#when i saw maggies tweet i teared up

[somehow-a-human]

The ineffables fell in love, and God & Satan decided to make a bet on true love.

DO NOT ASK NEIL ABOUT FAN THEORY

Okay so, this is kind of a crack theory. But if this blog is for anything, it's for divulging my crack theories, and not feeling bad about it. My other blog is where I act like a properly sane person.

I have had a lot of nebulous thoughts that led to this theory but there was one bit of dialogue that tied it all together for me, that we will discuss at the very end. I'm going to start by laying out each of my *Clues* for you below, and we'll tie all my threads together by the end. Shall we begin?

Sanctuary Lights

Warlock, Adam, and most interestingly Maggie all have a single red light displayed on their right hand side of their "rooms". The symbolism of the right hand side implies the sacred, good, right, and stable. It's also where we find Aziraphale in reference to Crowley when they are balance and harmonious, Aziraphale is on Crowley's right.

A sanctuary light, is a light that shines before the altar of sanctuaries in many jewish and christian places of worship. A lit Sanctuary Lamp signifies the presence of God in the tabernacle that contains the Eucharist, and are traditionally red.

It's interesting that these three characters are linked via this specific visual. The assumed anti-christ, the actual anti-christ, and the local record shop owner? All of whom were somewhat under the watchful eyes of Crowley and Aziraphale at some point, but more-so Aziraphale. The right hand sidedness of the lights is initially confusing as you might expect Adam's to be on the left given he is the son of Satan, but we do know at the end of season one that he isn't good or bad, but rather, very human. What is this telling us about Maggie? I am a "Greasy Johnson is Jesus" truther but my mind wanted to go, "Oh maybe Maggie is Jesus!"

Aziraphale & Crowley's Angelic Playlist

Not Aziraphale and Crowley's Earthly Playlist, no no no, their Angelic Playlist.

These songs definitely tell a story. They are full of heartbreak, and longing, misunderstanding and disagreement, all while flowing with an undertow of deep love. And don't even get me started on The Book of Love. I have loved that song for so long and when I saw that was one of Neil's 3 picks for this playlist I did tear up a bit.

These songs no doubt illustrate the final 15 minutes. Aziraphale wants to leave, he needs to go to heaven to fix things, to protect humanity, and Crowley is hurt, he wants Aziraphale to run away with him. But, could they also mirror something else? Could they mirror Crowley and Aziraphale's disagreement before the Great War and the Fall? I mean it is their Angelic playlist afterall. It could have very easily been their any-other-adjective playlist.

In the Before the beginning scene we are shown, Angel!Crowley wants to stand up for the universe, and protect his creations, and Aziraphale wants to put his head down and hide. Angel!Crowley tried to do what he thought was right, and it resulted in a boiling pool of sulphur. He doesn't think Aziraphale can succeed at what he has already failed to do. This time, Aziraphale is the one who wants to stand up to Heaven and protect creation and humanity, and Crowley knows what that looks like, so he just wants to run and keep Aziraphale safe.

Maybe that's why the final fifteen hurts so much, even if they might not remember it well, because maybe they've been through this before, before the beginning.

Magic shop Ventriloquist Dummies

Do you see the resemblance here? I really wish we could read their name tags clearly, I feel like that would give us a ton of information, and with time, hopefully we'll get that opportunity. And we do have information that each doll is named and they apparently had enough information for each of them and their dress that it warranted a spreadsheet so it must've been detailed and important. You can read that in this tweet from Mickey Ralph's twitter:

From Mickey Ralph, Good Omens graphic designer's twitter: "I need a list of all the dummies and their names with as much information as possible for each of them. I think it would be best to have a photo of each of them and establish some kind of spreadsheet so that we can make sure the dressers put the right names on the right dummies"

It has been vaguely stated the likenesses of the dolls was not purposeful here:

But I'd like to posit a guess that maybe this answer just means they didn't create the dolls to look like A & C, but maybe found ones that looked like them.

Do the dolls mimic the hierarchy of God and heaven? Why are there two Crowley's? Why is Muriel so far up? Was she a high ranking angel before she was possibly demoted and became a 37th order scrivner?

@noneorother has a more in depth analysis of the puppets here, if you'd like to read their take.

"Enough to Make you Believe in True Love?"

This dialogue is what set off the chain reaction that led to my ultimately writing this post. Don't remember this quote? It's easy to miss and seemingly unimportant. Just after Gabriel recovers his memories and Shax accuses Beelzebub of being a traitor we get this:

Beelzebub: "I didn't collaborate with Heaven, anymore than Gabriel collaborated with Hell. I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides" Maggie: "That's really sweet" Nina: "Enough to make you believe in true love?"

Maggie and Nina who are still in the bookshop and watching these events unfold have been silent, but finally share these two lines. And I finally noticed, it's kind of a weird thing for Nina to say to Maggie, no? Why wouldn't Maggie believe in true love? Why does Nina think Maggie wouldn't believe in true love? We've seen Maggie pining over Nina and saying she's in love with her earlier in the season so why might a romantic who's never even talked to the woman she claims to be in love with not believe in true love, and why might her and Nina have discussed that before?

Is this little aside a conversation really being had by Nina and Maggie?

The Job Bet

That's why he's perfect for the bet! This is the final piece to my puzzle before I wrap up my ramblings and try to coherently tell you how they fit together. God and Satan make a bet, to see if Job is really truly righteous, and loves God, even if She takes away everything she's given him. They aren't above making bets about their creations, and taking everything away from them, testing them to destruction.

Conclusion

Let me weave you a web... The Starmaker, and Aziraphale meet in what we see is the first scene of season two. Maybe in the time before the fall they become close, and fall in love. Angels shouldn't have free will so that shouldn't be possible right? God and Lucifer!Satan? (maybe?) take notice and talk about it, maybe how they did with Job? Maybe they disagree about true love. Maybe God insists that in the ineffable plan, Crowley and Aziraphale will always end up together no matter what. Satan disagrees, they can be driven apart. They make a deal, a bet. The fall is inevitable, its ineffable, so they ensure Crowley and Aziraphale end up on either side of the factions, God lets Satan destroy everything they have, and then they'll see...

Fast forward to The Great War, the Starmaker doesn't really want to rebel like the other angels but gets swept up on their side of things, on the losing side, maybe with a bit of divine or demonic intervention. All he ever did was ask questions! He and Aziraphale are separated. Later, the Serpent of Eden slithers up next to the Angel of the Eastern Gate and strikes up a conversation. They don't remember each other, maybe a vague impression of familiarity, but the demon can't help but be drawn to the angel.

God and Satan we now know must chat about the goings on of Earth, making bets about Job and all that. That's at least my possible explanation for why Nina and Maggie have those weird lines during the Ineffable Bureaucracy reveal. Maybe God and Satan popped in to check on their bet and see what was happening with their stupid free wheeling creations?

Despite everything Aziraphale and Crowley are still together after all this time, and they do love each other. But they can always continue to be tested, even to destruction, or so they may believe.

Hey look, I'm not saying any of this is at all accurate but it was fun to come up with hehe.

#good omens #good omens meta #good omens 2 #crowley x aziraphale #good omens theories #crowley #michael sheen #aziraphale #david tennant #good omens clues #good omens theory #good omens clue #good omens crack theory #you dont have to take this seriously #like at all i wont be disappointed #but it was fun to write

[searchingforglendowerwithleah]

Ok I’m sure a lot of you are already aware but production for TRC stopped and I’m honestly really upset. My heart sank while reading this and even though I was terrified the adaption would suck however that didn’t compare to the excitement I felt. As much as I was dying to see these characters on screen (especially Noah because I missss him) I’m sure that if development stopped it was probably for the best as I’d rather no show than a bad one that would taint my opinions on the books. If I’m being honest I never could imagine the books being a series as they are just so bright and full in my mind I couldn’t fathom how screen could do it justice. I still hope an adaptation comes perhaps in the future that will do the books justice but for now I’ll just enjoy the books

#when i saw maggies tweet i teared up #sorry for the rant #im not suprised though as production was moving so slowly #trc #trk #tdt #bllb #the raven cycle #the raven boys #the dream thieves #blue lily lily blue #the raven king #richard campbell gansey #blue sargent #ronan lynch #adam parrish #noah czerny #henry cheng #pynch #bluesey #the dreamers trilogy #call down the hawk #declan lynch #matthew lynch #maura sargent #maggie stiefvater #joeseph kavinsky #the gangsey #cabeswater #cdth

[seeksstaronmewni]

The Bear Roots of Burbank Cartoons: A Lookback at Boo Boo Runs Wild

5 years ago, [adult swim] aired the greatest of all Yogi Bear / Ranger Smith episodes, “Boo Boo Runs Wild” (1999), on August 13th, 2016 A.D. at 4 AM.

Look and see, kids, how America’s not-so-average bear connects in the wide world of animation that produces many of the cartoons that you love in Burbank, Canada and more!

As and after I saw it, I knew that I found the greatest band of cartoonists out there, and that greatest band of cartoonists out there was none other than...

Spümcø, whose many creatives would end up working at Hanna-Barbera Cartoons, Cartoon Network Studios, and many other popular Burbank and Canadian studios that made the cartoons I grew up and beyond watching.

Obviously, the character design is rather different, but they still look like the right characters, even with the slight color changes...

and with their items of human attire out. Ranger Smith, on the other hand...

Ranger Smith is wildly off model, and probably on purpose, throughout the picture.

Only in one scene appears he with a more familiar face.

Now, I didn’t have to watch Wild Kratts (which, by the way, features 6 Spümcø Canada creatives) to learn that “there’s only one thing a bear likes more than raiding a pic-a-nic basket.”

As the title suggests, Boo Boo loses his temper when Ranger Smith restricts him from tearing bark and decides to go primal in returning to his bear roots: “From this day forth, I’ll not dress in the man’s attire, and I’ll not speak in the man’s tongue. From now on, it’s going on all fours and grunting for me!”

Boo Boo wreaks havoc for the trees with his natural bear roots.

Unlike past episodes, however, the artists went far wilder than the usual Hanna-Barbera cartoon, making the trees alive and screaming in pain! OH, WHAT TOURTUE! Not to mention how I love Boo Boo’s goofy/manical laugh, a beautiful product of John Kricfalusi’s voice (Yes; I know that he was a formerly abusive megalomaniac who still has ADHD, but God knows what cartoons would be like today—at least those produced in Burbank and Canada—if it wasn’t for the many layout artists that he led).

Also unnatural to a Hanna-Barbera cartoon is the extreme levels of slapstick, wackiness and graphic nature of cartoons since such shows as Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures, Beany and Cecil’s DiC reboot, and The Ren & Stimpy Show. Boo Boo and now Cindy Bear are licking away at all of the honey... and bees... with insanely long tongues (may be that they’re sloth bears?). This left Yogi Bear practically speechless.

The mere sequence of dialogue between Yogi and Ranger Smith, discussing what to do about Boo Boo, involved HEAVY work in the storyboards by Vincent Waller. So many expressions that they couldn’t fit in each of Spümcø’s 3-panel storyboard pages!

As you see, in addition to Vincent Waller’s storyboards, John K. added extra poses (storyboard revisions more or less, but definitely layout poses) under the respective scenes. That way, Vincent could focus on telling and writing the story in rough pictures. (source of storyboards)

I also love the sound design. While it’s definitely true to a Hanna-Barbera cartoon, John K. and the late Henry Porch were very creative with some weird, dated and out-of-context sound effects, similar to what they and Horta Editorial did on The Ren & Stimpy Show in the first two seasons. The production music (probably APM and Capitol Records) also gave it a vintage, nostalgic feel.

Ultimately, with the aforementioned abusive megalomaniac aside, Spümcø undoubtedly harbored some of the finest animators and artists ever. Such names as Bob Jaques (Spongebob Squarepants, Buy One, Get One Free*, The Baby Huey Show), Ben Jones (DC Super Hero Girls, Cats Don’t Dance, Teen Titans GO!), Vincent Waller (Spongebob Squarepants, Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog), Albert Lozano (Inside Out, A Kitty Bobo Show), Todd White (Spongebob Squarepants), Eric Koenig (Atlantis: The Lost Empire, Madagascar, Cats Don’t Dance, The Simpsons, and The Tigger Movie), and Erik Wiese (Samurai Jack, The Mighty B!) are among the hundreds of creatives who ended up almost everywhere working in Burbank and Canadian animation.

Other names on the Spümcø team that one might recognize include Gabe Swarr (Dexter’s Laboratory, The Buzz on Maggie, Foe Paws, El Tigre), and even background artists such as Richard Daskas ( @rdaskas​ - Samurai Jack, Time Squad, Sym-Bionic Titan, Batman Beyond), Richard Ziehler-Martin (Tiny Toon Adventures, The Wacky World of Tex Avery), Hector Martinez (Tom and Jerry: Robin Hood and His Merry Mouse, Timone and Pumba, Captain N, Evil Con Carne, Dora the Explorer), and Tony Mora (MAD, Teen Titans GO! to the Movies, Pickle and Peanut). I mean: in short, these artists worked for Warner Bros. Animation, Disney Television Animation and Walt Disney Feature Animation, Nickelodeon, and Cartoon Network Studios!

Spümcø’s production assistants on Boo Boo Runs Wild feature Matt Danner —a fantastic character designer, storyboard artists, director and producer, whose credits range from (Johnny Test and The Legend of the Three Caballeros to Team Hot Wheels and The Looney Tunes Show—and Cartoon Brew editor Amid Amidi. Brian A. Miller was an executive in charge of production, not for but probably in association with Cartoon Network.

