“happy hellion healing”,
a photo series, 3/31/2024
I did these all by myself outside of a lovely little holiday gathering.
I am learning to love my skin again.
I held on to these for so long because I kept wanting it to be an intimate moment between myself and … myself… 😂 but I am ready to share.
and yeah .. I look pretty conventionally unconventionally …
and most days, I’m grateful for my mothers fine angles, full cheeks, and abundant lips. (despite her .. difficult attributes and personal struggle that spans through time and space to echo through me from birth to now …)
but deeply, I SEE A HAPPY HUMAN AGAIN. I see a healing human. I see a CHANGE EMBRACING powerhouse of fucking stamina and grace. I see a body excessively scarred but solid, strong, disciplined, determined, and resilient … and so so so so soft at the same time.
When I think about the methods they used to bring my little soul back to this body .. again and again… the shiver is molecular.
(supposedly)
a human being’s most inherit trait: the will to stay alive
I’ve betrayed this body by brutalizing it for every mistake, for every whisper of my mother or father’s voice, for every previous misstep, and every challenged choice, for every emotional explosion, for every mentally ill moment of grief and pain and sorrow and FEAR…x10000000 times over… and all it’s done … is keep me alive!
I see ME…CLEARLY for the first time … in a long time.
I know I have so much… wreckage from my past to wade through… but I look forward to it now. With these clearer eyes… maybe I can repurpose the absolute TAR into creativity.
👍🏽🤷🏽♀️🫀
i havta try.
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I never went into what that fin thing on top of Raphs head is but it’s basically just an indicator of sexual maturity 💀 kinda how male lions have manes —It’s kinda hard to break, but it can—if it does, it will just grow back at some point hurts like hell though—
I have this head HC that Draxx went through a rebellious stage, where he dabbled in gene splicing so Donnie and Raph may or may not have some type of dinosaur in them >_>
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Okay I KNOW we don’t know anything about their relationship yet, but hear me out,,, they are red and blue and sunshine and grumpy . . . Suvi said her favorite color was red as a kid . . . They have so much History . . .
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pov a huge twewy/ntwewy nerd visits shibuya part 3
not accessible until so so late in ntwewy but always had something super cool going on when it did (irl this park was. not as big and impressive as i thought it would be)
nefastraven grinding hell (needing a ton of rare metals to get all those special cds… ugh) wish i had a better photo of those signs that said center street oops
the gang gets slapped by the nightmare reality of the game, abandoned by their new dad, forced into a new game, and then… locked inside a gate. in a cutesy loud and bright place. while they’re still trying to process so much awful stuff. (this place was highkey sensory hell but it was cool. but why is that blue anime boy named colon)
rich person store (dang anime poster decimating the whole mirror wall!!!) + plaza where i would soundsurf in a circle for like 20 minutes
ok NOW i think i’ve covered all my stuff. yippee!!! this was so fun
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PJO CROSSOVER??? also andrews memory would absolutely dominate the amazing race
The PJO one is mostly how I handle that when I'm driving into work I like to listen to what I affectionately call 'Punching music' (Lose Control by Hedley has been a favorite recently. I can't describe punching music but like...I know it when I hear it.) and think about fight scenes. There is a plot but 90% of what I've written is Neil doing some wild fight stuff. The 10% of plot written is Kevin Day wanting to know the extent that Neil has to hold back on the Courts because otherwise he'd be snapping racquets left, right, and center. There may be a part where they see how far Neil can accurately shoot an arrow after they all find out. (Imagine any trick shot video except it's the Foxes all crafting increasingly elaborate shots for Neil and Neil just being like "YA DONE?" and nailing it first try with the camera cutting to Andrew doing the horny grip.)
Andrew and Neil are purpose built to just obliterate the Amazing Race competition. They only have a few race related weaknesses.
Andrew hates flying still. This adventure does not improve that but he does become infinitely more okay with just crawling into Neil's lap and ignoring flight attendants.
They both are the most anti-social fucks on the planet. There is no alliance no matter what other teams offer. All of their 'drama' is other people trying to start shit with them but it's just like... you piss off Neil and Andrew? You're out the next round. They are super vengeful (only for each other one group commented about Neil's scars and Andrew went scorched earth to get them out next round. One group made Andrew and Neil go back and do the other challenge at a pitstop that involved heights because Andrew crawling into Neil's lap every flight was hardly subtle and Neil took care of Andrew during that challenge and then TOOK CARE of the team that did it.)
Sometimes Neil runs into familiar faces that make the race SUPER awkward / kind of dangerous depending on the face. (Neil's cousin in the middle of scoping out a hit but has to come over and say hey / the guy him and his mom stole guns from in Germany).
They don't have any real drama going on between them so like the editors have to basically misconstrue one of their conversations super hard to even make it look like they're fighting one episode (making it seem like Andrew is mad at Neil for getting them in 2nd place during the last leg when in fact Andrew thinks it's hilarious because it was the only meal that Kevin would have approved of).
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It's weird how everyone is immediately considered proship the moment you decide to not give a fuck. You can try to keep yourself out of this discourse all you want, but the moment you dare to shrug, some anti will stamp you with the proship logo and start to hunt you down specifically
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