#which I genuinely sympathize with but also am not super angry about

[incorrectpizza]

Behold, the most wholesome comment in the Jedi: Survivor community chat.

#star wars #jedi survivor #bd-1 #cal kestis #there's a LOT of grumbling about the price #which I genuinely sympathize with but also am not super angry about #and there's some jfo haters #BUT THIS ONE IS SO PURE I CAN'T

[bylightofdawn]

Okay, I've actually made some really good progress tonight and Cody and Slick are....le gasp actually communicating and not being bastards to one another.

Slick is also dropping some MAD truthbombs on Cody which is wrecking his entire life. aka telling him about the biochips and Order 66 etc.

I'm kinda chuffed so I'm posting an extra snippet.

I have also decided that yes, I am going to put a little one-sided Codywan agenda into this fic and also a heavy implication of Waxer/Boil because yeah the more I exist in this fandom, the more I'm 1,000% on board with this pairing. And cloneshipping in general mainly because in an army of millions of men, not everyone is going to view the man by his side as a brother. Sure, there's the concept of brother but it's more bro level of brother and then prolly a small batch of say batchmates or people you trained with you might consider family. But otherwise? Yeah ya'll are nuts if you don't think in the heat of battle and post battle adrenaline when people are hot and bothered that they didn't find some company for some mutual winding down.

Also, accelerated puberty? Yikes, that must have been a spunk-fueled shitshow. I have a brother and had to witness his puberty and the honestly embarrassing amount of morning wood boners he had.. It was super awkward all around. So yeah, shenanigans happened, is all I"m saying. And if that offends people and they feel the need to clutch their pearls, just don't. I'm not going to engage with that bullshit or argue with random people on the internet over something that I just don't think is that serious.

Okay, posting this snippet under the cut.

Unfortunately for Cody, he found himself facing down the barrel of Slick’s blaster for a third time today.

“I would strongly advise you to rethink your actions. I don’t want to have to shoot you again. Surely that would cause some kind of lasting damage.”

“If you shoot me again, I am going to rip your karking throat out.” Cody snarled at him with a wrathful expression.

“I actually understand and sympathize with that sentiment. I cannot imagine you’re feeling too hot, so why don’t you drop the hydrospanner and take a seat so we can have a civilized conversation.”

“As if that is even a possibility.”

“It is if you would pull your head from your ass and stop dwelling on the past. I’m actually forbidding either of us from bringing up the past because this isn’t about the past. This is about the future, your future to not put too fine of a point on it.”

The quarrelous part of Cody wanted to immediately reject that out of hand but there was some wisdom in Slick’s words.

“I gave you plenty of time to cool off and had hoped maybe you struggling to escape the bindings for a few hours would distract you enough that you can stop being a shabuir about this and we can get some meaningful progress accomplished.”

“How could you even know I was trying to escape?” Cody asked skeptically.

“I have cameras all over the place.” Slick used his free hand to tap a monitor which clearly showed a picture of the now empty bed. “I was a little concerned you’d actually hurt yourself when I saw the blood staining the sheets so I came in to check on you and your pretty terrible sleeping act. I even pushed a little extra pain-meds in hopes it would help with the pain.”

“And you expect me to believe this osik? Why not just confront me like a man?”

“Because I tried that, and you lost your karking mind. You are so angry and willing to demonize me that you can’t even listen to what I’m saying. Much less see I genuinely have the best intentions in mind and am trying to help you. Because even if I hate you back, I’m going to free every brother I can find. Even shabuir like you. I also figured that letting you have your escape attempt it might make you more congenial to listening to what I’m saying since you would have some sense of agency and control over your actions. I know what it feels like to be made powerless and how hopeless that makes you feel.”

Cody felt a scowl tug at his brows, but he couldn’t find a good counterargument to Slick’s statements. Not without sounding like a petulant child, so he carefully moved to slide into the co-pilot’s seat. He also attempted to ignore the fission of guilt that ran through him at Slick’s next statement. He didn’t want to empathize with the bastard because he had no one to blame but himself! But the sad truth of the matter was, he ha become all too familiar with the emotions Slick was describing, and it felt truly miserable, so he couldn’t help but empathize, even if it were just a little bit. “Alright, I’m listening.”

Slick moved the blaster to his lap.

“Okay, so we are headed to a rendezvous point where we are going to meet up with Howzer or maybe one of his other compatriots. They will take you from here to the next course on your journey. We like to keep things segregated so that if one of us gets captured, we don’t endanger the entire operation. So good news, you only have to suffer my company for another day or so.”

Cody manfully bit back a snarky comment and just nodded. “I think one of my men may have defected and has gone to Ryloth. He and his…partner befriended a young Twi’lek and she made a huge impression on them. I got the feeling they were planning to return to Ryloth and and try to adopt her or something so if he’s gone anywhere, it would be there.”

A look of consideration flits across Slick’s face. “What’s his name? I can see if we have any record of us helping him?”

“Boil.”

“Doesn’t ring any bells but Howzer might know more. I can’t promise you’re going to be sent there but once they get your chip taken care of and issue you a new chaincode, you might be able to travel there to look for him if you’re very careful. Howzer spent a lot of time on Ryloth so he’d definitely be the man to talk to.”

“Wait. What chip?”

Slick looked at him, visibly taken aback. “Wait…you don’t know about the chip? Order 66?”

Cody felt uneasiness wash through him when Slick even uttered those words. It brought up a wave of unpleasant and blurry memories of that awful day on Utapau. How he and his men just blithely opened fire on Obi-Wan, utterly convinced the man was a traitor.

Which, in retrospect, was pure banthashit. It had taken him months to untangle the cognitive dissonance surrounding his actions that day.

“I know about Order 66 though as time has passed…I’m questioning if that was a just order. Especially after the 501st went through the Temple and massacred everyone in their path, even younglings who couldn’t possibly have been traitors.”

Some of the tension in Slick’s body language melted away as he breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m really happy to hear you say that, Cody. Those cloner sleemos placed some kind of biochip in every clone’s brain. They claim it was to tame our overly aggressive tendencies but in truth, it was to ensure every clone would comply with Order 66 without question. It was their backup plan to make sure clones didn’t refuse the order outright because of course they wouldn’t immediately assume the Jedi they’d been serving under for years were traitors. Much less innocent younglings.”

Cody felt the world spin around him as horror and bile rose within him in equal measure. He had difficulty even processing what Slick was saying because all he could think about was the fact they had murdered Obi-Wan Kenobi, one of the kindest and most good people Cody had met in his meager years.

There was a part of him that had even been a little bit in love with the man, how could he not when exposed to that level of kindness and inherent goodness? The differences in their rank and station had made him lock those feelings down deep and refuse to examine them because, at the end of the day, he was but a lonely clone. And Obi-Wan had been a Jedi who had his own vows and commitments that would have prevented him from being able to pursue anything else.

He was only distantly aware of the damp trail of tears making hot and salty tracks down his cheeks as they fell down his cheeks.

#el writes #fanfic snippets #I'm kinda torn on the fic title. #Right now the front runner is: #spaces for living and spaces for forgetting #or: A fragile world between sharp teeth #I'm leaning more towards the second one since they've been very nasty to one another this whole fic

[mmm-amba]

anger

anger is a funky emotion. it's an emotion that i haven't really explored. i've pushed it away since i was a kid because of how i saw my family express anger. the thing about anger that confuses me is that it can be divisive.

when one person is cheerful, and shares that and expresses that, another person can be quick to understand and agree. when one person is sad or woeful, another person can understand that when it is expressed.

but anger is not necessarily the same way. someone has been frustrating the shit out of me, honestly making me feel super disrespected, but in advocating for myself and expressing my point of view, i am perceived as passive aggressive or crass. how does that work? why can't it be like -- yes, i am angry, and that someone can see how they put me in a situation to be angry so that i'm in backed in a corner and speak in a tone that i normally don't speak in?

and here's the thing. speaking directly isn't passive aggressive or crass. and i was speaking directly and yes i was speaking in a way where my frustration was showing but at that point you're just nitpicking me. it's tone policing.

one thing i hate about expressing myself genuinely is that i notice myself disagreeing with the people around me. i hate engaging in arguments. i would rather lie and dishonestly relent than be honest, in situations where the dishonesty doesn't have an immediate impact.

i feel really energetic and uncomfortable because of this. but the thing is that the disagreement has ended up in a win for me because i finally got paid for the shit i've been wanting to be paid for. and so at this point i can take whatever accusations or labels someone wants to put on me because i just don't care.

i guess i'll try to be better with my tone? but my dad would say something about protecting my heart. i'm ultimately content with my actions because i finally did something to release my anger (that has been building up for last week). i was finally decisive for myself which was what i needed. and i'm content that i'm open to improving my tone. and i'm content with the fact that i did my best, and that i love myself and my tone ultimately. i'm content with being open to catering my tone to one person if they make a big deal out of it but deep down accepting that my tone is my tone and for my point of view i did my best to advocate for myself given the unfair situation i was in. and i also am content with myself for not wanting to hold grudges or be petty on this.

everyone is the main character in their own lives, honestly, and so it's okay if i'm mainly sympathetic to myself... right? this is why i like math. there's no questioning for whom i am allowed sympathize. lmaooo.

#journal

[ramzawrites]

Prince!Eret x Assassin!Reader - One Dance

GN

Pairings: Eret x Reader

Characters included: Eret

Warnings: mention of death, talk of murder, very small mention of alchohol at the beginning

Series: No, a small fast drabble

Summary: You were sent to the local ball in order to get close to the heir Eret only that once you see the perfect chance for you to strike your emotions and feelings think this would be the best time to flare up.

Word count: 2119

Authors Note: I wrote this in the 2nd person which I’m not sure I like but I tried doing it anyway. I have been super busy with college but I wanted to write something for Eret since I love them a lot! Also this is really just a small drabble for fun so don’t expect too much lol

You sighed, taking another sip from you champagne glass. It was more so you fit in with every other snobby looking rich person in this ball room who where either dancing or chatting the world away than to enjoy an alcoholic drink.

Everyone was wearing these garish gowns with even more horrible looking masks. Thinking it would hide their identity and making a fun game out of this. Of course if you knew someone it wasn’t hard to recognize who was standing in front of you but if you didn’t it was apparently a charming game of who is who.

Though you weren’t here to play games. No, you had a job to do.

The good thing about this kind of ball is that it was actually not that hard to stand out. Everyone was wearing glittery, garish dresses and suits that the easiest way to stand out was by wearing something more toned down. All you had to wear was something that showed off the good parts of your body with simple garments.

That’s what you did. The only real choice you made when looking for what to wear was the color. At the end you settled for a simple wine red color. The mask you wore was covering both your eyes while also covering half your face.

There was no way anybody knew you there but it wasn’t about being recognized. The point of this mask was that you remained unknown. The Syndicate who you worked for made sure you were dressed properly for the event and wanted to give you at first a ceramic mask that would cover your whole face but you made the point then that this would probably pull a bit too much attention to yourself. The whole allure of this mask business was that you could see a hint of the real person.

This wasn’t your first job technically but this was your first job doing it alone and while being face to face with your victim. Honestly when it came to assassinations this was a classic and therefore should be treated as such, meaning people were expecting this.

Your goal? Prince Eret. The old king died a few weeks ago and he was about to be crowned the next ruler of the country but there were a lot of people who would love to see otherwise. Surprising? Not really. Especially seeing how the last king was a horrible ruler making sure to make the rich richer and bleeding the common folk dry. As far as people knew Eret wanted to do his best to undo this damage.

You sympathized with him, really, but a job is a job. To that you weren’t a big fan of any kind of government as well. You grew up with the Syndicate and got raised by them. You saw it all from the normal folk starving, getting beaten by the guards for not paying their protection fees all while the rich where eating cake and drinking the most expensive wines. So no, you held no love for this ruling system.

Everything was set. You had poison hidden in your clothes in case you get a chance to put it in his drink, got knives hidden and if worse came to worse you could use your hands. Now, of course to use all these things the damn prince had to appear but as it stood he was nowhere to be seen.

Angry you remembered how you told your mentor that honestly the best way would be for you to sneak in and kill him in his sleep but no this assassination had to be dramatic. To be fair this was the easiest way to get close to him if he would appear that is.

Repressing another angry sigh you decided to get some fresh air at the balcony. Give it five minutes and then return, if he is still not there you had to go back home. Your mentor forbid you to do anything else as it could jeopardize the whole assassination. Better to not attempt a failed murder and just regroup to find the next best opportunity.

It was already dark. The stars were up in the sky next to a full moon. A beautiful night for a sneak mission. Yeah, you were still not over that.

You took a good look over the view from the balcony. Right beneath it was a beautiful garden with all kinds of different flowers and hedges. Placed in such a way that it almost looked like a maze. In the middle was a beautiful fountain placed. Silently splashing in the night. It was then when you noticed someone sitting at the fountain, hunched over. Their back turned to you.

“That damned Prince.” You muttered. Of course you haven’t seen him in the ball room he has been hiding out there. This was perfect! He was alone!

Not trying to show your hurry you walked painfully slow back into the ball room, then out the room and snuck your way out into the garden. Before visiting the palace you had to learn the basic layout of the castle which honestly hammer back in how unnecessary this building was. So many rooms with no real use.

Outside, once you got close enough to the prince, you slowly pulled a dagger out that was hidden on your body. All you had to do was stab him. Either in the throat or heart. Easy enough. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Though as you stepped closer Eret tensed up. Did he hear you? You made sure to be as quiet as possible, there was no way.

“So, I’ve been found.” He spoke and turned around.

As he did you put both your arms behind your back, hiding the dagger in your hands. Trying to put a soft smile on your face to look more friendly “I am sorry, your highness. I saw you from up in the balcony and excuse my manner of speech but you seemed a bit miserable. Who would I be if I didn’t check up on the future ruler.”

Horrible.

Wait, did he roll his eyes?

“Oh, sure. I’m good. You can go back to the ball and enjoy it.”

This really wasn’t what you expected. You thought he would speak in this posh manner as all the others up in the ball room but he seemed almost normal. In fact everything seemed suspiciously normal. He wasn’t sitting up straight, his shoulders slouched, mask askew, clothing splotched by water. This prince was far removed from being what you considered princely.

To your horror you let out a chuckle. Where was your control all of the sudden? The prince eyed you with a curious gaze.

Embarrassed you tried to salvage this situation somehow “Oh, I’m sorry. I just didn’t expect you to be so-“

But Eret interrupted you “So undisciplined? Rude, even?” There was some bite to his words. Someone must have really laid in on him because of his behavior if that is how he reacted.

You shook your head “I would describe you as normal. Not snobbish like the others.”

For some reason he relaxed at that. A smile appeared on his face “Sorry if this offends you but you seem rather normal compared to the others as well if you see me like that.”

“Thank god for that.” You sighed.

The prince chuckled “Well, I’m glad to have met a somewhat kindred spirit then. I’m curious though. Can you tell me your name?”

“Y/N” you answered. Why did you say that? A blush spread on your face. Oh god, you are so screwed, oh no. Any name would have been fine but why did you blurt your real name out?

Eret took off his mask. Now you could see his genuine smile even more clearly “It’s nice to meet you, Y/N.”

“Ye- Yeah.” You stammered as you tried to mirror his smile. You needed to get out of there, now.

This went downhill way too fast.

Your heart hammered against your chest, you felt rigid while also shaking out of nervousness, your cheeks were red and warm. Honestly you would love to just push your face into the fountain to get out of this shocked state.

The prince looked so genuine under the moonlight. You mentally slapped yourself as you noticed that he was looking pretty handsome under this light.

“Want to sit here with me a bit? From what you described you didn’t seem to be the biggest fan of the ball as well.”

You nodded as you inched towards him and sat down. He returned to look back up at the stars. There were no words exchanged, yet it felt somewhat intimate. At least to you.

Gripping the dagger, still hidden behind your back, you waged your options. Just a stab. Right now. It would be easy. Just stab him!

But your body refused to move. What was all that grueling training for if you couldn’t kill your target? Hell, you have killed people before so why were you now having your troubles? Was it because this time your mentor wasn’t with you? Were you really so incompetent alone?

Then the music changed. You could still hear the music from the garden. It was quiet but still audible. The change of music pulled you back out of your thoughts. Taking a deep breath you finally made your decision.

You slowly opened your hand, letting the dagger fall slowly with almost no sound into the water behind you. Something in you stopped you from doing the job, no sense in jeopardizing the whole operation by making a mistake. All you had to do was get out and deal with the consequences then.

Just as you wanted to get up Eret turned to you. A blush on his face as well “I’m not good with this but would you care for a dance?”

He was cute you thought in horror.

“A dance? Out here?”

Eret let out a nervous laugh that send the butterflies in your stomach into a frenzy “I mean, would you prefer dancing between the others? Of course if you don’t want to dance I understand. It’s not really something a lot of people like.”

Biting your lip you stood up “One dance. Then I have to go. It is getting late and my family is waiting for me.” Somewhat of a lie. You considered the Syndicate as your family but you weren’t blood related.

Eret’s nervous expression turned into a happy smile. He stood up and took your hand in his. Giving you a little wink as he led you away from the fountain so you both had more room to move in. Your heart couldn’t handle this.

Together the two moved in tandem to the music. Giggling every time both of you made mistakes. Stepping on each other’s toes, almost crashing into one of the hedges or just making up your own dance moves that didn’t fit to the music that was softly playing in the background.

“Would it be rude of me to wish this dance never ended?” Eret asked. His voice soft with an emotion you didn’t dare to accept to be there.

