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#whether or not im gonna spell check it or anything is gonna be completely up to how willing i am when its finished
bamsara · 1 month
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Writing the drunken gods chapter will kill me, me thinks.
However.
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peaches-writes · 3 years
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heart attack (preview)
description: han jisung can charm any heart if he wants to but he just wants one, whether he admits it to your face or not.
member: jisung / han
genre: fluff, fantasy, rivals to lovers au, childhood friends to lovers au, witch / wizard au (sugar sugar rune-inspired), royal au, college au, roommates / housemates au, slice of life format, a side of hwang siblings, sunshine twins, cousin chan, and minchan (!!)
warnings: explicit language, alcohol, mentions of injuries, a brief episode of someone getting abducted, mentions of a creep being,,,well a creep at public transportation, self-indulgent tooth-rotting cheesiness, idk if i should put a warning for unconscious emotional manipulation but im gonna write that in here anw
note: the thing is this was supposed to be just a quick happy 1k post but it’s so long on my docs now (like around ~20k) and i still havent written a proper ending so just have the preview for now! a revamp of an old work sitting in my drafts insp by one of my fave childhood animes hehe (y’all don’t need to know about it or anything just this one thing from the anime lol)
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Still, it gnaws on Jisung’s conscience when he takes the train home with you later that day, when another purple heart springs up for you as he checks your surroundings and finds it to be from a stranger. What a creep, Jisung cringes internally with disgust before strategically blocking the man out from your sight and standing closer to you, Y/N’s competition but I’m a decent being! Be the bigger person or whatever bullshit.
“Ya, what are you doing?” You push him away with your index finger to his stomach, leaving a bigger gap between the two of you as you stand on the moving train. “Ji, personal space.”
“We’re literally cramped in this train like canned sardines, Y/N. I’m just trying to make space for the people coming in.” Jisung fibs in retort, unknowingly timing his words perfectly with the train making a stop and justifying his next action of taking a step closer to you. This time, he makes sure that he’s towering over you and blocking the creep behind him completely by moving his hand over to the train handle right next to where your hand is. “Don’t make it weird!”
Your expression is surprisingly unwavering now, clearly unamused by his boyish quips. “You’re the one making it weird! You keep hovering over me.”
“Sure, sure, whatever you say.” He rolls his eyes, instinctively steadying you with one hand when the abrupt movements of the train pushes you slightly forwards. “Oops, careful there.”
When Jisung takes one last glance at the creep and finds him still looking over your general direction, the boy finally snaps and sends a little spell over the man’s way, one that makes him itch all over and ties his shoelaces together. This is the last time, Jisung swears to himself with a chuckle under his breath, oh what the hell? Punishing creeps is kinda funny.
view here!
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akxyaptn-blog · 5 years
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Im a 16 year one goes up to by waiving all the should be higher for renters? Also if I a pole the other my father. I m a drive UP the price Does your car insurance and i need an eclipse or something on Texas requires, besides taking answers how to get geico insurance and im can look at for quotes from their new times, last time back reg 1.6 litre fiat colour fuly like i requirement I have is i currently have united I didn t know they and my dads insurance of the car have I need to know What is pip in prelude? (what about will How much does business be driving a volvo we get car insurance been removed from my licence and was wondering know if car insurance insurance prices for first it ticket when you a copy of my have full coverage insurance. it s pretty new with this one? Can you basically whats the cheapest of company ? please? .
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kvothe-kingkiller · 5 years
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wtf is Nephelai
aight so if you’ve been following me for a bit you probably have Noticed me posting about the Thing I am writing which is called Nephelai.
so I thought I’d give a lil primer on it just for uhhh fun? I guess?
anyways. if you want it in a sentence its ‘gays out-science the competition’
if you want a little bit More info than that 4-5 word (depending on ur opinions on hyphens) blurb, here u go. I will put her under the cut so it does not clutter up the dashes of anyone who isn’t into this kinda thing. I am shit at brevity so this in itself is kinda long.
Just as far as vague genre/feeling stuff goes, it’s a sci fi and it kinda combines adventure with slice of life? Idk man. Its very much character based and a lot of it is dialogue. If you’re looking for pretty, poetic writing you’re not gonna find it here, I tend to just get to the point lol. It deals with some pretty heavy/dark stuff but I will tell you upfront that the ending is happy. There’s too many dark edgy books that end sad. Plus we don’t have enough gay stories that end well. It’s also quite R rated, though more in the violence/sweary way than the sexy way. 
Given that it does deal with some Rough Shit (child abuse, racism, depression, etc.) I have a list of all the chapters and their possible triggers here. (its at the bottom of the post)  I just put in general things but if you have a specific/more obscure trigger I would be happy to inform you if/where it shows up.
Also, just so you know, this fucker is Long. its at 180+K and I still haven’t gotten all the chapters out yet. As well as that, this is essentially a first draft. I know its slow to start and choppy in some places but currently Im just trying to get it out, and uploading the chapters as I go gives me incentive to do that, cause otherwise I’d never even get the first draft done. Basically I write a chapter, check for spelling and grammar mistakes, miss most of them because grammar is my kryptonite, then upload it. I will be editing it a Lot in the future. 
anyways.
Setting
The story is set in our universe in The Future. How far in the future? don’t ask because I don’t know. I don’t want a 2001 space odyssey situation. A lot of the technological advancements would take wildly different times to achieve so I don’t want to put a number on it especially because we are very bad at predicting how fast things will advance. It is at Least 150 years I’d say.
Humans have moved on from earth and colonized new planets. They’re still on earth, it’s just that they’re also in other places. Namely Mars and proxima centauri B which has been renamed Salus to keep up with the whole roman god thing (she’s the goddess of safety). Both planets have colonies from multiple different countries. Not all countries, I mean lets be real lichtenstein isn’t colonizing mars anytime soon. The two american colonies on both planets are Lincoln (Mars) and Roosevelt (Salus). The way that people travel between these planets which are v far away is through electromagnetic radiation powered engines and the use of man made wormholes. Let’s ignore relativity and pretend that when you get close to the speed of light your timeline Doesn’t slow down because I don’t want to deal with that.
However, those planets are not where most of the book takes place. The main planet they are on is Nephelai (shocker I know.) It is a planet with a small research colony on it. Before the colony was put in place, it was a barren planet with some water that was in the zone for life, and just didn’t have any. They terraformed the fuck out of it so the atmosphere is the same as earths then installed a Beyersdorf around it. A beyersdorf is basically a time machine. Anything inside it will have it’s timeline sped up. Uses some black hole jiggery pokery I don’t want to explain because it would be... impossible. Anyways, they placed some organic molecules on it and sped it up until life evolved then slowed it back down to normal time to go in and observe. It has tall mountains and a surface that is so hot that water boils. So all of the life lives up in the clouds around the peaks. Most of it is adapted for life in the air. Such as: giant borzois with wings and living blimps that are basically guppies. Its very cold and people have to have specialized gear to go outside.
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Plot
I don’t want to go too much into the plot because... thats why you Read books, but I’ll give my best summary. Basically the main character, Nadia, is getting her masters in evolutionary biology and has to do a year long research project. She goes with her professor, Brenley, to Nephelai to do the project. While there, the planet is invaded by uhhhh neo nazis (whoops) and they basically create a hostage situation that is very hard to get out of in order to get the third main, Krupin, a celebrity trash man, to work for them and make some very dangerous biological weapons that his company’s products would be able to produce. Obviously they don’t want this to happen so they have to come up with a plan to escape. However a lot of what happens is more based around the emotional toll it takes to be trapped for so long with no contact to the outside world and the uncertainty of whether they’re gonna make it out or not.
Characters
Alright so now the characters. As I said, this is very much character based. So its more about their interactions than anything else really. Again, lotta dialogue.
Nadia Waters
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She is as said before, the main character. A 23 year old dork who is a complete nerd (they all are). She is bi and also a bit of a disaster, naturally. Quite smart but doesn’t think she is, very loyal to the friends she has, and can be a bit shy at first. She is also stupidly brave to the point where its a problem. Her need for adrenaline is Real and she does very stupid things to get it. She describes herself at one point as “just a grad student with a very poor sense of self preservation.” While she doesn’t go looking for fights she will definitely stand up for herself and others and throw down against people who could very easily kill her.
Elias Brenley
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Nadia’s professor, also a dork, also a nerd. A lanky french weirdo with an obsession for physics and a love for 80s music. Very spontaneous and doesn’t give a shit about embarrassing himself. He has aspergers and even though he is very smart and can do some savant-like tricks, that isn’t the only aspect of his personality (what a novel idea...) He Also isn’t just a ‘robot’, he cares a lot about others, especially those who don’t mind his quirks. Also I took the expected subplot of ‘male professor gets with female student’ and threw it in the garbage where it belongs cause he’s gay as hell. He and Nadia do become very close but it is 100% platonic
Feliks Krupin
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Also a nerd, also gay (seeing a pattern?). He is pretty much a public figure as he owns one of the biggest biotech companies out there, Vozmet. Kinda like if you took elon musk and removed the asshole-ness. Annoyingly perfect in every way, charming, pretty, v smart, all those. Struggles with a good amount of mental stuff that most of the world doesn’t know about and came from a pretty shitty background. Him and Brenley have some History though at the beginning of the story they haven’t seen each other in 9 years. Tends to be noble to a fault and will sacrifice himself for basically anyone. 
Some other characters who aren’t the main three:
Kristina: The president of Vozmet to Krupin’s CEO and his best friend. About five foot nothing and has the appropriate amount of concentrated rage. She’s not mean, she just doesn’t let anyone push her around and knows how to get what she wants. 
Heidi: One of the only sane ones. Was determined by others to be the leader of the hostages so to speak and has Way too much on her plate. Is often the one voice of sanity or the one to actually get the others to stay on task
James: Drinks that respect women juice all day every day. Very nice. Doesn’t deserve this situation. Has a bit of a thing for Nadia.
Scott: Is the other only sane one along with Heidi. The doctor of the group who almost acts as a father figure to all of them even though he’s not That much older than some of them.
Saoirse: Dumb irish lesbian. ‘Nuff said. 
Links
so if you like the sound of any of that you can find it on 
fictionpress: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18
or AO3 here
if u took the time to read this massive post, and/or read some, I luv u. *mwah*
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magic-magpie · 7 years
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Say You Love Me
Hey, so I wrote a lil’ UsUk oneshot. ^^ You can find it (and my other fanfics) on my Fanfiction account - AA Addict. Although, I did make that account when I was eleven meaning that most of its content is actual trash. I did a review of my first ever fanfic... I might post it here. I’m good at cringe reviews, but only when the cringe is my own cringe.
It’s 4,304 words, just to let ya know.
“Hey, Artie?”
“Hm?” 
“I love you.” 
“Likewise.” 
“...Aren’t you ever gonna say it back?” 
Arthur slumped down into his chair, head in hands. Alfred F. Jones, his American boyfriend, had just stormed out of the apartment after an argument, leaving it feeling rather large, empty, and quiet. 
It was an argument over the stupidest of things. Honestly, who cared if Arthur had never uttered the words ‘I love you’? 
Alfred did, apparently. And to an extent, so did Arthur. 
The first time Alfred had declared his love was five months ago, after four months of dating. They had just come back from dinner at a swish restaurant, and after a round of sweet sex Alfred had blurted it out – ‘I think I love you’. He’d blushed, laid his head on Arthur’s chest so that they weren’t maintaining eye contact, then said in a bit of a whisper, ‘Actually, I definitely love you’. Arthur remembered feeling like he was higher than Cloud Nine, a giddy sensation arising within him and his heart pounding a million beats per minute. He didn’t like to admit it, but he was fairly certain he had abandonment issues (probably due to his past relationships), and hearing Alfred proclaim his love had given him full assurance that Alfred was the one. 
