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lostinlewis · 1 year

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Violet Skies

Rating: Soft

Words: 3010

The sun rose behind the buildings that surrounded your own, a salmon pink haze that turned your white coffee cup that you held between both hands, the colour to match. You were always an early riser, ever since you were a child, there was something about the hours before the rest of the world woke and started polluting the air with their noise, that you found serene, and so you would spend most mornings sat on your favourite seat on your balcony with a coffee rested against your knees that you had curled up to your chest, as you prepared to face what the day may bring you.

Twice you tried to leave your apartment, twice you reached the front door before realising you had forgotten something, first your keys and then your phone, each time you cursed louder as you were already late for your meeting, the last thing you needed was further delays. The universe had other ideas for you, however.

You were not expecting to hear your name called as you turned your keys in your door, that’s why it took it being repeated numerous times before it registered in your brain. It took even longer to realise whose voice it came from, but the moment it did, your heart sunk. Lewis.

“What…what are you doing here?”

The floor beneath your feet, the tiny space in which your welcome mat lived, was far safer to look at than what you would be faced with the moment you inevitably had to. You could feel his presence, you could smell his scent, even though you hadn’t looked at him yet, you already felt sick with anxiety. There was no reasonable explanation as to what he would be doing inside your apartment building on a Tuesday morning, there was no coincidence, he didn’t live in the city, he had absolutely no reason to be here, apart from you.

“I wanted to see if you still lived here.”

It was then that you finally looked at him. The grey sweatsuit he wore was a stark contrast to the colourful outfits of which his Instagram was filled with pictures of. His braids, a little messier than usual and clearly hadn’t been tended to in a few days, were tied back behind his head, with one dangling loose to frame his face. His face, that face you couldn’t help but see every moment you hadn’t distracted your mind with some random task, was as perfect as ever. This was cruel, a torture of a very particular kind. What was he doing here? It had been almost a year, you were almost over the loss of him and now, as he stood inches away from you, you knew you would have to start the grieving process from scratch once more.

“Well now you’ve seen that I do, you can leave.”

To the outside world your words, laced with the harshness of your tone of voice would have come across as unnecessary, but to you, they were kinder than what he deserved.

“Do you want me to go or are you just saying that because it’s what you should say?”

It was then that your angst turned to anger, how dare he? You hadn’t invited him here, he was the last person you wanted to see. Lewis had taken it upon himself to do this yet he doubted your request for him to leave. You would never admit that he was right, though.

“I don’t have time for this, I’m late.”

To anyone looking at the scene playing out right now would think you walking past Lewis as if he was just any other person you met looked strong, determined, like you were a woman that would never let a man break her heart, let alone come back for more. In reality it took every bit of measly strength you had to not completely crumble the second you passed him. You walked faster down your stairwell than you ever thought possible, not pausing for a second to catch your breath until you reached the doors that provided you your escape from the nightmare scenario you had accidentally stumbled into.

The crisp air of the cool city morning hit your face as you burst through the exit doors, you gasped as if you had been suffocated from your apartment, all the way down. You chose to walk the few blocks to your meeting location rather than drive, you needed it to both gather your thoughts and stop the tear drops that had formed in the corners of your eyes from escaping.

This can’t be happening, not now.

The meeting was a disaster, of course. You couldn’t focus at all, you barely ran through any of the points of discussion you needed to, all you could think about was the encounter you had this morning. This was so typical of Lewis, you thought. With little thought for your wants, for your needs, he reappeared to shake your whole world with as much ferocity as when he had left it.

You knew it wasn’t the first time Lewis had been back in the city since, whilst you had no contact with him, it didn’t stop you from being able to follow his life on Instagram, that was one of the perks of him being famous. It was on the fourth time of him taking a picture of an almost identical skyline to the one you stared at every morning from your balcony, that you realised he wasn’t coming back to you, that this wasn’t just a break, he was gone, you had lost him, not that he was ever really yours anyway.

If it wasn’t for your heel tearing at the corner as you walked over it, you are not sure you would have noticed the note that had been placed under your door for hours, maybe even days.

‘I am in the city for two days.’