Spümcø’s creatives, as I said, are all over the place in Burbank animation. Other shows that still air on @adultswim​ have ex-Spümcø creatives. For example: today’s re-run of Samurai Jack EPISODE XVI features Chris Reccardi (The Powerpuff Girls, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy)...

Scott Wills (Genndy Tartakovsky’s Primal, The Twisted Tales of Felix the Cat)...

Lynne Naylor-Reccardi (The Shnookums and Meat Funny Cartoon Show, Wander Over Yonder) and Jim Smith (YooHoo and Friends, Tom and Jerry Tales, McGee and Me)...

and Leticia Lacy (TRON: Uprising, Sym-Bionic Titan, Wander Over Yonder, Korgoth of Barbaria).

Even outside of Cartoon Network Studios, where most ex-Spümcø artists end up, @cartoonnetwork​’s The Amazing World of Gumball, from Cartoon Network Studios Europe (AKA Hanna-Barbera Studios Europe), features ex-Spümcø artist Charlie Bean (The Powerpuff Girls, Robotboy, Batman: The Animated Series, Timone and Pumba, Creature Crunch) on The Cartoon Network Europe Development Team.

One of Cartoon Network’s biggest and craziest hits, Teen Titans GO!, also features such ex-Spümcø artists as storyboard artist, director and producer Luke Cormican (The Buzz on Maggie, Brandy and Mr. Whiskers, Brickleberry, The Replacements, El Tigre)...

Gerald de Jesus (The Book of Life, The Ricky Gervais Show, TMNT)...

and Eric J. Pringle (Fosters’ Home for Imaginary Friends, The Problem Solverz). What wacky cartoon filled with live-action images, unpredictable visual gags and extreme slapstick humor wouldn’t?

Relatively, you could even tune in to Nickelodeon, the original home of Spümcø’s ground-breaking hit, The Ren & Stimpy Show, and see names of creatives associated with Spümcø and Ren & Stimpy, such as Zeus Cervas (Star vs. the Forces of Evil, Spongebob Squarepants, Clarence) on today’s episode of The Patrick Star Show...

or even Gabe Del Valle (Mighty Magiswords, Spongebob Squarepants) on today’s episode of Middlemost Post!

Overall, Boo Boo Runs Wild introduced me to the cartoon studio whose works I took for granted and on which I was missing out all of my life, and I strongly encourage this generation to support this Yogi Bear / Ranger Smith episode, which you can watch RIGHT NOW on [adult swim]’s site. It was officially on their YouTube channel, but it was removed for unknown reasons. This short never even got a DVD or VHS release!

The last televised airing of Boo Boo Runs Wild on [adult swim] so far was January 6th, 2019 A.D., but Spümcø also produced “A Day in the Life of Ranger Smith” and “Boo Boo and the Man” (based on true events in the life of John Kricfalsui) for Cartoon Network.

As I come to a close, it’s worth noting that layout Ed Benedict, an animator and artist whose credits go all of the way back to the 1930s with Disney and continued with MGM and Hanna-Barbera/Cartoon Network Studios, originally worked on Yogi Bear episode “Yogi’s Birthday Party” as a layout artist, and reprised that very role for “Boo Boo Runs Wild”. What a legacy the animators and artists of this episode leave!

Always will I remember how Spümcø, whose legacy connects to my Cartoon Network-infused childhood, blessed me and graced me that fateful day, August 13th, 2016 A.D., with the ultimate example of the fine art of cartooning that is the Yogi Bear / Ranger Smith episode “Boo Boo Runs Wild”. I was living in the moment, and I thank God for it.

“For years they have [been] asking me to make new Yogi cartoons, but I can’t even get a half a million [dollars] to make one, probably because I actually like the characters, but 60-70 million $ to make walking corpses is economical.” - John Kricfalsui on Yogi Bear (2010)

Another Ranger Smith, Boo Boo or Yogi Bear cartoon from the people behind The Ren & Stimpy Show is highly unlikely today, due to the abuse and harassment of John K. angering the world to the point of hating and condemning the man who helped to shape not only Cartoon Network but also television animation—and animation as a whole—with an undeniable legacy of artists and animators who deserve way more credit and respect than we perhaps thought of giving as kids.

Tweet version of this post here.

#boo boo runs wild #yogi bear #spümcø #spumco #cartoon network #adult swim #[as] #[adult swim] #ranger smith #vincent waller #john kricfalusi #john k #john k. #matt danner #ben jones #bob jaques #albert lozano #todd white #eric koenig #erik wiese #cartoon #cartoons #hanna-barbera cartoons #hanna barbera cartoons #tony mora #richard daskas #hector martinez #gabe swarr #ed benedict #boo boo

[barbasbodaciousbeard]

Delete the Twitter app, Mr. Barba

In which Rafael Barba deletes the Twitter app because of the Householder case, and Carmen babysits him. 

Accidental Feminist Icon

The last thing on Rafael Barba’s mind when he was in the hospital room with Maggie Householder was his online reputation. Once he’d turned himself in and been released on his own recognizance, however, he opened his phone to call mami and instead saw hundreds of Twitter notifications, emails from people whose names he didn’t recognize, and missed calls and voicemails from unfamiliar numbers. He didn’t touch Twitter, texting Carmen to ask how bad it was and she advised him to delete the application until at least after the trial. When he went home, mami was there and just as disappointed as he expected. There were tears the minute she saw him, but not any offered comfort. 

“You murdered a child, mijo.”

“You don’t understand, mami. No lo viste. El no estaba realmente vivo.”

“Esa fue la decisión de Dios. No es tu decisión. Tu abuela estaría tan decepcionada de ti.”

“No estoy de acuerdo. Si estás aquí para regañarme, vete a casa.”

“Te llevo a la confesión.”

“Vete a casa, mami. Me confesaré cuando esté lista.”

“Rafa-”

“Go home.”

Lucia stormed out, and Rafael went inside his apartment and went straight for the scotch he kept aside. It wasn’t his good scotch. It was the cheap one that burned his throat and left him sicker than he ever was the next day. Before twisting off the cap, he heeded Carmen’s advice, deleting the Twitter app as he dropped to the couch and began to drink. It was only eleven, not even noon, but he didn’t want to remember what had transpired the day before. He should wade through his email, but someone had posted it. He knew because it was referenced time and time again that they’d found his personal email via some Twitter thread or Subreddit or something else he hadn’t yet encountered. He’d had to mute his phone as phone calls rolled in; the only one he answered confirmed it was strangers from the Internet who had seen the news. Carmen called it getting cancelled when it happened to other people. That usually didn’t involve the loss of a life, so the term seemed not quite right for what was happening, especially given the fact this included more than just the people he was used to. People who had never encountered him were hearing about him in the news. 

He ignored Olivia’s calls, considering the morning’s interactions enough. As he drank, Rafael was able to filter unknown numbers and messages, tossing the phone aside and quickly finishing the bottle. Olivia came by, and he didn’t answer, choosing to lay back on the couch as the room spun around him. Carmen texted him, and he didn’t look. An hour later, he heard her outside of his door with Olivia and unlocking he apartment for her. He’d given her a key long ago so she could get files or suits or drop off leftovers. Both of them came in, and it suddenly dawned on him that he had his suspenders down and shirt open over his undershirt. He’d spilled the most recent tumbler over himself with the pizza he’d ordered. And now, they could see him like this, eyes rimmed red and mood unstable as he thought more than he could about himself. 

“Mr. Barba,” Carmen said softly, kneeling by him. Olivia stayed closer to the door, surveying the room. By the nature of their constant proximity, Carmen had seen the tail end or starts of Rafael getting frustrated, though he always pressed it down with a glass of scotch and good meal. That said, she’d found him too drunk after a trial didn’t go his way. Seen him frustrated as he went through a case he may not be able to do anything about it. Caught him yelling at paperwork as though something would happen. She’d also seen him the next mornings when he came in pretending not to be insanely hungover and was wearing the suit from his office.

“I’m fine.”

“No you aren’t. Is this what happens between an eight o’clock bourbon and the office suit?”

“Shut up, Carmen.”

“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m helping you.”

“Sorry,” he said with a huff as his hand ran down his face, and Olivia had to stifle a laugh at how properly embarrassed he looked. “My email and phone are bad. How bad is Twitter?”

“Medium. A lot of people understand. Or they feel that they can’t understand, so they’ll watch the story.”

“People understand murder?” he scoffed.

“No. No one does. But we all understand how impossible your choice was. How badly the parents were hurting.”

“I was too selfish to do it for my dad.”

“I know, Mr. Barba. But people want to know how long until they hear more. Want people to wait. Can see why you did it. It’ll blow over. We can change your number and your email. Twitter has a really handy button. Block.”

“My name’s Rafael.”

“You’re my boss.”

“Not for long,” he chuckled bitterly before his gaze softened. “All I wanted was for people not to hurt.”

“You need to go to bed, Rafa.” It was Olivia now, and his eyes suddenly snapped open. It was different when it was Olivia. They were friends, but they kept things to work. Other than the occasional group event, they’d grab dinner after work. She didn’t hear him debate pocket squares or see him drunk alone in his office or help him think of replies on Twitter. He’d probably lose his friendship with Carmen once he wasn’t in the office, he supposed. She humored her boss a lot more than she probably should.

“I’m fine, Liv.” It came with more of a snort than he liked, and he was suddenly pulling himself up to sit, wrapping his shirt around himself as though it were a cardigan. Carmen watched he was steady, and Olivia was sure she now knew what she’d looked like when Noah was learning to walk on his own with her hand on his back to keep him upright. Once things passed, she wanted to ask if Rafael was always this willing to be relaxed around Carmen, but she wasn’t sure she really wanted to know.

“I don’t think I’m helping things,” Olivia said softly, and Carmen gave a gentle nod.

“My son’s with my mom for a visit. I’ll take care of him.”

“You’re sure? I can call Lucia.”

“I’m fine, lieutenant. And mami has already been here.”

“Make sure he meets with an attorney tomorrow.”

“I make his calendar. I know.”

“You two can stop talking about me like I’m not here,” he grumbled, heels pressed against his eyes. “I’m drunk, not deaf.”

“You’re belligerent, counsellor.”

“Call me Rafael,” he said again, flopping onto the couch when Olivia had left again.

“I thought Lieutenant Benson was your best friend, Rafael.”

“She is, I guess. Is that sad? My best friend used to be Alex, but I pursued that case. As if mami needed more reason to hate me.” 

“You don’t act like you in front of her. Not all the way.”

“This isn’t me.”

“It’s you without a carefully constructed persona.”

“If that’s the case, I suppose you’re my best friend, Miss Frye.” She’d expected to see a bemused smirk or annoyed scowl, but Carmen was taken aback by how sincere he looked as his hand moved to rest on her forearm and squeeze as well as he could.

“My name’s Carmen,” she teased. “Now come on. You need to go to bed.”

“My suit will get wrinkled.”

“I’ll hang it for you.”

“You can sleep in the guest room. It’s not safe for you to go-” His eyes were suddenly wide. “Carmen, where’s Ollie?”

“With my mom. I told her you needed me for a couple days.”

“You don’t need to disrupt your life.”

“I’ll tell you a secret Mist- Rafael.”

“What?” he asked, flopping into bed where she’d pulled the blanket down once he managed to strip to his boxers.

“You’re my best friend too.” She tugged the blanket over him, pressing a gentle kiss to his temple. He smiled up at her, and she made her way out turning off the lights. It seemed silly to say it to someone like him, but they’d worked together a long time, had a lot of late night talks. She liked him more than a lot of people she knew, and saw him more than anyone outside of her family. 

Carefully, she cleaned his living room, dumping his other bottle of cheap scotch out and disposing of both before setting up the coffee to brew at seven, just in time to have him at an attorney’s office by nine. McCoy had approved her to work from wherever she needed to in order to keep Rafael functioning. She’d have been miserable helping Peter Stone with this trial anyway. They both knew about his father, and it seemed he may be a ticking time bomb. She logged into his twitter, going on a blocking spree as she explored his mentions, tweeting from her own account and his that she’d done it and retweeting it from his account. 

She also liked all the kind ones. The ones asking for understanding or expressing empathy. The ones that acknowledged he had an impossible choice and neither one would have sat well with their own conscious. Leave a child and his family to suffer without end or expedite the inevitable. Then there were his direct messages. Since getting verified, he had the ability to only see messages from people he followed. As she combed through, there were a couple of hateful messages she ignored, but most who knew him expressed understanding and a couple even included leads if he wanted out of the city. She marked those down in her notes app before falling asleep in the guest bedroom. 

The sound that greeted her in the morning was Rafael Barba vomiting as the coffee machine roared to life in the background. Silently, she ordered ginger tea and vitamin b12 for delivery, going to fetch the pedialyte she’d brought from home. When he came out, hair wet from a shower, she’d already brewed him tea, cooked breakfast, and given him an expectant look as she slid a glass of unnaturally purple electrolytes to him. He didn’t know what to say, so he took the proffered glas and took a long sip before wincing.

“Grape,” she said plainly.

“Grapes don’t taste like that.”

“Ollie likes it okay. I make him popsicles though.”

“He’s old enough for popsicles? Isn’t he still on milk?”

“Rafael, he’s two. He drinks milk, but he even eats.”

“Does he like books yet?”

