#unreachable exterior

[speakspeak]

Unreachable Exterior #136579

#unreachable exterior #exterior #exteriors #exterior design #Architecture #classic #vintage #retro

[aemondsbeloved]

Touch Starved Aemond

summary: touch starved aemond aka aemond slowly falling in love with his betrothed by her gentle touches he was deprived of all his life

warnings: mentions of Aemond’s eye injuring and chronic pains from it, childhood neglect, but mostly fluff I swear

As a child Aemond never grew up with loving touches.

His father grew absent when he was young. The only time he spent time with Viserys was when he would teach his Valyrian and the histories. And even when they bonded over their interested of the subjects it never led anywhere. He knew even then he would never be his half-sister the heir nor would he even be Aegon who got his mother and father’s attention.

The touches he got from his older brother were rough though not always unkind but Aegon is Aegon, Aemond would remind himself. Looking for guidance from an older brother like many others might find, as he saw with his two nephews, was not something Aemond would ever receive.

His half-sister was a ghost even when she lived in the castle to Aemond. She didn’t care about him and his brothers and sister, only her children. She did not like him nor did she hate him.

His sister Helaena did not like to be touched, even when their mother would go to hold her.

With Daeron in Oldtown he didn’t know if his younger brother would be the same as the rest, barely paying attention to him.

No matter how much he loved his mother her touch was gentle but overbearing. He didn’t want to let her down not like Aegon always did. He didn’t want to add to the stress in her life even when he was a child.

So while she was the only one to hug or touch him, it always felt like it came with the reminder of what he wanted to do to not let her down. Even as a child he felt like a soldier.

When he lost his eye he stopped hoping and wishing to be consoled or shown affection even. His mother was the only one who defended him, what did he even expect? For his father to defend him? Foolish. For his half-sister to admit he had been wronged by her child? Outlandish. For his brother to be there by his side when he was attacked instead of passed out from drinking in his bed? Idiotic. For Helaena to say anything? He could not expect her to. He should not expect anything from anyone.

From that day, he never did. He didn't say it outlaid but he hated being touched. He only allowed it from his mother knowing as he grew he grounded her and he allowed it of his sister, the rare times she might touch his arm when he talked to her.

Surprisingly enough, he allowed Her Criston to touch him. Pats on the back when he grew into a fine warrior was all he got and it was all he tolerated. His respect for the man allowed this and only this.

Now a man grown, Aemond was cold on the outside, a fortress that was unyielding to anyone who wished to breach it. For the longest time he only dropped the cold exterior he wore well around his mother and sister but he was just as unreachable. Dependable, yes, but unreachable all the same.

Naturally, when he was betrothed to a lady of an important house, apparently to cement ties between House Targaryen and this House of Westeros, he did not go into thinking he would find love. Or whatever the young ladies at court gushed about whenever a new knight came to the Red Keep.

Love was for maidens and handsome princes, not Aemond Targaryen, the one eyed prince.

He would respect you and make sure others did the same as you would be the wife of the prince. But even before he met you, Aemond knew that yours would not be a love match, how could it? But he would be better than his father, he would respect his lady wife.

He was not expected to meet you, a beauty who had smiled at him and never faltered from his stare that had been said was quite unrelenting. The very same stare that had sent ladies to the other side of the throne room during banquets and feasts had no effect on you at all.

He realized soon that you were full of surprises, pressing him to learn more about him even when he had been keen to not open up at all.

While he always gave you his arm, more out of respect than anything else, you had always held onto his so dearly, your thumb sometimes rubbing circles on his bicep where you held his arm.

He really didn’t realize the calmness your touch brought him until he had it.

Throughout your betrothal and leading up to your wedding in the Sept he did not tell you of his childhood, the absent father, siblings he should have been closer to but wasn’t, mother he loved but always felt the need to prove himself to. He didn’t tell you how he lost his eye even though he knew many at court knew.

It was when you were in the library together reading, as had become routine as you found that you both enjoyed reading and the quiet, as well as the time away from prying eyes.

That day the skin where his missing eye had once been had throbbed, a sharp and ugly pain that occasionally afflicted him. Some days it never bothered him, some days he left him not wanting to leave his chambers. Because of this he always carried an ointment that numbed the pain.

But that day when he felt the pain from his nerves, he dropped his book, clutching that side of his face as he grimaced.

He didn’t notice you moving, going to his side until he heard your voice asking him what was wrong.

When he said in a strained voice it was his eye, pulling out the ointment already, he was shocked to feel you grasping the hand that held the ointment.

At that he had opened his eye to look at you, still clutching the skin over his eyepatch as he considered you.

This was different as the earlier times in your courtship he had considered you. Before he had observed you half in suspicion this was a front, a way for you to get the cold prince to warm up to you. The other half of him wished it wasn’t a front, that you did care for him enough to want to know him but he had dismissed those thoughts.

But now, when you leaned over him and clutched his hand that tightly held the ointment, he considered you again. He knew he wasn’t hiding his shock and interest and maybe even something more — hope. But he didn’t care as he watched you.

And when his grip relented, your fingers ever so gently opened his hand, taking the ointment but not before caressing the skin of his palm and squeezing his hand.

It was all gentleness, something he had never known.

You moved to remove his eyepatch but his insecurities ever a voice so loud in his head had him taking hold of your wrist. “Don’t.”

And Gods be good you only looked perplexed.

“Aemond,” you had sighed, all understanding and care in your tone. “Your scar does not bother me. You are to be my lord husband, I will take all of you as you are.”

He knew you weren’t lying and released his hand on your wrist.

Your fingers were graceful and light as you pulled his eyepatch off of his head and just as nimble as they opened the jar of ointment and put it on the skin around where he had once had an eye.

Your gentle touch soothed him even with the throbbing pain. His eye did not leave your figure as his eye danced over your fingers, the concentrated look on your face, and the feeling of your touch.

Without thinking he put his hand to your waist, rubbing his thumb in circles as you had done to his arm on those many walks in the gardens.

When he realized his actions he stilled, not used to touching you so freely. You had always embraced his touch as bare as it was but he had never done the same.

Just as naturally as it was to touch you as it was when Aemond went to retract his hand but then you had stopped your movement, taking your hand over his and keeping his hand there. When you looked at him he swore it was a sly smile on your lips but your eyes were just as hopeful as he had secretly felt.

Something had changed that day. After that day in the library a touch was always being shared. A hand around your waist if you were alone, your arm in his, the tenderness that went beyond duty already blossoming.

Never before had Aemond wished for touch. But he longed to be near you always as your wedding date approached. He thought you knew this even if he did not say it aloud with the way you looked at him like he was the only one who could cure your ailments. How you leaned into his touch he sought out yours. Maybe your touch could alleviate the pain set so heavy on his shoulders, he thought in the night.

When you had married in the Sept he remembered the vows, your beauty that went beyond appearances, and how he loved the feeling of your hands in his. How he never wanted to let go.

During your marriage you had both slowly but surely fallen in love. It might have been at first sight it might not have been. All Aemond knew was a touch from you soothed his pain and tempered his anger.

When his brother said something unseemly or his nephews were in court and irritated him, a squeeze of your hand in his under the table tempered his anger. And when he was in pain your touch comforted him beyond all.

No one had expected Prince Aemond who had always preferred being alone in presence and mind to become known as the prince most devoted to his lady wife, so fond of her and worshipped her so ardently. Either way, he had found love in the lady who was once a stranger but showed him what love could be with her gentle touches.

And when you brought your first child into the world he swore he had never loved to hold something as beautiful before. What was riding Vhagar, truly a piece of the histories he loved so much, to this — a small child that was his, a testament of the love between him and his lady wife?

As he held them, loving even the sharp cries of someone so tiny and the blood of the dragon, he knew this child would always be loved. They would be held through triumphs and losses, the love of a parents touch always known. They would not know what it was to not have this love as a child. He didn’t have to swear it, he already knew it to be true.

+

taglist: @itsghostgirlyo @rosaryos @cullenswife @whatafreakingloser @witchofthenorthstar @m-indkiller @somemydayy @malfoytargaryen @bellameshipper @targaryenmoony @regandjamielola @tarrgaryenss​

comments and reblogs are always appreciated <3

#aemond x reader #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond x y/n #aemond x you #aemond targaryen x y/n #aemond targaryen x you #aemond headcanons #aemond imagine #aemond fluff #aemond one eye #aemond targaryen #hotd x reader

[reticulating-splines]

Chez Cromwell: Redux - Pt. 1

Magical Victorian Cat Mansion. Redone.

