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velvet-wishes-candy-dreams · 2 months

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Hi! Can I ask for some headcanons about how would America react to getting a love letter from his crush?

And what a time for me to finally answer this ask! Ah, well, better late then never, I suppose! To anyone who's made an ask for me dated back in 2022, you are all entitled to financial compensation,,,, </3 No matter! The Bear is back in the kitchen, and they're ready to cook!! Hopefully this is up to what you in 2022 was hoping for! Warnings: None, Use Of They/Them (Just In Case!) and You/Your/Yours/Etc. Gender: Gender Neutral

America

If there's anything that should be well known about Alfred when it comes to the other countries, it's a simple as this; He's nothing short of an attention-whore.

It's no wonder, though, as he's considered to be super well known; albeit being one of the most annoying in the bunch.

So, it's not the biggest shock to him to have people who want to be around him or get to know him more, some more than none being romantic.

However, no one knows that the American would always turn down and reject the affection of those that try to woo him over. It's not like he hates it or enjoys seeing people try their best to win his heart, but they're all fighting for something that isn't there, for his heart already belongs to someone else.

And that someone was you.

It started off as a simple admiration, you treated Alfred as a normal person. You wouldn't bash and berate his childish behavior, and you also weren't someone who'd swoon and fall for his charms. You'd let him yap your ear off and let him boast about himself, waving it off and nodding in agreement as you always did.

Then, that's when the sparks would hit him. The way he'd feel his heart race when he'd finally see you, the way that he'd always feel his stomachs doing flips when he'd think about how he was going to see you somewhere, how he'd find himself rambling to anyone who'd listen about not himself, but you...The puzzles were starting to fit together, but he still wasn't able to understand that he was actually in love.

As he'd sit at his desk, checking out what had to be done and all the junk that had to be fixed, he'd always find himself getting distracted and looking through the giant pile of fan mail. They were all mostly letters, praises and questions for Alfred to ponder and think about or even start drafting a response before forgetting about it soon later, but the most that came in were love letters.

Of course, it'd be desperate people, people who profess their love and thinking that they can just confess and live the life of their dreams with the American. It was all just parasocial relationships that would never come true! An exasperated grin came on his face as he sighed. Yup...Nothing was new. For once, all that he wanted was to not have to see random nobodies names at the end of their letters. It wasn't fair. He'd hope and pray that maybe somehow, someway, people would get a clue and stop with all the cheesy letters. As Alfred flipped through the letters, skimming pass every name, he grew more and more frustrated. All he wanted was finally see a name that was not someone else's, but- The sound of papers rustling stopped suddenly, the blondes mouth agape as his eyes darted over a name. A name so familiar, it caused his heart to race, as if he caught sight of them in public. Their name. His hands shook as he felt warmth start to rush to his face. All this time, he thought that they'd just be a happy thought to him, nothing more than just an angel that'd never see him the way he saw them. And yet here he is, reading from top to bottom their heartfelt love letter they'd written for him. And the more he read, the more his eyes opened to what he'd fail to notice as his own emotions kept him from realizing it. The way their face would grow warm when he'd lightly tease them, they way they'd admire him from afar, how they'd sneak glances to him while he'd walk by, not knowing that he had just been looking at them to begin with. Alfred's heart swelled, overwhelmed with joy as he knew they'd finally notice him, not aware of the fact that he felt the same way towards them. That night, there was a pep in his step as he skipped home, clutching the letter close to his heart as he did so, protected under his bomber jacked to keep it same from the beginning drops of the warm, summer rain. Once in side, he made quick to his room, sliding the note from his chest out as he examined it again. Seeing again, for the hundredth time, they signed it with love, the American fell onto his bed, squealing and giggling like a little girl as he felt more giddy and excited. He sat up, punching his pillows as he whisper-screamed a boisterous 'YES!! YES!! YES!!' to himself, boxing their air before falling back down again. His glasses had flown off, and his blonde hair was all mushed from his excitement, but he didn't care. A satisfied sigh came to his lips as he rolled over to his side, nibbling on his bottom lip. He could feel his cheeks burning, whether it was from the blush or from holding his smile for so long, but it didn't matter. His feelings for them were the same as theirs towards him, and that's all he needed. Alfred's eyes shut as he hummed, the letter resting just above his head as he started thinking, planning everything in his head.

Yeah...Tomorrow would be the day...He'll totally confess to them in a super awesome, badass way. He's America, damnit! He's always so extravagant with everything. But it had to be super romantic too. There's no way that he could blow it. After all, they love him. They really, really love him. And Alfred just couldn't wait to show them just how much he loves them too...

#Velvety Daydreams #hetalia #hetalia x reader #hetalia headcanons #america hetalia #america x reader

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phxntomhives · 1 month

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"The parade of battlers" analysis

SINCE NO ONE IS DOING THIS??? WHY??? I WILL DO IT

Hopefully my wrong takes will trigger someone and you all will get a decent analysis

Eng lyrics because I don't know japanese are from the official music video! Also warning, English isn't my mother tongue.

Lost in an unacceptable tragedy

An unfading warmth quivers blue in the depth of my eyes

Stifling impurities leave keloid scars and

Even now, still mourn for days gone by, never to come back

Staking my life, spitting blood and vomit

All I want to do is lead a beautiful life

But why can't you hear

Me telling you not to stumble

Love turning on its head, fiction caught in a tangle

Say bye bye to mundane concepts

See how the compensated formless stand imposingly

Their presence is a sight to behold

Rip apart, drag and reveal

Throw away all inferiorities

Even the raw emotions of cursing someone

Take them in like an offering

Just skilled at pretending to be human

Searching for those other than monsters

Like the blue shimmer of

A star of the first magnitude

Far from having enough faith

This utterly ridiculous destiny won't retreat

Fill the air with the echo of the marching boots

Let the parade of the lonely ones begin now

Everything in this world, there isn't much

Difference between the atrocious or noble as you think

Somewhere up in the sky, someone is making selections

To ensure the cycle of birth and passing is upheld

Though we have prayed and knelt down

Our prayers have been cremated

And ignored with a "So what?"

So kind

A colorless encounter, pupils of glass

Thought they may shatter to pieces,

You laugh your head off, saying, "you must be kidding"

You give the finger as you spew poison and let it all out

Scorched, boiling and trembling

A blazing fire from the past still smolders

That remorse still within me

I'll burn and retaliate in full

There is no such thing as eternity, so

There is no ending until all turns to ash

Then why not play

With fire in a refined manner?

No more need for empty rhetorics

Such hollow, scathing criticism

Burn this ceaseless stone-throwing

The parade of the lonely ones has just begun

There's no love, no love, there's no love there

There's nothing, there's nothing, there's no truth

There's just one, just one

In this world, just one person, one person

Question fanatically and

Live the shit out of this world

ANALYSIS UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE THIS BITCH IS LONG

ALSO MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA!!!

Yana, dear, are you sure this is the intro for the Weston college arc??? And not the blue cult??? LIKE, REALLY REALLY SURE??? My comprehension of text can be lacking in more than one way and I just followed the vibe but... I don't think I am that wrong on some points? You are seeing it too, right?

I feel like the song has a mix of present, past and future along with different POVs and I hope I have been able to separate them well.

The colors are just to show the lyrics and i changed it because pretty.

What I can actually connect to Weston Arc

"Then why not play with fire in a refined manner? / No more need for empty rhetorics Such hollow, scathing criticism. / Burn this ceaseless stone-throwing" Which could very much be related to O!Ciel's pyromaniac episode lol. He didn't forget

"The parade of the lonely ones has just begun" : at this point the "parade of the lonely" could very much be the parade of the bizzare dolls considering the amount of reference there is to them. And it would be nice considering in this case the sentence is right after the stone-throwing Purple house, since the students were "transfered" in the there.

If the previous point is correct then also here, we are talking of the bizzare dolls: "This utterly ridiculous destiny won't retreat / Fill the air with the echo of the marching boots / Let the parade of the lonely ones begin now". I guess the "echo of the marching boots" could be the sound the dolls made before getting free during the midnight tea party? As for why they don't retreat well, we have seen they aren't exactly rational for now.

"Scorched, boiling and trembling / A blazing fire from the past still smolders / That remorse still within me /I'll burn and retaliate in full": this could be a description of what O!Ciel is feeling in general. His determination coming from everything that happened is still going strong.

Onestly, these are the only thing I can see strictly related to the present and this arc in particular lol. Everything else goes deeper.

Memories of the past

This part will likely make the least sense, because I am still sobbing over the whole past ok.

"Lost in an unacceptable tragedy Even now, still mourn for days gone by, never to come back": We all know the past. The safest bet is that O!Ciel is mourning, but is he? He never had the time to mourn, he moved immediately to revenge and working for the queen. So either this is just to hit us in the feeling, or maybe it's my favourite victim of this analysis: Undertaker. Could it be him? Possibly, but this being O!Ciel breaks my heart more. I am excluing R!Ciel because at the moment of Weston arc his version should not be that complex. And Sebastian is Sebastian.

"Staking my life, spitting blood and vomit /All I want to do is lead a beautiful life / But why can't you hear / Me telling you not to stumble": I feel like this either O!Ciel talking to himself, admitting that he would like to just be happy but still forcing himself to be strong and act to revenge his family. Or, high on copium, the first part is O!Ciel's wishes and the second part is O!CIel using the R!Ciel allucination make himself stronger (I doubt it, but it adds to the sadness).

"Rip apart, drag and reveal / Throw away all inferiorities /Even the raw emotions of cursing someone /Take them in like an offering": I got the epiphany after several times of reading this and yes it's about revenge hatred yadda yadda yadda. But what if, in particular, it's related to the moment when O!Ciel summoned Sebastian? I think it's the only time I remember "offering" being mentioned/relevant in the manga. O!Ciel is throwing everything away for revenge, assuming a new identity. So this could be either O!Ciel talking to himself during that desperate time. Or, just to hurt myself more, him allucinating again a conversation with R!Ciel where R!Ciel is the one that is saying all this. I will go cry now, brb.

"Everything in this world, there isn't much /Difference between the atrocious or noble as you think / Though we have prayed and knelt down / Our prayers have been cremated /And ignored with a "So what?" " : God, this section is killing me. Memories of when the twins were captured, For them and all the other children, it was an atrocious experience, while the nobles were truly thinking they were in the right, that there was nothing wrong in what they were doing. They believed to be noble enough to be above everything and ignored absolutely everything in regards to the children.

Undertarker is not being subtle. Like at all.

Somewhere up in the sky, someone is making selections/To ensure the cycle of birth and passing is upheld: here I am conflicted. Undertaker is sure making selections when he is creating the bizzare dolls "you get to be revived. you don't". But at the same time he is not uphelding anything. He is doing the opposite infact. Unless this is supposed to just describe the Shinigami's role to show how Undertaker is going in the opposite direction.

There's just one, just one/In this world, just one person, one person/Question fanatically and/Live the shit out of this world: we only really see two characters question stuff: O!Ciel with the murder of his family and Undertaker with the Cinematic record ways of working. Now, i don't really see O!Ciel "question fanatically" and "live the shit out of this world", while we can debate about how "fanatically" he is searching for the culprits, how are you telling me he is living his best life? He is surronded by trauma, has to go on a mission for the queen every other day, has to live as his dead twin and in this specific arc he has to act all cutesy and adorable when he hates it. He is far from any best life I am more surprised he didn't become histerical yet honestly. The one that IS living his best life is Undertaker (well... more or less). In the Weston Arc he did say he was enjoying being the headmaster. Plus he could make some more esperiments on Derek&co which, on top of that, were mostly successful! Do you know how much serotonin a succesful experiment gives you? A LOT. TRUST ME.

Bizzare Dolls (BD for short because I am lazy)

Well, ofc they are the protagonist of the animation, they are everywhere in the song too.

"An unfading warmth quivers blue in the depth of my eyes / Stifling impurities leave keloid scars and": Are the BD warm? Idk, but I don't think so? A body is warm when the blood is running because the heart is pumping it. Do BD have a working heart tho? I doubt the original version do, but what about the new and improved versions? Agares could have probably be our best bet but he always wore gloves (even when he was alive) so we don't really know.

Warmth aside, what I am quite confident IS a reference to the BD is the keloid scars. I did a reseach and a keloid scar is a "scar keeps growing and becomes bigger than the original wound. They are developed after a skin injury". The scars we have seen are O!Ciel's scar from when they marked him, or the BD's "surgery" scars?

Ofc it could be just metaphorical about the trauma just keep on growing in O!Ciel. Maybe it's more this one but again, I am take things directly

"Love turning on its head, fiction caught in a tangle/Say bye bye to mundane concepts/See how the compensated formless stand imposingly/Their presence is a sight to behold": cambridge dictionary say that "turn something on its head means to cause something to be the opposite of what it was before". Apparently, there are many things that are the opposite of love, depending on your source: hatred, fear, indifference. I think in this case, since we are talking of the BD, we can use indifference. They aren't moved by real emotions at this moment (Weston arc) and even later, they are probably fake emotions based on fake memories (from the orphanage children but I will not elaborate, other theories have done it better). Fear could also work since well, most people are rightfully terrified of them. Being far away from mundane concepts? I would say they fill this box. And they sure are a sight to behold, nothing against it. What confuses me is the "compensated formless" I don't have any idea of what it could mean

"Just skilled at pretending to be human / Searching for those other than monsters + Like the blue shimmer of / A star of the first magnitude / Far from having enough faith": We are looking at the current arcs here in the first lines. The one skilled at pretending to be human and searching for things is Sebastian (it can't be O!Ciel because he isn't pretending to be human). What he is searching is the headmaster, that we know being Undertaker and it ends up bringing with him, again, the BD. In particular, it specifically mentions R!Ciel. You know what is the name of the biggest star of first magnitude that is currently known? Yeah, you are correct, it's Sirius. And we have known Ciel is Sirius for a while now. As to why the star does not have lot's of faith, do I have to remind you "Dear God, why are you smiling?".