“He does. He really likes being read to.”

“I’ll read to him next time I see him.” He was quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his voice was thick. “Do you play him music?”

“Some. Usually my playlists.”

“Play him Bach.”

“You’ll have to tell me what’s best to play him.”

“I’ll send you a playlist.” 

“Why Bach?” She watched as his jaw shifted from side to side, lips pressed together, and that told her all she needed to know. “Drew liked Bach?”

“He’d never know if he liked Bach. Maggie was playing one of his cantatas.”

“Maybe we can take him to an orchestra one day.”

“There are some shows. Kid friendly.”

“He’d like that.”

“I’ll send it to you.”

“You’ll come, won’t you?”

“Me?”

“It’s your idea.”

“You’d still let me around your son?”

“My son is a healthy vibrant boy. If he was in the same situation as Drew, it would be hard, but I’d still want you there. You did exactly what I would have done for him, okay?”

“Did you mean what you said last night?”

“Which part?”

“The last part.”

“You probably are my best friend. And that hasn’t changed. I wish you didn’t have to be put in the situation, but I would hope I’d have been strong enough to do the same. And other people agree with me.”

“God, you’re not actually looking at Twitter.”

“I looked at Twitter. I blocked anyone vitriolic. But, I collected all the kind ones in your favorites for when you’re ready. A lot of your attorney friends have job leads for you if you leave the DA’s office.”

“I’m leaving. And I’m probably going to fucking prison. You’ll be down a friend in a few months.”

“Stop it.”

“They’ll end me in there, Carmen. I sent some of them there.” She wasn’t sure what to make at how at peace with the prospect he was.

“And you won’t go to prison. Don’t focus on that. Even if you do, they’ll have to do something to protect you. And I’ll come visit you.”

“You barely know me.”

“We spend more time together than I do with anyone else. I know you’re good, you have a good heart, you send birthday presents to every SVU detective’s kid and think I don’t know you send them coffee gift cards on their birthdays. You’re a total mama’s boy and despite what a snarky prick you are, you have imposter syndrome out the ass. You’re lapsed enough Catholic not to go to church, but you pray when things are really bad. I also know some part of your brain feels like you’ve let down people who think you do good work by this one thing, but one bad doesn’t outweigh an exorbitant amount of good. I hope Ollie has half of the ethical backbone you do. I know there have been occasions in the past you weren’t perfect, but the man I’ve known deserves every ounce of credit he gets. That doesn’t mean you’ve never made a mistake.”

“You’re ridiculous,” he muttered, and much to his chagrin, Carmen wrapped him in a hug that he returned, refusing to look at her. He was suddenly aware he’d cry if he looked at what he knew was a genuine smile. “I’ve got to get dressed to see an attorney.”

“Who are you going with?”

“Randy Dworkin.”

“He’ll be good.”

“I hate to admit that. And I’m sure I’ll hate every second with him.”

“How about you teach me about Bach this afternoon?”

“You have work.”

“McCoy approved me to be remote.”

“So you’re my sitter?” She could almost swear a smile pulled at the corner of his lip, and she felt pride she didn’t expect.

“I suppose. So Bach?”

“Bring Ollie?”

“Deal.”

#rafael barba #rafael barba x reader #law and order #law and order svu #law and order special victims unit #Rafael Barba x Carmen

[orchidbreezefc]

OH SHIT YALL ARE WE PUBLICALLY TALKING ABOUT THE SHIT THE KFAM CREATORS PULL? IS THAT A THING WE’RE TALKING ABOUT NOW? I HAVE BEEN WAITING SO LONG FOR THIS YOU HAVE NO IDEA.

first: im not going to go into issues i have with the show itself. yall heard the helen keller episode and the walt storyline/the character voice a white dude used for him same as i did--my input won’t be necessary there i think. i also recommend the blog @kfam-tea​, thank you for your service, for being an archive for creator-based shit, the current snafu and their history, etc.

this is about my personal experiences with the creators. there’s plenty of behavior by the FANDOM that i don’t appreciate, especially in the official discord--where it’s specifically encouraged and cultivated--and maybe i’ll indulge myself with that in a separate post, but this i think will be more relevant to more folks’ interests and the current climate.

so. remember ep90, “if you’re hungry and you know it”? it’s the one where maggie calls in to apply and gets treated like shit by our protagonists for 15 minutes. comments are made about her breasts. they try to dissuade her from applying for the job posting they’ve been advertising because chet would sexually harass her and rather than address that they’d rather just.... warn off every female applicant? maggie through the conversation is trying to make amends for her wrongs (i.e. high school drama and attacking a guy who sexually harassed her so badly for years she quit her job) and talk about her efforts at recovery, and she is mocked, both in the way she is written and in the way sammy and ben talk to and about her.

it was bad. it was very sexist and bad, and nothing was said about it for a month (7/15-8/15), at which point ep92, “words: greater than pen, greater than sword” aired, which contained lily tearing sammy to shreds over it. ben wasn’t there, which was interesting, because it did create a dynamic where our resident socially aware lesbian (who solely bears the burden of educating people when they are being shitheads and is richly rewarded by being widely regarded as an unlikeable bitch by the fandom and many of the characters) rightfully confronts and gets an apology from a gay man for being half of an extremely misogynist shutdown of a woman. meanwhile, his hetero counterpart and unassailable purehearted fandom darling is not yelled at for his misogyny, and gets to have this Very Important Lesson relegated to him offscreen later. i mean, presumably? i’m pretty sure we never hear whether that actually happens.

still, it was a pretty thorough discussion of how gross that conversation had been, and it was addressed and apologized for in the show itself by the characters (or one of them), which was more than i expected. it regained some lost trust. it was clear to me that the kfam team had received the same sort of outcry from the fandom that i had seen in more private servers, and these were their amends. i decided to tweet at them applauding the effort. this is how that worked out:

[ID: a tweet by me that reads: “@ KingFallsAM hey.... today's episode was good. this was a good way to respond to fan criticism and the apology is appreciated. thanks.”

the official kfam account quote tweeted this to respond: “This was an intended storyline, we don’t course correct. We have ALWAYS had imperfect characters that learn and grow and will continue to. Also... we only saw one tweet even mention it. But thanks?“

a fellow fan, whose username and icon have been redacted, replied to the official kfam account’s response with: “I feel like there’s a less sarcastic way to respond to this tweet. I’m a diehard fan, however I saw quite a bit of criticism about thesexism[sic] in the recent episodes. I too was under the impression that it was a course correction, regardless I am glad that there is character growth“]

so. that was a cool thing. like, i do owe that other fan my life and will show up for them in their hour of need for being the only one to publically stick up for me despite being a stranger, but that sure was a quote tweet that a multi-thousand-followers account used to dunk on my under-100-followers account for trying to pay them a compliment!

i mean, really. the passive-aggressive ‘but thanks?’ at the end? and them saying not that they didnt course correct in this case where followup (a month later) was planned, but that they don’t course-correct, as in they never do that--was a clear statement of ‘we don’t accept fan criticism or feedback on writing OR representation and take it into account, ever’. hey kfam, pro tip: when you say 'thanks for accepting our apology i guess' it really sounds like you didnt feel like you needed to apologize in the first place. which is a pretty bold attitude to take about an episode where a character apologizes for being sexist.

like no wonder you only saw one tweet about it if that’s the attitude you present toward criticism (and, as @kfam-tea​‘s blog thoroughly proves, it is and has been, consistently). i know the risk of backlash is definitely why i hadn’t said anything about 90 in public up to that point. but yeah, 'nobody told us that episode was disgusting in our samebrain discord server that contains the literal creators who have a history of backlash, so can you really say there was fan criticism at all? maybe it was just in your head. after all, if we did something wrong with the intention to correct it a month later, did we really do anything wrong in the first place? checkmate'

tl;dr im not surprised by the new developments. my hearts go out to the MINORS, who are specifically cultivated as an audience by the sfw policy of the official server, who were publically chewed out by the grown ass author on twitter for requesting tags, warnings, or really any sort of discretion or consideration at all on nsfw content.

p.s.: here’s something kyle said on the discord in response to a conversation in which i criticized ben’s behavior during an episode (i.e. said he should apologize and take responsibility for a hurtful thing he did even though he did it by accident, or at least have it acknowledged in the show or the fandom that he did a hurtful thing--another post, perhaps) and the rest of the discord dogpiled me until i cried and shut down and stopped defending myself or speaking at all because i couldn’t deal with inviting any more argument:

[ID: a discord message from kyle that reads: “Thank you all for talking about this maturely and with your words. I’ve personally never seen that heard[sic???] of this scene with that POV attached but that’s the beautiful thing about this show and shows like it, is[sic] that we all kinda copy & paste ourselves on these characters and situations at times. Everybody’s opinions on the situation is[sic] valid with their own personal context of the scene.” two people have reacted with blue heart emojis.]

how magnanimous, kyle. wouldn’t have described the preceding argument as civil even if i did understand how anyone could possibly do anything on a discord text channel that didn’t qualify as using their words, but thanks? somebody literally DM’d me to ask if i was okay because without having ever talked to me one-on-one before they could tell i was deeply distraught by the end, but i’m glad you got to be the benevolent author and shake hands with both sides for a swift shutdown of dissent well executed. /s

#sage original post #sage speaks #kfam #king falls am #kfam negative #kfam hate #kyle brown #lets DO THIS #FREE THE SALT #king falls drama #long post #kfam tea #ok to reblog #lets boogie

[smooshjames]

forget you not (iii)

uh-oh, uh-oh, here i go again (or: interviews and old friends)

word count: just under 4k

a/n: part 3 of forget you not! i was gonna post this yesterday and then i totally forgot, but it’s here now! once again, the band in this story is based on little mix and i didn’t write any of the songs referenced (this chapter’s songs can be found here, here, here, and here). at the risk of sounding annoying, i have a ko-fi if you’d like to donate, but don’t feel obligated to do so!! if you can’t or don’t want to that’s totally fine, thank you for taking the time to read my work regardless of if you can spend money on it or not. i hope you enjoy!!

warnings: angst (again)

previous parts: one, two

Sunday morning brought with it more Twitter notifications than you’d gotten in a long time. Your alarm went off obscenely early yet again; you had a full day ahead of you. The band was recording a new single which would be released sometime later in the year (the date was still up in the air) and you had decided to do it while you were in LA since you could work with a few producers that you’d never met before.

So, at five o’clock in the morning, you rolled over in your hotel bed and groped around on your nightstand for your phone. You shot upright when you saw how many notifications you had, a bolt of panic going through you at first. What the hell could’ve happened to result in so much activity?

You scrolled through a couple of your mentions before you got to a tweet from some gossip site. There was a photo of you from the concert the night before, probably taken by a fan if the quality was anything to go by. You were mid-note, your mouth open around a word, and it was pretty obvious that you were crying. The tweet read: “‘You never brought me flowers’! Y/N Y/L/N tears up while singing her band’s hit song Towers. Could there be a mystery man that caused her to get so emotional on stage…?”

Carly mumbled a good morning from the bed next to yours. You didn’t reply. You barely even noticed her leaving the main area of the room and heading into the bathroom; you were too busy looking through the replies to the tweet. They were all pretty tame, but you still felt a pit opening up in your stomach. You didn’t have any press that day since you were recording the new single, but the next day was chock-full of interviews and other promotional shit. Your Twitter feed was showing no signs of slowing down, and you really didn't want to have to explain to some random interviewer that you'd been crying because you still weren't over a breakup from five years ago.

“Everything okay?” Carly asked. You looked up, startled, and realized that she had come back from the bathroom. “You seem… distraught.”

You beckoned her over to your bed and showed her the original tweet from the gossip site. Carly gasped and took your phone from you, beginning to scroll through the replies. “Jesus,” she said. “This’ll be a shitstorm.”

“I know,” you replied. You glanced over at the clock on the nightstand and sighed; you needed to get up and ready for the day. Carly gave your phone back to you.

You muted your Twitter notifications for the time being, not wanting to be distracted while you were recording the new single. If an interviewer brought it up you’d just find a way to gloss over it.

You shuffled into the bathroom and did your usual morning routine. You decided to forego makeup for the day since you’d just be sitting around a studio all day, anyway. You dressed in comfortable clothes for the same reason. You figured it would be a little bit hard to focus on recording if you were in heels or tight jeans or something similarly uncomfortable, and you wanted to save your remaining nice clothes for the following day, anyway. Sweatpants and an old t-shirt it was.

Once you were dressed and somewhat ready to face the world, you and Carly grabbed your bags and went out into the hallway. Alexis and Piper were still in their room next door, but they let you and Carly in so that you could all sit and talk while they finished getting ready. Once you were all good to go, you met up with Michelle in the lobby and got into the car that would take you to the studio.

It was a pretty cool space; chill, with couches and chairs spread out around the mixing board where the producers would work their magic. You met the audio engineers as you were walking in, and everyone shook hands and went in to get to work. They seemed nice, and they definitely had a lot of cool ideas for what might enhance the song’s sound. You and the rest of the band had already worked out the lyrics and a basic melody, but the recording technicians had some ideas to really make the song pop.

The day passed in a blur of singing and listening and revising, and then repeating the process all over again. By the time you left, the sun was touching the western horizon and the song was almost finished; just a few final edits before it would be perfect and ready for release. “We’ll get it to Michelle in the next couple of days,” one of the producers said.

You were exhausted as you collapsed back into your hotel bed, but it was a good sort of exhaustion; the kind of sated tiredness that comes with a good day’s work.

