#why in the year of our LORD 2022 am I still seeing people say with no irony that michael's bway voice was homophobic. hello.

[annabelle--cane]

be more chill is a good musical, you guys are just mean

#preaching to the choir on this blog I know I know but #why in the year of our LORD 2022 am I still seeing people say with no irony that michael's bway voice was homophobic. hello. #be more chill #marina marvels at life

[bebepac]

The Vampires Live On

I am participating in @choicesflashfics week 3 Prompt # 3 “Bold of you to assume I would say yes to something like that.”  by @debramcg1106​ quote will be in bold.

I thought in the beginning this would be a one shot but it’s really not,  I think it has the potential to be a few parts, for Halloween as I don’t like zombies, but I think vampires are okay. :) 

A/N:  I’m pretty sure the idea of Liam as a vampire has been used on the fandom before, so any similarities to anything currently in print on the fandom is completely unintentional.  I know I’m probably not the first that has written Liam as a Vampire, and I’m sure I won’t be the last.  I take this dynamic into the past and use my dynamics and OCs I have created in my story.

The Book:  TRR Word Count 2425 Ratings and Warnings:  Teen/ Character deaths, mentions of blood and stabbing Pairings:  Liam x Riley?  Song Inspiration:  Hey Jude by the Beatles Summary: We get to know the “real”  Riley and Liam.

Original Post: 10/22/22 at 9:36PM EST.  

A/N2:  This story idea actually comes from a short story I wrote when I was in high school after seeing Interview with a Vampire.  So I’m totally about to Big Fat Liar myself with this fic, If you have seen that movie as I am recreating the short story from memory, and I feel like  there are similarites with  Twilight, and Bloodbound. This short story was originally written in 1994, and I’m tweaking it to fit my story lines for my fanfic characters.  Also I don’t proclaim to be a historian here, but did google how people would address others in the 1800′s.  

I was then, as I am now, and will be tomorrow. I am a vampire, nothing more and certainly, nothing less.  I made the choice to give up my life in the sunlight almost one hundred and fifty years ago.  I was born Alice Marie Hughes, in 1855 but in this decade, I had chosen the name Riley Antonia Brooks for myself.  In this decade, in the year of our Lord 2022, you could pretty much say or do or be anyone you wanted to be, if you had the resources to back it up,  and I, along with him, had made quite the nest egg for ourselves. 

But back in the years when I was living a mortal existence, the year was 1873 and it was the dawn of a new age in  Lumberton, a small province outside of Cordonia. My sister Clara and I, even though orphaned at a young age, were able to as adults get jobs in a local pub serving food and ales to the soldiers and other types of men that came in and out of the establishment.  It was a decent wage to be made there, not only from serving, but  we also entertained the men, with song and dance, just teetering on the verge of racy and seductive.  

The two of us together, we were way before our time.  

Clara would have loved living in this century in which I am living now. We’ll get to more of that later, more of what happened to her, and why she isn’t here with me, with us.  

The pair of us together, we could charm those men too. It also didn’t hurt that my sister and I were very pleasant on the eyes.   The people of that era and time found my sister and I intriguing and scary at the same time.  It was because we were not only sisters, but identical. It was like looking in a mirror when we were standing side by side.  Some called us witches,

 and other names almost anything you could think of, but Clara always had a witty comeback for them.  She was our fierce defender.

People had a very difficult time telling the two of us apart. So a lot of time both of us answered to each other’s names.  

It was early summer the first time he came into the pub.  He came in after a group of soldiers, taking a seat alone at a small table for two.  

The young man was pressed and dressed.  From his look it was evident this was not the type of place he frequented.  

“Clara! Go serve him.”   The shop owner meant me.  It had been two years of working there, and he still had no idea which sister was which.  I nodded, heading in the direction of the man seated by himself.

“Good Evening My Lord, is there an ale or spirit that strikes your fancy?”  

He glanced up from his timepiece to stare me directly in the eyes.  His eyes were two sapphires that in the dim lighting from the candles seemed to create their own sparkle from the lack of lighting.  His smile was enchanting, I found myself staring at his teeth, as I had never seen teeth so brilliantly white before.  

“What would you recommend?”  

“I do not drink those types of libations, My Lord, but I could bring you the one that seems to be the preferred by our clientele.”  

I brought him the whiskey that men from his station typically ordered when they were there.  

“Do you require anything else at this moment? Supper is still being served for a bit.”  

“I’m not hungry, but I heard there would be a show here? Sisters who perform?”

“Yes, My Lord  there is.  It will begin shortly. May I take my leave?”

“Yes Miss…….. Miss….”

“Alice Hughes.”  

“Alice. I will not forget that name.  As the face that it is attached to is unforgettable as well. I am Richard Reese.”

“It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lord Reese.”  

“You as well Miss Hughes.”    

My sister and I quickly went to our small changing room to put on our identical costumes waiting in the hallway for Maxwell to introduce us.

When we walked out to the small stage and the music began to play, Richard sat up in surprise.  

So much for an unforgettable face, he kept looking between my sister and myself, another in a stream of people that could not tell us apart.  He was attentive to the entire show watching our every move. 

When we separated to make our rounds across the room, keeping in our seductive, sultry characters, to flirt with men at their tables, I realized his eyes were now following me and me alone, either he knew I was truly Alice, or he decided at that moment to pick one of us to watch.

Once the show was concluded, we were allowed to have the patrons request time with us to sit at their tables.  We always decided separately as that’s how we found the two of us made more money. I was just finishing up with another client when I saw his hand raised.  Since Clara was free she walked in his direction.  She was there only a few seconds before she walked back over to me.

“He said he wants Alice.”  

I walked back over to him sitting down.  

“You requested me My Lord?”  

“You should be confident like this all the time, Alice.  You changed into a different person when you walked out on that stage.”

“It’s a character My Lord.”  

“It’s more than that. I’ve never seen someone so radiant before.”

“Then you must not get out much during daylight hours.”

“No. I do not, the evening is my morning, it has been for quite some time.”

“Mine too pretty much.”  

I stood.

“Where are you going?”  

“Your time is up.”  

I continued working, when I glanced up, he was gone. Clara and I pooled our money, giving the house its share, and bagging up our little fortune.  

“I will walk with you two home.  It’s not safe.  There was another murder last night.”  

“Thank you Maxwell for looking out.”   Clara’s eyes were locked on Maxwell, and his were on her.  

The next three nights Richard showed up for the show, and afterwards requested time with me.

“Looks like you have a fan.”  Clara said with a smile as she saw Richard waving his hand in my direction beckoning me to come over to his table.

That night when I sat down from the table across from him, he pushed a small purse towards me.

“How much?”

“Excuse me My Lord?”  

“For the night. I’m sure this is enough.”  

“Bold of you to assume I would say yes to something like that.”  

He appeared not to understand.  “Is it not enough? I have more.”  He produced a second equally large purse of coins.  

“I do not sell my body for money My Lord.”

“You sell sex. That whole show was nothing but sex.”

“No.  We sell the illusion of sex.

 We do not give it, or show all our bare skin to any of you.  We sell smiles, interest in your meaningless conversations you wish to have with us, and flirtations. We do not sell ourselves.  If that’s what you are looking for from me, you are mistaken, and please do not return here.”    

I jumped up from the table walking away.

“Alice….”  His voice sounded sad and apologetic, but I kept walking.  

Later that evening I talked to Clara as we walked home, with Maxwell following us for safety and protection.

“He made a mistake about what we do here, Alice. 

He’s a man, that’s what they do.”  

“He thought we were prostitutes.”  

“And, there are places with actual prostitutes next door, but did he go there?  No?”  

“I told him if that is all he’s looking for from me not to return tomorrow.”

“He’ll be back.”  Maxwell commented.

“How do you know?” 

“He fancies you Alice, and when you’re around him, you look like you fancy him too.  

He will be there tomorrow.”  

The next evening, Richard was back; his hand was first in the air when their show concluded.

“I really meant no disrespect to you Miss Alice or to your character.  I never meant to insinuate something false about you.  Please accept my apology.”  

“I accept your apology My Lord.”  

When it came time for me to leave he kept plunking out coins to keep me at his table to continue our conversations.  I was there and only there the whole evening. Richard asked  to take me on a proper evening outing in two nights. Our first day we wouldn’t be working.  I was actually excited about our… first date.

That next night was when my whole world changed, even though it started out like any other evening.  Our shift at the Pub, our show, and Richard…

Clara and I were giggling and talking as we walked until Maxwell shushed us.

We halted in our tracks as  Maxwell looked around the area as if on high alert.

Two men wearing masks emerged running from the shadows  yelling for us to give them all of our money.  

Maxwell refused them. I wanted to just give them the money. But Maxwell insisted that they were not going to take what we all had worked that night and every night to get.  

Maxwell whispered “run.”  to us, the split second before he lunged towards the two men, the fight ensuing.  Maxwell managed to critically wound one, but the other got the jump on him, shooting him.  Maxwell’s lifeless body hit the ground.

Clara protectively pushed me behind her.

“Run Alice. Save yourself.”

“I won’t leave you.  We’ll give you our money, it doesn’t matter.”  I screamed.  

“No we won’t.  Maxwell died for us. They’re not getting a coin from us while I'm breathing.”  

Clara pulled her blade from the folds of her dress advancing towards the man.  I tried to help her when it looked like the unwounded man was starting to overpower her, by jumping on his back.  Using my fists to hit his back and face.  I was thrown off his back, losing consciousness when I hit the ground.  

When I woke, he was standing over Clara’s trembling body, blood was pouring from her neck in rivers.  Clara was gasping for breath trying to hold the wound closed.

I screamed at the sight.  Now I know Richard heard my fearful scream from miles away.  

The monster  of a man  stood wiping the  bloody blade on his pants.

Tears were streaming down Clara’s cheeks as she stared at me. “Run Alice… Please…”

I was frozen in fear as  he started to advance towards me.  

“You can have it. Please don’t hurt me.”  I begged, throwing the small purse of coins in his direction.  

“It’s not even about that anymore.  Now it’s your turn.”  

Finally my legs had unfrozen and I could move. I tried to run away.  He grabbed me from behind pulling me by my hair.  I screamed again.  He turned me around and pushed me to the ground.  

“Alice….”  She held her neck with one hand while reaching for me with the other.

“Clara.”  

I was about to die mere feet away from my sister, and I couldn’t hold her hand as our hands only a few crucial inches away from connecting.  

I gasped in shock when he slit my throat.  It wasn’t pain I felt in those moments, I could feel life spilling from me.  I felt tired, as my eyes started to drift closed.

  A hand clasped mine, causing me to open my eyes.  Clara had managed to slide herself the last few crucial inches to take my hand.

“I’ll go first, to make sure it’s safe for you. Then you follow. Like always.”  She whispered.

“Okay.  I’m not afraid.” 

“That’s sweet.”  The man grumbled, picking up the purse of coins.  He was standing there for the second before I blinked, and I heard a loud crunching sound and he was  on the ground dead and Richard was next to me.