Part I: Exteriors | Part II

So after the long-awaited addition of Infants and Ceilings to the game, I realized I should probably update my one furnished build (so far) for these features. Unfortunately I got carried away again and just ended up revamping the whole build from the exterior, to each individual room + some new ones! This version has also been more extensively play-tested over time with all age groups and pets, with some extra fire hazard and accessibility issues addressed.

It still has all the original Lot Features:

Victorian era historical build, fully playtested

Off-the-grid compatible

9 Bed / 6 bath

Library Greenhouse

Spellcaster's room

Outdoor smokehouse

Pleasure + kitchen gardens

Portal to the magic realm

Hidden cat room, litterroom, + catway system for Familiars

Staff/Servant's lounge w/ private stairs

Bedrooms for Butler, Nanny/Governess, and Maids

Lot size 30x40, fully landscaped

Cat Hangout, Peace and Quiet

Spooky lot challenge

As well as an extensive Changelog and list of New Features:

Revamped exteriors + interiors, roofs, and gardens

Ceilings for all rooms

Added even more windows somehow

Skylights for 3rd floor and wraparound verandah

Rooftop meditation-garden-yoga-summoning-circle

Portals! Small library located off the spell-room has been converted into the Portal Room with 3 portals leading throughout the house: one to the tower on the roof, one to the greenhouse in the back, and one to the third floor hall.

Moved Magic Realm Portal to rooftop garden

Put more cat doors everywhere, they enjoy using the catdoors and portals for zoomies

Sprinklers, alarms, and fire resistant flooring have been added around fireplaces.

Fireplace in the tower was removed for it's propensity to set the roof on fire and become unreachable and inextinguishable

Tower room has been converted into a Collections display room instead, a la sims 3

Portal in the tower/Collections room also makes potential burglaries more threatening, but if you’re an occult you’re expected to employ practical DADA techniques to avert this

Updated Nursery and Playroom for Infants

Redid terrain paint. Twice. Why tf does it just vanish randomly sometimes

NEW Magic Bean Hunt! Stump is located where the magic realm portal used to be and beans are strategically hidden around the lot. I'd love to see how long it takes for you to catch them all!

Washbasins for rooms without bathrooms now look like washbasins and are actually useable, both on and off grid

Added privacy hedges and lattices to backyard and fenced in chicken run

Potions Crafting Table added to Spell-room

Crafters Supply Cabinet added to Kitchen

Pocketed pocket doors

Secret Cat Room color scheme updated and cat-approved artwork added

Another Cat room added to 3rd floor

Magic Well has been shrunk

Rooftop area outside 3rd floor Study converted into rooftop Pavilion with chessboard and painting easel

Jack-and-Jill bathroom added for two of the third floor bedrooms

Toilet room removed and bath added for staff washrooms, for an equal 2-toilet/2-bath arrangement, which means the build now has a total of 7 full baths, and 8 toilets.

More crafting tables (fizz machine and candle maker) added to Staff Lounge

Yoga/Meditation Balcony for staff above greenhouse

Small telescope added to rooftop outside tower room’s new 2nd door

Garden lights around yard configured for power + off grid lighting

‘Bike racks’ added by front gate

New Library shelves seem to allow sims to retrieve books but not put them back. However this is actually a feature, not a bug, since now you can put the books back yourself on on the right shelves and keep things organized 🙃

Should now be consistently able to feed and be eaten by the Cowplant

Homey trait replaced by Gnome lot trait since there is a proliferation of gnomes

Requirements

Lot: 40x30, $752,005, 9 bed 8 bath, Cat Hangout, Gnome, Peace and Quiet, Spooky Lot Challenge

Packs - packs in bold are essential:

EPs - Cottage Living, University, Island Living, Get Together, Get Famous, Seasons, Cats&Dogs, Eco Living, City Living, Get to Work

GPs - Realm Of Magic, Jungle Adventure, Parenthood, Vampires. Strangerville, Spa Day, Outdoor Retreat

SPs - Paranormal, Laundry Day, Romantic Garden. Nifty Knitting, Vintage Glamour

Kits - Blooming Rooms, Desert Luxe

Patreon Download

Public: Available Dec 15th!

#chez cromwell #chez cromwell redux #ts4 exterior #ts4 build #reticulated builds #ts4 cc free #ts4 mansion #ts4 maxis match #ts4 lots #furnished build #ts4 historical #ts4 decades challenge #ts4 1900s #ts4 1800s #ts4 occult #ts4 infants #ts4 #the sims 4 #early access

[mlfns]

starter  for  malka-lisitsa

PAIN  gripped  at  his  chest  like  an  ever  tightening  vice.  to  be  on  the  outside  watching  a  LOVE  not  his  own,  the  sharing  of  smiles,  of  touch,  of  things  he  yearned  for  desperately  only  to  find  them  slipping  between  his  fingers  like  air.  to  feel  it  all  so  powerfully  was  tearing  every  part  of  his  well  maintained  exterior  down,  from  cracks  to  a  crumbling  facade  of  TEARS,  and  ANGER  that  he  couldn't  contain  within  his  shell.  to  love  was  a  feeling  like  no  other,  to  be  loved  in  return  was  like  the  stars  in  the  sky,  unreachable  now  in  his  mind  that  was  a  blurry  mess  of  feelings.  he  sought  to  place  blame  anywhere  it  could  land,  to  find  some  way  to  rid  himself  of  what  was  already  eating  away  at  his  insides,  lashing  out  on  anything  in  his  path  to  avoid  teetering  over  the  edge  and  losing  himself  into  a  part  of  himself  he  pretended  wasn't  there. but  in  the  end  it  was  like  it  wasn't  happening,  the  world  kept  turning  while  it  felt  still  for  him,  knowing  that  the  place  he  called  home  now  held  NOTHING  for  him,  only  memories,  only  pain,  only  things  that  would  bring  him  to  the  edge.  the  emotion  had  exhausted  him,  yet  it  came  about  in  waves,  leading  him  to  place  the  call,  leading  him  back  to  her  in  a  fit  of  desperation.  he  needed  to  cling  to  something,  a  fresh  start,  anything  away  from  there.  so  he  sat  in  wait,  watching  his  brother  and  elena  through  the  window  of  his  car,  tears  clinging  to  his  eyes  wanting  release  -  if  katherine  came,  that  would  be  it,  he  would  TURN  HIS  BACK,  he  would  be  gone. stefan  shouldn't  have  continued  to  watch  them,  his  fists  slamming  down  on  the  wheel,  gripping  onto  it  with  a  ever  tightening  grasp  until  his  eyes  rose,  the  view  blocked  by  the  arrival  of  katherine  and  he  tried  to  piece  together  what  he  could  of  himself.

#malka lisitsa #✩ ᴛʜᴇ ʀɪᴘᴘᴇʀ ﹣ sᴛᴇғᴀɴ sᴀʟᴠᴀᴛᴏʀᴇ

[fay-zay]

Opening Sequence || k.mg

Genre: Angst; nothing but pure angst

Synopsis: He lied, and you believed him. He lied again, you believed him again. That was what he and you did; run around the same excruciatingly painful circles just to be around each other. But this has to end and suddenly, Mingyu is left to choose between two options; one more painful than the other.

Contains⚠️: Mentions of cursing, guns, death of a character; in short this is a mafia Seventeen fic with every bit of angst I could muster, viewer discretion is requested.

Starring: Kim Mingyu, Choi Y/N (you), Jeon Wonwoo, Choi Seungcheol

Word count: 3120

Is this what it was? What it felt like? Like a thousand acidic needles piercing through an unreachable place of the heart and making this slow and painful? 

It takes an average of 6-8 minutes to fully die from a gunshot. 2-3 if you’re lucky. Sounds like a better option and more importantly, Y/N was ready to take on that pain. At the very least, it would put a stop to the unbearable, unspeakable pain that she had been bearing for months now. 

Her eyes screwed shut, her head resting on the back of the couch with an unswallowable lump on her throat; one that hopefully was to go away soon enough.

Wonwoo’s heart hurt at the sight of her. So broken, so helpless and stuck in a cage of her own making. Y/N might have been able to keep up that stoic and emotionless facade of hers but Wonwoo saw through it. He can't exactly help it. After all these years of being by her side, having her back and knowing her, he had unknowingly learnt her. Jeon Wonwoo knew how much of a dark and twisted painting Y/N really was; despite her expression mostly mirroring that of a blank canvas. Of course, the only exception was...him

Wonwoo had claimed himself to be immune to others' moods. He was usually able to maintain his composure despite what everyone else around him felt. But her feelings? They affected him. 