You laughed “No, I too wish this would never end.” It was the truth.

“So tell me your full name or a way to get into contact with you if that is alright with you. I would love to stay in contact.”

That blush would never leave your face, huh.

It took a moment before you answered “I will get into contact with you, that is a promise alright?”

You then moved towards him, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek and as he sucked in a breath you let go of him. Moving away back inside, leaving the place in a relative hurry, all while Eret was still scrambling and trying to understand what just happened.

He tried to follow but you gave him a warning glare, stopping him in his tracks.

As you moved away from him he softly touched his check, returning back to the fountain. He couldn’t help giggling to himself. Whatever just happened it was the first time in a long while that he truly felt happy. His heart beating rapidly as he put his hands on the side of the fountain. Staring down into the water, as his rush of emotions slowly calmed down again.

It was then as he saw something glinting in the water. Curious what it was he moved closer. Surprised he pushed his hand inside the water to get a dagger out. A small dagger, sharp as can be with a few intricate designs at the hilt.

#mcyt x Y/N #mcyt x reader #mcyt reader insert #mcyt fanfiction #reader insert #dream smp fanfiction #dream smp reader insert #dream smp x Y/N #dsmp reader insert #dsmp fanfiction #dsmp x reader #The Eret #The eret smp #the eret dsmp #eret smp #eret dsmp #ramza writes

[cutest-bug]

Interview with Adrien Agreste! Subject: The Oxygen Project.

Conducted by Alya Cesaire

Ok so I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this addition to a post I made on my main blog about Adrien low key trashing the Agreste brand the way Robert Pattinson does Twilight. I know it was meant to be more of a goofy idea but my head is full of angst and this is what I came up with at 4 a.m. lol.

Alya smiles warmly as Adrien settles into the seat across from her.

“Are you ready?” She asks. He gives her a slightly nervous smile but nods. She nods to Nino who hits record and Adriens face immediately smoothes over into a pleasant and unreadable mask. It’s actually a little freaky to watch.

It’s a Monday afternoon and they’re set up in the art room during their lunch period. Adrien looks as perfectly neutral as always. Non flashy designer labels and tousled hair that probably took 20 minutes to style. For once though, his actions will be a little less perfect and easy to swallow.

“Hi Adrien, thanks for agreeing to an interview on the Ladyblog, I’m glad we could finally do this.”

He smiles and considers for a moment before answering, tiling his head a degree, “The pleasure is mine Alya, especially since I’m the one who approached you about doing this.”

That’s true. Right after the class joined Mylene and Ivan for their protest of the Oxygen Project Adrien asked to speak with her. He was upset that he had been tricked into modeling for the project without knowing what it was for. While most of his die hard fans had gotten wind he didn’t support it, he wanted to farther remedy the situation and use his position to reach a wider audience. Of course there weren’t many platforms he could do that on behind his fathers back, hence asking for Alya’s help.

“Still, I know interviews aren’t your favorite. Otherwise I probably would have asked you a while ago.”

Adrien smiled again, a little more genuinely (the one she knew Marinette was so fond of), “I don’t really like probing questions from journalists about my personal life. The fact that you’ve never asked or taken advantage of knowing me means a lot. I trust you.”

“Personally I think it’s a little crazy you have to do all of those interviews at all. You’re only 15, your life shouldn’t be so public.”

Adrien lets the smile fall several degrees. It’s deliberate, he’s letting people see his discomfort, “Well, it kind of goes hand and hand with all of the modeling. I’m the face of the Agreste brand.”

Alya nods and looks down at the papers in her lap, “Which is the point of our interview today, really.” They had agreed on what was and wasn’t to be talked about before hand, however they don’t have a planned out dialogue. They agreed that they both do well with more organic conversation, and it’s important the interview comes off as very genuine.

Adrien nods in agreement and Alya continues, “Now that the plan for the Oxygen Project is officially canceled, it’s time to clear up what your involvement with the promotion of it was. Nearly everyone in Paris saw the ads that ran.” Unfortunately it had been to late for Mayor Bourgeois to cancel the first few days of ads. For nearly a week Adriens face played on every television in the city, telling everyone about what a great breath of fresh air the project would be.

Alya hands him the first photo in her lap. It’s of him with the class after they first arrived at the protest, looking interested but not particularly emotional yet. It’s from the video that she filmed, but there was a pretty low view rate on the protest coverage. The interview with Adrien will probably get anywhere from 3 to 5 times as many.

“What not everyone realizes is that you were present during the planned tree cutting ceremony and following protest. So what was going on for you at this point in the day Adrien?”

“Our whole class had just gone to the park to support Mylene and Ivan, our friends who lead the protest. Right after we arrived Mylene started arguing with the Mayor about whether the project was good for the environment or not.”

“That girl has a hidden fire!” Alya adds, “I have a section dedicated to activism on the blog now. The video from the whole day is there but I also posted some smaller segments explaining the conflict and a few more that Mylene recommended on how to get involved.”

Adrien gave his most genuine smile yet, “I watched those! I hope your viewers take the time to check them out. I know the super hero fights are exciting, I mean I’ve been glued to your blog from the start, but I’m glad people like Mylene and Ivan are reminding us to keep our eyes on the big picture too.”

Alya nods, “So am I. Ok, it was during this argument that the ad was first shown correct?”

Adrien lets the smile fall completely this time, “Yes. Apparently the plan was always to air it for the first time during the tree cutting ceremony. It was also the first time I’d seen it.”

“I’m sure most of our viewers have seen it already, so I’m not going to play it now,” Adrien shoots her a grateful look, “Adrien, she says kindly, “I remember how surprised you were when the ad played. Do you want to tell everyone why?”

Adrien looks down at his hands, “I hadn’t known what the ad was for when I filmed it. I thought it was another one of those silly perfume commercials.” Alya isn’t sure if him saying “silly” was a slip up or on purpose but she struggles not to laugh.

“Did someone tell you it was a perfume commercial or did you just assume when you were given the script?”

“I was told it was for perfume.”

“Can I ask who by?”

She thinks the discomfort is genuine this time. Everything else is the video isn’t that bad, but this line could bring hell for him.

“My father told me it was.”

This isn’t news for Nino or Alya but she pauses for a long moment to let viewers digest that before asking her next question, “Do you know why he lied to you?”

“I suppose he thought I wouldn’t be ok with doing it otherwise.”

Alya smiles, a little proud, before handing him another picture. She’ll edit them into the screen for viewers to see later, “Well he thought correctly. Here’s a picture of you standing with Mylene and our friend Marinette, forming a physical barrier so the trees wouldn’t be cut down,” she pauses for a moment while Adrien examines the picture, “I gotta say, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so angry.”

“I had just found out my image was going to be used to promote an anti-ecological plan that would harm our city. My friends had spent months trying to prevent it. I was furious.”

And Bam! As soon as she posts this video Adrien’s empty head, pretty face, good boy persona is shattered. He just admitted to having feelings. Angry ones. Directed at his father. Not to mention opinions on political matters. That is not the pretty face most of Paris is familiar with and fawns over.

“I’d be angry too,” Alya sympathizes.

Adrien puts the photo down and looks at her with a serious expression, “That’s the main reason I wanted to do this interview. For better or worse I have a lot of sway with my fans and public opinion. There’s still some controversy about the Oxygen Project being canceled so I want to be very clear that I do not stand with it,” he looks directly into the camera, “The oxygen project would have only helped the people profiting from it. The only ethical solutions for our city, and the whole world, are complicated, long term, sustainable options that will protect and rejuvenate our planet. No one has said it better than Mylene and Ivan so please go check out those videos under the activism section. Help if you can, and spread the word about the truth. It’s important that people know when they’re being lied to by a corporate campaign.”

Alya realized she stopped breathing for a moment because oh my god that was so good. She manages to quietly clear her throat and thank Adrien for the interview again. He plasters back on his polite smile and they give a brief hug before she gestures to Nino to stop filming.

“OH MAN! That was awesome!” Nino pulls Adrien into a one armed hug and doesn’t let go.

Adrien smiles a little bashfully, “You think? It wasn’t to much?”

“No way Adrien,” Alya cuts in, “the whole thing was great but that bit at the end? Amazing. Mylene will be thrilled.”

Nino pulls away from their friend a bit and clasps his shoulder, “Are you going to be ok though? Your old man is not going to be cool with like, any of that, is he?”

Adrien purses his lips and shrugs, “Don’t worry about my dad, I can handle him.”

Alya can see the fake nonchalance a mile away. Marinette is the queen of it after all, so she tells him, “Adrien this is really brave of you but I just want to make sure you know you’re in charge of this narrative. I probably won’t finish editing everything until tomorrow because I have a project to finish tonight. If you change your mind there’s no hard feelings. Or if there’s something you decide you want left out I’ll work some editing magic.”

Adrien smiles but her words don’t seem to relieve any tension, “Thanks Alya, it means a lot. By the way, where’s Marinette? I thought she was coming?”

“She’s probably just got caught up with something but I’ll see if she messaged me.” Alya checks her phone and realizes she left it on silent after the test last period. No texts from Marinette, but there is an akuma alert which explains her absence. She tries to ignore the immediate twinge of worry.

Adrien suddenly looks up from his own phone and rushes to grab his bag, “I actually got to go, my dad wants me home until the akuma attack is over. Best keep my head down until the bomb drops tomorrow right?” He rushes out before Alya or Nino can respond.

Nino sighs after his best friend runs out, “It’s so unfair he’s having to rectify his dad’s bad choices.”

Alya takes his hand, “I know. Something tells me this won’t be the last time he does so either. We’ll be there to support him though.” Her boyfriend gives her a soft smile and she kisses him on the cheek, “Come on, I want footage of that akuma fight.”

Nino glances down at his phone, “Actually it looks like the fight just ended a minute ago.”

“Wow that was short. It couldn’t have gone longer than the ten minutes we did the interview with Adrien for.”

“You’ll catch the next one,” he grins at her, “one way or another.”

She laughs, “okay turtle boy, let’s go get some lunch before we have to head back to class.”

They run into a slightly dejected Adrien on the way. He gives them an interview smile. They all find Marinette and get lunch. They keep the conversation light and avoid talking about the bomb Alya’s going to post tomorrow.

This is self indulgent. I really need Adrien taking some control of his life and standing up to his dad. Yes it’s painful but it’s so important that Adrien puts some distance between them in the public eye before Gabriel is revealed as Hawkmoth. I’m just hoping that can actually happen in canon but I have many fears this season.

#miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #mega leech #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #theres adrienette is you squint lol #im going to be honest i don't think there's anywhere this is a perfect fit chronologically in the season #it's just inspired by mega leech and the general trend of the season #with adrien becoming more and more frustrated #and that hopefully leading to him taking more action in his personal life #i hope i hope #my post #my fic

[bbugyu]

:o i dont really know much about mbti types but u seem really knowlegable >.< what about dk's mbti??

oh my god the way i got a boner from being called knowledgeable OK LETS GO I LOVE SEOKMIN SO MUCH

seokmin is an infp, which is the mediator. i actually float between this personality type and infj (the advocate, which is also what wonwoo jihoon and minghao are), so seokmin and i are very similar in a lot of ways - our differences come from our zodiac signs i think ㅠㅠ; infps are actually really rare! yet seventeen has four KDJFSK they value harmony and authenticity and they always have the best intentions - which!!! IS SO SEOKMIN!!!! he will always see the best in people and always act with the best intentions! he is kind to a fault! what a sweet baby.

ok, here’s the breakdown. under the cut. tw seokmin best boy

seokmin is so shy. he doesn’t seem it, because when he’s with svt he goes BUCK FUCKING WILD but in reality he clams up around people he’s not super comfortable around. example: that one picture of him standing with yuju from gfriend where he looks like he’s gonna shit himself kJHFJS or when he was filming his solo parts for the mama performance and he kept saying how nervous he was without the members. he’s super reserved around people he hasn’t known for forever. he even tends to be quiet on variety shows, only really doing his fun comedy bits and talking when other members prompt him (which is almost always jeonghan or seungkwan don’t get me started). infjs (like isfjs) tend to keep a very small group of friends that they are very open and seemingly extroverted with, which is why we get to see seokmin’s genuine personality a lot. he is so fully himself when he is with seventeen and i think that is so beautiful. that being said, infps also are the most social introverts. he makes friends everywhere, and genuinely cares about all of them. his excallibur castmates have said that he was such a bright loving personality on stage and behind the scenes, and he would always visit and support them even after they stopped working together! he went to plays they starred in and posted pictures with them, telling carats to go support them too. you can tell they really appreciated this, because they would return the favor and go to seventeen concerts to cheer him on!

seokmin’s intuition is no joke. he seems a little naive at times, but he is also extremely good at looking at the big picture of a situation and deciding what needs to be done, ie. when they were leaving the venue during ttt he was seemingly the only one that remembered they left a giant mess in the kitchen. that being said, infps skip over details a lot. he also is SO FUNNY like he is genuinely the FUNNIEST MEMBER in my opinion because he just understands every situation so clearly. he’s able to take something a little mundane or whatever and comment on it or react in a way that’s REALLY FUNNY like when they were driving home from ttt and mingyu said he could buy the walnut sweets JFDSKJDSF mingyu wasn’t expecting him to say yes bc they’re such a common treat and seokmin laughed at first but hten immeidately was like “oh actually yes order them” and gyu was like ??? but seokmin kept just saying “stop talking to me order the walnut sweets pls” GODD THEY’RE SO FUNNY i literally cry laugh at shit seokmin does like i don’t know how he does it he’s the funniest motherfucker i’ve ever seen.

he seems like the most understanding member of svt to me. the others are too, ofc, but seokmin’s on another level. infps also feel very deeply and genuinely. as an intuitive personality type, he is immensely empathetic, but not in the same way that jeonghan is. seokmin feels other peoples’ emotions like they’re his own. he sympathizes fully and completely, and i think he tries really hard to internalize that as to not seem so emotional all the time, but as soon as the facade cracks he starts cRYINGGG like he’s a BABY he can’t help it he just FEELS SO MUCHhhh. idk if anyone else notices this but he always repeats what is being said? i find this to be related because he is actively listening, and his way of showing is affirming with short responses every few sentences. he seems like such a good person to go to when you’re struggling and want someone to comiserate with. seungkwan is someone you go to when you need advice, but seokmin is the one you go to when you want to vent, because he’ll immediately match how you’re feeling about the situation and empathize with you.

i think seokmin also tends to take things personally? i think he’s gotten better about this in recent years and instead uses it as a joke, but you can tell it still bothers him sometimes ㅠㅠ like, okay, so seokmin posted that picture for seungkwan’s birthday and said something along the lines of “do you remember when we went out to have fun and fought? sorry i couldn’t be better” etc so in boo’s birthday live he explained the situation because it was resolved nicely. he said that the two of them went kayaking with jeonghan (which, btw, booseokhan are literally married and i am the most spoiled carat ever) and got in a little disagreement about something menial, and seungkwan thought it was resolved quickly, but afterwards jeonghan was driving them and seokmin put on a song and boo was like “oh what kind of song is this?” as a joke, but seokmin took it personally and got sulky. but then him and jeonghan danced to anysong and honestly who can blame them. it seems like every time he gets in a fight with other members, he thinks about how he doesn’t want it to tear them apart, so no matter how mad he is, he tries to find a way to resolve it. like with the gray bag incident JDHFKJHF he said that he thought if he didn’t pick up the bag, mingyu might hit him. he was mad and thought he was in the right, but he didn’t want the argument to escalate, so he did something he didn’t want to end it where it was. also, when jeonghan went live during seokmin’s live, saying “those who want to watch dokyeom watch him, those who want to watch this watch this,” and seokmin got all sulky about carats saying they wanted to see what jeonghan was up to. he laughed and said he was kidding, but then he was like “i’m not fun anyways.” whiCH leads us to...

infps have chronic inferiority complexes, but they aren’t envious people, so it manifests in just being immensely self critical. seokmin genuinely believes he isn’t handsome. or a good singer. like. what the fuck is that all about. i get genuinely angry when i think about this. i could talk about how fucking WRONG he is but this is just supposed to be a personality analysis so i’ll just mention that i talked about why i think he’s the perfect man alive in another ask! check that out if you want JKFHKSDF he always has negative things to say about himself but only positives to say about others. which makes me wanna fight. he also is maybe too idealistic??? like i said before, he will always see the best in other people, and it leads the rest of the members to genuinely worry about him. they’re worried that if they’re not there to take care of him, he’ll end up getting taken advantage of by someone. they don’t want him to get scammed ㅠㅠ

some other aspects of infp personalities that i think suit seokmin well but i’m literally braindead and cannot write more of this: open minded, passionate, determined, and loyal.

i would marry seokmin in an instant.

#YEAAAAA LETS FUCKINGGG GOOOOO #i love him so much #sunshine #ask #anon #svt hc

[wisemanners]

@wadamwoltron asked sincerely for my take on The Scene so here it is, i guess, but on my blog and NOT in her DMs like a weirdo. also some additional background context i guess. i’m trying to keep this somewhat objective, though obviously my specific memories are probably going to color it anyways.

so background context: this is mostly metatextual analysis regarding what is apparently a hotly debated topic in fandom of “what shiro’s mysterious disease.” the wiki says muscular dystrophy; we can’t find a source for this (though, if you know of one, please feel free to share). what’s stated in canon (in 7.1, “a little adventure”) is as follows: 

it’s a muscular disorder

it’s degenerative

it involves muscle stiffness or tightness, which is alleviated by electrostimulation

we know for sure it affects his right arm; keith’s asking “what are those?” MAY imply that he has two (or more?) EMS devices but in the later scene where he has both sleeves rolled up we only see one. 

a quick search of EMS therapy brings up this page which lists the following uses: you suffer from muscle spasms, have suffered from muscle atrophy due to disuse, your muscles need to be stimulated and re-educated, your muscles are weak and lack tone, you've lost range of motion due to an injury or illness. (it’s also used for circulation reasons, but since he mentions keeping muscles loose we can assume it’s related to one of these.) searching “degenerative muscle disease” brings up MD (general) as the first result, followed by other neuromuscular disorders; the symptoms listed that EMS is used to treat check out as the various muscular dystrophies all feature one or more of those symptoms. given that, this analysis will proceed as if this is the factual diagnosis (not ONLY because as far as i recall it was, though that is also the case). 