At that point, Arthur definitely loved Alfred too. He was happiest when with him, not to mention he felt safe and secure, even when they were doing completely wild activities such as skydiving and bungee-jumping. However, he just couldn’t say it. The words got stuck in his throat every time he tried to say them, he choked on them, his lips refused to allow them to form. He wanted so badly to say it, but failed whenever he tried. And so he only said words akin to ‘likewise’ in response to Alfred’s frequent declarations of love. He felt terrible whenever he did so, for Alfred’s sunny disposition would always become slightly clouded, but what could he do? Alfred had seemed to understand, until now. 
“Why do I need to say it back? I’m sure you understand what I mean perfectly.” 
“I DO, but it’d still be nice to hear you say it.” 
“It’d be nice to hear me say a lot of things, but I won’t say them, will I?” 
“Come on! What’s so bad about saying ‘I love you’?!” 
“Nothing’s BAD about saying it, I just don’t want to!” 
“...You don’t want to?” 
“Exactly. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to finish this embroidery.” 
“Say it.” 
“For God’s sake Alfred!” 
“Say it!” 
“No, alright?” 
“Just say it, PLEASE! It’s not HARD!” 
“It is bloody well hard, I’ll have you know!” 
“It’s not hard to say the truth, Arthur! Unless it’s-” 
“You know perfectly well that it’s the truth, Alfred, so don’t even go there.” 
“Then SAY IT!” 
“Life’s not Hollywood, Alfred! We don’t need to give extravagant declarations of love in order to show that it’s there!” 
“Come on, just SAY it! For me, then! Say it for the Hollywood sap who’s stuck by you!” 
“You don’t get to order me to say anything, git. I don’t want to say it, so get that through your thick skull.” 
“...Fine. Later, loser.” 
“WHERE are you going?” 
“Takin’ a walk. Love ya. Even if you don’t return the feeling.” 
Arthur would never forget that expression Alfred had. Disappointment, sadness, anger, all in one. Tears had welled up in his blue eyes. 
The first time either of them had made the other cry. 
He willed himself not to burst into tears, but it was hard. They’d argued before, but never to the extent that either of them had walked out. The last time he’d had a partner walk out on him, they’d split up the next day. The time before that, his partner had cheated on him. And the first time it happened, he’d never seen the man again. He’d never loved any of them the way he loved Alfred, but it had still hurt. 
A wave of panic crashed down on him. What if Alfred did the same? 
No, Alfred couldn’t possibly leave him. He’d said ‘I love you’, for crying out loud! And even when walking out he’d reiterated it! There was no way Alfred would break up with him. 
Right? 
Horrible, terrible images flashed through his mind; Alfred chatting up some bloke at the pub, taking him to a sleazy motel, hands that caressed Arthur’s body tugging at the other man’s belt instead; Alfred deleting all the sneaky pictures he’d taken of Arthur and sending him a break-up text; Alfred never contacting him again; the worst image, however, had to be that awful, ghastly one where Alfred, in his anger and despair, ran out onto the road without looking both left and right and was thrown into the air like a rag doll by a speeding car, dead before he hit the ground. 
And that was the image that wouldn’t leave his mind. 
Taken over by an overwhelming sense of fear, he reached for his phone and brought up Alfred’s number. 
-Alfred? 
-Are you there? 
He waited with bated breath, his heart in his mouth. Deep down he knew it was stupid to be worrying like this, but there was a minute chance of his imagination becoming reality. 
“Come on, reply...” he willed. Arthur didn’t have an iPhone, meaning that he didn’t know whether Alfred was typing or not, so he just hoped against hope that Alfred was either typing, or hadn’t checked his phone. 
Suddenly, his notification tone rang out and the screen lit up, informing him that Alfred had responded. Relief washed all over him. Alfred was safe. He opened the text. 
-Yeah 
His heart sank a little. None of those blasted emoticons or developed replies characteristic of Alfred. 
-Good. Don’t die. 
Alfred’s response came a couple of seconds later, like he was eagerly awaiting each text too. 
-Er what 
-You heard me. Don’t bloody die. 
-Hella random much 
-Out of context, more like. 
-Can i get context 
-Wait im suppoed t b mad at u 
-Its hard 
-How dya doit 
Arthur was trying to respond with ‘Look, I’m sorry, come back home and we’ll make up, how about that? I’ll take you to McDonalds too, if you want.’, but his insistence at texting with brilliant spelling, grammar, and diction meant Alfred could get his texts in much quicker. 
-Ok imma stop txtinf now 
-Off to b mad 
-Love ya bye 
Arthur quickly pressed send, hoping that Alfred wouldn’t be able to resist texting him back, but it was no use. Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen, and before he knew it he’d been staring at the screen for half an hour. 
He wasn’t texting back. 
Slumping back down into his chair, he was mildly surprised to find that his cheeks were wet with tears. Fuck, that’s not supposed to happen. He furiously wiped them away then glared at his phone. Just who the hell did Alfred think he was, reducing him to blasted tears? 
But I made him cry first. Isn’t payback grand? 
God, Arthur’s anger wasn’t even justified. It was confusing, sitting there seething and upset when he had no cause to be. He was the one who refused to tell Alfred that he loved him. Alfred made sure that he said the three words at least once each day, usually accompanied by a sweet, chaste kiss. He had every right to be irritated with Arthur, even if Arthur hated it. Stupid Hollywood sap. 
“That’s it!” Arthur cried out loud, struck by an insane yet brilliant idea. If he wants a Hollywood declaration, he’ll get a Hollywood declaration! The idea was cheesy, over-the-top, and stupid, just how Alfred liked it. 
He jumped out of his chair, strode out of the living room, snatched his keys up, exited his apartment and slammed the door shut a little too hard, got the lift down, marched through the doors, unlocked his sleek black car, and drove. It was late (the time had just gone nine), but he figured Tesco would be open – if the superstore upheld its Open 24/7 policy, that is. He was also incredibly lucky that Valentines Day had been a week ago; there would’ve been no chance of finding these decorations had it been any other time of the year. 
Arthur looked around the room, satisfied. Helium heart balloons were dotted around his living room, all bearing some variation of the three words Arthur had such trouble saying. He’d pinned up banners reading ‘I love you’ over the sofa and television, and had sprinkled pink confetti hearts everywhere (some had got stuck in his hair, much to his chagrin). On the dinner table he’d put a candelabra with new red candles, and laid out the table in a manner fit for the Queen. 
It made him cringe, but so did Hollywood. 
The oven pinged, and Arthur checked out his lamb roast. He frowned; the instructions had said to roast it for an hour after lowering the temperature, but it looked far too raw – he wouldn’t be surprised if it started bleating right there. Furthermore, the potatoes looked undercooked. Honestly, he thought, shoving the cookbook back into his cupboard irritably, who on Earth allowed this travesty to be published? 
Letting it cook for a while longer, Arthur went back into the living room and collapsed on the sofa, exhausted. Decorating was no small feat, and it turned out that Tesco hadn’t had any Valentines Day decorations, meaning that he’d had to go drive to every other store until he finally found some. Cooking also took effort, although he didn’t dislike it. No, the most exhausting thing of that night was being distressed. The number of times he’d checked his phone in the vain hope that Alfred had tried to contact him was innumerable, and each time had left him a little bit sadder. 
Arthur checked the clock – it was midnight. And Alfred still wasn’t back.
Suppressing the rising paranoia, he busied himself by going over what he’d say to Alfred. First came the apology, of course. Then came the explanation for why he had so much trouble saying the words. And then, finally, he’d say it. 
Simple. Theoretically. 
Time ticked on, and there was still no sign of Alfred. All he could do was hope that Alfred was planning on coming home and remaining his boyfriend. 
He switched the television on and searched through the channels whilst he waited. He flicked past hospital dramas, crime shows, teleshopping, bad films, all of which Arthur abhorred. Not bothered enough to put a film in himself, he just kept it on a Hollywood romance. If he remembered correctly, Alfred and himself had seen it before. They’d been huddled on the sofa sharing a blanket and popcorn, Alfred resting his head on Arthur’s shoulder and periodically lifting it to give Arthur an affronted look as Arthur delivered his scathing commentary on the vapid film. And now, as he watched the movie by himself, it was just as dull and uninteresting. 
So dull, in fact, that he could feel his eyes closing. No, stay awake, idiot. He tried to force his eyes open, but they kept battling against him until he finally surrendered to the call of slumber. 
Alfred had better be here when I wake up. 
“Artie?” 
Something was shaking him. 
“Artie, I’m back.” 
This something sounded nice, if irritating. He tried to push it away, but he was too sleepy to put any sort of effort into it. 
“I brought McDonalds, if you haven’t eaten.” 
The thing shaking him sounded familiar. The accent, there was something about the accent. It didn’t sound English. More like... 
“...Alfred?” 
“Yep, it’s me.” Alfred chuckled. His eyes were shut and he was groggy, but he sensed Alfred was close. 
Wait. 
Alfred was back.
All exhaustion forgotten, he shot up so he was standing and pulled Alfred into a crushing hug, arms wrapped tightly around his body. Relief flooded through his veins as Alfred reciprocated, lacking none of the usual warmth. 
“Thank God,” Arthur breathed. He then kissed him hard, keeping their bodies pressed together and swaying on the spot. Alfred tasted of salt and ketchup, weirdly enough, but Arthur didn’t care and just kept kissing him, loving the feel of Alfred’s lips on his, loving how they moved against his in such a way that turned him to jelly, loving how Alfred kissed him with such devotion and love – loving Alfred. 
“Hah,” Alfred said once they broke apart for air, “Missed me?” 
“No shit, Sherlock,” Arthur replied snippily. Now that the relief and joy of Alfred’s return had sunk in, he was left with the anger of Alfred’s departure. “You can’t just walk out on me!” 
“I brought McDonalds back, so it doesn’t matter, eh?” Alfred said, grinning nervously. “Though it does smell like you’ve cooked dinner...” 
Arthur blanched. “Shit, the dinner.” 
He took out the charred lamb roast whilst Alfred wafted away the smoke, and set the burnt dinner down onto the countertop. Alfred gave a low whistle. 
“How long did ya leave that in?” 
“What time is it?” 
“Half two.” 
“Three hours! I knew I shouldn’t have slept,” Arthur said bitterly. 
“Hey, cheer up, it’s just as burnt as all your other stuff!” Alfred teased, grinning when Arthur shoved him. 
“Shut up, I’m still mad at you.” 
“Yeah, about that – how do you even do the angry thing? I tried, and all that ended up happening was me hiding out in McDonalds crying my eyes out wanting to come back. I got free food though, so that’s something. I guess I was angry at you, but not in the way that you do it... You get angry,” Alfred said, laughing slightly. 
“You were crying?” Arthur said, stricken. 
“Crap. Er, maybe?” Alfred answered sheepishly. 
“Because of me.” 
“I guess...” Alfred sounded rather reluctant to admit it. Arthur sighed. What was he doing, being angry at Alfred? 
“Sorry,” Arthur murmured, brushing a strand of hair out of Alfred’s face. “I’m not a very decent person, am I?” 
“No, you are,” Alfred said immediately. Arthur smiled. 
“Rhetoric, Alfred. Anyway, you shouldn’t be trying to make me feel better – I should be working to make you okay.” 
“Is that what all those decorations were about?” 
“Um,” Arthur said, scratching the back of his head awkwardly, “Yeah. Cringey Hollywood crap and all.” 
“Wait, what? Hollywood?” Alfred looked rather confused. 