“Oh Alice!!!!”  Richard whimpered.  “I can save you.”  

“Save my sister first.”  

“I can not. It’s too late for her.”

I realized I was still holding her hand, but her grip had relaxed.  Clara had died in those few moments since I last glanced at her.  

“I don’t want to die Richard.”  

“I can save you, but you have to give me permission to.  I  can give you another life, but you have to choose it.”

“I choose it.”  

Richard bit his wrist blood trickled from the puncture wound.

He held  his wrist to my lips.

“Drink from me and I promise you will live.”  

So I drank from him. 

 Not even a minute later I felt excruciating pain throughout my body.  It felt like what little blood left in my body was burning its way from the inside, out.

“What’s happening to me Richard?”  

“You have to die first. I’ll be by your side when you wake up. Don’t be afraid.”

I could hear everything around me as my body shut down, my eyes drifting closed,  my breaths and my heartbeat slowing. Then I noticed, there were no sounds coming from Richard.  NO heartbeat, no breath.  What did I consent to, in order to save my life?”

Then I felt my heart stop beating.

Vivid. Dreams. Were they dreams?  I saw my parents, I saw Maxwell, and lastly my sister.

“I will miss you Alice.  You have a different destiny now.”  

I woke up in a dark room. I felt his presence immediately even though he hadn’t spoken. When my eyes adjusted, I could see him clearly, though it was dark, he was sitting in a chair reading a book.

He sat the book on the chair and walked over to me.

“You’re finally awake, Alice, how do you feel?”

I immediately touched my throat; there was no longer a wound.

“I feel….fine..  How long have I been sleeping?”  

“It took three days for your body to heal and for death to pass.”

“So I did die?”

“You died a mortal death. But you Alice Hughes are still a living being.”  

My stomach growled.

“You’re hungry.  I knew you would be.  Let’s go get someone to eat.”

“Someone?”  

He softly laughed, lighting several candles.

“Look at yourself Alice. I mean really look at yourself.”

I peered at myself in the mirror.  I was the same, yet I was different.  My skin did not have the same glow it once did, but at the same time, it was glowing. My eye color had changed from the deep brown I knew, to a shade of sapphire almost identical to Richard’s.  

“Have you ever heard of the First Family of Cordonia?”  

“The Royal family?”  

“One in the same.  But what the world doesn’t know is… that we are Vampire.”  

#bebepac writes #halloween story #choices fanfiction #choicesflashfics #liam x riley #liam x riley forever #the royal romance #bloodbound maybe? #choices fic writers creations

[shadowxamyweek]

So... I run this blog, yeah? This one, a ShadAmy ship blog, in the good year of our lord 2022.

Why?

I like the ship. You say, 'yeah no shit dumbass,' but I really like the ship. It is the ship that formulated a blueprint for my fleet of favorite ships all under one flag. It is my ship of dreams.

And I'm not someone who grew up with Archie, which is where a lot of old-school shippers come from. I knew ABOUT Archie and what I knew scared me. Even post-reboot, I didn't want to touch it. I was firmly entrenched in the games and the games only (to a large degree, I still am. They are the only actual 'canon' in my opinion, no matter the many cool things IDW and Archie may have done.)

I'm also not someone who just wants to see their fave in a cute ship. They're both favorites of mine -I like them both separately just as much as I like them together.

So why the fuck did I love these two characters together so much when they hardly even talk?

This moment.

Because it was always going to be this moment.

I'm about ten years of age playing this game, my mind being totally blown by the plot and the characters, and it all comes to a grinding halt... to talk.

But me liking this scene didn't happen right away.

It happened in stages.

(Trigger warning. Heads up for mild mentions of gaslighting and issues with eating disorders. Shit you not, this is canon to their history.)

Part 1- Why do I like Shadow?

I knew from the start I liked Shadow.

There's something about a character that is not a 'nice person,' but they are, very much, a 'good person.' They are, in their own way, trying very hard to do the right thing.

Shadow was designed as a weapon, first and foremost. That's what G.U.N. wanted them for and that's how Gerald found his funding, even if he was also designing Shadow to be a cure/aid for Maria on the sly. Shadow went through a lot of hell because of that. Yet regardless of his history, he still makes the decision to get up every day and do his best to solve whatever situation is in front of him, bit by bit, striving steady forward to make the world a better place.

Too often, the messy, personal business of having to recognize your faults is minimized for the protagonist and amplified for everyone else that they are with. Especially in recent media (last 10-years ish, in my opinion,) you don't get a lot of protags that might not be likable all the time. You don't have that moment where they realize what they have done, are reeling from guilt and self loathing and shame, and have to make the conscious effort to do better.

But Shadow is.

This is a character who was gaslight (actual genuine memory manipulation with malicious intention I CANNOT make this shit up), fed a lie for purpose, their personality weaponized. Their love turned into an atomic bomb.

Then, they had to unlearn that and become themselves again.

I want more heroes like that. I want heroes that were or could have been villains, and instead of and dying in a last redemptive act (as if it makes up for everything they have done), they live... and they have to keep living. They have to keep learning. They have to be... you know... people.

I know a lot of people debate over whether or not Shadow as actually suppose to stay dead after SA2, and in everything I have read, the evidence seems inconclusive. Either way, I'm glad they brought him back. I'm glad they made him live and learn (pun intended) and choose to be better. Not as a weapon, not as a cure, but as themself.

That makes for a great story and character study. That's always the sort of thing I want to sink my teeth into and stay awake reading and rereading and coming back to it with new eyes.

Furthermore, Shadow... well, they are a person who scares people. The design, the demeanor, the articulation (or lack thereof) in regards to motivation and thought. It doesn't matter if they mean to, it happens.

And they're fine with it.

They don't need to be verbal all the time. They don't need to understand social cues or unspoken rules. They are allowed to go off and stare at nothing and think in the quiet because it's comfortable. This guy was living my fucking dream.

Also, Shadow was also my first introduction to Nonbinary Thoughts that I had ever seen. This person walks in with their highlights and eyeliner and fluffy self with their dope kicks and sweet color pallet and a cool voice and I had all sorts of joy lighting up inside me. This was like glam rock. This was like seeing Mercury or Lennox for the first time, or realizing that sometimes, the chick-parts in theater productions are played by boys and the dude-parts are played by girls. I dunno how else it put it. It's the moment you go, 'ooooh,' before you flip the flimsy table that the binary gender code has placed itself upon.

This fantasy hedgehog bastard and I have a lot in common, and I've leaned on that a couple of times to remind myself I'm not alone because, for the longest time... I didn't know any living people who had gone through what I had. I have since found friends over time with similar situations, and they all mean the world to me, but Shadow for years was the imaginary friend of a lonely kid who scared the other kids.

That means a lot to me.

Part 2- Why do I like Amy?

I use to not like Amy.

(As such, the order of thought for this segment is going to be different. Sorry in advance.)

I hasn't played any other Sonic game before SA2, so my first encounter with her was not the best. I didn't understand why she was here. I didn't understand why she acted the way she did. I didn't like her voice actor, or her dialog lines, or how she was just written as 'the girl'. Every other character got to be cool and do shit and be playable and Amy was just There(tm). Later I played SA1 and realized she was cool but how she was written in every game seemed to just be decided by dice. Yeah, they used the same dice, so the basic characteristics stayed the same, but the way they were portrayed or portioned fluctuated drastically. I never knew what she was going to show up like.

And that's partially on me- I was stuck in a binary jam as a kid. Still, even beyond that, she as a character and I did not gel.

And then I played Sonic Battle.

(tw // eating disorders)

I keep saying I need to replay Battle, if only to get evidence of this. There's a part of me that wants to believe I made it up, just to avoid the implications, but I know I didn't.

In Battle, like in SA1, SA2, and 06, you play through multiple perspectives of a story (always did like that sort of gameplay.) During the story, you get to be both Cream and Amy, and you find something out during this.

Amy has an eating disorder.

This may be a headcanon, and I am biased, but this obsession to the point of illness with her weight and figure has appeared a couple of times including out if gameplay (I know, breaking my own rule about game canon focus). For an older example, there's an issue in the Sonic manga Spin and Dash where Amy falls for one of Eggman's schemes for weight loss since she's worried she's gaining weight. She then comes back emaciated, asking Sonic and Tails if she looks pretty. Most recently, there is official art of Amy punching a punching bag with a picture of ice cream on it while Germal watches, which is a direct reference to that I am about to relay.

In Battle, you go against Amy several times in a form of combat called Boxercising. Canonically, it is stated that Amy got into Boxercising to get stronger and help out more on missions, but then became obsessed when she realized she could lose weight. Though Cream protests all the 'training' saying Amy is too tired due to her lack of eating and constant training, Amy keeps insisting she wants to go another round. You do this a few times, and then, it is revealed that she has been wearing weights this entire time.

I use to wear weights all the time, around my ankles and under long pants so nobody noticed. I did it to try and lose weight. You want to know what happens when you do that? You fuck up your ligaments and tendons. I had to take a second. Then, I went back to the game. It got worse from there.

After the fighting, Amy passes out. When she awakens, after a bit of dialog, she asks then-Emerl how she could loose more weight. The robot proposes a ridiculous training regiment and a diet in which Amy is to only eat salad leaves and some other minimal insane bullshit, and though Cream is horrified, Amy insists she can do it.

And I hated it.

I hated how of course it was Amy. I hated how this was played for laughs. I hated how they'd pick the Girl Character(tm) because eating disorders are coded girlish apparently and once again I'm sitting there hating everything to do with everyone but especially whoever thought that was funny or let that mistake (if it was a mistake) slide or whatever. I was angry.

But it was at that moment I saw Amy in a new light. I had never seen another character go through this, not in the way I did. I decided to go back and give her character a second look.

What I found upon putting aside my own self loathing was a wonderful character. Yes, she, like everyone else, suffered from tone changes between games, but at the core, she was a really wonderful person doing the best she could out of love for everything and everyone.

Yes, she is stubborn and maybe sometimes a bit selfish. Yes, she has tunnel vision and sometimes that causes a problem. I will remind the court that the kid in canon is 12/13 and which one of you was the perfect preteen? I reiterate my point about flawed protagonists. I reiterate my point about multifaceted characters. I reiterate my point that a person is allowed to be a person and that makes them better than a cardboard cuttout that can be projected upon.

She's not a manic pixie dream girl, she's a fucking supernova.

She loves her friends, her found family, her home, her planet, the strangers she meets on the street, everyone. This girl will remind you to take care of yourself right before she throws hands with god. This girl is a badass because she loves fiercely and terribly. No, not in the 'cool, masculine way' that seemed to be the only permissible volatile love I saw in media, but in her way.

It's not a thing that just is. That sort of love comes from wanting to love. Making the conscious decision to love, and act on that love, in the best way a person knows how.

Just like you, or I, or anyone else.