Every single time he watched her as she had pieces of her heart chip away. He saw through her naive smile and soft expression that she had saved for one man only. He saw the effect that he had on her.

The impact of his lies, the cruel blow of his betrayal; it getting all too much to bear. She wanted to believe him, so badly. And her disappointment and pain were enough for even Wonwoo to secretly wish that he wasn't lying.

Even though they both knew that Kim Mingyu walked into their lives with an intention; an intention of which they were fully aware of. Wonwoo regretted the day they decided to humour him. Let him live in the lie that he had the upper hand, that he was winning. At least he wouldn’t have to be the key witness to the agonizingly slow destruction of such a strong and beautiful woman. It’s pathetic how trivial such feelings were and then suddenly they weren't;

Suddenly they were shattering everything without revealing it to the naked eye, destroying everything Y/N had made. It was taking the girl tumbling down like it wasn’t stacked at the expense her entire life. 

“I thought you left,” She spoke up, her voice barely above a whisper. If the room hadn’t been eerily silent, he wouldn’t have heard her. And Wonwoo wished he hadn’t;

“Like hell, I would!” He spat, anger and frustration coursing through his being. How was she being so casual about this? “You need to go,” Y/N urged, lighting a cigarette. Not once did she look up to meet his eyes. It was hard for Wonwoo to accept that this is what she was now. Reduced from her strong exterior to someone soo shattered and distraught.

“Y/N, can we not do this? Can you not?” Over the past few days, Wonwoo had resorted to threatening, yelling, arguing and reasoning with her. And now, he was finally begging. Making a last-ditch effort. One last attempt at saving her. “We’ll let him go, we’ll relocate, we’ll find something else to do. Just can you not take it this far?!” 

She sighed, inhaling the nicotine before sitting up straight to look him in the eye. How long had it been, since she looked him right in the eye? Like she usually does in a way to tell him her decision is final?

Too long it seems; given that Wonwoo could not recognize the look in her eyes. The beautiful honey swirls in her soft brown eyes seemed to be gone. Instead, they were dark and hollow. Like it was the tattered remains of her soul that were begging to be set free. As though she was trying to convey the message to him without having to make the effort of opening her mouth.

But she did it anyway because that’s what he deserved. Wonwoo was precious to her, sacred even. He was the only one who knew the whole truth and would know the entire series of events that went down.

He deserved the entire truth. “I’m tired Wonwoo, I’m tired and I think I would like to end it here. I would like to stop here. Can you let me do that, please?” 

For the first time in years, Y/N saw his beautiful eyes brim with tears. He was going to break under the pressure of letting his dearest friend submit herself to someone else’s will. His hands were tied; as much as he wanted to grab her and drive away into the night, far enough from the fire that she was willing to engulf in, he couldn’t. Just like she couldn't run despite all the doors being open.

Y/N had treasured her freedom more than anything else in this world. Robbing her of that would kill her whilst breathing. He could not do that to her, as much as he wanted to.

“I know you want to take me away, and I don’t blame you,” Her lips curved up in a small smile, almost non-existent but he could see it. “But I don’t see a way out of this Wonu, I’m sorry.” 

‘I’m sorry for pushing all of this on you, I’m sorry for leaving you alone, I’m sorry for everything’ is what she wanted to say but again, she couldn’t. She didn’t need to. Wonwoo didn’t need words to know what exactly she meant. 

He finally nodded, tight-lipped and tears cascaded down his face. He was going to walk out now. Get himself and the other boys to safety for what remained of the night. But before stepping out of the dark room, he bent down and placed a soft kiss on her temple. And then he walked out, without a backward glance.

Because if he stayed, he was going to lose all sense of composure. If he looked back, he would sink down into his knees and beg for her to let go. And that wouldn’t be something he or Y/N agreed with,

Harshly rubbing his jacket sleeve over his face, Wonwoo prayed for some divine intervention. One that saved her;

-------------------------------------♡---------------------------------------

“Oh my fucking God, can you stop breathing on my neck for fuck’s sake!” Kim Mingyu wasn’t the one to lose his temper or even go as far as cursing out his superior.

But his mind and his heart were at war with each other and S.Coups wouldn’t so much bat an eyelash at the emotional turmoil he was putting the man through. 

Then again; it didn’t bother Mingyu and it shouldn’t now, well according to S.Coups that is. “Watch your mouth!” He barked, “I’m not the one who’s stalling a mission for weeks!” Mingyu cursed under his breath at how callous and calm the older was being. Was he always like this? Then again, when did Mingyu ever stop to notice? 

“This is your last shot! Either you kill her or we kill you! The choice is yours!” With a deafening, sickening thud the call was over. And Mingyu knew for a fact that S.Coups would act on his words. It wouldn’t bother him the slightest; simply add a new notch in his belt. A new jewel to the crown he wore of being the most ruthless. 

To kill or to be killed; those were some generous options S.Coups had given him. And in normal circumstances, Mingyu would’ve barged into the room down the hallway and pulled the trigger without a minute’s hesitation but now? The mere thought of it disgusted him. 

Choosing to live over choosing to let the love of your life die; He was being selfish; yet again. He walked into her life when he wanted to, he fell for her because he wanted to, let her fall for him because he wanted to, and now he was going to kill her because he wanted to. He wanted to live,

He knew what he was to do. But there are questions, the ones that he felt were wavering his will. She had to have known. Y/N wasn’t an idiot then why did she choose to act like one?

His lies weren’t even convincing, so why did she choose to believe them? He knew that she knew. He could tell by the way her usually bright eyes dimmed a little each time he lied to her face. Then why…?

Shaking his head as though it helped him shed the thoughts, Mingyu lit a cigarette. He wasn’t particularly fond of the cancer stick but at times when he couldn’t think straight, he appreciated the buzz of pleasure and energy.

The white stick loosely dangling off his lips, he started walking down the hallway, steps slow and soft. ‘Please run away, just please don’t be there!’ He internally begged. He did not want to find Y/N in that room because if he did, he knew what he was going to do; regardless he wanted to or not.

But she was there, sprawled across the black couch, eyes fixated on the ceiling and a similar white stick in between her fingers. A few of her black tresses fell over her face, slightly curtaining the peaceful expression on her face.

“Took you long enough,” He could hear the smile in her voice. “Were you waiting for me?” He asked with a soft smile of his own. Their smiles at each other were the stark contrast of what was impending.

“Why ask something you already know?” She finally sat up straighter and looked him in the eye. They both knew how much they loved each other’s eyes. “I do, don’t I?” He didn’t allow himself to take a seat knowing if he did, he would stray from his original intention; once again.

“Why didn’t you go away?” He gritted out, losing his patience. “Why should I?” “GOD DAMN IT Y/N CUT IT OUT ALREADY!” He yelled, racking a hand down his hair. “Easy there,” She smiled at him. “You knew didn’t you?!” He glared at the petite girl. “Yes, I did.” She nodded. 

“Then why didn’t you fucking do anything?” “Did you want me to?” Rage seethed through his veins at her soft tone. How was she so relaxed right now? “Do you not value your life?!” His pupils were blown up in anger as their faces remained inches away from each other. Y/N lips curved upwards just the slightest as she exhaled a laugh. “Do you?” 

That seemed to have been the straw that broke the camel’s back as Mingyu huffed out an angry breath before retrieving the dark handgun which was hanging from his belt. “What does it look like darling?” He glared, aiming at her forehead. “Do I?” “There you go again with asking questions that you know the answer to, my love” She laughed humorlessly. 

His grip on the situation and the gun loosened as she used the pet name. He was growing more confused as each second passed. She wasn’t one to back down without a fight but now when she was face to face with death, she didn't make soo much of an effort to save herself. 

She just softly smiled and maintained to hold his gaze. “Y/N, why?” His tone softened like it was weakened by the gravity of the situation. “Why are you being like this? Go away, run away, just, please! Spare both of us from this!”

“Do you remember…?” She sighed, her shoulders slumping. “When I said I broke my rules for you? I knew who you were, what you wanted and why you were here. But I broke them anyway. Don’t ask me why, I don’t have an answer to that. All these months, I was waiting for you to come clean to me. I just wanted you to speak your truth but you didn’t. And I’m tired of running in the same circles.” 

