#why do people always leave?

[originalartblog]

Apparently much-needed reminder that reposting artists' art (by saving the images or screenshotting them and reuploading them yourself) on other platforms without the artists' expressed permission and without credit is theft and an insult to their passion and craft. You are profiting (in views, in attention, in feedback) from someone else's work and ideas, who do not get that feedback for sharing their creation.

If you are an art reposter, you are a thief and I have no respect for you.

#learn basic internet etiquette i am begging but also holding a knife. yes i'm mad. more about others than myself. #do you know how many artists i have seen leave social media because their art started being reposted all over? #tip: way too fucking many #i've had many people tell me about people reposting my art on tiktok #no one ever asked to repost my art on tiktok. ever. they just save super fried bad crunchy jpegs of my art and repost them #they get 20k likes and don't even bother naming me #also a reason i started signing my name more legibly and why my blog web address is always there but apparently no one can even read that #a few people got an ok for translations on other platforms though #i'm going to be annoying with this post and reblog it a few times to try to catch the people who apparently need to be told #tiny skk adventures #nawy's comics #nawy's doodles #apparently those are reposters' favourites so here look at this

[lgbtlunaverse]

The thing that really gets me about xiyao. that will never NOT get me about xiyao. Is that they met in circumstances where for just a moment their respective stations in society didn't matter. Not to each other. Their relationship started outside of social conventions. And they spend the next 17 years trying to preserve that time, that relationship outside of society. And society crept in anyway.

#mdzs #lan xichen #meng yao #jin guangyao #xiyao #rs: i wish it could've been you #it's the TRAGEDY of it all #oh god maybe this is why cql xiyao doesn't do it as much for me despite the fact the fact they are just. so gay. #because SO MUCH about xiyao and how they work can be traced back to how they met #like down to xichen's stubborn willingnes to always believe the best in jgy and his 'i believe you had your reasons' mentality #because that? 'sometimes the wrong thing to do is actually the right thing because the situation is desperate' #that's a lesson he had to learn ON THE RUN FROM THE WEN. he had to leave his own people to die. that's a lesson he learned WITH MENG YAO #and that line of thinking thereby becomes irrevocably tied to meng yao #and changing their first meeting and pushing back that little wartime romance changes so much #it's still tasty but it's not THIS

[francisforever2014]

guys all she gets is hate and 13 grammys and near constant news coverage and billions of dollars and a private jet :(

#LEAVE ME ALONEEEEE #all i get is annoying people in my notes and people telling me smugly that a woman i barely cared enough about to make a singular post #about bc she’s literally inescapable ‘lives rent free in my head’ and where’s my pity . #okay boycott starting NOW!!!!! i deeply regret this post already god i really don’t care #but clearly i do care bc ur being annoying enough to make me care and i always rise to the bait which i why i regret saying anything like w #just need to do a total shut down #and from now on i’m doing my part o7 no matter what stupid shit i’m forced to read

[chayannesegg]

might be worth noting that tubbo got lore today because he made it canon he warped back from the boat.

i think this was confusing bc he wasn't sure initially how to play it (he is not a lore guy by trade we all know this), and waffled back and forth with it (with fun bits like "it's tuesday" or "it's a time rift"), but he definitely did make it canon.

he has the story: the boat didn't leave, he had his warpstone. he knew they would just steal him back, like they did the first time.

he has the reason: he desperately needed to see sunny before he left; couldn't sit idly by

and he made it clear that's what he wants to have happened. he told his chat to stop "-rp point"-ing him about it multiple times bc he's trying to make it canon (and told fit the same when he came back post-ghost bit).

he also asked sunny's admin whether she wanted their interactions to be filler or canon and she chose canon

plus he had a canon interaction with forever explaining it and asking him to watch over his daughter

and he and sunny built things and interacted with each other based specifically off the info he was kidnapped, that he will have to go, and that they both knew it was coming

so while you may have to ignore or recontextualize some of the goofier interactions when he initially came back (phil/etoiles/fit stuff esp), tubbo did come back, the code attack did happen, it's already been fit into the lore, and i don't doubt sunny is going to tell fit about it this week!!