You were flying so high, in fact, that you’d almost forgotten about all the Shayne drama. You fell asleep with a slight smile on your face, and your sleep was peaceful and dreamless.

***

That pleasant warmth of a job well done was ripped from you almost as soon as the next day began. Your first interview was with a local radio station, and it went alright for about five minutes; you exchanged pleasantries with the hosts, Joe and Maggie, and sat down between Carly and Alexis for your interview.

The hosts did their intro, introduced the band, and explained that you were currently in LA on the west coast branch of your current tour. Once that was done and the band had all said hello, Maggie turned to you, and the smile she flashed you was… strangely apologetic.

And then you remembered. Shayne, Towers, crying onstage. That apologetic smile hit you so fast it practically gave you whiplash.

“So, ladies,” Maggie said. “There was some interesting news about your concert on Saturday. You guys sang your song Towers -- beautiful song, by the way -- and Y/N… there were a couple of tears there, huh? Anything you can tell us about that? Is everything okay?”

From beside you, Carly opened her mouth, probably to say that you didn’t want to talk about it, but you stopped her with a hand on her arm. Her willingness to defend you meant a lot, but if you didn’t address it, it would just keep getting brought up. At least if you answered this you could do some damage control. “Yeah,” you said. “Um, I actually lived in LA for a while before meeting these lovely ladies and starting up the band with them. And while I was here, I was in a pretty serious relationship with a guy -- I won’t say his name for privacy’s sake -- and we broke up. I guess being back in LA and singing that song just… brought back some memories. But that was all; no new mystery man or anything like that, I’m afraid.”

There, that was a good enough answer. It held enough of the truth that you felt confident they wouldn’t press you for any more information, but you hadn’t told them the exact real reason. They didn’t know he was in the room, and they didn’t know who he was.

Maggie smiled and nodded, and Joe asked another question about the band that was unrelated to your love life, which brought a wave of relief sweeping over you. You smiled and laughed through the rest of the interview, chiming in with answers whenever it felt appropriate, and then said your goodbyes as the hosts transitioned into the next song

All things considered, that hadn’t been so bad.

Once you were out of the radio station headquarters and into your car, Michelle got back to business. “Alright, next up… another interview which won’t be broadcasted live. You guys are performing Think About Us while you’re there. Then we have an hour for lunch. After lunch, you’ll film a video with Smosh, and then another radio interview after that, and then you’re free for the day. Assuming everything goes to plan.”

You nodded and settled into easy conversation with the girls during the car ride to your next venue. You were pretty excited to film with Smosh; you hadn’t seen any of their recent stuff, but you were familiar with them in that you had heard of them and you knew they primarily made comedic content. You figured that would probably mean it would be a fun time to film there.

The next interview went just fine, and the performance went even better. For lunch, you and the rest of the team got food at a cute little bistro near Smosh’s offices.

When you arrived after your lunch break you were greeted by Ian Hecox, the president of the company. He was super friendly, greeting you all with handshakes and a warm smile. Once you’d all been introduced he began to lead you through the office space, explaining that you’d be recording an episode of their ongoing Try Not to Laugh series. As he launched into an explanation of the rules, a hand on your shoulder made you tense and whip around, surprised. This brought you face to face with…

“Damien?”

Your eyes widened almost comically as you saw the man standing before you. He looked a little different since you’d seen him last; his hair was longer and streaked with blue, and he carried himself a little taller, a little prouder. But he still had that same boyish smile, those same brown eyes. He was still Damien, and he was here.

“Hey, Y/N,” he said.

You laughed, shocked and joyful, and threw your arms around his shoulders, practically launching yourself onto him. He hugged you back tightly. When you pulled back, you punched him jovially on the arm.

“It’s so good to see you!” you said, a little breathless. “What are you doing here?

“I work here. I’ll actually be filming with you guys this afternoon,” he replied

“No way, that’s crazy!” You leaned back and perched your hands on his hips, surveying him, half disbelieving.

He nodded and opened his mouth to speak again, but Ian’s voice interrupted your reunion. “You two, uh… you two know each other?”

“Yeah,” you said, glancing over your shoulder. “I knew Damien… God, ages ago. We were really good friends.”

Carly’s eyes now widened in recognition. She smiled at Damien and raised her hand in greeting to him.

“Hey, Carly,” he said. He put his hand on your forearm and you turned back to face him again. The look on his face made your smile fade a little bit; he seemed nervous and a little sad. “Y/N, I should warn you --”

“Holy shit!” another voice interrupted you two, this one distinctively female. And also… strangely familiar. You turned toward the source and what you saw felt like two consecutive throat punches.

Courtney, Shayne’s new girlfriend, was standing across the room. She seemed to have just entered, and judging from the wide-eyed look on her face, she was just as surprised as you were. Standing directly next to her, staring at the floor by your feet… was Shayne himself.

You heard Damien mutter something under his breath, but your brain didn’t fully process what he said. You were too busy looking at Courtney and Shayne and wondering why the hell they were here. Before you could say anything, though, Ian stepped forward.

“Sweet, we’re all here,” he said. “Y/N, Alexis, Piper, Carly, this is Shayne and Courtney. Shayne’s gonna be filming with you guys this afternoon --” of course he was “-- and Courtney is --”

“Your biggest fan!” the girl interrupted him, and even despite the resentment you couldn't help feeling toward her, you had to admit that she was really sweet. She seemed like someone you might be really good friends with were it not for the fact that she was dating your ex, which made you feel even worse; she hadn’t done anything to deserve your hatred, but here you were hating her anyway. “You probably don’t remember, but I was at the concert on Saturday. It was super good, you guys crushed it.”

“I remember,” you said, because you didn’t know when to shut up. Courtney’s jaw dropped onto the floor. “Yeah, I remember. You guys came together, didn’t you?”

The accusation was clear, at least to those in the know; Carly went pale, Piper inhaled sharply, Alexis started coughing, Damien shuffled his feet nervously, and Shayne opened his mouth to speak. Before he could say whatever he wanted to, though, he seemed to think better of it and closed his mouth again.

Courtney didn’t seem to pick up on anything unusual, though, because she just nodded happily and went on talking.

“Yeah, we did!” she said, slinging her arm around Shayne’s shoulders. If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve said that he stiffened as she pulled him into her side. His face tightened into a grimace, but you couldn't possibly imagine why. It was obvious that they were together. He didn’t need to hide that for your sake. “I was so fucking pumped when you guys sang Towers, you don’t even understand. That’s one of my favorite songs by you guys and you crushed it, especially you Y/N. Your part always hits a little different for me.”

Yeah, you and me both, you thought. But you smiled and nodded happily. “I’m glad you liked it!” you said. You turned back to the band and made eye contact with Michelle. She raised an eyebrow. You inclined your head just slightly toward Ian. She nodded; she knew what you needed.

“I hate to interrupt,” she said, “but we should probably get this show on the road. The girls have got a packed schedule today.”

“Of course!” Ian said. “Courtney, maybe you can harass them more if they have time when we’re done filming. But for now, Shayne, Damien, ladies, follow me.”

You hurried to catch up to the rest of the band. Carly and Alexis fell into step with you while Piper started walking behind you, obviously trying to shield you from Shayne’s gaze. You had another moment of profound gratitude for these girls; they took care of you when no one else would, they loved you when you couldn’t love yourself, and they always seemed to know what you needed without having to ask. That shared strength and love was one of the reasons the band had stayed together for so long.

Impressively enough, you managed to keep your shit together until you got to Carly’s. You didn’t bother texting her to let her know that you were coming. She’d let you in if she was home, and if she wasn't home, you knew her building code and where she kept her spare key.

Luckily, she was home; she let you up to her apartment without question.

Only once you’d crossed the threshold of your best friend’s apartment did you allow yourself to cry. You crumpled like a piece of paper against her and let out a sob so loud it bordered on a scream. Carly maneuvered you back onto her couch, sat down with you, and held you until you could talk. You were still crying when you pulled away from her, but you’d gotten out the full-body sobs.

“Honey, what happened?” Carly asked. You could hear the concern in her voice; it was rare that you showed up at her place unannounced, and even rarer that you started the visit by scream-crying into her shirt. She probably thought somebody was dead.

“Shayne got home from work and ended things,” you said. “Just… no warning, no ceremony, nothing. Three days ago he asked me my fucking ring size and today he told me that we aren’t working anymore. And I don’t understand because I thought he was happy! I thought we were good! I thought that we’d be fucking picking a date for our wedding, not for when I’m gonna come move out the rest of my shit!”

Before Carly could respond, your phone vibrated. You took it out and couldn’t help your tearful, almost-manic laugh at what you saw there; a text from Shayne, apologizing, asking if you would come home and talk. You went to reply, but Carly grabbed your phone and held it away from you before you could.

“Hey!” you exclaimed, lunging for your phone. She was an expert at keep-away, though, and you couldn’t even get close. You cursed yourself for all the nights out where you asked her to keep your phone away from you if you got too drunk. “Carly, give me my phone!”

“Promise me you won’t text him back and you can have it,” she said.

“That’s ridiculous! Of course I’m gonna text him back!”

“Is that a good idea?” she asked. She cocked an eyebrow. “If you can honestly tell me that you think it’s a good idea for you to say anything to him right now, I’ll give you your phone back.”

That knocked some sense into you. Immediately, the fight left your body and you sat back on the couch. She studied you for a moment and then leaned forward to set the phone on the coffee table. When you didn’t go for it, she relaxed and leaned back.

“Sorry,” you said. “I’m all over the place.”

“I know. It’s okay. That’s what I’m here for, right? Now, walk me through what happened.”

“He came home and he was being weird, and he was like ‘hey can we talk’ and then he basically just said that it isn’t working anymore and that he can’t be with me. He didn’t give me a reason besides that and I didn’t ask him for one. I just packed a bag and came here.”

Carly nodded, considering. “That’s really fucking weird.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised it took this long,” you said. At her shocked expression, you shrugged. “I’ve always said that he’s out of my league, right? It was only a matter of time before he got tired of me and realized he could do better. He probably realized that if we got married, he’d have a hell of a harder time getting away from me.”

“Were it not for the state of emotional peril you’re in right now, I would slap you,” Carly said. You let out a startled laugh; of all the things she could've said, you weren't expecting that. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say, and I’ve known you for a long time. If that was true -- which it isn’t, by the way, you’re the sexiest, most beautiful, smartest, funniest, greatest person I know -- it wouldn’t have taken him three years to ‘get bored.’ This is one of the dumber stunts he’s pulled, which is saying something. But this isn’t your fault. He’s the asshole here, regardless of his reasoning. If you want to talk to him and try to work things out, that’s your business. But whether or not things work out, this will always be on him. And I’ll be here every step of the way, buttercup.”

You nodded gratefully, even though you didn't believe her. You’d never been good enough for Shayne. This was always inevitable. Still, you put on a brave face for Carly. Better she didn’t know what you were really thinking. “You’re right,” you said. “Thanks, Carly.”

You could tell from the look on her face that she didn’t completely believe you, which wasn’t surprising. Carly always knew when you were lying. But she also knew when to let an issue lie. “Good,” she said. “Now, Bridesmaids or Legally Blonde?”

Ian led the group to a colorful sound stage. To the right was a partition, and behind it a bunch of strange props and costume pieces. To the left was a single stool, a piano, and some bongos.

The room was swarming with activity as crew people moved around getting everything set up and ready to go. Shayne and Damien led you over to the set. “Y/N, why don’t you sit in the stool for the intro?” Shayne said, the first words he’d said to you since you had broken up. His voice was professional and upbeat, betraying almost no emotion. “And then I’ll stand to your right, Damien will be behind me, and the rest of the band can be to your left.”

“Sounds fine to me,” you said, and you hoped your voice sounded less forced to him than it did to you. You sat on the stool, glad to be off your feet; your balance was suddenly fucked now that Shayne was next to you, and you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to keep yourself upright if you tried to stand for much longer.

Shayne went to go check something with a cameraperson, and the girls formed another huddle around you. Carly stood right in front of you, Piper to your immediate left, and Alexis just behind you. “Are you alright?” Carly asked.

“I’m sorry,” Damien said, cutting into the conversation before you could even think about how to answer Carly’s question. He was standing to your right, though he was a little farther away than your bandmates were. “I wanted to let you know before you saw him. I thought maybe it would be easier that way.”

“It’s okay, Dames. It’s not your fault,” you said. You reached over to squeeze his bicep, hoping to ease his mind a little bit, but the guilt didn’t leave his face.

“How did you know we would be here today?” Carly asked. You gave her a stern look, but she either didn’t see it or just didn’t care.

Damien fidgeted, nervous. You didn’t blame him; Carly was a force of nature when she wanted to be. “Um,” he said, “what do you mean?

“I mean that you had enough foresight to know that you could surprise Y/N and warn her about Shayne. So you knew we would be here.”

“We get a filming schedule at the beginning of the week,” Damien said. You looked at Carly as if to say There, see? A perfectly good reason. Now back off and let the poor boy breathe. But then Damien continued: “and Shayne told me about seeing Y/N on Saturday, so --”

He cut himself off, clamping his mouth shut as he seemed to realize what he’d said. Your gaze flew from Carly to Damien. For a moment, you felt thoroughly like a middle schooler; the he-said-she-said was something you thought would get left in sixth grade, but here you were nonetheless. Still, you couldn’t help the way your heart rate accelerated at Damien’s words. If Shayne had mentioned you specifically…

“What?” you asked.

