#why it is so difficult to be aroace i hate my life so much.... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

br1ghtestlight · 3 months

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32 for the WIP game?

my tina parenthood fic..... that was an idea I started (which probably would have been a longer multi-chapter fic) where tina got pregnant in high school from some asshole guy and ended up being a single mom. the fic takes place a few years later when her kid is a toddler and jimmy jr moves back to town after finishing college and they end up kinda co-parenting her daughter together and reconnecting as friends (jimmy jr is aroace and very much not interested in a relationship)

jimmy jr moved away from seymour's bay when he was 17 w/ his brothers when his mom moved to another state so he lost contact with tina. his dad stayed behind and kept jimmy pesto's pizzeria opened so thats why he moved back to seymour's bay to work with his dad but he kinda hates it lol they end up becoming platonic life partners and by the end tina's daughter definitely sees jimmy jr as her dad

i would have loved to write this fic tbh but the problem is that it would take SO LONG to write and finish and i do have other commitments. maybe someday!!!

It was impossible not to recognize those eyes that he'd spent so many years desperately trying not to look into out of fear of the disappointment he would bring.

Their relationship had grown apart over the years even before Jimmy Junior had moved away and they certainly weren't as close as they'd been as children, but he could still remember how hard Tina had sobbed when he broke the news to her that he would be moving away and that they wouldn't be going to school together anymore. He understood how she was feeling because he was equally as heartbroken even when he didn't really have a choice. Jimmy Junior had always assumed that Tina and him would spend the rest of their lives together. They would always know each other and have that childhood proximity.

---

Tina nodded. "I—I mean, I never went to college. I took a few English courses at the community college in Bog Harbour, but when Alice got older it was just too difficult to keep up with schoolwork and take care of her at the same time. I still work at my parents' restaurant, though. They're getting older and they need all the help that they can get."

"Who is Alice?" Jimmy Junior asked Tina with a questioning look. He wasn't sure if Tina had adopted a dog, or if her parents decided to have another child after Jimmy Junior moved away and he'd never heard about it. He thought they were a little too old for that, but he wasn't going to judge them. His parents might have chosen to have another child too if they hadn't gotten divorced.

Tina gestured to the toddler who was standing beside her and carefully studying the assortment of candy and chocolate in the aisle.

"Did your parents have another daughter?"

Tina actually laughed after Jimmy Junior asked this before she explained herself. "Oh my God, no. They're way too old to have another kid. Alice is my daughter! Alice, sweetheart, do you want to say hello to Jimmy Junior?"

Alice looked up at him with an unimpressed expression on her face. "Hi."

Jimmy Junior took a step back in disbelief. He'd never even considered that he and his childhood friends were at the age where it wouldn't be unreasonable to start a family and have children of their own, especially because that was not something he planned for himself. His parents' had been around his age when they first got pregnant with him. When he took a closer look at Alice, he could clearly see the resemblance between her and Tina, although he honestly thought he looked more similar to Louise. She had curly black hair and a nose that looked almost identical to Tina's. It was kind of unnerving.

"Oh," Jimmy Junior finally said after a few seconds of silence. "You have a daughter?"

Tina was clearly confused by how Jimmy Junior was reacting to the concept of her having a child, but he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that this woman he'd known since they were children themselves had a child of her own. None of his friends from college or anybody that he'd known in Seymour's Bay had children, so Tina was his first experience with this.

"I mean, uh, that's great. I'm happy for you, Tina," Jimmy Junior started awkwardly. "Who's her father? Or, uh, mother… I don't want to assume anything."

"You don't know him," Tina said to Jimmy Junior as they walked to her car together. Jimmy Junior had chosen to walk to Patterson Farms because it was a beautiful summer day outside and he didn't have any other plans, so fortunately he didn't need to worry about unloading anything in his own car. "We started dating in high school after you moved away. His name was Nathan, but he isn't really in my life anymore. He broke up with me after I told him I was pregnant and started avoiding me, so his name isn't even on Alice's birth certificate."

"Crap. I'm really sorry, Tina," Jimmy Junior said apologetically. Tina opened up the trunk of her car—which was actually her family's car that was the same one they'd had since she was a child, he was assuming she borrowed it for this trip—and began loading groceries into it. "I had no idea. He's an asshole for doing that to you."

Tina smiled like she was completely unbothered by the fact that her daughter's father had completely abandoned them and left Tina to raise her by herself as she struggled financially. Jimmy Junior's father was far from a good parent, but he could at least be thankful that he'd never once considered abandoning his children and he even took Jimmy Junior back in after years of separation between them. He was sure he would do the same for Andy and Ollie if they asked. "Don't worry, it's okay. It wasn't all bad, either. I always have my family to help me with anything I need, and Jocelyn and Tammy were actually really cool when I told them I was pregnant. They held a baby shower for me, and Tammy offered to babysit Alice for no charge. I didn't accept her offer, obviously, because she's Tammy… but I could tell she was trying to be helpful and make an effort. They've grown up a lot since we were in middle school."

#yes tina's daughter is named after bob's grandmother alice :)#honestly I would love to just paste everything I've written for the fic here but it would be too long LMAO #u reminded me how much i loved writing this fic..... god if i didnt have other responsibilties and fics to work on #you'd never hear from me again #ask #bob's burgers

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the-bloody-sadist · 11 months

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Hi, thank you so much for your bsd fanfiction :) the way you explore emotions is fascinating to me, especially as I've been struggling with a lack of emotions recently. I can say with certainty that your writing made me feel a lot, for which I am more grateful than I can express. I just finished re-reading Sinner and I found Fyodor's perspective on emotions particularly intriguing - hatred in particular. I'm not sure that I have the capacity to feel hatred (though it's possible that I have felt it and was just unable to identify it. Identifying feelings has become very difficult) and in a lot of ways, it is very similar to love, which I also don't think I experience.

The way you write ace Dazai is also brilliant - and personal, as I am aroace myself. I think I have re-read The Unpredictable Structure of Control at least 3 times by now-

I'm sorry, I have rambled on quite a lot.. (but can I just say how much I loved the end notes of Sinner? You clearly put so much thought into the language used and the explanation of Fyodor's speech patterns was beautiful..) I tried to keep it short, but there is so much about your writing to talk about - I hope I haven't offended you at all with this ask. I struggle with words when interacting with people... I don't want to be an annoyance.

- 🪼 anon

(is it too presumptuous to name myself? I'm sorry. But it would be interesting to talk more about your perspectives on feelings and a lack thereof. I'm sorry this is so long - hope you are having a nice day :) )

Hiii! Thank you for reading my fanfic, I'm so glad any of them have touched you, but especially Sinner, since that one's the closest to my heart!

A lot of people have told me they identified with Dazai's lack of emotions and have felt along with him during the course of the story, and that means EVERYTHING to me. That's what it's all about, after all!

Hatred is a very strong feeling and I have only felt it for one or two people in my life--yet it doesn't really manifest consistently when I have to interact with them and play nice. So hatred has always been an interesting and complex reverse of love in my opinion, both of which seem wholly unattainable in their full capacity for me. In my experience, I hold Fyodor's perspective on that matter.

Ah, thank you! I hate to call my version of Dazai by any labels (even though I tag them to let people know the vibe so I get the right audience), because nothing aromantic or asexual is really that on its own. It's all a product of trauma, and without that trauma, he would most likely experience those things. BUT ANYWAY THAT'S A TECHNICALITY I USUALLY KEEP TO MYSELF. It doesn't even matter, really. I'm happy you like my portrayal of him and relate!!