[there are numerous types of MD, and we’ve done a fair amount of research to determine which one is the most likely given the symptoms presented (myotonic, probably DM2), but that’s less significant other than its CURRENT mortality rate.]

that said: the scene itself. 

“Everything okay?” The only thing to analyze in the first line is the genuine concern in it, but that does contextualize the scene; i AM coming into this conversation from a place of being worried about someone i love. 

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t be part of the mission. Called in the big guns; Admiral Sanda showed up to try and convince Sam to remove me from the crew.” (there are interesting and significant implications with regards to how the Garrison’s chain of command works here, but that’s not the point of this character analysis.)

“Well, maybe he’s right. Maybe you shouldn’t go on the mission. You’ll only be putting yourself at risk.” the absolute lack of hesitation in agreeing with iverson is i think the bigger clue at the greater context of this argument. this isn’t news. this is something i’ve been thinking about, and have clearly already come to a conclusion how i feel about it. “maybe” is a hedge word here. i DO in this moment think iverson is right, and this is just an excuse to say so. additionally, risk is an important word here, which i’ll circle back to several times. 

[additional note on animation: i show almost no expression during these lines, except to frown and look stern at the end.]

“You know how important this is to me. It’s worth the risk!” Aside from tone and expression (he’s clearly upset and desperate here, and even looks away at the end as if he can’t face me), note risk again. 

“Takashi, how important am I to you?” I know this line is everyone’s favorite. I understand why, even, especially given the dubious nature of “canon” on our actual relationship. The line itself establishes a lot; the first name usage (canon isn’t super clear on why he goes by Shiro, even with the other people he’s closest with (Keith, Sam, Matt), or its relationship to his Japanese heritage (which is significant here whether or not producer LM would agree), but to this point I’m the ONLY person in canon who ever addresses him by first name) as well as the general phrasing makes this the most obvious statement that we’re in a relationship. That’s arguably good, considering canon does little else to show it. 

The significance in the CONVERSATION, however, is to position this as a choice - your dreams, or your partner. It’s actually the biggest reason I hate people siding with me in this argument! That’s not a good thing to ask someone you love to choose. More on support in a second, though, as well as more about what I’m asking for here. 

[animation note: let’s talk about my coffee here. the hand shake and slamming down my cup is definitively the most show of emotion I have here, which IS significant. that line + the choice presented AREN’T coming from a place of deliberate manipulation, it’s emotionally charged despite me trying my best not to show it.]

“Every mission, every drill, I’ve been right there with you. But this is more than a mission. This is your life at stake.” here’s the support bit, obviously, since that’s what I’m evidencing here - reminding him that I’ve always been by his side and supported his dreams. that’s not actually the important thing going on here, though, because it’s the end where he cuts in: 

“Don’t start that again, Adam! You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.” First: again - we’ve had this discussion before. Second, the timing: it’s not until I bring up the risk again that he gets upset. 

A relevant concept here that I think most people in the fandom genuinely will not have heard about but is TREMENDOUSLY important to this conversation and to understanding what’s happening in this argument is dignity of risk. The article linked is a good overview, but in short: many things can only be gained or achieved by taking chances of getting hurt, and disabled individuals (originally those with cognitive and intellectual disabilities, but certainly applicable to physical disabilities as well) are disproportionately PREVENTED by overly-cautious caretakers from taking those chances. 

Shiro’s objection that I don’t need to protect him, I think, points really strongly to THIS being the actual issue. I’m trying to look out for his safety because I don’t believe he can or will do it himself (which I DID think, at the time); he feels smothered by this because he’s an adult who has the ability to assess risks for himself and decide which ones are worth it to him to take. 

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break.” This is significant in that it shows I think how highly I regard him, but I also think it’s the strongest textual evidence in the scene that we’re talking about COMPLETELY different things - that I fundamentally don’t understand what’s important to him about this mission OR why he’s upset that I’m trying to stop him. 

[animation note: he’s stopped arguing, gesturing, or looking at me here, and doesn’t look up again until I reinforce the ultimatum in the next line.]

“I know I can’t stop you, but I won’t go through this again. So if you decide to go, don’t expect me to be here when you get back.” I feel like ��I won’t go through this again” is another line that people sympathize with, which makes sense; I’m afraid and wounded, and people sympathize with fear and hurt. It reiterates the cyclical nature of this argument, too. It’s also still bringing back the choice: stop taking chances on things that matter to you, unless I’m not one of them. 

[animation note: shiro looks both hurt and angry and doesn’t take his eyes off me the whole time i’m saying this, but doesn’t say anything. I also only look at him once during it, at the very end.]

“I’ve got a class to teach.” probably obvious without additional analysis, but in addition to an emotional reaction, this puts an absolute hard stop to anything else he might say in response.

having gone over the scene, some additional considerations: 

I think a lot of people latch on REALLY hard to “this is your life” and shiro’s later “it’s getting worse” line and somehow conflate the two into an implication that this is about a lack of TIME. It is, I think - but NOT the way people assume. 

Prognosis now, in the 21st century, is for a good percentage people with even severe forms of MD to live high quality, enjoyable lives into their 30s and 40s or later; even without a curative treatment, it’s reasonable to assume that in the 24th century this has improved. Given Shiro’s current overall health still being good, with the primary effects we see being localized to just the one side, it seems a little odd to assume that 30s-40s is still his life expectancy. 

My lines about the risk to his life also don’t actually discuss an imminency of death in GENERAL - it’s SPECIFICALLY risky to go on the mission. why? well, most likely, because a minimum of 10 months is an AWFULLY long time for someone with a serious progressive condition to go without medical care or a checkup. which is a reasonable thing to be concerned about! 

but we also have textual evidence that shiro’s GOOD at being responsible and taking care of himself, even if he sometimes sacrifices his needs for others’. he wears his assistive/medical devices. he keeps a workout routine. he can push himself hard, but we also see places where he knows his limits. and the majority of interventions for MD are about upkeep - building stamina, range of motion exercises, monitoring condition - and having the right tools on hand for an emergency. so, at what point does the concern become about not trusting him to take care of himself well, especially when the kerberos mission was in regular contact with the garrison?

and the flip side of the coin about time: with a progressive disease, there IS always a looming time limit, on everything. that included his dreams. our time together wasn’t limited the way people seem to assume - but his time as a pilot was. so having more perspective now, I can see his side better, and find myself frustrated both with myself from before, and with the people who agree with me. it feels dismissive to his wants and needs, as WELL as his right to self-determination. 

i don’t think takashi abandoned me when he went to kerberos. i think i abandoned him, when he badly needed my support, by forcing him to choose between someone he loved waiting for him, and a dream which was running out of time. i know it’s popular to joke about what happened and that i’d say “i told you so,” but he was right, and I should have listened better. 

[mazojo]

Favorite Sohma’s

Hi yes, uh, I needed a space to rant about fruits basket because I am still very broken so yea

Disclaimer that this is just my opinion and I still love them all very much, just needed to get this out of my system ayee. Also I will include a song that reminds me of them because I am that invested in this so yeaaaa

14- Kagura Sohma

Boy by Little Mix - “I know what you’re worth girl, you know what you got”

I rank Kagura as my least favorite just for the fact that I cant really relate to her I guess? I mean, she is okay, I think she is cute and all but I don't think violence is the way to go about her struggles and she is so much more worth than she gives herself credits for. In the end, I dont think I full understood her big struggle as much as the other characters and thats why she is at number 14, although I want her to be happy and full of love and support like the others ;w;

13- Akito Sohma

My Eyes by Neil Patrick Harris and Felicia Day - “But it’s plain to see, Evil inside of me is on the rise”

Akito is a complicated one for me man. Of course, in the beginning and throughout the manga you learn to really dislike her because she did some terrible things, specially to my baby boi Yuki and eye-.... But then when we learn more about her and everything she has gone through we start sympathizing with her but i..... cant just forget everything she did. I get she was traumatized since she was little, she became dependent on the zodiacs because of her father’s words and mother’s behaviour thus becoming a broken person with this big responsibility she didn't ask for. It really ticks me however, how much pain the others underwent through her, and even though its a healing process, the traumas and everything they suffered is still there which is why I cant place her higher. I do not hate her by any means, but she isnt my favorite person on this list either. I do ship her with Shigure and I think they help each other out, and they grow from the other.

12- Shigure Sohma

Used to the Darkness by Des Rocs - “Now would you pray before you twist the knife? Yeah, would you take my hand and take a life?”

*big sigh* Shigure is also a complicated one for me. It may be my big dumb energies showing but I didnt fully get a grasp on his character? I know he was doing everything for Akito’s sake to liberate from the curse and be with her so she is finally a “woman” but he always acted a bit shady xD?? I would have love to know more about his backstory, we dont get much from his motivations and character other than the perverted aspect and that he loves Akito lmaoo. I do think he is hilarious and I love the dynamic he has with Hatori and Ayame lol

11- Ayame Sohma

Starships by Nicky Minaj - “Starships were menat to fly, Hands up and touch the sky “

To be honest I am pretty neutral about Ayame’s character. He is hilarious and I love how Yuki insults him every tike he gets the chance lolll. I like how throughout the story he tries to change to become a better brother to Yuki and person even though he is pretty extra most of the time about it. He has a good heart and even though he made some mistakes he owns up to them which in my opinion, makes him a good character <33 I love his friendship with Hatori lmaooo they balance each other out sooo well

10- Kureno Sohma

Taking Chances by Celine Dion - “Never knowing if there's solid ground below, Or a hand to hold, or hell to pay”

I really like Kureno! He has gone through quite a bit and he needs a hug. I am sad thinking how most of his life he lead it pretty similarly to Yuki’s, apart from everyone and super enclosed to his relationship with Akito due to him breaking the curse and feeling bad about it. I do wish we would have gotten to know more about his personality and story, if we did I would have definitely ranked him higher! He really reminds me of Tohru’s father and I think Uotani is perfect for him <33 would have love to see more about the two of them and hopefully they expand upon it in the anime

9- Ritsu Sohma

Waving Through a Window by Ben Platt - “On the outside, always looking in, Will I ever be more than I've always been?”

Okay okay so I have a lot of thoughts on Ritsu. Manga Ritsu is okay, I really dont have much of an opinion on him due to him appearing only in a few chapters, I feel like from the Sohma’s, he is the one we get the least information about. But then the anime episode came out where they presented Ritsu and I thought they gave him so much more life and rounded personality where, I get to relate a lot to him? I am someone who is constantly apologizing for absolutely no reason and seeing him be all anxious and stressed about others interactions is big relate to me and I stan. I also think the whole dressing as a woman plot line is better dealt with in the anime and I hope we get to see more about his insecurities and troubles in the future because he is truly a very interesting character! I stan my one (1) anxious monkey.

8- Kisa Sohma

Mean by Taylor Swift - “But you can take me down with just one single blow, But you don't know what you don't know”

Cinnammon rooooooolll. Kisa is such a cutie. I dont have much to say other than my mood every time I think about Kisa is hugging her like Tohru does because she is babyyyy. Also her bullying story is one I think many viewers and readers can relate a lot to and such an important topic I think they covered pretty well and I loveee. Also her and Hiro are one of my favorite ships because they work so well and asdfgh in this household Kisa is a queennn.

7- Isuzu Sohma

Take me Home by Jess Glynne - “Came to you with a broken faith, Gave me more than a hand to hold”

I really like Isuzu!! I am pretty bummed we wont get to meet her in season 1 of the Anime reboot but hopefully in the nest season! She is quite a complex character that I didnt really understand at the beginning but once we see how much she loves Haru and all that she does in order to protect and keep him save she really went up my list. She has gone through so much, from her shattered reality from her parents, Akito threatening Haru, her being locked up withour given any food.... Isuzu is so strong and one of the best build characters in the series and I am super excited to see her in the anime!

6- Hiro Sohma

Time to be a Man by The Airborne Toxic Event - “And it’s time to be a man, Tell me how does that go?”

My bastard childdd <33 He is such an asshole and such a sweetie at the same time. His whole inner struggle of not feeling like a good enough man for Kisa is so heartwhelming and I think it really makes sense to the type of person he is. The flashbacks of him telling Akito how he loves Kisa and the feeling of uncertainty and impotency when seeing the girl he loves being hurt by his actions and wanting to be good enough for her even though he is more than enough sdfghjasd. I am also a softie for older brothers who love their families *cough cough* spoiler alert: Momiji *cough cough* that I love me one angry boi

5- Hatsuharu Sohma

4 Seasons by Rex Orange County - “I saw myself as less and you so high above me”

Cow boil! apart from the fact that I love love loveeee Haru’s design, I think he is also such a well build character! He is not only supportive of everyone (aka the loves of his life, Rin and Yuki xDD) but he is so interesting! His split personalities give him a cool trait (even though dark Haru doesnt appear much in the end of the manga) and I love how he helps everyone and makes sure those he loves are protected at all cost and happy. He is Rin and Yuki’s fan club stan leader and I am co-leader so we been stanning aye

4- Hatori Sohma

Fireflies by Owl City - “I'm weird 'cause I hate goodbyes, I got misty eyes as they said farewell”

Boooooy the next four to come are my absolute favorties and I would die for their happiness and love so *takes big breathe* I LoVE hAtORi sOhMAAa. To be honest when we first meet him I didnt like him much. I thought he was your usual dark deep character who doesnt talk much because he is too cool for everyone (which, he is) and that was that. But boi was I in for a riDE. His story about having to erase the memories from the woman he loves is one of the ones I cried through the most. I put myself in his shoes and wonder if I had to erase the memory of the person I loved the most, make them forget they ever met me, all our happy times, sad times, angry times.... No matter what its one of the most saddening moments and the whole scene is heartbreaking, which makes me love Hatori even more for the fact of how strong he is and selfless. He puts himself before others and he need to know he also deserves happiness and I am glad in the end he got it because homeboy needed a break ;w;. I also adore Ayame’s relationship with him xDD, he is like his idol and big same.

3- Kyo Sohma 

This song saved my Life by Simple Plan - “Sometimes it feels like nobody gets me, Trapped in a world where everyone hates me”

Top three babyyyy. We have now my angry cat boi™. I mentioned it before but going into the reboot firsthand without reading the manga nor watching the first anime, I thought Kyo was going to be my absolute favorite character. I knew he would be the angry boi who was soft inside and probably had a tragic backstory™ that made him act the way he did and I am a sucker for those types of characters. And I love Kyo, I really do, specially when we find out more about his struggles and past. The exclusion he felt throughout his life for being the cat, the abandonment, feeling like he had no one and was ready to die because he didn't have any source of genuine happiness (well, apart from Kazuma ya know but stillll). Then he finds Tohru, the girl he promised to protect, the one that reminded him of the woman that helped him out all those years ago and I just.... poetic cinema at its finest. Kyo and Tohru make one of my favorite couples and I love how flustered and In absolute l o v e he is with her and Kyo is great man....