And how deeply, how furiously, how passionately and totally a person can love everything, anything, and in spite of whatever is going on, decide to act on that love with a desire to do good for the sake of doing good.

That means a lot to me.

Part 3: The Ship of Dreams

We come back to this moment, because it was always going to be this moment.

An unstoppable force meets an unmoveable object.

But they are not on opposite sides. In fact, they are very much on the same side. These two love fiercely and terribly. They want to do the right thing. They are willing to sacrifice happiness and safety in order to achieve that.

And once they realize this, they work together to do the right thing out of love.

This post, I think, does a very nice job of elaborating on a facet of that concept.

---

@wizardofthebog

The “This character who is flawed, traumatized and hurting cannot be saved by love. But they can choose recovery because they are loved”-trope makes me just… I think I need to lay down.

@theoneandonlymagiscientist

“saved by love” and “choose recovery because loved” look similar on the surface, perhaps because the end results look similar, but they’re so different really. It’s passive vs. active; a story is about the person who’s making choices, being proactive. If Character A is saved by love, then it’s not them the story is about, it’s about their savior, Character B. If Character A chooses recovery, then they’re the one the story is about. Character B is the side character this time.

One is the narrative of taking what is broken and fixing it. It is not about the ‘broken’ person, it’s about the ‘savior’ who ‘fixes’ them.

One is a tale of healing. It is not about one person ‘fixing’ the other, it’s about the person who makes a conscious decision to not let their pain define them.

In one, the story is about the person who loves the hurt person, and the hurt person’s pain is incidental to the main character’s arc. In the other, the story is about the hurt person themself, and the other person’s love is incidental to their arc.

I hope I’ve said this well enough. My words may not be coming out the right way to express what I’m trying to say. Sometimes they do that.

---

There's also this quote from Guillermo del Toro

---

"The beast doesn’t need to transform to be loved. He doesn’t have to turn into a boring fucking prince to be loved. Or renounce to the essence of who it is. To me love is not transformation, love is acceptance and understanding."

---

And what about these closing lines from Niel Gaiman's observations on love given at a friend's wedding?

---

"- In the darkness you will reach out a hand,

not knowing for certain if someone else is even there.

And your hands will meet,

and then neither of you will ever need to be alone again."

---

I believe in love: the concept, the idea, the goal. I believe that, upon achieving the goal of fostering love, in maintaining it, enabling it to thrive, to be happy and be healthy.

I believe in people and the power they have as individuals, and how that power finds new strength when people work together as a unit, as a team, as friends and confidantes and lovers.

Love to me is being in lock step, hand in hand, walking forward together.

And I just so happen to see it in these two silly, fictional hedgehogs.

#shadamy #shadowxamy #shadow the hedgehog #amy rose #tw // eating disorder #tw // gaslighting #i seriously cannot believe i actually was able to pen this all down. it took me a while #i highly doubt this is what... anyone... expected when they asked why i like the ship but... here it is #op rambles #this took me... days... but i wanted to get it right #thoughts

[silvermoon424]

I think I've gotten desensitized to old-fashioned homophobia from being in queer-friendly spaces for so long because I just came across some and wow

I came across an article from my area (in the Midwest, so that tells you something) about an LGBTQ+-friendly church that put up a bigger pride display after their first one had been vandalized. I was like "Aww, awesome! I always love to see queer-affirming Christians!"

Then I made the mistake of reading the article's comments.

Literally full of people saying stuff about how the church "doesn't represent real Christians," about how gay people are degenerates, how gay people shouldn't be hated because Jesus said to love sinners but that their "lifestyle" shouldn't be tolerated, and even an insinuation that the queer-affirming church should be burned down.

I was so pissed off that I literally left a comment with my full name attached saying how fucking cringe it is that these people care so much about what consensual adults choose to do in the Year of Our Lord 2022. Like again, maybe it's because I'm in queer-friendly spaces so often, but I was under the assumption that most Americans are not anti-gay nowadays. Even mainstream Republicans have had to dial back the anti-gay rhetoric (in favor of anti-trans rhetoric, but still) because being an obvious homophobe is gauche and unpopular in the 2020s.

Now, I am queer myself and am well aware that homophobia persists in many parts of the country. But seriously, this is exactly why irreligion is becoming more popular among young people today. When we go to a church and hear anti-gay sermons we just peace out because we know better than to hate people based on sexuality or gender identity. So sad that other people are too bigoted to do the same.

#tw homophobia #homophobia #rant #lgbtq+

[prophecydungeon]

not quite to the date (yet) but ten years ago i posted a fic that is somehow still sitting on the front page of results by kudos and by bookmarks for the most popular ship in the most popular fandom on AO3 and i still don't know how that happened.

like... really genuinely truly i don't know what kind of WILD perfect-storm-level shit was going on to make this happen. the original post got eleven whole notes here on tungle (yeah i checked lmao). i am not, actually, a very Doing Numbers blogger or writer, nor had i ever been, nor will i ever be. as far as i know, there wasn't any wildass six degrees of separation thing that happened where someone very Doing Numbers made it Do Numbers. i didn't "advertise" it or anything (ppl who make fic graphics and have a posting/rbing/rting schedule.. i could never lmao), i didn't post it on every site known to man, i didn't tag it to hell, i didn't really do anything. it just fucking happened. and it's still happening!!! and i am just so fucking baffled. how did this happen. why are there people making tiktoks about this fic in the year of our lord 2022. how??????

i have a lot of very complicated feelings about this fic, with a lot of them boiling down to just, like, brain chemicals being very stupid, and i know that logically it's just brain chemicals gone bad! but it's still hard to shake ten (10!) years of feeling like my growth in writing is being constantly undercut by this thing that's created its own gravity well to keep sucking in kudos and comments when just about everything i've written since has been Better™ (which again, logically, i know is untrue -- i write for fandoms now that are relatively VERY small lol so of course nothing is ever going to Do Numbers again like this)

this fic was something i wrote after a very difficult-to-process series of events, so it was complete and utter wish fulfillment and it felt so good to write. the flip side of this, which in retrospect really soured the fic for me, is that i tried my damndest to live out the life i wrote in this fic. i went to grad school for linguistics two years later and TA'd, Just Like The Fic. it was supposed to be great! and those turned out to be the two most miserable years of my life. maybe not specifically because i was trying to live a daydream, but that disparity didn't help (though my friends certainly did). so in a way, aeiw is this image of a failed dream -- i'm not in linguistics as a field, not even remotely, and i likely never will be; i don't want to ever go back to academia, even though i will likely need to get another masters (derogatory) in my current field at some point.

BUT. i promised that this is not a negative post so i will pivot here to say very genuinely that i am so, so grateful to all the friendships and good times this fic has brought me. thank you to all the people i met because of this fic or while writing it. thank you to everyone who's gotten to know me for totally different reasons/fandoms/etc and then been like WAIT A SECOND. (it's so funny, every time.) thank you to everyone who's ever left kudos and said a kind word. (i still get kudos emails nearly every day just for this fic.)

and thank you to the incredibly beautiful personal anecdotes people have left on this fic, holy shit. i have a folder in my email for those specifically. here are some excerpts from comments that made me tear up:

Hey, so...you probably don't still read comments on this fic because it's so old and so wildly popular*, but I hope you see this. [...] I just started my first year of University as a Linguistics major, and I know for a fact that I wouldn't have figured out what I wanted to study had I never read this fic. I've always had trouble with school, and struggled to find subjects that weren't wildly difficult or insanely boring-until Linguistics. Now, I'm excited to learn and pursue my degree-maybe even a master's eventually. I just wanted to say thank you for this sweet story that stuck with me for all of these years, and helped me find what I want to do.

*i do. i read every single comment. every single one.

[...] Reading this, I don't understand how anyone could say that you, the writer, did this alone and will only ever be alone for this story.** I mean, we're separated by computer screens, but I feel that I was transported into your story in a way that transcends what is expected of the written word. Maybe this is my biased opinion as someone who has grown up in a secondary orality culture, but I just had to let you know that this story was more than the written word is often perceived to be. If that makes sense. I felt like I was there, getting the story and so caught up that I couldn't stop reading. And you might not be the narrator, but you're essentially god and you breathed life into these characters and I'm so in awe of you. You make it seem so easy! What's worse is I know it's not, so here I am, seeing something unfold with what looks like practiced ease when I know just how much work you've put into writing to get you to this point. I'm so proud of you! And it feels silly to say but I am, and I wanted you to know. [...]

**this is one of the most incredible things anyone has ever said to me.

[...] I first read this a long time ago (at least 6 years) when I was really Going Through It and this fic - specifically Dean - really resonated with me.*** It gave me an inkling (pun intended) of hope. And it was the first positive representation of tattoos that I'd seen. I started planning tattoos I wanted soon after reading this, using them the way Dean does in this to identify the important and best things in my life and figure out how to represent them and always have them with me. I just got my third done and I love all of them. So thank you for the impact that you've had on my life, and for writing such a wonderful story.

***i was really Going Through It as well. i'm doing great now and i hope you are too.

thank you to past me for writing this fic and finishing something "long" (lol..... lmao). thank you to past me for writing unabashed wish fulfillment, something i would lose the capability to do for a long time (dw, i got it back). thank you to this fic for irrevocably fucking up my AO3 statistics.

so anyways, ten years on i'm doing great. new career. new gender. new fursona. i live in a super cool area. i got like seven anime figures of this one horrendous guy. my sick tattoos have gotten even sicker. here's a portrait of the author for good measure:

and here are some fun facts about the fic that idr if i've ever shared before:

the scene at the very end where cas goes to get tattooed by dean? my beta wrote that for me. yes, the whole scene. thank you.

i don't remember who it was that carried a bike up some stairs but i always hefted my bike up onto my shoulder when walking it up my outside stairs so i pictured whoever that was doing it too (and i still have that bike! i refurb'd it last year!)

i think i own every vinyl i mentioned... i think

i definitely own led zeppelin's entire discography on vinyl

i finally bought a pair of rough-faced amethyst plugs for myself, something like two years ago? took me a while to get there

that sex scene was in there because i felt like i "had to" include one lmaoooo i had no idea what i was doing and i've written way better p*rn since then

when i turned 24 i did actually listen to 4 + 20 by csny first thing in the morning

soooo much of the tattoo and piercing stuff was so fucking pretentious of me.... but really, be thorough when looking for piercers and tattoo artists, stay safe, there are a lot of great resources out there

i actually pretty legitimately don't like showing my tattoos irl just because people can be really annoying/weird but i also just enjoy wearing long pants and long sleeves lol

...also yeah i do dress Like That. unironically.

some things i have written since then that i am very proud of:

P vs NP, RvB

the more i run (the farther away it seems), destiny

quema, bleach

in the details (not the devil), haikyuu!!

apsidial precession, destiny

and so in conclusion........ thank you. but i'm still baffled.