"So kind /A colorless encounter, pupils of glass /Thought they may shatter to pieces,/ You laugh your head off, saying, "you must be kidding"": Listen, I have seen a couple of people mentioning "oh it's a reference to monochrome no kiss". But I don't think that's the case, not completely at least. I think this is a parallel of O!Ciel and Sebastian's meeting to R!Ciel and Undertaker. First because one of the people involved is laughing, and Sebastian smirks but has never really laughed out loud, the one that spends his time laughing is Undertaker. Second is the pupils of glass that can shatter to pieces. I wonder if it means that R!Ciel could be using glass balls for his eyes? When we have seen his not-completed form they look pretty empty and they are made of soft tissue, so maybe Undertaker changed the "real eyes" with glass? Idk. The shattering could also indicate the fragility of the BD that are still far from perfect.

There is no such thing as eternity, so /There is no ending until all turns to ash this made me scream Undertaker's BD because we know he needs a full budy for the creation of his dolls and bringing back to life his loved ones. And we know he can't bring back Vincent because his body was too ruined by the fire. So fire IS the only ending in which a person can just die with no possible interference from a Shinigami with resurrection intent.

Tragedy twins

I had no idea of these lines other than, it just fits the vibes. Until I remembered how much Yana likes to mirror the twins.

There's no love, no love, there's no love there: this one is R!Ciel singing. Undertaker may have started to work on the BD out of grief for his loved ones, but it feels like it turned into an obsession.

There's nothing, there's nothing, there's no truth: let's add some angst because this one was not enough. O!Ciel never gets to discover the truth behind the murder of his family before he dies. Maybe we, as readers, can see it. Maybe from Sebastian's eyes. But yeah, we don't have a guarantee that O!Ciel will ever know anything, he could just die with Sebastian being unable to prevent it (either because it happened due to a Shinigami, or maybe an angel or god knows what).

But of course, we can also swap them! O!Ciel was so confident people wouldn't have liked him coming back alive and so started the whole identity swap, so he could still feel like the love he is receiving now is fake, since it's built on a lie. While R!Ciel's truth could now be either the murder or the family again, or the fact that he isn't "real" now. He is a BD, his action and thoughts are based on memories that are likely not his own. He has become a fake, a lie. "There is no truth" because that is a BD similar to him, and not necessary him.

I am exhausted I haven't thought about something this much since my thesis. Yes some of them are quite the stretch, hopefully I will trigger a smart person and finally we get a good analysis. Meanwhile you have to deal with me. Feel free to add your opinions pls, I love hearing theories.

PSA: I have formatted this half on computer and half of phone so idk how weird the formatting is I will check again tomorrow, now I'm tired of rereading it.

#kuroshitsuji #black butler #kuroshitsuji theory #kuroshitsuji theories #ciel phantomhive #I'm tired #I put my soul here #I'm exhausted #But it was fun

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chocochipjewel · 29 days

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Okay yall Bad Batch finale aires in just under 12 hours and I have some finale theories to talk about! Hopefully I'll be able to post at least some rough art after the finale where I talk about the show some more but for now final theories!

I think CX-2 is Cody, it's too late for it to be Tech and it would be delightfully tragic if Rex or someone (who I think is definitely showing up for the finale) kills CX-2 and unmasks him after the fact or something

I think Hemlock did retrieve Tech's body and I think he's one of the experimental CX units who have not been released yet. But I don't think it worked. I want his sacrifice to mean something, so I want him to stay dead (even if my heart wants otherwise 😭) maybe his body is found, maybe he's never seen again, but I don't think he's coming back

I'm pretty sure Rex and his group of renegade clones will make an appearance, and I hope Phee gets a final moment to be badass as well. Apart from that, I'm hoping for no more extra characters cluttering the episode cause we already have so many loose ends up tie up here

I wouldn't put it past Disney to end the clone rebellion storyline on a cliffhanger tbh but I so badlyyy wish it won't be that way. Let their story end here. It will be sad but you know what that's better than the finale just being a tease for a future show. Let all the Tantiss prisoners break out and branch out to live new lives and die naturally as they deserve.

Now... for the actual Bad Batch itself

I'm certain someone is going to die. No one they're all making it out, not after all the teases and death flags. This isn't going to be like Mando S3 where the characters retire on some field for the rest of their lives (that's just for my fix it headcanons ❤️)

As for who, I've gone back and forth on this but I'm not sure. Every remaining member of the 4 troopers we have here have enough death flags on them and I've read compelling theories for all possibilities, including ones where they get Rogue One'd and everyone dies 😭

So I guess I don't really have a theory for this. I'm certain someone is going to die and I'm honestly scared for who it will be but I don't have a specific person yet. I'm leaning towards Hunter or Crosshair cause their conflict and relationships with Omega make the heart of the show itself, but I wouldn't be surprised if Wrecker or Echo died instead, or any other combination of the team members

Only thing I'm mildly certain about is Omega surviving. Disney Star Wars doesn't like to kill kids much. She's not 100% clear but least likely from my perspective. Plus it would end the show on too sad a note if the character driving the entire plot so far dies 😭 I can see a possibility in which she dies to delay Project Necromancer indefinitely, and it would honestly be sad as hell, but that's just it, it would be way too sad. I don't think the show likes being that dark, especially for its finale. And frankly, Omega's arc deserves to end with her finally getting to stop running and just live her life on her own terms.

Hemlock is definitely getting eaten by the Zillo beast while it destroys Tantiss and Rampart is almost surely making it out and turning a new leaf in my eyes. He's not any less of an asshole but he might just go live somewhere away from the Empire and away from the Bad Batch too.

Emerie is an interesting case cause I can't tell if she'll get the redemption = death thing or she'll make it out too. I honestly have 0 predictions for her. I can see her dying to save the force sensitive kids, but I can also see her making it out.

The force sensitive kids, clone cadets, Batcher, and Phee are probably gonna make it out and you know what good for them. They'll probably be the emotional support for the remaining members of the Batch (if there are any) to move on after this.

I am hoping and praying for no Boba Fett or Ventress or Vader or Palpatine cameo cause this is the last episode of the Bad Batch show and it should ideally focus on. The Bad Batch. The show already has too many loose threads. No more cameos please.

As for whoever survives in the Batch, my ideal wish would just be for them to retire to Pabu under a new identity or something and live out their lives. After Tantiss is destroyed, there would be no clones left in captivity. They can finally rest then. It would be bittersweet to see the end of their adventures as they knew it, but it's at least a peaceful end.

Anyways, that's all for my theories I think! Whether I end up being right or not, I hope the finale is actually good 😭 and I hope whoever dies doesn't make me TOO sad, just that sweet spot of devastated but in a good way 😭😭😭

I'll be reblogging this after I watch the finale with updates on whether my predictions were true or not, probably with a thank you post to the show, so I suppose this is it.

See you all on the other side, TBB nation!

#star wars #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #tbb theory #the bad batch theory #tbb discussion #the bad batch discussion #tbb speculation #the bad batch speculation #tbb season 3 #tbb s3 #tbb finale #the bad batch season 3 #the bad batch finale #not tagging all the characters i theorised about cause thats too many tags probably 😭#jewel talks about stuff

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somegiantmess · 1 month

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Some screenshots and spoilers for FF seven Reb*rth under the cut

So I got to Cosmo Canyon yesterday.

Not gonna lie I enjoy the aesthetic of the village and especially the lab and the music in the lab is really cool too.

Now with the critics.

I'm somewhat bothered by the fact that the people who care about the planet (through what they call planetology in the game) give such a vibe of... something close to sectarians and gurus? And I'm pretty sure it wasn't the case in the original game? Tbh when I came across random NPCs that laid their religious-like speeches earlier in the game, I thought it was just some random guys who came to that. I wasn't expecting the inhabitants of Cosmo Canyon to all be like that? With all the rituals the speeches the prayers etc.

Maybe the religious vibe serves to give room to make things "magical" and have the ceremony and all but I would prefer having the people in Cosmo Canyon care about the world and life like they do, but with a more scientific —and compassionate/empathic because yes both can be a thing simultaneously— stance. And like they can definitely have their own culture around it, and I mean you could make it religious maybe but the way it's done here feels overdone, feels like a cliché.

Also yes I'm aware the lab adds a scientific aspect to all that but it's not the aspect you see the most at the end of the day.

And so (spoiler: real life themes) ultimately I'm bothered because I make the link to our real world. Detractors of ecology love to paint people who ask and fight for ecological actions as: cranks, crazy, enlightened guys who are simply over sensitive and make a "religion" out of their values/beliefs, who are irrationnal, that kinda thing. Which is why I'm pretty bothered to specifically have the "ecologists" in this game now being painted as people who deliver vague speeches and talk like gurus?

Medias are vectors for our imaginations and even sometimes our assumptions about stuff, right? Whether we want it or not, whether it's a good thing or not. I'd be pleased if medias were more often and more properly a vector for knowledge and awaraness about our ecological predicament. As well as for positive imagination of different, sober lifestyle. I mean, sure, various themes tied to that can be found in a lot of content. But pieces of media that make it really central and on point? That make it realistic, relatable and emotional? That brilliantly manages to spark something -hopefully positive and action-inducing- in the viewers? More and more content that would help introducing curiosity and eventually a real culture around those topics? Would love to see more of that.

And less of "oh my god look the evil guy says he wants to save the planet and to do that he's ready to kill people/humanity! look this is what ecology does to people hhaahahaa" (for fuck's sake everything is so wrong with that— btw do you see mcu thanos? if it was real life never dare calling reducing the number of living beings on earth an ecological solution. wtf. the problem isn't the number, it's a worldwide system that relies on infinite production to create infinite capital and that implies very high material and energy consumption (especially from (spoiler) a minority of human beings). Also do we forget that not all species are in the same situation? is it ecological to reduce to half the number of individuals of a species that's on the verge of extinction even though it had a role in an ecosystem somewhere? look I don't remember all the details of how thanos thought he would do good but I saw him labelled as an evil ecologist or ecoterrorist or whatever. And his fictional argument was something like "there are too many individuals there's a balance that's being endangered in the universe let's make disappear very randomly half of the living beings and everything will be settled" —and was it supposed to be a paralell to our real world? because damn. so wrong. Did I also say that "saving the planet" is a questionable phrasing? cause when you care about ecology you care about the living beings -including ourselves- more than "saving" the earth just for the sake of it or something abstract. The planet itself will outlive us don't worry.)

Ok wow that was a very long digression.

So going back to the game; I'm just sad that the theme of ecology is here in some way, but it's like it's, in part, reduced to something that'll look religious and fanatic to most people. Even though there's room for something more impactful. Even without turning the game into something that'll obsessively revolve only around that.

Not that I'll be able to write that myself but I mean if you're a pro writer/scenarist I'm sure there's something to do.

Still want to add that if I sound anti religion or something that's not my point. My point is it's the guru vibe of the guys in the game and how they're probably perceived by players that makes it feel wrong when you're into the same irl topics as I am. :')

#rebirth vague spoilers #oh damn it went out of control #sorry there's also talk about mcu thanos and real life ecology #thanks bye #i still like the game btw #and i hope i can beat it soon enough now

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spidersocks15 · 2 months

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Don't know where else to write this,i just need to get it off my chest for once. If you read this, you don't need to interact, this is mainly for myself.

It's been a bad day today, one of many and probably many will still follow. Tomorrow may be better,as tommorows tend to be. Now im just done again. Life again seems meaningless. I try my very best to get somewhere in life, to get an education, to then get a job and to hopefully manage it on my own later. I'm now 25, no prior diploma, still at my parents, just trying... but it doesn't feel enough, even if I give it my all. I feel less than everyone else, even if I don't have it as bad as most people. I'm in university, wonder by wonder, trying to get a bachelor's degree. And even tho things go allright, I feel I process so slowly. 3 years has past since I first started, and I'm maybe halfway through it. But I feel I'm getting worse with age. I'm not as smart is I thought I was, not as good as I thought I was, not is functional as I hoped I would be. I live in a country where I don't know the language, don't know the people, and the only lightpoint I have here, is my mother. I would do anything for her, she is basically the only reason I'm still alive and trying. I gave up living for myself long ago, so I now live trying to make her proud, to show that I actually... well I don't know. Am not a waste of life? I like reading how you need to live for yourself and make yourself proud, I know that's not for me. I learned to accept myself and my shortcomings, that's as far as I can take it. My plan is once I get my bachelor's ,to go back to my hometown try to get my life going on there. But I'm actually scared as hell. Scared to not being to function on my own. I dont know if I can live alone, have a job as I never had any (privileged much, I know), just function in general. There are people beside my mom that I love and that would fight for me and help me. I'm allways suprised to think that they exist. I love them dearly and don't want to disappoint them too. They know of my struggles, maybe not that it runs this deep. I'm even suprised that it runs so deep writhing this. I have mostly felt the same like this throughout my life, maybe more optimistic when I was younger, but I just was inexperienced about live then. I am still now, maybe a little wiser or more narcissistic for it. Something is wrong with me, God knows that if many people felt like me,there wouldn't be many people left. I'm not broken, that would indicate I was whole to begin with. I am just me, and that's just fine. I just wish I wouldn't have to feel bad all the time. There is allways this anger,hate,anxiety and God knows what other feelings in the background. I can feel happiness, but its mostly short-lived and gone before I noticed it. I looked for help, been seeing therapist since I was 10. It just doesn't work. That's probably the main reason I study psychology, looking for a way to fix myself. People allways come to me for advice and I am allways so gratefull if I can help them and see them doing better. I can finally be useful. But everytime I try to use the things that I learned on myself, it might get the edges of in the best case. I've been taking antidepressants for 15 years, and if anything, it takes the edge of too. I can't imagine how I would be if I didn't take them, might have ended it all together or I wouldn't leave my house anymore like I did back then. But I don't live it much now either. It's either going to my mom or to my eldery neighbors to play card games. I dont know how to connect with peers, I dont even understand their language. English is an option, and I do have some meaningful connections online,but I guess it isn't the same. I do have 2 friends my own age back in my hometown that I contact regularly. We mostly hang out once a year when I visit them. But even when I used to live there, it was different. I dont know if I don't have the need for social connections or don't know how to make them, I wasjust fine with chatting regularly and hang out every few months. I guess I feel the need more now I'm a bit older and feel isolated. Maybe I'll figure it out if I ever get back to live there.