You didn’t want to get your hopes up. You couldn’t get your hopes up. Shayne mentioning you didn’t mean anything. Besides, he had a new girlfriend now, anyway. He’d probably just done it since you and Damien were friends before shit hit the fan.

Damien didn’t get the chance to answer your question before Shayne returned from his conversation with the cameraperson. You were pretty sure he knew that you guys had been talking about him; it was pretty obvious by the way the conversation stopped short as soon as he got within earshot. But if he knew, he didn’t comment on it. He just walked over and took his place next to you.

Carly flashed him a look colder than the south pole and moved to stand on your other side, and then she plastered the brightest smile you’d ever seen on her face. You did the same.

“Alright, everybody ready?” one of the crew people asked. You nodded your assent. “Three, two, and… action!”

#shayne topp x reader #shayne topp #eliza.txt #forget you not

[thatgirlintheaudience]

Dear Evan Hansen 1st National Tour- July 24, 2019 

Maria Wirries on as Alana

Ben Levi Ross is giving the performance of a lifetime as Evan Hansen. He had the audience in the palm of his hand. With one look or facial expression, he made the audience burst out laughing. His singing and acting was absolute perfection and I just thought he was phenomenal. From the minute he comes on stage, he speaks so fast and yet gets through his dialogue effortlessly. His singing voice is so clear and beautiful. 

In For Forever when he sings “or girls we wish would notice us, but never do,” he glances at Zoe and awkwardly looks away. And when Heidi is over at the Murphy's house and they’re explaining how much time they have been spending with Evan, he was sitting in a chair and was bouncing his leg up and down and looked like he was about to burst out crying. And when giving his speech, he crawls out of the spotlight and looked so scared. And when he began You Will Be Found he was crying and I could see the single tear stream down his cheek.  (I was second row, so I was blessed to notice very specific details!) He was just brilliant and I can not say enough good things about his performance. 

I also wanna shout out Jessica Phillips as Heidi Hansen. She was also phenomenal. Good For You was such a highlight for me. It was intense and gritty. The dialogue scenes between Heidi and Evan were just so intense and brilliantly delivered. They had a great connection and I love how they hug at each curtain call. Anyway everyone is just so angry and frustrated at Evan in Good For You and how they surround him as he tries to desperately save this story he’s created. 

In Anybody Have a Map? Cynthia and Connor are on the left side of the stage, while Heidi and Evan are on the right side, and it shows the parallels between the two moms and the two teenagers. How even though these two people come form different backgrounds and do not know each other, both moms are struggling to connect with their teenage sons and both sons are struggling on  their first day of senior year. Also, how in Waving Through A Window, everyone forms a circle around Evan and face away from him, but in You Will Be Found, they all face towards him. It was moments like this that literally had me saying wow out loud. It was also moments like that that makes me scream, “How does Michael Grief not have a Tony yet??!!” I really will never get over how Evan and Connor could have been friends. And Connor saying, “now we can both pretend we have friends” is a line that will forever hit emotionally hard for me and so many. 

Marrick Smith was a tough Connor. I can’t explain it well, but I always saw Mike Faist as a sort of playful and humorous Connor Murphy who tries to guide Evan after his death. Smith’s Connor was much more daunting and fully played upon the darker elements of Connor’s life. Just a different portrayal which I appreciate seeing since I believe Connor is a complex character who could have many different interpretations. 

Christiane Noll was completely heat breaking as Cynthia Murphy, especially when she hugs Connor’s pillow during Requiem. I think Cynthia is such a great character who doesn't always get the love she deserves. Just like Heidi, she is an imperfect mother who is trying her best. 

In act 2, Jared tells Evan that he can’t do much for the Connor project that weekend because he’s gonna be hanging out with his “real” friends. And when Evan says fine, we don’t need you anyway, Jared’s face is so hurt and he uses humor to act like he doesn’t care when he really so deeply cares! It’s very important, I think, to note that Jared and Alana feel just as lonely as Evan. It’s important to note how this (anxiety, depression, loneliness, disconnection) is happening to many people, not just Evan. It’s also important to note how Evan doesn't even realize how lonely Alana and Jared even are because in real life we don’t know how people truly feel. And how Heidi blames herself as a mother for not realizing how lonely Evan was. This is why this show is so important. 

Maggie McKenna was great as Zoe and she does have stars on the cuffs of her jeans! 

Also some other fun facts: the tweets shown before the show started were tweets from DJ Khaled, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian, and Neil Degrasse Tyson. They were all from Fall 2016, which is right before the show opened on Broadway so it makes sense.  

Also when in Connor’s room during If I Could Tell Her, Connor’s room was shown on the screens. I noticed a middle finger poster and a no smoking sign. 

And in To Break in a Glove, that is real shaving cream because I could smell it! 

And then the blue sky at the end is just stunning and Evan finally gives a real smile to the spotlight which looks like the sun shining on his face. It is a beautiful ending. 

If this tour is coming to a city near you, do anything you can to go. You can read my Broadway review of the show under the tags theater review and dear evan hansen. Also I was in the balcony the first time I saw DEH and the second row this time. The response I had to the show was incredibly stronger this time. Do you all find similar experiences with this show or other shows? Orchestra seats versus balcony seats? Or are some shows just so good, it doesn't matter where you sit? Feel free to respond! 

But I love this show and I hope you enjoyed reading this!

#theater review #dear evan hansen #deh #ben levi ross #maggie mckenna #marrick smith #jessica phillips #christiane noll #aaron lazar #jared goldsmith #maria wirries

[shirtlesssammy]

13x23: Let the Good Times Roll

Then:

Team Free Will 3.0!

Now:

Sam gives the new recruits a rundown on the sorry state of our world. (Extra meta credit to the show for letting Jim Beaver talk about The Shape of Water. I’m pretty sure he was going to be in it but couldn’t due to other commitments. I can’t find that news now, but here’s his tweet about it.)

Dean calls. Apparently, Cas, Jack, and him were on a hunt for a case, and found some Kardashian loving werewolves to take out.

Jack’s still learning (and Dean’s willingly training him. Awww.) While Cas takes out a werewolf outside, Sam, Dean, and Jack take out the rest inside. I love that the lesson about silver bullets doesn’t really apply for Jack, but he still wants to learn. (And, in hindsight, it matters so much that he does learn how to fight like a human.)

Meanwhile, Bobby and Mary take a nice stroll through the countryside, summing up the new world order.

Yay for Rowena and Charlie Thelma and Louise-ing it through the Southwest. I’m a bit more concerned about Ketch “out doing Ketch things.” Uh, that man is a cold blooded killer. Is he redeemed? He. Killed. Magda. (Natasha: And Eileen. Horribly.) And then Bobby and Mary share a look. (Or, as the script says: They eyefuck.) The lovely interlude is interrupted when they see blood and find Maggie, another refugee, dead, head bashed against a rock.

Sam and Dean are back at the bunker, and that whole werewolf hunt was a lesson for Jack. Dean wants to retire -on the beach with Cas. If Jack can hone his powers, Sam and Dean are going to get their well deserved retirement. SOB.

Jack, bby, is having a nightmare though. Dean rushes to his room and they have a father-son moment.

They share a moment of mutual nightmares (and we relive au!Kevin’s death again!), and then Dean gives a wonderful, heartfelt, motivating talk to Jack. It’s such a beautiful moment to highlight that Dean will never stop being a parent, and he’ll never stop caring and fighting for his family. It’s also, I think, a moment that will sustain Jack next season. He’s family, and Dean’s his family, and as Dean says, “we look after our own.”

Sam rushes to tell Dean about Maggie, and cut to them all standing around her body.

Jack takes it personally, but Sam tries to reassure him that it’s not his fault.

Back at the bunker, they start interrogating another refugee. She is shocked to learn that Maggie is dead, and admits that there was a boy that she had a crush on. She probably went to see him the previous night. Jack flaps out before the others.

The boy is named Nate, and he works at the Gas and Go, and Jack is full on rage nephilim. He blasts him, and starts to choke him, demanding an answer to Maggie’s death. TFW bust in and Cas tries to intercede, but is tossed across the room (No Jack!), and then Dean shoots Jack (to get his attention.) Jack, realizing his error, runs out in self-loathing defeat.

Jack starts beating himself up literally and figuratively, and I was tearing up a bit during this scene. He fits so well with TFW --self-loathing and the inability to accept himself and his limitations/uniqueness.

At the Gas and Go, quick thinking Cas gives Nate the FBI cover (with aliases Rowland, Knowles, and Williams, heh. And Dean’s so proud of his quick-thinking husband, he flashes the peace sign. Goober.)

The place starts to shake and lights begin to flicker --and it’s clear an angel is forthcoming. AGH.

Jack is still hurting himself in the forest when Lucifer pops in. BLARG.

Sam, Dean, and Cas make a run for it, but before they can escape in Baby, Michael appears. BLARG.

Dean lights and throws their entire container of holy oil at Michael (aw, I remember when Cas originally obtained it to keep Rafael in a ring of fire) and they hightail it out of there.

Meanwhile, Lucifer lets Jack know that it was Sam that trapped him in the AU world. He tries giving Jack the “we’re not human” speech and tries to convince Jack to leave with him. And then Jack, who couldn’t possibly get ANY CUTER, starts talking about Star Wars and light sabers, and OMG. Season 14: Supernatural in Space!

He also worries about Sam, Dean, and Cas, but Lucifer tells him that this is their opportunity to escape their past, their sins, and start over. Hmmm, I mean, Jack’s made mistakes, but dude, he doesn’t really have a past, or sins. Don’t drag him into your pity party. However, Lucifer sells his plan well enough that Jack agrees.

At the bunker, Bobby and Mary discuss Maggie’s death. Jack and Lucifer come strolling in like it’s nbd. Mary springs into action, telling Bobby to call Sam. Lucifer is here to bring Maggie back to life, per Jack’s wishes. I’m getting a Pet Semetary vibe with this, but it’s all good in the end. (Sidenote: Bobby called Sam - and presumably Dean and Cas - “boys”. Gah.) And before TFW can make it back to the bunker, Jack and Lucifer are gone.

*Mid Episode Aesthetic Break*

TFW slightly panics when they get back to find that Lucifer’s come and gone with Jack. (Like, that old problem again, amirite?) They split up to investigate leads. Sam gets to gently interrogate Maggie and ask who killed her. Eek. She didn't catch an ID on his face...but she saw his eyes.

Cue Jack and Lucifer… They stargaze together in familial bliss out in the woods while Michael starts his assault on the bunker.

Lights begin to flicker and the front door rattles. Sam orders Mary and Bobby to take Maggie out through the garage. Sam, Dean, and Cas await Michael. He busts in, they all pull out their weapons and proceed to...fire fruitlessly at Michael while he floats down from the upper balcony like he’s Peter Pan.

Michael tells them all that they can fly if they’ll only believe quickly gets the upper hand on all three of our heroes. He reveals that he made a deal with Lucifer to get to their world. Luci helped him open a rift. (See? I told you not to let Lucifer stay, Sam.) In return, Lucifer gets Jack and Michael gets everything else. (Lucifer. Dude. I love Jack and hate you... but that's a hell of a lopsided deal.)

Michael gives Dean a little preview of his idea of “saving the world” promising Dean that he will be the first to die – the first person he “saves.” Um. Thanks but no thanks, dickhole. Dean slowly suffocates in Michael's grip and Sam prays to Jack for help.

Jack, that sweet little cupcake, hears Sam's prayer. He realizes that Sam's begging for help and flaps away to the bunker to join the fight.

Dean continues to choke when...WAPOW WAPOW! Jack uses his super nephilim force to knock Michael down. Jack goes full glowy eyes on Michael, twisting his hand into a fist until Michael writhes in agony. “Lucifer, we had a deal,” Michael gasps and Jack turns to Lucifer and asks what that means. (Aw, Jack.) Welp. Lucifer was gonna get the fuck off the planet with Jack while Michael laid waste to Earth. Thus, all the stargazing and romanticizing Star Wars.

Cas is pissed that Lucifer would just abandon ship (why are you surprised, Castiel?) and Sam ratchets Jack’s shock up another level. Sam reveals that Lucifer killed Maggie. Though Lucifer initially denies it, Jack's eyes glow and he compels Lucifer to tell the truth. (Me: Stop thinking about Tom Riddle in Harry Potter compelling people to “tell the truth.” Jack’s a precious smol nougat. He’s no Voldemort! Also me…)

“She saw me and she screamed so I crushed her skull with my bare hands and it was warm and wet and I liked it.” It's somewhat refreshing to hear Lucifer say this because he’s the ultimate spin machine, constantly covering up his misdeeds. However, it’s also so disturbing to hear Lucifer's true thoughts that hide under his smirking exterior.

Jack's face falls. “You're not my father,” he says. “You're a monster.” Lucifer screams in rage. He tells Jack that humans are worthless, and that he doesn't need Jack. In a flash, he slits Jack's throat and sucks out a big wallop of grace. NOOOOOOOO!

Lucifer grabs a weakened Jack and Sam lunges for Jack...and then Lucifer flaps out of there with both of them. Dean and Cas are left alone in the bunker with Michael.

Cut to Sam getting tossed across a church floor. Lucifer kicks Sam, his very favorite punching bag. And he's got Jack just where he wants him. Mustache twirl, mustache twirl.