Oh you haven't rambled, don't worry. You should see me ramble I'm a pro lmao. PLUS WHY WOULDN'T I LIKE HEARING YOU RAMBLE ABOUT HOW MUCH YOU LIKE STUFF I PUT SO MUCH WORK INTO??? It's not offensive in the least!

Please feel free to ask me about my perspectives on feelings, that's my favorite topic! And I'm glad for the name, Jellyfish, it helps me keep all my asks straight 🥰🫶

See you around if you return!

#sadist’s answered asks #Jellyfish anon 🪼#sinner fanfic #sinner reference

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therosefrontier · 6 months

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20 Questions for Writers

Got tagged by @pencilofawesomeness!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Ah, 66 of them! And if I count that Whumptober 2021 collection that I put in one work but is really 31 different oneshots, then 96, I suppose...?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

That would be 999226, from the looks of it! (oh wow I didn't realize I was so close to one million, dang...)

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Genshin Impact, Tower of God, and now Twisted Wonderland have been the biggest hyperfixations over the past few years, I'd say! And also Fairy Tail! Got a few for FT due to an event...still need to continue those... And yeah, going a little older, I got My Hero Academia, Voltron, Attack on Titan, Sonic the Hedgehog, etc... Also unpublished RWBY. But then I have a lot of unpublished WIPs soooo...

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Hmm, looks like that would be...

Every Day We Face the World: Whumptober 2021 | Genshin Impact | 383

We Promised We Would Be Together | Genshin Impact | 342

A Day in the Life of Why Did I Take This Job | Genshin Impact | 242

And You Think, "No Escape" | Twisted Wonderland | 227

Angeli Quaeritus | My Hero Academia | 206

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Or at least, I like to! Now I do. So, with Whumptober last year, I did drop the ball on this one, I remember. I was going through the process of responding for a while and taking a long time getting back to people...and eventually, after multiple months have passed, I just went "marked read" to everything that remained. In retrospect, I kind of wish I had not overthought it so much and just made a response. I can overthink a lot of things like this. But of course, I do really really enjoy reading comments! And I like the interaction of responding. But because of my awkwardness, sometimes it's difficult knowing what to say to a compliment... I think I'm better now than I once was, though, even just compared to a year or two ago...

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmm, so, my first thought is Tower to Celestia on account of being my one and only "real" major character death fic, but it's more bittersweet, maybe? Since I end with the epilogue, with grown-up Klee telling the story of her friends who died and kind of sharing the legend... I think angstiest might have to go to Together We Face the Darkness, actually. Which is, uh, also character death, but canonical? It's a Whumptober piece, and for the most part, those still get happy endings, but not so much for the backstory ones...

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Huh, good question! And You Think "No Escape" when I finish it, maybe but yeah, I usually end "happy" in some way, though generally following much angst, but I think I might have to go with A Day in the Life of Why Did I Take This Job for this? Ends with lightheartedly intense snowball fights, found family vibes, and Razor calling his friends "lupical" so, like, looking back on it, I think it might be up there! At least in my opinion :)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I have not! At least, nothing of significance I remember. The community's been very nice.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Nope, I do not! I don't really write romance much at all? My aroace self does not have this material in my purview in any way XD

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I do! Although it's mainly in the realm of "AU of characters from fandom X now in the world of fandom Y" rather than truly making the characters collide, but on that note, I agree with @pencilofawesomeness that the The A.I.D. Universe project we were doing is probably the craziest, for sure! That concept really was just "what if all of the fandoms existed as their own world in the multiverse, and what if there was some super special interdimensional task force that deals with multiverse problems and which recruited all of these characters as members?" We never posted all that much for it, but it was a cool thought experiment back in the day, and we had a lot of ideas for the middle of the broad story and all the adventures they may have. May or may not ever really get back to this, but great memories, all the same.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, I have not!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Again with the A.I.D. project with @pencilofawesomeness, and more than that, some things we did in the past before the AO3 days...

14. What's your all-time favourite ship?

I'm not really a shipper? So, hard to say, but if I were to pick one, it might be Roy Mustang and Riza Hawkeye from Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, actually? That said, it completely flew over my head actually watching the show; the fondness comes from fandom content, honestly, as is the case with many such things XD

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Oof, that is the question. I would like to think that I'll get back to everything in time (what I've published, at least), although there are a few old ones that I think I'll end up making much shorter than originally planned, Angeli Quaeritus included (that one haunts me hard...). Sonic Reloaded, however, is probably not going to happen at all, unfortunately. Same with the A.I.D. Files.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Huh...good question. Weaving introspection into the prose, maybe? Interweaving complicated plot elements and making stuff connect? Making multiple POVs work? I'm not really sure. I feel like a lot of this just goes into the way I like to write, as a matter of style. But the latter point is something I've actually been called out for fairly recently in comments by others, so...thank you? It was encouraging to hear, anyways!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Fight scenes have always been tough. I think I'm better now than I used to be, but choreography is tough, and I applaud those who can make it work! Besides that I can struggle with being longwinded and not knowing where to put the worldbuilding in when there is some. Also character descriptions. As in, physical descriptions. How do I describe?? Fanfics spoil me in that I can get away with not really having to do that most of the time, since the main characters are usually known to the reader, but it still comes up.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't think I really have...? I can see where it can add to the immersion, but also, don't want readers to just...not understand what's going or have to use a translate app. Sometimes I will sprinkle in words in another language when I think that is the word that best describes the thing or it's a very specific cultural thing. I also will use Japanese honorifics for Japanese media sometimes, though not strictly. I'm not using it nearly as often as an actual speaker (or the canon media) would, but it feels right to throw it in at places, because that's what I hear in my head? And also, it's just far more specific than anything English has to translate it to? Although I'm not always consistent (and I've probably also been inaccurate at places too, admittedly). Like for instance with Twisted Wonderland, Cater will call Lilia "Lilia-chan", but the English localization just uses "Lils" to indicate a nickname, so I've also used "Lils" in writing Cater's speech, but on the other hand, I'll write Sebek as referring to Lilia as "sama" or "senpai" because that is just way more precise to what he means.

Also, speaking of Twisted Wonderland, it's canonical that Rook randomly peppers French into his speech, so...yeah. Things like that XD

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Sonic the Hedgehog! Way, way long ago into yesteryear and long buried... Warrior Cat RPs came around at near the same time for me, though, I think...

20. Favourite fic you've ever written?

Honestly? I think that would have to be my current big project, And You Think, "No Escape". I'm just really, really glad with the way it's been turning out, and I'm almost done, too! Just a couple more chapters to go. Feels like a breakthrough for me as a writer... I've been at this for a long time, but it feels like it hasn't been until recently that I truly grasped my own style and how to make an executable idea, if that makes sense? But anyways, I like to call myself a found-family-loving whump writer who also likes a feel of action and adventure, and this fic is pretty much exactly that. The fandom inspired me by a lot, for sure. These characters grabbed hold of my heart and now I have a vested interest in seeing these boys talk about their feelings (not an easy task XD). It's been a wild ride, but yeah, I've had a blast!

+++

So...yeah! That! Now let's see... going to tag @resident-normal-person, @wintersphoenix, and @comfort-questing! No pressure, of course! Just if you want to! And also to anyone else who sees this and wants to, you may feel free to take it on!

#writing #tag game #fanfic #musings and thoughts #writing in general has been such a wild ride honestly #been such a long time since I was a small bean writing on [redacted]#and learning to write on text roleplays #my past [WIPs] haunts me #but even so #man I love this hobby so much :)

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clown-is-lonelyy · 9 months

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Wanna explore my romance & sex repulsion as an aroacespec and aegoromantic aegosexual

It also turned into a long post oop

So in every media I have watched or just had people do in front of me irl, I Do Not like looking at or listen to people kiss, flirt, be intimate or any of that kind of stuff for the life of me.

