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bulletballet-arch · 3 years

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REALLY LONG CHARACTER SURVEY. RULES. repost , don’t reblog ! tag 10 ! good luck ! TAGGED. I took this from Minnie’s archived Bioshock blog. I’ve been looking for this meme all this month. TAGGING. @hammurabicomplex. @bluuxriising. @ Me - for Sal on @bulletsoverbensonhurst. @immaterialed (charlie) @soypeor (bella) @svmmercmance. @mrflayed. and you!

BASICS. FULL NAME : Eve Delores Littlejohn NICKNAME : Evie, Little Evie (by her maternal side of the family), Delores, Didi NAME MEANING / S Eve is from the ancient Hebrew name חַוָּה (Chawwah), which was derived from the Hebrew word חָוָה (chawah) meaning "to breathe" or the related word חָיָה (chayah) meaning "to live". Delores is a variant of Dolores, meaning "sorrows", taken from the Spanish title of the Virgin Mary María de los Dolores, meaning "Mary of Sorrows." Littlejohn is a surname that has historically been found in England and Scotland. With potential origins being either ‘to distinguish a beloved child that was not the eldest.’ Or, ‘a contradictory nickname for a large man.’ HISTORICAL CONNECTION? : She’s named after her grandmother, Evelyn Hollins.

AGE : 42 BIRTHDAY : June 2 ETHNIC GROUP : Black-American. Meaning she’s mixed with a lot (Some of her relatives are respectively Creole and Italian) but uses Black as a catch-all term. NATIONALITY : American LANGUAGE / S : English, Italian, Spanish, Latin, some French SEXUAL ORIENTATION : Bisexual ROMANTIC ORIENTATION : Biromantic RELATIONSHIP STATUS : Verse dependent, usually married -or connected- to Salvatore Scozzari in some way. CLASS : Upper-Class HOME TOWN / AREA : Brooklyn. Spent time between Bedford-Stuyvesant - with her paternal grandfather and Park Slope - with her maternal grandparents. CURRENT HOME : In her childhood home in Bedford-Stuyvesant. PROFESSION : Ballet Instructor. Former Professional Ballerina. ( Other verses see her as a professional thief. )

PHYSICAL. HAIR : Black. In terms of her natural hair, Eve has springy, 3C hair she seldom shows off because she was raised in a family where straightened hair was deemed presentable and professional. EYES : Thin almond eyes. Dark brown. NOSE : Straight and small. FACE : She has a prominent, high forehead, that’s accented with high cheekbones and a pointy chin. LIPS : Full. COMPLEXION : She has a light brown (tawny) complexion. SCARS : None major. TATTOOS : None. HEIGHT : 5′4″ BUILD : Eve has a slender build. One of those people who have been small and petite since childhood. Despite this, she also stays skinny because she is obsessively conscious of the food she consumes. The older she gets the more she weighs, however. USUAL HAIR STYLE : Her hair is cut short. Reaching her shoulders in a neat, even bob. She either curls it in a retro fashion or curls the tips. For work she wears it in a traditional, pinned bun. USUAL FACE LOOK : In public, she appears stoic for the most part. Any emotion shown (such as the length of a smile) is carefully calculated. She has to seem perfect. USUAL CLOTHING : Form fitting dresses. Incredibly chic and fashionable for the time. Shoes include heels - never open-toed, unless she has on stockings. Extravagant earrings. Jewelry that can include either necklaces, crosses, pearls, or dainty rings. Prone to wearing black sunglasses in public.

PSYCHOLOGY. FEAR / S : Thunderstorms, airplanes, creatures like weasels, snakes and ferrets, break-ins, men she doesn’t know, harm coming to her children ASPIRATION / S : Formerly wanted to become a major [black] ballerina in the elite world of ballet, now she just wants to expose more [inner city children] to dance through her job. Personally, she wants her children to change the world in some form or fashion, too. Eve also has good ideas on improving the community, but at the moment has no idea how to go about these ideas. POSITIVE TRAITS : Generous, compassionate, patient, protective NEGATIVE TRAITS : Strict, sullen, hard to read, represses her emotions, secretive MBTI : Advocate - INFJ-T ZODIAC : Cancer TEMPERAMENT : Melancholic ANIMALS : Lioness VICE / S : Pride & Lust FAITH : Christian. Grew up Baptist, but Catholic influences have been around her since childhood. Attended a Catholic High School in Park Slope, her grandmother Evelyn was also a practicing Catholic. GHOSTS ? : Yes and no. She feels that objects formerly owned by the deceased posses the essence of their previous owners and that they essentially live on through these pieces of property. AFTERLIFE ? : Yes. REINCARNATION ? : No, but it’s a romantic concept. ALIENS ? : No. POLITICAL ALIGNMENT : Democratic ECONOMIC PREFERENCE : She likes being where she’s at now. But honestly, being upper class is all she’s ever known. SOCIOPOLITICAL POSITION : Bourgeoisie, basically. The Littlejohn’s represent The Historical Black Elite. EDUCATION LEVEL : College level. FAMILY.

FATHER : William ‘Bill’ Littlejohn MOTHER : Linda Littlejohn ( nee Hollins ) SIBLINGS : None EXTENDED FAMILY : Amos Littlejohn (paternal grandfather) Liza Littlejohn (paternal grandmother) Evelyn Hollins (maternal grandmother) Giuseppe D’Aietti (maternal grandfather) and a wide host of cousins, aunts and uncles.

FAVOURITES. BOOK : Night Song by Beverly Jenkins. The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Some sort of old, French erotic novel that was published before she was born. MOVIE : Eve watches films along the lines of...Waiting to Exhale, Beaches, The First Wives Club and Fatal Attraction. She loves Made-For-TV movies from the time period. In regards to plays, her favorite one is Sunday In The Park With George. 5 SONGS : Meet Me On The Moon / Essence of Sapphire / No One In The World / People / The First Time I Saw Your Face DEITY : Persephone HOLIDAY : New Years Eve, Christmas, Thanksgiving. Major holidays during the colder season. MONTH : October SEASON : Autumn PLACE : The dance studio she works at. WEATHER : Sunny, but cool. SOUND : The voices of Anita Baker and Sarah Vaughn. A skilled hand running over piano keys. Soft trumpets. Running water. Cats making chipper little meows. SCENT / S : Perfume, floral scented lotions, her partner’s cologne TASTE / S : Caramel, the tang of dark chocolate, strawberries coated with either chocolate, or sprinkles of white sugar. Light Vinegar. FEEL / S : Performing in front of an audience. Hot water engulfing your skin after a long day. Satin - whether it be the fabric of her clothes or sheets, your fingers tightly intertwined with another’s, feeling your significant other’s chest raise and lower against your skin with each breath they take. ANIMAL / S : Cocker Spaniels, Afghan Hounds, Cats, Birds - she loves all ( well, a majority ) of animals. NUMBER : Doesn’t have one. COLOR : White, Pink, Gold.

EXTRA. TALENTS : Dance, Eve is trained in ballet when it comes to her main verse. She has attended ballet classes since the age of eight and ever since then she placed all of her focus into it. Similarly, Eve has always had the makings of a good artist - as a child she enjoyed drawing and had informal art lessons with a man who lived in the basement of her grandfather’s brownstone, but she never invested into that half of her. BAD AT : Singing, Being interviewed, Public Speaking (as in Speech Giving), Decision Making TURN ONS : Charisma, Leadership Skills, Temperature Play, Phone Sex, Heavy Kissing, Light Roleplay TURN OFFS : Public Sex, Tearing [ Her ] Clothes, Threesomes, Cruelty, Senseless Violence HOBBIES : viewing plays & some musicals, reading romance novels, shopping, working out (she was into the whole celebrity VHS tape exercise trend), playing tennis, decorating AESTHETIC : Vintage Black Glamour, Black Ballerinas, Champagne and Wine Glasses, Paintings by Melinda Byers and Edward 'Clay' Wright QUOTES : "I'm bad with words, I hope you're good in reading eyes." / "There are truths I haven't even told God. And not even myself. I am a secret under the lock of seven keys."

FC INFO. MAIN FC / S : Lynn Whitfield ( A Thin Line Between Love & Hate ) ALT FC / S : Kylie Bunbury ( Twisted ) OLDER FC / S : Lynn Whitfield ( Greenleaf ) YOUNGER FC / S : N/A VOICE CLAIM / S : Lynn Whitfield

MUN QUESTIONS.

Q1 : if you could write your character your way in their own movie , what would it be called , what style would it be filmed in , and what would it be about ? A1 : Recently I decided that if/when I try to write anything serious about Eve again, it’ll center on her being a jewel thief because it presents me more fun, and emotionally diverse, opportunities. That and I have a very specific cover image in my mind. Ideally, her adventures would be a series of books. I have no title in mind, no idea about how ‘it would be filmed’ ( although a style replicating 90s films would be excellent, film grain and all. ) but, I do have a bunch of plots in mind that I really don’t feel like typing out here.

Q2 : what would their soundtrack / score sound like ? A2 : Her score would have a vintage sound (or a jazzy Spike Lee sound, if you will) with instrumentals by Dorothy Ashby (a Jazz Harpist) the Ahmad Jamal Trio, Pharaoh Sanders, Yusef Lateef and Tarika Blue. For music with lyrics, the soundtrack would include the likes of Julie London, Sarah Vaughn, Ella Fitzgerald, and Dionne Warwick.

Q3 : why did you start writing this character ? + Q4 : what first attracted you to this character ? A3 : Whenever I make NPCs for my character’s lives I actually can’t just let them just be NPCs. I start thinking about them too much. Developing them too much. And then I’m like, ‘wow! I really like this character!’ Eve was a different character when I began writing her, and likely wouldn’t be considered the same character as she was previously, if I told someone in real life who knows about my writing (like my grandma) about all the changes she has undergone. Originally Delores was a university professor, because I thought it could lead to interesting interactions with college-age muses. And her previous history with the mafia was also something interesting to tap in. But then I started thinking about what was realistic, what wasn’t realistic, what did I feel comfortable/interested writing? What didn’t I feel comfortable/interested in writing? So as time went on, things would alter about this character. And the new things I came up with attracted me more.

Q5 : describe the biggest thing you dislike about your muse. A5 : I have a love/hate relationship with Eve’s quiet demeanor. On one hand, I think quieter characters need love and the ability to be fully dimensional but on the other hand, writing louder characters has always been more fun for me. But really, Eve’s guarded behavior makes writing her stressful in some cases with others because sometimes...if I’m going to be honest...people don’t know how to carry a thread and interact with someone of her demeanor effectively.

Q6 : what do you have in common with your muse ? A6 : We’re both black, we’re both into art (although our exact interests and aesthetics with art differ)

Q7 : how does your muse feel about you ? A7 : Realistically she would think I need to take better care of myself.

Q8 : what characters does your muse have interesting interactions with ? A8 : We skippin’ this question.

Q9 : what gives you inspiration to write your muse ? A9 : Films such as, “Waiting to Exhale,” “The Kitchen” and “Widows.” Books by Alice Walker, like “The Third Life of Grange Copeland” as well as her short story, “Roselily.” The historical mob figure Stephanie St. Clair.

Q10 : how long did this take you to complete ? A10 : A few hours.

#long post #dash games.#headcanons.

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xb-squaredx · 3 years

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Rise of the V-Tuber

As a platform, YouTube has gone through a variety of “eras,” wherein a particular trend catches on and defines the website for some time. In the early days, you had funny cat videos, then Let’s Plays of video games became rather popular, and now we seem to be deeply entrenched into a new era that has exploded in popularity as of late. If you’ve frequented the website at all in the past few months, it is almost inescapable. Cutesy, anime-styled avatars that play games, sing, chat with viewers, or even cook! What does it all mean? Where did they come from? Are they here to stay? Most importantly, how does one crawl out of the rabbit hole once they fall into it? All that and more will be revealed as we delve deep into the wacky, wholesome and sometimes worrying world of V-Tubers. (photo credit YuuGiJoou. Check her out on YouTube, Twitter or Twitch!)

THE ORIGIN

To begin properly, let’s define the subject. A “V-Tuber” is a “Virtual YouTuber,” someone who streams on YouTube (or any other streaming platform) using a digital avatar as a proxy. The streamer in question typically uses face-tracking software so that the avatar can emote (or at least attempt to emote) to match their own reactions as they provide entertainment for their audience. While it may seem as if V-Tubers are rather new, in doing research on the topic, you’d be surprised how far back things go.

For starters, the concept of a virtual celebrity has been around for a while, with one of the most notable efforts being Hatsune Miku, a Vocaloid voicebank program. Hatsune Miku is every bit as famous and beloved as a flesh-and-blood singer or entertainer despite being nothing but voice synthesizer software. Vocaloid got its start back in 2000, eventually being reworked into a commercial product in 2004, though it wasn’t until the programs started receiving anthropomorphic character designs that it took off, with Hatsune Miku’s own debut in 2007, and the rest is history.

Many will consider “Virtual Idol” Kizuna Ai as the true pioneer of what we call a V-Tuber today, making her debut in 2016, however one could make an argument that Ami Yamato, a 3D-animated vlogging channel debuting in 2013, beat her to the punch. Honorable mention of course goes to Any Malu, a Brazilian animated YouTube vlogger who debuted in 2015 and eventually gained her own show on Cartoon Network Brazil. While Ai may not be the first, she is undoubtedly considered to be the codifier that many later V-Tubers would follow. Ai’s entire shtick was being an AI program that wanted to connect with humans, playing games, singing or interacting with fans. Following her explosive popularity, it was clear that other companies would follow the model established by Ai, with their own spins on it of course.

Nijisanji, established in 2018, proved that this trend could be incredibly profitable, becoming trailblazers in their own right as they established various “branches” of their company in several countries with their own unique performers that could cater to a wider range of viewers. As of this writing, Nijisanji employs over 164 “Virtual Livers,” most of which come from their Japan branch, alongside their Korean, Chinese, Indian and Indonesian branches. Similarly, there is the Hololive corporation, which saw substantial growth throughout 2020 in particular. Established in 2016 originally as Cover Corporation, at first Hololive was the name of an app meant for use in 3D motion capture, though following Nijisanji’s success, Hololive was rebranded as a V-Tuber competitor and also features a variety of colorful characters spread across many different main branches. There is of course the Japanese branch, as well as Hololive Indonesia, the relatively new (and highly successful) Hololive English, a defunct Chinese branch and an all-male Holostar branch in Japan.

Other, smaller V-Tuber groups have sprung up alongside the corporate powerhouses, such as VOMS Project, established in March of 2020, as an independent trio of streamers, and more recently at the tail-end of 2020 with V-Shojo, featuring a group of Western streamers (who ironically mostly stick to Twitch). Outside of this of course are the countless independent streamers who utilize avatars for one reason or another across many different platforms. Even prominent Twitch streamers seem to be getting in on the act, such as Pokimane, though that one has not come without some backlash. So consider that a rough history of how V-Tubers got started in Japan but how did they gain a more global fanbase? Well, in a word…”memes.”

GOING INTERNATIONAL

I won’t deny there had to be at least SOME overseas fans who enjoyed watching V-Tubers before they became more well-known, but for many Western fans their introductions to V-Tubers in general typically came from viral videos taken from various streams that spread like wildfire, eventually getting people curious enough to check them out. For Kizuna Ai, her playthrough of Resident Evil 7 gained notoriety for her mimicking the cursing of the English-speaking player character, and for Hololive, arguably the first real Western breakthrough for the company came from a now infamous moment from Sakura Miko’s stream of Grand Theft Auto 5.

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Also from Hololive, Inugami Korone in particular had a variety of memes spread about her due to playthroughs from various games that even got acknowledged by the developers themselves. Her playthrough of DOOM 2016 resulted in a short-lived Easter egg implanted into DOOM Eternal, and her video on Banjo-Kazooie (and the animated Eekum Bokum fan video that spawned from that) got the attention of Rare, Xbox and even Grant Kirkhope, the composer for the original game.