#this isn't a negative post i promise #I've Done Numbers You Wouldn't Believe #ten years. ten years! #fic talk

[alexjcrowley]

I see people on here talking about Riget: Exodus and I feel like I have to tell my story. Last year I went to Venice Film Festival and I bought tickets to see Riget: Exodus, of which I knew NOTHING about, except that it was a tv show and it was by Lars Von Trier.

You see, Lars Von Trier is the reason I bought the tickets. I know he is awful human being, but I also know his works are supposed to be good. And I say are supposed because, you guessed it, I have never seen anything by Lars Von Trier. I wanted to start with Nymphomaniac, but I could only find the censored version of the movies and I refused to watch it because it's either the whole thing or nothing for me. Riget: Exodus was going to be first thing I ever saw by Lars Von Trier ever.

So I go buy tickets for a swedish/danish show I didn't even know was a third season, I don't know what it is about, I don't know the genre, I don't know shit, but they're going to show the entire season in one afternoon and it's going to be 5 hours long. I drag my mother with me.

At first we think it's a horror, then the Brooklyn 99esque opening catches us off-guard.

I proceed to be very confused for the first 30-40 minutes, trying to understand if this is a subtle subversive masterpiece I am too dumb to understand, but at some point I get this is a comedy and then just embrace the madness I am witnessing.

You get the first intermission two hour and a half in, I am laughing my ass off, I am loving Alexander Skarsgård's character (fun fact, only now, by seeing other people post, I realised that's Alexander Skarsgård, but his lawyer killed me multiple times), I almost got an heart attack seeing Willem Dafoe, I am shipping the hell out of Helmer and Pontopidan (sue me), I am having the time of my life.

My mother begs me to release her from this torture, she hardly understands the jokes, she tries to say "Well, we've seen half of it, ain't it enough" I say "No, mother, leave if you must, I will stay here, witnessing the peak of comedic craft. And what's not to love about this? Don't you think this is a new height for comedy in the year of our Lord 2022?". She stays with me.

We watch 5 hours of it. Five. Hours. I am exhilarated seeing the milk cartoon scene, I can't stop laughing, I can't stop clapping, I see some other people in the audience are in my same situation.

I realise at the end of the show we have some of the actors with us in the theatre. I am officially going crazy, it's a fever dream.

(And, for pics or it didn't happen, we got Nikolaj Lie Kaas and Nicolas Bro. They're the only ones I got decent pictures of, but I also took some pictures WITH- yeah you could do that- other actors in the show, Bodil Jørgensen aka Karen was super nice, she hugged me and I sort of melted on the spot. They were also super kind with autographs.)

My mom doesn't understand still why I would want to spend five hours of my life like this, but it's fine.

I go home, I want to try and tell my friends about this show, but it feels like a fever dream and they're into internet rabbit holes and obscure stuff, but they've never heard of this. I try to explain how I was killed the scene with the lawyer and Helmer (Halfmer, how it showed on English subtitles) talking about the accusations of molesting the nurse whose name I do not remember (sorry), and at first the lawyer is like "Yeah fuck that bitch" and then it turns out it's also her lawyer so it bills Helmer but it's so complicated to explain how hilarious it was for me to witness that, how I lost my shit at the reveal. I feel I can't put it into words. It feels like I am talking mad.

My mother and I still quote to this day "Little brother" and "Big brother" (I think they were called like that in English, we're italians e we just randomly reference Fratellino e Fratellone and we laugh and the rest of our family looks at us like "everything alright?").

I was starting to believe me and my mum experienced a folie à deux and this show never actually existed and I would be forced to keep all my impressions about it to myself. But it does exist. And you people are talking about it.

So thanks, thank you people talking about this show so I don't feel I went crazy and blacked out for 5 hours during my time in Venice. Thank you.

Also, I gotta ask, people who are fans of this show, how do you came to know it? Is it very popular is Sweden or Denmark? Is it in America? Because I am in Italian gal who spends way more time than she should reading and learning about cinema and I had never heard anyone mention this show in my entire life. I mainly frequent american/anglophone internet spaces and I had never heard of this show (because it's not like I was expecting Italians to talk about it I'll be honest). After Venice all they talked about was Blonde, The Banshees of Inisherin (which I loved!) and The Whale (still have to see that).

I literally saw a post about this show today, for the first time, without looking for it. Fans of the show, this is my weird little story on how I watched Riget Exodus backwards (I actually still have to see the first two seasons, please forgive me). What's yours?

#riget exodus #lars von trier #riget #the kingdom riget #riget the kingdom

[siremasterlawrence]

Halloween Gifts

This year of 2022 has been so pretty well been god awful that I am not even sure why I bother.

Watching how the world has been lost since day one, people are so fucking stupid, sex is their obsession and how hateful they are.

Ughl Under my breath I curse bumping in to this asshole who ones the condo complex I

live in.

“Watch you are going freak” he yells.

“Asswipe !” I swear to myself”

“What did you just say?” He howls grabbing my shirt and shoves me hard to the wall.

I lose control of myself kicking him in both of his balls and he cries out.

He drops me as a shooting star passes over us I make a run for it.

I race up the staircase stumbling on my way to my condo, rummage in pockets and use my keys to barely escape.

“I wish the land lord and were one”

“Hahahaha”

“Yeah right!”

I fall in to a deep sleep dropping to the floor unaware of the shooting star smashing in to our court yard.

The rock blows up consuming the area in its entirety leaving us in darkness.

My land lord Jake Ian fades out of existence in to a brand new version of this realm.

“Uuuuugggggghhhhhh!”

“What the fuck?”

“This headache”

“GOD!”

“Am I drunk?”

“I think I am”

“Woah!”

“Oh…I can’t walk”

“More like wobble”

I struggle on my feet making my way across

placing my back on the wall seeing my image in the mirror.

I stop cold laughing a bit in shock lifting my shirt up, and astonish by what I saw.

I stand up seeing it their bold in my face that I inhabit Jakes body.

I smack my abs and then start to jump up in a fit of excitement I am brand new.

Stripping off all of my clothes I race in to the bathroom shower, reach for the soap lather myself up and enjoy the suds.

The mere fact Iook down to see a body that is not mine but totally under control.

Ok

The face I can get revenge on thus asshole and still manage to catch tail as well.

Placing the towel on my waist I exit the bath slapping my ass, thus body is hot and I will fuck him over.

I laugh a bit opening the walk in closet and change ready for all the action.

“Do you like what you see?”

“Of course you do”

“I am fucking fabulous”

“I could bounce anything on this”

“Let me see this cock”

“Now this cock not bad”

“Mmmm aaaahhhhh “

“Ooooohhhhh yyyyeeeaaaahhhh”

“Fffffffuuuuccccckkkkkk”

The end

[chocolatemilksmoothie]

King's Tide - and now we wait

MAN this was a LOT huh? can't wait til next week's e- oh.

this whole ep had me so tense my back hurts so that's nice

King scoffing at Philip saying "you can trust me" and that giving him away was funny to me ngl

Willow really is the best, she managed to keep a level head

I like how she and Gus kept looking after King through the whole episode. he is everyone's little brother <3

babiesss

"there's always a way to help, you just gotta look for the right opportunity" and he did

MITTENS awww

"Paradise awaits" he tells them, all these people he will kill with no hesitation

"with this spell declared, promise I'll be back" I'M FINE

we can see then that all other coven heads were on Belos/Philip's side, but I suspect no one will be after all this

the way they foreshadowed the arm thing tho

a lil smooch for Hooty :'(

back when things were simpler. you realize they've all known each other for super long huh

yes I DO find it hilarious that Adrien Graye looks like he hasn't slept since Gus messed him up

I think it's neat how for the Draining Spell Philip drew on the ground like back when he used glyphs to warp

something truly nightmarish about seeing people cheering at first, then be scared and collapse as the spell slowly advances

and he really just. leaves. throws the collector out and is planning to leave all these dying witches behind

hilarious that he's wearing that Colonizer Fit™ but even funnier that Luz called him out on it, I could stare at this expression all day

he's like wait do people not wear these anymore???

Kiki is quite pitiful, always seeking the approval of this guy who just wants her gone

"have you as my right hand? I'd sooner cut off my whole arm"

so when Luz gave him the sigil I really thought he'd do that. turns out it was someone else's sigil arm that would be yanked off

damn he really said go die in a hole and Kiki was like sure why not

Philip feared the Collector so much he betrayed and discarded him, and now he's against him. if he had freed them maybe they'd still be somewhat on the same side

then again, idk if this man knows how to interact with anyone without lying and manipulating so there's that

I love them very much

Darius stopped attacking when Healing Coven Witch threatened Eber !! they are besties !!!! how dare they

yes I noticed everyone is shown captured but Steve is NOWHERE in this entire episode

"you too have a strange intuition with these, it took me years to figure that out" his brother, who also loved magic and the Isles, could probably use glyphs a lot easier than Philip, who hated everything about it. the Titan can tell

"you're such a hypocrite" YES SWEETY CALL HIM OUT ON HIS MANIPULATIVE ASS

Witch Hunter General, people are gonna bully him super hard on twitter I can already see it

SHE WAS SO SMART WITH THE GLOVE SO SMART

can we imagine some sitcom of a teenage bi latina girl trying to introduce an egomaniac witch hunter from the 1600s to the Year of Our Lord 2022

Goop Belos design is horrifying I love it

that whole sequence from King's pov. the muffled sound, the chaos as the adults collapse and you can see Hunter's arm all glowy, everything destroyed. oof

"WE don't belong here" "I'M NOT LIKE YOU" yessss

"you guys are LITERALLY the coolest" YEA THEY ARE

the Collector is SO scary and chaotic. Neither witch nor demon, a child from the stars, seemingly has powers that affect reality like no one else's, and yet behaves like a child. How do we stop someone like this

Gus saw Philip's memories too right? seems like it

still trying to manipulate mansplain manslaughter your way to Hunter's loyalty huh, you horrible old man

HE SAID "CALEB" RIGHT? WE ALL HEARD THAT RIGHT ???