I know I'm complaining and how pathetic it all sounds. I have some ideas on how to fix me,but i get so exhausted to think about them. Being social in general allready takes so much from me. Can't have 2 big social days without getting burned out. Even if I like it and enjoy every second of it, I can't be socially functional enough without needing a rest of at least a day.

If you read this far (I don't even know why you would) you might think What the hell is wrong with this person? I have no idea myself. What i do have, is an asperger diagnosis, but i feel I can't blame it for everything. I dont want to blame anyone, not society, not the world ,not even sure if i can blame myself for feeling this way.

I'm just doing my best, going on through life. Hoping on better times, that undoubtedly come, they allways do. But another bad day will come too, and they come more frequently than the good ones unfortunately. Killing myself is no option in my mind. It would just shift the problem. The people that Iove (bless them with my whole heart) would blame themselves, that they couldn't stop me or help me. So I go on, living for them and see another day.

I feel better getting this off me now, it will be better. Please,i hope that it didn't depress you if you really got this far. Venting is something I do, now I had to get a whole load off that I couldn't tell someone I know,so this seemed like a good option. You are not alone and things will be better, remember that. A phrase they allways tend to say to broken people, that is still surprisingly true.

Now I'll play some games and watch some videos to get my mind off of things. Tommorow, I'll start studying again,maybe even tonight. Never give up

#personal #rant post #personal rant #ramblings #me #sorry for being depressing #it will get better

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queerprayers · 2 years

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I’m struggling with my faith right now for like.. ideological, ethical reasons. Even though I know loving Jesus=/=cosigning everything my fellow christians do its just been rough. I havent prayed in some time, theres this distance thats awkward to make steps to mend. I miss that feeling I had before when I was super certain of my faith, its hard to rebuild it.. I’d like it if you pray for me, cuz I feel like you’d get where I’m coming from

I do get where you're coming from, beloved. You've been in my prayers. I'm so sorry it's been so long.

It's understandable and even necessary to be cautious of what other Christians do and believe, it always has been. There will always be people who abuse in the name of religion, and with ideas as big and diverse as the ones Christianity has, there will always be some who hold harmful ones. I commend you for thinking and dealing with these issues--it is much better to struggle on this subject than to ignore it.

There is no perfect community. Any communal belief or action with our fellow humans can and will result in harm. Any political group, or organization, or even book club, has the capacity for conflict and harm. The bigger a community or set of beliefs is, the more capacity for harm. We cannot let this prevent us from living in community with each other, though. We cannot hold out for the perfect group of people--there isn't one. We also have to be careful of the urge to leave everything and create our own community. "Well, my local communist group has some problematic people in it so I'm gonna start my own." "Someone in my religion is racist, so I'm gonna start my own." This isn't how we build community. It can be necessary, but it should not be our first choice.

Everyone has a line with this. Everyone has to investigate current harm and problematic people/organizations and past mistakes and make our own decisions. There are bigoted people who attend my church: for some people, this would be reason enough to leave, I know that. And someday I probably will--I do hope to attend a more affirming church in the future. But what do I do with the community I've been given while I'm a part of it? I extend a welcome to broken, flawed people, and try to help them heal. This is my choice, and not one anyone should be forced into, but I do believe it's my duty.

You have to find your line. You have to decide what communities are worth trying to change, and which should be abandoned. You have to find the courage to leave, or the courage to stay--both are hard.

Re: your other point: rebuilding a relationship with faith is complicated. I would urge you to remember a few things. I completely understand missing what you had, but you don't have to get back there. You might not be able to. You will hopefully regain some of things you had, but you'll also probably end up somewhere completely different. You had that certainty, and now you have this struggle, and wherever you'll be next, you'll bring all these things with you. Don't be discouraged if your faith doesn't look it did before. It doesn't have to and maybe it shouldn't. Grow past this struggle, don't go back to before you struggled. Don't pretend you didn't experience this. This matters, as much as it hurts. Don't rebuild exactly what you had, because it's probably not where you will flourish now. Build something bigger, something more able to handle this struggle. If our faith falls apart (which is natural and even necessary), it means we need something. If we keep rebuilding the same thing over and over, we shouldn't be surprised that it isn't strong enough. Even if it was right for us at one point, it isn't anymore.

An awkward distance from God is so real. It's like ghosting a friend: is it weird to respond to this text four months later? It's also like me with my inbox: well, this ask wishing me a happy Ascension week is still unanswered. What do I do now? The answer, in both cases, is: yeah, it might be weird, but reaching out is the right thing to do. If you haven't prayed in ages, it can be scary, and it feels like there's no way to bridge that gap. I have some good (and also maybe scary) news, though: you are the same distance from God as you've always been. Sometimes I use the language of being closer to/farther away from God, but what I think I mean is, how aware we are of God, and how close to God's will for us are we. Because the truth is, we can't run away from God. There is no distance. God is in us, around us, with us. I believe you--you feel an awkward distance, and you can't feel God with you. But God doesn't feel that. Unlike the friends I ghost, God doesn't feel a distance, or awkwardness. They miss talking with you, but They're right there. You just have to say hi (if you'll forgive the informality of that advice).

Anyway, this may be a bit much for one prayer request, I think. But my point is: where you are is familiar to me, and so I know you can move on from it. God is there, exactly where They were when you felt close to Them. Here's my prayer for you:

God, keep this person close. Help them feel your presence; bring them back to you. Hear their prayers, even if they're awkward or distant or halting. Grant them the patience and forgiveness to be part of community. Give us all the courage to repent of our religion's sins, and the ability to do the work of reconciliation and rebuilding. Amen.

<3 Johanna

P.S. If you need a place to start, go to the Psalms. They've always been there for me. They've got a particular desperation to some of them that I'm partial to.

#prayer requests #sorry i respond in six to nine business months #asks #new trend: put a word count limit in your asks that I can't exceed when answering you #example: [prayer request] please don't exceed 200 words thank you #(jokes. you can't stop me from writing)

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brightgnosis · 2 years

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Well, we had planned for me to try Relpax for my Migraines after the Sumatriptan and I didn't get along. I didn't fill it at the time it was prescribed, though, because I didn't need it and I was also saving money for the car (update on that in a moment), plus dealing with my final exam prep for my Master Gardener training. So I just left it for the time being and only refilled the necessities for the moment.

Now that all of that's done and I have my Savella and Birth Control that needs refilling now, I decided to fill it yesterday and have it delivered. It never got delivered yesterday, however- which isn't unusual; sometimes they have too many orders at the beginning or end of the week and it takes a bit. But because I know that my Insurance dropped the Savella and we're still not sure if they're going to force Prior Authorization on us, I decided to call this morning and make sure there wasn't something wrong with my scripts just in case.

Well, good thing I called, because there was. But it wasn't with the Savella. It was with the Relpax- which wasn't expected; Insurance wants us to "try something else first" before they'll approve it- but we already did that with the Sumatriptan (and, technically, the Topamax as well before that- which I'm still on, but it's not enough for the weather triggered Migraines in particular)? It's just apparently not what they have on their list of "things to try first". So we had to send some paperwork to my Doctor's Office for them to fill out and throw at Insurance to prove it, and we'll see if they'll give it to me.

If not it's not a huge deal. I'm not opposed to trying the one they want instead, first; my Autumn Migraines haven't been so bad just yet, and I don't usually need it until the Spring Storm Season really. So it's not an emergency medication or anything ... I'm just glad the Savella went through fine (the only issue there was that they were out and needed more. It'll be on the truck this afternoon).

Speaking of the car, though: It was a bad Throttle Body as far as they can tell. So they've marked it as 'Vehicle Off Road, High Priority' and contacted Mopar for a part direct off the manufacturing line rather than risk another piece from a warehouse again. They should know by this morning at the latest, how long it'll take to get the new part in. But I estimate we'll probably have the car back by the end of the week giving shipping and installation.

We spoke to Insurance yesterday about it for a check in and decided to go ahead and lose the Claim now since it's covered under the shop's own warranty. But they did say that in the event that wasn't the cause and it winds up being something else, we can re-open the Claim to re-evaluate things again. But otherwise, things should be done on that front and the new work shouldn't cost us anything! All should (hopefully) be well now.

I just have a Chiropractor appointment on Wednesday, and I think that's it. And thankfully that's not too far from the house, so it's not an issue; my first Master Gardener meeting should be ... This Thursday, I think, however? And I don't think we'll have the car back by then. But the Cab's only $7- and if I don't want to take that, then there was a nice lady from my course who offered to give me a ride since she knows I can't drive. We'll see!

Yesterday I did a bunch of vacuuming, picked up trash, and called in Meds. And today I've already called in on the meds to check, and gone through an old box of bath supplies I had to store away after she lived with us for a couple weeks because they were too triggering after that; I was hoping they'd be ok to use, but while they're not triggering to me anymore and I do have most the scents back finally, most of them have citrus in them in large quantities. And if I put that on my skin, now, with the skin sensitivities I've developed, I'd probably die. So I think I'm just going to donate the whole box so it doesn't go to waste ... I've just gotta find somewhere around here that'll take opened bath supplies for donation.

I think I'm just going to try and relax for the rest of the day, though. Maybe get some laundry done since it's fairly low intensity. And otherwise just let my funky little wrist heal and do some reading; I'm really excited to get my new Tarot Deck in this week and to start working the 3 books I've picked out for it (one Ancestral book, and two Shadow Work books- all three founded on Tarot Journaling).

#Fibromyalgia: The Fuck You For No Reason Disease!#Personal #Alphabet Soup #Daily Life #Life Of A Disabled Homemaker #Religion and Magic #2022 #NonTrad Housewife #NonTrad Homemaker #Pagan Homemaker #Pagan Housewife #Hearthkeeper #Pagan Homemaking #Queer Homemaker #Queer Homemaking #Queer Housewife #Disabled Homemaker #Disabled Housewife #Disabled Homemaking

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xoteajays · 7 months

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I always have notes on every device in case something happens.. Like my photo, laptop and whatever else I'm using. Because with the luck I have, I would lose what I consider valuable data on if something were to happen to any device. Definitely one thing I hate about technology too. I think technology companies to this one purpose. Greedy cunts.

But yeah.. Names. You would think the names wouldn't appear since I know names are always spelled differently, in any other countries too.

Names are names. Not words. That should be completely different.

Well... Those thoughts are connected? Kind of. Because when anyone thinks of black cats (besides the superstitions), people would think of either Halloween or witches. Maybe both. Or my cousin's cat from my perspective. And how can't someone not love black cats? Pretty kitty.

I am the type of person who cares more about animals than humans.

Obviously when it comes to your own stories, your own ships, you will be able to write those ships however you want.. Anything can happen if it's believable enough in a well written way. That works for anything.

Rocky definitely seems open minded to someone's style... But I admit that I may actually be biased on the whole concept of his girlfriend as someone who wears mostly dark fashions since he wears mostly light fashion. She wears mostly black, he wears mostly white. With just the occasional splash of color mixed in too (like with Rocky's red gloves).

And Orange's style depends on her mood. Because her style could be a mix of different styles. She wears what she likes. So like somewhere between biker, punk, bohemian and tomboy styles; but with feminine looks to their style. If that makes sense. So Orange's style is eccentric in a way. So she just wears what she's in the mood to at that moment.

Blue's style is between punk and tomboy.. The most feminine I can be able to imagine her is if she's wearing makeup or jewelry. The makeup she wears isn't heavy makeup either (eyeliner, mascara, chapstick) so her style is completely feminine. And it even depends on what jewelry she wants to wear. She won't wear daggling jewelry in a fights though so she's not stupid enough to do something like that. So there's that.

I don't know about Red yet. And same with White/Green if I've decide to keep her as a H&L character. But that's the style for those two.

Obviously every person has their own preferences in whatever type of person they're attracted to. And how you may want to write any types of characters too. But that doesn't mean you couldn't be curious with what type of person they're attracted to. Looks, personality and style.

Well.. If you ever come to America for whatever reason, then you have to come during winter. Just to experience snow once. But there's also the chance that you'll probably regret it though. Because of the snow.

There are times when you probably won't get announcements. Like if the show ended, you don't always hear about new seasons until some time later. You'll have to find out what happens in the finale episodes.