Honestly, the real unsung heroes of sorts for V-Tuber popularity might just come from foreign fans that would clip and translate various moments from streams that helped to build an international audience. There are dozens of Twitter handles and YouTube channels that specialize in spreading these clips around and if you factor in the YouTube algorithm, once you see one video your feed will be flooded with similar videos. It is no surprise fans call getting into the fandom “falling into the rabbit hole.” When you look at the more popular members of Hololive, often the ones with various viral clips have the higher subscription counts. In the case of Aki Rosenthal, one of the older members, her sub count exploded after a fan translated a section from a then-recent stream in which she talked candidly about her less-than-stellar growth as well as the difficulties of standing out in general. While at one point having the lowest amount of subscribers (well below 200,000), in the months since that video her sub count has more than doubled going past 400,000. Sometimes the talent needs a little push.

Now, within Hololive itself, I think Kiryu Coco is also partially responsible for expanding the fanbase, being one of the few employed talents with the ability to speak English (likely a native speaker), she gained a large international fanbase as she would work to translate what she or other members were talking about on the fly, and later on established an ongoing series where she would directly engage with fans over websites like Reddit and “rate” the various memes they would send in. Coco also pushed for establishing what would become Hololive English, which has proven to be a gigantic success, each member of that branch blowing past more established talent’s subscriber counts, with Gawr Gura becoming the first Hololive V-Tuber to pass one million subscribers and just recently passed the two million mark. So yeah, V-Tubers are a big deal now but…what is about them that makes people want to watch them in the first place?

THE APPEAL

So, right off the bat, if we’re going to ask why someone would want to watch a V-Tuber I think it’s fair to ask that of virtually ANY internet personality. The reason why someone would watch Game Grumps or Pokimane or Jojo Siwa or whoever else is the same reason they’d watch Kizuna Ai or Inugami Korone or Ironmouse: they’re entertaining. I guess that seems like a bit of a cop-out answer, right? There MUST be a reason why V-Tubers have blown up in popularity over the last few years, so are there things that make these particular Internet entertainers stand out from the crowd?

Undoubtedly, the fact that these streamers are playing a character is a deviation from the norm, though the dedication to staying “in character” seems to vary from person to person, and over time many V-Tubers tend to open up and are far more genuine. At any rate, even the best actor out there can’t possibly make up various daily happenings or childhood stories for their characters on the fly, day after day, stream after stream. Still, I’d imagine the decision to use a proxy as opposed to their real self can be liberating, a mask they can wear to speak more freely or a role they can play up for entertainment. For the most part, I think the persona aspect is mostly harmless fun that makes the streamer seem more distinct; ask yourself which is more eye-catching: some normal human playing a game and occasionally cracking a joke, or a one-eyed pirate girl discussing her raunchy past? Or maybe you’d rather watch the grim reaper practice her raps? Even talent that don’t really play up their character much still often have interesting character designs; we have princesses, dragons, devils, robots and more. A little something for everyone!

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Speaking a bit more personally, I find it interesting to watch streamers from an entirely different culture and how they interact with fans or engage with games. I find it funny when Inugami Korone or Sakura Miko plays more Western-oriented games like the DOOM series or Grand Theft Auto V respectively. Often times they’re blown away by the culture clash, or they view these games through a different lens since it’s so different from what they’re used to. In particular, those two are just genuine goofballs that are funny all on their own. More chat-focused streams are an interesting view into daily life in Japan, such as the stories Houshou Marine tells, though obviously a given V-Tuber’s viewpoint isn’t a metric you can apply to the whole country, but she’s still interesting to listen to. Takanashi Kiara is also notable for her multilingual skills, which has helped her bridge the gap a bit more between the various Hololive members through her Holotalk segments where she interviews other V-Tubers. Outside of Hololive, Amano Pikamee from VOMS Project is just a bundle of energy that’s fun to watch as she rages in Super Mario 64 or Super Mario Sunshine. Her tea-kettle laugh is also just kinda charming. The V-Shojo group stands out for being super vulgar compared to the more corporate V-Tubers and while I don’t watch them all that much, there’s still some fun chaos to be had. Still though, I think there’s one big elephant in the room that would also help explain V-Tubers catching on at this specific point in time: the pandemic. Streaming is one of the few jobs not really affected by the pandemic, and with people stuck inside, they’re more likely to scroll through YouTube or Twitter and find a funny clip and then…well, you know… It’s one bright spot in an otherwise dark time…but I’d be lying if I said it was all sunshine and rainbows.

THE DARK UNDERBELLY

The overall idea behind V-Tubers, at least in Japan, seems to be an extension of Idol Culture…and uh…if you know anything about Idol Culture in Japan, it is all kinds of scummy. Exploitative, filled to the brim with harmful rules and regulations and largely catering to some vary unsavory “fans,” I’ll make it no mystery that I find it incredibly distasteful. Look no further than what happened to Minegishi Minami from the idol group AKB48. To keep a long story short, the obsession with “purity” and being this idealized Japanese beauty means idols are effectively locked into their work, unable to discuss or in many cases partake in romantic relationships, as that would make them less “desirable” to their audience. This unfortunately does at times extend to V-Tubers.

Take Tokoyami Towa, who was suspended for some time and forced to make an apology video for…having some male voices briefly heard over Discord during an Apex Legend stream. She even lost a lot of subscribers and support from Japanese fans following this, though once learning of this, Western fans flocked to her as a show of support. Hololive has also dealt with a variety of issues coming from Chinese fans; though that’s a particular hornet’s nest I don’t want to delve into here too much. To sum it up, fans can get obsessive and toxic, which can lead to the talent being harassed. It is for this reason, it is generally agreed upon by fans to not delve too deep into the personal lives of the V-Tubers, for fear of being doxxed and the illusion being broken. These kinds of issues certainly bring up some interesting questions regarding how talent should be treated moving forward.

Are these V-Tubers characters or just alternate sides of real people? Where does the fantasy end and reality begin? Ultimately, the lines are somewhat blurred. Talent certainly brings some of their own personality into the performance, but they are forced to remain anonymous and as can be seen in the case of Kizuna Ai, they are not always in control of the character they’ve been given. Kizuna Ai’s initial actress was for a time replaced, and “clones” of the character with different voices and personalities started to spring up, likely as an attempt to compete with the likes of Nijisanji and Hololive. In cases where V-Tubers retire from the industry, or “graduate” as some call it, all of their hard work cultivating a fanbase might end up being for nothing as they were forced behind a proxy that isn’t truly themselves and I imagine it can be hard to start over again from square one. Never mind the attempts to step out of the shadow of your older work. Man, Perfect Blue was downright prophetic at times, huh?

I don’t want to dwell on the negatives too much though. It’s worth noting for one thing that Nijisanji seems relatively lax regarding how their talent operates, whereas it seems Hololive is the standout for adhering to the idol ideal, though considering how some of the talent acts (in particular Kiryu Coco), one has to wonder if they’re softening their stances a bit. Many V-Tubers generally talk about the positive aspects of the industry and being given the opportunity to reach people from all over the world. Shortly after Ina’s debut in Hololive English, she was actually brought to tears when told her art streams convinced people to get into (or back into) the hobby, which had been one of her goals for becoming a V-Tuber in the first place. Ironmouse, now a member of V-Shojo, has an immune system disorder that keeps her bedridden and forced to stay inside, so the opportunities afforded by this particular type of streaming has allowed her to reach out to others and as per her own words, has changed her life for the better. While there are definitely “fans” that go too far, corporate practices that are outdated, or harmful and a slew of potential unfortunate implications, ultimately I think most people out there are just looking for quality entertainment, and these digital proxies give these entertainers an outlet to connect with fans in a way that they might not have otherwise.

CONCLUSION

V-Tubers are in a bit of a boom at the moment, though I can’t imagine it’ll last forever. We’re quickly approaching market saturation and after a point, people can only follow so many streamers at once. Hell, as I was editing this up, it seems as if prominent YouTuber Pewdiepie is about to step into the ring, so who knows what kind of shake-up that could bring. The bubble will undoubtedly burst and what becomes of V-Tubers then is still up in the air. Or who knows, maybe V-Tubers will endure and replace all entertainment and we’re just watching the beginning of a cyberpunk dystopia. Stranger things have happened! Considering the world is still reeling from the effects of the pandemic, that should largely have an impact on the popularity of V-Tubers for some time to come, though as we emerge into a “new normal” in the world, it’ll be interesting to see how these entertainers continue to evolve. Now, I suppose there is one question I never quite went over before now, isn’t there? How does one escape the V-Tuber rabbit hole? Well, I’m sorry to say but there is no escape.

Enjoy your new home!

-B

#xb-squaredx #blog #vtuber #v-tuber #hololive #nijisanji #VOMS project #korone #sakura miko #pikamee #kizuna ai #youtube #twitch #v-shojo #ironmouse #houshou marine #eekum bokum

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fucking-zawa-sensei · 4 years

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Opulence - erasermic fanfic

Title: Opulence

Pairing: erasermic

Rating: Explicit

WC: 9k+

Summary:

When they’re done, when Hizashi is finally, finally laid bare and beautiful across their sheets, still shimmering and sparkling and flushed a delicious pink, the blond is breathing heavily, sweat drops gathering along his hairline and in the ridges of his collarbones.

He looks absolutely filthy in the best kind of way.

Notes: An incredibly late birthday gift for my friend, @rootistabootus(it has been 4 months girl I am so sorry), who can always make me smile any day, any time, who sends me the best memes, who supports my love for characters she doesn’t even know, who is quite possibly one of the bubbliest, most positive people I have ever met. Who makes me feel like I can do anything, who inspires me to create and take risks and stop letting fear dictate my life. She’s selfless and one of the hardest workers I have ever met. Her optimism is fierce and strong and makes me think that anything is possible. Thank you for always being there for me and making my life that much brighter. You are an actual piece of sunshine fallen down to Earth and I am happy to have the opportunity to bask in your endless warmth. I love you!

Read full fic here on AO3

Opulence

It was a normal occurrence, something that happened probably once a month at least.

Hizashi would come home, door swinging open and caught just before smacking into the opposing wall, the telltale clack of expensive heels giving away that this wasn’t a post-patrol late night entrance. His costume boots sounded the way all heroes’ did: like nothing at all.

Underground or not, every hero needed to be capable of stealth when the situation called for it.

With villains who had guns for fingers and steel wire hair, the situation often called for it.

Hizashi rarely dressed up for the studio either, unless he had a celebrity guest joining him on air. Shouta still remembers the glittery gold suit pants Hizashi wore when his favorite DJ was in town. It was hard to forget, with the way they threw speckles of rainbow light across every surface in their bedroom each time Hizashi opened the closet on the rare nights when Shouta forgot to pull the blinds shut.

Modeling was something that came with any popular hero’s list of duties, along with interviews, commercials, cameos in movies or TV shows, presentations at hero schools, the list went on.

The more public you were, the more the public wanted you.

Hizashi hadn’t gone the way of selling albums or cologne in magazines. Instead, he’d used his agency’s desire to sell his body in print and pixels to gain himself a spot in the fashion industry, a passion he’d had for as long as Shouta had known him. He once saw the young hero-in-training cutting out swatches of colors and patterns and pasting them inside his notebook, erasing any useful study material beneath.

Not like Hizashi ever needed to study.

Shouta didn’t quite understand the difference between couture and editorial, but he liked the way Hizashi’s smile looked when he ran his fingers over a sequined body suit or a faux fur shrug.

He never paid it much mind when his husband came home from a photoshoot, knowing the first place Hizashi would go was the bathroom to wash off any lingering glue and makeup, working gel and temporary dyes out of his hair. He’d spare a glance, curious to see what the other man had been zipped into that night, Hizashi somehow convincing designers to gift him the outfits more often than not, but that was about it.

Here and there he’d make a comment, a low whistle if it was particularly sexy, something more snide, like, that is not staying here for more than a week, if it was something they both knew Hizashi would never wear outside the house again. Shouta can still remember the great purge of spiked leotards and pointed shoulder jackets they’d been forced to endure last year when they’d run out of room in the closet for their actual clothes.

Tonight is different.

Tonight, as Shouta casts his eyes over his shoulder from where he is spread out on the couch, half-finished book in his hands, he is unable to turn away.

The smirk on Hizashi’s face, as he tilts his head up from where he’s bent down, unlacing the long, knee high black stiletto boots hugging his calves, said he hadn’t expected anything less.

Shouta’s eyes can’t pick one thing to focus on, generously grazing over every curve and dip in Hizashi’s body, all deliciously on display.

Hizashi’s shimmering, gold nails release their hold on the metallic painted laces, his hands running lightly over his knees, and then his fishnet covered thighs, before settling on his hips as the blond straightens into a standing position. He leans back a bit, the way he always did when he was feeling confident and hungry for attention, cocking a hip seductively.

That grin, accented by glimmering, glitter dusted lips, stays in place.

Shouta’s gaze is ravaging his husband.

Tonight, they’d put him in a long sleeved leotard, something Shouta was pretty used to seeing. This time, though, the material was all a shiny, smooth faux leather, with a delectably deep plunge from Hizashi’s collarbones down to just below his navel, his belly button piercing shiny and vibrant like all the other accent pieces to the outfit. Shouta is pretty sure they must have the suit taped over Hizashi’s nipples because there was no way it would be staying in place otherwise.

He also knows for a fact that they didn’t have Hizashi take out his nipple piercings, as the little ball studs were just as prominently on display as the perky flesh they were slipped through.

The whole suit looks like it was engineered to be one size too small, hugging Hizashi’s lean frame like a second skin, accentuating the angles of his hips and the deep V between them, the curve of his biceps as he shifts his arms, even his ass, never particularly all that large, looked plump and delicious with the hall light falling over the tight fabric. It left nothing, absolutely nothing, painstakingly nothing, to the imagination.

Shouta knows before his eyes dare to fall on the space between his husband’s legs that the bulge will be there, but he doesn’t expect Hizashi’s manicured fingers to wind up in his view as well, casually caressing the growing mound as Shouta continues to stare.

As if this wasn’t enough, as if the thought of his husband walking from their apartment’s parking lot and through the lobby in this incredibly sexual outfit wasn’t already getting Shouta’s throat to dry up, whoever designed this shoot had decided to take it a step further.

Hizashi had a natural beauty that was impossible to deny, and a sinful ability to turn on the heat when needed.

So why they’d decided he needed to be slicked up in a shimmery, glittering body oil was beyond Shouta.

As he finally rips his eyes away from the blond’s fingertips, still stroking over his erection as it pulls against the taute fabric, he sees Hizashi’s chest looking dewy in the same way it did in the moments before orgasm. A fierce, unrelenting heat begins pooling quickly in Shouta’s lower belly.

“Like what you-”

“Yes,” Shouta cuts off Hizashi’s teasing words, clichéd and useless. Of course he liked what he saw. Who wouldn’t? The whole point of dressing Hizashi up like this was to make any witless fool who picked up the magazine have to resort to using it to cover themselves up.

Hizashi exhales softly through his nose, one arm coming up, hand moving toward his face, and it all feels like it has slowed down, like each miniscule movement takes one whole rotation of the little hand around the analog clock hanging on the wall next to the kitchen entryway. Shouta watches the way the fabric relentlessly constricts around Hizashi’s body, as his hand runs through his hair, disrupting all those flawlessly smooth locks. They hadn’t styled it in any way tonight, letting it all fly free over the man’s broad shoulders. The golden shine of Hizashi’s hair broke up the predominantly dark outfit nicely. Shouta could see why they’d made the decision, but it certainly isn’t helping the uncomfortable way his jeans are getting tighter by the second. Hizashi lets his hand fall carelessly to his side when he’s done running his fingers through his hair, a few strands getting caught on his lip gloss and his long, fake lashes. Hizashi blinks slowly, eyes downcast, and Shouta doesn’t think it’s possible to get to the bedroom fast enough.

Judging by the way Hizashi’s next breath brings forth a small shudder as he releases it, he’s feeling the exact same way.

Shouta isn’t one to rush anything, though.