I always have to cover the screen, mute the volume, turn away and just focus on something else until it’s over

I think that’s where the romance/sex repulsion comes in. But sometimes, it tends to feel like it’s coming from a place of awkwardness and uncomfyness, like it’s just something I do not relate to and I’m the only one in the room that feels that way out of a whole group that doesn’t. Idk if that really matters tho ??

It’s why the whole concept of “simping” ends up making me feel really uncomfortable tbh. (and just wanna clarify I really don’t have problems with people who like self shipping, there’s no hate towards them, i mean that!! /gen)

It just feels like I’m sitting across from someone that’s saying all of these jokes and making all of those comments about a character, and I will just never feel/think about someone that way, so idk, the vibes are just real off for me at that point and I don’t like it.

On a different side to that, I’m still perfectly fine having fantasies or engaging in fan content about these concepts, although there is a small feeling of awkwardness while doing so, but it’s mostly in fanart or some fanfics I come across. I still avoid any types of self-insert or x reader stuff, but the main romantic/explicit content I can engage with is shipping stuff

It’s more easier for me to see these romantic or explicit scenarios play out when there are other characters doing it that aren’t me, so there’s the aego part there. I quickly start getting iffy when I’m reading stuff that has a first-person pov and describing a intimate scene

So all in all, anything that indicates having to place myself within a romantic/sexual setting is a big no no

And tbh, putting those two things together now that I’m looking at it, it really feels like a big contradiction I think, it sounds like it is

But since I’m actually laying it down and really thinking about it, I think it mostly comes down to me physically seeing that stuff, with the fanart and show/movie scenes. I have a better time imagining that stuff with different characters, also by reading. I just really don’t like hearing people talk about their attraction to someone and act out on it where I can see.

Soo yeah, I guess that’s it

To give a tldr: I’m a sex/romance repulsed aroace, I don’t like looking at things with those kinds of interactions, along with stuff like self shipping and reader inserts, they’re a big no for me. But I’m also aego, I can engage with romantic or explicit content if they are playing out entirely with different characters, it’s pretty much the only way I can look at things like that, just as long as there’s nothing that places me in the pov of those scenes.

Okay, I’m now done, this probably came out like a word jumble tbh, I’m not good at really explaining my feelings and I suck at using words so this was difficult to write but I tried

Big thanks to whoever reads all this, I wanna get into discussing more aspec related stuff so I’d appreciate any comments you wanna leave :D

I’m always looking for more ways to express my aspec identity cause I really don’t give myself chances to do so otherwise ;u;

#may rambles #aroacespec #aroace #sex repulsed #romance repulsed #aegoromantic #aegosexual #aego aroace

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s0ngsandstars · 10 months

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hiya!! 1, 6, and 8 for the disability ask game, if you haven't already done them :3c

Putting it all under a read more because I do a lot of talking and I forgot how Tumblr deals with long posts. sdkjdfjgkdgn Also I apologize for how negative the last question turned out.

1. What disability/ies do you have? (and are they mental, physical, or both?)

Mental health wise I'm an absolute wreck. The things I consider disabling are DID (mostly the dissociation, I like my headmates), OCD, ADHD, Agoraphobia, Depression, and social anxiety that I heavily suspect is actually AvPD. C-PTSD is also awful, but it's like. Not as bad as the other stuff in terms of how much of my life and time is taken by it. Also like, all the sensory issues that come with being autistic is just awful. Other things too, but like. mostly just more anxiety stuff. sdkjndfgkjngjn I am a very anxious human being.

Physically I have FND (it manifests primarily as movement problems, and sometimes takes away my ability to move some or even all of my limbs entirely, though most usually my legs), arthritis, something related to hypermobility, and I heavily suspect POTS, but my doctors won't test me for it. *makes a peace sign* Also I'm deficient in vitamin D but my doctors won't prescribe me anything for it (idek why, it's been brushed aside like 3 times though even though it's been deficient for multiple tests of it). *makes a second peace sign* I also have glasses because I'm moderately near-sighted, but that's a very common thing.

I also have GERD and don't have a gallbladder, so food hates me sometimes, but that's like. So mild in comparison to other things. The worst part about that is that I have to wait a few hours before going to sleep after eating or I'll get sick. I almost forgot, I have NAFLD and so I'm banned from alcohol, even though I've never gotten drunk in my life, so that's a missed opportunity.

Probably something else I'm forgetting but, eh. sdkjndfgljdgn

6. What’s something good that’s come out of being disabled?

I feel like I'm more understanding of people? Like, it's definitely helped me with being more readily accepting of other people's experiences.

Also can I count synesthesia as a sometimes positive to my senses being fucked? Some sounds smell wonderful. I love the colors I see for people and things. Like, yeah some sounds can smell literally like burning rubber, but other sounds can smell like chocolate or sour candy or mint chocolate-chip ice cream, etc. etc. and it's lovely.

Fun thing too is my cane can double as a weapon if I need it to. So like, that's kind of neat.

8. Does your disability affect how you experience other parts of your identity? (gender, queerness, culture, even hobbies/life goals you’re very passionate about)

Yeah, definitely. DID made gender and attraction rather difficult to figure out, because of the bleed through of others' emotions and like blending etc. I went through quite a journey before deciding on just non-binary for gender. AroAce was also tricky to figure out, but I got there eventually. But I'm really happy with it, and now it's like, one of those questions I can answer if we're really dissociated and trying to figure out who's out. Narrows it down a little if I can answer the gender/sexuality questions. Not a whole lot cause we're polyfragmented, but hey, we'll get there eventually. sdkjndfgkjn

As for gender expression, I can't wear some things that I really want to. Like my movement issues make wearing certain shoes potentially dangerous, and I can't be in long or tight skirts. I don't have the energy to put on makeup any time I want to.

And it definitely effects my hobbies. I don't have the energy to draw most of the time now, and when I do I can only do it for short bits at a time. It's really frustrating, because I want to, I want to so much, but as soon as I get my tablet set up, I'm so exhausted I feel like crying and I have to lie down for a while or I'll feel ill. I have to jump on when I have the energy to do things like draw or cook. I do read a lot though (mostly fanfics). Reading doesn't require much energy, so reading is fantastic.

Life dreams, definitely. I can't go to school right now, I can't get a job, I can't travel.. My life is limited, and I can't do some of the things I dream of doing. I want to be a planetary meteorologist. I want to travel and see places. I want to do so many things. But I can't.

Trying to end this on a positive. I'm proud of what I've been able to do, even if it doesn't seem like a lot to someone who's abled. I've missed out on so many things, but that makes the things I've been able to do mean so much more.