His character was shot? Oh.. You're talking about Squid Games? With him being listed for this season, does not always mean that character is alive. If he's not officially alive, it could be memories and flashbacks too. Since that's usually the case for certain characters. I don't know.

I'm able to fine some movies to watch right now... Hopefully I can find decent movies. Since there is not that many options this year though.

Revenge? Movie? I don't think so. I watched shows and movies with a revenge plot.. But I don't think I have ever watched a movie titled that though. Nothing that I can remember anyway. I don't think I ever did.

Wait.. Death Note. The anime or the live adaptions? Because that's so different for me. I doubt that I'll watch the live adaptions. So my mind my mind is blanking out on names. But the actors of Smoky and even Arisu were in a live adaption together.. That's just some trivia for you.

I knew that Corpse Party was originally a game, before they created it into an anime. Because I vaguely remember graphic screenshots with the game back when it was popular. But I had no interest in the series though. I don't know. I remember it not appealing to me that much.

Maybe.. I'll search into the series again to see if I feel differently about it. So I'll have to see if my opinion changed since then. Or maybe not.

Oh! Okay.. So I never read Darwin's Game. But I do remember reading the summary to the story before. So it's basically like Borderland, just with a slight difference to the story (being the monsters). That's really the same concept. And I recently read the summary for the High Rise Invasion story. Some of their characters remind me of AIB characters.

Because I've been so caught up with watching a lot of Asian shows or movies lately, and now horror movies, I've been neglecting anime for.. I don't know. Way too long now. So I will have to find a way to balance out every type of show and movie, including anime, that I just want to watch. So that is something that I'll have to figure out how to do then.

Yeah. I can respect that people have their preference in the languages they would watch anime.. But there are quite a few series that I would recommend in English. Basically series where characters would really have accents and foreign languages in English dub, but not really any in other languages. If that makes sense. I don't know how to explain it though. But there's quite a few anime like that. So, yeah. Be prepared.

Red Garden is only a one season series. Well.. One season and an ova, so that won't be a long series for you if you end up enjoying it. But I'm always going to say that the artwork is one of my favorite details with with series. The creator has their own unusual style for the characters but in a way that you'd enjoy, at least I do anyway. I do love this series as it is. And I do love the music too. Now I want to listen to the music.

- 💋

rocky and his gf could match with splashes of red, since red looks good with both black and white. also, ykno, colour of passion an’ romance an’ all that. also links them as partners.

ryuko’s style is pretty far on the girly side. a tad alternative, but mostly girly. a lot of dresses when not in fight situations. probably the most experimental with make up because ykno. she’s got the freedom to try things now that she didn’t before while under her father’s thumb.

hinami is more tomboy-ish and probably wears some boy clothes actually, because you dont really have the option to be picky in nameless. she probably has a couple nicer things, but a lot of the rest is on the boyish side, probably a lotta patchwork stuff and flannels.

yui is, as i said, a lil on the cuter side of tomboy. more just trendy, casual, comfy styles as opposed to actually boyish. like it’s not uncommon to find her wearing skirts or girly styles. she probably wears a lil bit of makeup, like more natural looking make up.

shizuka is like chic tomboy. like baggy pants, button ups, hoodies, leather jackets. some more sporty stuff. probably doesn’t wear a lot of makeup unless maybe at work because she’s bartending/waitressing. yui probably taught her. she’d probably straight up wear hiroto’s clothes and look damn good.

i like the cold tho! give me a cold winter One Goddamn Time. literally the coldest it got this year was barely 14°c (so like, 57°F? i think??). i want to crunch in the snow. give me frostbite. and a reason to actually wear a jacket. i can never wear jackets!

yea his character in squid game got shot, but he’s listed as ‘status: unknown’ so he could still be alive. he was pretty resilient for the whole show, so i’m being hopeful!! his brother who shot him was a pretty major character tho, so i wouldn’t be surprised if ha joon’s role reprisal was for flashbacks.

the anime! i’ve seen bits and pieces of the live action, just because arisu’s actor looked pretty as l. apparently there’s two different japanese live action adaptations, one from 2006 and one from 2015. idk if i’m interested in the live actions tho, but i might watch the anime.

nooo all the red garden links you sent me aren’t available in australia!!! they’re all blocked :( :( :(

was holding off on replying to you so i could watch another ep of worst of evil. so here’s ep8!!

bossman’s in a lot of trouble with a lot of people. got both his chinese associates and another korean gang looking to ‘teach him a lesson’.

cop’s having a real bad time about the informant being dead and the boss looking into the backstories. he’s stressin. one of the cop’s police bosses literally didn’t care that a man was dead so long as their case wasn’t blown. the wife’s worried about her husband so now she’s inserting herself deeper into the undercover situation.

g o d . the fucking romance spaghetti going on here. the boss is into the wife who’s married to the cop who the chinese associate is crushing on. and the wife showed up to go on a ‘date’ with the boss right when the cop was going on a ‘date’ with the associate. it’s a whole gd mess!

the boss is so cute tho, trying to impress the wife with his workplace and taking her somewhere special. he bought her a pretty necklace 🥺

he’s still suspicious tho and poking into his informant’s death. the wife’s got her gun and it seems like she was prepared to shoot the boss if it came to it. ride or die for her husband clearly.

THEY FUCKING KISSED!!!!!!! THE BOSS AND THE WIFE!!!!! GIRL WHAT ABOUT UR HUSBAND?!!!?!??! SHE LIED TO HIM THAT SHE LOVES HIM!!! and not like a short kiss either. like a good kiss. okay yes maybe i watched it a couple times, ha joon doesn’t have many kiss scenes!

HE INTRODUCED HER TO HIS EMPLOYEES AS HIS ‘FUTURE WIFE’!!!! GOD!!!!!!! SHUT UP HE’S SO SMILEY!!!!!!! HE’S SO IN LOVE WITH HER!!! AAAAAAAAAFUCK

both his remaining friends are like ‘isn’t she a cop??!!!? what if she’s using you?!!’ GOD, LOVERBOY IS SO DUMB!!!

THE COP AND THE ASSOCIATE FULL ON MADE OUT!!!!!!! HE WAS THINKING ABOUT HIS WIFE THE WHOLE TIME!!!

also all of these actors are such good kissers. like these are some hella good kiss scenes.

THE KOREAN GANG IS GOING TO ATTACK MY BOY. NOT MY BOY!!!! HE’S JUST TRYING TO HAVE DATE NIGHT WITH HIS CHILDHOOD CRUSH!!!! THE LOOK BACK BEFORE BE RUNS INTO THE FIGHT!! HE WANTS TO PROTECT HER SO BAD AND SHE’S ABSOLUTELY GOING TO BETRAY HIM LATER. and now it looks like we’ve come full circle around to the ambush fight scene from the first episode.

#💋 anon #tj answers #long post //

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welcometomyweird · 1 year

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Somewhere Out There

The night sky has always been magical to me. I know all the science, but that's part of the magic for me. Yes, the moon only reflects the light of the sun and doesn't shine with its own, but it doesn't make it any less breathtaking when it's full and casting that light on a blanket of fresh snow. The light of stars that died thousands of years ago still shining down on us, twinkling like diamonds against a deep blue velvet sky.

The night sky also represents space. I am a lifelong Trekkie. "Space, the final frontier..." I think, because of my Star Trek fandom, that I have never questioned whether or not there is other life in our universe. It's not "if" they are out there for me. My questions have always been "where are they" and "who are they". And... as a very young child, I tried very hard to find out.

How, you ask? Brace yourself for some hard core dorkiness. My first attempts were by sending "psychic" messages. Well, I was 6 and when you're 6, sending "psychic" messages consists of squeezing your eyes shut as tight as you can and thinking really hard. I actually remember my mom catching me and asking what I was doing. I shushed her and told her I was trying to talk to the aliens.

Second method of attempted communication was through song. Music has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember and is one of the most universal languages on the planet. I thought that my "psychic" messages didn't get a response because of the language barrier. Maybe a song would get through. Even if they couldn't understand the words, maybe the melody and the emotion conveyed might make a connection. The first song I sang was "Somewhere Out There" from the animated film "An American Tail". Yeah, I know, but there was a method to my madness. I figured if I was trying to make contact with beings outside of my planet, there was likely another child somewhere else in the universe trying to do the same.

Third try was just music. I had been at a street fair where I paid 50 cents for a little cedar flute. I would sit on my back porch making up little tunes ans playing them into the night, hoping they would find their way to someone across the cosmos.

"Did any of that work?" Well, maybe... I can't be sure. There was something pretty traumatizing that happened when I was 10, but I will only be telling THAT story to Micah Hanks. (Hopefully, he checks his Twitter DMs because my email bounced back.) Be it suffice to say that if I was freaked about NOT seeing the Jersey Devil at 34, what I DID see at the age of 10 really messed me up. And that's assuming it actually did happen and wasn't just a very lucid dream.

I still feel very certain that there is extraterrestrial life. I am certain that they have visited. I just think people are wrong about why they're coming here. If they were going to attack us, they have had ample opportunity, so I don't believe they're a threat. They've also had plenty of opportunities to extend the olive branch and convey a message of peace and friendship, so that's not it either. No, I think they just like to watch. I think we're the trash reality show the rest of the universe watches. We're either a guilty pleasure or a scared straight program. Whatever the case, they go home feeling a lot better about themselves. You occasionally get a brave/crazy one who chooses to engage with us. That's where we get the now infamous "Tic-Tac" video. What's on that video isn't E.T.s taking aggressive action. It's intergalactic punk kids drag racing with our Navy pilots. Who knows? Maybe they watched "Top Gun" and thought it looked like fun and wanted to try it themselves.

And so ends this foray into Forteana. So, I've done cryptids and E.T.s. I guess ghost stories are next. You're in luck there. I have way more of those. (I live in New England!)

#uap #extraterrestial life #micah hanks

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alirhi · 3 years

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part 5 - both yikes and yay

Coming up on the end, guys! I'm both relieved and sad. While the previous two installments weren't as easy as the first two, this overall has been pretty fun. Well, anyway, no one's here for my pre-show ramblings lol. Let's get to it!

Episode 5: Truth

Oh. Lord. There are things I love about this episode. Walker's whining, blame-deflecting rant is not one of them. Nor is his inability to take any responsibility for his actions.

Bucky swinging Walker around like a hammer is, though. 😂

Sam wiping blood off the shield with his hand? 🤮 Nope. And they really yadda-yadda'd him being allowed to just...walk away with a high-profile murder weapon?

Right. Rewrite for Bucky, not critique whole show. Focus, Ali.

Since Zemo's already taken care of, Bucky meets up with Ayo to make sure they're still good. He reiterates that neither he nor Sam had anything to do with Zemo escaping prison, and apologizes for not sending him right back as soon as they saw him. "Was it worth it, White Wolf?" He shrugs and reluctantly admits, "He did save our lives a couple of times. And the private plane helped. Just tell me he's rotting somewhere he can't get out of this time." "He's being taken to the Raft as we speak," she assures him with a smile. "Hopefully his stay there will be much longer." "Listen, I called because I have a favor to ask you..."

While Sam talks to Isaiah and goes home to work on the boat, Bucky goes to see Raynor. He'd left his burner phone at home, so he doesn't see until he gets back to Brooklyn that she'd tried to get in touch with him. "You called a couple times," he mumbles, fiddling with the phone. "I did." "Sorry. Been a busy week." Raynor chuckles and shakes her head. "Per Cap's orders, you're not on a strict schedule with me anymore. I was just checking in to see how you're doing." He shrugs. "Like I said, busy." "Any nightmares?" At that, he smirks a little. "You think I slept?" She laughs. "Flashbacks?" "No, I'm good." "You're such a bad liar, James." She grins, pointing at him. "It's those big blue anime eyes. They give everything away. So, let's talk about your most recent nightmare." "I didn't have any. I told you, I barely slept-" "Flashback, then. Something's weighing on you." Bucky frowns. "You know, not everything's about my past, Doc. In case you missed it, there's been some crazy stuff going on in the here and now that can 'weigh on you.'" With false sympathy, Raynor sighs and picks up the notebook. "You're never truly free of the horrors of your past, James. All this running around chasing terrorists concerns me. With what you did before, I'm worried this can be very triggering. I need to make sure you're not putting yourself or anyone around you in any danger. I mean, god forbid you snap and hurt Sam-" "I wouldn't," he's quick to assure her, though he looks nervous and doubtful. "Those days are over." He keeps looking at the notebook and fidgeting, visibly trying not to freak out. Raynor smiles and sets it aside. "That's for me to decide. If you want me to sign off that you're perfectly safe, you need to open up, James." "About what?" "Whatever's bothering you. No matter what it is. I've seen this kind of instability before; the smallest thing can trigger regression." Bucky flinches, staring somewhat sullenly at the window. He hates talking to this bitch, but if he might be a danger to Sam... "Alright, fine. I had one... moment. In Madripoor. But it wasn't a big deal." Raynor's smile widens. "Go on." "Zemo pulled this stunt, and it got me thinking about when HYDRA used the Winter Soldier-" "You mean you?" she prods. Bucky frowns, but nods. "Never forget, James. It's not 'The Winter Soldier' - it's you. These are things you did while you were working for HYDRA. Disassociating isn't healthy." He sighs. "Right." Smile returning, Raynor settles back in her seat. "Now... what did Zemo remind you of?" "When the mission was blackmail, not a kill order..."

Cut to Sam and his neighbors talking about getting that boat part off the truck, and a visibly disgruntled Bucky moving it for them.