He closes his book in one hand, his middle finger still stuck between the pages, and slowly, slowly, leans forward, never breaking eye contact with Hizashi, to set it on the coffee table in front of him. Still bent over, he extracts his finger just as languidly, licking his bottom lip as the digit slips out. Hizashi swallows loud enough for Shouta to hear it from across the room.

“Are you going to take those boots off anytime soon?” Shouta asks, falling back against the couch, sinking lower into the cushions and lazily letting his legs spread wide. He lets one of his hands fall into his lap, just close enough to his crotch to stroke one finger lazily over his growing erection. He rests his head against the cushioned back and tilts it toward Hizashi, wearing a smirk of his own now.

Hizashi might have got him going with his outfit, but Shouta knew exactly how to get the other man just as riled up.

Hizashi hated waiting, and more than that, hated when his pleas for attention went ignored.

Shouta watches as the corner of his husband’s perfectly painted lips twitches. The blond flips his hair over his shoulder, brushing away the pieces that had stuck to his gloss, before sliding his legs and feet out of the high boots. The fishnet stockings go all the way to his toes, as does the body oil, despite never being in the photographs.

Hizashi steps up out of the entrance way, one hand still firmly planted on his hip, and begins sauntering across the hardwood floors like he’s gliding across a runway at fashion week. Each and every step pulls at the tight clothing, the light catching every curve, every dip as he moves, one foot in front of the other, bare thighs rubbing against one another, his hardon pressing up against the leotard, his slicked chest rising and falling with heavy, hot breaths.

The hand not stroking himself through Shouta’s pants is now curled into a fist beside him. Shouta clenches his jaw to stop himself from jumping off the couch as Hizashi finally stops in front of him. The blond’s last step is a powerful stomp that leaves his legs spread wide in a triangle, one hand still firmly planted on his hip, the other comes up to run over his own chest, fingers impossibly sliding beneath the bodysuit. Shouta watches with interest as Hizashi’s fingers make their way to the small bump of his nipple, everything so easily visible despite the fabric. Hizashi’s eyelids slip closed, long lashes caressing his upper cheeks. He throws his head back, letting his mouth pop open, as he pinches and rubs at the sensitive bud. Hizashi lets out a moan that Shouta knows is only half real, is entirely constructed just to get Shouta even more bothered than he already is, but it doesn’t matter.

His mind doesn’t care if Hizashi’s putting on an act.

His mind is hardly there anymore, all the blood gone rushing down to Shouta’s crotch the moment his husband had passed through the door.

So when Hizashi finishes gasping and tilts his head back up to stare down at Shouta, he stops playing games.

Shouta’s hands latch onto that deep plunged neckline and pull.

Hizashi comes all too easily, as if he’d planned the whole thing, as if he knew full well he’d end up straddling Shouta’s lap, their clothed cocks rubbing against each other with each and every panting breath they took.

He probably did.

Shouta doesn’t particularly care if it’s all going to Hizashi’s plan. He’s too busy fastening his mouth to the blond’s throat, kissing and licking over his adam’s apple, his collar bones, his jawline.

An annoying little voice in the back of his mind thinks I hope this oil is edible, but it doesn’t stop him from enjoying the soft, supple feeling of Hizashi’s skin beneath his lips.

It’s made all the more better when one of Hizashi’s hands comes to his chin, pulling his face away from the other man’s collar bone and toward his mouth. He knows when they part he’ll have that glittery lipstick all over his mouth, that they’ll be laughing about it tomorrow morning, still tangled together beneath their sheets. Shouta’s stomach jumps in the same way it does each time he looks outside the school’s windows and across the courtyard to the other side of U.A.’s towering building, where Hizashi and he cross paths during third period, separated by far too many walls and windows and trees, but the other man never failed to send him a large, shining Present Mic grin.

It was the little things that got Shouta’s heart skipping, which brought a light pink flush to the tips of his ears.

Right now, though, his whole body was warm, as Hizashi’s tongue drags him back to the present.

The blond’s thighs tighten around Shouta’s, and Hizashi shifts positions, bringing his chest closer, pressing into Shouta’s, so he can settle his ass over Shouta’s achingly hard cock. He starts grinding on Shouta’s lap, bringing a gasp from his lips. Hizashi hums into their kiss as Shouta’s hands move from the blond’s hips to those two plump cheeks, digging his nails in just hard enough to get a rouse from the other man, but not enough to leave a mark. He never liked bruising Hizashi, though the blond sometimes seemed to enjoy rougher treatment. Shouta didn’t think it was good to have any tender spots on your body when you were a hero, no matter how many times Hizashi insisted no villain was ever going to get close enough to his ass for that to be a problem.

Hizashi’s hands make their way into his hair, curling around Shouta’s wavy, unruly strands. He pulls, just enough to get Shouta moving back, their lips separating, both gasping, panting for air. Hizashi stares down at him, his hips stilling as he catches his breath.

“Y-” Hizashi tries to start, but clearly needs another second. He swallows, takes another breath and says, “You ready to cut me out of this thing?”

Shouta raises an eyebrow, a smirk coming to his lips.

“Are you saying you can’t get out of that yourself?”

Hizashi rolls his eyes, “I’m trying to be sexy, Sho!”

Shouta doesn’t give in.

“I think it would be sexy if you did a little strip tease,” he says, squeezing his hands around Hizashi’s ass cheeks, making the other man jump.

“F-fine,” Hizashi says, an additional blush rising to his face atop the lovely glow that had already formed during their kissing. “I don’t know how they packed me in here and I don’t know how to get out.”

Shouta snorts as Hizashi’s eyes dart away, his lips coming dangerously close to a pout, and Shouta’s heart skips.

Hizashi could come home bare naked and he’d never be more attractive than like this, natural, guard down, no personas or masks or other personalities fighting for attention, just pure Hizashi.

Shouta releases his grip a bit, bringing a hand up Hizashi’s back, rubbing soothingly across the smooth faux-leather. Hizashi’s eyes and mouth soften at the touch, before he leans back in for a less hungry kiss.

This one feels like it lasts too little, but the message it leaves is far more than just lingering, it’s persistent, unending.

I love you.

Hizashi smiles as he pulls back, head titled just enough to the side to make Shouta see him in another time, japanese maple trees framing him, the orange autumn glow shining through their leaves and cascading over Hizashi’s shoulders.

Hizashi’s thumbs brush along Shouta’s scruff covered jaw.

“Bedroom?” Shouta asks on the tail end of a breath he’d been holding for far too long, bringing his hand to Hizashi’s front, finally dipping into the space left bare by the deep plunge neckline, casually playing with the longest jewel that hangs from Hizashi’s belly button piercing. He turns it over between his thumb and forefinger, watching how the lamp light beside the couch plays in all the little rivets of the small stone.

“Please,” Hizashi begs, his hands dropping down to Shouta’s shoulders, squeezing at the same time as he jerks his hips forward just enough to get some friction on his aching cock. They let out matching hums of pleasure and the heat in Shouta’s belly becomes more insistent.

“Then let’s go,” Shouta says, his voice deep.

For how weak his legs feel right now, he still manages to wrap his arms around Hizashi’s back and lift them both out of the chair, the other man quickly crossing his long legs around Shouta’s waist. Even this feels like too much, too similar to all the times Hizashi and he had pressed one another up against one of the many walls of their home, too distracted by the others’ body to make it anywhere near a horizontal surface. Hizashi had always joked it was a double workout, could be counted as training, but the hungry look the blond gave him each time he slipped his thigh between Shouta’s, rubbing up against his crotch before hoisting Shouta up the wall, said keeping in shape was the last thing on Hizashi’s mind.

Admittedly, Shouta gives a couple glances toward the smooth, sturdy surfaces framing their hastened walk as he carries Hizashi down the hall. The other man doesn’t help, doesn’t seem to care at all that Shouta’s hands are digging further and further into that faux leather as Hizashi sucks harshly under his jaw and along his collar where his shirt has been pulled down by Hizashi’s weight.

Read the rest here...

#erasermic #aizawa shouta #eraserhead #present mic #yamada hizashi #erasermic fanfiction

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creatvresoftheniight · 4 years

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ask meme: ❝ could you play with my hair? ❞ (erica & grace, @inxbreakableheaven)

Keeping secrets from others ran in Erica Wright’s blood. Her mother, her father, her grandparents-- certainly her Babushka --and of course, her siblings all had their own special, little secrets that they liked to hide from not only the general public, but from one another, as well. For good reason, too. The family’s latest generation had been raised like Spartans; taught to fight, to kill, to manipulate, to be as cold-blooded as was deemed necessary when it came to growing up near the epicentre of a supernatural war. Natallia’s idea, of course. And Erica, at the very least, had learned very quickly that emotions and connections did not matter within the household, nor within their pack. No, what had mattered above all, was their unquestioning loyalty toward their Alpha, their family, their pack, their allies and their friends (in that order), as well as their unquestioning hatred for the Avery alliance.

Oh, but how inattentive all four Wrights had been that day. They had been told so many things about their supposed ‘enemies’, cruel warped lies and incorrect facts that she could only describe as propaganda. The fact that they had not only formed friendships, but deep bonds with quite a few people of similar age that they were meant to despise truly showed how much the siblings had valued those words of ‘wisdom’.

And perhaps Erica, their eldest child, the one who was supposed to be setting the right example, was the worst offender of them all. She, a woman who presented herself as a cold, unfeeling and malicious bitch, had committed the most dastardly of sins when it came to war; she had fallen in love. So deep, in fact, that she had been in an on and off again relationship with Grace Thomas for the past eight years. Two young women, both heirs to their respective factions... What had started as a rather oddly matched friendship (considering their contrasting personalities) had quickly taken a left turn into everything that could not matter, a lesson that had been all but beaten into the she-wolf and her siblings alike.

Eight years. Not months, not days-- years. There were times when she wondered where all the time had gone and how it had passed by so quickly, some when she ruminated over and over about why; why Grace had even bothered with her in the first place, why she wanted Erica of all people (because honestly, it was so very obvious that the witch could have whoever she pleased), why she’d stayed-- and others still where she could recall every single moment they had shared together, the good and the bad, treasuring each of them as if they were a piece of beautiful sea glass that the blonde had managed to get her hands on, one way or another. It likely would have made sense to have conflicting feelings about their relationship, but Erica, in her time with the witch, had learned to trust her heart over her head when it came to the other woman. Thank the Gods she had, too: she really had never felt more secure, nor more loved and valued than in belonging as entirely as she could to Grace. That, more than anything else in her life, made perfect sense.

Of course it did. Why else would she have a box containing a ring tucked away amongst her other things? Her own special little secret that she kept even from the blonde, stashed somewhere in the depths of the backpack she’d brought along with her to the Losers’ clubhouse.

The shack wasn’t the most ideal place to spend the night, that much was obvious-- the outside still looked incredibly rundown and to anyone who might have spotted it, it would seem abandoned thanks to a few spells here and there, but the interior... now, that was where the group had really shone. Fairy lights strung along the edges of the ceiling, a multipurpose couch-- hell, Marcus in his ingenuity (though it was hard for Erica to ever really compliment him), had even fixed up a TV for them to watch while also having sorted out the electricity with a little bit of magic and a portable generator --and the walls, littered with photographs, posters, artwork, anything that even slightly pertained to their rebellious gang was stashed in this little shack-- this little house they’d laid claim to so many years ago. The she-wolf knew it was dangerous-- there were piles upon piles of evidence of the countless days they’d all spent together. Evidence of their betrayal toward their respective alliances and factions. Was it reckless? Without a doubt, but none of the group cared enough to be scared, too young, stupid and high on the thrill of their secret friendships to consider the consequences, the wrath that would come down upon them if they were ever caught.

Even Erica, despite her purported wisdom, was no better than the rest; she had been craving some alone time with her lover and so had suggested that they have a little ‘adult sleepover’ at the clubhouse, refusing to inform the rest of the gang about their (hopefully) romantic rendezvous. They all knew well enough that the two were together; the Losers were the only folks in town with whom their secret could be kept, neither party having to pretend the other was a stranger or enemy, and both definitively able, should they wish, to truly be and act like the couple that they had been for so very long, now. She’d made an effort for this to be special, too: she’d made some dinner and packed it up, bought some drinks, pulled out a couple of their favourite movies should they feel like watching one, and in no time at all, their 'sleepover’ was in full swing.

Eight years.

It had been long. Long enough to completely change the she-wolf’s opinion on marriage, and long-term romantic commitment, and every time that they had the chance to steal away with one another like this, she brought that ring as well, so intensely certain of what she wanted to ask-- though she didn’t feel as though any of the scenarios they so often got themselves into had ever been the one. And a question like that... a promise like that, it deserved the perfect moment, deserved the right time and place. Grace deserved that. But one could never truly predict when or what that would be like... hence the habit she had developed in carrying it with her whenever and wherever the couple went together.

She felt no fear or worry when it came to the thought of asking the question of the blonde, contrary to how she presented herself; it only served to fill her with confidence, excitement... happiness. Thrill. Some day, some time, some place soon, she’d ask Grace to be hers for the rest of their lives with a ridiculous grin, content in the fact that this path with the blonde was the one she wanted to stay on forever. If she hadn’t been so certain in this, nervousness over the witch rejecting her would have been a more prominent thought-- but the possibility of ‘no’ being the answer she would receive was so... inconceivable. So unthinkable her mind was begging to just yell it out every single time her senses were overcome with the comforting, sweet scent, the beautiful, lovely sight and the heightened thrum of her heart whenever she found herself in the presence of the woman she so wholly loved.

Would it be Thomas-Wright-- or Wright-Thomas? Wright? Thomas? What about Thomas-Markovy-Wright?

... All in good time, Erica. All in good time. It’s better to focus on the present moment than to fixate on the uncertainty of the future.

Being the self-proclaimed intelligent individual that she was, the wolf had had the foresight to set up a few places to sleep within the clubhouse, one of those a bed proper that acted as a secondary couch for the group when their little space had become rather crowded-- twelve people sat on chairs in a tiny shack was quite difficult to manoeuvre around --though tonight it was going to be laid in, Erica taking the opportunity to ensure that it was used for it’s intended purpose, at least tonight.

Truth be told, their evening together had been just what she’d needed. A reprieve from all the pretences, a break from being forced to speak so cruelly of the Averys and their allies when she knew none of it was true. Dinner, good conversation, the best company, a movie and then some music playing to fill the natural gaps of silence between their chatter as they lounged about the clubhouse. Everything about it was so undeniably right. All the while, the brunette unabashedly basked in the glow that the blonde always seemed to give off; it came off of her in droves, filling Erica with a sense that she could be, and would be, so much more than what she had been raised to become. She gave her a sense of hope that there was still good to be found in Windham, even if it was few and far between.

As if Grace Thomas herself wasn’t the perfect example of the good that resided in their town.

The conversation died down naturally, leaving empty spaces of quiet, hushed music between their words. Times like this... they always got the she-wolf thinking. That, or she became overly-affectionate. Even both, depending on her mood. And, true to form, Erica was quick to stand and clumsily tumble onto the couch-bed, sinking into the cushioning with hands outstretched in a request that her lover join her, wanting that closeness she always seemed to crave. “C’mere, sweetheart. It’s late; we should get some rest.” It was plain from her tone that she had no intention of stripping down, perfectly happy to just lie there and talk before they slept. Not every single date had to devolve into sex, after all.

“Gods, you’re warm,” The she-wolf murmured into the crook of the blonde’s neck once she’d joined her on the mattress, gaze briefly darting away from the other woman to look out the window, realising just how much of the night had passed. It was so easy to lose track of time when Grace was there. Minutes, hours, days... Eight years, and she’d never once found herself to tire of the witch’s company-- instead, she savoured it. Every second they shared, every kiss, every touch... even their passing glances at each other in the street were what Erica coveted the most. “And comfy. So very beautiful, so very comfy.”

... Maybe this is the one. I wanted it to be just the two of us, something we could have for ourselves, with no one else to watch. And it is just the two of us... And tonight has been more than perfect... Quiet, simple, an evening for us to be us. Maybe--

She could have gone on and on, convincing herself that now was the time, but her train of thought was derailed in hearing her lover’s soft, calm, almost musical voice utter a request, one she couldn’t say she wasn’t expecting, but one she was more than happy to fulfil; ‘Could you play with my hair?’