#S Answers #Ask #Tesla tag #Disability #Long post #alcohol mention #idk how to tag this #calling this post good enough though I am so tired I need to sleep. sknjdfgjkdfng

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obscenity · 2 years

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szpd question anon again (i should really start signing off... it's way more convenient than always saying 'THIS PARTICULAR ANON' or 'it's me'. hmm... i'll add it to the end of this ask when i think of one)

the first paragraph within your answer is very relatable, thank you for informing me!

would you say your orientation is influenced by being schizoid? because, as an example, i would say it does for me. i consider myself aroace (although i've seen being on the aspec is very common for schizoids), and i thought i was cupio towards a specific gender, but then i realized it makes way more sense to explain it through means of a lack of intimacy initiation that is compensated with imagination related to any desired relationships instead. like i wouldn't act on my desires but i can still tell what i want because of that.

additionally, what are your thoughts on responsibilities, standards or obligations that people set on you? i find that it is a LOT easier for me to define and identify myself when i make up the standards on my own. when other people do it, however..... no <3 Do Not. if you get what i mean, pffff ☆

i also feel pressured when they do it, because that implies i have to abide by their standards, and if anything is wrong i wouldn't know what to do. that makes it very confusing for me. i think it has also played a part in figuring out szpd in relation to me, because in order to be a schizoid you have to figure out whether you relate to specific descriptions and experiences that you don't make up yourself, and if you don't understand anything, you may be unsure, or it can be unclear (though then again i am also autistic so unclear info is #**##*@((@??!??? for me. put the vagueness away, please /not at you)

i figure that is all (my ask is also getting long again), signoff here ; ⛧ i will probably add it at the beginning of my ask if i send another one, for the ease.

hiiii again. for my sexual orientation, nope! im bisexual through and through and feel preeeeetty confident in that. im of course not going to go into specifics regarding my sex or dating life but what i will say is that no, im not very interested in it. it always sounds soo good in my head and then i pursue someone and its like "Wait hold on this fucking sucks". sometimes i go on tinder and lead men on and then ghost them when they start asking for more from me. which is so funny to me its such a schizoid thing to do. i enjoy the funny conversations i have from people who know nothing about me and get to start something with someone who has zero preconceptions towards me but as soon as people want to get intimate with me or know more im gone.

your next question is a biiit difficult for me. mostly because my parents, mainly, never really put too much pressure on me. or at the very least they gave up years ago. so now the only real standards im fighting against are my own. (i have 4 virgo in my chart but thats a tangent for another day. also made me realize i rely a lot on astrology/personality tests to tell me who i am) which yeah thats basically what youre saying. id much rather abide by my own incredibly high standards instead of someone else's regular standards. but even in a less serious sense yeah i do viciously fight back when people try to tell me im something im not. or when people try to place feelings on me that i dont want. i hate when i tell anyone something mildly disappointing or annoying to me or even something i consider neutral and they start with the "oh no, im so sorry :(" like i know its just common courtesy but Huh. i didnt say i was sad about it? why are you sorry? and yeah, for your last paragraph i get it. i dont like being told what i am or what im not, so trying to fit yourself into categories of "symptoms" can be very annoying. i just had to try very very hard to look at it from an objective point of view instead of thinking it as something that was trying to box me in. also i totally get the thing about being unsure about rules and whatnot. i have adhd and i allllways feel so much better when guidelines/etc are laid out orderly and clearly.

#asks #⛧ anon #<- ill go back and tag all your asks with that in case you want to find them again #though my asks tag itself is already pretty small but its whateva #long post

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usedtobe-elrallin · 1 year

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Romantic Snippet Tag

(Tagged by @j-1173)

(Tagging @starsaroundsaturn, @catkin-morgs, anyone who wants)

This was a tricky because I'm aroace and. don't actually write romance basically at all. Best I can do would probably be something from a pair I share with my person, on something we cowrote? They've been married for some time and have their first child, but I don't have anything closer to the prompt.

Which was why he hated the mission to Zeur. He sighed and closed the history of Zeur he had been reading and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. “The more I read about this Ikantara character, the less I like him,” he commented to Vyola, who was sitting beside him. “You got any idea why Sophus wants his notes?”

“Because Sophus,” Vyola answered scathingly.

“True.” Ghost quirked a smile. It was true. The arrogant Keeper had been making life difficult for them ever since they had come to stay at the Living Library. It was just like him to request the notes of someone who ‘experimented’ on sentient beings. He looked back at his timeline notes and ran a finger down the page. “How fast do you think we can be?”

Vyola chewed her lip and thought. “Depends how charged I am when we dodge in. What would be optimal?”

Ghost frowned and glanced over the notes again, looking for the little star that he’d marked by the time he’d wanted to go in. “About five or ten minutes.”

Before he finished, Vyola was shaking her head. “Five isn’t enough time. Ten won’t give us any wiggle room.”

He’d thought as much. But he hadn’t gotten far enough in planning to set up a backup time. Ghost paused and looked down the column of times and events. “How long do you think?”

“Ideally? Twenty minutes.” She bit her lip. “I can shave it down, but you know how I feel about risky missions.”

“Twenty, then.” Ghost nodded and put a finger on where that would put them in the timeline. “We’ll just have to do some hiding.”

“I can do hiding.” She eyed the page of their notes, eyes lingering on the lines about the fire. “But this is the last time we accept a life-threatening assignment, even if it does need timeline manipulation.” She brushed her hair out of her face and looked at Ghost solemnly. “Fin needs us alive.”

Ghost nodded. “Fine by me.”

Fin. Infinity. Their daughter. Every day of the three years since she had been born, Ghost had seen her. And every day, he wondered at her. Was amazed by her. Smiles, tears, laughter… everything. His child. Vy’s child. Their child. Yes, she needed them alive.

He and Vyola nodded to each other, then Ghost reached down and picked up one of the metal discs that were his feet. Wrapped it in felt so it wouldn’t make noise on the floors. Did the same to his other foot as Vyola did the same to hers. “I’ve memorized the house layout,” he said as he did so. He paused and pointed to a place on the map. A hallway, near a marked with a symbol. “This should be the safest place to arrive. 20 minutes before, right?”

“Yep.” Vyola finished wrapping her feet and glanced at the layout one more time. Ghost finished too.

“Whenever you’re ready.” He held out his hand to her. Wished he could do something to help them travel between worlds, not just act as a deadweight. Even though he knew there was nothing he could do to change it, and that his talents lay elsewhere. In finding timelines. Thinking on the ground. Planning.

He watched as Vyola looked over the map one last time. Glanced at the place he had pointed to. Reached for his hand and closed her eyes.

#starlings #tag game #my words #my person

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mcrmadness · 3 years

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Some days ago I made a post about how I wish I had a best friend but I don't have, and the last time I actually had someone I could call as my best friend was when I was 13. And that one did not end well...

But anyway, I just realized that it's not really the fact that I don't have a best friend that is bothering me, but the fact that no one out there would consider me as a best friend. I don't know anyone who thinks the same way and therefore I think that a person like this does not even exist.

As an aroace this is especially difficult because you just know that most people around you will eventually settle down with someone because one of their biggest needs in life is to have a partner. And I don't have that need. I don't want a relationship nor even a queerplatonic relationship. I don't want to share a house or flat or my belongings with anyone else but myself. I don't even know how to call what I want, "a platonic best friend"? Like you know when you're a teenager and you just get along with one of your friends better than with anyone else and you both are besties and no one else is more important as a friend? Something like that, I guess.

And yet all that just sounds so stupid to me, something that teens do and makes me feel like my social skills and relationship/friendship "skills" would have gotten stuck to the mental level of a teenager. Probably mainly because I have been lonely since I was 15 and my most important friendships have all been online friendships ever since. I'm also very confused because I don't know if it's just me being socially awkward or if it's just the lack of social interactions IRL during the early adulthood.

People always say that you can't arrange people and think someone as more important than the other but why have I always felt that when I have had friends, I have eventually lost all of them because they started dating someone and suddenly I (nor other friends) fit in their life anymore? Or at least not to the extent that what it used to be before, but most have just completely stopped talking to me and then never got back to me. This has happened so many times in my life, basically with everyone ever, that now I just always feel that someone being an alloromantic is a threat and means that I'm gonna be left alone eventually, again.