#qsmp #qsmp tubbo #i think he is largely laying low out of fear of being taken back early also bc sunny doesn't want him far from home #uhh restless djing while she sleeps aside #it's obviously a little awkward but i think it's easy enough to imagine why pac (guy who responds so well to being kidnapped historically) #might be too stuck in his own head to even think of leaving the boat #etoiles i can speak to less but like a lot of things have to be explained away #bc it's a minecraft server and people aren't always on tubbo is one of the only people who'd even be on today usually anyway #but regardless tubbo made it clear what he wants his canon to be and the admins followed suit #i for one am excited for fit resistance lore with the codes acting up and not code-tamer etoiles to help #also what will he do with sunny he can't just leave her to do his tasks #and she typically stays on way longer than ramon usually does esp since he came bacl #but this is another post entirely i just want to see the man of secrets be kindergarten cop'd #that and vibrating about purg 2

[tabithatwo]

(x)

(this is a pls stop blaming juliette lewis for nat’s arc and death post <3)

#regardless of whether you loved the death or hated it YOU CAN STOP BLAMING JULIETTE NOW OKAY?? #like even people who liked it overall but had qualms the party line is well I’m sure it was juliette leaving early so that’s why xyz #no! it was not! this was the plan <3 and idc if you hate love or nothing it I just think like making these excuses for things is weird #like do I get why some people might have assumed juliette might have left early sure yes but also idk like PEOPLE ARE FALLIBLE #showrunners are fallible! and that’s OKAY! they’re PEOPLE! and you CAN love every choice they make but jumping through hoops #to find *reasons* for the things you didn’t like is so interesting to me cause like…it’s okay!!! they can do a little thing you didn’t love! #you can even SAY you didn’t love it if you want and that’s okay too! or not! but stop blaming juliette lewis for whatever you didn’t like #also the rest of the article is an interesting read! #now I’ll do conjecture and tell you it is CONJECTURE for sure okay disclaimer #but after reading this article I think it is even possible Juliette’s anger with nats arc was partially BECAUSE she knew her death was soon #like maybe! who knows! not us! but I don’t even know how I became this hardcore juliette defender bc honestly I dosagree w her on a lot lol #but like I’ve seen people say oh she’s difficult and she made them do this and she’s a problem and she always does this #HELLO??? stop blaming women for shit baselessly?? #(if you casually wondered if maybe she wanted to leave and didn’t say it like it was fact or use it to pin blame on her for stuff… #…this isn’t directed at you) #but some people got VICIOUS #juliette lewis #natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets

[plaid-maniac]

Do you ever think about how there totally could have been an old classmate of Phoenix Wright and Miles Edgeworth in the audience during like turnabout sister or turnabout samurai. Do you think they would realize? Like “hey, were those the guys in my class in like fourth grade? I kinda remember them. Wonder if they remember each other. But it was so long ago, I doubt they would even care.” Meanwhile Edgeworth and Phoenix are undergoing the most insane mental battles where both of them are going “I recognize my best friend across the courtroom and I desperately want to be close with them again.” And “god he is so god damn annoying I wish he would die already.”

#ace attorney #miles edgeworth #Phoenix Wright #not specifically ship so I won’t tag it but kinda ship if you get it #the classmate usually sits in courtroom trials because they love the drama #and honestly they like miles Edgeworth’s cases cause ‘hey I know that guy’ #but of course they don’t like go up and talk to him cause they weren’t really that close and he left kinda abruptly #cause knowing someone for like a year in elementary school and then pestering them about why they left 15 years later is a weird thing to do #course Phoenix comes in and now the classmate now has to deal with the knowledge that the defense and prosecution used to always eat lunch #together and play superhero’s during recess with that really weird kid who was always up to no good #what if one day the classmate was like ‘maybe I should introduce them to each other again. sure that we would all get a laugh or two in and- #-that would be the end of it and they would continue with their lives as normal people. they certainly wouldn’t get super gay and awkward- #-about the whole thing and just be completely chill.’ #god what would happen and Edgeworth v state? #the classmate would probably leave the third day like ‘I am a changed person. I can never go back to not knowing so much about this person.’ #and like they wouldn’t be able to say or do anything cause like??? how do you even have that conversation??? #‘hey I know you don’t remember me but I like sitting in the audience of courtroom trials and I was there for your case and I just want to- #-ask are you good? like honestly do you need someone to talk to?’

