Etho and Grian are back at base, hysterically laughing over their achievement. Cleo sits inside, staring, as the two of them talk about getting a wither and a warden to fight, and tries to figure out what she feels about it.
In some ways it's not their fault. Task made them do it and all that. Plus--
Well, it's not like she and Etho are losing hearts anytime soon. They've both done a damn good job keeping themselves from dying. A benefit, Cleo thinks, of deciding to team with Etho this time. Between the two of them, they'll largely only do chaos they can recover from. Maybe this is their game. Maybe this time, Cleo manages to stick with someone until the very end. It looks like it. It looks like...
Grian, of course, is the confounding factor.
She wasn't going to turn him away. He needed allies. They needed someone a bit better at actually doing damage than herself or Etho. It's mutually beneficial. And, besides, he's weirdly lovable, in an inherently kind of dangerous way. A little like loving a bobcat someone had accidentally raised as a pet cat until it got a bit too big and stinky and murdery for them. Like, yeah, he shouldn't be domesticated and he's not, really, in any sense of the word, but it's a bit sad to watch him try to survive on his own now, right?
Hah. Maybe that's what Scar managed to do to him. Would explain a lot, really.
Anyway, he's her bobcat now, which is the problem.
See the thing is: Cleo understands Etho. It's why finally deciding to be partners for once felt... right. They're similar flavors of people. Scared, mostly. Survivors, but not in the 'will stab anyone' way that like, Martyn is. Loyal, although Cleo has no delusions that Etho is as loyal as she. And scared. Has she already said that? Scared. It's important to the kinds of things she and Etho are. Like... mountain lions, maybe. Mountain lions that have been around just enough people to know how dangerous they are. Like that.
God, she's only doing cat metaphors. Bdubs really is turning them all into furries.
Anyway, the point is, Grian isn't scared.
And that... terrifies her.
That's scarier than anything else. Because, see, Cleo wants to survive. But more than that, she wants her partners to survive. And she and Etho, the two of them are doing well. Better than most people. They're green and they have so many hearts.
But Grian? Grian's yellow and not afraid and goading Etho into not being afraid too. It's not their fault, exactly, Cleo thinks. They both had hard tasks. They didn't have a choice, Cleo thinks.
But. But.
She doesn't know what to do, if Etho gets convinced the humans down the mountain aren't scary. She doesn't know what to do if he gets too close. She doesn't know what to do if he gets hurt.
Because she--she doesn't think she can learn to stop being scared, anymore.
But she also doesn't know how many times her heart can stand to lose someone.
Did you know--wild cats are social? They have a reputation for being loners, but mountain lions, they're social. They don't do well being alone. They don't actually hunt solely alone. That's the important bit here. They seem independent, sure, but actually...
Anyway. This is Bdubs's fault. For making her a furry, apparently.
She watches Grian and Etho scheme together and sits back and breathes and tells herself that Etho isn't going to stop being afraid anytime soon. That if push came to shove, he, at least, would retreat back, and that maybe the two of them could convince Grian to retreat too. Safe from hunters. Safe from red.
Maybe safe from hurting each other, too.
(She's not so sure about that part.)
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Thinking about the triumvirate that makes the whole: Fitz, Nighteyes, the Fool. Thinking about how Fitz can never let go of the past. Constantly looking back, reliving his life's events, dwelling on regrets. A storyteller and a chronicler of histories. Thinking about Nighteyes and his wolf’s mindset of the Now. Always reminding Fitz that it’s useless to worry about things that are already done and can’t be changed, or about things yet to come that are out of reach. The only thing that matters is the moment you’re in. Thinking about the Fool, the literal White Prophet, reading the threads of all possible futures and guiding them onto the paths and patterns he desires. Eyes always fixed on the future, always focused on what comes next. Human, wolf, prophet. Past, present, future.
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wondering about Frank and insects but specifically about how it looks like the WH insects are highly stylized, so does Frank even know anything about real butteflies/insects?
& if he saw a real one, would he recognize it? are all of the species names he applies to the WH bugs real, or are they all made up like "Vibrant Eyespot" or "Fluttering Heartwing"?
and then there's the question - does the neighborhood have some of the more 'undesirable' bugs like moths, worms, roaches, spiders? does it have bugs outside of the generic groups of beetles and butterflies? like are there mantids? leafbugs? dragonflies? weevils? or are those too specific/complex/not-cute for the Playfellow Workshop to have included?
and then there's the question of what are the bugs? props? puppets? are they alive or do the neighbors just perceive them as such? Do they even exist outside of art, storybooks, and animated segments? I highly doubt they're alive like the neighbors are, since in the gif of Frank's head spinning, the framed butterflies' wings are moving. which is kind of horrifying if you think about it for more than a second.
just... the critters Frank loves so so so much being a complete fabrication... every piece of knowledge he prides himself on / delights in knowing being utterly Untrue... oof
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9 Favourite Albums - Choose 9 & then tag 9 people! Or you can do nine singles or EPs, whatever lol.