While they work on the boat together, Sam segues from the topic of Karli into the things he's wanted to bring up over the course of their chase. He starts with the most troubling: "What did you mean by 'wouldn't be the first time'?" Bucky winces, refusing to look at him. "Huh? When?" "Don't play dumb with me, Buck. In Riga, you said-" "Yeah, I know what I said, Sam!" Bucky snaps. "It's nothing. Just drop it." "It's not nothing! What the hell were you talking about?" "You really need clarification?" he practically snarls. "You got the implications behind what Zemo was doing. What did you think I meant?" Sam cringes. "I didn't realize HYDRA moonlighted as a brothel." Bucky snorts and gets back to work. "For enough money or if it scored the right leverage, they had no problem exploring any use of their programming." He shakes his head, mumbling, "They kept tapes. That's how Stark found out about his parents; HYDRA knew Howard's schedule and they set up a camera... They did that a few times, on different types of missions." "Why?" "Advertising, in case anyone wanted to rent a killer," he grumbles, finally turning to look at Sam. He's hiding it the best he can, but there's anguish in his eyes. "And to make sure I always knew who I belonged to. So I'd stop fighting back." He clears his throat and looks away, pretending to concentrate on what he's doing with the boat. "It's hard to want freedom when you're constantly reminded that its price is remembering all the horrible things you've done. The freezing, the electroshock, the trigger words... It all made the memories just... fall away. For a little while. If I started resisting before I could remember details, they sat me down for my greatest hits." Sam lays a hand on Bucky's, waiting for him to look up again. "And you still think you're responsible?" "I did it, didn't I?" "'Under duress' doesn't even begin to cover it! Jesus, Buck! They had complete control over you - The Winter Soldier wasn't you, it was HYDRA's cyborg weapon!" "What difference does-" "If you were evil," Sam growls, "if you were a crazed mass murderer who had no issue killing whoever they told you to, do you think they'd have to go to such insane lengths to make you do it?! That wasn't you. You are not responsible for what HYDRA used your body to do when they stripped away and shoved down everything that made you you." He's not getting through. Sam's logic still isn't strong enough to break through Bucky's guilt, especially not with Raynor's toxic "therapy" shoring it up. Seeing the stubborn refusal to believe him in Bucky's eyes, Sam sighs and gets back to work. To keep Bucky from breaking, he mutters, "So, the staring problem. Did they create that, or fail to correct it?" "Bite me, pigeon." Bucky grins, still shaken and hurting, but grateful for the banter.

When Sam invites him to spend the night and Bucky finally gets some sleep, he has another nightmare. No flashback for details this time, but he jolts awake when he hears Sarah's kids playing and is a little rattled and disoriented for a second before he gets his bearings. Then he sees the boys and we get the pretty, pretty smile and the soft, pensive look.

credit: @msbeliever05 found on google

While he's holding the crow bar in place for Sam, Bucky quietly admits, "You know, it doesn't even have to be the right words. Sometimes just hearing someone speak Russian terrifies me." "That's understandable," Sam assures him. "Everything they did to you, didn't it all happen in Russia?" "Most of it, yeah. That bunker in Siberia basically houses all of my worst nightmares. I was thinking this morning..." He glances toward the house. "What if something happens and I hurt someone? Hurt them?" "You won't." Sam's tone is kind, but firm and leaves no room for argument. "No one can make you hurt anyone you don't want to again, Buck. You're free." "Am I?" The look on Bucky's face is so sad; so lost and devoid of hope. "My life... doesn't feel all that different. My family's gone, my only friend is gone... People either don't see me or they shrink from me. I'm still a ghost." "Yeah, well, now you get to choose who to haunt." Sam shrugs, managing a tiny, half-hearted smile. "It's a start, right?" Bucky chuckles; it's just as weak as Sam's smile, but he's trying. "Is that what I'm doing here? Haunting you?" "Better me than my sister." He grins, and this time it mostly reaches his eyes. "If I'd known you were interested, I'd have made a move on Zemo's plane." Sam gapes at him, expression an odd mix of shocked, amused, and extremely uncomfortable. "That is not what I meant!" Laughing, Bucky moves past him, patting his ass on his way by. "So, no Wilson-Barnes sandwich? Damn. There goes the only good dream I had last night." "Quit making it weird!" Sam sputters, but he's laughing, too. It's obvious Bucky's joking. They get back to work, still laughing and joking around.

Hoo boy. And now we come to The Moment.

"The legacy of that shield is...complicated, to say the least." "When Steve told me what he was planning, I don't think either of us really understood what it felt like for a black man to be handed the shield. How could we? I owe you an apology. I'm sorry." Sam sighs as he takes the shield back. "Thank you." There's a brief, somewhat awkward silence while both men collect their thoughts. Then Sam speaks again. "I can't help wondering still if it's even worth it. I mean, for every Steve Rogers..." He nods to Bucky. "There's a Bucky Barnes. There's someone getting used and abused and hidden away like a dirty secret to make way for this bright, shining symbol. People want Captain America to be perfect and untarnished, but they don't see all the blood spilled to make way for him." Bucky snorts. "Trust me, I know. I was the sniper at his back keeping him from getting his reckless star-spangled head blown off." "Nah." Sam shakes his head. "You're not listening. I'm not talking about what you did, I'm talking about what was done to you. Man, you still don't even see it, do you?" "See what?" "It wasn't your fault." He stares Bucky down, trying to get him to see the truth. "None of it. You were captured, tortured, experimented on... Reduced to a code name because it wasn't enough to strip away your autonomy, they didn't even want you to have an identity." Bucky looks away, not sure what to say to any of this. "You're not a villain, Buck," Sam assures him quietly. "You're an Avenger." "The Avengers are heroes," Bucky protests, scowling. "You save lives. All I did was take them." "We try," he says with a smile and a little shrug, "Sometimes we fail pretty hard, but we try. And so do you. Are you really gonna stand there, after all the times you've had my back, had Steve's back, stood for what's right, even when it would have been so much easier to cut your losses and run, and tell me you're not a hero? Man, I'd throw this thing at your head if I wasn't afraid it'd bounce off and hit me." "Do it," Bucky taunts. "Might knock some sense into you. If you think the Winter Soldier is a hero-" "Not the Winter Soldier," Sam interrupts, poking Bucky's chest. "You. James Bucky Barnes. Cap is gone, but he wasn't the only hero this world had." He smirks. "You just gotta pull your head out of your ass and quit wallowing. Make yourself useful." With a weak attempt at a laugh, Bucky pulls the tiny notebook out of his pocket. "That's what this is all about. I figured... If it worked for Steve, it'd work for me." Sam shakes his head again, frustrated. "Steve's list was all about acclimating to a whole new century. Pop culture and slang and whatever else. Your list? Those names? That's sick, Bucky. That's all about torturing yourself for seventy years worth of actions that weren't your fault to begin with. That's not gonna help you. And Steve's got nothing to do with it." "Yeah, well, Doctor Raynor thinks-" "Raynor?" He waves Bucky silent. "That sad excuse for a shrink that wasted our time and violated your privacy in Baltimore? Tell me you're not listening to that hack!" Bucky shrugs helplessly, looking lost again. "She's my therapist." "She's something," Sam growls, "but therapy's not involved. I don't know what her agenda is, or if she's just grossly incompetent, but if she's got you confronting HYDRA's victims, ripping open your wounds and theirs, that's not therapy. It's not healthy for anyone." Bucky's confused, not sure whether he agrees with Sam or not, and it shows when he weakly argues, "She's helping me cope with what I did; make amends for everything I did as the Winter Soldier. So that maybe I can finally have a life at the end of all this." "You gotta stop looking to other people to tell you who you are." (I fucking love that line! every time I watch this part, I'm like "go, Sam!" ...until the rest of his nonsensical, totally ooc speech, anyway.) "Let me ask you... You still having those nightmares?" "All the time," Bucky confirms with a wry twist of his mouth that can't even be called a smile. "It means I remember; means a part of

me's still there; means a part of the Winter Soldier is still in me." "No it doesn't," Sam snaps. "It means your brain works. Congratulations, you

have memory. That doesn't make you a monster. It makes you impressive, after all the damage your brain has sustained over the years, but not a monster. You up for a little 'tough love'?" "Isn't that what this whole conversation has been?" Sam chuckles, shrugs, and gets back on track. "You wanna climb out of that Hell you're in, do the work. Do it." Bucky holds up the notebook, confused again. "I have been-" "No, you've been wallowing and flogging yourself. I mean face your nightmares, your fears. Sit down and confront those memories and see them for what they are: trauma. Bucky, you're not a reformed operative. You're as much a victim of HYDRA as the people they used you to hurt. You wanna get better? You want a life, a light at the end of that tunnel? Face the darkness and see it for what it truly is. It's not sins to be repented and redeemed, it's PTSD." Touched, Bucky finally manages a real smile. "Good talk."

You know I'm not touching their cute banter as Bucky leaves 💗 So here is where we leave it.

#tfatws #tfatws critical #how it should have gone #if i'd written it #pro bucky barnes #bucky barnes #sebastian stan

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tuiyla · 2 years

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in a world where Dianna was still a main cast member beyond s3, how do you headcanon a Quinntana mid-game playing out?? i like the idea that it's (mainly) drama-free and they genuinely just have fun/enjoy each other bc they know that's what they need at that point in their lives, but also love to hear others' interpretations on it 😄

I don't even think Dianna would have had to remain a main cast member tbh, just somewhere between that and a guest star whose role is as limited as it was. Realistically, Quinn wouldn't be in many episodes anyway. Personally, I usually envision a s4 AU in which case they only have a few episodes to work with anyway. Eight episodes left after the non-wedding, IIRC Santana isn't even in two of those? So I can see a Quinntana midgame playing out even if Dianna is only in three or so additional episodes. For some reason I never really see them as making it into season 5 but maybe Quinn can replace Dani there.

I wrote a bit about it before but always happy to elaborate more in a Quinntana midgame haha. I think they'd try to keep it casual at first but then would be all in for a brief while. The commute between New York and New Haven isn't that bad and Quinn spends a lot of weekends in New York, creating a new interesting dynamic in the loft. They'd be really obnoxious about it at first lol warranting eye-rolls from Kurt and indignant looks from Rachel because Santana in particular is not shy about what it is Quinntana do when they have the loft to themselves. Hopefully in this scenario Santana has a bedroom because, well. Hummelberry reap what they sow I suppose.

Like I said in my previous post, a lot of banter and them keeping their dynamic from their friendship. I think after a while they'd realize that they're actually the same just also sleeping together now, and friends with benefits only works until it doesn't. Like I said, Santana would stare at the phone, willing Brittany to call and Quinn can't quite find herself in the relationship. It's a good time for both of them, as a rebound and as a first Sapphic love respectively, and they end on a friendly note but they do end because it's just... not meant to be. Or maybe it's just the wrong time and even the wrong place. Ever since I became obsessed with Cornelia Street as a Quinntana song I'd like to imagine they'd burn so brightly as a couple but maybe wouldn't fully commit for fear of getting hurt and even hurting each other. Like Brittana broke up to salvage their friendship, essentially, I think season 4 Quinn and Santana wouldn't give a relationship their all because what if it changes everything. It would ultimately hold them back but make sure they remain friends at the end of it.

This doesn't feel too cohesive but when I have the time I'd love to do a more detailed overview of how I see a Quinntana midgame unfolding. Have a few things piled up for this week but maybe next week?

#i feel so bad about answering new asks over month old ones lmao #i'm sorry other anons tomorrow is gon be your day hopefully #glee asks #quinntana asks #anon #gleewrite #glee headcanons #this kinda feels like both #tuiyla: i don't ship quinntana #also tuiyla:#quinntana midgame hc

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all-hallows-evie · 3 years

Text

Chapter 1: Marooned

Rating: T, for language, Canon Typical Violence/Action. Honestly, this chapter isn't that bad, the T rating is just in case I forgot about something lol

Wordcount: 3,776

Warnings: Canon typical violence and adventure, female OC with name × Tech slowburn, but not too slow lol, NOT BETA'D, because if I have to stare at this first chapter again I'm not going to post it.

A/N: HAPPY TECH TUESDAY, LOOK I'M FINALLY POSTING SOMETHING, WHEEEEEEEEEEE

There were bad ideas, really bad ideas and then there was this.

The ship hums under her feet as it trudges through the far corner of the mid rim, chugging along on it’s route without any sign of trouble or disruption from it’s preplanned course.

It should have been a routine pillaging, something she had placed firmly in the ‘great ideas’ list but instead it had turned into a routine mutiny and finished the day as a routine marooning. She sighs as she lays her head back against the seamless panel behind her.

Fucking pirates.

She has been stranded on the old freighter for at least two moons, but it was hard to say with certainty. The droids that man the ship have no need to eat so more often than not they forget to pass along anything to keep her mounting hunger at bay, adding along to the lack of any kind of panel to the outside world, getting her bearings is proving to be more difficult than usual.

She hisses a swear to drown out the low growl of her belly and focuses her gaze on the far corner of the room. Another day, another chance to count the diamond shaped tiles above her cell, she swears the number changes every other time she counts. She doesn’t get farther than eighteen when the door of the maintenance room blows open.

The dust fills the room, hiding everything under its grimy shadow. The grit in the air crackles as it’s pushed against the red of the electron walls that keep her prisoner with the ships cooling coils and a water filtration unit that has calcified and has never been fixed.

"Well look at that, we found it! Lucky break!"

"Luck had nothing to do with it, if you had studied the schematics of this cruiser like I had asked-"

"Yeah yeah yeah." The first figure, a hulking shadow in the doorway brushes off the smaller one as he stomps into the suddenly too tiny room.