"where the failures end up" this messed me up there were so many of them. so so many

the Collector couldn't see King while he was wearing the collar with the symbol

he found the symbol where he hatched. his father was keeping him invisible

"a game called the Owl House" I am so normal about this

King saved everyone but we have no idea at what cost

yeah the Raine and Eda scene? uncalled for. amazing. painful

the Round Boi broke. I repeat, the Round Boi broke!!

god these are children

*SPLAT* goes the witch hunter

did you see Hunter's face tho? how many conflicting emotions from seeing THAT just happen

"King! :D" me too Collector

all of them joining in King's whole "game" with their nervous smiles and poor Hunter's in too much pain so he just *whimpers in agreement*

I love the little jester design

also he really just looked at Philip's centuries long evil plan and went "okay! :) boop!"

this whole part had me so stressed I was like who's gonna cross the door and who isn't AHH

both King and Luz made difficult choices, and once again they're separated from those they care about :( DANA

it's raining. for some reason that hurts me

ANNE BOONCHUY? sorry I had to

Vee! will she join the Mentally Scarred Kids Squad

god these are children (x2)

they are hurt and cold. Hunter holding Gus he is Older Brother now

Camila: *pulls out adoption papers*

and those credits MAN season 3 is gonna be wild

I imagine our group of kids will have to investigate Philip and his brother, so we'll go visit the museum dude to get info.

also what Gus saw in Belos' head might not only help there, but also lead to Hunter having to reveal the whole grimwalker thing

sad season 3 is short bc having shenanigans on Earth with these 5 could be delightful

idk if I want human disguises or Luz can just tell everyone they're really enthusiastic cosplayers or something

maybe seeing the human realm might lift Gus' spirit a lil bit

We didn't get to meet Luz's palisman, but hopefully they're ready to hatch soon

Camila will slap Goop Belos with her chancla with such force he'll never come back

also I do hope we get to see King, the Collector, and all the adults that were left behind who are all safe and sound of course ha ha ha, dealing with everything that happened and probably looking for a way to get the kids back

in conclusion, I will not stop thinking about this episode ever. my kids and I are traumatized

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #luz noceda #amity blight #edalyn clawthorne #eda the owl lady #king clawthorne #willow park #augustus porter #raine whispers #lilith clawthorne #hooty #darius toh #eberwolf #philip wittebane #belos #hunter toh #camilla noceda #vee toh #kikimora #long post #very very long post sorry

[alicebnnuy]

OK I'M JUST GONNA RANT A LITTLE BIT BARE WITH ME

So TLDR, I miss the old Hot Topic, and I want to open a store like it. As I said, bare with me because this post is about to get LOOOONG! And it's also gonna be a lot of ADHD rambling so like, I'm sorry if this get confusing!

I'm from the province of Quebec, Canada, so we never had Hot Topics in my town. (I think due to some whatever Law 101 about French and stuff, dunno).

But we did have HMV at my local mall, and for a few, it was similar to hot topics. By that I mean, it was a store my cousin loved going to with her scene kid friends, but I was too scared to even approach as I was my parents' "little good kid" (and preferred EB Games)

Now of course, we've all seen the memes of scene kids and Hot Topic, it's easy to make fun of them because everyone and their mom does it!

But that's exactly what I miss!

Now don't get me wrong, I'm not a scene kid. I asked my best friend to tell me if I ever become one so I can stop myself. If anything, I'm an emo kid. I prefer saying I'm goth punk, yami kawaii, etc etc. I'm also an adult so...

We may not have had any Hot Topic in Quebec, but I did visit their website recently, and I was shocked to see almost none of the things that everyone makes fun of. It's now filled with trendy pop culture stuff. Which I mean, it makes sense, that's what they wanted to be from the start.

But imagine my disappointment as I go into this expecting to find a lot of goth, emo, scene kid, dark stuff!

And I find only... Stuff that I can find at any other pop music inspired stores?!

Ok side note. I am transgender. I never felt like I ever passed through puberty (of course, I did, everyone does) and the "It's not a phase mom!" phase. As of November 29th 2022, I will have been on HRT for a whole year, and I feel like I'm barely starting true puberty, like my emotions are all over the place, I feel less scared to make mistakes, I have lots of terrible ideas and want to do them even if I know they're bad ideas, etc.

So after I came out as trans, I thought "well I have to be a girl now. I have to wear dresses and makeup and be pretty, etc." And yes, I do want to be pretty and all that still, but I also wanna be cool, dark, edgy, etc. I want to be what my cousin was when she was a teen. I am 22 but feel like I'm 13.

So I saw this tweet the other day...

And this awakened something in me. This tweet is 100% who I was as a kid. I would be terrified to go in there as a child. But imagining being friends with a scene kid and them asking me to come in with them and holding hands because I'm too scared, THIS! This is what's been missing in my life ALL OF MY LIFE!

I spent my entire life being too scared of everything, trying my best to make my parents proud, please as many people as I can, etc. But I now hate my father, and I like my mother less then I did as a kid because she always excuses his actions. I needed what Hot Topic was, but I never had it, nor did I have any emo/scene kid/goth friends to help me break out of this pressuring mold that I had made myself.

So I thought the other day "I wonder if I could open a Hot Topic in my town?", but that was before I realized that Hot Topic isn't what it used to be. And while, yes I would visit it nowadays still, knowing what it once was, I would be sad everytime.

Now, why would me, a 22 years old trans girl artist who doesn't know what she wants to do with her life, be talking about Hot Topic in a long rant post on Tumblr in the year of our lord 2022?

Because I want the old Hot Topic back! Well, I don't want them to change back to what they were, it's a corporation and they'll do what's best for benefits no matter what the peoplr say.

What I truly want is a store that's just like what Hot Topic used to be! A haven for all the scene kids, emo teens, goth kids to shop and feel at home even for just a few minutes. Some place dark that parents will warn their children about but has a very cool atmosphere once you enter that world!

I looked quickly, and I'm not sure I was able to find any store that is exactly what Hot Topic used to be. So my next thought was:

Make your own!

It seems so obvious now! If you can't find the store you want, do it yourself!

I work at a grocery store as just a simple cashier, but when I got there, we were so understaffed that we were missing even a manager. So while we were going through new managers after new managers, many of them wouldn't do all the work they were supposed to do, so I became a "supervisor", although not officially. The boss never asked me to, but I just started doing part of the work of one one day and now other cashiers come to me with questions they would usually ask supervisors, I take care of writing everyone's break whenever the break sheet is empty, etc. I realized that I also enjoy doing that? Paperwork is fun to me somehow.

I also have infographic experience since I an going to school for cinema/televisual preprod, prod and post-prod, and infographics are a huge part of it.

That plus, I also am an artist, and I love listening to people.

So I already have lots of skills that would help woth running a small store, and as I always wanted to leave my mark on a small demographic, I feel like this would be perfect for me!

The main problem is that opening a store is very hard unless you are already rich, or sponsored. Sure you can get a loan, but those are crippling for years.

Another problem is well... Everything else. I have no idea how to run an actual store, how to get items to sell, how to get a location, etc. etc.

So yeah, that's just me ranting. If you wanna join me and have skills and/or money, hmu! /hj

For real tho, my brain is just a mess lol

#hot topic #rant #ramblings #transgender #scene girl #emo #goth #old hot topic #random thoughts #invader zim #scene kid #thoughts #2000s emo #hot topic rant #2000s nostalgia #nostalgia #adhd rambling

[ravenclawgirrl]

Birth Month!

The first half of my 2022 is impossible to survive. Yet, I’m here!

Shortly after returning to my PR Agency job after a 2-month hiatus, two of my managers left. I was coerced to step up and fill a post I wasn’t prepared yet to take over. I handled breakdowns one after the other. 

On one of my busiest days, my dad and I got into a major fight. I had to leave the house for a while just so I can report to work well. My best friend adopted me for a week. But when everything else is falling apart, I took a firm decision that I can no longer work for the company. I choose my peace and left.

I’ve decided to rest for a bit while figuring out the next best career steps. It was hard - lost and confused. My anxiety ate me up. But I worked hard to find what’s in it for me. And held on to my faith. 

My dad and I reconciled. Yet, nothing’s ever the same. I did not want to stay at home anymore. Shortly after reconciliation with my dad, my mom gets in the way. Again, I had to leave our house. 

Several days after, I found a new part-time job that requires me to stay at home. At the same time, God sent me a full-time day job that pays so much better than the old. I started two jobs both at the same day. Never in my plan to juggle two jobs. Still, I faced the challenge with ease. 

But my romantic relationship also got in the edge. I couldn’t even begin to explain how it all went down the drain. My ex-partner lost the energy with all that’s going on. The situation gets more complicated when I was left in the middle between him and my parents. Not knowing what to do, I just prayed.

I held on again to God’s promises. Yet,t when the problems between my ex-partner and I continually rose, he left. We both tried to heal the damage. For a month, we battled through most complicated days. But in the end, I had no choice but to let it all go. These are the most difficult days. Although that’s how I understood – romantic relationships thrive only when two committed people actively choose each other no matter how hard it gets. Truth be told, he did not. 

I was left. Lost. Mourning. And utterly broken for all that has happened in a span of less than a year. The changes are pretty exhausting and needless to say, I am going through so much.

A chaotic relationship with my parents. Career adjustments. Deteriorating mental health. And another failed relationship. Lord, bakit hindi natatapos?

---

On the 1st day of my birth month, I called it quits. Ayoko nang may maramdaman. I want to feel numb. God may have reasons why He kept me here, still kicking but for all I know, I’m done.

It’s been almost two weeks. Lumalaban pa rin ako. In a week time, I’m celebrating my 26th birthday. 

My relationship with my parents started to heal. There were adjustments brought about by my jobs but all seemed bearable enough. My heart found ways to cope from the break-up. I still got a handful of friends who showed me love. I met a few new people. I started seeing a professional therapist. Each passing days became a testament of how pain is temporary. 

Months and years from now, I’m not sure how things will go. But I have deep faith that however messy things are now, God’s plans will always be so much better than mine. 

The first half of my 2022 is impossible to survive. Yet, I’m here!

#breakup #mentalhealth #career

[baptistsuicidewidow]

I've been amazed with how much this blog makes me feel better. When I'm done with errands and the baby is fast asleep, I have been taking the time to cry and reflect. All day long I think about Jeremiah. But it gives me a chance to cry.. I don't like to cry in front of baby Isaiah, but sometimes its inevitable during the day. He probably wonders why I'm sad all the time.

The one thing that I keep coming back to is the 'chain of events'. How one thing led to another, and all the things put together led to Jeremiah's death. Every other person I've heard from coping with suicide loss has been repeating the same question I do. Like a cave, all I can hear is my voice asking "Why?" reverberating around all the long corridors of my head and heart.

There are folks I wish I had the courage to reach out to, just to gather more information about my late husband. I was told he sent a couple texts trying to 'expose me' for the wicked person that he perceived I was right before he took his own life. Yet at the same time I was receiving texts about how much he loved me. He had a couple phonecalls with men a couple nights before, and one of the men said he was really just stressed out with work, being a father, our relationship, all that. Another guy he spoke with (ian) blames me for Jeremiah's death, and when his wife told him my side of the story I guess he didn't believe her. But I am still curious to hear his perspective since many people have told me that men have a hard time opening up to their wives.

It's for this reason that I think it would be helpful for me to lay out the chain of events that I was able to see-to fill in the blanks for others. I don't know who might read this, but it could help them see a little more of the picture, and hopefully provide just a little more closure. Because I'm finding that closure is the elusive thing I'm really after these days. But others dealing with suicide loss have described it as something you learn to live with-not something that goes away-like the soul's scar-tissue.

I'd also like to stop retelling this story in my everyday life. For different reasons it comes up, and I hear myself repeating myself. Getting really sad out of nowhere and crying, reliving all the trauma regardless of where we are. I would like to just be able to say, "it's on my blog", so we could skip over this random 'picking at scabs' sob scene next time it comes up.