2- Yuki Sohma

Nandemonaiya by RADWIMPS - “Crying even when you're happy, Smiling even when you're feeling lonely”

THIS WAS ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS OF MA ENTIRE WEEB CAREER SO EXCUSE WHILE I SCREAM. Yuki Sohma won my heart and entire soul throughout the series. I liked him from the start but he wasn't my favorite favorite at the beginning you know? I thought he was isolated and thats why he didn't have much friends and he was perfect and what not but boi was I wrong and happy about it. I think one of the reasons Yuki is one of my favorite characters in fruits basket is how much I can see myself in him. Having the constant need of perfection while also wanting to connect with others but finding it hard is something I personally struggle with and every time we learned a little bit about his backstory my heart broke. Everything Yuki had to go through, the rejection, the isolation, understanding that you are loved and not a burden, falling in love with someone, finding that figure of a mother/friend he always yearned for.... The complexity of Yuki’s character is astounding and I love my rat boi so so much.... When he joins the student council, finding his little group of friends and opening up to a more carefree and true Yuki, forgiving those around him and going and eye- YuKI IS MY BABY RAT BOI AND STAN HIM OR PERISH FROM HERE ;w;

1- Momiji Sohma 

Eine Kleine by Rachie - “If I were to go through life living just to take somebody else's place, Then I would rather have been born as a pebble, living out my peaceful days “

*Clears throat* *trumpets sounds intensify* *stands on podium* I LOVE MOMIJI SOHMA WITH ALL MY HEART AND HE MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS. Thats it. Thats what I want you to get out of this post. I don't know if this is maybe an unpopular opinion-ish but Momiji’s backstory of his mother rejecting him, saying awful things, him having to accept being forgotten by his mother and sister whom he loved, not even being able to live with his family, is one of the most heartbreaking ones of fruits basket. Maybe its like what I said with Hiro and I am a sucker for big brothers that love their families, the sad smile of Momiji, my baby, angel, perfection when he sees his family and not being able to be with them, him loving Tohru but letting her go and be with Kyo because its her happiness that matters to him and I am-..... The selflessness of Momiji and how much of a sweetheart he is, his heart of gold and always being there for those around him, that moment where Akito was looking for Tohru and he got hurt trying to defend her.... Momiji is one of my all time favorite characters. He is a precious bean and I will never not shut up about my love for ma boi <333

Anyways that was long and ramble but I just needed to shout this somewhere because I've been missing they //rip

#anyways uh spoilers #but I love they #bye read fruits basket and come back to me later #t h e m #fruits basket #anime #manga #fruits basket spoiler

[noreasonreally]

alright, i have shit to get done today and if i don’t write down my frustrations i’m gonna be super distracted. which is a few notches above my normal setting, easily distracted, and that just won’t do. so, here’s a rough draft of the shit i want to say to current roomie:

life is rough. sure. money is tight and apparently “having a job you’re overqualified for is worse than having no job at all” and my cat is ruining your mental health and you compromise way more than i do.

but when i genuinely don’t remember you telling me you’re staying an extra 30 days past the agreed-upon move out date, and even though we’ve talked about new tenants coming in and the fact that you didn’t have to find a subleaser anymore, you could’ve reminded me. and you could’ve mentioned this to the landlords who sat down and made the notes on the lease with us. and yeah, you have a legal right to be here. i don’t know where the comment about august 17th came from but i guess you were right about being able to stay until then, too, because you’re able to stay as long as you want.

but let’s also get something straight. i’m not attacking you by trying to sort this out. i didn’t waltz into the landlord’s office and sign a lease cackling about tricking you. i don’t remember you telling me and just lie about it - because if i knew that was the case, i wouldn’t have made an ass of myself signing a lease that would end up screwing over everyone but yourself.

also, i hope you realize this means you still owe another month’s rent, and another month’s bills, and by august 5th i’m changing the wifi password if i don’t get that money. sound unfair? well i thought it was unfair that you lied to me about paying rent, reamed me a new asshole when i asked for bill money, and texted me angry novels at 4AM after pitifully saying “i prefer to talk about these things in person.”

it’s exhausting to keep going around and around with you. i stopped caring about your mental health a long time ago because it’s nothing i can fix, and i don’t sympathize with those i don’t trust. it’s exhausting to justify my actions when i don’t even know what actions you’re taking to fix your own problems. it’s exhausting to explain my to-do list to you as if it’s something to be ashamed of. 

i jumped into the ring one more time a month ago, angry and venting even after i’d gotten your bill money, because you had to get one more verbal jab in there, as if we’re trying to win some fight against each other instead of co-exist with electric, gas, and internet. instead of trying to help one another, it’s turned into “how dare you not remember, how dare you not agree, how dare you not (take some action that really isn’t a huge deal it just needs to be discussed).” 

and really - honestly - if you told me, and i forgot, that’s my bad. i didn’t anticipate you telling me you were staying another month. i didn’t anticipate you immediately jumping to “i can legally stay here til aug 17th, and that document you signed is just void, and i’m not going anywhere.” i didn’t anticipate any of that. i thought you might ask for a hand moving stuff, or getting furniture out of the way. i started out the headbutting match with “that’s... a major miscommunication, did you tell the landlords” and she said it didn’t matter, she’ll call them tomorrow, etc., etc.

which, if we look at the track record, means she won’t. so i got my phone out and used the last of my phone minutes to talk to the landlord who apologized for the oversight and said if she stays another month she’ll have to find a subleaser and pay that rent and if she doesn’t, they’ll take her to court.

does that feel great? no. was it relieving? yeah. because i’ve been feeling that aching gnaw in my stomach in my house again, of hating coming home, of locking myself in my room, of pushing away paranoia about animal abuse and property damage, that i thought i left behind. talking to dear friends has helped me acknowledge that it’s a trigger. so my behavior hasn’t been the healthiest, either - i should remain calm, not reply in kind to long messages. for the most part, i’ve been able to. we’re only human.

and as angry as i was last night, i’m back to a weird internal peace. so, i didn’t get what i wanted - a new roommate on the date i’ve been looking forward to this whole summer. worse things have happened. i really hope the other girl finds a new place, or somewhere to crash until aug 31st. i really liked her, she was super low-key. a nice change of pace.

the thing stuck in my head now is the last conversation i had with current roomie about it. “you really don’t remember?” “no, when did you tell me??” “like a month ago!” “when?” “you expect me to remember what we were doing?!” “yeah! please! cause i don’t remember.” “you know what? you can’t gaslight me like this. (starts to walk away) this is gonna be a rough 30 days.” “yeah. i bet.”

and like.... sure, it’s shitty of me to not remember. but telling someone an important detail like that, one time, and only the roommate, not the landlords... not only do i not trust that you told me, i don’t feel sorry if you did. part of being responsible is following up. checking. making sure. did the word “gaslight” hurt me? yeah, ‘cause learning that i grew up in it was harsh, and i don’t want to be that person. is my worth shaken? am i afraid i’m being a bad person? am i afraid our mutual friends will now think i’m garbage? yeah, there’s a fair amount of that.

but there’s only one person whose approval i truly need, and that’s mine. i’m the one who has to live with myself. i’m the one who has to walk in these shoes. i remember just begging for my father’s love and approval, and i’m sensitive to people disliking me. but at the end of the day, i’m not apologizing to someone when i don’t think they deserve it. especially not when i know it’ll just get thrown back in my face as a “gotcha” moment the next time i upset them.

(as a side note, i’ve been inching away from those mutual friends for a while. we’re not meshing as well as we used to and i’m abusing alcohol a lot while around them - not their fault, but something i need to take responsibility for and take action over. so....... their approval or lackthereof isn’t super high on my list of priorities.)

you know. people are allowed to be mad at me. they can. god knows they often should be and that i’ve needed a kick in the pants way more than once. this isn’t a situation where i can or should change anything other than clarifying myself. maybe i’ll say some of these things to current roomie, but probably not. because our emotional exchanges are volatile more often than not, and i have better things to pour my energy into. and let’s be real, in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t the worst miscommunication to ever happen, and whether or not anyone believes me, i didn’t mean any harm. maybe that’s all i need to say to roomie. “i didn’t mean any harm.” 

of course, on the off chance she hasn’t been trying to come to a way of communicating and is still royally pissed at me and super defensive, i may just be setting myself up for more emotional work. 

oh and in the interest of putting all this down and getting it outta my noggin, the last thing she properly communicated to me was “don’t talk to me for a while, i’m tired of being the only one who compromises!!!” and... that was never resolved. she just casually asked me about subleasers and commented when i broke a glass while she happened to be in the room. other than that she barely looked me in the eye. so... still wondering if we’re technically allowed to speak again or if she’s just shunning/un-shunning me at will.

c’est la vie. here’s to one more month of shit left in the toilet, food left in the sink, and wondering if my cat feels safe when i’m not home. 

#personal #hi my name is kenzi and i will focus on good shit #starting.... now!!!

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam France 2.10 and 2.11 reaction

Skam France dropped two episodes last week, so I’m gonna put them together. 

this is another angry recap so heads up if you’re not into those

Episode 10

Clip 1 - Mickael and Lisa are very loud

Right off the bat - worst birthday ever. Making it Manon’s birthday was a good way to adapt these scenes into a holiday setting, though.

Are they play-acting so Manon can hear, or is this supposed to be a conversation between them and they’re careless enough to be too loud?

Actually I think this is a real conversation, not a performance for Manon. I think Lisa is sincere and she’s genuinely forgotten Manon’s birthday. Also that she really thinks for a second they’ve got to celebrate the pope’s birthday.

Lisa saying she misses Manon is sweet. Pretty sure they’re not going to delve into this family relationship or anything but it’s nice especially considering Lisa seems quite cantankerous. 

Lisa telling Mickael to open the door faster made me laugh for some reason. She doesn’t have time to prolong the drama.

This whole conversation is funny but poor Manon, she just wants to shut out the world.

Clip 2 - Mickael gets real

Manon’s actress continues to do a good job. She looks so tired and beaten down by everything.

Mickael and Lisa are both cute in their rendition of Happy Birthday! Lisa has so much more energy than Linn. 

“We’re sorry to steal from your cupboards all the time and ruin your life like leeches from hell.” lmao I love Mickael. 

I was apprehensive following the previous scene, because we got a funny conversation between Mickael and Lisa, but not the more serious and caring side of Mickael and the talk with Eskild that was in the original clip. I was worried because overall his character has felt less nurturing than Eskild and he hasn’t seemed to have as close of a bond with Manon - there were a few moments that were played more for humor than to indicate a strong relationship. It made me nervous that they were taking Mickael more in the direction of “gay comic relief” rather than showing his more substantial sides. So the fact they followed up the earlier conversation with Michael talking to Manon in a heavier way here was reassuring. We get to see his more caring side. He sympathizes with her and acknowledges how much he talks about his life but offers to listen as well. The actor is great and I hope they continue to give him the meatier material, especially in S3

I know he’s saying it because he’s worried, but telling a person with an eating disorder she has to eat entirety of her tray maybe isn’t the best advice? Though I doubt he knows about her ED.

Clip 3 - Charles shows up

I do think it makes it more random and less sense that she’d be like “go party with your friends, Charles” when it’s her own birthday. Or does he know that? He has to know that, didn’t he get her the cake? He’d probably see it on social media?

This is in my opinion the best Noorhelm scene of that relationship, and it almost was of Marles, too. Charles/William acts like a decent person, comes in semi-confrontational but gets his priorities straight when he sees that Manon/Noora is breaking down and panicking, and tries to calm her down and support her. The original scene of him lying down with Noora was genuinely touching and supportive.

They were on the right track and then they botched it. I have an anxiety disorder. I have had panic attacks. I know how scary they are. You don’t  “help” someone with a panic attack by physically picking them and making them leave despite them crying at you they don’t want to go out. What the hell. Why would they add that?

I mean I feel like there’s some weird gender shit going on here, with Charles being the alpha male type and then Manon being the fragile woman and it’s OK for Charles to ignore what she’s saying because Charles Knows Best. Not to mention this is the show’s idea of a swoon-worthy moment. We gotta get the guy carrying the girl around like a little doll. 

Lol, I even saw some weird justification of this moment along the lines of “Well, if she really didn’t want to go out, I’m sure he would have respected that.” She’s crying and telling him she doesn’t want to go out. What more does she have to do to get the message across? Does she have to physically fight him?

Clip 4 - Birthday cake

Well, the cake looks pretty, and at least they wrote in a new scene to acknowledge her birthday.

Also, don’t totally love that he took her phone away. I get it, he probably wants her to just chill, but in connection with everything else, it’s just another small way he’s jumping in and making decisions for her. I would not have been as annoyed if this wasn’t a pattern in their relationship or if this wasn’t immediately following a moment where Charles overrides Manon’s pleas on how to handle her own panic attack.

This scene of them on the rooftop felt like something out of a kdrama in terms of music and slow motion staring at each other. Or at least how I remember the kdramas I’ve seen.

I don’t get why he needed to take her to the rooftop other than the #aesthetic since he just carries her back to her room. I know it’s where their first date was, but she was freaking out and panicking when he tried to make her leave. I really can’t get over that! Whyyy did they need that moment?

Did Charles look at her phone? Sort of dilutes the impact of him not reading her Facebook messages. 

He muted the volume on her computer at least.

Episode 11

Clip 1 - Charles writing

I guess Charles was up writing this article for a while since it’s like 5 in the morning.

Confession time: I’ve never really liked that William (and now Charles) wrote the article for her. I know it’s considered to be one of the better things he did for her but even when I was watching S2 for the first time, I was like 😕 “Can’t they give me something to like about him that I don’t have reservations about?” I don’t think this was a terrible horrible thing he did, and admittedly I am bringing personal feelings into this situation, but it’s just something that I would not be OK with if someone did it for me without telling me first. I would be really panicked and upset if someone did this to me even if they meant it to be a kindness. He wrote the article and submitted it without her consent. Her name is on it. That means she’ll be held accountable for whatever the article says. Consider that Manon and Charles have been disagreeing on tons of topics so far - in fact Charles’ ability to make Manon rethink her opinions is a point that has been explicitly made about their relationship. So when it comes to the article, how can you expect that Manon and Charles would agree on the same points? Someone can be well-intentioned and still say stuff that’s a bit clueless, or make a mistake, and then it’s Manon who would be responsible. This only works if you assume Charles was a great writer with the right opinions - it excuses the action based on the outcome, without considering if the action itself is appropriate. (Which, to be frank, is true of many actions in this season.)

I would’ve preferred if he’d written it and then shown it to her to get her approval before sending. (“But that would have ruined the surprise/she wouldn’t have agreed to send it” - uh, too bad? She should get a voice in this. I get that she’s dealing with serious anxiety, I know what that feels like. But lol, imagine the resulting anxiety if Charles had sent out the article and it had a bunch of errors or some questionable opinions in it and Manon was criticized for it.)

The best case scenario is that he just took her notes and compiled them into something cohesive, which was somewhat implied, but she didn’t have enough notes to make a long enough article without him injecting his own thoughts.

Clips 2 and 3 - Manon and her girls

Did Charles make her tea? Now that’s a nice gesture.

Charles is watching her sleep, just to bring in those true Edward Cullen vibes. Manon was right about this being Twilight!

Lmao, explain to me why she had to wear that tiny dress? That looks like something I’d have worn to a middle school dance when I still had braces. It’s not Norwegian Constitution Day where the girls are going to be dressed up. It’s Manon’s birthday - she can dress however the hell she wants. She doesn’t have to dress up, she could wear her normal clothes. She could roll over to the party in sweats and a nacho cheese-stained T-shirt. 

The music and imagery in the last two clips has been getting super soap opera-ish.

And when Manon shows up, the other girls are wearing their normal clothes, jeans and comfy clothes. Again, why did Manon need the dress?

Heh, how much did they pay for the rights to sing Happy Birthday? Or is it only in the US that you have to cough up a pretty penny to use it on TV?

I looked it up and apparently the song was officially recognized to be in the public domain in 2016! Good to know.

The girls are very cute performing Happy Birthday, though. Love the placement of the birthday hats at jaunty angles.

I’m not really qualified to talk about this as a non-Norwegian but I’ve read a bit about the patriotic themes in S2, and how it’s fitting that Noora tells the girls on Constitution Day (how living in a free, democratic country means you have to believe the law will protect you from assholes like Niko) and that ties in to the overall motifs of the season, and so that’s obviously lost here. It’s a missed opportunity, especially with the article. I think if they tried harder they could have written, you know ... something that related more to this adaptation and French youth, instead of repeating a speech that specifically about Norwegian culture. That’s the bare minimum, my dudes.

Like when Daphne says they need to go to the police because they’re in France and the law will protect them ... I mean, sure, but it’s just one of those things that lacks the thematic relevance of the original as it’s not a national holiday at the time.

(They’re going to do 21:21 for S3 without any changes, aren’t they? Goddammit. I will believe them that they’re changing the storyline when I see it and not just hear it.)

A minor nitpick: I also feel like it’s kinda odd to read her article aloud? It made sense with Noora since it related to the holiday they were celebrating and could fit into their festivities but this is just a random article. In that case I’d find it weird if my friends just started reading something I’d written out loud. I mean it’s one thing to congratulate her for a job well done but IDK, felt out of place. 

But Emma only gets a few lines in, so thankfully we didn’t have to hear the whole thing awkwardly re-purposed for this remake.

Poor Manon with tears in her eyes. Her acting continues to be very good. Manon is more openly emotional and sad than Noora, who seems more like she freezes or shuts down or tries to close herself off.

Hug pile :(

Loved to see Daphne be at the forefront of taking Manon to the hospital and supporting her while they’re there.

Clip 4 - Justice

Nico is such a rat.

Also his ass is dumb.

But that’s no surprise.

Manon is more no nonsense and less playing with Nico than Noora was. 

Actually I preferred that they cut out the line about not dropping the soap and had her throw her drink in his face instead, good job, Manon! That was satisfying.

Clip 5 - The point of no return

So. This is the part when watching the original series where I knew I could never like William or Noorhelm. 

I’m going to go into a personal tangent, skip if you want. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned how I got into Skam in one of these recaps so my apologies if I’m repeating the story. 

I discovered Skam completely randomly during S3, via a YouTube recommendation. Of all things, strangely it was because I had watched a preview for the show Eyewitness, which was an American remake of a Norwegian show about two boys who witness some murders while making out in the woods. I enjoy crime stories/mysteries and the premise sounded intriguing, so I watched the first 10 minutes of the pilot that the network had put on YouTube as a teaser, and then some interviews talking about the show. Eyewitness turned out to not to be my thing and I didn’t watch more than a few episodes, but because I’d watched it, YouTube started recommending me clips from other shows with gay couples, including Skam. One night I was bored and decided to finally click on one of the Skam clips. I was hooked right away, impressed by the writing, directing, acting, and chemistry.

This was still really early in Skam’s viral spread during the fall/winter of 2016. There wasn’t nearly the amount of information and organized how-to-watch-Skam guides available in English at this point. I learned about the social media concept and real-time distribution of the show from reading the YouTube comments. The first clip I got to watch in real time was the pool scene. If you were there at the time, you might remember the 10-day hiatus between episodes 5 and 6. That was when I decided to watch seasons 1 and 2. Before that point, I had not heard a single bad thing about Noorhelm, William, or S2. In fact, I only heard overwhelming praise from the YouTube comments - people commenting that they missed William, encouraging people to watch the previous seasons and singling out S2 as an amazing storyline (and a number of people saying S1 was boring but to stick it out to S2), telling people Noora and William’s relationship was fantastic. I mention this because for some reason, certain fans are under the impression that people decided to randomly hate S2/Noorhelm/William based on opinions they read on Tumblr and it’s only bandwagon hate. So this is just to say - I did not go into S2 with any negative expectations. I wouldn’t even say I was hyping it too much in my mind so that I was bound to be disappointed. I just expected it to be decent television.