It felt weird, laying out your feelings to the man you love while you’re being held at gunpoint. “I’m so tired Mingyu, and I don’t want to run anymore. I knew you and I made my choice. I chose this. So make your choice, and decide. If you want to spare me from the pain you have been causing or do you want me to die every day,” 

The air had been knocked out of his lungs as the aftereffects of her confession. She had been silently enduring the pain he was causing whilst hoping he would stop. And once she realized he wasn’t going to, she decided to end it once in for all. 

What was with today? What’s with the choices laid in front of him? Why was it soo excruciating to choose? Screwing his eyes shut with such force that they began to throb behind his eyelids. Why was everyone so cruel to him? 

“Mingyu,” She softly called making him instantly open his eyes. “Tell me two truths and a lie,” That earned a sad chuckle from him. She’d asked for those every once in a while. It was a twisted little game that they played. And she wanted to once again. “I love you,” “I’m sorry,” “I wish I didn’t love you,” He spoke through between breaths, his hands trembling.

Was he going to be able to do this? What he actually came to do? Serve his purpose? Was he going to sentence himself to lifelong suffering all while ending her own?

Y/N finally stood up and made her way to him, her steps steady and deliberate. She stood, much shorter than him but still, craning her head to look him in the eye. Neither were they angry nor accusing. Simply pleading and assuring. 

The gun barrel rested right above her heart; eyes staring into his. His beautiful thin almond eyes were red; he made no effort to stop the salty residue of his pain as they marked their way down his angular cheekbones and full lips onto his chin and neck. Y/N knew it was for the best.

That this was the best way she could go. She was going to die whilst watching the man she loved with all she had in her; this was perfect.

His sniffles had grown louder with each second they spent, was he perhaps trying to prolong their time? Even if it was a few seconds?

“You need to let me go,” She spoke through her own tears. Their eyes were starting to burn and hurt but neither wanted to break eye contact. “I love you, it’s okay,” Y/N assured, smiling into her tears and Mingyu finally pulled the trigger, his heart shattering into pieces once in for all as an echoing bang shattered the suffocating and heartbreaking silence in the room.

He knew he was going to carry this pain around for the rest of his life; like shackles around his hands and ankles. Every breath he took, every step he placed on the ground, every beat of his heart he felt; Mingyu knew he was going to be reminded of this haunting truth. That he was alive because she wasn’t. 

Throwing the gun aside, he rushed to cradle her crumbling body in his arms. The black shirt she had on quickly got drenched with blood, and the stench of iron and gunpowder quickly overpowered the scent of cigarettes and the vestiges of her favourite Aqua Kiss mist that usually resided in her room.

Her warmth was leaving too soon, eyes dimming rapidly and body relaxing in his hold, the hue of skin rapidly paling; she was going too quickly. 6 to 8 minutes on average. 2 to 3 if you’re lucky; was the world going to take her away this quickly? Was everything going to continue being cruel to him?

She was still looking at him. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry! Forgive me for this! I love you,” He dotted her clammy skin with pecks, making a futile attempt at easing her pain as she counts her last moments. Just seconds ago, he was begging for even a second more and now he wanted it to end quickly so that she won’t be in pain anymore.

Y/N gathered the last shred of energy that was left in her to clutch onto his collar and urge him downwards. “You’re not a bad guy….” She murmured, her voice a decibel or two lower to classify as a whisper,

And then happened all at once. The light left her eyes, her skin went cold, her body relaxed completely and the blood-soaked fingers that held onto his collar now fell limply to her side. Just like that, she was gone, eyes still open, blankly staring at him. 

Biting down his bottom lip with bruising force, Mingyu shut her eyes, forcing himself to accept the fact he had used up his time with her. 

In the early hours of the morning, Wonwoo re-entered the room and was met with the cruel reality that stabbed him straight to the heart. Kim Mingyu; the big, beautiful man was now reduced to dust as he sat on the floor, holding onto the body that held the tortured yet beautiful soul of his best friend. They were both drenched with blood but who cared at this point?

And as surprising as it sounds, Wonwoo was not mad at the man in front of her. It did have something to do with the fact that he knew that he couldn’t achieve anything by being angry at him. For all he cared, he could blow his brains out right now and Mingyu wouldn’t even move a muscle. For now, he had reached a place far enough to not even care anymore. Y/N didn’t blame him for how the whole thing turned out so it would not feel for him to do that, either. 

So he let him hold her all he wanted, he let him cry all he wanted and never once did he deny him his right to her. He had after all paid a heavy price for it. To this day, he is the only one who knows that Mingyu was the one who pulled the trigger. He kept this secret, just like he had done with the twisted game of fate he had watched unfold.

The cruel conclusion that had started to build up since day 1. She was gone. Leaving Mingyu to be tormented by the memories, forced to rewind them over and over again, until he can’t anymore.

the end....

#spotify #seventeen #svt fanfic #seventeen mingyu #mingyu angst #wonwoo angst #mingyu x you #kim mingyu #choi seungcheol #scoups #seventeen angst #seventeen imagines #svt x reader #mingyu x reader #sad ending #kpop angst #seventeen oneshot #svt

[zodiactalks]

These 6 Zodiac Signs Appear Tough But Are Actually Sweethearts

Some people wear their heart on their sleeve. Others hide it under so many layers; it's easy to forget they have a heart in the first place.

Maybe they're trying to avoid getting hurt. Perhaps they're just stoic. Regardless of the reason, some people appear as tough as nails, and it's very hard to imagine that they could have a sensitive side.

It takes years of knowing them and seeing them at their best and their worst, to finally realize they're a lot more vulnerable than they allow themselves to show.

Sounds like someone you know?

If it does, it's probably because the person you're thinking about is one of the following zodiac signs.

#1. Capricorn

Usually, Capricorns only develop a hard exterior after they've been hurt more than once, which means it's often the older Capricorns that fit into this category.

They can be unfriendly, irritable, impatient, and fond of acting like any social interaction is an obligation rather than an opportunity.

The truth is, it's a little of both. Capricorns, particularly those who have been burned before, tend to be shy and feel uncomfortable around strangers, which means any outing full of people they don't know is a genuine challenge.

When faced with a too big challenge or a situation they'd rather not be in, Capricorns tend to wall up and put their coolest facade in an attempt to appear unperturbed and unapproachable.

Hey, you can't be shoved into an awkward conversation if you look too intimidating to talk to, right?

#2. Virgo

Virgos aren't exactly known for their spontaneity, and that goes twice for Virgos, who feel uncomfortable in their environment.

That "too cool for school" attitude Virgos are known for? Planned, rehearsed, and carefully constructed to appear as real and as natural as possible.

Virgos are overtly critical and harsh, especially when it comes to themselves, and this characteristic often leads them to push away others, both on purpose and accidentally.

Though they act like they don't care what other people think, they do, and small injustices and uncalled-for jabs can often hurt them, even if they don't let it show.

What's worse is that Virgos aren't good at letting things go, which, combined with their tendency to present themselves as untouchable, means they'll stew in their emotions until they reach a boiling point, rather than letting things go.

#3. Aquarius

Aloof, detached, and emotionally unavailable, Aquarians love presenting themselves as the ultimate ice kings/queens.

By presenting themselves as untouchable and near-invulnerable, they try to keep themselves safe from unwanted emotions.

Because of their gregarious nature, they don't choose to push away people. Still, by presenting themselves as emotionally unreachable, they ensure they don't have to listen to other people's problems and maintain an emotional distance from them.

Aquarius's hard shell isn't as apparent as other signs, but it does shine through in sarcastic comments and a constant need for personal space.

#4. Aries

While Aries individuals can be detached and not care one bit about what strangers say, the actions and words of their loved ones can hurt them tremendously.

Friends, family, significant others, and people they look up to have a direct pass at Aries's hearts, which means they can break it, and that's the thing no Aries bounces back from with ease.

However, openly showing said emotions isn't an Aries thing to do. For all that they're impulsive, they do have their dignity and prefer to show a tough exterior than to admit that they care.

Aries' impulsivity tends to play against them in this aspect, as they can show a cool and collected exterior, only for it to crack when things don't go their way, betraying the sign's true feelings.

#5. Scorpio

More than tough, Scorpios are mysterious. They hide their emotions behind a facade of ambiguity to ensure no one knows exactly how they feel.

This air of mystery helps them sell the image of being in control at all times, even when they feel like the world is crumbling around them, and they'd love nothing more than to lean on a friend.

Scorpios are faithful and expect others to be the same. They find it hard to trust others and prefer to do things by themselves than depend on someone who they don't 100% trust.

Because of this, Scorpios find it hard to ask for help and prefer to do things on their own, but those who have trusted friends?