[uncanny-tranny]

It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

#abuse #abuse tw #abuse mention tw #child abuse #child abuse tw #mental health #it really goes to show (to me) that people either can't or don't WANT to acknowledge that parents can be the ones to have fucked up #if all the blame is placed on their child/ren then you can maintain the illusion that the parent is always right... #...that parents know what is best and they will always do what is best for their child/ren #it's just weird to be somebody with parental issues and all that gets steamrolled into 'mommy issues' that then become a Big Joke... #...especially because i'm a man (and because people are misogynists who think it's just so funny that women are people)... #...i find that my own issues are expected to be treated as a joke or a punchline or something i must whisper in the dark... #...so that others may have the luxury of pretending to not hear it or to have the luxury of forgetting in the morning... #...and it just sucks because that leaves me to remember and grieve and doing that with the knowledge that my abuse Is A Joke at My Expense #if you wonder why so many abuse victims/survivors become unsavoury: this is why #i'm too bitter about this topic specifically to care about the comfort of people who don't get it and don't WANT TO... #...because it is THEY who are uncomfortable with the very NOTION that abuse happens #if you can't acknowledge that abuse happens WITHOUT downplaying to for your sense of comfort you will NEVER help abuse victims/survivors #you will find that you start prioritizing YOUR sense of comfort over the safety and continued survival of victims/survivors

[3-aem]

i also don’t want to portray myself as faultless. my work isn’t ai and it isn’t copied. but nk will say i Had old pieces that were copied and referenced ai. Yet it isn’t good faith when i apologize, state how i took accountability, and explain thats definitely not the case today because i learned my lessons- to respond with well you made these mistakes in the past so how can i believe you, you are lying, and have not changed.

so i quit. how can i prove myself then besides what i mentioned in the last post. my question is will you even ALLOW me to prove myself. each time i must explain, i place a spotlight on something that was resolved agreeably with the artists, resolved by removing the works, and resolved within myself by learning from it. but by not saying something i also allow You to concoct narratives and have to watch people spread them around and come to me demanding apologies. it is a very uncomfortable very distressing process that has worn me down completely.

never mind that other artists who have copied have not nearly been requested to apologize as much as i have been. never mind that they were forgiven when they removed the works or even when they just say sorry and don’t remove the work at all. But you still choose to hound me afterwards for doing just that?

nk has stated that i have not fixed this. and that i must address it. how many times though? for how long also? who on this planet starts the conversation by recounting all their mistakes, especially when they know they are resolved.

i have had to learn my lessons through cruelty like yours. trust me its a trauma i have to bear and they are not lessons you then forget.

my anger and my feelings of defeat come from the fact that even after nk was still talking like i had not even attempted to make progress. just look at your tone here.

#im going to fking throw up this is the last time i will ever say this #do not come begging to be for another apology i am done #i will never address this issue again okay #i need to say this because no matter what when i see people supporting me now i feel guilty #i recognize it is just because i hate myself #it is because i havent accepted i made mistakes #but i cant accept it because people cant accept it #i cant accept it and i cant move on #and that is why i think its best to leave art #i cant make work i am proud of anymore #i dont want to list names of artists #but i will say that when king chris reposted my work without credit i viewed it the same as when i referenced other artists work #but there was no callout no request even from the comments for credit #and he has millions of followers #i felt like i could not stand up for myself because i have this history #because of this history i can never properly defend myself i feel i must always kneel to it #even though i have changed and realized i was wrong i still have to acknowledge it always

[silverskye13]

Will enby Helsknight/trans Tanguish/top surgery scars/stubborn avoidant Welsknight in a gender crisis make it into the main story of RnS? Like, a full acknowledgment of it? Because yes, us on tumblr are aware (and happily bully RnS Wels for it) but I’m curious to how it may be brought up in the main storyline instead of rambles and drabbles. (Don’t get me wrong, those rambles and drabbles are what get me through the day. But my best friend, who isn’t in the MCYT fandom whatsoever, just caught up with RnS and doesn’t use tumblr, and besides spamming her with tumblr posts I wanna know how much I can revel in the glory of the skrunkles with her!)