A simple sentence, a sentence that he really need not tell you, you already knew this thanks to his insistence of posting his life on Instagram; you had stalked it as you walked home from your disastrous meeting. The note itself, nor the sentence, was what really bothered you, it was the phone number he left at the bottom that caused you the most distress. Whilst on the surface it might look harmless, like an old friend wanting to catch up after so long, you being in possession of Lewis’ new telephone number was so much more.

Lewis had put the ball firmly in your court, he had put the responsibility of whether or not you wanted to open up the scars of what could have been, the ones that had barely healed yet on you, but most importantly he had reminded you that even after so long without him, there was not a single part of you that was over him, not even a little bit.

You had read and reread the note a thousand times that evening, nothing you had done to try and take your mind off of him had worked, so as you climbed into bed and grabbed your phone off the side, you caved into what was inevitable, you messaged him.

‘Why are you back?’

Lewis was always busy so the likelihood of him being able to reply straight away was slim to none, you knew that, it’s what you had hoped for to be able to send you to sleep early. No such luck, his reply came within an instant.

‘I have work to do in the city. You looked great today.’

You would be a liar if you said reading his compliment didn’t fill you with the kind of nervous excitement you hadn’t felt since he left you, but you managed to gather yourself just enough to stick to your guns, he could not know the power he held over you, nor could he know that he could make you weak with one simple sentence.

‘Not in the city, why did you come back to me?’

There was a pause, the kind that you expected, clearly he was busy and being able to reply to you straight away was just a fluke. You had almost drifted off to sleep when you felt the vibration on the pillow where your phone lay beside your head.

‘I had to. Are you free tomorrow?’

His answer told you nothing, you wondered if he did that on purpose, giving you a reason to want to carry on the conversation or worse, meet up with him.

‘I have work, you didn’t answer my question…’

You waited, and waited, but the reply never arrived. As you finally drifted off to sleep, the imagery of him stood in front of you hours before replayed in your head, as did the many intimate moments you had shared with him in the past; you wanted him more than anything, you needed him. He looked the same, and that’s what was eating you up inside the most; he still looked like the man you had fallen in love with.

The rain trickled down the rooftops that only yesterday had been dressed in sunlight, this was the kind of morning that was your favourite, silence but for the sound of light rain filled you with the kind of peace you needed more than anything right now and you were very thankful for it.

‘Good Morning.’

Lewis was always a morning person too, often waking up before you to go for a run, so it should have come as no surprise to you that he was awake at that moment too. The text message was not anything to alarm you, although his lack of answering the previous night's question bothered you, that was soon eclipsed by the panic that hit you like a brick wall as you saw the picture that arrived just after it.

It wasn’t immediately obvious, for a split second you thought it typical of his ego to already send you a selfie, but the more you stared at it, the more the background became your focus, it was your apartment building's hallway and he was outside of your door.

“What the fuck, Lewis?”

You opened the door to find him standing with that familiar smile that he always wore when he had done something wrong but knew you would forgive him anyway.

“I’m sorry to just turn up like this, again. You said you had work, I thought you would like a coffee from your favourite place, I got you a croissant too.”

He held them up like you hadn’t already noticed them in his hands.

“I can go if you like?”

You didn’t answer him, instead you walked away from your door and left it open for him to follow. You found your seat back on your balcony, Lewis followed quickly behind, handing you your breakfast as he joined you to sit just beside where you did.

“You’re so quiet.” Lewis spoke as he faced out towards the skyline, just as you did.

“I don’t know what you expect me to say. It’s been a year, Lewis. You turn up out of the blue and you expect me to just be okay with it?”

“Sorry, I…I…you’re right. I had to see you again.”

“Why? You were pretty clear when you walked out the door a year ago, so why are you back now?“

“I made a mistake that day, I was stupid.”

You scoffed at his admittance, shaking your head and rolling your eyes at the same time. He didn’t honestly think you were stupid enough to fall for that, did he?

“Look at me, please.” You ignored his request. “Please.”

You were immediately weakened by the look in his eyes, it was a look unfamiliar to you, a look of desperation, something you had never seen in him before.