Jeremiah was a very sweet person. When I met him he was either smiling or furrowing his brow over this or that spiritual topic. I loved how genuine he was with me, and serious he was about the Bible, what ' thus saith the Lord'. I saw him as a friend before we got married. It was after a soul winning marathon that I told him, "Jeremiah, I was praying for just one person to go soul winning with and I'm so grateful for you." He replied with, "I never told you this, but I was praying for a wife!" So I pretended I didn't hear him, and later phoned my mom, and we talked about me potentially seeing this guy as more than just my soul winning partner... A week later he asked me to marry him, and I said yes.

After we got married not much of our relationship changed-we were still happy and normal range. We had some highs and lows but we were still a team at the end of the day. We did get pregnant super fast-with only one month of honeymooning followed by a positive pregnancy test. But Jeremiah and I were excited for our baby, and would watch week by week videos online tracking the baby's progress.

The very first time I saw him get really mad was at his family's house for New Years Eve when we were ringing in 2022, just 3 months after we got married. It was a new level of anger that I had not seen from him, ever. His brother was rattling his cage and Jeremiah just fell into this incessant unwavering rage mode I had never seen before.

But after that, we were back to normal and I didn't see his rage again for 8 months.

***Also I want to note that he had some horrific blood pressure! ***

Jeremiah already had little trust in my parents, as my dad had asked my relatives to disregard their wedding invitations, so none of them showed up for our wedding. I thought maybe our having a baby would open the door for a good reconciliation.

So when Isaiah was born they were at our house 4 hours later. Our midwife said to have primarily skin on skin contact between me and baby, and to limit others holding him for the first 3 days. My parents came over and told us what they were going to do-they didn't ask. They kept trying to grab the baby, and take the baby into the other room so they could spend however much time they liked with Isaiah. This made us very nervous since both my parents had their COVID-19 shots, my dad had a booster too, and shedding is a thing. It was very clear very fast they didn't respect us, and they didn't respect boundaries. My mom had told me that my dad would be cooking/supplying meals while they were over but that didn't turn out to be true-Jeremiah had to buy pizza for everyone and we had to tap into our pre-made meal reserves. They had Jeremiah running around the house focusing on their requests so that I didn't have the help I needed for my early postpartum, which was upsetting since he had used up his PTO to help me recover. My dad made this his chance to tell Jeremiah that he didn't want to be called "Dad", but by his first name "Bill".

My dad also told my mom to 'not forget the laptop'. My mom came into my room, the day I just had a baby, and told me she was taking back the laptop she gave me 2 years before, as if it was the most normal thing in the world to say. My parents are the type of people that spend thousands on vacations multiple times a year, and every time we go out to eat with them they spend over $300 for the meal. My dad spends some $700 a month for an aquarium consultant to come by his house to check out his one aquarium and to swap out fish/plants and talk fish with him. All this to say, they had the money to afford a new laptop. It was clear this was a divisive suggestion. Furthermore, my midwife was coming over for a checkup with the baby, so we asked my parents to come the next day a little later, more around 10am. My dad pretended like that was a big ask, and said "we'll come over whenever we please", and he turned around and walked out of the house, and my mom followed in suit, just turned around and walked out of the house.

So it wasn't going well and I realized inviting them over was a mistake. The rule was to invite folks who are coming by to support you during your healing process, and to keep stressful people away.

Jeremiah didn't know what to do. He had allowed them over our house to make space for the elusive reconciliation that I fantasized about having with my parents. But at every turn it seemed as though they were trouble. Jeremiah said, "I don't get it, if they don't like you and they don't like me, then what business do they have being around our baby?" Jeremiah mulled over what to do about my parents for hours. Later on, in the wee hours of the morning, baby Isaiah started to cry, and I asked Jeremiah for his help. He flipped out, started to yell at the top of his lungs about how much he hated my family. At this point I didn't know what to do since I had a 3 day old baby screaming and crying and my husband screaming and telling me "I don't know what I'm going to do Carrie! I'm going crazy! Your family makes me crazy!!!" and he was yelling this right next to the baby. So I was scared and tried to stand up and push Jeremiah out of the room, while I had a screaming baby in my arms. Jeremiah was in my face yelling, saying how much he hated my family and how they made him go crazy. He was also getting confrontational since I was trying to slowly/weakly direct him to the door.

I didn't know what to do, as he resorted to violence, and throwing things around the house with as much force as he could, while still yelling. I called his dad, to see if maybe talking with him would calm him down. It actually did help, and I spoke on the other line with his sisters which helped calm me down. Jeremiah then spent an hour taking apart my dad's gift-a $500 crib, and put the crib out on our driveway. After a couple hours he came into the room and reiterated his disgust for my family, and told me I had to choose: either to be his wife or to be their daughter. He wanted me to cut them out of my life completely. Since I had never seen this scarier side of him before, I was quick to agree that I would cut out my family, since I figured it would prevent my husband from 'going crazy' ever again. Jeremiah then sent a text message saying that he would appreciate if my parents wouldn't come back to our house this trip, and how it was a good idea to separate our families for the time being. My mom sent a text back saying she deleted his text off my Dad's phone so he wouldnt see it when he woke up, and she said something about how I must be irrational since I was postpartum (she was thinking I was the one deciding things). He had to resend the message and double down with her. My dad texted back that the crib wasn't Jeremiahs to return-it was Isaiah's, and they didn't return to our house. I had to cancel the plans they had made with my Aunt Sue on our behalf, since it was such an awkward time, and Jeremiah had had enough of my family that week. Well, period.

One would think that would be the end of that.

But what was my best moment in the marriage-Isaiah's birth and Jeremiah helping me through that, … that mountain-top in-love feeling was undone for me as my protector had shown me he was dangerous, since he had violent moments where he had zero self-control. I would now have to walk on eggshells to avoid seeing this side of him again.

What made things worse was now Jeremiah had changed towards me too. He was highly suspicious of me from that day forward, and didn't trust me anymore. He for the first time started saying really mean things to me, as if he had a heart change. He told me I was probably just like my parents, and would speak as though I was 'out to get him'. In the coming year for the most part Jeremiah kept that to himself, only for his suspicious narrative to bubble up whenever there was a disagreement-no matter how minor. The pastor at Cedar Hills offered couples counseling right before we left his church, so November of 2022.

We went to another church (Faith Baptist in Eureka, IL) and they spoke with us about counseling as well. Jeremiah particularly loved that church, and was seriously depressed when he decided we needed to leave due to doctrinal differences. He poured himself into work and would be gone all day and work all night. He was generally irritable. Leaving that church was definitely the beginning of his depression that lasted from April 2023 until he passed in early September 2023.

Although he was depressed, we still had mostly normal days. Him playing with Isaiah. Us enjoying dinner together. Going soul winning when he had the time to spare. Him playing accordion or piano. Random picnic dates. We were going to a new church called El Vista Baptist Church in Peoria, IL. Jeremiah just wanted to blend in and not be so involved with the church since his heart got broken from the last church. So we went to services and he enjoyed chatting with all the different people about all different topics. He was very sensitive during this time, and I remember speaking with him frequently about being so quick to anger.

We went on a family trip in June. It really seemed like Jeremiah had every intention to stay away from me. Most of the activities at the lake we did separately. He didn't even want to share the same bed.

There was this one moment at Mill Hollow (a park by the river) where half the group thought we were staying for longer than the other half of the group by the river. He claimed I was trying to cause division between his sisters and his parents since we were prepared to stay longer. In reality we thought everyone was on the same page with what time we were leaving. Literally it was a miscommunication and we left when Jeremiah told us to. His sisters couldn't understand why he was accusing me of being manipulative-anything other than wanting to stay at the river longer. I barely tried to explain that ever since his blowup after Isaiah was born he had changed. I thought it was best to keep my marriage issues to myself, and focus on having a better vacation. But even after that, when it was time to ride a go-kart, Jeremiah couldn't be bothered to join. The baby needed something from the store and Jeremiah dragged his feet to drive 5 minutes away. On the way home, Isaiah would fuss in traffic and Jeremiah would yell at me to get a handle on it. It wasn't our best vacation.

In July Jeremiah had his second major blowup. I had spent my free time for a week making FOR SALE BABY BUNNIES signs, and he drove to different places posting them. As soon as he came home I let him know that I was feeling sick. I was having really bad cramps that felt unusual-not like the ones you get with your period. (Later on, I found out I was pregnant during that time so who knows what was going on with baby at that point). He then blew up, and started ranting about how I must be sick of him, and that's why I was too sick to be intimate. He grabbed the butterfly house that our giant moth was living in and shook it in my face saying, "You love this thing more than you love me!". It was at this point I 'ran away' to the baby's room where Isaiah was sleeping, since violent erratic behavior was my worst-case-scenario signal, and I knew it was about to get worse. I locked the door and played the baby sound machine on loud since all I could hear was banging around in the living room and kitchen.

When I heard his car pull out of the driveway I checked outside for the cat and didn't see her (he had threatened earlier to get rid of her). I checked the garage and 3 bunnies were gone. I texted him that he would owe me money $200 if he intended to get rid of a bunny I bought and my birthday bunny. He didn't answer any of my calls. I went back in to the room and tried and failed to sleep. He came home and time passed. I really needed to use the restroom so I tiptoed through our dark house. On my way back I peered into the pitch black living room and imagined I saw Jeremiah sitting in the far corner in the armchair. Bad ideas of him being dead by suicide flooded my mind. His whole vibe earlier reminded me of when my brother was his age and would desperately call me when he was freaking out and thinking violent or suicidal thoughts. So instead of going with the urge to go hide in my room, I walked up to the armchair. It was spooky to see that indeed he was there, and Jeremiahs eyes were glaring at me as I shone my phone light in his face.

I sat down on the floor in front of him. I let him know that I didn't understand what he was going through, but it was clear that he was in a lot of pain, and I didn't want him to feel that way. I didn't want him to feel alone in our relationship to that point. I hugged his knees. I cried and offered to wash his feet. I was serious. He could tell. Somehow we went to his bed and cuddled... and when he was calm I asked about the bunnies and what he had done. He got sort of mad again, saying I was just worried about them and not really focused on us getting right or whatever. I just temporarily let it go. The next day Jeremiah didn't want to go to church since he thought we 'weren't good enough to go' (which is ridiculous/church is a refreshing place to be/helps you to think of others and think of what God wants for us).

Naturally I was still upset since my husband was unrepentant of his out-of-control behavior, so when he drove off to do deliveries, I went on a walk and called my confidant, Sarah Turner. After hearing my recap, she was horrified and assured me that what had happened was not normal range stuff, and her husband would never dream of saying that sort of stuff to her or doing that sort of stuff to her. She said I most assuredly needed marriage counseling. She also said I needed to get space, and find a place to go for a couple hours or a couple days. I called and texted around my Peoria friends, and no one I reached out to was able to help me in that capacity. I eventually walked home with blisters on my feet for walking around all day, and let Jeremiah know we needed counseling this time. I reached out to the McMurtry's and asked for counseling as Sarah and Nicole had suggested and they relayed they didn't have time for counseling since they were focused on their son's wedding. Since that was the case, I told Jeremiah we could table our problems until counseling was available, and he agreed.