That is a great question, actually. And the answer is I don't really know.

So this is one of the downsides to writing things chapter by chapter. If I had gone into this going "oh heck yeah they're trans", this would've come up in the plot way sooner. It's nice information 1) for all the trans folks reading and 2) because it has the potential to inform the themes in the narrative. This whole story is about two chief things I think: death [the inevitability of] and identity [what defines you and why]. Why should you care if literally no one else (including the universe) does? That would be so cool to speak about in terms of a trans allegory! Why do you care about gender when it's just one thing in a world of crazy things? Or at the very least, how does it inform your identity? But this is a change I made on a whim suddenly, and I know Exactly Where I Want This Plot To Go, so trans topics and allegories as Plot Points probably won't happen.

On the more technical side of introducing trans characters -- how do you do that without just dropping "oh btw they're trans" in? Like, how do you make it a relevant thing to talk about, that doesn't feel forced or shoehorned in, especially this late in the story? Probably me overthinking, but I read it done wrong so often. It gets tired. And if I ever work on my original stories, there are trans characters in there! If I can figure out how to Do It Well in a fanfic, then I can figure out how to do it in original fiction someday maybe. So I kinda wanna take the introduction seriously? I've actually been thinking about it so much I've thought about rewriting the intro to the next chapter ahaha [it already needs rewritten in general, there's a lot going on, but the intro was going to be Helsknight waking up from something, and he sleeps shirtless, and not addressing top surgery scars then would be kinda silly I think.]

I can say at the very least, Gender Avoidant Wels probably won't factor in the story much. He is a character, but I don't think he'll become Enough of a character to faithfully address something like a trans self discovery arc. At best his issues with gender might be mentioned in passing.

Sorry! I know you probably want a better answer! My answer is basically: I don't know I'm still working on it. I want it to be there, but the capacity it's there is undecided.

That being said, I've been sitting on this glorious ask since the shenanigans started and the temptation to just Do That grows every time I read it:

#rns asks #trans tanguish #nonbinary helsknight #anonymous #no one asked but i think to date #the best intro to a trans character ive seen #is from the book 'what moves the dead' #where the mc explained they were a soldier and when you join the army you get assigned pronouns that only soldiers get #and they explain some people join the army to fight and some join because their old pronouns dont fit #and i dont think the mc ever defined why exactly they chose to be a soldier #but hey thats their pronouns now take it or leave it #them being a soldier has impact on the plot which means #even if the story isnt a trans story [about being trans] their pronouns still have weight and importance #the long pronoun explanation has a very compelling reason and never feels odd or forced #and it gets even more interesting in the second book 'what feasts at night' #where the soldier's PTSD has a direct effect on the ending of the story #[sighs dreamily] goddamn it T Kingfisher how do you always write so good #anyway enough about my writer crush on Kingfisher

[dunkinbublin]

hhhhh

#sth #sonic the hedgehog #miles tails prower #tails the fox #messy tails doodle rn is all ur getting from me #im useless for anything else #trying to get more comfortable leaving shit more messy #i dont understand why i cant just do that normally #its how i always get tricked into doing line art #then i dont draw as much as i want #'lemme just clean this up' #<- the line art demons talking #its so hard for me to draw anything but a full body too #cus im already imagining the full pose it looks weird if i stop #hhhhh kneecaping myself #spend all day wanting to draw still dont draw till like 1 am #sogjndjns how the fuck do people think of something to do and just sit down and and DO it #dunkinsart