I watched S1 in like a day and loved it. I especially admired how all of the characters had both good and bad sides, and how the characters who easily could have been demonized, like Ingrid and Iben, were made into human and sympathetic figures by the season’s end. Did not love William’s behavior at all, thought he was a creep, but hey, he apologized to Vilde at the end of the season! That must be the character development I saw people mention in the comments! And so I reasoned that S2 would redeem William and manage to sell me on Noora/William. It wasn’t my preferred storyline but I loved S1 and I loved what had been released of S3 so far, so they could probably make me enjoy it, right? And besides, S1 had been pretty good in a lot of ways about sexism and gender roles, I trusted the show to continue that into S2.

So I started S2. And I saw William text Noora even when she’d rejected him. Okay, I thought, not a great start, but it’s the beginning of the season. Surely this behavior will be addressed, and he has plenty of time to change his attitude. And I saw William use Vilde in order to finally get Noora on that date. Yikes, I thought, I thought he was supposed to get better? This is textbook male entitlement. I didn’t feel OK with his behavior.

But OK, we’re only on episode 2! So much time to turn it around! And then we learned that William apologized to Vilde in exchange for a date with Noora. Errrr, that makes his apology a lot less satisfying and much more self-serving, I thought. And then I watched William take Noora on a date, and Noora confront William with his shitty behavior toward her and Vilde, and to my great bafflement, I saw William not express regret for his actions, but instead justify his actions not once, but repeatedly, with reasons that were flimsy at best and appalling at worst. I saw Noora tell William he had manipulated her in order to get her on that date and William deny it and turn it back on Noora. The scene made me furious. At that moment I hated William even more than I’d disliked him in S1 - because S1 was supposed to show him at his worst and ended with a moment of him displaying some self-improvement. Why the fresh hell would we then get this scene that effectively erased that character growth in order to show how selfish his motivations really were? I hated that scene. Hated hated hated it.

We were still early in the season, though. And episode 3 had admittedly a nice scene of Noora and William hanging out together - it was a nice scene because Noora was so cute, though, not because of much to do with William, and marred by William saying some misogynistic crap and then not owning up to it when called on it. But all right. It was progress. 

Throughout the season, however, there was a pattern, where there would be a moment where William seemed decent for a fraction of a second, only to show his ass and do something I found obnoxious, entitled, or awful shortly afterwards. The midseason peak was him bashing a bottle over a dude’s head, justifying it, and belittling Noora for not understanding his Great and Important motivations for bashing a bottle over the guy’s head. This was followed by a scene I found horrific in which the show’s designated voice of reason told Noora that she needed to understand why her boyfriend bashed a bottle over a guy’s head, or else it was unreasonable and just like how war begins or some shit like that, in response to Noora’s objections to her boyfriend being violent. Viewing this scene was deeply surreal, as I was aware that this was the voice of the writer telling me why I should like William or why it was wrong for me to dislike William. The scene’s message made no sense in context.

At this point I had realized I probably wasn’t going to like William - in addition to his crappy behavior and attitude, he wasn’t written in a particularly compelling or 3D way, and the performance wasn’t charismatic enough to hold my interest (although I want to stress that it wasn’t the deal-breaker and I could tolerate mediocre acting for a well-written complex character). Yet I held out a little bit of hope that there would be an 11th hour revelation or redemption arc where we could see how much William had grown and the sexism and male entitlement that had been threaded throughout the season would be addressed properly. We got William calming down Noora from anxiety in what I thought was a genuinely lovely scene. I didn’t much care for him writing the article but it wasn’t something I hated him for. For a moment, things seemed like they might turn around.

And then, we came to this clip. The point of no return.

A scene in which William gets in Noora’s face, towers over her, doesn’t hear her out, shakes her off and leaves her crying in the middle of the schoolyard. 

That would be bad enough as it is, though I can maybe understand his reaction in the heat of the moment. Maybe. But it wasn’t until I read the text messages afterwards that I was well and truly done. Noora texts William like an hour after this scene happens. She explicitly says that if anything happened between her and Niko, it would have been assault, she blacked out, and she’s pressed charges against Niko. And William ignored her for days afterwards.

This is so unbelievably cruel that it killed any hope I had for this storyline, it killed any possibility that I could like his character or root for this relationship. He knows she might have been raped and he ignores her when she is pleading for him to talk to her. He doesn’t reach out to her on his own, either; it takes Noora tracking him down and demanding his attention. I don’t remember him ever specifically apologizing for this behavior (if he did and I forgot about it, feel free to remind me). He apologizes for Niko. Not for himself.

Imagine Noora, who still thinks she may have been assaulted, who is still dealing with the trauma, having to also deal with the boyfriend she loves abandoning her and shutting her out. Imagine how tender William was with her earlier in the episode as he saw she was breaking down, and how it feels when he withdraws that tenderness after he finds out the reason why she was breaking down in the first place.

Let’s not even get into the real-life context of this scene, and how rape victims are often treated like dirt by friends, family, and romantic partners after they come forward about their assault. Let’s just mention that rape victims fear their loved ones won’t believe them, will blame them, or reject them, to the point where it’s a huge factor in why they don’t come forward, and that what happens with Noora here when William leaves is the embodiment of that fear.

It’s not just that William has flaws. Everyone on this show has flaws. It’s the way his flaws are handled. There is too much baggage with his character in terms of real-life sexism and gender roles, too little remorse and empathy from the character himself, that it’s beyond what I can enjoy in a fictional love interest.

“We don’t know what Niko may have told him.” That’s true, and I did consider that at the time. But you know what? William knows Niko is a creep. If Niko made any kinds of threats toward Noora, if there was any way he misled William other than just saying Noora was a slut who threw herself at him or anything we could have predicted knowing what we’ve seen from Niko, we needed to hear about it once the situation had been cleared up. Julie needed to have William explain so we know he at least had an understandable, non-self-centered motivation for reacting the way he did.

“William was just hurt/didn’t know how to deal.” I cannot stress how much I don’t give a shit about how William was so hurt compared to how Noora must feel in this situation. Noora told him rape may have happened. Why in the world would I prioritize William’s feelings over the feelings of a sexual assault victim in relation to her own potential rape? 

Fuck William. Fuck Charles. Fuck this narrative that is constantly putting a guy’s boner feels and manpain above the female lead’s agency, rational concerns, and mental health. Fuck this narrative that is constantly encouraging us to empathize and understand an entitled dude’s emotions and actions, including sexism and violence, while the same entitled dude shows little empathy or understanding for a potential rape victim, a girl whose self-image was damaged by him telling her she wasn’t attractive enough, or a girl who rejects him romantically. Fuck the double standards of women having to understand and empathize with men when they are behaving like assholes but men not having to empathize or show compassion to women, including when they are victimized, by putting aside their own feelings for a goddamn minute.

Anyway, back to the Skam France clip.

Daphne got aroused from kissing Emma … hmmm

Once again, absolutely no comment from or about the supposedly bi girl sitting right there with them, which might change the context of the scene a bit.

This soap opera music starting as Charles comes thundering up to Manon.

DID THIS ASSHOLE MOVE IMANE OUT OF THE WAY WHEN SHE TOLD HIM TO WAIT

FUCK YOU DUDE

DID HE SHOVE MANON AGAINST THE WINDOW

“Answer yes or no” “I don’t know.” YOUR FIRST CLUE, JACKASS.

oh BOO FUCKING HOO Charles is crying, so glad this is about his hurt feelings and not his girlfriend potentially being raped.

Oh cool and he knocked her on the floor so she’s crying on the ground, great, she thinks she might have been raped and here’s what we have now. 

SHE TEXTS HIM AFTERWARDS. AND TELLS HIM. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN AGAINST HER WILL.

HOW DID THEY MAKE THIS SCENE WORSE

General Comments

I was willing to give Marles a chance in the hopes that they would rewrite the worst parts of this relationship, but instead it’s like they’ve double down on Charles’ domineering bullshit and it makes me so angry. That’s really all I have to say. 

I’m not French so if I misunderstood some context, feel free to correct me.

If you got this far, thank you for reading!

#skamfr reactions

[maiji]

Niounomiya / Kaoruchujo (The Perfumed Prince / The Fragrant Captain), 2018 Tale of Genji (Uji chapters)

“He [Kaoru] gave off [...] an otherworldly fragrance, and it was a wonder how no matter where he went, the breeze that eddied behind him seemed really to perfume the air to a hundred paces. [...]This most unusually personal fragrance roused His Highness of War [Niou] to special rivalry. He purposely suffused his clothes with the finest incenses[...] In spring he contemplated his garden’s plum blossoms...”

- The Perfumed Prince, Tyler translation

Fountain pen ink and waterbrush - Papier Plume Sepia, Kyo Iro Cherry Blossom of Keage, KWZ Confederation Brown, Kyo no Oto Yamabukiiro. Many thanks to my dad for supplying his calligraphy for me to copy!

Kaoru’s nice smell, which I mentioned previously, may seem odd/random from a Western perspective, but it’s tied to a major theme of his character. A beautiful fragrance is supposed to be sign of an enlightened being, so it’s a carryover of his karma from a past life. Except in this life it drives him crazy because he can’t get rid of it and everybody always knows when he’s in the area.

I wanted to include some brief thoughts about these characters and their relationship, but it accidentally exploded into an essay. See below the cut and I am so sorry to anyone for whom the cut fails.

(The Kaoru - Ukifune - Niou love triangle is such an obvious, common point of discussion in their relationship, so I won’t spend time on that here.)

Of the three generations of friendship-rivalries in Tale of Genji, the third is by far the most diametrically opposed. Niou's a hotshot prince who chases practically any woman because he can, being so notorious that even his servants and guardians are constantly like, where the hell is Niou NOW and for god’s sakes, don’t tell him about whatever or he’s going to get into it!! Kaoru is a wannabe monk who keeps getting derailed in this pursuit, in the beginning because he's taking care of his mom, and later because he’s asked by the aging and dying Prince Hachi (whom he greatly respects and has been studying Buddhist scriptures with) to take care of his daughters. People have summarized Niou as successor of Genji’s dynamism, charm and passion, and Kaoru as successor of Genji’s spiritualist sensitivities. So I guess you can call them Genji without the morals VS Genji without the libido, which is simplified but fairly accurate.

It’s also interesting to compare/contrast their actual heritage. Niou is Genji’s grandson through his daughter the Akashi Empress. He was also Murasaki’s favourite, and he was a cute kid, but she might have been appalled to see how he turned out. Kaoru meanwhile is the result of an affair between Kashiwagi (To no Chujo’s son) and the Third Princess (Genji’s youngest wife), and though everyone involved kept the secret pretty well, he’s always had this unsettled feeling of displacement and a sense that something was weird about his mother’s situation. (I’m a huge sucker for quietly and privately sad scenes, and the brief one where Kaoru, after learning the truth about his birth, with his real father's incriminating letters in hand, rushes home to talk to his mother - and then decides never to let her know that he knows because it would only upset her - was definitely one of those to me.)

From my perspective, Murasaki Shikibu or whoever wrote these chapters did a decent job making the Kaoru-Niou friendship believable and even supportive (mostly thanks to Kaoru) before all the crap hits the ceiling later (mostly thanks to Niou). The Uji chapters are rightfully considered a tragedy, but as I was reading I found the predicaments these two kept getting themselves into, and the sheer contrast of their positions and dispositions, rather hilarious.

At one point in the story, the pair have befriended the sisters Oigimi and Nakanokimi (the daughters Kaoru’s been asked to take care of, mentioned earlier). Because both Kaoru and Niou are of excellent status, getting married to either of them is about as much assurance that a woman would be taken care of as you could get in aristocratic Heian society. Only dad kinda FORGOT TO TELL HIS DAUGHTERS that he asked Kaoru to take care of them before he died, so they think their father wants them to stay hermits in their isolated house forever. GJ DAD YOU HAD ONE JOB

So anyways, both of them are courting the sisters. Well, Niou is definitely courting one (or both, he was kind of confused who he’s talking to/exchanging poetry with, but he is Very Serious about whomever it is). Kaoru’s doing whatever Kaoru does, which mostly seems to be talking a lot to this old woman who serves the sisters because she knew his real father, and chatting with the sisters, and slowly falling in love with the elder sister Oigimi.

But Niou being an imperial prince can’t get out and travel as easily as Kaoru can, plus he’s frequently put under house arrest for his bad behaviour. This leaves Kaoru to visit the sisters regularly and plead the case of his best friend’s sincerity. I kept picturing Kaoru all bundled up and paddling out to the middle of nowhere, and apologetically explaining for the umpteenth time, “I am so sorry. Niou couldn’t make it again. Yes, he’s grounded again. No, he really is grounded. I know you’ve heard that he’s a terrible playboy, and, well, he is, but he really is very in love with you. Uh, with one of you. He’s really very serious about whichever one of you was writing to him. Really” And the sisters behind their screen are like “WTF KIND OF IDIOTS DO YOU THINK WE ARE” (Please don’t take this as an accurate description of the story)

And then you get passages like this scene. Here we have Niou observing Kaoru in private mourning over Oigimi’s death:

"After many days of tears [Kaoru’s] features had changed, although not for the worse, for they now had so fine a beauty and grace that [Niou], who deplored his own waywardness, saw that he would certainly lose his heart to him, if he himself were a woman."

- Trefoil Knots (Tyler translation)

The next few lines, beginning with "That was a worry" makes me interpret it as either Niou going, "Uh oh, better get my brain onto a new train of thought", or "Uh oh, better get my new wife - whom KAORU HELPED ME TO WIN OVER AND IS STILL TRYING TO HELP CONVINCE WHAT A DECENT GUY I AM - to my house quick in case she falls in love with him."

Obviously, I'm biased towards Kaoru. But hey, I’m not alone! Many readers from the Heian period onwards felt the same. The Mumyozoshi or Nameless Book - a 13th century work of prose criticism by an author many believe to be Fujiwara Toshinari no Musume (“Shunzei’s Daughter”), whose family was dedicated to study of Genji Monogatari - argues that Kaoru is perfect and defends him from criticism. I don't know if I'd go quite that far, but I was super amused. And there are quite a few ancient writings that extend or reimagine things to better favour Kaoru - or at least cut Niou down to size. Here’s an example:

And His Majesty the Emperor Niou said, "Wow, you found Ukifune? Really? That’s great! Uh, you’re not still mad at me after all this time, are you? Boy, I was such an asshole back then and caused so much shit for both of us. Blah blah blah grovel grovel sob sob grovel." The Palace Minister Kaoru was so thoughtful even when he was young that he put everybody else to shame, and he barely ever complained. He now knew even more that life was fleeting and everything was impermanent and that really they’d all been at fault and his depth of compassion and understanding was way beyond even what even the most devout monk could achieve. So he wasn’t bitter at all. He replied, "It’s OK, there’s no point being angry about the past. Whatever happened was fated to happen." And he chatted about this and that until they all felt better. After he left His Majesty said, ‘Goddamn he’s amazing. I’m not worthy to be in his presence.” Actually His Majesty was annoyed because the women in his service were always going on and on about how wonderful the Minister was.”

- extremely paraphrased by me from Kumogakure Rokujo (Tale of Genji apocryphal chapters)

I hope you will agree that this amazingness would not be out of place on fanfiction.net.

Conversely, to balance out this biased post, Royall Tyler wrote an essay titled "Pity Poor Kaoru" that argues the whole narrative is set up to make you feel sorry for him to the exclusion of consideration for the other characters, and that even bearing this in mind he's not really the deep nice guy everyone thinks he is. I don't necessarily agree with all of it, but I do agree the reader is intended to sympathize with Kaoru (there’s a reason I haven’t seen any readers rushing to Niou’s defence). In any case, it's an interesting read with some good points. Centuries-spanning annotated fandom debates are so fascinating!

Wrapping up with some thoughts on Niou. As you may already know, I don’t like him, but to be fair that’s kind of the point. For the most part, aside from his amoral philandering ways and his heightened sense of suspicion that everybody’s doing the same thing he is, he seems otherwise a decent...ish... person. I guess lol. He's authentically very passionate about whatever his stupid inclinations are at the time, he really was housebound against his will at those critical parts in the story (although it’s partly his own fault…), and there are multiple points where he appears to feel genuine remorse at his own asshattery. 

Regardless of whether I’d like him as a real person or not, he’s a character. I recognize the Niou/Kaoru dynamic and relationship is central to the Uji chapters, his role makes the story what it is, and this is what creates conflict, interest, and entertainment. After all, while *I* would read 1200 pages about Kaoru being a monk, not everybody would. And even as I’m writing that, I admit it’s not the most exciting-sounding material.... and 1200 pages is a lot of pages... Ultimately Kaoru and Niou are great reminders that stories are only more compelling when you have interesting relationships and interactions. And I can say with greater confidence that I would read 1200 pages of Kaoru trying to be a monk and dealing with Niou being a turd. Thank you for reading my long wall of text.

#tale of genji #genji monogatari #niou no miya #kaoru chujo #artists on tumblr #art #fude de manne #fountain pen ink #ink #art by maiji/mary huang #so many tale of genji thoughts

[thuskindlyshescatters]

Question: Why do people like Raven, the mass murdering, child-abandoning woman who is hated by everyone in her family for a specific reason, and yet want Whitley, the kid who said a few mean things to his older sister but ultimately did nothing at all, to die?