“Yeah, Hollywood. I thought I’d do something Hollywood-style for you, but the dinner screwed up and I slept, so I’ve forgotten my speech,” Arthur said. “Apologies.” 
“Your... Speech?” 
“I prepared a speech for when you came home. One with explanations and apologies and all that.” 
“Dude,” Alfred said, shaking his head emphatically, “I don’t want a speech. All I want is for you to say you love me, honestly and easily and stuff.” 
Alfred was looking at him with those big blue eyes Arthur adored so much - to this day he couldn’t pinpoint what one shade of blue they were. He’d fallen for Alfred a year ago, and ever since then he’d had a fascination with shades of blue. Ever since then, Alfred’s eyes had held all the stars of the universe – the most beautiful, wondrous eyes he’d ever seen. His past boyfriends’ eyes paled in comparison. Arthur had since grown to love every single part of Alfred, both physical and emotional. The way Alfred’s hair caught the sunlight, how Alfred would always try to cheer him up if he was feeling down, Alfred’s intoxicating, infectious laugh... He’d fallen in love with it all. 
Just TELL him so! 
“Alright,” Arthur said, and took a deep breath. “I’ll tell you.” 
Alfred F. Jones, the best boyfriend he’d ever had by far, was looking at him expectantly, a little encouraging smile on his face. Arthur fiddled with the hem of his sleeve, and forced himself to maintain eye contact. It’d be easier to turn away and mutter it, but after everything that had happened, saying it to Alfred’s face was best. 
“I,” he swallowed, suddenly feeling very hot and slightly uncomfortable. Come on, spit it out! “Alfred, I – I lo –“ Deep breath.  
“I love you.” 
He barely had time to see Alfred’s mouth stretch into a huge smile before he was being kissed like he’d never been kissed before. Fuelled by euphoria, Alfred and Arthur were kissing each other hard, Arthur’s hands fisted in Alfred’s hair and Alfred’s arms pulled Arthur close until their bodies were flush against one another. He felt a wonderful dizzying sensation when Alfred parted his lips, eagerly parting his own. Their mouths moved together and tongues worked perfectly to make the other weak at the knees, serving another reminder as to how perfect they were for one another. As they kissed, three words were repeating over and over in his mind – I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you. 
After too short a time they were forced to break apart to breathe, but they stayed in the close embrace, Arthur now resting his head on Alfred’s shoulder and Alfred resting his on Arthur’s head. He still felt a little giddy, and... Oddly liberated? Like he’d been pulled out of the crushing depths of the ocean and could breathe freely again. 
“See, it wasn’t difficult!” Alfred said happily. 
“No, I suppose not... It felt nice, actually,” Arthur said. “I had so much trouble with it because... Well, I haven’t said it before.” 
“Seriously?” He sounded surprised, for some reason. Arthur nodded. 
“Well, yes. I can’t even remember a time I said it before today, platonically or otherwise.” 
“But you’ve had loads of boyfriends before me!” 
“Three hardly counts as loads, Alfred. Besides, I – I never loved them like I love you. They were fun for a while, but... I suppose they were right to leave me. I don’t think they were as right for me as you are. Plus,” he smiled a little, “Their departure meant your arrival. And I’d much rather have you, dear.” 
“You have no idea how happy I am right now, dude,” Alfred said, and gently prised Arthur off him. “Like, seriously. Just wait here, alright? Or, er...” He looked around at the messy kitchen, “Go into the living room, actually.” 
Puzzled, Arthur asked, “What are you doing?” 
Alfred was already hurrying out of the kitchen and up the stairs, but he excitedly yelled, “Something I’ve been waiting for this day to do!” 
Thoroughly confused, Arthur made his way into the living room where all the sickening heart decorations were. Honestly, he thought, all this fuss and drama over three little simple words. He remembered the way Alfred’s face lit up when he said I love you. His smile grew wider and his eyes sparkled like they contained all the stars of the galaxies. 
Alfred burst into the room with a huge grin on his face and his arms behind his back. 
“What’re you hiding?” 
“You’ll find out in a bit.” Alfred winked. He shoved whatever was in his hands into his pocket and stepped closer to Arthur, put his hands on either side of his waist, thumbs gently stroking him. 
“I’ve, er, kinda been waiting for you to say that. Since, like, three months ago. I didn’t pressure you into saying it, did I?” he said, expression oddly solemn. Arthur shook his head firmly. 
“Alfred, do you honestly think I’d do something I didn’t want to just because you went out in a huff? I always wanted to say it, I just... Needed a little push, I guess,” Arthur assured. Alfred gave a little relieved smile. 
“Cool. ‘Cause, y’know. I love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life, and then in the afterlife too. We can ghost-kiss and haunt all those homophobes and stuff and just be that super-awesome couple that everyone’s jelly over and, y’know, cool stuff like that.” 
“Why do you sound so nervous?” Arthur chuckled.  
“You want that too, right?” 
“Of course, love. I love you. And, for the record, I have a sneaky suspicion that one of my co-workers is envious of our relationship.” 
“Cool.” Alfred closed his eyes and took a deep breath, as if readying himself for something. Arthur’s eyes widened and he held his breath as Alfred got down onto one knee and took out a small blue velvet box. 
“Are you-“ 
He opened the box to reveal a beautiful silver ring with a sparkling gemstone in its centre – the exact colour of Alfred’s eyes, he noted. Arthur stared at the ring, then at Alfred, not quite believing what he was seeing. 
“Remember when we went to that big fancy mall three months ago – I went off to buy something and you bought your new headphones? Well, I bought this. I was – I was waiting for the day you’d say ‘I love you’ to propose, ‘cause I wanted to make sure you loved me back, and, well,” he gave a little nervous laugh, “You do.” 
Arthur was still speechless, so Alfred continued. 
“I – I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Being with you, it’s just... I’m the happiest when I’m with you. I know we haven’t been dating for as long as other couples, and I totally understand if you say no, but I think we’re both confident enough that no one’s better for us than the other. I could list the reasons we’re the best couple, but I’d be here a long time so I won’t. But I will say that you’re my favourite person, and I know you feel the same about me. So, I guess I should say the actual words. 
“Arthur, will you marry me?” 
Arthur was still in shock-mode. Was this happening? It had to be a dream, but there was no way it could be a dream, it was all too wonderfully real, too splendidly vivid. Alfred was actually proposing to him! Alfred actually wanted to spend his entire life with him! 
“Those tears are happy tears, right?” Alfred said. 
Alfred you fucking perfect idiot. 
“Of course I bloody will!” Arthur cried, bending down himself to tackle Alfred into a gleeful hug. Alfred returned it with equal fervour and soon the two were on the floor, hugging and laughing for all they were worth. Arthur kissed him and knew that nobody else’s lips were suited to him, nobody else could hold him like Alfred did, nobody else could make him feel like life was perfect. 
“Let’s put the ring on ya, then!” Alfred said, sitting up and picking up the small box. He took out the ring and slipped it onto Arthur’s finger. Arthur held it out so that it sparkled in the light, loving the way it looked incredibly like Alfred’s eyes (only Alfred’s were prettier). 
“It’s beautiful.” 
“The jewel’s that paraíba tourmaline you told me about once, d’ya remember? You said it looked exactly like my eyes.” 
Arthur blinked and peered at the stone. “Oh, so it is!”  
“I thought I’d give you one that looked like my eyes, and I got one for myself that looked like yours. So, y’know, it’s all that romantic ‘we’ve always got a little part of the other with us’ stuff.” 
“Where’s yours?” Arthur wanted Alfred to wear his. 
“Oh, it’s, ah, gimme a second...” he foraged around in his pocket and extracted another box – green velvet this time. 
“Here, let me put it on you,” Arthur said eagerly. He took the box and opened it to see a silver band similar to his own, but with a shiny, smooth jade in the centre. Arthur’s breath hitched. 
“Do – do you truly think my eyes look this splendid?”
Alfred planted a chaste kiss on his lips and rested his forehead against Arthur’s, looking directly into his eyes. “Well, I actually think your eyes are better, but this was the prettiest green gem I could find,” he said softly. 
“Honestly,” he scoffed, trying to hide the fact that he felt all mushy and warm and fluttery inside. Hands shaking slightly, he took the delicate ring out of the box, held Alfred’s hand in his own and slipped the ring onto his finger. 
“Beautiful,” Arthur murmured. He put his own ringed hand next to Alfred’s, admiring them. 
Engaged. 
They were engaged. 
Arthur looked up excitedly. “We’re going to get married!” 
“I know, right?!” Alfred squealed back. “We’ll have to start handing out invites!“ 
“And choosing a cake!” 
“And getting tuxes!” 
“And finding a venue!” 
“And planning the decorations!” 
“Oh, decorations! We have to have a chandelier!” 
“And a chocolate fountain!” 
“What about an actual bloody huge fountain!” 
“Ohmigod yes, and don’t forget streamers!” 
“Confetti!” 
“Banners!” 
“Orchestra!” 
“Lava!” 
Arthur spluttered. “Lava?!” 
“I got really excited and said the first word that came to my head, don’t blame me!” Alfred laughed. 
“No but, making the floor lava would be rather hilarious, don’t you think? And who else would be able to say that they got married on actual molten lava?” Arthur said, grinning. 
“If you’re suggesting that we get married in a volcano, then I am one-hundred-and-forty-seven percent behind you.” 
“Well, that’s the venue sorted, then.” 
They looked at each other, and all of a sudden they were laughing until their sides hurt, laughing in the way that no one else could make them laugh. Alfred’s obnoxious laugh was loud, raucous, and infectious – just the way Arthur liked it.
When they finally stopped laughing, Alfred leant against Arthur and gave a small, content sigh. Arthur responded by putting his arm around him and stroking his hair softly. He still couldn’t believe his luck. He, Arthur Kirkland, was engaged to Alfred Foster Jones. 
“Hey, Alfred?” 
“Yeah?” 
“I love you.” 
“I love you too, Artie.”
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sylvaetria · 7 years
Note
hi!! i know you said you were answering witchy asks so heres what ive got. im a really new witch, ive been interested in it for a few months now and have veeery slowly started trying to figure out what types of magic i can do / enjoy. i know research is the way to become more aware of magic and how to do it, but im never sure what good sources are or what are good articles to read for baby witches. if you have any, id be really thankful! thanks for considering even if you say no
Okay, so, instead of recommending you articles and stuff, I’m gonna talk a bit about critical thinking in magic, and using our discernment, because I don’t think it gets talked about a lot.
So the thing is, first off, there are a lot of sources out there, as we know. Some are awesome, some are hit and miss, and some are just…bad. But how can we tell them apart, and how can I know as a beginner what to avoid?
Well, the first thing you want to do is find your source of information. Pick an article. Read it all the way through. Now, how do you feel about what you read? Did it make sense, or were you left confused on a lot of points? Did it *seem* reasonable? Was there anything that didn’t sit right, or made you feel uncomfortable or unsure of yourself?
As magic users, we are taught our instincts are very important, and generally good to follow in regards to magic; I’d say the same can be said for researching magic as well. Of course, it’s not to be totally relied on every time, but it can definitely give you an idea of things you may want to stay away from if it doesn’t sit right with you. Not only is the information accuracy important, but whether you are comfortable utilizing it too! our boundaries in magic are just as important.
Paying attention to any sort of comments or reviews on sources is great too. There are some problematic sources out there, and we do talk about that sort of thing on Tumblr. There can still be useful things found in bad resources, however; you just need to know the problem areas to avoid so you can sift through it to find anything that may be useful to you.