They have no problem asking for their help when they need it.

#6. Pisces

No one's surprised by Pisces' emotional turmoil, that's basically their defining characteristic, but what surprises people are the lengths these individuals will go to avoid it being used against them.

Developing an armor is just the beginning. They're also remarkably good at pushing down their emotions and negative thoughts, even when they know it's not the healthiest thing to do.

They also tend to mask their negative emotions to keep others from seeing their less positive side, but they can only do it for a while before the damn breaks.

Since people tend to take advantage of this sign's selfless nature, older Pisces are often less willing to help and more skeptical of other people's intentions.

They still want to help, but they've developed barriers to keep themselves from being taken advantage of.

[horimiya-incorrect-quotes]

Horimiya quickly becomes an “omake” after a plot driven story to bring character together in the Horimiya friend group we know and love today. It’s one of the biggest reason people don’t rate Horimiya highly. They feel “dumbing it down” to a pure slice of slice took away the original intent of the story. I get it. I do. While I actually enjoy the omake aspect of it since it actually develops the character’s relationships with each other, here’s a list of hidden sides we get to see for each characters that actually show up in later chapters and was never part of the “central plot”:

Iura: Quiet and nonchalant in front of his sister Makoto because his loud personality drove her away. In an attempt to bond with her, he adopted a new personality that wasn’t too overbearing for her at home. Eventually, it became a part of himself. (Shown in the anime, but didn’t give a reason why)

Yanagi: A shoujo fanatic at home and also extremely grumpy in the mornings. Although the manga doesn’t expand on it, we can tell Yanagi is really scary when he’s angry. He also admires Kouno the most out of all his friends (and it’s mutual).

Kouno Sakura: shown as inherently capable and feminine. She actually started to learn baking in an attempt to feel more feminine. It was likely because Remi’s reputation took a toll on her. (Note I’m NOT saying any of this is Remi’s fault, actually far from it)

Hori: Even though Hori is popular, another part of her hidden side is that she can’t do traditionally feminine things other high schoolers at her age pride themselves on, including baking. This really is something she thinks is lacking in herself. When Hori admits her insecurities to her, Kouno’s perspective of Hori changes from the unreachable popular girl to a girl trapped in the same social standards.

*spoiler*

Souta (aged-up): cool on the exterior but actually a very caring and family-oriented person at home

Yuuna (aged-up): An air of maturity, but embarrassed easily around the people she’s grown up with (Souta). A little self conscious about her forehead. Really, she turned out like Hori and Souta turned out like Miyamura with his violent tendencies. It’s obvious they both looked up to Hori and Miyamura and started to mirror them, so they’re dynamic is really similar.

*spoiler end*

#horimiya #horimiya manga #sakura kouno #hori kyoko #akane yanagi #souta hori #yuuna #shuu iura

[my2phetaliaheadcanons]

Hello, I was wondering if you could please do yandere 2p axis headcanons for when they come home and their darling with OCD has completely rearranged the room she’s in. Thanks in advance, I love your writing! It’s also completely fine if you don’t want to do this request!

(Y/N) sighed happily as she wiped the sweat from her shining forehead.

For the last six hours, she had been rearranging her cushy jail cell to her liking. The fluffy memory foam nest of a bed that once sat within the room’s middle, allowing her capture to circle her like a love-sick vulture, was now tucked into a cooler corner.

The bookshelves took longer to move, being bolted to the floor and wall. Though, (Y/N) persevered and scraped her fingers raw to move it to her liking. Once they were free, she wasted no time positioning them into a small library-like nook by the door.

With hands now on her hips, she nodded satisfied at her work when the door opened. Turning, her (H/C) locks bounced as gazed upon her captor’s confused face.

Italy: “What the hell-a?” He whispered; magenta eyes wide and roaming around the room. His steps were slow as he gazed upon the changes. Spinning to take it all in.

(Y/N)’s head quirked to the side as she watched his expression change. The magenta became hidden behind narrowed lashes and a small click broke the silence as his white teeth ground themselves.

With a deep breath, Luciano turned to his treasure. His voice was sharp and a smiled like a mother about to lose their cool.

“Tesoro, what have you done?”

“Rearranged the room…” (Y/N)’s voice quieted as Luciano’s hands clasped with his pointer fingers tapping against each other at their peak.

“(Y/N), my darling,” Luciano stepped closer, the smell of his spiced cologne fogging her mind. “You SHOULD have asked. Instead, you’ve hurt yourself.”

He pointed to the minor, scabbed cuts along her fingertips before taking her naked hands into his brown, leather-gloved ones.

His voice dropped back to a whisper. Reminding her of her fragility as a mortal and the dangers of disobeying him.

Romano: Fabrizio hummed as he walked further in. His head moved on a swivel causing his blond locks to shimmer in the artificial lights.

With a hand to his chin, he nodded to himself. With a sudden turn, Fabrizio revealed the large grin to his sweet bambola. A shrug in his shoulders as relaxed into the newly organized room.

“If you wanted to redecorate, then all you must do is ask.”

Germany: Luther’s left brow arched while his head tilted to the right. His lavender eyes settled on (Y/N) as he meandered into the room.

“Zo,” He dragged out while shifting his weight from left to right. “Vhat made jou svitch za room around?”

(Y/N) ummed and twiddled her damaged fingers. Biting her tongue as subtle jolts of discomfort came from the habitual rhythm. Words stuttered and tumbled from her mouth like a child’s first steps as she explained her reasoning.

The paranoia made only the unreachable layers of skin itch. The shadowy demons covered her walls every night. Peace could only be achieved, in (Y/N)’s mind that is, if the room had been reorientated.

Luther chuckled, his hand plopped onto her head, ruffling the soft hairs.

“It’z ok but ask first next time. I would hate for your fingers to become worse.”

Prussia: Wilheim’s steps were the only sound in the silent cage as he approached (Y/N). His vision focused on her hands instead.

Rubbing her arms with damaged hands, (Y/N) fought every instinct to run.

She flinched when Wilheim dragged him toward her, their bodies bumping together. Her cut hands became cradled within his cold, iron grip.

(Y/N) felt tremors cause her body to quake as he spoke, firm and quiet.

“What have you done to your hands?”

Spain: Armando stalked into the room; his approach was slow as he circled the room. Observing each change with a stoic face, his caramel eyes danced with mischievous flames.

His cold exterior melted into a sly smirk as he faced his bride-to-be. Closing in, like a wolf ready to rip out the throat of a struggling doe. Armando spoke. Questioning her reasoning for the switch, wanting to know how her fear manifested and festered in her mind.

(Y/N) stumbled back, and attempted to escape the pressure, but he followed. Unrelenting in his hunt. With no escape, she tumbled onto the bed and was pinned within in his steel grip. Out of options, she whimpered out each one like an innocent man before their executioner.

Armando’s grin became large as he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. His nose caressed her face as he reached her ear. Gently he whispered.

“Put it all back.”

Austria: “Vell, how unexpected.” That was all Jon muttered as he strode into the room. His head was held high like some long-dead noble.

He fluttered and spun around the gilded cage once, then twice to take in the changes (Y/N) had made.

His bat-like display ended when he reached (Y/N). His smile showed many sharp teeth as he leaned down to her, twirling a lock of her (H/C) between his fingers.

“Looks like my Queen has finally begun to embrace her kingdom.”

Japan: (Y/N)’s eyes remained on Kurai as he entered the room like a nervous dog on a veterinarian.

He walked silently on the tatami mats as he kneeled on the pink, summer futon. Softly, Kurai patted the blanket. Inviting her to join him.

Hesitantly, she slides over, socks cause her to skate slightly.  

Sitting, she side-eyed the Japanese man as the silence engulfed them. (Y/N) felt it grow the longer his unbroken stare continued.

Biting and rolling her lip between her teeth, she spoke the obvious question. Wondering about his temper.

“No, Sakura. This is your space. Do as you please.”

#2p hetalia #2p headcanons #2p yandere #yandere hetalia #yandere #2p axis #2p italy #2p romano #2p spain #2p germany #2p prussia #2p austria #2p japan

[skayafair]

Vi at the Council

In one of the video analyses I've seen the author said Vi looked sad during the council meeting. I was surprised because I didn't notice that, but the way she looked could be interpreted like this. I thought: silly me, missing important things about people/characters again.

But I didn't miss anything, I believe. it's just my stupid trait when if I meet a different opinion backed by some believable arguments, I immediatly drop my own opinion on the subject before I even realize what it is.