Mock grumbling softly as she readjusted her position so that Grace’s head was nestled against her collarbone, Erica sighed out of brief disappointment. This did mean that her attention would be taken away from the thoughts of taking that little box out of her bag and asking the question, but... there would always be another time. Many more opportunities, most likely just as perfect as the moment they were having now. And beside that, she’d settled down enough in the bed; she really didn’t feel like getting up again, for any reason. “I think,” The she-wolf began to speak, acting as if she actually had to consider whether or not she would say yes to the blonde while pulling the covers over the pair in a smooth movement, the hand that had been holding the sheets already betraying her with fingertips grazing over long, golden locks, “That I would love to do that.”

Slipping an arm underneath Grace’s waist in a lazy embrace, she began stroke through the other woman’s hair with a soothing rhythm to her movements, letting her touch speak for itself as she briefly caressed the nape of her lover’s neck, the length of her jaw, the tip of her nose, and her bottom lip in between idly playing with and running fingers through her curls. “I love this,” Erica murmured, pressing a soft kiss to the other woman’s neck. Her eyelids started to grow heavy-- though her hands didn’t still just yet --as she allowed herself to truly sink down into the reassuring sounds of Grace’s heartbeat and breath, to be placated in inhaling her irresistible scent, and to find solace in her warmth.

“We should just... be this. Like-- forever. Be us, forever. All of it’s so... perfect. We’re perfect. And we’re-- ... mm. ... You’re making me so sleepy. Super unfair...” Yeah, right. She wasn’t complaining, nor was she even the tiniest bit annoyed about it. Actively snuggling up against her lover just that little bit more only served to prove it, mind, with Erica leaning down to deliver a chaste kiss to the corner of Grace’s lips the best she could.

But before the silence finally set in and they both drifted into unconsciousness, she couldn’t help spouting out a quiet, likely nonsensical ramble that was followed by a contented sigh; “... I am in stupid, crazy love with you, Grace Thomas-- even when you’re being unfair. And I love it. I love you. I’m still gonna be in love with you when we wake up tomorrow, same goes for the day after. Next week, too, next month-- that’s gonna be a great month for being in love --and next year. So-- I’m fully booked for the foreseeable future; I’m just... gonna be in love. For-- ... forever. Yeah-- yes. I, am gonna be in love, with you, for forever. And forever... Gods, it’s just-- ... it’s... gonna be amazing. Perfect. Incredible. Awesome... so many good things you don’t even know... It-- it’s just... gonna be perfectly amazing. So great. ... So amazing.”

#❖ [ ** windham’s finest ⁎⁎ ] 𝓰𝓮𝓷𝓮𝓻𝓪𝓵 #❖ [ ** interactions ⁎⁎ ] 𝓪𝓵𝓵 #❖ [ ** memes ⁎⁎ ] 𝓪𝓵𝓵 #❖ [ ** memes ⁎⁎ ] 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮 #❖ [ ** the residents ⁎⁎ ] 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮 #♛ [ ** they call me devil ⁎⁎ ] 𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓪 𝔀𝓻𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽 #♛ [ ** words are nothing without intent; intent is nothing without action ⁎⁎ ] 𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓪 𝓼𝓹𝓮𝓪𝓴𝓼 #♛ [ ** take a shot; i’m sure that you’ll miss ⁎⁎ ] 𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓪'𝓼 𝓶𝓮𝓶𝓮𝓼 #♛ [ ** take a shot; i’m sure that you’ll miss ⁎⁎ ] 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮 #♛ [ ** call me crazy; i’m much crazier for you ⁎⁎ ] 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮 #♛ [ ** distance can't take what is hidden here safe in my chest ⁎⁎ ] 𝓮𝓻𝓲𝓬𝓪 & 𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓮 #//** THIS BECAME WAY TOO LONG AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT MAKES SENSE #//** BUT I DID IT

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fresh-outta-jams · 5 years

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Signed, Sealed, Delivered - Part 11

Namjoon x Reader Author: Admin Mo Summary: You’re in college when your soulmate mark shows up, an address. You figure sending a letter couldn’t hurt. Warnings: Some swears, soulmate fluff. Word Count: 1.8k

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, Epilogue

You thought four months would take forever to trudge through. You thought every day would be hell, burning even worse than the one before, building, building, building until you’d finally get on the plane to go see Namjoon. Instead, it was like a crescendo. You and Namjoon were talking every day like normal, sending letters back and forth every week or so. He’d update you on things that were happening over there, what he and the boys were up to that day. He’d tell you how much he wished you were there with him, but that he knew you had classes and that he believed in you.

You sent him dumb things on Twitter. He sent you dumber things in response. Many memes of his face were sent back and forth. You’d thought months ago that it wasn’t possible to love him any more than you did already, but you found that the more you talked to him, the more you found to love.

Namjoon was very, very excited about the approaching tour. Very excited.

“Jagiya, look at this cute couple outfit.” He sent it to you while you were Skyping. Your phone pinged another time, an additional image coming through. “Or do you want this one instead?”

“Joonie, I told you, you don’t have to buy me any clothes. I can just bring stuff I have and we can figure out stuff that matches.”

“But baby, we can get soulmate shirts…” He had been spending a little too much time online shopping recently. “It’ll be so cute.”

“Okay, but don’t go overboard.”

“Alright. Oh, also, I was trying to figure out some fun things for us to do, so I think we’re going to go to Disneyland when we’re in California and then I got us Wicked tickets for when we’re in New York. The Shedd Aquarium in Chicago is really nice…”

“Why are you so perfect?” You grinned at him. He grinned back, his dimples prominent and begging to be poked. You swore as soon as you saw him you were going to pinch those adorable cheeks of his.

“I just want my jagi to have fun.”

“I don’t need all of those things to have fun. All I need is you.”

“Ughhh, jagiiii.” His cheeks reddened and he covered his face. “I thought we had a no-cheesy contract.”

“Excuse me, sir? You are WAY cheesier than I could ever aspire to be, what with your adorable matching couple outfits and the most romantic itinerary I’ve ever heard.”

“Okay, okay…” He chuckled. “That’s fair.” His eyes trailed over your features, stopping at your lips before flicking back up to your eyes. You looked amused, if he wasn’t mistaken. “Sorry, I just...want to kiss you so bad.”

“I know, baby. But we just have a few weeks now, right? It’s so close I can taste it.”

“Yeah…” Namjoon smiled softly. “So close…”

***

Little did you know, your first meeting with Namjoon would be a little sooner than even you expected. Your boyfriend, bless his heart, had been busy at work cooking up a little scheme that he hoped would make you happy. According to your friends from school, he KNEW it would make you happy.

Originally the plan was that you would fly to Korea and one of the members of the BTS Staff would be there to take you to either BigHit or the dorms, depending on where the boys were at the time. Namjoon, however, had other plans. It just so happened, that your exams fell on the Thursday and Friday of exam week, which meant you would be cooped up in the library for the three days leading up to them.

RM_fan_94: Okay, so she’ll definitely be in the library, right?

GracieGirl: Definitely. For sure.

Lilyyyy: Agreed. There is literally nowhere else she will be for Monday-Wednesday. Except maybe to grab food really quick, but usually during exam week, she just gets food from the tea place at the library.

RM_fan_94: Okay, perfect.

RM_fan_94: I’m so nervous…

Lilyyyy: Awwwwww!!

GracieGirl: Don’t be! She loves you so freaking much, Namjoon!

Lilyyyy: Yeah, we should know lmao we hear about you all the time.

RM_fan_94: awwwww, does she really talk about me all the time??

GracieGirl: Y E S

Lilyyyy: More than she talks about literally anything else ever.

RM_fan_94: Okay, I gotta go, she’s calling in a few

GracieGirl: Byeeeee!

***

“Dear Namjoon,

I cannot wait to see you. I seriously cannot wait. It’s eating me alive. I check my phone every five minutes, hoping five hours have miraculously passed. I think honestly, the only thing keeping me sane at this point is my homework and my final film project.

I keep thinking about how the minute I finish my last exam, I’ll be on my way to the airport to see you. Well, not the MINUTE after I finish, but a few days later, at least. Ugh, it seems so far away.

I’m working on my final film project now, and I actually like how it’s turning out for once. This is the first project I think I’ve ever felt confident on ever in my life and I can’t wait to send it to you when it’s finished. It’s due soon, though, so I don’t think I’ll have time to send it to you before it’s due. Either way, I think you’ll really like it.

Also, I’m bringing my camera on tour so I can capture all of our cute couple moments and make a montage. I cannot wait for that either. I’ve never even been on a plane before and now I’m flying across the world to see the love of my life. It’s like a fairytale, it really, really is.

I think it would be AMAZING to go to Ilsan and meet your family (and your dog!!). I’ve been wanting to meet them for basically forever. Your sister sounds super cool. And I think it’s adorable that you kiss the Petoskey stone every night but because you think it’s embarrassing, I’m definitely going to tease you about it.

Lily and Grace are helping me re-dye my hair tonight so it’ll be nice and fresh and bright pink for you. I’ll be sure to send you lots of messy selfies of the process because honestly, it’s hilarious, and you’ll be awake anyway.

I love you so, so, so much,

-(Y/N)”

***

“Hyung, are you sure you want to do this?” Jungkook held the brush over the little bowl, hot pink dye dripping from the bristles. “It’s not too late to go back.”

“I’m sure.” Namjoon nodded. He was seated on the toilet lid, a towel draped around his shoulders, hair newly bleached. “Jin-hyung always does whatever he wants with his hair.”

“And then he gets yelled at.” Jimin laughed.

“I want to match. It’ll probably only last a few days anyway. Pink washes out quick.”

“I should know.” Jungkook shook his head, memories of his brief stint of magenta resurfacing.

“Just do it.” Namjoon sat up a little straighter.

Jungkook looked to Jimin and Taehyung, who each shrugged as if to say ‘hey, it’s his funeral’, and then brushed the dye onto Namjoon’s bleached-blond hair. Well, there really wasn’t any going back now.

***

Namjoon ruffled through his very, very pink hair, smiling at himself. God, he was an idiot in love. The things he did for you… And yet, staring at his reflection, he had no regrets. In fact, he would do it again just to see the look on your face.

Speaking of which…

His phone was ringing. Shit. Shit. God, he had to answer it, didn’t he? And of course it was a FaceTime from the one person who couldn’t know he had pink hair yet.

Looking around his room, he grabbed the first hat he could find, a black beanie, and slipped it onto his head to cover up the new hair. Then, he plopped down into his chair and hit accept call.

“Hey baby.” He let the words roll out, all casual. As though he hadn’t just dried off his hot pink hair.

“Hey Joon, what’s up?”

I just dyed my hair hot pink, so there’s that… “Not much. Working on some songs and stuff. You?”

“I just woke up and I missed your handsome face.”

“Well aren’t I lucky? God, I missed your voice.”

“What’s up with the hat?” You smirked, looking at the black beanie hastily thrown on top of his hair. “I mean, it’s cute, but…”

“It’s uh...”

“Oh, new hair. Alright, got it.” You dragged your pinched fingers across your lips, zipping them shut. “No leaks here.”

“Thank you, jagi.” He breathed in relief, watching as your adorable features twisted in curiosity.

“It does, however, make me wonder…” You trailed off, tapping your lip with a little pink-painted finger.

“No sneak-peeks, baby. I’m sorry.”

You pouted, pretending to be upset. “Okayyyyyy…” Immediately, you brightened. “Guess what!”

“What?”

“We learned a dance in my K-Pop club the other day and guess what song it was.”

“I’m stumped.” He grinned, tilting his head, waiting for you to spout whatever BTS song you and your friends had learned.

“We learned Baepsae and I got to learn your part!”

“Awwwwww that’s so cute!”

You nodded excitedly. “It was so fun. I can’t wait to show you.”

“I can’t wait to see.”

“How many days until I get to see you?”

“A week, baby.” A lie. Perhaps the first Namjoon had ever told you. He hoped the pet name he used would cover it up well enough. After all, you shared a soul. Maybe you could tell when he was lying to you, even if it was a little innocent lie like this one.

“Ughhhhhhh that’s seven days too many.”

“I agree.”

“I want to kiss you so bad, Namjoon.” You groaned. “I need to be in your arms. Immediately.”

“I know, baby. Believe me, I know.” Though the four months had gone by, it wasn’t like it hadn’t hurt him to have to wait and wait and wait. The temptation to come see you over your Spring Break was almost crippling, and had he not had to do promotions, he would have been on a plane ages ago. “But it’s soon now. I love you a lot, alright?”

“I love you a lot too.” You nodded, watching the way his dimple poked in when he smiled softly at your words.

Namjoon yawned and stretched. “Alright, jagiya, I have an early morning tomorrow, so I have to get some sleep now. But I love you so much and I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“I love you too.”

And then he hung up, grinning. You had no idea what was coming for you in the next few days...

Tagged: @iie-wakarimasen, @ffantasylandd, @jooniefluff, @chimchimsauce, @mrs-saeyoung-choi, @theprinceoftheundead, @angyexoxo, @copenhagenspirit, @lovelylittlekittn, @lilgaga98, @iminlovewjjk, @feed-my-geek-soul, @loveandwitch, @recoveringflowerchild, @demonic-meatball, @maddieisaacs, @scissorsandtonfas, @carirosesg, @backtonormalthings, @local-mochi, @faliwi, @spoopyela, @nanie5, @ingenu--e, @undiscovered1personality, @andalos, @calspixie, @filtermono, @huhuehuey, @mikey-girl12, @lilliaflurr, @hypophrenium, @sitkafay, @spiicyari, @andeerwilson, @btswerewolfaus, @oyasumi7, @mycurrentusernameisalreadytaken, @gangstavixsta

#kpopwonderlandtag #armyofwriters #namjoon #namjoon x reader #namjoon imagine #bts #bts imagine #signed sealed delivered #soulmate au #namjoon fluff #bts fluff

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wokainight · 5 years

Text

Ending Scene (Mark x Reader)

notes: life is short. it’s sporadic and eventful. spend today as if it’s your last. because if there’s one thing you’ll regret at the end of the day... it’s the things you left behind.

meeting a friend you haven’t seen since ten was something you would have never thought to be possible.

not when people are more concerned with the device in their hands than their passing surroundings.

so when you sit at a rather isolated corner in the library, you expect nothing but silence enclosing your space. it wasn’t even five minutes later that you overheard heavy footsteps and two chairs down, sat a rather young man.

you weren’t meant to greet him at first--

but the pencil you were playing around with dropped and rolled over his way--

and that was how you met lee minhyung once again.

“excuse me,” at that time you didn’t recognise him. it would be a miracle for someone to do that but it just so happens lee minhyung was just that.

he reaches down to pick up your pencil, glancing at you once as you feel his eyes shake at the contact. it was perplexing at first-- but you left it as him uncomfortable with the situation.

sitting back up, he drops the pencil onto your open palm and calls out to you before you could even send your gratitude since he picked up your thing for you.

“are you uh (y/n)?”

you froze.

who is this guy?

raising a stern brow, you lock eyes with him, sending obvious signs of distaste. “yes i am.” your voice was heavily toned with steel. “and how do you know my name? i don’t recall ever meeting you before.”

lee minhyung, or mark, his english name, reaches a timid hand out to scratch across his nape, ears blazing a tight red. you could even see the beads of sweat rolling down his temples and the sides of his neck.