[foultreenightmare]

"Annabeth would keep her last name", "Annabeth would hyphenate hers and Percy's name together", "Percy would take Annabeth last name", I don't think Annabeth would want to keep her father's last name. Annabeth has a very complicated relationship with her father and even though it got better it's not really the best father daughter relationship. Annabeth has said that she does go to Sally and I'm pretty sure that Annabeth went to visit Sally about Percy when he went missing to comfort eachother. Sally loves Annabeth like her own daughter and I know Annabeth has said that she loves her dad and is happy she tried to fix it that does not erase everything that Annabeth went through when she was a child. Annabeth's dad never really chose her and it did effect her in the future. Her dad left her behind to start a family but never thought of her until later on in her life when SHE tried to reconnect. Annabeth is very close to Percy's family and it is possible that she would want to change her name to Jackson when she gets married to Percy. Percy chose her over everything while everyone else in Annabeth's life chose everything but her. Her dad, like, her mom, everyone close to her chose someone else while Percy chose her. I don't think she wouldn't want to have the last of someone that left her behind as a kid. She loves her dad don't get me wrong but she can still love someone but choose a name of person that has loved her and a family that welcomed her. I just think Annabeth would choose to change her name from Annabeth Chase to Annabeth Jackson if her and Percy decide to get married.

#annabeth pjo #annabeth chase #percy x annabeth #pjo #hoo #Annabeth deserved so much better than what she got #she didnt deserve to be left behind #she didnt know any better and probably thought she did do something wrong for people to leave her #her dad choosing his “new” family is probably why she thought percy would leave her #annabeth has abandonment issues #percy wouldn't mind of she choose to change her name or not but he would always be there for her and help jer #i love them so much #i love annabeth much she deserves the world #percy would kill for her ajd probably would give her the world of she asked #i love what annabeth and percy have #rant? maybe? #damian wayne #random thought

[yore-donatsu]

An ordinary day for an ordinary little girl

(Theo the monkey boy is the @doodlesdreaming's OC)

#Crossover #Dead Cells #DC the King #King Conrard #My Headcanon #OC #original characters #Tetra #Theo the monkey boy #artist on tumblr #A Castaigne's rapid appearance #I can imagine him being a proud person #believing himself to be better than others but a coward when it really counts (like Gilderoy Lockhart if you want a better comparison) #Not so egotistica - as he sometimes tries to do the right thingl #as he sometimes tries to do the right thing #Let's move on to Tetra - the sweetest girl in the world #She'll kiss anyone she likes. For people she doesn't know and/or doesn't like - she'll be very polite #giving a more classic greeting (a bow) with a big smile #She's always barefoot. Much to the displeasure of her parent Hyde #And why is her hair done up in the front and not in the back ? #Hyde tried to discipline her hair but it's so long to style that they finally gave up #Tetra doesn't care about her hair. She finds them even more beautiful and atypical like this #She's an 8 - 10 year old and it bothers her too when it takes a long time to do her hair #Conrard - seeing the little girl's kindness - wanted to adopt her BUT Hyde wasn't for it #(imagine a “fight” between “daddies” and her watching the showwaiting for it to calm down) #She could so easily have been the daughter he never had and never will have... AH ! Oops ! Spoiler ! >P #I'll leave you with this information (I'll have to draw this one day !)

[pickled-flowers]

Also just because you get annoyed by something someone is doing doesn't mean they are evil you can leave us alone

#this is about autistic people. #that guy in you class that is always asking questions? he always raises his hand theres nothing wrong with it #it takes time in the class but that's how he makes sure he understands the subject #and meanwhile every other student decides hes an asshole #that girl who doesnt blink and who cant seem to have a linear conversation is not doing anything wrong #you dont like interacting with her but that doesnt say anything about her you can leave her alone you dont have to bitch behind her back #that person cant read social cues? why are you getting mad? can you shut the fuck up? #it is insane how often some of my friends talk about people who are clearly autistic and are mad at them #no its not because theyre autistic theyre just always interupting! #its not because theyre autistic they just make me uncomfortable! PLEASE LISTEN TO YOURSELF #i swear youre all asshole to us #no respect fr #its so annoying to see you run in a circle trying to justify calling someone an ass for doing literally nothing wrong #youre allowed to feel how you want about other people but you always jump to bullying #and whenever i try to make them realize they get so deffensive #just because you grew up with an autistic brother does not make you a fucking expert youre not even close to him!! #ok sorry im gonna go hit my bong im getting too angry lol