Back with Michael, Cas demands to know a way to stop Lucifer. Michael tells them that Lucifer is supercharged with Jack's grace...and now he can destroy the universe. Um. Oops. (Does stolen grace slowly kill archangels too?) Michael protests that he can't do anything to stop Lucifer in his “banged up meatsuit.” He coughs pathetically. “This is the end of everything,” Michael says. And damn it all, if Dean doesn't get a really dumb idea lodged in his head.

“What if you had your sword?” Dean asks.

DAMN IT, DEAN

How did we not see Lucifer stealing Jack’s grace? Extracting Jack’s grace to depower him was a plot point last year, and Lucifer using other angels’ grace to power up was used all this season. I think (like always) maybe the pacing could have been better to make it more weighty at the end? Had Lucifer met Jack sooner, and felt betrayed by Jack, and stole his grace sooner so we could feel that power, maybe that would make Dean’s decision more necessary? We know where Dean was coming from with his absolute need to protect his family --at the cost of his own life. They were in a bad spot, but I’m not sure the show made the stakes feel as high as they really were.

Meanwhile Lucifer is playing with his food (aka Sam) when Jack demands that he leave Sam alone. Lucifer's unimpressed and switches his attention to nougat. He punches Jack repeatedly. Father of the year award, here. :(

Lucifer tells Sam that family sucks and Jack being “family” is meaningless. To prove his point, he tells Jack to kill Sam. Lucifer drops his archangel blade at their feet and settles back to wait for the show.

Dean continues breaking our hearts at the bunker. While Cas asks Dean to back down, Dean sells himself as Michael's “sword.” UGH. Michael tells Dean that, were Dean possessed by him they MIGHT have a chance to defeat Lucifer. (Holy shades of Lucifer-possessing-Cas, Batman!) That's all Dean needs to hear. “Lucifer has Sam. He has Jack. Cas, I don't have a choice!” Dean brokers a deal with Michael: Michael can possess him, but he's in charge. Michael looks...very pleased.

Sam and Jack face each other down while Lucifer natters at them. Sam bends down and picks up the blade. Jack looks hurt. Confused. And then Sam tries to hand him the blade so Jack can kill him instead. NOOOOOOO! (Please imagine this in Luke Skywalker’s voice.) Sam’s willingness to sacrifice himself for his adopted son inspires Jack to...sacrifice himself. Jack knows how to end Lucifer’s game. He’ll kill himself! Jack starts driving the blade into his skin when light streams from behind him. It's Dean! Er, Michael! Er, Michael!Dean! 

“Heya, Sammy,” Dean’s familiar greeting is assurance that he’s still behind the wheel. He looks to Lucifer. It's time to rumble. Lucifer and Michael!Dean start to fight. Um...in the air? (This is no Crouching Tiger.) Supernatural could have at least given them both swirling capes.

Lucifer begins to get the upper hand and it’s looking bad for our team. Sam runs forward and picks up the forgotten archangel blade from the floor, tossing it up into Dean’s hand. Dean stabs Lucifer with it and Lucifer glows with red fire (still floating) before he finally poofs out. DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!

Lucifer lies dead on the floor, the embers from his burned wings glowing like stars around his head. (Kudos vfx department)

(Boris: I was really shocked about Lucifer’s death at first (I’ve also held that Lucifer would be the ultimate Big Bad in the end), but they’ve been reversing The End this season and that’s exactly how they ended it.)

Sam experiences intense relief. Lucifer, his torturer, is dead! They're happy...they're celebrating… This is Return of the Jedi and they’re all about to eat a little storm trooper with some fuzzy Ewoks when--

Dean buckles over, gasping. Oh no, we know the signs of an angel/human internal battle. “We had a deal!” Dean shouts and when he lifts his head, Michael's behind the wheel. He looks around casually and then flaps out, leaving Sam and Jack in shock behind him.

Back at the bunker, Mary and Bobby rush back into the library only to find Cas sitting alone on the step. He says nothing. Just shakes his head...

On a quiet street, Michael goes for a stroll. He's purloined some classy new duds so he can walk the world. His eyes glow…

Stay tuned, kids.

You Can Quote, You Can Quote, You Can QUOTE!!!

You shot me.

Wanna lightsaber?

Ginger trouble!

You, me, Cas. Toes in the sand. Couple of little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.

It's not about being strong. … Even when we're strong. Man, things are gonna happen. We're gonna make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. But we can get better. Every day, we can better.

I think he thought I'd be trapped over there in “giant litter box world” forever.

Before you died, do you remember anything about the person who killed you?

Daddy Sammy coming to the rescue.

Thanks for the suit.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

#spn recap #spn 13x23 #let the good times roll #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #mary winchester #bobby singer #jack kline #michael #lucifer #supernatural season 13

[laboratorium2d]

The Canons of Trump

For obvious reasons, I have been following the news, and the news as refracted through social media, very closely since mid-spring. Unavoidably, this has meant that I have been subjected to a much higher than usual dose of Trump nonsense, and nonsense Trump takes. He says and does stupid and terrible things on a near-constant basis, which are then surrounded and amplified by a fog of overinterpretation. There is much less there there than meets the eye.

Over the last four painful years, I have developed some rules of thumb for making sense of Trump news. Most of them are designed to keep me from overthinking things. I offer them up in the spirit of helping us make it to November, and to help in the process of driving Trump and Trumpism from public life.

Trump Speaks Only to His Base

"MAGA loves the black people" is not meant to persuade African-Americans that they should be Trump supporters. It is meant to persuade Trump supporters that they are not racist. The optics of driving off peaceful protesters with tear gas are not bad, in his view, because his supporters want peaceful protesters driven off with tear gas. Suspend all your normal reactions as a citizen or as a human being; they are not a useful guide to how he and his base think. Corollary: when Trump talks about suburbs under siege, remind yourself that this is what people who don't live in suburbs think people who do are afraid of.

Dominance Politics

Josh Marshall: "[T]he entirety of Trump’s political message is dominance politics. ... Trump attacks, others comply and submit." David Auerbach: "[F]or him, the only acceptable outcome is the one where he wins and you get screwed. ... Trump always defects because he wants to maximize how much worse you do than him--not because he wants to maximize his own payoff." Trump always pushes the button.

The Cruelty Is the Point

Trump's policies are unnecessarily cruel, not by accident but intentionally. Tearing migrant children from their parents is his signature policy, precisely because it is so terrible. Trump's natural meanness is a perfect fit for supporters who want their government to violate human rights. (Source: Adam Serwer)

The Stupidity Is Also the Point

Most Americans are not idiots. But most Americans devote very little attention to politics. Nuking hurricanes and injecting bleach are astonishingly terrible ideas. But they sound plausible enough to someone who is barely listening. Trump is an idiot savant of political communication because his limited intelligence matches many people's limited attention. His inability to formulate complex thoughts comes across as authenticity.

Trump's Razor

Josh Marshall: "[T]he stupidest possible scenario that can be reconciled with the available facts" is probably correct. Too many examples to list, but nothing tops, "If we stopped testing right now, we’d have very few cases, if any." Trump doesn't believe that tests make him look bad by finding cases; he believes that tests make him look bad by causing cases.

Ten Minute Increments

Maggie Haberman: "He will say whatever he has to say to get through ten minute increments of time." Trump does not think ahead. There is no long-term plan when he speaks. He likes rallies where he can riff and ramble for as long as he likes. He likes friendly interviews. In any other situation, when he is being pressed for any reason, he will say anything that comes to mind that seems like it will make the immediate problem go away. His notorious word salad is one coping mechanism; so is making big but impossibly vague promises.

Trump Is a They, Not an It

Kenneth Shepsle's "Congress is a 'They,' Not an 'It'" argues that it is a category mistake to attribute intentions to a multi-member body. Legislators voting for a bill may not share the same purpose, or even the same understanding of what it does. Reader, I am here to tell you that the same thing is true of the shambling mess of rage, impulses, and distractions that is Donald Trump. A Trump tweet might reflect his own deliberations, but just as often is something he saw on Fox, or someone said to him on the phone, or something that Dan Scavino wrote.

From God to Fox to Trump

There is a close correlation between whatever is on Fox News and what Trump says and tweets, often in real time. If something seems like a non sequitur, look for a source upstream.

Trump is Chaff

Leon Wolf: "Donald Trump is the political equivalent of chaff, a billion shiny objects all floating through the sky at once, ephemeral, practically without substance, serving almost exclusively to distract from more important things – yet nonetheless completely impossible to ignore."

Low-Pass Filter

A low-pass filter blocks signals that change quickly, only significant long-term changes get through. This is the opposite of how the press and social media work. Social media amplify things that are already being shared widely right now, and journalists compete online by trying to be first. But most Trump tweets, quotes, and leaks are noise. It's okay to ignore the latest bit of chaff; anything important enough to pay serious attention to will be repeated, many many times.

Trump Doesn't Want to Be President, He Wants to Be King

Trump's vision of leadership isn't so much authoritarian as medieval. He wants people to bow down and praise his royal splendor, his brilliance, his feats of prowess. He doesn't have a cabinet or political allies; he has courtiers and nobles. He doesn't understand or care how bureaucracy works, even when he would be far more effective working through it. His daily routines are straight out of Hilary Mantel's portrait of Henry VIII.

Toddler in Chief

Daniel Drezner: "I'll believe that Trump is growing into the presidency when his staff stops talking about him like a toddler." Drezner (now in book form) gets at two points. First, Trump behaves like an ill-behaved small child: bad temper, poor impulse control, short attention span, demands for praise, constant need to be the center of attention. Second, his staff see their job as nannies.

The White House is a They, not an It

Jay Rosen: "There is no White House. Not in the sense that journalists have always used that term. It's just Trump— and people who work in the building. That they are reading from the same page cannot be assumed. The words, 'the White House' are still in use, but they have no clear referent." Other administrations worked hard to send a unified message. Not this one. Trump doesn't even tell his own staff clearly what his policies are, and he frequently changes his mind, so the presumption that a statement from a White House official--even from Trump himself--reflects official policy does not hold.

Working Toward Trump

Historian Ian Kershaw observed that (especially in contrast to the workaholic Stalin) Hitler was just about the last person you would expect to be able to lead a bureaucracy capable of waging a world war and carrying out the mass murder of six million. He was lazy, easily bored, and cultivated administrative chaos. Instead of waiting for clear and specific orders, his supporters "worked toward the Fuhrer": they tried to anticipate policies he would approve of. (More detail here.)

Dignity Wraiths

Josh Marshall: "Rosenstein’s public reputation, which was formidable, has been destroyed. He now joins a legion of Trump Dignity Wraiths, men and women (though mainly men) of once vaunted reputations or at least public prestige who have been reduced to mere husks of their former selves after crossing the Trump Dignity Loss Event Horizon." Corollary by Josh Barro: "[Trump] has stripped only the dignity from people who surrendered it willingly."

To the Cornfield

The Twilight Zone: "They have to think happy thoughts and say happy things because, once displeased, the monster can wish them into a cornfield or change them into a grotesque, walking horror." Trump takes every revenge he can on those who criticize or undercut him. His underlings live in fear of his displeasure, praise him elaborately in public, and generally abase themselves to avoid being sent to the political cornfield. As a result ...

The Republican Party is a Personality Cult

The phrase is Ezra Klein's, but William Saletan said it first: "Donald Trump is the GOP’s warlord. The Republican Party is officially a failed state." On the one hand, Trump is the GOP: Never Trumpers and Trump critics have been effectively sidelined and deligitimized as not real Republicans. On the other hand, the GOP is Trump: the official 2020 platform of the Republican Party is, in its entirety, "the President’s America-first agenda."

#politics

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

​'Grey's Anatomy': Maggie Confronts Meredith About Her Secret Riggs Romance -- and It's Not Pretty!

Warning: Spoiler alert! Do not proceed if you haven't watched Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Meredith Grey, you've got some explaining to do.

On Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy, titled "Don't Stop Me Now," Meredith's (Ellen Pompeo) secret romance with Riggs (Martin Henderson) finally comes to light -- and Maggie (Kelly McCreary), who briefly harbored a crush on the handsome doc, was none too pleased.

Things clicked for Maggie when she saw Meredith and Riggs making googly eyes at each other during a press conference celebrating their in-plane heroics and receiving a commendation from the Washington governor, weeks after they decided to make the relationship official following their traumatic experience.

RELATED: 'Grey’s Anatomy': Meredith and Nathan Make Their Relationship Official

Later, Meredith pulled Maggie into the hospital supply closet, profusely apologizing for keeping her in the dark about her romance with Riggs.

"I get it. There was a plane, emotions were heightened. You almost died together. I get it," Maggie said tersely. But little did she know, Meredith and Riggs had been going on for a while -- well before the plane, in fact. "Before Amelia and Owen's wedding," Meredith said, finally coming clean to her shocked half-sister.

"It started before I even knew you liked him and as soon as you told me you liked him, I called it off," she continued, which just added insult to injury as far as Maggie was concerned, who brought up their many conversations about her crush on Riggs.

But ultimately, it wasn't about Riggs; it was about Meredith keeping something this important from her.

RELATED: 'Grey's Anatomy': Is Meredith Finally Committing to Riggs?

"It's you. I trusted you to be honest with me when even my mother lied to me and now she's dead. I thought I could count on you to tell me the truth but you've been lying this whole time," Maggie said through tears. "Well, you didn't [do the right thing]."

"Can we just not leave it like this?" Meredith pleaded. "You were all I had left," a heartbroken Maggie said.