“oh, uhm, i’m not someone weird i swear-- i uh was wondering if you were an old friend of mine-- urm like, i haven’t seen her in like ten years but you uh sorta look like her,” his head is tilted down by this point, cheeks blushed. “sorry if you’re not-- i’m mark lee by the way... if it rings a bell...”

mark? mark lee...?

mak. mark. mike. michael. min. min who? m-m-

“lee minhyung?” you gasp, matching his profile to the list of contacts saved inside your memories. “like-- seagull brows lee minhyung?”

mark brightens up at this, straightening his slack posture with a damp smile. “y-yeah! that’s me alright,” he reaches out a hand. “long time no see (y/n), i’m mostly mark now, but if you prefer minhyung-- that’s fine by me too.”

laughing, you shook hands with him and practically vomited your life story and reacted violently to his. it felt weird. despite having not seen each other in a long while, it felt effortlessly easy to flow a conversation with mark once again.

there was no need for awkward fillers or insincere replies. everything fell down like rain droplets against the car window, connecting with the heavy tides and splashing downwards in a grand design.

that day, you saved lee minhyung inside your phone’s contact list and bid him goodbye at ten, just as the library was about to close.

it was a bit hard to part-- especially as to how the both of you clicked so fast even under the pretence of being strangers for a good decade.

“so uh,” mark shares a shy smile as he stands in front of the bus stop, eyes wary of the incoming vehicle. “i’ll see you soon?”

“tomorrow,” you breathe out, sniffling at the colder weather. “i’ll be at the library tomorrow too. well, if you have time.”

“definitely!” mark suddenly says a little bit louder than intended. his posture cowers backwards in an attempt to save himself the smallest embarrassment. “i’m like mostly free so i’ll be there, uh tomorrow.”

his bus arrives just in time to cut the conversation short. mark takes one glance at you before he takes a bold stride and unwraps his scarf to warm you up instead, tucking you in nice and snug.

“don’t catch a cold,” he half-whispers, eyes soft.

with that, he left with the wave of a hand and longing eye contact as he takes a window seat, neck twisting to see the last strand of you before the bus throws you into it’s blind spot.

---

tomorrow was as promised, with you finding mark there before you, standing up with a bashful hello as he drags the seat next to him out and goes back down, turning his head towards you to once again start on a conversation.

the next day was a small brunch at a local cafe, with mark insisting on treating you.

two days after that you two met for a movie you’ve been meaning to watch, remembering how you stuck your tongue out, teasing him as mark fails to beat you to pay.

“you can’t do this to me,” mark whines as he dips his head forwards, a habit he hasn’t dropped since he was younger.

“don’t be a baby,” you laugh, eyes crinkling into crescents, “i can’t let you pay all the time.”

mark sighs as he receives the popcorn from the cashier lady and thanked her promptly. “but i wanted to...”

you playfully roll your eyes, nudging him with the drinks. “the movie’s about to start. come on cowboy.”

mark attempts to make you feel a bit more guilty about paying for the outing and you end up stuffing a bunch of popcorn into his mouth in the middle of the movie, laughing as mark tries to fight back by pinching your cheeks.

thankfully, the both of you were never kicked out of the screening.

on the other hand, you started to notice mark much more than you’d like to.

his sparkling eyes, messy hair, prominent cheekbones, unique laughter... everything about him seemed to interest you and it would have never crossed you to be liking a childhood friend you haven’t seen in years.

but you do.

you like mark lee.

moreso than being the lee minhyung you knew in the past,

you found yourself falling for the quirky tidbits he dropped.

like how by a month of casually meeting each other, mark would often show up at your door unannounced, bring you small treats like your favourite snacks and whatnot.

“mark,” you smile at the bag of goodies, “you didn’t have to do this.”

mark licks his dry lips, relieved that you’re pleased with his purchase. “but i wanted to.” he coughs into his fist. “like, i uh really wanted to.”

you give him your word of thanks before the both of you head out to the beach to have a picnic during that evening.

mark sets up the picnic mat, holding it down with his shoes and awkwardly heavy items he found in his car.

the two of you enjoy a good dinner made out of your homemade pasta and mark’s bakery bread and various dips.

“oh yeah,” you say in between bites of bread. “you never told me when you came back from canada.”

mark passes you a bottle of water. “like three months ago? i got a job here shortly after i graduated.” his gaze finds you. “heard of culture techs?”

you ponder on the name for a moment, feeling that it’s a bit familiar. “i think...? sounds like a posh company.”

he chuckles at that.

even the sound of his deep, unadulterated laughter gave you joy.

oh god.

just how whipped were you?

adjusting your throat in an awkward notion, you try to hide the pink flowers blooming on your cheeks and picked at the picnic basket for an alibi.

“i think i’m staying here for good,” mark breathes out as he enjoyed the view.

the sun had long retired and the subtle rulings of the moon gave a scenic display to the beating waves and whistling winds.

you can’t help but to observe mark instead,

watching him as he closed his eyes to enjoy a particularly comforting breeze, smiling at how perfect this moment was.

you scooted a tiny bit closer to him, closing the gap in between you two to rest your head on his shoulder.

friends are allowed to do this right?

when mark just hums as a reply and tilts his head to rest on yours, your smile widens.

your hands were just barely touching at the pinky,

yet the heartbeat rushing out of your chest says it wasn’t as simple as that.

“lee minhyung?” you softly called out, in the midst of the serene emotions.

mark chuckles at that. it wasn’t an everyday thing for anyone to call him by his full name. he found it amusing to a certain extent.

“yeah?”

you glance at him from your position, just in time for mark to slightly angle his head to face you.

there was eye contact.

and you think that if you don’t say it now-- it would be even harder to say it in the future. so your mind aside, you take your heart to the control room and exhaled deeply.

“i think... i might be in love with you.”

at that moment, all you can see are his slightly widened eyes and trembling lips. so instead of debating on whether you were rejected or not, you lift yourself off his support and matched your lips with him.

you were so sure that your cheeks were raging red and to save yourself some shame, your eyes shut tightly.

mark only responded a second later, his other hand reaching out to cup your chin, bringing himself closer to you.

his eyes flutter to a close as well, trying to save every single emotions and sensations he felt at the moment.

even if the world was to crumble tomorrow, if his hands were against yours, holding it tightly like this single moment, strangely enough--

you felt that everything would be fine.

---

dating mark was like being his friend-- except for the fact that he would trap you against his arms and the wall, lips connected in a heated meeting. kisses are one of many and the amount of physical contact you two had escalated.

waking up in his bed wasn’t a rare occasion,

and laughing at his cooking skills can be considered a routine thing by this point.

it came to a point where you would snapchat his eggs in a meme form.

oh god,

gordon ramsay would swear a million times and more if it were to happen in his kitchen.

mark loves to gift you things-- moreso than before-- you found out.

little trinkets like cake slices, chocolate, books, pens, stickers, and many more were part of the list.

but your favourite out of all the things he brought you were the flowers.

they were always of different kinds and had the most enchanting smells to them. sometimes it was just a lone strand, while other times, it was wrapped in a bouquet and brought to you with a shy smile.

“is that primroses?” you reached your hands out to accept the trinket, laughing as mark sniffs the flowers and doesn’t quite hand it to you.

“hmm,” he inhales the floral scent, “it sure is, but since you know what it is, i might as well keep it for myself.”

it was sort of a game at this point for you to try and guess what kind of flower he got you and for him to offer you a consolation prize in the form of the gift itself when you got it wrong. there’s an on-going joke that if you got it right that mark gets to keep it for himself since he can’t educate you about it.

(apparently he’s bought himself a flower book to look at the meanings and whatnot.)

and you’re feeling up to the challenge to prove him that you’ll know every flower he’s going to bring you.

“fine then,” you sighed dramatically, “i guess i won’t feel like giving you the banana bread i just made like two minutes ago.”

mark pipes up at the mention of food. he would definitely be wagging his tail if he had one at this point.

“swapsies?” he offered the bouquet of primroses.

you pretend to take your time in considering his offer before snatching it off his hands and making a run for it.

“what’s mine is mine and what’s your is mine!” you shouted merrily as you try and evade mark’s outreached hands, laughing as you dodge him along the way.

by the end of it, the both of you were panting, unable to hold the laughter down. it wasn’t much of a big deal and nor was it supposed to be that much fun-- but just playing around with each other and spending time without a care gave you much more butterflies than you think was possible at this point.

while digging into the banana bread you made earlier on, you question mark about the meaning of primroses. cough. unfortunately, your studies haven’t progressed to the point of knowing it all.

“well,” mark feeds you the watermelon he cut up to accompany the banana bread. (because he insisted it would be the perfect pairing.)

“it’s nothing much.” he says.

but deep down, he’s trying to contain the sheepish feeling growing inside of him.

‘i can’t live without you’

...that would be a tiny bit too much for him to say.

nevertheless, he evades the question by accidentally dropping the piece of watermelon onto the carpet and attempts to save himself by scrubbing furiously with a sheet of wet wipes.

---

months passed.

from the heat of the summer where the beaches would be a go to and water parks were a great side menu, the two of you enjoyed being slightly tanner than usual and feasting on as many watermelons the both of you could handle.

fall consisted of warm, toasty sweet potatoes and enjoying walks under the crunch of maple leaves. it came with flavoured lattes and a lot of park dates. playing footsies under the table and thumb wars on top was a thing for you two at this point.

then the leaves fell and the coldness rolled in. it was difficult to wake up alone-- but with someone else’s body warmth next to you, it was much more bearable. watching movies at home or at the theatre was a trend at this point and soups and stews were too. sharing a mug of hot chocolate while reading a book together happened every day or so and you laughed as mark burnt his hair by sticking his head into the over a tiny bit too deep.

finally,

when the snow melts and the flowers grow again, the two of you enjoy a picnic date once again. the sunshine was at it’s best behaviour and as the two of you wore straw hats and took pictures in a field of sunflowers,

everything felt complete.

“can you believe it?” you asked mark as you watch him flip pancakes with much better control than the year before.

mark hums as a reply, brows concentrated as he stuck his tongue out slightly, making sure he wasn’t burning the other side of your breakfast.

“we’ve been together for a year,” you announce, smiling.

“really?” mark glances at you briefly, slightly surprised. “it’s just been a year?”

“well yeah,” you giggle, “how long did you think it had been?”

he shrugs at this, panicking as he tries to save the pancakes during a failed flip.

you approach him with a suppressed grin, “i’ll eat that one.”

“no, why? i’ll give you the good ones.” he addressed, while shoving the burnt or funny looking ones into his plate. (the amount of imperfect ones were getting ridiculous at this point.)

“because,” you suddenly raise your phone up to take a candid photo, “i’m going to do a comparison picture with your iconic eggs.” you wiggle your brows together, watching as mark groan when you mentioned his dark history.

“oh come on,” he huffs, “i got so much better! admit it!”

and as you continued to tease him while munching on the pancakes the made, you wished that the day would never end.

but knowing that when the sun sets you would be trapped in his arms for a good night’s sleep,

the thought ended up not disappointing you as much.

---

today was another casual date on a chirpy saturday.

the sun was out,

it was spring,

and the birds were chirping about.

you hum a jolly tune and walked around bouncing on your heels, feeling pretty good about the day.

mark had called you a few minutes ago to let you know he was going to be a bit late since he had to work overtime yesterday.

(that means he woke up late.)

(but you weren’t mad.)

thanks to your good mood and down to earth personality(?), you let it go with him treating you to three scoops of ice cream.

mark snickers at the request and complies without a beat.

“you can have four if you want.”

“five it is then,” you joked, laughing by yourself.

there’s a few noises on the other hand, and mark’s voice is slightly distant at this point. “i’m just going to get ready now, i’ll meet you there.”

“take your time mark,” you brushed a few hair strands out of your face, “see you soon.” you contemplated before adding. “love you.”

a few muffled noises later, mark breathes out over the line.

“me too-- i mean uh, i love you too.”

so as you wait on the bench at your favourite park, midway between his and your place, you put on some music through your ear phones, relishing the way it made your environment ten times better.

the songs on your playlist were definitely a forever favourites.

it sure was.

but when you went through it twice and a half, your eyes fleeted frantically from your sceneries to the time.

it had been two hours past the appointed time.

from time to time, you had been checking your phone for any new messages from mark-- but the thoughts flew away when you think of mark clumsily trying to put on a button down shirt or not knowing where one of his sock went.

but even if he was going to be this late,

mark would usually give you another call.

when you stand up, dusting your pants and glancing around the park, trying to see if he was around somewhere, your hopes faded with the time as you attempt to give him a call.

it’s five calls later that your nerves goes into a wreck.

you decided to head to his place instead and when there’s no one to answer the doorbells and various poundings, you bite on your fingernails, heartbeat erratic.

something felt awfully wrong,

but you didn’t know what happened to mark and didn’t want to assume anything.

so with a careful mind, you head home.

and upon reaching your door, you’re greeted with a bouquet of lilies.

some were in full bloom,

and others were still a bud.

and as you clenched onto the bouquet,

you try your luck with positivity.

---

it’s been a week since and strangely enough, when you did meet mark by accident, it was him coming out from his company, a box of stuff in his arms.

his cheeks were sunken in much more than you remembered and gaunt wouldn’t be partially enough to describe him.

with soulless dark eyes and head hung low, you see him about to enter his car.

after all your ignored messages, empty home visits and trying to find him in all his favourite places (including his company) (you visited there thrice already with no luck) (no one tells you where mark is... all they say he isn’t there), your mind went nuts and you made a run for it across the street, not caring for the incoming cars.

you’re just in time for mark to duck his head out after placing the box in the back seat,

watching as his eyes altered it’s emotions upon meeting you.

your hair’s a mess, shirt wrinkled and eye bags loud and clear.

but as soon as you met him, you wrapped your arms around his neck and held on for dear life.

you don’t dare try and say anything,

feeling a single tear run down your cheek.

mark’s shaky inhale and weak hands wrapped itself around you briefly, as if he was trying to savour the moment.

“...don’t do this to me (y/n).”

“no minhyung,” you pull back slightly, just enough to see his face, “you shouldn’t have done this to me.” your voice’s all cracks and whimpers at this point, barely enough to hold yourself back from full on bawling. “if you have a problem with me, tell me. you don’t-- you don’t know how empty and lonely i felt this past week. i felt as if i was dying--”

mark pushes you away before you could even finish, his breath heavy.

“i apologise if i didn’t make it clear enough for you,” his eyes are strangely cold yet strained at the same time.

“i’m breaking up with you.”

if you could hear the world crashing down on you,

it would probably feel like this.

it felt as if your heartbeat stopped,

breathe taken away,

and everything felt numb to your skin.

“w-what? mark-- lee minhyung-- what is wrong with you?”

“i have,” the shame on his face dampens with force. “i have someone else.”

for a second, you find yourself thinking, ‘it’s okay’. but mark doesn’t give you much time before he hops into his car and drives away without a second thought.

you’re left on the road,

still.

---

the coming days are spent knocking on mark’s door, ringing him up, messaging, whatever you could do to get into contact with him. the stack of bottles around your place has multiplied to the point of no return and you often trip and bruise on them. there’s not enough emotions to describe how empty you felt.

it was as if someone emptied out all your feelings and warmth.

it was so, so cold.

the sheets were drenched with tears;

your eyes were dry and swollen;

yet you couldn’t help but retire to bed sobbing each and every night.

what went wrong?

the last thing you remembered on that day was telling him you loved him.

he reciprocated it too.

and you would know that mark would be the last person on earth to cheat.

but... why did he say that?

were you not good enough?

did you bore him?

what--

what went wrong?

---

it’s been exactly one month since you last saw mark and five weeks since your fantasy shattered.

you’ve been blacklisted from coming to his apartment complex by the security guard in front, and by now, he’s known you by memory.

you know you’ve been making way too much of a scene just to see mark-- but there was no other way than to beg him to stay, gnawing at his door and bawling your eyes out.

so when you see the guard waking away to the bathroom, you scurried for the stairs and ran up all the way up to mark’s floor, puffing with your lack of muscles and famished appearance.

food had been the last thing in your mind.

even if you downed yourself in ice cream and sugar,

nothing soothed your wounds like the bitter taste of alcohol and it’s drunk features.

being intoxicated made you sleep.

and at least there,

you get to meet mark’s cheery smile and awkward laughters.

you’re at his door steps, praying that this time he would answer you.

just once.

you’ll see his face once more and promise him to never bother him ever again. the soft knocks you initially prepared for turned to pounding and screams. the shrieks won’t stop. your dry eyes suffered much more and the clenching in your chest suffocated you.

sliding down from the door, you force yourself to muffle your cries and try not to gain more attention than you did.

burying your face into your folded arms,

you waited.

you don’t know how much time has passed, but mark hadn’t left or entered his apartment.

you wondered.

has he moved?

there’s a sad laughter that forces it’s way out of your throat at the thought.

he probably has.

who would want their desperate ex to bother them so much? clinging to them for dear life?

and you don’t register that morning had dawned on you til there’s a soft background of chirping birds and the rush of cars from outside.

you don’t pay much attention but the door on your left opens and an unfamiliar person taps you by the shoulder.