I believe Vi wasn't sad. She was out of her depth. She felt unconfident and very stressed, coming into this place of higher power she never even supposed she'd be at at any point of her life. It's always been some unreachable higher ground because who's going to let someone from the Undercity into the inner sanctum of the whole Topside where all the fates get decided?

As a teenager, Vi said: "I grew up knowing than I'm less than them. That my place is down there".

And look at her now, entering the most "up there" there can ever be.

No wonder she cast her eys down, hesistantly hovering a step behind Caitlyn's back. It's as if she was trying to hide while staying in a plain sight - not behind Cait but by hiding her eyes. After all, hiding from the topside people of power - the enforcers and pretty much everyone else - was what she's used to.

And this makes her coming forward and swinging her arms so freely while taking at the council when Caitlyn was silenced all the greater. Look, Vi, all those big people living up there. All the people you felt were somehow unreasonably better than you, meant more than you. How weak, blind, stupid and indecisive they turned out to be. They turned out to be people, just like you, only for some completely random reason granted with power they can't even use right. I believe she was truly furious upon realizing that and this let her regain her confidence (leading to a huge and grim mistake but still).

And still, she had to overcome her inferiority complex when Caitlyn lost her footing there. Supported, stepped forward despite her own vulnerability. I truly admire this scene and how much it contains.

And also it's fun to notice that Vi does have an exterior after all. The tough, confident, strong one - the role she took upon herself willingly and out of duty, - while her heart of hearts is a soft and defenseless marshmallow. I just like this contrast so much.

#vi arcane #arcane

[speakspeak]

Unreachable Exterior #461397

#unreachable exterior #exterior #exteriors #classic #east coast #east coast prep #east coast preppy #prep #preppy #ivy style

[leggerefiore]

The meaning of Cyrus's name being related to the sun obviously could be related to how it's Team Galactic and the commanders are named after planets, thus making him the centre of the galaxy. But another meaning could be related to the constant pressure and stress he feels. It feels like everyone relies on him for everything and that everyone is distinctly aware of his presence.

He is somewhat well known, after all. Team Galactic has historic roots within the Sinnoh region, and his ancestor was a well-respected figure within history. His entire life has been filled with unreachable unexpectations and the need for him to hold up his family's legacy. And despite his harsh exterior, many rely upon him and look up to him as a leader. Much like the sun's harshness is looked past for everything else is provides.

I think there's a lot of meaning within his name.

#cyrus.ima #i have baaaad cyrus brainrot and it won't go away

[reticulating-splines]

Chez Cromwell: Redux- Pt. 2

Magical Victorian Cat Mansion. Redone.

Part II: Interiors | Part I

So after the long-awaited addition of Infants and Ceilings to the game, I realized I should probably update my one furnished build (so far) for these features. Unfortunately I got carried away again and just ended up revamping the whole build from the exterior, to each individual room + some new ones! This version has also been more extensively play-tested over time with all age groups and pets, with some extra fire hazard and accessibility issues addressed.

It still has all the original Lot Features:

Victorian era historical build, fully playtested

Off-the-grid compatible

9 Bed / 6 bath

Library Greenhouse

Spellcaster's room

Outdoor smokehouse

Pleasure + kitchen gardens

Portal to the magic realm

Hidden cat room, litterroom, + catway system for Familiars

Staff/Servant's lounge w/ private stairs

Bedrooms for Butler, Nanny/Governess, and Maids

Lot size 30x40, fully landscaped

Cat Hangout, Peace and Quiet

Spooky lot challenge

As well as an extensive Changelog and list of New Features:

Revamped exteriors + interiors, roofs, and gardens

Ceilings for all rooms

Added even more windows somehow

Skylights for 3rd floor and wraparound verandah

Rooftop meditation-garden-yoga-summoning-circle

Portals! Small library located off the spell-room has been converted into the Portal Room with 3 portals leading throughout the house: one to the tower on the roof, one to the greenhouse in the back, and one to the third floor hall.

Moved Magic Realm Portal to rooftop garden

Put more cat doors everywhere, they enjoy using the catdoors and portals for zoomies

Sprinklers, alarms, and fire resistant flooring have been added around fireplaces.

Fireplace in the tower was removed for it's propensity to set the roof on fire and become unreachable and inextinguishable

Tower room has been converted into a Collections display room instead, a la sims 3

Portal in the tower/Collections room also makes potential burglaries more threatening, but if you’re an occult you’re expected to employ practical DADA techniques to avert this

Updated Nursery and Playroom for Infants

Redid terrain paint. Twice. Why tf does it just vanish randomly sometimes

NEW Magic Bean Hunt! Stump is located where the magic realm portal used to be and beans are strategically hidden around the lot. I'd love to see how long it takes for you to catch them all!

Washbasins for rooms without bathrooms now look like washbasins and are actually useable, both on and off grid

Added privacy hedges and lattices to backyard and fenced in chicken run

Potions Crafting Table added to Spell-room

Crafters Supply Cabinet added to Kitchen

Pocketed pocket doors

Secret Cat Room color scheme updated and cat-approved artwork added

Another Cat room added to 3rd floor

Magic Well has been shrunk

Rooftop area outside 3rd floor Study converted into rooftop Pavilion with chessboard and painting easel

Jack-and-Jill bathroom added for two of the third floor bedrooms

Toilet room removed and bath added for staff washrooms, for an equal 2-toilet/2-bath arrangement, which means the build now has a total of 7 full baths, and 8 toilets.

More crafting tables (fizz machine and candle maker) added to Staff Lounge

Yoga/Meditation Balcony for staff above greenhouse

Small telescope added to rooftop outside tower room’s new 2nd door

Garden lights around yard configured for power + off grid lighting

‘Bike racks’ added by front gate

New Library shelves seem to allow sims to retrieve books but not put them back. However this is actually a feature, not a bug, since now you can put the books back yourself on on the right shelves and keep things organized 🙃

Should now be consistently able to feed and be eaten by the Cowplant

Homey trait replaced by Gnome lot trait since there is a proliferation of gnomes

Requirements

Lot: 40x30, $752,005, 9 bed 8 bath, Cat Hangout, Gnome, Peace and Quiet, Spooky Lot Challenge

Packs - packs in bold are essential:

EPs - Cottage Living, University, Island Living, Get Together, Get Famous, Seasons, Cats&Dogs, Eco Living, City Living, Get to Work

GPs - Realm Of Magic, Jungle Adventure, Parenthood, Vampires. Strangerville, Spa Day, Outdoor Retreat

SPs - Paranormal, Laundry Day, Romantic Garden. Nifty Knitting, Vintage Glamour

Kits - Blooming Rooms, Desert Luxe

Patreon Download

Public Download: Available Dec 15th!

#chez cromwell #chez cromwell redux #ts4 build #reticulated builds #ts4 cc free #ts4 mansion #ts4 maxis match #ts4 lots #furnished build #ts4 historical #ts4 decades challenge #ts4 1900s #ts4 1800s #ts4 occult #ts4 infants #ts4 #the sims 4 #early access #ts4 interiors

[apollos-boyfriend]

hey icarus can you tell me more about cpurpled. can you tell me your favorite hcs and what do you think being a part of las nevadas was like for him and rb your favorite purpled fanarts. smiles /gen /nf /i hope the people annoying you explode

WELL since u asked i have no other option do i ^_^

i've been thinking a lot about this recently bc in the past i've said that i think he + the tiredtwt crew are from hypixel itself, with hypixel being like an alien planet to fit with him being an alien, but the more i think about it the less sense it makes. for me, hypixel is more like one of those fun centers that offers a Bunch of different activities. like i have one in my hometown that has a bowling alley + arcade + escape rooms + go karting + jungle gyms + a bunch of other shit. that's hypixel to me, but on a Much Bigger scale. having anyone Originate from it is a bit silly when you think about it as one of those. it makes even less sense when you consider that like, canonically, cboomer is from a Completely Different Dimension. so what i've decided is that yes, he Is from an alien planet, but not someplace that connects to a real-life server, yknow? it also gives me more flexibility to worldbuild his planet's culture and stuff since i don't have to be tied down to hypixel customs.

a slight tiredtwt-related detour BUT it is important to me to lay this out. purpled and astelic are from the same planet but didn't meet until hypixel. hannah and boomer are from the same dimension which is somewhat akin to the feywilds from dnd. originally all of them just came to hypixel to play together and would have to eventually split to return to their own servers/origins until they were like "what if we just had our own server so we didn't have to keep splitting up every night" and thus tiredsmp was born. a lot of them still lived with their parents at that point so it was also a nice opportunity for them to gain more independence and be able to venture out on their own journeys.