“What you said…that you loved me, I wasn’t expecting it. We were supposed to be casual, you said you were fine with that-“

“And I was fine with it, Lewis, casual was all I wanted too. But how did you expect me to not fall for you? You flew me out to you, all around the world, you treated me better than anyone ever had before. We were both reckless, and I guess I paid the price for it. I fell in love with you, and now I have to live with that love, knowing that it will never be reciprocated.”

“You didn’t let me finish.” Lewis wasn’t content with just your attention, he took your hand in his and you let him. “To answer your question, I came back because you are all I have thought for the past year. I have been back to this city many times, each time I passed by your building hoping to bump into you just so I could see you again. I can’t pretend anymore, I can’t pretend that wherever I am in the world I don’t wish you were with me. I love travelling, but what I realised is that nothing is as enjoyable as it is when I share it with you.”

There was silence as you replayed his words in your mind, you knew better than to take them for total sincerity, after all he had no qualms about breaking your heart the first time, he could so easily do it again. As if he could read your thoughts, like he sensed your hesitation, Lewis stroked his thumb across the top of your hand to focus you back onto his words.

“I came back…for you.”

If you were anyway superstitious, you would have taken your phone ringing inside your apartment as a sign, but luckily for him you weren’t, instead you left him out on the balcony, his admission still hanging in the air as you went to answer it.

“Everything okay?”

You had forgotten that Lewis was with you as you lost yourself in your work call for entirely too long, so when his voice came from behind you it made you jump. He settled you from your fright with a hand on the small of your back before you turned to face him once more, drawing his hand to your hip.

“Yes sorry, work.”

“Right, do you have to go soon?”

“Actually, no. My meetings have been cancelled this morning so I have until the afternoon.”

“So…I get more time with you?”

There was that smile once more, like a kid who had been caught saying something he shouldn’t have.

“What you said, Lewis…I don’t understand.”

His light grip on your hip allowed him to pull you closer to him. You weren’t sure if he would kiss you, you weren't sure if you would let him, but it didn’t matter, his gaze, his closeness, had rendered you quite unable to move. What happened in the next few minutes was his call, there was nothing you could do about it.

“I haven’t come here with any expectations from you, The truth is, I could barely sleep last night after our encounter.”

“Me too.”

For the first time in over a year, you both shared a mutual smile, an understanding, a truce of sorts, at least for a moment.

“I came here because I owed you the truth. I’m not expecting you to forgive me, or forget that I left you…I just can’t have you walking around this city, not knowing that somewhere in the world there is a silly racing driver who knows you are the best thing that ever happened to him…who knows that he loves you, too.”

Despite Lewis being so much stronger than you, you rocked him backwards as you lunged forward to kiss him, so much so he had to catch you to stop you both from falling.

A year's worth of unused passion, a year’s worth of unsaid words bulked the weight of both of your kisses. It was hungry, ferocious, and as you both naturally headed to the bedroom you had shared many times before, it felt like the weight that had been drowning you in the ocean of unrequited love for so long now, had finally begun to lift.

Lewis fell on top of you on the bed, slotting perfectly between your legs that wrapped around him so tightly it was as if you were afraid he would leave you once again. He felt heavy, like a weighted blanket tailored exactly to your needs, he brought you so much comfort just by laying on top of you in the most innocent way he ever had.

Neither one of you was sure how much time had passed by as you lay together. Lewis would alternate between a pace filled with passion on your lips to placing soft kisses around every inch of your face as he cradled it.

Your hands were restless, you were done waiting for him to make the first move now, you needed more, you needed him. Both of your hands danced up the loose T Shirt he wore, brushing over his soft skin before he froze on top of you, looking at you with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t want to do that yet.” He noticed your brow furrow in disappointment. “I want to take my time with you, I want to feel you, I want to see you, I want to really see you. I promise, I will fill your body with love soon, but first I need to make you feel it.”

You didn’t argue the case for your desire, instead you allowed yourself to be engulfed in the sensation of being loved by Lewis. It was like nothing you had felt before, he was always so kind and warm with you, a true gentleman, but today felt different, today there was no expectation, no ulterior motive, just a man guided by the realisation that he loved the woman below him so much that he would protect her at all costs, even if the one thing she had to be protected from was him.