“hey, wake up.”

you groan, feeling the bright lights dawning on you. distressed, you squint at best, trying to see from your puffy lids and when you rack your brain for the identity of the person opposite to you-- it came out a dud.

“i live next door,” the guy justifies, “and who are you?” there’s a big hint of irritation in his tone and you don’t blame him for it.

“i’m so sorry,” your voice is hoarse and cracked up. “i’m (y/n),” you cough twice. “mark’s- i mean the tenant who lives here-- girl--” were you about to say that you were his girlfriend?

swallowing down the realisation, you whisper the last part.

“ex-girlfriend.”

the male opposite you makes the most horrified facial expression ever. you don’t know why but the pity in his face didn’t give you a good impression at all.

he sits down instead of the awkward ninety degree bend he was in, wiping his face violently with his right palm.

“i’m donghyuck. lee donghyuck.” he gave himself a proper introduction, taking in a deep breath.

you could see the pool of tears appearing at the corner of his eyes.

“you don’t know me, but i’ve heard of you before.” there’s a bittersweet smile playing on his lips. “more than once, actually.”

there’s a dead beat of silence in his dialogue, before he shakily exhales.

“i’m sorry.”

you don’t quite understand as to why he’s apologising to you-- but you try to laugh through it anyway and shake your head. “don’t be, i was just dumped after all.”

donghyuck doesn’t quite say anything for a while.

“he... oh my god... he...” the boy next to you starts bawling and it was your turn to comfort him instead.

you try to pat his back in a rhythmical manner, exactly the way mark would put you to sleep.

thinking of him hurts you even further,

but by now you should be immune to the pain.

“...(y/n)” hyuck starts when he’s a bit calmer, despite the tears streaming down his face.

“he’s gone.”

you frown at this-- though it didn’t exactly surprise you.

“do you know where he moved?”

donghyuck turns to you front on, reaching out to hold your hand.

“he’s gone.” he repeats, though the next word seems like a lie.

“forever.”

you couldn’t comprehend what donghyuck had just told you, blinking stupidly at him.

donghyuck doesn’t let you process it all just yet. he wasn’t quite finished with his explanation.

“mark... was sick. no one knew what it was and he’s been fighting it for a month before--”

you stand up abruptly, ignoring the tremors on your leg.

it was as if a bucket of ice cold water had been dumped on top of your head.

it was freezing to the point where there was no bodily reaction.

you try to breathe and not black out, seeing spots in your vision.

“w-where is he” you could no longer think straight. “where-- where is minhyung”

donghyuck whispers an address and you hail a cab as soon as you heard it.

the place is an hour away from the city, somewhere serene and quiet. there were trees and nature everywhere and the air seemed much cleaner than you could imagine. the roads were nicely paved, but the walk there had been agonisingly painful.

you could no longer enjoy the beautiful sceneries of flowers and clear skies.

everything was painted monotone and your feet dragged heavier with every step.

it was under the heat of midday that you find yourself in from of him.

if you could see properly through your swollen eyes and pale expression, he would be miserably smiling at you. his hair would breeze along with the soft, swaying winds and the forlorn tone he would speak with would just break your heart into further pieces:

i’m sorry.

his name is written above a pile of loving flowers, and you cry even more by the time you collapsed in front of it.

lee mark minhyung: a loving son and friend of many.

---

there wasn’t a day that goes by that you don’t think about mark.

it could start with blissful dreams of the past.

mark chasing you around the house,

watching old cartoons together,

snuggling up as you walk down the streets during winter.

everything and anything reminded you of him.

you didn’t quite date for a long time--

but the amount of memories the two of you made exceeded the boundaries.

practically everyday the two of you dated for had at least one meeting and the distance in between felt stretched.

you would miss each other every second apart,

and it wasn’t of any different now.

you’re sitting in the library when someone taps you on the shoulder.

looking up, you smile at a familiar male.

“what took you so long?” you smiled, packing up your bag.

donghyuck rolls his eyes at you, commenting about how it hasn’t even been over five minutes. “i had to pick the prettiest flowers for a certain dumbo,” he grins through a solemn expression.

and as you visit mark once again this year,

you sat down in front of him, donghyuck next to you.

“it’s been a while minhyung... though it’s fine by me if you preferred to be called mark now too.” you smile at the memory.

donghyuck places the flowers gently in front of him.

“i don’t think he’d mind.”

you thought about him once again, his laughter ringing inside your head.

“yeah,” your gaze drops to his name, carved in bold letters. “i don’t think he’d mind at all.”

even though you couldn’t physically see him again, there would be a day that you could run into his arms once again and burrow yourself into them.

there’s a certain longing to that,

but you knew that mark would wait for you.

he would’ve wanted you to take your time.

and as if he agreed to your deduction, a soft gentle breeze wheezes past you, almost as if the boy in your heart had run up to you for a tender embrace, whispering comforting words in your ears and went off once again.

you had to cover your eyes as you turn back, the sun blinding your vision.

but if you had to confess your delusions away,

you would tell them that mark had been smiling at you, waving from afar.

i’ll meet you there.

67 notes · View notes

yeonchi · 5 years

Text

Thinking about the future of EDGN

I’ve never asked a lot out of my fans over the years, but to some of my close fans (you know who you are), I’d really appreciate some helpful advice because this is an important decision I’m making that will affect both you, the fans, and myself.

To cut a long story short for a tl;dr, I no longer enjoy posting about the voice languages in localised Japanese games because of some recent events and realisations and I want to retire from the English Dubbed Game News page altogether.

It’s been about five years since I started all this with the Koei Warriors Rant Series and since then, everything I’ve done that’s related to English dub has brought me nothing but hate. I know it’s a bit of an exaggeration and some of my close fans may have something to say to the contrary, but I’ve been feeling quite negative lately and because of that, I think it’s a brutally honest summary.

After ending the Dub Logistics series, I thought the one thing I could do to repay my fans for their support over the years was to continue posting on EDGN. Personally, I think I’ve done enough already and also, as I said in a post back in August, I’ve been having doubts about the future of the page and what I want to do with it given my current interests. There are several factors that led to me having these doubts, which I’ll be outlining after the break. (I can’t even put horizontal lines in my posts with the rich text editor now, thanks Tumblr)

1. I was never interested in any game outside of the Koei Warriors series or any game I played in the past (eg. Dissidia Final Fantasy).

This really shouldn’t be a surprise to my fans because in the past, I’ve rarely posted anything outside of the series I was interested in, including the aforementioned series. If I came across something by chance and liked it, then I would do some investigation into it, but these days, the spark just doesn’t want to light up anymore.

I’ve never really taken the chance to buy new games because my family doesn’t believe in buying things that aren’t important and as such, I took that mantra to heart. While I never brought a PS3, I did get a Nintendo Wii, but I traded it in later for a Wii U and not a PS4, which I still regret to this day. I pirated my PSP, DS and PC games (let’s face it, who doesn’t) and played with emulators on my computer. I only got a Steam account to play Team Fortress 2 (laggy though it was on my shitty computer) and I never brought anything from it, which made it difficult for me to add friends on there (not that they really cared in the end).

By extension, this applies to anime as well, which is the reason why I never post anything outside of the same few animes on the Waifu Network or on my Facebook pages. My belief on sexism in anime has also contributed to this disinterest; the only reason why I’m still posting the same few animes is because I’m still somewhat interested in them and I’m grateful for how they inspired some personal projects of mine.

2. Various factors have led me to lose interest in video games, including the Koei Warriors Series.

The reason why I started my dub crusade in the first place was because of Warriors Orochi 3 (Ultimate) and Samurai Warriors 4 not being dubbed. The reason why I decided to jump ship was because of Dynasty Warriors 9 being dubbed, just not with the same cast I had grown to love. I know that there were extenuating circumstances for the latter, but given everything that happened between that time, my hope that the old English voice cast (since Dynasty Warriors 4-6/Warriors Orochi 1-2) would return to voice that game (and other future games) was gone.

In addition to the previous factor, I started to find myself with more commitments than I had in past years, along with some different interests that I picked up along the way. At first, I didn’t feel like playing games because of my commitments, but eventually, it got to the point where I didn’t want to play most video games again because of the disappointment I’ve experienced from Koei Tecmo. Learning about all the things that AAA gaming companies do to reduce expenditure and increase revenue turned me off from video games as well. In my opinion, it wasn’t so much a boycott (per se) than it was a loss of interest.

3. The original group of people who inspired me to start writing these rants are now gone.

I know I’ve had other fans since the start of all this, but the original group had a special place in all this because of it. There were four people in the original group, who I met on Koei’s original Facebook page, and they were as follows:

The first one did comment on my older stuff, but he left quite early, possibly since DW8E’s release. I saw that he deactivated his account some time in 2017.

The second one had a YouTube channel and he was an admin on one of my Facebook pages for some time, but then he left after a period of inactivity without any explanation.

The third one was the more prominent because of his LGBT status and mental health issues. In the middle of 2015, he announced to everyone that he was deactivating his Facebook account because it was a burden on his mental health. He reactivated his account some time later, but he deactivated it again in September 2017 and hasn’t come back since. During that time, I saw a post from him stating that he was going to take a lot of pills and commit suicide. I reported it to Facebook in the hope that it might encourage him to find some help, even though I remember him stating that nothing works for him anymore. When I noticed that he hadn’t come back to Facebook months after he deactivated his account the second time, I assumed the worst.

The fourth one, also known as the family man or “the last one standing”, deactivated his account in June this year. We never really talked much, but as I said in this post, I’m still grateful to him for helping me find the new weapon and Musou information in DW8E when the Koei Wiki didn’t have it yet (because the game was just released at the time).

4. The impact of the feud’s aftermath still haunts me to this day.

When I agreed to end the feud on a mutual understanding a couple of years back, I promised myself that I would quickly move on from the troll behind it and not keep reminding myself of everything that happened. However, I’m a person that’s prone to anxiety when I think of worst-case-scenarios and at times, I found myself thinking about what would have happened had my Facebook account been deleted just because a troll couldn’t take the L when he got owned by someone half his age (compare that to Leafy who made terrible criticisms of people who are older than him, then claimed that he can hide behind the fact that he is younger than them). Him coming back out of nowhere earlier this year didn’t do any favours for anyone either. Regardless of that, I’ve got my bottom ground and I’ll continue to live on it regardless of what anyone else thinks of me.

I’d like to take a moment to digress and talk about cancel culture and political censorship. Because both parties in the feud weren’t exactly that popular (we had our own little fanbases, but that’s it), me and the other party “cancelling” each other (admittedly) didn’t seem to have as much an effect as we had hoped. Other factors that contributed to this could be that cancel culture (an extension to call-out culture) wasn’t that much of a thing two years ago and when the other party tried to cancel me, he made no attempt to spread the word to his fans. It was likely that he was trying to show mercy, but that doesn’t explain why he kept reporting my posts relating to him and current events in Hong Kong, knowing that I would eventually get banned if I didn’t call him out on it. I was as much a victim than I admittedly was an offender of cancel culture.

Following the feud, I’ve become wary of social media censorship because I experienced what it was like for someone to get petty and get people deplatformed by mass reporting them. Other pages like meme pages have suffered the same fate in the past (mostly because people take certain jokes too seriously), but despite my hopes, it didn’t seem like Facebook was going to do anything about the petty mass-reporting of those pages. Recently, however, I’ve been seeing news on tech companies being grilled over the censorship of conservatives and President Trump criticising them for the same thing. I’m not saying that I’m supporting Trump backing the pages that are being censored (conservative, far-right, alt-right, you name it), but I hope that this can hopefully extend to random meme pages being reported for petty reasons.

5. Ever since I decided to stop being toxic, I found myself conflicted when confronted with more toxic comments to the point that I’ve started to become paranoid over negative criticism.

When I decided to change the #NoDubNoBuy page to EDGN, I hoped that the hate towards my page would be reduced somewhat, but I never expected that it would be gone entirely. Since then, three people have made negative comments on the page; one was a girl who saw one of my posts being shared on a private group, misunderstood the (new) purpose of the page and despite her attitude, was still somewhat respectful, one was a Europoor dub hater from Spain (from what I’ve seen and learnt, Europeans tend to be sub fans and/or dub haters because of their English comprehension and ability to read subtitles) and one was an Americuck soyboy dub hater who pointed out about “crybaby fans” (”fans” as in the gatekeeping term “fake fans”, never mind my theory that people, especially men, who call other people, especially other men, “crybabies” are actually spreading toxic masculinity) who liked stuff to be Americanised but didn’t acknowledge the Japanese origins.

I’m gonna go off on a tangent and do a bit of an ad-homimem here (but it’s alright because I’m going to rebut his point next) and point out that I called the Americuck a soyboy because he had quite a long beard, but to be honest, if I called everyone who had beards “soyboys”, that would make people like Count Dankula and Sargon of Akkad “soyboys” as well, so it’d be a pretty slippery slope if I didn’t clarify who I was talking about.

Now, I’m going to move back on another tangent and rebut the soyboy’s point, because I think this is a pretty important point to address. No one is saying outright that they want Japanese games to be Americanised in terms of cultural references (if 4Kids has taught us anything). Saying that Americanisation is responsible for bad dubbing is a bit like blaming video games for causing violence. If someone says that they would like a game to be dubbed into English in localisation, then it is presumed that they want the dialogue to be dubbed in addition to the text being translated (or “dublated”). Any cultural changes made to the game or the dialogue are entirely the responsibility of those who made those changes, like the gaming companies who censor stuff for Western audiences, so if you’re complaining about a Japanese game being too “Americanised”, don’t take it out on dub fans because chances are that they didn’t want the dub to be too “Americanised” either.

Completing the square and going back to the original tangent, I didn’t post any of their comments to the dub hater comments album because I had deleted it after the feud in the hope that I wouldn’t be as toxic as I had been before. You can probably already see how toxic I would probably be if the above responses were posted on the page and directed back at them, which would mean that I’m not upholding myself to the standards I wanted to follow.

6. I’m becoming more and more concerned about current events to worry about things like English dubbing in video games.

If you’re someone who has unironically thought that I was making a big deal over something you thought was minor, then this is going to sound very ironic for you. From all these years of learning and research, I’ve attained an expansive world view and while I have made jokes about current events in the past to lighten the mood or express my anger, deep down I’m actually concerned about these things, particularly in regards to Hong Kong during this politically sensitive time.

For some reason, my desire to make posts has decreased because in addition to the above factors, I’ve been getting more and more worried about current affairs. Granted, the point of things like anime and video games and the Internet is to provide an escape from reality, but in the end, I guess that you have to face it whether you like it or not.

Making the decision to stop posting on EDGN hasn’t been an easy one, but all the factors I described above have gradually made it easier. Like the Undub page did, I had considered changing the focus of my page to merely report on the voice languages of games without saying whether we approve or reject it because it isn’t dubbed in English/Japanese; that is, we report on them with an unbiased viewpoint. Not adding excessively biased pro-dub comments on our posts has made it more neutral, but in the end, it didn’t stop the dub hater cucks. I should point out that one of the reasons why I wanted to change the #NoDubNoBuy page to EDGN was so that we could reduce the amount of hate we were getting.

What was the original goal of me starting this dub crusade? If you have read my rants in the past, then you will have picked up my hopes that Japanese games would be localised to the West with full Japanese and English dubbing and that if game companies couldn’t achieve that, then they should apologise and explain why. Would I say that I achieved or failed to achieve this goal? Not really, because over the years, I learnt a lot about the video game and voiceover industries and gradually realised that it’s not as straightforward as I had initially hoped. To be honest, it was kind of stupid of me to hope that gaming companies would say anything straightforward about this, but on the other hand, I learnt that gaming companies are like politicians as well; they say the things they want to say and not the things people want to hear.