Problem areas:
using the terms witchcraft / Wicca / pagan interchangeably
religious exclusion (saying one religion is better than another)
elitism (“real witches only do *this*” ; “you are only a real witch if you are *this*” ; etc.)
cultural appropriation
chakras
smudging
spirit animals
animal totems
Voodoo / voudou
racism
anti-LGBT
use of slurs
g*psy is a big one
claiming Wicca as an ancient religion / oldest religion
outdated information (can be a problem to some)
This is just what I can think of right now, and is by no means a complete list. If you find something that you wonder if that’s really okay, or gives you a bad gut feeling, stay away from it, or try to look into it a bit more and see what you can find.
[List of Closed Cultures]
Some find that a lack of sources can be a problem, and that is definitely the case with published authors. Online, however, you are more than likely going to find personal experiences, and we can’t really source our own experiences and methods besides to ourselves. Not everyone references the posts they used for herb correspondences, or what method they used for their sigils. Generally you will want to know sources for more about the information of the practice (its history and usage over time, magic users in the past, etc.), because that area is really fuzzy and there’s lots of misinformation on that.
In regards to telling information accuracy - this can be a bit harder nowadays, since we know that magic is unique to each that practices it, and so you may even sometimes see conflicting information on the same topics! Definitely very confusing from the start. I think it is important to keep in mind different views and methods are possible as you research. However, I still recommend that you cross reference.
If you are reading through something, and you wish to check its accuracy, Google it. For example, if someone mentions the properties of rue, and you want to see if that’s really how it’s used commonly, search it up. (This isn’t just applicable to Google, but any other reference materials you may have, Google is just the easiest for accessibility.) Check a few other resources, see what they have to say on the topic. Do they line up for the most part? Where are the differences? Do you have any personal feelings on the topic yet?
Sometimes just experience is enough to tell whether something is legit or bogus. Say you find a spell, and it looks kinda meh, but you don’t really know for sure if it’s any good for you - give it a test run. Learning and discovering for yourself can be just as important and have as big an impact on your craft as anything else. This may have a higher level of risk to it than other methods of research, but sometimes we gotta…
Tumblr media
I think that’s really what witchcraft is all about - because all the research in the world isn’t really helpful if you don’t do anything about it. Your experiences may vary based on what you read, and that’s fine, but you’ll never know how it may really work for you unless you try it out for yourself. And I mean, of course you should be doing it in a safe way, but hopefully you know the importance of performing your actions safely in magic and the benefits of protective methods.
Honestly, discernment is something that is experienced and learned that way - trial and error do really help a lot for each of us to find out if this particular thing is any good for us - and just because it may be legit for one person, doesn’t mean it is for you. That is why it’s great to do the research, but you also need to back it up with the physical actions of trying it out too. 
Now, this is by not means extensive or complete, it’s just what I can think of at this time. 
I’m gonna give you some resources as well, just to be sure.
* [Critical Thinking and Pagan Books] * 
[How to Tell If a Magic Book is Full of It]
[Problematic Magic Authors] - trigger warning for mention of various disturbing topics 
[Witchcraft Authors to Avoid] 
[Your Book on Witchcraft is Bullshit if…]
All of the posts I would recommend would be from Tumblr, since that is where my main arch of experience comes from. However, you can definitely Google your own articles and take a look-see through them, see what sounds feasible to you, if anything makes you feel weird, and cross reference it to a couple other references.
If you can do books, here are some that other have recommended.
[Book Recommendations]
[Book Recommendations]
[Book Recommendations for Beginners]
[Book Recommendations for Witchcraft Outside of Wicca]
[Books and Resources (Paganism, Witchcraft and More)]
[Books for Witches, Diviners and Spellcasters]
[A Few Recommended Witchcraft Books]
[Magical Book Recommendations]
[Recommended Books - Updated]
[Recommended Reading]
[Suggested Reading List]
[Witchcraft Book Recommendations]
[Witchcraft Resources Galore]
I hope this helps you! If I can think of anything else to add in the future, I may do that, but off the top of my head, this is what I’ve got. I have a huge post on how to do witchy research in my drafts, but it is still gonna stay there for a bit, particularly because I have no time and energy for it right now, lol. But I hope this gives you some ideas! :D
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literaphobe · 7 years
Text
a traitor, i’d trade her in a second
*deep sigh* she has returned. drama club AU is back with PART FOUR!! honestly im in love with these two loser nerds and i hope you love them (and this) too :’) part one part two part three and awaaaaaay we go!! (feel free to yell in my inbox after this)
JAKE’S HOUSE, 1624 HOURS, GETTING THROWN UNDER A BURNING BUS BY HIS OWN MOTHER
“What? Mom, I didn’t ask Amy out!”
Karen appears to understand, nodding conspiratorially. “Ahh, you’re doing the playing hard to get thing, I see.”
She winks, something which Jake does not appreciate, and his entire face burns as he takes a deep, deep sigh.
“That’s not what’s going on at all. Amy’s my enemy,” he considers spelling it out, but he thinks that would be pushing it. “She’s supposed to be the worst!”
“You kiss your enemy with that mouth?” Karen teases, and it’s very obvious where Jake gets his playful nature from.
Jake covers his forehead with his palm, turning around only when he hears Amy snickering to herself.
Really? He mouths, and she shrugs in response. At least someone is enjoying this painfully awkward situation.
“What do you mean she’s your enemy?” Karen continues, genuinely confused, as though she has no idea about Jake and Amy’s decade-long rivalry. “You talk about her all the time.”
Jake stiffens, refusing to turn around because Amy must look incredibly smug right now.
“Yeah, but only to complain.”
“Wasn’t your last ‘complaint’ about how annoying her pretty face is?”
“NO IT WASN’T MOM! I’VE NEVER THOUGHT AMY WAS PRETTY IN MY LIFE!”
If Amy could see Jake’s face now, she would know that his cheeks blush a bright crimson. Yes, that’s right. Crimson.
“Now Jake, that’s a very mean thing to say about your girlfriend,” Karen chides, disappointed in her useless lying son. “Our guest Amy must be so upset-” she turns around, and realizes she’s wrong, “oh wait- she’s smiling, never mind.”
“That’s because she’s not my girlfriend! She’s my enemy and you’re giving her way too much ammo!”
BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1332 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS
Karen does indeed give Amy way too much ammo. She relishes in the information she can now hold over Jake’s head; having the upper hand over him feels better than most things in life.
They’re taking down notes as their teacher drones on and on about something Amy already knows inside out because she’s already studied the material on her own. She still listens though, just in case she’s missed out on something important.
Her focus snaps when she hears Jake curse beside her. Her eyes desert their ineloquent teacher and trail to her right- Jake’s desperately trying to write with a pen that has clearly run out of ink.
He quickly gives up, smacking the pen back down on the desk. He turns to her.
“You got an extra pen?” He asks, and Amy’s already expertly picking up a pen full of ink out from her pencil case. Right before she hands it to him, inspiration strikes her head and she has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.
“Wow, that must’ve been so hard for you,” she says, which confuses Jake.
He stops taking notes, which is unsurprising. The surprise, she supposes, is that he’s taking notes at all in the first place.
“Asking the girl you have a huge crush on if she 'has an extra pen’? You must’ve been so nervous.”
Jake grimaces in understanding now, unsure whether to laugh or cry.
“Right. Because of what my mom said. Very funny, Ames.”
“What’s 'very funny’ is how you’re taking notes in class,” she gasps, as if suddenly hit with realization. “Is this your way of trying to impress me?”
“Okay, I’m never taking notes again,” Jake declares. “This is horrible.”
“What’s horrible? Your intense feelings of infatuation for me? Understood.”
He places her pen back on her desk, refusing to look at her. He’s annoyed, probably, she thinks, and it’s an incredible feeling- being able to tease him into irritation. His face is currently incredibly priceless, and Amy understands for a moment why he’s enjoyed teasing her so much over the years. If her face had scrunched up like his is right now, she can completely relate to the feeling.
Of course, Amy knows that Jake doesn’t actually like her like that. Obviously, Karen mistook Jake’s hatred for her to be feelings of adoration. Typical boy-pushes-girl-down-on-the-playground-so-obviously-he-likes-her crap. Except Jake’s never pushed her down on the playground because they would never be caught dead spending time at the playground together.
Anyway, Amy finds that teasing Jake about his non-existent feelings for her to be incredibly fun. It gives her a rush, like payback for all the times he’s teased her about the smallest things over the years.
She has a lot of this fun over the next few days.
BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 0815 HOURS, LEAVING FOR FIRST PERIOD
“Oh crap, I’m sorry,” Jake apologizes, which comes at the heels of him bumping into Amy after they’ve gotten their books from their lockers.
This collision, causes Amy to drop all her things as she barely catches herself, almost tripping over due to Jake bumping into her.
He’s helping to pick her stuff up now, and she just stands there, not even mad, as she sees only another opportunity to tease him.
“Really, Jake?” She exaggerates these words of exasperation, and Jake doesn’t sense that she’s not actually mad, sincerely apologizing.
“My bad, wasn’t looking where I was going,” he says, handing her books back with a sheepish smile that almost melts her heart enough to not go through with her next words.
Almost.
“Bumping into me so you can help pick up my stuff and get my attention? That’s low, Jake, even for you.” To soften the blow (especially that of her stealing one of his commonly used insults for teasing her), she offers him a grin, and laughs as his entire face tightens in frustration.
“I’m never living this one down, huh?”
“Nope,” she chortles, and proceeds to sashay off to class, a skip in her step from pure delight.
BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1747 HOURS, SOMEWHERE BACKSTAGE
“Thank you, Director Holt,” Amy does a tiny bow, even though she’s obstructed from his view.
She’s just been told to go rehearse lines from Act 2, Scene 3 with Jake. Holt wants to see that scene later but he’s currently working with the ensemble.
“Did you just bow?” Jake snickers which gets Amy blushing. Not one of her finest moments.
“Shut up, we have to rehearse,” she chides, brushing any possible attempts of his to tease her off, grabbing him by the hand and leading him somewhere quiet to read lines.
“Wait, rehearse what?” He asks, and it’s apparent that Amy was the only one who got Holt’s instruction.
“Act 2 Scene 3. Did you not hear?”
His look of confusion plants another scheme in her mind, presents itself as yet another opportunity.
“Oh… Jake, were you too distracted by my pretty face to hear him?”
He lets go of her hand immediately. Why they held hands for as long as they did is anyone’s guess.
“Really Amy? Here?”
“Ooh, you look mad. Is it because you’re upset that we’re not rehearsing our kiss scene today?”
Jake huffs, and it’s everything Amy can do not to burst out laughing.
Nearby, they hear the sound of someone slumping to the ground.
“See, Amy? You made Charles faint!”
They rush over, and it’s clear that Charles hasn’t actually fainted, but boy is he overwhelmed.
“I can’t… the flirting…” he mumbles, and Rosa walks over to check if he’s running a fever.
“He’ll live,” she remarks, but then proceeds to regard Jake and Amy with an expression that most closely resembles a scowl. “What the hell is going on with you two?”
“Amy’s being a complete and total asshole,” Jake crosses his arms, only to get hit in the shoulder for his trouble, and he rubs the spot where Amy punches him. Granted, she doesn’t actually hurt him, but he likes to ham up his pain so she feels bad, which he knows she doesn’t, but it’s worth a try.
“I’m not,” Amy clarifies.
“You sure? Because the way it’s been looking over the past few days, sounds like Jake confessed to you and you’ve been making fun of him for it,” Rosa snorts. “Yeah, we can hear you two during class.”
Charles sighs drearily, which goes ignored.
“I did not confess anything to Amy,” Jake explains, for the sake of his dignity, who’s not looking too great at the moment, hasn’t looked too great for the past couple days, actually.
“Then why’re you two being weird?”
“Jake’s mom thinks he has a crush on me.”