In a way I do agree that you can't arrange people that way, but at the same time I just always feel like I'm walking on a rope because as a neurodivergent and highly sensitive person, I just develop very strong emotions in friendships, but somehow always the wrong ones. I mean, I might feel that someone could a potential best friend but it's not mutual, or they're not aromantic so they're gonna abandon me in the future anyway, or the fact that I cannot feel platonic love (still trying to figure out if I'm aplatonic or maybe demiplatonic), or at least I still don't understand what it is like, and I'm not sure if it's the same thing as "loveless aro" which also has started to feel a lot like me. But all this just makes me feel bad because people might be important and mean a lot to me but I still cannot return even that little, so the whatever emotions there are, they still don't match because they're formed so differently. I just feel like it happens in a different part of my brain and is mainly controlled by ADHD or whatever the fuck that is that's has the reins in my brain, and I hate it when my brain starts hyperfixating on other humans because they are not objects, they are not free source of dopamin, they are other humans and my brain has no right to use them like that!

I just feel like I'm fake basically. I feel that I have gaslighted everyone into thinking that I'm a nice person when in reality I'm just totally emotionless and dull shell with ADHD brain that makes me "like" people. I hate it.

I know this sounds very heavy and depressing but I just don't know anything about anything. I have been spending too much time with only myself and my thoughts and this is what happens when I don't get to interact with other human beings enough. Even if that makes me feel like I'm just using everyone just because I can and can't feel things at the same time.

#I know I'm writing here all the time today but I'm on a very talkative mode but no one's talking with me so I have to talk to myself in the #form of shouting into the void called Tumblr. Also because I'm just so BORED.#mcrmadness' deep thoughts #loneliness

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my-dreamed-hell · 4 years

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HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y’ALL ❤️

Even though life these months have been pretty difficult (to not say completely awful), we still need as a community to support each other and celebrate our diversity. In a world full of hate and anger, don’t be afraid to be kind and open minded with others, but also with yourself.

So to celebrate, here some of my headcanons from the game. I may or may not do a part 2, who knows.

Diego Caplan: Diego is Pansexual. He finds beauty in everyone and doesn’t hesitate to be a huge flirt with anyone that he finds cute. Ben just laughed nervously, Rowan didn’t hear him, Charlie had a straight face and Merula almost punched him.

Penny Haywood: Penny is a lesbian, with a huuuuuuge crush on Skye. Penny is proud of herself and is always ready to help people to feel more comfortable with themselves. She was one of the first student of her year to came out about her sexuality.

Eleanor (My MC): Eleanor is a genderfluid person. (See what I did here ;) )When they were younger they had a lot of trouble finding who they truly were. Were they a girl? A boy? Why not both? They feel lost for a long time, and fear started to build up in their mind. At the end of the day, they came to the conclusion that sometimes they feel like a girl, sometime like a boy, and sometimes they feel like neither or both at the same time. Their friends were supportive, and that’s what help them find who they truly are. Eleanor is also bisexual.

Barnaby Lee: Barnaby is bisexual, even though at first he didn’t notice it. Like, that’s not everyone who likes the confident Diego with his beautiful smile and his talent in duelling? Or in Liz, the gentle soul who is always ready to help creatures, just like Barnaby? Even Merula, with her bright pink eyes, is cute... Is he the only one? Also what is this Pride thing everyone is talking about? Who is bisexual? Me? Maybe. Probably.

Andre Egwu: Andre is pansexual. He plays a huge role in the LGBTQ+ community in Hogwarts and is always bringing up ideas to make Hogwarts a more welcoming place for the students. Andre doesn’t care about gendered clothing and you can see him going in potions class with those high heels pretty frequently. He also loves makeup and organizes makeup sessions for everyone who wants to try it.

Ben Copper: Ben is a demi-sexual and panromantic person. He only finds sexual desire if he truly has a connexion with someone. I see him as having a crush on Andre and is pretty bad at hiding it. He loves Andre’s self-confidence, his style, his hair.... pretty much everything he does, Ben is like: HOLY SHIT HE’S CUTE.

Charlie Weasley: Charlie is aroace. (aromantic asexual) He isn’t interested in dating with anyone, nor to have any sexual interaction with them. His focus is more on dragons and Quidditch. He still had some crushes in his life, but he never felt ready to go further in the relationship. Charlie has friends and family and that’s enough for him.

#harry potter hogwarts game #harry potter hogwarts mystery #hphm #hogwarts mystery #charlie weasley #hphm barnaby #hphm charlie #barnaby lee #penny haywood #hphm penny #hphm ben #hphm diego #diego caplan #ben copper #hphm mc #hphm andre #andre egwu #happy pride 🌈

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thoughtsdying · 3 years

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The procces of realising you’re aroace: a tale by me version 2

Realising you’re aroace is suddenly comprehending why your few friends (with one exception) have always turned out to be in the queer community at the end. Like. That fenomenum of “queer radar only you don’t realise it’s there and you end up gravitating together anyway?” yup- It happens too. Only most of the time you think you’re an allied cis-het weirdo who cares too much about something that doesn’t have anything to do with you, and who cares if you feel weird when other people assume you’re hetero (or that you have a orientation at all), you sure aren’t attracked to your same gender either. Nor are any kind of trans.

And then you discover asexuality in your late teens and it feels weirdly near you, but you think you’re trying to make it so you’re special, so you dismiss any ace feels as you being a late bloomer, and only take care of including it in discussions about queer issues, and then you feel strangely hurt when a professor dismisses it as “some self descriptor weird lonely japanese men in their 40′s created who only care for 2D” which. You don’t have to tell me all the problems in that sentence. Believe me, I know. And you can’t come with arguments except well if people feel like using it, then we should respect it, bc you don’t have the words to explain asexuality except that internet in english told you it was a thing and you still don’t know except in a nebulous way what even is aromanticism, so you didn’t bring that up in the discussion at all.

And a pair of years after that you start using demisexual bc it feels less scary and very reasonable except you’ve never felt attracted to anyone, how do you even tell it? And relationships scare you, and you still don’t have any idea of what is aromanticism except it scares you and you don’t want to contemplate a life being aro. You love romances after all

(except when you have to look the other way in any kind of profound kiss, bc it’s private people, which makes you feel wiedly homophobic when you’re watching a lgbtq+ media or your best friend with her girlfriend even if it’s the same with hetero, except then it’s just that sex is weird in film and kisses with tongue are still private people!)

and obviously you still don’t want to have sex with a girl (Except perhaps those emotional dreams of touching with a friend that aren’t sex but almlost and are very comfortable anyways it could be nice you’re sure but nice isn’t desire is it?) so even although guys make you nervous and any thought of doing anything romantic-sexual with one is a “yikes” you suppose you find some really pretty in a different way you do with woman and that must be ~attraction~.

And a friend tells you that a guy tried to sound her to see if he could date you and she told him you were ace and uninterested in any kind of relationship, and you go “why?” confused and a bit elated bc holy shit what a relief you won’t have to confront him, but also a bit of panic (that’s how i come across? it isn’t my imagination, im so obvious oh no) and she tells you, “well you are almost one and you don’t have any intention of dating anybody right now so i thought it best to cut any feels on his part right now”. And it gives you things to think about.

And another two years pass except this time you’ve started to educate yourself on aromanticism bc too many relatable posts on tumblr looking into the ace tag made you “holy shit yeah this makes more sense than just asexuality” but also you keep loving romance stories except now you’ve started to recognize you’re starved of friendship in all the ambits of your live and you’re also a young adult who still doesn’t want a relationship, what do i do? And maybe you’re not demi, you’re ace and you can think sex sounds a nice activity to do with intimate friends (aro aro aro) but not something you’re into, and you’re still ace, you’re not attracted to anybody not really. What a relief. (you still can’t try on the aro umbrella)

And you question yourself bc a fantastic guy has become your friend, and your minds vibe inmensely well, and you talk during quearentine, but he gives you some weird vibes sometimes, and makes you gifts which you ignore bc holy shit a best friend! And he has money and he’s lonely! I would also give gifts to my besties if I had money! And then he confesses to you on wassap, and you realise he has put you on a pedestal and has cofessed but already said himself he doesn’t want a relationship with you bc he would corrupt you or something and anyway, he’s not really in love with you he’s using you as a mental crutch to try to not be depressed, he knows that noe but he hates psycologists. Also, can i have some time apart from you?