Tagging @cactus-bag @catsafari25 @labyrinthal @sleeeepy-demon @retourne-toi-eurydice @belladonnafey @scorpius-rising @cry4judas @atuans @nicey-sandokan @evyes no obligations feel free 2 ignore
Albums listed (and me rambling) under the cut
TIME - ELO: my mum's favourite album that i first Properly listened to when i was 13. it's just the best sci-fi concept album ever....i love you jeff!!
13 Tales of Love & Revenge - The Pierces: sexy indie duo, most known for the song Secret, which isn't even in the top 5 of the best songs of the album. a treasure from when i was 11, and just figuring out i like girls.
Greatest Hits - The Eagles: again, my mum's interests becoming my own. it was really hard to pick between this and Long Road Out of Eden, but ultimately the greatest hits r that for a reason.
Laurel Hell - Mitski: my fave mitski album, heat lightning is underappreciated!!! and yeah just. its about solitude. recognition but not in the way you wanted or expected. emotional rollercoaster. im not eloquent enough to describe it and mitski does it better in under 2 minutes anyway.
Strange Trails - Lord Huron: again another hard toss between this and long lost but st wins out purely bc the transitions rule, and meet me in the woods + the yawning grave make me crazyyyy. so happy i got to hear those live in jan. lord huron is like what if a cowboy was also a ghost. thats the only way i can describe it.
Electra Heart - Marina and the Diamonds: i am not immune to music i heard at 12 years old. shame she's never made anything as good as this again.
Are We Having Fun Yet? - Black/Colin Vearncombe: another one of mum's. She found this guy when someone at Sanity was playing the album over the store speakers. loved it ever since, and introduced it to me. wistful ballads, jazzy touches, a little bit sexy.
Coyote Stories - The Crane Wives: this was a 2016-18 discovery maybe? i just know i was in school. im into folk indie i cant help it.
Wasteland, Baby! - Hozier: shout out to afro-elf for posting about movement n the whole ep, which is what spurred me to actually try this dude's music. and now i love him. but wasteland baby is immaculate: no skips, he roars in some songs and is as gentle as drizzle in others.
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Gem rocks back and forth on her heels, blood still pounding in her ears. It’s funny, because she’d sort of thought it would go away when the curse did, but nope! The bloodlust and hunger’s just part of being red, which is pretty neat. Gives her a good excuse for whatever she does next.
Impulse is humming something next to her. It’s a little annoying, but also really sweet. It’s very Impulse of him, right? And—
“You know, I’ve never done the whole ‘throwing my lot in with a red name’ thing before,” he says idly.
“Oh? What do you mean?” Gem asks.
“Well, see, Third Life, I was sort of—I mean, I wasn’t on any side to throw my lot into with, that time,” Impulse plainly lies, and Gem notes that in her head as another question to ask later. “But the red name I definitely wasn’t on a real side with. I was the traitor there, right? So that doesn’t count, and that’s when people were really doing this whole arrangement. In Last Life it wasn’t allowed, in Double Life most people largely stuck to their soulmates, and Limited Life was too chaotic to really feel like it was, you know, throwing your lot in with much other than death.”
“Oh, that sounds fun!” Gem says.
“You would say that,” Impulse says.
“Although, I wasn’t there for any of that! I didn’t know there was a history to sticking with red names, a history to bloodthirsty monsters. Thats so cool!”
Impulse’s face flickers through an expression Gem’s not sure she wants to read. “You phrase things so unsettlingly sometimes,” he says. “A history to bloodthirsty monsters?”
“I mean, why else would you choose to be on the killing team?” Gem asks.
“Love, Gem. And loyalty. And a lot of other things I’m really good at just not getting, apparently.”
Gem rocks back on her feet.
“Oh,” she says quietly. “I didn’t mean—Impulse—”
Impulse’s face softens. “I know. Just don’t be the one to kill me in the end, okay?” he says. “Don’t know how much more of that I can take.”
“Okay,” Gem says. “I haven’t—you know I haven’t done this before.”
“I know. You’re doing pretty good though,” Impulse says.
“I can’t tell if that’s a compliment.”
Impulse pats her arm and goes back to humming. Gem feels that fun bloodlust rushing in her ears and suddenly, with horrible clarity, knows it won’t be fun for much longer. She doesn’t know what to think about that.
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