"The memory core should be at the end of the-" the smaller of the two figures stops in front of her cell as the big one charges towards the end of the room without stopping. They launch themselves into the piles of junk thrown haphazardly inside, "That's concerning."

"Concerning? You see someone in a cage and you go with ‘concerning’?" She replies as she pulls herself up to standing. She takes in his armor, modified clone armor from the looks of it painted pale with a bright red stripe down his chest, his eyes slightly magnified by the goggles on his face, the rest hidden by the elongated helmet.

"According to the intel we were provided there weren't supposed to be life forms aboard." He seems irritated to see her.

"Good old Republic intel, still living up to its reputation."

The other clone approaches, he rips open the metal box in his hands and yanks out the core as if the casing was made of thick flimsy and nothing more, "I've got the thing, time to go!"

She watches, dumbstruck for a moment as her ticket out starts to head for the gaping maw that used to be a door, "Wait, you're taking the old database?" The two of them stop and turn, "It's not complete! It's missing pieces of the coordinates!" Firefek she didn't want to sound desperate but she was.

"Likely story-" The big one chuckles.

"I was trying to steal it too, I almost got all of it before my crew turned on me!"

"A mercenary or a pirate? No matter, I trust you even less now."

She had never wanted to punch anyone's face as hard as she wanted to punch his, "Check the core Goggles, I swear to you! It's missing pieces!" He hesitates and in that baited pause she knows she has him, "Please, just let me out and drop me off wherever you dock next. You can have my data chip. No harm, no foul, just get me out."

The one with the goggles glares at her, the yellow tinted transparisteel of his visor snapping downl before he turns to the bigger man. Klaxons ring all around as he scans the core with a handheld device, but it's taking up time they do not have.

The two clones share a look, silently deciding her fate.

The bigger one caves first, "Aww c'mon Tech, we can't leave her! You saw what's on this ship, she'll be a goner on some mining planet!"

"Under normal circumstances I might agree but she's caged for a purpose, and I'm disinclined to put any trust in her."

"How much damage can she do? She’s smaller than you are!"

Tech, the one in the goggles, sighs before he turns back around to face her, "If we spring you, you play by our rules. You follow our orders, no complaints, no rebuttals and if you put one toe out of line-"

"Out the airlock, understood." She nods furiously, hands pressed against the panel as she watches Tech short out the electron wall holding her hostage, the panel shudders and then it spews sparks on to the ground as the red fades and she's finally able to step through.

"Lets go shortie!"

"Wait, let me just grab-" She scrambles to the other side of the wall, trying to pull at something from the top of a shelf. The bigger clone reaches over and tosses the crate to the floor. She throws open the top and snatches out a bantha leather bag and a helmet.

"Run!"

Tech doesn't have to tell her twice, the three of them bolt out of the door and into the corridor, the lights above flash in time with the klaxons. There is a low rumble that joins the hum of the hyperspace engine, as whatever security droids are on board begin to activate.

"Back to the ship, short stuff!"

The three of them book it down the darkened halls, ducking behind walls and crates as the first cluster of security droids pass through.

She tosses her bag across her shoulder, slinging it against one side of her hip, clipping it into place with snaps sewn into her jacket. They watch three more droids pass them by before she speaks again, "My name's Nox, by the way."

"Doesn't sound like a girl's name." The big one chuckles, so deep and rumbling it almost feels like a growl.

"Well it's the only name I've got. My parents named me a bit of a mouthful, Nox just works better."

"Clear." Tech calls out and they continue on their way heading to the service hangar where their ship hopefully was waiting for them.

"How'd you end up out here?" The big one asks, with every flash of light above them she can see more of the large scary face painted roughly on his helmet, lines thrown on haphazardly only to be scraped away by carbon scoring.

She is about to answer when she is shoved back into a corner by Tech. He slaps a hand over her mouth before she can yelp, the leather slightly singed, it smells of electricity and grease.

“Wait.”

"I'm getting tired of all this sneaking around, I say we blow our way outta here!" The big one growls.

"We’re almost there Wrecker, it would be pointless to try now."

She shoves Tech's Hand away, "Blow your way out of here, are you insane? With the amount of baby on board you'd blow us into the next dimension!"

There are a few beats of silence before both helmets turn towards her.

"Baby?" Wrecker repeats but is shushed by Tech.

"You don't mean baradium-"

"Bisulfate? I absolutely do! There were containers of the stuff in the holding bay."

"This Imperial ship is headed somewhere to mine thorilide?" He repeats, tone stressed over every syllable in the word ‘Imperial’.

"That or some unlucky planet is about to be wiped from existence."

"The location of the Republic thorilide mines have been kept under the utmost security for ages, not even the Jedi Council was ever advised of its location."

"Can’t say I blame them, I barely trust them with those glowy sticks of death." She murmurs, making lightsaber sounds with her mouth as Wrecker snickers.

"Stop that. Do you know where this ship was heading? Do you have a copy of the manifest?"

"What, your amazing Republic recce didn't get you that information shiny?" He glares back at her, brows pinching together behind the dark frames of his goggles, "Maker! Did those cloners take your sense of humor? Yes, I know where this ship is going."

"Bet Cid’s contact would pay more for that bit of info." Wrecker’s grin can be heard even through the plastoid of his helmet.

Tech meanwhile has typed something to a com on his wrist, "Hunter, there's been a complication."

"What kind of complication?"

"There is more on board this ship than just the republic database-"

"What do you mean?"

"This ship is a mining vessel, out to mine thorilide."

Tech’s wrist comm goes silent, just quiet static while the voice on the other line thinks, "Ordinance?"

Both clones look at her, she nods emphatically, "Ordinance, med supplies, if there was coaxium on board I wouldn't be surprised, this place is the motherlode."

"Quite a bit of supplies on board, it would seem."

The comm goes quiet again for a few moments, "We don't have time for this, it's only a matter of time before they realize that your cruiser is stolen. Grab what you went in for and leave."

Tech shakes his head, it's so tiny and quick that if she wasn't looking at him in that moment she would have missed it, "Where is it being kept?"

"Up, five or so floors unless I've miscounted."

"Tech, Wrecker, Get out of there, now!" The voice on the other end grows more and more irritable as they stand around in silence.

"We'll be out as soon as possible." Tech replies curtly as he cuts the comm. He makes it sound so easy like they were stopping by the nearest market to pick up fruit, instead of about to hijack high quality explosives from Imperial custody, "Lead the way."

"What? Just like that?"

"Are there, or are there not these items on board?"

"Yes."

"You swear?" Wrecker leans in close, hovering over her.

"Yeah."

Tech nods, "Vital signs are stable, no signs of heightened stress-"

"What if I'm just a really good liar?"

"You can try all you want my dear, but the data doesn't lie."

"Does he do this to you too? I'm finding it a bit creepy-" She asks Wrecker as her eyebrow raises.

"You get used to it."

"Weird, so weird…" she mutters to herself as she turns and peeks around the corner. She looks around for anything that is familiar, when she sees a maintenance lift at the very end of the hall to the right. She motions them forward, and silently they sneak their way closer to the lift. She turns her attention to her side as she digs in her bag, her fingers grasp at the odd collection of junk in her pockets until her hand finally wraps around the cool metal of her code cylinder and she can finally stop holding her breath.

Tech's hand on her shoulder pulls her back to the task on hand as he drags her back a few steps. The catwalk above them from here to the lift is no more than a shoddy looking set of grates that creak as a group of security droids march along their patrol, oblivious to the three of them below.

“The maintenance lift?" Tech sniffs as they come to a stop at its doors. He raises hand to push his goggles back into place, "Perhaps you have failed to notice but none of us are maintenance droids, the moment you try to access that panel they will -”

“They’ll what?” She asks as she jams the cylinder into the port, the lift clicks open silently and she steps inside.

“The alarms-”

“What alarms? According to this," she snaps her code cylinder from the panel and drops it back into her bag, lost again to the chaos of the random junk held within, "I'm a maintenance droid doing routine inspections. How stupid do you think I am?”

"Hey hey, this one's pretty smart huh Tech?!" Wrecker is thrilled.

"Pirate." She reminds, "You don't see many my age that aren't intelligent and I'll give you one guess as to why."

The doors silently click open and before they can step out a team of at least half a dozen well armed sentry droids roll past.

They all leap from the inside of the lift and fall into a crouch behind a stack of supply crates. They wait for a few moments before Tech quickly peeks over, "They don't seem to have spotted us."

"Fuck, there weren't this many when we tried this the first time." She swears a few more times under her breath.

"We should do this my way." Wrecker offers.

"What's that mean, what does he mean?!" Nox looks nervously over to Tech, "He doesn't mean-?"

"Explosives and violence? He absolutely does," Tech sighs, “ and I'm afraid we are running low on options and even lower on time. Wrecker, what does your ordinance look like?"

“But you said I couldn't bring any?”

“Yes, and when was the last time you actually listened?”

Wrecker, the fun if not absolutely homicidal one, pulls out a couple of detonators, a roll of plastic tape, a half dozen hand grenades and three droid poppers.

“Great, nice to know you could have turned us into a small sun if I hadn't told you about the baby on board.”

"Everything save for the poppers is far too dangerous to use around those crates." Tech hisses, "Any more of those brilliant pirate ideas floating around in your head?"

She chews on her lip for a moment, wracking her brain for anything else that might be useful as she ignores Tech's sarcastic tone. Apart from the crates on this floor littered with treasure, there didn't seem to be anything of any use...except for the busted water filter. “How big of a distraction do you think it would take to get all those sentries away from the haul?”

“It would need to be something quite large or destructive enough to threaten the integrity of the ship.”

“The water filtration system on board is completely calcified, I don't think it was ever fixed since there are only droids on board. If you could flood that with enough pressure the entire pipe should burst-”

“And flood the entire floor, along with the engine room, that might just do it.” He’s on his data pad before the words are even out of his mouth, he scans the room all around and matches it with the wireframe schematics on his screen. He stalks his way backwards until he finds the panel he is looking for. He pops it open easily and then begins to slice into the mainframe of the ship, “On my count, take Wrecker to wherever the baby is, let him handle it. You get your hands on as much of the medical supplies as you can, the security onboard is a little tighter than I would have preferred so I will have to stay here and continue to flood the filter.”

“Oh, easy.”

“Think you can handle all that tiny?” Wrecker’s thundering chuckle threatens to give away their location even with the steady moan of the alarms overhead.

She grins, Wrecker is back to being the fun one, “Try and keep up.”

There is a sound of roaring water all around them as tech funnels every liquid on the ship into the filter, then a sound like an explosion a couple of feet below them rocks the ship like a lightning strike.

The sound of the alarm overhead changes as every droid on the floor turns away and heads to a lowering platform, all instructed to assist with the burst pipe.

“That’s our cue!”

She shoves Wrecker forward playfully before they both break into a sprint toward the storage rooms where their bounty is being held. She points to one of the rooms as they approach, "This one's your big boy!"

The door is sealed shut, but not for long. Wrecker doesn't slow, instead he hunches low, bringing his shoulders down and tucking his chin into the collar of his armor before he barrels straight through, punching a hole through the doors with enough force to make even her teeth rattle.

She dips into the storage room across the hall, thanking the stars that her haul wasn't locked away like his was. She rips open any crate within arms reach, tossing open the tops and letting them scatter around the room wherever they land. She snatches bacta patches and hypos by the handful and packs the crate as full as she can, slamming her entire body weight against it to get it to close. She drags it out into the hall, placing it by the door before she bolts into the room right beside the one Wrecker is standing in.

Wrecker watches her disappear into the room, the four small crates of explosives tucked carefully under his arms, “Wait, where are you-”

His question is answered as another crate hits the floor beside him. She comes running out of the room, grabbing this second crate by the handle and yanking it along, “Perfect! Not a single explosion! Love that for me!”

Wrecker bends down to offer her a hand but she has already snatched up the first trunk and is flying down the hall with them. She's faster than Wrecker would have believed she would be capable of with the two crates almost her height. She almost trips over herself as she stops and with a swift kick, the second crate lands at Tech's feet, “Come on 20/20, cut her loose, let's go!”

“What’s in that- I specifically ordered you to only carry medical supplies.”

“Yeah well, it sounds like you are used to not being listened to so, ship. Now!”

Wrecker races past, hopping off of the side and down to the level below, the halls are empty as all hands are called to help with the floor that is flooding.

Nox peeks over the side, she watches as Wrecker sets the small boxes of baby down beside him, "Toss your crate!" He calls up. She nods and yanks the crates handle, flipping it up and off of the edge with a nudge from Tech.

She helps him in turn, as they gingerly haul the crate full of ordinance over the edge before tossing it below.

Wrecker sets the crates to one side before turning back to catch Nox, but she's already climbing down. Her fingers dig into spots on the wall where she should not be able to have any grip. She finds her own way down and with a little hop, lands right beside Wrecker as Tech lands beside her. The clang of his boots echoes down the empty hallway. "We'll need to make our way through the flooded floor of the ship in order to get back to the hangar." Tech types away at his data pad again before picking up the side of his crate.

Nox follows close beside the two clones, tossing the crate up onto her back to avoid making any unnecessary scraping sounds as they get closer to the flooded area, the sound of pouring water gets louder and louder with every floor. The next floor they walk through has the water barely deep enough to wash over the toes of their boots, but it rises rapidly after that. By the time they are on the same floor as the hangar, the water has risen up to their knees and Nox has a harder time trying to distract her mind from where all of this stagnant water has been hiding this whole time.