So you tell him you feel flattered but that you see him as only a friend, and please can you not put yourself so below me? Search professional help. I’ll stay away as long as you need.

And you start feeling uneasy, but you think it’s only that he’s a weirdo and really you’ve dodged a bullet of course you wouldn’t want to go out with him, he’s not really the kind of pretty you like. Except if you’re ace what does it matter? Isn’t it that you feel pretty repulsed by trying a romantic relationship? Or are you just justifying your own aloofness and personality problems that make impossibly difficult to try a romance anyway. People don’t control who they feel romantic feels for anyway.

Except in the following months when you’ve finally reaturned to be friends you’re so relieved to not have that shadow above you and really wouldn’t it be amazing if everybody knew you didn’t want anything to do with them romantically? To be free to be friends and hug them, and walk arm in arm or go to lunch and cinema and still be just friends? To plan your future in a line along with those friends but not be really a committement as much as you just want to enjoy talking face to face with them for a bit longer.

So you go back to read about aromanticism and maybe you cry a little but mostly you’re pretty happy and scared about it. And you tell that friend, bc he’s your bestie right now and you feel him being bi and also being interested in you in the past would make him more likely to react well. It’s not personal it’s just the way I am. And then you start crying in the middle of a starbucks for 15 min. and you didn’t now you feel so much so intensely about being aroace, and how it had impacted you without knowing and how much you hate those expectations. And he hugs you and tells you “nobody has the right to tell you how to live. if you feel like you’re never gonna be in a relationship that’s your business and you’ll be happy anyway” and you cry harder. And then you both have a sincere conversation about sex as he has experimented it and how you feel it pretty strange and weird, but maybe you’d like to try it sometime. Just not a time near now. And if it’s never that’s pretty okey with you too.

So you go home feeling a bit embarrased but also pretty elated except a week later there’s another wassap message from him, saying he feels he still loves you, and that he understands intelectually your nearness with him is friendly but still feels romantic and it confuses me and it pains me and i would prefer to not be your friend anymore, sorry, men are shit and me the worst of them.

“Ok” I write back. I’m furious and hurt and I don’t want to see his liar face anymore. So fuck you, I think. “Thanks for telling me” And I block his number and I don’t talk to him when we met with out mutual friends, and when it’s necessary I talk as if he were a stranger. Kindly but impersonal. Isn’t that what you wanted? To lost a friend? So you’ve lost me forever.

And it became clear to me that I don’t think I’ll ever understand the stupidity of not wanting to see someone just because their lives don’t revolve around you the way you like, even though you’re friends and you can talk to them about anything at all anyway, and be there for help with the shitty parts of life. There are things I’ll never felt or do for another.

And I’m ok with that.

#aromantic #aromanticism #asexual #asexuality #personal #real experiences and problems

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ayy-spec · 3 years

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Anything to Add?

The final question in this survey was a write-in section for people to leave any additional comments. 113 people responded.

Important/Particularly Interesting Comments

• I hope this goes well for you because you seem nice and if you have any advice for new to the community 15 year olds like me, don't be afraid to share because I'm trying to embrace my sexuality as much as possible but it can be hard when I don't know where to go or turn to to find what I'm supposed to do and where to ask questions and just fully embrass this part of me and it can be hard when I don't even know many if any aspecs so representation is great and it is helpful to hear your experiences and how you handle certain parts, so just keep doing what your doing because it is making a difference [note: 🥺🥺😭]

• i often consider myself more as just aroace rather than aro and ace seperately so i prefer seeing the blue and orange aroace flag over the individual aro and ace flags

• I don't really shorten my identity often with aroace, only when im feeling very romance repulsed and its been a while since I felt romantic attraction. I am a pan-demiromantic asexual. My pan label makes me feel more connected to the lgbt+ community bc it feels like my nonbinary and intersex status doesn't count either. I know I belong in the queer community, but the lgbt+ community is so sexual orientation focused.

• Thank you for having a wide variety of labels to choose from in the options!! I don't see the term aegoromantic very often on things, it feels nice to be known I guess haha

• Thank you for this, i recently started thinking about being in arospec and it was so relieving, all this time i thought something was wrong or maybe i was broken. I'm still trying to learn more about it, and I'm grateful for people willing to teach and help

• didn't realize I hadn't experienced sexual attraction until I finally did and was like "OH, no wonder all my other relationships felt like I was playing pretend"

• I dont often tell people I'm gray aroace. Not because of shame or it not being "as important" (I'm a gay trans dude) but I think because I just feel its a very intimate part of myself, as well as my romanticism and sexuality (in terms of like asexuality) feeling as though it doesn't always need a label. I'm fine just being myself most of the time, a lot of labels can be tricky for myself I think. I'm happy the label exists nonetheless though because Its nice to know I'm not the only one who feels like this.

• I'm queer! But if I'm getting down to the bones of it, I'm pan/ace. Still relearning how to be proud of that, after The Grand Clusterfuck years back.

• even though I would be considered to have an alloromantic orientation, alloace isn't really a term I feel any strong connection or attachment to

• i'd like to add that i do consider myself alloaro and use that label openly but i'd also not consider myself 100% allosexual. i'm questioning my sexuality but even if i do end up feeling more solidly ace-spec i'd still use the alloaro label

• Idk who else does this or if this is interesting enough to write down, but I thought I would! I use Aroace as a label. Other, smaller labels inside that would probably fit me better! Aroace feels too big, like it doesn't *really* define exactly who I am. But at the same time, I prefer using it because more people know what Aroace means (at least compared to myrromantic and myrsexual). I use Aroace so the public can define me. I don't typically use it around my close friends 'cause they already know my idiosyncrasies and where I really am. They already made their own definitions for me, so I don't have to make one for them!

• I'm still figuring myself out, so I leave myself at the blanket terms and hopefully everything'll work out in the end

The rest of the responses are below:

Comments Alerting Me About Typos (that I was then able to resolve)

• There's a typo in your "sexual orientation labels" question, because you have Aroflux listed and not Aceflux, but I didn't want to confuse things so I put Aceflux (which I do use) under Other. I also am polysexual (I flux between polysexual and asexual but I am always aegosexual) but didn't know if I should but it under Other anywhere since it's not an acespec label. I consider my polysexuality tied to me being aego/aceflux though, which is why I mention it here.

• the sexual orientations options are the same of the romantic ones ( for example, there's arovague and arospike in the sexual cathegory)

People Clarifying/Expounding Upon Their Own Identity/Experiences

· to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

• I’m still a confused gorl and I really only know that I don’t like sex it sexual acts but I do like romantic and sensual acts

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• I'm also animesexual and fictosexual (and romantic I guess but I don't like using the SAM for myself).

• I have never seen most of these labels, haha, I expect one of them is the one I always forget that's for being aro due to past trauma but people always assume it's romantic/sexual trauma so I don't use it and thus have forgotten it...but that's the essay I'm not usually up for writing: was biromantic but then had several awful life events on top of each other and had a complete breakdown and have been aro since. Unclear if it's permanent but it's been 14 years now. [note: I believe this person is thinking of caedromantic]

• I tend to use the word ace more than asexual because it's shorter, but I don't feel more favorably about one than the other.