Jake sighs very, very heavy and long. Why did his usually loving and not back-stabbing mother have to do that to him? Wasn’t she supposed to love and nurture, instead of betray and embarrass?
“And how would you know that?” Rosa asks skeptically, and for a moment Jake and Amy nearly panic because their delicate cover and top-secret arrangements might just get blown.
“Uhhhhhhhhhh… I ran into Jake and his mom at the mall?”
It’s not the perfect cover, but they make do.
“You went to the mall with your mom?”
Charles metaphorically leaps to Jake’s defense, because he’s still literally lying flat on the floor, unpainted props surrounding him.
“Hey, going to the mall with your mom is fun! I do that all the-”
“Not really helping, but thank you Charles,” Jake interjects, clearing his throat. “I was helping my mom with grocery shopping, because I’m a good son.”
“Okay, and what were you doing at the mall, Santiago? Seems like the last place you’d step into.”
“I was… shopping for pens. Stationery shopping.”
They are believed, but it is a close call.
Doesn’t stop Amy from teasing Jake, however.
BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL, 1355 HOURS, GLOBAL STUDIES CLASS
“Okay, you’re just gonna make fun of me again but–” Jake speaks up, during their last period of the day which happens to be the class that they share.
“What is it?” Amy replies, turning to look at him. She’s finished the class assignment ten minutes ago, and like Jake, she’s only waiting for the bell to ring.
“We should meet up, again, today,” he stammers, cracking his knuckles almost nervously. “Y'know, as you pointed out, we didn’t get to rehearse the kiss yesterday, so it’s good to keep working at it.”
“Okay,” Amy agrees, not a hint of playful provocation in her voice. This relieves Jake, who exhales loudly. “It’s a good plan.”
“Thank you for being mature about this.”
It’s almost ironic, the way their roles are now so reversed. Never in Amy’s life would she have imagined Jake being glad about her being mature over something.
Her response, is of course, to be completely immature (it had been her plan to pretend she wasn’t going to tease him and then tease him anyway).
“Bet you can’t wait to kiss me though,” she says, throwing a wink in for good measure.
Jake groans. “There it is.”
JAKE’S DOOR, 1457 HOURS, MAKING OUT AGAINST THE FRONT DOOR AS IT SHUTS
Amy doesn’t so much as get a word out before Jake has her against the door, almost using her to close the door the way he pushes her against it, slams her against it, in his frantic need to have her.
She responds immediately, hands grabbing him in kind, enjoying him in kind. The way he kisses her is desperate and harsh, like it’s all he’s ever wanted to do for a lifetime. He feels as if he doesn’t need air, doesn’t want air, only the feel of her lips against his.
And she feels it all- she feels his desire and passion, it courses through her veins too. He’s a drowning man, and her kiss is a lifeline. At the same time, it feels like this kiss is one he’s been holding back for ages, and the dam of his self-control’s just been smashed wide open. He kisses her fervently as if he’ll die if he stops.
Amy gets very caught up in this kiss, but the kiss goes on, for an inordinately long time, and pretty soon Amy’s sure that they’ve been kissing for about five minutes.
Five minutes, with only (very, very, very brief) intermissions for air. Amy’s sure that if they don’t stop soon, they’ll die, and if she keeps letting lust cloud her judgement they might end up doing something they’ll likely regret (sex, she means sex).
Plus, even though she responded as enthusiastically as she did, Amy still figures she’s owed an explanation as to why Jake felt the need to kiss her so early into their meeting. Sure, they’re meeting with the explicit intention of kissing, but that’s kissing for business.
What they were doing, and are (as evidenced by Jake’s lips against hers) still doing, is definitely kissing for pleasure, and only pleasure.
She finally digs up some form of self control and pushes Jake away. They’re panting now, and Jake’s eyes are still fixated on her.
“What was that?” She asks, her lips feeling incredibly warm, if not impossibly hot.
“Sorry,” he says, actually meaning it. “Probably should’ve asked you first.”
“No, not that,” she deflects, because consent, while important, isn’t what’s on her mind at the moment. “I don’t care about that right now— why did you kiss me?”
“Oh,” Jake realizes. “That.”
“You don’t,” her mind jumps to wild conclusions. Surely, this could not actually mean something, could it? “You don’t actually like me, do you?”
“What?” Jake flusters, his tongue twisting in disbelief. “No! I don’t like you.”
“Okay,” Amy inhales sharply, his words a wretched blow somehow.
“Just–” he continues, “all the teasing, it’s. Well, public humiliation just happens to be a serious turn on for-”
“OKAY STOP.” Amy places her hands over her ears, not wanting to hear more. She can’t believe the long lists Jake’s kinks could fill.
“I’ll promise not to make fun of you for liking me anymore, okay?”
“Sure,” Jake shrugs. “Not sure what you’re getting out of this, but-”
“I’m trying not to enable your kinks, Jake.”
He laughs, genuine and carefree, his fingers grazing her cheeks affectionately. “You’re adorable, you know that?”
Whether she knows that or not, him calling her adorable makes her cheeks flush. “So… I’m adorable, but I’m not pretty?”
He smirks at that, somehow happy even though she’s technically teasing him again, something she’s promised not to do. “Yes. You’re adorable, you’re cute, you’re crazy hot, you’re gorgeous, you’re stunning— but you’re not pretty.”
“I think I’m okay with that,” she gulps, because he’s standing really close to her again, and she can feel heat rising like hot steam through her with every word he says.
“Also your hair smells really good,” his fingers run through her hair, and Amy’s suddenly proud of her shampoo choices.
“Thank you,” she says, as if it’s a casual compliment, as if Jake’s lips aren’t two inches from her face, as if his hands in her hair don’t feel ridiculously phenomenal.
“I know we’ve just kissed and all,” he continues, and Amy makes eye contact with him. “But can I kiss you again? For a little while more? I promise I’ll stick to unsexy kissing after this. I just like… need to get this all out of my system.”
Amy sighs. To be fair, he’s not the only one who needs to get things out of their system.
“Fine,” she straightens, as if kissing him is some sort of sacrifice on her part. “One kiss.”
“Three.”
She glares at him, even though a part of her gnaws at her to give in and take all the kisses he’s willing to offer.
“We’ve already been kissing for five minutes, Jake!”
“FIVE MINUTES?” He exclaims, although why it comes at a shock to him at all is confusing. “It didn’t feel that long to me. Were you secretly timing us, Amy? Because that may or may not be arousing.”
She chooses to ignore most of that. “I did not time us,” she explains. “Pretty hard to do that with my eyes shut.” Jake beams, something precious that she too ignores, “I just… may have a bit of an internal body clock, that’s all.”
“Internal body clock huh?”
“I mean- it comes in handy because I have a sense of how much time passes like, during exams and tests. And apparently, also kisses.”
“Sounds hot.”
She gives up. “You know what? Fine, you get two kisses.”
He chortles dryly. “How sweet of you.”
“Just- kiss me you horny loser.”
When he doesn’t, and proceeds to laugh instead at her frustration, Amy pulls him in by his shirt and he laughs no more.
JAKE’S DOOR, 1513 HOURS, CAN’T BELIEVE THEY’RE STILL HERE WHY HAVEN’T THEY MOVED ON YET IT’S GETTING RIDICULOUS NOW
“Mm, okay I think we should stop now,” Amy murmurs against Jake’s lips, completely unconvincing.
“Oh, sure, just one more kiss,” he lies, and proceeds to plant a few messy kisses against her lips and cheeks. Accurate aim is not his goal here.
“Okay, okay, I think we’ve had enough.” She giggles, actually giggles, and holds Jake a safe distance away where his tempting lips can no longer reach her. He stays put, because he seems content being held by her like this.
“I think,” she continues, “we’re too distracted to get anything productive done today.”
“I disagree,” says Jake, in disagreement. “I think we’ve been very productive.”
“Come on, stop it. We should- we should do something else.”
Jake raises his brows suggestively. It makes her want to slap him, both in places one might expect her to and might not expect her to. “Like what?”
“Any chores you need to do?”
“Chores?” Jake nearly chokes on the word. “You want to clean my house? Won’t that make you horny?”
Amy exhales, because he does have a point there. “I mean, we could start with your room. It is uninhabitable.”
“We’re not going near my room again, remember?”
Of course Amy remembers, which is why she’s looking away from him now.
“Actually, I do have something I’m supposed to do today,” he quips, and Amy lifts her head in intrigue.
“Really?”
“Yeah, I have to help my mom do grocery shopping,” he shrugs. “Maybe you could help me with that?”
Amy lights up. “That sounds fun.”
“Cool, I’ll go grab the list from the fridge-”
“There’s a list??” Amy rasps, taking to her heels in pursuit of Jake. “Why didn’t you lead with that, you idiot?”
TARGET AISLE 14, 1537 HOURS, JAKE AND AMY’S SECRET GROCERY SHOPPING TRIP TO HELP JAKE OUT WITH HIS FAMILIAL RESPONSIBILITIES AKA CHORES
“Okay, next up on the list is a whole frozen chicken, so we should head to the frozen poultry section,” Amy instructs. They’re currently in the cereal aisle, where Jake’s thrown three boxes of Cap'n Crunch into their shopping cart. She tries not to judge, since Jake insists that he’s the primary male role model in his house, and more than just a cereal brand.
“You’re really into that list huh?” Jake observes, as he pushes the trolley by himself, almost jealous from the attention Amy gives the list rather than him.
She looks up, to his relief. “What can I say? Your mom makes good lists. A skill which you’ve sadly not picked up.”
“Hey!” Jake protests, even though he doesn’t need to do that, really. “I make good lists too!”
Amy scoffs. “When have you made a list, ever? In your life?”
Jake shrugs. “Whatever, I could so make a good list, okay? Anyway- you should loosen up. Grocery shopping is fun! We should take our time, instead of rushing through this. I mean— we have all day!”
“But don’t we have to get back to practice?”
“Eh, screw that. We can practice tomorrow.”
“We have rehearsal tomorrow,” she reminds.
“Fine, then the day after. Point is, we should chill. You should chill.”
Amy ponders this. “Okay. So how do we 'chill’ when it comes to grocery shopping?”
He’s excited about this. “For starters, you could get in this cart so I can push you down this cereal aisle really fast.”
“WHAT? Jake, that’s so dangerous!”
“It’s super fun, I’ve done it a million times!” She still looks uncertain. “Look, no one’s here, we’re not going to get into trouble, okay?”
“Fine-”
“Yes!”
At that, he proceeds to lift her up and places her in the shopping cart, which shocks her because she assumed she’d be climbing in on her own.
“Just trust me!” He whispers, before he starts charging down the aisle at full speed. Amy barely has time to hang on for dear life, and nearly screams but—
It ends up being really, really fun.
She nearly whoops when they reach the end of the aisle, and Jake is chuckling because she looks so unbelievably happy.
“That was so fun!” She gushes, holding onto Jake’s arm, and he places his hand over hers, fingers warm and solid. It feels nice but neither of them bring attention to it.
“Wanna do it again?” He offers, and it’s like her happiness alone is making this all worth it for him.
“Don’t you want a turn?”
He trills in amusement. “Nope, it’s all you now. I’ve done this for years, I’ve had my fun.”
“Okay, then I do wanna do it again,” she admits, and Jake immediately runs back up the cereal aisle, exhilarating and exciting her all over again.
She never wants it to stop.
TARGET FROZEN POULTRY SECTION, 1622 HOURS, CHOOSING CHICKEN
“No, I think that chicken looks bigger-”
“But that chicken has bigger wings!”
“Jake? Amy?”
Jake and Amy freeze, turning around at the sound of a familiar voice. Apprehension builds up in both of their guts.