“Holding out ok over there tiny?” Wrecker chuckles.

She turns to answer, when everything becomes...not alright. Her next step slips out from under her and she goes flying forward, crashing face first into the dark disgusting water, the crate on her back keeping her under the surface as she struggles to pull herself back up to standing.

A hand at the back of her collar pulls her back up into fresh air, slimy water pours from her mouth and nose as she gags. She doesn't need to clear the water from her eyes to know what the dark figures that are starting to line the hallway are. Tech and Wrecker are on either side of her, blasters raised as the sentry droids file in.

“I'm hoping you can fight better than you can swim.” Tech calls over as Wrecker leaps over them both and charges straight into one of the sentries. Tech keeps a few of the others at bay, clipping them with bright bolts from his twin deecees, but it's not enough. She rubs the slime from her face and charges right behind Wrecker, using her entire body to check a droid in her path, she grabs the blaster from its hands as it goes tumbling backwards and into the water. Techs shots ring out around her as he stays behind, watching over the crates behind him. Wrecker tears through any droids that get within reach, sparks flying on to the water before they sizzle and die. She concentrates her fire on any droids Tech misses until the hall is clear.

"There'll be a second platoon on their way, we better get a move on." Tech calls back to them, she tosses the almost empty blaster into the water beside her.

"Are you always just, you know?" She makes growling and ripping sounds at Wrecker.

He laughs, "Not often enough."

She stifles her laughter behind her hand as she walks back to where Tech is to retrieve the case of medical supplies, for a brief moment the last couple of days are forgotten and even the slime on her skin is the last thing on her mind. For a brief moment she was back with her men, waiting for that score of a lifetime, but when she grabs the handle of the crate and looks back it’s the clone armor that reminds her she is in fact alone. The sudden quiet of sadness doesnt last long as the doors behind them open and a new series of drods begin their march towards them.

“Incoming!”

-----

Tag list: @themarvelbunch @agentwhiskeysdarlin @pascalisthepunkest @ashotofspotchka

#tbb #tech #the bad batch #Tech Tuesday #the bad batch x oc #the bad batch fic #tech x oc #evie struggles with writing #star wars fanfiction #tbb tech

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itmighthavebeenintentional · 3 years

Text

We've Got Tonight - Ch 2

Summary: “It’s not your job to do this, Andy. You make people happy. I was in the diner all of ten minutes, and you knew exactly how to get me to smile. You do normal, real things like garden and sing karaoke. Saving the world is my job, Sam’s job. Sometimes it’s even Cas’s job, but it’s not yours.”

Inspired by Bob Seger’s “We’ve Got Tonight”

Warnings: Major Character Death, More Major Character Deaths (sort of?), higher than show level violence, blood, light smutting, language, demons, apocalypse, inferred suicide, cult activity.

18+ ONLY, MINORS DO NOT PROCEED

Author’s Note: This story is set hazily around season 8. Just squint a little, and it’ll settle in somewhere. I wrote this story after certain big revelations in the show, but before other big ones; you’ll most likely be able to tell which. I play with time a bit in the story itself, so if things seem out of order, they are. Hopefully, by the end, all the pieces will fit together.

What the hell, let’s give it a shot.

Image and major edits by the incomparable @there-must-be-a-lock . Heavy editing and cheering by @thoughtslikeaminefield . Thank you both so much.

This is the longest chapter, but it's worth it, I promise.

Word Count: Ch 2 - 2952

In case you missed it: Chapter 1 ItMightHaveBeenintentional’s Masterlist

...

We've Got Tonight

Chapter 2

Clutching the strap of her backpack in a death grip, Andy silently crosses the landing. She places her foot on the top stair just as Dean rounds the corner from the hallway below her, both hands fisted in his hair. Even from this distance she can read the lines of tension in his shoulders. Her stomach twists, nausea and joy warring at the sight of him, and she can’t decide if she should turn and sprint for the door or throw herself at him and admit absolutely every foolish thing she’s done.

No. No, not foolish. She’s saving the world. That’s only a little stupid. She’s saving Cas and Sam. That’s good. She’s saving Dean.

That’s non-negotiable.

Then her weight settles on her foot, and the goddamned step creaks. Dean’s eyes snap to hers. For one hopeful moment, relief and genuine happiness flood his expression, and he smiles. The unclouded light shining from his face scraps any thoughts she has of bolting, and Andy makes it halfway down the steps before she’s engulfed in his arms.

He embraces her fiercely, and Andy allows herself a couple of seconds of peace and comfort, of the sense that she’s somehow home even though she’s only known him for a few weeks. Then the overwhelming realization of everything she’s signed away comes crashing down, closing her throat, choking off her air, and suddenly even the heat and safety radiating from Dean into her very bones isn't enough to ward off the chill of dread.

But she’s doing this to save him, to save Sam, to save...everyone. So, really, she’s not losing anything. If you save something, it’s not lost, so, really, she’s not losing anything.

Right?

Then her face is trapped between his hands, his face inches away, his eyes boring into hers with that burning intensity. The lies evaporate on her tongue, and she wracks her brain. What was she supposed to tell him? She has to say it before he starts questioning her, or she’ll blurt out every single thing she swore she wouldn’t.

“Are you okay? Where the hell were you? Was it those anti-Jesus freaks? How did you get away?”

What? Oh, yeah. The cultists. The whole reason she has a lovely new scar on her left arm and she met the Winchesters in the first place. The source of all their current troubles. Well, the main source, aside from her blood. Yeah, that would have been a good cover story, too.

Shit.

“Andy?”

“I’m fine, Dean,” she manages, thankful at how little her voice shakes. She puts forth the effort of the ages and extricates herself from his grip, an act she recognizes as necessary while regretting it all the same. “I’m sorry I scared you. I had a lead, and I had to leave right away. They were really twitchy when I first contacted them, and I thought they might take off if I waited too long or tried to take anyone else, and by the time I realized I’d lost my phone it was too late to come back.”

Anger and disbelief seep into his expression, tainting the relief that animated him only moments before. “Okay, first of all, we’re going to have a long, detailed talk about taking off on your own for any reason without backup, much less chasing your own leads, because no. Just no. Second, what the hell? Did all phones between here and wherever the hell you went just vanish?”

“You programmed your numbers into my cell, but I never memorized them. I didn’t have any way to contact you once I got there, and-”

“And you couldn’t leave a damn note?!”

Deep breath. Keep steady.

“Look, I’m really wrecked, Dean, it was a long drive, and it ended up a bust. The guy never showed. I’m dying for a shower and some food. You can interrogate me all you want, but can we not do it right here, right now?”

She pushes past him, brushing him off in a way she’s never done before, but if he keeps gazing into her soul with those jade laser beams of his, she’s going to lose every ounce of self-control. Her fingers tremble with strain, and she clutches her bag tighter, determined to hold herself together for his sake.

She only gets a couple of seconds of reprieve, though, just barely making it off the staircase. He catches up with her as she passes the map table, aiming for escape through the library, and he snatches her elbow. His grip is harsh as he pulls her around to face him, and her fingers fumble at the fierce heat behind his eyes. Her backpack drops, spilling its contents on the floor.

Her stomach bottoms out. She immediately tries to crouch down, to stuff her papers and books back in before Dean can see them, but his grip tightens on her arm, and he forces her back up to meet his eyes.

“You don’t get to disappear for two and a half days and then just-”

“Andy!”

Oh, thank god for Sam.

Andy takes advantage of Dean’s surprise to pull out of his grasp, but before she can bend down, she’s engulfed in a second, longer set of arms that feels almost as much like home as his brother’s.

God, what has she done? She really is going to lose everything. But this has to be worth it. Saving them is worth it, she knows it is. It’s going to be okay.

“Andy, are you okay? Where were you?” Sam is still in his concerned phase, and she’d like to make her exit to gather her thoughts before he hits Dean’s level of suspiciously pissed. She knows of no force in Heaven or Hell that can withstand the combined onslaught of Dean’s anger and Sam’s lectures.

“She says she found a lead,” Dean cuts in before she can try to explain herself. He’s definitely on the outer edges of pissed, and that’s fine. She can handle pissed, she just has to figure out what to do before he reaches volcanic levels of anger.

She drops down before anyone else can stop her and starts shoveling handfuls of papers in her bag. She needs to get them out of sight. She should have burned them, why didn’t she burn them, god if Sam sees some of it, he’ll know what she did without her having said a word to him, and -

“Andy, what the hell is this?”

Dean’s voice has dropped to a low, measured growl, and her eyes slide shut in dismay.

Don’t admit to anything, you don’t know what he found, just -

“You said you lost your phone, and now it falls out of your damned bag? You’re lying to me? Why-”

“Maybe because of this,” Sam cuts in, and she hears a rustle of papers from her other side, and she swears that it’s the loudest sound she’s heard in her entire life. It doesn’t matter which of her papers or which book Sam is showing his brother. They are all equally damning, and she really should have known better than to think she could get away with this plan.

“I had to do something. We were running out of time, so I made a decision while I still could.”

She’s impressed and surprised at the steadiness in her voice, the actual conviction. She is equally surprised to find herself standing when she opens her eyes, looking down at two of the most important people in the world, one of whom is regarding her with dismayed shock, and the other…

Her stomach wars with her brain; rational thought says the logical response to someone glaring at her with as much venom as Dean is packing is to run. Her stomach, on the other hand, is fully in favor of ejecting all contents in sheer terror. Somehow, she manages to shove down both impulses and stand her ground.

There’s a long moment where it seems like the whole bunker, the whole world, holds its breath, waiting for something to snap the tension. To Andy’s astonishment, Sam breaks in before Dean’s temper can explode.

“Tell me you didn’t. After everything we’ve told you, everything you know about us and our history, you called a crossroads demon? Where did you even find the summoning spell?”

She turns incredulous eyes on the younger Winchester. “Sam. I...really, Sam? When I asked to help, you put me on research. I didn't know where to look, and you gave me a stack of books, most of which had some variation of that or a similar spell in it. You gave me access to one of the world’s biggest fix-its, and you didn’t think I would do something with that?”

Sam opens his mouth, his face set with stubborn indignity, but he falls silent as Dean stands abruptly. He stalks past Andy, his silence far more worrisome than any shouting or lecturing could ever be. He stops at the bottom of the library steps, gripping the back of his neck like he’d rather have his fingers wrapped around something’s throat, and he stands like that for what feels like forever.

“I made a deal. To save you, Sam, Cas. Everyone. I had to do it.” Andy can’t stop the words that tumble from her trembling lips, and she can only be thankful that she doesn’t have to see Dean’s face as she says them. She should never have tried to lie to him, to them both, but especially not to him. Not after all the lies he’s had to live through.

“I won’t apologize. I found a way out of the end of the world when we had no other options, and I took it.”

Dean stands stiffly, unmoving as she confesses to his back. Sam wisely keeps his mouth shut, kneeling on the floor to look through Andy’s papers, avoiding looking at either of them. The gravid silence that hangs over the room is broken only by the thudding of her heart and the crinkle of pages as Sam rifles through her backpack’s spilled contents.

“Explain. Now.” Dean’s words are quiet and caustic, their bitterness cutting Andy straight to the heart.

This isn’t what she wanted, but their time is too short to try to work everything out. There will be nothing like a fairy tale ending for them, so she forces herself to say what she can. There are still some details she doesn’t want to tell him; if he knew everything, he could keep her here, keep her from going back to finish the deal, and she absolutely cannot let that happen.

“I did what you and Sam do every day. I did my research, I made a plan, and I faced the monsters. I made a choice, Dean.” She only just keeps the notes of desperation from creeping into her voice, though it’s a near thing.

He moves as she speaks, turning back to the table, his face inscrutable as he leans down to grip the back of one of the chairs. He holds onto it as if it’s the only thing keeping him together, and she feels a ridiculous stab of sympathy for the piece of furniture that’s bound to come to a bad end.

“And you think sneaking around, lying to all of us, and making a deal with a crossroads demon is going to magically fix everything?”

He’s too calm, too quiet. The chair creaks ominously under his fingers, and Andy takes a hasty step back. Sam rises, his forehead wrinkled with concern as he takes a step towards the table.

“Andy, just tell us the details,” Sam interjects, his tone low and placating, like he’s trying to calm a cornered animal. “We can figure out a way to get you out of the deal. What did the demon you met with look like? Did they tell you their name? How much time do you have?”

“God DAMN IT!”

Dean slings the chair to the side, and it skates over the floor, shredding through her papers before slamming into a support pillar with a deafening metallic clang and careening across the room. Sam steps up protectively next to her, his hands half-raised like he can’t decide if he should try to talk his brother down or block more pieces of flying furniture.

“Why, Andy? Why didn’t you just wait for Sam or Cas to find something? We were looking!”

“There was no time left, Dean!” She knows there aren’t enough words in any language to explain her decision in a way that will satisfy him. It doesn’t matter to him that she’s one of the sources of all their troubles right now, or that she is an adult who was perfectly capable of making decisions about her life long before the Wonderful Winchesters and their guardian angel rode into town.

“We had days left, at best! I don’t want this anymore than you did, but it was my blood that started this whole disaster, my blood the cult needs to finish everything, literally everything! It’s my blood that’s the solution to this whole shitshow, and that means it’s my mess to clean up. I learned that much from you and Sam, at least! You clean up the messes you make, whether you meant to make them or not. You, of all people, could at least try to understand!”

“Understand what?! That you think selling your soul will actually fix anything?”

Dean closes the distance between them, his fingers digging hard into her shoulders, knocking Sam to the side as he disregards all concepts of personal space.