for las nevadas..... that is a whole Rant on its own for me to fully go into it so i will save all of it for another night as i have things to do. however. i think, to him, it was a very mechanical process. wake up, keep up the facade, scheme in the shadows, go to bed, repeat. i don't think he really thought about much other than the Necessities, ie mostly revenge. it is always really difficult for me to talk about cpurpled because the way he approaches things is very... uninteresting? he does what he needs to do, or at least what he feels like he needs to do. there's not a lot of personal feelings or retrospection when it comes to him. so talking about how HE felt in those moments is difficult because what he felt was often nothing really, outside of spite, greed, and a need to win. don't get me wrong! i think las nevadas was a super isolating and horrible era filled with nothing but self-sabotage and an unreachable goal he never even wanted in the first place. but i don't think HE realized that, you know? i don't think a lot of people realize that the persona he puts forth Is a sort of mask, yes, but not in the way they think. there are some things he's aware of doing, like pretending to be nice to the las nevadas residents to earn their trust, but a lot of it Is who he honestly thinks he is. i see a lot of people write him as putting on this mask of a brave, uncaring mercenary to hide how scared he is of all the shit going on around him and no!! he IS just an apathetic asshole!! the mask at play is how he earnestly believes the way for him to make a legacy is to have power, and that power is what he craves, when it's obvious all he wants is for people to Know him. he wants bonds!! the people who do pick up on this also tend to take it a different route of him actually being soft underneath the tough exterior, but that's also not it!! he wants to build relationships and a legacy, but wanting that doesn't and shouldn't erase the fact that he's super apathetic and materialistic and an asshole. bc that's just how he is!!! both can coexist!!!! and they do!!!!

#muse talk #superkitten-poison #icarus hcs #me: oh i can't say much bc i have things to do still #also me: that. #i just. it is so hard to get all my thoughts out #bc the last thing i want is to be misconstrued. he can want to be known by others while being an asshole #he doesn't have to secretly be soft or scared. he just wants someone to know him

[lgist]

Trying to forget, what has been remembered.

Surface level, plunge deeper and deeper, you will try. Attempts upon attempts, spinning the slot machine. Retrying and reiterating, striving in silence. Thoughts and emotion be damned, rationality and spirituality do not exist here, this is a task that needs completion. As if compelled, obliged, to compete with yourself. Persisting, walking through glass, for a percentage increase. Perfection breaches the possibilities reality bestows. An unreachable goal within an imaginary grasp, inching further and further away, the moon’s everlasting shine. Profound we seem, the lake only reaches our ankle, how we yearn to dive. Yet there are moments, as we listen to the telephone ring, in suspense. As we sit idly, time slowing down, for them to arrive. Wishing for more time, begging for those few extra seconds. So many things to do, so much more to accomplish, yet they can make you forget what is forever in memory. They, those who hold this interconnected power over you. Who’s powers deny ego, who’s presence commands fulfillment. Accomplishments left hanging, drying in the sweat and tears it took to achieve them. As you prepare for embrace, for never-ending happiness. This medication, this prowess, this feeling, how it can span borders, as if the Earth is squeezed by its clutch. Perhaps the entire universe can feel it, its pulse. Swamped beneath the corporate pressures, lungs clogged with smog, arteries filled with grease, identities lost within a forest of ambiguity, how this power can forget what is remembered. How it can exist within the spiteful, within the hateful, within the powerful? Those who have abused this power, taken from it for what it is worth. We scream, oh the humanity, at the inhuman, at the aliens that lead us to our tragedy. We spectate upon their deceitfulness, their lies, the robbery of intelligence. We grow dull with sharpened exteriors, snipping away aspects of life like it is an arts and crafts project, what we deem as excess is not power, it is not money, it is hope, it is empathy. Working, forever working, for working, here, cannot exist within excess. Addicted to emptiness, hollow before the mortician pierces our skin. We have forgotten what has been remembered, we have left the idea of intrinsic power at the hospital as we prepare for our psychologically global journey with the airline; self-actualisation, we then wonder how we barley survived the crash. For intrinsically, from birth we hold this. We hold potential for empathy, for caring. We hold potential to grasp what exists within reality’s reach, warmth. I must have this by then, I must have that by then. We consistently set ourselves up, as if undercover police, investigating our own insecurities, it is a cold case, we do not have enough evidence to prosecute ourselves. So we continue with this excruciating limbo, pondering at our own condition. Paralyzed, from the neck down. Our heads,  a trainwreck, tired. Yawning at the thought of another morning. 

Yet when we find them, we can feel our toes wiggle again. We can feel our excitement for the next morning as we can see them once again. We can have a moment of relief as we can finally live for more than a dull purpose. Safety, paramount, for an unsafe present dictates. It chooses for you, denies opportunity. It is fight or flight and without them, we don’t stand a chance. So we run, we run, we keep running, until paths align. A safe space presents itself to you. A tailor made refuge for the lonely, we do not walk out lonely again. We can walk out, two hearts as one, arms swinging at the prospects and expectations of life. For expectation dwells in concept, it is never concrete. It is will rise and rise, an endless building with endless floors, an elevator that has every button pressed, like some elaborate joke we play on ourselves. Until we reach this floor, this floor of which they breathe, of which they stand at the other side of the doors, inviting you inside. Suddenly, this floor seems perfect. Suddenly, this floor has reached our expectations. Suddenly, you need not an inch of the floor to change. For it has filled the hole, the empty puzzle piece of you. No longer your lungs feel wheezy, No longer can you be crushed by ambition, No longer can expectation dictate your direction. 

Except, we can not live without imperfection, expectation is well aware of this. When this floor shows its cracks, its vulnerabilities. When its structure is about to collapse, we dread having to say goodbye. So we stay, we long to renovate with no budget. Striving to reach an imaginary grasp, yet again. How everything in life can be a limbo, always trying to forget what has been remembered. Struggling to hold it together with nothing but a bottle of glue. Our safe space has been corroded, we have been plucked from it’s protection. Yet again, we run, we run, we keep running. We board the endless elevator again and when another floor presents itself, the fear of collapse drives us into a permanent state of flight. For we have seen what fighting achieves. War within our minds, casualties guaranteed. Now, everything is grey, gone is the colour. Medicate into numbness, for feeling is too great a toll. We compromise with ourselves, as long as I have this, Ill be happy. To be content is to be amply stimulated, we live in a world of stimulation and we are still not content. Such is the reason we keep running, for not even the perfect floor can hold our weight. Blame and shame, grief defined, trama induced. We walk again across the wet concrete, across the broken glass, staring ourselves in the eyes with complete fear. We can only see the hand that has kidnapped us from content, the arm it’s attached to is always blurry. We cannot see that far ahead, in our short-sighted futures. If we looked farther, we can see it is us. It is I, it is you, it is her, it is him, it is them. Stuck in our elevators, fearful to enter again without the prospects and expectation of a perfect  ____ . 

______________

Delving deep into the abstract, wanted to make it a challenge. It’s not perfect, wouldn’t you say so? Much Love - S

#writers on tumblr #writing #Writers and Poets #Writerscommunity #writer #philosophy #leftism #leftist #politics #political #marxism #marxist #communism #communist #positivity #mental health #mental illness #philosphical

[deepwoodenheart]

So what I'm feeling at the moment is...well complicated.

I have no idea why I'm sharing my deepest thoughts on this app, I mean I barely use it nowadays, but since it holds a special place in my heart I decided to do it anyway.

I find it hard to express myself and find the right words to put all of my thoughts in one place but I will try my best, hoping that one day when I look back at this, my life will get better and this text will become just a ghost of my past.

Life, my life has been nothing more than a bunch of mistakes and poor choices that turned me into a introverted, neurotic, anxiety-filled young adult. I'm not special, nor intelligent. I have nothing that separates me from your average human. And because of this I am unable to find my place in society, I have no idea who I am, what I'm doing most of the time and what I want from life.

I feel like a parasite sometimes because only by stitching myself to other people I can truly live.

I have no idea what is happening around me, my brain cannot comprehend it, I'm daydreaming most of the time anyway. Social interactions are very hard for me since I must synchronize my energy to theirs. I'm very good at copying.

I still have no idea who I am, what I'm doing most of the time and what I want from life.

I get really sad, really numb and i can barely feel anything. So once again I stitch myself to people in order to truly live.

Sometimes I get overstimulated from sounds, colors and people around me, so then I make myself really small and go back at daydreaming about what makes me the happiest.