Context.

Let’s take this out of RWBY context. Actually, let’s take this out of TUMBLR context, because Tumblr usually turns into a hell hole of people saying you can’t like villains and whatnot.

Let’s talk about… hmm, let’s see… Darth Vader. Now that’s a character I’ve yet to see labeled as “problematic” on this site.

LOOOONG post under the cut.

So. Darth Vader.

Darth Vader is the leader of the Sith and ultimately the evil Empire, whose mission is to blow up PLANETS FULL OF BILLIONS OF PEOPLE, MURDER AS MANY MEMBERS OF THE REBEL ALLIANCE AS POSSIBLE, and KILL ALL JEDI. You know I’m not exaggerating, because assuming we’ve all seen Star Wars, this is common knowledge. Onscreen, he also abandons his wife, intends to kill his children, kills Obi Wan Kenobi, and slashes his son’s hand off when he doesn’t get what he wants. Oh, yeah, and he slaughters about 100 children at the Jedi Academy.

So, we can all agree that Darth Vader is a bad guy.

So why do we like him?

Why do we, as an audience, feel this desire to forgive him? We all know, and saw, how awful he is, and yet, when he finally reunites with his son, he comes together to, at first, fight him and cling to his ways, but then unites with him after seeing a better part of himself in his son to defeat the ultimately greater evil, Emperor Palpatine.

And by the time he dies, we are SUPER, SUPER conflicted about this guy. We might even cry along with Luke when we see him dying. We see how vulnerable and scarred he is under his dark exterior (literally), and see his regret and sorrow over doing what he did. Some of the audience ignores this and still thinks he should die. But most of us see his fear, see his regret, and see his conflict over his actions that we are feeling as well. He connects to the audience’s pain, and that’s what ultimately gets us to feel bad for him, because he feels bad in almost the same way we do.

Now, let’s compare that to Raven.(I know, hush, I’ll get to Whitley in a second.)

Raven leads a tribe whose mission is to survive by whatever means possible, including theft, burning, slaughtering people, and murdering Huntsmen, not caring about the Grimm and despair they leave in their wake. Additionally, Raven herself had been shown to abandon her family, neglect her child, and threaten Yang’s life when she doesn’t get what she wants. Oh, yeah, and she trained SPECIFICALLY to murder people.

Go reread the Darth Vader paragraph, and compare.

We see Raven’s regret over leaving. We see her desperation in making Yang try to stay, and her private sadness that Yang has parts of her in her, because she knows that will keep her from her goal. We see a guilt complex, that blames others for her hardships like Ozpin, but yet leaves her hanging her head when Yang admits to her she was not being the kind mother that she wished she had been. Furthermore, we see how gratefully she treats Vernal, and how fiercely loyal she is to her people.

I think us, as an audience, can relate to some of this. Feeling guilty? Regretful? Ashamed? Feeling like they should have done more? That they’re a bad person? We, as the audience, regret Raven having left Yang, and connect with her regret in a way that makes us favor her reasoning. Raven feels bad, and we’re like “GODDAMN RIGHT, YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD,” but… now we’re connecting with one of Raven’s emotions. Now, we’re starting to see her as a person, with experiences we can relate to. It inspires a feeling of forgiveness for her that we want to give to ourselves. And, sure, STILL, has Raven probably killed children before? Yes. But don’t forget – so has Darth Vader, and we still love him fine. While RWBY’s writing is not NEARLY as perfect as Star Wars’, it’s the same archetype.

Maybe, like Vader, she WILL reunite with her daughter, and at first, want to fight her and stick to her old ways, but then see a better part of herself in her daughter and unite to fight against the ultimately greater evil, Salem.

(Again, if that felt familiar, reread the Vader paragraph above.)

I mean, hell, Qrow blames Raven for Yang losing her arm! GUESS HOW LUKE LOST HIS ARM, TAKE A WILD FUCKIN’ GUESS–

…Anyways. What about Whitley?

Well, for one, a lot of the “I WANT SHITLEY TO DIE” thing is coming from exaggeration. A better translation would be “I want Weiss to attain the catharsis she needs, because I can relate to that character relationship and would feel satisfied with her doing something that would somehow harm his ego or pride.”

How often, when you were (let’s say) 11, did you get mad at your mom or something, and wish she would die? Well, you didn’t actually want her to die, you just… wanted her to feel how bad YOU felt, and the animal brain usually translates that to the worst possible thing EVER, which in this case is death.

Did your mom ever get that kind of cathartic redemption? I doubt it. But then you calmed down, forgave her, and moved on with your life. Alternatively, you could be mad at her to this very day, but… that’s an issue you should resolve on your own.

Anyways, the same principal can be used with an annoying little brother. Maybe you have one, maybe you don’t (I don’t), but ultimately, people less mature than you who know you personally genuinely do shitty things. Why? Because they know their immaturity will excuse it, and they know that you’ll eventually forgive them, but be really irritated for the time being.

Whitley is not an annoying little brother.

I mean, sure, he taunts Weiss for a bit when she’s locked in her room, but that’s not because he doesn’t know any better. That’s deliberate dehumanization, passed down by his snake of a father, and is something that one only does when they feel they’re in a position of authority (which he now does).

Have you ever been taunted by someone who feels their better than you? Say, a school bully? Have you ever wanted to punch them in the nose? Cause if you haven’t, you’re lacking human experiences that make people overcome wanting to punch people in the nose, and you’re probably not complex enough to know what’s happening to you. 

So, in this scenario, Weiss is an outlet for members of the audience who recognize a taunting dipshit who thinks he’s better than Weiss [us, since we project onto characters we like], and have the natural human urge to want him to suffer. Not like, in hell, but get a taste of his own medicine.

Another instance of where our disdain for Whitley worsens is when at first, we see him as this figure who’s… cocky, sure, but actually seems like he cares for Weiss’s wellbeing. However, later, it turns out that he sides with his father, because he gave him power, and abandons Weiss emotionally, betraying her trust in a time of need.

Has someone you trusted ever left you when you needed them? Sure, you might have felt SAD, but then you felt angry, and… I don’t know, wanted to punch a pillow or something and pretend it was them. Kind of like when your mom doesn’t let you do what you wanted – you think “I WISH YOU WOULD DIE!”, but what you mean is “I’m upset, and want you to feel how upset I am.”

So, yeah. TL;DR:

Raven has a villain complex as old as time, where she does terrible things, but ultimately shares enough human qualities with the audience that we can empathize with until some of us (clearly not all of us, since apparently you’ve never regretted something or don’t have the character comprehension to recognize her regret) forgiver her enough to start seeing her as a character we like. Not ignoring her terrible deeds, but sympathizing enough to think she is interesting.

Whitley is a combination of an unfair mom, a school bully with a superiority complex, and a friend who’s betrayed you, all at the same time. Since the general human reaction to such injustices is “wow, I hate you and want you to die” (once again, “die” meaning “suffer in a way that I have that feels absolutely terrible, and death is the most terrible thing I can imagine”), and since the audience is meant to see through Weiss’s eyes, we basically decide we want our outlet in the story, Weiss, to beat the living daylights out of Whitley.

When it boils down to it: a person’s implied actions don’t matter to us. But when we’ve seen how they interact with characters we identify with (Yang, Weiss), we feel like they’re interacting with us. And while we’re starting to see Raven at eye level and she’s becoming a character we identify with, we see Whitley from Weiss’s view and go “holy shit, you’re a bag of dicks.”

Raven is taking a turn for the better. We want to like her, when in the past we haven’t.

Whitley is taking a turn for the worse. We want to hate him, when in the past we haven’t.

…

You wanted an answer!

#basically #if you have ever taken a class in your LIFE that dealt with reading comprehension #you should know at least some of this shit #rwby #rwby5 #rwby spoilers #rwby speculation #my asks

[its-a-queer-thing]

ICYMI Pt 15--3x07

I frequently read people discussing Mickey and Mandy's relationship, and talking about Milkovich loyalty. While at the core, they are tight-knit siblings, the fact is Mandy does look down on Mickey a lot. She makes fun of him with Ian, which is realistic for siblings, but she makes fun of things that really shouldn't be made fun of...

Look at that shit-eating grin on her face! She looks amused that her father not only abused her brother but even seems smug about the degree of abuse! Now, while I’m outraged about this, I do also have to defend her by reminding myself that in this abusive as fuck household, everything is topsy turvy when it comes to violence. Her reaction is the equivalent of a sibling being smug about their sibling getting a spanking and it’s very disturbing. Discipline in this house I am certain is very extreme, so her desensitization to violence isn’t shocking. What does shock me even further is when she asks

Uhh... You definitely need a reason to pistol-whip someone. Specifically your brother! I know he can be a shit, I know he gets on your nerves, that's siblings... I'm just personally amazed that she would be so dismissive about this degree of violence. 

I guess what she finds amusing is that this has knocked Mickey down a few pegs (we all know he’s got a swagger befitting of a high-running thug and while that cockiness may intimidate some people, I’m sure it annoys her more than anything.) 

Of course this is coming from the same person who downplayed her own incestual rape, trying to convince the Gallaghers that it wasn't a big deal, when in fact it most certainly is. So what she could have thought this was, or if maybe this has happened before (maybe or maybe not with Mickey in particular), we don't know. But clearly, Mandy is desensitized to this level of violence, and is accustomed to justifying and or dismissing things in her life that are really messed up to give herself a sense of security and normalcy that she doesn't actually have. 

It’s unclear if this is the first time Mickey has experienced this level of abuse from Terry (rape aside). Mandy’s response to this seems so commonplace and casual it almost seems as though this type of thing happens frequently, or at least happened consistently enough throughout her childhood that she is now thoroughly desensitized to it. Also Mickey’s fear of Terry which has been so evident throughout the entire series  up to this point gives the impression that Terry has been physically violent with Mickey before, probably multiple times, but I can’t decide if this is the first pistol-whipping in the Milkovich family. Once again, Mandy’s casual response is super disturbing because it hints that maybe this has happened before...

Ian is tracking Mickey down due to a genuine concern for Mickey’s well being. I find this a very sweet display of Ian’s gentle nature and shows how much he does care for Mickey. He recognizes that what Mickey endured was hard and traumatizing.

What Ian doesn’t necessarily understand is exactly what about the attack was traumatizing. Granted, the whole event was traumatizing, but I think Mickey is mostly desensitized to Terry’s usual abuse. What Mickey was unaccustomed to, and so unprepared for, was the sexual assault--which, I don’t even think he or Ian would classify as a “rape” in their minds because many people don’t even believe men can be raped and there isn’t a lot of talk about male rape to open up understanding about it.

Not only do I argue that Mickey was certainly raped due to the scene we witnessed before and the reasons I listed out in my last ICYMI, but I also believe it because of Mickey’s demonstration of rape trauma syndrome symptoms.

People suffering from rape trauma syndrome, and rape specific PTSD, are more likely to physically and emotionally withdraw from their lives, act out in violent or otherwise harmful ways, and do certain things to assert a sense of control. It appears that Mickey is working through his aggression and probably his need for control in his life by shooting his gun. Whereas before he had a seemingly accurate aim, here we see his aim is quite off (or at least it seems to be from where I’m sitting). This is important just to show how out of focus he is right now and how much this experience has truly rocked him.

This moment is really sad for me because he almost looks happy to see Ian, until he remembers what happened. I can see it clearly, like he looked up and his instinctual reaction was to get excited and then what happened flashed behind his eyes and he wasn’t happy anymore. Suddenly, he REALLY didn’t want to talk to Ian anymore.

But it’s not that he won’t want to talk to him forever, and I think Mickey knew that. That’s why he didn’t fight back or tell him to go away. Mickey’s silence, to me, was his way of asking for space without telling him to go away or talking about what happened or promising any sort of future conversation.

I see some people being upset at Ian for trying to push Mickey into talking to him. Something I would like to point out is while Ian has been traumatized to a degree, because he was violently assaulted and forced to witness something very deeply upsetting, in his family he has learned to turn misfortunes into jokes, to dismiss what doesn't work out. It's not necessarily a healthy coping mechanism, but there are some people in my life personally I can say would have reacted similarly. I don't support this coping mechanism, it's deeply insensitive to people who don't have the same coping mechanism and probably unhealthy in general. So I had a similar reaction to Ian making a joke of Mickey's trauma as many people did, I assume, and was very disappointed in the way that he tried to make light of it.

 I think he expected Mickey to be able to bounce back again because as a society we see men as sexual beings that are rearing to go for any sexual attention they can get, and the truth is men are just as capable of being traumatized by sexual assault and rape as women. Also Mickey as a character is a bounce-back kid. He doesn’t dwell long before he, like Ian, gets up and dusts himself off. But this is one experience that Ian can’t sympathize with so he’s expecting Mickey to bounce back from something he doesn’t understand.

I’m not blaming Ian for this unfair expectation because I'd also like to point out that ian's understanding of sexual assault is fuzzy. We see this in season 6 when he's talking about his drug-induced nights at the club, and reveals that sometimes he was unaware of what was being done to him. Instead of getting scared or becoming a victim, he decided to ignore it. I'm not saying that admirably, I think it's terribly unhealthy for Ian to ignore this, but at the same time if he would rather put it behind him and not address it that is his business. My point about Ian's future history with sexual violence, is to show that he really doesn’t understand sexual violence against men and if he doesn’t understand it then he certainly doesn’t know. Also, we don't know how long before season 6 his history with sexual abuse started. We don't know how Ian and Kash got together. While I don't see Kash as an aggressive type, the truth is we have no idea how this started, I'm going to stop there because thinking about that is scaring me, but for all we know Ian was manipulated or seduced and we don’t even know it.

So my point being because Ian has such a casual attitude towards his own experiences with being sexually violated, I believe that he expected Mickey to have a similar mentality, which obviously he does not, and be able to bounce back. 

Further, I think Ian did want things to go back to normal, wanted to believe that this experience would not end them because he does seem to already recognize that he loves Mickey. I think he wanted their normal back so bad that he got frustrated when it didn’t happen, almost like he had already decided in his mind that everything would be the same. I think he also doesn't want Mickey to associate Ian with his trauma and is afraid that Mickey will do that. And that is not to the fault of either Ian or Mickey, it's how the human brain works and getting angry at Mickey was not going to help anything. 

Ian tries reasoning with Mickey, tries being sensitive to his trauma but it doesn’t get him anywhere.

I understand Ian's desperation for things to just bounce back to the way things were. So to the Ian haters I understand why you don't like this moment, because we want to be sensitive to Mickey's trauma, but at the same time due to Ian's experiences with sexual assault and his general mentality of refusing to dwell, as is the Gallagher way, I think explains why he was able to be so casual when talking to Mickey after this and wanting him to acknowledge him.

Mickey is the one guy Ian has really felt for and I argue really relied on emotionally. I’m sure he and Kash and Ned talked about things Ian went through but they are so much older than him, I can’t imagine it being a conversation Ian feels very understood in. Then there’s Mickey who he can vent to and talk to about his family and Mickey will understand because they have similar experiences and they are around the same age so they see the world more similarly. My point being, I feel Ian was afraid of losing his best friend, not just a lover. I think he was afraid that everything they worked for would be lost and in this moment when Mickey refused to look at him, that fear was very, very real.

I have also seen some (but not many) people express irritation at Mickey for ignoring Ian here, but I would really like to point out something that should be obvious. 

Mickey has just endured a huge trauma, he has been violated in so many ways that we don't understand unless we've gone through it. And what I appreciate about this arc, this three episode long arc where Mickey is explicitly demonstrating his RTS symptoms, is that we get to see that men do respond to rape similarly to women, to show that male rape is a real thing, it is traumatising, and it's serious. We need to talk about it because men are not unfeeling beings who are grateful for any kind of sexual attention (which I think our society tries to make both men and women out to be depending on the circumstance.) So right now we're talking about men being looked at as being ready for sex at any time and being happy about sex at any time, and so being incapable of sexual trauma (specifically from a woman), and realizing that this is not the case. It's not only because Mickey is gay, it's because someone touched him and manipulated his body against his will, period. I'm going to stop before I go too much into detail because I didn't put a trigger warning up but what I want to leave you with is a plea to recognize that Mickey is definitely a victim of rape. He has withdrawn himself physically because he's at this abandoned building, and emotionally because he refuses to talk to the one person in his life that he used to be able to talk to; he's lashing out in a controlled yet violent way to release some of what he's feeling-- and he's probably feeling a lot of things; anger, resentment, hurt, confusion, fear, helplessness... We will see later that he turns to alcohol for comfort, we see later that he is sensitive to touch, and that he is more likely to lash out violently in ways that he didn't before-- but as I said I'll get to that in next couple of episodes. 

Ian finally realizes that Mickey isn’t up for talking and leaves. I can only imagine how hurtful this situation must be for both of them so while I understand where Ian haters and Mickey haters are coming from in this, and upcoming, episodes, I just want to remind everyone that this is a REALLY hard situation to put yourself into if you haven’t been through something similar. I personally admire Mickey for finding his space, claiming an isolated space where he can work through his shit in peace, and trying to leave Ian out of it, because we all know what a Mickey backed in a corner looks like, and he knows that’s ugly. I think he is actively trying to avoid any further damage to a relationship he probably still wants, but is now looking less worth it due to what happened. 