“Selling your soul never solves a damned thing! And don’t you think for one second I’m gonna let you go through with this deal.”

“I’ve already gone through with it, I signed the contract. You can’t stop it, and you can’t change it. He said you’d try, and-”

“Wait a minute, ‘he’?” Sam cuts in, and Dean’s face flushes a deeper shade of crimson.

“You didn’t. Tell me you didn’t make a deal with that son of a bitch Crowley.”

Fuck.

“I made a call,” Andy finally answers. “I was either going to hell and taking the rest of the world with me, or I was going by myself and keeping the rest of you safe.”

“You had no right-”

“To make decisions about my life? The hell I don’t, it’s my life, Dean! Who gave you the right-”

“We were supposed to be in it together, you and me! It’s not just your life, and you damned well know it!”

The three of them stand frozen, the words echoing faintly through the enormous room. Sam gaping at the two of them, Dean grips Andy like he thinks she’s about to bolt, and Andy tries desperately to remember why she’s not simply throwing herself into Dean’s arms.

Castiel, with his impeccable timing, chooses this moment to enter the bunker. The creaking door catches their attention, and all eyes turn to Cas, who stands on the landing, surveying the tableau of chaos beneath him. His eyebrows lower, his consternation clear.

“Andrea?” Cas’s voice is confused but gentle as he cautiously descends the stairs. She knows from the stories Sam and Dean have told her that her friend has a fearsome warrior side that makes even the worst demons think twice before approaching, but she’s never seen a hint of that part of him.

She’s seen this man soberly examining a bowl of Cheetos, questioning their attractiveness to large, feline predators; she has a difficult time picturing him facing down the worst monsters the universe has to offer, and yet, according to Sam and Dean, he does so without hesitation on a regular basis.

Which is why his cautious approach should really worry her.

“Dean, is it really necessary to hold on to Andrea quite that hard? You’re bound to leave bruises, and she doesn’t seem to be attempting to leave.”

Dean releases Andy abruptly. His face is dark and lined with the effort of repressing his rage, and he storms past the bewildered angel. He stops at the bottom of the stairs, hand on the banister, legs flexing and trembling as if he has to force himself to stop even that long. Sam takes a step towards him, but Cas holds out a restraining hand, and for once, Sam complies, though he looks seconds away from protesting.

“You should’ve waited, Andy. You should’ve talked to me, given me a chance to find something, anything but this. I can’t...I’m done. I’m fucking done.”

He climbs the stairs three furious steps at a time and is out the door before anyone can think of how to stop him, leaving Andy lost in the remnants of his anger and her shoulders aching more from the loss of his grip than the roughness of it. Her throat is burning, her jaw aching with strain, but her eyes are dry.

There was no other way, there just wasn’t. I did the right thing, and damn Dean to Hell if he thinks I’m going to cry for that.

“Andrea?”

Cas reaches out and steadies Andy, his grasp gentle and comforting in stark contrast to Dean’s furious hold. He considers her for a long moment before finally speaking.

“Our lack of information regarding your whereabouts was quite troubling, and we assumed the worst.”

“Maybe not the absolute worst,” Sam sighs, leaning wearily against the table. He scrubs his hands over several days’ worth of stubble before rubbing his eyes. When he speaks again, he can’t even meet her eyes, and an acidic splinter of shame twists in her stomach.

“You really should have waited, Andy.” ...

Chapter 3

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stellocchia · 3 years

Note

protege anon (i guess that's my name now)

here's... some of the many endings. many of them could/would end happily because i am more of the 'angst is more worth it when it leads to a happy ending' type of writer. also i am not going to be putting c! in front of the names for the rest of the asks i might send for this dkfjdks i'm getting tired of doing that every time.

one thing in the endings that's always the same is that tommy/blank stops taking care of himself very well or entirely after dream is jailed because he isn't sure how to anymore. this also includes him not dying his hair so his roots start showing.

i also couldn't pick one ending because they're all so good?? i dunno hopefully this will inspire people for even non protege related fics. plus i just realized that i never mentioned the detail that blank doesn't speak much to those who he barely knew before and not at all to those he knew as tommy.

end variation: Callahan. aka an end where they go to get callahan who is just vibing on the world border of the server because he is NOT getting involved in the wars thanks. he's one of the only people who has permission to use the player locating feature on the server, so they get him to find blank. cue callahan figuring out blank is tommy, restores his original IGN tag and then says he'll only point them in the direction of where blank is if they DON'T want to kill him.

sam and puffy are almost always part of that group. partially because they're some Favs of mine but also because i feel like they're the most likely to just. not want blank dead.

end variation: compass. this one is where tubbo's compass isn't destroyed. he hides it away after finding the tower in logstedshire and also one where the compass Actually points to tommy and not just the lodestone in logstedshire. tubbo pulls it out for comfort after dream is jailed and finds 'oh hey its pointing somewhere' which he thinks is ghost tommy. phantommy. you know. and tubbo wants to hold whatever is left of tommy close, even if it hurts.

except they find a vault with blank crying on a cow. whose roots are Very Blond and its Very Clear that blank hasn't... actually taken care of himself in the past weeks/months since dream had been jailed. awkward : ) but there is a lot of healing as they figure out blank is a heavily conditioned tommy who needs some Time with friends who aren't gonna treat him like he's a toy/tool like dream was.

end variation: this is the one where tubbo almost gets killed by dream, blank panics because tubbo was one of the reasons he'd been doing whatever dream asked him to, and blank kills dream. because he doesn't know restraint anymore. and then has a breakdown in front of everyone that includes LOTS of screaming.

because of the whole 'mute or near mute' thing, people are rightfully scared of blank atm. meanwhile the badlands crew trap dream and throw him in pandora's vault even for the moment while everyone else wrestles with blank. its decided its not safe for him to be put in the vault too (either because he'll kill dream again or because he might break dream out, they have no idea which) so custody is given to lmanburg who temporarily house him in their rinky dink prison until they realize he's, you know, tommy.

this is the end variation that largely stays the same which is the one where blank runs off, grabs henry, and hides as close to the world borders of the server he can. he lives in a little oak and cobblestone house with his pet(s because ofc he gets attached to more animals) but he's always prepared in case dream shows up and demands for his aid again.

that never happens ofc so he just lives out there. he's found eventually, with his half broken blank mask and badly cut blond hair with black dye clutched in his hands.

... another common theme with my endings is that blank gets to actually heal and be a person again. because, again, i really prefer angsty stories to have happy endings for those hurt the most.

also that's all the main variations i can think of that ahs like. a major difference from the 'punz leads them to the vault and the entire server finds blank crying on a cow' ending.

I really like them honestly!

Also Blank/Tommy should get to have just so many pets every time, he deserves them.

But yeah, I generally prefer happy endings if it's a long fic. Just because I'm soft like that I suppose...

#anon ask #dream smp au #protege!tommy au #au prompt #long post

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fallenrepublick · 3 years

Note

Oops we've got a live one incoming beep beep boop

So kinda following up on our earlier thoughts about how things progress after Thrass confesses his feelings for you (while you're in a relationship with Thrawn)

At this point, Thrawn still doesn't know what happened, how Thrass accidentally let the words slip after coming to you to apologize about what happened at dinner with that awful woman. You've kept the news to yourself so far, partially because you aren't sure how to handle it, but mostly out of fear that Thrass will be punished for it beyond what he deserves and you don't want that. Things are still...weird, naturally, but you're of the mind that things don't really have to change from how they were before all of this, when everything was normal. Getting back to normal is your goal, before you knew anything about what he felt and you all coexisted just fine. That was normal. Right?

You push back the irrational feelings you had when you met him for lunch, how you were almost hopeful for some reason when he informed you he wasn't going to try dating anyone else. Really you should have been disappointed, or at least tried to encourage him to move on from this by doing so, but you didn't. It was hard for you to discern why, and you made up your mind to do it the next time you met with him.

Which, as it turns out, would be much sooner than you anticipated. You receive a sudden call from Thrawn, who is on a fleet mission somewhere deep within the chaos. He informs you that he suspects an enemy of his may be planning to target you in order to get to him, and that your home is no longer safe. He says that there's a Mitth family safehouse on Copero that you'll be escorted to, and that the escort will likely be Thrass, who may also be targeted if he remains where he is, and as a Syndic of the Mitth has the clearance to access the home.

You tentatively ask him if you'll be alone with him, and for how long. Thrawn's tone suggests he isn't thrilled by the prospect when he confirms that will indeed be the case, and that the exact amount of time is unknown until he gets things sorted out on his end. Your eyes widen, aware that now more than ever you need to tell him. "Thrawn-"

"I'm afraid time is of the essence. Your shuttle will arrive in thirty minutes. Take care, my love."

The call was dropped. Shit. You were panicking now, and not entirely because of the potential danger you were in. You and Thrass were going to be alone in a safehouse, for however long, after he confessed his love for you and you didn't exactly verbally reject him. And as for your heart-

You shook your head. Nope. You weren't going to let your fickle emotions get the best of you. Boundaries. If anything, this would be an ample opportunity to enforce them. It would be fine. You would be fine.

You had just finished packing when you heard the knock at your door right on schedule. Even though you expected to see him there, your chest still tightened when Thrass greeted you. "Ready?"

"No, but I don't really have a choice," you responded a little too honestly.

Thrass actually smiled a little. "My thoughts exactly. It would be nice to have a little more notice for these things once in a while."

"Yeah." There was more you wanted to say, but you opted to wait until after your shuttle arrived at the cruiser that would follow along the Path of Houses and you were comfortably situated. It was a more distinguished vessel than the common-class cruisers you were familiar with, but the seating arrangements were just as if not more close together despite the extra room. The seats, which were really more like sleek sofas, accommodated two people per cabin, and without any armrests or dividers to section off the center, Thrass's thigh was constantly dangerously close to rubbing against your own. Not that it was at the forefront of your mind or anything.

The silence went on for a little longer than was comfortable before you finally decided to break it. "How long will it take to get to Copero?"

"About six hours," he replied.

Wonderful. Well, that gave you plenty of time to discuss what was on your mind... Only, you didn't want to in the slightest. You were exhausted, and there wasn't any harm in waiting until you got to your destination, although there was one thing you needed to find out straight away.

"I don't suppose you told Thrawn about... the incident when you spoke with him?"

You felt his exhale before you heard it.

"I...I was going to, but he insisted there wasn't much time to talk and hung up before I could say anything else."

"Ah. Same here." You kept your head down and fumbled with the hem of your shirt. He was likely just as anxious as you, since he was more or less doing the same with the lining of his robes. He seemed pretty tired as well, even more than you were judging by the heaviness of his eyelids. A nap was definitely on the agenda for you both, but not before you asked one more question. "Did he say anything about the enemy that could potentially attack us?"

Thrass shook his head. "No. I'm hoping he'll give us more details as time goes on." He must have felt you tense up a little, since he then twisted to face you and offered a comforting smirk. "It's a bit nerve-wracking, isn't it?"

"You can say that again."

He smiled. "Don't worry. I'll protect you." You looked down to see that his hand had brushed yours and then pulled back, as though he thought about holding it but then decided against it. "Did you have time to eat? I can order you some food if you like."

It would be so much easier to find him less charming if he wasn't always looking out for you and anticipating your needs like that. Hopefully he'd make up for it by being insufferably annoying once you were living together and getting under each other's skin. He'd spent nights at your home before, but never for such an extended amount of time. Surely, you'd hate each other by the end of it. The thought strangely made you smile.

"I'm okay. I'm more tired than anything, honestly."

"I concur." He opened a side compartment within the wall beside him and retrieved two small plush-looking pillows, handing you one as he situated his own behind his neck. "I'll have to call for blankets, but it will get a little warmer once we've been traveling for a bit longer."

"I don't think that will be necessary." Damnit, Thrass. Again with making your heart melt by- nope. It was clearly time for sleep. You scooted as far off to the side and you could and placed your pillow in the corner. "I'll sleep just fine like this. Wake me up if we're about to die or something."

Thrass chuckled. "Sure thing."

It wasn't long before the both of you dozed off.

It was an excellent nap. You felt so well-rested, so cozy... You had no idea how much time had passed, so you opened your eyes to check-

To find that your head was resting snugly against Thrass's shoulder, and his head was resting against your own, pillows all but forgotten. Somehow in the middle of your sleep you had found each other and locked arms, then got plenty comfortable. He was still sound asleep, his soft breaths brushing against your skin as you debated how you could slip away without waking him up, but determined it would be impossible with the way you were supporting him. You sighed softly, trying not to think too hard about how nice this was, and how good he smelled, and how his breath felt-

I'm calling Thrawn as soon as we get to the safehouse, you thought. For now, you were content to sink back into position and close your eyes, resting your hand inside Thrass's open palm. He gripped it in his sleep, slipping his fingers between yours as if on instinct. You sighed once again.

Surely, you would hate each other before long.

(oops this was an idea that turned into a whole-ass thing again lol sorry)

Oh my god...

This had better not be a “and there was only one bed” situations or so help me-

It’s definitely not one of those things but if it were... He’d absolutely insist that you take it, since he’s been charged with taking care of you. But you can’t just let him sleep on the floor, either. He keeps his arms locked at his sides when he’s sleeping, as if his instincts were forcing him not to move a single muscle. You on the other hand, end up turning over and basically snuggling into his side. Whether it’s out of habit or not, he can’t tell, but he has to work hard not to return the hold at all, and it ends up keeping him awake most of the night. You wonder why he always looks so exhausted in the mornings.

#chiss triangle

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