That evening, in an attempt at extending an olive branch, Meredith made strides to bring her sister back around, hoping a girls' night out with Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) would be a good first step.

RELATED: 'Grey's' Star Kelly McCreary Opens Up About Maggie's 'Devastating' Loss

"I am very sorry that I screwed up and hurt you, but you're my sister and I'm sure as hell not losing you over a guy," Meredith said.

Eventually, Maggie agreed to go out with Meredith and Amelia. "I'm still not talking to you. I'm only going to talk to Amelia," Maggie concluded, which Meredith was all but OK with. After all, blood is thicker than water!

What did you think of Thursday’s episode? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below or tweet us at @etnow!

Grey's Anatomy airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

For more, watch the video below.

#_uuid:1fb998bf-9958-314f-9211-4c2d2a1a2ef9 #_revsp:new_provider_with_logo_342 #_lmsid:a0VK0000001yfWcMAI

[gretagerwigarchive]

Greta Gerwig can’t stop crying over Lady Bird's Oscar nominations

by Shirley Li, January 23, 2018.

source: http://ew.com/awards/2018/01/23/lady-bird-greta-gerwig-reaction-oscar-nominations/

It’s been hours since the Oscar nominations were announced, and Greta Gerwig can’t stop screaming. Or laughing. Or ugly-crying. (Out of happiness, of course.)

“I’ve been in various states of laughing and crying and yelling with joy, and you’re the next person I’m doing that to!” she laughs/cries/admits over the phone to EW of her morning-long “little head explosion.” “I apologize if I descend into something that doesn’t make any sense because I can’t believe it. I can’t believe it!”

“It” refers to how she has more than enough reasons to be bouncing off the walls, thanks to Tuesday morning’s unveiling of this year’s Oscar nominations: Her deeply personal solo directorial debut, the poignant coming-of-age tale Lady Bird, netted five nods, including best picture, best director, best original screenplay, best actress (for Saoirse Ronan), and best supporting actress (for Laurie Metcalf).

“I woke up at 3:30 in the morning and I was like, ‘Nope, it’s not time, you gotta go back to sleep,’ so I forced myself to go back to sleep, and then I woke up at 6:30 or 7, and I was like, ‘Ooooh, whatever happened has happened,’ so I’m going to make myself a cup of coffee and control my breathing and then look at my phone,” she recalls. “I did all that and I looked at my phone, and the first thing I saw was Saoirse’s best friend had sent me a video of Saoirse crying and laughing and being so happy, and I thought, ‘I don’t know what’s happened, but it looks good!'”

It certainly does. After all, Gerwig has not only nabbed her first Oscar nods, but the actor-writer-director also made history with her directing nomination. She’s the first female director to be nominated for an Academy Award in eight years (the previous nominee and eventual winner being Kathryn Bigelow, for The Hurt Locker in 2010), and the fifth female director ever to be nominated in Academy history.

Just thinking about that makes her, well, want to cry. “This is the crying portion of the conversation,” Gerwig warns. “There are so many great films this year, and to be included among them as a woman means so much… The women who have been filmmakers who are both my peers and the ones who have come before me have meant so much to me, and they’re the reason that I found the courage to do this. I remember when Sofia Coppola was nominated and how much that meant to me. I remember when Kathryn Bigelow won and what that felt like, and I feel like those women are the reason I was able to do this. When I think about it — and I think about women of all ages — I hope that they look at this and they think, ‘I’m going to go make my movie.'” She starts choking up. “I just keep feeling like I want more female storytellers and I want it quite selfishly because I want to see their stories. I want to watch their movies.”

Gerwig points out that she wouldn’t have felt comfortable making Lady Bird had she not seen how Rebecca Miller, who directed her in 2015’s Maggie’s Plan, pull off the feat. “It was something about watching her and watching her realize her movie that I thought, ‘It’s time, it’s time. Look at her! You can do this!'” she remembers. “And then, I don’t know, just, think of how many movies we haven’t seen, and think of how many more we’ll get to!” She laughs. “This is getting pretty f—ing emotional.”

At least she’s not the only one ugly-crying Tuesday morning. Her fellow best director nominee Jordan Peele, whose own directorial debut Get Out landed him on the Academy’s radar with four nominations, also tweeted about holding back tears — and Gerwig was quick to note how proud she is of Peele. “I just have to say, I’m so excited for Jordan! I feel like we kind of buddied up early — it’s his first film, it’s my first film,” she says. “He was one of the first people I called this morning. I was like, ‘Can you believe it?’ The idea of diversity in storytellers is so very important that I couldn’t be more honored to be in this category with these people. I mean, Jordan! Christopher Nolan! [Paul Thomas] Anderson! Guillermo del Toro?! I’m going to cry again.”

She probably will; after she hangs up, she’ll be meeting Lady Bird star Beanie Feldstein for breakfast in Los Angeles — the two had agreed to a meal on Tuesday morning “no matter what happens” — so Gerwig figures she’ll have at least one more crying session to go through before the day’s over. (Besides, “We gotta play ‘Crash Into Me’!” she notes.) For now, Gerwig’s just excited for the chance to celebrate with her cast and crew. “Everyone who worked on this movie poured so much into it. That [Best Picture] nomination is a recognition of all of them, and I wish I could get them all together and cry into their faces,” she says, laughing. “I just love movies so much. This is amazing.”

#2018 #Greta Gerwig #Interview #Lady Bird #Oscars

[generationphotoandgift]

Ceremony:  Bell Chapel United Methodist Church Steubenville, OH

Reception: Mountaineer Casino, Racetrack and Resort, New Cumberland, WV

Make Up:  Hairway to Heaven Wintersville, OH

Hair:  Hairway to Heaven Wintersville, OH

Florist:  Ashley at Simply Sweet Cakes Wellsville, OH

Baker:  Ashley at Simply Sweet Cakes Wellsville, OH

Entertainment: Soundwaves Event Group and Steven Vance from Electric Violins Pittsburgh, PA 

Colors: Purple & Silver

Honeymoon: Bahamas

In business, you can spent a small or large fortune on advertising, regularly post, tweet, share on social media and buy ad space in just about anywhere, but in all those advertising dollars that are spent with you get as much business as word of mouth. In the case of Chris and Jenna, I photographed the wedding of Chris’ sister, Lindsay. There is nothing on this planet that I love more than photographing the weddings of previous client’s family. I didn’t even need to meet with the bride and groom or have a single detail regarding this wedding in order to tell you that it was going to be amazing! Lindsay’s wedding was filled with unique and special moments and every single detail was flawless, I expected nothing less when it came to the wedding of Jenna and Chris.  

I am a total crazy lunatic about details of weddings, I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but my husband and my mom make fun of me…I can most likely tell you details of weddings I’ve photographed decades ago, seriously! In a large portion I can tell you their dates, colors, the weather, photos and special moments maybe not the bridesmaid/ groomsmen names but just about anything else. My brain, my memory, remembers in wedding LOL. Upon booking the wedding of Jenna and Chris, I couldn’t wait to get home to tell my husband who’s wedding we would be photographing. I told him, you know Lindsay Haught??? He gave me his best deer in the headlights stare and I said, you know the dry ice on the dance floor first dance and the awesome father daughter dance medley, the pretty blonde who looks just like her mom, the sweet, hilarious grandmother? You know!!! I didn’t need to say anymore, once details are laid out for him he always vividly remembers just as I do.  

We did Chris and Jenna’s engagement session in October 2016 and I knew instantly that this couple was not only gorgeous and photogenic but they are genuine, sweet and truly comfortable in their own skin as well as with one another. Since they had booked their wedding nearly two years prior to their wedding day, I had plenty time to get super excited for their wedding day.

We arrived for pre-ceremony coverage on a gorgeous June day in 2018 and captured a few photos of the Bride getting ready at the salon and proceeded quickly to the church for the remainder of the coverage. We always like to photograph the details of the couple’s wedding day, starting with pre-ceremony and the shoes, jewelry, garter, flowers, etc of the bride’s attire. This is the moment to which we were able to get our first glimpse of the absolutely stunning dress that would accent Jenna’s beauty on that day. There are no words for how gorgeous this dress is. Just a few weeks prior to Chris and Jenna’s wedding, another amazing couple happened to get married as well, in a very public and amazing display, while Jenna didn’t quite have the same world stage as Megan, she was an absolute queen in that dress. The beading, the train, the sleeves, the color, the detail in that dress had me breathless and in awe, it truly made me want to get married all over again. (with the same person of course haha) It never fails to get me choked up and completely humbled to see the support that each and every one of my brides receives, Jenna has an amazing supportive group of friends, who all took part equally in helping to get her ready but the bond that I was able to witness between her and her mom and sister was humbling. I have always longed for a sister, I find that bond to be so awesome. I have my brother who I am close with but age difference has always made me more motherly. (We are 11 years apart and my mom says I’m harder on him than she is, well I’ll take particle credit for what an incredible person he has become then as well LOL) I have been so blessed to say that my “Someday sister in law” Maggie and I have gotten closer and closer over the course of the relationship she has with my brother, I adore her and I am excited to one day have her as a member of the Johnston family. I truly believe that Jenna is blessed with an incredible family but she has married into an equally amazing one as well, their blessings are endless as I can see the way that Cindy and Lindsay, Callie and her mom, Barb look at her.

One of the huge bonus factors of pre-ceremony coverage at the ceremony location is that you have easy access to both the bride and groom, so we were simply able to walk over and get photos of Chris and the groomsmen as well as his family done quickly and easily.

We proceeded to the room where Chris was getting ready and captured photos of a family I was blessed to meet nearly 4 years ago at Lindsay’s wedding but with the sweetest little addition you will ever meet.

I also have to share this moment, now I will admit it took me until the ceremony to put this together, but Chris and Lindsay have a cousin, Matt and his beautiful wife Stephanie, they are incredibly close and this couple was in both weddings and Matt was the best man at this wedding. At Lindsay’s wedding Stephanie was pregnant and we took a few adorable, special photos with her and her baby to be. At the altar as we were taking family portraits and did one with Stephanie and Matt it dawned on me that this little man I’ve been photographing as the ring bearer at Chris and Jenna’s wedding is the tiny little bump I “met” 4 years ago at Lindsay and Chris’s wedding(Lindsay’s husband is also named Chris). WHOA! Mind blown! This little man is absolutely adorable and so incredibly well behaved.

Speaking of adorable, seriously can’t get over how beautiful this couple is. I love how they are so natural in front of the camera, Chris has a perfect smile and those dimples, do I need to say more? Jenna, there are no words for your beauty, you are flawless.

Let’s get these two married!!! The ceremony was short and sweet and full of love. This is the church that Chris grew up in and it always brings a tear to my eye to photograph a wedding where the pastor truly knows the bride and groom, recalls familiar stories, childhood antidotes and a kindness and comfort level that is unmatched in other venues.

Following the ceremony we did altar photos with the families of Chris and Jenna and then we immediately proceeded to Williams Country Club in Weirton, WV for photos with the bridal party as well as portraits of the bride and groom. To say that this venue was perfect is an understatement. We had tons of options here with the stone home, wide open fields, stunning overlook and gorgeous weather.

At the reception, I was excited to see the space, as it was completely transformed and completely Chris and Jenna! Lovely purple uplighting, enormous jaw dropping gorgeous cake and all the details that made this space perfect.

The bridal party entered the reception and the bride and groom cut the cake, immediately followed by sweet, heartfelt and funny speeches give by Matt the best man and Callie, Jenna’s sister and matron of honor. (Can I just say, Cali I need some tips girl, I can’t even fathom how you look so darn amazing after JUST having a baby! )

Dinner was complete and cookie table revealed, it’s time for some very dancing, beginning with Chris and Jenna, followed by Jenna and her Bruce and Chris and his Cindy.

To say I didn’t have a favorite moment of the day at this wedding is a complete and utter lie, I love ALL of the moments of their wedding day. Just as in love and life, it is not one big defining moment that matters most, its all the small moments, the little things that matter. In my life its not the grand gestures that my husband does that mean the most, its 1000 little ones. It’s the card for no reason, the fact that without fail he “sets up” my coffee in the morning so all I have to do is hit the start button, it’s the fact that he wants to give Gabe a bath to give me a minute to decompress or chat with my girl Addi, it’s the fact that I typically go to bed before him but he always texts me to ask if I need anything, its when he goes away on business trips and leaves me a scavenger hunt of post it notes to find each day until he returns. When photographing Chris and Jenna’s wedding, I knew it would be an amazing day, surrounded by amazing people, but what made this day stand out are a million little things. The fact that Jenna has this gorgeous pair of shoes that at the end of the day would have left her in pain, possibly blistered and bleeding, what did she wear??? The perfect pair of beige booties with “something Blue” soles. I knew from that moment when she told me what she was actually wearing, that this was my kind of girl! I am a softball playing, laid back, hair and make up done only if I have to, converse wearing, comfy clothes a must kind of girl, Jenna, I feel you on those shoes girl!  

Moments that rocked me, Cindy seeing her mom, Cindy walking down the aisle at both her daughter and her son’s weddings, Cindy dancing with her son, Cindy cuddling with her mom, watching the joyous union of her son and now daughter in law. Cindy, I am a contagious crier. I have attended weddings where no one cried and it makes me question everything LOL. I see Lindsay and Cindy tear up and its all over for me. I was standing at the end of the aisle waiting for the bridesmaid and Bride to walk down that aisle, I cried when Cindy came down and I cried when I glanced over to her still in tears, in fact I think I possibly made Barb cry when I saw her and passed on my contagious crying. I love everything about this. You wear your heart on your sleeve, you are sweet, kind and I always leave the presence of a Haught family event, whether it be an engagement, a wedding or a session with my lil buddy X-Man and I feel truly, truly blessed to have met you all.