In a couple days he apologized and admitted that he had dropped off the rabbits at different pet store locations in unmarked cardboard boxes. He said I could call around and see if they could be returned. One place had already adopted out 2 of them and the lady already had them fixed. The third place had my favorite bunny, and they mentioned how abandoning a pet like that was illegal and I could press charges on whomever had done that. I let Jeremiah know that he had technically committed a crime unawares, and he got very angry at that/went on a tangent about liberals and how they love animals more than people.

I kept having weird symptoms, so I asked Jeremiah to buy a pregnancy test. I thought I already knew what the results would be, but I was excited to see if we really were pregnant again. When I showed the positive pregnancy test, Jeremiah he did not want to believe the results. He was very reluctant to accept that we were having another baby. He was not excited with me, which made me sad. But I brushed this off telling myself that he was just pre-occupied with work or something else on his mind and not to worry.

In a week Jeremiahs family came over for Isaiahs first birthday (One month before he died). Jeremiah was not happy with spending the extra money on the party, and he showed up an hour and a half late to the two and a half hour long event.

-to be continued-

I gave Jeremiah a new accordion.

Jeremiahs car broke down.

We got a new car and were super happy taking pictures together.

jeremiah got violent

went with my parents

came back friday

saturday blow up

sunday reconciliation then blow up

i called the ambulance

police came with first responders/took me to center for prevention of abuse

jeremiahs family reached out

the terrible news

-to be continued-

[god-whispers]

apr 29

the set time

"the Spirit of the Lord is upon Me... to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovery of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed." isa 61:1

shemitahs are seven year cycles.  after seven cycles of seven years (49 years), there would come a proclaimed 50th-jubilee year, which would also be the first year of the following shemitah cycle.

the year of jubilee was a year full of releasing people from their debts, releasing of all slaves, and returning property to original owners who may have levied against it. lev 25:1-13  this year was also dedicated to rest.  the word "jubilee" (literally, "the blast of a horn" in hebrew) might it be announced with a trumpet blast, one could ask.

now 2022-2023 is the proclaimed jewish year 5783 and i have no reason to doubt the jewish calendar is not accurate.  if one was to divide 5782 by 49 (the number of years before a jubilee) they would find it is evenly divided by 118, making the following year 5783 (or 2022-2023) a jubilee year.  our calendar year begins a few months after the jewish new year begins.  is everyone still with me?

i won't get into why some say Jesus must come in the first year of a shemitah cycle, because i do not fully understand it myself.  some might say i don't even know what i'm talking about here. 😁 be that as it may, this is interpretation as i now see it.

anyway, i say all this to emphasis God keeps very close track of time, since He created it and is responsible for it.  and all the "jewish" stuff - well, israel and the jews are where He initiated His covenant with fallen mankind, and like it or not, it is His dealing with them that marks all following significant events.  we gentiles are just grated in.  when the state of israel was reborn in 1948 it kicked off what i believe is the end of the end times - or as some might put it, "the end of the age of grace."  (by the way, they just celebrated their 75th anniversary.)

according to the study and reasoning of many, this year will be very significant on God's calendar of time.  i am in agreement with many others in this belief; including those much more learned than me.

will it mean we are raptured out of here this year?  this is not His second coming because (although it feels tribulating already) a seven years of tribulation like the world has never known is still coming.  if there is to be a pre-tribulation rapture (which i still believe in), it could very well happen this year; the jubilee year - a restoration of all that was lost.

at best, all of us are just speculating about the "end timing."  that doesn't negate the fact we are told to look up when these things begin to happen.  we are told to be ready and not be unwise in discerning the seasons.  even the most studied ones reason that it could not be more than three years out for the tribulation to begin, and if there is indeed a pre-trib rapture, our catching away must precede it.

so if all that you have read up to this point is valid, what should one do?  should we just sit around, endure and look for our blessed hope to come?  shame on anyone who thinks that way.  it means that the set time is very near.  the night is far spent.  "multitudes, multitudes in the valley of decision!  for the day of the Lord is near in the valley of decision." joel 3:14

many are sinking further into the dark abyss; many friends and loves ones, strangers and loved ones of those as well.  it means the time to do what needs to be done must be done quickly.  pray ahead of time for the Holy Spirit to begin His work in their lives and then be willing to let Him use us as that chosen instrument to deliver them into life.  and for heavens sake, we must at least let our lives serve as a witness and not a hinderance.

i don't think any of us realize how drastically things could change in a moment's time - in a life, in a nation, in a world.  the bible speaks of those "suddenlies" and how we should be as prepared as one can be for the unexpected.  spiritually - first and foremost.  then controlled reactions over good or bad news and always, as the scripture saves, "be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear." 1 pet 3:15  not a worldly fear but a Godly fear of misrepresenting Him and His word.

now is the time to do whatever you're going to do - to spend any "talent" left unspent.  the jubilee year is here and i don't think we will live to see another one.  i know i won't.  are we ready to shed our mortal bodies and put on our immortality?  many believe so even as scoffers continue to scoff.  my heart aches for those who will miss out on one of the greatest events ever to happen.  maranatha!

[itsyourchoicedevotionals]

Remain Focused

“They told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he replied, “I won’t believe it unless I see the nail wounds in His hands, put my fingers into them, and place my hand into the wound in His side.” John 20:25NLT

Thomas— disciple of Jesus Christ, walked and talked with Jesus daily for three years. Jesus told of His death and resurrection. Thomas had heard. But the unthinkable happened. They crucified Jesus, buried him in a tomb, sealing it closed. Everything was over. Until Thomas’ closest friends came saying impossibilities, “We have seen the Lord” he doubted Jesus’ resurrection words.

Immediately after Jesus’ death, “The earth shook, rocks split apart, and tombs opened. The bodies of many godly men and women who had died were raised from the dead. They left the cemetery after Jesus’ resurrection, went into the holy city of Jerusalem, and appeared to many people.” Matthew 27:51-53NLT

Even with people long dead raised, circulating Jerusalem, the scriptures tell us of everyone’s unbelief in Jesus’ resurrection. Matthew 28:15NLT “…guards accepted the bribe and said what they were told to say. Their story spread widely among the Jews, and they still tell it today.”

Our generations are filled with unbelief as well. In 1994, the great spiritual awakening in Toronto Canada. Again, in 1995 the revival in Pensacola FL led to thousands being saved and multiplied thousands more Christians being revived. Religious, supposedly Pentecostal, leaders raised pointing fingers squelching both Toronto and Brownsville revivals. (I was privileged to be at both places, see God move and be changed by being there.)

Third world nations— average people are raising the dead, casting out demons, opening blind eyes and deaf ears. In the USA and Canada? Why not here? Because of our unbelief.

God gave me this prophecy during quiet times with Him::: My children, My children, I hear your prayers and petitions. A great battle takes place before you, behind you, beside you on either side, but you are sheltered in My refuge. REMAIN FOCUSED on Me, on My Word, on My promises. SPEAK them forth for they are coming to the time of fulfillment. Yet you will see great needs and cry out. CARRY My sword before you. STAY within your armor and SPEAK to the needs in My name with My Word! I am going to show out for all to see. Yes you will be awed. I will be GLORIFIED. Those who have thought they KNOW Me will close their mouths. When they open them again they will come in humble praise to really see and KNOW Who I AM is! Yes, today is the day of salvation. My key players of My new move are coming into place. My kingdom will come and My will is being done! No one can stop this move! REMAIN FOCUSED on Me and My Word. REJOICE in Me and not in the events but in the truth that you know Me, My Word, and your name is written down in Lamb’s Book of Life. DO NOT GET SIDETRACKED REMAIN FOCUSED on Me and My Word, for I AM IS LORD OVER ALL!

Something new will be done in and through God’s people. He’s using bad circumstances planned by satan to bring about His will— AWAKE His sleeping church. Only prayer, fasting, and PRAISE will keep us safe and close to Holy Spirit.

Are you among the people searching God’s Word and Holy Spirit before moving, in prayer, in speech, in praising Him? Will you be caught standing on the sidelines shouting— ‘this can’t be of God, He doesn’t do things that way?’ Can we echo the epileptic’s father, “I believe, help my unbelief?” Mark 9:24ESV. Or will we be like Thomas, “I won’t believe it unless…?” Unbelief is a choice none can’t afford today. It’s your choice. You choose.

PRAYER: Abba Father, draw us out into boldly proclaiming, COME Kingdom of God. Be done will of God, in all of this chaos, in Jesus Christ’s name I pray.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2022 You have my permission to repost this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional, as author. Thank you.

#Jesus Christ #lord of lords #word of god #holy spirit #god #it's your choice #devotional #remain #focused #sleeping church #prayer #searching #raise the dead #echo #resurrection #love hope faith

[ongole]

DAILY SCRIPTURE READINGS (DSR) 📚 GROUP, Sun Oct 02nd, 2022...The Twenty Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C

Reading 1

----------

Hab 1:2-3; 2:2-4

How long, O LORD?  I cry for help

 but you do not listen!

 I cry out to you, "Violence!"

 but you do not intervene.

 Why do you let me see ruin;

 why must I look at misery?

 Destruction and violence are before me;

 there is strife, and clamorous discord.

 Then the LORD answered me and said:

 Write down the vision clearly upon the tablets,

 so that one can read it readily.

 For the vision still has its time,

 presses on to fulfillment, and will not disappoint;

 if it delays, wait for it,

 it will surely come, it will not be late.

 The rash one has no integrity;

 but the just one, because of his faith, shall live.

Responsorial Psalm

---------------

Ps 95:1-2, 6-7, 8-9

R. (8) If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Come, let us sing joyfully to the LORD;

 let us acclaim the Rock of our salvation.

Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving;

 let us joyfully sing psalms to him.

R. If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Come, let us bow down in worship;

 let us kneel before the LORD who made us.

For he is our God,

 and we are the people he shepherds, the flock he guides.

R. If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Oh, that today you would hear his voice:

 "Harden not your hearts as at Meribah,

 as in the day of Massah in the desert,

Where your fathers tempted me;

 they tested me though they had seen my works."

R. If today you hear his voice, harden not your hearts.

Reading 2

---------

2 Tm 1:6-8, 13-14

Beloved:

I remind you, to stir into flame

the gift of God that you have through the imposition of my hands.

For God did not give us a spirit of cowardice

but rather of power and love and self-control.

So do not be ashamed of your testimony to our Lord,

nor of me, a prisoner for his sake;

but bear your share of hardship for the gospel

with the strength that comes from God.

Take as your norm the sound words that you heard from me,

in the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus.

Guard this rich trust with the help of the Holy Spirit

that dwells within us.

Alleluia

-------

1 Pt 1:25

R. Alleluia, alleluia.

The word of the Lord remains forever.