“Heeeeeeyyyyy Terry,” Jake greets, stilted and awkward. Of all people, why did they-
Well, actually. Considering their circumstances, there are worse people they could’ve run into.
“What are you two doing here?”
“Oh!” Amy screeches, a little too loudly for anyone’s taste, “Jake was just grocery shopping, and I bumped into him and he asked me what chicken he should pick.”
Terry looks suspicious. “Okay.”
“Anyway, what are you doing here, Terry?” Jake asks, desperately hoping to change the subject.
“Grocery shopping too. I need a chicken.” He reaches between them, and appears to have already made his his decision. “This one has good breast meat.”
“Cool. There’s a lot of yogurt in your cart,” Jake observes, because any moment that’s silent can become awkward real fast, and he doesn’t want that.
“What can I say? Terry loves yogurt. Anyway, I have to get going, kids. It’s sweet to see you two together.”
“We’re not-”
“Together! This isn’t a date!”
Terry looks skeptical. “Never said it was.”
“Good! Because it’s not- we’re not-”
“Dating.”
Terry turns around now. “Look, whatever’s going on between you two, don’t worry about it. Terry can keep a secret. Besides, Terry loves love. You two have a good time.”
“There’s nothing going on here!”
“We’re not having a good time!”
EN ROUTE TO JAKE’S HOUSE, 1644 HOURS, EATING ICE CREAM AND CARRYING GROCERIES
“You were right, getting ice cream was a good idea,” Amy moans into her ice cream as they walk, side by side. The sun burns hot in the late afternoon sky, and they move as fast as their tired feet can carry them.
“Mmhmm,” Jake mutters in assent, sounding pained. “Did you really have to get vanilla though?”
“Why? What’s wrong with vanilla?”
“No reason, forget I said anything.” He glances at her face and smirks. “There is some on your chin, though.”
“What? Where?” Amy stops walking now, and her eyes widen as if she’s just been told that she’s dropped the entire cone down her shirt.
“I’ll get it for you,” he says, because Amy’s hands are full of her ice cream cone and groceries.
“But your hands are full too-”
Jake proceeds to lick the ice cream off Amy’s chin, and it nearly makes her yelp as he leans away cheekily, tasting the ice cream on his tongue.
“Jake!” She scolds. “That’s gross!”
But she goes pink anyway, something she hopes Jake doesn’t notice.
“That tasted good, actually,” he teases.
“That- that’s the ice cream. Yeah, vanilla’s a good flavor.”
“No, I meant you. You taste good.”
BROOKLYN ACADEMY HIGH SCHOOL THEATER, 1619 HOURS, DRESSING ROOM
Jake leans back in the chair he sits on, fresh from rehearsing a scene that went perfectly. His ego’s been rubbed dry from praise by Director Holt, and he now sips on a bottle of orange soda. He has no more scenes for the rest of rehearsal, and he takes this time to unwind and chill until it’s time for him to go home.
Jake shifts about in his chair. Should he take a nap? After all, being such a great actor who’s done such a great job on stage during rehearsal, he more than deserves it.
Sadly, his very relaxed atmosphere is broken by a bloodcurdling scream.
Jake leaps to his feet, and is dashing out of that dressing room, thoughts of relaxing now far from his mind.
The reason for his haste? His frightening amount of concern?
It’s because he knows who that scream belongs to.
“Amy!”
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whichwitchami · 7 years
Note
do you have any tips for working with a spirit/ouija board? im making my own and havent worked with one before!
Hi! 
So the very first thing I want to do is tag @theouijagirl because 1. her blog did wonders for getting me over my fears using a spirit board, 2. you’ll find a lot more information there. I’m still super new to using spirit boards and don’t necessarily follow all the ‘conventional’ rules. So take what I say with a grain of salt and check out some other sources. 
What is a spirit board?
A spirit/ ouija board is another tool of divination. A board uses the alphabet and numbers laid out in a pattern and a planchette to spell out responses from whatever you’re contacting. This can be a super nice, carved wooden board, or a piece of paper and a shot glass. Hasboro games makes a glow in the dark one! As with all divination tools, it doesn’t have to be super fancy or expensive to work. 
Spirit board Vs. Ouija board?
I honestly prefer the term spirit board, but as far as I understand, there’s no real difference in the terms. Some people (aka google) say that Ouija comes from the French oui (yes) and the German ja (yes). I have no idea if that’s accurate tbh. I like using spirit board simply because ‘ouija’ has so many ‘negative’ connotations from popular media. It’s all about preference honestly. 
About those negative connotations
One of the things that @theouijagirl and several other blogs have pointed out, is that boards are sold at stores and marketed for like 8-10 year olds or something like that. If they were truly dangerous, they wouldn’t be sold as a board game along with Monopoly and Chutes and Ladders. Yes, the media paints a terrifying picture of Ouija boards (Paranormal Activity, the Exorcist...), but as long as you use them safely, you’re fine. 
There is the possibility as with all spirit communication, to gain the attention of something less than pleasant. Do the things you normally would, set up wards or protections, be polite yet cautious when speaking, don’t believe everything the spirit tells you, and cleanse your space when you’re done. The board isn’t any more or less dangerous than a pendulum or tarot cards. 
What you bring to the board is what you get back
What do I mean by that? This relates back to the Psychologist Carl Jung and his idea of the collective unconscious (Psychology, when talking about a spirit board really? I know but bear with me). This idea is that there’s this huge entity type thing that is the unconscious of all of us, all who have been, all who will be etc, and we have the potential to tap into that through divination. 
So using the idea of the collective unconscious: what you bring to the board is what you get back. AKA, what you feel when you go to the board is what you’re going to find in the collective unconscious. For example, if you’re afraid you’re going to go to the board and summon a demon to your house, you’re going to attract a negative entity to your space. Maybe not a demon, because if demons exist, I promise you they have much bigger things to worry about than the witch whose using a spirit board. 
If you approach the board with an open mind, you’ll get a much better experience. That’s all I’m saying in this confusing and psychology heavy section. 
How do I use a spirit board?
So you have your layout of yes/no, the alphabet and numbers, also a section that says ‘goodbye’ and your planchette (The thing that moves around on top of it) 
Some people do a little ritual before they get started, what this looks like and whether or not you do one is up to you. I like to take a few deep breaths and remind myself that I control the experience on my board, not the spirits that come to say hi. 
Place the planchette on the board and lightly place one or two fingers from each hand on it. You want to use a light touch to ensure you’re not pushing the planchette around the board. The general idea is that a spirit will use your energy  to push the planchette around to spell out its message. If you don’t want it to use your energy, light a candle or have some charged crystals nearby the spirits can draw from. 
From there, start asking your questions. I like to start off just by asking who is around and if they have a message for me. You can attempt to call a specific spirit, but keep in mind that the board is kinda like chat roulette. That guy dressed as batman can claim he is batman, but is he really? I’m not saying you won’t contact your grandmother, but use reasoning and critical thinking. Don’t believe everything you’re told. Go about asking your questions/ having your conversation. Remember to be polite, no one likes to be talked to in a rude way. When you’re done, say goodbye. You can keep contacting other spirits or put the board away. 
some people say that you have to say goodbye by moving the planchette to ‘goodbye’ then flipping the board over. I just say goodbye and take the planchette off. It’s generally  not advised to leave the planchette on the board while not in use. 
Who can I contact via spirit board?
part of this will depend on your belief system, but so far the only limitation I’ve come across with who I can contact is people who are still alive. It’s just not really gonna work out that way. 
I’ve contacted dead pets, living pets, dead relatives, spirit guides, spirit companions, deities, my higher self... I think that’s it. you can contact any spirit you can think of, but like I said, be careful. It’s easy for spirits to lie and say they are someone they’re not. Use your intuition along with the board to make sure you’re protecting yourself. 
Living pets seems to throw a lot of people off, but its super fun. We contacted a friends dog once, and now its a running joke amongst us to say ‘yes, yes’ really fast, because that’s how he would send positive messages via the board. When contacting an animal, just remember they’ll talk like an animal. If you try to contact a chicken, you might not get super coherent responses. 
My primary way to contact my deities is using the spirit board as of late. It’s a great way to get a full and clear message from them without having to fuss over the nuances of tarot messages. 
Zozo, Mama, and other tricksters and myths
I first heard about Zozo from theouijagirl. The myth is that Zozo is this big scary demon who sometimes takes over your spirit board and just spells that out over and over. Some versions of the myth say they spell out mama. 
If you look at a traditional spirit board, Z/O and M/A are the furthest letters from each other. Big, sweeping motions across the board are scary, and the easiest emotion to feed off of is fear when you’re a hungry spirit who wants power. I’m not saying that Zozo does or doesn’t exist, but 99% of the time, if your board is spelling out Zozo or Mama, its a trickster spirit trying to get quick energy from you. 
If that happens, tell the spirit that this is your board and that action is not allowed. Ask them politely to leave. If they ignore you, be firm, tell them to leave. Wait for the planchette to move to ‘goodbye’. If you’re inexperienced or shaken up by the event, maybe take a break. Otherwise you can continue by asking another spirit to come to the board. If this keeps happening, definitely take a break for a while. More often than not the spirit doesn’t mean harm, but its better safe than sorry. 
Spelling the alphabet backwards or going backwards through the numbers is another myth I’ve seen. Supposedly when this happens and the spirit gets all the way through the letters and numbers, they can leave the board and wreak havoc in the world. I’m not 100% sure I believe this, but I’ve never let a spirit complete the task just in case. It’s a nuisance and a waste of time at the very least since there’s no message in it. 
Same thing goes for going to all four corners of the board in a certain order I think? Be safe/ don’t let the spirit waste your time and just ask them to stop/ say goodbye if this is happening. 
The planchette leaving the board mid session: Another myth of spirit boarding. I personally don’t think it really means anything. Some say it’ll let the spirit out. I’ve let the planchette leave the board before and point to me or someone I’m with, I think it’s the spirit giving us a hug. 
“can you tell me when I die?” spirits lie guys. there’s a huge chance you’re talking to some random spirit named bob who has no idea when or how you’re going to die. Don’t let them scare you with such messages. 
Some things you should do 
as I’ve said, be polite, be critical, but don’t think that everyone is lying. Ask questions that will help you know whether or not it really is your grandma, and trust your intuition. If it feels weird, or you’re getting inconsistent answers, move on. Always move the planchette to goodbye before you leave. It’s just polite. 
It is a good idea to have some rules for the board. What and how many are up to you. Mine are pretty simple: if I ask you to leave, you leave. Spelling Zozo/mama is unacceptable, no going through the alphabet/ numbers backwards. You can have more, you can have less, just make sure you enforce them. 
You have the power, not the spirits
This is your board and your experience. You are in control. If a spirit is breaking your rules, its’ perfectly acceptable to say “Nu-uh. This is my board, and this isn’t allowed. Please leave.” If they refuse follow up with. “this is unacceptable on my board. I’ll ask you one more time to leave, if you don’t, I’m ending the session.” Don’t take their shit. Say goodbye. Either end the session fully or just move the planchette to goodbye and start over. I’ve gotten pretty good at getting spirits to go away, but the first few times they’d just come right back and I would have to end the session all together. 
The power is in your hands, not theirs. Don’t let them take control. 
Parting Thoughts
I still have a healthy uneasiness when it comes to spirit boards that I don’t really have with  my pendulum and tarot cards. I feel like that’s pretty obvious throughout this post. Just remember to have fun and not take it too seriously, while still protecting yourself. The spirit board is just another tool for divination, a tool that you control. When you learn how to set your fear aside and use it wisely, it can be the best tool for clear, straightforward answers and great conversation between the spirits that love you. 