• i can't tell the difference between platonic vs romantic attraction, and am unsure if people i have "liked" in the past was romantic, platonic, or a fake stemming from peer pressure.

• Also Gender-Neutral/Agender

• I’m gray-aro but identify more with being biromantic even though I know I’m aro-spec. As for sexual orientation, I’m just completely ace xD

• The fact I'm still trying to figure out my gender makes it harder to pinpoint exactly what my orientations are :( but I usually say I'm queer, and if it's safe: Bi Ace, and if I can get more specific: biromantic grey-asexual

• I also use a platonic label (biplatonic). I use it not in a friendship way, but more like in a QPR way.

• Thank you for doing this! My identity on the aro/ace spectrums has shifted a lot over the years and while I’ve just settled on aroace and queer for the most part, this community is so diverse and under appreciated. People who find joy in/identify with micro-identities are valid and deserve representation!

• I'm still figuring out my romantic orientation but it's looking less allo by the day lmao

• My romantic label is very fluid, but in terms of sexual labels, very sex repulsed Asexual

• Content with just Aspec cause it's difficult to pinpoint anything but cool with both asexual/ace and aromantic/aro

• I think of my romantic orientation as halfway between aromantic and homoromantic

• I'm a polyamorous ace, if there'd be a way to include that sometimes that'd be neat :)

• I am still questioning my identity

• I used to identify as 100% ace but now I have no idea other than that I seem to be pan-ace in some way shape or form so my identity is ???people???

• Sex/romance repulsed and I have aesthetic attraction

• to clarify: i'm unsure whether or not i am demi or aceflux; so i use graysexual since both labels technically fall under that as an umbrella term.

Queer Rights

• Trans rights, baybee 🤠🦂

• I just hope a-spec and aro-spec people will experience less negativity and hate this year <3

• Aspec rights!!

• aspec rights, baby

People Being Nice to Me (I appreciated this thank you everyone!!)

· :)

• Have a good day

• Uhhh, cool survey, nice to see a lot of labels.... good job! Nothing I have to add, it was great

• Have fun chief, thank you for your work

• Thank you for creating!

• thanks for the survey! I don't know too many aspec in person so I love participating in things like this about the ace/aro community!

• Thank you for what you’re doing

• just hi :)

• thanks!!

• I really love your blog! Reading your posts always makes me happy :) [note: thank you!]

• Good luck, have a nice day !

• I hope you're having a good day :)

• you're lived and valid af!! have a great day!!!

• Thank you for all your hard work i really appreciate it ☺️

• Drink some water Right Now OP

• Nope, :> hope the best for you.

• Cool survey, 10/10 would survey again.

• 💛

• Have a nice day uwu

• Nope! Have a nice day!

• Thank you for making pride flag edits! They're really nice! [note: thank you!!]

• nope, but this is really cool!!

• ❤️

• Have a good day.

• I think this survey idea is super cool! Definitely a great way to see what sort of aspec people are on tumblr :)

• You are doing the lords work

• Thank you for asking us.

• good luck!

• This is really cute idea :)

• I hope you're having a nice day!

• Good luck in your endevours!

• Thank you for making our community visible!

• Have a good day :3

• Have a good day!!

• Keep doing great stuff!

• Thank you for all the positivity I get from your blog! It's super helpful, keep it up :) [note: thank you!!]

• thanks for doing this. recognition is always nice

• Have fun <3

• Lots of love 💛

• This is a cool project, thanks for doing it and good luck! :)

People Saying They Love Me (and I love you, random a-specs)

· i love you OP!!!!!

• love you, hope you have a great day

An A-Spec Person Being Rude to Other A-Specs

• If you enjoy sex with your romantic partner then you are not asexual

A Person Who Is Not A-Spec Being Rude To A-Specs

• sweetie im sorry that you're so insecure that you feel like you have to make up new identities to feel better about yourself. if you are a lesbian or bisexual please know that you are welcome in the community, but other than that making thousands of microlabels like this makes a huge joke out of what was once an important and respected group. nobody takes us seriously anymore because of this shit. does labelling your identity like this really help you with anything? demisexual and fraysexual and all this are just fancy words for normal human feelings that everyone has. there is no need to microlabel it.

Other

· [variations of “no” (12)]

• not sure that helps lmao but still hope it does. all the best

• Axolotls (or as I like to call them, asexulotls) are amazing and I love them [Note: the man in question]

• Sorry, I can't remember the names of any blogs that do edits

• Ok random but the colors of the aro/ace flag? The blue and orange one? They’re gorgeous.

• I'm not so sure if I should use the aroace flag, I feel comfortable using both aro and ace flags, but I don't like the colors for the aroace flag :c [note: these are in chronological order, it’s a total coincidence that these comments are together]

• Curious to see where the survey goes

• It would be cool if you could also do some aplatonic-spectrum edits!

• there were fully half of the terms on that list that i had never even seen before. like, everything below litho down to no label was entirely new to me. at some point i will look into those! (but not right now, my brain is full enough at the moment)

• actually had to look up the majority of these orientations. Thank you for the opportunity to learn!

• Gonna reblog and follow and hopefully learn a bit more, about others and myself

Note: The only comment that is not listed in order is the first comment, which I put at the top because I found it the most important. It’s so important that kids and teens have space to explore their identity and learn about themselves. The reason I made this blog in the first place was because I was 19 and working on figuring out my gender and sexuality. Now that I’m a bit older and understand things better, I’m so glad that I’m able to help people in this way.

I make it a point to be very openly queer in my life and at work because I need LGBTQ+ people, especially youths, to know that we’re here. I’m lucky that I live somewhere that I can be visibly queer and speak about it openly. We are everywhere, and there’s more of us than you think!

Something that I really like about the comments at the top is that they show how diverse we are, and how people use words differently. Some people feel like they’re more aroace than aromantic and asexual separately, and others consider their romantic and sexual orientations to be completely different things.

I definitely relate to the person who identifies are myrromantic and myrsexual with their friends but just says aroace when speaking with people they don’t know as well. I believe a lot of people use different words depending on who they’re speaking with.

#survey results #aphobia cw

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sometimesiwriteangst · 5 years

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So I spent like six hours just reading through all this and it's just awesome. Um, I'd like to see more of Logan living with the Dark Sides and maybe Virgil still lives there too, because he still likes the others even though he just wants to be accepted by the core sides and all, so conflicted feelings and maybe Loceit? With a demisexual Deceit? Also it's weird but maybe a queerplatonic relationship between Remus and Virgil and Dee with an aroace Remus? And more abusive Patton? Have a good day!

(I got carried away and now you have 1,600 words of this-)

When Logan asks to stay with the dark sides, he doesn’t really expect to be told he can. He doesn’t expect Deceit to smile and ask if he wants help moving things over. He doesn’t expect Remus to pop up and ask if he wants the guest room or to share. He doesn’t expect Virgil to ask what he’s doing, and show no judgement in wanting to live there for a bit.

“Why would I judge?” Virgil asks, “don’t tell Patton, but, I still live there. I have a room here, but I use the room at theirs.”

“He’s with us a lot,” Remus says, “he’s our cute little buttercup!”

“Ugh, I told you not to call me that,” Virgil complains, “Deceit, make him call me something normal.”

“Sure thing, buttercup.”

“See what I have to put up with?”

Logan ends up taking the guest room, which is…much cleaner than he expected. And very nicely put together. In fact, he can’t help but notice how similar the layout is to his room…

He decides to ignore it for now.

“If you need anything, just let us know,” Virgil tells him, “I suggest asking me or Deceit. Remus sometimes takes requests…literally…but in a bad way…like a genie.”