Voices are too loud for me, the sound of your voice is too loud for me. Can't you speak in a lower voice? You overstimulate me.

And then I think to myself: "The thing that makes me the happiest is almost unreachable, too impossible to even achieve, most likely won't happen in this life time."

And that is the truth, because this happiness is most likely a fabricated thought with no substance and it only exists to help me get through hardships.

So in the end, I don't even know what makes me happy. Or what happiness even is, for me.

I keep telling myself that one day I will know who am I and what I am put on this earth but that day still didn't come.

I'm going around in circles and I'm going around in circles hoping that I can catch myself but I'm just going around in circles.

Life has never been this hard for me, I like to think of myself as strongwilled, but today is a day that rain reached my pillow and I cannot really tell if the pillow is wet from my tears or the rain?

This time, I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel because I think there isn't one, or I least I didn't created it yet. My blog was supposed to be a fun thing where I write about stuff that makes me happy, but I guess I'm doing this instead.

So once again, I belong amongst people, yet I need them to tell me how to live. Antithesis? No. Just my own stupidity.

I need help from exterior and I need to feel alive again, I need to feel like I can swim in that rain rather than let it drown me. I need a good laughter and a lot of money in my pocket. I want my bones to feel heavy after a day of work and as a lay in bed I make plans for all the places I want to visit.

I love money, truly love having them and spending them for my, my family, my house, my friends.

I love working for myself, for my ego and pride, for my body, for my growth.

I am a selfish person who didn't find her place in this world. I don't know if in 3 or 10 months from now I will now myself but I'm hoping to even make it that far into the future. I get really numb from time to time and I'm a stranger in my own mind, body, family and friends. Who is that person in the mirror? You? Me? An impostor? She looks like me, but I doubt it's me because why would she hurt us like this. The person in the mirror hates me and I hate myself.

I'm really hoping to be strong enough to survive so maybe I can catch myself doing wonderful things in this world.

My mother came into my room, she is the only person who comes into my room. I appreciate that and I hope that one day I can truly repay her and only her for everything. Not with jewelry or clothing or the latest product from her favorite brand. With mutual happiness and an abundance of constant succes.

Life, my life has become static, no matter what I do it's still very not alive. Is this a call for help? Maybe? Can you as a reader help me? No, you are probably going through the same thing, worse or you are in a good place and won't empathize with my feelings. Either way, the only one who can help me is myself. I love my independence and loneliness so much. I'm stitched to it and she is stitched in my foot like my own shadow.

I hope I found the right words to express my heavy thoughts and burdening feelings because once again, I suck at opening up and getting vulnerable. When I have enough money for teraphy, they will know about this. About everything.

I truly hope i said everything, I tend to forget things when I'm really sad. I spend a lot of time in my head so I'm very detached from reality. It's easier this way.

Are my words enough? Am i satisfied? Is my pain enough or do I need more of it?

If one of my friends gets to read this little text will they say: "But you are not alone in this, we have all been through this and it's not as bad as you think it is."

Yes they will.

They don't know my darkest thoughts.

I love them for being here anyway.

But they don't know my darkest thoughts.

I feel alone. My words are not understood.

Yes I am alone in this, the way we cope with sadness or numbness is different for everyone and yes it is bad. Let's just go out, have a marvelous time and tell eachother how much we love eachother. That's what you can do.

I don't see the day where I will get lucky or happy, it's still very far away from me. It better me tomorrow because all my pillows are wet from all the rain that surrounds my room. Or are they wet from my tears?

It better be tomorrow.

It better be tomorrow.

It better be tomorrow.

It better be tomorrow.

It better be tomorrow.

It better be tomorrow.

My pain better end tomorrow.

My life better start tomorrow.

#teraphy #i dont know #i needed this #i know its trauma dumping and im sorry #lovelife #i have no outlet for these feelings #i need teraphy #pay me money #my work

[unhealthyfanobsession]

hellllooooo!!! okay i would actually like to have a discussion about this. by no means is this any hate towards you or me trying to start an argument. just a civil disagreement re: your anti-neris/eris ask!!!

1. agree entirely with this point omggg nesta is literally an eris/rhys in female form without the added ambition, war crimes, and misogyny under her belt fr fr

2. OKAY LOVED BEST LAID PLANS QUEEN YOUR TALENT>>>> sorry love to see white men lose. here’s where i disagree tho. you say that eris saw nesta in a way that cassian didn’t/doesn’t. but i would argue that he does! eris clearly sees nesta as a prize worth having and a huge political advantage (which, duuuhh) but i would say cassian does too. in fact, i would go so far as to say cassian sees so much more than eris. he sees the power she holds in her humanity, in her trauma, and in everything she is beyond that. i think cassian does not let that be the only thing that defines her. that’s she’s a great weapon but that’s only one facet to who she is as a person. i think also saying that cassian didn’t want her as unapologetically or unashamedly as eris did is a little unfair to cassian and nessian’s story over all. their relationship dynamic’s exterior is more of a push/pull sort while their interior leaves a lot of things left unsaid. they’ve never had the clean slate of “seducing him with a dance” that eris had. and i 100% am with you, cassian did do some majorly questionable things (a discussion for another time, maybe. this one is already dragging its ass lmaoo) and i’m not excusing what he’s done but i think nitpicking a few wrongs out of the many and multiple good things cassian not only did for her but *with* her kind of cheapens nesta’s love for him a little bit but that’s maybe just more my opinion than anything else. ALTHOUGH I WILL SAY i’m kinda offended w this klaroline comparison queen. i get neris is fantasy and fun and whatever you wanna make it but c’monnnn klaroline king and queen of the screen UNTOUCHABLE UNREACHABLE PERFECTION…just can’t compare. also eris will never be babyklaus i’m sorry i’ll see myself out now pls don’t hate me.

3. YES! YES I AGREE. I AGREE NESTA OVER HUMANITY IM SO SERIOUS RN!!!! nesta archeron the woman that u are…

4. ooooh yep u got me there queen. may i offer, also: azriel. mysterious morally grey pretty bois will always trump whitehets for me ngl. THE ENEMIES TO LOVERS POTENTIAL!!!!

all in all, queen i truly truly deeply do not mean to offend you at all i just wanted to offer some food for thought and another perspective for the discussion!!! i love everything you write you’re literally the best nessian author fr you feed me all the time i have NOTHING BUT RESPECT FOR U!!!! love u love u love u

Hello hello - first of all when I said I was getting hate i 100% NEVER mean things like this. Respectful disagreement is important and fun. I’m literally a lawyer I promise to never be offended by stuff like this lol. I just kinda dipped out of my own messages for a while because I was over it.

Overall, I think the crux of everything I say with Neris is just the ✨fantasy✨ we don’t know what Eris would be like or how he would behave and we are annoyed with Cassian. The MAJOR issue I would say is that pretty much all of the good things Cassian did or affection he showed was before ACOSF and then he spent like half of THEIR BOOK being, if I may say so, a little bitch. He just never defended her until she started doing what he wanted essentially. I don’t think Cassian didn’t care. I think it’s clear he always cared and always wanted Nesta - but it’s the fact that this book was SO anticipated and we were waiting for a healing journey but it ended up being a drill sergeant. Annoyance with Cassian is kind of caked into annoyance with all of ACOSF, in my opinion. I’m not necessarily defending Eris and I don’t actually canon ship this couple, I’m more just explaining where the Neris shipping comes from in my opinion. Cassian was a total simp pre-ACOSF and we fell in love with that. There was the original tension of “calling her out” (eyeroll) but then his whole story was basically longing for and being the only one who understood Nesta. So the combo of the Cassian who actually understood Nesta being nowhere in site and this powerful sexy man being into Nesta and no questions asked wanting her … which was basically EXACTLY what we were all expecting from Cassian just amped everything up to a thousand. We were expecting pained sad boi longing as they healed together and instead we got forced into a house and “everyone hates you” and I think the collective attitude was well if she’s going to not have that epic love story then at least get her away from the IC and make her in charge of a Court thx. That was my mindset anyway. Again, I don’t think it’s actually where anyone felt the narrative going and it’s an over simplification but it was born from a lot of anger over a lot of different issues and character hypocrisies.

Also, to be clear, the Klaroline comparison was genre based only. Just the idea that an enemy becoming obsessed with one of the “good guys” and putting her first while her “boyfriend” is putting others before her is a very sexy vibe that we are all susceptible to. I do hate comparing Cassian to Tyler even a tiny bit … but yknow what if the growling and alpha male complex fit …