[polite-pandemonium]

I am just somehow OBSESSED with Takeru DRIVING. Like is he a bad driver? He speeds past the gang waiting outside of Daisuke's restaurant (or the restaurant where Daisuke works, whatever), so maybe? Is that his mom's car? Or is it his car? Why does he NEED a car? What is he doing that requires him to drive? Is it going to be a plot point in the movie? Is Takeru being a BAD DRIVER going to be a plot point? I need to know.

Ken and Miyako are also visibly startled when Takeru speeds past (Miyako JUMPS!!!!), while Iori and Hikari don't even flinch. What does that say about DYNAMIC?! Are Iori and Hikari more used to Takeru's (presumably bad) driving? That would make sense, no, cause they are (canonically???) closer with him? Just such a small interaction and I can interpret so much and draw so many conclusions!!! How fun!!!

There's just something really so fun about watching characters you've loved your whole life continue to grow - to see new details about them spring up, new traits, new things to add to canon. It's the most delightful thing about the Digimon Adventure franchise to me. Sure, the stories they have told over the last decade have mostly been all various shades of mediocre, but the character moments - goodness, the character moments just don't hit the same in any other media for me. It's so special to me.

ETA: WAIT, looking at the screencap, Iori looks slightly concerned. Only Hikari looks calm (though she does turn her whole body to look at the car once it stops). Does this mean HIKARI is the only one comfortable with his driving? Cause Hikari is closest to him? (I don't even think their closeness is something that is debatable - I feel like it is PRETTY CANON that they are closest with each other???????????)

HERE'S HOW TAKARI CAN STILL WIN.

#if anyone wants to talk about Takeru DRIVING please DM me lmaooo #I think a big reason about why I am obsessed with it is because when I write/wrote Digimon fanfic #I was always VERY CAREFUL to make sure the characters took transit or walked places #motor vehicle ownership is very low in Japan and I want to make my fics feel as real as possible while still being fanfiction #so it wouldn't make sense for any of the Chosen to drive #SO TAKERU DRIVING???? #IS SENDING ME TO ANOTHER LEVEL #if only for the TRANSPORTATION POSSIBILITIES it will open up for me when/if I ever finish writing something again #also - car conversations #car intimacy #SO MANY THINGS TO CONSIDER #I'm done #I'm going to bed #I'm really bored cause I am leaving for vacation in ten days and so are all my friends #so the thing about going on vacation with the people you hang out with a lot is that everyone is preparing to go on vacation at the same ti #so everyone is the same kind and amount of busy #the last minute errands and appointments and wrapping up work and getting ready to abandon your regularly scheduled life for two weeks kind #so I'm....not doing much lately lol #hence my losing it over this #digimon

[hella1975]

sound that

#amazing even #the economic arguments for and against the monarchy always piss the fuck out of me bc tbh it does tend to equibrilate quite well #like sometimes the revenue they bring in actually exceeds what they cost #the issue is the insensitivity of it. the institution. like why do people act like saying ‘regardless of economic factors #i don’t want some sod in a golden carriage gallivanting about while I’m on food stamps bc it leaves a bad taste in my mouth #and wholesale increases elitism in a county that’s already the motherland of elitism’ #like that is a valid argument! stop hiding behind the economics of it all! it’s genuinely just a weird fucking concept to have a king still #we shouldn’t HAVE to do this back and forth of ‘the funeral cost this much >:(‘ ‘but the coronation put this much back into the economy >:(‘ #they want us to bicker amongst ourselves like that #uk politics

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st