#Lewis #soft #Violet Skies

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akwardlyuncool · 1 year

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Class Favorites: Albums That Needed More Attention Before They Could Of Made My Favorites List.

I almost forgot this post, but I couldn’t close out Akward Class Favorites without mentioning these albums as well, so here we go.

PS: Apparently I had a lot to say about albums I didn’t listen to enough. Also all these albums came out in 2022.

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I Went To Hell And Back - As It Is

I bought a special signed pink cover copy of this album and loved it every time I’ve listened, however I just didn’t listen to it enough. I could call this album a 2022 favorite of mine from first listen and I thought about doing that, however I saw where I failed it and knew I could have done better and really pushed myself to listen to it more. Basically my CD player was having issues and only playing certain ones, so anytime I wanted to listen to it, the player said no.

“Excuses” aside, this was my step back into the As It Is world after spending not a lot of time in their Great Depression era. I think I just wanted more of their Pop-Punk sound back and this album was an evolution of that for me. This is for sure a heavier record and I think it marries the heavier sound of The Great Depression with some of the Pop-Punk stuff they were known for. Not gonna lie, I’m also in my hella sad boi era and a lot of the record is speaking facts to me right now, so it’s a good mix.

Top 2 Recommendations:

I’d Rather Die (Track 5)

I Miss 2003 (Track 6)

I feel like this is already the most popular track, but I didn’t want y’all to worry about me lol. It’s also a heavy hitter though.

If I Saw You Again - Violet Skies

I bought this CD when I saw her on the Wild Rivers Sidelines Tour because she was just so good live. I had dabbled in Violet Skies prior, as in I knew one song, however I now know a few and they’re just so good. When I was working on that concert post I had this album playing quite a bit, but I’m not gonna lie I haven’t picked it back up much, despite how good I think I think it is. That’s sadly also why none of the songs have made it to any of the 2022 lists either. I need to add several to my regularly played playlists so that their numbers could pick up. Do you want soft(er) British Pop in your life? Do you want to listen to a good song writer with a powerful voice? Do you just want to feel cool? Then like me you should listen to this album and then listen to it more.

Top 2 Recommendations:

Love You Better (Track 8)

Live Version For Effect.

The Internet (Track 2)

Kings Of The New Age - State Champs

I feel like I’ve been on a break from several of the bands that I’ve been glued to for the last 6/7 years and that’s partly why this album is here and not chillin in first class with the other albums I actually had on repeat this last year. It took me forever to go get a copy, even though I’d been lowkey excited for this record to come out and I haven’t put it on much since then. I loved their “Unplugged EP” and was really into the single “Outta My Head,” but this one was and still is slow to get into. This is new for me, cause I’m typically on it with State Champs and if I’m not, the album gets downloaded to my phone and I play it on repeat until I’ve broken it in. The first time I ran through this album, I was like “it’s alright.” Kings Of The New Age needs a bunch more run-throughs for me. The sound that I love is there, but maybe I’m just not fully in love with this current era of State Champs.

I want to write a whole separate thing on this, but basically they’re in their cocky era right now, as are many bands, hence the title, but I’m apparently just not attracted to that. Not saying that I don’t want them to be successful or to not ride the wave while it’s here, but I’ve always pulled back on some of my enjoyment of the scene when it stops feeling personal and this moment doesn’t feel personal to me.

All that being said I think I’m less in love with the vibe of this era for State Champs as a band, than I am the actual record. I’m playing it as I’m typing and I’m like this is good and it’s doing what it needs to do. I guess the next move for me is to get some more solid listens in, truly find “my tracks” and kind of ignore the scene, cause that’s how this record gets the fair shot and love it deserves.

Oh and since I may never come back for a full review after those solid listens, I just want to say that although the song “Everybody But You” is technically a bop, it feels frat-boy petty. It would definitely make it onto the soundtrack of a mid-2000′s young adult movie.

Top 2 Recommendations (Subject To Change):

Outta My Head (Track 4)

Eventually (Track 2)

#Class Favorites 2022 #AKWARD CLASS FAVORITES #I Went To Hell And Back #As It Is #If I Saw You Again #Violet Skies #Kings Of The New Age #State Champs #Albums

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