-inflated #also their state flag looks silly to me #it looks like the person who was making it fell asleep making it #i'm just clowning on ohio at this point. have never been to ohio but. are you guys okay

[doctor-wombat]

.

#tw: suicidal ideation #tw: self hatred #tw: suicide #fuck I wish I could die #like seriously if it wasn’t for what it would do to my parents… #I’m just a waste of space a waste of other people’s time #it would literally be so much better for everyone if I weren’t here #I ruined my mom’s mental health #am useless in trying to help others #which is all I ever really wanted to do #even the things I’m so careful about fall apart #fuck I hate myself so much #I have the urge to do something risky just to feel alive #when was the last time I felt alive? #yeah I’m melodramatic as fuck trust me I hate that about myself too