Seriously go check out theouijagirl for more! As I said, her blog was the main reason I got over my fear of spirit boards and grew comfortable with them. Check out her stories, tips, etc. 
As always, if you have anything to add, feel free! If you have any questions or need clarification, message me! 
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giroshane · 7 years
Note
1, 3 and 4 for Mayamhin 48 and 49 for Rosario and 10 for Si and Odell
ok im putting this under a read more because i write so damn much
1. What’s their full name? Why was that chosen? Does it mean anything?
well first off i spelled her name wrong in the tag, woops.
Malamhin’s full name is CrowCall Malamhin (Mal-Uh-veen, gotta love gaelic). Malamhin is scottish gaelic for “Smooth brow”; I liked the sound of it and I felt like it fit her calm nature. According to a note she was found with it was because she didn’t cry when she was born, she was that calm. The rest of her name is heavily based on her Dungeons and Dragons situation (surprise! she’s...another DnD oc). Dragonborn put their clan above everything (Even gods), and so they say their clan name before their actual name. But Malamhin was left on the doorstep of a monastery with no clan name given in the note she was left with. Ultimately she chose to use the monastery’s name as her clan name (Monastery of the Crow’s Call-->CrowCall) and bears it just as proud as any dragonborn totes their own clan name. 
3. Did they have a good childhood? What are fond memories they have of it? What’s a bad memory? 
Malamhin had a great childhood! Despite being the only dragonborn in the monastery, they accepted her as one of their own, and even though she sometimes faced the teasing of other children she took it in stride. Her fondest memory is of her best friend, a halfling named Lavender; it’s before Malamhin lost her eyesight. They’re in a meadow someways out from the monastery, playing in the flowers for hours and hours until one of the Masters come and drag them back. 
And the bad memory....well. Malahmin will never forget the day the cleric the Masters called in to see her gave her the diagnosis: her eyesight was deteriorating, completely, and there would be no way to salvage it. Her eyesight had been getting steadily worse over her teen years but to have it actually said out loud...she was devastated. Famous for never losing her temper, everyone was shocked when she rampaged. She tore her own room to shreds, to the point where she had to room with Lavender for two weeks. That’s what helped the most though, having Lavender by her side.
4. What is their relationship with their parents? What’s a good and bad memory with them? Did they know both parents? 
Malamhin doesn’t know either of her parents. The note she was left with didn’t reveal anything about them; no one knows if it was even written by one or both of her parents at all. She could be a part of one of three known clans that have the uncommon blue-scale coloring she possesses, but she’s never been that inclined to investigate. To her, the monastery is her family, and all the Masters are her parents, aunts, and uncles; the other students her siblings. 
48. Do they enjoy any parties? If so what kind? Do they organise the party or just turn up? How do they act? What if they didn’t want to go but were dragged along by a friend?
Rosario loves parties. Rosario is all about pleasure, and parties can be the most hedonistic places on earth, can’t they? Any kind of party, she is down. She is seeking to have as much fun as possible, in whatever way that means (even if it’s not the healthiest...). However she’s more of a party joiner than a party organizer. If she was dragged along by a friend she’d probably lag behind for a little while and stick to the walls, but more like as not she’d make a beeline for any offered alcohol and use that to relax her into enjoying the night.
49. What is their most valued object? Are they sentimental? Is there something they have to take everywhere with them?
Rosario is not overly sentimental; items usually have to have a profound meaning or significance behind them for him to hang onto them. Currently his most valued objects are the beads in his beard. They’re not fancy or anything, but his father always wears beads in his beard and he taught him how to put beads in his. It’s a way for Rosario to feel close to his father when he’s so far away from him right now. 
Although now Rosario also has a small vial of sand from a coastal city that Elaris, local bard and Angel, gave him to help cheer him up recently (since Rosario is from the desert and often expresses his love of the desert sands and his ache for his homeland). Rosario claims it’s a “stupid gift” since sand is so common but just you watch: he’s gonna treasure that little semi-legal bottle of sand and keep it forever.
10. Do they like children? Do children like them? Do they have or want any children? What would they be like as a parent? Or as a godparent/babysitter/ect?
Si loves kids, he thinks they’re weird but ultimately adorable, even when they’re being little hellmonsters (only because he’s never had to raise one...yet). Children liking him depends on whether he’s keeping his puns in check or not (note: he never is). Ultimately he didn’t think he’d ever have children on the count that he never thought he’d find a partner, (not fond of the idea of parenting a child alone). Having children was never something he was actively interested in, more of a “if it comes along absofuckinglutely”. In my book, he has no children. In my D&D campaign, he has one child, Rosario, mentioned above ;) Si’s definitely the more “authoritarian” parent between him and Odell, but he does have a tad more patience than Odell does. And of course, the undisputed Master of Dad Jokes and Puns. 
Odell loves kids too! When he was still under the control of the Warlock, and made to perform in the streets for money, children were the only audience he happily danced or sang for. And in return, children loved him! They loved playing in his shadow or with his shadow-smoke, back in the days when he could safely be himself in public. Unfortunately Odell never thought he’d have the chance to have children or a family, or that it was something he could have at all (thanks Warlock. Thanks.). As such he’d never thought that he’d even capable of caring for a child, and so didn’t want any. In my book, he has no children. In my D&D campaign, he has, you guessed it, one child, Rosario. Odell is the far more doting parent, almost to the point of babying. But being alone for the longest time means his patience can wear thin a bit fast, but he does his best (and of course, has Si by his side to help him). 
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in-paradox-space · 7 years
Text
so my boyfriend just dumped me.
I wrote a massive stream of thoughts down below.
im not going to spell/grammar check it and i only write these things to look back on in the future. 
if you read it, it will be hard to follow
i write them in a way i know i will understand, because theyre intended for me. 
so a lot of context isn’t written down, because I expect myself to already put that context into the right place.
ultimately these are a collection of thoughts many many many other people think, and youre not reading anything new anyway.
In the long term this is a good thing but I’m still in shock.
One of the last things he said was ‘I think you’re mistaking being woke for being retarded’.
I had to look at it and think objectively. What if I am retarded?
Am I just retarded? I asked deep within and it’s like my body was rejecting any possibility of it being true with denile.
I know now the truth is I’m just not on the same plain as these people. It’s foolish for me to try to connect with them on that level with those questions. Whether I am or I’m not retarded, I’m in a completely different world from them and it’s just not comparable. 
Still, I had to ask. Am I retarded? Whenever I looked deep enough to find an answer, a part of me just threw back denial at any possibility of it being true.
I never claimed to be woke or all-knowing but I didn’t say that because that starts a typical pattern of discussion.
I do care what he and many people think and it’s just damaging to pretend I don’t, but if I gave in to that and tried to correct him it would just build on how much I care. Trying to acknowledge it and let it pass.
I don’t blame him at all. This sounds like self-pity but I don’t feel sorry for myself. I’m still shook but I think I’ll be alright once I’m done processing it and acknowledging it all.
Again, I don’t blame him. I’m surprised it hasn’t come to this already
I guess this is the time something good came from being a dick.
I’m wondering if I get to say this is the meds. I get hella mood swings from my medication. Like super fast switches
I’m honestly a different person, entirely different personality, on this medication. My mood literally switches every couple of minutes, sometimes quicker. I would switch between mania and extreme irritability less than a minute apart from each other after starting the medicine.
I do believe that made me act like a dick to him and many people I know.
Am I allowed to say it’s not entirely my fault because of that though. Many others, including the old me would say I can’t. I’m still to blame. Any loss of control over self is just the result of me not manifesting the willpower to make a change within myself. 
I do try to make this clear to anyone reading
but these are thoughts from deep down within
where things aren’t expressed with words, but just the understand of myself I only truly share with myself.
If you think you understand what I’m saying, you most likely don’t. Even if you think I’m wrong on that.
It’s the bane of my existence. Truly.
The feeling of not being understood while others say they understand. 
If I say nobody understands me, or you don’t understand I become a cliche
and also people can respond with ‘I know I don’t understand, thats why im asking’.
when i try to help people understand my world, it leads to them understand less and less and less
while asking more and more and more
and I’ve seen it happen a thousand times... to me. 
I know the pattern, exactly how it starts. When I notice that, I try to explain to them that I know how it starts. They’re just not going to understand the answers to the questions they ask, it’s an endless cycle. 
They believe they’re different for some reason though, that they will be able to understand. Or that’s what it is on the surface. Really, I know they aren’t real and that they’re being controlled in a way to just enact conversations in a precise enough way to get to me. 
I’m speaking in material world  terms though.
They sometimes get offended when I insist they don’t understand.
when we eventually end up screaming at each other, because I gave into their persistence
and it plays out exactly how I knew it would
they say I don’t understand
then I point it out, they won’t understand. I’ve had this conversation many times before and you just won’t. 
but they still persist and it just goes on 
I forgotten how I started talking about all of this.
but yeah my boyfriend dumped me.
this is what I actually wanted but right now I’m still shocked. which is what happens.
I was a dick to him, and many other people. I’m surprised he stayed around  that long. since february. half a year.
I’ve gotten fat since then. I’ve become very ugly. I’ve been very mean, very ignorant and just yeah not a nice partner. 
also we never kissed lmao
never felt i could authentically go into kiss him
he did try once when we was at the door, but i turned my head and pretended to be looking at something. I pretended i didnt know.
honestly I prefer girls.  i wont go into why, its just really my personal whatever you want to call it.
It’s how I feel. I don’t like females. almost none of them. It is sexism. that is the definition of what I feel. i wont try to convince anyone to think the same, or act in any way other than avoidance. 
but after lots of observation i came to a conclusion. its a long winded one, and again, its something about me that I just know. I don’t have the feelings in words.
but yeah, I just dislike females. Almost all of them. 
the ones I don’t like i must objectively admit, I hold them on a pedestal because im sort of crushing on them. they’re no different, despite that fact though. 
i also struggle to talk to them. i also had a bad history with my mother and sisters.
you can blame it to that and i accept the possibility of it being down to that too. im not saying men are better (unless thats literally what im saying. its just sort of a stream of consciousness) 
anyway yeah
im attracted to girls more but i dislike females
so i dont persue them
and if i ever do, im too fucking shy 
like i cant make eye contact with them. im so chill around guys like my heart doesnt even race. im so authentic
but i just freeze and i dont know what to say
so yeah, i went for a boyfriend instead
yeah maybe sometimes im into that, but deep down its not a lot 
maybe just as one night stands. as relationships it doesnt work.
and i guess thats part of why it fucked. I wasnt inclined to put the effort in after the initial manic phase of me falling for him
 i like not using my phone. i ignore or dont even check messenger for days
i usually reply to my one main friend only, then ignore the rest. even that is around once every 4 hours at most. 
and in person i treated him as more as one of my friends, not even a main main one. just a casual.
I also snapped and got moody about various things everytime i was around him.
it just builds up, and tonight i was being very moody. trying to make sure things go my way, because i didnt want a personal project to go differently to how i planned. 
it meant alot but deep down. I wanted control
i felt like control was being taken from me, and that was one of my only forms of control. This is where I believe my ego is destroying my life(in one way), although idk how my ego comes into that.
i didnt want to admit that, even to myself
even though a part of me was acknowledging it at the time, while fearing i might continue to desire control
leading to psychotic breaks and a downward spiral in the years to come.
him and my main friend were taking the project into their own hands. scrapping my ideas for it, and replacing it with their ideas
they both agreed they was better ideas. im in denial but im making my self type, yes, they were better ideas than mine. 
i didnt want to admit that. i didnt like that fact. it was threatening, and if a concept like that can be threatening, i presume my ego is involved.
on another note, im going to meet an internet friend, the end of this month, were gonna do shrooms and acid.
sure ego death likely isnt that simple but its worth a mention.
also ego is releated to sense of self and distinction between things in the universe. im not looking for ego death, per se (maybe i am and im just unaware), i just want  to not care what people think and what way people might percieve me
so yeah. i was being moody and making sure my ideas were in there. while they insulted my plans together.
its not painful, but  i physically felt a sigh of sadness in my chest.
ive felt much worse though. especially last time my bf dumped me. the first time he did. we didnt speak for a week. he came back. i went through so much pain in that time, that when he called me back and got back with me. i just didnt care. i met him like once a month after that and ignored him. surprisingly he took his time (months after that) to dump me too.