And I admire Ian for looking for Mickey to check on him himself since Mandy was of no help. She doesn’t recognize the deep degree of Mickey’s trauma, and Mickey probably puts up a front when he’s home which is another reason he holes himself up here rather than curling up in his room, so his siblings don’t ask and he doesn’t have to tell (or lie). Ian can sometimes be a bit of a dreamer and his poor hopes were shot down in this moment and my heart really goes out to him for it.

That is all I have for 3x07, lovies! Let me know if you agree or disagree with my analysis! And get the full story here!

#icymi #shameless icymi #gallavich icymi #gallavich #shameless #shameless us #ian gallagher #mickey milkovich #lip gallagher #mandy milkovich #terry milkovich #shameless 3x07 #3x666 recovery

[abadpoetwithdreams]

Nirvana in Fire Episode 2 Reaction

(Hello, yes, it’s me again, the person who said she’d write a reaction post for every episode she watched and then went and watched SEVEN EPISODES IN THREE DAYS. I have regrets. I actually didn’t even want to stop watching long enough to write this, but I have to before I get too much deeper in. Everything below is written from my episode notes I made while watching episode 2 for the first time, so none of my later knowledge applies, here. I actually know names much better now, obviously. Also I continue to do really badly at not getting attached to anyone. Comically badly, really. I’m setting myself up for a lot of grief, I can tell.)

• So, episode two of Nirvana in Fire! We start this episode by immediately focusing on the princess (whose name is Ni Huang) which I was not expecting but which I welcomed wholly. After she had such a fun, powerful introduction, as well as that cheeky conversation with the Emperor, I am happy that her character gets even more fleshed out here. The fact that she is still unmarried is apparently a Big Deal, because until she is safely paired off with a suitable husband, she is a political wild card. Whoever marries her will essentially have her army of 10,000 men as a dowry, with all the clout that entails, making the Emperor anxious to arrange her marriage as quickly as possible. Unusually for this sort of story, though, he actually cares about her enough that he has let her put off marriage for a many years, so that’s rather sweet. He even seems proud that so many guys are interested in marrying her, which is cute. (He wavers between being proud that she’s so awesome and that so many people would want her, and being worried that so many people want her for the power she has.) In fact, even though this whole tournament for her suitors that he’s arranging seems like a final ultimatum, he seemingly is also going ahead and letting her have final combat with the top candidates, so I guess he’s potentially still letting it slide—for now.

• And why hasn’t she married, even though she is (as he friend so kindly tells her) no longer young? OH I CAN GUESS. *senses Doomed Romance looming closer*

• Side-note: I wish the Emperor’s eunuch buddy would stop smiling. He’s incredibly creepy. The performance reminds me of whoever played Osric in the Tennant production of Hamlet (arguably my favourite Hamlet: that perpetual smile that’s hilarious but also massively unsettling).

• Also Ni Huang has a younger brother? And he is going to take over the army now? Because the emperor is worried about the popularity and influence Ni Huang has among her own army? I’d say the Emperor is being needlessly paranoid, but I’ve watched various Asian period dramas before. He’s right to be skittish.

• Ok and then we get introduced to a general (??) who is immediately also on my list of faves in this show (I said I wouldn’t pick favourites. I SAID I WOULDN’T GET ATTACHED. GAH) because he is introduced with some great drumming music and while punching out two people at once, and also he has fantastic eyebrows and is maybe the only person on this entire show so far who has a Beard that isn’t an Evil Beard. Excellent. He seems very fierce and reminds me a lot of our hero’s surly teen bodyguard, and now I want them to fight.

• The prince who isn’t the Crown Prince (Yu, I have gathered his name is—see, I’ll get all the names gradually, I should have them all solidly by the end of ep3. Being able to keep track of a million names and complicated family trees is one of my Silmarillion powers) seems increasingly snakey every time I see him. This time it’s him praising the two guys the general beat up to his face, and then going off to scold them harshly and be really generally mean later. A harmless bit of two-faced-ness? Mayyyyyybe. But I’m guessing this is just the tip of the iceberg with this guy.

• He has really beautiful clothes, though. That red and gold. NICE.

• We finally come back to Chang Su—yeah, I know I was going to call him Lin Shu last episode because that was the first name I remembered, but everyone’s calling him Mei Chang Su so I’ve picked up on that now and will stick with that I guess… Or, actually, I’ll probably just start using all the names interchangeably and be both confusing and confused. It’s fine.

• Anyway, our mysterious man in white (side note: I adore the simplicity of his costume and how it makes him look even more washed out and ghostly when surrounded by the vibrant colors and detailed patterning of all the other men’s costumes) is hanging out at the Marquis’ house where he is reading and drinking tea in the garden, which just makes me like him more because that is how I, too, like to spend my time. His angry teen bodyguard is busy jumping from rooftop to rooftop and wire-flying through the air, as one does. The bodyguard’s name is Fei Liu and I adore him. More of this kid, please, show, and thanks.

• Chang Su sends Fei Liu out to play, and when Jing Rui wonders at that, Chang Su assures him it’s fine: Fei Liu has a good temper. Immediately I know something is up. Either that, or our entire premise that Chang Su is a brilliant strategist is a lie, because that teen murder machine is the angriest character in this entire show and you’d have to be an idiot to think otherwise.

• These boys, by the way—Jing Rui and … Something Jin? His happy sidekick— continue to be the nicest, most cheerful and pleasant duo. They’re in temperment like the Merry and Pippin of this show. Every time I see them in a scene with Chang Su I get intensely uncomfortable because I’m certain he doesn’t really see them as the friends they think they are to him.

• And then I get my wish and the general and Fei Liu have a mighty sky and roof battle, and it’s glorious. The cinematography is so good in this show, it really lets the wirework and choreography shine. Usually I prefer my combat more House of Flying Daggers over the top and less Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon over the top, but it’s working for me 100% here. The dancer in me digs it.

• “I will be sure to discipline him” -Yeah, sure you will, Chang Su. Suuuuure.

• The general seems suspicious, but that’s only to be expected when you are accosted by a strange, vicious, flying child in a garden.

• “There is nothing exceptional about me. Except for my stunning good looks.” -Chang Su, when questioned by the general. I might have added that last part.

• Fei Liu’s faceplant of shame against the wall made me laugh out loud. Gosh, I love this kid.

• And! It turns out Jing Rui’s brother with the sneaky face was eavesdropping for Prince Yu, and of course when he scuttles away to report his findings we cut to Chang Su looking immensely smug. Yup, he planned that whole fight out. This guy.

• Meanwhile, the Marquis is in the pocket of the Crown Prince, and reports to him the same news. But these guys go a step further and not only are they planning to win Chang Su over; they are planning that if they can’t win him, they will kill him! I’m just assuming Yu hasn’t thought that far ahead.

• “I took to the battlefield in my armor when I was seventeen years old. After witnessing bloody battles for seventeen years, all I have left is a heart of steel.” -Ni Huang, lying. But also continuing to be immensely quotable.

• Also her friend is a super-important intelligence agent? She has this fantastically dangerous attitude, so I can’t wait to see more of her. I love how competent these women are, and they aren’t presented as awesome warriors simply as window-dressing; they make their awesomeness seem earned and genuine and an core part of their characters, so well done show (or novel? I think this is an adaptation of a book? Either way, bravo, and bravo to the actresses for being so effortlessly cool).

• It’s another prince! Prince Jing, this time, and I love this guy immediately. He has a perpetually sad grumpy face but the more you see of his life the more it’s understandable. Guy has it rough. But he seems to be very close with Ni Huang, which is yet another point in his favor! His short, abrupt mannerisms are hilarious, when contrasted with his brothers’ constant waffling and wheedling and whining.

• Oh, and a thread I had questions about last episode gets pulled out a little more: Ni Huang’s friend in the intelligence force was one of those who investigated Lin Shu’s family all those years ago and who came to the conclusion that they were treasonous due to (what I am assuming was planted) evidence that Prince Jing thinks was bogus. He still hasn’t forgiven her, and she still hasn’t forgiven him for continuing to think well of the traitor who killed her husband. Supposedly. Furthermore, Ni Huang also still does not believe Lin Shu and his family were guilty, which hurts her friend’s feelings. Sheesh, I can’t wait for whenever the flashbacks start and we can ACTUALLY SEE what happened 12 years ago! Everyone’s lives seem to be divided into a before and after centered around that event, whether they realize it or not, but everyone also has different takes on what happened. The pay off had better be amazing, because the constant teasing is killing me.

• So now we come to what I thought was going to be the worst scene of the episode, where the Emperor makes poor Prince Jing just stand at attention, ignored, outside his palace and then legit forgets about him and we get all this backstory about how his father treats him harshly due to his sympathizing with Lin Shu’s family and inability to keep his mouth shut and I just felt so bad for this poor guy. But sidenote: the Emperor’s happy air-calligraphy as he admires the handwriting he was looking at when Prince Jing first arrived made me laugh. I really, really like whoever this actor is who’s playing the Emperor. I don’t think I’ve seen him before. But he gives what could easily be yet another trope-y Emperor role a lot of nuance.

• And then when Jing is finally allowed inside, the Crown Prince immediately starts haranguing him about how filthy he looks and why didn’t he go home to clean up first and I wanted to slap him. And then slimy Prince Yu cuts in to argue against the Crown Prince in an attempt to get Good Son Points from their Emperor Dad, and I wanted to slap him, too. My gosh, they’re a pair of five-year-olds.

• Also, Prince Jing continues to be very laconic, but I love that he is both quieter than his brothers AND plagued by the problem that he doesn’t know WHEN to shut up. Someone who speaks their mind like he does and who cares more about what is Right instead of what is Safe reeeeeally needs someone a bit more sneaky and pragmatic looking out for them. Someone like … CHANG SU? HMMMMMMM

• Jing Rui fiercely defending his buddy Chang Su from court politics, and then proudly saying his father is neutral in politics (oh poor boy) is so Good, it breaks my heart.

• And with that it’s finally the start of the tournament to find Ni Huang a husband! Fei Liu angrily fails at putting a ribbon in his hair in the background of a scene and I had to rewind to actually pay attention to what the boys were saying because it distracted me. Chang Su is still being the most polite little troll and is like ‘hey, how about we show up SUPER LATE’ all the while surely knowing that the two princes are desperate for a glimpse of him. He really wants to make a big entrance, ahahaha.

• Ni Huang’s baby brother is PRECIOUS. I ADORE HIM. “Princess Ni Huang probably doesn’t worry as much about this tournament as the young prince” PRECIOUS I SAY.

• I’m perplexed by how expressive Hu Ge can make his expressionless face be. He emotes a lot without emoting at all and it’s uncanny. There was a whole story on his face when he commented on how close Ni Huang and her brother are, and I REALLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS.

• And then this show briefly turns into a brilliant comedy where Prince Yu and the Crown Prince basically both race out of their private box to where Chang Su is and immediately start trying to win him over with a forcefulness that grows in awkwardness and eagerness until it’s basically a farce. It’s glorious. And once again I have to commend the acting in this scene, because what they’re saying isn’t even inherently funny; it’s the way they say it and the pacing and their expressions that made me rewatch this scene twice just so I could cackle over it again. Jing Rui increasingly offput by their posturing, Chang Su increasingly dying inside, Yu Jin completely oblivious. Hysterical. Also there’s a shot that makes me realize the reason why I like Chang Su’s face and specifically his eyes so much is because he has this weird resemblance to Buster Keaton, so there’s that.

• AND NOW WE COME TO THE WONDERFUL GRAND EMPRESS DOWAGER SCENE.

• JUST A NICE SCENE WITH A NICE OLD LADY AND HER DOTING GRANDKIDS.

• JUST A NICE HAPPY FAMILY SCENE. • YUP.

• NOTHING ELSE TO SAY HERE.

• … .

• Ok no, that’s all a lie, but I had been lulled into a false sense of security by the hilarity of the fighting princes, so I thought this was just going to be cute. And at first, it was. Well, after Lin Shu’s brief, unusually intense moment with Fei Liu where he orders him on exactly how he is to behave with the old lady, that is. “She’s the kindest grandmother in the world,” he says, his eyes drifting to middle distance, and I got a little choked up. But it’s ok, the moment is brief, just enough to color the next scene with poignancy, and I thought that was it. He gives his instruction, he goes in, everything seems fine (except for the fact that he seems legit scared to look his grandmother in the face, THIS POOR MAN), Yu Jin is a cheerful doof as usual, the Empress Dowager is DELIGHTFUL and her obsession with everyone’s marital status is charming (as is Jing Rui’s discomfiture, I like his hair-down look btw), Fei Liu makes an epic eyeroll and continues to climb in my esteem, and then—

• Dangit.

• Ok, so story time: I don’t know Chinese. Not at all. I am ¼ Chinese, actually, as well as ¼ Japanese, but I know more Japanese because I have never been in contact with my Chinese side of the family as much. Anyway, so I have always relied entirely on subtitles when watching Chinese media, but dramafever’s subtitles have seemed a little inconsistent to me. And I THINK they were in this scene. Because when Jing Rui introduced himself to his aged great-grandmother, she asked if he was “Xiao Rui,” according to the subtitles, and he said yes. Now, I figured something was up here because I could have sworn his name was Jing Rui? So I paused the episode for a quick detour to google, and apparently Xiao means small??? Which makes sense contextually and is super cute????? So this meant I was like ‘Aww, how sweet’ and then went back to the episode full of warm fuzzy feelings and a vague sense of accomplishment, hit play, and was armed with just enough Chinese knowledge to feel the moment when that kindly old woman calls Lin Shu “Xiao Shu” LIKE A FREAKING FREIGHT TRAIN OF PAIN. HIS EXPRESSION WAS MY EXPRESSION IN THAT MOMENT. AUGHHHHHHHHH

• AND THEN • IT JUST

• KEEPS

• GOING

• She comments on how thin and sickly he looks and I was like bye

• And then that horrid woman who I THINK is the Crown Prince’s mother (out of everyone it’s all the women in the court that I have the most trouble differentiating, which is weird because I should be able to tell them apart easily by their headdresses but idk) makes a joke about haha she said he’s thin and she called him small Su what a rascal that grandmother and meanwhile both Chang Su and I are over here dying inside and I’m like bYe

• And then she gives him a stupid snack that was his favorite when he was a kid because she can’t remember anything recent but by golly she’s going to remember what her grandkids like and that reminded me of my own great-grandmother who had this same memory problem due to a stroke but anyway he takes it and looks absolutely terrified by both the emotional battering he’s getting and also the possibility his cover will be blown, probably, and he wraps that thing up in his hands like it’s the most precious thing in the world and I was like bYE

• And then good ol’ grandma is like “Hey, Ni Huang, get over here and hold hands with your boyfriend” and I was like BYE

• And then when the Empress Dowager is getting distressed because the women are all telling her ‘Oh, that isn’t Shu, they aren’t getting married, she broke her engagement years ago’ Ni Huang is obviously hurting and tries to quietly slip away but HE GRABS Her HAND LIKE HE JUST CANT HELP HIMSLEF ANDHER FACE I WAS JUST AAAAAGHHHHHHHHFSLSLWHDKls:KdJk:SK;;;;;

• And my girl Ni Huang, she knows. She doesn’t know what she knows, but she KNOWS.

• “Xiao Shu, you’re leaving?” *DEAD*

• Also that music came back

• Dangit

• I don’t even know what else happened in the episode after that. I had to go back and rewatch it for this post because I was so shook. Ni Huang, bright thing that she is, corners Chang Su and asks him to walk with her, and she starts probing at him to try to figure out why he behaved so oddly and why she felt so strange with him (ok the last is more me speculating based on the actress’ body language and expressions more than anything in the actual text, but it’s definitely what’s going on ok). And they are the perfect couple they’re both so sharp and even their colors compliment each other and I’m very distressed.

• And then the episode ends with a child getting beaten up. The end.

I’m exhausted. On to episode 3.

#badpoet watches nif #badpoet watches #nirvana in fire #nirvana in fire episode 2 #cdramas

[motorcyclegirlfriends]

Also, people view Chyler as like a LGBT champion(and I do find her amazing, don't misunderstand), but her and Melissa are really close. She's said in an interview her kids call her aunt Melissa. So like, if people really champion Chyler that much, shouldn't people trust her judgment of Melissa a bit more. Like she's actually speaks to her and knows her personally.

But if you confront these fans with that, they’d likely come up with a reason that Chyler actually hates Melissa now. 

Off the top of my head, they’d say something like… 

“Chyler didn’t defend Melissa on social media, so she must be angry with her. These tweets that happened after SDCC-

-were created by the Supergirl publicist. You can tell by how they copied the two girls dancing together from her past tweets about their sisterhood, before she realized what Melissa is really like. The emoji of the girls doesn’t even make sense here lmao the Supergirl publicist is so bad at their job omfg”

or alternatively, closer to what I’ve actually seen regarding this-

“Chlyer probably doesn’t even know about the SDCC event. Or she only heard it from their side. She would probably agree with us if she knew what really happened, but she might never know how Melissa really is.”

There’s been a general tendency to frame the actors of Supergirl who are on good terms within this fandom against the actors who are not, at all logical costs.

And so as soon as the fandom has issue with an actor, even if they all previously were perceived as having an amicable or close relationship with the other members of the cast, the fandom will suddenly act like the “good” cast members hate this cast member. 

For instance,

David

When the musical recap first dropped, people were making posts that put thoughts into David Harewood’s head, proposing that he was embarrassed by Melissa and Jeremy.

The infamous letter to Melissa’s publicist even said “[…] save for Katie Mcgrath and David Harewood who appeared uncomfortable […]”

And that’s what most fans on that side of the debate seemed to believe.