To my fans, particularly my close fans, feel free to send me your opinions about my decision, however if you’re trying to change my mind, then I’m not sure if it can be changed so easily. If you think that I haven’t lived up to what you expect from me, then I’m sorry, but in the end, I have to think of myself as well.

If I could say one thing to the dub fanbase, I want to ask why no one else has ever tried to do something like EDGN. You have your groups and pages on social media and yet, it had to take two people pissed off with the dubbing direction of gaming companies to do it. Granted, that was how the Undub page started, with the lack of Japanese voices in localised games, and yet they didn’t get as much hate as my page did.

If there is anyone out there who wants to follow in my footsteps and make a page like EDGN, let me be the first to give you my blessing because I’m not going to be like the Undub page when they discovered us and point fingers for copying their posts when in the end, games are the same to everyone. While transparency regarding voice languages has increased over the years, there was never a place where dub fans could know about what games were dubbed in English. You don’t have to be like me and make a series of rants about why some games aren’t dubbed, because I’ve already done it, but instead, I suggest going the unbiased route as I stated earlier. Of course, you don’t have to follow my advice - it’s your page, after all.

My plan is to retire from EDGN at the end of the year. I have 12 more games in the backlog, all with English voices, and I’m hoping to post them all on the page before then. I probably won’t remove myself as an admin (because I think there’ll be some petty, obsessed cuck who’ll dig out my posts and make a rant series on me or something), but I’ll probably have it so that I can forget about the page as time goes on.

With this, my dub crusade has come to an end. Once again, to the fans, I’m sorry and I thank you for your support. As always, it is your choice as to whether you wish to continue following me, whether on Facebook or Tumblr, after my retirement.

#english dub #video games #japanese games #japanese voices

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heamatic-a · 5 years

Note

Because I’m a heathen for Hanzo x Cassie, please do all for the nsfw meme! (Bonus if your answers all involve my fire boi 🔥 )

In-Depth Sinday Meme

What is your muse’s favorite place(s) to be touched?Herhips and navel are especially sensitive. Grabbing her there,caressing, nibbling, kissing: if he wants to make hersquirm, that’s the way to do it. Her neck is also very sensitive.Kiss her at the junction between neck and shoulder and she willliterally melt into Hanzo’s arms in an instant, no questions asked.

Are there any foods that are likeaphrodisiacs to your muse?Natural honey. There’s justsomething absolutely sensual about honey that will turn her on nomatter what. The taste, the texture, the way it’ll flow slowly fromthe dipper, it’ll invoke eroticism that could very well be enoughto drive her wild – give her a honeycomb andshe’ll melt along with it. Honey contains boron which is known toregular hormone levels and nitric oxide which is released in theblood during arousal.

Are there particular scents/soundsthat turn your muse on?Possibly, the reasons she so oftenimagines her fantasies relating to Hanzo to be around the Fire Gardenand its surroundings is because she feels the scent of the JapaneseMaple is very soothing and calming to her, but also does serve as asort of aphrodisiac to her.

Does your muse enjoy dirty talk? Dothey like to do the talking or being dirty talked?Oh god,yes, a lot. She likes it when her partner does the dirty talking, likewhisper things in her ears, either before or during – even after.It doesn’t have to be “dirty”, just the tone used is enough forher, so when Hanzo speaks to her in that poetic way, even, she justabout goes crazy with it; even more so if it’s whispered in herear.

What are some subtle gestures thatget your muse in the mood?Most subtle would be eye contact,longing and lasting – she’ll usually take it as a sign; a caresshere and there, a kiss. She’ll take it as an okay to take thingsfurther.

How does your muse communicate toothers they they’re in the mood?With touch, mostly. It’snot unusual for her to give a hug to someone she’s close to – butwith Hanzo, if she’s in the mood, she’s constantly touching hisshoulders, brushing off against him, caressing his face, and althoughit’s not always for that reason (sometimes it’s for reassurance, like inour sleep thread), she’ll caress his hair; that generally meansshe’s ready to take it further.

How does your muse flirt?Thething with Cassie is that her mannerisms sometimes make it seem likeshe’s flirting when she isn’t necessarily. She’ll wink, do the‘i’m watching you’ gesture during a spar, but depending on theperson, it means something different. Doing it to Hanzo, it’sdefinitely flirting. Doing the same to, for example, Takeda, is notat all flirting but friendly teasing.

How does your muse approach someonethey want to sleep with?She rarely does. She does have afear of rejection that’s enough of a problem to warrant herstepping back unless the other makes the first move. I’m talkingabout the first time she gets with a partner, of course, becauseafter that, she’s a lot more open and will be more prone toinitiate it.

What are some physical things yourmuse does when they want someone to sleep with them?Shegets very touchy and handsy. She’ll give a caress, hold hands, touch hisshoulder. Get closer to him. She’s not very touchy to begin with unless it’s with someone she’s very comfortable with, so inHanzo’s case, she was already giving hints she was willing to takethings further, but pulled back momentarily because she didn’t knowif he would respond.

How does your muse approachone-night stands versus long term partners?She doesn’t doone night stands. If she sleeps with someone, it means she reallylikes them and wants to pursue the relationship further. She’s notbeen lucky in that aspect as most of her partners left after a fewmonths at best, but with Hanzo she hopes it’ll last much longer.

Is your muse very physicallyintimate?Cassie is very physical by nature. She likes totouch, she likes to feel. She’s a glutton for it, in fact, and herhands will always be at work when they’re together in bed; it’s aneed for connection that drives her, and her show of affection isdone mostly with touch.

Is your muse very emotionallyintimate?She certainly can be. She shows it by taking careof her partner as much as she can, not just during sex but outside ofit too; slipping sweet words here and there, little hints that sheloves them and admires them.

Does your muse enjoy cuddling aftersex?She likes the intimacy after, really enjoys theaftercare. It can be something as simple as spooning, or cuddling, orit can be cleaning/washing each other, for example.

What are the requirements for yourmuse to sleep with someone?Her requirements have been morenumerous with maturity. It used to be that she simply enjoys theperson’s presence, but now it needs a much deeper connection thanthat. She’s wasted too much time with people who didn’t reallycare for her enough to stick around. It doesn’t have to be LOVE,per say, but she must possess a fine amount of trust in the person toget there nowadays.

Does your muse use protection? Ifso, what kind?She’s had the coil for about three yearsnow. The pill’s side effects didn’t cut it for her, although shewas on it for several years.

What is a fantasy your muse has?Oneof the fantasies she has with Hanzo is where she would tie him up bythe wrists, above his head, with something like silk or a softmaterial; and she would be the one to take care of him the whole waythrough; to touch and please him until he literally begs her forrelease. >>

Is your muse noisy in bed? Hownoisy? What makes them reach that level?She can be. Shetends to moan and squirm, but she will keep her voice at a certainlevel unless she’s brought to orgasm, at which point she can becomemuch louder while it lasts.

Does your muse enjoy teasing? Givingor receiving? How long can they stand it?She doesn’t mindteasing. It can be fun and pleasurable, but she much prefers givingthan receiving. As for how long she can stand it, it depends WHAT itis, but usually she gets impatient quickly.

How does your muse respond to peoplemaking advances on them?If she isn’t interested, she’lllet them know very bluntly. She’s very firm about it. If she is,she’ll be quite amiable and return the advances as said above,where she would become a lot more touchy in her own advances.

What is a kink your muse has? Howwould they bring it up to their partner?Anal penetration.Would she even bring it up to Hanzo? Not now, perhaps much later downthe line, but she knows it may be a taboo subject with someone likehim. If she feels he’s becoming more open to different ideas, shewould bring it up beforehand, but otherwise, she probably wouldn’t.

What is one sexual insecurity thatyour muse has?She’s generally pretty good with that, butshe does get somewhat self-conscious about the scars she’s gottenover the years while fighting, especially those left by Shinnok which are much more prominent. She hasa few in the back, and one across her belly.

What kills the mood for your museinstantly?Don’t belittle her. Insults, threats,humiliation, disrespect, she won’t have any of that, and will morethan likely kick her partner’s ass over it. In the case of Hanzo,she highly doubts he would go down that path, so she isn’t evenworried.

What gets your muse in the moodinstantly?One thing would be during a good friendly spar.She likes the idea of being spent and sweaty, and the whole thingturns into a something more that drives them back to Hanzo’s livingquarters. Another thing would be when they have one of those meaningful talks. She feels she can open up to him about anything, and he will listen to her and be there for her. It’s a huge turn on for her to have someone be so open like that, someone in whom she can confine, and vice versa. Basically, it goes back to trust all over again.

Does your muse enjoy roleplaying inthe bedroom?

She’s never tried it, but shecertainly wouldn’t be against it.

Does your muse prefer gentlelovemaking or rough sex?

She doesn’t mind either or, what’smost important to her is the connection she shares with her partnerat the time of them coming together and what both are most comfortable with. If Hanzo wants to be rough, she’ll be okay with it, if he wants to be gentle, she’ll be just as open to it.

Is your muse the type to fall inlove from having sex or to leave it be?To be honest it HIGHLY depends on herpartner and how she feels about them prior the act. Generally, no,because her partners rarely stick around for very long. She’s notbeen very lucky relationship-wise and only held a relationship for afew months at a time. So she never really gets attached. However, inthe case of Hanzo, she’d liked him a while now, and frankly, noone’s treated her with as much care and respect as he has, so Iwouldn’t be surprised if she wouldn’t have fallen entirely forhim by the time they’re done in our thread.

What was your muse’s first sexualexperience?Shaun Boon, a few days after graduation. Theyhooked up and she thought they would last, but unfortunately itdidn’t go past a few weeks.

What was your muse’s best sexualexperience?This is gonna sound cheesy as all hell, but it’sprobably her first time with Hanzo, especially because it was one ofher fantasies come true; he takes such good care of her and so she’skinda on cloud 9 right now.

What was their worst sexualexperience?Again, Shaun Boon. Both were inexperienced, andhe didn’t much seem to know how to proceed. He was too fast andeager, and he hurt her when he entered her the first time and shehonestly did not have a good time. It took her a while after that to get with someone else.

Does your muse enjoy kissing?Caressing?Very much so. One of the things that will turnher on really quickly is kissing. Soft or hard, it doesn’t matter,the longer they kiss, the more turned on she will get. As for caressing, it goes back to how much she enjoys touching, so yes, she enjoys caressing a lot.

What is your muse’s favorite partof sex?That connection that comes with the firstpenetration. She’s extremely sensitive and quite often, if she’sbeen stimulated enough, she can be pushed to orgasm with the firstpenetration alone.

What is one area they’re great atduring sex?Worshiping the other. She really likes to give,she’s a giver by nature, and while she enjoys receiving, she feelseven more at ease when she gives attention to her partner.

What is one area they could use improvement in duringsex?Where she can have a big mouth in general and have arebuke for just about anything, she tends to be more shy in bed, soshe doesn’t talk as much. She knows she needs to talk more to addto the involvement. She’s just afraid of saying something thatwould kill the mood.

#kathexismania #╰ *:･ﾟ❤ ──❝ e-mails ❞ ❪ asks. ❫#╰ *:･ﾟcassie cage ──❝ sorry did you just say kick my ass? ❞ ❪ headcanon. ❫#[ I just learned a lot of things from my girl with this so thank you for sending it in <3 ]#╰ *:･ﾟ❤ ──❝ PR0N!!!111one ❞ ❪ nsfw. ❫

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rabba002-blog · 5 years

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The Highs and Lows of Social Media

New technology, communications and social media have taken over the newest generations by storm. The “digital age” emerging from the late 1970’s after the invention of the first personal computers have changed the way society will function forever. Now, with the click of a button you have your entire social circle at your fingertips through imessage, social media, and search engines; everyone is connected all the time. Social media has by far had the biggest impact on today's society; especially on the younger generations. Kids are now looking to Twitter and Facebook not only for the hottest trends in fashion and hollywood, but for insights on politics and world views. Through social media, young people are building their ideologies and beliefs about the world, politics, relationships, body image and social standing. Although being connected and having accessibility to such a wide variety of opinions and ideas all the time can be seen as freeing and invigorating, it has had a detrimental effect on the mental health and thinking of the new generation. Social media has its positive attributes, but can also be extremely negative; which has been proven through research and examination of social constructs.

Firstly, the positives of social media should be highlighted. Social media has created a space for the new generation to voice their opinions, make changes and speak on social constructs. It is also used constantly as a creative outlet all while keeping our society connected. Youtube, for example, has blown up immensely since its start in 2005. Creators have built lives out of their Youtube channels and their creative outlets have become their careers. However, Youtube has become a huge space for political activism, issues about bullying and self image; overall a place for people to go and realize they are not alone. Youtube has content for any individual, whether it be gaming videos, cooking channels, comedy, makeup and fashion or lifestyle. The culture of looking into someone’s life and building a connection with them through a screen has become huge in the past ten years; arguably becoming one of the most important platforms created. The most positive impact Youtube has had on our generation is educational. The amount of educational videos on Youtube is astonishing, and not only is it used by students worldwide but professors have turned to educational Youtube videos to teach their students much more increasingly. The freedom social media has given the new generation is highlighted by Croteau and Haynes. They state “the fact that the internet encompasses nearly all forms of communication is a big part of what made it a game-changer…… in addition to blurring boundaries between private and public, the internet enabled people to be more active, more easily, than ever before” (Croteau and Haynes). This freedom is proven by the theory that we are not only consumers of social media but users of it, and that the user has control over what he/she sees and puts out. Twitter, for example is one of the most popular social media sites as of now. It is a place where you have the freedom make raunchy jokes, cry-laugh with your friends about memes, catch up on which Kardashian did what, to rant out that one crappy customer that came into work or to speak out about political issues like “black lives matter” and body shaming. Twitter gives its users the freedom to use their platform as an outlet, and that is something that is very important to our generation. It gives the user the feeling of “what I have to say matters”. These are a few examples of how social media can be seen as having a positive impact on today’s society.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, social media has had massively negative effects on society and the younger generation. Social media, although it can be freeing, also causes mass amounts of pressure on the younger generation. To focus on women in specific, social media can make you feel ashamed of your own body and the attributes you have been given. The rise of the “instagram baddie” persona has taken over social media over the past two years. Girls feel as though they must all have a tiny waist, huge boobs and a huge butt in order to fit into what is considered ideal for today’s beauty standards. Girls are praised and shown off for looking and acting a certain way, and if you do not fit into that box then you’re not considered in. The most prominent example I have noticed on twitter recently is “makeup vs no makeup twitter”. Girls who opt for the more natural look continuously bash girls who prefer to wear a lot of makeup. This creates a toxic environment, as women bash each other when, in this day and age where men reign supreme, should be supporting each other. This toxic environment has shown an increase in suicide rates as the Centers for Disease Control and prevention reports “suicide has become the third leading cause of death for teens and more than 4,600 young people are lost each year” (The Press Enterprise). Not only has social media had a negative impact on teens body image, but on their way of thinking. Our generation has become desensitized to the way they speak to each other, because at the end of the day were all just hiding behind a screen and there are no real consequences to what you say or post. A prime example of this can be shown by the amount of celebrities that go off the handle because of the amount of hate they receive from the public. Most recently, singer Mac Miller died, and Ariana Grande has been continuously receiving backlash for his overdose as people blame her for his drug use and call her an “attention whore” and other vulgar names causing her to take a hiatus for two months. This stigma that our generation has that they can say anything to anyone they want, no matter how hurtful because there are no consequences shows the toxicity social media has had on our generations thinking. Lastly, as highlighted by Baran culture can be limiting, because you grow up surrounded by generally the same characters and beliefs throughout your whole life. Baran states “think back, to the stories you were told and the television shows and movies you watched growing up. The heroines were invariably tall, beautiful and thin. The bad guys were usually mean and fat” (Baran). From the time that we are toddlers are minds are shaped to believe that we must look one way in order to be accepted by society, and if you fail to look that way then you’ll always just feel a little bit out of place. This ties in even more now that social media is so relevant to our day to day lives. Our generation looks up to the superficial standards set by reality tv stars and rappers as an expectation to what our lives should look like, inevitably causing mass disappointment and self-hatred because realistically, we’re not all going to have enough money to get plastic surgery in order to look like our favorite “instagram baddie” or have the money to ride around in a 100,000 car. Social media has created a false sense of expectations for our generation to follow, which leads to a general unhappiness in the reality of our lives and the cards we have been dealt.