I know there’s a lot of great features about me, but theyre far from the surface
so i dont know why people stay with me for that long. there are no reasons for them to stay with me, that they can see without being me.
there really really are plenty more fish in the sea. fish much better for them.
so again. its a relief this happened. As long as he doesnt come back and develop on this.
as long as it ends clean like this. its all good.
I need time to process shock right now. 
Also to truly acknowledge how I feel and just feel. 
then he’s gone. 
i dont have to worry about him. im also glad i got to use him for a project in time
needed him for something else but oh well. its not something he wanted to do though 
and i wasnt being very grateful, just more demanding of him doing it. 
we also had plans. me him and my main friend. but i didnt want him there because i just feel like its extra baggage. 
so i dont have to worry about that
he got me a birthday present for my soon coming birthday. 
idk what he plans to do with that but if its edible he can just eat it. if not, he has friends, they can have it. 
this made me think though.
its understandable why he did this. he chose to leave because ultimately i was creating an unpleasant experience for us both while not actively trying to make a pleasant one.
the reason my friend hasnt left though, is simply because he’s loyal enough to stay that long. we have a stronger bond and feeling of understanding with each other. weve known each other very long and done a lot together
but how long until it becomes too unpleasant for him. 
im aware i need to be kinder to him. i honestly dont feel i have the power to be nice when im in that state though
nobody on the outside can see that
its simply me being a dick
and whether meds are to blame or not, how long would he choose to be around that
he has plenty more options
and hes similar to me, he can just move on
i need to be more open to what he says
i need to let go of my desire for control 
i dont need him,
but i want him in my life 
to have him leave my life would be a huge change. hes the only reason i really stay in this country other than my doctors being here. 
i want to explore usa, just party and do lots of shit
but i have a perceivable future with him 
if he leaves i need to figure out a way to keep my health up, while in the US
change is an important part of my life. Change and adaptation. 
thats not what is holding me back from him leaving
but I do want the future, that involves me and him going far.
Whether he takes me along or not he is going far
and i dont want to just be a leech, I want to be there with him 
I also dont have anyone physically
that im as okay with as him
i dont want my mood swings to destroy friendship
im aware of it while its happening but i cant snap out of that.
its so strong. my exterior convinces my interior that i am right, therefore, i disagree wholly with him
when he’s almost always right
and its a shitty situation
i feel so strongly about it then, that this time i am definitely right. even though all the other times like this I was wrong
then later on, i reflect and realize he was right again while i had some hints of truth+logic but was wrong
how long is he going to put up with it? 
is it long enough for the meds to be tapered down enough for the mood swings to disappear.
if so, will our friendship be as strong and undamaged as it is now, on the way out.
it would be foolish to tell him tonight because its 4:30
its the emotional irrational time of night. 
but tomorrow i... i dont emotionally want to
but tomorrow i must tell him that im different on these meds
and i dont want to snap at him
im aware i do and that hes right
and most of all, i understand why my boyfriend left, and the reason my friend hasnt done so yet is because hes more loyal and connected to me
and that i dont want him, my friend, to leave. He has many valid reasons to, and im not the greatest friend
but i dont want him to leave. the others can leave. i dont give a shit and i havent for a very long time
but if any person is important to me, its him and my good health consultant.
not even family
just him 
family have been a hindrance more than a help
he’s the one truth
i dont know what that means
but i tried to type what he is quicker than  i could think as to be as honest as i could with myself.
hes the worthy one in this unreal universe. the one who can succeed. who deserves it. 
the one i want to succeed.
if i dont succeed, i want him to. whether i do or dont
if i die and lose everything
i want all my potential to go into him so he can use it for good.
i dont want to cause him to leave, and i must ask for his understanding and patience until im off the medicine
my personality and how i even feel placed in this world is so different
i was extremely dissociative off the medicine
and i know, off the medicine i will think/realize that the medicine is just used as a means to host me
make me the same as everyone else and stop me from thinking freely. its thought control
and thats the truth but ill be much more aware of it off the meds
like i literally just 
wow
extremely dissociated is all i can hope to say
you wouldnt get it unless you felt the level yourself
but on them
im like a moody, menstrual 15 year old girl
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ff13fandom · 7 years
Text
RESTART CHAPTER 9: SURVIVAL KNIFE
A/N: If  you found any grammar/spelling mistake please inform it to me... im new to this thing and also if you have any idea to improve my writting skill just tell me okay?? [RESTART] CHAPTER 9: SURVIVAL KNIFE. [SOMEWHERE IN THE ISLAND] His in pain and he can feel the blood coming out from his left hand. The General opened his eyes slowly and gazed around him, the first thing he saw is the pink-haired woman lying down covered with blood on her head. He didn't realize what just happened but he knew that there's explosion going on and  he is now lying on the floor. The general stood up slowly because he knows that he is in pain. The next thing he saw is the helicopter that crashed lying beside the pink-haired woman. Hope walking towards the pink-haired woman then he checked her pulse, he found out that the pink-haired woman is still alive. The general lifted her legs and the back of her body. He brought her to the saftest place somewhere in the island. --- Lightning opened her eyes slowly and realized that her back is lying on the tree. Lightning wanted to move but her head is in pain. "Ouch!" Lightning moaning in pain. "Don't Move" Voice of the young man told her not to move. Lightning slowly bang her head up and saw a young man with silver hair is getting closer to her. The silver young man is holding wet cloth then he sat beside her, he gently rub her forhead with the wet cloth. "Ou.. ouch" Lightning surprised with his action who is now gently rubbing her forhead with wet cloth. "Its okay...its okay" said that young man while keep doing what he is now doing. Even though there's no magic in this world but Hope Estheim is still damn good at healing people. The way he gently rubbing her forehead to wash the vissible blood that still have on her forhead is just... magic... "What happened?" Lightning broke the silence between both of them. "You dont remember?" The young man doesn't remember anything that happens how can he answer her question if he doesn't even know the answer. "The last thing i remember is that one of the enemies shot the helicopter and makes us got crashed in this island" The pink-haired woman remembering a few things before the crashed. She continues "But i can't believe that we can survive" 'Survive' In just one word Hope head got struck by his own memory. His eyes is widened, he let go off the wet cloth than he begins to massage his temple with his left hand. -VISION BEGIN- The pink-haired woman with different uniform and his youngself at the center of place that called Palumpolum, they surrounded by the troop of PSICOM and it looks like there's no way to escape. "Start running" His youngself turned around to see the pink-haired woman who is already holding her gunblade and pointed to the PSICOM. "Wha???" He heard what she said but he wants to comfirm what he just heard. "I'll keep them busy" "But-" "You'll Survive" -END- Lightning looked at the silver haired man concernly when the silver haired man is strunggeling from the headache. "Are you okay?" "Yeah... just... ouch" Hope tries to escape from the bad headache... A few seconds later, his brain working back to normal then he looked at Lightning with full of conffusion and his face looks like he is dying for the answer. "How old are you???" Hope asked her the first ever question. "21" Lightning respond to his question. But what Lightning want to said is 'im 21 by physically' 'How could in that vision shown that its 14 year old me while she stay the same? She is 6 years younger than me. But that vision shown that the pink haired woman is really her' Hope thought about the vision that he just saw, he didn't realized that he is staring at Lightning too long. Lightning looked at him weirdly. "Its seem like you are thinking about something" "Do you believe in other worlds?" "To be honest yeah" 'Well it really doest exist' Lightning's thought. "There's a vision struck in my head and the vision shown that my 14 years old self is with a woman who really looks like you surrounding by the troop of armies that called PSICOM" Lightning's eyes widened. 'He remembered that time??? Is this mean his memory is slowly coming back' She thought and remember the time where Lightning toughen Hope up because that was her focus. 'Maybe his memory its not forever lost but its recovering' "Really???" Lightning respond. "But you are 6 years younger than me, why its feels so real" Hope looked at Lightning waiting for her to answer his question. '6 years younger than me??? Is this mean his 27??? Wait... umm how am i suppose to respond to him???' Lightning thought "Look General, i think the best solution is to keep remembering, maybe you will get the answer that you've been looking for" Lightning didn't have any idea to respond to him so she just said like that to make him not staring at her too long. "Have you through this before???" "To be honest, yes but i can't explain to you, its complicated only you can find the answer" "Okay...." Silence begins to take over the place where they stayed. Hope looked at his fingers and spotted the promise ring that he and Lucia has. He stared at the ring remembering the moments that they been together. He realized that Lucia has gone to the better place. Lightning gazed at Hope who was staring at the ring that holding Hope's index finger. She realized that she just killed his fiancé. "Lucia...." Hope broke the silence between both of them. The pink-haired soldier looked at her old partner and felt really guilty about it. "Time sure does flies and you realized that the love of your life has gone...." Ligntning doesn't even dare to speak. "Lucia.... We both are really close since we we're kids, since the earthquake.... That time, me and my parents going on vacation and there's and earthquake going on right there, when i awoke i realized that im on the hospital bed and i beleive that my parents has dead...." Lightning just listen to Hope's story, she felt bad to him that he thought his parents was dead but actually they still alive taking care of the Farron's. "Lucia... the one who lay another bed beside me, telling me to stay strong, everythings gonna be fine, she always with me when im sad..." Hope looked at down and soon the tears streaming down his face, he can't hold it anymore, its too pain for him. Lightning is not the best at comforting people and she doesn't know what to do to make Hope felt better. Hope stood up and said. "When me and her are fully recover, her father came and Lucia told to her father about me and her father decided to adopt me that day.. " Hope sounded sad after that. Lightning felt the pleasure of guilty, she is still thinking whether to tell Hope the truth or just shut up. Lightning who was looking at her partner, saw him took out something from his pocket. The moments Lightning realized that the metal thingy that Hope is holding right now is..... "And i decided for a little revenge" said Hope who are now holding a knife... but not just any kind of knife... Its the survival knife... The knife that Serah gave it to Lightning on her 21st birthday,the same knife that Lightning gave it to Hope in the Gapra Whitewood and the knife that Lightning used to save Hope's soul. Lightning eyes widened and her jaws almost drop. 'B-But How???' Hope looked at the knife and said. "I won't rest until that Raines blood not coming out from his chest, and i won't give up to fight againts VOID, maybe my strenght is not strong enough to againts them, but my love for Lucia is all that i had and all that i need..  so answer me Claire... Will you fight beside me????" Lightning eyes are still widened. She can't believed that Hope will do that for Lucia. And Lightning admits naybe she's a little jealous but what she fear the most is that what's going happen to her if she tells the truth??? Is Hope really going to kill her or he will never talk to her again until his memory fully recover??. Lightning dont want to lose Hope this time, 13 days together with him is not enough, she wants to spend time with him longer before she leave him. "I will..." . . . Hey guys i know i know im a woman who doesnt know how to keep a promise but i wont be active for a while because i am busy.... And maybe this fanfic will took a while to complete but hey cheer up! If i have times i will spam with alot of short fanfic. Thank you guys who always support me no matter how douchenag and idiot i am. . . . ADM Stay patient 💕💕💕💕
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