But then David tweeted-

Which just speaks to how flawed many fans’ interpretations of the meaning behind the cast’s actions are.

So now he’s on the other side of the line, and the fans have moved from acting like he’s super close with Katie and Odette and they’re all against Mel and Jeremy, to acting like the ‘good guys’ actually hate him too.

Mechad

Mehcad’s fallout is weirder, because it felt like some fans initially didn’t want him on the ‘good side,’ though I do remember seeing post that were pro- Katie, David, and Mechad vs the rest of the cast before they turned around.

I’d been kind of avoiding people who were overreacting to the event by the time the anger spread to Mehcad, but looking back at Mehcad’s tag, people thought he said “Zitta” ( “shut up,” in Italian) in response to Katie saying that art can be interpreted in many different ways (referring to supercorp). And then I think? I remember seeing more criticisms, based on that belief, of Mehcad speaking Italian? Don’t take my word for it.

But he really rather clearly was saying “take that.” (Watch this. Op thought Mehcad said “Take that” then “zitta zitta”, but in the second instance he was actually saying “take tha take tha” quickly. Look away from the video when it says “Zitta zitta” and listen for the “t” sound in the beginning of the phrase.)

Because this is such a big leap to me, I do wonder if those who believed it wanted to be angry with Mehcad. And the originator of this idea didn’t appear to speak italian, so it’s not as naturally occurring a mishearing, which makes me wonder if they were looking for it to be negative.

Then Mehcad responded to someone’s comment on instagram (I’m not sure if he’s said anything else about it) and people had a somewhat less ridiculous reason to “cancel” him.

Note: “I’m a member of the HRC so I can’t be homophobic” is an incredibly misleading simplification of what happened

A piece of the comment he responded to, relevant sections to his response bolded:

“You don’t get to decide if we the queer fans you supposedly support can or cannot be sad over this because even tho you supported the community at some point it doesn’t come as genuine right now when we see things like that horrible interview in which only katie mcgrath was demonstrating to be a real ally in defending the fans views, that’s how you treat your fans who have supported you through this years and helped this show get bigger! […] 

So next time try to educate yourself before speaking […]”

His response:

“don’t post to my page again if you’re going to be rude. I don’t supposedly support anyone. I’m a member of the HRC. I’ve consistently supported all human rights. Race and preference included. You don’t know me. Do your research.”

Essentially, he was responding to accusations that he is ingenue in his support of lgbt+ rights and accusations that he is uneducated about lgbt+ issues.

Kind of, ‘I don’t supposedly support queer ppl, I actively support them.’

He wasn’t saying “I am a member of the HRC so that gives me a free pass,” he was responding directly to an accusation that he isn’t a real ally.

Side note: My own issue with “only katie mcgrath was demonstrating to be a real ally in defending the fans views” - 

Not only did Katie initially laugh at the musical recap (before remembering the wlw fans that she, more than anyone in the cast, has had contact with. These fans have followed her and interacted with her since her “breakout” so she’s likely the most sensitive to their possible reactions), but Mehcad also supported Katie’s affirmation that fans can read what they want from the show with his “take that”, and also showed a visible reluctance to support Jeremy when he said that he debunked Supercorp.

Which makes the anti-Mehcad upsurge kinda sad because he seemed to be on Supercorp’s side, in a way.

Side note, similar to the Mehcad situation:

“Melissa said ‘I can’t be homophobic because I was on Glee’” is again, incredibly misleading.

There is of course some question of the validity of the note, but assuming that it’s real, this is the actual quote from Melissa’s publicist (not Melissa herself. Honestly I guarantee that she hasn’t even read the letter):

“You’ve indicted people who are genuine ambassadors of acceptance, compassion and equality and have proven as much, not on only Glee but on SUPERGIRL and in their own personal lives.”

Her publicist said this kind of within the context of ‘advice’, saying things such as, “However, as an activist, it’s very important that you take a step back before inflicting public scorn.”

My read was that it wasn’t an argument against Melissa being homophobic, but an argument for the writer to think about what she’s doing. To consider that she’s punishing people who want to help and have tried to help, for things they didn’t do.

(Of course, someone who wrote a letter “on behalf of LGBT women” would feel "disrespected and patronized" by advice and criticisms from someone with professional experience in public relations)

(I also wonder if the publicist kinda knew that Glee wasn’t enough, considering her phrasing of “not on only Glee.” But I wouldn’t be surprised if she didn’t realize that Glee isn’t exactly highly regarded in lgbt+ spaces. It’s not a discourse straight people are usually familiar with.)

But putting the words “I can’t be homophobic because I was on Glee” into Melissa’s mouth is ridiculous and a move made only to further tarnish her image on this website.

Melissa

Before any of this, a lot of Supercorp fans wanted to put Melissa in the “demon” category. 

Any news that was ambiguous in meaning was read in the worst possible light until there was a backlash in the form of a more positive interpretation (usually from Supercorp shippers who like Kara), and they’d back off for a bit.

Now I’m not sure if this was in response to Melissa beginning to date Chris Wood, or because of an urge to prop up Katie Mcgrath as the one who deserves more attention than the lead. Maybe both. (Maybe neither, I’m open to alternate interpretations.)

Chris

Chris had a falling out, but they never put him on the good side. He was neutral/in waiting for the bad side because of who he plays.

But they couldn’t “strike,” so to speak, because Chris Wood himself hadn’t actually done anything. There was likely some degree of anti-Chris posts, but there were also regular reminders from the some bloggers that, “Chris Wood is not Mon-El, don’t send him hate.”

Then, I think it was his first (?) video interview about Supergirl in which he very clearly liked Mon-El and Karamel, and that was enough reason for him to be considered evil incarnated.

And so the “Chris Wood is not Mon-El” posts died down in response to the idea that ‘he endorses Mon-El’s behavior.’

(My read of Wood is that he knows that Mon-El isn’t like… Doing the Right Things, but sympathizes with him and thinks he is getting better. Over sympathizes. He thinks it’s interesting or compelling or whatever, like a lot of people do. As a society we have way too much sympathy and interest for man-children and their ‘accidental misogyny’ turned ‘okay person’. But it’s not an uncommon reaction to this kind of character, across the board. 

At this stage in the recognition of this trope’s problems, it’s the kind of issue we should work on, not one that we should completely renounce people for enjoying.

I mean, I’m not exactly the biggest fan of the guy and have some degree of issue with other things, but Mon-El’s actions are still not Chris’ actions. I’ll criticize him for things he actually does, thanks.)

But when Melissa started dating Chris, it became impossible for people to say things like “Save Melissa from having to act along side Chris” or “She looks so pained in her scenes with him, compared to with Katie” because we all knew that she definitely likes the guy. 

And sort of accusing Chris of abusing Melissa and forcing her to stay in the relationship, they had to accept that she enjoys his company. (That would be a step too far. But I do wonder if it might have escalated to that point in the future.)

So she couldn’t 100% be on the good side, because she didn’t hate the people on the bad side. But she also couldn’t be on the bad side, because then Katie would have to hate her. And then there goes Supercorp.

…But then Odette came on the scene, just as Melissa participated in saying that Kara and Lena are only friends.

And with the announcement that Lena and Reign are somehow connected, fans who were frustrated with not being able to condemn Melissa are given free ‘reign’.

This is why people are shipping reigncorp, because they have new blood who couldn’t possibly have done anything to upset fans yet, and they can easily divide the cast into people they hate and people the love.

But the only person who is truly safe is Katie Mcgrath, not only because she has a lot more experience with wlw fans and knows what not to say and because she doesn’t have any social media to say the wrong thing on, but because she is their favorite. 

And so no matter what happens, she is always going to be on the good side.

So the argument that Chyler loves Melissa and is a good judge of character will not work.

But if tomorrow, Melissa Benoist said she loves Katie Mcgrath, and Katie Mcgrath said Melissa is a really good person, the fans might suddenly shift Melissa to the good side. 

Because they see the world in black and white, but their fave is more their moral compass than anything else.

#supergirl #melissa benoist #mehcad brooks #david harewood #chyler leigh #Anonymous #sdcc superfail

[jude-harley]

mental health wheeeee

i’m going to talk about some mental health stuff, it’s okay if you don’t read, there’s some self harm talk and some friendship drama (i don’t blame them but i still have some feelings and if u think it might apply to you don’t worry i still love and care about you unless you don’t want me to love and care about you in which case i will respectfully maintain my distance) and also i feel like it’s kinda guilt trippy but i literally don’t know so

it’s just alot of me dumping my thoughts and feelings i’m not trying to look a certain way i hope, and i’m not trying to argue anything i don’t know this is just feelings 

but i’d really appreciate it if you like the post if you do read the whole thing

woooooooooooooooooooooooooooow okay so i got some feelings

see, for someone with mental health issues, a fucked up past, and all the shit i’ve gone through, i’m actually doing pretty damn well.

key word: for.

i....... mean, it’s like.

on the outside, i’m doing okay. i have pretty damn good grades (A’s and B’s, even at my super hard school!), i socialize with people, i eat, i sleep, i bathe myself (most of the time.) hell, i haven’t even self harmed! 

well, i don’t know if i’ve self harmed or not, i guess. i don’t really know what counts as self harm. but i haven’t caused any physical damage!!!!! 

and so, so, so many people would tell me i’m lucky. but i can’t help but feel, am i really?

i know that probably sounds incredibly fucking spoiled, but it’s like that one comic about how the broken cup is mended, and the chipped cup is cracked forever.

i’m not kidding when i say that. i internalize everything and trap my feelings and never let them out, but they don’t go away. ever. and then like, i don’t have a standard of what “normal” is, and i wind up suffering and in pair for so long because i just keep going and going and going and going and nobody notices and i think it’s normal because none of my work is affected and i’m still productive and i help other people so nothing must be wrong???

i stayed with my abusive mother for so fucking long because of that mentality

i guess what i’m saying is that the very specific life i’ve lead has cooked up a brain with a very weird.... brain thing. i don’t really think i can call it a mental illness?

see, my mental health so much revolves around other people. i need other people as a reference point for whats okay, it fluctuates based on other people’s opinions of me, i place my self worth on how useful and productive i am, and the main, absolute main reason i’ve stayed alive and never self harmed is because of other people.

but like.... not in a good or healthy way. well, right now, since i’m out of my abusive mom’s household i’m doing better and am trying to stay positive and motivated with things like “you can’t die yet because you haven’t shown your art to the guys who made avatar yet!” i mean, that’s still based around other people’s opinion of me, but at least it’s a more stable goal than appeasing my mother.

like, i swear, the day that she took away my computer, and screamed at me and hit me until i was sobbing in my bathroom, THE ONLY THING stopping me from cutting out of how much i hated myself was that it would make a mess, which was not good or productive.

and it’s just???? been like that for so fucking long???? i know “any reason to not self harm or commit suicide is a good reason” but it doesn’t FEEL like a good reason. i still hate myself so, so, so, so fucking much. i feel genuinely worthless. 

and it’s like.... you know, maybe it would be better if i self harmed? maybe i should? because then maybe someone would care because literally all it fucking takes for me to feel good is someone telling me i do good. that’s...... that’s fucking it.

and yeah i guess this is partially about some shit that happened with an online friend group that resulted in me getting banned from the group chat (i made a hitler joke without thinking, it was along the lines of “don’t kill baby hitler if u travel back in time lol” and spiraled so out of control) and i genuinely feel fucking awful about it. and i’m not angry at them. i’m really not. i guess i just wish that, i dunno.... honestly. i wish i knew how to think and what to do exactly? because i had fucked up without thinking before and i’ve apologized before and said i would get better, and i’ve really been trying, i’ve been trying so hard to get better, but like, they’ve said i haven’t actually gotten better and i do feel really bad and idk i don’t know if i actually have gotten better and they were just angry or if i haven’t improved i dunno

and like the worst part is that i feel like i can’t express that i really am sorry without sounding like a liar and a faker and fucking manipulative and just trying to get it over with (even right now!!!!) because that’s how my mom was and god i feel like even right now i’m making more fucking excuses because i’m just a shitty person like that. i’m so sorry if it is like that don’t feel bad 

but also i guess it’d be nice if when calling me out and shit they had made me feel like less of a despicable person like they literally did say alot of shit like that and i don’t even remeber who did it (there were three times i was called out within the group chat, the first time i really WAS doing something shitty and i needed to be called out and i felt alot.... idk cleaner afterwards and i think i really did improve

the other two times i guess it was really just one guy who’s real name i don’t know and a couple other people (it’s such a blur i can’t remember) who were fairly justified but idk i wish that they weren’t so harsh about it i guess. i mean they didn’t have to be like “what u did wasn’t that bad uwu” but it would have been nice if they had been more like “what u did was shitty, but you can learn from it.” i mean i’m not trying to be passive agressive here this is legit how i feel. also i feel like they didn’t believe me when i apologized and i’m paranoid about being guilt trippy when i talk about my feelings (see: my mother) and i guess this just made it worse because i can’t say that it’s just my mental illness, there’s a strong basis for fact here and every time i feel bad about it i just feel more guilt trippy and it’s a horrible vicious cycle

DISCLAIMER IT IS NOT MY FRIENDS FAULT I STILL LOVE THEM AND I MISS THEM EVERY DAY BUT I WANT TO RESPECT THEIR DESCION TO NOT TALK TO ME ANYMORE

mina, vi, madi, if you are reading this, i am sorry, i really am. you don’t have to forgive me or be friends with me again but i don’t hate you and i don’t want to hurt you. i understand that i might hurt you without meaning to and it’s better for you to be away from me, that’s okay. but i want you to know you aren’t bad people, and i don’t hate you or not like you, and you guys deserve the best stuff in the world.

i dunno, i guess this kinda got off topic. odds are they won’t actually read it, and i still feel guilty trippy and bad. like so so so fucking guilt trippy. i feel fake and like a faker and my moiral hasn’t been online for a while and i really miss her

tldr: i feel like fucking shit and a faker who guilt trips people because i hurt some people and feel about about it and because i manage to remain functional and productive despite my shit and it makes me feel like a faker and also makes me want to self harm because it’s not actually that bad unless i self harm. i don’t actually want to die thank god now that i’m out of my abusive mother’s household but i’m so close to self harming. 

WARNING I TALK A SHIT TON ABOUT DEATH AND SUICIDE AND SELF HARMING

i mean i feel like it wouldn’t hurt if i just. did it once. you know i already get so many intrusive thoughts about hurting myself i could maybe just..... cut myself a couple places on my arms. on my legs. not neat, messy, natural, like i got them in a fight or in an accident. but i guess then nobody would still notice unless i told them but maybe i could tell them 

but if i told them then i would just be a faker, right, cause i don’t actually wanna die. again, literally i don’t want to die because it would be an inconvenience to other people. i have maybe, like, one reason i don’t want to die that isn’t “i’d inconvience other people and make them sad despite the fact that i’m a useless piece of garbage because one, death in general makes people upset, two, i’m leave behind such a mess, not just physically, but with all the paperwork too, and three, people wouldn’t actually miss me all that much, they’d feel sorry for themselves, feel soooooo bad because oh no where did i go wrong, all the bullshit like that.” of course, some people would be more than inconvenienced, my dad, stepmom, sister, pets, and hopefully my two best friends would be heartbroken, but my mom would only mourn for her hypothetical daughter, not her real kid who’s gender is... i don’t even know. probably a boy and a girl. but she’d never accept it. 

anyway, my only reason for living other than what’s stated above is i have to go show the avatar guys my work, and my long term reason for living is making a tv show a la gravity falls that alex hirsch loves so much he guest stars in it and maybe even works on it with me.

so alex, if you go, i go too.

but yeah see if i did that i’d jsut be doing it for attention and everyone would hate me because i’m amking a mockery of a real and serious mental illness. and then if my dad found out i’d be sent to a mental institution for a week (protocol where i live, if your child shows suicidal ideation, send em to the hostipal) and other people would be like, “yeah i’m in cause i took 48 prozacs and then went swimming in a pool of vodka that i not only drank but attempted to drown myself in” and i’d be there like “yeah uh i cut myself once for attention and it was specifically planned out in a place that wouldn’t kill me but would attract just enough attention to get other people to sympathize with me because atm i don’t actually want to die, i just kinda hate myself” and then they’d all hate me cause i’m a fucking faker who’s passing all they’re classes and even did well in most of them and is on track and doesn’t do drugs or have sex or do anything dangerous and i don’t really hate myself and i’m just a fucking leech on resources who think’s they’re depressed BUT THEY ARENT AND I’M JSUT A DFUKCING PIECE OF SHIT

and see i know this would happen because at my local lgbt+ club lots of people think i’m a faker and a prude or maybe they don’t and they see me as 100% mentally healthy or they even envy my life and if i hated myself they’d be like “wtf????? ur life i so good man???? like, only one parent is abusive??? you have good grades???? you handle urself??? you have friends????? you aren’t as bad as me”

and okay maybe they don’t treat me like that and they probably don’t but it’s how i feel. i feel like shit and a faker but why do i want to hurt myself so much but not die that doesn’t make sense

but listen if you get to the end of this, and you are reading this. this isn’t a situation where i’m like, “tell me how awful i am” see because after reading this i guess you get that i hate myself but i don’t hate myself but i hate myself for not hating myself that much 

so if ur reading this and u wanna help yes, yes, validation and positivity and “ur not a horrible person or a faker” would be unbelivabley helpful because like i said i’m very impacted by other people

#why do i wanna self harm even though my life is good???? #why do i have these thoughts??? #see i'm a faker #biologist.txt #self harm// #vent// #depression// #suicide/// #it's just a vent and i talk about it alot no visuals