This is the word that has been proclaimed to you.

R. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

-------

Lk 17:5-10

The apostles said to the Lord, "Increase our faith."

The Lord replied,

"If you have faith the size of a mustard seed,

you would say to this mulberry tree,

'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you.

"Who among you would say to your servant

who has just come in from plowing or tending sheep in the field,

'Come here immediately and take your place at table'?

Would he not rather say to him,

'Prepare something for me to eat.

Put on your apron and wait on me while I eat and drink.

You may eat and drink when I am finished'?

Is he grateful to that servant because he did what was commanded?

So should it be with you.

When you have done all you have been commanded,

say, 'We are unprofitable servants;

we have done what we were obliged to do.'"

***

DAILY SCRIPTURE READINGS (DSR) 📚 GROUP, Sun Oct 02nd, 2022...The Twenty Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C

FOCUS AND LITURGY OF THE WORD

“… bear your share of hardship for the gospel with the strength that comes from God.”

Today’s Gospel reading consists of two connected passages.  The first, briefer passage is Jesus’ response to a petition from His apostles:  “Increase our faith.”  To the apostles’ asking for faith, Jesus answers by discussing works.

In this first passage Jesus shows how the works of an authentic Christian are rooted in the divine virtue of faith.  The passage also reveals the power of faith:  this power is shown by the disproportion between “faith the size of a mustard seed” and the great work of a mulberry tree being uprooted and planted in the sea.

Often Catholics can find themselves in debates with separated Christian brethren over the relationship between faith and good works.  Perhaps one problem in understanding the connection between these two is that our faith is so meager that we’re content to carry out merely “good works”.

In fact, Christ calls His disciples not only to carry out good works that can be accomplished by natural human abilities alone, such as the corporal works of mercy, which in fact can be carried out by persons who do not believe in God.  In addition to good works, Christ calls His disciples to strive to carry out great works.  If we Christians carried out great works, we’d have less reason to ascribe such works solely to our own human efforts, since we’d be forced by common sense to realize that such great works are only possible by means of a power greater than ourselves.

However, the Gospel Reading’s second passage offers another way to reflect upon the connection between faith and works.  It’s not quite a parable.  We might instead call it a guided reflection.  Through it, Jesus illustrates one of the necessary motives of those whose works are animated by faith.  This motive is certainly not the only one that a Christian needs in order to produce authentic works.  But its absence in a Christian’s soul inevitably leads to the chief vice of the Christian spiritual life.

Servanthood is the focus of Jesus’ guided reflection.  Servanthood, or servantship, is similar to stewardship.  Servanthood and stewardship are both demanded by those who follow Jesus.  They have much in common, but each has its own unique characteristics.

The image of servanthood sharply focuses our attention upon the relationship between the master and the servant.  It focuses upon the radical dependence of the servant upon the master, and in particular, upon the master’s will.

By contrast, the concept of stewardship implies a distance between the steward and his lord.  The steward is independent, at least for whatever period of time the lord chooses to be away.  The steward acts in the name of the lord during his absence, whether that lasts for days or years.  In J.R.R. Tolkien’s masterpiece The Lord of the Rings, the stewards of Gondor reigned for centuries while the heirs to the king’s throne lived in exile.  In the case of the steward Denethor, such lengthy independence resulted in consuming, self-destructive pride.

Pride is the target of Jesus’ preaching in today’s Gospel Reading.  The humility that Jesus calls for is reflected in His final words:  “So should it be with you. When you have done all you have been commanded, say, ‘We are unprofitable servants; we have done what we were obliged to do.’”  Of course, humility is a virtue that both stewards and servants are called to exhibit.  What particular quality, then, does Jesus’ image of a servant demand, and how does that quality work against pride?

Given that servanthood focuses on the radical dependence of the servant upon the master’s will, servanthood demands the virtue of obedience.  Obedience motivates and directs one’s works in accord with God’s providential will.

Many Christians might be surprised to learn that the word “obedience” is derived from the Latin infinitive “obedire”, which can be translated as “to listen”.  Naturally, a servant can’t obey his master unless he first listens to his master’s command.  This demands being ready for the master to issue his command, which in turn demands attentive listening:  not to stand at attention, but to listen at attention, humbly waiting not for the master’s return, but for his word; not at the end of time or even at the hour of my death, but here and now and at every moment that I live.

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DAILY SCRIPTURE READINGS (DSR) 📚 GROUP, Sun Oct 02nd, 2022...The Twenty Seventh Sunday in Ordinary Time, Year C...SAINT OF THE DAY...SAINT OF THE DAY

Feast of the Guardian Angels

The Story of the Feast of the Guardian Angels

Perhaps no aspect of Catholic piety is as comforting to parents as the belief that an angel protects their little ones from dangers real and imagined. Yet guardian angels are not only for children. Their role is to represent individuals before God, to watch over them always, to aid their prayer, and to present their souls to God at death.

The concept of an angel assigned to guide and nurture each human being is a development of Catholic doctrine and piety based on Scripture but not directly drawn from it. Jesus’ words in Matthew 18:10 best support the belief: “See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father.”

Devotion to the angels began to develop with the birth of the monastic tradition. Saint Benedict gave it impetus and Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, the great 12th-century reformer, was such an eloquent spokesman for the guardian angels that angelic devotion assumed its current form in his day.

A feast in honor of the guardian angels was first observed in the 16th century. In 1615, Pope Paul V added it to the Roman calendar.

Reflection

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Devotion to the angels is, at base, an expression of faith in God’s enduring love and providential care extended to each person day in and day out.

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▪︎【Read God's Word daily on "DSR 📚 GROUPS"' WhatsApp Tel. [phone]】

[righteousmen]

🔥🔥🔥

Send me a “ 🔥 “ for an unpopular opinion.

I got... surprisingly passionate about these so I'm just gonna slap them under the cut

So this is something I noticed way more over in the twd fandom then i have here but people getting all up in arms over reblogging. Like yeah don't reblog threads that aren't yours and stuff, but this website is built on reblogging things from people and I have seen people get furious over someone reblogging literally anything from them. Memes, aesthetic posts, gif posts, you name it, even if they didn't make it. It is completely baffling to me and I honestly think that if you feel like absolutely nothing should ever be reblogged from you ever then you need to go somewhere else because this sight is built around reblogging, it's how we find new people to follow and interact with. People reblogging stuff messes with your activity page? Bro it's the year of our lord 2022, tumblr notifications have never been less functional, you should not be relying solely on them to keep track of things AT ALL, you will be hemorrhaging threads that way I promise

In that same vein, it's 2022, people need to learn to communicate with their rp partners about things rather then just vague posting on the dash and making everybody anxious. No one likes to see vague posting on their dash and I promise its not making anything better. Instead it makes everyone feel like shit. I'm an adult, with a job and school work, I don't want my hobby to add undo stress to my life. I have enough of that

And again, it's 2022 and I'm still saying this after 10 years in the RPC, but if you don't read and then break someone's rules they do not have to be polite to you about it. I usually am, because we all forget, but the one I see the most in my case is people either forgetting or disregarding my rule about text size. It's why I highlight it both on my rules page and my pinned post. Because it is pretty much the only hard and fast rule that I have. If I cannot read our threads, I cannot write with you. I don't mind having to remind someone once or even twice, but if that person is going to turn around and be an ass about it - which i've had happen on more then on occasion - I'm not going to waste my breath i'm just going to block them. However, if it's been a while since you've written with a person, no matter how well you know or knew them, you need to reread their rules! Things may have changed and it's always uncomfortable to have to tell a friend that they're breaking one of your rules adn you need them to change something.

#taverntrout #ooc

[ceewritesblog]

“The Great Exchange”

5th of July 2022 at 11 in the evening, I decided to prepare for the midyear prayer and fasting that I am doing since 2018. I am not in a mood to read the devotional from my home church because I don’t feel like someone who struggles in sin deserves to come to the Lord right after she did something that doesn’t glorify God at all. Yes, I am she. Just a back story, I’ve been dealing with this thing “sin” even before I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior and I don’t have the guts yet to specifically identify it in public because that’s something I will never be proud of. I am just glad that God send people that helped me pray in this area. Anyway, when I was reading the devotional about preparation, there’s a Bible verse that caught my attention. I’ve been reading that chapter for many times but seems like God spoke to me differently in that moment. I will put that verse here but for now let me write something that I believe is a right time to share with you.

It’s been two months since I have a hard time coming back to God – confidently and intimately. I can’t even pray for others because again, I am so ashamed coming to God and pray for myself too. I am full of shame and guilt because I am fully aware of the sins that I am still doing. Even though God sees everything I do, my flesh keep choosing what she wanted. But you know what? Those two months up until now, God never failed to remind me of His love and forgiveness to the point that I can no longer accept nor comprehend it because I see myself as dirty as a garbage. I don’t want to baby nor pity myself for having this view whenever I commit a sin – because I don’t even deserve any of the two. That might look like I am being too hard on myself, but I can’t help feelin’ that way when my selfish desire wins over God’s. Honestly, I feel terrible. If what I feel inside me kills, I’m sure it does kill me already. Because that’s what sin is doing in the lives of man. It kills. It destroys someone’s life. It breaks our relationships with others and with God. But the good news is, sin doesn’t have the final say in our lives; the One who overcame sin more than 2000 years ago has. Jesus is and will be.

The reason why I am still here is not because I fought so hard for my life, to tell you the truth, I feel like there are the days that I am the one destroying it especially when I don’t have personal relationship with Jesus yet. I am still here because of the saving grace, overflowing love, unconditional forgiveness, and a new mercy every morning that God offers – no matter what I did or who I am in the past. I am so far from being a perfect person you will meet, and I don’t even see myself as one. I am a sinner and I still fall short from God’s glory. A lot of bad things that I wanted to describe about myself but this time, I won’t let those words overpower my identity. I AM SAVED. I AM FORGIVEN. I AM A CHILD OF GOD. I AM WHO GOD SAYS I AM.

Today, I had a chance to go back from the day God met me intimately in my home church because of the Bible verse that spoke to me. That first day I attended a youth service where the series was entitled “the Great Exchange” with praise songs that I clearly remember “Beauty for Ashes” and “Nothing can separate me” – the words that I will not forget because it describes my identity in Christ NOW and FOREVER.

The GREAT EXCHANGE is about Jesus who gave His life for a sinner like me.

The GREAT EXCHANGE is about Jesus who washed away my sin by His blood.

The GREAT EXCHANGE is about the Father sacrificing His one and only Son in exchange of the salvation of many.

'Already you are clean because of the word that I have spoken to you.' – John 15:3

I prayed for the best topic to write in here because I wanted it to be something especial to me and to the Author of my life so here’s the glimpse of my testimony that shows how graceful and merciful our God is.

And I also believe that if God can do this to my life, He can do it with yours too. Let Him enter in your life, beloved. HE’s more than WILLing.

'I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you.' – Ezekiel 36:25

#grace of god #faith #forgiveness #testimony #christianpost