“I see…” Logan smiles, “thank you, Virgil.”

Life settles down normally. Virgil is away during the day, but Deceit and Remus are always happy to spend time with Logan. Logan discovers Remus is an expert chess player, so long as he doesn’t eat the pieces, and that Deceit is hardcore at Risk. In fact, Logan’s pretty sure Deceit was a military leader in a past life, because he completely dominates the board within twenty minutes.

Video games are apparently popular – when Virgil spends the day with them they go nuts over it. At first, Logan just watches, seeing how…normal it is. Deceit and Remus bicker over who gets to be Bowser, and Virgil and Remus shoot nicknames at each other until Virgil asks Deceit for help. At which point Remus blatantly cheats.

They play Just Dance, and Logan is absolutely fascinated by the way Deceit moves. The liar gets into it, which Logan is more than a little impressed by. And if it’s oddly attractive…well, who cares? He can look.

“You seem happy with them,” Logan says to Virgil one night as he helps with the dishes, “why don’t you act like it back with Patton and Roman?”

Virgil hesitates. “…I just don’t want to be rejected, that’s all,” he says quietly, “and by the way, Patton wants to know when you’ll be back.”

Logan shrugs, says he doesn’t know. The more time he spends with the Dark Sides, the more he loves it, loves them.

“Do you mean it when you make all those…sexual references?” he asks Remus one day after Remus spends ten minutes making suggestive comments to Deceit.

“Oh no, not at all! I just like saying them!”

“He’s asexual,” Deceit clarifies.

“Dee, you forgot the aromantic part!”

“And aromantic.”

That’s how Logan finds out about Virgil and Remus’ relationship, which the pair define as “very much not romantic”. And how he finds out Deceit’s part of it as well.

He secretly feels jealous about it, but pushes it away. They were happy, and he really had no business intruding on their relationship.

Except that Virgil hugs him every evening, and Remus gives him a (surprisingly healthy and well cooked) breakfast each morning, along with asking whatever strange question he’s come up with that day.

(“Say, Logan, how big is a penguin’s butthole?”)

And Deceit smiles at him every time he sees him, and asks to sit by him whenever he’s curled up on the sofa, and if Logan didn’t like him before, he does now.

The peace comes to a halt when Virgil returns with bruises on his arms.

“What happened?” Logan asks, concerned and distraught.

Remus holds Virgil close whilst Deceit seems to look right through them.

“I’ll go talk to him,” he hears Deceit say quietly, stroking Virgil’s hair gently, “he can’t do this to you.”

“What if he hurts you?” Virgil whispers back, “please, he’s really angry…”

“I’ll be fine.”

Deceit is gone for four hours.

In the mean time Logan and Remus look after Virgil, giving him tea, wrapping blankets around him and gently reassuring him of his safety. Logan doesn’t understand what’s going on, but he still wants to help. And by the time Deceit returns he’s coaxed the pair into sleeping.

Deceit looks tired, and half collapses onto the floor, just lying there, spread out and breathing deeply.

“Are you okay?” Logan asks, even though it feels stupid to ask, and he crouches beside him, “what happened?”

Deceit glances at Logan, and bites his lip. “You don’t want to know.”

“I do. I want to help. What’s going on?”

“You…You can help.” Deceit grits his teeth as he lies.

“You don’t know that,” Logan says quickly, “come on, just tell me.”

Deceit sighs, then slowly sits upright.

“Fine. Here’s the gist of it. Our dearest Patton doesn’t like us Dark Sides. He hurts Remus and I, and used to hurt Virgil. Virgil was finally accepted, so it stopped for him. And now you’re here Patton is taking out his feelings on him.”

“I…I’m sorry…I never…I never meant to-”

Deceit’s eyes widen, the snake realising how it sounded.

“Oh no…no, Logan, none of us blame you!” he pulls Logan close to him, wrapping his arms around tightly, “no, it’s not your fault – we all love you being here – it’s Patton that’s the problem, not you, never you…”

“…I should be comforting you,” Logan says quietly.

“Then comfort me. I want to cuddle.”

And so they do, Logan trailing his hand over Deceit gently, massaging sore areas gently and listening to him sigh, shuffling closer until he’s flush against Logan.

“This feels nice,” Deceit admits, the truth coming slow and steady from him.

“Yes, massages are good for injuries and tense muscles, so it would,” Logan nods as he talks, about to explain how it works.

“No, I mean – oh I hate telling the truth – I mean, this. Being close to you, having you massage me. I really like it.”

And Logan blushes, clearing his throat and assuring Deceit he’s up for it at any time.

“…Would you…this is a bad time…would you also be up for…being my boyfriend?” Deceit is hesitant, clearly expecting a rejection that he doesn’t get.

Deceit tells Virgil and Remus eagerly once they’ve recovered, and Remus’ first response is to question if this means Logan’s joining their queerplatonic relationship.

“I’m cool with that,” Virgil says, and so it falls to Logan, who hesitates before nodding.

“If you’ll have me, then yes. Absolutely.”

The only thing that makes the new relationship dynamic difficult is Patton’s insistence that Logan rejoin the light sides.

“Thomas, your logical side has been with Deceit and Remus,” Patton says when Logan is summoned.

“Don’t speak bad about my boyfriend and partner,” is Logan’s response.

When they sink out he finds himself being pulled to the light side area, which is painful. He hits the ground, having not intended to sink in there, and Patton looks down on him.

“You can’t date them,” he says, “if you do, it’s them who are going to suffer.”

“You’re a coward,” Logan replies, standing up, “if it’s me causing the problem, pick your fight with me.”

He sees Patton hesitate.

“Just admit it, Patton. You’ll pick on them because you find it easy. You can hit Virgil and he’s too afraid to hit back. You can hurt Remus and if he fights back you’ll pin the blame on him. You hurt Deceit and if he tells anyone then it’s his fault,” Logan hisses, “you’re a coward. Either pick on me or don’t bother, because you will regret hurting the people I love.”

He sinks out following this, and is immediately pulled into cuddles with his loved ones.

Later that night he finds Deceit still awake, on the sofa long after the other two have fallen asleep.

“What’s wrong?” Logan asks him.

“…Roman said he heard you wanted to have sex with me,” Deceit admits, “…but Logan, I don’t…I don’t…”

“Well, he heard wrong. I never said that,” Logan states, knowing for a fact he’s never said or implied that, and sits beside his lover, “besides. If you don’t want that, then that’s fine.”

Deceit glances at Logan and smiles weakly. “I was worried you wouldn’t like finding out I was demi,” he says quietly.

“I have absolutely no problem with it,” is Logan’s response, and Deceit just has to kiss him for it.

Over time Roman starts joining them, quiet and not half as extra as he usually is. But his brother accepts him whole heartedly, even if the two insist on having duels and hitting each other with their weapons. And over time this is enough for Roman to come out of the shell he was in and start talking about everything that’s brought him there.

(Patton. Logan thinks it’s always been Patton.)

Logan is wary of Patton whenever they cross paths. He’s seen the marks down Deceit’s back, he’s heard Remus waking up screaming, and he’s been there when Virgil has broken down in tears. He sees Roman hesitate in joining in activities, hears Roman’s confession that he’s afraid of being considered a “dark side”.

“Don’t worry,” is what Virgil has to say about that, “there’s a lot of us now. Safety in numbers.”

There is, but most importantly, there’s peace in numbers, love in numbers, and Logan thinks this chaotic family is going to be okay.

#abusive patton #bruises #.qpr #dark sides #ambiguous content #violence #abuse #tw abuse #virgil sanders #remus sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #logan sanders #romantic loceit #loceit #everything else is platonic

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