As many of you may know, my Dad’s health despite being incredibly active and healthy, has not been great. Heart attacks, strokes, parathyroid surgery x 2, so I can understand the moment that this photo was taken. My dad had his heart attack at 47, approximately one year prior to my wedding, those moments in the hospital, weeks and months and years of recovery and lifestyle changes, I truly was not sure if my Dad would be there to walk me down the aisle. Thankfully my Dad is incredibly proactive about his health, his diet, his body and working out because i. So as Cindy’s mom had recently had some health issues, I know at this moment that Cindy’s embrace, her tears, her comfort and recognition is 100% her being in the moment. These are the moments that I love, I live for, my favorites to capture. The raw, intense emotion of a photograph can show exactly what is going on in that moment without a single word.  

The first dance of this bride and groom was like a dream, they laughed, they locked eyes, they were engaged and focused on one another, all the while this lovely clouded effect swirled around them and made for the perfect moment. The comfort level that these two have is simply the effect of many years together, growing together, loving each other, holding one another dear and at the forefront of your thoughts and actions. Its humbling to witness, the older I get the more I look at my couple as young people figuring this thing call life out together. I was married at 25 and I thought I had it all figured out. We were old enough to make all these really impactful decisions about life or so I thought, we have endured some really difficult things, lost loved ones who we hold dear now and always, I am now 37 and look back and think, dang I didn’t know a darn thing but you know what, there is not a single person on this planet that I would like to journey through life with. The term better half never sits well with me, my husband is my partner, my equal, my rock. I can lean on him and vice a versa, he is kind, compassionate and caring, even as I type this, those words seem so generic for the man that my husband is. When I photograph a wedding I can tell you by the end of their day whether they have the skills, the perseverance, the tools, the backbone for marriage. Chris and Jenna, they have it. They have incredible examples of love, relationships in order to emulate. They have the comfort level, the openness, the foundation for an amazing journey.

I am truly in wonder of motherhood, of what a woman’s body is capable of and particularly a new mom. Callie is the perfect example of this amazing concept, a new mom of one of the most stunning little ladies I have ever seen, a head full of dark hair and the most perfect skin. She was an amazing support system for her little sister on one of the biggest days of her life. Anything that I asked of her, helping with belts, jewelry, earrings, train, throwing the veil, speeches…I assume as her daughter is so young that not too many hours of sleep are taking place, yet she was enthusiastically helping Jenna each and every step of the way.

My final favorite moment of the day well all the wee ones at this wedding of course! You have all been to weddings, I’m sure where the cranky flower girl or strong willed ring bearer has reluctantly gone down the aisle. There are no words for the behavior of the children at this wedding. I’m not even kidding if I wasn’t a studious photographer who obnoxiously detail oriented, I may have forgotten that they were even there. I never heard a peep during the ceremony, the family portraits, the alternate location, the reception. I have seriously considered looking into trophies for Flower Girls and Ring Bearers of the year.

I cannot let this moment pass without acknowledging ridiculously cute these two are & their mamas too! Seriously???? CUTENESS OVERLOAD! Those head phones…I can’t.

I can capture many things in a photograph, I can capture the feeling of love, the embrace, the first kiss but none of these photos will ever express MY feelings for the people that I am honored to photograph.  I am invested in the life, the lives, the love of each and every one of my clients. It is clients like the Haught family that I get the distinct pleasure of photographing multiple times that pull at my heart strings with an intense velocity that I can hardly put into words. Watching their family grow and evolve, witnessing the love between Cindy and Rich, Lindsay and Chris, Jenna and Chris, Bruce and Barb is truly a gift, capturing it is an honor and  having them in my life is a blessing. No one really knows where this journey called life will take you Chris and Jenna, but I do know that it will always include the two of you, together, hand in hand.

No words, no poem, no song could be more perfect for the two of you, than this one.

I found a love for me Darling just dive right in And follow my lead Well I found a girl beautiful and sweet  I never knew you were the someone waiting for me 'Cause we were just kids when we fell in love

Not knowing what it was I will not give you up this time But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own And in your eyes you're holding mine

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath But you heard it, darling, you look perfect tonight

Well I found a woman, stronger than anyone I know She shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share her home I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets To carry love, to carry children of our own We are still kids, but we're so in love Fighting against all odds I know we'll be alright this time Darling, just hold my hand Be my girl, I'll be your man I see my future in your eyes

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful I don't deserve this, darling, you look perfect tonight

Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite song I have faith in what I see Now I know I have met an angel in person And she looks perfect I don't deserve this You look perfect tonight

 -Ed Sheeran

[trichster]

05/03/2017, 10:45pm.

Last time I updated my journal I wrote about how my friends from college pushed me away.

Well, one of them called me two days ago. I didn’t get to write about that until now though.

It was awkward. I don’t think there’s another word to describe that.

I was taking my dogs to bed so my mother picked up my phone and she accidentally declined the call instead of accepting it. When I checked the number, it was this girl. Let’s call her Alice -because I like the name and I’m not going to write her real name here just in case - and well, when I read her name I was shocked. At this point, I thought we were never going to talk again, especially because she was the one that wrote that awful tweet that broke me. Anyway, I finished with my dogs and then we ordered take out and then the food arrived so I went to eat because I had not eaten anything since 9 am and I was absolutely starving. I ate as fast as I could though because I thought something bad had happened and that’s why she called me. Honestly, I never thought she would call me to talk things through.

Anyway, I finished dinner and I locked myself in my room to call her back. She didn’t pick up but she called me back like 3 minutes later. When I picked up, it was awkward. Honestly, I’ve never felt more awkward in my entire life.

And this is how it went.

- Hello. - Hi. - How are you? - Fine. - *Nervous laugh* so this is awkward. - Yup. - Um well, I think we both know there’s something going on so I’m not going to stall. I just wanted to call you and tell you that, even though I don’t know what happened or what went wrong, I know that you’re upset about something that I may have done and I just wanted to apologize and tell you that, even though I didn’t talk too much to the rest of people in our class, you and the girls are the only people I can truly say I value. I’m sorry for whatever it is that I did and know that I love you and you’re a great friend and if you ever need me, I’ll be here because whatever it is that happened between us, it doesn’t take away what we’ve shared these five years. I’m sorry and I love you, I just wanted you to know that.

And well, I felt like crap because even though I was upset, she still called. I felt like I had to at least explain to her why I was upset before moving on for real. It took me almost 15 minutes to gather the courage to talk and when I did, I locked myself in my bathroom because that’s the only place I knew nobody would interrupt me. I told her that I felt let out, that I felt like because the other girl -let’s call her Maggie- and I were not talking, they had taken her side and I was tossed aside, I told her how angry I was when they stopped inviting me to everything and how betrayed I felt. I told her how I began to shiver when I found out they went to our place and I wasn’t invited and how much it hurt me. I told her that was the same day I blocked them from every social network and how I was going to talk to her but I wanted to take a couple of days to calm down first because I didn’t want to do it when I was so angry and then I told her how I never talked to her because when she tweeted that I was just a “temporary person” it broke me because I’ve been there before and it’s not the first time that a friend forgets me and I didn’t want to repeat the story because it just hurt too much. She was silent through it all. And then she told me her POV. She said that she and Melody -the other friend, let’s call her Melody- felt like I was pushing them away because they saw me hanging out with other people and whenever they asked me out, I would say no on the spot. They said I was acting strange and they thought they were annoying me. She even told me they asked each other if I was being weird with each one and they both said yes.

Alice mentioned Alex -let’s call her Alex- who is like my only other friend from college and how upset she was when she saw my snapchat story and Alex and I were hanging out in my old home, which is 3 hours from here, and then she mentioned another time when I was hanging out with Cassie -who is my best friend since always, still not her real name but I think you get it by now- the day after my birthday, and that’s what led them to think that I was ditching them on purpose. The truth is, I wasn’t. I moved to this old town where Alex and I were hanging out because that’s the place I chose to do my thesis project and by coincidence, Alex’s grandmother lives there so when I moved, she was there, and she asked me to hang out and she came home. It wasn’t planned, it just happened. And about Cassie, well, Cassie is Cassie. She is like the sane part of me and she invited me to celebrate my birthday when I came home for the weekend, so that’s why we were hanging out. I explained all of this. And then I told her how I felt about the other things. She admitted I was right in lots of things, and she explained why some other things happened. I told her that her tweet completely shattered me and I admitted that I didn’t cry but that it was my breaking point and I just felt betrayed. She said she only tweeted that because she thought I didn’t give a shit about them and she didn’t want me to see how much they were hurting. And well, we talked for almost two hours. She cried and I didn’t because apparently I’m immune to tears now and honestly, she’s always been more emotional than me. In the end, I think we were both relieved that we finally got some closure. She said something like: “Thank you so much for telling me all of this. Honestly, I think we’re all at fault here. There were a lot of misunderstandings and a lot of things happened that looked wrong from both sides but we weren’t mature enough to talk and that’s why it became such a big deal. If there is something that I always loved about our friendship is the fact that we’ve always been honest with each other, so I’m relieved that it wasn’t anything bigger what happened, but I do think we were both at fault for being so bad at communication. Thank you so much for opening up to me. I know that this will leave wounds in both of us, I know that most things were not on purpose and I do know that some were from both sides, but I’m sorry for all the times that I hurt you. I feel like crap and I’m sorry. I still think of you as my friend and if you want to be friends with me still, my heart is open for you. I know we won’t be the friends that we were before and I also know that if we actually go back to that, it will take time, and that’s okay, and I just want you to know that I’m sorry and that I love and even if we never go back to how we were and we don’t see each other for the nex 10 years and one day we just cross paths out of nowhere, I will still greet you like I’ve always done. Nothing has changed for me and I hope we can get back to that someday. You’re a great friend and I love you and I’m sorry for everything.”

So yeah, right now we’re not as close as we were before but at least we talked and cleared everything up and we don’t hate each other anymore. It was good, I think. I don’t know if we’ll ever go back to how we were, but if it does happen, I’ll be happy. As for now, I don’t trust her like I used to and I would not turn to her for advice, but I’m glad we’re on good terms now. Or well, that’s what I think at least. We haven’t talked since friday night. Whatever.

I’m still angry, but I don’t feel as broken as I did the last two months. I know it takes time to heal so I’m just going to keep living and see what happens.

Anyway, that’s all.

#journal #day726 #march #2017 #personal #code names #*

[helloworlddemo1122-yahoopar-blog]

​'Grey's Anatomy': Maggie Confronts Meredith About Her Secret Riggs Romance -- and It's Not Pretty!

Warning: Spoiler alert! Do not proceed if you haven't watched Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy.

Meredith Grey, you've got some explaining to do.

On Thursday's episode of Grey's Anatomy, titled "Don't Stop Me Now," Meredith's (Ellen Pompeo) secret romance with Riggs (Martin Henderson) finally comes to light -- and Maggie (Kelly McCreary), who briefly harbored a crush on the handsome doc, was none too pleased.

Things clicked for Maggie when she saw Meredith and Riggs making googly eyes at each other during a press conference celebrating their in-plane heroics and receiving a commendation from the Washington governor, weeks after they decided to make the relationship official following their traumatic experience.

RELATED: 'Grey’s Anatomy': Meredith and Nathan Make Their Relationship Official

Later, Meredith pulled Maggie into the hospital supply closet, profusely apologizing for keeping her in the dark about her romance with Riggs.

"I get it. There was a plane, emotions were heightened. You almost died together. I get it," Maggie said tersely. But little did she know, Meredith and Riggs had been going on for a while -- well before the plane, in fact. "Before Amelia and Owen's wedding," Meredith said, finally coming clean to her shocked half-sister.

"It started before I even knew you liked him and as soon as you told me you liked him, I called it off," she continued, which just added insult to injury as far as Maggie was concerned, who brought up their many conversations about her crush on Riggs.

But ultimately, it wasn't about Riggs; it was about Meredith keeping something this important from her.

RELATED: 'Grey's Anatomy': Is Meredith Finally Committing to Riggs?

"It's you. I trusted you to be honest with me when even my mother lied to me and now she's dead. I thought I could count on you to tell me the truth but you've been lying this whole time," Maggie said through tears. "Well, you didn't [do the right thing]."

"Can we just not leave it like this?" Meredith pleaded. "You were all I had left," a heartbroken Maggie said.

That evening, in an attempt at extending an olive branch, Meredith made strides to bring her sister back around, hoping a girls' night out with Amelia (Caterina Scorsone) would be a good first step.

RELATED: 'Grey's' Star Kelly McCreary Opens Up About Maggie's 'Devastating' Loss

"I am very sorry that I screwed up and hurt you, but you're my sister and I'm sure as hell not losing you over a guy," Meredith said.

Eventually, Maggie agreed to go out with Meredith and Amelia. "I'm still not talking to you. I'm only going to talk to Amelia," Maggie concluded, which Meredith was all but OK with. After all, blood is thicker than water!

What did you think of Thursday’s episode? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below or tweet us at @etnow!

Grey's Anatomy airs Thursdays at 8 p.m. ET/PT on ABC.

For more, watch the video below.

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