In summary, social media has taken over the new generation and shaped their ideas about politics, beauty standards and social standing. It is ridiculous to overlook the positive impact social media has had by giving us the abilities to speak our minds whenever, wherever. But this accessibility has also proven to have a negative impact on the general well being and mental health of the new generation.

Cited Sources:

Whiting, David, and David Whiting. “New Pressures for Perfection Contribute to Rise in Teen Suicide.” Press Enterprise, Press Enterprise, 20 Mar. 2018, www.pe.com/2018/03/17/new-pressures-for-perfection-contribute-to-rise-in-teen-suicide/.

Croteau, David, and William Hoynes. Media/Society: Technology, Industries, Content, and Users. SAGE Publications, Inc., 2019.

Baran, Stanley J. Introduction to Mass Communication: Media Literacy and Culture, Updated Edition. McGraw-Hill Education, 2015.

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1stnewslink · 3 years

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What The Robinhood IPO Tells Us About Finance And Fintech

POLAND – 03/21/2021: In this image a Robinhood logo is also displayed on a smartphone … [+] Stock market percentages in the background. (Photo illustration by Omar Marques / SOPA Images / LightRocket via Getty Images)

SOPA Images / LightRocket via Getty Images

The Robinhood trading platform will go public next week under the ticker ‘HOOD’. Robinhood’s public offering is likely to be valued at over $ 35 billion and combined with a recent fundraising round for European digital bank Revolut, the acquisition of asset manager Nutmeg (by JPMorgan) and a listing of the trading platform eToro (in a special purpose vehicle ), Robinhood’s IPO marks a crucial moment in the transition from “old” banking to so-called fintech. As such, it is a good milestone from which to assess a number of evolving trends in the financial sector.

Fintech arrived

While Robinhood’s IPO is a sign that the fintech world has “arrived”, like many totemic IPOs, it can also be a high point or high point for digitally driven companies. Recall that a few months ago we pointed out that prominent stock market listings (e.g. from Glenore to Coinbase) mark the end rather than the beginning of a market trend.

In my opinion, the fintech megatrend is only just beginning from the point of view of the industry and will continue to develop over the next ten years. It also reminds us that investing in established banks is largely unsuccessful, especially in Europe and Asia, where banks’ performance apart from the ups and downs of the yield curve is due to poor governance, inefficient IT spending and short deadlines.

To be clear, the MSCI European Equity Market Index has doubled since May 2006, while the MSCI European Banks Index has halved. It doesn’t look like the European banks will catch up anytime soon, although these “dinosaur” banks (which together still hold well over 700 billion euros in investor capital. In contrast, the global fintech benchmark in the doubled in the last three years.

Crypto

This doubling is the result of the emergence of a number of new financial ecosystems – retail, the retail options market, and crypto to name just three – each with its own grace, excitement, specific sociology, and anthropology (from the master of the universe). Options traders to crypto brothers – the crypto universe is not women friendly) to the meme stock traders on the Wall Street (WSB) betting discussion forum on Reddit.

Given the rise and fall and rise of WSB traders, Robinhood’s IPO will be an excuse for many commentators to spread the phrase that we are witnessing the “democratization of finance,” but the reality is that we are seeing democratization risk in the sense that various forms of financial risk (leverage, liquidity risk, information asymmetry) are packaged and sold to the public.

On the other, less democratic, even elitist side of the financial sector (established hedge funds and family offices) there is a greater demand for “private assets” (high quality loan funds, venture capital and investments in growth companies) and this is in many ways one of the more interesting ones, less commented parts of the financial world and certainly among the most lucrative.

Risk factors

Another trend that needs more attention, especially from anyone looking to invest in fintech, is how the fintech business model works or not. From the outside, Robinhood appear to be highly profitable trading engines. In fact, a review of the 400-page SEC S-1 regulatory filing for the IPO (which includes over 70 pages on “Risk Factors”) shows that despite Robinhood’s $ 81 billion client assets, Robinhood makes the lion’s share of its revenue from selling data on client transactions mainly two large hedge funds. In this respect, it is more like Facebook than UBS or Bank of America.

At the same time, with the constant advance of technology companies into the financial sector, a strategic, industrial structural change is taking place in the financial sector. Fintech’s logic enables tech companies to enter the financial world – either as trading platforms, finance social networks, or payment platforms, which then develop a broader range of services (TransferWise, recently listed on the London Stock Exchange as “Wise”, is a good example).

Ecosystems

What is not entirely clear here is how the tech and fintech ecosystems will transform both the established banking system and the entire financial system – with implications for monetary policy and regulation.

The Robinhood pre-IPO documents also show that 14% of client assets are in crypto, which is huge from a standard asset allocation perspective from a portfolio perspective (I imagine a reasonable portfolio theory approach would be 1- 2%). Still, it shows that “crypto” has conquered the investment narrative, especially among young people, and this has a lot to tell us – about the “spirit of the market” today, not least because of the dangers it poses to wealth.

In this regard, one of the most significant trends in the years to come will be the battle between centralized and decentralized finance – led by governments and regulators, but it will span many areas – law, philosophy, politics, and technology. One of the challenges ahead will be making the entire U.S. regulatory system accountable for crypto assets like Bitcoin and the infrastructure that powers them.

Defi

In theory, the “Defi” world (decentralized financial world) operates outside of the “old” centralized financial world and its real economy, but “Defi” cannot be independent of the much larger centralized financial world (consisting of JPMorgan, Central Banks and Governments). To this end, the “defi” winners will be those who can adapt to the “old world” and who are vigilant to geopolitical sensitivities in relation to the evolution of the world financial order.

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shirlleycoyle · 3 years

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My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited

In November 2007, an entirely contextless video of me being punched in the face went viral. You might have seen it. It still does the rounds every couple of months, often when something notably bad happens that warrants a response of disbelief. In these strange times, it’s managed to remain endlessly prescient.

For the uninitiated, the video in question is an 11-second clip in which, aged 16, I appear wearing a dressing gown cord around my head, a chain necklace, some children’s sunglasses and a black T-shirt. I sit down and address the camera, ostensibly about to tell the viewer what I was thinking. I am immediately interrupted by my friend Tim, who appears stage left and lamps me. Rather than react in pain or anger, I err more towards disappointment and dismay, bewildered that something like this could happen. “Ah fuck. I can’t believe you’ve done this,” I said. End scene.

It’s been nearly 14 years since I uploaded the original video and to this day it still prompts questions. Who was the guy who got punched? Why did he get punched? Who punched him? What was he thinking? Why did he react that way? Why did he leave YouTube?

In recent years I’ve come to appreciate and even enjoy its bizarre status as an enduring piece of internet history, but my relationship with the clip in the decade that followed its inexorable rise hasn’t always been easy. To understand why, it’s useful to remember that the internet in 2007 was, for better or worse, a very different place.

Having spent the best part of my school years filming stupid skits with mates instead of studying, there was something semi-appealing about the prospect of being able to put videos online to share with friends. It began in mid-2003, when myself and a group of friends would have been in our early teens. Inspired by the likes of Jackass and Bam Margera’s CKY movies, our impressionable young selves set about ignoring all relevant safety warnings, hurling ourselves out of trees, riding scooters into curbs, and racing tyres down hills on skateboards.

At the age of 14 or so, I had envisaged cutting the footage into a chaotic feature-length video of “stunts.” I’d probably have soundtracked it with music from the Tony Hawk games, alongside countless other homemade skate videos people made circa 2003 that probably featured a mix of Ace of Spades or Guerilla Radio. I still have a box full of VHS-C tapes kicking around somewhere, which can only be viewed on one of those absolutely insane VHS adapters. Having not watched any of it in well over a decade, I can safely say that the content contained within those tapes is unequivocally shit.

All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in.

Looking back, the whole endeavour was entirely aimless, but aside from coming away with mild head injuries from time to time it was an innocuous way to spend my childhood. At the very least it also means I have a bizarre, tangible record of my youth that I’ll be able to laugh at one day when I’m old and wizened.

By summer 2004, we had started filming on Mini-DV, which opened up a whole new world of editing possibilities. Plugging a video camera into a computer and capturing footage directly to editing software is pretty much a given for today’s generation of content creators, but back in the early 2000s, this was revolutionary.

We’d eventually gravitate away from ‘stunts’ towards more structured skits and sketches. Nothing was ever scripted per se, but we’d usually start out with a rough idea of something and see how it played out.

There was an ambitiously misguided 'silent horror' short, soundtracked by Mike Oldfield’s Tubular Bells, in which someone chopped off ‘my cock’ (a banana) with a garden shear. We considered this to be the absolute pinnacle of comedy.

There was an ill-advised 'Ballers' skit in which we ventured out in sports gear to make a mock training video taking the piss out of a guy at school who fancied himself as a bit of a gangster; this painfully middle-class white kid who listened to rap metal and liked basketball. He obviously never saw it and there's no question that we looked like idiots filming it at the local park. It’s probably quite offensive in hindsight.

The author at the Bristol Climate Change Protests in September 2019. Image: Shanya Buultjens

There was a James Bond 'spoof' that involved misquoting portions of dialogue from that scene in GoldenEye where Q gives Bond an exploding pen. It was funny to about three people. One of them was my mum.

One time a mate of mine fell out of a tree when he tried to swing from a branch. He landed on his back and ended up coughing up blood. He didn’t go to the hospital even though he probably should have. He’s now a doctor and a father.

Mercifully, none of this stuff ever made it online, but I did sell a couple of DVDs to people at school who rightly/probably/hopefully never watched them. In an ideal world, I'd own the only copies. I'm also fully aware that writing about this now only makes it more likely that one of the four people that still have a copy will dig theirs out. Please do not do that.

In 2005 and 2006, YouTube was very much in its infancy. This was the time when clips were limited to about 100mb and you could only upload about 30 seconds worth of footage at a time, which basically made it perfect for bursts of frenetic, inane content. As the platform grew, it became a dumping ground for skits and footage that we’d accumulated over the preceding years. Much of it went completely unnoticed until late 2007, at which point things started to get a bit weird.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it.

The clip that people have come to know started out as an aimless skit filmed in Summer 2006. We hadn’t planned anything, least of all me being punched. In the footage building up to the event, I pushed Tim off the chair, he fell and hit his head on a filing cabinet off-camera. Rather than react to Tim, I sat down and proceeded to ad lib something that I’d venture to guess would have been considerably less funny than the act of violence that followed. Unprompted, Tim upsided me and I reacted with an inexplicable, completely incredulous response, which has followed me online ever since.

The footage sat on a tape until July 2007 when I decided to upload a brief segment under an ambiguous title. Fast forward to November and the video had somehow blown up, had its comments section relentlessly spammed, been ripped countless times and had offensive Wiki pages written about it. I also received a few direct messages which could at best have been described as ‘worrying’ and at worst ‘threatening,’ which was nice.

To this day, I’m none the wiser as to how it blew up in the way it did. I originally uploaded the video under the title ‘ ___________’ but the video somehow found its way onto 4chan where it spread like wildfire. The earliest mirrored link I could find was from January 2008, by which time it had been re-uploaded by multiple accounts, the most prominent of which had already clocked up almost double the number of views compared to my original upload.

At the time, going viral wasn't really comparable to any other experience and it certainly wasn't something I could discuss in solidarity with my friends. All of a sudden you're everywhere and it's out of your control. You either try to fight it and get destroyed, or embrace it and try to cash in. After yanking down several other videos on my YouTube channel, I opted for the latter.

When the video blew up, I got a call from a friend who informed me that the video had made the front page of Break.com. I peripherally knew what that meant: they offered a buyout scheme for videos that made the front page, which meant that I could make some money from it.

As it transpired, this wasn’t such a great idea. After signing a release form with some pretty appalling terms, over the following months I had several unnerving interactions with researchers for various TV shows looking to license the clip. Each offered far more favourable terms than those of Break. One of them harassed a bunch of my mates on Facebook. I think he even offered to pay one of them for my contact details.

By that point, it was all too apparent that I had completely fucked it. Break had the rights and I couldn't do anything with it even if I wanted to. At just 18 years old, I had sold out. In the short term, I used the money to buy a TV, which was great, but I soon started to get the creeping feeling that this was a decision that would come to haunt me. At that point, it was easier to disassociate myself from the clip, abandon YouTube, and move on with my life.

And yet, for the best part of 14 years the questions have kept coming: no, it wasn’t staged or scripted, it wasn’t a set-up, I didn’t know it was coming and, yes, it hurt. It was also very funny, which is presumably why I felt the need to upload it in isolation in the first place. Incidentally, Tim and I are still friends and contrary to some of the absolutely insane comments people leave on YouTube I can confirm that neither of us are in prison, the punch wasn’t a reaction to some sort of disagreement and he’s a lovely bloke.

To be clear, the lack of context wasn’t a deliberate choice to add intrigue either. I’d never even considered the possibility that anyone outside my circle of friends would see it. To me it was just another daft clip that a few mates would find funny.

Around the time I’d started to make peace with the issues around ownership, in 2018 it came to my attention that Break had shut down and its owner Defy Media had gone bust. The site was subsequently purchased by Yeah1 Network, but to this day I have no clarity whatsoever on my legal rights to the video. Any attempts to receive guidance have either turned up dead ends, or led to suggestions that I speak to IP lawyers, whom I have neither the means nor the time to deal with. Incidentally, if anyone has any insights in that area, I’d love to hear them.

Having said this, there’s something quite empowering in taking something embarrassing and admitting to it before someone else can point it out to you—a bit like taking ownership of an amusing surname. I’ll leave it to you to figure out what gags can be made from the name ‘Weedon,’ but I learned quite early on that if you make the jokes yourself and beat others to it, no one can fucking touch you. It’s much easier nowadays to hold my hands up and admit that I shouldn’t have sold the rights, make a joke of it and move on. At the very least, it makes for a good anecdote at parties.

As I suspect is probably the case for old content creators, if you can even call us that, the real story about I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This isn’t in how it’s aged and endured, or even how it’s impacted my life. For me, it’s tied up in issues of rights, ownership, and monetisation. As mercenary as it might be, I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t regret missing out on a slice of the pie when it came to YouTubers being able to monetise their content sooner. On the one hand, that's probably a very cynical view for something that was created by a bunch of teenagers who were fooling around making videos for fun in the noughties, but on the other, that's just the world we live in now.

Perhaps the strangest thing about my experience with it nowadays is the way people engage with it on a day-to-day basis. The comments vary from young people discovering its origins for the first time, surprised to discover that it is in fact a 14 year old video and not a recent creation filmed for Vine or TikTok. At the other end of the spectrum are those who are incredulous that someone with a video that has 9.2 million views and an account that’s amassed over 15,000 followers without really trying would step away from the platform and not want to make content.

The truth is that, nearly a decade and a half later, I’m still processing it. I love seeing how it’s been re-interpreted in modern mediums and that positive association has made it easier to accept. Charles Cornell turned it into a sad song. It got sampled in a KIll The Noise track. I had a nice interaction with The Sidemen about it. Will Smith even featured it in an insane Instagram post during the pandemic. I DM’d him to say thanks and he obviously didn’t reply.

To that end, a small group of us have recently started work on a film project exploring the nature of the meme, how it grew, its impact on my life and my relationship with the internet at large. In doing so, the hope is that, while answering some of the burning questions that other people still seem to have, I’ll ultimately be able to make peace with the whole thing.

@Twotafkap

My Life as a Meme: ‘I Can’t Believe You’ve Done This’ Revisited syndicated from https://triviaqaweb.wordpress.com/feed/

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